Grass Stained Memories – a Tale of Blood, Backyards and Brick Jaws
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GRASSGRASS STAINEDSTAINED MEMORIESMEMORIES –– AA taletale ofof Botches,Botches, BloodBlood andand Brickjaws,Brickjaws, -- TheThe ViolentViolent ImpactImpact WrestlingWrestling yearsyears AUTHOR'S NOTE I Originally started writing these pages, well the bulk of them way back in 2005 when The Backyard Federation VIW was still running. Under the title “Behind the Barbed- wire” not very realistic a title as there was only a small amount of Barbed-wire used throughout the VIW years, a rough copy in 2006 was posted without my permission on the VIW website I was unhappy for a few reasons. Main being it wasn’t finished I wasn’t happy with it and asked it to be taken down and my wish was granted, I planned to rewrite it and post it back on the VIW home website in the future. Although it took many years of procrastination on my part and by now the website is gone all remaining a seldom visited forum, I still would like to tell the tale of “Violent Impact Wrestling” and cram 6-7 years of memories into a few pages. But even thou I have took some care still these pages may include parts that may make some of the former VIW roster unhappy…but it wouldn’t be an interesting tale if I just walked on eggshells and cared too much about what Mikro thinks… I have assumed that most people reading this have some knowledge of pro wrestling therefore when I describe a basic wrestling hold such as body slam or suplex I won’t be giving a detailed explanation, if however a maneuver sounds odd or has a VIW signature name such a “Sinanator” I’ll provide a brief explanation if I believe needed. Yes, a few years have now past since VIW tore up mine and your mother’s garden and was finally pinned for that symbolic 3 count…actually it was more of a tap out. I can now reflect back on a completed story. For respect sake I used pseudonyms on the wrestler’s names perhaps to protect their identity they may not want others in their life to know what stupid shit they did back in the day or they may not give a fuck what anyone thinks, however I’ll just be un-VIW and play it safe. Therefore inside or upside the ring (or action mattress/grass/sand zone) Diamond Eyes will always be referred to as Diamond Eyes for example. As for me the author well I’m an untrustworthy sarcastic narrator with a gods eye who maybe at times inserts a joke rather than the most accurate fact to keep you entertained but I was there from the beginning, right there alongside Hangman and Smudge, hell I might as well of been one of them… Let’s be clear this book/story is not pro-backyard wrestling or Anti-backyard wrestling. There is enough of a debate on it in other books/videos etc you can go pick them up somewhere else I am not plugging their works go look for yourself I will focus and tell the little tale of Violent Impact Wrestling. “For someone to do this shit you must have a major mental handicap!” Stevie Richards on backyard Wrestling - 2001 (Below- Legion of Spastics with Sin) It was formed for the sake of simple entertainment yet unconventional it was a backyard fed that would evolve to a dysfunctional family of misfits and this is their story (sorry E!). This is the rise and fall (cough) and rise and sizzling out slowly story of VIW enjoy. -ACE Chapter one – Jackass meets wrestling “Jackass meets Wrestling” was the title to one of the first highlight reels grappler Justice composed of VIW footage and many of the like-to-be-thought of- as wrestlers were slightly offended with the title, maybe they didn’t like being called jackasses or they just didn’t care for the MTV show and were more in favor of Dirty Sanchez. But in reflection the title was very apt to describe the VIW years, or maybe pluralize it into jackasses meet wrestling. It all began in Stranraer the year was 2002 and as I believe most BYW stories start it began with wrestling fans with too much time on their wee hands and no girlfriends, The town of Stranraer, located in the region of Dumfries and Galloway is a Scottish town were everyone unfortunately sounds Irish. It has the population of 13,000 approx despite it being the largest of the towns in the Rhins it is still small with only a few shops and supporting one of the windiest football stadiums in Scotland, the town was best known for being the Irish connection, with ferries at that point in time traveling to and from Belfast daily and all future members of VIW were pimply adolescents apart from Lord Abortion who was probably 43. During the fall of 2002 the two boys who would later backyard wrestle with the pseudonyms Hangman and Smudge had the idea to create a comedy sketch show that was wrestling related simple for their own personal amusement. Using a cheap low resolution web-cam they created the variety show/mini movie. Its characters, the main leads being the hosts, Hangman with Fabulous Ernie Penisdance, a Halloween masked drug addict and Smudge with Redneck Gregg, a stereotypical red, white and blue bumpkin who tried and failed to sound gangster and wore a tracksuit instead of overalls, along with old puppets as other characters added up the cast. The plot revolved around the build up to a fight between wrestling legend Hulk Hogan and his fictional homosexual twin brother named Hollywood Hulk Hogan. The main story stupid and immature in nature was Hulk Hogan was going to kick the pink out of Hollywood Hogan for being I quote “too gay” thus embarrassing his macho brother or as Hulk would pronounce “Brutha” in public. To add to the ludicrous story the fight was a wrestling match and not any ordinary wrestling match, no, this was a 5 pounds hanging above the ring ladder match. The flick simple named “Hogan Show” Unfortunately try as they didn’t, Hulk Hogan never showed up in Scotland to take part in the two sixteen years old web camera show. Although he might have heard of it (he could hear great distances by cupping his hand to his ear) jacked and twisted the idea into VH1 hit “Hogan knows best” but that’s as Ernie Penisdance catchphrase would become “that’s purely speculation” The Hogan’s in the show they fell back on were stuffed toys made in 1991 during the Hulkster’s heyday. The show had game shows, street talk, lots of swearing which is super cool to do at that (or any) age and music videos all the time the puppeteer’s hands being in clear view. Some of it was funny some jokes fallen flatter than Stacey Kieblers breasts. The main event at the end with tongue in cheek commentary was successful under the “it is so crap it was excellent” banner, Hollywood’s ambitions of using the 5 pound to buy butt plugs was ultimately fowled by the heroic homophobic Hulkster to end the show. lasting 1hour 11 minutes and 11 seconds the show was released on VCD format on the 1st of the 11th month as the legend goes, It was passed around locally notable to the man who would later play a large role in VIW Superhero1471 who showed the video to buddies usually before a night out. Soon on the Saturday night strangers where shouting “Hogan Show” at the man who portrayed Ernie Penisdance, it was figured to be a success (someone actually watched some of it and found it mildly enjoyable…probably part thanks to Alco-pops) plans for Hogan show 2 where made a lots of footage had already been shot mostly left over parts or delete scenes from Hogan Show episode 1. episode 2 was to be shot on the low- resolution web-cam just like the first, that produced blocky very pixelated images, for the sequel a fight between the great Brutha (Hulk Hogan) and the Great Mutha (Japanese wrestler the Great Muta) was the plot. The only reason this match was selected was that it was the only actual “real” Hogan match either two had on their computers, long before broadband and quick downloads were available and you could have about 200 matches in 3 minutes downloaded you lucky gits don’t know how good you have it. For a new segment among many on the show a wrestling exhibition between 2 of the shows recurring characters Redneck Gregg and his equally inbred cousin Cletus played by Hangman was going to occur. Facing off in a backyard match or rather; barnyard match; as it was said for comedies sake although there was no big red barn, tractors or hay bails to be seen for miles, The concept of the match came after Hangman was able to get his hands on an actual video camcorder as opposed to the wired web cam. The Hogan Show was no longer confined to a single room, they celebrated as production value had gone through the roof, “Fuck future HD definition in the butt” they thought, going to more than one room in the house to shoot footage, “Fully mobile! Yeah baby yeah!” They cheered. The mock match between characters Redneck Gregg and his cousin/brother Cletus was a bonfire match idea coming about probably due to it being November near Guy- Fox night although the setting of this skit was Kentucky were I doubt bumpkins celebrate the stoppage of an English parliament terrorist attack.