Working with Teen Survivors of Dating Violence
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Empowering Youth to End Domestic Violence WORKING WITH TEEN SURVIVORS OF DATING VIOLENCE What Every Advocate Should Know Before Working With Teen Survivors of Dating Violence. WHAT DOES DATING WHAT IS DATING VIOLENCE? • Threats or controlling behavior via text VIOLENCE LOOK LIKE? Dating violence is a pattern of abusive message or social media Teens experience the same types behaviors used to exert power and control • Taking and/or sharing pictures of a sexual over a dating partner. The core of dating or intimate nature without consent of abuse in relationships as adults violence is power and control. Abusive words Stalking using GPS or spyware – physical abuse, emotional/verbal • and actions are the tools that an abusive part- • Violating privacy of survivor’s cell phone, abuse, and sexual abuse. In most ner uses to gain and maintain power email, or social media cases, the abuse escalates over and control over their partner. • Impersonating the survivor online time, becoming more frequent and While the meaning of “dating partner” differs more severe. across generations and communities and the Evidence of tech abuse is particularly words used to describe intimate relationships vulnerable to being lost or deleted. If your change frequently, dating violence happens teen client is experiencing tech abuse, in all kinds of relationships – gay or straight, encourage them to document it by: serious or casual, sexual or nonsexual, • Printing out all emails that contain any monogamous or non-monogamous, evidence or information about the incident. short-term or long-term. Make sure the printout includes the sender, recipient, date, and time. WHO IS AFFECTED BY DATING VIOLENCE? • Printing out text messages. If that’s not possible, take a picture of the cell phone Youth of all ages, genders, and sexualities displaying the message and contact can experience abuse in a relationship. information. It cuts across all races, ethnicities, and socio-economic groups. • Printing screen shots of social media that contain evidence, such as admissions of TECH ABUSE abuse, threats of violence, or pictures of Technology can play a significant role in the survivor that were not consented to. dating violence. Teens live their lives through Remember to check both the survivor’s technology and dating violence is no and the alleged perpetrator’s sites. exception. Cell phones, text messages, and • Recording voicemails onto a digital voice social media can all become tools of power recorder and include the time/date stamp. and control in the hands of an abusive partner. These steps can ensure that evidence is Some common examples of abuse through available if your teen client ever chooses to technology are: pursue a criminal or civil case. Make sure that • Persistent phone calls, text messages, your client’s safety plan includes their online or other monitoring activities and safety. Redefine Love: An Introduction to Healty Relationships © 2013 Break the Cycle Empowering Youth to End Domestic Violence WHAT ADVOCATES SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WORKING WITH TEEN SURVIVORS OF DATING VIOLENCE SAFETY PLANNING DO: DON’T: A teen’s safety needs are always chang- • Be honest about your ability to keep informa- • Don’t be judgmental about the youth’s ing, so a good safety plan should be a tion confidential. Educate yourself on your relationship or choices. living document, frequently reevaluated state’s parental consent laws and organiza- • Don’t show shock or disapproval if the teen and updated. Ask your youth client: tion’s policies. Tell youth survivors what you tells you about their sexual activities. must disclose and to whom before they begin • Which other adults can you tell about • Don’t make assumptions about how the sharing their story with you. the abuse? teen wants to handle their situation. • Educate yourself on your state’s mandated • Which friends can you turn to for • Don’t minimize the importance of the reporting laws. Tell teen clients if you are a support? What activities make you relationship. mandated reporter of child abuse and which feel good about yourself? • Don’t assume that abuse in a new or casual types of abuse you are required to report. • Where could you go quickly if you relationship is not severe. • If you must disclose a youth survivor’s infor- had to get away from your partner in • Don’t assume that the youth is heterosexual. mation (and it is safe to do so), let the teen an emergency? know first and involve her/him in making the • Don’t assume the abusive partner is also a teen. • Who could you call to pick you up if report. Whenever possible, give the teen the MAKE YOUR OFFICE YOUTH-FRIENDLY you are stranded? opportunity to make the report her/himself. • Greet teen clients and let them know the time • Do you have a few phone numbers • If you cannot promise the level of confidentiality frame and process for receiving services at memorized in case your partner takes that a teen survivor needs, refer them to your organization. or breaks your cell phone? someone who can. • Have teen-friendly magazines available for • Who can walk with you between • Allow the youth to make their own decisions them to read while waiting. classes and to/from school? about the relationship, but encourage them to make a safety plan and help them to see • Hang posters and pictures of youth in the • Who can stay with you if you have warning signs of escalating abuse. waiting area, both about dating violence and to be home alone? teens in general. • Use age- and developmentally-appropriate • Can you change your schedule or language, especially when requiring teen • Have other youth you have worked with write routine to limit your interaction with clients to sign legal forms. brief statements about their experiences and your partner? compile them in a scrapbook, so that new teen • Explain the utility and availability of a civil • Does your partner know your passwords clients can read them and feel more at ease. protection order, including whether dating or have access to your online accounts? relationships are included, whether a minor • Keep small toys – like stress balls or Play-Doh – • Do you want to report the abuse to survivor’s parent must be involved, and if available that teens can play with to keep their the police? same sex relationships are covered. hands occupied while they are talking. • Do you want to apply for a civil • Speak first and directly to the youth before 5777 W. CENTURY BLVD., SUITE 1150 protection order? talking to any accompanying adult. Address LOS ANGELES, CA 90045 REMEMBER: Safety planning with tech- all your questions to the teen, including how PO BOX 21034 savvy youth must include a discussion they would like to move forward and when WASHINGTON, DC 20009 about how your teen client’s friends can they would like to schedule the next meeting. breakthecycle.org | loveisrespect.org support (or undermine) their safety facebook: /breakthecycle | twitter: @BreaktheCycleDV online by not revealing their location, tagging them in photos, or posting This project was supported by Grant No. 2010-TA-AX-K024 and Grant No. 2011-TA-AX-K020 awarded by the Office on Violence private information. Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice. The opinions, findings, conclusions and recommendations expressed in this program are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Department of Justice, Office on Violence Against Women. Redefine Love: An Introduction to Healty Relationships © 2013 Break the Cycle.