20 Rules for Being a Sports Fan By Bill Simmons Page 2 columnist
Ugh ... the dog days of February. The Olympics just ended. The NHL and NBA are limping toward the playoffs. We're still a few weeks away from WrestleMania, Junior Kiper's final NFL draft rankings, the Masters, fantasy baseball and watchable spring training games.
This column has been brewing for about six weeks, ever since a startling phone conversation with one of my ESPN bosses (KJ, a Seattle native and die-hard Seahawks fan). We were chatting about the Patriots and Steelers potentially colliding in the playoffs, when KJ suddenly said, "At least if my Steelers lose, I'll be happy for you, because the Pats made it."
Huh? My Steelers??? And this was how I found out that KJ -- my esteemed editor and friend, a good man, a father and a husband, the man who makes this column run so smoothly -- was a Sports Bigamist. As it turns out, the Steelers are KJ's Second-Favorite Team, whatever that means. Apparently, as long as Pittsburgh isn't playing Seattle, he roots for the Steelers, but he doesn't root for the Steelers quite as hard as he roots for the Seahawks, and if both teams are doing well, he chooses the Seahawks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about the Steelers, and I think I just lost control of my bowels. KJ'S DEFE Honestly, I just can't understand it. You cannot root for two teams at the same time. You cannot hedge your bets. You cannot unconditionally love two teams at the same time, when there's a remote chance that they might go head-to-head some day.
Did the entire turn of events warrant a column? Probably not. But I couldn't resist slapping together a list of 20 set-in-stone rules that every professional sports fan should abide. Maybe you have your own rules; these are mine. And just so you know, I concentrated this column on the dynamic involving fans and their favorite team, so there are none of those "No talking on your cell phone and waving to the center-field camera if you're sitting behind home plate"-type rules in here. Without further ado ...
Attire 1. You can't purchase a "blank" authentic jersey from your favorite team with no name on the back, then stick your own name and number on the jersey ... well, unless you want to be an enormous dork.
2. If you're attending an NBA game, don't wear the jersey of a team that isn't competing in the game. It's bad enough to see people wearing authentic NBA jerseys in public -- if they're wearing a T-shirt underneath it, they look ridiculous, and if they aren't wearing a T-shirt, usually there's flab and shoulder hair everywhere, and you're wishing that they were wearing a T-shirt. Besides, it's not like you need to wear an NBA jersey to get yourself in the mood for an NBA game, unlike baseball, football and hockey.
3. Don't wear cheap-looking replica jerseys or flimsy-looking bargain-basement hats. Come on. You're representing every fan from your team. Show some pride.
4. Don't wear replica championship rings as a conversation starter. Don't carry someone's baseball card in your wallet as a conversation starter.
5. It's OK to flagrantly show your contempt for the home team by wearing the colors of a hated rival, as long as you're not being obnoxious as you root for the visiting team. If you make a spectacle of yourself, all bets are off and you'll get what you deserve. Back in the late-'80s, I sat in the upper deck at Yankee Stadium -- during a Red Sox-Yanks game, no less -- wearing a Sox hat, Bruins jersey and Celtics shorts, and the Yankees fans left me alone. Why? Because I wasn't going overboard. There's a lesson here, and it's not just that I had a death wish back in the late-'80s.
6. When your team wins a championship, it's your civic duty to purchase as much paraphernalia as possible. Don't be ashamed. Hats, T-shirts, sweatshirts, videos, cards, magazines, books ... there's no limit. Gorge yourself.
Behavior 7. Be very careful when using the word "We" with your favorite team. Use it judiciously. Just remember, you don't wear a uniform, you don't play any minutes, and you're not on the team. And yes, this was an extremely tough line for me to straddle during the Patriots' Super Bowl run.
8. No hopping on and off the bandwagon during the season with the flip-flop, "I knew we were going to self-destruct! ... All right, we won six straight! ... I knew we wouldn't keep playing this well. ... I knew we would bounce back!" routine as the season drags along. Just for the record, this is probably my biggest fault as a sports fan -- I overreact to everything. I've already written off the Celtics three different times this season, and I've given up on Antoine Walker roughly 435 times over the past six years. Can I get some medication for this?
9. It's OK to root against your team, if they're hopelessly out of the playoff race and you want them to keep losing so A) they'll get a better draft pick, or B) you're hoping the coach and/or GM will get fired. Don't feel bad about it.
10. If one of your fantasy guys is lighting it up against your favorite team (scoring goals, rushing for big yards, making jumpers, etc.), you can't pump your fist, high-five anyone or refer to the player in a "That's one of my guys!" sense, especially if it's a crucial game or a crucial juncture of the game.
(That's maybe the No. 1 problem for sports fans these days: When to draw the line between fantasy and real life. It's an ongoing battle. Even if you can't help getting secretly excited about your fantasy guys when they're thriving against your favorite team, at least make sure you feel guilty, too. Don't you hate that enthralled/guilty feeling? Is there anything worse? I'm babbling ...)
11. Don't boo your team unless it's absolutely warranted -- like with the brutal Knicks situation this season, or if you're hoping to get a coach fired or a specific player traded or something. When you think about it, what's the purpose of booing your team? If you're trying to inspire them, usually you end up sending them into a deeper funk -- odds are, your team already knows it's struggling. And if you're trying to light a fire under a specific player, usually you end up making him even more nervous and tentative. So why boo in the first place? Trust me, dead silence sends a bigger message than anything. And it's not potentially destructive.
12. After your team wins a championship, they immediately get a five-year grace period: You can't complain about anything that happens with your team (trades, draft picks, salary-cap cuts, coaching moves) for five years. There are no exceptions. For instance, the Pats could finish 0-80 over the next five years and I wouldn't say a peep. That's just the way it is. You win the Super Bowl, you go on cruise control for five years. Everything else is gravy.
13. You can follow specific players from other teams, but only as long as they aren't facing your team. For instance, it's fine to enjoy the Brett Favre Experience if you're a Jaguars fan ... just don't get carried away and start making a scrapbook, collecting all his football cards and so on. That's a little sketchy. And you can't purchase his jersey under any circumstances.
14. Just because you supported a team that won a championship, it doesn't give you the right to turn into a pompous, insufferable schmuck. Remember this.
Friendships and relationships 15. If your team defeats a good friend's team in a crucial game or series, don't rub it in with them unless they've been especially annoying/gloating/condescending/confrontational in the days leading up to the big battle. You're probably better off cutting off all communications in the days preceding/following the game, just to be safe.
15a. Along those same lines, if your team squanders a crucial game/series to your buddy's team, don't make them feel guilty about it -- don't call them to bitch about the game, don't blame some conspiracy or bad referee's call, don't rant and rave like a lunatic. In the words of Vito Corleone, you can act like a man. You have plenty of time to bitch in private.
15b. If your buddy's team loses an especially tough game, don't call him -- wait for him to call you. And when you do speak to him, discuss the game in a tone normally reserved for sudden, unexpected deaths.
15c. If one of your best friends loves a certain team that has a chance to win a championship, and your team is out of the picture, it's OK to jump on the bandwagon and root for his team to win it all. That's acceptable. Like Temporary Fan status.
16. If you marry someone who roots for a different team than you, you can't be bullied into switching allegiances. You'd be amazed how often this happens ... and how often it's the guy who folds. The power of women to whip men never ceases to amaze me. The funniest part is when the guy starts making excuses: "Well, once I moved to Boston from New York, I got caught up in this whole Red Sox thing and the American League, so I stopped following the Mets," or "I never liked the Browns as much as she liked the Bengals, so I'm taking one for the team," or even my personal favorite, "We wanted our kids to root for the same team as their parents."
(Don't you love when "The sake of the kids" becomes a reason? What is this, like a Jewish-Catholic thing?)
17. If you're an American woman and visible former actress, and you marry the most famous Canadian hockey star of all-time, and eventually he becomes the man in charge of putting together a Canadian Olympic hockey team, and they end up playing the Americans for the gold medal in a game that's taking place in a U.S. city, and you show up for that game cheering for the Canadians, and you're hugging everyone in sight as the Canadians are putting the game away in the third period ... well, you have to leave the country immediately. And you can't come back. Ever.
And the biggies ...
Loyalties 18. If you live in a city that has fielded a professional team since your formative years, you have to root for that team. None of this, "The Bengals weren't very good when I was growing up in Cincy, so I became a Cowboys fan" crap.
Also, you can't start rooting for a team, back off when they're in a down cycle, then renew the relationship once the team starts winning again. All those Cowboys fans who jumped off the bandwagon in the late- '80s, jumped back on during the Emmitt/Aikman Era, then jumped back off in the late-'90s ... you know who you are. You shouldn't even be allowed out in public.
19. Once you choose a team, you're stuck with that team for the rest of your life ... unless one of the following conditions applies:
Your team moves to another city. All bets are off when that happens. In fact, if you decided to turn off that sport entirely, nobody would blame you.
You grew up in a city that didn't field a team for a specific sport -- so you picked a random team -- and then either a.) your city landed a team, or b.) you moved to a city that fielded a team for that specific sport. For instance, one of my Connecticut buddies rooted for the Sixers during the Doctor J Era, then happened to be living in Orlando when the Magic came to town. Now he's a Magic fan. That's acceptable.
One of your immediate family members either plays professionally or takes a relevant management/coaching/front office position with a pro team.
You follow your favorite college star (and this has to be a once-in-a-generation favorite college star) to the pros and root for his team du jour ... like if you were a UNC fan for the past 20 years, and you rooted for the Bulls (because of MJ) and then the Raptors (because of Vince). Only works if there isn't a pro team in your area.
If you're between the ages of 20-40, you're a fan of the Yankees, Cowboys, Braves, Raiders, Steelers, Celtics, Lakers, Bulls, Canadiens and/or Oilers, and you're not actually from those one of those cities ... well, you better have a reason that goes beyond "When I was picking a favorite team as a kid, they were the best team, so I picked them."
If you live in New York, you can't root for both the Yankees and Mets. Pick a side! At least give me a reason like "Reggie Jackson was my favorite player growing up," or "I always liked the red Bulls uniforms," or even "Everyone in my gang wore Raiders colors." Do you really want to be known as a bona fide Bandwagon Jumper?
20. If you hail from New York, you can't root for the Yankees and the Mets. You have to choose between them. Repeat: You have to choose between them. Don't give me this "As long as one of them is doing well, at least New York is winning" spiels. How about making a choice? Any New Yorker who said the words "It's the Yankees versus the Mets ... I can't lose!" during the 2000 World Series deserves to be tortured with a cattle prod.
Besides, as we mentioned in the beginning of this column, you shouldn't practice "Sports Bigamy" in general. Sports teams are just like wives ... you can only have one wife, you can only have one sports team, and for the love of God, I will not argue about this.
(And yes, I'm talking to you, KJ.)
Bill Simmons writes three columns a week for Page 2. ! Being a female sports fan in a man's sports world
August 27, 2012 8:45 am !•! BY AISHA SULTAN
Emily Albertson, 23, spent much of her childhood surrounded by boys obsessed with sports.
She has two brothers, and out of 15 cousins, she was the only girl. It's no surprise that she grew up to become an avid sports fan. What she didn't expect, however, was that she would be "tested" about her fandom every step of the way.
"Oh, really, you're a Tigers fan?" one of her college buddies might start. And, then she'd face questions to test her knowledge, to prove herself. And once she passed the first hurdle, the bar would be set higher for her.
Albertson, now a second-year law student at the University of Michigan, began thinking about these experiences as a Michigan student in !Andrei S. Markovits' class "Sports, Politics and Society."
Together, they've written a book "Sportista: Female Fandom in the United States" studying the phenomenon of the dedicated female fan and how she fits into a male-dominated conversation and sports culture.!
Even though more female fans follow professional sports than ever before, Albertson and Markovits focus on the most devoted among them. They argue that even these "sportistas" are not fully accepted as equal-status fans by their male counterparts.!
"Any in-group doesn't like newcomers," Markovits explained. And men have historically drawn the lines around sports as male territory. Female encroachment is viewed with suspicion by some. For these gatekeepers, fandom is not measured by affection or loyalty toward a team, but by knowledge of its statistics, plays and history.!
The professor and student co-authors observed that, generally women and men experience spectator sports differently and speak a different language about the games they watch.!
For women, it's a collective experience, Markovits says. They love a team, the players, the game itself. But once it's over, it's done.
"They'll watch ESPN while doing something else," he said.!With men, however, the cerebral discussion, the pregame, the postgame, the collecting of sports knowledge, can be as important as the game itself, he said.! "For men, sports is the default language ... that's what defines your male identity," Markovits said. "In the world of straight men, you are expected to be a sports fan simply by being a man."!
Albertson said that among her male roommates in college, she tended to know less about the history of a particular team, even though she consumed just as much current sports coverage as the men.!
"Unless you're in that conversation from a very young age ... the best quarterback of all time, a famous game from the '70s, that's my accent. I'll never be able to sound as fluent as someone who was speaking that from when they were born," she said.!
!But this should not discredit her as a serious fan, they argue.!
Their research raises the question of why some men are threatened by women more interested in ESPN than the Kardashians. Is it because there are so few male-only spaces left in our culture that sports is a sacred realm? Or because modern society has stripped men of so much traditional masculinity that sports is the only safe arena to express that sense of maleness.!
Whatever the possible explanations, Markovits said he found it wonderful to discover that female fans have constructed their own sports world and love being fans, on their own terms.
"Ultimately, it doesn't matter much what men think," he said.!
Albertson recounted one of her favorite anecdotes from the interviews.!
Jillian, their subject, relayed an incident from fourth grade in which she told a boy in her class that she was a Mets fan. He challenged her to name even one player.!
She did.
He countered with: Name the first four batters.!
She did.
Not satisfied, he challenged her once again with another test.!
Finally, she named the entire roster.
A nearly identical grade-school conversation recently played out in a particular bedroom in St. Louis County. A husband and wife were both listening to a Cardinals game on the radio. After a close loss, the wife vocally expressed her dismay.!
The husband responded: OK, if you're such a Cardinals fan, name 20 players.!
I refuse to play this game, I said to him, in equal parts annoyed and amused.
Fourth grade was a very long time ago. !
Fan revolts out of control, one wanted to fight UGA player by Jeff Schultz
Braves fans littered Turner Field with beer bottles after bad call. (Curtis Compton/AJC)
The Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines fan as: 1) an enthusiastic devotee (as of a sport or a performing art) usually as a spectator; 2): an ardent admirer or enthusiast (as of a celebrity or a pursuit).
As with anything, definitions can often be broadened. The boundaries of this definition just seemingly shouldn’t stretch to home fans cheering when their quarterback crumbles to the ground with a concussion. Or throwing bottles and garbage on a baseball field, endangering other fans and players, in protest of an umpire’s call. Or egging and toilet-papering a home known to be rented by five college players out of disgust, merely because the team lost a football game. Or effectively challenging one student-athlete to a fight on Twitter.
Yes. One “fan” actually did that last week to Georgia’s Christian Robinson.
“There were all these people saying stuff about me on Twitter, it got personal,” Robinson, a senior linebacker, said about the aftermath of last week’s loss at South Carolina. “I had to start blocking people Sunday. I think I blocked about 30. One guy really started coming at me. I’m like, ‘Why are you talking to me like?’ Then he started giving me an address, saying, ‘Yeah, come meet me,’ and I’m like, ‘Are you serious?’”
So this is what it has come to?
That there is a lunatic fringe in sports fandom is not a revelation. In ancient times, a chariot race at Hippodrome in the year 532 CE, organized to raise support for overthrowing the emperor, ignited a riot that led to the deaths of 10,000 to 30,000 fans. But at least there was the backdrop of political and social issues.
A house rented by Christian Robinson (45), Aaron Murray (11) and three other Georgia players was egged and toilet-papered after a loss. (AP)
Lost perspective has reached moronic proportions. Kansas City Chiefs fans cheered last week when Matt Cassel was concussed because their team stinks, and they wanted Brady Quinn in the game. Chiefs linemen Eric Winston responded appropriately, saying, “We are not gladiators” and called it “sickening. It’s 100 percent sickening. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life to play football.”
Hundreds of Braves fans threw bottles and garbage after an umpire botched an infield fly rule call in the Wild Card playoff game against St. Louis. The next day, when Chipper Jones was asked why he didn’t respond to a plea by fans for a curtain call following the final game of his career, he said he wasn’t aware they wanted him out there, then joked, “I thought they were still throwing bottles.”
Fans cheered when Matt Cassel went down with a concussion, and one teammate called it "sickening." (AP)
Then there is what happened in Athens. A house rented by five Georgia players was egged and toilet-papered following the Bulldogs’ 35-7 loss at South Carolina. The masses vented on social media, particularly Twitter, some taking personal attacks on players.
As if perspective hadn’t already been lost, the idiocy became magnified when it was learned that the father of quarterback Aaron Murray — one of the home’s tenants, with Robinson — had been diagnosed with thyroid cancer and was about to undergo surgery.
“People can hide behind [fake screen names], especially when alcohol is involved,” Robinson said. “I understand people get emotionally involved. But you hope they realize that there are bigger deals in life than Georgia football, especially when you see something like what happened to Aaron’s father.”
The Athens police department will begin making frequent checks of players’ homes during road games. It’s sad that it has come to this, especially on a college campus.
Sports sociologist Jay Coakley, author of “Sports in Society: Issues and Controversies,” believes a number of factors have combined to embolden sports fans more than ever, including: a growing belief that they can affect the outcomes of games with crowd noise, increased ticket prices that grow their sense of involvement; and the growing platforms for their opinions, including message boards, blog commenting and sports talk radio.
“There is a sense of entitlement, but it goes beyond that,” Coakley said from his home in Colorado Springs. “It’s also a sense that you can get away with it. I don’t want to blame it all on talk radio, but those narratives have become pretty extreme. The boundaries for what’s acceptable and what’s not have been pushed, even to the point of egging the home of your own quarterback.”
When asked for a solution, Coakley said it would help if athletes, particularly on college campuses, were less sheltered from the public and allowed to make an off-the-field connection with fans. He added, “It also would be nice if somebody in the stands stood up and said, ‘This is not acceptable.’ Point people out. Maybe the message would start to get across.”
The Athens eggers have not been caught. Robinson laughed when asked what he would like to see happen to them if they ever were brought to justice.
“I think if they ever get caught, just the public knowing who did that would be worse punishment than anything else,” he said. “They would be complete social outcasts. That would be enough.”
By Jeff Schultz !