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Parental Alienation Page 1 of 5 Families Need Fathers Factsheet # 16 134 Curtain Road, London EC2A 3AR Tel. 020 7613 5060 Website: www.fnf.org.uk The information in this factsheet applies to England and Wales. For N Ireland and Scotland contact local bra PARENTAL ALIENATION In practice however poisoning against one parent does occur, and is a genuine Introduction problem which goes strongly against a child’s best interests. This effect is being Parental Alienation (PA) refers to a more and more recognised in the Family situation in which a resident parent Courts in the UK, which is encouraging. (usually but not exclusively) turns their child against the non-resident parent, The question “why should children who intentionally or unintentionally, resulting were initially close to both parents in the child’s supposed desire to reject all suddenly seek to reject one of them” 3 is contact with that parent. There is still often raised at the beginning of a Family much debate among medical and Court case. The child is ‘programmed’ by psychological experts as to whether this the alienating parent against the other, behaviour pattern constitutes a and is used as a tool in the process of syndrome, often referred to as Parental seeking vengeance on an ex-partner, Alienation Syndrome (PAS) which was emotionally harming the child by initially described by Dr Richard Gardner.1 depriving them of a good parent. Judges, CAFCASS staff, social workers, and Currently, PAS is not officially recognised others often fail to recognise parental although there is much activity worldwide alienation as a genuine case of significant to influence its acceptance in the emotional abuse, and these children may American Psychiatric Association’s lose a loved and loving parent for a long Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of time or sometimes permanently. This Mental Disorders, DSM- V, which is due to 2 situation is often referred to in UK courts be published in May 2012. as ‘implacable hostility’ caused by the ‘controlling’ parent subjecting the child to You may well find useful information in this form of emotional abuse. This can books and articles about PA and PAS but have devastating life-long effects for the we advise that you do not use the term children, excluded parent, grandparents PAS in court proceedings as your or the child’s extended family. As a result, arguments regarding what has happened these children, as they grow into to your children may become sidetracked adulthood, will also have to cope with the into barren arguments about the use of realisation that the parent causing the the word Syndrome . alienation had misled them about their other parent. 1 Gardner, R. A. (1998), Recommendations for Dealing with Parents Who Induce a Parental Alienation Syndrome in Their Children. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage , 28 (3/4):1-23.] 3 ‘Journal of Parental Alienation’, Vol. 2 No 2 – March/April 2006; 2 www.psych.org/MainMenu/Research/DSMIV/DSMV.aspx Dr. L.F. Lowenstein July 2008 Page 2 of 5 There are of course different degrees of former is lonely and distressed or does severity of PA, which can involve not have enough money, the fault can allegations of the most destructive often be placed with the parent who ‘left’ emotional kind. Violence and sexual or was forced to leave. abuse are some of the most common examples. It is the parent who has primary or exclusive control of the child who is Most children want to spend more time usually in a position to alienate the child. than they are allowed 4 with the parent This means that most often it is the that they see less of. The increasing mother who turns the child against the tendency for courts and Cafcass staff to father. However the reverse situation, listen to children's views is not only right where the father has the greater power, but good for both children and parents in may lead to the child being alienated from separated families. In PA cases there the mother. It is sad that adults feel needs to be even greater sensitivity in gratified if the child 'takes their side'. It is understanding not only what children are frequent, if repulsive, that any weapons, saying but also the reasons behind why including the child, are used in disputes they are saying it. which are already bitter enough. Parents who do not want their children to The inequality of the power base between see their other parent, or who try the parents when their relationship ends to control the relationship for their own can lead to PA when these parents are purposes, are now expected to produce unable to find a way of working co- acceptable reasons in court for denying operatively together in the best interests the children significant parenting time of their children and one parent wants to with their other parent. ‘win’ the children for themselves. One of the reasons often given by the The personality characteristics which resident parent to prevent the child’s drive a parent to alienate the other are contact with the non-resident parent is found in both mothers and fathers, and that the child says that they do not want also in other family relatives. The to see their other parent, or that they are controlling, alienating individual feels the frightened of their other parent. The need to be right, often due to insecurities, increased emphasis upon the child’s and to have this proven by ensuring the wishes raises the incentive for a resident children side with them and reject the parent to impose their own views/agenda other parent completely. Their upon the child. This is one of the main relationships are characterised by characteristics of PA where the emotionally controlling behaviour (“If you ’controlling’ parent’s wishes for no loved me you wouldn’t see your contact with the other parent are father/mother”) which can become supported by the child. paranoid and obsessive. While this poisoning can be deliberate, it PA does not include instances where a may not always be. It is sometimes that child does not wish to see a parent when the child, who naturally loves the parent genuine issues of neglect or physical and with whom they live, picks up signals sexual abuse are apparent. However PA about what that parent wants from them. may be at play if the child claims to have Equally, if the resident parent is having been neglected or abused, which can problems, the child may blame these on include false or unproven allegations of their other parent. For instance if the physical and sexual abuse, or supports the resident parent’s belief of this type of 4 Research cited by The Children’s Commissioner, March 2007 July 2008 Page 3 of 5 abuse, when in reality that never parent towards the non-resident occurred. parent, or making or having made other allegations, there are PA can have tragic long-term effects on grounds for suspicion of PA. the relationship between the child and the parent causing the alienation, The child appears to take the particularly if the child discovers later on initiative in rejecting the alienated that they had been, in effect, emotionally parent, for example by writing abused. To learn that they have been letters or making phone calls forced to exclude one of their parents, claiming to hate that parent. who genuinely loved and cared for them Saying that they do not want to during their childhood and who in fact see or hear from their was a decent and worthy person, can be a father/mother, do not want their very painful discovery. Their relationship gifts etc. Letters are better with the alienating parent may never spelled, expressed, punctuated completely recover from this realisation. than one would expect from a child of that age. More often than Recognising PA not, a child will only act in this way if strongly influenced. Not every example given below will be found in each case of PA but they are very The child reports things that the frequently recognised in PA affected alienated parent is supposed to children. However, there may be reasons have done to him/her to others other than PA for these responses by that did not in reality happen , or children to occur. which have only been reported to them, or supposedly took place so The child once had a happy and long ago that they cannot or healthy relationship with the would be most unlikely to have now-alienated parent, for remembered, or for it still to example before the family matter. divided. There is no evident reason for the change. The child uses words and language to express their There is nothing in the conduct, rejection of a parent that is too character or parenting of the advanced for their age. alienated parent to justify the child's feelings. It is very rare for a The child is ill at ease talking child not to want a relationship about the alienated parent and with a parent unless there are sticks to simple rigid forms of strong reasons. It is in fact, far words, which can seem unnatural. more common for children to want a relationship even if there If asked for reasons for not has been some untoward wanting to see the other parent, behaviour from the rejected the child is evasive or reports the parent. views of his or her alienating parent, or overly focuses upon The resident parent protests that the ‘united state’ between they support contact, and that it themselves and their alienating is the child who does not want it.
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