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The Sex Myth ‘As entertaining as it is erudite’ Catherine Hakin, Observer ieielout & ' Praise for The Sex Myth ‘She accomplishes this heroic task with humour, skill and passion in a book that is as entertaining as it is erudite’ Katherine Hakin, Observer ‘An important book . exactly the kind of level-headed analysis that could help to dispel some of the hysteria surrounding the sex industry’ Suzi Godson, The Times ‘There is a lot to admire in The Sex Myth . should be read by anyone claiming an interest in sex and, especially, sex equality’ Katie Law, Evening Standard ‘An enlightening must-read for anyone exposed to the press’ Abby O’Reilly, Independent on Sunday Dr Brooke Magnanti studied Genetic Epidemiology and gained her PhD at the Department of Forensic Pathology, University of Sheffield. Her professional interests include population-based research, stan­ dards of evidence, and human biology and anthropology. In 2009 it was revealed that she is an ex-call girl and author of the bestselling Belle de Jour series of memoirs, which were adapted into the T V series Secret Diary of a Call Girl, starring Billie Piper. Follow Brooke on Twitter @bmagnanti. By Brooke Magnanti Writing as Belle de Jour The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl Further Adventures of a London Call Girl Playing the Game Belle de Jour’s Guide to Men Writing as Dr Brooke Magnanti The Sex Myth The Sex Myth Why everything we’re told is wrong Dr Brooke Magnanti First published in Great Britain in 2012 by Weidenfeld & Nicolson This paperback edition published in 2013 by Phoenix, an imprint of Orion Books Ltd, Orion House, 5 Upper St Martin’s Lane London WC2H 9EA An Hachette UK company 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2 Copyright © Bizrealm Limited 2012 Bizrealm Limited has asserted Dr Brooke Magnanti’s right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner. Every effort has been made to fulfil requirements with regard to reproducing copyright material. The author and publisher will be glad to rectify any omissions at the earliest opportunity. A C IP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. i s b n 978-1-7802-2089-5 Typeset by Input Data Services Ltd, Bridgwater, Somerset Printed and bound by C PI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon, c r o 4YY The Orion Publishing Group’s policy is to use papers that are natural, renewable and recyclable products and made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The logging and manufacturing processes are expected to conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin. www.orionbooks.co.uk Contents Introduction 1 Chapter 1 Myth: When it comes to sexual attraction, men are visually stimulated and always interested in sex - and women aren’t. 9 Chapter 2 Myth: Sex addiction is a real psychological disorder, and it’s on the increase. 32 Chapter 3 Myth: Modern culture encourages early sexualisation of children, leads to more sexual activity among teens, and promotes violence against women. 54 Chapter 4 Myth: When adult businesses move into a city, the occurrence of rape and sexual assault goes up. 79 Chapter 5 Myth: Pornography objectifies women, and the industry that produces it abuses them. 100 Chapter 6 Myth: The availability of adult content on the internet is materially different from that of any other media, and more dangerous. 119 Chapter 7 Myth: Tens of thousands of women are trafficked into Britain as sex slaves. 140 Chapter 8 Myth: Restricting and banning prostitution stops people from exchanging sex for money. 172 Chapter 9 Myth: The people who oppose sex work, pornography, and similar issues are motivated only by what they think is best for society. 203 Chapter 10 223 Conclusion Afterword 237 Myth: Fifty Shades of Myth (and a few truths too). Acknowledgements 243 Endnotes 245 Index 259 Introduction Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one. Charles Mackay, Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds ex is virtually a human universal. It’s something most of us can claim, if not expertise, at least an enthusiastic amateur Sinterest. Plenty of people have opinions about sex, sex work, and sexuality, and why not? When it comes to something of which we have (ahem) hands-on experience, we can all be experts. But sex is a broad topic, the inner workings of which are still somewhat of a mystery to us, no matter how much we practise. Once out of the comfort zone of what we know first hand, all kinds of strange rumours can take hold. And once a rumour starts to spread it can be very hard to stop. Relying on others for our information about sex and sexuality starts young. I had an early personal lesson in how curiosity and lack of information mix. When I was eight years old, kids in my year spent a lot of time try­ ing to catch a glimpse of the opposite sex in the nude. The boys may have started it, but we girls were good at outsmarting them. By the time the summer break came the challenge was at fever pitch. We lived in a small town by the beach and most of us went to the same places together, chaperoned by parents and relatives. A lucky few had older brothers and sisters with cars. The beach turned out to be the perfect place to spy. For one thing the doors o f the changing rooms ended a crucial several inches above the ground. In the minds of the girls it was therefore theoretically possible, if we were quiet enough, to win this little war. Because I was the youngest and smallest in the group (a good three years younger than those in the same class at school, and shorter than average with it), the Job of official eye was given to me. What I quickly discovered was that the couple of inches between the floor and the bottom of the changing-room doors didn’t allow me to see anything of interest. The angles were all wrong. At most I might glimpse a part of someone’s foot, but only if they were standing close to the gap. Otherwise all I could see was the tiled floor of the boys’ changing area. Weeks passed and the speculation about what the boys were hiding grew more elaborate. Clearly we were Just as motivated as they were to find out what the opposite sex was up to, but who knew how it would end? One morning a girl called Tanya finished the war for good. She said there was a hole in the door of the boys’ changing room and she had seen what they looked like naked. We gathered round, ready to receive all the gory details. But as for secondary sources, well, those didn’t exist. We would have to take her word for it. According to Tanya, the male member was long, with a spiral ridge running down it - a lot like a screw, in fact. Curiously satis­ fied by this explanation, we forgot about the challenge and went back to enJoying the beach for the rest of the summer. We could now all say with confidence what boys looked like naked without having to actually, you know, see one. No one gave the details of the story a second thought even though they didn’t make much sense. After all, if there was a hole in the door of the changing room, why did no one else know about it? Wouldn’t the boys have realised some­ one was spying on them? Wasn’t it odd that the shape she described - a screw - Just happened to coincide with a popular euphemism for having sex? As the teenage years progressed, similar gossip fires raged through school every year. The stories passed between girls became more sophisticated and corrected a lot of the faults in Tanyas informa­ tion. But we weren’t only interested in naked people any more. The gossip was more often about who was doing what with whom. And, of course, the Juicy parts always happened at times and in places where no one could prove otherwise. There was a notebook reserved especially for recording our gossip and speculations. It was passed around during French and RE. We didn’t question the authority of the notebook. If it was written, it was true, no matter how unlikely the event - or whose reputation was smashed because of it. We were at the age when we couldn’t get enough of thinking and talking about sex. From the first rumours in the schoolyard to the first fumblings in the dark, has there ever been a topic more talked about, thought about, and argued about? We begin to learn about sex and sexu­ ality from the things we tell each other, and later from our own experiences. As we get older and gain more insight, our gaze widens: from when will I have sex? What will it be like? How are other people doing it? to broader questions of sexual orientation, relationships, and gender issues. We’re fascinated with the periphery of sex as well as the nuts and bolts of it.
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