FREE Lodging • Shopping The Conch Republic Dining • Entertainment OCONUT ELEGRAPH TCHE COCONUT TELEGRAPH IS PROUD TO BE THE OFFICIAL NEWSPA T PER OF THE NORTHERNMOST TERRITORIES OF THE CONCH REPUBLIC

101425 Overseas Hwy. • PMB #628 • Key Largo, FL 33037 • 305-304-2837 • www.theconchtelegraph.com • June 2014

Inside: Attractions Scott Youngberg Benefit June 15 Macy’s Mammogram - The Best Dolphin Championhip Winners

What’s Hot & What’s Not Art Box Artist of the Month: Mariela Estevez Bartender of the Month: Shannon Roth at Mandalay Hunk of the Month: Ken Schriver

Maps Key Largo Locator Map Getting from Here to There

All the Buzz

Coco-Nut Funnies Mangrove Galley Conch Characters Business in the Keys The Classiified are Back! Island Time’s Paddleboat Cruise is a great way to see the fireworks on July 4th on Blackwater Sound. BBQ HAPPY FATHER’S DAY June 15 dinner, music and a festive cruise, all for just $42.50 per person! Reserve now - check out their ad on page 13.

Highlight Friday & Saturday, JUNE 27 & 28 • 7pm “All Star” Ladies of Nashville Songwriters Enjoy some of today's most well known Nashville songs performed by the ladies who wrote them. Sponsored by Pinnacle Vodka ON THE BEACH • MM 99.5 BAYSIDE KEY LARGO • 305-451-3380 Live Music • Happy Hour • Sunset Lisa Carver Liz Rose Stephony Smith World class entertainers, in Key Largo on the beach. has had songs cut by Jewel, Julie Grammy Award Winner Grammy & CMA Winner Roberts, Shelly Fairchild, Tim Collaborated with Taylor Swift Has had cuts by The Dixie Chicks, McGraw, Reba McEntire, Tanya on her award-winning albums. Shania Twain, Barbara Streisand, It doesn’t get any better than this! Tucker and Willie Nelson & Daughter is country/Americana Kenny Chesney, Martina McBride, Look for ad inside or check the calendar at keylargo-baysidegrill.com for all of our live music on the beach. Sugarland's "Everyday America." artist Caitlin Rose. Tim McGraw & Faith Hill, and Reba.

2 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2014 June 2014• The Coconut Telegraph • 3 Articles VNA/Hospice Thanks Ocean Reef Community Foundation Coconut Telegraph Cast of Characters: Editorial continued IT IS NOT OK TO TAKE May 2014 Editor/Sales/Distribution Editorial: Newspaper Caper...... 2 Please Note: THEM TO LINE YOUR BIRD Volume 9 Issue #87 VNA/Hospice Thanks Ocean Reef Community Foundation.....3 Denise Malefyt Hunk of the Month: Ken Schriver...... 4 CAGE OR KENNEL. You are, New Email Address however, welcome to recycle Amazon Smile Program Benefits MARC...... 4 for the Coconut Telegraph: Prestige Publishing, Inc old papers left over from the [email protected] 101425 Overseas Highway Advertising Adopt An Animal, Key Largo Shelter...... 6 previous month. Local Young Musicians Recognized...... 7 PMB #628 Production It takes a lot of time and Art Box Artist: Mariela Estevez...... 9 Key Largo, FL 33037 energy to continually distrib- If you need old newspa- Personnel at the VNA/Hospice Regional office in Tavernier send a special Sue Beal Key Largo Rotary Welcomes New Members...... 9 ute papers throughout the thank you to the Ocean Reef Community Foundation for their $30,000 Phone 305-304-2837 pers, go to any recycling cen- contribution. Pictured L-R: Joy Ewing, RN; Paige Rice, RN; Kim Sovia- Scott Youngberg Benefit...... 9 month. When papers started ter and you will find all you Crandon - Development Director; Debbie Premaza, RN, BSN - Director of Macy’s Mammogram - The Best!...... 11 disappearing, I ordered more need. There is one at MM Clinical Services; Rebecca Vasilenko, CNA; Nicole Weirback, LPN; and Deadline Getting from Here to There - Keys Map Page...... 12-13 from the printer, raising my 100 oceanside. Starting this Jen Wolverton-Wade, RN, CWCN. Daily OM: Stronger than You Know...... 14 print costs, for months. month we will be recycling for the We pay a monthly fee to Florida Keys Dolphin Championship Winners...... 14 our old issues at the new FK Coconut Telegraph’s a company that provides the Wild Bird Center Hospital in FOUND IT ON Bartender of the Month: Shannon Roth at Mandalay...... 15 rack service at Publix and we FACEBOOK! July issue is Anny Bannanny...... 16 Tavernier. try to replenish the stock of My lawyer says that by Business in the Keys...... 18 Key Largo end of the Friday, papers every day. It is un- publishing a newspaper it Jewfish Creek Bridge June 20, 2014 The Mangrove Galley: Pasta Salad...... 19 der 24 hour surveillance by a makes me a “public person” c. 1960. The area Sounds of the Keys...... 19 security camera as are many and that unfortunately sub- you see is where Contact Denise at Key Largo Locator Map Page...... 20 other places. jects me to some “crazy ass Creekside and 305-304-2837 Conch Characters...... 21 people.” I say “Hey, what the Anchorage [email protected] Coco“Nut” Funnies...... 22-23 the heck, its the Keys, there are now. Classiifieds!...... 23 is craziness everywhere.” However, the one thing that we locals definitely will not tolerate here is thievery. Editorial: Newspaper Caper the law. It is attacking my To travel around the Upper about stealing bundles of Come Hungry! business, stealing from me, Keys looking for opportunities papers from the HOSPITAL! stealing from every adver- to steal papers and dispose of Taking papers from sick peo- tiser and the readers who them because he didn’t like an ple and veterans is about as 10% OFF WITH THIS AD must look elsewhere to find a article I wrote about a mur- low as you can go! paper. It is no different than derer is pretty sick. To keep shoplifting! doing it for several months When is it ok to take It's clean, it's fast, it's delicious!!! Taking newspapers is tak- is certifiably insane. This guy newspapers? Great breakfast, great lunch, great everything!! ing away potential customers even tried to coerce one of Example: If you own a hotel COC-TEL 6 am - 2 pm • 7 Days from the businesses and my customers out of advertis- or motel and want them for MM 99.7 Bayside organizations. Taking money ing in the Coconut Telegraph… your guests. 99696 Overseas Highway, Key Largo away from them. Each issue she told him to take his busi- Some people pick up several docsdinerkeylargo.com • 305-451-2895 of The Coconut Telegraph ness elsewhere and never to mail to relatives across the is extremely important to return to her store. country. It’s common sense. a sick person when we are One witness told me the If your business would like The above photo is of a providing a free ad to raise weasel has even bragged monthly delivery for your snowbird weasel who is not money for a benefit. For customers call 305-304-2837. authorized to remove Coconut example please see page 9 We are sorry that we are not Telegraph newspapers from for info about a benefit for able to provide subscriptions, any location or business EVER! our much-loved local musician instead we provide the news- Please keep an eye out for him. Scott Youngberg. It is also paper free on the website at Removing newspapers with important to all of the non- www.TheConchTelegraph.com. the intent to dispose of them profit organizations that we and cause me harm is against support. continued on page 3 Disclaimer The Coconut Telegraph © 2006-2014 is published monthly by Prestige Publishing, INC. All Telegraph assumes in good faith that all editorial and advertising material submitted are rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent of the original property of the advertiser. The Coconut Telegraph may not be held responsible the publisher. The Coconut Telegraph welcomes written articles, photos, and artwork of for errors, omissions, or for circumstances beyond our control that may affect the distribution local interest to be used and/or edited at the discretion of the publisher. The Coconut schedule. 4 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2014 June 2014• The Coconut Telegraph • 5 Amazon Smile Program Benefits MARC Hunk of the Month AmazonSmile is a simple and then every eligible pur- and automatic way for you to chase you make on Amazon support a favorite charitable Smile will result in a donation. organization every time you Tens of millions of prod- shop, at no cost to you. ucts on AmazonSmile are When you shop at eligible for donations. You smile.amazon.com, you‛ll find will see eligible products the exact same low prices, marked “Eligible for Amazon- vast selection and convenient Smile donation” on their shopping experience as product detail pages. Recur- Amazon.com, with the added ring Subscribe-and-Save bonus that Amazon will purchases and subscription donate a portion of the renewals are not currently purchase price to your favor- eligible. ite charitable organization. You use the same account You can choose from nearly on Amazon.com and Amazon- one million organizations to Smile. Your shopping cart, support, and MARC is one of Wish List, wedding or baby them. registry, and other account To shop at AmazonSmile settings are also the same. just go to smile.amazon.com on your computer or mobile device. Select a charitable organization to support on Ken Schriver your first visit, and Amazon of The Sunshine Band will remember your selection, www.marchouse.org

Neck & Shoulder Expert Certifications: • Cranial Sacral (CranioSacral) Therapy • Lymphatic Drainage relaxing & rejuvenating • Visceral Manipulation • Neural and Roma Lambert: LMT #MA48621 Neuromeningeal Manipulation Wrap & Deep Massage Special • Body Contouring CONTOUR • Swe-Thai Massage PACKAGE $25 • Sports Massage OFF • Deep Tissue • Swedish • Yoga Certified 754-244-0260 Call to schedule your appointment - or stop in today at MM 99.2 (Inside the Hair Studio: “Up Your Hair”) 99228 Overseas Hwy, Key Largo, FL 33037

Our staff is dedicated to around- the-clock care and with our back- ground checks and experience of our staff; you can be assured that your home and pet are being taken care of by the best. Call for free meet & greet If you'd like to donate, please contact Frank, Angie or Tiki at Island Grill 305-664-8400. Tickets (by credit card ) 305-664-8400 or in person at the Island Grill by cash, check or credit card. 6 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2014 June 2014• The Coconut Telegraph • 7

4-7 Local Young Musicians Recognized Best Happy Hour in the Keys! Daily Up Your Hair Salon Blowout Bar

UNLIMITED BLOW OUTS Check out New! in Key Largo our new a FULL SERVICE salon $125 A MONTH Local’s and blowout bar Come in as often as you like Loyalty Program: for 30 days. Enjoy a glass of Master Stylists Trained wine, fresh-brewed coffee or

Get your Photo by Donna Dietrich from California to New York City infused water, and RELAX. Pilot’s License Students recognized by Keys Community Concert Band today! During its final concert Zakary Wronka was of the 2013-2014 Perform- awarded the Young Let us blow you away! ing Season, the Keys Com- Musician‛s Scholarship. munity Concert Band recog- Designated for a graduating Pamper yourself with nized the talents of local senior who has performed in a luxurious scalp massage USA WATCH PARTIES band students. Coming from our annual Young Musicians and professional blowout. Concert, this scholarship Monday June 16 four different schools in the Keys, these students was made possible by a Sunday June 22 rehearsed and performed grant to the Band from a Thursday June 26 alongside band members in local foundation. A member Caipirinha Specials • Large Screen • Giveaways • Beer Specials the annual Young Musicians of the Coral Shores High 305-282-9533 Blowout Bar Concert. School Band, Zak is a stu- MON-FRI 9:30am-9pm 13 Seagate Blvd., Key Largo, MM 99.6, 305-451-3142 Participating students: dent of Band Director SAT 9:30am - 4pm www.pilothousemarina.com fb.com/pilothousekeylargo Key Largo School: Cody Robert Sax. He will gradu- Steinmetz, Javier Correa, ate from Coral Shores High 99228 Overseas Highway • Key Largo • MM 99.2 Bayside Jonathan Williams, Seamus School and Florida Keys Dougherty Community College, and will Coral Shores High attend Florida Polytechnic Adopt a Key Largo Animal Shelter Pet School: Evelyn Betancourt, University as a junior in the Bayside Blues Concerts Hannah Vinney, Joel Terrill, fall. Concert Showtime: 6:30pm Meet a few of the animals who are currently available for adoption at the Key Largo Animal Shelter. If you are interested in taking one of Katarina Wronka, KellyAnn The Keys Community SATURDAY these adorable furry friends home, stop by or call. The Shelter is located at mile marker 106 Oceanside; phone 305-451-0088. Macrombie, Kyle Estrada- Concert Band will begin Jun 14: Clarke, Melissa Hutchison, rehearsals for the next Rusty Wright Band “An energized blues storm.” Live Blues and Southern Rock, opened for Lynyrd Skynyrd. Nelson Coffman, Zoe season in November, 2014. SATURDAY Warren, and Zakary All band musicians who can Jun 21: Wronka. play at a high school level Peter Karp & Sue Foley High voltage, plank spankin’, piano boogyin’, slide guitar stompin’ blues! Plantation Key School: are welcome. For more FRI-SAT Marco Fucaraccio. information, find the band Jun 27-28: Marathon Middle School: on Facebook or call (305) Ladies of Nashville Nashville's Top Female Songwriters for 2 nights at Bayside Grille Sander Adames. 451-4530. SATURDAY July 5: Joel DaSilva & Midnight Howl Sunny Otis Alfie Kiki Sophia This New Orleans Guitar Legend played with all the greats! SATURDAY Bushwacker’s July 12: Robert “Top” Thomas Band LAWN & LANDSCAPE MAINTENANCE A gumbo of Louisiana swamp & Delta roots, influences: Muddy Waters, Jimmy Reed, Lazy Lester. SATURDAY Hire a LOCAL July 19: JP Soars & The Red Hots with EXPERIENCE Int’l Blues Challenge Winner & Albert King Guitarist of the Year! Plays a 2 string cigar box guitar! and a GOOD REPUTATION SATURDAY July 26: who does PROFESSIONAL WORK Rockin Jake Band A dynamo performer from New Orleans, five time Award Winner for Best Harmonica. and does it ON TIME at a FAIR RATE! Check the entertainment calendar at keylargo-baysidegrill.com Key Largo to Lower Matecumbe keylargo-baysidegrill.com for more great Bluesfest bookings Maxie Simon Minnie Felix & Oscar • Maintenance • Tree Work • Installations • Hardscape 305-451-5586 MM 99.5 Bayside, behind Cafe Largo 8 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2014 June 2014• The Coconut Telegraph • 9 Key Largo Rotary Club Art Box Artist of the Month: Mariela Estevez Welcomes New Members Mariela Estevez was school she spent 25 years her work, and finds inspira- The Key Largo Rotary Scott Youngberg IDLE SPEED BENEFIT raised in Venezuela, South doing what she loves: creating tion in her family. Club is please to welcome its America and has created art art and teaching children. She recently moved to the newest members, Lt. Alberto Sunday as far back as she can Through her work, people can Keys, where she has a studio Ramirez and Henry Menen- remember. Her parents were see that she is passionate space in which to be creative. dez. Live Music outside on the porch 11-11 very creative: her mother was about art. When people view her work, it June 15 an artist and father an engi- Mariela is a mother and communicates that she is a (Father's Day) neer. grandmother; she has a beau- caring person who cherishes Music Videos playing inside 11-11 Mariela attended art tiful daughter and grand- life and wants to leave a at school in Montreal, Canada. daughter. She is challenged to positive mark on the world. After graduating from art find the time and energy for Mariela never stops learn- Good News for Keys Music Lovers no cover Lunch & Dinner served inside & outside ing about art. She hopes to Great food & drink! continue to make artistic If you love the kind of music usually found only in big city discoveries and to stretch concert halls, rejoice. There is cause for celebration from Featuring Southern Traditional Cuisine and grow. She encourages the Lower Keys to the Upper Keys! The Florida Keys Concert everyone to create and enjoy Association announcesLt. Ramirez, an impressive shown here six-concert offering the process, and make your Silent Auctions, Raf es etc. for 2013, atwith a great Nancy price Alverez, of $85 is forSta all- six concerts, making mark on the world. the cost of tioneach Commander individual show of the about Mon $1- 4! You can have the opportu- roe County Sheriff’s Office, Instant Photo Booth Father’s Day fun! nity to meet Mariela Estevez having worked for the Sher- at the third Thursday art iff’s Office since 1989. Prior walk in Islamorada. Please to that he served as a mili- come in and see her work at tary police officer in the US the Art Box in Key Largo. Army. Gastronomy Unconventional

Farm to Table/Global Cuisine

JON & JOANNA DREAVER 80939 Overseas Highway Islamorada, FL 33036 • 305-922-2027

All proceeds to bene t ART CLASSES • ART SUPPLIES Scott Youngberg and oset medical expenses RESTORATION • MATTING & FRAMING FRAMING SUPPLIES • CANVAS STRETCHING Henry Menendez, pic- Checkout our FEATURED ARTISTS tured here with Jennifer Miller and Esther Fernandez, FULL ONLINE STORE: www.ArtBoxKeyLargo.com is the owner of HNO Produc- Scott has been diagnosed with a very rare tions, an event production form of bone cancer called chordoma. He The Art Box’s summer kids art WITH KEY LARGO PACK & SHIP company. His team currently went in for minor surgery in March to program starts June 9th and provides assistance in the remove a pilonidal cyst he had since birth. sessions are held Monday, A month later, the pathology revealed that it production of the Miami Trust a Professional! Tuesday, Thursday, Friday was not a pilonidal cyst a er all. It was a Marathon and the coordina- chordoma. And, they didn't get it all. from 9:30 am to noon or LOW COST PACKING MATERIALS/BOXES tion of events for Hard Rock 12:30-3 pm; or both. Ages Scott and his wife Suzie will be dealing with Cafe, City of Deerfield Beach SHIPPING: FREIGHT & INTERNATIONAL 5-12. The classes cover at least a year's worth of treatments includ- and Life Time Fitness. ing surgery, chemotherapy and proton beam media from watercolors, CRATING & SHRINK WRAPPING The Key Largo Rotary is radiation. He will not be able to perform acrylics, and drawing, to Scott Youngberg has been a well-loved during much of this time. ere will be honored to have both Al- Keys musician for many years. He clay pottery. The summer survival income lost. FAX • PRINT • SCANNING • LAMINATING berto and Henry as our new- performs everywhere and contributes program runs weekly Plus! COLOR COPIES • DIGITAL ARCHIVING est Rotarians. Information his time to all the various charitable Scott has a great positive attitude, he is throughout the summer; causes. Scott's unique style, wit, and about the Key Largo Rotary young and strong and otherwise healthy. 100650 Overseas Hwy 305-451-5461 please call for reservations positive energy have made him a We know he will beat this and we are here to Club can be found at www. favorite performer everywhere. and pricing 305-451-5461. help. Key Largo 33037 [email protected] keylargorotary.org. 10 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2014 June 2014• The Coconut Telegraph • 11 Macy’s Mammogram - The Best!

Tina’s Terrific! It had been a dangerously long time But I had made a commitment since my last mammogram. At my age to myself to better my health, so I you should have one every year or two started worrying that I would have but years had gone by because my last to stuff my giant bazooms in the Specializing in experience had not been a pleasant God-awful pannini machine again one. with a sadistic weightlifter in a lab Color & I had gone to a hospital here in the coat sneering at me in a germ- Highlights Keys and was squeezed every which ridden hospital. No thank you. and the Latest way until I had to tell the lady "Stop! Then a friend told me to go to No more!" I then received a bill from the Macy's store at the Falls. Beautiful dressing room. Haircut Trends the hospital. I had been given a free “Baptist Hospital has a mammogram Good News for Keys Music Lovers certificate that I had provided the center on the 2nd floor,” she said. Offering technician with so I ignored the bill. “The waiting room is like being in a If you love the kind of music usually found only in big city Cinderella Then I started getting calls from a bill living room and they are awesome!” concert halls, rejoice. There is cause for celebration from the Lower Keys to the Upper Keys! The Florida Keys Concert Hair Extensions collector! I called the hospital and Jessica Henry faxed them the could not speak to a human but I left prescription and I got an appoint- Association announces an impressive six-concert offering for 2013, at a great price of $85 for all six concerts, making Free Consulation an angry message and that was the end ment right away. of that. It was just as my friend had the cost of each individual show about $14! A few months ago I went online to described it. Professional, comfort- see what the new government health- able and pain free! The friendly care was all about. They might as well technician made me feel right at have written the entire website in home and her 30 years experience See Tina at Linda Lee’s Hairport Nicely appointed with coffee, tea and amenities. Swahili! It was so confusing I just gave on the new high tech equipment had Open 8 am - 10 pm daily. 103200 Overseas Hwy (Plaza 103, by Num Thai) up. Then one of my friends gave me a me comfortably done in only a few For info on government healthcare 451-3455 phone number for a local contact, Dixie minutes! call Dixie Hummlestein 305-240-9222 Hummlestein, who handles the new I went shopping at the Falls, and or 305-853-8975. healthcare. I called her and I found after only about 2 hours I got a call To schedule your Macy's Baptist that I could afford it! The cats looked from Dr. Lawyer's office that my Health mammogram call 786-573-6000. 305-451-1133 at me strangely as I did the Teaberry results were back and they were nega- Shuffle half naked on my kitchen floor. tive. It was a zippy doo dah day! It 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE Dixie signed me up with Cigna and I couldn't have been any better unless it "ESTROGEN ISSUES" Waterfront Tiki Bar, Restaurant, Motel & Marina 107900 Overseas Hwy went on a mission to get the most out was a singing mammogram. Monday thru Friday www.gilbertsresort.com of it. My doctor, Dr. Lawyer, accepts it 1. Everyone around you has an atti- RAW BAR open every day! HAPPY HOUR 4pm - 7pm or visit us on facebook and Nurse Practicioner Jessica Henry tude problem. KEYS ADVENTURES prescribed a mammogram for me. She Gilbert's Breakfast Nook Tiki Beach Bar Now Open!! Join us for THE OLD WAY 2. You're adding chocolate chips to Serving Breakfast Daily Father’s Day said Mariners Hospital or Homestead 7am - 11am your cheese omelet. WATERSPORTS JUNE ENTERTAINMENT June 15 Diagnostics would accept it. “Yikes!” I Guided Waverunner SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY thought, and “Hell no! Not that again!” 3. The dryer has shrunk every last Tours! pair of your jeans. Rentals! BOBBE BROWN 1:30-5:30 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing

NEW! Boat Rentals to everything you say. 5. You're using your cellular phone to Paddleboards & Kayaks STALKING MILDRED dial up every bumper sticker that says HOURLY, DAILY OR WEEKLY! "How's my driving-call 1-800-***-." We Deliver! • GGreatreat Rates! 6. Everyone's head looks like an Large Ride Areas! Call to reserve your ride time! invitation to batting practice.

FATHER’S DAY 7. You're convinced there's a God (302) 293-7199 and he's male. (Reservations suggested, but not required) BOBBE BROWN 8. You can't believe they don't make www.keysadventureswatersports.com 1:30-5:30 a tampon bigger than Super Plus. They’re Back!! Let’s Get 9. You're sure that everyone is $7.95 Daily scheming to drive you crazy. MICHAEL TRIXX MAGIC SHOW Food Specials Wet!! SATURDAYS AT 7:45 PM Mon-Fri 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and 107900 Overseas Hwy, Key Largo Find Macy’s Mammogram Center at the Falls you bought it yesterday. store, near ladies’ lingerie, of course! 12 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2014 June 2014• The Coconut Telegraph • 13

FEATURING KEYS CASTAWAYS ANTIQUES

Churrasco Steak Antiques, Jewelry, Marinated skirt steak grilled and Collectables, Vintage & served with fresh, housemade chimichurri Designer Clothing & Purses, on the side. $18 Furniture & more. CONSIGNMENTS WELCOME! Call for a consultation today. FREE PICK UP OCEAN REEF TO LOWER MATECUMBE

We buy items outright & are licensed to purchase gold & silver. Make some fast cash today!

In the median at MM98.7, south of The Moose! 10 am to 6 pm... Closed Mondays & some Tuesdays 305.451.1141 [email protected]

CHECK OUT OUR NEW VEGETARIAN & VEGAN MENUS!

MM 97.8 • In the Median 305-852-0822 • BallyhoosRestaurant.com

Check us out! Happy Hour The Buzzards Roost Monday—Friday on Facebook from 4-6pm • at the bar

Fresh Seafood, Island Favorites - and - Cold Beer, a Great Selection of Wine and a Full Liquor Bar!

305-453-3746 • www.Buzzardsroostkeylargo.com OWNER’S MM 106.5 Oceanside in the Garden Cove Marina MIAMI HEAT PLAYOFF GAME NIGHT SPECIAL SLATE’S NEW LOCATION: Casa Mar Village on Tavernier Creek, mm90.7 Oceanside! Hogfish Sandwich $9.99 $4 OFF • DIVE when you bring LUNCH • SNORKEL this ad! HAPPY HOUR 11:30 AM - 4:00 PM • TOUR • GET CERTIFIED Mon - Fri Daily Lunch & Dinner Specials • HAVE FUN! 4-7 pm Welcome Back 36 years and counting Capt. Slate Keys National Marine Sanctuary, LOCALS and his crew have been sharing our aording direct ocean beautiful reefs, wrecks and shes with access to over 35 10% OFF hundreds of thousands of dive locations including 50% divers/snorkelers. our huge intact ships, MEALS Join Capt. Slate's World Famous Located at Tavernier Creek, directly Spiegel Grove, Eagle, CREATURE FEATURE as seen on on the ocean adjacent to the Florida Duane and the Bibb. All Liquor Discovery, Ripley's, Animal Planet (305) 451-4105 & Good Morning America! www.captainslate.com www.D-Hooker.net SNORKEL • DIVE • TOUR 305-451-3020 • 800-331-3483 D-Hooker • MM 102.3 • Bayside, Key Largo 14 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2014 June 2014• The Coconut Telegraph • 15 Stronger than You Know Second Annual Bartender of the Month: Shannon Roth at Mandalay Getting Ourselves Worked Up Florida Keys always smiling. And that The highly successful superb entertainment. Often we get unfounded anxiety. We are stronger and Dolphin bartender is… Island Grill is famous for Monday and Thursday is the more capable than we believe ourselves to be. Shannon Roth, she is their excellent food and Sunshine Band, Friday is Championship absolutely amazing and one great service. When restau- Kevin Hurley, Saturday is Our capacity to cope Winners of the best bartenders I ranteur extraordinaire Sam John McKinna and Sunday is successfully with life's have ever had the privilege Nekhaila bought the Manda- Kenny Channel. challenges far outstrips our For the second year to write about. lay, he naturally brought his Come by car, boat or capacity to feel nervous- in a row Key West Shannon moved here expert Island Grill team with motorcycle, but do stop in ness. Yet in the weeks, Boats took home from Ellenville, New York. him. They had their work cut and meet Shannon. David days, and hours leading up the Championship. Having visited the Keys out for them and the result? Roth, who is a manager at to an event that we believe every year on vacation, A Conch Republic Coconut the Pilot House Restaurant, will test our limits, we can Key West busi- Through the years the Shannon and her fiancé Telegraph 5 Conch rating! is now Shannon‛s husband! become nervous. While we ness owner Ed "Mandalay," as the locals call saved up their money, They got married aboard may have previously Johnston won the it, has been host to a wide packed up all their worldly the Key Largo Princess regarded ourselves as equal second annual belongings and moved here Glass Bottom Boat in to the trials that lie ahead, focus on two distinct range of unique and inter- Shannon invites all past Florida Keys Dol- two years ago. Shannon went March. Congratulations to we reach a point at which thoughts or emotions at esting characters. Artists, and future Mandalites in to phin Championship they near and our anxiety once, and we can use this writers, fishermen, busi- to work at the Island Grill enjoy Happy Hour every day the newlyweds! begins to mount. We then natural human limitation to by weighing in a nessmen, billionaires, mud Mandalay Restaurant and from 4 to 6 with PBR Directions: Turn become increasingly worked our advantage when trying 46.8 lb. bull dolphin on the first day of the two-day tourna- wrestlers, pirates and other Tiki Bar. In upstate New bottles at $2, $2.50 domes- towards the ocean at Shell up, until the moment of to stay centered in the ment. This was Ed‛s first tournament, and after landing the scalawags. The owners have York she had worked for the tic bottle beer, $3 wine, World (at Mile Marker truth arrives and we dis- period leading up to a poten- “Slammer” fish, they turned the “Signs Unlimited” boat changed and the place has renowned Roma Time Bistro and $3 well drinks. Have 97.6). For more information cover that our worry was all tially tricky experience. towards Key West to make sure they got this prize fish to been remodeled and in Montecello, a 5-star, some $3 peel and eat call 305-852-0595. for nothing. When we concentrate the weigh station in time. Interesting thing is that Ed got upgraded into the beautiful fast-paced restaurant. shrimp (6), $3.00 fried clam We are almost always on something unrelated to the fish to the weigh station two and a half hours before it restaurant and full liquor She traded her view of strips, $3 chicken wings (6), stronger and more capable our worry, such as deep opened... resulting in him pacing up and down the dock! bar that it is today but the the majestic rolling moun- or $4 pork sliders with breathing, visualizations of than we believe ourselves to By taking first place “Signs Unlimited” won the $15,000 eclectic "Mandalites*" (and tains for the Island Grill that. be. But anxiety is not ratio- success, pleasurable pur- first place prize along with an additional $7,148 in optional this writer is one of them) Mandalay Oceanfront Grill They are open for lunch nal in nature, which means suits, or exercise, anxiety entries, taking home a total of $22,148. naturally continue to gravi- and Tiki Bar... a bar that and dinner daily 10am to 10 that in most cases we cannot dissipates naturally. Medita- Second place went to team “Twin Bruddas” out of Fort literally sits upon the work through it using logic tion is also a useful coping tate to the "Home of Per- pm. Shannon recommends Myers, lead by Andrew Kagen, who weighed in the next big- ocean's edge with an unpar- as our only tool. Reason can mechanism as it provides us petual Consumption*". It has the Tuna Nachos but I gest dolphin at 45.6 lbs., winning a total of $7,422 in prizes. help us recognize the rela- with a means to ground been a local Key Largo Rock alleled view of Rodriguez salivate for the amazing tive futility of unwarranted ourselves in the moment. Third place winner “The Natural” out of Marathon Harbor landmark since 1947. Key, the anchorage and all prime rib special every worry but, more often than Our guides can aid us by secured the $4,000 number three spot along with another Only an extraordinary the vibrant colors of the Sunday night after 6 pm for not, we will find more com- providing us with a focal $3,230 in optional entries when angler Reese Lewis landed a experienced intelligent, Florida Keys ocean waters... only $13.95. Best deal in fort in patterns of thought point wholly outside of our 44.3 lb. bull dolphin, earning him $7,230.00. compassionate and super where there is always town! Thursday is all-you- and activity that redirect own sphere. The contest had a total 69 boats and 340 anglers fast professional bartender enough of a cool breeze can-eat Fish Fry for $13.95 our attention to practical or The intense emotional throughout the Keys. Even with the high winds both days, can handle these thirsty rolling in to fill your senses and the rest of the week the engaging matters. flare-up you experience just many large dolphins were landed and the top three positions local folks while keeping up with the refreshing salt specials change. Most of us find it before you are set to chal- were separated by a mere 2.5 lbs. Many teams are already with the dinner crowd and air. The Island Grill Mandalay Daddy Ray and his babies at remarkably difficult to lenge yourself is often a making plans for the third annual Florida Keys Dolphin is also known for having the Mandalay mixture of both excitement Championship on May 15-17th, 2015. .* From vintage Mandalay University tee-shirts. and fear. When you take YOU’VE BEEN steps to eliminate the fear, to CRITICIZING you can more fully enjoy the Miami excitement. American Legion Post 333 - Key Largo YOURSELF FOR YEARS Though you may find it Burger King Traffic AND IT HASN’T difficult to avoid getting Light Sunday Walgreens HELPED. worked up, your awareness U.S. 1 -ATLANTIC OVERSEAS HWY BL. of the forces acting on your Breakfast Support CVS Flashing feelings will help you return our Veterans... Yellow TRY APPROVING 8-11am Light

MM 99.2 Bank Capital to your center and accept HOMESTEAD AV YOURSELF AND SEE that few hurdles you will $6 EAST DRIVE support Fire WHAT HAPPENS face will be as high as they The Post Station at first appear. your Post needs your to Key Happy Hour West support! 4-7pm daily ★ Reprinted from DailyOM - Inspirational thoughts for a happy, SEAGATE BLVD

healthy and fulfilling day. Register for free at www.dailyom.com DRIVE OCEAN BAY Pilot 2 Seagate Boulevard • MM 99.6 • Key Largo • 305-451-0307 House 16 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2014 June 2014• The Coconut Telegraph • 17

Take it from the NFL’s Jimmy Johnson... The Mangrove Galley PASTA SALAD by Sandi Mieszczenski 1 box of pasta - I like the bow ties multicolored pasta Sandi’s recipes are featured monthly in the Coconut Telegraph. 1/4 cup chopped red pepper For previous issues go to http://www.theconchtelegraph.com. JUST CHILL 1/4 cup chopped green pepper 1/4 cup chopped yellow pepper Dear Anny Bannanny, The Keys’ hottest spot to chill I have been living in the Upper Keys for many years, and I 1/4 cup sliced black olives drive up and down US 1 every day, and I am curious about the is renowned for 2 cups chopped fresh spinach leaves Psychic Fortune Tellers. I never see any cars in front of the terrific island dining and a 1/2 cup sun dried tomatoes- I buy the variety in the jar buildings and I never hear anything about them. What do you complete waterfront entertainment with oil. I squeeze out the oil using paper towels and slice know about them? I'm freaking curious! complex that suits your every mood. the tomatoes 1/2 cup of a chopped sweet or red onion Dear Freaking Curious, Indoor/Outdoor Restaurant A bottle of salad dressing such as creamy Italian or the Now you've got my curiosity peaked too. I have lived here 24 flavor of your choice years and do not know these people… and Anny Bannanny knows Sports Bar with 30 Flat Screens everybody! I don't have any friends that have had anything to NFL & NCAA - Best Place to View All the Games Cook the pasta according to the directions on the box. Cool. say about them either. Several years ago when I worked for Add the remaining ingredients. Stir well. another newspaper I was called by one of them, who wanted to Two Tiki Bars • Raw Bar • Enrico’s Pizza advertise. The lady had long dark hair and an olive complexion and Pool & Cabana Club • Live Entertainment Daily Well, summer is finally here! School is out, the heat is on, and not Salt and pepper to taste. Refrigerate until ready to serve. she spoke English. She invited me into a colorful parlor decorated to mention the bugs. Some days the last thing that you want to do with crystals, flowing curtains, incense burning and tarot cards on Jet Ski and Water Sports Rental is cook over a hot stove. You can put the dressing into the salad or serve on the side. the table. I took the ad but Tuesdays: Ladies Night This recipe was given to me by my stepdaughter Stacey and truly is they never paid for it. My one of the best pasta salads that I have had. It is so easy to boss said they were probably with Jimmy Ray prepare. The recipe can be altered to suit your taste by varying the gypsies. amount of fresh peppers, olives, or onion. I have also put in chopped Annie Bannanny is a true Check out the New Martini Bar: meat such as pepperoni, prosciutto, or capicolla. Try and enjoy! believer in the 6th sense. New Martinis, New Wines, New Menu & Live Music Where I come from there Friday & Saturday: 5pm-Close are many legitimate psychics, 1 and my friends and I would confer with them regularly. My favorite is Phil Jordan from Candor, NY. He is also a police officer and helps find missing children. He is always right on. I haven't heard diddly squat about these Keys folks. I asked some of 2 the neighbors about them, and they said they have never seen them but they live there in the building. You would think they would mingle with other business people in town, but they don't. Anyone who would like to 3 comment on the psychics numbered 1, 2 and 3 please leave Anny Bannanny a message at [email protected] or visit Anny Bannanny's Facebook site. Are they real psychics or charlatans?

“Your life will be LONG and HAPPY. Great WEALTH will be YOURS. LOVE will follow you ALWAYS. The Keys’ Hottest Spot to Chill “Oh, wait... it’s you again. I see you wandering in On the water at MM 104, Bayside, Key Largo PENNEKAMP PARK looking for your pants, great BEER will be yours. 305-453-9066 • www.jjsbigchill.com CREDITORS will follow you ALWAYS.” 18 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2014 June 2014• The Coconut Telegraph • 19 Business in the Keys Sounds of the Keys KEY LARGOKEY LARGO CHOCOLATES CHOCOLATES LUNCH $1 Sushi all the time! 11:30-3 (Mon.-Fri.) Special Dinner Menu “The Working Man’s Friend” HANDMADE CHOCOLATES starting at $6.99 (5-7:30pm) DINNER Key Lime Pie On a Stick 5-10 Lunch Specials from $5.95 Ice Cream • FUDGE (Every Day) Private Room Available Sales & Service • Tires • Batteries FREE SAMPLES KEY LIME PIES Alternators & Starters WITH THIS AD Voted Best Asian Food Natalie Noone, Nikki Shannon 305-451-5955 15 years in a row. Stephen Salyers (L) and Jerr Gregg (R) on [email protected] MM 100 1/2 BAYSIDE daughter of Peter Fernandez sings Island Time Cruise Music Fest FInale.* 103200 Overseas Hwy, Key Largo, MM 103 Bayside 305-942-1429 COC TEL COC BC www.keylargochocolates.com • 305-453-6613 Noone Herman’s back up for Hermits.* Brooks and Dunn.* Wow! What a night on Island Time for the finale of the Key Largo Music Fest with some exceptional entertainers. Left is Structural/Civil • Structural Evaluations Dianna Corcoran - Australian female artist of the Year. 10% Residential/Commercial Design Center is Megan Conner - Rascal Flatts just released her OFF song Aftermath. Right is Shane Hines who co-wrote with UPS • DHL • USPS • FREIGHT Michael F. Padula P. E. Megan atop 20 song in Australia - Burn the Room. Notary, professional printing, fax, scan, Seacoast Engineering & Design Thank you everyone for making it such a special night! office supplies, mailbox rentals, and more! (*Thanks to Rob Mitchell for the Music Fest photos.) Get the Pack and Ship promise with UPS retail rates. Bring in ad for 10% o 31 Ocean Reef Dr. 305 Key Largo, FL 33037 • 305.509.7695 • fax 305.509.7635 (excludes stamps & metered mail) in the Plaza Bldg. 396-7444 [email protected] • Sea Coast Engineering and Design on Facebook

* Corpora on Set Up * Sales Tax * Sales Audits * Accounts Receivable * Accounts Payable * Payroll Sole Proprietors to Corpora ons, Big or Small Build your business - Balance your life! The amazing Candye Kane at Scotty Meyer at Snooks. Call to schedule a free coaching session. Bayside Grill. Photo by Gjyle Mazelin. Michele Beach 305-619-1354 Always a great band at Gilbert's - this is Eclipse. TheGrowthCoach.com/mbeach

Kenny Channels every Sunday at . Advertise Here Advertise Here Derrick Herring at the Big Chill Kush at the Pilot House. the Mandalay. $30 per month $30 per month (4 MONTH MINIMUM, PAID IN ADVANCE) (4 MONTH MINIMUM, PAID IN ADVANCE) Drop off check and biz card to Drop off check and biz card to FOUND IT ON The UPS Store, MM 101.4 Oceanside The UPS Store, MM 101.4 Oceanside next to Publix in the Tradewinds Plaza. next to Publix in the Tradewinds Plaza. FACEBOOK!

Mike Padula posted The Conch Republic COCONUT TELEGRAPH this fantastic idea: Independently Owned Local Newspaper Advertise Here adding a spot for Denise Malefyt $30 per month PUBLISHER a musician‛s tip on (4 MONTH MINIMUM, PAID IN ADVANCE) 305.304.2837 the credit card www.TheConchTelegraph.com Drop off check and biz card to [email protected] The UPS Store, MM 101.4 Oceanside checkout at a 101425 Overseas Hwy., PMB #628 Key Largo, Florida Keys 33037 next to Publix in the Tradewinds Plaza. restaurant or bar. 20 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2014 June 2014• The Coconut Telegraph • 21 IF YOU WANT RESULTS - - - CALL US - - - WE GET THE JOB DONE!!! The Wasmund Team Conch Characters Tropical Realty Of The Florida Keys, Inc. MM 103 bayside BROKER/OWNER We’re a Mother-Daughter Team OWNER and we handle your real estate needs with integrity and professionalism. Let our 30+ years of combined experience work for you! 522 Caribbean Drive • 305.453.1905 . Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner Jane: 305-451-2214 Wendy: 305-394-1376 Featuring Fresh Local Fish CRS, GRI, Short Sale Specialist GRI NOW IS A GOOD TIME GET STARTED... Open Late! TO LIST YOUR HOME CALL US TODAY! [email protected] www.thewasmundteam.com Live Music The beautiful Amy tending bar at Tavernier Elks Lodge Kentucky Derby Party. Snooks Bayside, lookin’ good. Happy Hour Every Day B ON THE MAP Creekside. Photo by Bobbe Brown. Craft Beer Beautiful pendants made in Key Largo. Sports Headquarters ART BOX KEYS DIVER MM 100.6 MM 99.7 Locals’ Favorite! On the Water 305-451-5461 305-451-1177 A ON THE MAP C AND D ON THE MAP

24-HR. You Can Trust The Professionals at TOWING

M V 1 0 1 7 0

Quality Service Since 1972 AMERICAN & FOREIGN CARS, TRUCKS S.U.V.s, VANS, TRAILERS & R.V.s B Gilbert's “pool by the pool.” How to travel the Keys on a scooter Shannon at the Mandalay. • Certified Mechanics E with 2 cats and 2 dogs. She’s our Bartender of the Month! • Exhaust Systems MINOR H • Brakes & MAJOR D OWNER’S • Tune-Ups REPAIRS C • Tire Sales & Repairs A IAMI EAT • Air Conditioning M H • Coolant & Transmission Flushes F PLAYOFF • Regular & Synthetic Oil Changes GAME NIGHT SPECIAL Hogfish Sandwich 305-451-3500 $9.99 MM 101.5 • KEY LARGO H ON THE MAP HAPPY HOUR Mon - Fri Every night at sunset a lucky person A friend of Katharine the Great White Shark Nicholas Petcardis and Ryan Raber from the band 24 HOUR EMERGENCY SERVICE gets to pull the Sunset Horn... for a was spotted hanging out at D-Hookers. Devinshire perform at the Salvation Army 4-7 pm free chilled drilled & filled rum Happy Hour, every Wednesday from 3:30 to 4:30. coconut at Snook's. Free hot dogs and refreshments! Compassionate Health Care 50% for Your iquor Animal Friends All L

Geoff Bailey, DVM Salvation Army Family Store Office Hours: MON-FRI 8-5; SAT 8-1 LUNCH No Worries MM 99 Bayside SHOP • DONATE Medicine • Surgery • Dentistry 11:30 AM - 4:00 PM Key Largo Digital Radiology, Endoscopy Daily Lunch & Dinner Specials & Laboratory Diagnostics Microchip ID • Kitten Adoption Welcome Back Boarding • Grooming • Drop-Offs CONSIGNMENTS WELCOME! Call for a consultation today. FREE PICK UP OCEAN REEF TO LOWER MATECUMBE LOCALS ~ House Calls Available ~ Katherine? Appointments 6 Days a Week We buy items outright & are licensed to 10% OFF MEALS purchase gold & silver. Make some fast cash today! Who? 305 453-0044 (305) 451-4105

MM100.6 Bayside • Key Largo In the median at MM98.7, south of The Moose! 10 am to 6 pm... Closed Mondays & some Tuesdays www.D-Hooker.net What Great www.animalcareclinickeylargo.com MM 102.3 • Bayside, Key Largo White Shark? C ON THE MAP F ON THE MAP E ON THE MAP Visit the store, or call 305-872-5744 for prompt and courteous pickup June 2014• The Coconut Telegraph • 23

A woman found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the Rest Your Mind Coco‘Nut’ Funnies veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He I know you have been lying High Urinals cleaned both ears and the dog awake at night wondering why baby could hear fine. diapers have brand names such as A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accom- The vet then told the woman if she “Luvs,” “Huggies,” and “Pampers,” panied by two female teachers, went on wanted to keep this from recurring while undergarments for old people a field trip to the local racetrack to see the she should go to the store and get are called “Depends.” horses. some cream hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month. Well here is the low down on When it was time to take the children to the the whole thing. bathroom, it was decided that the girls would The lady goes to the drug store When babies crap in their and gets some hair remover. go with one teacher and the boys would go pants, people are still gonna Luv’em, with the other. The teacher assigned to the Too Much Sex! At the register the druggist tells her, boys was waiting outside the men’s room when Hug’em and Pamper’ em. When old I couldn’t help but over-hear two guys in their “If you’re going to use this under one of the boys came out and told her that people crap in their pants, it “De- mid-twenties while sitting at a bar. One of your arms, don’t use deodorant for none of them could reach the urinal. the guys says to his buddy, “Man you look a few days.” pends” on who’s in the will! tired.” His buddy says, “Dude I’m exhausted. Glad I got that straightened Having no choice, she went inside, helped the The lady says, “I’m not using it un- My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just out. boys with their pants, and began hoisting the der my arms.” little boys up one by one, holding on to their don’t know what to do.” The druggist says, “Well, if you’re ‘wee-wees’ to direct the flow away from their A fellow about my age (65), sitting a couple of clothes. using it on your legs, don’t shave stools down had also overheard the conversa- for a couple of days.” As she lifted one, she couldn’t help but notice tion. He looked over at the two young men The lady says, “I’m not using it on that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not and with the wisdom of years says,”Marry her. A geneticist was working late one my legs either. If you must know, to show that she was staring the teacher said, That’ll put a stop to that crap”. night, secretly perfecting his greatest I’m using it on my schnauzer.” ‘You must be in the 5th grade.’ project: a perfect clone of himself... an The druggist says, ‘No, ma’am’, he replied. ‘I’m riding Silver Ar- utter copy with no noticeable differ- “Oh! Well then, stay row in the seventh race, but I appreciate your ences in personality or appearance. off your bicycle for help.” Having finished his work, the geneti- at least a week.” JOHN McKINNA is a local musician, a best-selling author, and a published, syndicated cartoonist. We feature his cist took off for Maui and sent his clone Thanks to Thad Bowling cartoons every month in the Coconut Telegraph! to work. Within days, reports came back from his friends in the know of bizarre behavior from his doppelganger. The du- COCONUT LOCAL’S FAVORITE! Best-kept secret for 30 years! plicate had cussed out the boss and his TELEGRAPH CLASSIFIEDS receptionist, groped all members of the Keys Eating at Its Finest... Overlooking the Water FRIDAY FISH FRY research team male and female, used BUYING BUY, SELL, PERSONALS the Xerox to copy his genitalia -- send- CONSIGN ALL YOU CAN EAT ing the results to all the company’s af- Not enough stuff Send us your ad to go into the The $12.95 filiates -- and concluded all handshakes for a yard sale? New Arrivals at Classifieds. by forcibly pressing the other’s hand Call the Buyer Keys Castaways Antiques! Hideout 5-9 PM • Bev. Incl. against the general area of his nipple, 305-741-7670 Waterford, Lilly Pulitzer, MUSICIANS Restaurant An old man calls his son and says, “Lis- then simulating canine-fashion copulation Designer Purses, Villeroy WANTED —Daily Specials— ten, your mother and I are getting divorced. while saying “nice to -meat- ya!” WE BUY COINS & Boch, Designer Shoes, 305-451-0128 Breakfast Served ‘til 2PM Daily Teak Furniture, Signed Amateur musicians wanted! Forty-five years of misery is enough.” The geneticist was horrified when he No collection too large 7 Days a Week - 6 AM to 2 PM & Friday Nights 5-9 PM Celebrity Sports The Keys Community “Dad, what are you talking about?” the heard the news, and he immediately took or too small. We pay Concert Band begins Memoribilia, Rare Books & MM 103.5 • Oceanside (Transylvania Ave. to the End) son screams. the next plane back to the States. He cash on the spot and rehearsals for its new Engravings, Original “We can’t stand the sight of each we offer private season in the fall. If you confronted the clone in their twentieth- Artwork & thousands of want to participate, call consultation in our other any longer,” he says. “I’m sick of her story office, and braving a three-minute Collectibles. 451-4530. Monday night @ Snooks face, and I’m sick of talking about this, so uninterrupted litany of expletives, location or yours. Closed Mondays & some Wednesday night @ Gilberts call your sister and tell her,” and hangs up. pushed the unreasonable double out the Call Bill at Tuesdays. 10:00 to 6:00 GET CLASSIFIED The son is worried. He calls his sis- window, where he fell to his death. 305.942.0911. 305.451.1141 Thursday night @ $10 per col.inch per month! (We buy, sell & consign) The Creekside ter. She says, “Like hell they’re getting The police arrived, and once the (generous 1.88 column width) divorced!” She calls their father immedi- situation was explained, the geneticist Clean out the Bold Listing $12./inch per mo. Fridays @ Gilberts ately. “You’re not getting divorced! Don’t laughed, disbelieving any statute cov- CLUBS CLASSIFIEDS MUST BE garage Saturday night @ Snooks do another thing. The two of us are flying ered the destruction of one’s genetic PAID IN ADVANCE or closet and Upper Keys Mac User with “That” Band home tomorrow to talk about this. Until clone. Classified Display Space call the Buyer Group meets the second available for logos and special then, don’t call a lawyer, don’t file a paper. After interviewing all concerned par- artwork. $15/inch. 305-741-7670 Thursday of every DO YOU HEAR ME?” She hangs up. ties, the geneticist was arrested. month at Key Largo Drop off your ad and payment at The old man turns to his wife and says, The charge? Classified ads will not Library Community The UPS STORE 101425 Overseas Highway, be accepted without Room 7pm. Free/open 305-360-1127 “Okay, they’re both coming for Christmas Making an obscene clone fall. Next to Publix at Tradewinds payment. to the public. 451-4601 bobbebrown.com and paying their own airfares. Thad Bowling does it again! Questions? Call 305•304•2837. 24 • The Coconut Telegraph • June 2014

LIST WITH US! COMMERCIAL We have cash investment buyers looking for properties in Key Largo... ready to buy!

TWO 3/2 NEW GROUND LEVEL HOMES DRASTIC PRICE REDUCTION ON TAMARIND YOU choose which one you want - one done DRASTIC PRICE REDUCTION - 2 LEGAL SIDES BAY UNIT 2/2 with bay views, and nice up- one near completion - nice homeowners’ park. IDEAL KEY LARGO LOCATION - GOOD VISIBILITY grades. Must sell NOW - good rental history. Lots of upgrades and custom features. GOOD HIGHWAY FRONTAGE - MUST SELL NOW!!

CANAL FRONT KEY LARGO HOME. Direct access to the bay. 2 bedrooms up. Workshop and storage down. $489,000.

CANALFRONT IN TROPICAL ATLANTIC SHORES - LIST WITH US STRAIGHT OUT TO THE OCEANFRONT. Updated WE USE A PROFESSIONAL , LOCAL kitchen. 2 bdrm up and an apartment down, plus PHOTOGRAPHER WHO CAPTURES BEAUTIFUL MOBILE HOME ON A CANAL OWNER FINANCING - CANAL FRONT MOBILE workshop. Porches on street side and canal side. Well maintained, decorator perfect, Fenced - updated - plenty of room for parking Concrete roof. Beautifully landscaped. Fenced. THE ESSENCE OF YOUR PROPERTY great for full time or weekending. You Very close to schools... TAVERNIER FOR BEST SALES RESULTS. won't find one nicer!! OWNER SAYS SELL!! IF YOU WANT RESULTS - - - CALL US - - - WE GET THE JOB DONE!!! BROKER/OWNER The Wasmund Team OWNER Tropical Realty Of The Florida Keys, Inc., MM 103 bayside We're a Mother-Daughter Team and we handle your real estate needs with integrity and professionalism. Over 30 years of combined sales in Jane: 305-451-2214 the Keys gives you the opportunity to have our experience work for you. Wendy: 305-394-1376 CRS, GRI, Short Sale Specialist [email protected] • www.thewasmundteam.com GRI NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO LIST YOUR HOME, CALL US TODAY!