Mentoring the Future Parents Guide by M. Dane Zahorsky
for Warrior Films
If you RESPECT me, I will hear you.
If you LISTEN to me, I will feel understood.
If you UNDERSTAND me, I will feel appreciated.
If you APPRECIATE me, I will know your support.
If you SUPPORT me as I try new things, I will become responsible.
When I am RESPONSIBLE, I will grow to be independent.
In my INDEPENDENCE,
I will respect you and love you all of my life.
Thank you!
Your teen,
-Diana Sterling
"Parent as Coach"
http://dianasterling.com/
Image Courtesy of: Rite of Passage - Journeys
Table of Contents
Introduction and Intentions 4 What is Whole Person Development? 5 Rites of Passage 5 Engaged Mentorship 7 What Can I Do? 8 Example Discussion & Action Timeline 11 External Resources / Reading List 15 Supplemental Documents: SEARCH Institute 40 Developmental Assets for Adolescents 18 Supplemental Documents: Core vs. Constructed Identity Mapping 20 Supplemental Documents: Healthy assertion 22 Supplemental Documents: Emotional Literacy 23 Supplemental Documents: Johari Window – Comparing Perception to Reality 25 Supplemental Documents: The Power of Gift in Mentorship 26 Supplemental Documents: SMART Goals, Individualized Milestones and Capstone Projects 27 Supplemental Documents: Culture Mapping 31 Supplemental Documents: The Cycle Of Growth – Roleplaying 32 Supplemental Documents: Sitting In Circle 35 Supplemental Documents: Holding Effective Groups 36 Supplemental Documents: Stephen Foster – Wilderness Rites of Passage for Youth 38 School of Lost Borders Film Study Guide 39 Introduction and Intentions: The intention of this toolkit is to provide you with information, ideas, prompts, and resources drawn from the film Rites of Passage: Mentoring the Future that should reduce stress with your teen(s) and make your overall family life more rewarding and meaningful. Drawing equally on the latest research and timeless wisdom, our aim is to aid you in bringing Whole Person Development Practices to your family. The inentions and content of this curriculum are based partly on the SEARCH Institute’s 40 Developmental Assets for Adolescents, which you can find in the supplemental documents section of this curriculum.
Most parents themselves were never properly mentored or initiated. We appreciate how this reality creates challenges on top of those directly related to your teen. You may occasionally feel at a loss or confused on how to proceed. Don’t worry. The more you reach out to other parents and adult advocates of teens and build bonds of support, as you’ll see in our suggestions below, the more the path(s) forward will become clear and attainable. It's also never too late to seek initiation and mentorship for yourself!
We know there is never enough time in the day, and already countless demands on your time and scheduling. Should you choose to devote just a little time to implementing these strategies we know our scientifically validated approach will be a boon to you, your teen(s), your family, and even your community. The curriculum key intentions are as follows:
• To provide you and your youth with information and examples of Whole Person Development that can be implemented at your convenience. • To provide additional avenues for strengthening trust, rapport, and support between siblings, parents and their teens, and families as a whole. • To reduce instances of truancy and improve academic achievement of youth through determination, resourcefulness, and discipline. • To aid you in helping your teen(s) develop self-esteem, self-respect, and agency. • To foster positive personal and social identity development by grounding your young person(s) in healthy relationships with themselves and others. • To offer examples of healthy and productive formative experiences that allow your young people to believe in and practice their ability to make informed decisions and learn how to act on their values. • To help your young people feel heard so they in turn can make the space to hear others. To get them to communicate openly with peers, parents, teachers, and others. • To deepen your teen’s understanding and appreciation of your family’s cultural/ethnic/religious heritage in order to deepen their sense of pride and belonging, to strengthen their values, and build resiliency. • To help them focus on long-term goals and support them to take steps now to realize them.
To provide feedback on how this toolkit is working for you or to partner with us to get this work into the hands of parents worldwide please sign up at http://www.warriorfilms.org/contact/ or contact Ishtar Kramer: [email protected], (415) 812-5456.
What is Whole Person Development [WPD]? This project utilizes Whole Person Development as its theoretical foundation, including social and emotional learning. For our benchmarks of individual growth, again we refer you to the SEARCH Institute’s 40 Developmental Assets for Adolescents, which you can find in the supplemental documents section of this curriculum. By helping a young person transition into his/her wholeness and maturity we aim to simultaneously improve the culture of the family. We recognize that no families are alike but feel confident Whole Person Development works regardless of how your family is constituted. We refer to Rites of Passage and Engaged Mentorship and think of them as two halves of one whole – both are essential elements in assisting young people in maturing. We also use the term initiation synonymously with rite of passage.
It’s important to conceptualize a young person’s high school transition as a Rite of Passage. A Rite of Passage is the ceremonially recognized passing of an individual from one state to another. Other rites of passage include transitioning from childhood through puberty to adolescence, from young adulthood to middle age, from late middle age to eldership, and from eldership to death. In so doing the individual’s societal role is changed and transformed. This change is often reflected in a shift in their title. They step into a new role with new privileges and responsibilities recognized and celebrated by their community.
In Western culture we commonly refer to the ability to vote or get a driver’s license as rites of passage. While these may invoke the spirit of a Rite of Passage they lack the enduring transformational impact of a fully integrated experience. Most commonly (but not necessarily), rites of passage are rooted in the natural world, to firmly ground the initiate in a deep sense of PLACE, and to connect their sense of self to a much larger context. Our aim with this curriculum is to speak to and support the rite of passage of adolescents into young adulthood that draws from all of its many variations.
Arnold van Gennep first used the term in his book Les Rites de Passage, published in 1909, in which he surveyed cultural passages and recognized that they each consisted of three distinct phases:
• Severance/Separation: Being removed from all that we know, including the mental/emotional constructs we hold on to; shedding what no longer serves us as we move into the unknown, sometimes by choice but often through the force or will of our communities or life circumstances. Severance is also key to understanding death as a normal part of the human life cycle.
• Threshold/In Between: This is the space in which we acknowledge being alone in an unfamiliar place, in which we are tested, having to rely on our own faculties and resources in overcoming adversity, often referred to as ‘trials’ or “ordeals.” This is as much about proving to our community that we are ready as it is about proving to ourselves that we are capable, so that we can develop resilience for future life challenges. That said, an important part of this phase is the fear and real possibility of failure; otherwise what we learn or experience won’t have a life changing impact, helping us face our future fears.
• Incorporation/Return: When the transformation is complete, it is time for us to return to our community as someone new. This re-integration can be difficult and is aided by acknowledging how integral others are to the process. When celebrated and recognized for the transition by our family, friends, and elders, we begin to ground and integrate the new changes. We are recognized for the unique gifts we each carry and welcomed to take our new place among the community. The understanding that each person achieves – that meaningful life necessitates the giving away of those gifts through acts of service – guarantees the community’s diversity, resilience, and cohesion.
Historically, rites of passage were always culturally and geographically specific. Ideally, a young person’s cultural or ethnic heritage is brought forward and the young person is made aware of how she/he fits into this continuity. The ultimate effectiveness of any rite of passage depends on the needs of the individual and by extension the needs of their communities. Through this process the young learn the values of the community, the adults become exemplars of those values, and the elders discern their merits.
Image Courtesy of: Youth Mentoring Connection
The second essential element of Whole Person Development is Engaged Mentorship. Mentorship is required before, during, and after any rite of passage. Most commonly today, Mentorship is associated only with profession. Whole Person Development is about creating opportunities for mentorship across the entire life spectrum and in areas far outside of job skills that are related to character and values. As young people realign their focus from family to peer relationships in their formative years, mentors work in collaboration with their mentees’ educational, work, and family environments. A good mentor pushes young people out of their comfort zone, past their perceived boundaries and into the realm of the unknown, building the adult “scaffolding” that Temple University Professor Laurence Steinberg recognizes as necessary for young peoples’ maturation. Engaged mentors point out strengths and weaknesses of character to their mentees, helping align their perceptions with reality. They provide the pathway forward that each young person needs to fully meet their great potential as human beings.
Mentors, functioning as extra-family guides, must always keep the mentees’ best interests at heart. The mentors utilize all of their own life experience to back up their support and direction. Tradition tells us they can only take someone as far as they themselves have traveled. They provide a bedrock of support for the young person, assuring them that they are there for them, that they are not alone. It may not take an entire village to raise a young person but it absolutely requires a good mentor.
Together Rites of Passage and Engaged Mentorship provide the framework adolescents require and the ongoing support structures they need to knit the many different parts of their lives together into a cohesive whole.
Image Courtesy of: The Ever Forward Club
What Can I Do: Here are a few ideas that you can try immediately, in the short term and in the long term with your youth and family.
Immediate Steps:
• Acknowledge your youth’s contributions to the family, its functioning, and well being, especially when those actions challenge their comfort zone. • Acknowledge your youth for “pulling away” and for their challenges with impulse control. Let them know it’s OK if they want more privacy, if they’re less interested in family activities and more interested in peer activities, if they are drawn to new and different styles and expressions – in music, clothes, hair and body presentation, etc., even if they’re “pushing back” – becoming more resistant, reactive, obtuse, secretive… Certainly don’t reward them for being disrespectful or hurtful. But reassure them that given tremendous hormonal surges losing control and being reactive are quite normal for their age. Reassure them that nothing’s wrong, that the changes they’re going through are entirely normal, and that with practice they can reduce their reactivity. • Allow them to spend less time with the family. Encourage your youth to spend more time with their mentor and other trusted adults, especially those adults of the same gender as the teen. If they don’t have a mentor, encourage them to seek one out with help from you or other adults. • Invite your youth’s friends over for dinner. Do your best to create a ‘safe’ space for them to relax and feel free of judgment. The more comfortable your children’s peers feel in your home the more likely they are to keep you informed about occurrences outside of it. • Don’t get locked into adversarial positions. If you and your youth come to a serious impasse, simply suggest the teen spend a few days with a trusted neighbor, family friend, or relative until the situation cools down. • Balance affirmation with discipline. We always remember when someone tells us what we did wrong • Without hearing what we did right can lead to friction, resentment, and discouragement. • Do your best to NOT expect the worst. Expecting the worst, especially when a pattern, can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Give your youth trust [but no naivety!] and you can strengthen your relationship. It will help them feel empowered, to know they can learn from mistakes instead of repeating them. • Move your focus away from the small things and onto the big things. Youth constantly try out new and different roles so they can better understand the ones they’d like to commit to. By paying more attention to how your youths feel and less on how they look you can keep them from shutting you out later when it matters most. • Be proactive about expectations and discipline. Move away from confrontation and into contracts. The more clarity you share about expectations and consequences the easier it is for your young person to follow through. • Share stories with your youth about the challenges you faced when you were their age: what you struggled with and how you got through it. Share about your common and completely natural need to be tested. • Model the behavior you seek from your youth: if you want them to drink less, smoke less, drive more defensively, study more, etc., be sure you’re modeling the same behavior yourself. Youth carefully observe what you do even more than what you say. They seek congruity. Share with them the ways that you learned how to become the man or woman you are today. • Make honesty and transparency the gold standard. There is a genuine difference for young people between thinking and actually knowing they can tell you anything. Try these as conversation starters: o If you had to give every human being one quality, what would it be and why? o Do you have any recurring dreams? Describe them. o What is the meanest thing someone could say to you? o If you were invisible where would you go and what would you do? o If your life was made into a movie, who would play you? Why? o If you could have one super power what would it be? o What is the most important quality for a friend to have? o If you could know one thing about the future, what would it be? o What does love mean to you? o What is the first thing you notice about a person? o What do you think is the biggest problem you will face in your lifetime? Why? o Describe the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. o If you could trade places with anyone in the world who would it be and why?
Image Courtesy of: Youth Mentoring Connection
Short Term Ideas:
• Watch Mentoring the Future with other parents. Share ideas about how you can implement rites of passage and engaged mentorship in your family’s life. • Watch Mentoring the Future at home and have a family discussion using the discussion prompts in the external resource section of this guide. • Have a neighborhood viewing and discussion in your home or at a nearby community center. • Ask the YMCA, Boys and Girls Club, 4H, Outward Bound, or Big Brothers/Big Sisters in your community if they’d like to host a screening and discussion. All are great organizations doing related work. They might even bring staff and ideas of their own to bear.
Long Term Ideas:
• Establish open communication with your young people about the definition of ‘manhood,’ ‘womanhood,’ or ‘trans.’ Tie it to clear expectations around behavior and accountability. • Form a parents support circle with other parents of teens to provide mutual support. • With your co-parent and/or outside parents make preparations for the coming ebb and flow of your youth’s decreased reliance on family and increased reliance on peer support. Develop creative ideas for meeting both challenges. • Develop a weekly or monthly time for check-ins around the ideas of interdependence and overall well-being with your youth. Move away from ‘big talks’ and more into consistent, open conversations. If that doesn’t work, develop an openness to spontaneously deep dialogs. Teens often aren’t comfortable with stagy, big talks but can/will often drop deep at any given moment. • In addition to check-ins, engage in your youth’s interests, specifically those residing in popular culture. For instance, discussing rites of passage in reference to the ‘Hunger Games’ or the ‘Divergent’ book series. Whether it’s a film, TV show, book, or video game, these prompts can be valuable tools in fostering better relationships between you and your youth. • Take inventory of the peers, mentors, and elders in your teen’s life (and perhaps teachers and coaches). Who among them might be interested in joining with you and your teen to have a dialog about heritage and traditions? Explore together the traditions in your own family and the different traditions in theirs. How are they similar and different? Initiation, coming of age, and rites of passage may or may not be overt parts of the conversation. Conversations like these not only deepen a young person’s sense of self and belonging, they deepen and strengthen ties of community.
Image Courtesy of: The Ever Forward Club
Example Discussion / Action Timeline: Below is a rough timeline to help plan for and ease transitions within the family. Each section has questions and suggested actions that might be helpful. If unsure, seek guidance from other parents, psychologists, or doctors.
6th Grade [11-12 yrs]: Preparation for and Marking Entrance Into Adolescence • What are the expectations you as parents have at this time in your young person’s life? What are the expectations they have of themselves? Are they crystal clear? Realistic? Would it help to write them down? • What will strengthen your youth’s sense of self? How can they feel more supported by family/community? • How can you mark the physical transformation of puberty with ceremony so that your youth frames this time with reverence instead of shame? (Most likely they will resist your efforts due to associations with shame already inherited from peers and the culture as a whole. Don’t be dissuaded. If you approach it with absolute sincerity [no joking!] and the best of intentions they may still resist but they will always remember it positively.) • As your youth moves out of childhood and into adolescence how can you be mindful to stay out of opposition and remain in partnership by clearly acknowledging and naming your youth’s role changes? • How can you balance their shifting needs for attention and inattention? How do you continue to meet your youth’s natural desire for affirmation which might be increased at this time? • Set weekly/monthly/semi-annual dialogs/check-ins about your youth’s development. Create a safe space for deep sharing in general, whether a physical place, a time of day, or a routine action (e.g. driving to school). • Make sure your youth has accepting peers and trusted adults to ‘be there’ in case they find themselves in challenging situations they don’t want to be in. • Begin mentorship from the outset, as your son or daughter prepares for middle school, a great way to prepare them is by taking someone younger under their wing. Sometimes the sheer act of having to explain something we normally take for granted can aid in our own awareness and well-being in doing the same things ourselves.
7th Grade [12-13 yrs]: Healthy Gender Identity, Sexual Literacy, and Functional Relationships • An enormous part of adolescence transition is puberty and sexual identity, the more open, honest, and informed your youth is the safer and happier they’ll be. • How can you support your youth in developing a healthy self-image and self-esteem? One way might be to hold conversations while looking in a mirror and challenge them to attribute positive qualities and values to themselves. • Find ways to curb ‘self-shaming.’ Point out the difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is feeling bad about something you’ve done. Shame is feeling bad about who you are. Guilt, for short periods of time, is not unhealthy. Shame is never healthy. • Begin to communicate differently with your teen. Don’t just ask what they’re feeling but share your own genuine feelings more. They will feel they’re on a more level playing field. • Discuss the reality of physical boundaries. Make sure they have a plan for what to do if those boundaries are crossed. Teach them words they can say to anyone to let them know they’ve crossed those boundaries, sometimes called ‘safe words.’
Image Courtesy of: Youth Mentoring Connection
8th Grade [13-14 yrs]: Blessing/Taboo – Family Deep Sharing and Healthy vs. Unhealthy Risk Taking • Explore the idea of blessing with your youth, not just during mealtimes and not only at religious occasions. Get creative in making space meaningful, even sacred with your youth without expectations of what either of you should ‘get’ from it. Don’t be afraid of silence. • What are your family, community, and societal taboos? Why are they taboos? Does your youth have taboos of her own? What are they? Why are they taboos? • Discuss the urge to be tested, to push boundaries, to examine limits. Share openly and honestly about your own experiences with these issues as a young person. • Come to family agreements on healthy vs. unhealthy risks. Instead of making rules, make a contract or covenant with your youth. Write them down if helpful.
9th Grade [14-15 yrs]: Midpoint Ceremony – • Empower your youth to plan a solo trip. Not in relationship to any group or extra curricular activity but simply for the sake of their own journey. It could be to visit family friends or relatives. Task them with planning and implementing the trip themselves. Ideally, the trip should be about more than acquiring the skills of making a budget or booking travel but about linking back to identified family values, rituals, and traditions. The young person gets a chance to become an extension of those values enacted in the world. Practically speaking, they get to exercise being the man or woman they want to become. • When they get back debrief about what they learned, what they feel they accomplished. Let them take pride in and “own” those accomplishments and successes. Point out how they’re learning that they can be responsible to themselves while still connected to where they came from. • Consider 1 or 2 responsibilities and 1 or 2 privileges that can be given to them on their return. If it’s driving or owning a car then be careful that they fully understand how much responsibility they’re taking on, not just privilege. Find creative ways to make these actions truly meaningful.
10th Grade [15-16 yrs]: Maintenance and Development and Laying the Seeds for Passage • Take a family trip somewhere historically relevant to you as a family and as individuals with time for solo reflection for each member. End the trip by holding a conversation about how you have developed as a family. • Revisit expectations moving into 11th, 12th grade, and beyond. What are things that the young person would like to be associated with as an adult? What things that can be measured and acknowledged? • Do some research on rites of passage ceremonies as they might relate to your family origins and traditions. Start making plans for an event your youth will undergo the summer after graduation that will symbolically represent the passage into adulthood. Consider the models in the external resource section at the end of this timeline for ideas.
Image Courtesy of: Alchemy Inc.
11th Grade [16-17 yrs]: Mentorship, Service, and Interdependence • Have a conversation with your youth about taking on a mentee from their school, arts, athletic, church, or community group. Preferably someone from a completely different social, cultural, or ethnic group. • Connect your youth in his/her mentorship to an elder for support, service work, or sharing stories. This will give them a working example of intergenerational community. • During the weekly or monthly check-ins encourage your youth to share what they are learning through the relationship with their mentee. If they’re not learning, not being challenged, then something’s not working right.
Image Courtesy of: Make Trybe School of Transformative Design
12th Grade [17-18 yrs]: Trial Weekend and Ceremony Marking of Adulthood • It’s time for your teen to test herself and mark the end of her secondary education. Share ideas about specialized or local rites of passage programs that might suit your teen. Ask your youth what kind of experience most interests her. Ideally, it will be an activity that the youth doesn’t have a lot of experience with. Maybe it’s a difficult hike in the back-country. Maybe it’s a trip to another country, city or state. Maybe it’s attending a training camp to learn a new physical or artistic skill. The possibilities are endless. This should be done during the summer months after graduation, before any future steps are taken, whether into college or not. • The actual role change for the youth should be decided upon, clearly named, and honored by all involved. Consideration should be given to a name change (either real or symbolic), a physical marking like a tattoo or piercing, or the wearing of a medallion or talisman. The marker(s) should remind the young person each time they see it or hear it of their new role, encompassing both new responsibilities and new privileges. • Upon the conclusion of their experience hold a celebration. One that really honors who they’re becoming or have become. Something more intentional than just acknowledging graduation from high school. Include their friends, extended family, members of the community, and the young person’s mentees, mentors, and elders. At one such ceremony a girl was given a hand- made book. All the women in her extended family wrote in longhand a personal message to her stating what they wished their elders had shared with them when they were her age. • Help them develop a plan for integration of what they’ve learned and for continued development. Be proud of them and yourselves for all you’ve accomplished! External Resources by Category: Here are some of the programs mentioned that both do work within the categories they’re under as well as in some cases offer consulting to help bring their area of practice into educational and institutional settings.
Mentorship • The National Mentoring Partnership • The Boys and Girls Club • Young Life • The Ever Forward Club • The ManKind Project • Youth Mentoring Connection • Stepping Stones Project • Boys to Men
Rites of Passage Programming and Consultation • The Passageworks Institute • The Center for the Advancement of Youth, Family, and Community Services • The National Rites of Passage Institute • Make Trybe School of Transformative Design
Council Practice/Emotionally Literate Environments: • The Ojai Foundation: Council In Schools • Center for Restorative Justice and Peace • Making Caring Common Project [Also Excellent Resource for Capstone Projects] • The Peace Alliance
Group Activities: • YES! Connect, Inspire, & Collaborate • Teampedia • Therapeutic Recreation Directory
Discussion Prompts: • What is adulthood, how do you know when you get there? • What are some of the effects of not having intentional life transitions in your community? • What do you think makes some experiences life changing and others mundane? • What are differences, both positive and negative of advice from a peer vs. advice from an elder? • What part does mentorship play in a flourishing life? • What does the notion “the unexamined life isn’t worth living” mean to you? • Who are the Elders in your community, how are they involved in the community? • What do you bring to your community, how are your gifts received, utilized, and recognized? Suggested Reading:
Non-Fiction • Iron John by Robert Bly • Raising Cain by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson • The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian • Fire in the Belly by Sam Keen • How I Learned to Snap by Kirk Read • Moon Mother, Moon Daughter by Janet Lucy and Terri Allison • The Wonder Of Girls' by Michael Gurian • Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher • Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes • Free Your Mind by Ellen Bass/Kate Kaufman • GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Queer and Questioning Teens by Kelly Huegel • The Cathedral Within by Bill Shore • The Majesty of Calmness by William George Jordan • Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm by Thích Nhất Hạnh • Of Water and the Spirit by Malidoma Some • The Four-Fold Way by Angeles Arrien • Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman • Adversity Advantage by Erik Weihenmayer • Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl • Betwixt and Between edited by Mahdi, Foster, Little • Framing Youth by Mike A. Males • Book of the Vision Quest by Stephen Foster • The Thundering Years: Rituals and Sacred Wisdom for Teens by Julie Tall Johnson • The Radical Family Workbook and Activity Journal by Vanessa Van Petten • When Things Get Crazy with Your Teen by Michael J. Bradley. • Staying Connected To Your Teenager by Mike Riera • Breaking the Code: Two Teens Reveal the Secrets to Better Parent-Child Communication by Lara Fox and Hillary Frankel • Parent/Teen Breakthrough, The Relationship Approach by Charles Foster and Mira Kirshenbaum • The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell • The Hero With a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell • The Heroine’s Journey by Maureen Murdock • Crossroads: The Quest for Contemporary Rites of Passage by Louise Mahdi, Nancy Christopher, and Michael Meade • World as Lover, World as Self by Joanna Macy • Nature and the Human Soul by Bill Plotkin • Quest: A Guide for Creating Your Own Vision Quest by Denise and Meadow Linn
Fiction • The Transformation by Juliana Spahr • The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho • The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky • Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig • Small Damages by Beth Kephart • Whirlgig by Paul Fleischman • The Odyssey by Homer • Passing by Samaria by Sharon Ewell Foster • Keeping the Moon by Sarah Dessen • All The Right Stuff by Walter Dean Myers • Wonder by R.J Palacio’ • Sabriel by Garth Nix • Hearts in Atlantis by Stephen King • The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd • Still Alice by Lisa Genova • The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold • Possessing the Secret of Joy by Alice Walker • Colors of the Mountain by Da Chen • The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood • The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton • Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse • To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee • Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison • Whale Rider by Witi Ihimaera • The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger • David Copperfield by Charles Dickens • Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce • Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt • The Giver by Lois Lowry • Anthem by Ayn Rand • The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan • Crazy Horse Electric Game by Chris Crutcher • Will’s Garden by Lee Maracle • Grace Beside Me by Sue McPherson • The Girl Who Grew a Galaxy by Cherie Dimaline • Thunder Through My Veins by Gregory Scofield
Supplemental Documents: 40 Developmental Assets for Adolescents Search Institute has identified the following building blocks of healthy development—known as Developmental Assets—that help young children grow up healthy, caring, and responsible.
EXTERNAL ASSETS
SUPPORT 1. Family support—Family life provides high levels of love and support. 2. Positive family communication—Young person and her or his parent(s) communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parents. 3. Other adult relationships—Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults. 4. Caring neighborhood—Young person experiences caring neighbors. 5. Caring school climate—School provides a caring, encouraging environment. 6. Parent involvement in schooling—Parent(s) are actively involved in helping young person succeed in school.
EMPOWERMENT 7. Community values youth—Young person perceives that adults in the community value youth. 8. Youth as resources—Young people are given useful roles in the community. 9. Service to others—Young person serves in the community one hour or more per week. 10. Safety—Young person feels safe at home, school, and in the neighborhood.
BOUNDARIES AND EXPECTATIONS 11. Family boundaries—Family has clear rules and consequences and monitors the young person’s whereabouts. 12. School Boundaries—School provides clear rules and consequences. 13. Neighborhood boundaries—Neighbors take responsibility for monitoring young people’s behavior. 14. Adult role models—Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible behavior. 15. Positive peer influence—Young person’s best friends model responsible behavior. 16. High expectations—Both parent(s) and teachers encourage the young person to do well.
CONSTRUCTIVE USE OF TIME 17. Creative activities—Young person spends three or more hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts. 18. Youth programs—Young person spends three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at school and/or in the community. 19. Religious community—Young person spends one or more hours per week in activities in a religious institution. 20. Time at home—Young person is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights per week.
INTERNAL ASSETS
COMMITMENT TO LEARNING 21. Achievement Motivation—Young person is motivated to do well in school. 22. School Engagement—Young person is actively engaged in learning. 23. Homework—Young person reports doing at least one hour of homework every school day. 24. Bonding to school—Young person cares about her or his school. 25. Reading for Pleasure—Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.
POSITIVE VALUES 26. Caring—Young person places high value on helping other people. 27. Equality and social justice—Young person places high value on promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty. 28. Integrity—Young person acts on convictions and stands up for her or his beliefs. 29. Honesty—Young person “tells the truth even when it is not easy.” 30. Responsibility—Young person accepts and takes personal responsibility. 31. Restraint—Young person believes it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs.
SOCIAL COMPETENCIES 32. Planning and decision-making—Young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices. 33. Interpersonal Competence—Young person has empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills. 34. Cultural Competence—Young person has knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds. 35. Resistance skills—Young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations. 36. Peaceful conflict resolution—Young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently.
POSITIVE IDENTITY 37. Personal power—Young person feels he or she has control over “things that happen to me.” 38. Self-esteem—Young person reports having a high self-esteem. 39. Sense of purpose—Young person reports that “my life has a purpose.” 40. Positive view of personal future—Young person is optimistic about her or his personal future. 41. Positive Cultural Identity- Young person feels comfortable with and proud of her/his identity, including but not limited to disabilities, ethnicity, faith/religion, family status, gender, language and sexual orientation. *
* Project Cornerstone established this asset for Silicon Valley as a result of local community input. Learn more here http://www.projectcornerstone.org/html/developmentalassets.html
Supplemental Documents: Core vs Constructed Identity Mapping In thinking about the different aspects of the self, we cannot ignore how they are informed by environment and relationships. The young person’s journey towards who they become includes many struggles. In doing so it’s important and helpful to acknowledge the discernible difference between two aspects of identity:
● Core identity, which is naturally present within you and is rooted in your instincts and intuitions or feelings. ● Constructed identity, which is a result of observations, choices and interactions both with yourself and others.
A good way to understand this is to think about how people used to inherit the trades of their parents. Your core identity may want to paint portraits but if your parent was a blacksmith your constructed identity dictates that you should take up the anvil. Or, you may love one thing but it might not be something your group of friends like or that is culturally accepted in your family or community. The most common reason we live through constructed identities is because of others’ expectations of us and we convince ourselves that there’s no other choice.
It’s common knowledge that the way you act around your best friend is not the way you act around your grandma, just as the person you are at work is not the same as the person you are on a date or when you’re alone. Have you ever asked yourself what the meeting place is between these selves, the axis point between your real and constructed identities? The point at which all connect?
As we age we begin to learn that our identity is not static. It doesn’t necessarily lead to a single predetermined fate but opens up to many possibilities. Buddhists would say that there is no fundamental, core self, that who we are is simply determined in every moment by the choices we make. They claim that there is no such thing as immutable or fixed identity. We’ll just say that who we become as healthy adults consists of the gray area between our core and constructed identity. “Truth” can have many different perspectives, that of your own perception and beliefs, and those we’ve learned from others. For instance, when you connect a sunny day to being happy or a rainy day to being sad is this because you feel that way instinctually or because you were raised to believe it? It is important to routinely reassess who we are. By looking into what we’ve done and learned in the past we discover who we are. We learn where we’re headed and where we want to go. The exercise below is designed to give you some insight into how to be your core self more often and to align the identities or masks that you wear along with it.
Exercise: 1. Think about your core identity. What are some things you feel make up the foundation of you? 2. Can you tell the difference between the way you think and act when alone or when around others? Describe some of the differences. 3. Which things make you the most comfortable, and why? 4. What are some expectations that others have of you, and what are some you have of yourself? 5. Think about your constructed identity. What are some character traits you feel are shaped by the relationships and expectations described above? 6. Does what you want or need change when you are around certain people? Who are these people and why do you think your wants/needs change? 7. Fill out the table below with the aspects of your two identities. Place any that show up in both columns in the middle. 8. Journal some ideas on how to merge the two in your daily life. How can you set goals that achieve a compromise between who you are and others’ expectations of you? 9. Do you feel you know when to place less focus on those expectations as opposed to when to consider their value? Why?
Core Identity Traits Crossover Constructed Identity Traits
Supplemental Documents: Healthy Assertion
Passive Communication: Passive communication is typically used when a person wants to avoid confrontation. A passive person is indirect and usually so vague that the person receiving the communication is left to decipher the message being sent. A passive communicator does not tend to his or her own needs but rather allows others to choose and make decisions for them. Passive communication can be verbal or nonverbal. Here are some examples: eye rolling, not making eye contact, saying “whatever,” answering “fine” when things really aren’t fine, lying, withdrawing, not returning phone calls or texts, giving the silent treatment, isolating yourself, saying you will do one thing but not following through [like saying you will clean your room before you go out, but not doing it at all].
Aggressive Communication: Aggressive communication typically involves putting your needs above others. It can entail being so brutally honest that you don’t consider the feelings of others. It can be an overt way of wanting to control other people. Sometimes the person receiving the message is intimidated or scared. There is usually no negotiation with aggressive communication [My way or the highway]. Just as any other form of communication can be, aggressive communication can be verbal or nonverbal. Examples include: yelling/screaming, posturing in an intimidating way [clenching fists, puffing out your chest and standing over someone], breaking or throwing things, lying, threatening [“If you don’t let me do this, I’ll…”].
Passive-Aggressive Communication: Whereas assertive communication is a balance of the two, passive- aggressive communication is a combination of the two different styles. It usually involves not being direct with communication, but wanting to be in control all at the same time. For example, using Facebook to write a comment on someone’s page that can be taken as an insult but stating you didn’t mean it to be an insult. Also, sarcasm can often be seen as either passive or aggressive, and usually it is both.
Assertive Communication: Assertive communication involves taking your needs AND others’ needs into consideration. To assertively communicate you need to be direct while remaining sensitive and caring with your honesty. It lets us express positive and negative thoughts and feelings in an open, honest and direct way. Assertive communication also allows us to take responsibility for our actions without blaming or judging others. Examples of assertive communication include: making eye contact, using a voice that is not so quiet but not too loud, talking about your feelings, using “I statements” [because using “you statements” can infer blame or judgment], being honest, compromising.
Exercise: 1. What is the most effective way to communicate and why? 2. Do you or someone in your family communicate in a passive manner? How so? Provide specific examples to illustrate how this form of communication was used. 3. Do you or someone in your family communicate in an aggressive manner? How so? Provide specific examples to illustrate how this form of communication was used. 4. We all communicate on both sides of the spectrum [passive and aggressive], but what is your tendency? Do you usually communicate on the passive or aggressive side more often? Provide two specific examples. 5. Using the two examples from question #4, write how you would have communicated if you were using assertive communication. Supplemental Documents: Emotional Literacy Understanding how you feel in and of itself can be extremely challenging. The ability to identify, interpret and then describe our emotions is one of the most important aspects of self-exploration. The more you’re able to locate specific feelings and tie them to physical sensations in the body the more emotionally literate you’ll become. [I feel a tightness in my stomach, a knot… it feels like sadness.] To accurately articulate the way we feel is how we learn to effectively advocate for what we want, how we relieve stress, how we communicate and empathize with others, how we overcome challenges and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence can seem natural to some and completely foreign to others. Just as in most things the more you do it the better you get at it. It’s very important to take the time to truly be aware of how you’re feeling and what is at the root of those feelings. This leads to emotional literacy – the ability to “read” not only your own feelings but those of others. Below you will see a list of “feeling” words. Take the time to look at these and think about which you identify the most with on a regular basis.
Pleasant Feelings:
Accepted Adequate Adventurous Bold
Brilliant Calm Caring Cheered
Comfortable Confident Content Daring
Eager Elated Encouraged Energetic
Excited Fascinated Free Full
Glad Great Gutsy Happy
High Hopeful Humble Joyful
Important Lovely Overjoyed Efficacious
Peppy Playful Pleased Proud
Refreshed Relaxed Relieved Satisfied
Secure Surprised Sympathetic Tranquil
Understood Warm Wonderful Zany
Unpleasant Feelings:
Afraid Angry Anxious Ashamed
Bashful Bored Cautious Cheated
Concerned Defeated Defiant Disappointed
Discouraged Disheartened Down Embarrassed
Envious Fearful Foolish Guilty
Hateful Hesitant Hopeless Hurt
Impatient Irritated Jealous Letdown
Lonely Miserable Nervous Pained
Overwhelmed Possessive Provoked Pushed
Rejected Regretful Resentful Shy
Stupid Suspicious Uncomfortable Tired
Uneasy Unhappy Unloved Indecisive
Identify: 1 Pick a few of the words listed above [pleasant and unpleasant]. When do you feel these? 2 How do you identify these [talking it out, journaling, relating it to something else, etc.]?
Interpret: 1 What are the surface causes [ones that immediately come up in your mind] for these? 2 What do you think the root causes [underlying reason] might be? Do they differ from the surface causes, if so how?
Express: 1 When you feel these, are you able to openly express them? What are boundaries that might keep you from doing so both that you place there and those based on outside expectations. 2 Describe a few ways in which you can fully and productively express your emotions. 3 Describe a few ways your family, friends, and educators can best support you and hold you accountable in being emotionally literate.
Supplemental Documents: Johari Window – Comparing Perception to Reality Our perception can often be greatly influenced by how we view ourselves in our environment, as well as by how others view us and how we think they view us, etc. In 1955, psychologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham developed a system to explore this. Taken from a combination of their two first names, they dubbed it the Johari window. It’s made up of four distinct boxes each signifying a type of knowledge, be they personal or social. Below is a diagram of the window. To properly use the window read the description of each of the “areas.” Create a list of your own Johari adjectives and then follow the exercise directions. This process is incredibly valuable for aligning your perception with that of your environment and finding strengths, weaknesses and blind spots. We aim to better learn how to accept who we are and who we want to be, and how to align the two.
● Open Area: This is the area in your life that you have shared with others such as your experiences, opinions, feelings, behavior, skills, or problems. This is the element of yourself that you freely divulge to others. This is the public part of your life. ● Blind Area: This is the part of yourself that others see about you that you are not aware of. The way that things go from being in the blind area to the open area is through feedback. ● Hidden Area: This is the part of yourself that you are aware of but you don’t want to let others know about. The way that things go from being in the blind area to being in the open area is through disclosure. ● Unknown Area: This area includes information that neither you nor others know about yourselves. This is the mystery in your life, which perhaps comes into awareness through revelation.
Find the diagram at: http://galleryhip.com/johari-window-model.html
Exercise: 1. Make a list of adjectives or find one here: http://www.grammaruntied.com/?p=1175. 2. Identify a minimum of six that you possess. 3. Ask two or three people to pick out four to six that they believe you possess. 4. Begin filling in Johari areas on in the box. 5. Things that are on YOUR list and ANOTHER’S list go in the “open” box. 6. Things that are on YOUR list and NOT ON ANOTHER’S list go in the “hidden” box. 7. Things that are on ANOTHER’S list and not on YOUR list go in the “blind” box. 8. In looking at the three completed boxes you can begin filling in the “UNKNOWN” box with qualities you may have based on self-reflection and what connections you draw from conversation with your peers. 9. What qualities currently in the “hidden” box might you want to share with others? 10. What qualities currently in the “blind” box might you feel ready to claim? 11. What qualities in the “unknown” box do you feel ready to explore?
Supplemental Documents: The Power of Gift in Mentorship When experimenting with different roles, we tend to be most effective when we have help. The curiosities of childhood when exposed to the harsh realities of experience can turn into confusion or focus for a child depending on what tools and guidance he/she picks up along the path. The simple truth is that a mentor who is not learning as much or more than the mentee is not functioning properly. Both learning and teaching are brought together in the collaboration between the student and teacher. Both parties contribute both behaviors. To offer guidance is itself a gift, which serves both members mutually. As you incorporate experiences from any new experience into your life it becomes more and more apparent that each time you offer to others what you’ve learned, old and new pieces of your journey will present themselves to you. Lewis Hyde in his book on the nature of giving describes how the gift itself can be the agent of change:
“It is also the case that a gift may be the actual agent of change, the bearer of new life. In the simplest examples, gifts carry identity with them, and to accept the gift amounts to incorporating the new identity. It is as if such a gift passes through the body and leaves us altered. The gift is not merely the witness or guardian to new life, but the creator. “Teachings” are my primary example here. I do not mean schoolbook lessons, I mean those infrequent lessons in living that alter, or even save, our lives.”
Many indigenous cultures believed that the act of giving was animistic, in other words they viewed the gift as alive. They described it as something that was always in motion, the way a gift moved was described as circular, much like the ripples caused when a stone was thrown onto the surface of a pond. In the Pacific Northwest, a chief would engage in potlatch, giving away everything he owned as a sign of his wealth and power. Since he had more to give away, and the power to get more, the gifts carried real weight. What remains true is that gifts have to be given with utmost sincerity, not given in anticipation of repayment. It’s also true we must remain conscious of how the gift affects others. For instance, when native youths came back from seeking visions they were reminded that the “gift of vision” did not belong to them alone but to their community as a whole. Elders deciphered the visions and gave council on how best to incorporate them among those they loved. This was in fact how the elders defined the roles of young people. To become a healthy adult is to acknowledge your own struggles and to venture towards giving back those things you’ve learned along the way. The point is not so you can be reminded of all that you know and all you can do, but so others might in turn learn those things through you.
Exercise 1. Describe a time when you learned something different about what you knew by teaching or giving it to others. 2. What experiences have you had with mentorship in your life, both positive and negative? 3. What are qualities needed for a good mentor? 4. What part does mentorship play in community? 5. Do you believe that gifts are important parts of being in a community, and why or why not? 6. Do you think the act of giving can be the source of change? Describe an experience when you’ve seen or felt this.
Supplemental Documents: SMART Goals, Individualized Milestones and Capstone Projects Being mindful is the foundation of Whole Person Development, and growing out of mindfulness is how we actually act on and follow through with our values. To successfully achieve goals we must first make them and then follow through with them maintaining what we have achieved; this is how we allow ourselves to grow. One of the best ways to do this is to practice goal setting with your youth. However goals should be SMART (originally developed by Peter Drucker but modified here):
• Simple – Keep your goal statement simple and to the point. • Measurable – Make sure it’s measurable. Ex.: I will practice piano 6 times a week for 20 minutes each time. • Achievable – Don’t aim too high. Too many of us are overly ambitious, especially at the beginning. Make sure you can reach your goal without too much stress and strain. Set yourself up for victory! • Relevant – Make sure your goal has direct relevance to your overall sense of mission or life purpose – the big Life Plan that guides you. • Time Bound – Make sure you have an end date and time. You need to know where the finish line is!
There are five distinct parts to a SMART goal:
1. OUTCOME [What do I want?] This is something that is: • Stated in the positive - I want to achieve [ x ] instead of I don’t want to fail at [ x ]. • Within my control - Changing myself instead of trying to change others • Something real - What can I realistically achieve instead of setting myself up for failure • Ecological - Something that fits into my life/environment positively
2. EVIDENCE [How will I know I have achieved it?] This is something that: • I will see [ x ] • I will hear [ x ] • I will feel [ x ]
3. OBSTACLES [What might stand in my way?] This is something that is: • Rational - Something that I will realistically have to deal with • Foreseeable - Something I can actually predict with some certainty • Detailed - Something I can articulate enough to plan for
4. PLAN [What is my strategy?] This involves: • Who - Who can help me? • What - What will I need to achieve my goal? • Where - Where will I find who and what I need? • When - When will I need to utilize what I’ve found? • How - How will I pool all my resources together into a manageable plan to achieve my goal? What will my plan look like? How will I execute it?
5. RESULT [What did I do?] This is something in which I must be: • Honest. If I didn’t achieve my goal, then I must admit this and make the adjustment needed to properly do so. If I did then I will likewise congratulate myself and continue down the path I have constructed.
Exercise 1. Brainstorm something that you want to achieve. You should be able to close your eyes and clearly visualize yourself achieving this goal. What are you willing to do to achieve this goal? What would you risk and sacrifice for its success? As you choose something you want to work for, fill out each of the five stages and see what you come up with. With each one you complete the next will be easier. 2. Finding Your Life Purpose “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do that. Because what the world needs is people who’ve come alive.” -Howard Thurman
This is designed to help students begin to identify what might be their life purpose. To know it more fully they may need to experience a transformative rites of passage. But this can get them thinking.
To start, it’s essential that each person become aware of that which most fulfills them. It can be anything: making paper airplanes, fixing cars, studying beetles, figuring out long math equations, building irrigation canals, cutting hair, telling stories, riding bicycles, flying kites, reading, writing, painting, singing, dancing… literally anything, and it certainly doesn’t have to be connected to anything “artistic.” Whatever you feel intrinsically passionate about is the soul’s way of guiding you to your life purpose. There are little road signs along the way that clue you in to being on the right course. The first is “this is fun!”
So what are you most passionate about? What are your unique gifts? They need not be the same. The important thing is to identify your strongest directional “pull,” name a career direction based on it, and then just keep doing it. Know that whatever that aspiration is won’t necessarily last. In fact, most likely it will change. But it’s important to identify it now and follow it, like a guiding star, and see where it takes you. Take some time and journal what you find. TBD Milestones Along the same lines as SMART goals but going a little deeper are TBD [To Be Determined] Milestones. Generally milestones are competency-based outcomes (consisting of knowledge, skills, attitudes, and performance) that can be demonstrated progressively by youth when administered by an adult. Whole Person Development encourages tailoring them to a young person’s whole experience and needs. This means developing specific goals in collaboration with them, to be determined by both of you. A task can fall inside or outside the arena of school. It can be based on a combination of the young person’s mental, emotional, and physical areas of growth and development. For instance if a youth is afraid or has trouble with social engagement, a task might be to research, plan, and execute a gathering or small conference in which she/he must host and present. Just as with SMART goals the criteria should be concrete and trackable. There should be a contractual agreement with clear expectations and a plan for reviewing progress and discerning completion.
Capstone Projects A capstone project or experience is a multifaceted tool that challenges youth to take ownership of a concept or idea from start to finish. Commonly it refers to work done in college or graduate programs, however it is increasingly being used in secondary education across the nation as a way to provide culminating experiences for students. It may take a variety of forms, but generally it is comprised of a long-term investigative or experiential project that results in a final product, presentation, or performance. The student is expected to select a topic, conduct research and gather data, build a portfolio to present it, and create a final product that demonstrates mastery of the subject, along with any actions taken and their subsequent conclusions or results. This is achieved in the form of a presentation or student facilitated group between teachers, mentors, experts, and community members.
Capstone projects are ways for students to build self-sufficiency, enact goal setting, and establish practical mentorships with adults in professions that interest them. It puts them in the position to articulate things they find valuable and connects self-esteem to efficacy. Aside from its advantages in college preparation, this tool is in perfect alignment with the coming of age process. It builds initiatory practices into education. Capstone projects also tend to connect their students to community issues or problems, and to catalyze learning experiences both inside and outside the school environment.
A capstone does not always but often includes these components: • Brainstorming an Idea or Question • Identifying Core Values and Objectives That Respond to That Question • Seeking and Identifying Mentors/Advisors • Identifying Available Resources and Required Resources • Project Planning/Creating a Timeline with SMART Goals • Project Begins • Gathering Data: Research, Interviews, and/or Experimentation • Project/Creative Work • Project Midpoint/Adviser Meeting • Final Product • Presentation Planning • Presentation • Review/Debrief
This is one of the most salient ways that rites of passage based thinking can inform the youth’s educational process and a way that pulls that process out into many other aspects of their lives. Good resources to see this in action are:
• Expeditionary Learning: Activating Citizens and Citizen Scholars Program • Schools That Work: Mc2 STEM Resources • Making Caring Common Project • El Camino High School Capstone Project Page • Mt. Ararat High School Overview • Hartford Schools Independent Study Program • REACH/World As It Could Be/Alameda County ROP Project • Warrior Films DocuMentoring Studio Summer Youth Workshop
Supplemental Documents: Culture Mapping One of the most important things we can do is understand where we are, who we are, and why that’s so. Every group whether voluntary or mandatory has culture, habits and behaviors driven by stated values that bump up against acted values. This is a tool adapted from a project by David Gray, a business consultant and collaborative expert.
Take some time to fill out this chart. Through group conversation make those un-discussable things discussable. You'll foster equality, transparency, accountability, and better communication. Ultimately, you can utilize this tool to strengthen relationships in whatever culture you find yourself.
Observations Who Are We? How Do We Behave Together? How Do We Co-Exist/Collaborate? Are All Our Members Equally Represented? Are Our Practices Ours, Where Do They Come From, Are We Allowed To Use Them? If Not, Why Not? What Kind of Place Are We In?
Drivers What Drives Our Behaviors? Who Controls What? What Are The Taboos? What Cannot Be Discussed? What Are The Rewards? Are There Other Contributing Factors?
Stated Values What Do We Say We Value?
Acted Values What Values Would Others Not in Our Culture Say We Represent? What Values Are Demonstrated By Our Behavior?
Reasons: Why Are These Our Values? What Do We Think They Help Us Achieve? Why Choose These Values Over Others? Where Do Tradition, Self Expression, And Innovation Meet For US? What is Important to Keep or Discard? Supplemental Documents: The Cycle Of Growth – Role-playing In oral cultures a story isn’t locked into place by the written word. A story tends to take on the characteristics of the person who’s telling it and the places in which it’s told. It can also grow and change with the land and the people as they move through time. In this sense we want to remind you to let your story be open ended, and to acknowledge that any story without pitfalls isn’t as interesting. In fact it could be said that one of the crucial pieces of coming into adulthood is acknowledging failure as a natural part of maturity. Journalist John Carroll wrote an essay for the PBS series “This I believe.” In it he talks about his own experiences with failure:
“Failure is how we learn. I have been told of an African phrase describing a good cook as “she who has broken many pots.” If you’ve ever spent enough time in the kitchen to have broken a lot of pots, you probably know a fair amount about cooking. I once had a late dinner with a group of chefs, and they spent time comparing knife wounds and burn scars. They knew how much credibility their failures gave them. I earn my living by writing a daily newspaper column. Each week I am aware that one column is going to be the worst one of the week. I don’t set out to write it; I try my best every day. Still, every week, one column is inferior to the others, sometimes spectacularly so. I have learned to cherish that column. A successful column means I am treading on familiar ground, going with the tricks that work. Often in my inferior columns, I am trying to pull off something I’ve never done before; something I’m not even sure can be done.”
There are days you don’t want to get out of bed, days when you feel lost and unsure of yourself. But those days are just as important as the ones in which we feel full of confidence and potency. Below you can see the stages we all go through on the way towards choosing and then integrating change into our lives. You will learn that failure, or relapse, is just as much a natural part of this process as the change itself. We must come to a place where we’re not only okay with failure but welcome the opportunities that present themselves with it. The stages in the cycle of growth are:
• Precontemplation: You have no recognition of the issue, it belongs to someone else. You’re unwilling to approach change because you don’t see the need to.
• Contemplation: Beginning to see that your patterns affect your results. Behavior leads to consequence, yet there are still two defined outcomes and you are debating which is right for you.
• Preparation: Recognize that you want and need to change. Realization that control over one’s life is achieved through adjusting your thinking and behavior patterns.
• Action: Taking control of your life. Fostering the discipline to solve problems and accomplish goals. Looking at all possible destinations, and acting on the one that is right for you and consistent with your values.
• Maintenance: After making the change and finding success, you find and develop the systems that will help hold you accountable and that remain consistent with the changes you’ve made.
• Relapse: Full return to the old behavior. This is not inevitable, but is likely and should not be seen as failure. Often people will relapse several times before they finally succeed in making permanent changes to new behaviors.
• Permanent Exit: A step back from patterns of behavior where you take what you’ve learned both from making the change and regressing to create goals based on achievable ends.
Exercise Role play can be an extremely fun and effective way to visualize and act out how you would deal with a given situation wherever you may be in life. Below are example scenarios that we’ve found common among adolescents and young adults. 1. Script out a scenario using one of the templates or create your own as it pertains to your life. 2. Establish the narrative and flesh out the characters. 3. Act it out; don’t be afraid to improvise. 4. Debrief and follow up discussion.
• Leave Me Alone! [Negative Thinking/2-3 People]: You want to be alone but a friend, or family member wants to be with you. How do you set and communicate healthy boundaries in a way that allows for space but also leaves others feeling close to you?
• What am I Missing Out On? [Aligning Your Thinking/Individual]: You feel like you are going crazy, because either the world is too crazy, or, worse, it’s too boring. You’re at home on a weekend night and you know there are so many things going on and you’re afraid if you don’t get out you’ll miss out on ‘that one perfect’ experience. Is this actually correct? What are you really missing out on? Is there something deeper you’re looking for? If so, what?
• Why Don’t You Trust Me! [Developing Empathy/2-3 People]: You want to go out but your parents don’t want you to; you’re starting to get angry and a fight is brewing. You know you have the self-control to stay out of trouble, and you wonder why they can’t trust you. Can you step out of your head by shifting your perspective and think about why they might be worried? Can there be compromise? What would that look like? What do you do to maintain your level of health, accept who your parents are, and self-advocate more effectively?
• Party Pressure [Peer Pressure/Individual]: You're at a party. Will you try to stay sober? What triggers will affect your decision? How are your friends and their expectations going to play into your decision-making? What can you learn about the level of health in your relationships based on your interactions?
• Stuck in the Middle [Navigating Dilemmas/3 People]: You happen upon two of your good friends having a serious fight. Both feel they are in the right. Both feel they might end the friendship. Do you step in? Do you walk away? If you step in how do you not take sides? If you do what are the pros/cons and consequences of your decision?
• Truth Serum [Transparent Communication/2 to 3 People]: You’ve done something that you know isn’t good, something that if you keep to yourself will fester. But you don’t want to talk about it with the people closest to you, whether your parents, siblings, or friends. Tell it to your present cohort. What does the conversation look like? Taking a risk to speak your truth relieves you of carrying a burdensome judgment or emotional charge. The old maxim is correct: the truth will set you free. Option #2: Someone did something that hurt you. You’ve told yourself it isn’t important enough to talk over with them. Or you’re afraid to vocalize it because it might put your relationship in jeopardy. But doing so will not only take an enormous weight off your chest, it opens the door to more sharing and intimacy for both of you. It’s counter-intuitive, but the fact is that doing so will likely strengthen your relationship.
• The Same but Different [Dealing with Change/2 People]: Your relationship [of any kind] is just not the same as it was. You’ve changed. They haven’t. How do you decide whether this relationship will serve your long-term well-being? If you choose to keep the relationship, what changes need to be made between both of you? What do you do about it?
• Digital Detox [Facing Addiction/Individual up to 3 People]: Take a sabbatical from your smartphone and social media. Maybe it’s for an hour. If you’re more adventurous try it for or a day, week or month. How does it feel different to you if you’ve been told you have to by a parent? Maybe you’ve had your cyber privileges taken away. Why does choosing to do it feel different from having to when they’re the exact same action? Maybe you choose to do it together with a group of friends. If so, what will you do instead? How will you communicate? Will you write letters? Use landlines? How does virtual community compare with real community? What are the pros and cons of each?
• Text from the Ex [Facing Reality/Individual]: You’ve recently ended a relationship because your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend was emotionally abusive. You doubt that they’re good for your emotional health. You get a text from your ex that says: “I’m sorry I want to make things better.” What do you do?
• The Deep End [Dealing with Anxiety/3 People]: Think about the most uncomfortable situation you can imagine being in. The situation must contain at least two other people beside yourself. Act out the situation three times. The first time act as if you are the person you’d ideally like to be. The next time, act as if you are the person you’d least like to be. The third time act it out from the perspective of the person in between who may still struggle with being the person they’d like to be but who no longer is the person they don’t want to be. Supplemental Documents: Sitting In Circle Sitting in circle can change perspectives, allow for deep connections, and reset community equilibrium when the integrity of a community is challenged by harmful or disruptive behaviors. Circle or council practices cultivate a culture in which everyone feels they have a place, that they belong, a place where every member knows they are seen, heard, and respected.
Form a circle so that everyone can see everyone else’s face and eyes. If you can, arrange the space free of any barriers between the members of the circle. Designate a ‘talking piece.’ Often it is a stick or small tree branch. It can be anything that is easily passed from one student to another. The more soothing or interesting the object the better, preferably something with character, a story. The piece will rest in the center until someone feels called to speak or is called upon by the facilitator to speak. When finished the speaker places it back in the center or hands it to another person who has indicated they wish to speak next.
Whoever holds the talking stick is entitled to speak for as long as they wish, or for as long as has been previously agreed. No one should interrupt. Just as speaking consciously and thoughtfully is its own gift and practice, so listening consciously and thoughtfully is too.
An important part of circle is to acknowledge that what is shared in circle stays in circle. A code of honor is essential to insure safety for all those who venture to be vulnerable. Beginnings and endings need to be made explicit and are usually done so through ritual. Actions such as clapping or bowing are good examples. Everyone must be very clear when circle has begun and ended. A standard circle might look like this:
● Opening Gesture ● Welcoming words by a convener or facilitator ● Check in: Everyone has the opportunity to speak going in a clockwise or counter clockwise direction. ● Forum: Open space in which anyone who feels called can bring issues or ideas to the circle utilizing a random or “popcorn” order. ● Acknowledgement: Members of the circle can publicly acknowledge each other for positive things that they have recently shared together or participated in. ● Closing Gesture
It is highly recommended for anyone who wishes to hold circles for any purpose to first test one out informally. You can also seek training through some of the organizations pioneering this work such as the Ojai Foundation or the Center for Restorative Justice.
Supplemental Documents: Holding Effective Groups Groups are one of the most effective ways in which to convey information and create emotional reflection and or/catharsis. Doing so can be an art whether in teaching, facilitating or participating. Try not to hold groups directly before or after meals. Here are some other basic guideposts on how to be effective at achieving participation and also what to expect from a student who is looking to lead a group:
1. Prepare: Ask yourself these foundational questions to better prepare to lead or help a student lead an effective group.
• Are the necessary resources available and on hand? • Is the learning environment conducive to learning/ I.e. is it safe physically and emotionally? • What are the group dynamics? • Is the content conducive to maintaining or building esteem? • Am I accounting for all possible values and beliefs? • Are the learning objectives and expectations clearly communicated? • Is there a proper balance of intellectual and emotional content? • Is the way I will frame the subject matter relevant/interesting? 2. Connect: Build rapport. People who feel connected are much more willing to devote time and energy into a group. This can be as simple as using icebreakers like: • Basic Introductions • Sharing of Descriptive Adjectives • Telling where they’re from 3. Engage: Cultivate interest in your topic. There is no learning without engagement. Begin with a bang by starting with one of the following: • Evocative Quotation or Statistic • An Anecdote • A Paradox 4. Focus: Formulate clear objectives for the group and have an agenda already prepared that you can refer to if needed. People crave clarity. 5. Offer a Constellation: Present across learning modalities e.g. visual, auditory, kinesthetic, etc. 6. Involve: Involve as many people as you can in the group discussion. Effective methods might include: • Small group work • Debate • Role-play 7. Share: Offer others opportunities to direct the group. Be flexible. Remember just because things don’t always go according to plan it doesn’t mean they’re not going where they should. 8. Structure is key, the structure of an effective group usually contains: • Safe Space: The group should take place somewhere where it is unlikely to be interrupted. • Opening: Participants could agree to participate, say their names, hold a moment of silence, clap, bow, etc. • Instruction: Introduce the topic or activity and model expected behaviors. It can be helpful to explain why the topic was chosen. • Participation: Promote group participation by asking specific participants if they would like to share, especially if only a few are talking. If some participants refuse, respect that choice. • Focus: Keep everyone on the topic of conversation or on task. • Debrief: The group should end by providing some sort of summary e.g. what did the conversation/activity tell us, what can we take away, etc. • Closing/Transition: Participants should hold another moment of silence or participate in a bookended ritual to the opening. It’s always good to have a plan for what’s next. If the group was on an emotionally heavy topic it’s often good to end by doing something physical like some simple stretching or playing a game.
WILDERNESS RITES OF PASSAGE FOR YOUTH: Steven Foster, Ph.D.
These remarks were written to meet the need created by the re-introduction of wilderness passage rites for youth into modern American culture. As time passes, this subject matter will assume greater significance. Interest in and application of “initiatory-style” methods will become widespread.
The health of our culture depends on the ability of our elders, mentors, educators, and leaders to provide growth-events -- experiential contexts within which our young can mature and find meaning and purpose. Few would argue that our present means are sufficient. The children are not growing up. Severance from childhood and incorporation into adulthood, two of the foundation stones of stable culture for thousands of years, are no longer marked by widespread, culturally sanctioned, initiatory events. Hence there is no end to childhood. It stretches into the adult years. “In many ways, we are now living in a culture run by half-adults” (Robert Bly).
The uninitiated child, unless he/she initiates him/herself, encounters the crises, decisions, responsibilities, and dreams of adult life, but the tools of childhood in America hardly equip him/her to negotiate the inner oceans of the self, to climb the dangerous mountains of relationship, parenthood, profession, elderhood, separation, divorce, or death -- or to harness the wild genius of the imagination. “If the deep conflicts of youth are ignored and left unresolved, the new adults will be unable to solve deep conflicts in the culture. If the adults feel they were not nourished, their elders will be ignored, and forgotten” (Michael Meade).
Yet the children of our generation must inherit a millennium, a universe, a planet, an environment, a nation, a state, a neighborhood, a workplace, a cultural milieu, that will require them to become men and women in the fullest sense. The twenty-first century needs young men and women of imagination and commitment who are not afraid of the challenge of the future, who dare to dream the dreams of ecological wellbeing, peaceful coexistence among races, ethnicities, and religions, and the evolution of the human family into its fullest destiny.
The three phases of the wilderness vision fast rite of passage can be completed in two months or in a school quarter or semester. It can be a course offered in high school, a growth-event sponsored by a community or agency, or a confirmation exercise at a church, temple or synagogue. The teachers or “elders” can be anyone trained and experienced in the method and form.
The existence of many new vision fast type programs for at-risk or gifted youth, conducted in substance abuse agencies, mental health programs, public, private and continuation schools, and churches, attests to the steadily growing influence of initiatory passage rites in wilderness settings. The documentary video film by Kim Shelton, “Lost Borders: Coming of Age in the Wilderness” (Bullfrog Films), even now being aired on public television, has made adolescent passage rites, of which the vision fast is a cogent variant, a topic of contemporary interest. But the ultimate goal -- full cultural adoption of passage rites for the young -- still seems impossibly distant. Not so distant is the dream that such rites become part of the course offerings in every high school graduate’s senior ye LOST BORDERS COMING OF AGE IN THE WILDERNESS
FILM STUDY GUIDE
LOST BORDERS PRESS PO Box 55, Big Pine CA 93513. www.lostborderspress.com. Contact Meredith: [email protected]
Lost Borders: Coming of Age in the Wilderness was produced and directed by Kim Shelton, Two Shoes Productions, 605 Terrace Ave., Ashland, OR 97520 [email protected].
©Copyright originally Bullfrog Films 1998, given to Lost Borders Press 2014.
This guide was first prepared on March 27,1998, by Steven Foster, School of Lost Borders. In 2014 Meredith Little and Gigi Coyle updated the guide. The film and more information can found at www.lostborderspress.com. Information about the School of Lost Borders can be found at www.schooloflostborders.org.
Permission is granted to duplicate this guide for educational, non-commercial classroom use.
“Lost Borders” was filmed in 1996 on location in the California Eastern Sierra at the School of Lost Borders, a training center for wilderness passage rites. The teachers, Steven Foster and Meredith Little, co-directors of the School, had been working with young people coming of age for 25 years. Today the School continues to offer this youth program—a 10-day experience divided into the three traditional phases of a rite of passage.
Introduction
“Lost Borders” was filmed in 1996 on location in the California Eastern Sierra at the School of Lost Borders, a training center for wilderness passage rites. The teachers, Steven Foster and Meredith Little, co-directors of the School, had been working with young people coming of age for 25 years. Today the School continues to offer this youth program—a 10-day experience divided into the three traditional phases of a rite of passage.
About the Journey in the Film
Severance: The young people prepared to undergo the wilderness experience by talking in council, with the guides, about their lives, their hopes for the future, and their fears. They were also given specific training enabling them to survive their wilderness solo.
Threshold: The young people lived alone in the wilderness for three days and nights without food or shelter.
Incorporation: The young people returned to a council of witnesses at the school, which included the teachers, their parents, and several trainees. During this council each told his or her story of living alone. The witnessing “elders” responded by identifying the beauty, the challenges, and the gifts inherent in the young persons’ stories.
The parents were also given the opportunity to respond to the stories of their children. Gifts were exchanged and the young people were empowered to live their lives as prefigured by their solo time experience.
Who Should See This Film?
The film is addressed to young people nearing the age of adulthood who are looking for meaningful (and legal) ways of marking or confirming their ability to live their lives as adults in modern culture. The three-phase process they undergo was used for thousands of years by indigenous cultures to bring children through the passage into adulthood.
“Lost Borders” is probably most useful among young people who are looking squarely at the demands of maturity and the complex path of true adulthood. Awareness of the future builds through the high school experience, especially the senior year, and climaxes at graduation. During this time almost any group of high school students would be open to, and moved by, a showing of the film. The freshman year in college, or the first year after high school is also a time of crisis. The crush is on. The old friends and days are gone. The young person is realistically assessing her/his ability to live as a young adult.
The film can also be used effectively among specific populations. For example, this same therapeutic process has been employed with benefit among the delinquent, the learning disabled, the addicted, and the suicidal.
The film is not just for teenagers about to leave home, but for their parents, who must let them go to live their own lives, and for those who are seeking ways to verify that the young people in a community are ready to put on the mantle of maturity.
In a larger sense, the film depicts powerful “eco-psychological” techniques that may be of great interest to those who do counseling or therapeutic work with adolescents and their families, or to wilderness guides and leaders who seek to implement the therapeutic power of nature in the lives of modern young people.
Above all, the film is an answer to the question: how do we bring our young people into meaningful contact with the natural world, which is our shared environment and community.
Research Topics or Papers
• Research on the subject matter can go in many directions. • Here are a few suggestions: • The pan-cultural traditions of fasting alone in the wilderness • The social function of initiation rites into adulthood • The relationship between rites of passage such as the vision fast and dying/death • The ways in which modern youth are being initiated — or are initiating themselves • The effects of the initiatory experience on the psyche • A psychological exploration of the effects of solitude and fasting • The attributes of true adulthood • Shamans and altered states of consciousness • Elderhood in modern times. Who are the true elders? • The relationship between human wellbeing and natural wellbeing • Wilderness passage rites as experiential education • The effect on the immune system of risk and fear • Rites of passage stories in history, myth, folklore and fairytale • The passage rites of “primitive” cultures • What is my way of becoming adult? • Personal rite of passage experiences
Discussion Questions
Simple questions can be posed that will provoke hours of discussion. Some of these questions can be asked before viewing the film and some can be left for afterward. All represent important dimensions of the coming of age experience. To most of these questions there are no answers, only a learning.
• Define: a true adult in today’s culture. What is the definition of true human maturity? • What is the value of living alone for three days and nights in the wilderness without food? If rites like this existed for thousands of years in human history, can they still hold value for human beings in the 21st century? • What does this kind of experience have to do with adulthood or maturity? What abilities are tested? Are these abilities required of a true adult? • What is a rite of passage? What rites of passage has the culture made available to you? Are they adequate? • With whom in the film do I empathize most? Why? • What kind of teenagers would do such a thing? Am I one of those? Am I not one of those? Why? • Am I creating my own kinds of initiation into adulthood? What are they? How many of them are legal? And how many illegal? Do I really care if they are legal or illegal? • Identify the elders in my life. The true elders. What do I want from an elder? What if there were elders’ councils like the one depicted in the film. What if these elders’ councils had the power to confer and validate my attainment of adulthood? • Why don’t more of these councils exist? • How will I know when I have reached full adulthood? What makes me a real man or woman?
Potential Audiences
• High school graduating seniors and/or their parents • Students in continuation and alternative high schools • Students in English, social studies, history, religion, and health courses • “At risk” youth in drug rehabilitation, counseling, detention, half-way houses • Youth church groups and organizations • Youth counselors in one-on-one, family, and group settings • College courses in social anthropology, eco-psychology, psychology, environmental studies, health sciences, and travel/study abroad programs • Wilderness adventure training programs for youth (Outward Bound, Sierra Club, NOLS, etc.) • Any group of people in the community from teenage to retirement, who are interested in the subject of rites of passage • Eco-villages, intentional communities, new culture experiments
Suggested Questions
These represent but a few of those raised by the real life stories of the film. Ask your own.
• What kinds of life crises are depicted in this film? Are they typical of teenagers today? Why? Why not? • Am I a hero in my own eyes? What is my mission on earth? What did the GREAT MIND want me to do on this earth? Why was I born? • If I did this sort of thing, would my parents come to the council and honor the maturity in me? How does my mother and/or my father see me? What kind of man or woman does my father or my mother want me to be? Do I want to be that person? Is it all right to have values different from my parents/society? How do I take responsibility for my value system? Do I truly love my parents? Do they truly love me? What have I — or they — done to make it difficult for me to realize myself as a man or a woman? • Is a personal relationship with nature important? Does this relationship have anything to do with being a man or woman? • Who, what, where is my community? Where is my place with my peers, with people I live with or share lineage with? Who are my people? How is the earth my home?
How Can This Film Be Used?
• Show it without any context or preparation, and allow the audience to simply react to it intellectually and emotionally. Then lead a debriefing session, allowing any and all expressions of opinion and feeling. • Make it integral to a study or unit about coming of age in the modern world, or initiation rites among various cultures, or the problems of adolescents in today’s society, or “eco-therapy,” or wilderness adventure work. • Make it part of a therapeutic or educational process, with individuals and groups, using activities and exercises from the Nature Therapy section outlined below. The film is a splendid example of practical “eco-psychology.” • Show it to help prepare a group of young people to go into the wilderness to enact the same kind of rite of passage (assuming that you are trained in the process). • Note: The film cannot be shown without a personal element creeping in. Every young person (and probably every adult) who watches this film asks him/herself, “Can I do this?” Most reactions stem from the answer given to this question, and often include a good deal of ambivalence.
Before Showing the Film
We recommend that you view the film before you show it to any group. It would help to be aware of the rites of passage tradition, whether it be prophets in the wilderness, Buddhas under trees, heroic legends and myths, puberty rites among indigenous peoples, the Plains Indian vision quest, traditional councils and elders, the story telling traditions, shamanic journeys, the healing properties of nature, the idea that human is a part of nature, and, of course, the various dimensions of the adolescent world — emotions, feelings, memories, dreams, states of self-consciousness, ideals, and the whole range of spiritual convictions and values. Such awareness may help you present the various underlying themes of the experience depicted here.
Given the length of the documentary (a 58 min. version, and an 84 min. version) you will need to decide whether you want to show the entire film in one sitting. There must be time afterward to adequately assess the response. See Discussion Questions.
If the film is shown in two parts, end the first showing at the conclusion of the severance phase (just before the young people go alone into the wilderness).
Nature Therapy
Simple eco-psychological activities can be clustered around the film. They all involve going alone into nature and bringing back a story, a story about the person. The story must include feelings, thoughts, and insights, as well as outward activity.
• Take a hike and bring back something that represents you. • Sit under a tree and listen to what it is saying to you. Bring back a story about it. • Go alone to a natural elevated place and watch the sunset or rise. Bring back a story about what you experienced. • Take a walk alone at night in some natural place. Don’t use your flashlight unless you have to. Stop and sit down on the ground. Be silent for an hour. Bring back a story about what happened. • Tell your troubles to a tree, a brook, a bush, a flower. Bring back a story about what happened. • Spend an afternoon in nature and take along a symbol of someone who has hurt you — or someone you have hurt. Do something with that symbol while you are there. Bring back the story. • Go to a natural place and be the child that you always will be. Play and enjoy yourself without self-judgment. Bring back your story. • Sleep through the night in the backyard, or at a park or campground, on the ground, and look up at the stars, and try to decide what you want to do with your life. Bring back your story. • If you are the one who assigns the activity or responds to the story, remember to restrain your tendency to “therapize” or judge or criticize. In traditional councils this is not done. Rather, the “elders” look for the power and gifts embedded in the fabric of the story. “Empowerment” may be defined as pointing out and approving these powers and gifts. The film carefully points out this fact.
Annotated Bibliography
• Bly, Robert. The Sibling Society (Addison-Wesley, 1996). Analyzes a modern culture without adequate rites of passage where adults remain children and where children have no desire to become adults • David Blumenkrantz, Center for the Advancement of Youth, Family and Community Services, Inc., Box 816, Glastonbury, CT 06033-0816. Promotes positive youth development, assists children in their transition through adolescence, facilitates research into complex issues facing communities, families and their children, and disseminates educational information (see Newsletter, “The Hummingbird”). • The Box: Remembering the Gift (Terma Co., Santa Fe, 1992). The three gracefully written books in this collection (The Book of Sorrows, The Book of Grace, The Book of Reconciliation) are filled with reflections, activities, and pertinent information for anyone researching the subject of wilderness passage rites. (Available: Lost Borders Press) • Campbell, Joseph. Hero With a Thousand Faces (Bollingen, 1970). A classic examination of the mythical underpinnings of pan cultural ROP. • Eliade, Mercia. Rites and Symbols of Initiation (Harper and Row, 1958). The mythical and spiritual anatomy of the initiatory process. • Estes, Clarissa Pinkola. Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype (Ballantine, 1992). Rites of passage and initiatory experiences of women. Delightful, profound and life-changing story-telling from a Jungian perspective. • Foster, Steven and Little, Meredith. The Book of the Vision Quest. Revised Edition (Prentice Hall, 1981). The re-creation of an ancient rite of passage in modern times, and the experiences of those who undertook this intensely personal journey. • Lost Borders: Coming of Age in the Wilderness (Lost Borders Press, 1998). A useful and evocative handbook for youth preparing to participate in the coming of age ceremony depicted in the film. he Roaring of the Sacred River (Lost Borders Press, 1998). A comprehensive training book, based on the famous American Indian vision quest story of Jumping Mouse, for those who wish to lead rites of passage in the wilderness. • Johnson, Scott, Ed. Circles on the Mountain: A Journal for Rites of Passage Guides, Issue 9, [email protected] , www.jps.net/circles A journal dedicated to the personal, societal, and ecological need for meaningful rites of passage. Contains helpful info and resources. • Lawlor, Robert. Voices of the First Day (Inner Traditions, 1991). Contrasting modern values and rites of passage with those of the Australian aborigine, this beautifully illustrated book opens new possibilities for the future of humanity and the planet. • Mahdi, Louise, Foster and Little, Eds. Betwixt and Between: Patterns of Masculine and Feminine Initiation (Open Court, 1987). New insights into the basic elements of initiations and passage rites in a culture bereft of their power. (Includes a compendium of ROP films.) • Mahdi, Louise, Christopher and Meade, Eds. Crossroads: The Quest for Contemporary Rites of Passage (Open Court, 1997). A multidisciplinary collection of contemporary thought on adolescent passage rites by psychologists, anthropologists, social and religious leaders, doctors, educators, and parents • Meade, Michael. Men and the Water of Life: Initiation and the Tempering of Men (Harper San Francisco, 1993). A mythic tapestry of multi- cultural stories that encourages both young men and women to find the seeds of initiatory experiences in their lives and community • Snyder, Gary. The Practice of the Wild (North Point Press, 1990). An exquisite, far-sighted articulation of what can be possible between human and wild nature. • Spinrad, Norman. Child of Fortune (Bantam, 1985). A thinly-disguised science fiction allegory of a modern culture in which there are universal rites of passage for youth. A young heroine finds her way through drugs and illusory thrills to womanhood. • Van der Post, Laurens. A Story Like the Wind (Hogarth, 1972). A Far-Off Place (Hogarth, 1974). A classic novel in two parts of the coming of age of a young man and woman in the wilds of South Africa. • Van Gennep, Arnold. The Rites of Passage (U. of Chicago Press, 1960). The classic anthropological examination of rites of passage of indigenous cultures throughout the world. • Zimmerman, Jack and Coyle, Virginia. The Way of Council. 2nd Edition (Bramble, 2009). Exploration of the dynamics of the council tradition as practiced in modern settings. A training method in basic communication skills among modern teenagers. • For info on diverse rite-of-passage: http://youthpassageways.org