ISSUE 12 22 MAY 2017
Issue 12 | MAY 2017 Contents
44 Line 46 Vitalogy 38 David Clark 38 David 39 Science Tank 39 Science 42 The Hell Hole 39 Poetry Corner 39 Poetry 40 Day of the Day 40 Day 42 Ethel and Hyde COLUMNS 43 Cookin’ Up Love Cookin’ 43 fiction: Line, p44 41 Critic Booze Reviews 40 Museum Object Hunt From Weapon Weapon From Wonder to of LSD A Brief Social History on Acid Microdosing at Work amounts of see if tiny to A test written & illustrated by by & illustrated written 17 page Fitzgerald, Chelle productivity LSD can increase 22 page Trippers, Day by Drop Everything Everything Drop and Obey How The Red Card Became a Became a Card The Red How Phenomenon Dunedin Cultural 26 page Joel MacManus, by 22 26 32 Art 36 Food 30 Music 37 Books 37 35 Games 33 TV & Film CULTURE 17 7 News 16 Sport 5 Letters 13 Politics 4 Editorial 11 Execrable 14 News In Briefs NEWS & OPINION NEWS FEATURES 4 Editorial Editorial
THE CRITIC TEAM EDITOR LUCY HUNTER EXECUTIVE EDITOR JOE HIGHAM DESIGN NATASHA MURACHVER It’s The Most FEATURE DESIGN CERI GIDDENS CHIEF REPORTER JOEL MACMANUS SUB EDITOR CHARLIE O’MANNIN Important OUSA NEWS INTERN ANNA LINTON Referendum In SECTION EDITORS
ART EDITOR MONIQUE HODGKINSON BOOKS EDITOR JESSICA THOMPSON CARR Years, & Your Vote FILM EDITOR LAURA STARLING FOOD EDITOR LIANI BAYLIS GAMES EDITOR LISA BLAKIE MUSIC EDITORS BIANCA PRUJEAN & REG NORRIS Is Vital POETRY EDITOR MEL ANSELL POLITICS EDITOR GEORGE ELLIOTT SPORT EDITOR CHARLIE HANTLER
PULL-OUT POSTER ON PAGE 24 photography from 2017 Capping Show by: TREVOR COKLEY If you put the acronym ‘OUSA’ and the word ‘ref- the university has budgeted $1.27 million for the northernchasephoto.com erendum’ together, many of you will fall asleep, I initiative. Once this CCTV surveillance is in place, instagram: @trevor_cokley totally understand that. For most the lure of free it will likely never be withdrawn or downscaled;
CONTRIBUTORS pizza isn’t even enough to tempt you into sitting they’ll be here to stay for good. CHELLE FITZGERALD, AXEL GRAHAM-WIGGINS, through the upcoming forum (22 May) and, having I understand that Russell Brand told you not to MEL ANSELL, DAVID CLARK, BRIAR SMITH-WAD- had to cover the forum for Critic over the last couple engage in voting because the system is broken DELL, JUSTENE ALLEN, BETH SALISBURY, of years, I appreciate why! Just 15 percent of you and you may have exhausted your daily quota of JENNIFFER ORAHA, IHLARA MCINDOE, BRIGHID voted in the May 2016 referendum, a sizeable politics by flicking through memes of Donald MORGAN, J.D.R.B.D, CONNOR SEDDON, ZAHRA SHAHTAHMASEBI, OSKA REGO, CAMPBELL improvement on October 2015’s participation rate Trump with frogs drawn onto his face (if you ha- CALVERLEY, SASKIA BUNCE-RATH —which sat at just 4 percent. ven’t seen it, take a look), but this really is too Every now and then we have a referendum important to miss out on. DISTRIBUTION SAM LLOYD & WAHAHA FLAT where there is a genuinely vital question included The university clearly don’t consider the views ONLINE CONTENT MANAGER AMAN JAMWAL that requires a huge student response to do the and concerns of students to be very important at importance of the topic justice. This is one of those all, because they have agreed upon this plan before ADVERTISING SALES situations and, as a result, needs more than 15 the students en masse have had any say, and, TIM COUCH, PETER RAMSAY percent turnout in the vote. The final question on although they say they are listening to students’ [email protected] the referendum will be: Should OUSA oppose the views and concerns, they have made it clear that implementation of CCTV monitoring of the student there are no more procedural impediments to this residential area by the University of Otago? going ahead. By adding this question at the last minute, the If you’re in your final year of your degree and OUSA Executive are seeking a mandate from the think that because you’re leaving Dunedin it won’t READ ONLINE students on whether to approve or oppose this affect you, I urge you to think about your university CRITIC.CO.NZ ISSUU.COM/CRITIC_TE_AROHI plan to introduce mass surveillance to residential years and whether it’s in the interests of future North Dunedin. In case you missed it last week, students to have 24-hour CCTV surveillance. If GET IN TOUCH [email protected] the University of Otago will be implementing 60 you’re in your first semester, simply weigh up FACEBOOK.COM/CRITICTEAROHI CCTV cameras all around North Dunedin, from whether the advantages of surveillance outweigh TWEET: @CRITICTEAROHI Heriot Row to Harbour Terrace and from Castle the disadvantages - speak to President Baird and (03) 479 5335 Street North to Frederick Street, a surveillance the other members of the OUSA Executive to gain P.O. BOX 1436, DUNEDIN suburb if you will. clarity, it’s a complex issue. Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Despite the jury being out on whether they’re Seeing as you can vote in two minutes from the Press Association (ASPA). effective in reducing crime in any significant way, comfort of your bed, you have no excuses. Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, PMD, or OUSA.
Press Council: people with a complaint Joe Higham against a magazine should first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied Critic Co-Editor with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington. Issue 12 | MAY 2017 5 - - - - Letters to the Editor the to Letters Yours truly, Yours lover Art Anonymous With respect, Manawa e toku Manawa to Gourlie P. MacD. Social Architect Environment Dear Critic, Critic, Dear Our university has a growing reputation reputation has a growing Our university evi appropriate for case the I argue can those help assure please as our Mayor David, improve running to are we ongoing projects The NOBODY PUTS MONET IN A A IN MONET PUTS NOBODY CORNER! it’s in a bloody corner, that’s why. Every year as as year Every why. that’s corner, a bloody in it’s re in and out, roll exhibitions this masterpiece embarrassing as the if it was away mains tucked kid. time Each Ifinger go painting curator’s of the walk of simply people groups as whole I watch missing. they’re what knowing never it, passed but Dunners, in down of proud be to lot a have We FREE treasures. our of care better take should we MONET! THE results. People are treated with respect and given and given respect with treated are People results. in healthy live to responsibility and guidance appreciate would We environments. community at Forum Public Council the being address able to our ensure to needs Council ourwith proposal. Dunedin to for based evidence actions are quality home of beingcontinue accessible, the education. leading world a magical fuck?! litWhat flying the Here’s proper a right have we you, for fact tle-known painting Monet inClaude public our gal art own out in of hopes canvas of findingtured a taste Because it. Why? missed likely most you creativity amongst many locals and internationals for being being locals for and many internationals amongst inhuman by money-making policies rather driven quality This education. accessible than providing to adds weight Proctor the announcementfrom into comes Our city’s integrity this suggestion. being now are focus if it is public that true matters doors. behind closed made secretly a New as however, use, camera dence-gathering those from myself distance to I wish Zealander, people bad stop cameras that suggest would who of body large a is there fact (in things bad doing it that in fact is showing a and cause) evidence behaviour. improve to way best the is fear that - a trans in live they that this by worried are who humanity comes where society accessible parent expediency. profit before tangible positive have behaviour community - ven have you if Even Probably. Surprised? lery. - - It appears this important issue has only come come has only issue this important appears It Sincerely, animal asthmatic lover. Annoyed, To the Editor, the To Critic told me they had been in attendance at at had in been me attendance they told Critic KiaOra and "Town other Councillors Dunedin City Those AN OPEN LETTER TO DAVID CULL DAVID TO LETTER OPEN AN ANIMAL TESTING PROTESTS TESTING ANIMAL mines what happens in our city unanswered. happens inmines what our unanswered. city student magazine Critic. Critic is to be commended isbe to commended Critic magazine Critic. student their for of journalistic character, strength its for to question the not taken hadactions which, they deter of who left question the have print, might positive initiatives are being taken to improve the the improve to being taken are initiatives positive in locals our for city social environment healthy alike. and visitors Deputy the in meeting which Executive an OUSA asked They CCTV initiative. the presented Proctor call to was reaction first my and comment, to me and other then absence, in your our councillors city an in live we agreed all who leaders, community open society. of our city of courage the because ourto attention assertion, according to the Proctor’s Office, that that Office, Proctor’s the to according assertion, cameras surveillance install is to university our out in our community. with spoken I have leaders community ‘n' Gown" of this happening no knowledge have me they tell I was as surprised were They compli. of fait a as had who magazine Critic student the itthat was a of part being than rather comment for me rung on what Council our City by discussion solutions new animal testing facility in Dunedin. I would I would in Dunedin. facility animal testing new not horrible are point to out researchers that like a is It pleasure. for animals on test who people and diabetes for a cure in finding evil necessary at current their antibiotics which to an alternative Anyone 20 years. in useless be will use of rate is animals on test not should we thinks who time finding own their spend an to al welcome I have seen posters around the uni opposing a a opposing uni the around posters seen have I on putting burden that stop and please ternative lives. save to trying scientists the David Cull, His Worship Mayor of Dunedin Dunedin of Mayor Worship His Cull, David as you to letter open this write to compelled I am the regarding one of our leaders community city - $30 BOOK VOUCHER VOUCHER $30 BOOK LETTER OF THE WEEK THE OF LETTER The letter of the week wins a a wins week the of letter The From the University Book Shop the University From OPINIONATED ARTICLE OPINIONATED A HIGHLY OPINIONATED OPINIONATED HIGHLY A RESPONSE TO A HIGHLY HIGHLY A TO RESPONSE OPINIONATED RESPONSE RESPONSE OPINIONATED TO AN APPARENTLY HIGHLY HIGHLY APPARENTLY AN TO
I was surprised to find a letter with letter find a surprised to I was the of hand as sleights such glaring First, week. last of the week Critic letter over blatantly "Uterus" the eponymous the author of the article's plea looked men and non-binary trans include to access over in the conversation people I while sanitary Second, to products. periods who have people it to will leave of moon discuss the the suitability to periods, as someone without cups for the letter found I nonetheless a uterus writer's without discussion of people "It is only veryuteruses unconvincing: subsidies for receive that males fair Funnily and shaving cream." razors af- is that if I cannot enough, the reality thing I the worst shaving products, ford not face, is an itchy experience to tend then claims writer one. The a bleeding that men subsidising sanitary products The inequality. is gender tax through me. Nor, not speak for does writer those speak for they can ironically, (a them. Most with men who agree born of those very big most) men were very them was much whose conceiving on their menstrual cycle! dependent an let's around cut the crap Moreover, Our tax. to individualised approach a better to contribute should resources not just ourselves. everyone, society for Otherwise "Uterus" this so-called a subsidised to access not have would that, want wouldn't and we education, we? would 6 Letters to the Editor
SALTY READER
Dear Swilliam, After reading your last 'booze review' on the unholy this bullocks in a bottle in record time, the abomination that is salted caramel, I must say that only thing thicker than the salted caramel I completely agree with your statements. However after that were the thickened bonds of I feel as though you missed some good points on friendship. this mess of a concoction, which are as follows: • Due to what I can only guess is some fuck -This shit is so fucking salty that I had barely up in mixing, all the alcohol in the bottle made it half way home from another ND69 party accumulates at the bottom, which is a pleas- before I felt thirstier than a fresher in starters who ant wee suprise, so your reward for actually was going through a dry spell (nah honest they making it to the end of this is one hell of a pull heeeeeeeaps back home). I proceeded to scull hit of Vodka? I think? Honestly I couldn't tell a small aquariums amount of water before bed by this point my taste buds were finished and woke up without a hangover because of this, quicker than the afore mentioned fresher good going salted caramel after breaking his dry spell and it could've • While damn near impossible to scull due to been literally anything. it's thickness, after an unfortunate call made All in all salted caramel isn't really that bad if you in a game of Bullshit I was tasked with fin- enjoy terrible things, rate your column Mr. ishing my vessel, which was, as any clever Shakesbeer, keep up the good work. little health sci could guess, a barely touched salted caramel. Gathering strength from the Yours evermost sincerely, classic sculling chants I managed to down Litster
WORK & PLAY CANADA GUARANTEED JOB PLACEMENT
WWW.IEP.CO.NZ | 0800 443 769 Issue 12 | MAY 2017 7 News A law student last year bought drugs that all all that drugs bought year last student A law with living are Zealanders 50,000 New Currently Hepatitis C is a treatable disease, however however disease, C isHepatitis a treatable facilitated by the Otago Resource Centre, and while and while Centre, Resource Otago the by facilitated access to way best the be to seems club buyer’s the expensive too still is it drugs, life-saving these Zealanders. New many for and out of reach club. The buyer’s the from her Hepatitis butcured in them bought she’d if but $3,800 her cost drugs a whopping cost have would they Zealand New is model Australia the that stated $84,000. Beck looks Australia Zealand”. New than better much “so 2026. by entirely disease the eliminate to set is number this Beck, to according C and, Hepatitis and number, Aussie the of extrapolation an just no fucking many clue how have “they in reality with a virus is it Because it”. have actually people and as tiredness such non-specific symptoms a day- on experience us of many lethargy—things they know even not 30,000 may to basis—up day develop they it, find out and only when so have New become has It disease. liver or cirrhosis due transplants of liver cause leading Zealand’s cancer. complications orto cirrhosis, liver of liver amount the that will of people that is It predicted failure liver threatening life of symptoms show decades. two next the in triple will cancer liver and - organi non-governmental other C”. Several Hep in Dunedin recently closed have (NGOs) sations a much adue lackproviding to of funding, despite has Government “The National service. needed claims. Beck a rock,” of empathy the does not fund top the Zealand in New PHARMAC put, Beck Simply copies. or drugs generic branded “can’t they because is this for reason the that said it] [afford could they “if that believing it,” afford for fund treatment only PHARMAC would”. they C 1, genotype Hepatitis go fund and on to only if person the genotypes other for treatment further take can it As grave”. the in foot one has “already conditions, serious the develop to 20-25 years when treatment receive only C sufferers Hepatitis failure final of liver the into stage entering are they 20 least at for virus the carrying after disease or people. it other on to passing and potentially years, the from drugs buy to is them for hope only The had that club, been something buyers overseas Just this morning, Beck met with two patients patients two this met morning, with Beck Just According to Beck, other services do exist, such such exist, do services other Beck, to According to push him to seek help. With the centre no longer no longer centre the help. With him push seek to to C Hepatitis with hopes those that Beck available, stand to self-respect and mana enough have “will itpeople seems some but with themselves,” upfor person this with and case, the not just is that that of die just “he’ll probably like looks it in particular as Hepatitis NZ and the South Island Alliance, which Alliance, Island and which NZ South as the Hepatitis funding of governmental in lots way the receive that is this for reason The millions). talking (we’re instead approach, led a clinically offer groups these which and advocacy, assistance people of offering does. Beck Trust Centre Resource the what was Alliance Island has done South “doubts the that of with helping people useful” in terms anything C. Hepatitis the of heard they when upset extremely were who with sick, “really is them of One closure. centre’s someone needs who disease,” liver bad extremely running educational programmes allowing groups groups allowing programmes running educational about the be informed to community the within or diagnosis. testing go for to andvirus where - -
Local News Local
The Otago centre acts as an education and as and acts an education centre Otago The Hepatitis C is a viral infectious disease with with disease C infectious isHepatitis a viral The centre’s co-ordinator Allison Beck com Beck Allison co-ordinator centre’s The The Trust was told in December that they would would they that December in told was Trust The Since the government cut the centre’s already already cut centre’s the government the Since Oamaru to Bluff. This includes providing generic generic Bluff. This includes providing to Oamaru as medicines, of as experimental well copies with a range of services, helping anyone from from helping anyone of services, awith range advocacy service that provides Hepatitis C patients C patients Hepatitis provides that service advocacy ing the centre. ing centre. the for people to seek help, and seems to be the main main the be to seems and help, seek to people for fund cease fit to sees government the why reason diluted the public’s view of the disease, tainting it tainting it public’s disease, of the the diluted view and stigma discrimination,with making it harder at home remain the greatest risk factors. This has This has factors. risk greatest the at home remain easily as sharing your toothbrush with someone, someone, with toothbrush your as sharing easily injecting and drugs or tattooing snorting however, blood-blood contact, and it can be contracted as as blood-blood and contact, it be can contracted long-term health implications. It is spread through through implications. is It spread health long-term open for the foreseeable [future]” but “there’s just just “there’s but [future]” foreseeable the for open open”. stay to [centres] both for money enough not mented that the Christchurch centre “will remain “will remain centre Christchurch the that mented responsible for serving the entire South Island. Island. South entire the serving for responsible other of which is in Christchurch, and both are and are both is in of which other Christchurch, of funding, but to no avail. The centre is one of two two of one is centre The avail. no to but funding, of the Zealand, in New centres C specific Hepatitis no longer receive Ministry of Health funding. Since funding. Since of Health Ministry no receive longer find sources to other been trying have they then essary costs), the centre has been struggling has struggling been centre the costs), essary to survive. the Otago and Southland branch of the Hepatitis of Hepatitis the and Otago branch the Southland good. for doors has its shut Trust Centre C Resource After facing a tumultuous period in recent years, years, facing aAfter tumultuous in period recent by Zahra Shahtahmasebi Zahra by - nec other the all amongst wages cover to year, meagre funding (they only received $45,000 per $45,000 per received only (they funding meagre
Centre Closes Doors Doors Closes Centre Hepatitis C Resource C Resource Hepatitis 8 News Uni News CCTV Debate Continues In The Run Up To Vital OUSA Referendum
by Joe Higham
Dunedin City Councillor Lee Vandervis, who has long been a vocal advocate for extra surveillance to be implemented in the North Dunedin area, was critical of the University’s plan. He thought the University Uni News (Satire) 3. The body of the current Vice-Chancellor with will be “spending far too much money. I’d eggs laid in her abdomen, perhaps missing rather see a much smaller number of cam- her skin. Very likely, it would explain a lot. eras in a few non-fixed locations.” The Truth is Vandervis explained that he had been 4. Nothing. They just wanted to keep a small engaged in lobbying the DCC to have CCTV Out There patch of earth dry as a refuge for wet moles. cameras in North Dunedin to address a Fairly likely, large construction firms are variety of problems, and specified he was known for the respect they show the natural hoping for just “10 percent of what the world. Unlikely, there are no moles in New university have budgeted on cameras” by Charlie O’Mannin Zealand. and with that was also hoping for “just 10 percent of the cameras too. Sixty cameras 5. The Illuminati eye. The tarpaulin is made out is an awful lot. They have gone overboard Over the past week construction has stopped on of tinfoil and old Dan Brown novels. with this plan.” the stretch of the Leith River between Union St and He said that students should be espe- the Leith St footbridge, around the same time as 6. Another tarpaulin. It’s tarpaulins all the cially concerned with how the cameras will a mysterious blue tarpaulin appeared. They have way down. be monitored and who will be monitoring clearly found something that has halted construc- them. Despite having approximately 400 tion. One anonymous law student said that he 7. The soul of the Richardson building. Upon its CCTV cameras throughout University build- “saw people in full white biohazard suits around release the Richardson will be covered with ing and the campus more generally, they the blue tarpaulin last week. Occasionally one wildflowers and the rightful king and queen do not currently have a policy in place in would glance at a complex array of tubes and will bring peace to the land. Both likely and relation to their ongoing use and access to gauges and make a series of notes in a cramped the best argument for not moving the footage, although as part of this process a and trembling hand.” As I have not evolved x-ray tarpaulin. policy is being written. vision yet, I present my speculations on what might When asked how much of a say the be under the thin plastic sheet that separates the 8. An intriguingly shaped rock. It was so affect- University will allow OUSA to have in truth from the world. ing that it stopped construction. No one can the creation of this policy, a University work while they know the rock is there, it’s spokesperson assured students that OUSA 1. Asbestos. Unlikely, the entirety of the world’s just too intriguing. “can have as much of a say as they want”, supply of Asbestos was used up to make the a comment that will be some comfort to Burns building. 9. A mysterious golden light. Likely, I don’t think concerned students. Tarantino is that busy at the moment. “They can say they’ll listen to students 2. The bones of a previous Vice-Chancellor. but whether they will or not is another Without the head. The head is kept in the Hall 10. The deep pain of losing a loved one, covered question”, exclaimed Vandervis. of Heads at the Vice Chancellor’s residence, over but always ready to reopen in a strong Former OUSA President (1979-1980) Paul to be consulted on matters of state. wind. Inevitable. Gourlie has written a letter to Dunedin Issue 12 | MAY 2017 9 - - News
Work is also underway with the DCC to build a a build to DCC the with underway also is Work Plans for stabilisation are due by the end of 2017, 2017, of end the by due are stabilisation for Plans “We’re still working with the DCC and in the the in and DCC the with working still “We’re than more I’d love nothing there’s me, “Believe last on the plans for has working been Trust The BY-SEANB-(OWN-WORK)/CC-BY-SA-3.0/ VIA-WIKIMEDIA-COMMONS BY-SEANB-(OWN-WORK)/CC-BY-SA-3.0/ Trustees fact the the that not by helped slow, of kind was “It castle. the access actually couldn’t some there’s but now at start, the landlocked stepped really have Things available. ways access months.” six last the in a gear up for date earliest the being 2018 of end the with be to completed. work walking track extending along the coastline from from along coastline extending the track walking tunnel, The which Beach. Tunnel to castle the by built also was beach, the to access provides a private his daughters give to Cargill Edward area. bathing land the with of negotiating easements process going walking on the construction the have can land two or one have we if but year, next by track thing could be object, whole that who owners down.” right slowed in, impatient and no one is more let everyone to me.” than has frustratingly been and progress some 20 years, owners,” explained De Graaf, and “I’m hoping we we “I’m hoping and Graaf, De explained owners,” -
Local News Local Cargill’s Castle, one of only two castles in New New in castles two only of one Castle, Cargill’s - con received then-owner castle’s 1997, the In Trespassing has been an issue, with curious curious has with been an issue, Trespassing not be attain may access permanent Although According to De Greef, the Trust is hoping to to hoping is Trust the Greef, De to According can see the castle up close, although whether they they whether although up close, castle the see can unclear. is inside go to able be will members of the public hopping fences to get a get a to public of the hoppingmembers fences a having neighbours, the on hard a bit “It’s peek. the of people coming across stream constant people, young largely is “It said. Greef De property,” at and night late be drinking, can dangerous. which shame, a is which graffiti, of lot a have also We’ve and be should landmark it’s treated a historic respect.” with organise to like would he says Graaf De yet, able people so year this point some at day open public a make it accessible to the public. the to it accessible make and site, eventually the to access walking develop public the as to a tourist accessible castle the make the norefurbish plans to have They attraction. in ruins the maintain to want simply but building, “We through. walk to tourists for safe is that way a it hold to in put framework a steel get to need needs which rubble loose of a lot there’s together, stabilise to like really We’d well. as cleared be to tower, the to up get can people so staircases the place, the telling and info signs add around some history.” its soon be accessible to the public, if plans go go plans if public, the to accessible be soon Greef, De Steven to according smoothly, Trust. Castle Cargill’s the of Chairperson also in Castle, being (the other Larnach Zealand shipping prominent by 1877 in built was Dunedin), of DunedinEdward Mayor and later magnate - 1960s, bat the since ruins in lain has but Cargill, cliffs. sea rough of top the at weather the by tered thwarted but was structure, the demolish to sent Cargill’s the established who citizens concerned by building the and someday purchase to Trust Castle by Joel MacManus by may landmarks historic ofOne Dunedin’s greatest Be Open To The To Be Open Public Iconic Dunedin Iconic Castle May Soon May Castle - Channelling US President Donald Donald Channelling US President - referen OUSA of the upcoming In terms standards.” which in our view abided by journalistic by which in our view abided not made in relation to “other coverage, coverage, “other to in relation not made was keen to specify that the comment was was specify that the comment to keen was age of the CCTV plan as “fake news”. Galer Galer news”. “fake as plan of the CCTV age Engagement Jo Galer labelled Critic’s cover labelled Jo Galer Engagement University of Otago Team Leader for Media Media for Leader Team of Otago University Trump’s Counselor Kellyanne Conway, Conway, Kellyanne Counselor Trump’s to wait and see what students say.” and see what students wait to pre-empt any stage of the process. We want want We of the process. stage any pre-empt that “It is too early to say. We don’t want to to want don’t We say. to early that “It is too they wouldn’t commit either way, stating stating way, either commit wouldn’t they even give up on the initiative altogether, altogether, up on the initiative give even the University to seriously reconsider or seriously reconsider to the University opposing the CCTV cameras would cause cause would cameras opposing the CCTV before profit expediency.” expediency.” profit before students by vote dum and whether a clear accessible society where humanity comes comes humanity society where accessible by this that they live in a transparent, in a transparent, live this that they by please help assure those who are worried worried those who are help assure please Mayor Dave Cull, with “David, as our Mayor, Cull, with “David, as our Mayor, Dave Mayor 10 News
Flex those democratic muscles and vote now in the OUSA ONLINE REFERENDUM voting.ousa.org.nz Between 9am Monday 29th and 4pm Wednesday 31st May Issue 12 | MAY 2017 11 News - Referendum Referendum the Otago University Students’ Association Association Students’ University Otago the Association Students’ University Otago the as be appointed PricewaterhouseCoopers as be Honorary appointed Lloyd Anderson redevelopment the support financially OUSA Education Tertiary the ask directly OUSA the determine to an poll online establish OUSA SOS Hospital Dunedin the support OUSA develop cease to University the lobby OUSA at the a change of support government OUSA of CCTV implementation the oppose OUSA Uni News Uni OUSA Questions Voting on student issues in the OUSA Referendum begins next week begins next week Referendum in OUSA the issues on student Voting questions the of any discuss To Wednesday. on 4pm at finish will and Main the in 1pm at Monday this Forum OUSA the to along head are: on vote can you things The Link. the in Room Common Should year the for Statements Financial AnnualAudited accepted? and received 2016 be 31 December ended Should accepted? and received be 2016 for Report Annual Should Association Students’ University Otago the for Auditors 2017? for Should Students’ University Otago the for Solicitors 2017? for Association Should owned of fully its strengthening and structural Book Shop? University the subsidiary Should by debt loan student all wipe to “Commit to, Minister five within free attendance University make 2025 and an in response Minister's the upload then and years?” as as soon website on OUSA the form appropriate practicable? Should and party Street at Hyde the costume offensive most each costumes offensive most three publish the then year? Should in the rebuild Dunedin the Hospital keep to campaign city? centre Should facility until the ment animal of a new research students with consulted has transparently University on financial, the and and ethical, value scientific in animal-based research? of investing implications Should election? 2017 general Should the by area residential of student the monitoring of Otago? University - Keeping Tabs On The Exec statistics for OUSA’s pilot schemes that were conducted over the last last the over conducted were that pilot schemes OUSA’s for statistics ofcouple years. statistics to back up the need, and Jenkins was only able to provide provide to able only was Jenkins and need, the up back to statistics libraries open for extended hours during exam periods, to which Jenkins Jenkins which to periods, exam during hours extended for open libraries be wanted to open” but they explained that libraries love hesaid “would will be open to students 24/7 during exam periods and the Link will be be will Link the and periods exam during 24/7 students to open be will any were there if asked Heath James Officer Colleges 2am. until open period, Jenkins was able to publicly confirm that St David lecture Theatre Theatre lecture David St that confirm publicly able to was period, Jenkins After weeks of confidential discussions about the possibility of extending of extending about possibility the of confidential discussions weeks After exam the during spaces study university’s of opening the the hours firmly stating, “we’ll have no stance until after the referendum.” the after until stance no have “we’ll stating, firmly “after our own of course.” Jenkins noted that their views “should not not “should views their that noted Jenkins course.” of own our “after help,”Baird with would view their it but affect knowing substantively is a huge decision for New Zealand, not just Dunedin.” Baird then said “I “I said then Baird Dunedin.” just not Zealand, New for decision a huge is adding, before associations,” in students’ about other students don’t care about them?”, to which Jenkins responded, “we should be cautious. This This cautious. be should “we responded, Jenkins which to them?”, about Guy said we should talk to “OPSA [Otago Polytech Students’ Association] Association] Students’ Polytech [Otago “OPSA to talk should we said Guy care “do said then we Baird associations.” students and other then first “united voice for students” on this important issue. Admin VP William William VP Admin issue. important this on students” for voice “united had conversations with other students associations, as well as the New as New the as well associations, students other with had conversations a have to order in (NZUSA), Associations Students’ of Union Zealand meeting turned to the installation of CCTV cameras in North Dunedin. Dunedin. North in cameras CCTV of installation the to turned meeting has Baird Hugh President whether asked Jenkins Bryn Officer Education specifics of the OUSA referendum’s pros and cons. Following this the the this Following cons. and pros referendum’s OUSA the of specifics OUSA group. OUSA about the discussion with consumed ofmeeting was the part A large will have to be added to their constitution in order to be as affiliated an to in order constitution be their to added to will have ligious group the World Mission Society of God (WMSoG) Society and although Mission World the ligious group the with upfront weren’t They suburbs. surrounding Dunedin’s North told been have they something WMSoG, the to affiliated were they fact they claim to have only been proselytizing on campus, there are several several are there campus, on proselytizing been only have to claim they door knocking in off done campus, so even having of them instances with OUSA. They are seen by OUSA Recreation Manager Michaela Manager Michaela Recreation OUSA by seen are They OUSA. with re Korean South as being of” an controversial “extension Tangimetua a ‘religious cult’, was discussed, due to the group wanting to affiliate affiliate to wanting group the due to discussed, cult’, awas ‘religious Concern over the Bible Elohim Academy, which some have labelled as labelled as have some which Academy, Elohim Bible the over Concern by Joe Higham by Between 9am Monday 29th and 4pm Wednesday 31st May 31st Wednesday 29th and 4pm 9am Monday Between voting.ousa.org.nz Flex those democratic the muscles and vote now in OUSA ONLINE REFERENDUM 12 News
Uni News financial, ethical, and scientific value and impli- human trials. Given growing awareness of the cations of investing in animal-based research?” inherent flaws in animal-based research, and the Animal Research The university planned the facility in secret; it increasing demand for alternatives, it has been didn’t announce it until after approval behind suggested that it would be more astute to invest at Otago closed doors. This precluded any discussion about in something like a ‘Centre for Alternatives to ethical, scientific or financial implications. There Animal Testing’, which exist at some American Animal testing is always a hugely was no opportunity to raise counterarguments or and Dutch universities. controversial and divisive topic, with suggest alternatives. Construction began last year Ethically speaking, the confinement, suffering each side rigid in their beliefs. The on Great King Street behind high, black walls, and and death experienced by lab animals is rarely University of Otago are following through the university has repeatedly refused to publically justified by meaningful scientific or educational on plans to spend $50 million on a new comment on, or justify, their decision. outcomes. Focusing attention on utilising alter- animal research facility meaning the Other controversial decisions, such as cuts to natives to laboratory animals would reduce these debate has reared its head once again humanities departments or increases to CCTV on harms, and give students more opportunity to throughout campus. If you’re reading this and off campus, have similarly been made without opt-out of using animals during their studies. and remain undecided, take a read and consultation with those who contribute to the Currently, many students are faced with a difficult see if either side can sway you. university, financially or otherwise. The university choice between not studying their preferred course, is distancing itself from most of the people whose or having to undertake animal-based experiments lives are closely connected to it. that generate no new information. Construction has been quoted as costing $50 Do consider voting ‘yes’ to the online referen- Secretive Animal Research Facility million. This is galling, particularly given sagas dum question. The facility isn’t due for completion Decision Goes to Referenda like the humanities cuts, which give for at least 18 months (a conflicting estimate from the impression that the university doesn’t have the university said it would take three years). There By Oska Rego money spare for investing in increasingly outdated is plenty of time for plans to change. The university scientific practices. must start taking the views of its staff and students Next week’s referendum will ask: “Should OUSA Physiological differences make animals poor on board. Regardless of your views on this issue, lobby the university to cease development of a models for testing how drugs, medical equipment if you tolerate this, the next secretive decision the new animal research facility until the University and methods will perform for humans. 92 percent university makes might affect something you has transparently consulted with students on the of drugs that pass animal testing procedures fail care about.
vs.
In Defence of the Animal unexpected variables that would not be present Each experiment must go through multiple stages Research Lab in a simulation. of review—if the animals are not in the highest Everyone must understand a key point: humans standard of physical and psychological health and By Campbell Calverley are NOT the only animals who benefit from ani- care before and during the experiment, or the mal-based research. The common cry for “hu- experiment is deemed not important enough, it is It has been established for a number of years now man-relevant” research assumes that diseases not allowed. But even if an experiment is unsuc- that Otago uni’s current animal research facilities affecting animals do not develop over time. New cessful, the knowledge gained from it is still valu- are in need of replacement. As such, the new an- Zealand’s agricultural economy, our culture of able. A failed attempt to repair mouse hearts with imal research facility is crucial. We can all agree environmental protection and the conservation of stem cells may lead to better treatment of post- that cosmetic animal testing is unnecessary, but endangered species, vaccines, veterinary research, heart-attack patients, for example. animal-based research is a key part of our ongoing the treatment of parasites in farm animals and Otago’s standard in performing animal-based understanding of medical science. pets, the fish in New Zealand’s waterways, native research can only improve with a new research Animal-based research is necessary for research animal sanctuaries— these are all areas that cru- centre. From the perspective of this humble where human-only research is either unfeasible cially depend on ongoing animal-based Humanities student, the most ethical thing to do or too dangerous. Something along the lines of research. is to ensure that scientists have the chance to do expanding ZenTech isn’t enough to replace animal Looking at the issue from this perspective, better science. That is what the new animal re- testing. The potential risks during testing – for anyone who is against the animal research lab search lab will achieve. example, unexpected reactions to treatments - are must also consider the ethics of NOT doing poten- simply not worth taking. The only humans who tially life-saving research. could be tested on for specific conditions would be The university has an astonishingly strict code those already in dire need of treatment. Testing on of ethics in the treatment of animals used in re- animals provides a safer opportunity to observe search, and anyone can read it if they google it. Issue 1207 || MAYAPR 2017 13 - - - - - Politics However, John Miller of another cybersecurity Miller of cybersecurity another John However, The current debate in academia, prompted by by in academia, prompted debate current The Terror on War the of you remind not this Does This brings up another problem with cyberwar with up problem another brings This The pairing of cyberattacks’ fluid characteristics fluid characteristics ofpairing cyberattacks’ The experts cybersecurity some while week, Last WannaCry shows that cyberwarfare can have have can cyberwarfare that shows WannaCry that shape has taken industry Asprawling ly suggestive of a operator.” common suggestive ly of – some interests private of a myriad that fare, and governments various to ties close have which speculating – are businesses unrelated seemingly is actually someone and capacity in onwho what - es can’t often we Yet, warfare. the in part taking company opinions the of a cybersecurity from cape governments answers provide they because national of a lack ofcannot because transparency, a lack of knowledge. or simply concerns security attacks to attackers. 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First appearing in Spain on 12 May, WannaCry WannaCry 12 May, on Spain in appearing First The major victims include the UK National majorThe victims include UK the National ment agencies in Russia and China, automakers and China, automakers ment in agencies Russia - govern Bahn, Deutsche system railway German Health Service (NHS), Spanish telecommunications (NHS), telecommunications Spanish Service Health FedEx, company logistics Telefónica, company ing US$300 in bitcoin currency and threatening to to threatening and currency bitcoin in US$300 ing received. is payment no if data all destroy locks them out of their computers before demand before out computers of them their locks Security Agency (NSA) had reportedly identified identified had reportedly (NSA) Agency Security victim’s the files and encrypts WannaCry inApril. spread via email, exploiting vulnerabilities in via in email, exploiting vulnerabilities spread US National the that systems operating Microsoft that cyberwarfare can have on society’s society’s on have can cyberwarfare that infrastructure. WannaCry, has been heralded as a wake-up wake-up a as heralded been has WannaCry, dangers material very on the world the call for The ransomware attack last week, coined coined week, last attack ransomware The by George Elliott George by
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longer sci-fi longer Ransomware attack: attack: Ransomware POST-FACT WORLD WORLD WATCH This week the Post-Fact World is taking you on a magical holiday JIANGSU PROVINCE, to the world of planes. The plane CHINA is everybody’s favourite bit of the Doctors have surgically holiday, but did you know these removed two ballpoint plane facts? pens from a man’s intestine that he swallowed after losing The reason you are not allowed a bet 36 years ago. to wear your hair in plaits on DORSET, ENGLAND The man reportedly aeroplanes is because plaits can be A school has cancelled its sports day and has banned ingested the pens while mistaken for safety ropes children from playing on the field because of rabbits. drinking with his friends Pupils at Cranborne Middle School will not be allowed and had forgotten You are not allowed to talk about on the field after several students were injured falling about them until they planets on planes because of over rabbit holes. Despite the school’s efforts to cull showed up on an X-ray linguistic similarities the rabbits, they’ve continued to multiply. earlier this year.
You cannot bring more than 5.5 litres of blood onto a plane inside HADLEY—Commerce of your person, as large volumes of 1 Watching American Football highlights blood can be turned into a bomb. 2 Aerodynamic force 3 Goddamn… I used to know… Planes are snakes backwards 4 Yes. Most recently “name a more iconic duo” themed—I was half of the Veronicas. “Planes” is “snakes” backwards 5 Australia
If you reverse a helicopter propeller, WALE—Software Engineering it tunnels into the ground 1 My phone 2 Guess it’s the turbines and their wings. And physics. Airline companies have to keep two 3 Don’t know spare seats for the little engineers 4 Nah who put down the wheels when the 5 Right there [points to a stranger] plane lands VERITY—Zoology & Ecology The second airport was built in 1938, 1 Eat, Youtube, TV shows 12 years after the first one 2 … my brother would know 3 Love, Sex, Dreams If a plane flies into a bird’s engine 4 Yip. Best one was mine. It was ‘70s themed with it can cause a kerfuffle challenges all over Dunedin 5 Auckland Zoo. Or is that just a legless lizard? Seats were only compulsory in planes in 1967, before then JEAN-LUC—Neuroscience & Marketing everyone sat in baths 1 Go up Signal Hill or out to the Peninsula 2 Isn’t it the air and wind pushing the wings up… Cockpits have lots of glowy lights and… [spreads arms out] because pilots are afraid of the 3 I should know… The D should stand for dopamine BUNCH FIVES OF dark 4 Yeah. The standard, got completely wrecked. 5 Surely someone’s got a pet snake in Dunedin, all The word “cockpit” came about so you need is one of those heating lamps the pilots would have something to laugh about on their trips SHARNEE—Biomedical Science 1 Youtube, finding new music and stuff like that 2 Physics Pilots are the enemies of space 3 Oh I should know. A really good time in the ‘70s? 4 Only as an attendee. It was like the parts of my ten favourite parties together in one night. 5 Australia? Issue 10 | May 2017 03 477 9959 03 477 FACTS & FIGURES 36 Moray Place Dunedin 36 Moray By Jack Trevella 81 new primate species have species have new primate 81 guinea pig the size of a cow of a cow guinea pig the size 65 million guinea estimated exercising before of swearing crayon maker at Crayola at Crayola maker crayon A human body makes 4.5 4.5 A human body makes who don’t who don’t admitted he was colour blind he was colour admitted in Venezuela discovered discovered in Venezuela anything litres of mucus a day a day of mucus litres In Thailand it is illegal to to it is illegal In Thailand In 2003, archaeologists of Star Wars, In early drafts possess more than 120 than 120 possess more cards playing pigs each year than those better perform design cover manhole 2000 since been discovered fossilised remains of a of a remains fossilised When he retired the senior the senior When he retired Peruvians consume an an consume Peruvians in a bout who indulge People municipality in Each local Japan has its own unique unique Japan has its own Yoda was called Buffy was called Yoda ‘Wi-Fi’ doesn’t stand for ‘Wi-Fi’ stand for doesn’t
By Charlie O’Mannin
ODT target demographic. demographic. target
WATCH The ODT just wants to go home. home. go just wants to The ODT
Tired of the inconveniences of Earth, a of Earth, a Tired of the inconveniences To start this week, a waste of six words. of six waste start a week, this To sentient tentacle slopped on a keyboard. on a keyboard. slopped sentient tentacle pun and a self-contradictory statement. This This statement. pun and a self-contradictory The many-limbed amorphous blob that is the the that is amorphous blob The many-limbed would probably go down amazingly with their amazingly with their down go probably would is jackpot for ODT bingo. Ironically, ODT bingo bingo ODT Ironically, bingo. ODT is jackpot for ODT got wet on its shuffle to work this morning. to on its shuffle wet got ODT And finally, get prepared for the pure adrenaline adrenaline for the pure get prepared And finally, Then the ODT presented us with both an abysmal us with both an abysmal presented Then the ODT rush of the ODT’s latest edge of your seat thriller. of your edge latest rush of the ODT’s s
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was naked in public. in public. was naked not known why the man the man why not known in his birthday suit. It is It is in his birthday suit. as he saunters past them past them as he saunters barely glancing at the man glancing at the man barely shows an elderly couple couple an elderly shows caught on camera, and and caught on camera, The bizarre incident was was incident The bizarre only a paid of sandals on. of sandals on. only a paid a road fully naked with fullya road with naked a man was seen crossing seen crossing a man was of the end of World War II, II, War of World of the end celebrating the anniversary anniversary the celebrating While people were were people While
By Jack Trevella
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4 1 16 Sport
Teams to Hate TEAMS I HATE AND WHY YOU SHOULD HATE THEM TOO #1: LIVERPOOL FC
by Charlie Hantler
Everyone has sports teams they love, for me these are Otago, the mighty Highlanders, the Black Caps, Manchester United, and the Cleveland Cavaliers. I thoroughly enjoy cracking open a Speight’s, putting my feet up and watching them do their thing. It really is a great time. However, like anyone else, there are a few teams I really hate. A lot. This series begins with my most passionate hatred of all. A team that hasn’t won a single trophy for more than a decade, but their fans still seem to think they’re completely relevant should have to write these things about the club To be honest, if this hasn’t been convincing and a constant title contender. Well, they aren’t. that I helped build into what it is today." enough yet, I’m not very fond of your judgement, Liverpool FC is the second club to come from the So he’s alright by me. but we’ll keep going. Their supporters will defi- great city of Liverpool. The club is a self-appointed They continued to win a few more trophies under nitely tip you over the edge. Becoming a Liverpool deity of football with most casual fans expected Bob Paisely, and nobody really cares. Then came fan takes years of hard work and dedication. Years to applaud and revel in their class and history. the fun – modern day Liverpool. A club which loves of studying ancient mythologies and historical Liverpool “plays” their matches in a kit painted to talk about how successful they were under these poetry is required so you can compare Jurgen Klopp Lucifer’s red. aforementioned managers while simultaneously to Ares and write cringeworthy sonnets about This embarrassment of a club was founded in winning fuck all. distant victories of the past. Clothing consists of 1892 due to a rent dispute between then Anfield In 2005, the club reached the Champions League anything that your standard Scouser has stolen inhabitants Everton FC and landlord John Houlding. final via a series of fluke results. Against off the street as long as it’s paired with a Liverpool In a classic ‘Kopite’ dickhead move, Houlding raised Olympiakos, Steven Gerrard sliced a half-volley scarf that you lift above your head like a tool for rent by 150 percent to drive Everton out due to his in to the far corner which helped qualify the team every painstaking rendition of ‘You’ll Never Walk jealousy at Everton having clinched the 1889-1890 for the knock-out rounds. In the semi-final, Luis Alone’ you hear. title. Everton moved to the much superior Goodison Garcia scored a phantom goal that sunk Chelsea Location is not important. If anyone ever ques- Park, and the sorry excuse of a ‘gathering’ that is – the ball did not cross the line. Then, in the final, tions your bewildering loyalty for the club due to Liverpool FC were born. Fuck. the miracle of Instanbul occurred. The self-de- your residence being over 500 miles away from Look, it’s hard to argue that they’ve not been scribed greatest game of all time consisted of the city of Liverpool simply start to lie. A common pretty successful in their history. They’ve won Steven Gerrard diving to win a penalty, no winning and battle-worn excuse is to explain how a family some trophies and shit. Big deal. But that’s an goal being scored, and the match was decided by member, who happens to be ‘a massive red’, in- argument that I’m more than eager to attempt. an Andriy Shevchenko missed penalty. fluenced you from a young age. This tactic has The great Bill Shankly won them multiple league, The current Liverpool team is much different to worked handily for decades. Also just yell ‘5 Times’, FA Cup and UEFA Cup trophies amongst others, what you’d think their prolific history would sug- it’ll be a really strong, convincing argument. but then the classic Kop dickheads cut ties with gest - they’re shite. Their fearless leader is some I could go on for decades, no exaggeration, on him in an attempt to “move the club forward”. The egomaniac named Jurgen Klopp and their team how shit of a football club Liverpool are, but this man was as quotable as he was successful, and consists of overrated and overvalued footballers. will do for today. I hope you enjoyed my brief he provided a great one in his autobiography (It’s With the increasingly hilarity of high profile players history of Liverpool FC. To finish I would just like More Important Than That (1976)), turning down the chance to join Liverpool and to let you all know that I am a veteran historian "I have been received more warmly by Everton those they have on the books wanting to leave, on the subject of hating Liverpool and my opinion than I have by Liverpool. It is scandalous that I the future is bright for all us who hate them. can be trusted as fact. Issue 12 | MAY 2017 17 Sports of LSD Chelle Fitzgerald to Wonder: to Wonder: written and illustrated by From Weapon A Brief Social History When Sandoz chemist Dr Albert fewer substances that have enjoyed such The endeavour Project Paperclip saw the Hofmann was messing around synthe- a varied and well-documented social US Army importing six hundred Nazi sizing ergot derivative compounds in history as LSD. scientists to continue these kinds of 1938, the seemingly unremarkable After Hofmann reported his findings experiments in America. A key figure twenty-fifth compound he produced was on LSD-25 to other Sandoz staff, the among them was Dr Hubertus Strughold, unceremoniously stored among its sib- pharmaceutical company began to test who had been responsible for psycho- lings on a shelf for the next five years. on volunteers, looking for psychiatric logical tests at Daschau, involving sub- On 16 April 1943, Dr Hofmann decid- applications for the drug (an incredible merging prisoners in freezing water, ed to investigate the compound further. property of LSD is that it is active in such placing them in air pressure chambers, Accidentally ingesting a small dose miniscule quantities – one gram of pure and performing surgery without anaes- through his fingertips, he unwittingly LSD crystals offers 10,000 – 20,000 thetic, resulting in many gruesome enjoyed the very first acid trip, following single doses). After receiving notable deaths (icepick lobotomies were also a it up with another, intentional, dose of mention in medical journals, the drug favourite of Strughold’s). This ongoing 250 μg three days later. Thinking that ended up on the radar of the US Army testing was renamed Operation 250 μg (more than double today’s stan- around 1949. BLUEBIRD, later becoming Operation dard tab), wouldn’t have much effect, the The CIA had spent the better part of ARTICHOKE in 1951. good doctor was flying high when he the late 1940s testing all manner of In 1953, the covert project MK ULTRA bicycled home from his lab that day. This substances under the operation “Project was born. Run by a small team in the CIA was 19 April 1943, which is now com- CHATTER” for their potential as a “truth named the Technical Services Staff (TSS), memorated as Bicycle Day each year, serum,” the most notable of these being MK ULTRA encompassed some pretty upon which grateful trippers across the cocaine, heroin, amphetamines, and dodgy shit that the government kept globe enjoy LSD in honour of Hofmann’s marijuana. They were particularly ex- secret from citizens, one of which was glorious maiden voyage. cited about LSD’s behaviour as a psy- Operation Midnight Climax. Midnight Lysergic acid dimethylamide, a.k.a. chotomimetic, and had become rather Climax entailed TSS agents fitting out LSD-25, is one of the most researched interested in psychoactives such as apartments in New York and San recreational drugs on the market today. mescaline after learning of the horrific Francisco with two-way mirrors, and Snaking its way from the controlled mescaline mind control experiments hiring prostitutes to bring clients to these clutches of the CIA and the military that Nazi doctors had tested at Dachau safehouses, where they would be un- through into popular culture, there are concentration camp. knowingly spiked with LSD, while cock- tail-chugging TSS agents watched the shenanigans from behind the mirrors. Midnight Climax began in the 1950s and was not abandoned until 1966 – that’s a heck of a lot of prostitutes on the US government payroll, spiking a heck of a lot of unwitting American citizens. After Midnight Climax wound down, Operation Richard Helms, a pioneer of MK ULTRA, became director of the CIA. “We do not Paperclip saw target American citizens” he told the American Society of Newspaper Editors in 1971. “The nation must to a degree take the US Army it on faith that we who lead the CIA are honourable men, devoted to the nation’s importing six service” (yeah, righto Helmsy). Shortly after this, before he resigned, he ordered hundred Nazi the comprehensive destruction of all MK ULTRA paperwork – suggesting there may have been a lot more to the CIA’s scientists LSD testing operations than what was eventually brought to light from the few documents that survived the cull. The US government has subse- “We didn’t know quently admitted to dosing unknowing citizens from 1955 through 1966 (not just at the safehouses, but in many public if it was dog places such as beaches and parks), and has paid out millions of dollars to the piss or what it families and victims of these secret LSD spikings. was we were Obviously, the US was convinced that Russia and China were also devel- oping LSD for mind-control purposes, so giving him.” clearly the most logical thing they could do was to familiarise their own soldiers with the drug. At Fort Bragg, war games and military drills were carried out on LSD, while at Fort McClellan around 200 officers were given the drug to familia- rise them with the effects. At Edgewood Arsenal in Maryland, the New York state commissioner for inmates were kept on LSD for 77 days soldiers were given LSD and placed in mental hygiene. straight. Where he felt it necessary, he sensory deprivation chambers, after During this period, the US Army was would administer up to quadruple the which they were subjected to hostile receiving rejected drugs from pharma- recommended dose in order to interrogation to incite anxiety, fear and ceutical companies solely for their un- combat tolerance. confession. For nearly twenty years desirable effects, which the army wanted In the sixties, Edgewood Arsenal Edgewood staff included at least eight to exploit. One superhallucinogen in began phasing out LSD testing in order imported Nazi doctors involved in these particular, quinuclidinyl benzilate (BZ), to narrow their focus on the drug BZ, inhumane tests. was ultimately preferred by the army which was developed for use in grenades By the mid 1960s, at least 7,000 over LSD, due to its powerful nature. and the 750lb. cluster bomb. soldiers had been involved in US Army Between 1959 and 1975, around 2,800 While the CIA’s obsession with LSD LSD experiments – some of which were soldiers were given BZ, and it rendered for military application began to fade, coerced or spiked unknowingly. many of them fucked up, both tempo- its therapeutic potential was of great Edgewood Arsenal was responsible for rarily and permanently. interest to many therapists and psychi- the death of tennis professional Harold In the 1950s, the CIA was also using atrists, and in 1953 Dr Ronald Sandison Blauer who was stationed there at the penal and mental institutions for their opened the first public LSD clinic in time – an overdose of methyl di-am- testing, knowing that inmates and the England. More of these popped up phetamine was responsible. Researcher mentally unwell were easy targets. The throughout Europe, Canada and the US. Dr James Cattell later testified, “we didn’t Addiction Research Centre, a penal in- A professional US spy by the name of know if it was dog piss or what it was stitution in Lexington, Kentucky, was Captain Al Hubbard was introduced to we were giving him.” one such place. When the CIA received LSD by Sandison, and thereafter contact- Cattell’s colleague, Dr Paul Hoch, had new reject drugs from the pharmaceu- ed Dr Humphrey Osmond, a young experimented on psychiatric patients tical companies, they would ship them psychiatrist who was researching LSD with LSD and given them lobotomies on over to Dr Harris Isbell at Lexington, and mescaline in Canada. thereafter. In one of Hoch’s experiments, who would offer up heroin and morphine In 1953 Osmond gave Aldous Huxley he administered LSD to a patient, along as payment to coerce the (mostly black) the infamous mescaline trip that with a local anaesthetic, and the patient already drug-addicted prisoners into prompted him to write The Doors of was told to describe his experience as submitting to testing. Perception, which popularised psyche- they removed parts of his cerebral cortex. Among the experiments conducted by delics in a way that had not previously Absurdly, Hoch later went on to become Isbell, he boasted of one in which certain been seen. Hubbard and Osmond both wards there, obtaining access to LSD and mescaline, among other psychoactive drugs. Unsurprisingly, these drugs began doing the rounds within his group Certain in- of friends. Kesey went on to write the classic “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest”, much mates were of which was written while high on LSD or peyote, and formed a counterculture band of followers dubbed the Merry kept on LSD Pranksters, whose goal was to introduce as many people to psychedelics as pos- for 77 days sible. In 1965 he met Hunter S. Thompson, while Thompson was writing his book about biker gang the Hell’s Angels. The straight Angels and Kesey’s Merry Pranksters partied together for weeks, and Hunter S. Thompson later wrote that he would like to repeat his early acid trips with the began to use LSD as treatment for alco- and mescaline (which Sandoz doled out Hell’s Angels, saying that “dropping acid holics, and this resulted in an unprece- free to researchers) for therapy. with the Angels was an adventure; they dented rate of recovery – Hubbard even Hollingshead had been given 1 gram of were too ignorant to know what to ex- received permission from Rome to Sandoz LSD, which he mixed with sugar pect, and too wild to care.” use LSD for treatment within a and distilled water and kept in a may- The mid-1960s was a heavy period Catholic setting. onnaise jar – this jar would become of student activism, and during this Of course, while all this was hap- legendary in LSD subculture, and was movement drug use was a strong avenue pening, that old dirty bastard the CIA responsible for introducing thousands for denouncing authority. Radical politics was paying close attention, and Sandoz, of influential people to LSD. At one point, and drug use were usually never far from along with the Food and Drug Hollingshead’s entire apartment was one another, and this attitude, along with Administration (FDA), kept the CIA laced with LSD – the door handles, the the increasing number of influential abreast of any LSD purchases – Hubbard food, pretty much every surface. people who had tried LSD, meant that was, of course, a prominent customer. As the CIA focused their watchdog the drug was fast becoming irrevocably Earlier referred to as a “psychomi- efforts on Leary and Hollingshead, the sutured into Western society. metic” by the military, the term “psy- FDA investigated their use of LSD in The first place that LSD was sold on chedelic” to describe LSD was coined via trials, and finally ruled that Leary would a massive scale was a neighbourhood correspondence between Osmond and no longer be allowed to test LSD without in San Francisco named the Haight- Huxley in 1957. This marked a turning a medical doctor present. In 1963, Leary Ashbury. Manufactured by chemist point for LSD; rather than being a poten- was fired from Harvard and subsequently Augustus Owsley Stanley III and a young tial weapon to induce anxiety and psy- set up the IFIF – International Federation Berkeley chemistry major, Melissa chosis, it was now being seen as a great For Internal Freedom, in pursuit of Cargill, the drug was sold on the streets drug with many positive effects. Within changing the world through exposing as from February 1965. Drawing some a therapy setting, LSD was used to induce many people to LSD as possible. parallels with Walter “Heisenberg” White, a safe space to explore one’s psyche, Over on the west coast, the famous Owsley was obsessed with creating the rather than the horrific military testing writer Ken Kesey was a student at purest product possible - his LSD was environments (“no wonder they report Stanford when he got wind of a veteran’s said to be even purer than Sandoz’s. psychotics,” Huxley once noted of the hospital which was conducting experi- Sandoz’s LSD was a yellowish crystalline CIA’s test results). ments, where volunteers were given substance, whereas Owsley managed to A couple of Harvard professors in “psychomimetic drugs” along with $75 refine his so that it appeared bluish the 1960s, Timothy Leary and Michael per day. He enjoyed his experience as a (like Heisenberg’s meth!) and piezolu- Hollingshead, began exploring with guinea pig so much that he soon began minescent (emitting flashes of light using psychedelics, such as psilocybin working as a night attendant in the when shaken). Issue 12 | MAY 2017 - - . For a drug to have been accidentally accidentally been have a to drug For anymore, it about hear don’t “You Brotherhood’s manufacturing efforts, efforts, manufacturing Brotherhood’s people forget … They invented LSD to to LSD invented … They forget people did was they and people what control in it works Sometimes us freedom. give per to wonders its ways mysterious Lennon - John form.” but was subsequently nailed by Scotland Scotland nailed by subsequently but was twist legal a lucky 1977. However, in Yard reveal to forced was Kemp that meant when – and LSD making for method his into it’s way wormed this information for responsible it was publicthe record, that in LSD production aresurgence day. this to exists with researched, well so and discovered and rich intriguing a phenomenally such many that wonder small it’s history, compound. The this mystical revere of US has the a lot socio-political history simply you and for, culture LSD thank to ac historical decent many see don’t fifties of and the counts sixties in US the dothat not impact highlight the of this culturally. drug visitingstill cosmos. the butare people the thank to remember always must We what That’s LSD. for army the and CIA - - - - Hollingshead’s Hollingshead’s entire apartment with LSDwas laced handles, - the door pretty the food, much every surface After the Brotherhood was shut shut was Brotherhood the After - consid was LSD Scully’s and Sand once again in luck. A British chemist againonce in chemist luck. A British named John Kemp succeeded the smuggled from Orange County, California California County, Orange from smuggled in appearing countries, numerous to Israel as farplaces flung as Australia, also made Sunshine and India. Orange were who soldiers where Vietnam, it to up on her fucked getting freely already it with oin and marijuana welcomed open arms. investigation a one-year following down (includ culminating of arrests in dozens were devotees LSD Leary), Timothy ing paved the way for the Brotherhood of of Brotherhood the for way the paved assistant former Owsley’s Love. Eternal were Sand, Nick chemist and Scully, Tim (a tartrate ergotamine procure able to and Europe, in LSD) from ingredient key under the production, commenced they Love”. Eternal of Brotherhood “The name and, Owsley’s, than purer even be to ered 1969, in closed was lab their time the by mil ten around had manufactured they as – known lion product hits of their was Sunshine Orange Sunshine. Orange Be-In, Owsley was arrested with around around with arrested was Owsley Be-In, sen LSD, of worth dollars’ million ten - or and prison, in years three to tenced dollar fine. thousand a three pay to dered which drought, LSD street a caused This - - - A few months after the Human Human the after months A few The CIA henceforth dedicated much much dedicated CIA The henceforth Once LSD was available freely on the the on freely available was LSD Once Initially sold in powder form con form powder in sold Initially the drug. John Lennon has stated that that has stated Lennon drug. John the can “you Pepper) Sgt. of cover the (on referring flying,” are us of two that see Harrison. and George himself to Love were in full swing, and the impact impact the and swing, full in were Love main throughout flowing of LSD was time the Beatles The By culture. stream taking all were they Pepper, Sgt. recorded about and songs writing LSD regularly such as chromosomal damage and damage and as chromosomal such the Undeterred, brain”. the in “holes stillindulged in beloved their masses 25,000 1967 over January in and LSD, take to Francisco San in gathered people - pro event an Be-In, Human The in part Flower and peace. moting LSD, love hippies, of and Summer the children, 1966, California passed a law banning banning a law passed 1966, California use. LSD misinformation spreading into effort about drug, the claiming LSD that was for all responsible manner of horrors, LSD was well and truly out in public view. view. public in out truly and well was LSD the all recalled Sandoz year, that April In and researchers, to given had they LSD the (with a halt to came testing LSD all activities, ofCIA’s the secret exception 6 October on later, months Six course). of the FDA and CIA was concerned (how (how concerned was CIA and FDA the a If themselves? enjoy anybody dare and torture to used be couldn’t drug shouldn’t it people then definitely coerce January In enjoyment!). for available be aptly festival LSD 1966, a three-day and held, was Festival” “Trips named – impressively, he was possibly more more possibly was he – impressively, incredible this in sharing interested con collective compound and raising in getting rich. than he was sciousness up where heating things began street, tained in gel capsules, or a blue-tinged tained in gel capsules, Owsley milk,” “mother’s as known liquid to order in press pill a acquire to decided per trip price the Keeping dosage. control rumoured was $2.00, Owsley a stable at out million four trips, turned have to sold as much as was away giving freely Microdosing on Acid at Work A test to see if tiny amounts of LSD can increase productivity
written by The Day Trippers, illustration byJennifer Oraha
B1 y co-worker and I decided to try microdosing LSD after The first day we tried it I woke up feeling pretty ok. I took the reading on the internet that it makes you more productive, microdose at 8:40 in the morning. At 10:40 I felt normal, but by 11 M creative, energised, less anxious, and nicer to be around. I think I was feeling something. I felt good but not in a trippy way. We also heard from a friend of a friend who told us that microdosing When I was talking to my co-worker I felt slightly overwhelmed on acid was the only thing that helped his chronic back pain, and emotionally, but it’s difficult to know how much of this is psycho- that he took it every day. Other people say that they microdose somatic. I did a whole lot of boring paperwork I’d been putting off acid for depression and anxiety. You take a tiny amount - around for a long time. When I got home I felt like waves of love and af- a tenth of a regular acid trip - so that you don’t feel any of the fection were flowing out of me towards my boyfriend, which psychedelic effects normally associated with the drug. happens sometimes, but not all that often.
Ayelet Waldman, a novelist and former federal public defender, I am lucky and don’t suffer from depression or an anxiety disorder, wrote about her experience microdosing LSD for the New York so I don’t know if the acid affected me in same way it might have Times. She claims that it helped her through a bout of depression, affected somebody with one or both of those things. I tend to be enhanced her “mental equilibrium,” and saved her marriage. quite hyperactive anyway, so I’m not sure if I got a boost in energy or not. It could have just been psychosomatic. There were times, We had both taken acid several times in the past, and enjoyed it, about an hour after I’d taken my microdose, that I found myself so we didn't think anything bad could happen. We got some acid getting creepily enthusiastic in a meeting or conversation, or over off a friend and gave it a shot. We didn’t even try it at home first excited about my work. As far as I know, my workmates didn’t - we went straight to trying it at work. Here’s what happened: notice me acting differently on the days I had taken the microdoses, though some of them knew we were trying it out.
We took the acid every three or four days for about two months. I don’t know if my overall productivity went up or not. Some days I’d get a tiny rush off the acid, and go home feeling like I had had one of the best days of my life. Other times it didn’t seem to do anything much at all.
Sometimes, rather than feeling relaxed and creative, I felt anxious and sweaty. Issue 12 | MAY 2017 23 distracting, and impairing. During those periods I got no work periods I got no and work impairing. those During distracting, in days the in missed I’d what with up catch to had and done days. three every roughly were which doses, our between has revolutionised people claim some microdosing that heard I’ve such to comes it when skeptical be to I tend while and, lives their made me be think experience this that would claims, overall the so do to practical was it only if to, commit I could that something future. near the for B2 trying proposed co-worker my and day one work into came I the consulting on (read: research doing some After microdosing. in experiment microdose the community) I approached Reddit on LSD: trip anxiously first my as I approached much way same the like of unknown, the muchso afraid I wasn’t and trepidation. with taking were we that fact the more but trip, actual first my on I was the with wild run mind and sweaty palms my made It work. at it might happen. of what thought about taking30 it after whether I minutes debate had an internal or LSD the taking hold for psychosomatic was feeling I was what nerves the as excitement of feeling a with overcome I was real. doing; I was what in engaged thoroughly I was a back-seat. took doing, I was banal the activity and by intrigued motivated I felt and I put before, occasions on few I had experienced something of microdose. the effects the to solely down that it. with When happy less significantly I felt days other of the Some overwhelming, felt and down me let it it, of use make to hoping I was - keep doing it myself in the future. The bursts of energy and and energy of bursts The future. the in myself it doing keep a microdose on this I’m writing inconsistent. if nice, were well-being of acid fantastic. and I feel I don’t know from our thoroughly unscientific experiment if experiment mi unscientific our thoroughly I don’t from know to like but I would acid I’d is something recommend, crodosing I concluded that it was, indeed, real acid we’d been taking. I picked I picked taking. been we’d acid real indeed, was, it that I concluded videos. “trippy” for searched and Youtube, on went phone, my up a long time, for of them and many found I watched overwhelming. them real, and not just a tiny bit of paper. I took about a 6th of a tab. a tab. of a 6th about I took paper. of bit a tiny just not and real, and began folding out fine. I did housework some Things started but tripping, I did exactly I wasn’t it laundry. got Then weird. my like felt It folding. I was clothes the to closeness unhealthy an feel and I stopped down. way slowed folding My connected. were we down lie to I had Then folding. my of some of photos some took a bit. for real. We started thinking we were wasting what could have been been have could what wasting were we thinking started We real. trips. a of proper couple was it if see to day one home at acid more bit a take to decided I perhaps the distribution of acid on the blotting paper was uneven, uneven, of acid on blotting distribution paper was the the perhaps or not ineffective been have may ofand our some that microdoses We examined the tabs of acid we were snipping our microdoses snipping our microdoses were of acid tabs the we examined We thought We looking. blobby slightly and pink pale were They off. 24 Culture Culture 25 Issue 12 | MAY 2017 Drop Everything and Obey How The Red Card Became a Dunedin Cultural Phenomenon
Joel MacManus If you’re a fresher still learning the ropes and foot down. It’s a good idea to get your Red Card fumbling your way around North Dunedin, you done in first semester to avoid the busy time may have heard the term “Red Card” being of year. “Red Card Season” really starts to hit thrown around in conversation and had just before exam time in second semester as thoughts like ‘what are they?’, ‘what do they everyone suddenly realises they haven’t pulled look like?’, and ‘how can they help me get theirs yet and try to cram something in before through Health Sci?’. it’s too late. Don’t be a slacker; get in quick. Red Cards are like Jaden Smith: They were Your next move is deciding how big you brought into the world sometime in the late want your event to be. Keeping it within the ‘90s and they often don’t make a lot of sense. flat is an option, especially if you want to make The basic concept of Red Cards is simple. the challenges really individualised. If your idea Once a year, each member of the flat gets one involves driving somewhere, it’s best to stay opportunity to pull their Red Card and everyone small. If you want to go bigger the usual way It’s hard to see else in the flat must go along with whatever is to allow each member of the flat to select a the phenomenon they say. It’s a dream come true for alcoholics set number of people to be on their team, or and control freaks the world over. alternatively you can just invite whoever the of Red Cards It’s hard to see the phenomenon of Red Cards fuck you want. Again, there are no rules. developing in any city other than Dunedin. The rules around Red Cards are intentionally developing in any Somehow through pure word of mouth an entire minimal, which allows a world of possibilities set of guidelines was created for doing crazy constrained only by your imagination. You can city other than and sometimes demeaning things with intox- be as organised or unorganised as you like. Dunedin. icating substances and everyone just sort of A classic option is a themed team event. The went with it. You can’t even google it because movie Beerfest is your prototypical example. you’ll just get a bunch of articles about soccer. Each team represents a different country and By the early-mid 2000s, Red Cards had competes in a variety of drinking events: Beer become commonplace in flats across Dunedin. Pong, Quarters, Flip Cup, Boat Races, Sculling By 2004, University of Otago Deputy Proctor Races, Rage Cage/Flip Cup. One Red Card I at- Andrew Ferguson was beginning to have re- tended with a United Nations theme set each ports of dangerous activities come across his national team the challenge of finishing a mini desk. By 2009 they had made their way to New keg in their room before performing a cultural Zealand’s other true student city, Palmerston dance for the rest of the crowd. Scavenger hunts North, and become popular with Massey are a great team bonding activity which gets University students. The rise of Red Cards may everyone out to explore the city. Set them a list have been propelled in part by the university’s of challenges like ‘take a piss in a stranger’s crackdown on initiation rituals, providing a new flat’, ‘borrow a condom off someone’, ‘ask some- outlet for students to get creative and weird one to marry you’ or anything else your with their drinking. mind desires. Technically, you have the power to pull your The true beauty of Red Cards is the individ- Red Card at any time and your flatmates must ual power of the host. Everyone enjoys a struc- drop everything and obey. However, with ex- tured activity, but organising by committee is ams and tests dotted throughout the year, bloody tough. Red Cards are a great chance to pulling your card without consultation can be try out an activity you’ve wanted to do for a considered a dick move. It’s a good call to run while but can’t quite manage to convince people it past the flat a few days in advance to make to try. If it’s your Red Card they’ve just got to sure they’re available. Don’t let them get away shut up and listen to you. Play a round of can- with shitty excuses though. An assignment due a-hole golf, drunk lazertag, try out a weird and the next day is an acceptable excuse. Needing confusing drinking game you found online. If to catch up on a few lectures and do some you want to, feel free to turn your Red Card into shopping is bullshit and you need to put your a Green Card, get everyone as high as the GET SWEET LOOT WITH A 2017 ONECARD with one caveat; they could either have pants or shoes on, but not both. Losing one makes walking tough, losing the other makes hitch- ACTIVATE YOURS ONLINE hiking nigh on impossible. A Critic writer who AT R1.CO.NZ/ONECARD documented the great Red Cards of 2011 reported on two young gentlemen who were presented with tight pink lycra outfits and a pill of Viagra No matter what each, and dropped off at a Unipol pump class. Red Cards are a helluva good time, but it’s ALTO CAFE NOOK important to stay safe and smart. The Proctor’s FLASH YOUR 2017 Pancakes or French Toast w/ bacon & Treatment, cut & blow wave for $69. Cut, you’re doing, don’t office has seen its fair share of fuckups. They banana $10, Mon – Fri, 7am – 11:30am blow wave, colour & treatment for $150. 1/2 ONECARD AT ANY head foils, cut, blow wave, toner & treatment provided us with a list of Red Cards gone wrong. BIGGIES PIZZA for $164 One male student was told to go to South OF THESE FINE be a cunt, advice $8 off any pizza purchase.* Dunedin and steal a supermarket sign. 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HELL PIZZA PURE BEAUTY that truly owes its origin to the scarfies of to smoke a bong, suck down some bevvies and Spend $20 or more and receive either free 20% off eyelash extensions, $25 spray tans, Dunedin, Possum has unfortunately become funnel a bottle of red wine he lost conscious- COSMIC wedges, garlic bread, or a 1.5L drink* Student Brazilian with free eyebrow shape less and less prominent in recent years. It’s a ness, fell to the floor and began to froth at the $35 10% student discount HOT YOGA simple game – you grab a box of drinks and mouth. A flatmate managed to call an ambu- 5 classes for $50* ROB ROY DAIRY climb a tree. You’re not allowed out of the tree lance in time, but he was left with a long stay LUMINO THE DENTISTS Free upgrade to a waffle cone ever Monday until you finish your box. 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*terms and conditions apply, see r1.co.nz/onecard for details Issue 12 | MAY 2017 T.M. AUTOMOTIVE $50 Warrant of Fitness fee VAPOURIUM Get an EXTRA 10ml with any starter kit Student woman’s haircut $40, re-style $50, mens haircut $25 SURGEONS PHONE 10% off all phone, tablet & computer repairs PIT PITA Buy any petita size pita and get upgraded to regular* a PIZZAPOPPA’S Free garlic bread with any regular or large pizza* BEAUTY PURE off20% eyelash extensions, spray $25 tans, Student Brazilian with free eyebrow shape $35 ROB ROY DAIRY Free upgrade to a wafflecone ever Monday Tuesday* & SUBWAY Buy any six-inch meal deal and upgrade to a footlong meal deal for free* SHUTTLES SUPER airport the to/from $20 NOOK Treatment, cut & blow Cut, wave for $69. blow wave, colourtreatment & 1/2 for $150. head foils, cut, blow wave, toner & treatment for $164 OUTSIDE SPORTS off15% rental, off 15% workshop, and 10% off only)* items price (full retail HAIR STUDIO PARDAL *terms and conditions apply, see r1.co.nz/onecard for details *terms and conditions apply, NANDO’S Free regular peri-peri chips with every flame- grilled chicken, wrap, pita or burger. Free meals* combo with upgrade chips LEGIT LTD 50% off stickers LIQUID ASSETS JUICE BAR off12.5% all juices STAR LONE Up off to 25% selected beverages when you book a function with us. selected $20 Beer Jugs* Margarita $15 Pitchers. MOBIL ANZAC AVE 2 x 500mL Lift Plus for $4 2-for-1 tickets on2-for-1 Wednesday night performances* GROOM ROOM Executive Cuts “The Tom Collins” for $30 instead of $45 PIZZA HELL Spend or more $20 and receive either free wedges, garlicbread, or 1.5L a drink* HOT YOGA 5 classes for $50* INCH BAR $1 off Emerson’s draught pints BIGGIES PIZZA $8 off any pizza purchase.* BOWLLINE 2 games of bowling for$15* THE CAPTAIN COOK HOTEL $10 for coffee and a Bacon Buttie, anytime 5pm before STUDIO TATTOO INK CORNERSTONE 10% off per hour THEATRE FORTUNE ALTO CAFE ALTO Pancakes or French Toast bacon w/ & banana Mon $10, – 11:30am – Fri, 7am
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10% off10% full-priced items, not in conjunction with any other offer, only available in store. AMAZON 30 Culture Music Interveiw Letter THIS IS YOUR from the HAVEN Music A Q + A WITH MARIE CELESTE LAWRENCE It is 11 May 2017. Tomorrow, an epic lineup of elec- CS set, but after that being able to continue running Editor tronic musicians will deliver their ambient, indus- them for free became hard. Artists need and de- trial, and techno beats to a dance-starved audience serve to be paid and having so little budget made at Dunedin’s artist run space, None Gallery. The it extremely difficult to coax people over here. So lineup includes UK techno producer, Ansome, and we do charge now, as low as possible, and we’ve sonic allies, Jaded Nineties Raver (J9R), Keepsakes, moved out of the green room and made Whammy’s There is something about the creative process Lumen Lux, and Back on Track. Partial Architecture, Backroom our home. James then had six months that remains amorphous to me. As I write this, a pop-up concert tour founded by Friendly of solid touring in Europe, which I joined him on Dunedin is in the midst of DWRF 2017 (Dunedin Potential co-conspirator and DJ, Simon Wallace, and it’s since coming back from Europe we’ve felt Writers & Readers Festival), a week that is all emerged with the sole purpose of supporting this even more compelled to continue Haven. about creative spirit and the power of the event, which forms part of Ansome, J9R, and written word. I stand on the awkward eve of Keepsakes’ NZ tour. Necessity is the mother Is there a creative philosophy that underpins explaining to a room of festivalgoers the mind of invention. Haven? that created the lyric. Some things can’t be Auckland-based J9R (a.k.a. Marie Celeste Several. The use of controllers has done great expressed in words. If I could explain through Lawrence) and Keepsakes (a.k.a. James Barrett) things in making DJing more accessible to people sound that dark, enigmatic, primal self that are promoters in their own right, curating spaces with varying reasons for wanting to throw parties. emerges somewhere between the lightbulb at the other end of the country under the moniker But a large part of Haven’s purpose is to run at an above the head and the final completed song, of Haven. Another project “born out of necessity”, international standard within our world of house I imagine it would resemble an ambient Haven is a regular club night currently located at and techno. We feel an important part of this is techno or experimental noise set, two genres Whammy Backroom. In two weeks time, Haven having artists who possess the ability to use the of music that are as mysterious to me as the will present the Auckland leg of the Ansome tour. industry standard equipment. So we only book process of building a song. Unsure where I will be in the country as the tour people who use turntables or cdjs and are inter- builds momentum, and wanting to know about ested in the skill and art of DJing in a club envi- This week, it’s all about the space between all of it, I caught up with Marie Celeste Lawrence ronment. While doing this we’re also hoping to the known and the unknown, and the powerful for a Q+A. encourage young electronic artists into learning creative minds who work within it. I catch up Thanks Marie, for offering us an insight into how to DJ properly. So I could say we’re trying to with Auckland-based DJ and promoter, Marie your creative ethos on the cusp of your NZ tour. be aspirational, but in an educational way. Celeste Lawrence (a.k.a. Jaded Nineties Raver) Our music policy errs on the harder edged side a few days out from a NZ tour with Keepsakes Can you tell me about the journey from Haven as of what’s coming out of Europe and the UK. It’s and UK techno producer Ansome. Renee a concept, to Haven nights becoming regular important to us that all people on the bill have the Barrance interviews Montreal-based sound events? experience to understand how to play a set relevant artist, Sasha Ford (a.k.a. Blankets), who re- Haven is run by myself, James Barrett, a.k.a. to their time slot and with thought to the artist cently appeared at Dunedin’s experimental Keepsakes, and UK based Tom McGuiness. Like they are supporting. We avoid booking hyped music festival, Lines of Flight. And Ihlara most projects I get into, it was born out of necessity. artists. There’s often too much focus on one or two McIndoe reconnects with the baroque beauty We were desperate for more challenging music in artists at any one time. It gets very boring for of Bach, classical ambience of Respighi, and a proper club environment and we felt a lot of other everyone, and I find the less hyped artists tend to transcendent potential of Mozart, channelled people out there were too. We started in secret, be infinitely more talented, at least in New Zealand through the DSO. didn’t advertise, and reached out to people directly anyway. that we didn’t really know but we thought might The crowd is important too. It’s not a place to —Bianca be into it. We ran them on Sunday afternoons with creep on people or harass the DJ with requests. We no door charge, within a large venue’s green room. will eject people if they are creating issue for any- Atmosphere was key. The room was full of smoke one. Most of all we want Haven to be an environ- and the entry to the space was so that no one quite ment where people of all identities and orientations knew where they were, in a liberating kind of way. can feel free, with music that excites them, con- We were lucky to get L.I.E.S. artist Terekke for siderate people around them, and without fear of the first one and then Kobosil, although that fell harassment. We want people that come primarily through to illness. We did a Shocking Pinks after- for the music and contribute to the atmosphere in party with their drummer Cory doing a Borrowed a positive way. Issue 12 | MAY 2017 31 - Culture Dunedin Symphony Orchestra Symphony Dunedin Basically Basically Baroque stage for Bach’s Concerto for Oboe D’Amore, which which D’Amore, Oboe for Concerto Bach’s for stage as double the concerto. as convincing equally was No. Symphony Mozart’s with finished concert The - per is movement fourth the which of 41, Jupiter, movements extraordinary one of most haps the - con the of end the at being Despite written. ever and finished maintained energy, its work the cert, that atstandard high same the concert the it started. Kicking off the first of the 2017 Matinee series on on series 2017 Matinee the of first the off Kicking Orchestra’s Symphony Dunedin April, 29 the So a hit. certainly was concert Baroque Basically into settle to a while orchestra an takes it often and Oboe was Violin for butBach, Concerto the get-go. the from right and enthralling precise Symphony Zealand of New virtuosity the Featuring and Orr, Robert Oboeist, Principal Orchestra’s and violinist, Daniel conductor based Tasmanian - par impressive, certainly was work the Kossov, orches the conducting was Kossov given ticularly a was Birds The Respighi’s violin. the from tra of music as twentieth in piece the fascinating itself, song into a bird incorporates centurycomposer high The setting. inspired century seventeenth violins, first the through represented flutterings, and of skill these the effective, particularly were the to returned Orr commended. be to is players by Ihlara McIndoe Ihlara by - These are all the reasons we do Haven. We’ve We’ve Haven. do we reasons the all are These got exciting things on the horizon and we feel feel and we things horizon on the got exciting an It’s doing. we’re what to committed and strong time us. for exciting by Bianca Prujean have here that are genuinely doing well overseas. overseas. doing well genuinely are that here have only and to continue residencies cling their to They surpass won’t confident feel they people with work time clubbing the over has meant which them, incredibly become to allowed been has atmosphere people. trickle The younger and to staid uninspiring don’t kids here younger of this has meant effect a or party dance a how understand really even the be leave should untilclubbing experience they with a scene difficult create to It’scountry. very under these exception talent of any circumstances. We all have our work cut out for us but the future’s future’s the but us for out cut work our have all We this within steeped issues The brighter. looking me un to dance music to are country’s attitude to I’d like though. level every almost on paralleled band very everything’s support, industry more see for of isolation a sense creates which focussed, more be guys older the see to I’d like artists. dance shown have DJs establishment the welcoming, do people we young few the towards support zero a special love for all of them. of all for love a special cusp on of the releasing are you buzz that I heard true? this Is music. me of Alphabet the End approached from Noel Yes, at set live first my play me seeing after bemused, bit a was he think I Chronophonium. from? come you did Where you? are “Who like was them,” have you as soon as recordings me Send on. early boost confidence me a great gave which this later available be to release, EP cassette an It’s in interested I’d be NZ in label only the It’s year. it. about happy I’m real so on releasing of on future final the any thoughts have Do you What music in or NZ internationally? electronic of!)? less (or of more see to like would you - sud we up, setting I was gallery art an for show and country the allround shows got offered denly years fun and hectic few a had We deal. a record of two to but globe band the dwindled the touring that 2009 in and involved got laptop a then and us Now now. until music made I haven’t me. for it was I as harder although and, terms own my on it’s a I lot don’t of cause shit muddle to through have at time, the of much I’m doing what know really saying In rules. any setting is else one no least being in people. I other bands love with Ithat love intense very form You it. of mentality gang the have people; I will these always with relationships accident, started a live party ‘til you die rave band band rave die you ‘til party a live started accident, fundraiser off one a during Born Out. Pig called - - I’ve never really DJed that much in public, only only public, in much that DJed really never I’ve I’m self-taught in everything I do. Jaded Nineties Nineties Jaded do. I everything in self-taught I’m Your project J9R is among the electronic artists artists J9R is among electronic project the Your In terms of these ideals to other aspects of my my of aspects other to ideals these of terms In joined The Shocking Pinks for a while then, by by then, a while for Pinks Shocking The joined back to NZ in 2004, started a post hardcore band, band, hardcore a post 2004, started in NZ to back and Three One G and it wasn’t until that point, early early point, that until wasn’t it G and One Three and I moved bands. in synth playing I started ’99, that sect of hardcore bands on Gravity Records, G.S.L. G.S.L. Records, Gravity on bands hardcore of sect discovered experimental bands such as Coil and and Coil as such bands experimental discovered particular a also very into I was scene. whole that to make the most of all that over there. But by ‘98 ‘98 by But there. over that all of most the make to I stale. become had it me, for over was techno Sativae, Basic Channel etc. and moved to London London to and etc. moved Channel Basic Sativae, fortable playing live. My love for dance music music dance for love My live. playing fortable Tresor, like labels into heavily ‘93. I was in began the odd experimental set. I tend to feel more com more feel to I tend set. experimental odd the which is changing everything for me. me. for is changingwhich everything weeks ago has been based around a Korg Electribe Electribe a Korg around ago has based been weeks now, synth Nord a have I but sampler, Volca a and Raver is a live hardware project that until a few a few until that project hardware a live is Raver or a mix of analogue and digital equipment? equipment? digital and analogue of a mix or vinyl/turntables, or controllers and DJ software, software, DJ and controllers or vinyl/turntables, performing at Haven Presents Ansome. When did Ansome. When did Presents at Haven performing with working by begin you Did DJing? start you effort to give us, and others on the fringe, a home. fringe, the on others and us, give to effort venue in the city who are consciously making an consciously are in who city the venue ent dimension to the start of the night. In regards regards In night. the of start the to dimension ent only the they’re as Whammy use we venues, to Ducklingmonster as she will bring a totally differ as will a she totally bring Ducklingmonster releases on Ansome’s label S.L.A.M. and we’re all all we’re and S.L.A.M. label Ansome’s on releases add to wanted We sense. makes it so friends Auckland playing techno this hard who has enough has enough who this hard techno playing Auckland James set, support a suitable off pull to experience on the line up as there isn’t really anyone else in in else anyone really isn’t there as up line the on ticular event? put had ourselves to basically we Ansome With - par this for artists the choose you did how and the scenes when curating a Haven show? What What show? a Haven curating when scenes the Haven, for artists selecting look when do for you an amazing lineup of artists from NZ and abroad anand NZ amazing abroad lineup from of artists music.What in goes on behind electronic working Whammy Backroom in Auckland, which includes includes in which Auckland, Backroom Whammy surprise myself. at Ansome presents Haven May 26th the On go through my own absurd inner terror and then then and terror inner absurd own my through go not to be overly precious about my output. I have output. about I have my precious benot overly to challenges, certain up to put myself to a tendency on I’m only more secure in myself and I’ve learnt learnt I’ve and myself in secure more I’m only on from a bit of imposter syndrome. But as time But goes syndrome. a bit of imposter from pletely shit or I wouldn’t continue with it. Creatively, or shit it. I wouldn’t with continue Creatively, pletely suffer totally can and myself on hard I’m pretty music and I’m accepting that it’s in the early stages stages musicand I’m it’s that accepting in early the - com it’s think I don’t Obviously development. of my first solo project after many years of not making making not of years many after project solo first my life, I definitely demand a certain standard of of standard a certain demand I definitely life, it’s J9R, but with yet there 100% feel I don’t myself. 32 Culture Art A Rainy Day Gallery Guide
Cold weather getting you down? Check out these hidden gems around campus for some art and culture to warm you right up.
De Beer Gallery Hocken Collections Special Collections 90 Anzac Ave For our first pick you don’t even have to leave the After his death in 1910, Dr T. M. Hocken donated library! Head on over to Special Collections on the over 4,000 items to kick off the Hocken Collections first floor, where intriguing exhibitions are always on Anzac Ave. Today, the Collections are an awe- open to the public. At the moment there’s 500 Years some resource for researchers and contain an On. Martin Luther and the Protestant Reformation, impressive art collection behind the scenes. a captivating wee show celebrating Martin Luther’s Exhibitions regularly cycle through the Hocken’s 1517 nailing of the 95 theses to the church door. It’s upstairs gallery space, and are usually free to the easy to get lost in the books and art retrieved from public. Freefall, an inspiring collection of interna- the depths of our library, and always worth a visit tional and New Zealand art and items, is showing whenever a new exhibition comes through. at the moment - free entry, and a fascinating way to spend an hour.
Otago Museum Dunedin School of Art Gallery 419 Great King Street Forth Street Across the road you’ll find the Otago Museum, For art that is exciting, vibrant, and often unex- currently looking majestic amongst its golden, pected, the Dunedin School of Art Gallery offers leafy surroundings. If you haven’t paid a visit to free public exhibitions year round. A fantastic this treasure trove then be sure to check it out range of artists exhibit here, working in mediums sometime. Alongside the Tropical Forest (the per- ranging from painting and photography to exper- fect spot for dreaming away the chilliness of May), imental video art. Get a glimpse of the awesome the museum contains amazing art and artefacts talent from our neighbouring tertiary establish- from a range of cultures. Art exhibitions and events ment. You might just leave inspired. regularly come through the museum, so it’s always worth a visit to see what’s new. by Monique
THE BLOGGS NICOLA JACKSON Culture 33 TV Series Film Get Out Chewing (2017)
directed by Jordan Peele Gum review by Laura Starling (episodes 1-3, 2015) rating created by Michaela Coel review by Saskia Bunce-Rath rating
Get Out is a recent, somewhat controversial, horror film. Chris Washington (Daniel Kaluuya) is a young black photographer accom- panying his new white girlfriend, Rose Armitage (Alison Williams), home to visit her parents. Early on Chris asks her if she had told her parents that he is black - obviously conscious of what they will think of him. She reassures him that they are not racist, and that everything I have… mixed feelings. On paper it all seems great, yet I quit watching will be fine. Once there, Chris meets her seemingly warm and wel- after three episodes due to the immense second hand embarrassment coming parents (Catherine Keener and Bradley Whitford). They have I got. Chewing Gum is a British comedy that frankly discusses sexuality, some bizarrely behaved black housekeepers, who Chris attempts to with a diverse cast, set on an estate in England. It’s written by and connect with but is immediately rebuffed. Upon finding out that Chris stars Michaela Coel, with the premise of the main character Tracey smokes, Rose’s parents urgently insist that he stops. Rose’s mother, escaping the religious indoctrination of her early years and discovering Missy, offers to hypnotise him into quitting, but Chris turns her down. herself in her 20s. The interactions with Rose’s family become increasingly uncomfortable Right off the bat Tracey just wants to get laid. She’s been with her as the film wears on. All is not as it appears to be with the Armitages. boyfriend for six years but he’s waiting for marriage and wants to There is something spectacular about watching a horror movie pray all day, obviously. Tracey recruits her friends for help on how to where the black character is not just an expendable victim in the seduce him, but is simultaneously experiencing an attraction to a opening scene, but a character whose story we actually follow and mysterious poet who lives on the estate. empathise with. Following the film’s release many viewers took it to Honestly I think this show was just too cringe inducing for me; I be a racist, anti-white film. It appears a lot of white viewers rejected spent 70% of my viewing experience with the laptop half closed and the idea of being portrayed as the villains of the film. This reaction is internally wincing. Yes, I know this is a comedy but I still wish they
particularly tragic seeing as this is one of the few horror films that had addressed the awkwardness of late bloomer sexuality with a little Issue 12 | MAY 2017 actually encourages the audience to empathise with a black character. more nuance - something that involved less of Tracey in her pyjama Consider the thousands of horror films, shows, and novels based pants climbing onto her love interest’s face and thrusting because entirely around the idea of ‘savages’. her friends told her to. It just feels a little like a missed opportunity to Without many scenes actively depicting horror, this film manages show, in a comedic context, the vulnerabilities of opening up to another to be consistently unsettling throughout, leaving the viewer unsure human after being closed off for so long. of what is going on and who to trust. The interactions with Rose’s I think it’s possible to have the comedy and the sincerity, and this family and friends become more and more unsettling. Each old white show leans very far towards the comedy. So if you want a lite™ person treats Chris bizarrely, in ways that can be mostly dismissed cringe-inducing comedy then this is great. I personally just wish there as micro aggressions. However, each moment slowly compounds, to had been a little more depth in the humour and characters. create an eerie atmosphere through the entire film. But I will say kudos though, because never on a TV show have I Jordan Peele’s directorial debut is impressive. Get Out is a ridiculously seen women humorously discussing the unrealistic expectations men good movie. It’s entertaining, unnerving and satisfying. I highly have of women from porn, “it’s fucking piss babes,” one woman yells recommend that everyone takes the time to see it. while complaining about how her boyfriend is convinced he’s going to make her squirt one day. And that’s how I’ll end this review, on the debate of whether squirting is piss. Enjoy! 34 Culture
Theatre The 2017 Capping Show
Dunedin transformed into Funedin this week for the opening night of the Capping Show, which Critic believes is the best one we’ve ever seen. If you’ve ever wanted to see a Nazi going through the letters of the alphabet while performing oral sex on a woman, you’re in luck. A friendless pair of new flatters find some old mushrooms in their flat and go on a wonderful journey with the Cat in the Cap through Funedin, which is just like Dunedin but more fun, more murdery, more time-travelly, and more offensive. University topics covered included the endless construction work on the campus grounds, the cuts to the humanities de- partments, and the Rob Roy dairy. Vice Chancellor Harlene Hayne was seen laughing all the way through the show, even at the sketches that were about her. The Sexytet and the Sextet were highlights as always. The Sexytet’s rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody, climaxing with “StephaNIE! StephaNIE! Will you do the damn dish-es?” on the Galileo bit was perfection. A pack of squids do a pun. Nuns get their rocks off vicariously through the sins of others. A Viking tries to order a drink. We’re sold denim, blouses, and cucumbers. Nobody is left unoffended, and everybody leaves happy.
Photography: Trevor Cokley (instagrm: @trevor_cokely, northernchasephoto.com) Culture 35 Games
Stardew Valley was released in 2016 and was welcomed way, only to have them ALL bluntly reject you. To add by the community with a hugely positive reception injury to insult, you’re then forced to watch everyone from both players and critics. It was another indie hit dance together in a cut scene while you sit in the corner created by a small team of one dude and I was excited like the weird, lonely, newcomer you are forced into to experience what it had to offer. And it delivered on thinking you are. everything the community had been raving about. After this ruthless bout of rejection, the only character Stardew Valley starts off simple. You get to name that I was determined to woo was this moody, emo, your farm, pick your clothes and choose a pet and then super hot, tiny pixelated dude called Sebastian. But I you’re all set! A tiny cut scene plays setting the tone of had no idea how to do that. I found myself just going the whole game. You leave your dead end job working into his house and standing at his door watching him for a sad, soulless supermarket franchise called JojaMart. play computer games. I would follow him outside at You move town and inherit your Grandfather’s farm to approximately 5pm, when he would go stand by the start a new, wholesome life in the country. There is so lake and smoke durries because he’s so misunderstood much to do in this game, the day to day watering of and just needs to clear his head, you know? For some plants, harvesting crops and planting fresh seeds is as reason, stalking the poor boy wasn’t working (weird), satisfying as FarmVille for Facebook was. You can until a quest came up on the tiny town square notice upgrade your house, complete side quests for townsfolk, board detailing how Sebastian wanted cauliflower. The meet a wizard, kill baddies in a cave. There is a lot to reward? “Sebastian will be happy”. Sign. Me. The. HECK. do. Funnily enough, I found myself doing hardly any of Up. After reading this, I finally understood. Gifts. Gifts this. As soon as I realised romance was an option I was are the way to every person’s heart. My cauliflower hooked and determined to meet the love of my life to quest was a success and I was rewarded with the sat- spend the rest of their days on Whittaker’s Farm with isfying dialogue “thanks, I like this”. After this, I pro- me (I was eating chocolate when I named my farm, ceeded to binge farm cauliflower like they were about very creative). to be eradicated from the earth. I was expecting a wholesome, lovely time, with a And then autumn happened. I didn’t know that all tone and feel similar to that of Animal Crossing. of your crops die with each season. I was distraught, Issue 12 | MAY 2017 Everyone will love me unconditionally, right? I’m the how would I express my love without cauliflower? In new person in town, everyone loves the new person, desperation I started my stalking again. I had no idea welcomes them with unconditional love? Wrong! I got what this dude likes besides cauliflower, what was I the opposite. I got a sweet taste of continuous harrowing supposed to do, google it? After repeated gift attempts rejection from almost everyone I met, and I loved it. I and relentless rejection dialogue of “…I hate this”, I finally have no idea what this says about my personality. In gave up on my quest for love and took to the cave to the first season (spring), you are invited to a dance that kill some monsters and deal with my heartbreak. What the whole town attends. Sounds like a good time right? kind of sick metaphor is this game? No matter how Meet some cool people, do some dancing. A fun. Chill. many cauliflowers you give someone, they will always Time. Once again, wrong! You don’t have enough time hate you? Stalking is terrible? Absolutely true actually. to have built a close enough relationship with someone Anyway, please play this game. Please also contact by this point in the game. So you subsequently ask me and tell me what food Sebastian likes apart from everyone there to dance, who are all moaning about cauliflower, thanks. how they wish they had someone to dance with by the Rating: 5 stomped on hearts out of 5. 36 Culture Food Homemade Potato Chips
by Liani Baylis
You know those days when the thought of putting out of kidding myself that they can’t be all that chips is that you probably have everything you a bra on to go get snacks cripples your very exis- bad (due to their not being deep fried), but the need in your kitchen already so you can make tence? Today is one of those days. Good god Uber quantity issue is still one that prevails. them right away. I’ve heard from friends that they eats would go off in this town! Alas, we don’t have When I say these chips are easy, you’ve really keep just like any other chip would, in an airtight it, nor does Countdown deliver one bag of kettle got no idea. The hardest bit is mustering up the container, however willpower is not one of my chips. No, we must venture out to get snacks or patience for them to dehydrate enough in the greatest virtues, so I wouldn’t know. go without—until now. microwave. When I think about it though, this is Snack away, just don’t eat them in the library The day I discovered how to make potato chips just a discredit to me and how impatient I really because they are actually crispy AF and people in the microwave was quite probably among the am. A supermarket run would take longer than will hate on you in a big way. best of my life. It was also, quite specifically, the these take to make from start to finish—no joke! lowlight of my dieting life. I get great satisfaction Another fab thing (among many) about these
For one potato’s worth of chips (per person)
Ingredients: 1 potato, thinly sliced 1/2 -1 teaspoon of salt (depending on your tastebuds) 1 teaspoon of paprika 1 teaspoon of oregano 1/2 teaspoon of garlic granules 1/2 teaspoon of chili (or less if you’re not a fan)
Method: 1. Slice potato 2. Combine dry ingredients 3. Shake together in a ziplock bag 4. Put on baking paper on a plate in a thin single layer 5. Microwave for 9 minutes and then 30 second intervals until crisp 6. Devour instantly
Note: Kumara also works perfectly, however when using it I’d recommend only adding salt because it’s so delicious on its own.
YOUR SATURDAY STARTS HERE... Seasonal, local, healthy Bacon Butties, & affordable Crepes, Gourmet Porridge, Every Saturday morning Detox Juices, & dunedin railway station Fresh Fruit & Vege www.otagofarmersmarket.co.. Issue 12 | MAY 2017 37 Culture - - - - - Waking up in the middle of the night, Mr. Cheong Cheong Mr. night, the of middle the in up Waking a dream. of because Simply reason? Her un an emotionally convinces this artist Basically I don’t blame the protagonist for quitting meat and and quitting for meat I don’t blame protagonist the (it While read it optimistic book isn’t to most the The book escalates quickly, and the final part called called part final the and quickly, escalates book The is surely this and writer is an amazing Kang Han while Han explained that at Kang publication its disturb and downright at times gruesome, Violent, The second part of the book titled ‘Mongolian Mark’ Mark’ ‘Mongolian titled book the of part second The took from the book was how really truly messed up up messed truly really how was book the from took are. beings human a tree. be to wanting a it with old nihilistic your despair), read trigger may graceful strong, for and an appreciation head level it. regret won’t you and writing stable Yeong-hye to pose for him (naked) as a model a model as (naked) him for pose to Yeong-hye stable like shaped birthmark an intriguing has she because her paints eventually He body. her on petal a flower sleeps then and scene, satisfying a visually in body (her wife his by discovered are two The her. with a mental in Yeong-hye puts immediately who sister) Nice. hospital. and enchanting mysterious is most the ‘Flaming Trees’ human with cru fascination The story. of the section mem family by expressed cruelty particularly elty, in peculiar incidents. and isintense bers, explored natural the and ones loved abusive on a focus is There us. of all in exists that cruelty human self for desire and guilt The book. graphic most her for is food choices relatable of daily because sabotage has been an eating people. damage The of meat most media by attention but more gained years for issue recently. and pop culture about questions human “harbouring was it she writing This innocence.” of (im)possibility and the violence seems it when section final the in easily seen be can characters certain are only not and lost is hope all doomed, but humanity is doomed. about questions human poses ing, Vegetarian The and prob other depression disorders, eating values, I idea overall the end the In society. todays in lems because she’s a dutiful little wife. Once you get over over get you Once wife. little a dutiful she’s because ‘me, book of me, me’, the moaning his misogynistic interesting. very gets throwing fridge, their through rifling his wife discovers of slabs cuts, expensive out, products meat their all up. stocked had they steaks glorified the all eel, artist an sister, Yeong-hye’s of husband the follows this it, of think to Come either. guy a great not and men. of selection best the provide doesn’t book
Winner of the Man Booker International Prize and and Prize International Man of the Booker Winner Written in three parts, it is quick and easy to get get to easy and quick is it parts, three in Written
Han Kang by goes on and on about how he never really had the hots hots the had really never he how about on and on goes that’s but ok how got married, they her when for on Mr. Cheong, a generic working man in South Korea. Korea. South in man working generic a Cheong, Mr. on hislife as simple it’s so describes complicated Cheong regarding Yeong-hye, his about wife and complains He way”. every in unremarkable “completely as her the Yi Sang Literary prize, this is Han Kang’s first book book first Kang’s Han is this prize, Literary Sang Yi the it. for grateful so oh I am and English in published be to focuses ‘The Vegetarian’ titled section first The through. Read this book and you’ll be put off meat for several several for meat off put be you’ll and book this Read world). the in thing worst the (not weeks by Jessica Thompson-Carr by The Vegetarian Vegetarian The Books 38 Columns
Unfortunately, teachers in New Zealand are not as well supported as they once were. As a country I think we must do more to better support and celebrate teaching. SCHOOLING—A WORLD A few weeks ago, I walked in the shoes of sup- port staff at Dunedin North Intermediate for the CLASS EDUCATION NZEI 'Support Success' campaign. I saw first-hand the consequences of National's decision to freeze support staff funding; children with very high needs are not receiving the level of support they should, and some children with special needs are David Clark not receiving any support at all. It’s not news that teacher aids make learning I’m proud of New Zealand’s history of educational into the college of education than it is to get into so much easier in the classroom for the limited achievement. Despite falling a few ranks in recent law or medical school. hours they are supplied. That is true both for those years, we still score well by international standards. In Finland, people respect teachers and seek to receiving the support directly, and for the remain- And many of us have taken up the opportunities ensure they have the best conditions to do what ing children in the class who have better access of further education. they do best: teach. Schools are well equipped with to their teacher. Our children and their educators Our slide down the rankings shows why we nurses and social workers to make sure kids are are bearing the brunt of this Government’s decision cannot take our success for granted. Finland leads ready to be educated. When children need further to cut support funding and freeze funding for public the world in education, but they have constantly support, there are staff on hand to readily complete skills. Those decisions affect all of us. innovated to maintain that success. They require all the necessary paperwork. Basically, the Education is the building blocks of opportunity. all teachers in schools to have a post-graduate learning needs of children are put first, and That’s why I’m so passionate about making sure qualification, and they also ensure that they cel- that means supporting teachers in whatever every child receives a world-class education at ebrate their teachers in a way that we don’t always way is required. their local school. To unlock this opportunity, we in New Zealand. In Finland, teaching and teachers We all remember our schooling well, especially must work alongside teachers to ensure they are are held in such high regard that it is harder to get the teachers that made a real difference in our lives. supported to do the best job they know they can do. CreatorCreator Design an OTAGO inspired ? coffee machine wrap, get voted as the winning design & receive a
Entries close Friday June 16th 2017. $1000 CARD. PREZZY Check out out FACEBOOK PAGE for more details on how to entrer or GRAB A FLYER from the cafe. Issue 12 | MAY 2017 39 Columns J.D.R.B.D FOR RENT FOR room renting–a a view–with room for one sleep to room slept two but slept then not three make to sure make to slept. one no HOME love, my I met Before farting myself picture not I could I also fucked. someone of front In Brighid Morgan Poetry Corner ------lity a E alia u r q t t Aus C
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The race is on to create a 3D printer a 3D printer create to on is race The The applications of 3D printing of 3D applications The printing The University of Otago of Otago University The In recent weeks we’ve seen tre seen we’ve weeks recent In It got me thinking: if you can print print can you if thinking: me got It MARS the first ever printer that was able to to able was that printer ever first the conditions. gravity function in zero called Made In Space Inc. designed Inc. designed Madecalled In Space - A collabo Earth. beyond far extend and a company NASA between ration other things. things. other and topographic relief maps, among maps, among relief and topographic molecular structures synthesised at at synthesised molecularstructures models, fossil Otago, of University the battery covers, mounting brackets, mounting brackets, covers, battery custom-designed equipment, for equipment, for custom-designed replacement stands, iPad example a 3D printer which they say has been been has say they which a 3D printer and parts replacement print to used Information Technology Service has has Service Technology Information made of glass, and rocket motors. motors. andmade rocket of glass, cars, houses on Mars, tiny pretzels pretzels tiny Mars, on houses cars, world, including satellite parts in in parts including satellite world, electric eyes, clothing, braces, space, mendous progress in 3D the printing mendous progress what else can you do with a 3D 3D a with do you can else what printer? functioning ovaries for a mouse, a mouse, for functioning ovaries mouse who subsequently gave birth birth gave subsequently who mouse pups. young some to used a 3D-printer to print artificial artificial print to a 3D-printer used a into them implanted ovaries, In just the last few days, scientists scientists days, few last In just the by Joe Higham by
3D PRINTING & OUR OUR & PRINTING 3D UPCOMING VISIT TO TO VISIT UPCOMING Science 40 Columns Mystery Object Hunt May 22-28 HUNT FOR THE DAY OF THE DAY at the Otago Museum It’s a special week of special days. Here’s what’s worth celebrating this week: CLUES:
Historically it was believed 22 MAY (MONDAY)—SHERLOCK HOLMES to be a bad omen DAY, ACCOUNTING DAY, GOTH DAY Never have three such concepts come together. Get out the eyeliner, the Netflix, and your tax returns This specimen contains dirt, because it’s gonna be wild. horsehair, and excrement
location clue 23 MAY (TUESDAY)—TURTLE DAY Flat cat? Wrong. Flat turtle? Yes! Turtle day is here, but This specimen is so rare it is we recommend paying attention to your favourite sometimes thought to be a reptile more than just one day of the year, or it will cryptid, or mythical creature definitely perish. the Animal Attic 24 MAY (WEDNESDAY)—TIARA DAY An occasion for the queenly: Tiara Day! Ideally stick GO TO THE OTAGO MUSEUM TO SOLVE with the $2 shop versions or you’ll find that you are SEND YOUR ANSWER TO [email protected] very much broke, and still not a princess. FIRST CORRECT ANSWER WINS A DOUBLE PASS TO: 25 MAY (THURSDAY)—TOWEL DAY Towel Day is a tribute to Douglas Adams requiring you DISCOVERY bring a towel with you everywhere you go. Preferably PERPETUAL WORLD don’t wear a towel, as I might get in trouble. It’s also OR GUARDIAN TROPICAL Wine Day (a US celebration I’m adopting) and Geek PLANETARIUM FOREST Pride Day today, so promote the drunken geek culture appropriately.
26 MAY (FRIDAY)—DRACULA DAY If you still have your outfit from Goth Day then you’re The packaging says it in luck. Today is Dracula Day and the two cross over is a balanced blend in many black-features and white-complexion ways. of dairy, egg, and Also, every Friday lunchtime, 12-2pm, top floor Clubs soya powders with vi- and Socs, you’ll find people dancing the Lindy Hop; tamins and minerals. the perfect way to celebrate World Lindy Hop Day!
27 MAY (SATURDAY)—CELLOPHANE TAPE DAY It was vanilla I never thought I’d say it… there’s really nothing special LAST WEEK’S MYSTERY OBJECT flavoured. One is about today. Perhaps we could celebrate Cellophane advised to store it in was a 1kg tin of high energy, Tape Day with the Americans? low-fat formula for Athletic a cool dry place. This Build Gainers. tin was purchased as a prop in 1996. 28 MAY (SUNDAY)—AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL DAY Amnesty International Day! Educate yourself about the various people we share this planet with and be conscious of their rights as fellow human beings. CONGRATULATIONS Max Bradfield-Watson FOR
IMAGES SUPPLIED BY THE OTAGO MUSEUM OTAGO THE BY SUPPLIED IMAGES FINDING THE TIN OF ENERGY FORMULA. YOU ARE GOING TO DISCOVERY WORLD TROPICAL FOREST! Issue 12 | MAY 2017 41 Columns Burn Mackenzie will tear your insides apart, apart, insides your will tear Mackenzie Burn brown-coloured hand sanitiser ironically. Then Then ironically. hand sanitiser brown-coloured times, a couple up throw drunk, really get you throw bread, garlic some friends, eat your annoy it up a out again, big with goofy smile and on pass face. your and emotional pain, and physical great you cause But performance. sexual your ruin completely up thumbs a gets it $36, costs only it because me. from $1.12 Dollars/Standard: 3/10 Rating: Taste Level: Froth own against your Voting independence notes: Tasting oak, Hints of pineapple, linseed, and regret with: well Pairs But not a good Steak. deserve This doesn’t steak. table be on the same to that actually food as any good. tastes - - - -
A night on Burn MacKenzie will put you through through will put MacKenzie you A on night Burn As is traditional with a $36 bottle of scotch, I I scotch, of bottle a $36 with traditional is As liquor,cleans it felt scorching that When Idrank it makes in lacks taste, Mackenzie What Burn a number of emotional stages. You’ll begin with a a with begin You’ll stages. emotional of number a because you, scare will sip first That dread. of sense litre a whole have you know andit’s you horrible your start you As despair. comes Then bag. your in in wrong went you where wonder you glass third which acceptance, comes Then end uplife here. to you’ve that realise You way. perverse a in freeing is so anyway, happen gonna it’s and far this come everything. with board on get well as may you be can everything point, this reached you’ve Once about it yourself a with laugh have quite fun. You drinking you’re like almost it’s and all drank it hot and out of plastic cups. There’s some it hot anddrank cups. There’s outof plastic about scene, sad sadistic that thing satisfyingly rela of self-sabotaging symbiotic the symbolic drink. the with Itionship have be would me of inside darkness the all Like ing. going poison horrible the by destroyed throat. my down Eventually drinks. standard of a fuckton in for up me enabled L&P, which with it mixed and in I gave time. less way in cells brain more way kill to a can of paint thinner, and the look of disappoint of look the and thinner, paint of a can eyes. father’s my in ment
Burn Mackenzie is a great winter warmer in the in the warmer winter is a Mackenzie great Burn MACKENZIE your flat. It fucking hurts. It burns like a hot stove, stove, a hot like burns It hurts. fucking It flat. your same way that a house fire is a great way to heat heat to way a great is fire a house that way same and bought the cheapest bottle in the store. in bottle store. the and cheapest bought the getting into the colder months and whisky can can and months whisky colder the getting into advice her I took So warmer. winter a great make According to the nice lady at Leith Liquor, we’re we’re Liquor, Leith at lady nice the to According
by Swilliam Shakesbeer Swilliam by BURN BURN Drinking 42 Columns Ethel & Hyde Dear Ethel and Hyde, I’ve been having some flatting trou- ble. At first, I thought maybe I was overreacting, or that the stress of university was just hitting me a little Ethel says: Hyde says: bit hard. Then I started to keep track Your flatmate’s a bully, and like all bullies wants to Biting through that bitches view could end up working of things that were happening, and get a rise out of you to feel powerful and in control. out for you. Bringing her down a peg or two is what realised it wasn’t all in my head. One Some of the worst things a bully can do are turn a I’m gonna get you to do. (I’ve been drinkin’ rappin of my flatmates is always very rude, group against you and undermine your confidence, juice, hopin’ you can feel da tune.) Bullies feed on and sometimes downright aggres- but it can be reversed! Consciously avoid their bait by makin’ you blue, eatin up all your super cool, so let’s sive, to me all the time and in lots of not reacting as they’re expecting you to. Although it turn the tide by pushin’ her down the reality slide. different ways. The other flatmates may feel very personal, the bullying you are experi- Turn her behaviours back around, by namin’ them seem too scared to stand up to her, encing is a reflection of their insecurities and actually and shamin’ them – Yo, bitch, you mean to be that and often I feel like the whole flat is has nothing to do with you. Being brave and standing rude? Cos I’m thinking maybe your soul is sad and against me, even though I know this up to the bully in a careful and considered way is often you’re hopin’ it’ll feel better if you act mad. But you is not true because if she isn’t there the only and best way forward. To help this go smoothly got to know I ain’t bad, it’s just your sad eye view it is very different. My family are it’s important to prepare for the encounter by scripting obscuring you from seeing what’s true, which is that worried for me because they can see yourself. You need to be rational, not emotional when I ain’t affected by your shit, in fact I’m just sick of the I am getting more and more down. I you speak with them to avoid getting pulled into their smell of it. Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Can’t don’t like going home now, but I don’t irrational, warped world. Thirdly, be specific when touch this. want to move either. talking about what they’ve done. If you need support Any advice? to set up this new way of dealing with them, come and Ethel and Hyde is brought to you by the Student Respectfully, see an advocate at OUSA Student Support on Ethel Support Centre. They advise you to take Ethel’s advice. Sunshine and Daisies Benjamin Place. ➥Send your questions to:[email protected]
I have worked at Dunedin’s famous Cadbury Factory for four years I later inform David that it must have been someone playing a and it has been a blast. Cheap chocolate has its benefits on a prank. “Last day and all that,” I shrug. squally Dunedin day, and I’m sad to see this job go. The people The day passes without fault. The factory is full on busy for its here have been great comrades and we have had many a laugh last day open to the public; almost all of the chocolate bars in the gift over the years. shop are gone. Tours come and tours leave, and, before I know it, it is However, as I walk through those purple doors for what will be the three, and we’re closing. last time, it isn’t laughter that welcomes me, but one lonely, distant My boss, Amanda, hands me a goodbye-goodie bag on my way out. scream. David, one of the more chipper tour guides, stands beside the “We made these this morning,” she informs me. “Enjoy that chocolate Cocoa Tunnel, watching me with wide eyes. He definitely heard it too. before Aus decides to slab vegemite in it.” He tells me that this is the third scream he has heard this morning. I get home, peeling the wrapper off a Jaffa chocolate bar. Yum. I take “I’m sure it’s nothing.” I stride towards the movie room. It is 8:43am the first bite and enjoy the flavour of chocolate and orange and… what and the factory doesn’t open for nearly fifteen minutes: a premium is that? It tastes a little tangy… kind of rusty… I chew it around my mouth amount of time for sleuthing. a little longer, trying to decide what it is that’s different about it. I think I’m not scared, but I snag a hammer from a tool box that sits beside of Amanda’s marmite joke and wonder if he said it on purpose. the loading bay, just in case. I stride forward confidently as I approach Then my tooth bites into something hard. I curse, yanking the choc- the factory, trying to appear calm, cool and collected. olate out of my mouth and spitting its contents into a tissue. The I worry that some kid has intruded and fallen into the chocolate falls, chocolate is less brown than I had anticipated, and more red. And what and bite my lip. What if they’re drowning in chocolate right now? is this lumpy thing? I wipe away chocolate as its shape becomes I quicken my pace and barge into the room with the chocolate fall. familiar. How did a tooth get in there? I dig through the goodie There are no children drowning in its depths. There is, however, bag for another and snap it open. Red goo seeps forth from within. our janitor, Todd, waving at me from behind his mop. I have always Soon my hands are covered in the stuff. found Todd creepy, but I wave back politely. It is only then that I remember the screaming. Columns 43
Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic. co.nz. But be warned—if you dine on the free food Cookin’ Up and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will write one under your name. And that won’t end well for you. Love
Posh Becks
I think that I am a person that people wouldn’t normally expect to go After sadly drinking a box of Flamès by myself, while playing Don on blind dates. Honestly, I love the idea and I love being set up, but I Bradman Cricket, I foolishly looked at the time to see that my date am always a bit off the mark in preparation. I didn’t pregame as hard was to start in twenty minutes and I hadn’t yet showered or left the as I should have. And the bartender couldn’t make an Old Fashioned. house. I washed, put two pairs of socks on and got the chick I had been And I got there first. I hadn’t been too nervous before, but the night unsuccessfully spading for the last two months to drop me off. I arrived, seemed like it wasn’t off to a great start, so I nabbed a stout and sat quietly pissed, five minutes late and found my date already waiting down to wait. Yes, I got there first, but he wasn’t that far behind me. for me. The words of a drunken text I sent to my flatmates would be When he sat down, I didn’t know quite what to think or expect, but I the best way to describe this girl: “Hot.21.awmefian. Going to slam.” try to stray from relying on first impressions. Unfortunately I found out that failing to produce urine before leaving Surprisingly, he ordered the beer that I got. Disappointingly, he the house was a poor idea and that much liquid has to come out at didn’t like it. Perhaps because he had been sipping on some Flames. some point. Making the foolish mistake of wearing beige pants and But, even before we downed the beers, the conversation was rolling having poor aim, I spent most of the night hiding the fact that I had pretty well and stayed that way with few, if any, awkward pauses. pissed on my pants. Whether or not she noticed this is still a mystery Quickly I knew he was a nice guy, funny, a good sport about the whole to me. Memory began to fade from this point onward. I remember thing, and most definitely a drinker (who was ready to keep rolling conversation was good and that she was hot, but a lot else is a bit of on his tax refund—a chivalrous offer in itself). Early on in the course a blur. After deciding to get a doggy bag the rest of our feed we gapped of conversation I could tell that we were quite different in interests, it back to mine. We unsuccessfully tried to convince my flatmates that maturity, etc. However, we got to know each other pretty well and he she was Spanish and spoke no English and ended up cracking open may have shattered his Prosecco glass in the booth; I did take part of a cheeky Flamè. To my flatmates disbelieve I appeared to be in, ready it as a memento. to seal the deal. But that’s when it went downhill. To my disgust she We ordered a bit late. The food was fantastic, but I did have to take tried to convince the flat that dark beer was much better and I sub- a doggy bag, which made an even better breakfast. Then, however, sequently decided to kick her out of my house. Any chick that thinks we left pretty early to go meet his flat. I am a good sport, so when he that needs their head read. She left, citing a Māori test the next morning wanted to pretend I couldn’t speak any English and that the night had as her excuse and I decide to go and spade the chick who dropped me
gone terribly I played along for about a cool minute before feeling too off. But after finding her door locked and the sounds of pleasure that Issue 12 | MAY 2017 awkward to continue and settling into some normal conversation. I couldn’t offer coming from her room, I decided to finish off my box Alas, I headed back early with nothing exciting to report between and do the only reasonable thing; make the most of $2 pies at night me and my date, though things got a bit cheeky later on with a good and day. The night was coming to a close and I decided to make the friend of mine. I swear that I did actually have an exam the next lonely walk home, all the while attempting to finesse freshers via morning! My date was a lovely guy and would likely be a fantastic multiple social media platforms. In the end the night finished when I drinking buddy! did; who needs a girl to do it for you anyway? Cheers Critic, you gave me a chance and I let you down.
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words Mel Ansell, illustration Axel Graham-Wiggins
A 600-leg creature hulked with its head in Refuel, trying to get warm. Its many protuberances waved drunkenly. We had planned to arrive early to Pint Night, but, after I found my shoes and my flatmate Selena found her ID, it was 9:15pm. One obligatory, but slightly panicked, pre-pint party to Lil Wayne later and we were on our way. As we approached, we saw that a Big Mistake had been made. The Line would be at least an hour’s wait. We knew that by the time we got to the front we would be sober enough to teach a St Margs tutorial. “Do ya think maybe we should just head home?” Selena asked, feebly, as the Line groaned and shivered its tail behind her. “Maybe just wait ten or fifteen minutes and see how far we get?” I said, uncertain with my own level of conviction. The Line eyed us beadily, with arms folded, as though our indecision re- flected badly on them, as though they would happily trudge a ten-mile line through the desert if the oasis of Pint Night waited for them. A less indecisive hoard hustled in behind us, thirsty for the drinks. We were consumed by the end of the Line and resigned to our fate. A farmer from the Deep South would not have felt out of place, considering the levels of plaid shirts, dad denim, and overalls. The Line had essentially devoured Mac Demarco and stolen his wardrobe. Considering that the sun was a rarity during the day, let alone in the freezing night, the hat ratio was unnaturally high. There were also high levels of Thrasher shirts. We entered the line behind a man with luscious hair, who was loudly an- nouncing to adoring friends that he had already received three 'Wats up?’ texts from girls, even though it was only 9:30. Though his hair was shampoo ad worthy from the back, upon rotation it was apparent he sported a raging mullet. Selena deemed this “a look”, I was not so confident. He pulled a So-Go from his pockets, opened it with his mouth and smashed the entire can. He then pro- ceeded to open his belt and fly and pull out a large flask. "You want some?” he asked, flapping the flask in our direction. Selena got disturbingly close to my ear—“He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of,” she hissed. I was unclear on her level of sarcasm. We were now twenty minutes into the line. I was starting to feel about as sober as a police officer shutting down a ski club party. At this point it dawned on me that my toes were cold, that Refuel never played good music anyway, and that I could have stayed at home and had a perfectly nice evening not getting el- bowed in the face. I wasn’t raised a quitter though, and we were almost halfway Fiction 45
down the line. Against my better judgement, I took several hearty swigs from the crotch flask and so did Selena. The alcohol was sunk and so was the cost. There was no backing down now. Deep in the belly of the line, it was time to get serious. We began to police the line with enthusiasm. Those who began to sidle up and slip into the line with friends were given an enthusiastic verbal beat down. We told them they looked like Justin Bieber and asked if their mothers knew they had no manners. We ripped off their caps and tossed them enthusias- tically like frisbees, scattering the enemy. We hardened the Line’s ranks, batting away intruders with absolute seriousness. Selena was enmeshed, deep in the mullet dude’s philosophy. “I mean, there’s a certain point at which you realise you’re just an animal, you know. That’s what’s so wonderful about being young. You can drink and fart and fuck, and no-one really judges you. Or no-one that important anyway.” It was a blessing to perceive that, at the 40-minute mark, we were drawing in on the barrier, the last and most vicious part of the journey. I even began to hear music over the wails and squawks of the Line’s later stages, which were noticeably devolving. As the creature grew closer to its prize, it began to un- dulate even more enthusiastically. The music was beginning to charm me. The pushing around me became just inspiration for my dance moves. I was begin- ning to feel the power of the mullet’s mystery crotch liquid move through me. Selena was holding her ID between her nose and upper lip, giving her a moustache with an image of herself on it. The mullet dude was talking earnestly to her, as she just nodded along. “Adults are bull-shit man. The cars, the job with the big desk, the house and the mortgage. The pretending to have it together all the time. I don’t think Issue 12 | MAY 2017 I want it, but eventually everybody’s going to start pretending they do. Then I think, I think I will too. It’s bullshit man, absolute ape-shit.” Selena was nodding hard, almost dislodging her ID. They were leaning in very close now, the guy’s mullet touching Selena’s shoulder. “I don’t know dude, I’m just enjoying my life right now, because who knows what could happen tomorrow, you know?” “Totally, totally.” Selena said enthusiastically, eyes glistening. We had reached the head of the line. “Do you want to just bounce?” said the mullet succinctly to Selena. “Nah, dude.” said Selena, as she handed over her ID and we were swal- lowed up by the mouth of Refuel. We skipped down the into the dragon's den, in search of some liquid gold. 46 Culture Vitalogy
Tender Feet and Offensive Odour Persons subject to foetid perspiration of the feet should apply a bay-rum or whiskey with friction until a genial glow of warmth follows. The majority of people pay little attention to the clean- liness of the feet, and yet any square inch of the sole of the foot demands cleanliness, perfect cleanliness, more than any square foot of surface of the body, as far as health is concerned, because the “pores” are much larger there than anywhere else; so large, indeed, that they may be called “sluices” for carrying away the impurities of the system. Hence the bottom of the feet should be well washed and well rubbed every day.
Night-Sweats QUICK FIXES The night-sweats of consumption are often modified and some- FOR MINOR AILMENTS times removed by rubbing hog’s lard into the skin every night, if sleeping in the same woollen night-shirt, which becomes impreg- nated with the oil. Gum-Boil (Abscessus Alveolaris) This is a small abscess commencing in the socket of a tooth and bursting through the gum or even through the cheek. A cold may excite inflammation of the covering of the teeth, the diseased products of which are thus discharged. It may burst in the mouth, or even penetrate the cheek. The sufferings are sometimes great, worse at night, and incessant till swelling has taken place. Treatment - The application of a roasted fig, as hot as can be borne, to the inflamed gum, will speedily give relief.
Hiccough (Singultus) The hiccough is a spasmodic or convulsive affection of the stomach and midriff, arising from any cause that irritates their nervous fibres. Treatment - It may be relieved generally by a sudden fright or surprise, or any sudden application of cold; also by drinking cold water slowly, eating a small piece of ice, taking a pinch of snuff, or anything that excites coughing. Ice cream will accomplish the same purpose.
Nervous sick headache Predisposing Causes - A peculiar nervous temperament, which is often hereditary and runs in families. It can be caused by the exces- sive use of tea and coffee, breathing sewage-gas, or a strong wind. Symptoms include giddiness, swimming in the head, and stupefy- ing, agonising, or deeply-seated headache. Treatment - Abandon the use of all exciting drinks. Soak the feet thoroughly in hot mustard. Take fifteen grains of bromide of potash in one half glass of water, and relief is generally afforded.
*This information was taken from Vitalogy, a real medical book published in 1923. This column is for entertainment only and should not be taken as advice by anyone, ever.
with New Zealand’s #DreamExploreConnect Ultimat Yout Trave Car www.yha.co.nz President’s Column
Hey team, Hope all is well and everyone is gearing up for their we have a clear mandate that will make it easier upcoming exams! to communicate the wishes of the students to the University when making their decisions. Today, (for those who read this on Monday) OUSA will hold its forum for the upcoming Referendum with So be sure to get out there and head along to our voting set to begin on the 29th of May. The forum is forum today and ask questions as to the pro’s and the opportunity for you, the student body to ask any con’s of having CCTV cameras on campus. questions about the Referendum. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in the lead in to This year’s forum, and referendum are potentially your exams! more important given the question of whether or not Cheers, OUSA should support CCTV cameras in the residential Hugh Baird areas surrounding campus. It’s vitally important OUSA President that you vote in this upcoming referendum so that [email protected]
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