February 1999 KEEP THE CAT FREE EST 1949 The Students' Newspaper at Imperial College RAG Hits the Ground Running

ICU Rag week got off to a sizzling start By Ed Sexton and Sanjay Sikdar 'The Corbett Situation' continued the on Saturday 23 January, with the saxophone tinged theme set by Jazzy famous Sponsored Nude Kamikaze Khazee' but also diversified into slower Parachute jump. This involves a group more melancholic melodies. of enterprising students jumping out of After the brief interval, the red a van next to Harrods at opening time, shirted Dramsoc members tried to rally wearing only an invisible parachute, the spectators. The decision not to use and then pegging it to the Union Build microphones to enable greater stage ing. movement was ill advised because to In recent years the event has been most observers they appeared to rep somewhat undersubscribed, but this resent an intriguing silent comedy. year's SNKPJ was a huge success, rais They beat a hasty retreat to the derisory ing an estimated £1,000. Sixteen men cheers of the music fans. took part, watched by around 200 stu The show resumed on the right dents and hundreds more shoppers. side of rock as for most the top-draw The fastest time to the Union was 7.30 event was to see 'Cereal Killer', at the minutes by James, with the slowest, moment the second most popular 14.30 by Stan, being rewarded with a band to emerge from Imperial. bottle of booze. All involved seemed to Unashamedly on the lookout for a pos enjoy the experience, with one SNKP- Photos: Gareih sible record deal they graced the Jer commenting "the best bit was Har assembled throng with a judicious mix rods". Another runner poignantly the proceedings was 'Jazzy Khazee1 ence doses of their improvisation ture of covers and original composi explained "you very quickly lose any who provided the funk and set the games seemed rather promising. Bat tions. Playing with style and energy concern about the size of your dick." groove for those who followed. With tling through an inattentive crowd they (the drummer's sticks were close to Tuesday at dB's witnessed the Rag comedy being the new rock and roll, delivered what could be described as Variety Show. The first band to start the idea of Dramsoc giving the audi an esoteric brand of wit. The next band. Continued on Page 4 Medics Keep Their Sabbatical Inside...

The Medical School will have a sabbat cover the gaps that the loss of the sab Letters - M1 incident 6 ical president for one more year after By David Roberts batical would inevitably generate. The ICU President Dave Hellard's proposal to role of the new sabbatical position. Editorial & Small Ads 7 demote the position was defeated at problems with the new course and the Deputy President (Education & Welfare) Monday's Union Council. new campus come to light, it is crucial - which will come into existence next Columns - busi-a-gui 8 The sabbatical status was secured that there should be a full-time repre year - was also raised, with many of until the end of the next academic year sentative for all medical students. For those present fearing that the loss of a Science - Cybcrsex 12 by last year's President, Andy Heeps, but mer ICSMSU Vice-President Seif Ahmad sabbatical Medical President would see this was conditional on a review taking reinforced this stance, suggesting that the new DP forced to concentrate Film - Hilary and Jackie 1 4 place before elections this year. Mr Hel the coming year should see the new almost solely on issues surrounding the lard argued that the continuation of the course settle down, and the Med School new medical degree course. Music - Prince Paul 16 sabbatical role would harm the Med clubs will have had sufficient time to Taken to the vote (after attempts to School Union, as many good candidates reorganise. Moreover, as Mr Gayed postpone a decision until next month Clubscene - Hardfloor 20 would not run if they were forced to noted, ICSM itself does not believe it will were overturned). Council registered a take a year away from their studies - and fully merge until 2003. massive majority in favour of keeping Games - Pool-Shark 22 thus add an extra year onto an already After next year, all three BS years will the sabbatical role, allowing Mr Gayed's lengthy course. Additionally, he sug be based at South Ken, but until then it successor to be elected as planned. Arts - Monet & Gursky 24 gested that the sabbatical president hin is widely believed that there is simply The sabbatical role will thus last until July dered the proper delegation of power too much work for a non-sabbatical 2000 (in accordance with an agreement Sport - Football victories 27 throughout the Medical Union. president to cope with - as Katie Shee- made last year), at which point the role The current ICSMSU President, han (the ICSMSU VP at St Mary's) noted, will become non-sabbatical, on a par Diversions - Feb 1 - 7 27 Wade Gayed, countered that it is vital for whilst there are still so many students with the presidents of the other three Constituent College Unions. the Med School to keep the sabbatical who have never been based at South Crossword - prize! 28 position for one more year. Until all the Ken, it is unfair to ask the site VP's to 2 News 1 February 1999 Medics' Rag Raise to New Heights

This year's Med School Rag Week has largest pub-crawl ever. KEEP THE CAT E RE E tSI 1949 broken all previous records, collecting By David Roberts The week climaxed with a ball at well in excess of £40 000 in just seven Shepherds Bush Empire. Although not issue 1134 days. Although this figure is provisional, interest in Rag activity. Instead, stu as successful as expected, more than as all receipts are not yet in, and this dents from every campus were spotted 400 tickets were sold, further swelling 1 February 1999 number will undoubtedly rise before a collecting money around London, with the charity coffers. All this comes on final total is confirmed. All proceeds will first years particularly enthusiastic in top of the Rag Games, Revues, Bands Editor: Ed Sexton go to this year's designated charity, their drinking. Even a handful of non- Night and Invasion of fondon reported Assistant Editor & Films: David Roberts the British Heart Foundation. medics donned the traditional green in last week's Felix, and the week as a News Editor: Andrew Oforl The Circle Line Pub-Crawl alone surgical gowns and headed out into whole has seen hundreds of students Music Editors: Dennis Patrickson raised £30 000, smashing last year's the capital, with ICU sabbaticals Dave from every campus participating in & jason Ramanathan record of £23 000, thanks to a massive Hellard and Chris Ince spotted demand fund-raising events of every descrip Arts Editor: Helena Cocheme turnout believed to be in the region of ing money from tourists throughout tion. Medical School Union President Games Editor: Gary Smith 550. This was particularly impressive as the evening. Wade Gayed was, very happy with the Clubscene: Gurminder Murwaha some pessimistic medical students had Indeed, so successful was the day outcome, "Every event made money & Joel Lewis suggested that the merger of Charing that it has been rumoured that a new and was great fun...it's a very good Sports Editor: Gus Paul Cross and St Mary's would lead to less world record may have been set for the result." Photographic Lditor: William Lorenz

Time for Election 1999 Catering Death

Haunting groans By Andrew Ofori onders. Tim Trailor, Mr Roger Davis, Cater By Ed Sexton of Imperial College in emanating from who withdrew from ing Manager for October 1995. He Union hierarchy signify the advent of last term's campaign due to logistical Imperial College, died unexpectedly on played an active role in college life, both this year's ICU elections. Although there problems with his grant, will once again Wednesday 20 January. Mr Davis col professionally and socially, and was a was not a full complement of candidates be standing for DP(C&S) and is half-way lapsed suddenly while in his office. He member of several IC clubs. He was also as Felix went to print, there remained the there with his 10 seconders. David was 59 years old. the Chairman of the European Caterers prospect of an exhaustive election run, Roberts, Felix Assistant Editor and Pub. Medical help was quickly provided Association. with papers coming down on 5 February. Board Chair is looking to edit the college's by security and the first aiders on duty. Mr John Foster, Head of Catering The exalted post of President is shap student paper next year and has found Dr Peter Dorward was immediately called and Conference Services at the college, ing up to be a hard fought battle; Felix all of the required twenty seconders. The to the scene from the Health Centre, as described Mr Davis as "well respected music editor and Pub Board Treasurer new sabbatical position of DP (Educa were paramedics. The first aiders initiated and well liked". He explained that, "every Dennis Patrickson has already made his tion & Welfare) is void of candidates at attempts to resuscitate Mr Davis, but one was very very shocked", but "every fully seconded bid, along with ICU present, raising concerns within the were unsuccessful. Mr Davis was then body has been very supportive". Dr accommodation officer Natasha New Union. taken to Chelsea and Westminster Hos Dorward singled out the first-aiders for ton and Wilson Hall's Re-app Ben Hustings will take place on the 15,16, pital, were he was pronounced dead particular praise, stating that "[they] did Polounovsky who are still in the process and 17 February at South Ken, Charing shortly after arrival. Dr Dorward com a tremendous job... it was particularly of gaining their twenty seconders. Cross and St. Mary's respectively. Two mented "it is a tragic story", explaining traumatic for them." RCSU's VP(Clubs & Entertainments), Bob days of voting begin on 22 February and that It is very rare for resuscitation to be Mr Davis' funeral will take place this Walker, has stood for DP(F&S) but at the the result will be announced the follow successful in such situations. afternoon (Monday). He leaves behind time of writing has yet to find any see- ing evening in the Union Foyer. Mr Davis joined the Catering Division his partner and one son.

oratory on 28 March last year, was a suc cess with nine teams in all participating. Quiz Soc QuizIC '98 was won by Balllol College Oxford despite good performances by By Sunil Rao Durham, Trinity (Cantab), Oriel (Oxon) and of course Imperial! The ICU Quiz Society was formed in Jan QuizIC is back this year; hopefully uary 1998 to provide a platform for the bigger and better than before. The plan is hosting of quiz tournaments here at Impe to invite more colleges this year. The event rial as well as the selection and prepara will be hosted early on in the Summer tion of teams to represent Imperial College term and the society is on the lookout for for various other inter-collegiate tourna people willing to moderate and score the ments, particularly University Challenge various rounds, to get in touch with poten on national television - Imperial were the tial sponsors and numerous other jobs. If deserving victors in 1996. If you're itching you're interested in helping out in anyway to face a barrage of questions from Paxo, possible or fancy taking part at part of the here's your chance! Imperial College team, just email the soci ICSM lost their BUSA premiership playoff to Newcastle by 16 points to 13. The match Within weeks of formation, the soci ety at [email protected] or simply turn up for was played In Banbury last Wednesday, and was a playoff between the winners of ety organised QuizIC, Imperial's very own the meeting at 1 PM on Thursday (feb the Northern England and Southern England divisions. About 200 IC supporters national intercollegiate quiz tournament. 11th) in the Union Dining Hall. cheered the team on, far out weighing the six Newcastle fans present. QuizIC, which was held in the Blackett Lab

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB Internal tel: 58072 Internal fax: 48072 txternal tel & fax: 0171 594 8072 URL: www.su.lcac.uk/Fellx E-mail: [email protected] Printed at MCP Litho Limited, Units B2 & B3, Hatton Square, 16 - 16a Baldwins Gardens, London I CI N 7RJ lelix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040 - 0711 Felix is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publication Board. Copyright © felix 1998. Photographic copyrights remain with photographers. 1 February 1999 News 3

In brief...

International Night Sussex AIDS Centre in Brighton and puting Facilities and Nightlife being OXAIDS in Oxford. its strong points. Overall Imperial is For those in the dark, this is one of the The new organisation will go currently 23rd in the country, just largest events held annually at IC - under the name of the Terrence Hig behind Dundee and ahead of Oxford and definitely the best. The event gins Trust and will be able to provide Brookes. Traditional Imperial rivals starts with a mouth-watering food-fair services to over 70% of those living Oxford and Cambridge came 19th and and then goes smoothly on to a with HIV in England - an estimated 31st respectively. Leicester, Lancaster breathtaking cultural show. The no 19,000 people. About 60% of all these and Edinburgh are rated the best uni doubt overwhelmed guests will then people live in London. Nick Partridge, versities, with only around 5% of stu dance away to the tunes of our DJ or chief executive officer of the Terrence dents regretting their decision to join swing their hips to the live Latino band Higgins Trust, stated that "this deci them. (a good excuse to get close to who sion...is a brave and mature response There is still some hope for Impe ever it is you want to get close to). to the changing HIV and AIDS epi rial, however - it is the highest rated The organisers feel there is so demic...The people who will benefit university out of all the London col much to be gained from the staging of are those living with or directly leges. The ratings will continue to be this evening of sheer splendour that affected by HIV." updated on the Red Mole site through

1 they would like to share these plea out the year - anyone wishing to reg sures and merits with everyone. In ister their vote can do so at short we are looking for voluntary www.redmole.co.uk/student_mole/rat- helpers (ushers, runners etc). If you Mole Found Ings. think you can help, then email [email protected] titling your e- Imperial College is not the place to be, mail "We can help you Nima". according to University ratings com Famed Eurosceptlc MP Teddy Taylor vis Tickets for this prestigious event piled by Red Mole, an undergraduate Grandmaster Triumphs ited College on Wednesday with a clear are due to go on sale soon, so keep web site. Votes from the first term of message to put across: "Labour are wast your eyes open as they will go in the this academic year have now been On Monday 25th January the Chess ing our money". The Gteater London blink of an eye. processed, and reveal some interest Club held it's annual Challenge Match Mayor will mean even more expenditure ing trends. against Grandmaster Jonathan Mcstel and combined with the Welsh assembly When asked "knowing what you (who lectures in IC's Maths Depart and Scottish parliament It will "cost a for know now, would you have chosen to ment). Dr Mestel played 36 games tune." Democrats Prosper in come to this university?", 30% of IC stu simultaneously, losing only one game Taylor called upon people to stop dents replied 'no'. The survey then and drawing none. Even more impres playing party politics and began to lead NUS asked students to rate their university sive than the score was the fact that Dr a crusade to save our democracy and on various categories, including 'attrac Mestel was on his feet continuously prevent the slide Into an overspending This year's National Union of Students tiveness of the opposite sex', for 4 hours! and uncontrolled bureaucracy. How Conference, which takes place in 'nightlife', 'sporting facilities' and 'qual The lucky winner was Enrique ever, he still advocated a traditional solu March, seems likely to see an increase ity of student newspaper'. Imperial's Wing, a postgraduate student who tion "Our democracy is slowly dying...the in Liberal Democrat representation, worst categories were Accommoda plays for the Chess Club's 2nd team. only party which can get us out of this with more candidates than usual tion and Attractiveness of the Opposite Congratulations to all the other brave mess Is the Conservative Party". standing for the NUS National Execu Sex, with Quality of Teaching, Com people who took part. Words and Photo: Brett tive. Labour students are fielding fewer candidates than ever, possibly due to the apparent failure by the NUS to defeat the Labour govern CUT & BLOW DRY ment on issues such as student hard ship and tuition fees. BY OUR TOP STYLISTS

The Liberal Democrat Youth and &20 LADIES Students campaign manager, Geoff &17 MEN Payne, commented that "this year the Normal Price £35 Liberal Democrats will have the energy and resources to mount a HAIR SALON ACCESS VISA MASTERCARD CASH CHEQUES serious challenge to Labour in NUS." The effect of Liberal Democrat leader Paddy Ashdown's resignation, after 'Still the best student offer!* this Spring's local and Euro elections, remains to be seen. 15a Harrington Road

South Kensington Charities Converge London SW7 3ES

Five AIDS organisations plan to amal (1 Minute walk from gamate on 1 April this year in the most complex merger ever negoti South Kensington Tube) ated in the voluntary sector. The five organisations involved are the Ter- rence Higgins Trust, Bridgeside in Telephone 0171 823 8968 Leeds, The HIV Network in Coventry, 4 News 1 February 1999 Summer Ball's Lecturers Threaten Sponsorship Ordeal Strike Chaos

The summer ball may By Andrew OfOri ball last year, one In a startling move, By Slinil Rao ing staff, only be a pale imita- committee member the Association of The situation is tion of the pseudo-theme park envi- described how, in mid-February, 4 stu- University Teachers threatened a "sus- only likely to get worse if the massive sioned by its organisers. In fact, recent dents began with no money and no back- tained campaign of industrial action" increases planned in further and Union analysis of the proposed budget ing and produced a ball with an that could potentially cripple the higher education (between 100,000 has brought its very feasibility into ques- attendance in excess of 1000, and a 300 admissions process for the academic and half-a-million, depending on tion and despite the organising commit- strong waiting list. In contrast, this year's year 99-00. which reports you believe) actually tee's boundless optimism ICU will only be committee enjoy the benefits of full At the Winter meeting of the pol- occur - there is currently no provision assured by significant sponsorship back- Union backing, a structured organising icy-making council of the AUT held in for a corresponding expansion in staff ing. team and a year's experience. Last year's London on the 21st of January, it was numbers. , The current budget, including an event received an unprecedented £20, agreed that the Association should Staff from colleges in London income projection for ticket sales, has the 000 sponsorship deal from a company press for a 10 per cent rise in pay, (Imperial, QMW and Goldsmith's) also event running at a deficit of £16,600, plac- looking to form links with IC. With slim while calling on employers to argued that, following the freezing of ing a mammoth task ahead of the ball's chances of a repeat of such good fortune, "acknowledge in full the decline in the London weighting for "old" uni- marketing team. "Unless they get a cer- 6 team members have been assigned to pay levels of up to 36 percent since versities for the past seven years, their tain amount of sponsorship the ticket attracting sponsorship. To date over 300 1981 and make an irrevocable com- salaries have been steadily eroded, price will be so high, I don't think we companies have been contacted and mitment to a rapid programme to The grant allocation from the fund- could justify It" was the Union's position "every company targeted is at a consid- close that gap permanently, and then ing council does actually include a according to Deputy President (Finance & eration stage" according to the ball's keep it closed". It was also decided London weighting, but this apparently Services) Chris Ince. Committee mem- Head of Marketing, Amir Hasan. He that a series of one-day strikes and has not done much to alleviate the bers thought the situation might be explained that the £16600 shortfall boycotts, that could disrupt teaching problem. University teachers have eased through ticket prices and have stemmed from their intention to double and examinations, not to mention the repeatedly been promised pay reviews experimented with the relative weight- last year's entertainment and stated "The clearing system for admissions, would that have never occurred, while many ings of student and lecturer rates. How- event will go regardless of how much go forward if the demands were not students command higher salaries ever the DP(F&S) commented, "Whichever money we get...it'll bigger and better met. within a few years of leaving university. ever way you play with it, you need to than it was last year, that's guaranteed." According to the AUI's pay claim, The Guardian reports that David raise between £10000 and £20000." The Mr. Hasan was insistent that sponsorship published in December '98, educa- Triesman, AUT General Secretary, Union will be required to underwrite the would not jeopardise the ball and felt tional institutions are generally in a called on ministers to bring in an indc- event on various contracts and will be determination was the key "We will keep good position to increase the pay of pendent statutory review body to han- looking for a far healthier state of affairs looking for money until the event hap- their staff. die and streamline pay submissions by the end of February. If the funds do pens." But April brings with it the new Under the government's Compre- on behalf of academic staff. He added not materialise severe cut-backs to enter- financial year and prospective sponsors hensive Spending Review, higher edu- that members were not taking things talnment are expected, with extrava- will be loathe to make such investments cation will actually receive more lightly and did not wish to do any- gances such as the selection of with a new annual budget, money than the institutions were bud- thing that would seriously affect stu- fairground rides likely to be the first vie- The committee are looking for ideas, geting for, even without taking into dents. However, the fact does remain tims. enquiries and members for the Summer account the additional income gencr- that any action can be triggered in Committee members have vehe- Ball 2000 committee. Consequently there ated via tuition fees and increased two months'time by a ballot, mently rejected all suggestions of the is an open meeting on February 3 in the funding from non-governmental Chris Ince, Deputy President failure of this year's ball and claim the cur- Union Dining Hall at 12pm, lecturers and sources (LU, charities, industry, over- (finance and Services), IC Union, rent financial laxity is inevitable, consid- students alike are welcome. Up-to-date seas students etc). Moreover, over the expressed his hope that "the issues ering the scale and nature of the event, information on the event can be obtained past decade, student-to-staff ratios can be resolved by arbitration rather Citing the tentative but determined by registering on the summer ball web- have gone up from 7.1:1 to 12.2:1, than having to resort to striking, which organisation of ICs inaugural summer site at: www.su.lc.ac.uk/summerball/ placing an additional burden on teach- might jeopardise students' work".

raised a shade undei afternoon. £900 towards deservin W *" " SMI Other events for RAG Week causes. Rag week included the On Wednesday Rag ™ Hypnotist last Thursday Continued From Page i hit the streets of Lon and the Field Cup on don. Several clubs took ngj Saturday (both of which breaking point) they captured the part, including the happened after Felix hearts of the onlookers. Mountaineers, Circus went to press). Today As the compere, the redoubtable Skills, Canoe Club, Glid (Monday) sees the final and madcap Katie Smith successfully ing and Rag members. event, the Slave Auction punctuated the show in a fashion akin The Canoe Club in the Union Concert to Jenny McCarthy. She also presided brought along a canoe Hall at 12.30pm. over the raffle competition and the on wheels to aid col head shaving of six Linstead Hall ran lecting, while the doms, though it was a shame that the mountaineers, joined Clockwise from top left: latter fund raising idea was not done in together by ropes, SNKPJers outside the public or to a more savage degree. The scaled the streets of Union, The Variety Show, Westminster. The event show ended with 'Mole' another IC Mountaineers on the was reasonably suc band performing a number of well underground, collecting cessful, raising around received standard popular hits. The in Covent Garden £800 throughout the evening was very successful since it Photos: Various Stretch yourself this summer

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Football Club Successes 'Lay Off The Pills!' Reply Wade In More... Who's Afraid OfTheQT?

Dear Felix, Dear Sir, Dear Felix, Dear Felix,

Last week's "competitive" match report I write in response to last week's anony I write regarding the events on the Ml Yet again some members of the admin entitled "Silwood Stomp on IC 6ths" mous letter, 'Lay Off the Pills!', regarding during the Medics' Rag Dash; or to be istration staff in Sherfield have proved has prompted me to write this letter at my article 'Agony or Ecstasy?' which more precise, regarding the ICSMSU how high and mighty they are. When I long last. As captain of the sixths it has appeared in Felix the previous week. hierarchy's reaction to them. I myself contacted a certain member of the become apparent to me that anyone 'Anonymous' has missed the point am a first year medic and I find it wor Estates Division about the possibility of following our progress in your publi so dramatically that I wonder if s/he actu rying that the president of my union arranging a sponsored abseil from the cation has so far read only about seven ally read the article at all. Everyone else took it upon himself to admonish those Queen's Tower for Rag, the response goal reversals to RSM II and Silwood I've had feedback from has got the point, of my friends who were unfortunate was particularly minimalistic. In fact, Park, and may infact think that our 3-2 but for Anonymous' benefit, I'll state it enough to be caught up in this matter. between all the staff in the afore men win at lowly Heythrop College is our again. I am not saying 'never take ecstasy That is not to say that I consider those tioned division, they apparently did not

only positive result of the season! Let again1; and nor am I saying 'ecstasy will students blameless; they were foolish, if have the time to reply by phone or e- me enlighten you all, and hopefully kill you'. What I am pointing out is that not downright stupid to walk along a mail, never mind a letter. When I deliv show you that we are not a waste of Es can, and do, cause long-term brain busy motorway, but surely even stupid ered the letter to the person in question, space, as many of you must think. damage. Fact. Adam - who, incidentally, students should be able to rely on the I discovered that their office had moved. It is true that we suffered an igno was real (and I didn't exaggerate his con support of their union? When I eventually found the new office minious start to the season. A largely dition either) - was a walking example of I should like to point out to Wade I inquired as to whether this was in fact inexperienced side succumbed to two what pills can do. I personally believe that that the College docs not employ him the Estates Division - one of the members heavy defeats by the big boys of Divi a balance can be struck between enjoy and his officers. He is not answerable to of staff helpfully replied, 'It might be, sion Six, RSM and RAM. Since then our ing yourself whilst reducing the risk; that, the Dean, but to us, the students, includ who's asking?'. Is this the way we really injured players have returned, some of course, is down to the individual. ing those who he treated so appallingly, want members of staff of OUR college to excellent new talent has been Quite where Anonymous got the midway through an already stressful behave? recruited, and we have grown as a idea that I've never taken pills, or indeed ordeal. I can see that as president, Wade team, in terms of both spirit and abil that I've had a bad experience, I really couldn't go on TV and say that larking Anon ity. don't know. If s/he'd bothered to read about on the Ml was a great thing to do; A creditable 3-3 draw against the the first paragraph s/he'd know, unequiv my concern is that he couldn't bring Deadline for letters Is then league leaders (unpublicised for ocally, that I have - and loved it. Clearly, himself to express his support to those some reason) started our revival,since Anonymous simply can't handle the facts, concerned in private. Or maybe Wade 12noon Wednesday. when we have won our last three and is lashing out at random; the reac feels that as president, he has a respon league games scoring eleven goals in tion is fairly typical of those drug- sibility to the 'wider community' and Letters may be edited for length, the process. Our tremendous run of obsessed paranoids who like to think other sorts of crap like that which forces form culminated in a 7-1 cup triumph the whole world is out to stop them him to override hid gut reaction, which but will not be altered in any other away to higher division opposition last from having a good time. That Anony (hopefully) would have been to reas weekend [for which a match report mous lacks the guts even to sign their sure The Ml seven' that everything way. Letters need not be signed, shall be/has been submitted], which name proves s/he falls into this cate would be OK. Sorry, Wade; that won't sees us through to the quarter-finals. gory. Let us just hope that s/he, and wash; it's all or nothing: either you're a but a swipe card must be shown Regarding the Silwood Park game, those like him, grow up soon and learn student and support the rest of us this was one of a number of friendlies to be sensible before too much brain through whatever scrapes we get into, when submitting used by myself to try out squad players, damage is done. or you're not and you don't. If you con and the team that day included only sider yourself not to be a student, or not anonymous letters. three regular starters (i.e. a virtual sev Yours sincerely, able to identify with - or at least offer enth team). Lven so, Silwood have comfort to - those of our colleagues some decent players and we too look Sarah Rutt who got into this mess, then what the forward to a possible rematch. hell are you doing at the head of our stu This brings me back to where I dents' union? started, and makes me question if the Mascotry Revenge? football club receives the credit it Yours sincerely deserves for its sporting achievements. Dear Black Hole Squad, I wonder how many people are aware Unsigned The Week Ahead that last season the 1st XI reached the We are very disturbed to learn that after Challenge Cup Final and the 3rd XI won the theft of Sedrick Safe, "the safe is no Monday their division, while the fourths reached longer safe." However we have recently Good Show From The the last eight in the national stages of learnt that Sedrick may still contain some Games Meeting 12.30pm BUSA, the 5ths reached a cup semi-final valuable items. We would be very dis Hockey Thirds Film Meeting 1pm and the 6ths produced 4 players who pleased if any harm were to come to News & Photography Meeting 1.30pm now play for higher teams. It is antic these. Dear Felix, ipated that similar success will be Good luck in finding Sedrick, I hope Tuesday achieved this season, so if the union is the rumour that the miners have him isn't In response to the report (1133) on the to use successful sports clubs to attract true, they won't treat him properly and match between the IC and ICSM men's News Meeting 12pm potential students, I believe these clubs that would be just terrible. We will of III hockey clubs, I would like to say I am Clubscene 12pm have the right to expect what is due in course consider any ransom that is glad to see that there is a strong sense return, namely more support, both demanded, only when you can prove of irony among a team that was well Thursday financial and otherwise. possession of Sedrick. beaten on the day. Such a show of We are all praying that Sedrick is sportsmanship is commendable in any Phoenix Meeting 12pm Yours sincerely, safe and well. team. Thanks for the game and I look for ward to our next meeting, Friday Rob Davenport, Hit Squad Captain, ICUAFC 6th XI C&GU James Rowc News Meeting 1.20pm ICSM Ills Music Meeting 1.30pm 1 February 1999 Editorial & Small Ads 7

Is IC waking up? Thank You, St Valentine o oi—r It seems that, for a change, ICU Rag Yes, that card, flower and stuffed toy -: i \-r% .,). ra.:.*-::F.n.;;.\ has been a success. OK, so I don't merchandise extravaganza that is 14 have the final statistics concerning the February is rearing its romantic head amount raised (at the time of writing again. As is traditional, Felix will print I don't even know how Thursday night your messages of affection and disaf and the Field Cup last Saturday went), fection in a suitably fluffy typeface. I but there definitely seemed to be a am unsure whether to put these in heightened awareness that it was Rag next week's issue [11351 or 15 Febru week around the college. The key, of ary [1136], so if you want them in next course, is good publicity - in these week please send/email them/etc by pages, on posters and flyers around Wednesday early afternoon. Other college, and by extremely loud word of wise get them to me by Wednesday 10 mouth. Most of the credit must go to February for publication the following Sarah Coburn and the Rag 'team', but Monday. Any and all poetry, drawings, some should also go to you, the stu silly names and desperate cries for dents - after all, you did much of the sex accepted. I might even give a prize raising (and giving). If only College to the most witty one... focus could have been so proactive and allowed the beer festival to go ahead... Don't forget to Write ICU needs vou On a similar vein, I would like to to tell us exactly what vou congratulate my fellow sabbs Dave, Chris I am technologically inebriated. I now and Marie, for raising awareness of the almost always carry around a mobile think of us. forthcoming sabbatical elections. They phone, minidisc player/recorder, have been rewarded by six students microphone, and camera. I spend half Comments & suggestions leaflets standing for positions. Hopefully more of my day in front of a keyboard typ will follow. Good luck to Dave Hellard in ing (as I'm currently demonstrating), i are in all outlets NOW. the Slave Auction, by the way - may he attempted to fill up a postgraduate be bought for a president's ransom and application form the other day, and if you want to get involved in focus groups the money used to further increase his made a mistake for every ten words please contact Mark Home office space. Due to popular demand, I written. Let us not forget that a pen is at [email protected] will not be on sale, but if any mad fool not just for sucking. Someone sug or contact the Union Office does want me, I'm slouched on the Felix gested that I get a Palm Pilot to com sofa Monday (and indeed most) plete my mod-con kit. No way. I still lunchtimes. use a paper notebook, and it hasn't run out of batteries yet.

Do You Have Asthma? Good with computers? Sivjansson: Fiterature City & Guilds College

If you are prepared to participate in Persons with computer knowledge on Film Union Bar Night! clinical trials to evaluate new treat required to enter data and fix faults in ments for asthma, please calf newly installed system. Changes through Time (illustrated talk). 6pm Tuesday 2 February, Union Bar Central Library, fevel 2 Conference Room Wednesday 3 February, 5.30 pm Grab an Exec member for a free pint! 0171 351 8051 Flexible hours (5-10 / week)

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Expenses incurred whilst participating Good rates! for sale PCMIA, 28.8kB/s, Digicom, brand new in clinical trials will be reimbursed & boxed; all hardware (leads etc), I 0171 434 4559 150 Watt, speaker stands included sealed software and text. £100 ono £30 ono Ethics Committee Approved ask for Anthony Scholefield Contact [email protected] Call Dan : 0171 244 8060 ([email protected])|

Science and Maths Have you got any plans Indonesian Students International Night Tutors Required for this summer? Speak Out! Needs You!

Science and Maths tutors required in Sleeping, bumming aroung, typing up Last year a dictator of 30 years was International night is the largest event London and the Home Counties. this year's notes? overthrown by a mass uprising. in the IC diary, this year it is on 12th Then this is not for you. february. We are looking for a decent Graduates only Wanted: outgoing, motivated team This week two Indonesian students DJ to perform at the after show party members for challenging expedition active in the movement are talking at IC. and a jazz or Latin American band Top rates. to Chile. (you will be paid!!!). Hear their story! If you think you know of someone Tel 0181 349 2148 Interested? who can help, or if you think you're Thursday 4 February the man/woman then email Mo on (Top Tutors Agency) Contact [email protected] Mech Eng Room 342 [email protected] or contact the OSC. 8 1 February 1999 Right Angles To Reality

I n the days of my youth I was told what open to offers. For my part allowed you to alter your preferred route Matt Salter c'own ^y^eseasic 'e' Wni'e I it means to be a man. Now I've reached I was besotted, although I and time of departure right up until the last I waited I decided to try the I that age I've tried to do all those things think some of what I was saying was lost minute. "Yes", she said, fixing me with her 1950s-style juke box that stood in another the best I can. But it's not all been plain sail on her -1 was excited and nervous, and in piercing gaze "there are two paths you can corner of the room. Unfortunately, it was ing - oh no. Good times, bad times, you such circumstances I have a tendency to go by but in the long run, there's still time broken and only played one record so that know, I've had my share. Just recently my ramble on. It got later and later, and even to change the road you're on". But I was no matter how many buttons you pressed, girlfriend (and it may surprise some of you tually with the leaves falling all around it n't listening. Faced with prospect of never the song remains the same. Still, the one to know that I have, or rather had, one), my was time I was on my way. I thanked them seeing Truda again I was seized with a sud functioning track was an Elvis number and woman left home for another man whose and told them that I was much obliged for den desire to accompany her to Kashmir. as it'd been a long time since I'd rock and only outstanding feature, to my mind, was such a pleasant stay, but that now it was "Let me come with you," I begged, "I'm rolled I sat back to enjoy what the King had his striking brown eyes. I would have time for me to go. I took my leave of gonna crawl if necessary." To my great joy to offer. thought that being trampled underfoot Truda with regret, but not before we had she agreed. Eventually Truda arrived, looking love would have shook me, but well I still don't arranged a date. I suggested going to the I got a job at an all-night store and was lier than ever, but walking, I noticed for the seem to care. All I know is that I fell in love cinema or the theatre: "Let me take you to soon working from seven to eleven every first time, with a pronounced limp. It was with a girl as sweet as could be, but that it the movies,- can I take you to a show?" I night. It really made my life a drag, which clear that she had difficulty supporting any only took a couple of days 'til she was rid said. But she smiled and said that a quiet I didn't think was right, but finally I had weight on her left leg. When she had sat of me. We seemed so right for each other drink would be better. I got the tube back enough for the air fare. But fate inter down, I asked about her ailment. She - she swore that she would be all mine and to my place still walking on air - clearly this vened. On the appointed day, as I was smiled, saying that it was a old injury she love me to the end and I really believed was a time for rejoicing, a celebration day packing my bags, the phone rang. It was had suffered during a climbing accident in that she was the one - but sometimes all in fact. Unfortunately the mood was some Truda, at the airport. There had been a the fjords of her homeland and whilst her of our thoughts are misgiven. Ooh it makes what spoiled by my being stopped by a change of plan, she said, which meant that dancing days were clearly over she was me wonder. It really makes me wonder. plain-clothes ticket inspector who fined she would have to go to Pakistan alone. much better now. At the time, she had We used to have a whole lotta love but me £10 for having a Travelcard for only "I'm sorry," she sobbed. 'Thank you, for been so badly injured that she could only after a while I couldn't get through to her. Zones 2-6 excluding Zone 1. I protested, everything." I was devastated and through get about with the aid of four sticks. But I We suffered a communication breakdown saying that I didn't realise that it was quite a veil of tears I poured out my heart to her, was so bewitched by this living loving maid and it was terrible - she turned out to be a so vital to have a Zone 1 ticket when trav begging her to stay, promising her all my that even her idiosyncratic gait -1 called it real heartbreaker. She was unfaithful to me elling to Putney, but the he fined me any love. I was becoming somewhat incoher the Miss T. Mountain hop - only added to on a regular basis, even in my own flat - she way, saying that it would teach me a lesson ent at this point and I had to apologise to her allure, and the more we talked, the was messing around with every guy in and that "the time will come when you will her for not making much sense, saying that more I was smitten. So you can imagine my town, dragging me down by bringing them learn that One is all, and all is One." Nasty "since I've been loving you I'm about to dismay then when she coolly announced on home, just when I had begun to won man. lose my mind." But it was too late - the pips that she was soon leaving London for der "how many more times?" she dropped I had agreed to meet Truda the very had gone and so had she. Happiness had good for more exotic climes. "Jamaica?" I the bombshell: "Babe, I'm gonna leave next day in a bar near to her flat. It turned been within my grasp, but yet it had never asked. She shook her head. She was part you," but apparently only when "the sum out that she lived a small apartment at the been truly mine - it was a case of what is of a UNHCR team working on flood relief mer comes a-rolling" - it was March at the end of the southbound Northern Line with and what should never be. on the upper reaches of the Indus. Appar time. In reality however, I knew that one only a black dog for company. Thus, it was I was inconsolable for days but I'll ently things there were OK at the moment of those days, and it wouldn't be long, I'd in the darkest depths of Morden that I bounce back. Every morning I look in the but when the levee breaks, it was going to look for her and baby she'd be gone. I was met a girl so fair. I reached the appointed mirror and tell myself "your time is gonna get dicey - hence the need for her rapid right. She didn't even have the courtesy to spot - a sorry-looking bar-cum-hotel called come." That's one thing that the episode deparaturc. She was taking a night flight tell me to my face - she just left me a brief The Royal Orleans - with time to spare. with Truda taught me: in this world, you've with a little-known Welsh charter company note. Apparently she'd shacked up with an Strangely, the entrance was locked and the got to be strong and stand your ground. called Bron-Yr-Air, the following Friday. She American. Last thing I heard they were only possible point of entry was a fire exit You've got to learn to be a rock and not to had chosen that particular ailine, she said, going to California. marked "Egress Only". But with little choice roll. because of the flexibility of the ticket which Well it didn't take too long before I in the matter I threw caution to found out what people mean by down and the wind and went in through out. I began going out on the tiles in the the out door to find myself in evening, drinking heavily. More than once a tatty but ornate entrance hall, I woke up in a strange place, dazed and decorated in the Indian fash confused. But I can't really complain - it's ion. It looked like a run-down nobody's fault but mine. I might have version of one of those houses gone on like this indefinitely, but for a of the holy men that you occa chance meeting that would turn my world sionally see in travel docu upside down. Walking in the park just the mentaries - a place that had other day, what do you think I saw? I saw seen a good deal of wearing Trip to France people sitting on the ground with flowers and tearing but that still had a Open to all in their hair and they asked me to stay for certain presence. Eschewing tea and have some fun. Time passed and the delights of the lobby I went I didn't notice, but it had got very dark and in to the bar which was brighter I was really out of my mind. I must have and cleaner. On one wall Booze Crooze been, because otherwise I would never someone had painted a scene have had the courage to speak to this gor of the ocean. Truda had not yet to Calais Hypermarkets then spend geous blonde who was one of the group. arrived and so I took my place the afternoon in Boulogne. Her name was Truda Mountain and she at a corner table and asked to Tickets available from: said she was from Norway: "From the land see the menu. I ordered tea for Ticket of the ice and snow, from the midnight sun one and a custard pie, all the Price: Saturday 6th Feb The Union Office, or where the hot springs blow," to use her time looking around me and, £18 Leave: 8 am Beit Quad n.williams(Sic.ac.uk own words. Straight off the bat she told me on account of the giant mural, that she was unmarried but that she was feeling strangely like I was 1 February 1999 9

Here's the news: supermarkets are not cheap. When olive oil Transfer the mixture to a clean pan, and heat. It comes to fresh produce, you can cut as much as salt & pepper Add the flour and cook for one minute, then care two thirds off the bill by taking a trip to the local mar fully mix in the stock. Add the tomatoes and peppers ket. I'm lucky enough to live a stone's throw from Pre-heat the oven to about 190C, gas mark S. Wash to the pan, then bring to the boil. Simmer for about North End Road market in Fulham, and my weekly the tomatoes and peppers. 20 minutes, then blend until smooth. visit rarely costs more than a tenner. Moreover, Halve and arrange in a large roasting tin, deseed Season to taste and serve, preferably with loads there is always loads there for me, and friends fre ing the red peppers. Break up the head of garlic, and of warm bread. quently pop by. scatter the cloves (skin intact) about the tin. t inally, Shopping at a market is undoubtedly less con glug as much olive oil as you dare (I'd go for at least venient. Opening hours are restricted, and you will 3 tablespoons) over the top, then put the tin in the Pork Braise have to queue at a number of places to get every thing. The range is also worse than supermarkets. It Serves one. This simple recipe is great when you're is impossible to be sure that the more unusual ingre cooking for loads of people, but still want to make dients will be available, and you do have to be on something with plenty of flavour. I've given the the lookout for the really low quality stuff that is quantities per person, because this is eminently sometimes about. scalable. The only limit is the size of the pan! Having said that, for me the advantages of Cooks 10 oz pork chop market shopping far outweigh the disadvantages. These recipes can only be made for sensible money half a red pepper, seeded and chopped if you buy the ingredients at market prices. Both a couple of mushrooms, chopped involve taking huge quantities of food, and reduc about 50g swede ing to portions which are absolutely brimming with a quarter onion Corner a quarter pint of meat stock flavour. a teaspoon of cinnamon m mm© oil, preferably not olive Roasted tomato and red pepper soup salt and pepper

Serves six. This is a variation of the recipe featured Cut the pork into cubes, discarding bone but retain in the New Covent Garden Soup Co. book. It feels ing any rind. Heat the oil in your pan until it is really like real cooking, because serious quantities of oven for an hour. hot (but not smoking), then add the pork, and fry for ingredients are used, and every last bit of flavour is Take the tin out of the oven, and rest it over the about a minute. The idea here is to brown the meat, captured. Don't be put off the the quantity of gar hobs. Remove the tomatoes, peppers and garlic to avoiding an anaemic look and sealing the flavour lic used. It looses much of its intensity in roasting, a plate. You are left with a wonderful flavoured oil. inside. This simply will not work if the pan is too full. gaining a really rounded flavour. Turn on a hob under one corner of the tin, then gen If there isn't enough room for all the meet to touch tly saute the onion in the oil. You should find that the bottom with space to turn, then fry in batches. 3 large red peppers the garlic has softened significantly. Squeeze the When the pork is done, simply add all the other 10 medium tomatoes cloves out of their skins. In a cool corner or the tin, ingredients and stir. Add any rind too - this gives the 1 head of garlic mash them with a little salt to make a smooth paste. braise added body. 1 medium onion, chopped When the onion is softened, mix with the garlic then Simmer for an hour, then season and serve with 1.5 pints of vegetable stock push the mixture round the tin, scraping off any rice or a baked potato. 1 tablespoon of flour tomato or pepper that has stuck. Next week: Death to diets, and perfect mushrooms.

ICU CINEMA PRESENTS:

Double billed with Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

ICU Cinema for the start of the term (and possibly longer!) will be presenting 'Modern Classics'. Your first chance to see these films on the BIG screen. For a double bounus, come to our 'classic'and we'll let you in to the second Monday film for £1!

For Programme info, see our web pages: Concert Hall Union Building 2nd Floor http://www.su.ic.ac.ul^cinema Drinks available from Da Vinci's 10 1 February 1999 Television Renaissance

New & Improved ment options, and iCU's Mark Home further expenditure is planned over the tells us what's going on at the Union. We started running our new weekly next year to improve audio facilities even schedule at the start of this term, and in more. the last few weeks things have really Rag Special (Lunchtlme today) started to take shape: We'll be covering the C&G slave auc tion at lunchtime today. People like you? ICYou (Tuesday 13.15) Like any society, stoic is only as good as Rachel Green talks with members of var its members. It takes a lot of work to put ious ICU clubs and societies, about what Where? together a TV programme, and we're they do and why people should join. It's You can always watch our programmes always looking for people who'd like to a great way to find out what's happen in the JCR, but we're looking to expand get involved. There is an incredible buzz ing around College. If you run a club or the number of places you can watch us about putting together programmes, society, we have invited you to appear significantly. You'll be able to sec our especially when we're broadcasting live. on a show this term. For more informa programmes in more places within the If you fancy trying your hand at cam tion, email us. Union building soon, and possibly in era work, producing a programme, or as some departmental common rooms. a presenter we'd love to hear from you. stole live (Thursday 13.15) The most exciting future project is Alternatively, there are always jobs for The weekly magazine show, stoic live, is stoic Internet broadcasting. Plans are well people who'd like to do something tech fast becoming compulsory viewing. Last advanced to launch a service based on nical. In particular, we need people week's programme was jam-packed Rag Real Video, which we hope will eventu rate video productions. We are now who'd like to work on some really inter Week action, including shots from the ally provide a much better way to watch really well equipped to make live or esting software projects. Rag run. There are regular items review our programmes. recorded programmes. We're always responsive to people's ing music and the day's newspapers, Our system is based round a four views on what stoic should be doing. If and coverage of anything interesting source professional digital vision mixer, you've got an Idea, drop us a line or find that crops up. Facilities and a seriously fast PC editing system. us on the top floor of the union. We also have professional quality tape We've just finished putting together our Something for the weekend (Friday 13.15) machines, and two broadcast cameras. lovely new mixing and editing facility. Email: [email protected] Gareth and Joey host stoic's whistle-stop Sound is based around a 16 channel Over the last few years, Union funding guide to the weekend. We take you mixer, with enough microphones to Tel: (0171 59)48104 has enabled us to buy pretty much all through the capital's premier entertain record anything really well. Significant the kit that's needed to knock up top Bust-A-Gut Presidential Talk-Back After all of my moan David Hellard, ICU President for lunchtime open ing over the last few m ings, we're still push Oliver and Greg articles, it s time to ing. report back on move- |i| Next up, as the riday 22 January saw in the first ously,- they even had the courtesy to ments in the College Union has received so F Bust-A-Gut comedy night of the finish some of them for him. This cul and the Union. |||| many letters of com new year. As usual dB's was filled minated at the end of his act with a I irst of all, here's plaint about the Lon to capacity, teeming with potentially student heckle that left the comedian a list of discounts that don Transport drunken students looking forward to admitting defeat. we can get in High scheme (please keep another series of acts from the Carls- After the interval, Dan Evans came Street Kensington them coming), that if berg Ice Comedy Network. back, larger than life, to introduce a (note only HSK) with »™ you hand them into Ents manager Mark Home intro very short set from an up and coming an ICU card. There are still tens of com the Union reception, we will check them duced the night, accompanied by his comedian Phil Nicol (not the Phil panies I have to phone in order to get and then send them by recorded delivery usual bombardment of 'original' heck Nichol who headlined in November). authorisation from above, but here goes: once a week (thanks to Andrew Southern les such as "Nice nose!" and "Nice Although he did have quite a few 10% off at: HiTek, Top Gun, Lon- for that idea). So now they'll reject you shirt!"; he then went on to present good jokes, he did not have the time don:Dallas Pizza and Pasta (if over £10 a within days, not keep your pound and Dan Evans as the compere for the to win over the audience completely head), Kensington Leather, Market there'll be no chance of your application evening. As with any good compere, - one to look out for in the future. Leather, Blazer, Jeans West, SONAKens- being lost of stolen. he began with some audience partic Next up was the headline act of ington, Blacks, YHA Adventure Shop, 1 hr The College is introducing a formal ipation. Although a standard tactic it the night, Simon Evans. He certainly Photos, Footlights (Food only). complaints procedure for students. This went down very well, aided by his did not disappoint anyone. We were Plus: Tumblers (15% off food); The Stu will allow you to monitor what is hap original usage of the microphone treated to a superb display of intelli dio (25% off cuts) and Hair at Fairy (£1 off pening to any complaints you may have stand as a 'clapo-inducer'. gent and sarcastic deadpan humour a cut and 10% off anything else). about the College and give different lev When Dan Antopolski mounted that left the audience at his mercy. His Secondly, there's also good news on els at which they can be settled, ranging the stage, the audience was in a very act was excellently composed and the library front, although not for awhile. from a College Tutor to possibly a Gover good, light-hearted frame of mind. unusually involved virtually no swear Next year the College is going to have an nor of the College Council. He had the elements needed to make ing. Observational comedy at its best! experimental year of opening the library I hope that this gives you a bit more a very good comedian but unfortu A truly enjoyable evening was had on Sundays until 6pm; let's hope that it confidence that the College and the Union nately he had only just appeared on by all, and we look forward to Neil proves to be the success we know it will are working to try and make your life at television two weeks before with the Anthony and Tony Burgess appearing be. They are also looking into opening Imperial that little bit easier. If you have same routine. Not only had most of at the next comedy night, on 5 Feb later than 9pm on weekdays. The Health any other problems email as ever presl- the audience heard his jokes previ- ruary. Centre is probably going to open later; as [email protected]. r Student Managers WANTED! - £8000 per annum - FREE room in college halls - Instant FAME - Influence the future of the Union

Students wanted now to work 1st July 1999 to July 31st 2000 5 POSITIONS AVAILABLE!!

ref PRESIDENT: President, Imperial College Union The ideal candidate will be of strong character and good public standing. The ability to speak coherently while drunk is an advantage. The job involves dealing with the powers that be in College, representing the Union outside the College, and being ultimately responsible for the actions of the Union.

ref DP(F&S) : Deputy President (Finance and Services) Not necessarily mathematically gifted, the person we are looking for to fill this position will need to be organised and authoratative. Responsible for the Union finances and the allocation of money to clubs, the ideal candidate will be the sort of person who knows how to say "no" to people. An ideal starting position for anyone considering a career in the city or in finance.

ref DP(C&S) : Deputy President (Clubs and Societies) A sociable, person-friendly, generally (but not necessarily) sporting student is required to keep an eye on the Union's 200+ clubs and societies. The candidate we are looking for will be adaptable and able to appreciate the interests of all the clubs and societies.

ref DP(E&W) : Deputy President (Education and Welfare) Not as fluffy as it may sound, this position is important to the average student. Education is what we are here for and the candidate for this position will have the interests of the student body at heart. The ability to organise effective welfare campaigns to raise student awareness on a variety of issues is required. As this is the first year this position is in existence, the job will involve defining the role further,

ref EDITOR : Felix Editor You only need to read this issue to realise that the Felix Editor will have to be organised and genuinely interested in journalism!

To apply for any of the above positions, or for more information, contact Marie Nicholaou in the Union or sign up on the elections notice board opposite the Union offices. The deadline for applications is 5pm Friday 12th February. 12 Science 1 February 1999

Catxfe^yyC&yvy of a/

One/ w&masvy qaeit for aU^nati^e^ivCbfilme^ by Michelle Martin

t was only last year that I lost my were handcuffed to the bed. Gone Iinnocence. Before that day, I'd only were the days of eyeing up the talent heard about it via whispered con in the local bar, only to be left with your versations that I strained to hear, catch pick of the slobbering drunks still stand ing only a few disjointed words before ing at closing time. When you logged being deafened by the explosive gig on you could be sure of a love match. gles that ensued. From what I had gath My eyes were opened. I knew that it ered, it was a phenomenon that went would only be a matter of time before on behind closed doors, In 'private I succumbed to the joys of cybersex. rooms' in the US, but it Although curious, I was spreading fast... you could even was also nervous. Would I was first corrupted I do it right? Would my by Rikki Lake. It was get plug-in inexperience show? And around the time of day what would my lover do when most students attachments" afterwards? Would he decide to sample the steal my cybercherry and wide range of daytime talk shows avail then log off, leaving me alone and able on television (strictly for educa confused? First I asked my friends for tional purposes, obviously). As I flicked advice. Most of them were also through the channels, I caught that cybervirgins, but some told me stories familiar, comforting mantra "Go Rikki! involving a 'friend of a friend' who had Go Rikki!" and settled down with my tried it. According to one of my more on the Naked Truth chat room. Could lowed.... well a lady has her secrets cuppa for half an hour of dysfunctional open-minded friends, you could even this be it? Had I found a cybersex play you know. family life. But today there were no get plug-in attachments that could be ground? I entered my pseudonym - After it finished, he kindly offered alcoholic mothers, no teenage fathers remotely activated via your partner's Lovebunny. Keen but not too sleazy, me a cigarette. As we puffed away we and no girl gang members. Today, Rikki keyboard. I decided to give this a miss that'd do. After exchanging small talk chatted about our lives. Michael was a finally exposed the secret that had cap as it may cause an unnecessary distur with the group, I professed my inno tall, dark-haired golf professional. And tivated me for so long - the world of bance in the computer room. After cence, and asked for some direction, this was only the second time that he'd cybersex. My days of innocence were weeks of deliberation, I was finally "How can I enter a private room?" had cybersex. Somehow I wasn't sure over. ready to experience my First Time. "Click on the View Personal Mes where reality began and fantasy ended. The show featured guests who had What I hadn't realised was that, for sages icon at the top of the screen to It was when he asked me if I ever vis scanned the internet looking for love, the first timer, cybersex is surprisingly access the room. Then type their name, ited the States that the term 'desperate romance or just a quick thrill. Each one difficult to find. According to Rikki followed by a colon in sad social misfit' came to had found the cybermate of their everyone was at it, so where were they order to send a private "I was finally mind. Bidding him good dreams and stolen away into a private all hiding? After 2 hours of searching I message," came a helpful bye, he replied that he room in order to consummate their felt about as sexy as a used toilet brush. reply. ready to hoped we would meet link. This had led to steamy romances All I'd found was a rather unsavoury site As soon as my finger again and that next time - stolen moments in the office and entitled ."hardcore grannies" (mine is touched the mouse a bar experience my I didn't have to have sleepless nights filled with passion. currently turning in her grave) and an rage of messages filled cybersex with him if I did Each partner had laid on-line the frame, some merely First Time." n't feel like it, we could bare their most secret dating suggestive and some just talk. Somehow I got of fantasies, safe in service. downright disgusting. Scrolling down the impression that if I did talk to him the knowledge that The latter wards, I considered them one by again then he may ask me to marry there would be no wouldn't one...BlackStud wanted my phone him. chance of their part have number for rather more than small talk After my new experience I felt a lit ner nipping out to been so - no way. HotRod4u's spelling was tle disappointed. After all Rikki's

Tescos . ~a bad if the appalling (as a friend using the com promises I was left wondering what all whilst only mem puter next to mc commented "he prob the fuss was about. When it comes to they ber in London had ably can't type very well using only his sex, in reality men may fumble with n't looked as if his left hand"). I his distasteful image your bra strap and fart in bed, but at

:ace had somehow col served to cross him off the list imme least you know one thing - what you lided with a diately. Along with him went anyone see is what you get. In the world of ff|gj|h. speeding who mentioned their 'big stick' within cyberspace fantasy, there may be no Hb tube train. the first couple of sentences. Only a flaccid moments or all too brief spotty young teenager would exhibit encounters, but you may well be ^ i v\as in soft such a lack of foreplay. Finally I was left writhing in ecstasy with an overweight focus. with Michael. Confessing to him that bricklayer. So did this experience finally I was jus! about to this was my first time, he promised to put an end to my obsession with cyber give up. when I stumbled be gentle with mc. As for what fol- sex? Virtually. CENTENARY LECTURE SERIES: MAKING PIGS FLY Great Engineering Achievements of the Last 100 Years

ENGINEERING IN NATURE (and those who cracked it!)

PROFESSOR IGOR ALEKSANDER Pro Rector - External Affairs Author, Renowned Intellectual and Funny, too.

Mechanical Engineering Lecture Theatre 220, 5-6pm Tuesday 2nd February 1999

City & Guilds College Union Centenary 1898 - 1998

THE MOST SUCCESSFUL EVENT AT IMPERIAL A SPECTACULAR NIGHT OF FOOD , SONG & DANCE FRIDAY 12th FEBRUARY 1999

Tickets available from ICU Off ic /cu £12 - Full ticket (Food Fair, Cult

IMPLRIAL OOLLLGL UNION 14 1 February 1999 Reviews Hilary and Jackie * * * * *

Starring : Emily Watson, Rachel Griffiths, James Frain, David Morrissey, Charles Dance, Celia Imrie Director: Anand Tucker

here are certain genres for which hood, the story then splits in two, first fol TBritish cinema is renowned: cos lowing Hilary's life, and then Jackie's, tume drama,- bittersweet comedy; fair enough, it's hardly an original idea, hard-hiting drama; even romantic com but here it's briliantly played out, as the edy. Yet despite being acclaimed as one two sisters lives drift apart and then sud of the finest British movies of the denly become one once again, with their decade, Hilary and Jackie contains none relationship ebbing and flowing like the of these elements. Or all of them - let sea. It has to be a sign of quality when me explain. you see a scene repeated within twenty In its simplest sense, it's a biopic of minutes, yet arc happy for that repitition. legendary cellist Jacqueline Du Pre (Wat Put together with some terrific act son), who rose to fame in sixties London, ing from the cast of unknowns (plus a 1 becoming the most famous classical Iff surprisingly up-beat performance from musician of her day. But far more impor 1 Charles Dance), this makes for a brilliant tantly, it's the story of her relationship movie. And then the music begins. with her sister Hilary (Griffiths), and how, Jacqueline Du Pre's trademark piece, despite almost identical childhoods, their Elgar's Piano Concerto, is used to per lives take almost diametrically opposed fection, sparingly reserved for two or courses. Both are musically gifted, but it wm: three key moments when its swelling roll is the highly competitive nature of their will send a chill down your spine. Pow relationship which spurs Jackie on to Jacqueline Du Pr&. Have cello, will travel.. erful, emotional and heartfelt, Hilary and greatness whilst Hilary leads a 'normal' Jackie is without a doubt the best British life. revolving around the sisters marriage biopic hardly ever seen in this country. movie of at least the last twelve months At the same time, however, it's and Jackie's obsession with sex. This time around, he has ditched the - give praise once more to those won funny - as both Hilary and Jackie battle Despite the quality of the story, how strange camera effects, documentary derful people at Channel Four films - with their parents to explore sixties lib ever, it's the construction of the movie feel and surreal style, instead favouring and deserves every ounce of praise that eration - and heartwrenching - as Jackie that really deserves the highest praise. a more audience friendly (although still it receives. The Oscars are there for the begins to slide towards her tragic end. Director Tucker's only previous directing non-linear) approach. Having followed winning.... fl And there are romantic subplots too, credit came with Saint-Ex, an arthouse the sisters through their communal child Dave Bulworth

Starring : Sean Astin, Warren Beatty, Halle Berry, Oliver Piatt, Don Cheadle, Graham Beckel, Paul Sorvino Director: Warren Beatty

hanks to the American political truth. He tells a black audience that no- rollercoaster that is the Clinton one will ever make their lives better Tadministration, we seem to be because they don't give money to cam inundated with 'clever' political thrillers paign funds; he goes to all night parties at the moment. Primary Colours was a and openly takes drugs; and, above all, thinly veiled commentary on America's he raps. growing distrust of its politicians, whilst Thanks to some good support from Wag The Dog opted to reality in favour the likes of Halle Berry, as the inquisitive of satire. So, is Bulworth from the same love-interest, and Oliver Piatt, as Beatty's stable? long-suffering aide, it almost works. But The simple answer is no. The pitch only almost. Ultimately, Bulworth can't behind the movie rests almost entirely on decide what kind of movie it wants to be that terrifying phrase 'Warren Beatty rap - Beatty clearly wants to make a point, yet ping'. It's a truly terrifying concept that he the inclusion of comedy hit-men only barely manages to pull off - but not with serve to weaken the message. More out some worrying suggestions that a over, it's a message that applies to a large part of the American electorate fantasy world where South Central LA can only understand him if he raps his would be prepared to accept a US Sen campaign. Considering Beatty is a pillar ator in their midst. If nothing else, it's of the US liberal movement, it's a very Warren Beatty and Halle Berry. Surely there's something wrong there? impossible to take any image or message worrying attitude. Moreover, Bulworth away from the film apart from the endur isn't rooted in fascination with Clintons. seems to honestly believe that if one for re-election and facing a nervous ing picture of Warren Beatty wearing It's a satire about the ethos of US politics; middle-class politico actually experienced breakdown. He suddenly decides that his baggy trousers and a beanie hat and the overriding them-and-us dynamic real life in the slums then all America's life is worthless, and puts a contract out rapping a political address. A surreal which separates the politicians from the problems would be solved. How sweet. on his own life. With nothing left to live experience. 13 poorer half of their electorate. Beatty Senator Bulworth (Beatty) is running for, he finally decides to start telling the James 1 February 1999 Film 15 Reviews & Competition Stepmom **

Starring : Chris Columbus Director: Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon, Ed Harris DATE

uck. I don't have a problem with Ysentimental movies. I don't have a Six Days, problem with crying in the cinema (I frequently do) but what I do have a Seven Nights problem with is any movie that tries at every turn to make you ball your eyes Harrison ford, on a desert island, being out and call for more Kleenex. brave and getting the girl - surely a win Stepmom is such a movie. ning combination? Sadly, no is the Problem number one is definitely answer. Its an obvious, entirely pre the choice of director. Chris Columbus dictable movie, that relies on a plot that has come to fame via Home Alone, Mrs could have been lifted out of a boys Doubtflre and Nine Months. This is not own adventure. the guy you want to put at the helm of The plane in which lord is flying a depressing weepie with hardly a laugh Anne Heche (famed for her relationship in sight. Thus, we're left with an irritating with Ellen DeGenres more than her muddle of a movie, plus some really, Old bald bloke gets Julia Roberts. Clearly a believable plot there then... movie career) across the South Seas is really annoying kids. hit by lightning, they crash land, they On the other hand, the biggest plus argue, they fight pirates, they escape, comes in the form of the cast. Roberts insufficient. tale is Harris, in unfamiliar territory and they fall in love. Yawn, tord seems to be and Sarandon are in typically good form It's an incredibly cheesy tale, as their completely out of his depth. attempting to recreate Han Solo - but (and are both hotly tipped for Oscar combined maternal instincts force the Stepmom serves only one useful moved to the South Pacific twenty years nomination), both producing their best two women to get on, despite the fact purpose - to showcase the talents of its on it just doesn't work. work for some time. Roberts does well to that they hate each other and have dia two stars. Sadly, just because it contains win sympathy in the role of 'the other metrically opposed outlooks on life. This two good performances, that doesn't woman' in Ed Harris' life, who struggles conflict is deepened when Sarandon mean it's worth seeing. It's not - so don't. Replacement to look after his kids. Meanwhile Saran suddenly discovers that she has cancer, Unless you're going to the cinema with don finds the entire audience rooting for and (of course) has to give up the chil your mum - in which case take five Killers her as she gives up her children, despite dren so that they can get used to their boxes of tissues. Q regarding Roberts' efforts as appalingly new mother....Somewhere in this pitiful Dave At last, with the success of Jackie Chan in Rush Hour and Jet Li in Lethal Weapon Lour, the stars of Hong Kong cinema seem to have made their mark on Hol Win cinema tickets with the lywood. Sadly, however, The Replace ment Killers hasn't had the same kind of effect on the career of Chow Yun-Fat. That's hardly an injustice, though, as this movie isn't anywhere near the usu ally high standards of the diminutive star. The gunplay is good and there are some brilliantly over-the-top action sequences, but the choreography isn't up to scratch, leaving the movie without KENSINGTON the crucial 'wow' factor.

This week those lovely people at the Tom Wilkinson, Imelda Staunton, Martin Lost in Space Odeon Kensington give you the chance Clunes and Simon Callow - produce a to win tickets to costume comedy brilliant ensemble performance. Lost in Space is worth renting for two smash Shakespeare in Love. We have five pairs of tickets to give reasons. Firstly, the fight with the space Gwyneth Paltrow has already won a away, plus a copy of the CD sound spiders on board the mystery space-sta Golden Globe for her acclaimed per track, Shakespeare in Love writing paper tion is breathtakingly good, splattering formance (once again demonstrating and a special tie-in copy of Shake state-of-the-art effects liberally across her surprisingly believable English speare's sonnets, tor a chance to win, the screen. Secondly, Matt Le Blanc's accent), and is a hotly tipped favourite simply answer the following question: performance is hilarious - it's basically for the Oscars. She plays Viola, Will Joey in space. On the other hand, Lost Shakespeare's very own Juliet, who Writer Tom Stoppard wrote which in Space isn't worth renting twice for drags the struggling playwright out of other celebtated Shakespeare spin-off? one (simple) reason - the plot. It does his spiraling depression and inspires n't make any sense. At all. It only serves him to write some of his most famous If you know, then email your answers to link the effects shots (750 in all) work. to [email protected] before Wednes together - and it even does that badly. Alongside Paltrow, Joseph fiennes day evening. The first five names out of Basically, it's a kiddies movie through is in his element as the foppish bard, the virtual hat will be winging their way and through. One to rent on a rainy Sun and an amazing support cast - including to the sixteenth century for absolutely day afternoon. D Judi Dench, Geoffrey Rush, Ben Afleck, no charge. Dave 16 Music 1 February 1999

Albums Singles SNOWPONY the seciDni|i:|il||l!bf Celebrity Skin The Slow Motion World of SnowponyP continues the trend of f-tdlillBl|g nut pop songs Ih< new image reaflflfg the sign ot monev .ill ovet it - the prob n first listen, I thought opening track Easy Way Down to the lemfsUbarthiSIs really well done. Ihe Snowpony were just another funky Rolling Stones-esque riff on John song has a definite Smashing Pump O generic indie band, with their Brown, their most recent single. The kins leel to II, whit h isn't that surprising spritely guitars and melancholic female general tone of the album is reflective when you consider thafh B!|lv: Ccicg^n vocals. But after a few late nights listen with tinges of jealousy, neuroticism and wasinvolv d the single is backed with ing to the album, sitting in semi-dark insecurity. This can make the lyrics very whatleierns to be almost a reprise of ness and feeling in a pensive mood, endearing and often makes a fairly dull Maiibu (Drag), which recalls the aggres- they started to grow on me. They use a song into an interesting one such as Slon ol the Hole of old and a good subtle blend of harmonies that caress the track Love Letters which focuses on cover of Dylan's // s All Over Baby Blue. your musical g-spot with a gently prob a broken relationship. ing finger, arousing melodic nuances Don't think that it's all doom and Mansun - Six

and absorbing rhythms in your tempo gloom, though. The shuffling groove of \ .i. only is there just one:track providp rals. the percussion stops it all getting too here it'sa remix Mlhough it's hard to Two years in the making. The Slow downbeat, and there's always a big, sa\ what has been done to it as I've Motion World... shows quite a resem deep bass-line round the corner to keep neVSf'beardilTte.original version, the blance to The Breeders and My Bloody you interested. song makes a reasonable stab at being Valentine, with whom bassist Debbie I don't think there's enough here to dreamy, bi it the \ e. als UMIIV get on mv Googe once played. The songs still put The Slow-Motion World... into the nerves, Ihe band lust doesn't seem to sound fresh though, mainly thanks to 'outstanding' category but Snowpony hi suited lo down-beat stuff the vocals Pet Shop Boy and Girls their use of aptly placed samples which have style and elegance, as well as elo and ihe muslf don't work togethet just lend a larger perspective to the tunes. quence. It's definitely worth making an when the musii makes a connection This is due to the influence of ex-Stere- effort to have a listen and I know I won't those whmy vocals come In and even olab keyboardist, Katharine Gifford, who get bored of this album for a long time. thing fails apart, the band have done has certainly had a lot of experience in B better things. the old sampling game. Tom The album as a whole has a good McAlmont - A Little Communication range of styles - no two songs sound sim ilar- with a great mix of different guitar textures, from the raw stutter of the

THE MUTTON BIRDS Rain, Steam and Speed

ain, Steam and Speed is the tioned already; it's the Lmmerdale of fourth album from New music; it's akin to an afternoon spent in f \ Zealand's The Mutton Birds and the company of William Hague. One to be frank it's a dull affair. It is certain song, The Falls, manages to escape the ly not as offensively dull as, say, Robbie mire, being almost sentient. The others Williams, M-People or The fighthouse come and go like Italian Governments. family - it's just plain dull. The muso- Keeping a track of which song is playing friendly amongst us will rejoice in its is nigh on impossible - the only reminder rh< rs's also a Step* hlld mix which at AOR/MOR glow; American College of their presence is the constant tedium. radio will revel in its ordinariness. Those If your goals are average and your b\ putting the una! through a\ocoder of us who consider Capital, Heart and yearnings swathed in the ordinary then However, you sonn realise that the Virgin to be the doyen of pop music this is the album for you. El whole remix is built a really Irritating broadcasting will adore the impassivity,- Chris and this seems to include almost every one who works in the same lab as myself. Idlewlld - When I Argue I See Shapes The 'Birds looking a tad sheepish. You and I know different, though. We know what's got it and what hasn't. ing them to kingdom come, how could It's something that can't be quantified idiewiiu lair Bv being titre, ot course and qualification is almost as hard. It isn't taught or learnt, it's intuitive. The problem is that there don't seem to be quiet bits into songs this doesn't w irk many of us that possess this ability to dis and I hey look stupid th' more aggfes- criminate between what's got it and sive hits sound convincing It's lust that what hasn't, tor every tlvis there are a ibos< quiet bits sound foro d and slut k dozen Cliff Richards; for every inspira i >n. esp€eialg5eeJhf:asthe vocalist, can't tional chart hit there are a dozen that are sing in that stvle al all Not only do tht y limp, pallid and downright offensively disgrace my homeland, hutth<:y have to poor. I'm not saying this album is one of come from tht same city, thes canjist the latter, it's just dull, as I may have men- [)<5>2> 011 1 February 1999 Music 17 Albums Singles

LTJ BUKEM Midget are doomed to cult status. In, ir Progression Sessions kid, but the lyrii s are oftel too i he erf u I he first two Logical progression the listener is drawn in, and the beats get admittedly I've never been a fan of MCs for the rock audience The single Is really titles from the last couple of progressively harder and faster, moving banging on about how powerful the T years have been heavy, fast, into garage territory. groove is and why we absolutely must lis botinQ whilst In. Inggultaci that won loud and sample laden drum and bass The vocals though, become a minor ten to it -1 would prefer it vastly if they der into metal territory on s^fSj|||#i affairs (who could forget that subliminal irritation with scant deviation from a very would bloody well shut up and let me. sions Twla as sfe' features the more Ferris Bueller sample?) and It was with small repertoire of content and styles. For And to be fair, the further the album punkier aspects of the band's sound some optimism that I snaffled Mr B's lat me, MC Conrad has an awful lot to say goes, the more intensely the music while stlli staying cheerful The single Is est studio offering. about nothing. The quality of the music comes at you, and bloody good it is too; r{)undilll||:ii|ll^lSf Bullets, which The first impression is that of a more itself, gliding gently yet decisively from a rare instance in the creatively satu vocal style, keeping the trademark drum track to track, mood to mood, does more rated field of drum and bass. Again, the and bass drive but rounding off the than enough to satisfy, but after only ten analogue effects have the potential to edges of the sound, quieting down the minutes or so of listening you are beg set it apart from the crowd, but that big beats and generally calming the ging for a change. A different vocalist or damn MC just won't shut up. It's like H O O N sound. He has added a very professional preferably an instrumental track? No, you being stuck in a cinema with someone C refinement to the analogue treble lines; get yet more of the unrelenting and telling you how good this bit is or to lis reminiscent of Orbital in their subtlety almost grating onslaught of that same ten for this line because it is important Divine Comedy - National Express and lightness of touch. The sampling, style, shamelessly and continuously later: Just leave me to it, OK? Great beats, too, has been tamed to an infrequent extolling its own virtues. Even when a great bass, great atmosphere, great ana treat instead of the staple (but wholly new rapper (DRSI believe) comes in, his logue work, but, well, you guessed it... nourishing) diet of LTJ's previous works. style is largely undiscernable from the TS Mr.Trout Sure enough, as the album continues, resident. It seems a minor quibble, and

SMOG SIZZLA Knock Knock Kalonji

highly technologcal modern studio wasn't expecting to be taken aback sound but at times the songs felt like by this album when I picked it up, they needed a little fleshing out. I but in confidence to my instincts, I On first listen I really just did not get this. Production arguments aside the was right. That's not to say that the However next time round It made per lyrics themselves involve a lot of thought material is totally crap. On the contrary, fect sense. The song is all about the joys about how modern life is so anonymous, some of it is very listenable and pleas of travelling by bus and is done In an and routine. The songs detail fantasies ant. I actually played this album twice upbeat Sinatra-esque style. Alter a tew about chance enounters with strangers. within this week and it sounded differ listens you really get Into this. How can On the Road-esque travels through the ent for the better on the second occa you fault a song with the lines 'Miniskirts country and beyond. The songwriter sion. were in style when she danced down really seems to feel empowered by con I wouldn't describe the sound as Ihe aisle in ' 63./But it's hard to get by stant movement through his increas pure, "standard" raggae, if I may, it's when your arse Is the size of a small ingly meaningless world. The lyrics really more like a streetwise hip-hop beat rid country.' The humour in ihe song is help prop up this album - with the "min ing on strong raggae roots. Nothing spot on, nice b-sldes as well. imalist" instrumentation forcing you to stands out too much apart from break concentrate on the words being sung beats on tracks such as Lovely Morning, Babylon Zoo - All The Money's Gone more than the rest of the bands contri which is a reviving track in its own right. I put this single on and as the song mmm. When I received this CD bution. Ancient Memories is a perfect example started, t thought that It had a worrying I sat down on my funky inflat This is an album of contraditions of the hip-hop beats: mellow and fresh resemblance to a combination of Oasis H able chair and slipped the CD and half followed through ideas. After a but the origin is founded firm; strong and recent Smashing Pumpkins. As the into my hifi. All was well. But then my couple of songs in this delicate style vocals and a beautiful compliment of song progressed the resemblance was eyes glanced down at the sleeve notes Smog have fashioned themselves along flute and string. That's as good as it gets refined to an electronic Oasis The band - Smog's style Is described as "Super comes a Spiritualised Come Together on this album. oven try a sort of strummy acoustic Sexy Space Cowboy". Oh dear, I style rouser, which shakes you up, with The album is only listenable up to break, which Is screwed up royalty. This thought. This does not bode well. the help of some tight harmonizing and about half way. It just gets too boring also happens on the b-side Chrome Luckily the music on the cd does rise the Chicago childrens choir. after that. I hear a lot of the same back- Invader and the remix of All the Moneys above the standard of the sleeve notes. I think this album will probably grow beats on many of the tracks but that's Gone manages to improve ihe song by But not by much. on me with repeated listenings but I just a probably a raggae thing. After a disposing of most of it. This single stinks I suppose if I had to pin some influ can't see it redeeming itself to sufficent while, it just sounds like the same thing of sell-out. the band seem to be telling ences on this Chicago band, it would be levels to merit a higher score. Summing over and over - not good. us why they are making their come Pink Floyd and REM. The lead singer has up, this record has some really beautiful You can probably guess which are back. They can just go away now and a gravelly, gruff but tuneful voice and the and delicate snatches of brilliance in it - the only two good tracks on this album, never come back El rest of the band seem to be well skilled but not enough to raise the standard but still not single material. It this album Jamie in their chosen instruments. But while above average. is meant to promote raggae then I'm some tracks on the album worked in a One to watch next album around. not impressed. If it's just something Siz- simple and delicate way, I felt that some El Joel zla felt like doing in his spare time then of the tunes sounded positively 'under he shouldn't have bothered. Don't produced'. I appreciate that the band expect to see this go platinum. El may be trying to move away from the Asad 18 Music 1 February 1999 Album PRINCE PAUL A Prince Among Thieves

ith more tracks, guest artists and random alleged good guy - ends up being shot dead by one animal noises than your regular hip-hop time friend the evil True - played by newcomer Sha - W album, A Prince Among Thieves is much proving that evil always conquers good in these stories. more than your average offering, tor a start it's been But what about the music? The beat flavours are in the production pipeline for what seems an eternity, classic Prince Paul with Wu-Tang influences plus a little as release promises have been continually broken. spraying of well-chosen beats for particular atmos However, now it's here and we forgive you Prince Paul pheric scenes. Of the thirty-five tracks on the album the for without a doubt you have produced one of the highpoints come with the disco spiced More Than You hip-hop albums of the year. Know where Prince Paul's old collaborators De La Soul After time with De la Soul, Stetsasonic and a part- are in charge of the rhymes and Crazy Lou's Hideout time job with the Gravediggaz, Prince Paul has all the where long time hip-hop headcase Kool Keith rants and credentials to produce the great hip-hop album that this raves as gun dealer Crazy Lou. There's further guest is. Moreover, after further listening there proves to be appearances from such stars as House of Pain's L-ver- much more to A Prince Among Tfw'eves than what first last (as a policeman, appropriately enough) and hip- meets the ear. Like the Goats' classic Tricks of the Shade hop old boys Big Daddy Kane and Biz Markie. However, and the Gravediggaz' superb Niggamortiz, A Prince it's the random animals that seem to have been ran Among Thieves tells a story. What's more is that fol domly scattered across the album who are the most wel lowing this music release we will later be treated with come guests, especially the elephant and the sheep 'Straight to video' film to follow shortly. a big screen cinematic version of the story - straight to who both interrupt the flow from time to time. Who video, I'm sure. knows what the relevance of these beasts is though. So, what's in the story? Unsurprisingly, it's about So after twelve years in the business. Prince Paul the rise and fall of some thugs in the gangsta world of has landed his first solo album, and this time the drugs, guns and music in downtown New York. The magic number is five. El hero of the story is Tariq played by Breeze of local under James ground crew the Juggaknots and indie rap supergroup the Indelible MCs. The key to it all is raising the money to finish a demo tape for Wu-Tang overlord the Rza. Of course, to raise the cash our young hustler becomes a drug dealer and equips himself with a powerful firearm along the way. Another non-surprise is that Tariq - the

Tha Bomb!

/ This week has been rush, rush, rush. The these boys, why? (I wonder....music ed). People look at tastic production and the four girls sing jjjk problem stems from too much to do and their image of an all boy band geared for girls and cuss their hearts out. This is already massive ^B not enough time to do it in and that's why them, but you gotta check their tunes. This is a tight sin and the British release should, if there's this week all you get is a quick look at the gle that works on the vocals and these boys have got any justice, send it through the roof. singles out and due for release in Britain. Next week voices, it brings back the old days of real soul. should be better ...but with the way I write there is some When You Believe by Marlah & Whitney doubt. The dream team? When news first broke, that they were going to do a track together, back in the summer I was Westslde-TQ hyping it to the max. Now it's out and to tell the truth this has been getting nuff airplay and looks all set to it's a bit of a disappointment, at least I think so. The do some serious damage on the charts. It's the first sin vocals are solid, I mean these are two of the best gle off his They Never Saw Me Coming Set long player voices in the business so you wouldn't expect them to and it's right on point. Listening to it makes me won I be shit. The rest of the record is not really worth the der whether it's rap or soul, TQ (real name Terrance I effort, it just doesn't doit. Maybe it's because it's these Quaities) has moved the goal posts creating a single two that I expect so much more, try again girls! that harks back to the smooth west coast sound but adds a little bit more. Westside is a homage to the man's I Touch It by Monifah homeland with the shout outs to fallen comrades Up-tempo little number that has Monifah trying to (Tupac, Eazy) and props for the people he was down come out like the original freak Adina Howard and miss- - with back in the day. His vocals are excellent and the ing. Some solid, if dodgy, production and the vocals are mid tempo beat is killer all adding to a standout single good but the record hasn't quite got the finishing for the start of '99. touch. It's the opening single from her new album to . follow and I'm hoping there's something better on the Gimme Some More by Busta Rhymes album or else it ain't gonna sell. Gimme some more, more, more of this. Monster tune that's just there! It's Busta time! This boy just don't stop, Destiny's Child - I'll get on More Than You Know by Prince Paul feat. De La Soul after Woo Haa I thought there's no beating this, but your bus anyday! The first single release from Prince Paul's phat new for the second set he comes with Put Your Hands....' album A Prince Among Thieves is his collaboration and now for the new set he drops this. The boy is mad with old pals De La Soul. It's a real change from the hard and this is out of this world....buy it! Get On The Bus by Destlnys Child feat. Timbaland flavour that hip-hop is experiencing, and the disco First taste came last year on promotional copy and had beat that the tune rolls along to is outstanding. Check / Want You for Myself by Another Level us all licking our lips, waiting for the release, and now it. So many people have cussed me for giving props to it's here. Timbaland blows everyone away with his fan Mi ten iCU Your Union - Run for You IMI'I Kl\l COM 1(11 UNION 20 Clubscene 1 February 1999

wimple «ii

ml I

333

Old Street, EC1. Saturdays, £B/£8/£10, jumping about all over the shop), in the 10pm-5am, capacity - 600. Dress code - middle is your soft cheesy-house centre, none. whilst the topping is an exquisite chill-out room (one of the best I've ever been to). 333 is the name of the club and the In this room where you can relax your night, well the night doesn't have a body after a hard bounce around the name (neither does their Friday night do rest of the premises, but not to twiddley, as far as I can see). But does this matter mind-achingly boring nonsense by the one little bit? Well, of course it doesn't. Orb and other assorted weirdos. No, As long as everything is chilled and this is chill-out music with a distinct edge groovy in the club then who cares about to it. Soothing enough to be relaxing, but big name nights with wanky cult fol- still up-beat enough to keep that under lowings? It's just as good to go to an lying feeling that you really want to go unpretentious place like this with its back and dance on the main dancefloor own wanky cult following. There are at some point soon. plenty of regulars around on the Satur I know this is completely unprofes day night, but these are nice locals - no sional of me, but I can't remember who attitude or snobbery is shown to those any of the DJs were. No-one famous I clearly visible new comers like myself. It don't think, but that was and is the whole was as if I could have been going to the point. It just didn't matter. The residents place for ages - and maybe I will in the were stunning (both their mixing and the future. tracks they played), the crowd was great, I like most of the clubs that I go to the venue was funky, and you even had on your behalf (tough life, I know!), but a choice of loos to go to (posh ones you this one was especially fluffy. From what had to pay for and skanky fellas that I've said above it is fairly clear that the were obviously free). Nice place - try it club is just as important in this instance out. as the night. And if you went there you'd Graham Gooch's see why they mainly keep it to them Favourite. selves. 333 is set on three different lev els (of course!), the base is made of hard-edged D&B beats (with the crowd Roobarb Clubs to Watch in '99 Swallow

"Swallow is a crew of teenage chaps on frolics starting at 10pm and ending at the edge of something big, with a blend 6am the following morning. As well as of hard uplifting horse, techno and drum the aforementioned music, there will and bass" be about ten DJs playing each event I've written quite a bit on Swallow, spread over a couple of arenas. MCs but before now it was only for one-off will also be in full effect, as will per events. Now they have finally got them formers, dancers and drummers. I ree selves a regular night. With different sweets and icepops will also be available. kinds of music, loads and loads of DJs Swallow will be one of fondon's best and a cheap entrance fee, it's a club for nights out, catering for a large audience, us students to watch out for, and visit. and is already getting rave reviews in a It will be a fortnightly Friday night number of magazines and listings. Club- event, starting March 19th at the newly scene will be there when it all kicks off refurbished Club Innocence, SL1. Not - see you there! far from London Bridge, it's easy to get to, and has loads of night bus routes so you can get home easily. I or students it will cost £8 to get in, with the fun and Gurm 1 February 1998 Clubscene 21 Albums Singles Album of the Week FFRR Classics 1988-1998 (fffr) Hardfloor ffrr has been with the dance music Single of the Week tion but works surprisingly well. Comes "All Targets Down" (Harthouse) explosion in Britain since the very begin with a few mixes, but the best one is With remixes of New Order and ning. An offshoot of London Records, it's Mankey the Dub mix where the lass doesn't Mori Kante to their name (amongst oth Pete Tong's label and has been associ "Fire" sing (??) as much! ers), it is no surprise that Hardfloor's ated with some of the best tracks to A quality house track with heavy album "All Targets Down" is of superb have ever hit the dance-floors. The bass lines and a woman randomly quality, retaining the distinctive sounds album (as you can tell from the title) is screaming "baby". A tune where the Overground Werx associated with Hardfloor. There are nine a compilation of all the very best ffrr synthesisers get the full treatment, to "Gonna Lose My Love" tracks on the hour-long CD, which also tunes to have been produced - naturally give a hands-in-thc-air anthem. Comes Euro-house style, lots of synthesis Includes a bonus track. All the tracks are they're not all there but most of them with two mixes - a vocal mix (where she ers, breakdowns and heavy bass lines. hard house / techno with heavy bass are. There are three CDs and with about screams "baby") and a dub mix (where It starts off with a very annoying beat lines and Josh Wink type tweaking, per 17 tracks on each one you are getting she doesn't!). that goes on for ages before the actual fectly complementing the more subtle quality as well as quantity. What's more tune kicks in. Once it gets going it is background noises. It's a no-nonsense is that the CDs are all unmixed, allowing good. Coming with a vocal and dub album, demonstrating that Hardfloor you to enjoy the classics at their very Next Generation mixes, it reminds me of Cappella and cannot just remix, but can produce qual best. There's an enormous amount of "Forever" Culture Beat (remember them??). ity tracks of their own. As the advert variety on the album, with tracks by CJ A very unusual tune with plenty of reads, it's a collection of devastating Bolland, Salt n' Pepa, Orbital and Goldie, vocals (especially on the vocal mix!). tech-infected tracks - I'll go along with to name but a few. It's a great album that Again, lots of synthesisers used, though X ' ; that! will take you down memory lane the track is a mixture of D&B, euro- (remember that person you snogged at house and normal bog-standard house Gurm the Hacienda a few years ago? No - well all rolled into one. A strange combina Ministry of Sound this album will jog your memory). Superb Clubbers Guide to '99" - everything an album should be. For many people these mix compi Out Now lations are only as good as the singles the DJ has used. Now quite a lot of peo ple have heard this album - friends/flat Dope on Plastic 6 mates/the guys in the lads, and they've (React) all said the same thing.... "The Albums Another album, as the ever-popular OUAt-fTY PAPERS got nice packaging, shame about the collection reaches its collection now tracks". A view I agree with. There may reaches its sixth volume and it's getting be two CDs with a total of 37 tracks but better and better each time. DOP 6 is a I'm very surprised at Judge Jules' selec double CD album of the coolest, funki tion. Fair enough, as individual tracks est sounds around. There are chilled- they're not bad, but when they're mixed out tracks, funk, soul, and a bit of big together it's a bit of a mess. It is also a beat, making this an album of large vari bit disappointing to see that Jules is the ety and sheer class. If you liked any of only featured DJ "mixing" on the album the first five in the series, you'll love - makes the variety a bit thin. If you're this. planning to spend the £16 or so on the Out february 1st Free CDs album, at least try and listen to it first. With some pretty unimpressive tracks it would be wise to do so! Not bad, but not Jiml Tenor (well, nearly) the quality we expect from MOS. "Organism" This has to be the coolest, funkiest album around. It's a very chilled-out John "00" Fleming album that is somewhat like french "Licensed to Thrill" house music. The kind of music you'd This is an excellent mix compilation hear on cheesy 70s detective movies, it The Haldane Collection featuring John "00" Fleming. It's not dig is simply an essential buy. Some of the itally mixed, but recorded live and sounds are fantastic and there is plenty regularly purchases music demonstrates Fleming's superb DJ qual of variety. An extremely cool album - if ities at their very best. The tracks will send you want an idea it's like Jamiroquai but which can be borrowed by uplifting trance and progressive house much better, and without the annoying fans wild with delight - there's a mixture Jay Kay. any member of the library. of anthems and some not so famous tunes. Each track is great and mixes well with the tracks either side of it - as opposed to the "just checked together The Music Buyer needs to form an album" syndrome. The mix features tracks by Paul van Dyk and Jon Gurm your suggestions, so fill in the Dentist - comes highly recom mended. a form in the library or Out now contact [email protected]. 22 "T*"*^ Games 1 February 1999 PoohShark (PSX) Gremlin

ican sized tables, UK pub should be and if they did tables, and even full size n't pack it away there snooker tables. Also the would be no X-files. type of pool table affects But Gremlin have the background. Ahh yes not stopped there. In an the background. Obvi attempt to make this the ously the programming complete pool simula skills required to display tion they managed to the table by itself were sort out all of the differ far beneath the pro ent Rules sets. Unlike the gramming team, and so real world, you can find they have taken to plac out the rules before play ing the table in a virtual ing a foul stroke and room; so US tables play there is no opponent in either smokey pool that suddenly admits that clubs or airy American perhaps they really It's a Pool game. Yes I know that you bar scenes. UK tables are placed in a pub- should have mentioned that. Just to the table amazingly like proper pool balls probably thought that the pool game ish atmosphere, or a nice snooker club. show off they even have managed to - where players of my ability can snap the had been done to death a few years ago. The programmers did toy with the use rules that allow different numbers of cue ball into the pockets and off the The last time the pool genre was seen it Garage/Store virtual room for the 4 ft kids balls to be used. table with an almost frighteningly regu had several knives in its back and was pool table effect, but left it out because Pool, though, is a two player game. larity. staggering down a back alleyway. Pre the older programmers were complain What happens when flatmates and PoohShark is a good game that has sumed dead, Gremlin have found it and, ing that that's really where their car friends refuse to play after they get been spoilt by one thing. This one thing following drastic surgery, have brought beaten for the tenth time is the control mechanism. Instead of tak it back to the streets with its new per T'T:, :r in a row? Luckily the pro ing advantage of the analogue controller sona; Pool-Shark. So what makes Pool- grammers have decided and providing a control mechanism like Shark better than all those games that to include some Al com Actua golf 3, (where the analogue con were released previously? Is Pool-Shark a puter opponents, from troller controls the power of the shot), it six-million dollar, fully bionic pool game the completely incom is back to the old lining the cue and the or just a six dollar brush and shine job? petent to the frighten- ball up and then pressing the button as People remembering those old Pool ingly good pool shark a power bar increases and decreases. games can conjure up the image of crowd. While everything else in the game says slightly squashed, squared off balls mov So having captured play me, this control mechanism says ing on a perfectly rectangular table. the width of pool, how keep your distance. Get used to it and Things have improved since then. Pool- I much depth and length the rest of the game is a delight. Defi Shark offers the chance to play on not I does PoohShark contain? nitely a try from your video shop before one type of table but a whole shop worth I The graphics are crisp you buy. of different tables. Play on accurate Amer ' and the balls move along Gary 5.

Preview Ville 3 - The Virgin Conception Resident Evil 2 - The PC edition

missed. Back in 1996 Capcom much nastier and rather released the original Resident Evil. larger place. A third person action adventure Having already con game which featured tension in sumed the residents of the skip sized quantities. Playing secluded house, theT-Virus _ either a male or female special has now spread to the; cop, it involved exploring a nearest large population Jijj deserted house where you centre; goodbye roadrage, uncovered clues behind the mys hello flesh eating zombies. terious disappearances, found Once again you can try weapons, and defended yourself to discover how the virus against got zombies to and the the Finally Virgin Interactive is coming to the various hell city, while avoiding So what have they done to improve aid of all those PC owners who don't bound resi zombies, and it on the PC? Well the graphics have have PlayStations or have playstation dents. helping the few been beefed up, and there is the choice owning friends. All come and gather The sequel, survivors of the of either the original English or the Japan round for Resident Evil 2 is almost here. titled Resident disaster as cither a ese versions to play through. Above all, For all those who have managed to Evil 2 so not to rookie cop, or if as long as they have not messed too avoid reading, listening or smelling the confuse the you like trouble, as much with the gameplay element (and press coverage surrounding Resident Evil American mar a spunky young the 18 certificate seems to indicate not) here is a little bit of a hint of what you've ket, was set in a heroine. the game will be a certain five star. 1 February 1999 Games 23

Premier Manager '99 (PSX) lue 2 Jul '88 tCWCASTLt UMTEB Gremlin

It's sports simulations a go-go in the being a Playstation game there is a cer games towers again. But for once the tain emphasis on form, but fortunately game is not golf - shame as I had been not at the cost of function. The graphics rehersing all of my divot and ball puns all have been heavily revamped since the week. No, it's Gremlin's Premier Manager last version, with a new front end, and '99, a football management game for the several revamped tactical screens. The '99 Playstation owner with too much time on edition has also finally gone fully inter their hands. Those who have relation national, with both Italian and English ships with the opposite sex might just as leagues running parallel (yeah I know well get them to pack their bags and that CM2 did that a while ago, but might finally make it through ninety min to the club and the money might start leave for Antarctica, for if you like foot remember that's playing the 16 Mb game utes before he loses another ligament). rolling in. Where there is pleasure there ball management games you might just on a PC while here you are running it on Picking the side a little too tedious for is also the flip side of pain. Bring the sort be paying them slightly less attention something with slightly less grunt). your managerial post? I here is an option of success that Reading or Manchester C. for the next few months. Another complexity is that training now to allow the Al to select the best team for were enjoying last season and there is a Enough hype, what about the game. occurs on a one-to-one basis. Working on the formation selected - though if you do fair chance that the chairman might well How does it compare against Champi Gascoigne's fitness at the expense of select this option you arc not taking the give a vote of confidence, just before onship Manager 2, or even Champi his skills, rather than making the whole game seriously (bit like those cheats who opening the door to the virtual job cen onship Manager 3 (as if I've been of the side neglect their skill training is select automatic gears for the driving tre. allowed to see that little beauty!). Well possible (even poor old sick note Darren games). Worth the money? for all those sta Off the pitch and in the office, it's a tistic junkies, football management sim

The a. Sep .'98... NEWCAS1 LE UNITED case of balancing the books. The ability ulation addicts and unwashed with too fcrtghsh Premier DmsiQn to improve the facilities and increase the much time it is more than a worthy suc stadium capacity arc two of the new cessor to Premier Manager '98. Those ways to spend a fortune (though no who have never played a football man retractable pitch or roof options have ager game, select the automatic team been included - so your stadium will picking function and it might just lose never be perfect). To balance these you a week or two (time travelling for improvements money can be brought in wards rather than backwards). It is sim from sponsors. Obviously starting from ply the best football management the third division the sponsors you are simulator on the Playstation. going to get are not going to be spend ing a lot of cash, but bring some success Gary S.

GUI - Abacus - MCW Presents "EMBRACE" Disco Party Date: 8th February 1999, 10pm till late Venue: Hanover Grand Ticket Price: £8 members, £10 non members, £15 at the door.

Tickets available from ICU Abacus Committee Contact: Joey : [email protected] 24 Arts 1 February 1999 ANDREAS GURSKY: PHOTOGRAPHS 1994-1998 Serpentine Gallery

he world stands on the brink of the study at the Academy of Art in Dussel- Day III) and sprawling cities (Los Angeles). Gursky's pictures are carefully Tnext financial meltdown. You are dorf, supposedly the richest city in Ger Meanwhile the politicians in Bundestag planned, contrived and extensively on the floor of a stock exchange, many and famous if nothing else for its spiral towards ever increasing entropy. edited using a computer; they do not hemmed in by a riot of people in garish stock exchange. Sparse landscapes are another of really exist, this is especially the case jackets. They are flashing secret hand with a few of Gursky's photos, which signals and shouting about the price of tackle the concept of 'sensation trans 'October Arabica' and 'Brent Crude'. You ference'. All this somewhat facile phrase are feeling confused and a little claus means is that our perception of an object trophobic. Then you are in the high is influenced by its context; the triumph mountains, skiing across a glacier. The of packaging over substance. In the sky is blue, the air is cold and the scenery photo Prada II, Gursky shows some shelv stunning. How do you feel now? ing normally used to display expensive These are both photographs taken shoes in a flash boutique. Except there by Andreas Gursky and your personal is nothing on display,- nice package, response to his work is exactly what this shame about the contents. exhibition is about. Take his stock tvery photo is visually spectacular exchange photo, Chicago, Board of even if the intended meaning is hardly Trade. At first, you approach to examine revolutionary. Try appreciating them as it, like an old school photograph, scan visual objects, rather than engaging your ning for familiar faces. Up close, it is out brain. After all, this exhibition is not earth of focus yet suffused by digital clarity. You quake material, but the massive size of step back and then the detail merges each photo and the fascinating subjects into blurred splurges; some kind of order make it worth going to see. emerges from the chaos. The ideas of order and chaos are The year is 1984 and the author Gursky's subjects, and one of these, William Burns clearly ingrained in Gursky's soul and George Orwell. Photos like Times Square Rheln, depicts a section of the river as an come out as unifying themes in his work. or Hong Kong, Stock Exchange portray abstract object, devoid of people and Until 7th March Born in Leipzig in 1955, he grew up in our world not as chaotic but highly reg obvious points of interest. Engadln is a East Germany with experiences of polit imented; our offices have taken us pris startling panorama of cross-country skiers Admission: FREE ical and artistic repression. In his mid- oner. According to Gursky, order and on a glacier, surely not high art, but tech Nearest tube: South Kensington twenties, Gursky took the train west to control even pervade rock concerts (May nically superb and truly dramatic. Opening hours: daily 10am - 6pm ZANG TUMB TUMB - THE FUTURIST GRAPHIC REVOLUTION Estorick Collection

he Estorick Collection in Islington is Through reading we get a better also involved in promotion of products The rest of the gallery contains a Tthe London home of modern Italian idea of what Futurism actually is. All the from their own country. This is yet comprehensive collection of modern Ital art. This means that the gallery has books arc illustrated by the artists. They another sign of their modernity and ian art: sculptures, paintings and draw a strong tradition in showing Futurist art. let their imagination involvement in the ings. Since I last reviewed it, only gallery A few months ago, I wrote about a bril loose and the results progress and discov 6 has been changed. The political car liant show of Balla's paintings. Zang are as poetic as the eries of their time. toons have disappeared, giving way to Tumb Tumb is the latest exhibition deal authors' words. One Fhe ads shown arc more drawings by Modigliani and De ing with the Futurists' impact and influ of the most interest very effective - one Chirico. There are two beautiful new ence on contemporary art. It focuses on ing innovations is the for the Italian Lottery pieces; a standing figure by Sironi and a the literary input of the movement. The concept of 'onom- 1 4 and the other for the seated woman by Boccioni. Both have first room is full of excerpts from books alingua' - talking with aperitif Campari, tremendous poetry in them. The rest of and illustrations. Most of the texts are in onomatopoeias to futurism is perfect the permanent collection is very inter French or Italian with some English trans for advertising attain a better under If esting and highlights include Balla's lations but it would be of great help to because of the pro standing of language. paintings and Marini's sculptures. master at least one of these Latin lan fusion of ideas and They proclaim the It is essential that people go to visit guages. The main book studied here is the surprising use of splendour of geome the Lstoricks' house. Futurist fans will be Parole in Liberia (words in freedom) writ imagery. try and mechanics delighted to see more of what they like ten by the leader of the Futurists, thus creating a 'new Finally, the exhi and first timers will be overwhelmed by Marinetti. The manifesto includes claims beauty'. bition shows some these artists' extraordinary energy and that drastic changes need to be made in These artists are newspapers and imagination. the way people write. It celebrates the remarkable in the way magazines pub destruction of syntax and affirms the they challenged all lished over the D. complete disappearance of punctuation. the old ideas of the 1920s and 1930s, all These texts are tremendously energetic 19th century and pro brilliantly illustrated. Until 11th April and inspiring. The Italians also had the posed their own view Stile futurista had a help and personal involvement of the of the world, incorpo fundamental role in Nearest tube: Highbury & Islington most original and ground-breaking rating recent technological changes. The the history of the movement with its Admission: FREE to students French poets of the time: Cendrars, second room concentrates on advertis- influential thoughts and drawings. This is Opening hours: Wednesday - Saturday Cocteau and Jacob. ing and magazines. The Futurists were compelling viewing. 11am - 6pm (12 - 5pm on Sunday) 1 February 1999 Arts 25 BRIEF CANDLE New End Theatre

arlo Ardito's blue eyes sparkle woman "with the most elegant of skins", accompanied on the piano by Maureen which lack precision and are a "great Cwhen he explains how he paid she steers away from her quest for love Parry) and then her hearing. She starts mistake"), the role of religion and the £1000 for a genuine 1890 copy of and her father's will for her to marry, per reflecting on the pointlessness of human hypocrisy of the clergy. Quillcy brings the Marie Bashkirtseff's journals, which - after haps a little disillusioned by her parents endeavours, the wickedness of a sup audience to laughter with his mastery of years of obsession - inspired him to write own marital failure. posedly merciful the nuances of sarcastic inflexions in his his moving yet very witty play, Brief Can She stands up to her God, and the ironi voice, while White brings a refreshing dle. Marie Bashkirtseff was a 19th century father by pleading cal paradox between youthful smile to our faces. We never get Russian-born, trench-bred painter whose for the equal right of ambition and illness. bored by what we hear or see. Director premature death brought her the fame women to be pro Just as she starts to Stella Quilley's deep concern for minute she had always longed for. But one need fessional artists. By taste success, Marie details can definitely be sensed, whether not know much about this now (sadly choosing the arts reaches her with the accessories, the interesting use enough) forgotten artist to appreciate the (first music, then ineluctable fate, and of light and music, the divide of the performance. painting), Marie not dies of tuberculosis. stage (particularly relevant for the epis The play retraces her life from the only embraces a way However - and this tolary scene between Marie and the age of 13 when, comfortably secured in of life, but also fol is the moral of the author Guy de Maupassant), or the orig a cocoon of women figures and ser lows a self-imposed, story - art triumphs inal presence of a narrator guiding the vants (her mother, aunt, cousin and strenuous discipline over death since play. I inally, the theatre itself is small Misha - all perfectly acted by a strong cast which conflicts with I Bashkirtseff's writ and cosy, with no visibility or acoustics full of complicity), she longs for absolute her frail constitution. I ings and paintings problems. What more can we say, but go love and knowledge. Between a few "Whatever Marie is, jj today survive. Life, and check the play out for yourselves! We lines of Plato and Shakespeare (her intel she is intensely". M after all, should be thoroughly enjoyed it. lectual endeavours are hilarious when it As the play unfolds, we are moved lived like Marie's: a candle cut in four comes to French history!), she flirts with by Marie's wonderful character, played by and burning at all ends". Jenny and Nisha Dukes and Priests, as well as their hier the talented Celia White, who succeeds The play addresses serious themes, archical superiors, the king of Spain and in conveying the existential questioning, often with ironic undertones or outward Until 14th February the Pope himself. All the latter are played ambition, enthusiasm, suffering and humour, like the Russian elite in I ranee by Denis Quilley, who does a remarkable sometimes even cruel determination of during the 19th century, feminism, the Nearest tube: I lampstead job of switching from one character to the young woman. Progressively Marie place of art in life, the criteria of perfec Performance times: Tuesday - Saturday the other byway of costume changes. As loses her beautiful voice (note the live tion in painting (Bashkirtseff critically 7.30pm (week-end matinees 3.30pm) Marie grows into a stunningly beautiful singing of Tosti's Aprlle by Carol Wells describes Impressionism - as "patches" Tickets: concessions £7 NEUROTIC REALISM Saatchi Gallery

his is the latest show at the very other hand, Brian Griffiths' contribution he is the only person on the pictures, has created a fantastic maze on the floor famous Saatchi Gallery, which reg Osaka, Taylan and Ron is really funny. He often appearing several times on the from a clatter of rubbish - TV sets, clocks, Tularly stages the most controver has used paper plates, milk bottle tops, same shot. It is clever and so amusing, electrical appliances, type writers, loads sial, cutting-edge and exciting exhibitions cardboard boxes combined with all sorts The first series follows him on a night out of paper and stickers... Some of the litter in fondon. The display is the first instal of other bits and bobs, to make up what on the town - at the pub, dressed in is still working so there is an awful noise ment in a series promoting the latest looks like the control room of a space drag, wearing a Paul Smith T-shirt, getting of ticking and banging. It seems like works by some of the most forward think lakahashi wanted to represent a house, ing artists in Britain, some also featured using objects from the bathroom and the in the brilliant Die young Stay pretty show bedroom, others that belong in the gar at the ICA, which ended a few weeks den or the living room. You can spend ago. lots of time just walking around reading Steven Gontarski has brought more all the notes on the walls. The overall of his fascinating sculptures made of impression reveals our dependence on polyester, PVC and synthetic hair. The technology in everyday life and how we shapes are extremely odd, some with a waste so much. strong sexual feel to them. They are all This show is unmissable because it tremendously compelling and quite is yet another indicator of the strong beautiful. Martin Maloney's work, entitled and exciting art scene in Britain. These Sex Club, is rather different. It focuses on arc the classics of the future and it is fan different sexual behaviours of gay men. tastic to witness the making of these The paintings are highly explicit, por fascinating new artists. traying several ways of enacting sado masochism. A lot of the people looking D. at these pieces were quite disturbed. ship. Richard Wilson's 20.50 is stunning; drunk and being sick in the toilets. The Maloney's style is particular and this helps he has simply created a pool of oil and other depicts multiple; war scenes where Until 4th April mock the stereotypes of the things he the effect is difficult to describe. All I he attempts to show the horrors of vio paints. His technique pays off well and he can say is that it's magical and like noth lence. His work is definitely not one of Nearest tube: Swiss Cottage is very courageous to explore such a ing else I have ever seen. Paul Smith has my favourites. Finally, the main room of Admission: £4, concessions £2 touchy subject, usually buried deep come up with two sets of photos. The the gallery is taken up by an enormous Opening hours: 12 - 6pm, Thursday - underground on the art scene. On the interesting thing about this work is that installation of Tomoko Takahashi, who Sunday 26 Arts 1 February 1999 MONET IN THE 20TH CENTURY Royal Academy of Arts

The Water Lily Pond (Symphony In Rose), 1900 Yellow and Lilac Water Lilies, 1914-17

he heroine of the film Clueless inci His illustrious water lilies dominate under various weather conditions (misty, width. Monet donated 22 pictures to the sively categorised girls as "the cute the 80 canvases on display. Monet pur cloudy, rainy, sunny) are particularly cel I rench nation in celebration of the Allied T chased the Giverny estate in 1890 and ebrated. "It's the fog that gives London victory during the first World War. ones, the ugly ones and the Mon- ets - the ones that look beautiful from expanded the garden to include a water its marvellous breadth and beauty." I rom Monet invariably appeals to the pub a distance but when you get close feature - without doubt the most famous his balcony of the Savoy Hotel, he repeat lic because his work is decorative, unde they're a mess." Claude Monet (1840 - pond in the world - "for the pleasure of edly painted the Houses of Parliament manding, accessible and familiar. The 1926) is the quintessential Impressionist, the eyes and also as a source of motifs and numerous bridges over the River sensational demand for tickets (over considered by many as the founder and to paint." A phenomenal understate Thames. 130,000 pre-booked places) is proof leader of this revolutionary artistic move ment, since the Nympheas series is his Controversy rages over the signifi enough of his astonishing popularity in ment. His picture title An Impression, definitive trademark. A version of the cance of Monet's deteriorating eyesight Britain. Although rumours of 24 hour Sunrise prompted a derisive journalist to Path was recently auctioned for a record in his dramatic shift of style towards the opening abound, beware of gigantic coin the term Impressionism in 1874. 19.8 million pounds. Monet, Monnaie, end of his life. Hindered by a cataract queues and crowds. Despite the fascinated by light, his typical master Money. Admittedly some pictures are operation, his crude brushwork verges inevitable topical repetitiveness, shame pieces are atmospheric blurs of pastel visually stunning, however others are on the boldly abstract with an unfin fully inflated prices and outrageous mer shades, ultimately capturing the spon sickly sweet (better suited to a bordello, ished, informal edge. He also appears to chandising, this acclaimed event is the taneity and vivacity of nature. In fact, he claimed an astounded critic). Monet experiment with colour, including an highlight of the annual arts calendar. originally earned his reputation as a car churned out variations on his water lily atypical russet palette. The result is icaturist and portraitist, before dedicating theme with an almost obsessive pas unconventional and refreshingly Helena himself in earnest to landscapes. Monet sion. unrecognisable. celebrated his 60th birthday at the turn Shimmering water, blooming flowers The aesthetic climax of the exhibition Until 18th April of the century and this major retrospec and lush foliage aside, the exhibition is the last gallery which contains samples tive traces the evolution of his work dur also offers a selection of images from of his ambitious Grandes Decorations Nearest tube: Green Park/Piccadilly Circus ing the final period of his career, with the Monet's travels to London and Venice. project. This sequence of horizontal pan Opening hours: daily 9am - 6pm (friday intention of disclosing the mature facet His multiple scries, depicting identical els is particularly impressive by its mon and Saturday, extended to 10pm) of this artist. subjects at different hours of the day umental scale, some spanning 18 feet in Admission: £9, concessions £6

The Grand Canal, 1908 Houses of Parliament, Sunset, 1904 1 February 1999 Sport & Diversions 27

HIKING BASKETBALL The second half was one of the closest RUGBY games played by IC in the last few years, Friday February the 12th will see the first King's 73 - 76 Imperial with both teams within 2-5 points of C+G 50-13 RSM ever Imperial College Night Hike. The each other all through the half. IC was aim is to visit each of 10 separate check The first match of the new year for the led by Guillermo San Miguel who seems fhis was it, the last match in the C+G points, with the winners completing IC Basketball 1 sts was a real thriller! It was to be finding his best shape, right before sparkes cup campaign. Victory would the course in the fastest time. The the quarter-final of the UL Cup against the BUSA knock-outs. The forwards, give the sweet smell of success and checkpoints will be based on and King's. For IC's opponents, it was a Simon Brcnnan offensively and Elias metallic taste of beer drunk from a tro around the South Downs, in the chance for revenge for their BUSA defeat lliadis defensively added to the pace set phy. Burgess Hill, West Sussex area. earlier in the season. The way the match by the IC play-maker. At the end, King's Ihe RSM line up was full of strong A checkpoint will consist of a min started, nothing showed how things performance was not enough to give the players led by the mighty cockney who imum of 3 people, a tent, a gas light, a would eventually turn out. In most of the ticket to the semi-finals. forgot, to his teams detriment, that we first aid kit and the punchcards with first half, IC were very convincing defen A determined IC won the tie 76-73 and were playing union(not league Matt). which the teams will authenticate their sively and appeared to take a pemanent progressed, despite the 4 unsuccessful C+G, god bless 'em, turned up with visit to each checkpoint. A team will lead when they went up 32-17 four min desperate 3-pointers shot in the last 12" more than the legally prescribed num consist of 4 people, equipped with one utes before the end of the half. by King's shooting guards. ber of players so could make amends for checkcard, a map, and a compass. At that point some strategic mistakes IC now have the chance to repeat the his school boy error by the tax-free dona I The nighthike will be held on the from IC's bench as well as a number of achievement of the previous two years, tion of Peter "the flying lock". One man Friday 12th February. The coach will silly errors by the players gave the oppor qualifying to the best 16 University teams down they got off to a flyer and crashed leave the union on Friday afternoon, tunity for King's to reduce the differ of Britain. (wind assisted) down the pitch to put preferably sometime around 5pm and ence to 4 points by half time. over a penalty. After a short dose of there will be a £5 entrance fee from electric shock therapy C+G were up to each team member. The base will be FOOTBALL weakened when Ginolaaah was hit by a our old tricks again demonstrated ably the start and ending point, and the strong tackle 2 minutes in. However, his by Will Stevns running through the RSM coach will leave the base at around UCLVI 1 - ICVI 7 replacement, "Supcrsub" Raby, was seal impressions. Chris duly "missed" 10am in the morning, buf people will immediately released down the right by the conversion to make it 7-3. RSM's Y be welcome to stay around if they wish. If you thought Fulham at Villa was a wild thing and his touchline cross (he fronts were browned a few minutes One minibus will be on call at the good report, this was better. A cup-tie said shot) floated over the keeper. "The later by our boy crasher Hyde took a j base, along will a few cars at strategic played on a blustery afternoon was short Doc" Wilson finally scored after missing stroll through a casual defence before checkpoints. The base will be con- ened to 40 minutes each way after the a hatful and we let them through to executing a 9.5 dive under the posts. tactable by telephone. We plan to coach driver decided to take the scenic gain a consolation goal (we were Stan's The miners continued to do what have 15 teams competing. Most of the route. hattrick came after a quick throw from they do best and entrenched them teams are likely to represent specific The first half contained all IC pres the Doc but he was not best pleased at selves in our 22 eventually tunnelling clubs or groups of students at college, sure, at times it seemed that they had a his immediate substitution, leading to over the line. It all proved worthless as but anybody can enter. man less! The excellent stand in defence later threats of refusing to score. we forged back up the pitch with scores If you're interested in taking part as spent most of their half camped out in Our final goal constituted superb from our lads Rich and Sven. a group of 4 people, then contact Mat the centre circle toasting marshmallows, team play, Wild Thing passing to Big Al, 24-8 at half time meant the miners Collins ([email protected]) or in the it truly was tumbleweed time for goalie who set Rivaldo off. He laid it to the Doc had dug themselves into a very deep Resources Centre every Thursday from "Charger" Collins. The first came from a who duly returned the favour and Rivaldo hole. Rumours of pies under our posts 1:30 - 2:30. corner, the ball falling to unmarked found the top corner from distance. brought resurgent action from captain "Stan" Booth who drove it in. A pile dri Rivaldo later said that he took a long time cockerel who drilled over to score after SCOREBOARD ver unleashed by "Wild thing" Williams coming, but when he did it was spec a small technical foul by the fullback. It HOCKEY after continual flair from "Ginolaah" Giret tacular, shooting over 20 yards. was a false dawn, the rumours fools IC III (Disco Sq.)4-1 Bart's II gave us our second. The Gaffer, please dwith his Gor gold, the try fest began. When the IC Ladies I 2 - 0 Bart's The final goal of the half started don Strachan impressioon in the sec smoke cleared C+G had notched up IC Ladies II 0-4 QMW II with a great tackle by captain "The ond half, stated (paying all due respect) some notable achievements. The first Gaffer" Davenport, neat passing across that "today was a bit of a holiday because subterranean drop-goal, a maximum 10 FOOTBALL the field led by a first time cross from they were crap". points dive from davo, Charlie's con RSM I 0 - 2 Goldsmith's I "Rivaldo" Raval and a superb yet simple Even though at times we were a bit version, Mikes' first sprint over 20 metres IC Ladies 5 -1 St. Georges header from Stan. random, it worked and we stormed and 50 big ones. IC, playing uphill and into the wind through to the quarter finals. Thanks also to Ashley Jarvis for com RUGBY in the second half were further playing ing out to Harlington to administer. ICSM 3-16 Newcastle (see Page 2)

Around IC & Beyond Mon 1 Tues 2 Wed 3 Thurs 4 Fri 5 Sat 6 Sun 7

CAG: Tools for Self Consoc: Tony Baldry MP Siv Jansson: Literature Phoenix Meeting 12pm Bust-A-Gut Comedy ICUSF: Picocon 16 (SI & Reliance, Basement of VenueTBC 1pm on Film, Central Library Club £2.50 8pm fantasy convention) - Beit Quad 6pm C&GU Bar Night, Union Level 2 5.30pm ICU Cinema ICU building, £5 10am Bar 6pm Fear & Loathing 6pm Pop Tarts £1 9pm-2am SF Film Dark City 6pm ICU Cinema Club XS, ICU, FREE Small Soldiers 8.30pm Alien 6pm ICU Cinema 9pm-lam Whiplash (Rock & Metal) Fear&Loathing8.30pm Small Soldiers 6pm CAG: Soup Run, Base dBs 8pm-12am Exorcist 8.30pm ment Kitchen, Weeks Hall 8pm STA Bar Trivia DaVinci's Cocktail Night, DaVinci's 8pm 5-11 pm CAG: Soup Run, Base ment Kitchen, Weeks Clayponds Cinema Trip Hall 8pm contact lan.doyle@ic... Sport & Crossword 1 February 1999 28

LADIES HOCKEY HOCKEY RSM FOOTBALL played in the centre of the pitch. This was where "Captian-for-the-day" Milner IC II 0 - 4 QMW II Disco Squad 4 - 1 St Bart's II RSM I 0 -2 Goldsmith's shone, an omnipresent force, relent lessly winning possession and then dis On finding ourselves with only 8 players We arrived at the venue in high spirits, After six weeks apart, the RSM machine patching the wingers as RSM believed we struck a deal with the ladies football fully expecting a tassle of joy against the reassembled last Saturday for a league that soon one chance would be con team, so that we played football for fiesty Bart's 2nd XI. After pushey, we dis fixture with follow sturgglers Goldsmith's. verted. them (I scored an own goal) and they played our skills to the cocky opposition RSM began what is now an Yet it was after one such attack that came to play hockey for us. The hockey for a full two minutes before they even extended homeward leg of the season Goldsmith's broke quickly and with match was brilliant, with the footballers touched the ball. However, we thought with what may prove to be the first of plenty of support. The RSM defence making great defenders. Thank you we were onto a loser when Bart's flicked many six-point games, as the miner's was split as an excellent piece of play pre Oily for playing in goal. We made sev themselves ahead. 1-0. We gritted our attempt to dig their way out of a rele sented a Goldsmith forward with an eral good attacks, but never quite man teeth, put our sticks to the fore and gation hole. excellent chance, too good to miss. He aged to get any goals. Everyone played thrust ourselves upon them. Fabababio Communication and language prob didn't. really well though and we were quite was the first to find the chink in their lems left the assembled team without a 15 minutes left, 3 points were still unlucky to lose. armoured underpants, scoring a blinding keeper, but skipper Masefield pulled an available such had been the quality of set piece. Before half-time Bart's were ace from his sieve, Lanre Smith step RSM's play althoughas the sand's of time gasping for breath when we penetrated ping in to fill absent Nick Perrier's boots. elapsed so did the belief. Men were WOMEN'S FOOTBALL a second time, The Scumdant Skid As the whistle blew it was obvious thrown forward in a last ditch attempt. putting the final thrust in to put the that this was to be an even struggle with With 5 minutes to go Goldsmith's IC 5 vs 1 St Georges score to 2-1. neither side taking control. Both sides keeper and captain produced a save Half-time came and went, and enjoyed good spells on what was a heav that was worth three points in any Early domination soon resulted in an before long Indian Carpet Catalogue, ily sodden Harlington pitch , still recov league. A sharp cross from Milner was opening goal from Highlander, but St assisted by Larger Larger and Thrill Muff, ering from the previous week's rain. met from about 5 yards out by Doug Georges quickly eaualised when Minty was slapping the ball in to make the Despite conditions the football was Spike's head. The ball zipped from his ruined her otherwise perfect half by score 3-1 to the Golden Boys. The final flowing, with both sides playing intelli head towards the top left corner, until an helping nudge the ball just beyond blow to Bart's feeble attempts at resis gently. Chances were being created at outstanding reaction save kept the ball 'keeper Flo to level the score. A half tance came when Fulltum, powered by both ends, the lion's share of qhicxh out, and seemingly crushed the RSM time bollocking from the captain and IC his plums of fire, slammed the ball home were falling to the home side who some spirit. returned to the battleground fired up, 4-1. I thank you, we're going all the how managed to spurn four or five good With men forward the inevitable with Highlander getting her second way. chances including a back post volley happened and Goldsmith's double the within 5 minutes. Balls were whipped in Read about our expliots at from Williams after a cross from the right lead and won the match with a fairly beautifully from corners and runs. www.cognant.com/Hockeyllls. beat the Goldsmith's back line. scrappy goal. Gonads got one and Ginger got the The second half began as if the inter Not the result required by RSM mas next... George's collapsed and High val had never happened. The football sive but the quality of football should lander topped off an excellent second was again penetrating although as time make premiership survival a certainty. half by claiming a deserved hat-trick. went on more and more of it was being

CRYPTIC CROSSWORD by Gnat Chum Across Down

I Fight with the queen for tool. (7) 1 Push to avoid putting on weight. (5) 5 Suss bet of lesser groups. (7) 2 Lit race produces performance. (7) 9 Lubricating after United Nations get 3 Bucket of quiet sounding beer. (4) caught rolling out. (9) 4 Reintroduction of engineers In busi 10 Confused youth has right to go in. (5) ness. (15) II Thanks to Tom and Ethel we have a Cane plants make castors? (5,10) French head. (4) Mr Bruce Dab drops this as a result 12 Yellow feline. (7-3) of messy eating. (10) 14 Cricket commentator has no time One's in-decent to be lured. (7) for phone.(6) 8 Rat must wander in underground 15 Peer Dominic's estate. (7) layer. (7) 16 Animal bowled you soundly with 13 Garment made of perspiration is top. minced offal. (7) (10) 18 I am razor of five feet! (6) 16 Mo is after the mucky slob for caus 20 Exaggerates across America. (10) ing hayfever? (7) 21 Noise for attracting attention is an 17 Have a disjointedaffair with previous afterthought by the way. (4) partner tightening muscles. (7) 24 Is CIS gets together, could be fan 19 Polaroid moment? (7) tastic. (3-2) 23 In France, the year is not fattening? 25 Travelling in car nit tin. (9) (4) 26 Get me to nag about explosive force. (7) 27 Making a north cut in ship is holy. (7)

Crossword Competition

Sponsored by Waterstone's, your campus bookstore This week's prize, generously supplied by Waterstone's at IC, is a £10 Waterstone's Central Library, open 1 Oam to 6pm weekdays voucher. Entries to the Felix office (on the right as you go into Beit Quad). The win e-mail: [email protected] TT J A n-tst-et rt ner will be randomly drawn from correct entries received before midday on Tel, : (0171 59) 49604 W 3XClSlC)IlC S W: Wednesday and announced next week.