Kindred Spirits: Stories of Sister Relationships
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KINDRED SPIRITS: STORIES OF SISTER RELATIONSHIPS MELANIE L. MAUTHNER INSTITUTE OF EDUCATION UNIVERSITY OF LONDON A DISSERTATION SUBM11 1ED TO LONDON UNIVERSITY FOR THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR IN PHILOSOPHY APRIL 1998 1 Abstract This sociological study explores the construction of feminine subjectivities within biological sister relationships - a neglected, socially invisible tie. The qualitative research design, data collection and analysis are embedded in feminist standpoint theory and feminist post-structuralism. Sociological work in auto/biography is applied as a method for collecting and analysing sister life histories. Four methods were used to collect data from 37 women from varied class and ethnic backgrounds across six decades aged between 6 and 50 in the UK: a questionnaire; an Ecomap; a Flowchart; and a semi-structured depth interview. Five elements of the bond were documented: contact patterns, types of tie, factors affecting these ties, comparisons with female friendship, and changes over time. The data from 29 interviews were analysed through case studies, the auto/biographical method and grounded theory. A typology of four strands was developed to analyse the women's narratives: best friendship, close and distant companionship, the positioned and shifting positions discourses. Contact patterns between sisters were associated with forms of female friendship: some ties recalled the intensity of best friendship; others, the positive and negative aspects of distance and separateness of close and distant companionship. Sister ties evolve over time, moving from best friendship during girlhood to companionship in womanhood, or vice-versa. Change stems from circumstances external to the tie, and from internal shifts. These external changes - oscillating patterns of dependence and independence - are linked to turning-points and life events: changing school, acquiring and losing girlfriends and boyfriends, leaving home, starting work, divorce, bereavement, and mothering. Internal shifts are triggered by factors additional to life-stage and age: changing power relations and emotions. These are analysed in terms of the positioned discourse which reproduces elements of mother-daughter relationships, especially minimothering, where power tends to be hegemonic; and the shifting positions discourse, where role reversals occur and women alternately adopt dominant, dominated, or more equal positions of power. The role of 'agentic subjectivity' in the move in and out of one discourse to another is highlighted. 2 In memory of my mother and her sister who both died a decade ago - in memory of their lives, their bond and their inspiration. 3 Acknowledgements A number of people enabled me to carry out this study. I would like to thank all the women who took part in the research for sharing their sister stories with me. I am indebted to Janet Holland who supervised my work with passion and rigour. She has taught me all I know about qualitative research and accompanied me every step of the way during this project. I thank Ann Oakley for her intellectual encouragement from the very beginning and for providing the ideal environment for both my doctoral work and part-time research at the Social Science Research Unit. I thank them both for their on-going support and for reading and commenting on the final draft of the thesis. Financial support provided by the AL Charitable Trust and the British Sociological Association's Support Fund contributed to the costs of fieldwork, transcribing and binding. The Social Science Research Unit, the Institute of Education's Advanced Student Research Fund and Staff Benevolent Fund helped cover tuition and examination fees and my attendance at conferences. Many friends, colleagues and kin gave generously of their time over the years. I am grateful to Valerie Hey for her excitement and delight in my work, and initiation to post- structuralism. I thank my sister Natasha Mauthner for her guidance along the way to completion through every stage of the research. I thank them both for their enthusiasm, invaluable discussions and insights. I would like to thank Eva Garmarnikov, Valerie Hey, Janet Holland, Natasha Mauthner, Ann Oakley and David Scott for reading and commenting on draft chapters. For his meticulous proof-reading of the final draft of the thesis I thank Adam Steinhouse. For their intellectual support over the years I am grateful to the women in the two groups which I have attended since I started my doctorate. Thanks to my friends from the Institute's Phd Support Group - Eileen Carnell, Lesley Dee, Jannette Elwood, Helen Hayhoe and Alison Kirton - and from the Women's Workshop on Qualitative Family/Household Research: Pam Alldred, Linda Bell, Maxine Birch, Claudia Downing, Ros Edwards, Val Gillies, Tina Miller, Kitty Morgan-Jones, Linda Nutt, Janet Parr, Jane Ribbens, Miri Song and Kay Standing. I am grateful to Claire Higgins and Amanda Nicholas for their help with transcribing the interview tapes. For sending relevant material my way and commenting on the research design, methods and methodology, thanks are due to Jeff Hearn, Claire Higgins, Pippa Stein, Lalitte Stolper and Jo Van Every. For their care and interest in my work, I thank Debbie Epstein, Sue Sharpe and Susan Williams. Finally, for their friendship, humour and nurture, I thank Bruce Currie, Sabrina Kassam, Shainul Kassam, my cousin Julia Mackenzie, my brother Hugo Mauthner, Fenella Morris, Clare Mortimer, and Anita Schroeder. I thank my father, Martin Mauthner, for his concern and generosity over the years. I am particularly grateful to Adam Steinhouse for his love and sustaining presence: encouragement to begin, affection and patience throughout, and space to complete. 4 Table of Contents Abstract 2 Acknowledgements 4 Table of Contents 5 List of Tables and Figures 8 INTRODUCTION 9 CHAPTER I: SUBSTANTIVE RESEARCH ON SISTER 15 RELATIONSHIPS Introduction 16 1.An invisible relationship in the public sphere 16 2. Studies in psychology and medicine 20 3. Sociological research 21 4. Structural factors affecting sister relationships 29 Conclusion 33 CHAPTER II: CONCEPTUAL FRAMEWORK 36 Introduction 37 1.Tool-box theories 37 2. Theoretical concepts 51 Conclusion 60 CHAPTER III: RESEARCH DESIGN 63 Introduction 64 1.Aims and research questions 64 2. Method of data collection 65 3. Sample description, access and ethics in the field 67 4. The interview as a social process: accessing sisters in private 72 5. The dream of a common language 76 6. Sister talk in the field: feminist methodology in action 80 7. Constructing narratives of sister relationships 84 Conclusion 88 5 CHAPTER IV: METHOD AND DILEMMAS OF ANALYSIS 90 Introduction 91 1.The method of grounded theory 91 2. Grounded theory revisited 93 3. The production of feminist knowledge 94 4. Developing a typology of sistering 96 5. A typology for analysing sister relationships 99 6. Ethical and methodological dilemmas 104 Conclusion 112 CHAPTER V: BEST FRIENDSHIP AND COMPANIONSHIP 113 Introduction 114 1.Best friendship: 'we get on like a house on fire' 115 2. Close companionship: 'we enjoy each other's company' 122 3. Distant companionship: 'we weren't a sort of buddy team' 128 Conclusion 131 CHAPTER VI: TURNING-POINTS AND CHANGING 133 RELATIONSHIPS Introduction 134 1.Prodigal daughter and beauty queen: Leila and Annar 135 2. Tough cookie and prima donna: Roxanne and Madonna 141 Conclusion 160 CHAPTER VII: THE POSITIONED AND SHIFTING 162 POSITIONS DISCOURSES Introduction 163 1.Definitions 163 2. Minimother and baby mother: Suzanne and Collette 166 3. Escape from motherland: Jeanne 172 4. Rebel with a cause and Miss Goody Two Shoes: Hazel and Phoebe 178 5. Psyches talk: reflexivity and therapy 197 Conclusion 199 CHAPTER VIII: CHANGING SUBJECTIVITY 202 Introduction 203 1.Emotions and talk- Chloe and Annabel 204 2. Narratives of change and power: Rae and Bukhi 207 3. Separateness and difference: Clare and Stella 213 4. Silences and memories: Rowena and Grace 220 5. The material production of subjectivity 222 Conclusion 225 6 CONCLUSION 228 Introduction 228 228 1.Rationale 229 2. Summary of aims and methods Contribution to methodological debates 230 3. 231 4. Contribution to theoretical debates Summary of main findings 232 5. Limitations and possibilities 235 6. 7. Future research directions 237 APPENDIX I: TABLE 7: CHARACTERISTICS 240 OF THE SAMPLE APPENDIX II: ECOMAP 242 APPENDIX III: CHANGES IN A CHILD'S OR ADULT'S 243 LIFE: FLOWCHART APPENDIX IV: SISTER RELATIONSHIPS: 244 INTERVIEW GUIDE APPENDIX V: QUESTIONNAIRE 248 APPENDIX VI: INFORMATION SHEET 249 APPENDIX VII: AVAILABILITY SHEET 250 APPENDIX VIII: CONFIRMATION LETTER 251 APPENDIX IX: INTERVIEW WITH SISTERS: 252 INTRODUCTORY COMMENTS APPENDIX X: THANK YOU LETTER 253 APPENDIX XI: SUMMARIES OF THE PARTICIPANTS' 254 STORIES BIBLIOGRAPHY 261 7 List of Tables Table 1: Feminist standpoint theory 40 Table 2: Feminist post-structuralist theory 46 Table 3: Auto/biographical work in sociology 49 Table 4: Conceptual framework adopted in the current study 61 Table 5: Sample by age and type of interview 69 Table 6: Summary of the sample 70 Table 7: Characteristics of the sample 240 Table 8: Best friendship contact patterns 115 Table 9: Close companionship contact patterns 123 Table 10: Distant companionship contact patterns 128 List of Figures Figure 1: Isabel and her sisters 68 Figure 2: Beth and Louise's family of origin 100 Figure 3: Jeanne's relationships with her three sisters 172 8 Introduction This study seeks to capture and make 'sense of what it means to have lived' (Henley 1997:6) in terms of the sistering experience, a socially invisible aspect of many women's lives. Over three-quarters of all older adults have one or more sisters or brothers yet little is known about the actual and potential supportive role they play for each other in later life (Avioli 1986). Sister relationships in girlhood and womanhood are examined in a small empirical study using qualitative methods. The focus is on how sisters who have an active relationship, or some form of contact with each other, understand its evolution and changes in the relationship over time.