LOVE AND POLITICS A play by Jon Klein Copyright 2018 Jon Klein Jon Klein (301) 874-3584 [email protected] 2 Characters: In order of appearance: 2 males, 2 females SHELLY, late twenties, white HENRY, early sixties, white TASH, late twenties, any cultural or racial identity, except white BARBARA, early sixties, white Time: Probably at this very moment. Settings: An American Midwestern city, with two main locations: A neighborhood coffee shop – two small tables, with two chairs each SHELLY’s kitchen – a larger table with four chairs The rest of these two environments can be suggested, rather than fully designed. 3 Scene One – The Coffee Shop Wednesday. Lunch hour. SHELLY sits at one table, reading a print newspaper and drinking an iced coffee. She wears an orthopedic brace for her wrist and thumb on her right hand. She faces HENRY, who is at the other table, struggling with his cell phone. He faces away from her. HENRY Damn it. Clearly frustrated, he puts down his phone and takes a sip of his hot coffee. He burns his mouth. Shit. SHELLY looks up at him. HENRY picks up his phone and begins to look around for someone to help him. She notices him squirming, then returns to her paper. HENRY turns in her seat, sees her there, and addresses her. Excuse me? Miss? Hello? Miss? She slowly raises the newspaper to hide her face. Undeterred, he walks over to her table with his phone. Hello? Sorry to bother you. Giving up, she puts down her paper and gives him a fake smile. SHELLY Yes? HENRY I wonder if you could help me figure out how to use this thing. 4 SHELLY New phone? HENRY I’ve had it for three years. SHELLY Oh. HENRY And yes, I really am that old and pathetic. SHELLY You don’t seem pathetic. HENRY But no argument with old. SHELLY I didn’t mean - HENRY I know you didn’t. I’m just giving you … SHELLY Shit. HENRY I would never say that. SHELLY You just did. HENRY When? SHELLY When you thought no one was listening. HENRY Oh shit. I’m sorry. SHELLY It’s fine. What’s wrong with your phone? HENRY I’m trying to figure out how to forward a text. SHELLY Really. After three years. 5 HENRY I just forgot how. I’ve done it before, I’m sure. SHELLY You have? HENRY At least once. SHELLY Hand it here. Have a seat. HENRY You sure? SHELLY I’m just waiting for my boyfriend. HENRY You don’t have to make something up. SHELLY You don’t believe I could have a boyfriend? HENRY Of course not! I think you could have dozens of them. SHELLY That doesn’t sound much better. HENRY I just mean … I’m not here to pester you. In that way. SHELLY I know that – what’s your name? HENRY Henry. SHELLY I’m Shelly. HENRY I really appreciate the help. SHELLY So … let’s take a look. With your permission. HENRY Feel free. 6 Pause. HENRY (cont.) We both have cat names. She looks up. SHELLY Pardon? HENRY Names that end in “ee” sounds. That’s attractive to cats. The way the inflection goes up at the end? With a high-pitched ending. That’s how cats prefer to be addressed. So names like Henry and Shelly are ideal. Whereas a name like - Roger - will be ignored. They don’t realize you’re talking to them. That’s the main reason people think cats are aloof. They’ve been given the wrong names. SHELLY I see. Do you have a cat? HENRY No. I did. But he ran away. SHELLY What was his name? HENRY Roger. Pause. That was my mistake. She returns to the phone. SHELLY Okay. Watch what I do. She demonstrates. So. You tap on the message and hold it. Then this thing pops up. You want to copy it before you send it? HENRY I don’t think so. SHELLY Then just hit “more.” Now tap that little arrow at the bottom to share it, and there it is. Now just type in the person you’re sending it to. 7 HENRY Which is who? SHELLY I think you’ll have to figure that out yourself. HENRY I mean, what do I type? SHELLY Their name. HENRY I don’t know their names. Not all of them. SHELLY Well, then I guess you should probably start with one you know. HENRY Thanks very much, Shelly. SHELLY Don’t mention it. Good luck. HENRY You helped a lot. SHELLY Bye. HENRY returns to his table, and struggles to type in the name. He hits a button and waits. HENRY Nothing. He turns around again. Nothing happens. SHELLY Let me see. He brings it back to her. She looks at it. Pause. She looks back at him. SHELLY This is the person to whom you’re forwarding a text? 8 HENRY Yes. One of nine. SHELLY I’m aware of that. He’s the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. HENRY Did I spell his name wrong or something? SHELLY No, the name is correct. But I suspect he’s not in your contact list. HENRY I can’t imagine why he would be. SHELLY Then you have a problem. HENRY Why? This message isn’t disrespectful. SHELLY Not the issue, Henry. HENRY I always show respect. Well, a modicum. Unlike most other people. SHELLY It’s not about content. It’s about access. HENRY Meaning? SHELLY Meaning the Justices on the Supreme Court of the United States probably aren’t set up to receive text forwarding from private citizens. HENRY That doesn’t seem fair. SHELLY I agree. Maybe you could try Twitter? HENRY I’ve heard of that. SHELLY Good. 9 HENRY Think that would get their attention? Cause I tried writing regular letters for a while. But they didn’t get through. SHELLY You don’t know that for sure. HENRY Yes I do. The FBI came to see me. SHELLY Oh my God. HENRY They were very nice. SHELLY Why did they do that? Did you make threats? HENRY Not at all. I know better than that. Like you said, it wasn’t content. It was quantity. SHELLY Quantity. HENRY Yeah. Like … ten or twelve. Each. SHELLY So … we’re talking a total of - HENRY A hundred. Give or take. SHELLY I can understand why they might have concerns. HENRY I guess so. They just suggested that I not use the US Mail. At least not till it gets privatized. SHELLY I see. HENRY Come to think of it, they were a bit dismissive. Asked me if I had any children they could call to check on me. SHELLY Do you? 10 HENRY No. But I’m not senile. I’m only in my mid sixties. I do just fine by myself. SHELLY Except with your phone. HENRY Hey. It’s not unusual for people my age to be technologically challenged. Or to be a bit behind. I still have a VHS player. SHELLY That’s not so unusual. It must be nice to be able to watch old tapes. HENRY Not really. I can’t work it. Pause. So you think this Twitter thing is the answer? SHELLY Maybe. HENRY I kinda hate the idea of using that. Considering who does use it. SHELLY Say no more. HENRY Not a fan. SHELLY Me either. HENRY Really? That’s a relief. You never know nowadays. SHELLY Oh, there’s more of us than you may think. Or at least, less of them. HENRY I like your attitude. So maybe you could help with this Twitter stuff? SHELLY Oh, I think you better find someone else to help you with that. I may be contributing to unforeseen catastrophic forces. HENRY I understand. 11 SHELLY Besides, my boyfriend will be here any second. HENRY Oh, of course. You’re very kind to spend a few minutes with me. SHELLY Not at all. Sorry I wasn’t much help. HENRY That’s the most help I’ve had in three years. For anything. SHELLY Oh, I don’t believe that for a second. HENRY Trust me. Have a good lunch. I think they have a decent turkey sandwich here. They call it a “protein box.” Seems weird to me. But then, everything seems weird to me. SHELLY I know what you mean. HENRY Thanks again. SHELLY Good luck with your message. HENRY Like I said, it’s respectful. SHELLY It would be fine with me if you weren’t. To him, anyway. HENRY Great. Thanks again. He walks away, hesitates and returns. If you don’t mind … I just want to say … how refreshing it is to see a young person reading an actual newspaper. SHELLY Yes, well, there’s a reason for that. She holds up her wrist brace. HENRY You mean … 12 SHELLY Carpal tunnel. HENRY Wow. From a device? SHELLY Not just one. I have several. HENRY I can relate. I have a portable TV. An old Sears model, runs on D batteries. I carry it from room to room. And sometimes my arm hurts. All to watch NCIS. I mean, it’s on all the time. Hard to avoid it. SHELLY What is that, a television show? HENRY You don’t watch television? SHELLY God yes. But for me, it’s cable news. It’s on all the time. It drives my boyfriend crazy whenever he comes over. And when that’s not on, it’s news feeds.