Why Love Hurts: a Sociological Explanation PDF Book

WHY LOVE HURTS: A SOCIOLOGICAL EXPLANATION PDF, EPUB, EBOOK

About Eva Illouz. Nowadays, we shy away from assigning blame in others because it would cause us to appear judgemental, but in fact, this separation of ethics and the realm of dating and relationships is what's harmful. All this is interspersed with cursory interruptions from the heavy hitters in sociology, critical theory, gender studies and psychoanalysis: from Durkheim and Marx to Firestone and Freud. Art, Lit and Film. With friends we spend a great deal of time reflecting on relationships, agonising over mistakes and hoping new relationships will avoid past errors. There is also no talk about homosexual relationships in the book meaning a good chunk society is left out, however what is covered is well done and informative. A must read. Illouz writes in the epilogue about how she isn't suggesting that love hurts more now than before, or that it was better before, just that it was different. Nov 27, Colleen rated it really liked it. Jul 04, Dr. It's an ongoing project. Refresh and try again. The intersection of the social and the individual is the foundation of sociological study. Illouz's point seems to be that our sociological context and expectations shape how "love" feels and manifests itself in our lives. Gender differences are partially shaped by society. Open Preview See a Problem? She is Bezalel's first woman president. The data is western upper class people, so don't go expecting anything else. Ambivalence is not intrinsic to the psyche but is a property of the institutions that organize our lives. What do his neighbors and family say about him? These sources provide fertile ground from which she draws together and develops historical, sociological, psychological and cultural studies perspectives to illustrate and advance her points. It will also be of great interest to students and scholars in sociology, gender studies and the social sciences and humanities generally. Think carefully before you venture along that road. Ten times. Pre-Modern relationship experience was tightly governed by a clear system of signs which codified and ritualised signs of feeling. Other editions. A significant characteristic of late modernity is how it has incorporated and re-produced sexual diversity. The psychological persuasion has transformed what was classified as a moral problem into a disease and may thus be understood as part and parcel of the broader phenomenon of the medicalization of social life. Keep in mind the approach is overly critical and takes a glass half empty look at modern love as it's focused on the 'hurts' side of things. Why Love Hurts: A Sociological Explanation Writer

She refers to many works of classical literture and philosphy, which is an additional plus in my book. Mutually beneficial behavior and relationships with real commitment. This book illuminated what I already knew to be true but had not previously considered: Modern love the emotion is not a purely emotional experience. It seems like a case of convergent evolution to me. The samples from which men and women choose a partner, the modes of evaluating prospective partners, the very importance of choice and autonomy and what people imagine to be the spectrum of their choices: all these aspects of choice have transformed the very core of the will, how we want a partner, the sense of worth bestowed by relationships, and the organization of desire. If you have the patience, you'll find some pearls "Love is more than a cultural idea; it is a social foundation for the self. It's strangely comforting to have confirmation that the intuitive or instinctive feelings one feels in, or about, relationships - as well as personal preferences, are actually choices enabled by culturally determined value Hard slog for a non-academic reader like me , but fascinating interrogation of the cultural, economic structures or underpinnings behind 'modern' interpersonal love relationships, using an analysis of relationships as delineated in pre-modern literature as a reference point. Now what? Socio economic status boost. Get A Copy. To accept cookies, click continue. Excellently researches and written. Wide pool of selection. Nov 13, Patricia L. Apr 27, Chayong rated it really liked it. Plus side 2: Pleasant deconstruction of the 'love yourself' and other psychoanalytical advice crap. Showing Ambivalence is not intrinsic to the psyche but is a property of the institutions that organize our lives. Sort order. This book is ambitious and it has flaws, but it is still the most critical, comprehensive, and insightful piece of work I have found on the subject. Tobias Christian Fischer rated it really liked it. This can be especially problematic for women who still want to marry and raise a family especially in a society that still tells women that this is a sign of success who end up being with men who know they have a variety of choices to choose from. View 1 comment. Already registered or a current subscriber? Share on twitter Share on facebook Share on linkedin Share on whatsapp Share on mail. There are many fine qualities to commend this book and it is highly readable; but there also some significant problems with the underlying argument and the way that it is advanced. There is also no talk about homosexual relationships in the book meaning a good chunk society is left out, however what is covered is well done and informative. Register to continue Get a month's unlimited access to THE content online. May 31, Monica rated it liked it. She concludes that, for all we've gained, we've lost a lot as well. This scholarly work takes a look at the inter workings of both men and women in relationships in order to form ideas on what makes us difference,and how that winds up hurting us in the long run. Do I really want to spend my life with him? Men hold the upper hand in the romantic sphere. We all too easily locate failed love lives in private histories. What's particularly interesting to me is how Illouz's conclusions l Here a sociologist and feminist deconstructs why so many people are so obsessed with romantic love, and so depressed and insecure when disappointment ensues. Yet while men have become commitment-phobic, self-centred and sex-seeking, and more women have careers, women still seek intimacy and exclusivity in heterosexual romantic relationships. Would you like to change to the site? Psychoanalysis and popular psychology have succeeded spectacularly in convincing us that individuals bear responsibility for the misery of their romantic and erotic lives. Original Title. Why Love Hurts: A Sociological Explanation Reviews

You know the saying: There's no time like the present His love gave my life meaning. Would you like to change to the site? Women and men often have contradictory agendas and the search for love is becoming increasingly rationalized through the advent of internet dating. Of course, this is also a market dynamic. This book took an entire 3 stages of quarantine, it was annoyingly wordy and academic. Few of us have been spared the agonies of intimate relationships. The book has strong emphasis on women in larger cities, and is focused on the middle and upper class. Jan 18, Emily Jusuf rated it it was amazing Shelves: basically-me , required-reading , favorites , non-fiction. I mean I don't know the research but I'm guessing that sociologists aren't keen on the "men have many options" explanation of non-committal relations. My husband, who loved me dearly, died almost three years ago. Seen and loved for who they are. If you have the patience, you'll find some pearls "Love is more than a cultural idea; it is a social foundation for the self. It could be suggested also that much of therapy, self-help, and coaching culture can be reduced to cultural techniques to monitor choice and make decisions in an increasingly volatile market of possibilities. Art, Lit and Film. The rules of emotional engagement may remain highly structured but the conditions within which choices are made have changed significantly. A professor of sociology at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem, Eva Illouz says she came to the subject aged 21 through an interest in love and its relationship to class, money, literacy and culture. She suggests that the individual navigates their way through complex social structures and institutions which frame the rules around and cultural rituals of love, drawing on the resources which they have personally accumulated. In other words, men gain more social currency by having more sexual partners for as long as possible whereas women gain social currency by creating families. Find this book:. In that sense, one overarching theme of her work can be called So i'll just put it here when we publish it.

Why Love Hurts: A Sociological Explanation Read Online Jan 11, Johanna rated it it was ok. Its observations and causality are suspect. This means that the book will be rather dry, and long-winded for those not looking for the academic approach to explain why they get hurt in relationships. The samples from which men and women choose a partner, the modes of evaluating prospective partners, the very importance of choice and autonomy and what people imagine to be the spectrum of their choices: all these aspects of choice have transformed the very core of the will, how we want a partner, the sense of worth bestowed by relationships, and the organization of desire. Sign in now. It however is an interesting read for those interested sociological field, or those who want to widen their academic knowledge. A significant characteristic of late modernity is how it has incorporated and re-produced sexual diversity. She concludes that, for all we've gained, we've lost a lot as well. With the emergence of such a market comes a caveat; there is an enormous amount of room for personal choice now. Illouz does a fantastic job of comparing the ideas of love and marriage in the past to the modern ideas we as a society have now towards the subjects. I loved it - first and foremost, how beautifully it proves that you can approach less traditional themes in the realm of science and still do so every bit as seriously as when male academics discuss the more cold themes of migration, digitalization, class tensions, and whatnot. More filters. If a woman expresses neediness, anxieties, desire for closeness, then forget it, the man will just not be there. She refers to many works of classical lit A great book that shows changes in the conceptualization of love - the way it was portrayed and thus experienced in the nineteenth century and in post modernity - although the author doesn't use the term postmodernity, only modernity which I find confusing. You'll need to wash it down with a weekend in nature. Her favourite pastimes are reading a good book aloud to her sons at the dinner table, reading a good book alone in her bedroom and talking about a good book with friends, again at the dinner table. Illouz contrasts the social structure of Jane Austen with Internet forum talk of today she has a gift for zeroing in on telling online snippets and a soft spot for the New York Times's Modern Love column. For those in her target audience, namely heterosexual Western women, Illouz hopes to offer a compelling account of how suffering in love has come to be internalized as personal failure. Eva Illouz. Illouz describes her research as being heteronormative. Published June 5th by Polity Press first published The pre-modern times were actually spot-on in assigning blame on the partner who left or broke promises or behaved in a dishonorable manner. So whether in the realm of production or that of consumption, emotions have been actively mobilized, solicited and shaped by economic forces, thus making modern people simultaneously emotional and economic actors. Her positioning of emotions as part of social structures is a timely provocation and makes a valuable contribution to, and indeed revitalises and reorients the sociology of emotions. The key message in this book: Finding love in the modern world can feel like a futile task. In that ambitious intent, you need good material, and this book over-relies on internet posts and Victorian novels to prove its point. This interdisciplinarity serves to enliven and enrich the text but it does lend a sense of superficiality to her argument. In all of these realms, psychology established itself as the ultimate authority in matters of human distress by offering techniques to transform and overcome that distress. Illouz concludes that modern structures hurt women more than men and create incentives for men to hold back from commitment. Added to Your Shopping Cart. Apr 06, Amy rated it it was amazing Shelves: sociology , non-fiction. Illouz weaves together a myriad of sources, from Regency literature, to the plethora of social networking sites on the Internet and handbooks which speak to and generate dialogue on the many contemporary forms and practices of relationships, to the original empirical research which she conducted on the topic. Nov 27, Colleen rated it really liked it. This modern way of finding a romantic partner may seem straightforward, but there are drawbacks. There are psychological counsellors, couple therapists, mediation specialists. See all jobs. It was interesting to read so many opinions on love, because this book is based on interviews, but I read it so slow

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