Vol. 18 Issue 21 YOU LIVE in CALIFORNIA IF You Make Over

YOU LIVE IN CALIFORNIA IF  You make over $250,000 and don’t own a suit or a tie.  You can't afford to buy a house and you’re rich.  The fastest part of your com- mute is going down your driveway.  You know how to eat an arti- choke.  You feel strongly that surfing could end global warming.  Your bedtime prayer starts with the word “Dude”. YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY IF  Your first words were, “Hey, Taxi!”  You think Central Park IS 'nature,'  You've worn out your car horn.  You recognize eye contact as an act of aggression. YOU LIVE IN THE SOUTH IF  You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.  'y'all' is singular and 'all y'all' is plural.  'He needed killin''' is a valid defense.  Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob , Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.

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MY ANKLES CRUNCH, MY KNEES CRUNCH, MY STOMACH GURGLES CONSTANTLY. I'M NOT GETTING OLDER. I'M GETTING NOISIER

1. GEOGRAPHY: The island of Hispaniola is divided into which two countries? 2. U.S. STATES: Which state is known as the Badger State? 3. MEDICAL: Which human organ is involved in the de- velopment of diabetes? ARE YOU AFFLICTED? LOOK UNTO JESUS 4. AD SLOGANS: Which company advises clients to "leave the driving to us"? 5. MONUMENTS: How long ago was Stonehenge built? 6. ENTERTAINERS: Which singer/actress was born with the name Anna Mae Bullock? 7. COMICS: What kind of dog is Snoopy in the "Peanuts" comic strip? 8. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: How many official lan- guages does the United Nations have? 9. MEASUREMENTS: How many drops are in a tea- spoon? 10. MUSIC: How many members sing in the Mormon

Tabernacle Choir?

Turner Tina 6. Inc.

360 10. lines bus Greyhound 4.

76 9. Pancreas 3.

Chinese Wisconsin 2.

French, Russian, Arabic and and Arabic Russian, French, Republic

8. Six: English, Spanish, Spanish, English, Six: 8. Dominican the and Haiti 1.

beagle A 7. Answers EXCEPTIONS PROVE THE RULE ... AND WRECK THE BUDGET

I'M NOT JUST A GARDENER, I'M A PLANT MANAGER

THE LORD IS NEAR THE BROKEN-HEARTED LOS ANGELES'S FULL NAME IS "EL PUEBLO DE NUESTRA SENORA LA REINA DE LOS ANGELES DE PORCIUNCULA."

ARE YOU TEMPTED? LOOK UNTO JESUS

I USED TO BE CONCEITED --- NOW I'M JUST PERFECT I'M ADDICTED TO PLACEBOS. I'D GIVE THEM UP, BUT IT WOULDN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE LIFE OF THE PARTY On a fine Arizona afternoon a man was spotted driving along the highway at a steady speed, when he suddenly indicated right and pulled off onto the shoulder. He quickly jumped out of the car and opened the trunk. From a large bag, he pro- duced a party hat, streamers, a bottle of lemonade, sandwiches and a cake. After eating the food and drinking the lemonade, he launched into a little Irish jig. AN OPTIMIST LAUGHS TO FORGET--A PESSIMIST FORGETS TO LAUGH The whole proceedings lasted about fifteen minutes, after which he got back in his car and drove off. Curious, the police followed him at a distance and half an hour later, they saw him stop and repeat the whole procedure. This was too much for the officers, so they decided to check him out. "Can we ask you the reason for all the stops and the food, drink and Irish jigs?" one of the officers asked. "Well, sir," explained the man, "I'm on the company's outin'." "But you're the only one here," argued the officer. "Yeah, I know," replied the man. "I'm self- employed!" CALL TO ME AND I WILL ANSWER YOU AND TELL YOU GREAT AND UNSEARCHABLE THINGS YOU DO NOT KNOW. JEREMIAH 33:3

MAN ALWAYS TRAVELS ALONG PRECIPICES. HIS TRUEST OBLIGATION IS TO KEEP HIS BALANCE I JUST ASKED MY HUSBAND IF HE REMEMBERS WHAT TODAY IS... SCARING MEN IS SO EASY

* A swarm of 20,000 bees followed a car for two days because their queen was inside the vehicle. The insects were removed by a beekeeper after the car was parked, but were back the next day, as the queen was still inside. * Peter Ostrum, who portrayed Charlie Bucket in the original "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," declined the offer of a three-picture deal and bought a horse with his movie earn- ings. His resulting love for animals led him to pursue a career not as an actor, but a veterinarian. HANG ON! YOU MAY BE NEXT IN LINE FOR A MIRACLE! * During World War II, Coca-Cola wanted soldiers to have a taste of home and opened bottling plants near Europe. How- ever, the soda was synonymous with the States, making it problematic for non-Americans to be seen drinking it, espe- cially in the Soviet Union where it was viewed as a symbol of American imperialism. Soviet Gen. Marshal Georgy Zhukov, a fan who didn't want to be seen consuming it himself, ap- pealed to the company to make a clear version. A chemist at the Austrian bottling plant obliged by removing the drink's coloring, after which "White Coke" was bottled in clear glass with a white cap and red star. * "Jeopardy" fan Cindy Stowell dreamed nearly her entire life of being a contestant on the show. In 2016 she successfully auditioned and became a six-time champion even while bat- tling Stage 4 cancer during filming. Sadly, she didn't live to see her episodes air, but her $103,000 in winnings was do- nated to cancer organizations. * "Alice in Wonderland" author Lewis Carroll wasn't the best at personal finance. Sure, he paid his debts on time, but would also often overdraft upwards of 7,500 pounds sterling - - in spite of being a mathematics scholar at Ox- ford! * The Vatican Bank is the world's only bank that allows ATM users to perform transactions in Latin. Thought for the Day: "Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo." -- Jon Sinclair (c) 2020 King Features Synd., Inc.