2 BEAM THE OCCASIONAL UNOFFICIAL JOURNAL OF THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS ISSUE #13 : APRIL 2018 May Tucker’s Ghost be Smiling Upon Us

THE BITCH IS BACK

Stone cold sober, as a matter of fact. I had other plans for this editorial, this issue, and my part in it. Nic and I were hoping to get this ish out before Easter, and Follycon, so I could encourage people to vote for Johan Anglemark for TAFF, and Nic could root equally ardently for No Preference. Happily, y’all took my advice without my having to bother to give it. Well done you. Hell, I was hoping to finish at least one more chapter of my own TAFF “A bit too early for trip report before Follycon, because hey, coffee. I’ll have a twenty years to write your trip report, That’s Not Too Many! Yes, it’s been twenty Scotch” years since Intuition happened in

This issue of BEAM is edited by Nic Farey and Ulrika O’Brien.

3342 Cape Cod Drive, Las Vegas, NV 89122, USA, email : [email protected]

418 Hazel Avenue N., Kent, WA 98030, USA, email : [email protected]

2 Manchester. Twenty years since they declared Scott and carl, who share Randy’s taste for fizzy peace in Northern Ireland. In some ways, it vinegar. I’m especially sorry to miss a chance to seems like an eyeblink. hang with the Fishlifters, which is all too rare a But life, as they say, is what happens while you’re treat. And of course I’ll miss all you other fine busy making other plans. In this case, life folks attending as well. Next year in Jerusalem. happened. Which is a hell of a lot better than Meanwhile I will press on with the business of death. And for a while there, that was a concern ignoring the medical elephant in the room by a Since the last issue of BEAM, Hal had some new strict regimen of denial and distraction. I have and exciting health bobbles, punctuated by been re-reading a lot of Georgette Heyer, have multiple trips to urgent care and an ongoing caught up on all of the Midsomer Murders; plowed series of monitoring appointments, a procedure right through two seasons of Agent Carter, and one which had to be abandoned in light of new of Legion. I see the second season of Handmaid’s information, and all that plus the associated stress Tale is available now, but I’m not sure I can face have kept me distracted, nearly immobilized, and that much concatenated dire and grim. Had to periodically terrified for the past three months or give up on the new Lost in Space, which was also so. But for now, death seems to be off the table. dire. And grim. Though not in quite the same As much as it ever is. We pin our hopes on a way. I must find something new to watch. Like I second try at the procedure, plus new meds, say, I have a strict regimen. That and the setting things right. The second attempt is constant art practice keep me pasted together. scheduled for the Thursday before Corflu. But we’re muddling along, my love and I, as are Which is Why This Zine Is Late. Also, part of the assorted dogs and cats of the household. Why I Am Not At Corflu. Why, there’s one of them banging on the front I hope folks manage to have some fun at Corflu door now, wanting in. Excuse me for a moment. anyway. Luckily, fanzine fans are good at making their own fun. Particularly lucky, if Catherine and Colin wind up running the actual convention Ulrika O’Brien in the same energetic, proactive style they Member fwa and Unusual Suspect brought to pre-con work, generally doing nothing Kent, WA for long enough that someone else gets exasperated and volunteers to take care of it. I myself have been giving serious thought to writing and mailing of progress reports for them. I’m sure it won’t matter if the first comes out a month or two after the convention. We’ve waited this long, after all. I suppose it was silly to expect the organizers of a fanzine convention to put out any publications. Or, I don’t know, reach out to fanzine fans who aren’t already on Facebook. I’m sure there aren’t many of those anyway. I’ll be sad to miss the Memorial Bheer Tasting Geri Sullivan is organizing (so hey, at least one program item!) in Randy Byers’ memory. That should be a fine thing. We’ll raise a glass and think of him, and absent friends, even over here on this coast. But I’m not drinking any of that sour Belgian swill, even for Randy. I leave that to

3 LOVE LIES BLEEDING

I can’t remember the first TAFF race I voted in. It might have been long, long ago, it might actually not, but over the years it’s become one of the fannish institutions I get very animated and engaged about. I remember very well (no doubt to the surprise of those aware of my usual alcoholic intake) the campaign I first got involved in, for my bruv Martin Tudor. Dee Ann and I attended the Novacon where his campaign got into full swing (she’d been cleared to travel after possibly the most useless mutant ability ever, but it her cancer diagnosis was back in place after a shortish interval. Of and subsequent chemo being short, obviously. & radiation therapy), and I’d talked about Dee Ann’s plan at the haircut was, after I’d been offering myself up for a rendered mostly bald, was to yank off her wig and fundraising haircut to yell “Snap!” (she hadn’t regrown much after the occur on the typically chemo at that point), but in the end bottled it. Or drunken Sunday night. she was too busy taking the photos, possibly. I’d had long hair, occasionally ponytailed for years We made a fair bit of dosh from the stunt, which by then, and was getting a bit tired of its high- of course was well needed since Abi Frost had maintenance requirements, and also thinking stole the chickens, a fact not generally known at generally that this level of hair care implied a the time, though I always suspected that some vanity that I didn’t really have. word had got out, since people were being Scissors and electric clippers were acquired, and ridiculously generous, it seemed. Martin rallied the troops with what seemed to be That’s what really started out my deeper interest an evil joy. Sat with drink and inevitable cig in and involvement in the Fund, and I went as far as hand, we were charging a fiver or so for the to be as nominator for Tobes’ first go, which he opportunity to have a minute of shearing time, a lost, and so he sensibly asked others for his second proposition taken up with great alacrity by many, and winning attempt. including a contributor to the World’s Finest There’s been plenty of tosh talked about Fanzine you are currently perusing (pictured above candidates, and as Ulrika pointed out in a loccol right). reply lastish, this isn’t a particularly recent Having been comprehensively de-coiffed and had development, Pete Weston having had doubts the legend ‘TUDOR FOR TAFF’ shaved into the about her own candidacy, which happily back of my head, Rog Peyton in typical stentorian evaporated upon meeting. It seems perennial, fashion opined “I’ve always ‘ated that bloody though. Lloyd Penney got told he was the “wrong mustache!” I naturally riposted that if he wanted it sort”, giving rise to some discussion in the loccol of rid of, he should open his fuckin’ wallet, then, This Here..., and while Lloyd would never reveal which he did, and so the deed was done, although who admonished him so, in the light of I regrew it immediately - well, not immediately with

4 subsequent developments I have my suspicions, list of nominators as a guide to whom I might given the unwelcome denigration of other prefer, based on their judgement. candidates that’s occurred since. Sometimes that’s a relatively easy call, but in the Positive spin on this would be that the Fund current race, the nominators named above, plus remains an engaging subject in the Faniverse, even Ulrika, all of whose opinions I highly respect, are as it can show divides, yet still, after more than 60 split between the candidates. I’ve looked at the years shows no sign of demise. other nominators, several of whom are also long- We’d planned to get thish out sufficiently before standing friends and fannish colleagues, and the voting deadline to perhaps exert some perhaps equally split. No help there. I’ve looked at influence and to present material on behalf of the nominator names who I may distrust or dislike and contenders. A bit of Real Life intervened to kibosh consider a down mark. I will say there is (only) that, but our thanks to Lucy Huntzinger and one, and teasingly leave you to guess. Tracy Benton who sent in advocacy pieces for I voted “No Preference”, thereby continuing to their preferred candidates, now moot. support the Fund, and we’ll be looking forward to I doubt I’m alone in looking at a given TAFF race the deserved winner’s visit. and not knowing well, or at all, some or all of the candidates, which is definitely the case this go- Nic Farey round. I’m sure I’m also not alone in looking at the Member fwa and Unusual Suspect Las Vegas, NV

“REAL SMOFS HAVE HAIR!”, admonishes Alice...

5 SKYLINE PIGEON

Some friends and correspondents expressed Were we “close” like that? Possibly not in the hopes that there would be a suitable tribute to sense that I was “close” to Holmesy, or how I still Randy Byers on the Beam Memorial Wall am with my bruv Martin Tudor, both of whom thish. I think I’ve proved that I’m really not very I’ve known for 35 years, more or less (or indeed good at memorializing close friends (cf Dave the immortal Mark Strummer, 75 years and Holmes) since my coping mechanism for such a counting isn’t it?). Any time we were in the same loss is to distance myself from the subject, which room, though, we were always “like that” (sign of makes me pretty worthless at that kind of tightly crossed index and second fingers) with sharing. absolute bonhomie and tremendous affection. How many hours had I actually spent in the In hazy retrospect, I sometimes wondered welcome company of The Randmus? Not nearly whether The Randmus (whom I also initially as many as others. How many hours had we dubbed “The Inevitable Byers”) wished he was spent in geographically distant fannish convo me on occasion, unrestrained and devil-may- and collaboration? Some more. Would either of care, and he always seemed amused at my us have remembered a lot of it? No, there were “Convention Nic” excess. I, on the other hand, often substantial quantities of “strong drink” (© always wanted to be him. Ghodspeed mate. See L Huntzinger) involved. you later. Co-editor Ulrika requested insisted that her That having been somewhat awkwardly said, editorial title this go was going to be “The Bitch what do we have in store for the unlucky #13? Is Back”, so in line with this I retitled mine for Chuck Connor writes: another Reg Dwight slice, and then considered what might be used for the issue preview “If you want another dollop of inaccurate column. Because, music, another EHJ would and digressionary ramblings, then attached is seem to be thematic, and you really should about 5,700 words worth. It was originally follow the link here and check the lyrics of my accepted by Pete Weston for Prolapse (or inadequate tribute to the lad who is pictured whatever he was calling it at the time) – but below: that got diverted off into BAFF land, and was eventually shelved. Then Peter passed http://songs-tube.net/203119-Elton%20John- away, so that left this in limbo as far as I Skyline%20Pigeon.html know.

BEAM MEMORIAL WALL

RANDY BYERS 1960-2017 BEAM #1 : “25 Things About Corflu Silver” BEAM #12 : “Like Riding A Bike”

6 Of course, its original design seems to have for it later. Graham has yet to catch up, despite disappeared over the years – this being his advanced age and seniority. started somewhere around 2007/2008 I As always, we’re both pleased and honored to be think. Steve Glover was prepared to set up a able to include TAFF trip reportage, historical or Wiki kind of website back then – but I got current - we have high hopes that the Mighty made redundant 3 times in 6 years, so a lot Robt Lichtman might one day realize that he’s of it fell by the wayside. Rob Hansen has, I approaching the 30-year anniversary of his as think, added a couple of pages to his THEN yet undocumented trip, so for now we’ll be more sequence, but from what I remember than satisfied with incumbent John Purcell’s reading, it hardly did any of it much justice – segment. Others have appeared or will appear in concentrating more on the ‘fully paid up & fine publications such as John’s own Askance, true’ rather than those who were more left Banana Wings, CounterClock and Inca, and I’m told field, or came in via other zine-orientated there was also something in Exhibition Hall. followings. Zinedom is losing a stalwart publication, with As for PoE (Pieces of Eight)? The one that Graham Charnock deciding to end the four-year might be worth more detailed looking at prolific run of Vibrator while he’s still on (vodka) would be The Organisation (originally APA- top. Our regular review team of Jacqueline B as part of the BSFG setup) – we (as in the Monahan and JoHn Wesley Hardin curate a apa) split away and went independent. WAM sendoff for the old scrote, who will be missed by is still around, in eAPA – but the best many who may either now slink back into survivor to ask about that would be Steve gafiating obscurity or attach themselves to some ‘Boy’ Green. other zine as an outlet for their occasionally But then, as Pete Young states in The White coherent loccing (see lyric parody, p50). Notebooks #2 (page 12 I think) according to Avoiding the obvious outraged commentary on the reigning powers that be, apart from TWP the state of healthcare in the US is a trick when there’s no other Brits involved in apas. Makes you’re describing a visit to the annual Seattle/ me wonder what the fuck Peter Sullivan and King County free clinic, but Luke McGuff I were doing for almost a decade keeping handles that with full aplomb in his accounting. eAPA alive and well – see efanzines.com/ The (stolen, but duly credited) photos are from eapa. the actual day he and Julie went. Still, as they say, you’ve no fucking chance of A quite different day out for Alison Scott who being a prophet in your home town, have nips off up the British Museum to have a gawp you?” at Scythian artifacts, and was happily Chuck’s contribution is lengthy, but to me it was persuadable with some menacing to review the a fast, entertaining and enlightening read, along exhibition, giving us a tick against the quota of with the other substantial bit thish from David that there erudite culture stuff. Then she goes off Hodson and Graham James, with and plays the accordion, or something. It’s an interjections from meself and a lot of private unusual life, innit? moaning from Jamesy that I didn’t include several of the 1.5tn (approx) scans of old playbills, tickets and the like that he sent with his Nic Farey words. The question remains whether Hod-me- son and I ever had adjacent drinks back in the day, but if we didn’t then we certainly made up

7 UNUSUALLY IN THIS ISSUE...

The unusually-moustachioed ex-punk BRIAN PARKER graces us here, and we’d like to commend his website http://www.brianparkerartist.co.uk/ as well as inviting you to like him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ Brian.Parker.Artist/ COVER

From the Department of Unusual Delay, an unpublished memoir from CHUCK CONNOR, originally submitted to Pete Weston for the then-titled Prolapse, but never used, part of an ongoing history Of Times Remembered. PAGE 10

LUKE McGUFF engages with what passes for a healthcare system on theses shores, discovering that it’s all unusually Clinical. PAGE 21

It’s not so unusual for musical connoisseurs to reminisce. DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES ponder timing, venues and likelihoods (with occasional footnotes from Nic) as we collectively observe that There Are Places. PAGE 24

Noted entrepreneur ALISON SCOTT finds time off at unusual moments, here mostly describing a visit to the British Museum on The Day in Question. PAGE 36

A TAFF trip can often be revelatory in unusual ways, as JOHN PURCELL found out when he discovered there were Skeltons in the Closet. PAGE 39

Unusually taking a break from the KTF, JOHN WESLEY HARDIN and JACQUELINE MONAHAN properly laud Vibrator at the end of its run: Thus Spake the Walrus.

PAGE 46

8 UNUSUALLY IN THIS ISSUE...

Despite an unusual lack of free time, NIC FAREY manages to judiciously watch a bit of telly, and reviews some of his favorite shows from Beyond the Binge. PAGE 51

Not so unusually one-upping, ULRIKA O’BRIEN goes to the big screen, Talking Smart Pictures with a full-color analysis of Pacific Rim.

PAGE 57

THE READERSHIP : Suscipe Verbum.

LOCS : PAGE 63

ON OTHER PAGES...

Uncredited text by Nic Farey and/or Ulrika O’Brien. Steve Green and Jim Gallagher added comments to Chuck Connor’s memoir. Lyricist emeritus: Tracy Benton. Art: John Clark IV : (p3); Brad W. Foster : (pp 68,74); Jay Kinney : BEAM label logo (p2); Denny E Marshall : (pp 64, 71); Rotsler : (p75); E South : BACOVER; Steve Stiles : Vibrator 48 cover (p46) Photography: John Cornicello : Luke McGuff (p8); Dee Ann Farey : Novacon photos (pp 4-5); J L Farey (Nic Farey p9); V Terebenin : Scythian gold plaque (p38) Alan White : Ulrika O’Brien (p9) Prufrede by Brien Foley and Mick O’Riker Other photographs/illos, predictably nicked off the internet, selfies or unknown credit. Or bloody Facebook profile pics.

THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS...... is the name devised to describe the late-night fangatherings, surprisingly often in the environs of N Farey, which are mostly laid-back affairs, tending to involve the consumption of Jim Beam and other fine liquors, and a whole lot of bullshit amenable conversation on whatever topic might arise. If you think you might be or might have been an Unusual Suspect at any point in time, then you probably are. Wherever two or more may be gathered in the spirit of Tucker, we encourage you to raise a glass to the Suspects’ Toast: “Absent Friends”.

“It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought”

9 OF TIMES REMEMBERED

CHUCK CONNOR

Let me remind you of the words of Father mutual interest in written SF that gave us Hansen of The Church of the Perpetual Gestetner: common ground. “I’d realised that the fandom of the 1980s was They were fun times, but not particularly active just too large and sprawling for me to do it fannishly (or as fannish as I would ever get.) From justice – the thought of just gathering together there I ended up being moved to a Fishery the sheer amount of material I’d need made Protection minesweeper which was built out of my head hurt.” wood, and whose engines were fired up by So, as one person isn’t even vaguely likely to come ‘shooting’ the piston heads with explosives that up with the definitive account of Fandom in the looked like massive shotgun cartridges. It was also 1980s – either here or other places – I suspect that a move from Southern England up into the joys of the only way the 1980s will be accounted, Rosyth, Inverqueerthing, Edinburgh and The recounted and laid down as an article of interest Clyde. will be in some kind of Wikipedia-like thing. That That move North also meant exposure to a whole way it could be reviewed and revised as new new world of unique things, such as the joys of sources and information became available, and Rose Street (an early home of Hi-Fi specialists thus get us further down the road to Nirvana, or Linn, and Scotland’s answer to Rough Trade in Valhalla, or the Wimpy that Time Forgot… the form of Bruce’s Records) and across the city, It should also be noted here that, in keeping with Rob Sharp’s Near Myths and his scruffy dump every other memory-based document, it is up to of a bookshop full of colourful American imports, the readers to correct what mistakes are in it, to comics, and the like. pass the piece around to others who might be able By the completion of my migration I’d managed to add or correct information, or to any other to establish regular fannish contact with Andy person who wishes to expand or throw in new Firth (Fledgeling, Gannet Scrapbook, etc), areas. Glen Warminger and Alan Marshall (SFEar and The Golden Rule is easy to remember:- Nothing Oncezine, the Norwich SF Group’s clubzines), is perfect, unless you leave no witnesses. Dave ‘Shep’ Kirkbridge (who sent back issues of his then defunct fanzine, the title of which I could Therefore, in order to seed things off, and also to never remember) the Keele SF Group (Scope), straighten several warped records, this is how this some crazy Germans (Willmar Pluka and Johim particular zebra got his spots… Heinke if battered memory serves me right) and By 1978 I was hauling around a suitcase with Keith Walker’s Fanzine Fanatique had become about (on average) 50 unread SF novels, had the source/motherload of new zine information. already spent 3 years being deployed in the Say what you will about FF, but an awful lot of Mediterranean, the West Indies, and Europe, on people used to trade with Keith, and provided he two troop carriers, and had been brushing lightly kept everything sent to him then he has a with ‘fandom’ through the pages of SF Monthly. I phenomenal collection with a wide spectrum of can’t remember exactly if it was HMS Intrepid or genres. HMS Fearless when I first met up with Aleck Andy Sawyer was editing the BSFA’s Matrix back ‘Butch’ Butcher (now a professional cameraman, then, which helped provide various channels, with editor, studio manager and producer), but it was a Scottish fan, Ian Garbutt doing the fiction magazine, Tangent. Later he would get into all

10 CHUCK CONNOR

sorts of disputes with people and just seemed to what we were physically doing in regard to vanish. stencils, ink, paper, etc. All we knew (and got a It was around about this time, or just after, that we massive kick from) was the fact that this was all also made contact with Pete Presford, back in the something new, it was fun, and it was a route into Malfunction and Bardonni days. Pete would an alternative life away from the depressing real be the person to open up the small press side, and one. for quite a while both fandom and the small press Thus when 1980 came into view, we greeted it of the 1980s, along with the independent music with a lot of insanity, escapism and a strange scene of the time, seemed possessed with an freedom of potential expression which was echoed anarchic, chaotic, energy-driven enthusiasm in the music scene, small press, and literature of which, by the early 1990s would leave scattered the time. It was also the brink of Thatcherism, collection of survivors – the others having either but that, thankfully, was still in the future. burned out, or just decided to walk away from it This was also a time of the Post Seacon ’79 haze. all. As neos (a term which, at that point in time, had However, back towards the middle of 1979, we changed/mutated into a derogatory reference – had tied up alongside in Douglas, Isle of Man, in and for that reason it’s something I tend not to use between MAFF fish briefs and MoD/Irish Gun even today) both Butch and I had felt the build- Running briefs. One memory which sticks is of a up, had seen the push, but in our cases, owing to MAFF guy’s parting comments, in a heavy deployments and the like, we were unable to Northern Irish accent: “Don’t forget, boys, if you attend. By the start of 1980 we seemed to walk board a gunrunner and they take you away, it into the vacuum left by the burnout. usually means they’ll just kneecap you and leave you on a beach somewheres…” That was when I decided it was about time to slip into that alternative world which had been presented to me via the fanzines I’d received. I was already running two lives successfully, so a third parallel one seemed to make sense. Well, it did at the time. Aleck was then on another Fish boat, HMS Pollington, and so it was logical to include him into the mix. By the end of 1979, having wrangled duplicator supplies from assorted Dockyard Naval Stores – and smuggled them out passed Dockyard Security – we were kicking out our second issue on an unmodified Nth hand Gestetner 105, the Young new fans were also coming into Fandom infamous “Schooly”. Originally purchased with alternative role and production models to through the pages of Exchange & Mart from a that of the previous decades. Punk fanzines, company called Phillips Guaranteed, for the-then football fanzines, college/university fanzines/ crippling sum of £50. That was the first and only magazines, independent music – sources which questionable fannish purchase I ever made. I can were not taken from the hallowed shrines of the- say that because, in all honesty, we had no idea then Fannish Gods. We were interested in more

11 CHUCK CONNOR than just written SF, and were not afraid to meld, Rob was surprised, said so in the column, and mix and merge interests. Comics/comix (anyone printed my review with a sort of apologetic remember Ximoc? I’m sure some later-BNF “Actually, it’s not that bad…” comment. After the came in through that zine – Sue Mason? Sue review had been published we received more than Thomason?), graphics, and media (both film and our fair share of enquiries as to whether or not TVSF) were also tainting the sacred gene pool. we’d actually written the review, and could they And the point to remember here was that we have a copy of the zine to see what it was all already knew what fanzines were. True, we about. didn’t know what the perfect Faaaaanish fanzine 1980 was also my first, and Aleck’s only, was, and even after smirking at D West’s foaming- convention in the form of the very first Unicon1. at-the-mouth tirades in regard to some of us Aleck – already becoming a semi-pro calling our products fanzines, we still didn’t care. photographer in his spare time – actually turned Because, to us as new blood back then, fanzines up with a whole array of camera equipment, were the playgrounds of experimentation – thermos flasks of film, and the like. We both set whereas fandom seemed only to consider an item off from Plymouth by train, and on arriving at a fanzine if it was duplicated on Old Gold Keele we ended up sharing a taxi with the Quarto, and was analytical to the point of being UMIST crowd – getting several old issues of analytically retentive. Grok in return for one of ours, even before we’d We also reacted differently. An example – Rob gotten through the campus gates. To me, this was Jackson had just taken over from Keith Freeman what it was (and to some extent today, still is) all as the BSFA’s fanzine reviewer, using the On The about. Carpet column title. The first two reviews had But back to the very first one. The chaos of the either been nondescript or condescending – Friday evening gave way to Saturday and Sunday, consisting of the line “A fanzine done by two all of which became a mass of memories: sailors on shore leave.” Nothing to tell us if The London Crowd (as we were later to dub anything was good, or bad, or how we could them) were there, seemingly criticising anything improve – nothing constructive in it at all. and everything that didn’t bow down before them My reply, on sending him a copy of issue 3, was to – Nicholas wandering around with a mini include a review of said issue on the basis that he entourage like some snippy little acid queen, and was obviously a busy man and we were more than later, his odd conrep in Matrix (then the only willing to help him out. What followed was 8 to regular source of fanac information that matched 10 lines of ultra-KTF-style review in which I their output deadlines with our demands for criticised everything from the colour of the paper, information.) to the fact that the staples were copper rather than The long entrance hall/corridor with artwork steel. either side (and Aleck complaining about

1 Steve Green comments re Unicon ’80: It's possibly worth pointing out that Unicon 80 (Keele University, 1980) was conceived as a one-off, although the organisers enjoyed themselves enough to run Unicon 2 (1981) and Unicon 3 (1983) at the same venue. As they were all leaving uni, this could well have been the finale, but a group from the University of Essex announced a "bid" for Colchester (rather as the BSFG did for a second Novacon) and the sequence was rebooted.

12 CHUCK CONNOR

overhead tungsten lighting likely to colour his conventioneering circuit. Later, towards the end photography) of the 1980s, Pat Brown (later Pat Silver) would The seemingly always-empty fanroom (every time write in an issue of Ian Sorrenson’s Conrunner I went in to see what was going on it always about how she refused to get involved with fanzine appeared empty) fandom because it didn’t seem like a nice place to be. Several letters and copies of fanzines from The BSFA recruiting exercise that was the myself proved to her that fanzines were not all panel – one of the few Getting into Fandom bitchslap and slagging, and she even contributed a programme items I’ve ever walked out of. moving piece to the Women’s Own issue of my The strange bar practices, Hugh Mascetti running own Thingumybob (which also featured Ann down a corridor at 3am in the morning shouting Green, Jenny Glover, and published Jane Carnall’s “Kill, Kill, Kill!”, Peter Roberts on fanzines (and first piece of fan writing outside of slash.) the more lively post-panel discussion a group of us But I digress. 1980 and 1981 were also very had with him), Ken Slater, and Harry Harrison. energetic and hectic years. Somerset brought Aleck had bought a coffee table version of Bill forth John Shire, Mike Paine and Duncan Gilson The Galactic Hero or the Stainless Steel Rat, – who, in turn, regenerated Alan Boyd-Newton heavy with graphics, and Harry had signed it in and someone else whose name I’ve forgotten. red pen “To the Butcher!” and had done a quick They had seen old copies of ‘Alien Body-Neuton’s cartoon of an axe dripping blood. It was one of Cidereal Times, had stayed at John Brunner’s Aleck’s Sensa-Wonder moments, and he never for live fanzine weekends, and who worked under really lost it all the time I knew him. The fact that the Big Dummy umbrella. Sadly, like most a professional author had spoken to him meant so teenage stuff, the pull of other interests and much. further education saw them break up/cease Looking back to that point I think it was the fact publishing in/around 1983. In fact, John Shire’s that we needed the escapism, the gosh-wow sensa- parting shot was to issue our obituaries - Cyril wonder, to counteract the bleakness of real life. Simsa and myself had become dis-honorary Big What we didn’t need were the tired and jaded Dummies – under a Shire pen-name, that of posturings of what we, as new blood, perceived to Gawain Underground. be the ‘old guard’. Scotland was also turning out new people in the What I took away from Unicon was the form of the Cretins and Jimmy Robertson. The knowledge that there were other people such as only time I met Robertson was for an hour while I myself who felt that we needed to take our was chairing a fanzine panel at Albacon ’84. fanzines away from the likes of the-then stagnant Pissed, high, or both, Jimmy seemed to have an and, to be honest, by then quite vindictive post- axe to grind with anything and everything that Rat Fandom. We also wanted to get away from was said – even those who supported his side of the 6th Form pettiness that was KTF. the argument, whatever the argument might have It was also curious to note even back then there been. FoKT also used Pete Lyon’s artwork to were already fans at that first Unicon talking great effect, as did another strange anomaly of the about the elitism and destructiveness which meant time, Secondhand Wave (always issue #42, they had no interest what so ever in fanzine regardless of what real issue it was.) fandom. They could get their contact, their rush, their social/tribal fix, from the-then blossoming

13 CHUCK CONNOR

It was also during that particular panel we were likes of Ian Byers and Moira Shearman – who in treated to one of the running spats between the turn would also help bring in Jane Carnall from embryonic TWP and PAPA (see later.) Edinburgh. Sadly, by mid 1980 I’d been drafted Again, a point to remember here is both Aleck from FPS in Rosyth, down to Chatham Ops and and I were totally dependent on fanzines and the so wasn’t able to get as active as I’d of liked. postal system for all our contact/interaction with Late in 1980 Simon Bostock, who’d been doing a fandom – a point often lost or seemingly just fanzine called Supernova, started to ask around ignored by some parts of fandom. Fourteen years to see if anyone was interested in getting involved later, in 1994, Dave Hicks would take a pop at me with an idea he had from listening to Linda in the pages of his fanzine, culminating along the Pickersgill talk about apas in the US. If anything, lines of how I should stop being so standoffish and Simon should be remembered for reviving apas in how I “should come and get pissed with us, the UK, and not for the terrible 1985/1986 Chuck!” He sent it to me two weeks before I was fanzines he produced – supposedly autowriting due to take up an 18 to 24 month deployment while under the influence of shrooming. based in Gibraltar, but which would also take me He had no idea of OMPA or ROMPA, and I think into various foreign bases in the geographical Linda used either FAPA or SNAPS as a working area. I remember sending him several invites to role model, but he certainly managed to polarize parties we had out in Spain and Morocco – but he and poleaxe a lot of active fanzine fans – a section never flew out to say hello or have a drink with us. of which condemned it as being elitist, insular and bad for fandom. Simon Ounsley (then doing the clubs and groups column in Matrix) was a very vocal opponent against it, and quite a few BFSA ‘columnists’ used their spaces to voice their opposition as well. Then, at the start of 1981, Simon released the first APA-SF&F quarterly mailing of four mailings, with perhaps the most eclectic membership I’ve ever known. Of those I remember (and apologies to those who I’ve forgotten), only Dave Langford and I made it to all four mailings (in fact, Dave and I were the final mailing.) Linda Pickersgill went on to help found TWP (The Women’s Strangely enough, while out in Gibraltar, I Periodical), Mat Coward’s Beyond The White continued pubbing my ish, and also started up an Gates was the first introduction many of us had apa (Das Nameless Apa – aka DNA “Replicate to of someone who then went on to successful Accumulate!”) which ran for 6 years and over 36 comedy writing, working recently on Q.I., and mailings before I let go of the administration in who now has a string of crime novels to his name, 2000, due to a smashed up ankle and snapped Martyn Taylor produced Proto-RAA which then knee. became RAA, and who, five years later, would Whatever, back to the 1980s, and Scotland around write an infamous piece under the name of that time also produced the likes of Hindmost Damien Razorbill. Geoff Boswell (then head (the Dundee SF Group) which helped bring in the honcho of the West Midlands SF Group, and who

14 CHUCK CONNOR

would later drop out to become president of the created Pieces of Eight – The Pirate Apa and released UK Ian Hunter Appreciation Society after editing the likes of Geogre Bondar, Jenny Glover, Ian both Evenstar and a one-off, Starchase), and Bambro, Terry Broome, Theo Ross, Maureen Steve Green. Kincaid Speller, Birmingham’s grand dame I had originally believed that Paul Vincent’s Bernie Evans, and John D. Rickett, to name a ABDUMP also went through the apa – it having handful or so of the regularly guilty. very distinctive covers of 132-column computer Still later, Bondar and I would team up to issue printoff (tractor feed), a real exotic for the time. firstly a fake PoE mailing with the aid of Vince However, on talking to Paul via emails it seems Clarke’s electro-stenciller as mine had blown a memory was partially wrong. Although insisting bulb and I’d not had chance to replace it. Geogre ABDUMP never went through any apa, it is went as far as cooking up a jelly duplicator and possible that it went through The Organisation finding hecto carbons in order to duplicate Jenny because most (if not all) of the members of that Glover’s very distinctive contributions. particular apa were also on Paul’s mailing list at The fake Ian Bambro piece I still remember as it the time. consisted of Ian’s memories of being evacuated One of the other things I remember during 1981 during WW II – shipped down from Newcastle to was using one of the early Xerox 660 London by train, so as to act as a deterrent to the photocopiers to be installed in a Comms area on a German bombing. warship. As big as a 2-drawer filing cabinet, you Then, again with Geogre, there had been a had to put the originals into a plastic folder, set the genzine one-shot – post Geogre’s Terr y washing-machine style counter to the number of Broome’s Underwear, which had the pages cut copies (no more than 5 at a time owing to the heat to resemble a pair of Y-fronts = for some reason of the process setting copies on fire internally) and we called it Spanish Armadillo #2. It was our then hoping that the ship didn’t roll to starboard last collaboration, designed as a one-shot, which because all the little plastic/nylon/static didn’t go too well between us mainly because we’d generating balls fell out when that happened, so never worked that closely together. you had to sweep them up with a dustpan and pour them back into the photocopier before it Spanish Armadillo, for me, should have had a would produce copies again. All four of my second (aka #3) issue to include the LoCs we got contributions were run off of that – all being back. We’d printed our addresses on the inside, logged and accounted for as test sheets, calibration but the If Undelivered Please Return To… address was sheets, and spoiled unclassified material. Ah, the again, Terry Broome’s. I wanted a second issue if joys of an old Type 12 frigate… only to include Mike Glicksohn’s LoC. He had started out writing a regular LoC and then, when Then when Simon finally admitted defeat and he realised that we were having fun, started a fresh folded the apa there was a strange about-face, and paragraph as if he were lecturing a student class all those detractors and decriers – so vocal in their about the pitfalls of assumption and speed reading condemnation of apas in general – were suddenly fanzines – the class being The Harry Warner Jr queuing up to join the waiting list for Frank’s Apa. Letterhacking 101. I remember that, and always Later still, when Frank’s had run its course and was smile, but I couldn’t tell you a single thing about starting to really fall apart, it teamed up with the the fanzine except that it had a Shep Kirkbride remnants of both the Surrey Limpwrists and the cover, and some artwork from Lesley Ward, who Cuddly Toy apa. The resultant ménage à trois used to edit the fanzine Domble In The Works.

15 CHUCK CONNOR

We never had anything against Terry Broom (who just advertising) and about 15 copies of the Joy later changed his name to Terry Ormsby for Division flexi… So somewhere in fandom there whatever reasons he had) it was just that Terry could possibly be 15 copies of a flexi disk that was such a good sport – even forwarding any used to change hands for anything between £50 letters that were sent to him, rather than just to £75 apiece, back in the early Eighties. tossing them in the bin. The death of my father proved to me that I could But, back to the start of the decade. Another two cushion the pain by occupying myself with things I remember merge together a little bit – the something other than the job, which is why death of my father from cancer and the second/ fandom has always been an alternative to the real last, Anglicon. world, somewhere I can go into and have fun, To be honest, I attended both Anglicons but it’s albeit with words, or concepts/ideas, experiment the second I remember more. Ian Watson was with construction, or whatever. one of the guests, as was John Sladek. Ian’s talk was called Jellied Pig’s Head which I roughly field-recorded and kept meaning to release as one of the Skate Tapes – cassettes given away with IDOMO. Over the 7 year/21 issue span there must have been 6 or 8 cassette tapes (C45s, C60s and a couple of C90s), at least one issue with a ballpoint pen sellotaped to the front cover, and several with flexi-disks. It was easy back then, you just wrote off to independent record labels and asked if they had any promo flexi disks they didn’t mind us distributing, and then put them out with the next issue. Portion Control (an In-Phaze records But Anglicon is also important because it must group) later had success in Europe, The Pastels got have been where I finally signed up for professional contracts with Creation Records, and Channelcon ’82. Adesire went on to session for Factory. The one time Somewhere in 1981, I had made contact with the there wasn’t enough to go out I went down to the Bolton and District (BaD) group – probably local record shop (then owned and part run by through their clubzine, Crazie Eddie – whose Baz from local EMI recording ‘stars’ The Farmer’s members included Steve Gallagher (the author), Boys) who dumped me an A4 envelope of old Dave & Paul Windett (now professional comics yellow flexi promos (dumped because they were

2 Jim Gallagher adds: I was never a member of BAD until it was on its last legs of life in the late 1980’s/early 1990’s. 1980 was when we formed SOS, The Saltcoats & District SF Group most of which were media fans, the only name you may probably recognise would be Dave Ellis, the man who fashion forgot. Subsequent to that I attended the Friends of Kilgore Trout in Glasgow. Most notable for running Albacons. My brush with fanzines were generally restricted to some illustrations. Kevin has since become a ‘tax exile’ wintering in Boston and visiting his summer residence in Rawtenstall. Just like the Gentry he always aspired to be. [Additional Note:- Sadly Marina Holroyd has since passed away.]

16 CHUCK CONNOR

artists), Bernard Earp and Laurence Dean (who I don’t really remember much about the whole of would go on to create the award-winning spoof the convention, room parties overflowed into Typing Pool series of fanzines) Marina Holroyd, corridor parties, people crashed in the hotel room and Jim Gallagher2. Jim would, 13 years later, as/when, though I think it was either the Saturday caricature me twice for front covers of my own or the Sunday morning that Marina Holroyd on Thingumybob (which was always spelled with leaving the room, encountered room service about one fecking M a la Lewis Carroll), and I think to step in a find an excess of human (or not, in the Brian Talbot was also around at that time. Also case of some BaD members) beings in a twin one Kevin Rattan, who would go on to produce room. an array of fanzines under the Ad Nauseaum Quick as a flash she recounts a story about how it header with sub-titles as Epileptic Caterpillar, would be best if room service didn’t go in for the Pelvic Wiggle Stamp, Rubber Umbrella and weekend because her husband always became the like, become a successful TV scriptwriter and violent if disturbed from one of his drunken programme producer, and later still would found a binges. I believe she actually opened the door a successful software/webware development little way to show the nearest of the two single company. beds, which was definitely the one I was still I’m not sure of the who, what, why or how, but sleeping on. And thus my reputation as an also somewhere along the line I must have offered alcoholic, violent wife beating heterosexual was to provide crash space for a load of Channelcon forged. ‘82 BaD members in the form of my hotel room. Mind you, rumour at the convention was that the But more of that later. Beccon crowd (possibly already with Caroline The start of 1982 ticked along quite merrily, with Mullan) had booked a single room, and had then some work involving the DEA over in the US asked reception to send up 12 extra blankets… (West Indies and South American routes were The other incident revolved around the banquet, being patrolled by UK ships in (ahem!) joint anti- and the fact that no alternative programme had drug smuggling operations), until the start of been laid on for the proles to amuse themselves April, and the weekend before Channelcon the with. I don’t think it was the last convention to Falklands Crisis kicked off. have an official style banquet, but it was certainly Come the 9th of April I was on short-notice a dying occurrence at that time. standby, and thankfully it was an age before the Now, depending on whom you talk to, and accursed mobile phone had even been invented, depending on whether or not they were involved otherwise I would certainly have been up a with it, the mass paper aeroplane fight was started particular creek without any propulsion. I by either myself, or by Phill Probert. Prior to the arranged for several people to have a telephone banquet being called there had been a lot of A5- number tree, which ultimately led to the sized flyers left around the place (Bladerunner, I th Metropole. As it was, come April 14 I would be think), and I remember sitting on the floor area at scrounging foam rubber and polystyrene to stuff the top of a staircased area, picking up one of the into a sleeping bag in order to make the Hercules flyers from the floor and slowly folding it into a flights easier (Well, those lumbering aircraft were paper plane. Several people sitting around never designed to carry a load of people, let alone watched, and I also remember the Mad Dog in comfort, so it was a case of find the softest part collective of Chris Brastead, SMS and Andy of the metal decking and just try to sleep it out.) Meacock (sp?) off to one side. I just flipped the

17 CHUCK CONNOR plane into the air out of boredom, at the same thankfully sensibility gained hold, and as far as I time another plane came in from a different know, nobody actually did. direction. I quickly folded another and threw it in I have never read any of the conreports which the general direction of the previous inbounder. must have come from people at that convention, Other people, equally bored, had started to make and I’ve never actually met Phill, despite having planes out of the flyers (there literally were pictures of his wedding to Eunice Pearson, and thousands of flyers dumped around the place) and photographs of little Lizzie, who was 20+ in the several more zipped through the air from both last photo and just about to get into her Masters sides. That was the start of the fight. You were studies. The fanzine envelopes I sent out were either one side or the other, no prisoners and no always addressed to Eunice and Phill and Lizzie quarter given! If you didn’t want to join in then and Zoltan and the cats. Zoltan, the Hound from you were part of the defences, and people hid Hell, was a wonderful creation of Phill’s, which behind others to continue making and flying the sometimes spilled over into other things (such as paper planes. The Organisation apa, or Pieces of Eight if memory Ten minutes later, after a particularly heavy serves me right.) exchange by both sides, someone (personally, I For me, Channelcon ’82 came to a close far too believe it was one the Mad Dogs) suggested we early, and I have to admit I slept for most of the go off as one and storm the banquet – their crime journey back to the base where I was stationed being leaving us to our own devices – but prior to flying South for the duration. It did little to dispel the feeling of family I had come to

18 CHUCK CONNOR

appreciate from Fandom and as far as I know, I Nigel Richardson, Ian Sorensen’s Mince – then have been the only member of the Armed Forces later Conrunner, The TAFF Wars, Yorcon and at that time, to have been actively involved in Interzone, later still, the rise of the New/Knew/ fanzines and fannish fandom. Nik Morton – who Gnu Mutants, Terry Hill reviving Vince Clarke, is now a publisher’s editor over in Spain – had Microwave, PULP, Not Science Fiction been another member of the RN, only he moved News, the Terrible Twins (Christina Lake & into the small press side of things, pushing his Lillian Edwards) and their fusion fanzine This magazine, Works. Never Happens, killing my own fanzine off in a As for the ‘Conflict.’ The Falklands Crisis was room at the Garden Hotel, Balmoral Road, particularly (insert your own expletives.) It Singapore, the same night Singaporeans certainly wasn’t helped by most of the Life celebrated their 21st year of independence, Pam Insurance companies writing to the Forces stating Wells and her Nutz, the rise of Birmingham in that, as it was a Crisis and not a War, all Life the eighties, the South Hants group, Phil & Dave Insurance policies were now null and void. Or the Collins, Shep Kirkbride’s artwork, The Chicken French technology which became the forerunner Brothers, Owen Whiteoak, myself sending Hazel of SMART, or the T-21’s metallic instability in Ashworth a packet of aspirin by post, and a single that kind of environment (hence the carbon fibre red rose by Interflora (read back issues of LIP to strapping which appeared on the hulls later), or understand why), the smell of Gestetner ink, pink our polyester uniforms (the results of countless & blue corflu, the final stencil splitting at the stroke of midnight, Defence cuts) or even the inflammability of the J. Edgar Hoover Holiday offer….. aluminium at certain temperatures. Some of us with particular skill sets were shuffled around to Postscript augment or create comms cells on ships, or shore As mentioned at the start of this piece, it is parties, while others got caught up with the likes designed to generate comment and others to write of HMS Sheffield or HMS Antelope. up pieces which, in turn, can be used to form up a When it was all over and we were back in the UK melting pot of information. There are people again, I started to seriously think about getting out who, for whatever reasons, are MIA, or have of the Navy and settling down with my then become lost in the glades of FAFIA or GAFIA, or partner of 6 years. We had agreed to talk about it have simply either moved on or just died. But after Christmas, when he’d be back from his there are others who could make a difference. second stint down the Falklands. Sadly, he was No matter how small you think your contribution killed in a warehouse container accident during might be, all I can say is, think of the future, think the night of December 19th, three days before he was due to fly back to the UK. about an on-line generation of fans who have difficulty even spelling the word ‘txt’, think of With one life prematurely truncated I threw Lillian Edwards and her desire to be mentioned in myself into the other two, going back into fandom any and every fhanhistory piece concerning the for social and human contact, and staying in the 1980s. Navy for the rapid changes and challenges. So I’m asking you: Please, give generously. Later, of course, came the bite of the Thatcher Thank you. Years, the rise of the Leeds Mafia (according to Simon Ounsley, a term I had used, and one they had adopted), the success of the Unicon concept,

19 CONSUITE QUEEN

NOT QUEEN

She keeps Coke and the Captain in her consuite cabinet 'Let them eat chips,' she says, ‘With dip, they are adequate’ A built-in remedy for boring panel ennui, at anytime an invitation you can't decline…

Canapes and crudites, well stocked for many days, seventy tons of ice...

CHORUS: She’s a Consuite Queen, chocolates and jellybeans Candy like it’s Halloween, guaranteed to blow your mind Anytime

Recommended at the price, satisfies your appetites. Come on by!

To avoid complications she always kept the same address In organization she never got things in a mess Served the cheese on china, nothing could be finer Then again PB & J if you're that way inclined...

Bread came naturally from Paris, volunteers she’d cherish Fastidious and precise

[CHORUS]

Drop of a hat she's as helpful as, attentive as a pussy cat Then after three days, out of coffee, she’s out of chat and out of sass That Dead Dog just drives her Wild! Wild!

[CHORUS]

Recommended at the price, satisfies your appetites. Come on by!

Original song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZBtPf7FOoM

Lyrical manipulation by Tracy Benton

20 CLINICAL LUKE MCGUFF

Well, that was an experience. Basically 15 hours few hours. We stayed where we were. Across from door to door, cramming a couple weeks of us were five Asian women who looked to be in healthcare into one morning. In October 2017, their 80s. One of them immediately crossed her my wife Julie and I went to a King county-wide hands over her cane and went to sleep, and I free clinic. It was held over four days, Thursday could look over her shoulder to see her in the past, through Sunday, and provided a pretty complete in other large waiting rooms, with battleship gray range of services. The clinic would serve about a walls, air smoke-hazy, shafts of light through small thousand clients a day. high-up windows, patiently waiting for other large When we got to Seattle Center about 11:30 bureaucracies. I felt like if I looked behind me, I Wednesday night, the line was already a couple could see me and Julie and the people around us, hundred people long. Shortly after midnight, in the future, in a spotless waiting room, people volunteers began letting us in to the Fisher entering through a decon chamber, white-suited Pavilion, a very big room that had been set up and -gloved volunteers directing us, Panopticops with rows and rows of chairs. They had us file in silently watching. slowly so that we carefully maintained arrival There was a fair amount of chatter of people order. It was like the world’s biggest airport acknowledging their neighbors or talking with waiting room. Unlike the airport, and surprisingly, their partners and friends. There were occasional there was no baggage search or x-rays. announcements; official, recorded announcements Then began the wait. Once you were seated, you were given in four languages. Twice a man took a didn’t have to stay in the chair. Many people had mic and announced a table with veteran services. brought sleeping bags or pillows and blankets and A woman announced pet services – food, health soon moved to remote corners of the room. Some care for pets owned by homeless people, pet sitting people marked their chairs and just plain left for a for people in the clinic. There were constant arrivals that had to be told where to go (find the volunteer waving the “end of the line” sign). The chatter was constant, but quiet for the most part. Some groups appeared to be families, others friends. About 4:30, people started returning to their seats. At five, volunteers started working their way through the line asking people what services they wanted: medical and dental (by far the most common), medical and vision, or just medical (least common). The reason for the combination of services is that they had to do Luke & Julie are here somewhere. Photo from KCTS channel 9 some prescreening to make sure

21 LUKE MCGUFF the treatment would be effective. The volunteers interpreters stayed in one area; in other cases, the had three of those ticket dispensers you used to interpreter followed the client through the day. At see in bakeries, each with a different color. I one point, I saw a disembodied head-and- wanted medical and vision (#65), Julie wanted shoulders on a computer screen, sitting on a cart medical and dental (#145). between a client and a medical volunteer. It took a At 6:30, they started calling people up in groups of second to register that it was a remote interpreter. fifty or so, mixing the numbers from each group: Now that I think of it, I’m surprised I didn’t see 30 for just medical, 10 each for medical/vision any African or South Asian interpreters. and medical/dental. The intake ended with the interviewer printing I got called a little after seven (Julie was called in out a sheaf of labels, affixing them to the folder the next group of people, about 7:15). My group and various papers within, and then handing the walked the couple hundred yards from Fisher whole mess back to me. Then a volunteer escorted Pavilion to Key Arena. The walk spread us out me to the triage line. Triage included some more quite a bit, but when we got to Key Arena, waiting of the standard questions and a quick blood to get to the intake interview bunched us up again. glucose test, my first poke of the day. Just inside the door was a volunteer who was One thing that vastly improved the clinic was that managing the line, keeping her eye out for no patient could go from area to area without an available intake interviewers. She told me there escort. At first I thought it was for privacy, but one would be about a thousand patients seen every of the escorts told me that it was because they day of the clinic, and there were just as many knew the way around. D’oh! With services filling volunteers. I gave her my ticket, she gave me a the entire three levels, it was definitely a big help. green folder with numerous forms in it, and then On the other hand, Key Arena (home of Seattle’s sent me to an intake volunteer. professional basketball team, the Seattle Storm), is a giant oval and so many times where I needed to There were about fifty volunteers doing intake go next was on the other side of the oval, that I interviews, elbow to elbow at a long row of tables. thought the real secret of the escorts was that they They each had a laptop, a phone set up for just confidently headed off in a direction until hearing impaired persons, and a label printer. they arrived at the destination. They didn’t ask for ID or immigration status (which was mentioned repeatedly in the clinic Everyone we dealt with was courteous, advertising), but they DID ask the general health professional, helpful, and cheerful. This may have questions that are always asked at the start of been helped by being among the first clients on medical appointments. the first day. In their shoes, I’d be pretty worn down by Sunday evening. Walking behind the tables were interpreters in bright orange vests. They each had a sign on their What I needed from the day was a new pair of back that said “INTERPRETER”, then the computer glasses, some tests, some prescription language they spoke – Cantonese, Mandarin, renewals, and a flu shot. Once through the intake Vietnamese, Spanish, American Sign Language, and triage, things went well and smoothly for me. and Russian were the languages I saw – then the I had a current eyeglass prescription so I was word “Interpreter” again in the language they escorted right to the glass selection station. There spoke. Some languages were so common, and was a very large selection of frames available, I some areas so busy (such as intake) that was expecting something more limited.

22 LUKE MCGUFF

After the glasses, I wanted Hep C and HIV tests, because my job for the county last summer involved occasional clean up of used syringes. The places for those tests and the doctor I needed to see for the prescription renewal were all on the Skybox level. The Skybox level, as you might guess, was on the top. The rooms were private, but they were open to the arena floor, where all the dentists were set up. This meant they were filled with the angry hornets’ nest sounds of a pro basketball court filled with Dystopian dentists. Photo: Seattle Post-Intelligencer dentists, all drilling away. Very densely and efficiently packed said dentists were, too. Maybe it was because the dentist drills we had to raise our voices. The rooms were reset to be clinics and offices, but the young woman who gave me the results said it felt Skybox rooms didn’t seem very luxurious to me. A very dystopian to look down on all the dentists veneer of appointments signifying luxury which and hear their drills. I agreed. could be ripped to bare concrete and re-appointed All in all, it was a great success. I got some whenever the signifiers changed. important prescriptions renewed, Julie got a The Hep C and HIV tests were both rapid tests mammogram, and we both had a couple things that checked only for antibodies, not active looked into. If we have to do it again next year, presence of the diseases. The crew administering we’ll be better able to deal with some of the stress. the Hep C test were all earnest 20-somethings, The clinic itself was well run – can’t think of a wearing t-shirts that supported harm reduction way it could have been more efficient, in fact. It and safe injection sites. The results of the Hep C was still very stressful, with the waiting, the test would take about twenty minutes, so I was uncertainty of what services we could get and sent off to the HIV test, down the hall a bit. whether we’d be able to afford to follow up on any The HIV test was administered by a young of the issues we needed. Even though everything woman who seemed to me no older than college was on the borderline of accessible, a person who freshman. She seemed a little nervous to me, had severe mobility impairment or who just maybe I was her first client. The results of the couldn’t sit for several hours wouldn’t be able to HIV test were immediate (and negative, yay). go to the clinic. Yes, a country that invested in the health of its citizens, wouldn’t need such a clinic. Back to the Hep C results. I was led through the testing room, behind some screens, and to regular But here we are in America. seats for the arena. The intent was to give the results privately, but we were so exposed to the

23 THERE ARE PLACES

DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES (with NIC FAREY) David Hodson : farty. Is The 100 Club still there? I’ll google it. Trying to remember events from between thirty Blimey, it is. and forty years ago is like reading Nova Express or a Jerry Cornelius novel; memory sequences things differently from reality and much as life is what happens to you in between (or rather instead of) the things you plan, so memory fills in the gaps in broad strokes between the fine details of major events like births, deaths, and marriages. Having shapeless Facebook conversations with Graham James and Nic Farey about music or gigs (or football or films or…or…or…) also doesn’t really lend itself very well to structuring a piece for Beam on same. Add into the mix the facts that Graham, with whom I’m supposed to be writing this mosaic piece, is at least ten years older than me and, once the arcane nature of transport and I say “meant” because, as is the norm when one travel in London is taken into account, might as gets nostalgic, different things blur into each well come from an entirely different city to me, other. The classic Wardour Street location for and it becomes obvious why I spent ages The Marquee Club was just up the street from researching this piece and equal numbers of ages the independent cinema where I first saw Silent avoiding writing it. Running and Pink Floyd Live at Pompeii. Right, let’s set the scene: Farey posts a music Research tells me it was called The Essential video to Facebook, James comments on said Cinema during the period I was most in the area, video, Hodson comments on James’ comment, but for some reason that name just doesn’t Farey throws something else into the mix, James compute with me. The Marquee also backed on adds further detail to his earlier point, Hodson to St Anne’s Court, the last location of ‘Dark comes out with some waffle or other, and Farey They Were And Golden Eyed’, where I first immediately springs the “This would make a encountered Gamma and Dave Baldock, but, great article for BEAM” trap. At this point I despite all these attractions, I never considered imagine Graham shuddering at the eldritch Wardour Street as the heart of my personal horror of writing fanzine articles whilst I stupidly Soho. That was always Berwick Street, because it think: “This has to be easier than the piece I’m was the first location I had visited Dark They already trying to write for Nic.” Were... to buy comics and that nostalgic attachment continues to this day. The other We were “discussing” music venues and that was reason St. Anne’s Court was so well known in meant to be the theme of this article. A great Soho was the large number of flats with “working wallowing in nostalgia for places (and people) girls” business cards wedged above the doorbells. long gone like the Marquee Club, and the Vortex, and the Roundhouse before it became all arty- In November-ish 1979, after a brief and ill-fated dalliance with art college, I started working for

24 DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES (with NIC FAREY)

Keith Prowse Theatre Agents in Store Street, just I know I’d been to The Marquee prior to this gig, off Tottenham Court Road. I was in Heaven, but I can’t remember who to see. I probably went because I’d been travelling to central London to along with friends and not specifically to see buy comics and records and books and whatever someone, so the entertainment didn’t register, but else took my fancy since 1975 and that first trip to there were two bands I subsequently saw there Dark They Were. An old school friend of mine sight unseen, sound unheard that I became a fan has expressed surprise at a 14-year-old travelling of. The first was Diamond Head, probably one of up to town and wandering through Soho to buy the best “New Wave of British Heavy Metal” comics, but I just took it for granted. My grandad bands, and the other was Doll By Doll, who I took me there for the first time via Turnpike Lane have problems defining. station and the Piccadilly Line and the hardest Doll By Doll had two distinctive phases; there part of the journey was remembering the exit to was the all-male four piece band that recorded take from Piccadilly Circus station. Now, here I Remember, Gypsy Blood, and Doll By Doll from was, eighteen years old, and actually being paid 1979 to 1980, then there was a mixed gender to come into the part of town I wanted to be in line-up that recorded Grand Passion in 1982. anyway. This is one of the instances of memory cut-up My first visits to The Marquee were in 1977/8. that I’ve experienced whilst googling bands and One of the advantages of being 6-foot plus tall venues; I definitely saw the four piece at The from fifteen years old is no one ever checked my Marquee in 79 and 80 and I definitely saw a age. The Marquee was dingy, smelly dive of a bigger, mixed gender version of the band at the place that, no matter how early you got in, always Hope & Anchor in Upper Street, Islington, but seemed to squelch underfoot. The first gig there I I’m sure it was much later in the 1980’s, more can recall attending was January 1978; I had like 86 or 87. Needless to say, I can’t find any been to see Hawkwind in 1977 at Hammy mention of that gig and my memory can’t hook it Odeon (Three quid for a stalls ticket, bloody onto any other event in close temporal proximity. extortionate!) and the back-up band was called The Hope & Anchor was a standard London Bethnal. I was impressed enough to see them a boozer (I use “was” advisedly, as it now seems to few times afterwards, but their novelty, being be some kind of gastro-pub surrounded by multi-ethnic with a violin player, couldn’t really million pound plus Victorian houses and flats) disguise their ultimate blandness. I often wonder with a basement large enough for a hundred and if they got the Hawkwind gig because George fifty people or thereabouts. It was at the forefront Csapo, who played keyboards and violin, was of pub rock venues and, despite being being lined up to replace the David Bowie bound subterranean, never felt as sweaty and dingy as Simon House and he did appear on Bob The Marquee. I probably saw more “famous” Calvert’s Hype album. bands there than at The Marquee; I definitely

Nic : Hod-me-son and I were apparently contemporary in those gig-going days - I lived in various bits of London from 1976 to 1982, and was allegedly attending LSE from 76-79. My main problem with a reminiscence such as this is that I was pretty much permanently and excessively drunk throughout the LSE years (it really is a wonder I survived), and the cliche that “it’s all a blur” is fairly genuine. Dave and Jamesy have, however, brought some moments into focus. I don’t remember the Marquee as being as grotty as that - I saw the Jam there when they did a 3-night residency and left with the impression that Weller was a bit of a tit (nods of approval from Kev McVeigh, who can’t stand him) and that Bruce Foxton was fuckin’ God! The Vortex, now that nasty basement was an utter toilet. I went there once (some no-name awful band was on), never to return.

25 DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES (with NIC FAREY) recall seeing The Stranglers, Graham Parker, voyage on the good shippe Google. I thought The Motors, and Joe Jackson there. The Good Rats had backed-up The Tubes at My favourite London venue was always The Hammy Odeon, but I then discovered Wire Roundhouse in Camden Town, a venue that backed up The Tubes but… but… but… I induces more cut-up memory. I remember seeing thought I remembered Wire backing up The one of my all-time favourite bands, The Flamin’ Hawklords at the Odeon in 78. At this point I Groovies, at The Roundhouse in 1978, but, for stopped Googling for my own sanity. the life of me, I can’t remember who else was on What made The Roundhouse such a pleasure to the bill. A quick Google search told me it was attend was the balance between it struck between The Boyfriends and The Good Rats (and also the relative luxury of a sit-down venue like that a live album of the gig has since been Hammy Odeon and the atmosphere of the released – bugger, more expense!), but I can only smaller, smellier, livelier clubs like The Marquee. remember seeing The Good Rats once, backing Watching the Alberto Y Los Trios Paranoias up Meat Loaf at Hammy Odeon in 1977. It perform “Sleak!” at The Roundhouse rather than absolutely sticks in my mind due to vocalist Peppi the Marquee was probably more comfortable for Marchello’s double necked baseball bat guitar. the audience as well as the band. I was lucky Even that was open to dispute until another enough to catch the first UK appearance of Devo at The Roundhouse on the same bill as the Albertos on one of the now legendary Sunday evening double headers and immediately picked up the Mechanical Man bootleg EP the same day from one of the rogue record dealers that would set up stall in the circular foyer of the building. I only ever left one gig before the end and it was Nik Turner’s Bohemian Love-in at The Roundhouse. I’d been there since two-ish or three-ish in the afternoon, seen John Cooper- Clarke, Patrik Fitzgerald (who I’d met previously whilst being abused by the short, smelly, proto- crustie proprietor Pete at Small Wonder Records in Walthamstow, who issued his classic acoustic punk love song ‘Safety Pin Stuck in My Heart’ on their eponymous label), Tanz der Youth, and Mike Moorcock, and then Nik bloody Turner comes on with his new band and proceeds to play all the same riffs Hawkwind had for the previous ten years, just with different names and his screeching bloody saxophone higher in the mix (I was never a Nik Turner fan and always regarded the late 1970s, Bob Calvert inspired period that produced Spirit of the Age, Quark, Strangeness, and Charm, and Hawklords as Hawkwind’s best

26 DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES (with NIC FAREY)

period). They were all also dressed in stupid white body stockings from head to toe. Fuck it, I went off in a huff, got a kebab to soak up the beer, and jumped on an early number 29 bus home. The Lyceum, just off The Strand, also hosted some great Sunday all-dayers in the late ‘70s and was about the same size as The Roundhouse. I saw the Be Stiff gig there in 1978, mainly because I had a crush on Rachel Sweet (don’t get me wrong, I liked her music too and still do, but, hey, hubba hubba and all that!) and a lot of the gigs there were as eclectic as those Stiff Records gigs without intending to be. One Sunday had he only sold back issues and fanzines, so Sunday Dutch rocker Herman Brood (and his Wild gigs at The Lyceum were always a great day out. Romance. I fucking love that band name; there Another venue that never seemed to have any are advantages to being a non-English as a first consistency in the size of bands that played there language speaker) headlining whilst a couple of was the Music Machine, Camden, later renamed ex-members of The Stooges backed up a tone the Camden Palace and now called Koko. I deaf singer called Niagara in a band called remember seeing a lot of New Wave of British Destroy All Monsters that drove the audience to Heavy Metal bands there and, for some reason, excesses of drink earlier in the evening. I saw a Slade come to mind around their second stint in Swiss heavy metal band called Krokus at The the charts (1979/80-ish?). I definitely saw Lyceum on the night when Aussie rock band The Samson there, before John McCoy went off to Angels (from Angel City, as they were re-titled in play bass with Ian Gillan and “Bruce Bruce” the UK for some obscure reason) was bottled off- decided to go back to plain old Bruce Dickinson stage; If only the audiences for those two nights and became the front man of Iron Maiden. could have been swapped over. Nina Hagen Samson used to have a drummer called played The Lyceum. Toyah played The Lyceum. Thunderstick, who played his drum kit inside a It just seemed that everyone that the promoters steel cage whilst wearing a gimp mask. I guess couldn’t estimate a crowd for played The having a song called “I Wish I Was the Saddle of Lyceum, so you had Sundays when it was nearly a Schoolgirl’s Bike” as the b-side of their single empty (Krokus) and others when it was rammed “Head On” indicated that Samson weren’t to be (Nina Hagen). Paul Hudson opened Comic taken entirely seriously, although they did appear Showcase in nearby Monmouth Street in 1980 on the EMI “Metal for Muthas” compilation that and opened on Sundays, although at that point gave Iron Maiden their big break. Whereas The

Nic : I don’t think I ever went to a gig at the Lyceum, though excessively drunk caveat doesn’t rule it out. The Hope & Anchor (inevitably, with schoolboy humor, dubbed “The Grope & Wanker”) I only ever went to the upstairs of, missing out on a lot, I’m sure, but I remember seeing a bluegrass-style trio there (at the height of punk!), name long forgotten, yet I still vividly recall one song of theirs, “Cowboy Roy” about some bloke from (possibly) the Midlands who had an American-style car that he was inordinately proud of. I envy Dave a lot of the gigs he got to (eg Flamin’ Groovies, Be Stiff), despite privately stated admonitions from Jamesy about having a pissing contest of “great gigs we’ve been to”, although more on this later. I did get to see Elvis Costello at the Roundhouse (a free gig?) which was as fuckin-A as expected.

27 DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES (with NIC FAREY)

Roundhouse is at the northern Chalk Farm end There were pubs in Deptford, and Catford, and of Camden Town, The Music Machine was at New Cross, and Herne Hill that all regularly the southern Mornington Crescent end, closer to hosted bands, most seven nights a week, 52 weeks the shopping mecca West End of Central of the year, and those are the venues that are London. The stretch of Road between the two most missed. They were cheap to get into, cheap venues housed The Electric Ballroom, a venue I to drink in, and you just might catch a band who never really attended that often, although I were on the up. Most pubs these days are too couldn’t really say why, and is still one of the worried about noise complaints and drug dealing great tourist trap areas of London, including as it to risk hosting live music and many pubs are does Camden Market. If, in the 1970s or 80s, you closing because social drinking is just too wanted a leather jacket with faux leopard skin expensive, which beggars the question: where do lapels, enamel band badges, or an ornately the next Iron Maiden or Spandau Ballet, who stitched cowboy shirt, this was the place to go were regulars around Walthamstow in their more so than Notting Hill, which became an formative years, come from? I can’t even antiques market, or Greenwich, which became a remember the last Detroit “garage band” to foodie venue. The back streets also housed lots of come to the UK, so it must be a universal record shops which had good supplies of bootlegs problem and too many new bands all seem to under the counter and hot and cold running drug look and sound the same; with their airbrushed dealers hanging around the cafes that always on skinny jeans and hyper clean sounds or maybe seemed to be next door. Martin Kravetz I’m just being a grumpy old sod! established Mega City Comics in Inverness Street in the early 1980s and I was involved in getting SF book stock in there in the mid- to-late 80s whilst working for Titan Distributors, then, in 2001, whilst working for the London Probation Service, I found out that a women’s refuge and probation centre had also been at the end of the same street since the 1960s and that there were still pubs in the area that could feature in and give period drabness to a remake (reboot?) of Withnail and I. There are endless bands I know I saw, but I can’t remember where. I’m sure the pub on the corner of The Croydon Road and Penge High Street, the Pawleyne Arms, used to have live bands and I’m pretty sure I saw The Members there. I know I saw both Iron Maiden and Praying Mantis at the Bridge House in Canning Town multiple times and the Greyhound in Fulham Palace Road could always be relied on for at least one interesting gig a week.

28 DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES (with NIC FAREY)

Nic : I spent a fair amount of time on the ENTS (Entertainment) committee at LSE, so got to see (and be involved in) a lot of gigs there as well as having easy access to the hundreds of free tickets that the Music Machine in particular used to strew about. The drink there was expensive (as was anywhere compared to our Student Union prices), so two (or three, tops) would have been a typical and insufficient night’s consumption. The layout of the MM was such that it was a pain in the arse to move around with a big crowd, but also painfully obviously deserted with a poor one. The only gig there I can recall was seeing The Police very early, around the time of “12XU” and before “Roxanne”. I’d known Sting from his previous band, a jazz-rock combo called ‘Last Exit’ who had played LSE twice and I’d compered for them. He cut me stone dead when I went to say hello, presumably seeing me as a threat to his new-found cred. The best freebie I got was as a result of persuading another college ENTS that we ought to have a reciprocal free ticket arrangement, since (unstated) I really wanted to see Radio Stars, whose bass player Martin Gordon (ex-Sparks) was (and presumably still is) the older brother of Paul Gordon who was in the same year as me at Hitchin Boys’ Grammar School. We ligged our way into the dressing room after the excellent gig (Andy Ellison was a dementedly brilliant frontman and a perfect interpreter of Martin’s songs), and as I was talking to him with barely disguised fawning admiration, a shout comes across the room: “‘Ere! Are you from ‘Itchin?!” “Yeah! I was at school with Paul!” (Turns around.) “Wo! ‘Allo Paul!” Martin’s kid brother was indeed there, with another Paul (Harvey) from schooldays, and we thus had a mini- reunion redolent with mutual contempt (I was not one of the cool kids). LSE hosted some great gigs, including Sonny Terry & Brownie McGee, June Tabor (at which my longtime crush Maddy Prior turned up), and one memorably awful one, when because punk, the old hippie then i/c ENTS (Andy Something) decided that we ought to have a show featuring the “new music” and picked Sham 69 to headline, giving us an unwelcome influx of overtly racist skinheads. I was DJ’ing that gig and, as you do, apart from playing the then very limited available selection of punk vinyl, laid up some decent dub, only to be exhorted by one neanderthal in particular to “turn off that nigger shit - NOW!”

Graham James : tune in to a place where you can listen to shit hot “There are places I’ll remember … music? All my life though some have changed Places are also pertinent to the type of music you Some forever not for better listen to. Or at least they used to be. Think of the Some have gone and some remain blues and where do you picture? Perhaps not so All these places have their moments” easy because there are so many sources and types Of course, Lennon wrote this, more about the of blues of course and before you can say memories of people that are invoked by places but Mississippi Delta Blues, you've journeyed there is something very powerful about the place upstream to Memphis and beyond to Chicago and itself, be it a gig, a sporting event or other major back again and hopped a time travelling ship back occasion where you are part of a large audience to Mali, not forgetting to drop in to Trenchtown and the setting is a major venue. The sheer size of on the way. the place and the crowd can be overwhelming and I'm tuning in my worldwide radio and right now I guess that is all part of what is known as ‘the I'd probably choose to home in on Alabama, atmosphere’. Insert here the commentator’s maybe further in to Muscle Shoals or perhaps aphorism – ‘The atmosphere is electric’…. travel a little along the Cumberland gap towards So, you're hovering in space above planet earth. Kentucky. There are so many places in America Maybe you're a visitor from another planet or where the place name is synonymous with a maybe you're just very stoned but you're in need musical style. I guess the immigrants brought with some good music. In the fashion of how you zoom them their fiddles, their accordions and sang and in from on high with Google Earth to a place on danced merrily round their wagons and the the planet, where would you choose to 'land' and different European cultures blossomed, then

29 DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES (with NIC FAREY) intermingled although perhaps not so well with games in 1934 and host for the Swimming at the Native Americans. The banjos arrived later. 1948 Olympics – hence the name. It was the I find it a little less evocative when it comes to largest venue for music in London at that time, English place names and music. “Hold on” you holding over 10,000 people. It’s still there, much scream, “What about the Liverpool scene?” Yea, refurbished and now known as The Wembley yea, yea. Before you've started to add Manchester Arena although the original Wembley Stadium or Birmingham they're not really musical styles or was rebuilt recently. genres just places where a few bands happened to Wembley was the place to go. I saw many football exist at a similar moment in time. Maybe the matches at the Stadium, including FA Cup Finals, Grimsby Sound may come to stand alongside the 1966 World Cup (early rounds), League Cup Nashville or Motown but the closest I can get to a Finals, Amateur Cup Finals and not least, place and time which musically resonates would Greyhound Racing on many Mondays & Fridays, be Wembley. It's by no means the same thing of a passion of mine as a young teenager. The course but the clubs and venues of my youth in Empire Pool was a magnificent venue and the and around Wembley was where I immersed Music concerts were my introduction to large gigs. myself in Rhythm and Blues and Soul and there It was also the place to go to see The Harlem was certainly a wave of bands which grew Globetrotters. There was Wembley Town Hall together musically and created something of an which hosted Professional Wrestling, another very urban youth culture rooted in US blues. popular spectator sport where, as a youngster, I’d So, this article is about ‘venues’ and was prompted go sometimes on a Saturday afternoon, courtesy by an exchange of recalls on Social media about of free tickets from my friend whose Father had gigs and bands playing in London from the mid worked for the Council. ‘60s to the mid ‘80s and whether or not Messrs I tend to be something of a hoarder, so the James, Hodson & Farey might have bumped into programs here are all part my collection. one another at a particular gig before we actually This is the first real big rock concert I can recall knew each other. This is quite probable, given going to. I was just under 14 years of age. I vividly similar tastes in some areas although time periods recall The Stones who were one of my favourite don’t necessarily synchronise. And the venues bands at the time. don’t have to be ginormous, indeed, some of our fondest recollections were definitely back street The only other band from that line up that I can although not quite ‘spit and sawdust’, as they say now remember playing is The Searchers, mainly in Yorkshire. Come to think of it, had either one because their performance was full on Rock, with of us bumped into each other, a whole host of the drummer twirling his drumsticks in the air other events may have ensued or, perhaps, actually above him and the band going through an did? extended set with the leader singer shouting ‘Hey, hey’ and the guitarirst firing back a riff. With their Wem-ber-lee, Wem-ber-lee, … use of a 12 string Rickenbacker their sound was I was born in the North London suburbs and we later reflected in the Byrds and later still with Tom lived about 5 miles away from Wembley so that Petty. They were very exciting for a first timer area was something of a Mecca, with both such as me and, in any case, what serious Wembley Stadium (the nation’s major sporting discerning student of music would really want to venue) and The Empire Pool, Wembley, a multi- remember Cilla Black or Tommy Quickley? purpose venue built originally for the Empire

30 DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES (with NIC FAREY)

the Illustrious name of ‘The London Lending Library’ where I avidly read the latest Marvel and DC comics. They operated a system whereby you could exchange 2 bought copies for 1 new edition. Doctor Who had of course just started but much of my early interest in this direction subsided for some years as my musical appetite took over. The Weekend Starts here There are many starting points for ‘The Sixties’ music, fashion and youth culture but one figures prominently in my memory, ‘Ready Steady Go!’ Catching good music on TV was something of a rarity in the early sixties. Most programs were either ‘easy listening/Variety shows’ or pop, e.g. There was a different and mostly uninspiring Thank your Luck stars, Juke Box Jury, Top of The concert which I recall mainly because my friends Pops, Sunday Night at the London palladium, and I knew the Stones were playing and, as school although earlier, 6-5 special and later Beat Club kids, didn’t have the money to get in but we had a were different. But it was RSG which really cunning plan. focused on emerging rock bands and had very We pooled our cash and I paid to get in with a much a youth and mod flavour. It’s byline was friend. Once in the main auditorium, we sneaked ‘The Weekend Starts here’ and as a teenager behind some curtains down a walkway towards finishing school on a Friday, ready for action, it the exits and opened a fire door and let our was the perfect nomenclature. The show only ran friends in. Pause for ethereal light and faces for 3 years to the end of 1966 but was hugely emerging from one end of a long darkened influential. It’s initial opening theme song was The corridor. I’m still in touch with Bob Paul, one of Surfaris, ‘Wipeout’ and later Manfred Man’s the protagonists and we’re hoping that the Statute ‘5-4-3-2-1’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch? of Limitations applies. v=i-XPgccjiqw) In 1964 the makers of RSG started a competition ‘Ready Steady Win’ with At this time I was not quite as close to SF as Nic competing heats and a final to find a great new who, as an enthusiastic 7 year old was busy ‘beat’ act. This was to involve a band called the devouring Stingray. There was, however, a shop in Selfs who played at the first club where I went to a Watling Avenue, Burnt Oak, where I lived with

Nic : Me, I got to see the Stones in 1976 at Knebworth, and they were terrible! (It’s widely considered that Lynyrd Skynyrd “played them off the park”.) That was partly most likely due to the fact that they were well over an hour late going on because second-billed 10cc had some interminable problems with their teck to the point where it seemed that everything had to be re-tuned. When the Stones finally took the stage they appeared to be blitzed beyond all belief, Jagger in particular couldn’t enunciate any of the words (those he managed to remember, that is) in any fashion conducive to comprehensibility. I also got to see a professional wrestling show in my very early yoof, but I’ve got no memory of where, other than it was a town hall of some kind (possibly Bedford) and the card was a bunch of ‘B’ listers. I did manage to get a few autographs on that programme book (long-lost). There was a scrum up by the ring, but I noticed a half-smiling figure lurking at the back of the seats having a crafty smoke. That was Ivan Penzecoff (remember him?), whose signature looked startlingly like it actually read “Ponghill”. Neither was his real name, of course, which was Ronald Pennington.

31 DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES (with NIC FAREY) gig, The ‘Graveyard Club’, basically a Church who went on to, shall we say, moderate success in Hall, at Blackbird’s Cross, on the borders of the music industry. Dave left the music business Kingsbury (where I went to High School) and and ended up working for IBM. We enjoyed many Wembley. A friend’s older sister told me about it good nights together in in the early ‘70s in and, at 14 I went there one night on my own. The Wembley, where he lived with his partner, Jenny, club was actually run by a couple of older kids listening to music, Bob Marley, Steve Miller, from my school. There was a resident band, The Fleetwood Mac (naturally) and, principally, doing Selfs (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Selfs) justice to the intricate music of Steely Dan one of whose members was Chris Squire, later of through Dave’s Quad amps. YES. They joined with Steve Nardelli (a year There was little popular music on Radio at the above me at school) to form The Syn, a band who beginning of the sixties. ‘Pick of the Pops’ started were in at the beginning of ‘progressive rock’ and in 1961 but centred on the Hit parade and it was who went on to become YES. I saw the Syn’s first only Radio Luxembourg which you could just ever gig at my school and I’m still in touch with about tune into on your battery operated Steve. miniature transistor radio for a very fuzzy signal I do remember being quite scared the first time I and appetite of some pop music. That all changed went, particularly when a lad asked me to give for the youth music audience with the advent of him a cigarette but the older sister intervened and Pirate Radio in 1964 which drew massive told him to leave me alone. I didn’t go into the audiences of teenagers in the mid-sixties and was main hall the first time I went but the first song I arguably the biggest influence on a musical culture recall hearing was ‘Smokestack Lightening’, an alternative to conventional pop. That was one of unmistakable riff which blew me away and the factors which influenced me to seek out a probably eased me into a liking for the Blues. That wider musical panorama. song stays with me today. The Selfs were in a heat And, if you wanted an antidote to the pop charts, of the competition and a coach was hired from then searching out the best clubs for good music the Club for a number of us to go and support was a priority for the weekend. The music press in them when they played at the Rediffusion TV the shape of The Record Mirror, The New Studios at Wembley. They came up against Musical Express and, to some extent, The Melody another band called ‘The Bo Street Runners’ who Maker were all good sources to see who was beat them and went on to win the televised final playing where. Billboards and posters were also and get a recording contract. The bass player in surprisingly useful – one of the most striking ones that band was Dave Cameron, whom I met a few I recall was for the Crawdaddy club in Richmond years later and became good friends with and the where the Yardbirds had established a residency. drummer was none other than Mick Fleetwood

Nic : When Jamesy starts mentioning ages and viewing habits (especially mine), I’m going to have to do a fact check, aren’t I? Stingray (which, yes, I did watch along with all of Gerry Anderson’s output) first aired when I was 6, although I would have been watching later episodes at age 7, and “Doctor Who had just started”, ahem, for values of “just” that amount to two years previously. For some reason I hardly ever watched Ready Steady Go! probably a bit more Top of the Pops, since in retrospect I judge that our terribley (sic) middle-class household may have regarded ITV as rather downmarket, and in any case I was more interested in football (especially in 1966!). Later, however, I’d be fairly glued to yet another crush, Lift Off with Ayshea, and coming full circle back to Gerry Anderson, I have been known to drool at certain episodes of UFO.

32 DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES (with NIC FAREY)

The distinctive graphics seemed very alternative A few miles away in the other direction from and enticing. Wembley was The Railway Hotel Wealdstone where The Bo Street Runners established a residency and the club was host to many acts, one being The Who, and their original incarnation, The High Numbers. I went there a few times but it could be an intimidating place and I can’t recall who I actually saw there. I fantasise that it was indeed the High Numbers - https:// www.youtube.com/watch? v=ZmW8UGGNcCA&feature=youtu.be There did seem a real emerging rebellious teenage scene in the mid-sixties and music the growing R&B scene in London was part of it. Clubs grew up everywhere. Former Jazz clubs such as the Marquee and the Flamingo both in Wardour Street became more centred on Blues and R & B. I’ve returned to Wembley many times since and The Flamingo focused on Blues and was it’s always a magical place to visit. At the Wembley frequented more by black youth whereas the Arena I’ve seen many acts, including Dylan, Neil Marquee was more at home to white British Young, Led Zepplin + Stone The Crows and The youth. Cyril Davis and Alexis Korner were Stones again. Wembley Stadium has also seen me pioneers an emerging british R & B scene and make regular trips from Leeds to see my team, bands such as The Stones began playing there. Leeds Rhinos play in several Challenge Cup Davies & Korner also established a Blues club in Finals. Ealing which was highly influential in developing R&B bands and nearby there was The Feathers, North West and West London were home to many which I went to a few times. clubs and one which I went to was the Starlite ballroom in Greenford where I saw Geno Further ‘out west’ was Burton’s at Uxbridge. It Washington and The Ram Jam Band. See - was pretty easy to get to on the Tube. This was an https://www.youtube.com/watch? iconic venue for bands such Jimmy James & The v=nMQNbdxJKyw&feature=youtu.be Vagabonds, Cliff Bennett, Zoot Money and many others. We went there many Friday nights and Geno was a hero of the emerging mod scene in there was a heady atmosphere, very crowded with London and someone who was highly influential teenagers and a mix of DJs and bands. I recall in bringing the music of Otis Redding, Wilson one DJ’s regular routine was, along with a Picket and Sam & Dave to a British audience. I colleague, to dress up as Esther & Abi Ofarim and saw him in October 1966. Can’t say I was fully a give a rendition of ‘Cinderella Rockerfella’ a ‘mod’ but our crew did have a distinctive clothes novelty hit in 1968. mix at that time – Ice blue denim jeans, Raelbrook high tabbed shirts, & Docs or desert My most visited venue was The Top Rank Suite, boots & bling – a veritable mix before we later way ‘up north’ at Watford. It probably only took suited up. about half an hour to get there as we had transport, a minivan into which up to 8 of us

33 DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES (with NIC FAREY) would bundle. I think the record which really then there was a house band that would invariable turned me on to Soul music was The Locomotion start with the Mar-keys classic track – ‘Last night’ by Little Eva in 1962 and of course early Beatles – https://www.youtube.com/watch? were very much based on Soul as were the Stones v=CIZUS5rBtFE which you might recall later & The Animals routed in American R & B. The from the Blues Brothers film. Top Rank was a very big venue on two levels, with I think the DJ then came back for a final set and the upper area overlooking the dance floor. There would end with numbers such as ‘When a Man were several bars and the evening was all about loves a Woman’ when you would scramble to dancing and drinking and fraternising. I went dance with the person you hoped you might go there most Saturdays and I think there were also home with…… Sunday evening gigs. My interest in Soul & R&B changed somewhat in Soul music was pretty much the order of the day 1970 after I’d moved to Suffolk for a couple of & the DJ then was more important than the band. years and was discussing my soul music passion That’s where you were introduced to the latest with a guy who was heavily into West Coast soul & R&B from the states – pretty much like the music. ‘Right then’, he said, ‘take this’ and he Northern Soul scene which developed in the 70s. played me I Heard it Through the Grapevine Record buying was based on singles – here’s a few from Cosmo’s Factory. Life changed ….. obscure classics. There’s also many Festivals that I can’t do justice The music of the day was Otis Redding, Wilson to here but just look at the line up opposite from Pickett, Sam & Dave, Junior Walker, Curtis The Lincoln Folk Festival I went to in 1971. It was Mayfield, Marvin Gaye, The Temptations, meant to be based on acoustic music but when the Smokey Robinson, Stevie Wonder and James Byrds came on McGuinn promptly hailed the Brown. The evening always started with a DJ and audience and asked if they wanted to hear electric music and responded accordingly when we shouted ‘Yea!’ Hearing Buffy St Marie singing Soldier Blue last thing at night as we began settling in the open air with not a tent in sight, was haunting. There’s a host of venues I recall from those days – The Hammersmith Odeon (where several years later I saw J J Cale) , The Ricky Tick (Harpenden) where I saw PP Arnold & The Nice in 1966 and The Refectory – Golders Green where I saw Desmond Dekker. Ska & early Reggae were also very big with us in those days and the Album ‘Club Ska ’67 was gold. There was quite an altercation in the streets after the gig and I got picked by the police and taken home in a Black Maria. At least a free ride I guess. At Klook’s Kleek in Hampstead I first encountered a psychedelic light show when I saw Julie Driscoll

34 DAVID HODSON and GRAHAM JAMES (with NIC FAREY) and The Brian Auger Trinity in 1968 -https:// Farey would have found his way to Leeds and www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBa7nrqCt3s become an Editor of Interzone before dropping I remember the Roundhouse, Chalk Farm where I out in Hebden Bridge only to return as the first saw Manfred man’s Earth band, discovering later British Astronaut?. Maybe Hodson would have than a school friend, John Lingwood joined them also found his way northwards and similarly as a drummer. The Imperial College often hosted joined the Interzone collective only to fall out with events and I saw Stone the Crows there a few his co-editors and establish his own magazine times and there was The Greyhound, Fulham publishing empire to be later acquired by Amazon palace Road where I saw Jon Martyn mesmerise for a crisp £25million. Maybe I would have stayed the audience with ‘Solid Air’. The Royal Festival in London, never to have found the delights of Hall was also a large venue which played host to a Fandom? wide variety of musical tastes, including Jazz Expo …Quick …. reality check …… where I saw Ray Charles each year from 1968 to 1970. It’s somewhat weird to reflect on these early venues in London since I actually moved to Leeds 40 years ago this month and I’ve been to so many gigs here, and there have been so many memorable venues I’ve been to since, not least The County Bowl in Santa Barbara where I saw Peter Tosh and The Custom House, South Shields where I saw Warren Zevon. So, did the paths of Farey, Hodson and James ever cross early on at a venue long before the onset of Fandom? And, if so, I wonder how our (From left to right, Messrs James, Farey & Hodson spotted respective lives might have changed? Maybe some years ago at Rediffusion Studios, Wembley.)

Nic : As previously noted, Jamesy griped a bit in a email about whether this turns into a “great gigs we’ve seen pissing contest”, but nevertheless he can’t resist a litany himself (see next page). That inevitably made me first think of The Who at Kilburn in 1977, a free gig filmed for The Kids Are Alright (although most of it didn’t make it in due to sound problems) which we heard about on the day through the ENTS grapevine and got there as quick as, well, call me lightning. That show eventually got released onto DVD and includes a cameo from my eyebrows at the end of “Won’t Get Fooled Again”. Second think went straight to the ULU (University of London Union) Freshers’ Ball of 1976 which was the first time I saw the Clash (or indeed, any punk band), a mesmerising and transformative moment. This was pre-Topper with Terry Chimes banging the skins, and there’s two very clear memories from that show. Joe had what was presumably the setlist taped to his mike stand, the lads threw shapes at the ready, then Strummer ripped the list in half and chucked it to the floor and they tore straight into ‘Career Opportunities’. There were maybe just six or ten dressed punks at the gig, and there ended up being a significant altercation between them and the Teddy Boy followers of Shakin’ Stevens and the Sunsets. Started, of course, by the Teds. Later, while living in Peckham, I occasionally frequented a reggae club on or near the High Street, but there’s a rather large cloud (ahem) over who I might have seen there. I do recall being almost the only white-ish face in the room at any given time, but I got by out of sheer ballsy ignorance, not to mention deference and “respeck”. It was also there that I discovered the wisdom and power contained in Mount Gay rum.

35 THE DAY IN QUESTION ALISON SCOTT A fine benefit of working for yourself and living in the World in 100 objects”, and the podcast is also London is that you can occasionally have a day narrated by Neil McGregor. The exhibition as off. But the downside of working for yourself is presented is notably weak. The underlying that you can’t have days off all that often, and so assumption is that sets of objects can be brought you have to make them count. And you often need together just by their shared relevance to religion. to squeeze the work around the time off. And so To illustrate this, antiquities and historical artifacts on and so forth. are mixed up with random bits and bobs from the On the day in question, I got up pretty early and collection, modern art, and cheap tat. The got some work done and took a phone call from a implication is that objects created as part of representative from a Giant Internet Platform. religion and ritual tell us something fundamental They have an arrangement where nice Irish boys about the human condition, and these collections phone me every so often to encourage me to spark a sense of the numinous. To accentuate this, spend more money advertising with them. They the exhibition is hung with wafty drapes and tinkly switch out every three months or so, and different New Age music plays. ones have different approaches. But they all want Now, there’s a sense that the exhibition is only half me to spend more money on advertising, which I the story; that you need to listen to the podcast as would cheerfully do if it were profitable and not so well. I’ve now listened to the first episode which insanely expensive, so there’s a thing. explicitly answers the question I had about the Aside: It's obviously not fair or reasonable to object it deals with (‘how do we know how long make fun of people’s culturally different the lion man took to carve?’). I’ll probably listen to names. Nevertheless, this nice Irish boy’s name the rest as well. And then go and look at the is Gearoid, which feels like it ought to be the exhibition again. name of a great robot action hero. Aside 3: there’s a temple chariot in the That left me with about 68 minutes to do all the exhibition, just a little one, and the website work I'd planned for yesterday, so that didn't mentions that these are also called juggernauts happen, before going to the British Museum to - I never knew that or that that’s the origin of meet up with Ian Stockdale. Normally I throw my the word. daytime-cultural-activities-plans open to all “Scythians: Warriors of Ancient Siberia” is rather comers, but because my British Museum a different thing; a copper-bottomed five-star membership card lets in exactly one other person exhibition that is both full of awesome stuff, and I couldn't share the invite. very well explicated and presented. It’s all come Aside 2: In the old job, passes that let in over from the Hermitage (and the National yourself and another person, who could be museum of Kazakhstan), and largely arises from anyone, were known informally as “Astral an historical accident. When the burial mounds of Passes”. Pazyryk in the Altai mountains were first discovered, they were flooded with water that then We went to both the paid exhibitions. "Living with became permafrost. the Gods" coordinates with a Radio 4 series, also available as a podcast (Get it at https:// Aside 4: “It's pronounced Sith-i-ans” says the www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09c1mhy/ British Museum sharply. episodes/downloads ). Clearly this exhibit is an The most interesting items in this exhibition fall attempt to recapture the success of “A history of into two categories. First there’s finely worked

36 ALISON SCOTT gold. Massive belt buckles and tiny stamped Much of it is highly decorated; you imagine these badges that were sewn onto clothes; high status people crafting and mending their boots and burials included hundreds of these identical equipment about the fire. badges. There’s so much gold in this exhibition Aside 5: no, the curators didn’t eat the cheese. that after a while you stop noticing that it's gold But they analysed it and can’t work out what and just appreciate how excellent gold is as a the milk is. Probably a mixed milk cheese. medium for art that you want to survive for thousands of years. There are large gold pieces One thing that’s particularly delightful about this that are inlaid with glass chips rather than exhibition is that it directly links the writings of turquoise because the turquoise wasn't available. Herodotus about the Scythians to the objects that Imagine a world where gold is easier to get hold of have been discovered. Due to intellectual than turquoise. inadequacy I have never read any Herodotus, a failing I will now aim to address. The subject matter of the buckles and appliqués is also interesting. Pazyryk is a very long way from Artistic representations of Scythian warriors show Ireland, but there's a commonality of theme, of all the men (the women were warriors too) as animals worked in non-realistic ways here, that bearded, but the recovered bodies are all clean implies some shared culture. Most of the gold was shaven. There’s also a false beard; I leapt to the worked by Greek artisans for rich Scythians. conclusion that the beards were shaved off as part Probably. of the funeral rites, but who knows? Secondly, there’s well-preserved household objects. This exhibition contains human remains, some Much has been made of the two-thousand-year- grisly. I observed afterwards that while I can see old cheese, but there's also lots of bags, the scholarship benefits of including remains in saddlecloths, leatherwork, pieces of clothing and the exhibition, I can’t see the merit of putting textiles and fairly ‘ordinary’ household goods. them on postcards in the shop. And the Pompeii exhibition put the human remains in a slightly separated side room so that it was skippable. This exhibition mixes the items up with other material. The curatorial task shouldn’t just include a need to warn people about remains, but also to consider how to display them sensitively. They’re still digging things up from Pazyryk, working against time as global warming changes Siberia. Aside 6: there's a giant photo of the Pazyryk rug, the world's oldest pile carpet. It’s simply astonishing; we assume that ancient examples of things will be crude, but the design here is the equal of many modern carpets (and indeed there’s a healthy trade in Pazyryk rug replicas). The British Museum did not manage to wheedle the actual rug out of the Hermitage, so I’ll have to put it on my list to

37 ALISON SCOTT

see when I’m there. (https:// Music and then the Protest Family on fine form. www.hermitagemuseum.org/ “This is a song about consent, depicted through %E2%80%A6/25.+Archaeologic the cinematic oeuvre of Harrison Ford.” I hung %E2%80%A6/879870/…) around afterwards for a bit to chat with people in In absorbing all of that, we left not enough time the bar, until eventually we were chucked out. It’s for a free exhibition on the business of print- getting to be a theme. making. This has the feature that the Hokusai Aside 7: “Who’s gonna tell Han Solo that no exhibition largely lacked, which is comparative means no means no means no?” presentation of early and late prints from the And when I got home I realised I hadn’t taken same blocks. It also had a lot of stuff about how advantage of my five uploads on Merch by print-making was eradicated by the development Amazon. When I was at 10 a day I’d managed to of photography, which might come as news keep up 10 a day for about a week before lapsing. to Damien Warman, Jackie They then cut us back to 2, and I cursed my Duckworth and Teespring. I was just beginning to idleness. We’re back to 5 now and I am not going explore this exhibition in detail when we were to make that mistake ever again. So I finally set thrown out. In my defense I had thought the down to the work I hadn’t had time to do earlier. museum closes at 6pm. And so to bed, but I do wonder why my days can’t Arriving home, I had a moment when I could organise themselves in a slightly more even theoretically have got some work done before fashion sometimes. heading out to the Walthamstow English Tune Session at Ye Olde Rose & Crown Theatre Pub. The highlight was taking some time to learn Danbury Hill (the second tune in the set by Anahata here: https:// www.youtube.com/ watch?v=_O8k8ne78RI, and no, you cannot quite play the B part on a two row melodeon as written). I'd realised just before I went that my calendar had helpfully told me that Steve White was playing last night, also at the Rose and Crown. So I stayed at the session till about 10pm and then slipped upstairs to catch the end of Maddy Carty

38 SKELTONS IN THE CLOSET JOHN PURCELL

In our last episode, we left our intrepid look like an invasion force. travelers, John and Valerie Purcell, Technically we were. Finally, flying the friendly skies of United – after what seemed like an hour specifically, flight #81 from George after landing, we emerged from H.W. Bush International Airport in customs and saw Paul and Cas Houston, Texas, to Ringway Skelton waiting for us. As International Airport in Manchester, promised, Cas was holding a United Kingdom – as they embarked handmade cardboard sign with on the 2017 Trans-Atlantic Fan the word “Godot” scrawled on Fund trip. First up, meeting Paul and it. Cas Skelton, with whom the Purcells Thanks to Valerie’s expertise at would stay on their first full weekend packing suitcases into small in a foreign country. The Purcell spaces, all of our stuff – two Invasion was about to begin! suitcases (one of those being the After that horrendous flight Bag of Doom, which was to from Houston to Newark on July figure prominently in the near 13th, followed by the future), two carry-ons, two interminable wait for our departure to backpacks, and quite possibly a small animal that Manchester (this trip is described in full in Askance wandered too close to the car – fit into the boot #43, March 2018), landing at Ringway (a.k.a., the trunk, for you American readers) of International Airport was much smoother. Valerie their car and we were off, with Paul Skelton at the was afraid that her motion sickness would kick in wheel. again, but following our daughter Penny’s Riding with the Skeltons is an adventure in itself. suggestions – chew on mints, place an ice-pack on First of all, Paul has a glass eye, so having one your chest, take deep breaths and relax – there working eye must have a dire effect on depth was no need to whip out a couple barf bags, perception, although I have to admit he is a very unlike our landing in Newark. Of course, the fact good driver even if he does get turned around on that the weather coming into Manchester was directions from time to time. I say this because it calm (no thunderstorm roiling the atmosphere) took us nearly 20 minutes to get out of and being on a larger plane might have made a Manchester’s Ringway International Airport difference, too. The plane came in nice and parking lot. At first it seemed pretty smooth, touching down on the tarmac, then we straightforward: just follow the signs to access patiently waited so we could be the last ones off: either the M56 or M60 and head east, or this was because of Valerie’s need for using a cane whichever road or highway was needed to get over while bearing her carry-on bag, and I began my to their home in Stockport, a little over eight miles month-long portrayal of the loyal Sherpa guide, (roughly thirteen kilometers) away. Paul pulled loaded down with the remainder of our carry-on away from the parking garage and ventured into baggage. Encumbered like this makes navigating the loop towards the alleged exit route, only to narrow airplane aisles extremely treacherous, you veer left instead of right when the rest of us saw a see. We managed, though, and wonder of road sign proclaiming “Way Out” with an arrow wonders, when we got off, as requested a pointing to the right and East M56. This made wheelchair awaited Valerie. With our entire Cas say, in a voice that sounded much like one of luggage loaded onto a trolley, we probably did

39 JOHN PURCELL those Monty Python old ladies, “Oi, that’s where a bit flabbergasted by this time. “I know what we’ll we need to go!” do: go back to the terminal and try again.” “Oh, no-no-no!” Paul calmly replied. “I know the “Aeoww, now you’ve found your brain, have we?” way out. We’ll be taking the M60 over,” and kept Cas commented. “Why don’t I get on the Sat Nav circling the parking lot. This went on for a few and find our way out?” So saying she took out her minutes, with diversions into other parking lots cellphone and put it on speaker so we could all and roundabouts that somehow returned us to the hear the directions. Turning around in her seat, main terminal. Then off we would tear in another Cas said to us,“Sometimes this Siri bitch actually direction. knows where she’s going.” “Hey!” Cas would interrupt. “That’s the way we This is how we learned that when the Skeltons are go,” whapping Paul’s left shoulder and gesturing in the car, each has their assigned role: Paul is the this time to the left, “it says M56! We took the driver while Cas is the Sat Nag. That means she M56 into here, remember?” constantly argues with Siri, calling this automated Unperturbed, Paul said, “Oh, we’re fine. Never voice all sorts of nasty names, heckling the faceless you mind, my dear,” and kept circling the parking entity, and contradicting the directions provided. lot by going in a completely different direction. “In five hundred meters, turn left toward M56,” Siri informed us. Valerie and I were in the backseat, doing our best to stifle giggles and making snide comments, at “Really?” Cas said into the phone. “We tried that, which Cas was quite the expert. “Ooh, you’re you blighted piece of plastic! Sure, she knows the going the wrong way, you sod!” she’d screech at way, she does. I’ll believe that when I see it!” Sure Paul, giving his shoulder another whack. “Have enough, a few seconds later our clown car you lost what’s little left of your mind?” approached the very same “Way Out to East M56” sign Valerie had pointed to a lifetime ago. Now Paul was getting miffed, but tried maintaining a sense of decorum. After all, he was “Oh!” Paul exclaimed triumphantly. “Here we driving. Val and I exchanged worried glances, go!” Without even slowing down, he whipped the afraid that we’d be stuck in the Ringway parking car into the sharp curve and we followed Siri’s lot for the next five weeks, circling endlessly, directions – despite Cas’s running commentary – imprisoned in the backseat of the Skelton’s that led us out to the M56 and we began zooming automobile. We considered jumping out and along towards Stockport. walking, but just then Valerie spotted a sign – Valerie sat in the backseat, staring out the possibly the same sign we had seen ten minutes windows as we marveled at the realization that we ago – with an arrow pointing to the right and the truly were in England. The weather was gray and words “Way Out to East M56” in large, bold drizzly, but we were all in a good mood, especially letters. “Uh, isn’t that the exit?” she asked, tapping Cas, who was giving Siri an earful at every Paul on the shoulder. opportunity (“That’s going the wrong way! We’re “No, no, no! We’re good. I know exactly where going east, not west! Ah, you’re such a tit!”), and we’re going now,” Paul said, and turned into still this time also gave me the opportunity to reflect another roundabout that he hadn’t yet tried. We on how long I had known the Skeltons. It was circled that a few times, with variations on a mostly Paul who I knew thanks to trading fanzines theme by trying different turn-offs from it, but and letters-of-comment back in the late 1970s and invariably kept returning to the same original on through the 1980s: I would send issues of This roundabout we first encountered. “Agh!” Paul was House or Bangweulu to him, and get his zine Small

40 JOHN PURCELL

Friendly Dog in return. At one point – in 1981, I Paul deftly drove into the Sainsbury parking lot, think it was – I sent a picture of my parent’s then we all piled out and walked into the store. garden to him as part of a letter of comment Sainsbury resembled our primary supermarkets because Cas had been ill for a while; I even back home in College Station, Kroger and H-E-B. renamed part of that garden the “Cas Skelton feel All are laid out similarly, with produce, dairy, good bright red tomato patch” in hopes of bakery, deli, and meat departments around the cheering her up. It worked, and Paul still has the perimeter with a large central area where all the picture, too. For the record, other parts of that remaining stuff is accordingly grouped. Cas garden were named things like “The Greg enjoyed playing hostess and tour guide, pointing Pickersgill Pickle Patch,” “Mike Glicksohn’s out where this and that was located, and said, Onion Patch,” and “Carrots for Kafka,” who “Here’s the gluten free aisle. It’s not much to wasn’t a fan, but which had a nice alliterative ring choose from, I’m afraid,” but she was gloriously to it. wrong. One side of the entire aisle – a full fifty feet The drive to Stockport was as uneventful as riding long – was nothing but gluten free bakery goods with the Skeltons is possible. Cas told us, as we and other yumminess. There was more GF food entered their home city, that our first stop would in this one aisle than in all the GF sections be Sainsbury, their primary grocery store, to buy combined between Kroger and H-E-B. We were some gluten free food for Valerie, who agreed that mightily impressed, and stocked up. Valerie even this was A Good Idea. Val’s diet is a tricky beast, found gluten free crumpets and scones! We so giving her the chance to find some gluten free bought enough provisions to supply us for the two comestibles would lessen the burden on our hosts. weeks we were to be in England, and made a note to get more before heading onto the continent. The rest of that first day was spent relaxing at the Skelton’s home, a charming place with a small parking area in the front and a surprisingly good- sized back yard with a nice garden and pigeons galore. Again, I did my Sherpa guide impression by hauling all of our luggage to the upstairs bedroom, which had its own full bathroom, featured a skylight, and lots of shelving. I could not help but notice a large stash of fanzines on those shelves. Later, I told myself. Not yet. Be a gracious guest and sit and chat for a bit. The fanzines can wait. Valerie and I did a quick set-up and returned downstairs for a cuppa tea and chatted with our hosts until all the hours of traveling caught up with us, so Val and I went back upstairs to nap. We awoke in time for a lovely dinner that Cas prepared, then spent the rest of the evening talking. We stayed up much later than expected that night chatting with the Skeltons about fanzines, how they met, and their involvement in

41 JOHN PURCELL

British fandom. It was a far-ranging conversation pointed at the skylight over the bed. I looked up that revealed the deep love between them. and saw a dozen pigeon heads peering down at us. Endlessly needling each other, Paul and Cas were very much like us, and in no time flat we were totally enamored of them. They even had pictures of their beloved dogs, all westies, on the wall, and each had been named after the coaches of Cas’s favorite football team, Manchester United. Currently dog-less, they were undecided about getting another westie. As difficult as it was, they also talked about the sudden loss of their son Nicholas less than a year before. I cannot imagine losing a child; I would be devastated. Yet here they were, reminiscing, showing us photos of Nic, sharing memories of his hobbies and accomplishments. This only deepened our respect for Paul and Cas. How people handle such life-changing tragedies define “Avian voyeurs, what a concept,” I said. Well, a person, a couple, a family, and I freely admit to since the pigeons really couldn’t say anything my admiration for the Skeltons. They are about what they had seen – or could they? – we remarkable, and for them to open their home to got up, dressed, and went down for a breakfast of us as our port of entry and departure for our coffee, gluten free crumpets, and conversation. whirlwind tour of England is a testament to their Prosaic English mornings probably are like that: completeness as human beings. I will always be wearily descriptive. So I shall pass on providing indebted to them. Big-hearted people are rare, the details, aside from going outside and taking and I am honoured to call Paul and Cas friends. pictures of the pigeons on the roof of the Skelton’s home on this cloudy and drizzly English Eventually we crapped out – after midnight, morning, and get onto our day in Manchester. which surprised all of us – so off to bed it was. I did manage to peruse one shelf containing old First Paul, Cas, Valerie, and I trooped off to a copies of Small Friendly Dog and other ancient nearby bus stop. Actually, I should say Paul and British and American fanzines before falling Cas bolted ahead at a pace that surprised us much asleep. Saturday July 15th was going to be a younger Americans. Their daily constitutional precursor of how most of the TAFF trip would meant walking their dogs a lot, a half dozen miles play out. First up, was a short train trip into a day, and they did so briskly. Why should they Manchester to see the People’s History Museum, slow down for us? This established a pattern that then later that day Mike and Pat Meara would characterized our two stays with the Skeltons: arrive for dinner. Busy, busy. most of the pictures I took of Stockport, We were awakened by the sound of hundreds of Manchester, or where-ever else we went with them little feet tap dancing on the roof, accompanied by usually included the backside of one or both of a muted chorus of cooing. “Oh, bloody hell,” them off in the distance as I snapped off shots of Valerie said. “We are being observed.” She the architecture or something of interest. Those two can really haul! Oh, well. We did our best to

42 JOHN PURCELL keep up. Then after a short bus ride to the unfair rents and treatment by landlords and Stockport train station, we clambered aboard a factory management firms. The displays showing Brit Rail carriage for the fifteen minute ride into what typical living quarters were like for laborers the heart of Manchester, England. and their families, plus the rank, disgusting sewage The drizzle evolved into a light rain by then. and overall unsanitary, unsafe slums millions of Fortunately, we had been forewarned by Cas to people lived and worked in, were all reminders of bring umbrellas, so Valerie and I dutifully followed how far the lower classes have come and yet have the Skeltons, with Paul once again taking the lead, so far to go. Copies of newspapers and other texts as we headed towards the People’s History recounted battles between labourers and the Museum. We could not believe how quickly the police and company armies (yes, they existed) Skeltons walked, and they never slowed down were on exhibit as well, all of which completely even as the “short walk” turned into a two-mile fascinated us. hike in the rain, almost like being in an army boot Before we knew it, nearly three hours had passed camp. It was then I realized that two miles really is along with the icky weather, then the four of us a “short walk” to the Skeltons. But we soldiered walked one block along the River Irwell to the on anyway, trooping behind Paul and Cas under Dockyard Pub for a pint and lunch. I ordered a our umbrellas with Valerie’s cane tapping a steady meal called “American barbecue sandwich” just cadence on the sidewalks of Manchester. We because I was very curious as to what an English eventually did arrive at the People’s History cook’s vision of “American barbecue” could Museum, a bit wet after the 40 minute walk from possibly be. This turned out to be an eight-inch the train station and grateful to be inside. The long wheat bun with slices of roasted pork laid forecast called for the rain to dissipate in another down inside it, and a streak of sweet barbecue hour, so we figured if we spent a couple hours in sauce poured down the center of it. It wasn’t bad, the museum that would be perfect. but certainly did not have the flavour of, say, The People’s History Museum turned out to be a traditional Texas or Kansas City pulled-pork fascinating education into the political and labour barbecue. The sandwich was definitely filling, reforms that would eventually reshape the United thanks to a heaping pile of seasoned French fried Kingdom into a major world economic power. potatoes, or “chips” as they are called on that side Housed in a large brick building dating back to of the Pond. We were all grateful for the two-mile the late 1800s, the museum covered three floors walk back to the train station, and by the time we that chronicled the evolution of the British socio- politico-economic climate from 1780 to 1940. There were displays about key figures and events, especially on early feminists like Mary Wollstonecraft, author of one of the seminal works in feminism, A Vindication of the Rights of Women (1792) and the mother of Mary Godwin, who would write Frankenstein: or, The Modern Prometheus (1818) under the name of Mary Shelley. I was also fascinated by the pamphlets and banners promoting strikes and demands for better working conditions, wages, and railing against

43 JOHN PURCELL returned to the Skelton’s home on Mile End Lane The rest of Saturday night was spent talking in Stockport, it was 4:30 PM and Valerie and I about fanzines, conventions, old fannish friends, were more than ready for a nap. Cas busied especially reminiscing about legendary Canadian herself preparing supper since the Mearas were fans Mike Glicksohn and Susan Wood, whom we due to arrive shortly after six. all, save Valerie, had known. Again I was amazed Their arrival awakened us, and Valerie and I were at how much I knew about these folks simply by astonished at the size of the spread Cas had reading their fanzines over the preceding decades. assembled. It looked more like she was feeding an Mike Meara was no longer producing his splendid army battalion instead of six elderly adults. personalzine, a Meara for Observers, but despite my Aligned down the lengthy kitchen counter were incessant pleading and cajoling, he refused to sliced meats, a large pork pie, scotch eggs, assorted resume publication. At least not for the cheeses, fruits, crackers, breads, and God knows foreseeable future, which is too bad: aMfO was a what else: I can’t remember all that was out there. great fanzine, very deserving of its FAAn Award Mike and Pat had indeed brought along a nice for best personalzine a few years ago. Eventually selection of cheeses and four bottles of wine, we called it a night not only because it was past which all came from France, where they vacation midnight, but because there was no more wine. from time to time each year. Must be rough, I Four bottles of excellent vintage dedicated their thought. No matter. Introductions were made all lives for our enjoyment. There was, however, a ton around, and we settled in for a bit of conversation of food left. I knew we’d be seeing most of it for and drinks before digging into the amassed Sunday brunch. foodstuffs. Sunday dawned bright and dreary – again – but Dinner talk mostly revolved around TAFF – its everybody took it in stride. Apparently this is history, the races and their past winners and typical summer weather in this part of England: losers, even the storied feuds that failed to slay the days usually start out cloud-covered and spittling, fund. If anything, we concluded that TAFF was then sort of clear-out by midday. That would be on a resurgence, and we all agreed that this A perfect, Paul said, for when it was time to Pass the Very Good Thing. We talked about the various Purcell Parcel off to the Mowatts on the next part places that North American fans usually saw on of our journey, which began early on Sunday th their TAFF trips, such as Stonehenge, London afternoon, July 16 . The Skelton household was a Bridge, Oxford, Westminster Abbey, etc., while flurry of activity as the Mearas and Purcells avoiding other locations such as Manchester or packed their separate sets of travel bags, and Birmingham. I noted that no American fan to my Valerie even managed to stash away as much knowledge had ever visited Stockport on their unsmushable food into our backpacks as possible. trips, which prompted Paul to ask, "Why aren't we Whatever else remained of the gluten free food we all in Derby? Nobody ever goes to Derby on their had bought at Sainsbury’s went into a large tote trip.” Cas had the indisputable answer to that bag, which we put between us in the back seat. question: “Because Henry Tudor never won Before departure, everyone took photographs of TAFF!” That statement got all of us going for the Mearas, Purcells, and Skeltons standing about an hour on Cas’s special interest in Richard outside. Hugs were given all around, then Mike III and of the 2012 discovery of his bones under a and Pat got into their car after saying “See you in church parking lot in Leicester. London,” and their car turned left onto the street while the rest of us wedged into the Skelton’s car

44 JOHN PURCELL and went off to the right. Our goal was to go Stratford-upon-Avon, we had no desire to go there south on the M62 to Stamford where the four of because the Skeltons and Mearas described it as us would meet Jim and Carrie Mowatt.at too touristy and expensive. So the goal was to approximately 4:00 PM, Greenwich Mean Time. simply drive to Stamford and hook up with the Fortunately we were nowhere near the dreaded Mowatts. Ringway Airport parking lot, so Paul had no We arrived in Stamford before the Mowatts, so the trouble getting onto the M62, despite Siri’s oft four of us started wandering about, which simply confusing directions. Naturally, this played right exuded an aura of “Welcome to auld Englishe into Cas Skelton’s strength in confounding and towne.” Even the air breathed old. That may have insulting Siri, which Valerie and I found very been because of the humidity, but this is when entertaining. Driving down the M62 to Stamford Valerie started our running narrative for the trip, was even interesting for the plethora of speed “Welcome to Europe, where history began.” Out check signs along the route. Every time one of came our cellphones again, and we began to those appeared Cas would admonish Paul to overload their capacity with Too Many Pictures. watch his speed, to which Paul This would come back to haunt answered with a standard reply, us in the Netherlands, but that’s “I know where all the cameras getting ahead of the story. Let are!” What a pair. To be honest, me just say that Stamford is a Valerie and I would love to beautiful, extraordinarily return just to see this couple photogenic English town, and I again. found the 14th century church By this time I had concluded particularly fascinating not just that weather in England is for its age, but for the World variable yet predictable, I guess. War I memorial that dominated Guaranteed cloudy and drizzly its street-side, commemorating mornings would sometimes all the English divisions and become pleasantly warm, partly young men who lost their lives cloudy afternoons and evenings during the War to End all Wars. As the sky gradually cleared, I If only that had been true. enjoyed looking at the lovely Eventually we made phone rolling hills of green, patchwork contact with Jim and Carrie, hedges, and simply enjoying the and we wandered back to our landscape. An additional bonus were the various agreed upon rallying point. Baggage was exit signs for assorted cities and towns that efficiently transferred and we all trooped off to a provided another source of entertainment: pub for lunch. Finally it was time to depart for Uttoxeter, Burton-upon-Trent, Birmingham, Cambridge and begin the next leg of the Purcell Wolverhampton, Coventry, Swadlincote, Derby, Invasion of England and Europe, so Valerie and I Loughborough, Leicester, and my favorite, bade goodbye to our new best friends and future Uppingham. When we passed signs for Sherwood selves, Paul and Cas Skelton, then sat in the Forest and Nottingham, I wondered aloud if there backseat of the Mowatt’s car for the two hour were road signs warning vehicles to "Roll up drive to Cambridge, where more adventures windows. Watch for arrows," "Merry Men X-ing,” awaited. and the like. Even though we passed signs for

45 THUS SPAKE THE WALRUS JOHN WESLEY HARDIN & JACQUELINE MONAHAN “The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many word, filling page after sublime page with all that things, of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of rampant Charnock-ness. Here I refer to the cabbages and kings.” editor by his full name, by The Grah, by GrahC, (Lewis Carroll – The Walrus and the Carpenter) and by Mr. Charnock The many things that comprise Graham Cover: (in which Steve Stiles fashions a blue, Charnock’s monthly Vibrator – issue 48 is the last – crimson-eyed alien in a somber nightscape) to me, are as varied as those of which the walrus spake. the creature looks really pissed off at not being Pretentious of me to use spake, isn’t it? Vibrator able to smoke in the house. however, is anything but. In fact, one can’t get All Things Must Pass: An Editorial (in which more unpretentious than a Graham Charnock GC takes a last vibrating bow and decries his lack (GC) observation. Posers, ninnies, whiners, and of feminine wiles to Claire Brialey in a toilet) those who pedal bicycles with their insteps, be warned. He’s coming for you. What follows is the story of how GC got the idea for the last four Topics like parsnip years of Vibrator, conformation, the how he’s somewhat Monkees, death, relieved to see the Sacco & Vanzetti, publication end, black kale, death, and how he’ll miss Bob Dylan, not his contributors pissing, Leopold and loccers. The and Loeb, Zodiac toilet contained the serial killer, vast quantities of Greek hospitality, alcohol, a steamships, and metaphor for death. Lest you consumption and think it a somber evacuation. All publication, may I things must pass, remind you that indeed. GRAHAM CHARNOCK is From the Other the editor? Here, Side of the death has a laugh Toilet Door (in track and tap which Claire shoes. It doesn’t Responds to the always win the Editorial) chess game. A slightly different The perzine is account of GC pure, distilled GC, and Claire’s first cut with guest meeting has them contributors now dancing a verbal and again. GC minuet. Claire always has the last defended

46 JOHN WESLEY HARDIN & JACQUELINE MONAHAN

American lager, brave soul, and tried to think of Paxos sometime in the 70’s. The party of six clever things to say to the fannish deity that was/is wasn’t even expected, and their first GC. I can relate. accommodation came with a 100 pound bonus in My own brilliant blurt (on my 2012 TAFF trip) the person of a little old lady installed in the room was “You told people not to vote for you!” like an extra chair. Along with swarms of scrawny referencing his campaign song of 2010. Like Paul island cats and untended goats, there was an McCartney touching Elvis Presley’s hand the first outboard motor that died on a choppy sea. time they met (are you real?) I embraced him and Holiday organizer Chris Priest cut his trip short then stared at him for the duration of the and left abruptly. The rest of the group carried InTheBar meeting (actual bar). I thought I was on and vowed never to holiday with each other being discreet, but there are probably digital again. O-pa! (breaks dish, cuts self) photos of me somewhere with the saucer-eyes of a Battering Rams of Space (in which an marmoset. intergalactic chef discovers a long-lost recipe for Andrew Darlington Writes on the Media’s crispy bighorn sheep) Kidding. The Grah has Appropriation of SF (in which Andrew wrought a fable of epic distortion whereby our Darlington writes on the media’s appropriation of intrepid protagonist, the ever so patient and sf) specifically in advertising campaigns (Peugeot, fatalistic Kevin Flinchcock, agrees to a suicide Thinkbox software). Meanwhile, your humble mission (in a worn out tugboat of a spacecraft) correspondent gets swept away by Andrew’s that ultimately takes a full three years NOT to surname and loses several trains of thought. Not accomplish. As usual, GC aims sharp arrows of so GC’s response about modern CGI’s seamless wit at human foibles. Bees are involved. Spoiler reconstruction of old footage using dead stars, alert: Flinchcock lives. I’d really like The Grah to which made me think of supernovas when he try to kill him once more. actually meant Audrey Hepburn. Breakfast at Ten Stories That Should Not Be Told by Pleiades, anyone? Taral Wayne (in which Taral tells them anyway) Talkin’ ‘bout Ma, Ma, Gen-Generation (in They will suck you in, these tales of goat-riding which Graham James explains the 60’s, Baby mothers, drunken dads, sharing an elevator with Boomers, generational traits, and being mime- Robert Heinlein while wearing a lime-green mini stabbed by Michael Moorcock in a bar) skirt (TW), pizza prostitution, and mucous ingestion. You will consume them insatiably, like Rubber Crab editor GrahJ recounts his first prose-y pork rinds, these quirky, (mostly) meeting with Vibrator editor, GrahC., remarking humorous narratives. If I were in an elevator with that despite being ever so polite Mr. Charnock TW, I’d press him for a pangolin story. I just know one might still receive a mighty “fuck-off ”. I he has one. would counsel the good GrahJ to wear it as a badge of honor. You have attained the inner circle! Indeed, a “fuck-off ” Frisbee may very well Lettercol - Six of the Best be crossing the Atlantic on its way to greet me at • David Cockfield writes of lurid fanzine this very moment. covers, whips, the overcrowded Paris A Greek Odyssey (in which Mr. Charnock takes Metro, assault, a robbery attempt, fanac, a holiday) – Ah travel, romance, good friends – wistful thinking (if you really go…) Graham had none of that on his visit to the Isle of

47 JOHN WESLEY HARDIN & JACQUELINE MONAHAN

• Fred Smith wonders if Graham likes plug for the homeboy? Yes. You got a problem Americans at all. Gun loving, murdering, with that? With vast quantities of life experience Americans, with our hotcakes and horror (on two continents, yet) a Nic Farey contribution stories. Fred gives us all a break, to a Graham Charnock publication makes for continuing his loc with tales of Christmas “sublime fish wrap” indeed. in Scotland, the Prague Metro, BART and Bacover: (in which a farewell poem and a Rob DART, and subways systems in general. Hansen illo ends the ish) Fred Smith gets around. The poet’s name is E. J. Thribb which is a form of • Joseph Nicholas on parsnip conformation, birth spelled backwards. Is the great Graham animal feed, by-products, supermarket Charnock trying to tell us something? He asks chain impositions of food standardization, that locs continue that talk of many things like… and people in general being unaware of food sources. Joseph Nicholas would not “…why the sea is boiling hot be someone you’d want to approach with And whether pigs have wings.” an order of Chicken McNuggets in hand. Farewell and adieu to you fair fannish mateys. • Robert Lichtman offers a mixed bag of --Jacq commentary that includes the Zodiac killer, Fats Domino’s death, birthday and Christmas present obligations, glioblastomas, cleaning lady rates of pay, and egoboo for Nic Farey. • Lloyd Penney speaks of “Dolt 45” (absolutely no one speaks his name) recounts his London Tube adventure with John Purcell, writes of missing Randy Byers, of part-time work, of Comfort Inns. • Paul Skelton has had a tooth pulled, an illness, egoboo for Taral Wayne, visited a Frank Lloyd Wright building, adds a dollop of global warming, victim blaming, and Nic Farey egoboo (again) Note: pass rhymes with ass, very American, that. Tales of a Las Vegas Taxi Driver (in which our favorite, erudite hack patiently waits at the end of the cab line, meter (and mouth) running) I have kidded him in the past about being a hack writer, but it’s rare to encounter someone so adept at getting his brain to show on paper like that. Without a gun. Shameless

48 JOHN WESLEY HARDIN & JACQUELINE MONAHAN

Always leave ‘em wanting more. attempt to describe it, but will summarize with this The good news for Andy Hooper is, we finally excerpt: found a great fanzine to review. The bad news is, “My prediction is that you will die horribly, possibly by it’s going out of business. using your spaceship as a battering ram.” After 48 monthly (more or less) issues, Graham “I can live with that,” said Kevin, displaying a masterful Charnock’s Vibrator has run out of batteries. lack of understanding of what living entailed. However, I come not to bury Charnock but to It’s a quick read, and, as in Bruce Sterling’s best praise him. short stories, a lot of questions are left I’ve met Graham twice or maybe just once at unanswered. I demand a sequel which addresses Corflu Silver in 2008, at which event I also met the rumors that the farting dino-dog is actually a Nic Farey for the first time. It took me no time at shapeshifter. all to distinguish between the two boozy Brits, as Then there’s Taral Wayne with Ten Stories That Nic was the loud extrovert with a dodgy accent Should Not Be Told, in which Mr. Wayne once while Graham was polite, quiet and properly again demonstrates his ability to write on a wide British. range of topics, though this time the stories are all Charnock takes pains to dispel that image on personal tales from his early fandom and Facebook, where he often plays the role of crusty, childhood. Seeing a black person for the first time, contrarian instigator. If you read Vibrator, however, cross-dressing with Robert Heinlein and other, you know that underneath that crust is a heart of even more harrowing experiences from Taral’s gooey nougat; granted, it’s nougat with a high childhood and early fannish career are related. alcohol content but fine stuff nonetheless. Whether or not these stories should be told I’ll Vibrator is going out on a high note, as the last leave to better judgment, but remember that “*” I couple of issues have been very good and #48 is dropped a few paragraphs back, right after “too forty pages of first-rate fanwanking. Early on, confessional?” At least one of these tales strays Claire Brialey makes an appearance to defend across the border into Too Much Information, but canned American lager and, somewhat less Taral’s writing keeps it light and relatable. Mostly. tangentially, her reputation against the slander Finally, just when you think the curtain has that she had some influence on the run of Vibrator. dropped, Nic Farey pops up to show off his I must admit I found neither argument college education by producing his usual convincing. supremely well-composed writing about blue The highlight of the issue for me is Graham’s collar work. Don’t let that guy fool you, he’s a lot fannish travelogue of a trek to the Greek isles, smarter than he looks, believe me. I mean, you’ve which starts off hapless but in the end turns out to seen pictures, right? A LOT. be quite full of hap. It’s the best kind of personal There’s yet more, by Graham James, Andrew writing, warm and funny and real, without being Darlington and the stalwarts of the lettercol, but too confessional.* this is no longer a review, but an exhortation to go It is followed immediately by Battering Rams of and download it yourself, and enjoy, and hope for Space, the funniest bit of fiction I’ve encountered something as good to come along soon. in a fanzine since probably forever. I won’t --John

49 FRED SMITH’S VIBRATING BLUES

NOT THE KINKS

They seek him here, they seek him there His words are harsh, but often fair He's finished with Vibrator so they'll need a different fix They're dedicated followers of Graham

And when he did his vodka rounds 'Round the offies of London Town They eagerly awaited his next drunken diatribe 'Cause they're dedicated followers of Graham

Oh yes he's pissed! (oh yes he is!), oh yes he's pissed! (oh yes he is!) He won every award that you could think of Now his adoring loccers have their panties in a wad 'Cause they're dedicated followers of Graham

Oh yes he's pissed! (oh yes he is!), oh yes he's pissed! (oh yes he is!) There's one thing that they trowel on is flattery Except for Joseph Nicholas when talking climate change Yet he's a dedicated follower of Graham

They'll seek him here, they'll seek him there But honestly he doesn't care He's got his vodka top so they can all just fuck right off Those dedicated followers of Graham

Oh yes he's pissed! (oh yes he is!), oh yes he's pissed! (oh yes he is!) Their world was built round every monthly issue Those egoscanning people loved to see their names in print Those dedicated followers of Graham

Oh yes he's pissed! (oh yes he is!), oh yes he's pissed! (oh yes he is!) He's pulled the rug from under those mad oldpharts Now they'll have to loc to something else or just give up the ghost Those dedicated followers of Graham

Original song:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxYGOSSj9A0

Lyrical manipulation by Nic Farey

50 BEYOND THE BINGE NIC FAREY

Those who may have read my regular columns in recall that one of the questionmasters may have Vibrator will be at least marginally aware of my been Dave Holmes, who at my answer looked up punishing work schedule, 60 hours a week (5x12), with a start of astonishment and possibly which leaves only the weekend for theoretical admiration. downtime, fanac, footy and naps (someone may Doctor Who, which I’m old enough to have suggest a more alliterative word for “nap”) . I watched since its inception and Gerry Anderson’s hesitate to describe the administration of the output were also staples, to be followed later by FAAn awards (and the concurrent compilation of the variable skiffiness of Survivors, Blake’s 7, The The Incompleat Register) as a “chore” since I consider Tomorrow People and others. all that a most worthwhile endeavor, but it’s been a fuck of a time sink, in part responsible for a bit That ramble of a preamble is supposed to of delay in getting thish out. I suspect the leisurely establish a bit of cred when it comes to (ahem) days of insouciantly assembling the next commenting on genre TV, which these days seems BEAM are a memory, until I might conceivably to be mostly superhero comics related, with the reduce my hours in a couple of years when occasional intervention from the likes of Black theoretically eligible for Social Security, assuming Mirror and Electric Dreams, and also to establish that that the robber barons i/c haven’t nicked it all by I don’t have a lot of time to lounge in front of the then. box. Our habit chez Farey is to watch an episode of something over dinner (on worknights) and barely As I’ve previously, and perhaps tediously keep up with the shows Jen & I (mostly) both like. documented, I started out in “media That includes the non-genre ‘Designated fandom” (Star Trek) although my genre TV Survivor’ which deftly combines my liking for watching can be traced all the way back to Space political and spy drama, although we’re presently Patrol (1962 series), so much so that in a later ever-so-slightly leary that the writers are setting up convention quiz game I rapidly and accurately the recently widowed President Kirkman (Kiefer nailed the answer to the name of the SP spacecraft Sutherland) for some impending knob with as “Galasphere 347”, when apparently a simple teckwiz entrepreneur character Andrea Frost “Galasphere” would have done. For some reason I (Kim Raver). and we’re fervently hoping that this isn’t going to be a very early shark-jumping moment. There’s a lot going on in this show, perhaps too much, since what would normally be a very central plot point (the possible indictment of a former President on treason charges) is almost back-burnered, although it is closely tied in with other story arcs. You can argue values of “too much”, since given the series’ subject, it does well in not succumbing to single-event plotting, while showing that the protagonists are having to focus their immediate attention on the latest crisis while shit is flying in from all directions. Comparisons with the current incumbent of 1600 Pennsylvania

51 NIC FAREY are inevitable, yet while the show addresses topical concerns it doesn’t do so in ham- handed ways, in fact that would be futile to attempt. Viewers can draw their own conclusions. As far as genre shows, we’ve enjoyed ‘Black Mirror’, despite its gloomy tendencies, and stuck with ‘Electric Dreams’ which got much better after early episodes in which the best thing was undoubtedly the PKD robot image in the opening credits. ‘Black Mirror’-lite? Maybe, but there were superb individual performances, including one from the often underrated Timothy Spall which has been Siddig’s portrayal of Ra’s Al Ghul, which highly admired elsewhere. Holmesy didn’t get to see. No doubt the PC tosh Our main watching consists of the “Arrowverse” brigade will be overjoyed that an actor of Middle shows (with a glaring exception), ‘Agents of Eastern heritage is playing a character of Middle S.H.I.E.L.D’ and ‘Gotham’. ‘S.H.I.E.L.D’, Eastern heritage (if they’re even aware of the long perhaps surprisingly (but happily) does not history of Ra’s), but for me it’s the absolute relish necessarily seem to require an intimacy with the with which Siddig informs his interpretation that big-screen offerings of the MCU, although there stands out. He firmly places the character in an may be nuances of which I am not aware, “historically correct” (in terms of continuity) nevertheless not substantially affecting my position, as he is presently unchallenged by the enjoyment of the show. Each series has had a very Batman who is yet to fully exist. Oh, and let’s also different arc, playing the tropes of the mention the plethora of great female characters supernatural (with an excellent Ghost Rider), (more later). alternate universe (‘Agents of Hydra’) and most At last I’m going to get to the “Arrowverse” and recently time travel and the implications of the shows I really wanted to discuss, since I’ve knowing a possible future. Notable also for seen them denigrated by smug arseholes with no prominent and capable female and ethnic apparent appreciation or knowledge of the characters, a topic to which I shall return. publication history of the characters. The shows ‘Gotham’ might be considered a special case, in that form this bit of DCU (really DTVU) are that while enjoying this version of the Batman ‘Arrow’ itself, ‘The Flash’, ‘Supergirl’, ‘Legends of canon immensely, I always have a twinge that I Tomorrow’ and possibly ‘Black Lightning’. The can’t talk about it with consummate expert Dave latter gets included since (a) it’s another CW show Holmes any more. Sad face. One of our last and (b) because I want to talk about it, even conversations (online chat) was about the show, though there’s so far no apparent link between it agreeing that Sean Pertwee was the absolute best and other offerings from the DC canon. ever representation of Alfred Pennyworth, with Aficionados can skip this bit, but it’s worth a the writers having added more depth and mention that the “Arrowverse” includes multiple/ background to his character than had ever been parallel Earths, with ‘Supergirl’ existing apart (on seen. The same can be said, I think, for Alexander

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Earth-38, I think?) and last year’s fascinating eventually soured me on this show (which is the crossover event ‘Crisis on Earth-X’ detailing a “glaring exception” mentioned earlier) is that cross-dimensional invasion from the Earth where almost all the characters became unlikeable to the Axis powers prevailed, with Nazi versions of various degrees. The “grim ‘n’ gritty” tone I could the main characters. deal with to an extent, given the extensive working Green Arrow has long been one of my favorite of backstory, and that, interestingly, the Arrow characters from the DC canon, since he’s a self- was unequivocally shown as a killer (unlike the made hero (like the Batman) who must rely on his Batman), though perhaps forced into it by individual skill rather than the vagaries of having circumstances, yet causing continual angst (qv the a superpower. The implication of this has always portrayal of a flawed Jim Gordon in ‘Gotham’). been that anybody could be the Arrow given the ‘The Flash’ is most closely associated with ‘Arrow’ circumstances, which to me made him more since the characters are shown as having long- identifiable, not to mention that the comics standing friendships and associations. Grant character shared a lot of my own philosophy (and Gustin’s interpretation of Barry Allen is consistent Frank Miller’s ‘Dark Knight’ version took this to with the comics character, yet besieged by more the next level). Given my affection for the doubt and issues, and this is a series, like character, I started watching ‘Arrow’ with alacrity, ‘Supergirl’, which began in somewhat of a jokey enjoying the substantial flashback segments fashion but moved into darker areas. Returning to explaining his acquisition of skills, although I now the theme of prominent female characters, ‘Flash’ consider them a bit forced and clunky. What tends to fall down, as its distaff leads (Iris West Allen and Killer Frost) are often conflicted to the point of incapability and, to be honest, poorly written for the most part. ‘Arrow’ at least, has shown that Felicity Smoak can be quite as much an arsehole as Oliver Queen, although both shows have all the characters seemingly randomly alternate between crap and capable. And finally, let’s get to my two favorite shows of both the moment and the last year or so, which would be ‘Legends of Tomorrow’ and ‘Black Lightning’, both of which I’ve seen slagged off for reasons I consider execrable. ‘Black Lightning’ of itself is a fascinating concept to bring to the screen in the DCU, given the history of the character as DC’s first lead black superhero character. It might be easy to dismiss as a pandering type of “black show”, such as Fox used to do when they were also punting their other Green Arrow lectures Green Lantern by proxy: divisions (allegedly “news”) which essentially Classic issue art by Neal Adams had a policy of denigrating anything or anybody who did not look and sound like

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Sean Hannity. So, is it a sop? The answer is depicted as a bit of an unsympathetic cow to note resoundingly “No!”. Even though the show has a her acceptance (with reservations) and obvious primarily black cast and a black “feel” (including love for her ex-husband, and her acceptance of the mostly forgettable soundtrack) it’s inclusive in the obvious need for the re-emergence of Black ways that non-knee-jerk viewers ought to Lightning. Excellent work by Christine Adams in appreciate. In several (though ultimately taking the character through this arc. unimportant) ways, this is ‘The Cosby Show’ with And so to the nay-sayers: when the series began, superpowers, with its emphasis on family, and one of the “nicest” things saw posted frankly is so well-written that the typical was along the line of “At least they didn’t give him obviousness of the “white people are bad” subtext that stupid afro”. For those unfamiliar with the becomes irrelevant in the sense that the skin color history of the character, the original comics of the antagonists becomes mercifully ignorable. version used to don a fake afro (and mask) to That’s not to say there isn’t some startlingly great conceal his identity as the buttoned-down casting, such as Gregg Henry (who I remember as principal Jefferson Pierce, and adopted a the prat from Payback) as the leader of the streetwise persona (black stereotype). Such clandestine “ASA” organization, and the albino commentators are utterly missing the point by Marvin Jones III (aka ‘Krondon’) who clearly gives snarkily remarking on a trivial aspect of the serious and very effective effort to his role as the character rather than assessing the show on its gangster Tobias Whale. Black Lightning (school considerable merits. headmaster Jefferson Pierce) not only has to deal with a necessary re-emergence after years of inactivity, but also that, with a nod to the inevitable DC retcon that he is actually a mutant, both his daughters have superpowers of their own presumably due to the passing of the metagene he possesses. Universal themes of deceit, betrayal and barely wavering friendship give this show a sense of community and consistent philosophy that I can identify with a great deal. In common with “black shows” in general, it perhaps represents a microcosm, a very localized, maybe even ghettoized version of the genre, but yet shows universal values of loyalty, trust and family that transcend any racial stereotypes. With electricity! Returning (oh please, do not yawn) to the female character topic, I was disconcerted initially that Pierce’s ex-wife was initially portrayed as an I’ve always had a fondness for ensemble shows of unsympathetic character even as they were any kind (yes, even ‘The A-Team’, which I saw as tentatively trying to rekindle their relationship, but a natural if dumbed-down successor to as an obviously skilled and intelligent woman (qv ‘Mission:Impossible’) and my favorite current Clair Huxtable) she does come around to be genre show is ‘Legends of Tomorrow’. supportive and part of the “team”. It’s worth powering through earlier episodes in which she’s

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LoT has, in my impression, been subject to a with the putative restoration of Hunter’s family great deal of contumely mostly suggesting that and the establishment of the “team” as a it’s all an unholy fucking mess. The first season functional unit, there was little to no crossover established the “team” with a story arc following with other DC properties, with the very notable Rip Hunter (a serious Arthur Darvill whom exception of old west antihero Jonah Hex many observers appeared to have trouble (admirably portrayed by Johnathon Schaech) separating from his Doctor Who role of Rory who in a well-scripted almost throwaway line Williams, thus depriving themselves of remarks to Hunter that “my coat still looks good appreciating his understated competence in his on you”, implying a wealth of a relationship in a portrayal of one of DC’s most significantly mere seven words. underused characters, Mark Waid’s Kingdom The team is affected and modified by death and writing of him notwithstanding) and his quest for desertion. Hawkman and Hawkgirl, perpetually retribution against the immortal villain Vandal reincarnated demi-gods (in this version) and Savage (Casper Crump, in a mostly scenery- familiar with Savage in previous lives (his lust for chewing turn). The story arc itself was to me less Kendra Hall being pivotal) are dispensed with, important than the character interaction of the and Leonard Snart (Captain Cold) sacrifices “heroes” (two of whom, Heat Wave and Captain himself for the rest, an action which by this point Cold, are actually villains from the Flash’s is not entirely out of character. rogues’ gallery). It’s a tired trope that a monomaniacal protagonist (Rip Hunter, in this Hunter leaves the crew at the end of the season, case) assembles a disparate and antagonistic enjoining them to continue to correct timeline group to further his possibly doomed obsession, anomalies, appointing Sarah Lance/White but fortunately for the viewer, several of the Canary (Caity Lotz) as captain, in a move I characters had been previously established in consider to be the key to the continued success of Arrowverse shows and thus (assuming some the series. Lance, having died in ‘Arrow’ and audience familiarity) a lot of character been revived by Ra’s Al Ghul’s Lazarus pits (just establishment was unneeded, allowing the action look it up) is a character who had issues enough to proceed. to start with, apart from having to deal with the mental problems often caused by the use of the Distractions for some proved to be in part pits (qv Barbara Kean in ‘Gotham’), yet becomes unwarranted groans along the lines of “Oh, someone who in my book is just about the best Rory, who was in Doctor Who, steals a timeship, ship captain of just about any genre show, ever. like - er - Doctor Who”, and this mostly from The loss of the also conflicted but equally strong people who had no idea that the first Doctor Hawkgirl has been covered by the addition of the nicked that clapped-out TARDIS until they golden-age Vixen (portrayed solidly by Maisie looked it up. The first season did have its Richardson-Sellers). Which brings us back to the weaknesses. Darvill was required to play Hunter gender balance. as remote, secretive and manipulative (less a flaw currently than a trait) and initially untrustful of I noted, idly, some general criticism of the show his team who he sees as a mere means to the end on the usual social media platform, and declined of saving his family, breaking as many temporal to weigh in, since these conversations tend to be and other guidelines as he deems necessary. It’s a as productive as when Ulrika tries to goad people testament to Darvill’s skill at his craft that he still into challenging their fixed perceptions, which is manages to convey a vulnerability to the to say, not very much at all. What occurred to me character in that first season. Concerned as it was later, after ingestion of drink, no doubt, was that

55 NIC FAREY the denigration was mostly if not entirely coming Canary’s oft-demonstrated bisexuality and the from blokes, which is when I had the lightbulb Earth-X gay version of Len Snart. As to that, I’ll moment. Despite a majority male cast of give a resounding “so what?” It’s almost a given characters (well, it’s comic books innit?) almost now that every show has to have every without exception those characters in LoT give relationship be at the very least interracial, or every appearance of having to be told how to put gay, or both. Well, again, so what? If it looks like their nut-chokers on the right way round. That PC-pandering, I’ll call it that, but if it’s just an is, they’re all cluelessly useless at everything expression of the character, a realistic depiction excepting narrow areas of expertise eg Nathaniel of people in relationships and their issues while Heywood (“Steel”, portrayed by Nick Zano) is a facing daft comics scenarios, then yet again, so knowledgeable historian, massively useful for what? time travelers, but a shining example of arrested Bring on John Constantine, scheduled to be a emotional development and driven in part by regular in LoT, who on his last appearance flirted what’s obviously a doomed yet deep love for with everybody, and much-delayed thanks to Black Vixen, a woman from (way) out of his time. Mirror for ‘San Junipeiro’. Brandon Routh as Ray Palmer (Atom) is a permanent fourteen-year-old geek regardless of Get over it, lads. his actual age, and despite the character’s charming goshwow sensawunda fanboy persona has to be told what to do most of the time and pointed in the direction of reality. Paradoxically, the most “complete” male character in the whole shebang is Mick Rory (The former villain Heat Wave), played with utter aplomb by Dominic Purcell, who lacks the sheen of pretentiousness exhibited by the other blokes and serves as a fine antidote to their wankiness. He likes his beer, too. So, lads, is it a problem for you that the in-charge characters in this show are the women? Even the increasingly rather tiresome villain Damien Dahrk is pretty much being jerked around by his daughter (possessed by a demon) to the extent that he’ll put his world and timeline domination plans on hold to “save” her from this presumed fate. Yeah, we can, I suppose, sympathize with a parent’s desire to have a relationship with their kid unencumbered by demonic possession, but then again Dahrk’s failure (so far) to establish this might be seen as a rejection of “Daddy knows best”. By way of a postscript of sorts, anyone with a passing familiarity with LoT will note that I’ve made no reference at all to the sexuality of some of the main characters, most notably White

56 TALKING SMART PICTURES ULRIKA O’BRIEN Back in 2013 you may have seen Sam Keeper’s nuisance of attending to the spoken word essay, “The Visual Intelligence of Pacific Rim.” It anyway.) made the rounds of social media. In it, Keeper But visual intelligence must mean something suggests that, despite what your lying eyes may more than just using your visuals to propel a tell you, Guillermo del Toro’s neon-painted Sci- narrative. What you see on the screen or the Fi spectacle, Pacific Rim, isn’t just a fun-but-vapid page must do something more than just hold our shoot-em-up giant Japanese rubber monster attention and move the story along to qualify as movie, because it isn’t actually vapid. It’s “visually visually intelligent. After all, all films and comics intelligent.” Whatever that is. Since del Toro use what you see to move the story forward. now has another one of these boffo rubber suit Telling story pictorially is what separates them epics in the theaters, I thought it would be a good from radio and novels. So what more is there? time to re-visit the original. While Keeper gives no outright definition, he Sam Keeper’s thesis was spawned by having his does offer examples of the visual intelligence he consciousness raised. His girlfriend has a claims to see in the movie. Maybe we can piece language-related learning disability; she’s also a together what he means by “visually intelligent” visual learner. Keeper, while experiencing from his examples. movies, anime, and comics through her eyes, had the startling epiphany that words are not the only First up, consider the way he thinks Pacific Rim way to understand a story. Linguistic-focused uses color as visual metaphor – deploying color to criticism blinds us to what non-linguistic things attract the audience’s eye to a particular thing visual media do well, he says. His girlfriend and, by use of the same color elsewhere, connect understands movies and comics primarily it to something else: another thing in the film, or through images and nonverbal cues, and so, some emotion or idea. Keeper offers a specific Keeper suggests, should we, if we’re going to be color metaphor as his centerpiece of visual fair critics. If we do that, then a movie, comic, intelligence in Pacific Rim. or anime can make up for any amount of lame He links Mako Mori with the color blue. Blue writing by uplifting us with its visual intelligence. and gray are supposed to be her colors – her Or at least, Pacific Rim can, apparently. visual leitmotif – del Toro in interview even Now, at this juncture, it would be quite helpful to endorses this interpretation. Keeper draws a know what we’re talking about. What is this connection between Mako’s blue hair streaks as visual intelligence stuff, and how can we tell if an adult, and a blue coat she wore as a child in a we’re witnessing it? Unfortunately, Keeper never moment of formative trauma. When we first see precisely tells us. Now, visual storytelling, I think Mako at the Shatterdome Jaeger base, we might I have a grasp on. The importance of color, shot notice she has a pair of sliver-thin blue highlights composition, framing, action, and type and dyed into her inverted bob. (Or we might not. placement of cuts, to propel a movie forward is, The quantity of blue in her hair is surprisingly surely, right at the top of the syllabus for every scant, considering how much freight del Toro and Pretentious Cinema Weenie 101 class ever Keeper expect it carry.) Later, we find out that as taught, along with such inevitable orthodoxies as a terrified child, Mako Mori lost her parents to a Voiceover is Evile, Because Not Visual. rampaging kaiju which stalked and nearly killed (Presumably talkies are also therefore superfluous, her as well, all while she was wearing a blue coat. since filmgoers shouldn’t be troubled with the Aaaaand there’s your metaphor: her hair is a signifier for that coat, which in turn stands for her

57 ULRIKA O’BRIEN memory of that shattering day more saturated present-day color. (sorry, couldn’t resist.). The But those are not remotely the trouble is, if you’re really paying only uses of blue in the movie. attention to the use of color in Blue is goddamn’ everywhere. general, and blue in particular, The exact same bright, electric through the rest of the movie, blue in Mako’s hair shows up then Keeper’s claim and del over and over: dancing over the Toro’s authorial intention fall face of The Rift, lighting the apart. skies during monster fights, The importance of blue to signify winking in displays onboard Mako and her traumatic memory Jaegers and in the Shatterdome is not at all obvious. In the key control room, throbbing flashback, red is at least as ominously in the throats of open- emotionally charged a color and mouthed kaiju, and flickering as closely linked to her as blue is. More so. Red across the Jaeger pilots’ glossy drift armor. It’s is the color that transports us into the past. The much the same Cherenkov-radiation blue that in drifting Mako, and then, as we move with her a Jerry Bruckheimer film would signal that This into memory, the child Mako, clutches one ruby Here is Some Evil-Genius-Grade Dangerous red shoe to her chest. The shoe is obviously High Technology Weapons Shit That Will Fuck important. It’s bright, practically glowing, as if You Up, Yo. It’s even the same blue glowing in by some lambent inner light. In the grayed-out the wobbly heart of the cafeteria Jell-O that memory world, this one shoe is hyperreal, Mako shares with Raleigh during their Big Talk. totemic. Mako clings to it like a lifeline or So if the thin slivers of bright blue in her bob are protective talisman to ward off monsters. Which meant to tell us something about Mako’s is presumably why she doesn’t put it back on her personality, what she pays attention to, foot, where it might offer more practical remembers, or cares about, we could just as protection while she’s fleeing the kaiju across a plausibly conclude that she really likes Jell-O. Or broken ground strewn with rubble and shattered Jerry Bruckheimer movies. glass. (The shoe is her heart, del Toro says, The other metaphor-burdened color Keeper which okay, you don’t wear your heart on your offers is gold, which signals the audience how foot. But, er, um.) Mako feels about Stacker Pentecost, commander Meanwhile, the connection between Mako’s hair of the remnant Jaeger force and not and the coat she remembers seems pretty coincidentally, her foster father. When the child tenuous. The blue in Mako’s bob is electric blue: Mako first meets Pentecost, he is towering and a high-key, super-saturated color. Her coat in vast, “literally colored…heroic gold” as he flashbacks is cerulean; a far dustier and warmer emerges from his Jaeger cockpit, “like some blue. These things are simply not the same blue. mythic hero…a larger than life idol” and this Now, if they were the only two blues we see in impression persists, coloring all Mako’s the film, particularly if the laser blue in Mako’s interactions with Pentecost, forging her hair were nowhere else, we could argue that the worshipful respect, so that when Mako stands up blue of her childhood coat and the blue tips in to him it’s doubly heroic because she’s her hair as an adult are linked by that distinction. committing a sort of personal heresy. This We might even suppose the coat’s blue is a metaphor seems a little less strained, visually at memory-faded, time-distorted version of the least. Pentecost really does get a glowing, golden

58 ULRIKA O’BRIEN halo when talking to Mako, at least part of the the action. She’s filler. It’s cool, I guess, if you’re time, and you don’t see a lot of warm gold tones an ardent Cherno Alpha fangirl watching the anywhere else in the film. But I could swear that movie for the umptieth time and geeking out on the point of a golden idol is that it’s false from the what goes on in the corners of the screen, to outset, and needs to be rejected and torn down have that geeking out rewarded. But if you rather than revered, and I don’t think this is the aren’t said fangirl watching like a hawk for characterization of Stacker Pentecost that either whatever the Cherno Alpha pilots do, you might Del Toro or Keeper want us to take away. not even figure out who the Kaidanovskies are Moreover, Keeper claims the fact of Mako’s and what they pilot, let alone notice how rich flashback to their first meeting and its visual and complex they supposedly are as characters, language demonstrate her deep and complex because visually they spend their time as two character, contra her critics who only note that more animated minifigs among the dozens of she doesn’t say much. Wait. She’s complex other pilots glimpsed fleetingly over Raleigh’s because she’s clung to a childhood impression of shoulder. They are not the point, they are her stepfather without revising it in literally window dressing among lots of other window twenty years? How does that demonstrate dressing. character complexity, exactly? And that, I suspect, is the point Keeper is (This isn’t to say that you can’t reveal character actually straining to make: not that Pacific Rim is depth and complexity visually at least as well as visually intelligent, but that it is visually rich. There through dialog; you totally can. I just don’t see is enough intricate and considered detail and the use of gold in Pacific Rim as an example of action in the corners of the screen that you can that.) learn more about the story and its world by Moving on beyond the color theory of visual watching again. And I’ll give him that. Del Toro intelligence, Keeper also rhapsodizes about the uses the whole screen, edge to edge, and character development of the Kaidanovskies, the orchestrates enough bits of business in the married couple who pilot Jaeger Cherno Alpha, background so that second and third viewings and particularly of Sasha Kaidanovsky, the can be rewarded. There is a fuckwad of stuff female team leader of the pair. Sasha is tough, going on in the visuals. But even if it is and commanding, and confidently sexual, and considered, a lot of that fuckwad isn’t just an amazingly well-rounded female particularly intelligent. It’s kind of the opposite, powerhouse of a character, we are asked to really. believe. And all told through gesture, posture, Let me just tell you what I think visual and the timbre of her voice when she screams, intelligence ought to mean, so I can discuss ways apparently. Maybe that’s all there. But it’s all in which Pacific Rim misses the boat completely. going on in the visual equivalent of faded two For a film to be visually intelligent, to me, it point Bodoni type in a sidebar. The “story” of needs to be leveraging its visuals in smart ways: the Kaidanovskies is told so deep in the damn’ to tell story more effectively and efficiently, to background of the scenes they appear in, or in wring more comedy out of comic scenes, to such brief flashes in the visual confusion of battle reveal pivotal information either so subtly that scenes, that the viewer could easily be forgiven the audience just absorbs and accepts it, or with for not noticing it at all, even on a second or such power that they feel it rather than just see it. third viewing. Not only does Sasha not have any One way a film can be smart is with significant lines, she isn’t ever the focal point of worldbuilding: how it concatenates visual cues to

59 ULRIKA O’BRIEN reveal the world the story takes place in. What the whole frigging point of the movie, so we give we see in the frame -- background action, Del Toro that one for free. But having got its casting choices, make-up, costume, effects, and freebie, does the film then show us a lot of overall design -- can tell the audience a lot about smart, interesting, thoughtful details about its the culture, technology, and ethos of the world world? Not that I noticed. the movie takes place in. Star Wars was an early It shows us a world where efficiency and speed landmark of mindful visual world-building. in transporting critical war machines into Filmgoers were struck by the sheer grunginess of emergent crises is entirely subordinate to the Star Wars universe. The star ships, space whatever looks most boffo. When we first see stations, and planetary outposts were not just the Jaegers, one of them erupts out of the ocean papier-mache boulders and Mylar-covered to stand, knee deep in the swirling sea, to battle cardboard robots. They had weight and an attacking kaiju. Okay, so how did it get presence. They were battered, dented, scarred, there? With the sea waters barely hitting the and dirty. They had years and miles on them. robot’s anthropomorphic shins, if it had some st They were lived in and used. To a 21 century sort of jet propulsion to zip along just under the eye, the built environments of Episode IV may surface, there would have been a motherfucker actually look scrubbed and shiny, but this is of a wake, a spurting plume of displaced water. because Star Wars revolutionized our There is not. Apparently, the robot laboriously expectations, and inspired a generation of art crept along the bottom on its belly like a reptile, directors to give us ever more scuffed, scarred, so it could leap up and cry, “Ha, ha! Caught and trashy sci-fi environments in the intervening you, Mildred!” to surprise the kaiju as well as the years. Go back and re-watch the pristine, audience. Our main weapon is surprise, and a chrome-plated Logan’s Run, if you don’t believe fanatical devotion to the Pope. me. What, then, does the visual vocabulary of Pacific Rim show us about the world it takes place in? It shows that real world physics need not apply. The cube square law is right out the window. Gravity is merely a suggestion. But you need dubious physics to get giant monsters battling towering robots in the first place, which are

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And surprise is swell, I guess, as long as the other as well as to the Jaeger to make that big giant, boat-crushing monster is willing to hang robot go. Or at least to make it go without quite around on a coffee break, not killing anyone, so many pilots dropping dead of brain until our robot has had time to set up its big hemorrhage all over your nice rusty Jaeger base. entrance. Fortunately, kaiju are magnanimous So far not that confused. But wait. While that way. They’ve certainly been politely biding initially it seems that the reason Jaeger pilots their time while the peoples of Earth shut down have to be mind-melded to each other, rather the only tested defense against them in favor of than just talk over coms, is that Jaegers require untried sea walls. It’s as though they had read both operators to move totally in synch; their the script or something. respective arms and legs moving in unison with Later in the film we learn that even each other to drive the corresponding limbs of Shatterdome, though woefully under-supplied by the robot. So, both pilots’ right arms gotta do the time we get to internal present day, exactly the same thing, in synch with each other, nonetheless has enough fuel and viable air cover to get the robot to do that thing same thing, that it can just helicopter its Jaegers to the next right? Two corresponding human limbs are kaiju incursion point and air drop them into required to move a single Jaeger limb, right? battle. Yet that first Jaeger didn’t get air- Nope. dropped. Why? Possibly the director was saving Because sometimes you also see individual pilots up aerial scenes so he could pointlessly use All independently using their offside hands to The Freaking Helicopters On Earth to rescue operate manual controls inside the cockpit two people from a single rendezvous after the without either affecting how the Jaeger moves climax of the film Or he knew he needed to that limb or dragging their copilots along for the save up his chopper visuals for when Pentecost gesture. So drifting does not require pilots to would waste precious combat time harnessing, use all corresponding limbs in lockstep, either lifting, and moving the Jaegers from one end of with each other or the Jaeger, after all. And we Hong Kong harbor to the other when they could learn that in an emergency a single pilot can have walked faster. Engaging the enemy as operate a Jaeger, so one pilot limb per robot limb quickly and effectively as possible is not the seem like it can be enough. Especially once we point. Looking maximally amazeballs for the learn that the Chinese Jaeger has a third arm. camera is. This is the very opposite of So it has three pilots. None of those pilots have intelligent, visually or otherwise. a third arm, though, let alone all three of them. Or, consider the incoherent mess that is So, um, what? Yeah, apparently it’s one arm per “drifting.” At first it seems the giant robots move pilot, and who the hell knows how many legs, only in exact unison with their operators. That’s because reasons, and you have to have two okay. I get Waldos. But for reasons of purest people piloting because other reasons, having to plot need, the pilots can’t simply operate a Jaeger do with how Waldos must obviously be psychic by mechanical or electronic remotes. No, they rather than mechanical because otherwise you have to be somehow mind-melded to the robot wouldn’t need the hinky, problem-ridden drifting and each other, because there must always be technology in the first place. Welcome to Planet two. Except sometimes. And that mental link is, Stupid. like, really stressful and causes nose bleeds and And the built environments in the movie bring stuff, so piloting a Jaeger requires two “drift the stupid on steroids. Stacker Pentecost’s office compatible” operators, mind linked to each has a floor that is roughly half moat, distributed

61 ULRIKA O’BRIEN in a maze-like pattern, so one wrong step could with a better way to signal that than covering the send the commander of the last facility standing base with enough rust to embarrass even a between humanity and apocalypse to a watery French road maintenance crew? grave. Because that’s practical. There are And let’s talk about that Jaeger program shut plenty of floors on base not dotted with giant down. Why would the collective leaders of the water-filled man traps, so why put one in his planet decide to abandon an active, deployed office? And throughout Shatterdome, walls and defense system before its replacement is fixtures are weeping rust like they’ve been left operational? I admit a team of massive bipedal out in the rain for decades. But the rest of the robots is not the most practical defense system Jaeger program has only been shut down for a ever conceived, especially given that the entire couple of years. Does Rustoleum not exist on threat originates at a single, known, fixed point. A battery of plasma cannons, mounted at the mouth of the Rift and aimed into it would presumably knock out the kaiju as they came through, with a lot less city- stomping destruction and fruitless hunting for drift-compatible pilots required. But no. In their collective wisdom the leaders of the Pacific Rim world chose a big, beautiful wall built along the coastline. Of Every. Single. Major. City. On. The Pacific. Because kaiju never kick through built structures like they were wet piñatas. Or grow big enough to step or climb over structures. Or fly. Or walk around. Apparently the whole Maginot Line fiasco never happened in their time line. Or the election of 2016. The stupid, it burns so bad you could use it to kill kaiju. If this is what passes for visual intelligence in Sam Keeper’s world, I’d hate to see what qualifies as visual dumbth. Jaeger-Earth? Are all the maintenance crews But having raised the issue, I will say that visual kept perpetually busy holding an embarrassment intelligence in film can exist. And indeed does. of helicopters on standby? Surely planned Stay tuned to this channel for Talking Smart obsolescence has not grown so efficient that the Pictures II, wherein I’ll offer some examples of minute a program is canceled its components using the visual to tell stories in smart and begin to spontaneously disintegrate? Yes, yes, we interesting ways. In the meantime, you could are supposed to infer that nobody loves the always go see the most recent Pacific Rim plucky little outpost any more (and likewise spectacle. It will probably be a lot of rock ‘em, nobody notices that it’s the only thing that sock ‘em fun. As long as you don’t expect fucking works at all against incoming kaiju), but intelligence. could no one on the art director’s team come up

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THE READERSHIP

LoCs edited with penknife and machete told the “Never Back Up” story to someone just a (respectively) by Nic & Ulrika. week or two ago. (Somehow Nic managed to lose the loc sent by Jeff, you were the one who got Harlan to pick up John Hertz on #11, but he kindly re-sent it with and continue installments of “Nissassa!” in issues his separate comments on #12.) 10-12 after having missed the deadline issue after issue for a few decades. You wrote to Harlan asking him to continue the serial several months JOHN HERTZ before we published Science-Fiction Five-Yearly September 22 #9 in 1991, and you sent him a reminder closer to the publication date. He intended to contribute, but we didn't receive anything. Most of a month BEAM 11 is the first occasion I can think of where later, Harlan called while you were in Pittsburgh I was sad to see the Trash had been Taken Out. visiting your parents. He'd received the fanzine Then there's something about being happy to get and called with his compliments, but also his the blues, as you say yourself. disappointment that we hadn't held publication until he got his serial in. I reminded him that I don’t think Teddy Harvia is a nihilist. Maybe SFFY always came out in November, that we’d he’s a Taoist. He keeps doing nothing. waited as long as we could, but that the deadline […] was firm. I also told him that I’d pass word along Don D’Ammassa’s practical-joke history far to the next guest editor-publishers, having no idea exceeds mine. Once, dissatisfied with that we’d be doing it again as the previous practice commercially available smoke powder, a friend had always been a new guest editor-publisher and I mixed up a batch with aluminum working with LeeH every 5 years. (aluminium to you). We tested it in my back yard. In 1996, you contacted him again, and followed But our demonstration for the Ireland Magic Co. up in a timely fashion right up through our having of Chicago taxed the patience of Jay Marshall mimeo'd most of the pages. The night before the and made us personae non gratae up and down the collation, he faxed a new installment of elevator shaft. You can’t say it isn’t effective, we “Nissassa!” and Ken Fletcher came over in the urged. He said something else. Then there was the wee hours of the night to draw illustrations for it. time I thought I had a pumpkin bomb. LeeH was so surprised! You did the same in 2001, Particular compliments to Monahan and Raftery. and “Nissassa!” continued. When I contacted Alan White’s drawings are in my dreams. Harlan about contributing in 2006, he asked if Ken would illustrate it again. I explained that I no longer lived in Minneapolis, so the past practice of GERI SULLIVAN Ken illustrating Harlan’s piece the night before November 10 the collation wouldn't work this time around. Harlan wanted Ken’s art and sent that installment of the serial in considerably earlier. That's how it Nic & Ulrika have edited a terrific issue of Beam. came to be that “Nissassa!” ended up starting on Engaging editorials, great content, gorgeous page 12 instead of taking up the last pages of the design, the works. I was glad to see “Never Back issue. Up” featured so prominently. Curiously enough, I

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Back to the beauty of Beam 12, I completely adore somewhere which was a lot more honest and real- the contributor photos in the table of contents. life than I could ever have written. Now I feel as And a lot more, too, of course. though I know you both a bit better, and am myself better for it, perhaps. I loved the picture of the Beam bottle inside the front cover. Somewhere around here I have an old Beam bottle that has touched Tucker's lips… […]It strikes me that the three fan funds that I know about, TAFF, DUFF and GUFF were created to foster personal links between anglophone fandoms. As the nature of fandom changes it is becoming multilingual and multinational so that I expect the people who will stand for and win those races will also be so. I don't know about TAFF, but the fans who founded DUFF and GUFF were thinking only about travel between Australia and the US or the UK but now that fandom as it then existed has morphed into fandom as it now exists I would expect that fans from almost anywhere in South East Asia could win DUFF to travel to North America and GUFF to travel from South East Asia to Europe. I think that the difference between then and now is that fan fund winners already had established reputations where they came from and where they were going and already had established personal links so that when Valma and I visited the US in 1974 the only people that we did not know well in advance was FM and his child bride Elinore from Seattle that we met at a Bubonicon. As a result LEIGH EDMONDS we changed plans and spent three or four fabulous November 16 fannish days in Seattle. These days there are many more fans (maybe not “our” kind of fans, but fans even so) so that that kind of close personal pre-trip I saw BEAM on efanzines.com and had to have a awareness is not possible, so Ulrika’s suggestions look. I may have been around fandom for twenty- are good ones it seems to me. Fandom continues five years […] but I was also fafiated for twenty- to evolve and the old institutions will find ways of five years and so […] many of the names are new evolving too, or die out. The fan funds will to me. For example, all I knew about Nic was that similarly evolve or they will become extinct. he was that cranky (but in a heart-of-gold sort of way) taxi driver in Las Vegas and all I knew of On the FAANs awards, I tend to agree with Nic Ulrika was part of a TAFF trip report I read that fanzines are artifacts. However, like all artifacts, they were created to serve a purpose,

64 SUSCIPE VERBUM and, in the case of traditional fanzines, that was length of an average VIBRATOR which means I communication between fans. Like the fan funds, can read a complete issue on a train trip down to fanzines as we understood them are threatened by Melbourne from Ballarat - about 85 minutes. I'm the new communications technologies which suit seeing more of these big fat fanzines that take lots of people but which I find too ephemeral. longer to read and this issue of BEAM is one. Because a fanzine is a mode of communication Fortunately, I had to make an extra two train trips that results in an artifact it is something that has a today and then sat in a dentist waiting room for physical presence, you can hold it in your hand some time, which allowed me to me to finish and file it away for later enjoyment. I guess the reading this issue before having to go and sit in the other thing about fanzines is that, delivered by the Chair. So, unless fans start publishing nice 20 to 30 postal service or out of the printer, they are read page fanzines I'm going to launch the Campaign in a different way to writing on the screen and this Against Big Fat Fanzines (CABFF). After all, with means that they are internalized differently to modern technology, it should be just as easy to screen based text. Having come to this produce monthly shorter fanzines than irregular conclusion, the question then becomes how to longer fanzines. You know it makes sense. spread around the egoboo that is the currency of fandom. Just looking at the number of fnz that Nic: Your denigration of the “BFF” turn up on efanzines I don’t think we are in any category of fanzines informs part of the danger of running out of things to read and lavish argument as to why the fanzine category was a bit of egoboo on. If I were in Nic’s shoes I’d be split into “genzine” and “perzine” (although tempted to define a fanzine as a package of there are outlier exceptions such as Random information fixed in time by its being made Jottings). We might suggest that flashy, and concrete in printed form or as a fixed format file typically infrequent “BFFs” should not such as a pdf. Fanzines are, in this way, artifacts of overshadow the simpler and often more record expressing a time, a place and a culture. (I frequent efforts of individuals, of which have to add that in my travels through the Vibrator is (was?) the current prime example, academy I’m beginning to find academics who even though Grah habitually used other will, one of these days, build their academic contributors outside of my own regular reputations on the question of “Who Sawed contribution. That was, incidentally, an Courtney's Boat” or social and cultural readings approach I didn’t always agree with, since, of the Staple Wars. You have been warned!) well, I want to see plenty Charnock in a Charnock zine. I’ll treat his swansong ish as […] an exception there, of course. Finally, I liked all the photos and, as great as the I’ve - er - “diverted” your remarks on the Steve Stiles cover was, I enjoyed the Al Sirois back categorization of iOta into TIR, and I’m cover more. After I saw the Fab Four there I hoping for a bit more clarity on that for next began looking for the other cultural allusions too. year’s go-round. Is the hat immediately behind them a Vaughn Bode reference? My memory isn’t what it used to Ulrika: I don’t know that I was specifically be. Many of the others also evaded me, but I had advocating for more European fans running for fun trying to work them out. TAFF and GUFF so much as trying to provide suggestions for how to go about it, By the way, as much as I enjoyed this issue, it was given that I perceive a desire among at least too long. For me the ideal fanzine is about the

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some European fans to get more visibility in However, peeling back the cover revealed the the funds. That said, I absolutely agree that editorial. I’m sorry, but was it fecking Jafakin the fan funds need to evolve with fandom, or Mockney week when you wrote it? For phuck’s they will not survive. … With respect to the sake, the fucking word ‘fucking’ has a fucking ‘g’ length of the zine, I’m doing what I can (by, at the fucking end of it. for instance, editing LoCs!), but I’m not sure Unless, of course, you mean it as ‘fuck-in’ as in that its possible for Nic and me to put out the Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In? Puts a whole new zine on a shorter-but-more-frequent spin on Goldie Hawn, I suppose. schedule. In particular, I’m a s-l-o-w writer, […] as Nic can attest, and forcing me to work faster is perhaps as likely to succeed as trying Moving on to the Acid Queen section, and it’s to gestate a baby in one month by spreading good to know that at least Ulrika knows where the the work among nine women. ‘g’ key is. Though you do seem to be a bit confused in regard to Bob, and the various social Nic: [Falls off chair larffing helplessly] relationships he seems to fit into. In the ‘Bob’s your uncle’ role, think of Appalachian mountain hillbillies – where Bob may not only be your DENNY E MARSHALL uncle, but also your brother, your father, and your November 20 husband as well. Just look at Jerry Lee Lewis. […] […]As far as cover art I have seen that used many times in reviews but never have seen interior art Nic: Since you wrote us such a fuckin’ (sic) used in a review. Using the interior art in a review loooong missive, comments get interspersed, was the point I was trying to make. I didn’t care mate! that you used the interior art in the review but Can’t remember who observed in a long-ago some magazines might[…]. loc to an early ish of This Here..., though I suspect either Alison Scott or Chrissie Lake, that reading that zine was like talking to CHUCK CONNOR meself in person. (I took that as high praise, November 28 it really did take a minute to make that “voice” translatable.) Hence, later, I’ve Oh thou wicked children! written “fucking” how I say it i.e. “fuckin”. And you can Mockney mock all you like. If I’d’ve known I was going to be in the LoCs then I’d’ve made less of an utter dog’s arse of the thing. In continued deference to your sage wisdom and advanced age, however, I’m trying to Muchas gracias for BEAM #12. Thankfully my remember to append the missing-letter latest Frankenputer isn’t much of a size queen, so apostrophe to the fuckin’ thing, all right? it was still able to suck it down without gagging/ cache choking once – so Ghod bless other peoples’ […]Lucy Huntzinger’s potted history of writing I.T. upgrade castoffs, and cheap sexual innuendo, probably isn’t that unique – especially when it I say. comes to cycles and phases. The reviving of Fifties Fans in the late 80s and 90s – the reviving of 70s and early 80s fans in the 2010s. True, some never

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really went away. I migrated into APAs – and have written material (not necessarily printed, but only ‘hibernated’ from eAPA due to various […] written all the same – unless it’s similar to a vlog – Real Life Shit. or a vlog with subtitles for the monolingual such But isn’t that the core problem with the things as myself.) within the Interweb? It’s become just so much Nic: See also Christina Lake’s comments ‘Noise’ that it’s almost totally impossible to rise later. I’m not entirely convinced myself by above it […]. There has been a return to paper- Ulrika’s arguments, although on general based zine […] which seems to have been dubbed principles the widening of the TAFF The Papernet. No email, no websites, just word of catchment area into more of mainland mouth and reviews in the likes of Xerography Europe (and Scandinavia) is a laudable aim Debt (http://www.leekinginc.com/xeroxdebt/) on its face. The Fund’s origins are, of course, and review sites such as http:// UK/USA, although we might broaden that www.secretsofthephotocopier.com/2017/06/ . definition, which applies to all funds that I Which brings me on to the review of Fornax – know of, as between Anglophone countries. which I always thought sounded like something My main qualm about inclusion of “more for HRT, but there you go. I’m not sure what poor Europe” is that it could be interpreted as an Charlie has done in a previous life – he had a go imperialist imperative to impose at me over my mentioning the Brick A Squirrel “anglophonity” (probably not a real word) campaign run in the Express or the Mail (one of upon possibly non-English-speaking fen. those two rags had a down on American Grey Having said that, English is the lingua franca of squirrels because they’ve been declared an what we do eg Wolf von Witting’s invasive species as they’re exterminating the good CounterClock and Leybl Botwinik’s Cybercozen as old British Red) – but apart from that he’s pretty the first two examples I think of from harmless. Well, he’s not that bad, and nowhere countries which do not have English as their near some of the rabid-politico-psycho faneds primary language. around at the moment. But then most of them are Efanzines is resolutely Anglophone, that’s its mainstream ziners, with only a tad of a crossover audience, though I wonder whether there’s into filphy Sci-Fi. any kind of Scandinavian equivalent (for If anything, I’ve usually thought of Fornax as example), although that would be hampered being a fraction Right of Liberal Central, in that by the different languages, as well as Charles can always find something good in the considering whether there’s an equivalent perceived bad. Including those who contribute to Francophone group in the country to our the zine as well. north, perhaps operating separately from the […] Canucks we already know & love? EuroTAFF. While I admit there is a certain safety Ulrika: Dear ghu, apparently not even my in numbers, why isn’t it viable for each Nation to co-editor can tell the difference between Fanac unto Nation on their own initiative? It asserting a conditional statement and would certainly become less cumbersome than, asserting its antecedent. I wasn’t making any say, a pan-Euro candidate, as well as generating a arguments for getting more Europeans into wider spectrum of fans attending ‘whatever’-con – fan funds. My point was that if you want to along with generating a lot more literature/ do that, focusing on hosting is a better

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approach to how to do it. (Clearly I need to eligible, and screw the rest. It’s one of the reasons write shorter, simpler sentences. This is what why, on coming back into ‘fanzine fandom’ (or comes of trying to make me write faster.) what’s left of it), I couldn’t give a flying furry Rat And the worry of a perception of Sass (itself a specialist APAzine) because, as an Anglophone cultural imperialism is deeply outsider to Corflu Fandom, I really cannot be silly if you stop to notice that the push to bothered with it. Fanzine Fandom, to me, was include more Europeans in TAFF was about fun and communication – and not about coming from non-Anglophone Europeans. knowing what to kiss, and when, in order to be English is still as much the lingua franca of gifted egoboo from on high. science fiction as it is of technology generally. Think that’s ‘unkind’? Here’s an extract from It’s Nic adds: Well, yes, the piece was clearly an All A Meritocracy from EAYOR#4: admirable “How To…” as per its title, but I “Of course the FAAns went mostly to took it as beginning with a presumption that Brits at a British Corflu! Those that didn’t more non-UK participation = Ghood Thing. went to those with close ties to Britfandom. The sheer predictability of the ‘Action/Reaction’. results was one reason I didn’t bother to I started reading the opening comments, then got vote this year – not really a protest, but down to the piece from Andy Hooper that seemed laziness. I didn’t want to have to think to infer that if you had not sent him a copy of about who to vote for if not the “usual your zine, then you were ineligible to appear on suspects,” then end up voting for them the voting form. Couple that with the comment anyway since I could think of no-one regarding the sole motivation being to dole out better. I also have to admit that, after so egoboo – then why bother with any voting at all? many years, not winning a single FAAn Just have a roster of those whom the Ghods deem does not sit well on me. But, as I was recently reminded by one of my correspondents, his fanzine and fanwriting has never even been in the running. And I can name first-rate fanartists who have never come close to winning a FAAn either. For someone who cannot make personal contact with the voters, I guess I do surprisingly well. Still...” (Taral Wayne – Broken Toys 40 (2015)) “For the third year in a row, the FAAn Awards (Fan Activity Achievement Awards, not the FAAA, please) will be awarded at the Corflu banquet. We hope this will establish the awards as a Corflu tradition.” (Janice Murray – Catch The Corflu Wave (1997))

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“Is there something to be done about the fall out of the mailbox before people vote FAAN Awards? Aside from lack of – or, even more common, you pub and enthusiasm (I'm an unenthusiastic voter at distribute your zine at the convention the best of times) the major problem with itself, nailing the floating voters by having the award participation is that a large some friends brag you up at the bar prior chunk of fanzine publishing fandom to handing out the ballot sheets.” thinks the award is only for Corflu (Me – Boopledoggin’ #8 (2006) ) attendees. They actually think that the administrator(s) deliberately do not count And, of course, if you’re the wrong sort of fan:- votes for fanzines that they don't like or In closing this section, I find it curious that Andy approve of. This kind of paranoia will be says his mailing list has been steadily shrinking hard to overcome. Having Andy Hooper over the years (considering I’ve sent him paper write your suggested “unbiased roundup” copies in the past, all to a deathly silence) – and of fanactivity won't help, because the that he’s now knocking around Facebook in search “outsiders” automatically will consider of the right sort of people. Hello little neo… Wanna him biased (as well as other active Corflu see my Fanac? Couple that with the RHPS quote, people like Randy Byers) and will either and I’m left wondering if Hooper (& Co) are just discount his opinions or, even more likely, looking for new blood, so that they have some who not read them at all. (See numerous will venerate them in their fannish dotage. comments in letter columns in Joseph Majors’ Alexiad for examples.)” Nic: I’d like to think that my efforts as FAAn Awards Administrator have addressed a lot of (Jerry Kaufman – Vibrator 2.0.17 (2015)) these concerns, many of which I share. Of “Does this still stand as a viable yardstick course it’s not so much a meritocracy, more a by today’s multi-media/tech-orientated popularity contest, not unlike any egoboo standards? If we are going to have awards poll, except with the FAAns we could for Best Fanzine (etc) – and has been noted consider the awards as the ‘boo poll for the by Garth [Spencer] in regard to the CSFA world’s largest public APA. Taral whines there are awards with barriers regarding about the awards every year, and will likely certain differing types of zines – do we do so again until he wins one, then he’ll have not, first, need to clarify exactly what we to deride it as a sop, I’m sure. mean by Fanzine? And, moving on from This year’s voting has shown that, still and that, shouldn’t we have this definition unsurprisingly, people might vote for the accepted and upheld by every award person rather than the actual work, but this is process going? somewhat less the case when a listing of “C’mon, let’s be serious here – most fan known fanzine contributions can be provided awards are based on the number of people as a Voters’ Guide, which is what I attempted within your in-crowd, who turn up at a to do with the admittedly imperfect Incompleat convention (or whatever) and vote for you Register. 78 ballots received reflected a because you are you, as opposed to the broader spectrum of fanzines, although that product itself – or because you’ve held didn’t extend so much to the Alexiad back and pubbed your ish right on the “crew” (Joe did publish my letter on the deadline so that it’s about the last thing to topic, however) whom I suspect might decline

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to vote out of a case of the bolshie. Anything just seen the worst issue of the year from another resembling a “democracy”, a term, I’m using publisher, not least because the zine so thoroughly very loosely to describe something that is messed up my letter to them.) dependent on voting is validated by I admired your front and back covers, in part participation, and choosing not to participate because Steve Stiles captured the atmosphere of bolsters a narrative that it’s all somehow not Stranger Things so well (I’m assuming the young representative. woman in the foreground is meant to be Eleven, I’ve stated in other (political) contexts, with those glowing red eyes that mean she’s using particularly in defense of one G. Charnock, her power) and in part for Al Sirois’ manic energy that withholding a vote is an equally valid and all the celebs, cartoonists, and cultural icons exercise of democracy as casting one, but racing from the Car. Even more I like the with something like the FAAn Awards which connection of the Old Witch from EC Comics should be seen as a piece of trivial fannish appearing in both covers! fun, I rescind that argument - we’re not Apropos of Eleven’s eye-glow, hasn’t that become deciding anything of great import, just liking a cliche? Every comic book and superpower the idea of recognizing our fellow faneds, movie or tv show now includes the eye-glow writers and artists for their contributions in (whether red, blue, green, silver or gold) as an the previous year. So non-voters like Taral indication the character is concentrating to oughtn’t to complain if they’re not activate his or her super ability. And beware the contributing to the process. character whose eyeball becomes entirely black. I’ll also note (writing later) that of the 52 That's a sign of alien or demonic nature or attending and supporting members of this possession, and is always bad. year’s Corflu noted on April 20, just 20 of Nic, you and Jeff Schalles are now the owners of those voted in this year’s FAAn awards. your own fanwriting genre, the taxi-driving Given the presumption that Corflu members memoir. I can think of one or two others who ought to be a group most interested in the have driven cabs, but no one else that’s written up awards, so I don’t see that as any kind of the experience. (Sandra Bond has recounted her dominance, representing as it does just a beer delivery job, but although it’s professional quarter of the total ballots received. driving, the beer never, to my knowledge, talks to her.) There’s probably been something in “mundane” zines, but that wouldn't be our tribe. JERRY "KILLER" KAUFMAN I should be checking efanzines more regularly, in December 22 case Lucy’s already done the new fanzine she says she’s going to do. I love the pieces she has done in I could read Banana Wings and write to them, or her zines or for other editors. Including this one. several other zines I have seen this past week, but Bittersweet to read Randy’s report on Corflu (as for sure I need to send you some love for Beam well as to see the photo in BW of Mark, Claire, #12. I could say it's not the worst I've seen this and Randy). I have been thinking that someone year; better I should say it’s one of the best. I should pull together a selection of Randy's work enjoyed the newest Beam quite a bit - and one of for a one-shot in the coming year. (I agreed with the pleasures was receiving it from Ulrika’s own him about the lackluster program at Corflu, and hands at the most recent Vanguard. (I think I’ve skipped most of them, but then I am older and

70 SUSCIPE VERBUM have heard more discussion of the topics than he Ulrika, I know I’ll see you soon, but here’s hoping did, and get to be more blase about them.) that you make it to San Jose or Toronto next year, Several of Flann O’Brien’s novels are among my Nic. favorites, so I buzzed through Padraig o Mealoid's Nic: …you won’t be seeing me at either of “Extractum O Bhark I bPragrais” - my Gaelic those venues, with the usual excuses of lack being nearly nil, I have no idea what I’ve just said. of time & money. When you get around to I found the completed entries very interesting, and doing a song parody of your own, it will be the “(to be written)” entries tantalizing. (As for gratefully received! pronouncing Padraig's name in my American way, I'm guessing “Patrick O’Myloyd.” I hope this amuses him.) BRENDA DUPONT I appreciate good, in-depth December 24 fanzine reviews, and John and Jacqueline succeed by my I don’t always read fanzines, standards in their comments but when I do, I read BEAM. about Fornax. In particular, I Couldn’t resist. One reason I agree with John about Dr. don’t read many is that I often Robin Bright and others who feel I’m always running appear to be the same person. behind, especially if I read I have wondered whether the the locs, which send me back various fanzine publishers to the previous ish of said who have printed his or her zine, and the previous, and work. Have they read these the previous. Next thing I pieces all the way through? know, I’m following lots of Did they understand them? rabbit trails to other zines and One publisher I wrote to said the hours have ticked away. he thought they were meant In BEAM #12 I quite enjoyed as parodies of academic Roy Hessinger’s review of writing, and were funny. I beer, “With Both Feet and said I thought that Bright was Crazy Eyes.” The opening entirely serious. Even funnier, then, said my paragraph describes me to a “T” or a “B” for correspondent. beer. I drink what I like, and I don’t like hops. As So, Ulrika, does the current line-up of TAFF beer has become ever so hoppy over time, I’ve candidates have enough Europeanity (what would discovered I really hate that very bitter, grapefruit- the correct noun be?) for you? By the way, I loved rind flavor that has become the resident taste in the map of Europe that followed your article. many beers today. Just this week, I had to ask beer In the call-and-response of “Action/Reaction”, I aficionado, JoHn Wesley Hardin, what beer on the noticed that Andy referred to “Steve Erickson” of menu would keep me clear of hops. “Go for Amazing (page 47). Surely he meant "Steve wheat and stouts.” I did discover red beers (almost Davidson." stout?) tend to be less hoppy, also. I find that “hoppy” is synonymous with the taste I get from […] grapefruit juice that was processed with a machine

71 SUSCIPE VERBUM that chews up the whole grapefruit, rind and all, try Scottish ales, which are also not at all including the very bitter, pithy inside between the hoppy. fruit and rind. When I eat grapefruit, I make sure I use a thin, serrated knife and cut around each segment. Once eaten, I squeeze the juice from the rind shell, and enjoy the sour fruitiness without BRAD FOSTER the bitter aftertaste left by the pith and rind oils. It January 13 took me quite a while to figure out why heavily- hopped beers bother me, but after one Ballast Back cover from Al was great, kind of a “It’s a Point too many (though I can’t remember which Beam, Beam, Beam, Beam World” riff ? one), I kept thinking, “I might as well be drinking store-bought grapefruit juice from the can.” Enjoyed Lucy’s article on “lifecycle of a fanzine fan”, could also be a “as the technology changes, Ulrika: Not all hops are created equal, and so too must the fan” kind of tale. even those of us who like them don’t like all of Lots more to read, not much more I feel I can them or too much of the wrong ones. Some comment on. But hey, here’s one, first loc of the hops have interesting citrus aromas without all issue asks about, when reviewing a fanzine, if also the bitterness, or most of it, but it would take showing some of the art from that zine is a an expert guide to find you something that you problem. As one of the “fanartist” category this might like. But in addition to stouts, you might affects, I'm on the side of: it’s a review, you can quote some text, you can show some art. There is no need to get the “permission” of the artist or the writer in that case. Loving Ulrika's ‘toons in the loc section, even if it did push out other (cough cough) fan artists this issue.

Nic: Nice to hear that a member of the “precious species” agrees with me!

JOHN HERTZ January 24

Evidently no paper copy of BEAM 12 will arrive. I managed to find it with a Web-access machine. U. O’Brien is a fine addition. It's This issue’s loccloud by www.wordclouds.com only fair to tell her Bob really was

72 SUSCIPE VERBUM my uncle (see “A Skiff Hails a Bark”, Nic: Possibly appropriate here to mention file770.com/?p=35296 26 May 17). Glad to hear our somewhat enforced paper copy policy - also that J. Trash is alive and well. with issue #9 we started producing a limited On the front cover I note the incised heart with number of print copies, primarily intended “SS ES”. The fierce-eyed explorer seems not yet for contributors. BEAM’s “usual” is pretty to have seen it. Many of us have been comforted much truncated to exclude trades, since there by realizing that Stiles has been there before. aren’t that many copies to go around, much On the back cover I note an extremely long-nosed as I’d personally love to strew them about the Wonder Wart-Hog, and Krazy Kat on all fours Faniverse, the cost is prohibitive. It is a trade- which I don’t remember ever seeing before. Far be off making the choice of maintaining the it from me to Say the Law to the Kat. (some would say ridiculously) high […] production values vs. general availability. We do distribute the pdf more widely via direct The Randmus, as you call him, now with neither email as well as efanzines, latterly via a wheels nor legs, was however a joy. Alas, I can no dropbox link since the files tend to be large. longer guide him to an Armenian restaurant. One A few extra copies do exist, given out by of my favorites is in beautiful downtown Burbank. editorial whim, and I suspect you may He misstates why I couldn't attend Corflu whimsically have secured one. XXXIV, trivial in comparison. I expect I’ll be as usual a Supporting Member of XXXV; we’ll all I might agree with you in principle that do our part to make sure he’s there in spirit (or “fanwriting is fanwriting”, but loccing has spirits). I think he meant Nick Smith. I've found generally been regarded as a significant Ray Bradbury’s corner at Clifton’s. enough subset to deserve separate attention, given that there are those for whom this is the Very glad L. Huntzinger is back. I first met her majority if not the totality of their fanac. four years before the last issue of Southern Gothic. The FAAns are, in spirit, about wide Moshe Feder didn't mention G. Heyer to either of distribution of ‘boo, hence the splitting of us, the sneak. […]. the “fanzine” category and the separate Everything U. O’Brien says about TAFF could be letterhack award, and they’re going to stay said about DUFF. I've said some of it myself. She’s that way in spite of your misgivings. too right. I liked your dialogue with A. Hooper about the FAAn awards, helpfully put in two columns like LLOYD PENNEY synoptic gospels. Of course it isn’t all good, but a January 31 lot is. I've long protested the “letterhack” award; I […] think fanwriting is fanwriting; on the strength of that I kept nominating Milt Stevens for Best TransAtlantic editors…that’s the only reason why Fanwriter in the Hugos. But what do I know? Chris Garcia has a Nova award. I am tempted to do a big zine with him so we can both get PS. Following my own advice I applaud the Auroras. inclusion of drawings by U. O’Brien. They’re good. It’s good for your zine. More, please. More […]And hello, Ulrika, I am not even sure if we’ve by her and others. ever met. […] I had something previous to the Wiz-z-zer, and that was a good old-fashioned top.

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I had a white Imperial top, and learned to flip that thing so it would dance all over a flat surface. One of my few triumphs as a kid. […] I kept getting told the heart of a fanzine was the loccol. Well, for me, the jury is still out on that one. […]I still have hopes that Wolf von Witting might still get into one more TAFF competition. He lost by a handful of votes that last two times he ran for the fund, and I hope he might try it one last time. More Europe in TAFF is a fine idea. More North American might be good, too. […]Me getting naked for art? Not without a laugh track.

Nic:. An Aurora award may not have been on Garcia’s checklist (until now) - perhaps you could suggest yourself as a Journey Planet co-editor? Ulrika: In fact we met and chatted at the Reno Worldcon.

CHRISTINA LAKE March 16 I admire JoHn and Jacq’s determination to complete their task of reviewing Fornax, and more Reading Randy’s article will make everyone sad. importantly to venture beyond the familiar titles of In my case for not being at that last Corfu and our fandom but it does make me ponder JoHn’s imagining instead that he might be over in the initial question - was it worth reviewing? It would UK for Follycon. I was lucky enough to know have been good to have seen all that consideration Randy both in print and in person, and thought spent on a fanzine with more to recommend it. there would be many more years of hanging out On the other hand, I’m delighted to hear that in bars in different countries still to come. Randy Lucy Huntzinger might be publishing fanzines can also be held responsible for turning Doug and again. I’ve missed out on whole genres and eras of I on to the potential of craft beers and her writing and really wish I hadn’t. overturning our British stereotypes about European TAFF has always been a difficult one American beer. So, while I haven’t tried the for me as I’d like the chance to meet all the specific beers that Roy Hessinger recommends European delegates rather than sending them I’ve travelled far enough down this road to share straight off to North America. Besides, Europe is his love of double IPAs and taste for hazy juicy a mixture of fandoms and to pretend that Europe beers, which luckily our local brewery, Verdant do is one homogeneous culture is reductive and really well.

74 SUSCIPE VERBUM misleading. Personally, I think it would be good if It’s certainly plausible that a Eastbound there were more Fan funds within Europe. But candidate might run on the basis of given TAFF is what we have then it makes sense preferring a different destination event to for it to be as inclusive as possible in terms of Eastercon or European Worldcon, perhaps who can stand. Also, more diversity in a Eurocon or some other national gathering destinations e.g. Eurocon would help make it not necessarily in the UK. Conversely, a properly European. Westbound candidate might state a But this might not work so well where the preference for attending a convention other delegate’s contacts are predominantly with than a Worldcon or NaSFic, whether a British fandom and therefore the people they particular regional event (or even a series of would wish to meet and stay with would all be in them) or indeed a US Corflu, which might the U.K. be considered wholly appropriate given the fanzine origins of the Fund. Such decisions This is fine where the candidates have the time would be subject to the vagaries of the for a long trip like the Purcells but not so easy for calendar and typical nominating and voting a trip where time is limited. periods, and would undoubtedly cause I’ve never managed to get on with At Swim-Two- consternation to the administrators and Birds but Padraig’s article makes me wonder if I probably utter apoplexy in others, but should give another go. Then again if my having lit the blue touch-paper, I’ll sneakily principal comment is on the inconsistency of retire. filing between the definite article and the indefinite articles, and the lack of any mention of sisters under brothers (not even a see also), WAHF: perhaps I’m too much a librarian (and feminist) Robin Bright: “Hi, thanks for the exposure in for this purpose. Beam. Would you like to publish something of Excellent issue - Ulrika and Nic, you make for a mine? Usher, by the way, is a pseudonym.”; feisty combination as editors. I’ll look forward to LaVelle Allen: “I received your fanzine today. future issues! Thank you for sending it to us. I will share it with the family. It’s good to be reminded of how Nic: The standout phrase here for me, eloquent Randy was and how fortunate he was which encapsulates my own thinking to a to have found a group of people who shared his degree, is “...Europe is a mixture of interests. My best to all of you,”; Andy fandoms and to pretend that Europe is one Hooper: “Good God! A Dog-Chokin’ Wad O’ homogenous culture is reductive and Fanac!”; Paul Di Filippo: “The latest BEAM misleading.” See my earlier comment about was stellar, superb, super & many other sibilant that being a somewhat Anglophone superlatives!”; Jim Mowatt: “Wonderful cover - imperialism, although I also harbor no Steve Stiles strolls up all nonchalant like and thought that Ulrika was coming from that smacks the ball out of the park yet again.”... perspective, rather, as you also say, that “...given TAFF is what we have then it makes sense for it to be as inclusive as possible...”.

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