The student ‘news’paper of Imperial College London

Guardian Student Newspaper of the Year 2006, 2008

Issue 1,417 Friday 28 November 2008 felixonline.co.uk

felix Inside Page 3 - It’s coming!!

Centre Page

Clubs and Socs - Panto time!

Page 30

Technology - Affordable Gadgets

Page 29

Varsity Build Up - The Medics’ point of view Yes we did! Who is that to the right of Tomo? I thought he didn’t like his photo being taken.

Read the full story on pages 2 and 3 Page 37 2 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 3 News [email protected] News News Editor – Kadhim Shubber [email protected] felix scoops top Being the best of the best Daniel Wan interviews this year’s Guardian Journalist of the prize at student Year and editor in chief of last year’s felix Tom Roberts media awards t’s the morning after last night’s I had ambitions from the beginning Another Castle is the new gam- Jovan Nedić row and the title was passed on to cher- Guardian Student Media of how I wanted the paper to look, and ing magazine. Gaming is one of my Editor in Chief well.org, University of Oxford. Awards ceremony, and trium- I think I achieved that, but I don’t think main hobbies. I’m a massive geek who Once the winners had left the stage, phant ex-Editor Tom Roberts you would ever believe that you could likes playing computer games all day! This year’s Guardian Student Media it was then time to find out who would comes down to the felix office to win the awards. We’re producing three this year with Awards were certainly eventful, espe- be named columnist of the year. Al- gives us his views on the past, present I don’t think I will ever forget felix, the first one coming out on the 12th cially for the members of the felix team. though Angry Geek didn’t win the andI future for felix and himself. especially not now. It’s been such a December. The nominations for the awards were award, he did come runner-up, with large part of my university life, how If you’re into computer games and released at the start of term, where it the judges saying that “he was clearly Were you shocked and surprised can you? we have got an interview with Peter was revealed that felix was nominated capable of showing a little bit more by last nights results? Molyneux who is a big name in British for the coveted student newspaper of than just sheer anger.” For obvious rea- I’m incredibly shocked we won. I How did you rate yourself against computing games. the year category, which was won two sons Angry Geek himself wasn’t there thought we were going to get columnist the other papers that were in the years ago under Rupert Neate. I, sci- to collect the award, instead a member and magazine but not the newspaper newspaper of the year category? Are you looking for another ence, the science magazine of Imperial of the felix team went to collect it on one, maybe I’m just being a pessimist. I can’t remember most of them right award next year then? College and a sister publication of felix his behalf. And then for me to get the student now. We get Varsity sent to us every Ha, maybe. We’ll have to wait and was nominated for the magazine of the Next it was the turn to find out what journalist was even more shocking be- week, as well as Cherwell every now see, I don’t want to count my chicks year award, whilst everyone’s favourite the judges had to say about I, science. cause I wasn’t even nominated in any and then and we all like reading them. before they hatch. It would be quite Angry Geek was nominated for the Again, there was stiff competition in of the categories. These are very good newspapers from novel for the Guardian to recognise a columnist of the year award. this category as all the other publica- good universities that I respect and the gaming magazine but we’ll have to wait This year’s awards ceremony, held tions were multi-category magazines. You clearly must have done fact that we beat them, especially being and see. on the 26th November in Shoreditch However, it was I, science’s ability to something right with the paper a science college which doesn’t have an Town Hall, certainly had the cream of “engage an audience who would not for them to notice you. Has it English degree is great. How would you compare felix the crop, with 800 entries being whit- normally be interested in science” Wait a minute, those two pieces of glass have our name engraved on it. Oh wait, they’re our Guardian sunk in yet? If anything it’s a testament to you this year under Jovan, to how tled down to 5 per category. After that really impressed the judges, and Student Media Awards for Best Student Newspaper and Student Journalist of the Year. Nice. Not really, and I’m not sure when it guys, I mean you’re the volunteers, you you were doing last year? enjoying the free champagne, cana- as a result was awarded the runner-up will. Probably when I start the intern- come in spending your spare time to Yeah I think he’s taken over the man- pés and the obligatory chit chat with position in the magazine of the year ship it’ll sink in, but I mean I’m at a get the paper done, I’m simply here to tle well so far. He’s kept the style the the other students, it was time for the category. the University of York, who were the rest”. As the result was announced ny was announced. The student jour- science college, I shouldn’t be winning hold you all together. A huge amount same which I think is good, I was read- awards to begin. The eventual winners were Quench tipped by some as favourites, were there was a massive sense of excite- nalist of the year is considered the top this. of credit has to go to you guys. ing the comment section last week and The competition in each category from Cardiff University who were so named runners-up. With the Nouse ment and sheer joy, with the members prize for an individual, with this year’s it is lively as ever, most notably this was strong, all of the Imperial entries overcome by the award that one of team settling back in their seats, it was of last year’s felix team rushing onto award being given to felix’s very own Did you have journalistic ambi- Do you think the culture and the Imperial Girl, she’s creating quite a stir. Tom Roberts looks shellshocked as he receives his Student Journalist facing stiff competition, with felix be- their members fell over, although that time to hear what the judges had to the stage to collect their prize. Tom Tom Roberts. Mr Roberts has also won tions before you started felix and fact that we are all volunteers do- I think that’s good for the newspaper of the Year Award on Wednesday ing up against Nouse from the Univer- could have something to do with the say about the winning entry, with this Roberts, last year’s editor in chief, was a seven week long placement with the has this award spurred you on to ing science degrees that are keen even though I do find her a slightly pe- sity of York and Varsity from the Uni- free champagne available earlier in the year’s award going to felix. so stunned that he didn’t even realise Guardian, which he intends to do over continue professionally? to write for felix helped at all? culiar but there you go! But yeah I think versity of Cambridge. However, before night. The judges, who included Guard- that the award was being handed to the summer. I did have ambitions. Yes I’m doing a I do. If you look at the photo we took the paper’s looking good this year. the quirkiness. bored; I mean our news pages have a the winner of this category was an- After the members of the Quench ian editor Alan Rusbridger, com- him, as seen in the picture on the op- Clearly felix, its contributors and physics degree but I love English. I love at the end of the year, the sheer number It was quite surreal to see Andrew section dedicated to LOLCATS on nounced, it was first the turn of Live! in team had left the stage, it was time for mented that felix managed to “clearly posite page. sister publications have very big shoes reading, I did English literature at A- of people in there shows how much of Rupert Neate’s felix a few years Neil say that ‘we like their quirky style page 2! I wanted to strike that balance the student website of the year award, the grande finalé and the naming of the engage its audience, with well thought The felix team barely had time to sit to fill this year, something which they Level and I wanted to keep my writing a group we were. That one photo says back also won the same prize, but as well as their willingness to take risks, really because we are students after all, which they won last year. Unfortunate- student newspaper of the year. Nerves out news pieces and a quirky sense of down and celebrate their award, when are definitely planning on doing in the skills going. And I enjoy writing for peo- it all really, and especially if you look they were very different papers. especially with their front page’. At that we have a hectic schedule with lectures ly Live! was unable to make it two in a were slightly settled after Nouse from humour that made it stand out above the final winner of the awards ceremo- hope of a similar result next year. ple, to entertain them so when I started at the outtakes on facebook you’ll see How do think the judges viewed point I think the penny dropped and and everything, especially at Imperial, a TV Editor it gave me the chance to do us all jumping on each other and just the changes in the paper? we couldn’t believe it. and if you can’t pick up the paper and all that and flex my writing muscles so having a good time. It’s interesting because felix changes just chat a little bit then it’s not doing to speak. As I’ve worked my way up the a lot each year, for some reason we al- Your humour was distinctive its job. But at the same time it has to be ladder, I slowly realised that I wanted You’ve taken a bit of a step back most have a tradition here that the de- last year and it seemed to have informative and I think we got it pretty to this. The first day I walked through this year in your involvement sign has to change. It’s stayed the same filtered down though the sec- much right last year. the felix door to ask Rupert Neate to with felix to focus on your stud- this year, which I think is a good thing. tion editors as a whole. Do you Imperial ‘disappointed’ with ies. One thing you have been think it worked quite well for the Well congratulations again Out of date Magners sold to work on TV, I knew I wanted to be the In my year of felix I drew upon the editor for some reason, that was a re- heavily involved with is one of influences from Rupert’s year as well paper? and good luck on your 7 week the cut in Foundation Year ally eerie feeling. I didn’t want to do it felix’s magazines, Another Castle. as Andy Sykes’ year. The news sto- That was my intention all along placement. straight after my first year, so I waited Can you tell us a little bit more ries were more investigative, akin to (laugh). I wanted something that you I’ll still be around to pass my wisdom uninformed students a year and was made Deputy Editor in about that? Rupert’s year, although we maintained could take seriously but at the same on, and if you ever want to come for programme posts my second year. the balance that Andy kept as well as time you wouldn’t be mindnumbingly lunch just let me know. Dan Wan poured into pint glasses, and reserved. Union’s actions as “substandard”, and News Correspondent This member of staff in question then felt that their own Union should be Jovan Nedić over the issue, with Najette Ayadi underhandedly told our source of the on their side and not underhandedly Editor in Chief O’Donnell, Imperial College School If you’ve ordered a bottle of Magners situation on a strictly need-to-know trying to sell them unfresh drinks. An- of Medicine Students’ Union Vice Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London from the Union bars since the start of basis, and the bar staff were not openly other student had noticed the refusal Final year medical students are fac- President (Careers & Alumni) saying SW7 2BB. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. term, you may want to stop reading told in private prior to serving. to sell Magners bottles in their bottles, ing an even harder task of getting jobs that “Imperial College students are Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, 17 Brest here. felix can report this week that Our source also revealed that in an but had ‘thought nothing of it.’ within their own foundation school at disappaointed with UKFPO’s recent felix 1,417 Road, Derriford, Plymouth. Registered newspaper Imperial College Union has knowingly attempt to sell off the bottles as quickly felix contacted Magners Irish Cider in the end of their degree. announcement regarding the loss of Friday 28/11/08 ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2008. sold an excess of Magners Irish Cider as possible, they were used in Snake- Clonmel, Ireland and told that they did Professor Derek Gallen, National FY1 prorgammes. We are concerned that has passed its best before date. bites, the popular half-beer/half-cider not “condone” the Union’s actions, but Director of the UK Foundation Pro- with the implications of this loss and The mass order of 330ml bottles was drink amongst students. This com- the Union had abided by the law. They gramme Office said “the UKFPO, under concerned with what this means for us Felix was brought to you by: made prior to Freshers’ Week for the promise was not communicated to the were extremely keen to learn more of the direction of the MMC Programme and our neighhouring London medical special promotion offering a bottle for students. the situation and the circumstances in Board (England), has requested that schools. London has the most over sub-

Editor in Chief: Jovan Nedić Deputy Editor: Kadhim Shubber Associate Editor: Gilead Amit LOLCATZ £1.50 plus a free half pint plastic glass. Many students have found out in the which the bottles were bought so close each Foundation School in England re- scribed medical schools in the country However, the Union obviously over- past weeks from friends working be- to their ‘best before’ date. At the time duces the number of posts they offer and for a reason. One third of all medi- Copy Editors Arts Editors Music Editors estimated the number of bottles they hind the Union bars, and are annoyed of print, felix was also unable to get a on the online recruitment system by cal students are at a London medical Louise Etheridge Caz Knight Peter Sinclair were able to shift, and left with an ex- they were not informed beforehand. comment from the Union regarding six. This is because the total number of school and any FY1 programmes we Jonathan Lloyd-Williams David Paw Susan Yu cess of bottles that only sold out this One regular customer described the the situation. applicants has fallen short of the total can secure are welcomed and wanted Catherine Lau Emily Wilson James Houghton week. number of posts, which means some programmes. What we really need to Sasha Nicoletti It is not illegal to sell food or drink posts will be unfilled. The shortfall in know now is the impact of this direc-

Dina Ismali Film Editors What’s On Editors o f t he W EE K past its ‘best before’ date, as only the applicants disproportionately affects tive and how many of our students are Daria Nakariakova Zuzanna Blaszczak Rachel D’oliviero ‘use by’ date must be strictly adhered the severely under-doctored areas of now not going to work in the founda- Jonathan Dakin Lily Topham to. The ‘best before’ date refers to the England. tion school of their first choice.” Politics Editors: period where upon the ‘quality’ of the The best way to address this shortfall ULU MedGroup, the collaboration James Goldsack Food Editors Nightlife Editor product is at its ‘peak’, but not a date of is to remove a number of posts across of the five London medical schools, Katya-yani Vyas Rosie Grayburn Catherine Jones predicted expiry. England so that the effect of the short- met yesterday to discuss their response Afonso Campos A member of the bar staff, who wish- fall is minimised. There are enough to the MMC programme board. Science Editors Puzzles Editor es to remain anonymous, disapproved posts still available across the UK to This is not the first time that Lon- Mićo Tatalović Technology Editor Charles Murdoch and was unhappy they were forced to ensure that all eligible applicants who don students have felt hard done by Daniel Burrows Richard Lai serve unfresh bottles, which are dated meet the person specification will be the national application process. Last Clubs and Socs Editor best before 01/11/08, to unsuspecting placed. It is predicted that, based on year, 62% of Imperial final years were Business Editor Coffee Break Editor Alice Rowlands students without notifying them. the first choice preferences nearly 90% allocated their first choice post, com- Luke Dhanoa Ravi Pall When serving two bottles of Magn- of applicants will still be allocated to pared to the 92% UK national average. Sports Editors ers to a customer in their original bot- their first choice foundation school.” Imperial is hoping to see a change in International Editor Fashion Editor Jack Cornish tles, they were quickly ‘snatched off Several of the London Medical these results when the allocations are Hassan Joudi Dan Wan Mustapher Botchway the bar’ by another member of staff, What a fresh pint of Magners should look like Schools have raised their concerns released on 6th January 2009. 4 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 5 [email protected] Comment Comment, Opinion Let us know your views: [email protected] Letters may be edited for length and grammar purposes & Letters Views on these pages are not representative of felix Gilead Amit, as opposed to his avatar, has no hat what that means; I’m still working on ing about the shrubbery, may I just say Morten Morland, drawing for The day Season AD 1914”, with a skeleton it. Suffice it to say that every time some that I bare my head with respect to the Times four days after the 7.7 bomb- king wrapped in a thin sheet, emerg- form of headgear would find its way political cartoonist. ings, depicted a Muslim man in reli- ing from his coffin-shaped caravan to on to the old luscious tresses, spittle The political cartoonist inhabits the gious dress, with a white tunic, a beige take a brisk swim in a river of blood. What makes a Angry Geek makes it big, and would fly, heart rates would rise, and centre of what must be one of the most taqiyah cap and a long black beard David Low is the Second World War in my father would make sure the hat remarkable Venn diagram layouts nervously perched at one end of a row my eyes, and in the eyes of many who would be ripped from the aforesaid l.t. found outside of an A level statistics of seats in the Tube. At the other end lived through it. good newspaper? With almost Sophoclean irony, today module exam paper. No one else in any of the carriage, passengers are huddled For sheer succinctness, power and steps up to defend the cat I remain headbare whereas my father of the three professions he belongs to together for protection, shivering with humour, you can’t beat the political owns a dark green alpine homburg. needs to work so hard on the fast sell. fear, holding their newspapers up over cartoon. When opening any newspa- Jovan Nedić have a bowel condition and a wallet ating panic among a large section of With a feather. My only reason for not No artist needs to capture a moment their faces as makeshift shields. In the per that has a cartoonist on staff, ex- Editor in Chief made of sponge. And really like sand- the population. But on the other hand, disowning him is that he never actually in time so economically; no interna- cavernous empty space between them amine their work. Those small mono- wiches. But subconsciously, we feel stopping felix from saying what it wears it. tional analyst is expected to make his are written the three words: Mind the chrome or colour images are probably a bit happier. Prices stay steady for a wants feels like the trapping of some- In short, thanks to my monastic up- commentary fit in a blank space left Gap... the densest sections of the paper, with s you may have noticed, to; they look at the paper in the boxes month or so, no miniature price hikes thing very rare and special. Naturally, “The cartoonist bringing and the elephantine dimen- over between a crossword and a fash- The build up to the First World War the weightiest messages packed into the Guardian Student and can immediately relate to the big on butter and bread and those other most of you are extremely condescend- sions of my frontal lobe, I have no ion review, and no humourist needs to for me will always be summed up by the smallest volume. Simultaneously, Media awards were this picture and the headline on the front weird things that newspapers always ing about felix anyway, and wouldn’t inhabits the bowler to help me pass unobtrusively get a topical joke across in the fraction Tenniel’s ‘Dropping the Pilot’ and however, they are also the lightest and week and we did erm, page. It’s different, and it works! Yes cry about. It was, unusually for the consider it on the same level as a ‘real’ down the streets of the City, no boater of a second reserved for the cartoonist. Francis Caruthers Gould’s ‘The Holi- most easily digestible. very well. But it got me we have been changing the appearance government, a good move. paper, even the toiler-paper-with-pho- centre of what to oversee my footloose frolics through Granted, an image is worth a thousand thinking: what is it that makes a good of some aspects of the newspaper, and But that wasn’t good enough for tos-on that is The Metro. So maybe must be one the days of Spring, no top hat for the words: but according to that exchange Anewspaper, or for that matter, what do the reasons were explained last week, Mister Media, because he felt the need for you, the dilemma doesn’t exist. But countless glamorous evenings I never rate a single line drawn by David Low, people consider to be good media? but there is no need to copy what oth- “There’s a to explain to everyone that they were reconciling these two examples was get invited to, no beret or deerstalker, Sidney Strube or Ranan Lurie is worth Outside the student environment ers do. being duped. The Metro, for instance, hard for me, and remained so until I of the most no fedora, ten-gallon or trilby. My ten to a hundred of your Earth words. there are a myriad of media outlets, Speaking of change, come the new tendency with gleefully sprayed their usual standard heard news of the Guardian Student knotted and combined locks remain When was the last time you were able each targeting a different audience. year some of you might realise that fe- of bile into my lap on the tube this Media Awards. remarkable Venn vulnerable and open to the elements, to draw a line that conveyed as much? When you look at people in the café lix will be slightly different. The size of felix to criticise week, declaring that the change would There’s a gap that needs to be as Nature doubtless intended. When was the last time you were able you will see that even though there are the paper will change, mainly because ‘do nothing’ and that it was just a pub- bridged, then, between these two ex- diagram layouts Not owning a hat is, in my opinion, to write a line that conveyed as much? many national newspapers out there, the printers have decreed it so. Con- it, mock it licity stunt to make people feel better. amples. There’s a tendency with felix to a relatively minor failing. Men with- Certain moments that have occurred each person has their own taste. As sider yourselves warned. Well bugger me with an egg whisk. criticise it, mock it and generally laugh found outside out hats have gone on to achieve great within my lifetime – certain attitudes, Gilead put it last year in one of his col- But, once again returning to the and generally We can’t have any of that shit. Making at it. People are very unappreciative of things – albeit with slightly colder ears sentiments and atmospheres – will for- umns, a person can be defined by the question at the start, what does make people feel better? When’s that ever the hard work the editors and writers of an A level than their appropriately accoutred ever be represented in my mind by a paper they read. a good newspaper? My main aim is to laugh at it. helped a society! I mean, it’s not like do – with myself firmly excluded here, cousins. At this moment, however, I political cartoon. Anyone unfortunate So, as I say, this got me thinking: how keep you guys happy; if you like read- the majority of people are gibbering as all I do is write eight hundred badly statistics module do wish I owned one. Nothing fancy: enough to have taken the tube with me can the Guardian determine which ing the paper every week, take the time People are very morons, entirely guided by the televi- structured words and leisurely email a tricorne or a panama, say; a coronet over the past year and a half will have of the many student newspapers out to do the puzzles, to read the com- sion into a mass panic. It’s nothing like them in once a week, while the real exam paper.” or a sombrero; or, to tread the slippery felt me pin their struggling arm to the there is the best? I believe, as I pointed ments and reply, or to read the whole unappreciative that. I mean, the media’s been calming work goes on late into the night in Beit heights of multiculturalism, a Shtre- side of the carriage, seen me gleam at out during my campaign, that students thing and point out the mistakes, then people down just fine, why would the Quad. Yet they do this work primarily imel, a fez, a busby, a Santa hat or tur- them with my wild and bloodshot eyes want a mixture of the serious and the we are clearly doing a good job. I’m of the hard work government need to start getting in- to entertain you, to inform you, rath- ban. If only I owned one of the above and have experienced my helpful ges- light-hearted. felix doesn’t exist to feed sure if students outside Imperial read volved! The bastards! Everyone panic, er than from some grab for fame and then I would, logically speaking, be in ticulations as I attempted to recreate the egos of the writers it has working felix, then a majority would say that it the editors and the government’s trying to make you glory. don’t own a hat. I never have. a position to remove it. for them what has to be my favourite for it, but to inform and entertain the wasn’t to their taste, and it wouldn’t be calm again! I think sometime this year we, as a Partly because the size and As it is, I doff all of my hypothetical 21st Century cartoon thus far. students that it serves. because the paper is written to suit the writers do” So I got angry for a bit, and tore student body, should work to free lit- shape of my skull makes any sort hats. All of them – from my kepi to my A rendering of a work of art in any Last year the paper was very good at students at Imperial. through a few telephone books, that tle felix from his ball gag on the cover. of cranial accessory irredeem- keffiyeh, my newsboy cap and my mi- other medium is always bound to be sort of thing. Jeffrey Archer called up Because the wafer-thin sheets of con- ably silly and partly because I tre, my cardinal’s zucchetto, my Native massively anticlimactic. And while I to ask for me to proofread his latest gealed human suffering that are sold at was brought up in a household where American headdress, my mortarboard, am sorely tempted to embark on a ver- mm? Oh, the sack of novel, and I was just really rude to him. newsstands each day aren’t worth your Ithe general belief was that the sort of my dunce cap and my tam o’shanter. bal description of page after page of money? Sure, the sack, I feel bad. But then another thought time; they’re cynicism in ink and paper people who wore hats were the sort of To put an end to this circumlocutory my favourite political caricatures, I will yeah, that’s just my occurred to me, as I reflected on the form, a horrific cycle of information people that needed to. Don’t ask me nonsense and stop pointlessly flagellat- limit myself to this one. I’m not jealous of Angry Geek. Not even slightly. Guardian Student Me- last year of felix and recalled the infa- and misinformation, all aimed at keep- dia award, right. Yeah. mous ‘gagging’ issue that changed the ing your money and attention dancing Just a token gesture, you know. Obvi- felix logo to this day. The paper was around. But felix; felix is different. Stu- Hously it’s very nice of them, but I’m big silenced, ostensibly for the common dent are different. And, I hope, you are time now. I’m co-writing Elton John’s good, and most us were up in arms different. obituary and shit like that. Yeah. Yeah. about it. Oppression! Gagging! We I’m not, though. So it’s back to writ- Some kid named Rowling came, asked must dissent! Et cetera. ing my autobiography and making top A pedant, Tim Walls writes A. Hannan responds to Felix Whitton me for some tips. Said she’s a big fan. So on the one hand, I’m clearly very hats out of twenty pound notes. Now, You know how it is. Hell, I don’t even frustrated that bearded men in small where did I put that acceptance speech ear felix, but of course as any fool knows, both oltaire never said “I dis- statements of Enlightenment thinkers The week before el-Diwany’s talk write this column any more, it’s all waistcoats are tapping away and cre- for the Nobel... As an alumnus of Impe- ‘St. James’ ‘ and ‘St. James’s’ are equally approve of what you say, become law for capitalists (and then at a talk organised by the Ahlul Bayt ghostwriters from Fleet Street. rial I had the pleasure acceptable, if stylistically different. but I will defend to the get refuted, but we’ll ignore that part), Society, Rodney Shakespeare (profes- If only, eh? Clearly, not much has of attending the City & In any event, as they say in Private death your right to say it” el-Diwany showed how statements of sor of economics) also exposed the changed since The Guardian decided Guilds decade reunion Eye, I shall of course be cancelling my (PF Boller’s ‘They Never the Prophet Muhammad (salla-Allahu- fallacy of interest-based economics. to bestow upon me a distinctly regular- luncheon today, at which I was also subscription, just as soon as I have ob- Said It: A Book of Fake Quotes’, p124). ‘alaihi-wasallam) became law for Mus- He showed that not only does interest- sized cheque. I mean, the guy who out- fortunateD enough to pick up a copy of tained one. VPeople promote what they hear as fact lims, such as using gold and silver as based finance add 50% to the price of Clearly Tomo knew what made a good newspaper did me didn’t get a comedy-sized one the current felix. Keep up the good work. either due to sheer ignorance, malice money. world trade, it is highly inefficient. In either, but he managed to bag a lump Firstly, I would like to say what an (deliberate misrepresentation) or mis- this case, it is malice (from financial of glass with his name etched into it, so excellent occasion the C&G reunion conceptions (they could be lies which authorities), which prevents the public getting the news across, as well as do- But what about the magazines? I I’m a little bitter. But really, things are was - a real pleasure, and my thanks go on to become perceived truths). Mis- from seeing an alternative. I don’t think ing several investigations and features, hear you ask. Well, the same can be still the same. Although Tomo Roberts’ go to all those involved in the organisa- conceptions are formed from the ideas I need to prove to anyone the failures but what it lacked was the light-heart- argued there. There is a larger variety newfound love of hookers, cocaine and tion. Secondly, I have to congratulate which permeate through the education “If a nation of free market capitalism; just ask the ed aspect. I know it, you know it and of magazines than newspapers in the interviews with Time Magazine are you on the standard of felix - the pro- system, the media and statements of families who have had their houses even your lecturers know it because world, simply because each magazine beginning to clog up the felix office a duction quality clearly puts to shame politicians (spin or propaganda), these is nourished repossessed, they’ll tell you. And the I’ve seen them pick the paper up on a targets an even smaller group of peo- little. Sellout bastard. some of the efforts during my time at then form concepts which become be- bankers who used to work for Lehman Friday as I deliver them: the paper is ple. I, science is a fantastic magazine Despite the fact that I’m thoroughly the college. liefs. So you go on to believe that if you on a diet of Brothers, they’ll second that opinion. also there to keep you amused during that caters to the very large science pleased that felix itself got the recogni- Sadly, however, I am obliged to find hate what a person says, you will still Capitalists effectively conclude that those long Friday afternoon lectures. community at Imperial, and it is writ- tion it well deserves, I’m feeling a bit a bone to pick - inevitably (as I’m sure let him say it, i.e. it’s a concept. ignorance, man does not deserve life unless he The fact that so many students and ten by students from the Science Com- distanced from mass media as a whole your postbag is bulging on this subject) Voltaire (pen-name of François- contributes to the production of com- staff do read the paper (and this can be munication course, which is the best in this week. In between bouts of 2am Yasin Fatine’s ‘Ranting Cubed’ column. Marie Arouet, anagram of the Latin malice and modities and services. Communists proven thanks to the number of com- the country. So, rather unsurprisingly, Left4Dead, I’ve finally chanced upon If one is going to write such a diatribe, spelling of ‘Arouet’), was an Enlight- (and the different flavours of socialists) plaints we got when the paper was not the quality of the magazine is very the superb graphic novel Watchmen, and proudly claim within that it is per- enment thinker whose ideas have misconceptions, strive to achieve real equality through up to standard) is surely a testament good and clearly the Guardian thinks due to become a movie sometime next fect and without error (“Go ahead (you shaped liberalism and hence capital- the individuals and deny man’s natural to the quality of the paper. However, so. But there are others who don’t be- year. It’s a really gripping work, with a won’t find any!)”,) one cannot complain ism. Voltaire had a few things to say what would instincts; an impossible hypothetical is that what the Guardian looks when lieve that a science magazine belongs lot of plot gubbins that I certainly don’t too loudly if one’s bluff is called. To about economy and trade. Alongside assumption and not an alternative. they decide the eventual winner? in the Guardian category because it is want to spoil for you. However, I would take the most jarring example, I sin- other fathers of capitalism like Adam cause an What isn’t clear is whether Islamic Every week, we get a sneak preview not all-encompassing. Surely, by the like to mention one of the enduring cerely hope the irony in the statement Smith, David Ricardo etc., Voltaire’s (Shariah-based) solutions will ever be of what some of the other student sheer fact that our one topic magazine questions it poses, about the duty that “the thing that I was most appalled words have also become sacrosanct alternative seen as an alternative. But how can newspapers are doing (some of them is in the same category as magazines those in power have to the vast, idiotic with was the amount of spelling and and worthy of quotation; quotations they be? If a nation is nourished on a even send us a copy!) and every week I which cover a wide range, means that masses. grammatical mistakes” was intentional which go on to become State laws or idea to even diet of ignorance, malice and miscon- hear people in the office come up and we are doing something right, no? But The drop in VAT this week was quite - Yasin must surely be aware that mis- institutions. ceptions, what would cause an alterna- say ‘Oh I like how they’ve done that, this is just self-assurance. clearly a very simple attempt to make takes are discrete and countable. Sec- Last Thursday (at a talk organised register?” tive idea to even register? we should do the same,’ or ‘why can’t For now, we’ll carry on going as we people feel better. We might be quite ondly, his use of ‘St. James’s Park’ as an by the Islamic Society), Tarek el-Di- The severity of the economic crisis we make our section look like that?’ have been, and if you guys out there thick as a public, but we can do basic example of incorrect grammar in pub- wany (author of ‘The Problem with should remove the blinkers from those My response is simple, why should don’t like something, or think the pa- arithmetic – a 2.5% saving on a three lic use is baffling; the assumption must Interest’) quite clearly put forward who unthinkingly assume capitalism we? We have developed a style, a style per can be improved, drop us a line. quid food bill is unlikely to make your be that he is criticising the use of the Yasin lies defeated on the ground the Shariah-based Islamic solutions or communism are the only valid sys- that people at the college can relate We are here to inform and entertain. eyes widen and wallet swell, unless you He’s angry. And he’s watching you. possessive apostrophes following an s, after a brutal verbal assault to dealing with economics. Whereas tems out there. 6 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 7 Comment [email protected] [email protected] Comment

Caz Knight ‘philosophises’ Body mods are purely for Old Imperial Women isn’t her mother yet: she can’t cook chicken mostly browse felix in that inter- weren’t, honest) and more like, well, I know the government meant well ble to current economic situation… I looking cool says Calliope mittent, anonymous space be- gravy. My vision blurred; I saw a fro- when they tried to inject this utopian wouldn’t know, obviously.) tween morning classes and af- zen pizza instead, like the other three ideal into British life but this notion On a walk through Bishop’s Park the his week, let’s try an arti- down to fashion. I do not agree with ternoon essay/class, munching, he’d already bought at the time when has gone horribly, horribly wrong. other week, I saw a Muslim man kneel cle under the right name, getting your body modded for the somewhere in the library café I laid hands on the chicken and then What it has come to mean is many dif- on the ground and begin to pray at his and maybe even with a sake of fashion. Period. Mods are not after snatching a copy from that space eaten singlehandedly. Why. Don’t. I. ferent cultures living in their own little designated time. I admired his lack of picture representing my a fashion statement; they are a perma- Iby the door. The first few pages tend Just. Buy. Pizza. For us. Too? My mind corners, going about their business all self-consciousness and his faith and actual gender… nent thing, which is either expensive, to be news bits and lengthy columnist boggled. the while trying to tolerate each other. wished I could approach anything I love body mod. I mean, really, re- dangerous and difficult, or worse, im- ramblings, enough to get me mildly le- I’d said it was because of the credit Tolerance is another value Britain with that steadfastness in life. A group Tally love it. Not just tattoos and nor- possible to completely remove. Pierc- thargic and skimming over the rest of crunch, but now I realized that I was loves to celebrate thinking that is a of children stopped and stared and mal piercings, but all the crazy stuff ings leave scars. Laser tattoo removal the paper with its nice mix of thought- just another woman, mad on the power good thing. It isn’t. Tolerance breeds gawped, totally baffled by this scene most people consider going too far leaves hideous marks everywhere, and fully written articles. Although I am of ostensibly making her own choices, contempt. It grits its teeth and bitches and I was reminded of the level of – surgical modifications, tongue split- converting them rarely works out. An- regularly amused by the Angry Geek, vowing never to be like her mother about you when your back is turned, “I misunderstanding, especially among ting, dermal anchors, microdermals, ything more serious than that is pretty to whom I give the honour of seeking whilst being exactly like her, trying to will put up with you but I won’t do a younger generations who should be implants, scarification – I even think much forever. Going into a studio for out first in the mess of columns. resurrect and remake the memories of “ thing towards trying to like you or even used to cultural diversity. suspensions are cool (for those of you something you think is pretty when I see Imperial Girl has come under the crappy parts of her own childhood, We need to stop understanding you”. So, on the surface The problem the government faces is who are mod purists, yes I know some you’re 16 and regretting it the rest of fire of late for a) being too femininely making a civilized roast dinner by the government has fulfilled its ethical unraveling this self-induced situation of those are technically piercings.) I’m your life is idiocy. I have never had a fluffy and b) having the nerve for swip- herself (Boyfriend defensively playing tolerating and start duty by encouraging a tolerant, multi- where people of different backgrounds not saying I’d get everything on that piercing I didn’t seriously think about ing her own precious column space in Warhammer 3000 in the next room, cultural society. live and lead their lives in isolation from list. There is such a thing as knowing first. I still have no tattoos because felix for such writings. Meh. Imperial vowing he didn’t know a thing about embracing, loving Britain in 2008 is anything but West- each other. One cannot send everyone what suits your body; in the same way I’m still working out who I want to do Girl, I could join in with the rest throw- roasting chickens), for absolutely no minster’s daydream of that pan-cultur- back to their respective homelands at as you don’t wear a circle skirt if you them, and saving up for the best artist ing bored jibes at you, or just shrug and bloody reason whatsoever. It seems I and learning al society they envisaged. Little is done the peril of human rights and further have ‘powerful’ legs, you don’t get 30 I can find, who’ll do the style I want. say that there’s a reason that most men am not yet a fully grown woman. I’m towards integrating people into Brit- economic collapse. Stay the way we are, facial piercings if you have elfin fea- These things are not fashion and nei- despise Sex and the City, and there- just another hybrid of girl and the nos- more about those ish society: having Diwali posters in and we are nothing more than a time tures; but just in general I think body ther should cosmetic surgery be. fore it’s not surprising that in a male talgic memories of her mother. In more ” tube stations simply just isn’t enough bomb until the next civil war rips us mod on the right person in the right If you’re a happy, comfortable person dominated university and newspaper, Eat and get fat, my chickens. I’m going to make a meal out of you. Well I’ll try, I can’t say how it’ll taste... accurate terms, I’m a slave to my own different from us. to eliminate these racial barriers and apart. The problem is so large because style, is awesome. who is fine with their body and wants most appear to despise your column nurture and upbringing. Genes don’t make Britons more savvy to the ways most people are not interested in other when all you’re writing is just what make you aspire to good roast dinners of our new friends. Nor will Notting cultures and are much happier associ- most of the girl-girl conversations in doctrinated geek girlfriend, that’s my mustn’t nag, mustn’t accuse, what I and hack off bits of too-soft fat in a in your very early twenties. Hill Carnival suddenly bring many ating with their own kind and to hell the JCR are full of. Instead, let me offer alternative label. And I’m aspiring to have now learnt from this mature 16 one-handed way that would make my Boyfriend surreptitiously hid his s far as I can see, this cultures happily together. 363 days of with integration. Comforting to hear is “ myself up for sisterly sacrifice. Read- turn into an old housewife, it seems. month-long relationship is that a real dissection supervisors of yester-degree own full plate for later disposal, pos- country’s government tension-woven tolerance builds up and that Boris Johnson plans to tackle this If you’re horribly insecure, or look at ers, the likes of Imperial Girl might be Last night, lurking in my too far-away relationship is surely about compro- cover their eyes in pain, then cook it sibly full of wine or, more likely, fear- has a huge problem manifests itself at the end of those 2 by holding less cultural events aimed at just right for this paper, if you give her private housing, I attempted to single- mise…). My own plate is somewhere vehemently beyond recommended ing the overcooked, oversoft chicken. ahead of it in addition days, which are otherwise a glorious specific ethnic minorities, instead hav- yourself in the mirror and hate what more of a chance. Someone else could handedly cook a roast chicken dinner amongst the clutter of the kitchen roasting time. I slid back to my chair to pretend to to the seemingly more affair and a chance to stuff my face ing events which emphasise how all be even more nuts. with all the trimmings for my long- countertop, with a few viciously splat- But at what point had roasting a write my essay and instead write this pressing ones such as the economy and with deep-fried Jamaican dumplings. our cultures are interlinked. you see, modifying will never be a Like myself. term boyfriend and I. tered blobs of mashed potato swung chicken become on par with a night sorrowful lament. Ahealthcare. For years Britain has been Anyone not of British extraction We need to stop tolerating and ” I’m not a hot, young, single under- Many hours later than planned and off the spoon, vegetables boiled to hell such as ‘Go out and get wonderfully, Readers, be thankful you still have a country of promise for many abroad feeling anger or victimisation are well start embracing, loving and learning permanent solution graduate anymore. I am in fact an nursing extremely painful burns while until they gave up, and some shreds of resoundingly smashed with friends’? someone young, single, sweet and fe- who seek a better life for themselves within their rights given the huge more about those different from us. anonymous postgraduate, the kind surreptitiously quaffing the accom- meat that look like they were pulled Just what the hell was I doing? I looked male to write columns full of wonder- and are prepared to toil at the expense amount of ignorance that comes from My last sentence seems a little naive, lurking within less well-known chunks panying red wine from the bottle, the from the roast chicken by hand. They at the one well-arranged plate with a ings and romantic dabbles for you, of their dignity and a decent wage – a many Britons. I look with disdain on but if people’s attitudes changed to- of the university, in a fairly well-trod- realization comes. were, in fact, in between hopping about calculated 80% chance of not giving instead of the rantings of some wild lot more than can be said for many of anyone who condemns immigrants wards what multi-culturalism stands den relationship. More clearly, I’ve got Why? waving my pre-scorched fingers vigor- Boyfriend food poisoning. To com- inscrutable postgrad kept woman Britain’s own citizens. I admire these for ‘stealing’ all the jobs, leaving noth- for, then maybe minorities would not three compulsory classes a week, tons Why, why, oh why? ously in the air and trying not to swear pensate for the extra wetness of the hack. If you’re male? Just accept that people who lead a life I cannot even ing but the more menial ones: the jobs feel oppressed and not feel the need to of reading to do, plenty of time to be To mark for my efforts, I’ve got one within earshot of no one in particular. vegetables, I’d sprinkled gravy granules some really do think like Imperial Girl conceive, as I sit here in my comfy flat are there, go and get them and make form gangs and shoot people. (Gross worried about not schooling myself several times microwaved, very prettily It wasn’t all my fault- the chicken was straight on the plate and then spent and turn the page if it gets too painful. free from the grind of employment, something of yourself! Better work over-simplification, I know.) However, damn well hard enough, and lots of arranged plate (designation: Boyfriend) partly spoiled after sitting in the fridge a few minutes pounding them with a Come now, don’t look like that. What idling the day away after my lectures, flipping burgers than on the dole. A even if we reach this new level of cul- wondering about how a relationship on the table. (Ready for presentation if for five days and I’d already had to snap fork to make them stop looking like else are they going to fill the space languishing, writing and what I like to friend of mine who was on the dole tural symbiosis, the government still is meant to change as it ages. Yep, in- he ever comes in and gets it – no, no, the raw legs off it with my bare hands pellets of grey rat poison (I swear they with? More half arsed horoscopes? call philosophising. I need to embark reacted with indignation when I sug- needs to think fast about immigration on this opinion piece with extreme gested he try McDonald’s as a stop-gap and the fact that physically, there will caution, lest it be taken the wrong way until he found something more suited just not be any room left in which to and I get marred with the wrong label. to his abilities. (Perhaps not applica- breathe. EXCLUSIVE COMPETITION FROM HUGO FRAGRANCES! Viscount Kensington thinks WIN HUGO FRAGRANCE GIFT SETS COURTESY everything is absolutely fine On the other hand, the other day I the new surgery OR mod because OF HUGO URBAN RULES CONCERT, FEATURING verything is fine. Everything from the vantage point of some fiery was talking to an old friend of mine you’ve genuinely thought about it, is indisputably spiffing. I equine paid for by the exploitation of who was considering getting a breast think it looks cool and are fine with it SUGABABES have noted that it is a little the poor. augmentation, and I was arguing ve- being that way for the rest of your life, chilly outside but that, my Afghanistan and Iraq are probably hemently against it. She’s gorgeous. go for it! If you’re horribly insecure, or The UK’s biggest ever girl band, the Sugababes, who have dear ladies and gentlemen, but a few days away from blooming She doesn’t need bigger boobs, she look at yourself in the mirror and hate notched up a whopping 10 million record sales, will be headlin- is why we have central heating systems. into paradises of freedom, prosperity looks absolutely stunning the way she what you see, modifying it will never ing the nationwide music programme from HUGO Fragrances IfE you are one of the people without a and peace. It is said that you reap what is. In fact, she’s been one of my beauty be a permanent solution. I hate to be that uncovers and invests in new talent. Heidi, Keisha and Amelle central heating system then this news- you sow and we sowed cluster bombs, idols for a long time - when we were one of those people who go around are perfect ambassadors for HUGO URBAN RULES. The winning paper ought to make very good insula- the harbingers of hope. small, I always wanted to look like her. telling everyone to look at their inner artist will not only have their music professionally produced and tion, so do feel free to stop reading and Why, already from Iraq we are reap- Cosmetic surgery makes me very un- beauty and embrace their flaws – eve- released but they will be performing live on stage before the Sug- stuff this page into your coat. ing an awful lot of oil, which, being comfortable – I don’t like the idea of ryone has fat days. But believing that ababes at the exclusive London showcase event at Cargo, which Ah, I appreciate that I am assuming traded in Euros, is leading to copious altering your body just to fit in with the your bad body image days will van- is filmed and later broadcasted on MTV. you have a coat there. If you are lacking amounts of the weak Pound Sterling ideal of how society thinks you should ish forever if you can just look more one, then permit me a pompous chuck- “I will credit inundating my already burgeoning look. She looked me up and down and like your favourite ideal - whether it’s To celebrate this event HUGO Fragrances are delighted to offer le, a miserly humbug and a recitation accounts. replied “So why do you get pierced?” Dita von Teese, Britney Spears, Agy or two lucky readers the chance to win either HUGO Deep Red gift of a line from Dickens’ ‘A Christmas you with more In truth, we must confess that across I have to admit, for a minute or two Squeak, is just plain dumb. Sort out set for the gals or HUGO Green for the guys. Carol’ about surplus population. the world there are a great many other there, she did have me. Body mod is your image as it is before you start try- Enough with the tangents, the devia- ambitions than issues that may seem to detract from just that – a modification made to your ing to change it. Deep Red is a distinctive, seductive scent for the woman who tions, the endless musings and inces- everything being absolutely fine. A body to change the aesthetic appeal, Incidentally, if you’re interested in insists on wearing a fragrance that is consistent with her values sant ponderings and infernal consid- suicide and few people are starving. Some are sick. and anyone who argues otherwise is body mod, I know I’m not the only of fun and independence. erations! I am going to assume that Others are a trifle beneath the poverty in denial. Implants – shaped silicone person who’d like to see a body mod you, reader, are not homeless, are not get on with the line. There are a few trivial matters like surgically inserted under the skin to section in felix. It’s not fashion. There’s Hugo Green is the clean, simple choice for this next generation starving, are not sobbing into your pil- that. make a shaped bump on the surface – loads of stuff we could write about - male, today’s non-conformist “Freethinker”. lows to the music of some dark and damn point. Really, in the grand scheme of things, are even generally made out of a simi- where the good and bad studios are mirthless artist. I will credit you with these people are somewhere else; they lar stuff to the silicone implants used located, what the different types of To enter just answer the following question, just: more ambitions than suicide and get Everything is are not here. If they were here they in breast augmentation. It seems really modification actually are, costs, spe- on with the damn point. Everything is might eat my horse, like those chaps hypocritical to be pro mod and anti cific artists, design ideas, even the Name all three members of the Sugababes. absolutely fine. absolutely fine.” across the Channel so often do. Smug- cosmetic surgery. Especially given the culture behind body mod. Our emails The economy is shepherded by wis- gling their foreign selves into my es- huge fashion for tattoos and piercings, have been completely ignored – even For more info on the HUGO URBAN RULES campaign and how er men than you or I. Wise men that tates and cooking my prize stallions. It and the increasingly large subculture a polite rebuttal with an explanation you can get involved, log on to www.hugofragrances.com I perfectly intend to do all possible to is intolerable. It ought to mean war. of ‘alternative’ people. why we’ve been rejected would be bet- remove from power in the next Gen- No matter. You are fine. I am fine This is where I start to realise why ter than silence. Email calliope206@ eral Election, after which I shall duly (and wealthy). Everything is absolutely One way of bringing different cultures together... maybe not for everyone though one is ok and the other isn’t – it comes googlemail.com with support. spit upon the corpse of their principles fine. 8 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 9 Politics [email protected] Politics Politics Editors – James Goldsack & Katya-yani Vyas [email protected] Rebels withdraw in DR Congo A new era dawns for a divided Cyprus Katya-yani Vyas, reports on the developments in the Congo Republic as the army general is replaced Rodothea Americanou discusses and provides analysis on Cyprus’ problems and their consequences

he Republic of Cyprus nal affairs accompanied by aggression. 20th of July, 1974. Following the first people being forcibly expelled from from sites that have been marked as became an independent Turkey though, denying the charges, stage of the invasion, Turkey contin- their homes. These people became graves in order to establish the exact state after the British co- maintained that the Greek Cypriot ued to seek control by a second suc- refugees in their own country and were fate of these people. lonialists consented on political leaders had tried for more cessful military intervention. The UN displaced from their towns in search of Furthermore, significant cultural the 16th of August 1960. than two years to diminish and virtu- Security Council called for a ceasefire a safe ground controlled by the Repub- heritage sites in the occupied areas The Constitution of the Republic was ally eradicate the rights of the Turkish and laid the basis for negotiations be- lic of Cyprus government. These peo- have been vandalised. Unique archae- Tcomposed in such a way that it would Cypriots. tween Greece, Turkey and the United ple comprised 70% of the inhabitants ological artefacts from all the histori- safeguard the values of both commu- Ten years of disputes between a pro- Kingdom. of the now occupied part of Cyprus. cal periods of the Cypriot civilization nities inhabiting Cyprus, the Greek portion of members from both com- By the time that ceasefire was ap- These people are still denied access - including sculptures, ceramics, figu- Cypriot and the Turkish Cypriot, by munities followed, climaxing on 15th plied, 36.2% of the island was occupied to their rightful property and are un- rines, manuscripts and other works of providing them with equal represen- of July, 1974. A coup d’état was brought by Turkish troops. able to act against the illegal foreign art - have been stolen and were ille- tation in the government. A Treaty of on in Cyprus by the Greek Generals Archbishop Makarios returned to land-developers exploiting their native gally exported for trade in the interna- Guarantee was also signed which gave (Greece was under a military junta his legal position and the main politi- land. tional market and to private collectors. power to Cyprus, Greece, Turkey and from 1967-1974) and a group of Greek cal figures of Cyprus initiated attempts A more tragic side of the invasion In addition, a significant number of the United Kingdom to intervene in Cypriots who favoured union with to drive the illegally stationed Turkish (stemming back from the era of in- churches were converted into mosques order to maintain the basic provisions Greece. The coup was directed against troops out of Cyprus. In 1974, the UN tercommunal disputes) is that of the and stables, and several of them were of the Constitution and the territorial the democratically elected government voted for resolutions demanding the missing persons. About 1474 people demolished, despite their historical integrity and sovereignty of Cyprus. of the island but the attempted murder immediate withdrawal of the foreign (both military personnel and citizens) value. For example, the Church of the However, keeping up to the provi- of the state’s president Archbishop military forces from Cyprus (Res. # were captured or disappeared during Avgasida Monastery in Famagusta sions of the constitution proved to be Makarios failed. 353) and the European Commission on the invasion period. Persistent efforts which dated to the 15th century has difficult quite early on, resulting in Cyprus was caught in turmoil for five Human Rights issued that Turkey was from the Republic of Cyprus govern- been demolished and many Byzantine recurrent demands for amendments days, with the head of state being an guilty of violating six articles of the Eu- ment following several UN resolutions era icons have gone missing. to the constitution. Inevitably, tension un-elected president positioned by the ropean Convention on Human Rights. for locating these persons have been The problems are not only faced by built up between the two communi- coup leaders in power. The coup d’état The consequences of this military in- made. Since 1963, Turkish Cypriot the Greek Cypriots who possess offi- ties which subsequently erupted in a was followed by Turkey’s military forc- tervention are still haunting the Cypri- and Greek Cypriot families have been cial citizenship of the Republic of Cy- series of violent acts all over the island es intervening under the pretext of the ots (both Greek and Turkish) even to- looking for their loved ones, some with prus. On the 15th of November, 1983 on 21st of December, 1963. By 27th of Turkish Cypriot residents of the island day. The Turkish troops number about success, but the majority of the missing a new state was declared to be formed December, the UN Security Council being threatened by the coup’s leaders. 35,000 soldiers on the island with the people are thought to be dead. For the in the occupied part under the name of received a complaint by Cyprus which Turkey took control of the North of the total population of Cyprus being about past 5 years, the two communities have Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus claimed that Turkey was inappropri- island and established Turkish Cypriot 800,000. The peace operation, as being joined forces and a program was set up (TRNC). The TRNC is only recognised ately intervening in the country’s inter- rule on these areas by the evening of quoted by Turkey, resulted in 162,000 to locate and exhume human remains as a sovereign state by Turkey. Follow- ing this unlawful creation of the TRNC state in the north, the Turkish Cypriots do not have the opportunity to engage President Joseph Kabila and his close allies. The conflict had been worsening due to his hardline attitude that negotiation was impossible. UN forces have now stepped in. in international trade nor political, cultural, and athletic organisations. People who live in the northern part he Democratic Repub- it is not surprising that the President Africa, would be travelling to Congo suade them to send more troops to halt and control of the situation. have to endure these embargoes that lic of Congo is a country wishes to take drastic steps to quell the to meet Kabila and the Rwandan presi- the atrocities. They outline that the So what should be expected for Con- have been imposed by the internation- in turmoil at the best of insurgency. dent, Paul Kagame, to discuss the vio- scenes being witnessed in the region go in the coming months? A resolution al community, as the UN recognises times; never long out of Perhaps, however, a solution is on lence, which erupted at the end of Au- are horrific, the worst that they have to the conflict? This is an overly op- that the legitimate authority on all the news, we have grown the horizon. The government had been gust and has displaced at least 250,000 experienced in their troubled history. timistic suggestion, the situation will the parts of the island is the officially accustomed to hearing about the vari- adamantly refusing to enter into nego- people. Now, ahead of talks between Civilians are executed on the spot and ride out this brief lull in the violence elected government of the Republic of Tous dramatic events that have shaped tiations with Nkunda and his allies, the UN, the rebels and the army, there their corpses line the streets. This is an and will deteriorate unless the UN, Cyprus. its recent history. The latest develop- steadfastly denying that any means, have been withdrawals from the east of image that has caused stir amongst the the army and the rebels find a way of To make things worse for the Turkish ments have seen a series of defeats other than the use of violence, would the country, a possible move towards world powers with the UN consider- negotiating so that a compromise is Cypriots, Turkey has adopted a policy against rebels in the east of the coun- not be employed in resolving the situ- cooperation. ing a French resolution to increase the reached. “Never back down” is the age- of importing a large number of Anato- try, necessitating the removal of the ar- ation. This was a decision that led the At the same time, various community number of troops in the country by old adage, one that has been used by lian colonists for settling in the occu- my’s chief of staff. This news followed British Foreign Office to announce that action groups in the area have written 3,000, a move that would facilitate an Nkunda and Kabila, and one that nei- pied area. This has resulted in a change statements from the advancing rebels Lord Malloch-Brown, the minister for to World Leaders in an attempt to per- improvement in peacekeeping efforts ther side wishes to relinquish. of the demographic character of the who are loyal to Tutsi Leader, Laurent island. The statistical data on arrivals Nkunda, that they would be withdraw- and departures of Turkish Cypriots ing from two fronts to facilitate the cre- compared to the ones for Turks from ation of humanitarian corridors. Turkey indicated a significant emigra- President Joseph Kabila decided to tion trend of the indigenous Turkish replace General Dieudonne Kayembe Cypriots. The Turkish Cypriots are with General Didier Etumba, citing systematically being outnumbered by the “urgency of the situation” as the the incoming, illegal colonists from reason. “Kayembe has been removed. Turkey. Turkish Cypriots are emigrat- I guess the president wants to change ing as a result of the unemployment the dynamics after the losses,” was and the social and economic depriva- the reaction of a source close to the tions. It has been estimated that 58,000 President. It would appear that Ka- Turkish Cypriots (out of a population bila is taking steps to ensure that the of 116,000) have emigrated since the circumstances improve, so perhaps invasion. The Turkish Cypriots have more changes are to come. Following a therefore become a minority in their number of chaotic army retreats from own area. advances by Nkunda’s rebels, the deci- Following the Anan Plan, rejected by sion is most definitely not one that has the Greek Cypriots, that proposed a caused surprise. solution for the problem (Greek Cypri- A government army base was seized ots claimed that it was arguably insuf- despite promises from Nkunda that his ficient for offering a viable solution) a insurgents would observe a ceasefire, a new set of talks between the president clear sign that they were not planning of the Republic of Cyprus, Demetris to conduct themselves in accordance Christofias and the Turkish Cypriot with the Congolese government’s rules. leader Mehmet Ali Talat have begun. Congo’s fractured army has also come The two politicians are now carrying into combat with the Mai Mai militia, the burden of the previous unsuccess- a faction that are usually considered to ful attempts for finding a solution that be loyal to the government, suggesting can be implemented in reality without worrying splits in the national defence causing injustice to either of the two force. It has been in poor shape recent- communities. ly, affected by increasingly low morale, However, both of them expressed terrible discipline and allegations of good will and declared that significant corruption, an example of which is that positive progress will be noted by the four soldiers were recently convicted of end of 2008. rape, looting and deserting their posts. President Demetris Christofias and Turkish Cypriot leader Mehmet Ali Talat shaking hands in a promising gesture of good will. With these worrying facts in mind, Congolese children approach United Nation troops, a stark portrayal of the desperation of the citizens for the fighting to cease. 10 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 11 Science [email protected] Science Science Editors – Daniel Burrows & Mićo Tatalović [email protected] SciNews in brief Scifaiku and Wildlife photographer of Podview Chloe Sharrock runs through some of this week’s headlines Sci-ku™ Felix Whitton reviews medical podcasts Ray of hope for deaf Garlick chemical treats diabetes Chemists rule the roasts felix brings you science haiku the year exhibit on display British Medical Journal Medical Matters – Podcast of the American researchers are working on A study published in the new Royal The Royal Society of Chemistry has Week a new implant that hopes to provide Society of Chemistry journal Metal- ruled that Yorkshire puddings must be Test tubes – don’t listen Repulsive pole! Mico Tatalovic An interesting interview with Dr Phil deaf people with better hearing than lomics has announced the success in four inches tall for them to be success- To taunts. They’re just trying to You give me but half Science Editor Hammond in a short podcast entitled We couldn’t have a Podview without that currently achieved using cochlear using a garlic chemical to treat diabe- ful as a roast dinner accompaniment. Get a reaction. A moment. “We’re British, we don’t talk about sex” a Radio 4 entry, and as usual Auntie implants. tes types I and II. Following an American plea for Just a couple of minutes away from the (“sex” being a euphemism, in this case, is head and shoulders above the rest. Research on guinea pig cells showed Scientists in Japan found that when advice on cooking the dish, the RSC By Alice Waugh By Steve Brunt Imperial’s campus, this year’s Wildlife for genital warts; so by doing that we’ve Well-chosen stories introduced with a that nerves in the ear can be stimulated a drug based on a chemical found in sought advice from some of its thou- Photographer of the Year Exhibit in the already gone and confirmed our Brit- sense of humour – David Brent talk- by infrared light, as well sound, lead- garlic was taken in tablet form, blood sands of members who work in the Natural History Museum continues to ishness, haven’t we?). Dr Phil’s recent ing, wince-inducingly, about race: “You ing to an electrical signal being sent glucose levels were reduced in type I food and drinks industries. A quantum kitty My red, ripe tomato amaze the visitors. Winners were an- article, published in the BMJ, about are half-and-half, aren’t you?”; “Mixed- back to the brain. Infrared stimulation diabetic mice. “Cooking is chemistry in the kitchen By any other measure has altered genetics... nounced recently and the exhibit is the hypocrisy of the NHS regarding race, yes”; “That is my favourite. That’s leads to as sharp information quality The drug is based on a vanadium-al- and one has to have the correct formu- Would purr as strangely. What smells like fish? open until 26th of April 2009. the HPV vaccination – purporting to the melting pot, please” – lead on to reaching the brain as that produced by lixin compound that in previous work la,” a Yorkshire scientist confirmed. This year’s overall winner was a pho- offer ‘choice’ while at the same time discussions on issues like the phe- sound in hearing guinea pigs. has successfully been used to treat both The RSC will next year be publish- By David K. Wall By Bob Wakulich tograph of a snow leopard, one of the denying it by offering only one vaccine, nomenon of ‘colour blindness’ in US Dr Claus-Peter Richter, from North- types of the illness when injected. ing a leaflet advising how to make the rarest animals in the world. It took Na- produced by our favourite evil phar- children, who refuse to mention some- western University, Illinois, is now With sufferers of type I diabetes cur- ideal Yorkshire pudding as part of its tional Geographic’s photographer Ste- maceutical giant GlaxoSmithKline – one’s race when it’s different to their working on producing fibre optic de- rently having to take daily insulin injec- food campaign. Creationist rant: I have posted my ve Winter ten months to capture three caused a bit of a fuss in the medical own. We also get a round-up of cur- vices for use within the inner ear and tions and type II diabetics treated with “My ancestors were not apes!” Findings on a friend’s web site photos of this amazing animal, the community, so he defends his thinking rent news, for example the new Mental is hopeful of a possible device being drugs causing unwanted side-effects, Rave on, monkey-boy. So I must be right. other two photos were also higly com- to BMJ editor Rebecca Coombes. Is this Health Act coming into force this week developed at some point in the distant the researchers are keen to expand mended at this year’s exhibit. Whereas Credit: ©Steve Winter, Wildlife Photographer of the Year is owned by the Natural another case of government pandering – what will it mean for psychiatrists future. their work by testing the garlic chemi- By David K. Wall By David Emigh History Museum and BBC Wildlife Magazine it took him almost a year to take only to big-pharma? We can’t be sure, but and patients? – plus a disturbing trend cal drug in humans. a few photos, the overall winner in their woefulness in dealing with the of suicides among ageing South Asian the Young Wildlife Phtographer of the situation lent a hand to the Daily Mail’s women in the UK. If you’re not keen Mars probes disappear Uncle Henry’s wife Year, Catriona Parfitt said she took ongoing campaign of vitriol against all on the specialist nature of the other Tabloids say aliens are Broke her hip. A victim of thousands of photos at her three-week things NHS-y and good. podcasts, but still like to keep abreast Holding them hostage. Auntie gravity. holiday in Africa. She then, for the first http://podcasts.bmj.com/bmj of health news in society, this comes time send one of them to the competi- highly recommended. By David K. Wall By Gary Hallock tion and it became a winner. Lancet http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/podcasts/ Apart from rare animals such as medmatters snow leopards, this year’s exhibition The Lancet does a nice series of 10- Droning on and on A voice on the phone. also features many human-like ape im- minute weekly podcasts summing up Talking about the atom A symmetrical body. ages that make one wonder about our health news and research around the What an awful Bohr. Are you free tonight? attitude towards wildlife but also give a world. Each week a different guest good starting point to thinking about discusses a particular issue, ranging By David K. Wall By Gene evolution. widely across themes such as malaria Luckily, if one starts pondering about funding, global health policy, and cut- whether we evolved from monkeys. ting-edge research on MS treatments. for a better grasp of our evolution and Web editor Richard Lane presents, and natural selection just across the hall his guests range from the engaging to there is a new temporary exhibit about Credit: ©Catriona partiff, Wildlife Photographer of the Year is owned by the Natural the fantastically dull. A good way of History Museum and BBC Wildlife Magazine Darwin. keeping up to date with medical news, if you can withstand the tinder-dry content. http://www.thelancet.com/audio Japan Car: are you ready for the future? Darwin’s Big Idea Mico Tatalovic tors can re-trace how Darwin came to Mico Tatalovic Science Editor his conlcusions and the ambient light- Science Editor ing and sounds of tropical birds all add Last week Natural History Museum to the experience. Where the exhibit This Saturday a sleek new exhibit opened its doors to another one of ex- maybe fails is in the lack of modern- opens at the Science Museum: Japan hibits dedicated to celebration of 200th day examples of evolution and more Car - Designs for the Crowded Globe. anniversary of Charles Darwin’s birth recent discussions of evolution and its Japanese have already had to deal with and 150th anniversary of the publica- mechanism. It is also too quiet about issues of over-crowding and pollution tion of his notorius On the Origins discrediting creationism, leaving it to and this can be seen in their high- of Species in which he presented his a single, rather boring video. All in all tech green car designs. Director of the mechanism for how evoluion works: though it is an exciting and insightful exhibit said that this exhibit “offers natural selection. exhibit to visit. It runs until 19th April glimpses of the future” and this is es- The exhibit is organised so that visi- 2009 pecially true of Toyota’s new concept i-Real (see picture to the right). i-Real G raham P G raham P sees a car as a mobile cell that interacts with the passenger and other vehicles and allows you to go “wherever you aterson aterson want”.

One day we will all drive pimped-up wheelchairs everywhere 12 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 13 [email protected] Arts Culture & Arts Editors – Caz Knight, David Paw and Emily Wilson Budding culture vulture? Write for us. The Arts [email protected] Hypnotised by giant Rubik’s cubes Caz Knight finds beauty, intrigue and a lot more than meets the eye in Richter’s 49 paint shop colour charts Right off the Richter Scale

Caz Knight Arts Editor

y recent visit to the all his films in one space. My ears and Hayward Gallery let eyes were overloaded with sounds and me experience two colour and garish décor only helped extremes of art; the to highlight the sort of riotous experi- ostentatious and the ence which would have been had if one modest. Paying ten pounds gets you were a regular at his studio the Factory, Maccess to both the Andy Warhol exhib- home to amphetamine use, sexual ex- it and Robin Rhode’s lesser known one. perimentation, cross dressing, hang- I am a great fan of Warhol’s work, more ers-on, silver filled helium balloons from an aesthetic perspective than the (one of the best features of the actual themes his work stands for or what he exhibition) and, of course, Warhol’s means by them – as shallow as that creative flow. may sound. Warhol’s fascination with Perhaps it was a clever move by the fame, social issues and interpersonal Hayward or mere coincidence that relationships is a marked contrast to Rhode’s Who Saw Who is situated af- Gerhard Richter (whose most recent ter the Warhol collection and couldn’t exhibition is reviewed here, by me) be more of a contrast in experience. At who shuns interviews and giving psy- least half the size and devoid of colours chological insight into his work. The other than black or white we never great, multi-talented Goethe also took even get a glimpse of the artist’s face this approach and let his art do all the despite him appearing in many of his Sick panoramic view of Kensington Gardens’ Serpentine Gallery, home to 4900 Colours: Version II talking instead of him. Tracy Emin, on stop-frame photographs. Admittedly, the other hand, lives on this exhibition it is no surprise that Rhode appears of personal history and emotion which more down-to-earth than one of the e is regarded as one Serpentine gallery. The collection has Richter first started using this-pre- logician within take over –by trying to quency of each colour, whether darker she intertwines with her art. It is hard most well-known artists of our time; of the most important been specially designed by Richter to determined colour order to eliminate find patterns in colour order and fre- or lighter ones predominate and how not to see a Jocks and Geeks social maybe Rhode will reach those epic German artists of our fit the gallery’s interior layout and wall artistic whim thereby bringing all con- quency you are definitely getting more they are grouped together has a great strata emerging in the art world with a proportions in years to come! My more time, so it is little won- space, also bearing in mind its tall ceil- centration onto what we receive visu- than what you didn’t actually even have effect on the overall impact the panel section of artists striving for fame, for- detailed experience of that subliminal der that he was selected ing to floor windows which provide ally as opposed to sub-visually, i.e. hid- to pay for: the exhibition is free! (In one will have. Some look ‘darker’ than oth- tune and recognition and others who exhibition of Rhode is also reviewed to redesign and reinstall the main a sharp contrast between rural park den meaning or message. painting he uses three of each colour ers despite the fact each colour’s tonal go about their business doing art for here, by me. Again.. Hstained glass window of Cologne Ca- landscape outside and vivid, Rubiks- His approach rejuvenated the me- save for dark green of which there are intensity is identical to prevent any one art’s sake. Emilie Beauchamp reports back thedral, which had been destroyed in cube like works inside. dium of painting in an era where it was four squares). colour standing out. Back to my experience of Andy smugly after missing nothing at T.S. WWII and had made done with a plain Based on 4900 Colours, the second thought almost extinct. Ever the taci- Of course, there is no defined pat- Five minutes or less is all that is need- Warhol which was predominantly Eliot’s esoteric and intense The Fam- sheet of glass ever since. Based on his version was created using the same turn artist, reluctant to provide insight tern to find as the colour order was ed to pace around the space but 4900 a homage to the artist rather than ily Reunion. A far cry from highbrow 1974 painting 4096 Farben (4096 Col- computer generated approach to de- into his works, 4900 Colours: Version randomly generated, but try all the Colours II is worth a glance at if only an exhibition of his works, although verse, Eddie Izzard’s stand up comedy ours), the abstract design is composed vise how the 100 squares were ordered II stays true to his style as it presents same. Alternatively find inner calm to submerge yourself in another bright there was a wide range of his creations is scrutinised by Thomas Weight, who of 11,500 individually blown glass to make up each of the 49 large pan- us with cubes of lacquered colour in through gazing at the colours and use kaleidoscopic environment, hitherto including never-before-seen photo- is eager to see whether Izzard is up to squares in 72 colours which fill the els using a selection of 25 colours. All each panel. It takes a good five or ten it as a new-fangled way of meditating, possibly immured only with things of graphs and the only ever collection of form after his Stateside tour. Stone Flag (2004) – Part of Robin Rhode’s Who Saw Who at the Hayward Gallery window space. Richter began experi- that was left for Richter to do was hand minutes to warm up and start shirking just a suggestion. There is also a cer- a scientific nature. menting with colour charts in the mid paint each square in the prescribed the idea that these paintings are utterly tain uniqueness in taking in all this Sadly, this article was not published 60s where he used charts from paint order and erect each panel. By roll- devoid of imagination and interest giv- loud modern art malarkey, turning in time for you devoted arts fans to shops as a basis for paintings made up ing a dice the element of chance was en that they are essentially of the same around and beholding some autumnal read before the end of the exhibition of simple squares of colour. relied upon again when deciding the thing. park scenery better fitted to a Roman- but the subsequent Indian Highways And so it is also for his latest exhi- order and orientation in which to hang However, if you give it a chance and tic poem. at the Serpentine from 10 December Who Saw What?! Banksy, watch out bition 4900 Colours: Version II at the each panel. It was during the 60s when amuse yourself – letting the Imperial One must also remember that the fre- promises to be ground-breaking. Caz Knight discovers another artist to add to her list of favourites at South Bank’s Hayward Gallery

obin Rhode: Who Saw has used the most basic material avail- contrast to the main room, has black keeps his face covered either by avert- Who is a cool, calm haven able to him: an urban landscape, a walls and a Mussorgsky piano suite ing his face from the camera or don- above the jamboree of the piece of chalk or charcoal and himself, playing as part of another one of his ning some tights over his face burglar- Izzy any good after his American tour? latest Andy Warhol exhi- to create still scenes which are often recorded performances. The texture style. This down to earth characteristic bition. For an artist with funny and always original. If we look of his photograph Keys, the lacquered pervades in all his pieces right into the an aliquot of the fame and reputation carefully we can see that the objects in black of the background and his dinner atmosphere of the whole exhibition. Thomas Weight goes to see Eddie Izzard with high expectations. No cross-dressing this time, though Rof Warhol, Rhode certainly goes a lot these stop-frames (drawn or real) are jacket sleeve contrasted perfectly and Rhode strives to come as close to his further in terms of beauty by his sheer touched with symbolism; from the use starkly to the white, granular surface of art and the process of his art as possi- ddie Izzard is one of the with a roaring ovation from a house to do nothing more than to show off Driver, reminding us that America is innovation. of black chalk to the fact that Rhode the chalk pieces on which he ‘plays’, is ble by drawing an object and interact- greatest success stories in packed with die-hard fans, though this its light sabre sound effects. The men- very much his home now. His musings Growing up as a ‘coloured’ in Johan- is clad in a white boiler suit with his nothing short of stunning. ing with it – “find a wall and make a British stand up comedy. time not cross-dressing as with previ- tion of Darth Vader got a cheer from on why God created the world in six nesburg, Rhode was exposed to gangs face in a mask in Stone Flag which was It would be possible to take in the drawing without getting arrested”. Here Since his critically acclaimed ous shows. After the disappointment old fans but it did seem to show a lack days and personification of the appen- and rough neighbourhoods which are realised in his mother’s back yard us- whole collection blissfully unaware of is an artist who quite clearly loves what shows throughout the 90’s he of his last show, Sexie, expectations of substantial material from such a vet- dix were just some of the many true to an influential factor in the aesthetics of ing a piece of bent pipe and a couple any “ulterior motive” or hidden mean- he does, does it for him and has FUN is now one of the few British comics to were high for him to make a return eran comedian. However, as the first form routines that he is capable of pro- his work right down to the simple use of bricks. The urban settings are highly ing or message in his art were we not while he is at it! This truly is something haveE made it big in the US, co-writing to form. After a slightly apprehensive half progressed and Izzard grew in ducing, riffing through these themes to of colour and materials, urban back- reminiscent of London’s own land- privy to the fact he was a half-black special in an art world so often drip- and staring in the series The Riches, start it seemed that Izzard was a little confidence we saw a return to the Ed- conclusions that only he could reach. drop and subject matter. scapes also prone to gangs, warfare South African who had grown up in ping with pretension. as well as numerous blockbuster film out of touch with his London audience. die we know and love. The show ended with the now ob- Here is a collection of Rhode’s work and racial segregation. one of the most dangerous cities in the It is tempting to use phrases like appearances from Ocean’s 12 to The He is a performer known for his comi- The second half opened where the ligatory encore that comes with all big from 2002 to the present day which A recording of one of his perform- world. (Oh, and the names of a few of “South African Banksy” but that would Chronicles of Narnia. After a five-year cal take on intellectual subjects, though first left off, with much more substan- name stand ups, and though it never includes photography, drawings, per- ances sees a work of art in the making: the works – Blackhead, for example – undermine Rhode as he achieves so break, he has now returned to the UK his opening comments on the recent tial routines and more challenging reached the dizzying heights of his formances (recorded) and interesting combining his Capoiera skills with his give a very gentle, subtle reminder of much more than drawing on walls in off the back of a 34 date American tour election of Obama were not only light material. Though there was almost no late 90’s peak it is hard not to delight outside installations. The white walls drawing skills as he creates a work, some of the themes.) Whereas most an interesting way and getting up to performing in his new stand up show on gags but on insight as well. This deviation from the usual themes of an- in having Eddie back on this side of the make for a perfect surface on which slipping in and out of black or white modern art strives to ram home a po- high jinks. This is, without question, Stripped to sell-out audiences. would be a recurring theme through- imals, religion and science, the thread Atlantic doing what he does best. to place his predominantly black and shoes made of chalk (a material used litical (or other) message, be as contro- the best art exhibition I have seen in Monday night’s show was the first out the evening with constant pleas used in the London shows is to that in of gags flowed and the audience were white pieces and photographs which consistently in many forms throughout versial or as overtly emotional as pos- London for as long as I can remember in a month-long London stint at the that it is now Europe’s chance to make the American tour, as the slightly hesi- drawn into the remarkable atmos- are arranged in islands of nine or more most of his work), crushing them as he sible, it is very refreshing to see Rhode and its comparatively small size is per- Lyric Theatre and fans will not be dis- a daring and bold change for the better. tant delivery would suggest that there phere Izzard is capable of producing. Eddie Izzard is performing at the with the effect of a flip book. As our creates the picture and then clamber- in his own world here as he creates fect and will not leave you drained and appointed to hear that Izzard’s origi- Unfortunately this never progressed were substantial alterations which he This bubble was unfortunately burst Lyric Theatre, Shaftsbury Avenue, eyes wander from frame to frame, the ing on his hands, lest his feet touch the “Robin Rhode: Who Saw Who” something he loves. resentful like a lot of the other larger nal mix of meandering whimsy and beyond the suggestion to “make shit has yet to get used to. There was an at one point with some utterly shame- until the 23rd December. Tickets sense of movement is easily appreci- floor, to the next pair! at the Hayward Gallery, until A common theme in all his photo- ones which just try and cram too much stream-of-consciousness delivery has happen”. It would be interesting to awkward few minutes of empty stage less plugging of his recently cancelled on eBay range from around £1 to able. In all these ‘Storyboards’ Rhode The smaller, second room, in phase- December 7th. Student entry is £6 graphs and performances is that he in. not changed a jot. He took to the stage know how different the material being while Izzard fetched his new iphone, show The Riches, co-staring Minnie about £300. 14 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Arts [email protected] Family misery brought to life by stunning verse Emilie Beauchamp is not defeated by T.S. Eliot’s emotionally overwhelming play, The Family Reunion

fter eight years of ab- not all of the spectators had. What is sence, Harry finally re- more, The Family Reunion was written turns to his ancestral during Eliot’s phase of reconversion to home for his mother’s Christianity and it is only at the very birthday and reveals his end of the play that its true meaning darkest secret... only to discover that can be understood. This means that Athe family also hides its own demons”! the spectator is left in limbo for most of Sounds familiar? At first sight, such the third quarter of the play and that if a play’s plot does seem like a déjà-vu: concentration is not maintained, many the eternally-unsolved mysteries of an hints that are central to the conclusion individual surrounded by even more can be missed. mysterious secrecy. Typically these It also means that the play leaves a plays evolve into an ascending series gulf between the worldly matters ap- of discoveries for the trepid audience; proached at the beginning and the either well-realized and spectacular, spiritual themes with which it ends: otherwise rather platonic if the infor- life, death and the passage to the af- mation is not well-disseminated. To ter-life; sins and expiation of sins. Put which category does 15-17 - Arts.indd, more simply, many audiences today by T.S. Eliot, then fall into? After some might not even be interested in such thought, The Family Reunion ought to matter: Christian spirituality served be put into the first rather than the sec- in dramatic verses... Not for theatre ond category, but for different reasons novices! then one would expect. However, the play is particularly ap- For starters, The Family Reunion is a propriate for those ready for a good verse play. Written in poetic dramatic dose of theatrical discourse. The lead style, the lyricism of the lines is spec- characters of Harry and his aunt Ag- tacular. Distinguishingly emotional atha, played by Samuel West and Pene- declarations are followed by expressive lope Wilton, are fantastic orators, very and poignant speeches with a surpris- well-spoken. And verse drama, as one ing array of vocabulary and stance, can imagine with the above descrip- making the play anything but platonic. tion, is not the easiest dialogue to pro- In fact, T.S. Eliot, who was awarded the duce... The rest of the cast is also very Nobel Prize for Literature in 1948, has experienced and gifted, without which been recognized for his Shakespear- talent the play would not have been so ian dramatic style infused with Greek well-realized. tragedy staging techniques. Therefore, T.S. Eliot’s unique style makes him his plays include many choruses and one of the greatest literary figures of “apartés”, increasing the drama but also the past century. To celebrate the au- informing the audience of important thor, the Donmar Warehouse presents information taking place outside of the a festival in tribute to him until the scene. While his style is very classical 17th of January 2009. Other plays be- and even conservative, Eliot explored ing staged include his most famous: common themes for his contemporar- Four Quartets, Murder in the Cathe- ies. The play, written in 1939, portrays dral, The Cocktail Party and Waste an upper-class family stricken by their Land. Presented as the centrepiece of own misery, a subject of much appeal the festival, The Family Reunion is a for all crowds at the time. In this sense, specimen of a play worth discovering, Eliot used real and accessible settings with a cautionary label for theatre first- to bring poetry to the wider public. timers. While it cannot be said that the While T.S. Eliot’s approach seems piece reflects the society of its time be- to serve verse drama through the best cause of its singularity, it presents an means, his style does sometimes be- excellent picture of how British litera- come overwhelming, as tirade after ture can be diverse and original. tirade of over-emotional confessions are followed by more theatrical state- ments. At the end of the almost 3 hour The “T.S. Eliot Festival” is on at play, one can be quite proud to have the Donmar Warehouse until the picked up all the clues displayed in the 10th of January. Tickets range exchanges – and looking around me from £15 to £29. Gemma Jones as Amy and Penelope Wilton as Agatha in The Family Reunion An invitation from SIFE Imperial We are inviting you to visit ‘Unheard voices of Africa’, showcasing an in- triguing blend of styles and unique mediums - highlighting the versa- tility of minds and the talent of the TEKUA students.

At the exhibition you will have the oppurtunity to purchase paintings, sculptures and handmade jewllery. By doing so you will be contributing to the betterment of TEKUA school With the funds raised from this exhi- bition we plan to enhance the living and learning conditions of the chil- dren of the school. 29 & 30 November 2008 Room 301, Royal School of Mines 14.00-20.00 We look forward to seeing you all there.

The fantastic orator Samuel West, as Harry 16 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Film Film Editors – Zuzanna Blaszczak and Jonathan Dakin [email protected]

The early years of Never been scared? cinema Probably not if you haven’t seen the newest bone-chilling horror

Zuzanna Blaszczak from the director of the 90s indie classic Full Moon Rising. Film Editor Quarantine HHHHK crash course in the his- with restraint rather than using the Director: John Erick Dowdle tory of film would go as over-the-top gestures of the first ac- Writer: John Erick Dowdel et follows. 28th December tors. It’s thanks to Griffith that films al. 1895, basement room consist of shots put together in such a Cast: Jennifer Carpenter, of the Grand Cafe in way as to mirror the process in which Steve Harris, Jay Paris becomes the ‘official’ date of the our minds create space and time. It’s Hernandez Abirth of cinema and the series of one thanks to Griffith that something like minute short films created by the Lum- 80% of movie shots are close -ups. He iere brothers make up the first movie was a person to single handedly create Jonathan Dakin screening. We will not go into details the classical form of narrative cinema Film Editor here and so we ignore the fact that this which today we are so trained to detect was not the first screening of a moving and immediately fall for and which, for Filmed in ‘shaky camera’ with the image, and the fact that Edison’s kine- most of us, is the only form of cinema premise of being a documentary, toscopes played films at a small price we know. Incidentaly, Griffith, togeth- Quarantine opens with two televi- of one nickel already in 1894. Moving er with the studio stystem that evolved sion reporters, Angela (Carpenter) on. It took only about ten years for the in the 1930s is to blame for the univer- and her cameraman Scott (Har- cinema industry to transform from a sally formulaic movies we are served in ris) walking around a fire station. period when films were one shot fea- the cinemas right now. They plan to follow the firemen for a tures maximum one minute in length, The foundations of film syntax have night to give their viewers a taste of with a static camera placed like an au- been laid fairly rapidly and proved to what really goes on in the fire serv- of blood splattering to appease horror Quarantine will keep you on the edge dience at a play, to a point where the be very lucrative, bringing the movie ice. After seeing Angela slide down fans. Although it is a remake of the of your seat, but will also have you movies, apart from being silent and in industry vast amounts of money. Thus the fireman’s pole several times, and Spanish film REC, Quarantine is one jumping out of it, as the scares are black and white, were not much dif- when sound and image were finally flirt with fireman Jake (Hernandez), adaptation that deserves to be treated not done for cheap laughs but for real ferent to what we can see now. Apart successfully synchronized at the end of the station is quickly called to a local as well as its original counterpart. terror. Sometimes the camera work from continuous technological im- the 1920s the studios were laregly re- block of apartments, where a woman Boasting an incredible (though some- can get annoying, mainly because a provements which brought the film luctant to make a move from the silent has locked herself into her apartment. times annoyingly) realistic perform- professional cameraman would not format ever closer to its present form, movie form that has been mastered to After finding her they quickly realise ance, Jennifer Carpenter delivers a be so out of focus and shaky, but the movies of the 1910s are so similar make a profit to films incorporating that she is infected with a deadly vi- solid and scene-stealing role, carry- once you get used to it you get im- in their structure because of one man. sound and dialouges. The conversion rus, as do the outside policemen, who ing the audience along with her as mediately sucked in, finding yourself He wanted to be a playwright. His seemed to involve too many impon- trap everyone into the building with she runs, screams, and freezes with wishing he would turn it certain ways goal in life was to touch on as many derables and went against the ‘no risk’ the zombiefied victims. Cue long fear. How would you act if zombies so you could get a better look at the political, social and moral issues in his policy of the studio system. Yet Sam dark corridors, out of focus camera were chasing you around a dark block environment. creative work as possible. Ironically, Warner persuaded his brother to go work and scary looking zombies who of flats? She perfectly captures how As a horror fan, I am usually disap- the person who completely mastered for it and invest in the Vitaphone disc soon turn nasty, splattering blood most people would react to this un- pointed with what film makers have the film form was the person who system. The consequent commercial across the camera in some unique real situation, and this heightens the to offer, but Quarantine is a highly pronounced that ‘any man enjoying success of The Jazz Singer in 1928 sig- and original ways. Will the survivors film’s scares. effective and enjoyable film, and I such a thing [cinema] should be shot’. nified that the sound era had dawned ever escape? And what exactly is the The action sequences are very effec- would definitely recommend it to Between 1908 and 1913 D.W. Grif- and other companies instantaneously virus that is infecting everyone? tive: this film is not for the squeamish horror fans, as well as anyone who is fith directed or supervised over 450 followed suit; the conversion process When the film eventually gets into its as the blood and body parts fly at the up for being scared: and I mean really films, shaping the basic elements of costing the industry over $300 million. stride, it never stops. Building up ner v- camera thick and fast, one brilliant scared. But if you leave the cinema film making into the language that has And so we arrive at the 1930s and the ous tension and fear, and then letting bit involves the cameraman using his and find yourself looking over your served cinema for the last 100 years. beginning of the Golden Age of Hol- it explode into horror style jumps and own camera to bludgeon a zombie shoulder, and then sleeping with the It’s thanks to Griffith that actors now lywood. But that story will make for an leg snapping gore, Quarantine is a re- to death. Pretty grisly stuff, but also lights on, don’t say I didn’t warn you. look natural when acting, that they act interesting article on its own. ally good chiller-thriller with plenty pretty cool.

Remarkable success of Twilight Coming Out Soon sees straight into her soul. When she good job at being believable and have Twilight HHHKK connects his superhuman strength and been very well cast, with Pattison look- speed, his cold hands and his shunning ing every bit the alluring and danger- Director: Catherince Hardwicke of sunlight to the old vampire legends ous vampire (he got all the girls in the Writer: Melissa Rosenberg spread by the local Indians, it’s already audience screaming during the screen- Cast: kristen Stewart, too late; the forbidden love affair be- ing). This is mainly thanks to the cos- Roebrt Pattinson, tween a vampire and a mortal has by tume and make-up artists who manage Cam Gigandet now begun. But Edward is not the only to make the Cullens visibly stand out vampire for whom Bella’s scent is an ir- without resorting to using fangs and resistible primal pull, it attracts three long dark coats. Also worth mention- Zuzanna Blaszczak hunter vampires, who unlike the Cul- ing is the scenography; filmed in the Film Editor len family don’t mind feasting on hu- gloomy and moss abundant rainfor- man blood. est of the Olympic Peninsula the set- Jonathan Dakin out half way through shooting, leaving After her mother remarries, Bella I really don’t see how a plot line like ting for the film is a character in its Jackman to be replaced last minute. Swan (Kristen Stewart from Into the this could appeal to anyone but girls own right. The one thing that I would This new Baz Luhrmann (Moulin Will this love story be a success? Wild and more recently What just hap- aged thirteen to seventeen, and then, have really liked to see more of is char- Rouge, Romeo and Juliet) period epic Think Gone With The Wind with pened) is send to live with her father in only to those of them that tend to pro- acter development. As much as the has been heavily promoted, and heav- cows, deserts, Japanese bombers and the rainy town of Forks, Washington. claim themselves different and smarter story-line was immaculately adapted ily praised. Starring Nicole Kidman evil English people. If you like direc- In a town with a population of 3000 than your average ‘prom queens’. And from the book, the psychology of the and Hugh Jackman, Australia is about tor Luhrmann’s other works, as well she quickly becomes the ‘local news’ yet, I can’t bring myself to say the movie characters is rather hard to decipher. an English aristocrat Lady Sarah (Kid- as long epic historical love stories (e.g. at her new high school but soon finds was bad. There’s nothing I can openly Although Bella’s gradual deepening of man) who fights against English cattle Cold Mountain) then this film should out that the mysterious and dazzlingly critisize. If you let yourself accept the feelings towards Edward is easy to fol- barons trying to steal her land, joining be for you. Hopefully a film about his beautiful Cullen kids have a monopoly story as just that, another story whose low, Edward’s behaviour is confusing. forces with a rugged Australian Drover homeland should not be as sickeningly on the school’s gossip. Sharing a desk aim is to provide entertainment in the Millions of American delusional (a person who moves livestock across patriotic as an American film, although with Edward Cullen (Robert Pattison simplest form, Twilight becomes sur- teenagers flocking to the cinema long distances, played by Jackman) I am still unsurprised to see us English from Harry Potter and the Goblet of prisingly enjoyable. The film is well meant that Twilight earned $35 million who helps her move her cattle. Tipped as the villains. But with a (relatively) Fire), Bella rapidly comes to under- structured, with no plot holes, no an- on its opening Friday. Compare that to as an Oscar contender, Australia has good director, and a strong cast, Aus- stand the all-round interest in the Cul- noying breaches of time or space con- the $27 million scored by Quantum of had its fair share of controversies, the tralia should be an enjoyable romp, as lens, herself being drawn to the intel- tinuity; it has a nice flow to it. The ac- Solace and you have the answer to why main one being the casting of the lead- long as you can sit through a good two ligent, witty and impenetrable boy that tors, though not remarkable, do a very the movies that are made are made. ing man, as Russell Crowe dropped and a half hours of yearning passion. 18 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 Novmber 2008 felix 19 Music [email protected] Music Music Editors – Peter Sinclair, Susan Yu & James Houghton [email protected] DiFranco picks up her guitar and mixes politics with music

hum of expectation was in the air, the that I’m on stage’ she coos, well, dar- she had only just added the finish- Franco has stamped her trademark in Ani DiFranco crowd having been treated to the fan- ling, the world is your stage. ing touches to. It was a bouncy, light the music business, not only does she The Forum tastically ferocious Hamell on Trial In contrast, DiFranco belted out ‘Na- hearted, warm melodic piece that leave a lasting imprint with her mu- Live music mania... HHHHI and the delicate folk-acoustic set by polean’ with much gusto, the melodi- had a Mediterranean feel to it, with a sic by producing a CD every year, but We all like a bit of live action, so this week, we deliver Hot Anais Mitchell. cally meandering verse leading to the constant cute xylophone refrain run- when it’s given to us live, we will defi- DiFranco certainly can have her pick crescendoing chorus, delivering her all ning through that gave away to a fuller nitely take, take, treasure, and there’s Chip, Goldfrapp and Ani DiFranco for your pleasure Susan Yu when it comes to doing live shows, and deeply sustaining the word ‘Na- textural, coquettishly sensual, instru- no stopping. She is still one of the most with a twenty year career to look back polean,’ as if her whole might depend- mentation interlude from time to time, energetic and enjoyable acts ever to The fabulously charming Forum used on and seventeen studio albums in the ed on the emotions that were conveyed ultimately, this carefree number pleas- grace a London stage, being a small to dodge sticks that poke out at them. lively soundscape. to be a cinema, built in the 1930’s, but bag, the possibilities for the set-list are through the deliverance of these three antly filled the night with complete- woman with just an acoustic guitar and Hot Chip Crazy layout, crazy costumes and cra- The band showed off their reper- has been rendered as a considerably countless, so most likely, she played syllable. The simple chord strumming ness. One could not forget that her her valuable vocals, together you get a Brixton Academy zy colours. Completely bonkers. It’s all toire of stuff with ‘My Piano,’ an upbeat grandiose musical venue in the last fif- what took her fancy that night and on the guitar and not so full instru- signature percussive finger picking was mighty musical force that is awfully HHHHI in there. slinky number heavy on the synthesiz- teen years or so. The powerful yet inti- went for it with much passion, fire and mentation allowed the vocals to soar on show again for this number. Spicy difficult to contend with. Expect to Another prominent crowd-pleaser ers and keyboards with short bursts of mate stage has been testament to many maybe a little tenderness in some of the freely, exhilarating indeed. mama mia! see her career continue to flourish and was definitely one of the highlights piano chord stabs to amplify the jilt- well-established artists strutting their slower, more soulful tracks. No matter The night’s success has to be also We will be correct in saying that Di- maybe we will see her in UK. Again. Susan Yu of the show- ‘And I Was A Boy From ing rhythm. ‘No Fit State’ taken from stuff on stage, with the likes of Jamiro- what, the adoring fans would certainly attributed to DiFranco’s trio backing School.’ This swoonsome song has a their second album ‘The Warning’ was quai, Robbie Williams, Travis and Van not hold a grudge against her for not band; they did their customary excep- Hot Chip are a brainy electro-pop fantastically gripping tune which is a classic belter-‘We caught the fire but Morrison on the performance bill. Fol- playing their favourites because, with tional job, with Alison the drummer, quintet, with four out of the five mem- melancholy in sound yet simultaneous- the body escaped/ lowing this tradition of having a highly such a collection, you could not miss blazing away with the suave beats, bers being Oxbridge graduates. They ly catchy and even at times joyous and Love other people but I don’t know talented line-up, this time around with out on something that you loved. Todd the double bassist and keyboard- have been on the scene for a while now, hopeful. The amalgamation of Taylor’s their names.’ What peculiar lyrics, Ani DiFranco, we could expect noth- Ani Difranco is someone who is not ist, adding warmth and strength in tex- formed in 2000 and now three albums somewhat poignant vocals with God- ringing of some truth though. ing but the same electric, intimate and afraid of speaking out. Being some- ture with the strings and last but not down the line, they are on the road dard’s baritone in this tune lead to an The show was not complete with- intense aura all around. Looking in one who feels strongly about politics, the least, there was Mike who added again, touring along the country and oddly touching effect. The strong pulse out a spectacular combination of laser either direction, we were treated with a topic which features frequently in saccharine tinkering on various per- showing that you can be both intelli- that ran through this number is again beams and dramatic use of glitter- the lavish architecture and décor that her songs, we were given a blast of her cussion instruments such as the metal gent and play equally good music. highly hypnotic; the texture builds up ing disco lighting which tantalisingly complemented the intricate lighting, discontent towards the current admin- xylophone and marimba. It was almost midnight before these as more instruments are added layer by conveyed the hectically exhilarating the stage that was bathed in beautiful istration in the U.S, her expectations Several songs from her new album- guys emerged onstage. We were pre- layer before the vocals kicks in. Teasing atmosphere. blue hues that sent out a serene seem- towards the elections and her explicit ‘Red Letter Year’ were given a twirl sented with a bizarre circus figure and wetting our appetites for sure. The The band finished their set with ingly mysterious vibe, a premonition inclination towards the Democrats throughout the course of the evening. who appeared in front of our eyes, a chorus had the entire Brixton crowd their fiendishly compelling, mellow for the startling performance that was during the intervals between the songs. With the song ‘Red Letter Year,’ the sore sight indeed. This could be no- singing ‘We try but we don’t belong.’ version of Prince’s classic ‘Nothing to follow. Who can blame her? It’s the right time strong sense of rhythm was conveyed one but Alexis Taylor, the frontman of It is safe to say that Hot Chip are no Compares 2 U.’ Well, for that magical The turnout was to be expected, that America had some change with through the almost waltz-like beats Hot Chip, wearing his trademark ner- longer outcasts in life now that they’ve epoch, nothing could have compared there were an eclectic bunch of people the first black man in history to ever and the repetitive heavy instrumenta- dish spectacles and sporting a rather gained wide recognition and success to Hot Chip and their maverick musi- of all ages and of both genders, which become president. God bless America. tion. In contrast, ‘Present/Infant’ was in-your-face garishly-coloured robe across the UK as well as most of the cal gifts. comes not so much as a surprise really And the rest of the world of course. given a touch of tenderness, DiFranco which, thank goodness, he shed off globe and are reaching more and more The show was overwhelmed with the as DiFranco has such a wide diversity DiFranco had many lovely goodies in was neatly embraced by the tranquil later on in the show to reveal more ac- new audiences by the day. euphoric atmosphere, compounded of fans with her music crossing many store for us. We were again charmed aura of contentment, a testimony to ceptable and less alarming stage-wear Amongst the tracks that they played by the release of a dozen or so enor- genres. No doubt there are legions of with some of her old artillery like the her loving bond to her daughter and consisting of plain white overalls. that night included their new song, ‘Al- mous balloons into the buzzing crowd fans across the globe, some liking her breathtaking ‘Overlap’ which had the her lyrics defining her intact feminist It was inevitable that the anthemic ley Cats’, a soulful, slowish, euphonic towards the end of the set. The eager folky style, others maybe the rocky in- audience singing along and clapping ideals in the wake of motherhood. ‘Over and Over’ was going to be on the number, a track likely to feature on their crowd jumped up like a bunch of five fluence or even the jazzy feel that she their hands enthusiastically. The shim- Smiling all the way, DiFranco’s trade- ecstatic agenda for this cracking live forthcoming fourth album, which they year-olds fighting for lollipops, every- incorporates into her music. It’s terri- mering guitar loop, showering of the mark blistering guitar audacity was set. The crowd reached their climax plan to record soon. What Hot Chip one was reaching into the air, either bly hard to pigeon-hole her as being of vibes in conjunction with the laidback acutely demonstrated in most tracks of the evening for sure on this wild, does best is texture and good melodies to the music or lured by these crazy any particular genre, so with DiFranco, drumming complemented Ani’s soul- that were performed, especially in the extreme energy bulldozer. Cacophony and this song epitomises both key as- floating beauties. With some luck and you get variety, and that is what makes fulness, casting a deeply chilled, blissful anti-war protest that is ‘Alla This,’ – ‘I reigned recklessly, whilst adrenaline pects. Likewise we were delighted by maybe some tall genes, we got to be lit- her stand out and probably the key to spell throughout the whole auditorium. won’t support the troops, cos every last pulsed through our veins as the flash- another slower track: the ambiguously tle kiddies again, happily playing in the her success in carrying on being well Likewise, in the upbeat ‘Both Hands,’ one of them’s being duped,’ it wasn’t ing lights lit up the entire stage in a epi- titled ‘Playboy.’ Do the five of them look playground that was Brixton. A fabu- received for two decades now. An in- what stood out the most was the re- just Ani, the guitar did a fair share of leptic, chaotic demeanour. like playboys? We don’t think so. They lous show that thoroughly entertained credible woman who knows how to freshing quality of Ani’s vocals, playful the talking. ‘Ready For the Floor’ was also on the should just stick to their music for the with the invigorating energy and infec- capture and recapture audiences again and heavenly harmonising. ‘Imagine Before the curtains were drawn, the bill. If you haven’t checked out the vid- time being. tious enthusiasm that exuded from the and again. That’ saw DiFranco carving crushingly enraptured audience were given a pre- eo, well, you are missing out on some- ‘One Pure Thought’ was dominated band. Before DiFranco came on stage, the sweet and flowing melodies, ‘Imagine view of her new song ‘Splinter’ which Ani DiFranco’s vocals soar. Photo by Michael Eccleshall thing that is just beyond strange, with by the repeating mantra – ‘I won’t be Top notch action from these Ox- Goldfrapp glitters at Brixton false teeth, weird women that appear on my way’ with dynamic beats and a bridge alumni. Boffins they may be, to have been cut half due to the clear confusing mesh of electronic sounds but they sure can churn out some de- Alison appears barefoot amid choice of backdrop as well guys trying providing a rich, polyphonic-textured, cent original stuff, doing it with style. Goldfrapp screams from the audience, manag- Brixton Academy ing to look effortlessly breathtaking ing it forward, sending delicious tin- With ‘You Don’t See Me,’ again we HHHHH in what seems to be the top half of a Album Review gles down your spine whilst the blaring cannot but be obliged to compare these clown's outfit made from a bin-bag and keyboard fires off in the background. guys to The Killers, with the moody some glittery pompoms. Her silky, liq- The second track tells the story of soundscape and the underlying syn- Fiona Watt uid vocals fill the stage and the punters dreams, we hear echoes of The Killers thesisers and piano accompaniment. look on in awe as their undeniably im- with the use of synthesisers in the prel- The brilliance of this track is empha- I expect there are a lot of you who, like pressive set unfurls. ude that builds into a choral climax. sised by Chaplin’s amazing intonation me, were rocking out in your bedroom ‘A&E’ is piercingly beautiful, ‘Number Keane Grippingly, we hear the lead vocalist and range in the vocals. at 15 to the thumping electro-clash 1’ is sweet and personal, ‘Caravan Girl’ Perfect Symmetry Tom Chaplin’s gorgeous voice soar–‘I ‘Again and Again’ has us reminiscing tunes of Black Cherry and later Super- is uplifting and ‘Happiness’ is… ac- HHHHH dreamed I was watching young lovers at the quaintly bewitching and dynam- nature, customising your T-shirts and companied by four bouncing dancers dance’ yet ‘The Lovers are Losing.’ ic sound that was their debut album wearing fishnets in a vain attempt to be in pastel-coloured, hairy jumpsuits. It’s In ‘Better Than This,’ the syncopat- ‘Hopes and Fears.’ But with a twist to even a little bit as cool as Alison Gold- all very theatrical, all a bit odd and all Susan Yu ed rhythm is joined by a picked gui- it, as we hear the synth-pop influence frapp. But eventually, probably, we all so Goldfrapp. tar hook, something novel, giving the coming through once more. chilled out and started drinking tea The audience clap madly to the beat For their third album released back whole piece an upbeat, bouncy feel. The pace dwindles in ‘Playing Along.’ and watching the news before bed, and of ‘Train’ and I suddenly realise that in October, Keane have definitely Pleasantly playful and light. When Rice The change of palette sees sprinklings If you haven’t listened to Keane’s new album, just go and listen to it! these CD’s ended up in a box in the loft the maypole has lost its ribbons and changed their tact, venturing into new hits the high notes, we are definitely of mesmeric repeating electric guitar along with those Boyzone albums we become, well, just a pole. Out come the exciting sounds. With a departure from reminded of the legend that is Justin refrains and a sirenesque mixture of never admitted to owning. (Hopefully, dancers in bikinis with wolf masks on.. their previous pretty piano-pop style, Hawkins from The Darkness. How we distorted sounds at the end. We should the end of this seven-minute epic then a similar fate befell the fishnets…) it’s weird, and disturbingly sexy, but by ‘Perfect Symmetry’ sees Keane experi- miss those rockers… all ‘turn up the volume until’ we ‘can’t Single Review you really are dead. Even so, if this does sound familiar, the chorus everyone around me is go- menting with a more varied instru- We see the synths feature in the son- even think.’ The Hours The sound is the same: huge, echoing then this year’s album Seventh Tree ing mad and I think we’ve all realised mentation, featuring appealing elec- ic soundscape in ‘You Haven’t Told Me Simple piano chords with hints of See the light and faintly mournful but it doesn’t flow will have been regular ear-candy since what is being said; Yes, we’ve mellowed tronically-based sounds. It includes the Anything’ as well as the appearance of hip-hop beats help accompany the release: 8th December anywhere like “Narcissus Road” or “Ali its release in February. Its tracks have out, but it’s still okay to go crazy for the introduction of guitars, incorporation new wave guitars. Unsurprisingly, with ninth track ‘Pretend That You’re Alone.’ in the Jungle”. Ant Genn, a successful the same electronic energy as those new wave raucous hits like ‘Twist’ and of tasty synths, all in combination with the fifth track-‘Perfect Symmetry,’ we ‘Love is the End’ is the sentimental HHHII producer and Martin Slattery, jazz pi- we loved in our teens, but it’s calmer, ‘Strict Machine’, and to dance like a lu- string arrangements and tinkerings see Keane’s trademark piano arrange- ultimate track of this wonderful con- anist, who have worked beside their more subtle and less brash. Basically, natic to ‘Ooh La La’. of saxophones and the musical saw. ment. ‘I wish we can make sense of coction of varied soundscapes. The fair share of big names between them, it’s Goldfrapp, but grown up. The show was a perfect mix of their Overall, fans will be greatly pleased to what we do.’ These guys turn to phi- melody is achingly wistful yet delight- Sarah-Emily Mutch fail to emulate or exceed the great mu- The live show was incredible. The newer work and a re-visitation of their see such a divergence. Believe it or not, losophy in this intoxicatingly lush, me- fully beautiful, Chaplin’s soulful vocals sic they’ve helped make. Moreover so easily just-a-bit-too-big-and-im- more in-your-face dance tunes. It was Coldplay are not the only ones to have lodic piece- ‘Who are you and what are wholesomely replenishing our hunger “See the light” is a not too timely release with Damien Hirst, their friend, creat- personal Brixton Academy had been like reminiscing with an old friend (al- the experimental flair. you living for? ... [Some may] find life for pure quality singing. Breathtaking. from The Hours, an indie rock seven ing the album art, and Flood (U2, Sigur transformed into a mythical and magi- beit a much more successful and at- ‘Spiralling’ into the deep abyss of is unkind and over so soon.’ It is im- Heavenly. Words are not enough. -piece whose first album was released Ros…) producing the ensemble, they cal wonderland, the stage sprawled tractive one) who is classy and modest, lyrical and musical ambition, we hear possible not to say that Keane have a The palette used for this album is last year to critical acclaim. However could have done so much more. It‘s like with fairy-like musicians dressed in but with an unashamedly wild side who Keane emerging from a 1980’s synth- tremendous gift for writing splendidly painted with powerful shades of all col- if the first single of the second attempt taking the first bite of a sandwich and white playing almost every instrument makes you feel okay – nay, proud- of pop influenced style with sheer mas- provocative and moving lyrics, they ours that are provocative and exhilarat- is anything to go by they have firmly getting only the lettuce. There could imaginable, a choir in cult-esque ani- that 15 year-old inside you who loves tery. This anthemic odyssey explodes really do possess lyrical prowess that ing. Bold, extravagant and evocative, thrown themselves in the pit-marked be some meat in the next bite or it all mal masks and centre stage was a kind to let it all go. All things considered, it at the word go, the 80’s booming beat has been manifested through all three Keane has achieved something that is “One Album Wonders.” It’s so repeti- could be entirely unsatisfying. Only Hot Chip, five brainies who are masters of electro-pop. Nice sunglasses, a change to the ususal nerdy specs of maypole with… antlers. was definitely a show worth seeing. pummels through the entire track, driv- albums. tantamount to ‘perfect’ion! revelation. tive that if you haven’t seen the light by time will tell. PAGE 3 It’s coming! 22 felix Friday 28 November 2008

Nightlife Nightlife Editor – Catherine Jones [email protected] A little voice, but lots of spirit(s) Nightlife Editor CJ reviews a charity fundraiser featuring Biffy Clyro, Friendly Fires and Frank Turner

Mencap Little Noise Sessions HHHHI

Union Chapel, Islington Best: Magical atmosphere. Worst: Uncomfortable pughs. Price: £44 with proceeds going towards The Mencap Arts Awards Scheme.

hy only a little noise You couldn’t help but smirk, watching in the nightlife sec- them writhing around in their preppy tion? So maybe clothes like innappropriately slutty cub acoustic sessions in scouts (See photo montage). a haunted church The highlight from the electro-pop are a strange choice to review? This outfit was the recent, superior single Wlow volume gig was a unique night “Paris”. You could tell the audience to remember, raising funds for a very were actively restraining a secrete urge worthy cause. to let go and manically dance on the The Mencap Little Noise Project are pughes. In all honesty Friendly Fires a series of fundraising events in aid have too much zeal to be wasted in the of the Mencap Arts Awards Scheme. acoustic format. I recommend seeing They provide grants for local art them perform at the Brixton Acad- projects involving people with learning emy next February for the Shockwaves disabilities. As Andy Kee, an artist and NME Tour. youth worker puts it “As arts develop so do people”. Biffy Clyro Why was there so little volume ? De- It was clear who was in their element spite the great acoustics in the chapel, that night. Headliners’ Biffy Clyro epic local council imposed noise restrictions stage presence stole the show. Like a limit output to a paltry 85 decibels. group of friends gathered around a Each night there have been unique camp fire, they had a humble, peaceful acoustic performances from the likes spiritual presence. The audience were of Glasvegas, Kasabian and Razor- captivated throughout. Nothing could light. On Wedsnesday 12th Novem- have been more intuitively right. The ber headliners Biffy Clyro returned to huge acoustic sound resonated through the Union Chapel, with Friendly Fires the vast gothic spires. I felt the bass and Frank Turner in support. Last year vibrate through my feet. A throughly Biffy Clyro made an strong impression well produced acoustic set. in this venue, singing acapello from the Set list-wise they opened with “Liv- pulpit. They were understandably keen ing is a problem because everything to return, describing it as one of “best dies”. New song “God & Satan” pre- acoustic type shows we’ve done. Very miered that night, but they refused to good cause.”. utter the title in a place of worship. Visually the Union Chapel made a Friendly Fires magical venue, with full on gothic Vic- On first impressions, St Alban’s torian architecture imaginatively uplit Friendly Fires were a strange sight. casting ghostly shadows. Biffy Clyro Dressed with more than a hint of iro- connected with the audience and it ny, shirts were tucked into chinos and was a beautiful, unique event for a side partings smoothly drawn. Boring great cause. first impressions were quickly cast aside by some amusing showmanship And Finally...... Friendly Fires singer Ed MacFarlane Friendly Fires are playing the Brixton minced charmingly on stage, some- Academy on Saturday 21st February as what resembling the animatedness of part of the Shockwaves NME Awards Brendan Urie of Panic! At The Disco. Tour 2009.

Biffy Clyro and Friendly Fires 24 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Fashion Fashion Editor – Dan Wan [email protected]

The boy done Ramblings of a Fashionista good Vicky Masding acutely suffers from ‘Beit Syndrome’, so felix stays away and lets the horrifically inane ramblings commence Daniel Wan Fashion Editor irstly I would like to warn ask the sales assistant to restate the you – this article may be price and then calmly back out of the rambling and incoherent in purchase. My approach was somewhat was going to comment exten- nalism or English courses here. Yet, we style. This is in part due to a different. I instead remained cool and sively on the last three weeks’ of managed to beat off numerous other distinct lack of research and just bought the bag. I guess the lesson fashion happenings, but other publications produced by journalists, Beit syndrome: the inability to write ar- here is: look at the tag that corresponds news a little more important, design artists and literature students. ticlesF or do anything productive. Ever. to what you are actually buying. The and I reckon relevant, turned up So, it all comes down to a mutual Rest assured, in no way does this cor- End. And FYI the bag and I will live at the felix offices late last night. passion for writing. Through passion, respond to a diminishing passion for happily ever after. ILast night gave evidence that the came dedication. Through dedication, clothes. Far from it, I spent my week- Needless to say many other purchas- combination of passion and sustained came hard work. And through hard end shopping! ‘Spent’ of course being es took place and chip-and-pin ma- hard work pays off. Last year’s Editor- work, comes rewards. And Student the ‘ha-ha’ obviously operative word. I chines were fucked good and proper in-Chief, Tom Roberts, triumphantly Newspaper of the Year is only a frac- had planned on buying a new bag, or at by my debit card. walked out of the Guardian Student tion of ours. The rest of our reward least something that would not make In other news, in an attempt to sab- Media Awards clutching the Student is from you, the readers. The sense of my lecture notes look like waste by the otage the studying of a friend, I went Newspaper of the Year Award he richly pride seeing students value your work end of the day, and possibly a dress. on his laptop and began asking his deserved. within their busy week is something no However, I came back with two tops, opinion of women’s clothes. This did The felix team worked immensely Guardian Award can give. a cardigan, one skirt, one hat and two successfully distract him (lols). The hard last year, and there is nothing I Saying that, this award sets a bench- pairs of sick shoes! wet feet at this point. Never good for premise of “the game” (OMFG – I just can put in print to describe exactly mark for the newly assembled team “Fail!” I hear you cry. To which I reply morale! I make it into Topshop, head lost the game) was this; (OK. I will give how pleased I am that felix has got this year. By no means is it impossible with withering enthusiasm “your face straight for accessories. No prancing you a minute to console yourself about the national recognition it deserves to repeat the achievement. The paper is fail.” Others of course would hi-fric- around, toying with all the garments losing the game. Right, a minute’s up.) from Tom’s editorship. It’s an even bet- is picking up speed as the academic kin-five me on the success of my trip. on the rails, or smoothing all the fab- each page displayed a variety of dresses ter feeling knowing we achieved this year unfolds. So boys and girls, let’s Such a loot! rics. NO. I am on a mission! Upstairs. and he was made to say which ones he through our own passion entirely. set award-winning felix cat free once As we roll on a few weeks and I fi- Bags. Giant bag. Awesome! Two min- would like to see a girl in. Of course he What I mean is, writing for felix was again. nally have the bag! However this is a utes later and I’m at the cash register, picked the waste ones. This could of never toil, or ‘real’ work. We are all en- Have a little gander at the interview I mini-saga in itself, so much so it war- thinking I’m about to spend £45 for a course highlight that I am not dressing gineers, scientists and medics whom held with Tom in the News this week, rants column inches. I will now paint fake leather bag. Incorrect. I am actu- to maximize my appeal to the oppo- have already signed away our immedi- and laugh at his funny, yet accom- you the picture. ally purchasing an £80 real leather bag. site sex. Alternatively he probably just ate futures into fields so far from jour- plished, face of confused terror as he I have been shopping for hours, it Frick. has no taste, but has what I like to call nalism. In charge, was a geeky Physicist collects his award. is dark and raining and I have scuffed I will pause the story there to ac- ‘waste-taste.’ But it’s always interesting already in question. We have no Jour- So much for a Fashion editorial then. holes in my slouch boots – so I have knowledge the fact most people would to ponder, do you dress to get some?

Forget diamonds, shoes are a girl’s best friend Swiri Konje was unimpressed with September’s London Fashion Week. One designer restored her faith in fashion that day; Rohan Anthony Clarke’s illuminating collection of romantically inspired shoes

ver wondered about the his- SLOANE RANGER. Rohan takes you THE CLERKENWELL tory of the shoe? Where on a different journey depicting the and why it was made? It was vibrancy of both sides on his centre Otherwise known as ‘Little Italy’, this first used by the Greek fol- stage. should begin to give you an idea of lowed by the Romans. In the With Rohan Anthony Clarke, there is what this collection looks like; Origi- early Christian days (third century), no rush; each woman’s stride should be nality, signature elegance, and most of theyE were worn by women to cover the taken purposefully and confidently. all attitude. This high heeled peep toe feet replacing sandals. shoe boots which are now the fashion In the 1600’s it became FASHION. It SLOANE RANGER rage gives you a specific look; that of became a commodity- quality, design, custom- made fluid sophistication. It is extravagance all part of the deal. Just Sloaney or not? Needless to say these a show off piece which shows off indi- think of those different styles, shapes, shoes make a statement about where viduality and uniqueness. constructions, decorations etc. you come from. Of course sloaney girls Fashion in now expressed in different usually dress with a slightly scruffily THE ROXY ways through gender, age, economic though with expertly made up faces; a strata and social echelon of its wearer. look which I like to call ‘The Bedroom What shall we call this? They are not Look’. That doesn’t mean it is their shoes, not boots, not sandals but a “In every step she takes a trail of fire evening look. Oh no, they transcend mixture of both; Perhaps Sandal Boots? follows her. With every stride she navi- into expertly coiffed looking girls tip- The picture tells it all - Brash, bold and gates, there is no one beside her. A for- ping it up with expensive classy shoes. beautiful. tuitous wall serves simply as a paper Rohan shoes show you what class is all kite punctured by a lethal heel……” about, appropriately termed British THE BRIXTON nostalgia. Those cowgirl boots discern Rohan Anthony Clarke is a shoe de- the hardworking form the lazy bum- Think trainers + heels + colour and signer that takes a romantic view of mers! What’s more? These range of finally style = rock chic trainer heels. shoes. Ladies, isn’t that just what we shoes have gold plated holed heels. That is the formula for Rohan’s Brixton. need? Oh yeah, they’re ‘Brixton’ but don’t you At the London Fashion Week Sep- THE BEAUCHAMP go thinking “gosh, who wears this in tember 2008, the Spring and Summer Brixton?” As well as being extremely collection of clothes were not very POSH or NOT? Think posh on a night dangerous, Brixton also has brought Picture of the Week inspiring as I went through the stalls. out hanging on her man’s arm, cam- forth the unique arty type. Like who? Accessories on the other hand took a era’s clamouring for her attention. Now think Sharon Osbourne rock chic leading edge. Rohan’s stall got me ar- SNAP SNAP!!! Wonder where the fo- Numero Uno. Yeah, these trainer heels Shaolin Gong Fu, by Annabel Slater rested in my tracks: The colours, the cus is? SHOES! Rohan‘s Beauchamp are not what she might wear now, she style, the design. But most of all, the collection attract the young twenty being old, but 10 years ago these would Some of Rohan Anthony Clarke’s We want to exhibit your art. Send in your photographs. shoes had a history. something crowd who know how to have been her favourite. What have we [email protected] London with its distinctive area was delicious creations: (from top left look good. Teemed with highs, they learned from this? Yes, trainers too can his muse, creating shoes with a variety clockwise) The Clerkenwell, The guarantee that you are going to be the be classy. of London areas in mind. Sloane Ranger, The Brixton, The head turner in every crowd. Every girls Next week, watch out for Part 2 of A mixture, blend, of east meets Roxy and The Beauchamp. Try not envy and every guys wet dream. this article, where we get to speak to west ranging from THE BRIXTON, to to lick the pages please. Rohan himself. 26 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 27 Food [email protected] Food Food Editors – Afonso Campos & Rosie Grayburn [email protected] Do you remember your first Snog? Do my boobs look big in this? Nigella can’t say no displayed the customary reviews from various free London papers. One of Rosie Grayburn them is particularly interesting. I am Food Editor in two minds over Nigella Lawson – I admire her womanly power over a TV camera but her forwardness does make fter loathingly seeing side [in August] and gobbling down a me cringe. “Squeeze the icing gently my hard-earned holiday hefty portion of stew. Hence, I have in- over the smooth surface… oops! I got income go to waste on cluded my Goulash recipe which most some icing all around my perfectly over-priced rent last year definitely warms you right to the core. made-up lips.” [Follow speech with I decided to hoard a little Be warned: the portions are massive much licking of fingers.] Beside this for myself and pop over to the freezing so feel free to adapt the recipe to suit qualm she has very good taste in Thai Ashores of La Belle France to Lille on a the size of the mouths you are feeding. restaurants. quickie 24-hour trip for the Christmas Goulash is one of those stews which Nigella apparently frequents Som markets and Moules. The briefness of takes time, care and attention so for Tam when she’s filming her series. She my trip means my stomach capacity is the impatient amongst you I have also is quoted as saying the sticky rice is “to limited, but I will be back in time for included a quicker alternative to the die for.” I tested said rice to see if her a full 12-hour stint of lab reporting on toasted sandwich for munchies. theory was correct. Yes, she is but I Sunday. Whoopie. If eating in ain’t your thing, I’ve in- have trouble visualising how she would After their lunchtime gorging of cluded two eateries for your delight. eat this in her sexy, sexy way. Moules-Frites, cafés and restaurants Som Tam House is a mouth-watering Unless you are on a date and have to SNOG HHHHK omeone has invented an ad- them. Both yoghurts are moreish and all around the city display mounds of Thai restaurant on Askew Road near concentrate hard on maintaining eye dictive substance that has so refreshing that you can just sit in mussel shells outside their doors to Hammersmith and Shepherd’s Bush. or leg contact with your partner, the 32 Thurloe Place, no negative side effects. My the café all night and order rounds and brag about how much they sold during We used to live along Askew Road and other customers at Som Tam are very South Kensington dealer is in South Kensington rounds of the stuff. Frozen yoghurt is that day. I wonder if we should start it is a very confused area. It is hemmed interesting to watch discreetly. The ifancyasnog.com and my drug is frozen yogurt. the perfect antidote to sitting at home to do the same with our crisp packets, in by middle class paradise at the BBC Sumi, the Iranian where the freshly- place seems to be jammed with tables Before you all faux-vomit in disgust, let and getting through tubs of Häagen pie dishes and coke cans? Not quite as White City on one side and the mul- Som Tam House HHHHK made bread is warm and crisp; and the of high-powered BBC-types popping Best: Yummy, scrummy frozen me tell you a little about SNOG. Dazs or Ben and Jerry’s (depending on yogurt for the same price as S organic as Lille’s waste, but I’m sure ticultural, bustling Goldhawk Road on tiny Thai restaurant Som Tam House. in for tea on their way home to their Before I had my first Snog, I had what’s on offer in Sainsbury’s). 131 Askew Road, W12 9AU Haagen Daaz Tracey Emin would submit it for the the other. Phone: 0208 749 9030 In keeping with the quiet neighbour- perfect dwelling places in Ravenscourt Worst: Yummy, scrummy frozen preconceptions that anything that If you were wondering why on earth I Turner Prize. The outcome is a fabulous range of www.somtamhouse.co.uk hood, Som Tam House is cosy, warm Park. yogurt and not a lot else. was healthy and sweet must taste like would try to sell a frozen yogurt shop to I have now started arming myself restaurants with different cuisines but and inviting. The staff are suitably at- Amusingly I notice they always ‘for- Calories: 78 calories for a small shit. I admit I was wrong. Frozen yo- you in the middle of winter, you would with heavy objects every time I watch all at very student-friendly prices. Give Best: Classic Thai food tentive and the eccentric owner has a get’ to remove their work ID badges. tub (if you’re interested) gurt rules. Snog serves two flavours of definitely benefit from their ‘Winter the telly in the hope I might see Ker- Adam’s Cafe a try for bucketfuls of Mo- Worst:Toffish BBC types hanging large wardrobe full of gaudy Hawaiian They go through 3 courses and 2 bot- Price: £2.85( small)-£7.95 (very frozen yogurt – green tea and natural Wonderful’ warm toppings. Try a Nat- ry Katona’s bloody Iceland advert. roccan tagine or Bridge that Gap for a out after work...wah wah wah. shirts which add to the otherwise mut- tles of wine with BBC emblazoned large); 65p toppings – and there is a large variety of fruity ural Snog with a shot of expresso or an “CHICKEN TIKKA LASAGNE: ONE builder’s fry-up. Price: £15 per head ed colour scheme. across their chests, just so the other and cake-related toppings to go with apple crumble topping. The gorgeous staff are the second best thing at Snog POUND!” Fooking hell. Kerry, I think Whilst you’re all freezing your balls The two cooks at Som Tam were diners don’t disregard it. It all adds to that’s fusion food taken a little too far. off in this Arctic weather, why not be trained at the famous Blue Elephant the charm of Som Tam House! Can you imagine it?! Gently spiced ironic and have some frozen yoghurt. s a tenant in quiet, resi- restaurant in Fulham and it shows in If you’re thinking of visiting Som chicken tikka smothered in a thick, Snog is a cool place to hang out. For dential West London, the exquisite food. The portions are Tam, it even fills up during weekdays gloopy white sauce layered between the winter season they have added hot Askew Road appears satisfyingly large and full of fresh in- so do book ahead if your party number egg lasagne sheets: this is not just shit toppings to their menu so shut up, tuck normal on the outside: gredients. Be warned, however: when is more than two. Takeaway is offered food – this is fusion food. in and enjoy it. the Co-op, Chinese chip- the menu says “hot” they really mean but you miss out on the comforting at- Anyhoo, in this week’s food page I Apologies for the Nigella-esque pic- pie and five pubs… But when you look it. While you’re here you have to try the mosphere and charm of this little gem. have adapted the food to fit the cold, ture this week. The new look ‘side- Amore closely at the restaurants along restaurant’s namesake, Som Tam. Som Who would turn down amazing Thai frosty days we are having. Being a har- shot’ editor photos mean I look like I its length, there are some discreetly Tam is a green papaya salad which is food with the added bonus of possi- dy northern lass, nothing pleases me have had a breast augmentation. disguised gastronomic gems: Adam’s made to perfection here, of course! bly sitting on the spot where Nigella more than coming in from -5°C out- Answers on a postcard. Café, the wonderful Moroccan eatery; In the window of the restaurant are parked her perfect buttocks?

Quesadillas Goulash

Make a pile of these for a ‘light’ lunch. The ingredients given are for Serves 4 very hungry people If you’re ever hungry in Hungary, they will plonk a a simple quesadilla, but feel free to add anything you like to the mix. bowlful of this spicy stew in front of you. It’s similar For something more even substantial, add some refried beans and 3 tbsp oil to a bog-standard English winter stew with added guacamole on the side. 2 onions kick from paprika, chilli and caraway seeds. There Serves 1 900g braising steak (from a butcher expect to pay is really no need for extra carbs in the form of bread £4) because all you need is right there in your bowl. This Ingredients: ½ tsp caraway seeds (optional) is comfort food at it’s best. Phwoar. 2 tortilla wraps (on offer in Sainsbury’s at the moment) 2 red chillies, chopped A handful of grated cheddar cheese 1 garlic clove Soften the onions in the oil then add the steak. Cover A pinch of chilli flakes/fresh chilli 2 tbsp paprika the pan and simmer for 15-20 minutes. 2 spring onions, chopped 1 carrot, diced Bash together the caraway seeds, chillies and garlic Anything else you fancy 1 stick of celery, chopped into an amalgam then add to the pan with 250ml wa- 1 parsnip, cubed ter. Cover again and simmer for 40 minutes. Give it a Place one tortilla on a hot, dry frying pan and put all the other ingre- 10g parsley stir then add the paprika, carrot, celery, parsnip and dients on top, ensuring the cheese goes to the edges of the tortilla. 2 potatoes, cubed parsley. Cover and simmer for 30 minutes. Place the other tortilla on top and cook for one minute. Flip over the 1 tomato Meanwhile, make the ‘noodles’: form a dough from quesadilla and cook on the other side for a further minute, until the 3 tbsp tomato puree the flour and egg then pinch/roll into vague long cheese is melted. The quesadilla should be brown and crispy on 1 green pepper shapes. Finally add your noodles, potatoes, toma- both sides. 50g plain flour to, puree and green pepper and boil for the last 15 Remove from the pan and use scissors to snip into quarters. Sit and 2 tbsp egg minutes. devour. I can eat one portion in one mouthful – there’s a challenge. You’ve created a monster. Eat it – it’s yummy, like. 28 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 29 Technology [email protected] Technology Technology Editor – Ravi Pall & Richard Lai [email protected] Ten affordable gadgets that you should get... Internet PS3 is so underrated No, it isn’t all about being a geek; it’s about spending your pile of copper coins on something cheap and fun. douche bags IBM’s “Inside the Cell Processor” lecture last week explains it all 1. Laser Pointer, ~£5, ebay.co.uk Richard Lai good for the average high-resolution Technology Editor CT scanning of 3000 slices (the cur- So you see your neighbour’s cat sat 2. Sudokube, £3.49, rent Siemens Somatom 64 takes about alone outside and you want to somehow BoysStuff.co.uk 16 hours to process that); but with four get its attention. Well, here’s a cheap Cell blades a sequence of fifteen sam- toy you can play with: the bemused cat Bored of your Rubik’s Cube already? ou just can’t avoid them get those kids out of their basement. ples can be rendered to an even higher will try to catch the red/green dot for Then it’s time to move on to this new - they’re everywhere! As There is definitely a trend of online resolution in less than one second! hours, until either it gets too frustrated puzzle: rather than having to get all the we speak I have two items anti-socialism going on here, some Another video rendering demo was or your batteries run out. Ah, good same colours on each side, here you being sold on eBay, one of sort of new-found disease like the of a terrain rendering engine (TRE), times. have to get all 1 to 9 on each side, just which is the lovely Sony online-gaming addiction. I’ve tried which showed the performance differ- like you do in Sudoku. Even though 3. USB Cup Warmer With Mug, Ericsson Xperia X1 (as much as I love to imagine what the equivalent rehab ence between an Intel-based machine, a it’s essentially the other way round as £2.99, Gadgetshop.com Ythe phone, money does come first). It training camp would be like (yes, they G5-dual-CPU one and a Cell machine: Rubik’s Cube, it’s not as easy as you was pretty obvious that the phone was do have such camps for Warcraft ad- Intel’s video was still rendering the think... Cold tea is no good on a cold winter going for at least £400 at that time, but dicts in China), but the only cure I can landscape within the first few frames, day, so this cheap peripheral should I had this one douche bag who had the think of is to just dump those idiots on then the G5 gave a jumpy animation, be a necessity for those who haven’t balls to ask, “Would you sell this for Mars and make them build houses for and finally the Cell gave a smooth visu- bothered paying for central heating. I 210 pounds including delivery?” us. Now let’s see who’ll build the 100th al flight over the mountains. got one of these last Christmas, but the Then I had another one who first house FIRST!!!!!111! (Only if they man- Easton then played a recorded vid- warm winter in Hong Kong made me buttered me up with “I like how you age to sort out the oxygen problem eo of a life-like Ferrari car rendering, think I wouldn’t need it here. Fail. describe the phone” and “your confi- beforehand). demonstrating IBM’s Interactive Ray dence in accepting personal collection On a more serious note, lately eve- Tracer (iRT) running on fourteen Cell inspires me that you are a trustful sell- ryone seems to be down with the flu, blades which, as the name suggests, is er”, followed by a slightly more sensible and I might have caught a bit of sore able to change a render interactively in offer of £300. Sorry, but the buttering throat from my flatmates too (cheers!). real time - a feature that is very impor- 4. Magic 8 Ball, £5.95, firebox.com up just ruined it all. It made me wonder: if we can remotely tant for movie productions and prod- And literally just now a buyer by the control a robot on Mars, how could it uct video demos. 5. Maggie Nut Cracker, £9.99, At some point in life you will come name of “big.ojsimpson” offered to buy be that we have yet to defeat the annoy- Toshiba has also been making use of iwantoneofthose.com across many tough questions, such as my phone in person, and I am not mak- ing viruses on our own planet? Perhaps the Cell BE: back in CEATECH 2005 “Should I dump that rich loser?”, “If ing this up! For some strange reason he Biology really is the hardest subject on they showcased their “Magic Mirror”, Nuts are good for your brain (and so is I ask the postgraduate out, will I be insisted on paying me via PayPal before the campus? Well, at least that’s where which virtually puts makeup on you as the magazine, in my opinion), so while rejected?” and “Is it OK to feed the cat collection, instead of paying by cash most of the hot girls are too (ladies, well as changing your hairstyle. Today you’re munching away in front of a some cheeseburgers?”. Fear not, as the which would save me the PayPal fees. please note that I didn’t say ‘all of’); in we have the SpursEngine - a derivation pile of revision, let the former British Magic 8 Ball is here to help. Don’t let Also I fear his PayPal payment might, our Information Systems Engineering of the Cell BE, running on just four Prime Minister motivate you at the the shiny plastic fool you - I’ve tested for some reason, become void after- group we literally have zero girls, so IBM’s Cell Broadband Engine - the heart of Sony’s PlayStation 3 cores and clocked at 1.5GHz peaking same time. Do check out the amusing one before and it was quite accurate. wards. Anything could happen, right? perhaps some of us are already on the at 48 GFLOPS, and is already featured demo video on the website. I swear I’ve never encountered that right path to become genuine, hard- on selected Toshiba laptops for hand many weirdos outside Engadget - a core engineers. ver wondered why Sony’s - the first commercial product utilising gesture visual recognition. respectable technology blog which Either way, please don’t send us to PlayStation 3 is so expen- the Cell BE, followed by the highly- Of course, we mustn’t forget the has comment sections flooded with Mars with those Internet douche bags. sive? Well, my friend, I’d like anticipated PS3 in November. PS3, the power of which has been har- posts like “FIRST!!!!!111!” and “APPLE Well, not me anyway - I’ll say behind to tell you that it’s actually The current generation of Cell is es- nessed by Stanford University’s Fold- RULEZ”. Shut up already! The number to exterminate the remaining trash- an underpriced supercom- sentially a 90nm nine-core chip with ing@home, a distributed computing 6. Powerball, from £7.99, Play.com of Apple fanboys there is definitely talkers. puter. No, it’s not just about its Blu-ray ten threads, clocking over 4GHz with project for studying protein folding nothing to joke about. Someone please Oh, and the Star Trek trailer is great! playbackE feature - it’s the Cell proces- 100 GFLOPS in labs (the PS3’s Cell and misfolding. Here’s another one for the ball- sor which makes the PS3 your home is clocked at 3.2GHz). Instead of us- As of 25th November 2008 the lovers: the gyroscopic exercise tool supercomputer. ing the traditional scalar code, Cell PS3 has provided 38.9% of the to- strengthens your arm muscles and Last week EESoc invited John Eas- is programmed with the more com- tal TFLOPS with just over 58k active fingers by exerting centripetal force, ton, Senior Consultant of IBM Systems plex vector language (known as array CPUs - a very impressive ratio com- while you practise your wrist action. I 7. Toastabag, £5.99 (for pack of 2), and Technology Group, to talk about programming), in order to achieve a pared to Windows’ mere 5.26% over strongly recommend getting the £14.99 Lakeland.co.uk the Cell Broadband Engine (Cell BE, higher level of parallelisation. This is 235k active CPUs. And of course, you model which has an LCD speedometer Weekend Timewasters in short) technology. His emphasis essential for heavy encoding/decoding get to play games with stunning graph- - everyone will be wanting to take up As dumb as it may sound, this baby was that in the past business estab- and compression/decompression in ics and physics on the console! the RPM challenge at parties, and it also does work fantastically! Here’s the 8. Dippy Egg Set, £7.95, lishments were competing over the signal processing, digital filtering, Fast When asked if NVIDIA’s GPGPU provides great visual entertainment. list of food that you can cook with firebox.com number of pieces of technological Fourier Transform, advanced video (General-Purpose computing on one in a toaster: toasted sandwiches equipment they possess, but today it’s rendering and many other real time Graphics Processing Units) is seen as (obviously), non-soggy eggy bread, I smiled when I saw this kit, as earlier a totally different story: technology has processing tasks. Cell’s biggest competitor right now, scrambled egg, burgers, fish fingers, this evening my flatmate, Guto, was become part of commodities and to be Easton provided some very interest- Easton simply admitted that it is defi- omelettes, salmon fillets, etc. And the preparing Eggy Soldiers for supper able to trade faster you have to look ing examples of Cell applications, with nitely more powerful than Cell is in- best thing is cleaning is just as easy as (I know). The set comes with a cute into “doing something you could never the first video being of a medical com- tended to be (as proven by Folding@ using the reusable bags! microwave egg boiler (which also has do before”. puter tomography (CT) scan of a hu- home statistics: 42.2% of TFLOPS from a pin to prick the raw egg shell) and a According to Easton, the current man heart. It seemed to be an ordinary 16k active CPUs), but for programmers handy soldier cutter, just the perfect latencies in the trading arena are animation, but then we were told that the GPGPU is harder to work with; the combination for a quick, lazy meal. You counted in milliseconds, and each can with a 3GHz Wintel box, such 3D ren- only real fear will be Intel’s Larrabee should add this to your Christmas list! TotallyRadShow.com Samorost cost about $55,000 (which is eleven dering from 313MB of raw scan data to GPU, due out in late 2009. Don’t worry years’ worth of a Home student’s un- just five 1MB slices would take about though, IBM, as the PS3 will keep us This is a quality weekly podcast Check out this weird yet beautifully- dergraduate tuition fees). Methods to a hundred seconds, which is not very happy for many more years. reviewing the latest movies, comics, designed point-and-click game: keep such latencies down were very video games and TV shows. http://amanita-design.net/ different even just five years ago: the performance-constrained market 9. Glowrings, £5.45, RVOps.co.uk meant that companies relied on scaling to drive performance and drive down These mini glowsticks contain the cost; today, the market trend indicates 10. SanDisk Ultra II 2GB SD Plus radioactive tritium (don’t worry, that there will be no more space for USB Card, £7.49, Play.com unlike radium it’s completely safe and data centres in London in the next ten housed in a very tough case) that will years, which is why IBM believes that I must thank my flatmate, Jon, for continuously glow brightly for ten innovation is the new scaling. this suggestion: if you have a digital years, very useful for marking your However, the concept of the Cell compact camera, chances are you are camping kit and keyrings, as well as processor started way back in 2000, using an SD card. Annoyed with the luring fish when you’re out night- when SCEI (Sony Computer Enter- camera’s USB cable or external card fishing. tainment Incorporated) approached reader (stupid MacBook...)? Now you IBM for an engine that would make the can just plug this odd memory card Zero Punctuation Last.fm PS3 future-proof from day one, and straight into the USB port! about 1000-times faster than current Watch video game reviews done Listen to music for free on this on- consoles. From that point onwards, with minimal breathing and hilari- line jukebox, as well as finding out SCEI, Toshiba and IBM formed STI - a ous animation: http://is.gd/rN0 what other artists you may like. joint technology development alliance on the Cell BE, and in September 2006 IBM launched the QS20 blade module Easton’s placement of Cell on the purpose-speciality line Background image: http://deepfriar.files.wordpress.com/ 30 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 311 [email protected] Clubs and Societies Is your club cooler than the cat that Clubs & Societies got the cream? Write to us.

Clubs & Socs Editor - Alice Rowlands [email protected] Director of Robin Hood, Kristen Farebrother talks to Tosin Ajayi about DramSoc’s latest PASS volunteer to DramSoc: ‘Tis the season for a Panto production Why a pantomime? make a difference Tosin Ajayi tells felix about DramSoc’s latest production– Robin Hood, the Pantomime: Recently, DramSoc has put on shows with a variety of styles; rang- Varun Sharma writes about the PASS summer trip to China ing from Shakespearean classics to the artistic Arcadia. These, of raditionally summer course, can be a lot of fun for ac- brings with it a long, tors and audiences alike. well deserved break With this play, however, I was from academics, sched- aiming for something more like Ter- ules and the relentless- ry Prachett’s Mort – specifically, to campaign, that is, student life at have a large cast and for the focus TImperial. For most, it also brings of the play to provide light enter- opportunities. Opportunities for tainment as opposed to the more work, opportunities for leisure and serious drama of the recent past. sometimes even opportunities for Given that Mort was two years ago service to the underprivileged. now, I felt that it was high time to Such an opportunity this year head in that direction again. was presented in the form of two Another consequence has been journeys into the worlds of those getting a lot of new actors in- who desperately need, but sel- volved with the society, which dom receive. The journeys I refer has been very good for us. And to were the summer volunteering hey, it’s Christmas. What better trips offered by Imperial PASS, than a panto? officially the Imperial College Po- litical Awareness and Social Service How did you come up with society. the idea to do Robin Hood? During the months of July and I visited the girl who September this year, two teams of wrote the play – a good volunteers associated with PASS friend of mine – in Canada and a non-profit organization over the summer, and she Po Yin Association originating in was kind enough to show Hong Kong, set off with the desire clouded the pros- me a recording of the first to make a difference to the lives of pects of each one of these chil- production of the show. I those who have little. To bring them dren. Through a series of home vis- They fell in love with it then and happiness, if only for a short while, its the volunteers tried to share the were also able there, and made her agree to allow us to stage the first UK produc- but ultimately, to return hope to weight of the adverse living conditions to witnesses a cultural performance tion of it. those who had none. the children were subjected to and the by the locals in the host county of Knowing the playwright has had the secondary benefit that I’ve The first team ventured out to a adult responsibility which they were Liannan Yao. While those present in had a good deal more freedom to change bits of the script here and village in the North-Western part required to carry from such an early Guangxi were privileged enough to there, which I hope will translate to the show being that bit more of the Guangdong province in Chi- age. In an attempt to mildly ease their be present during the mid-autumn alive for the audience. na on a 6 day visit, while the second struggle the teams donated what they (Moon cake) festival celebrations team departed for a village in the could to their households in the form which take place throughout China This is the second play you’ve directed this term. Are you the only neighbouring Guangxi province, of essential supplies. in the month of September. person allowed to direct DramSoc plays? for the duration of 12 days. The volunteering team visiting Upon leaving China the volun- Ah, no, not at all. On the contrary, as the Acting Director I’m only With the regions incorporating Guangdong concluded their experi- teers unanimously agreed that they supposed to step in and direct plays when no one else can be found some of the poorest settlements ence at their village school by setting were taking with them, a special ex- to do so. Unfortunately, a lot of the long-term actors left the society in the country, the volunteers at- up a scholarship fund for the academi- perience which would allow them These crazy kids are practicing their sword fighting; you should practice yours too if you go and see their performance – it’s a Pantomime so that means audience participation all at once at the end of last year, meaning that the number of pro- tempted to enlighten lives of un- cally able while also providing mon- to view life with a new perspective. posals was fewer than we might have liked. As a result, here I am derprivileged children, by impart- etary donations to the school for the PASS has organized and will be directing my second of the two plays for this term. ing basic knowledge of the English improvement of facilities. organising a host of fund raising brief look over previous but to swoon in his Manly arms. There’s a rumour flying round that this production of Robin Hood language, at selected village schools The teams also proceeded to visit events to finance their future hu- DramSoc productions Er… yeah, our story is a bit different: has no arrows in it. Explain yourself. in the respective regions. Using historical and cultural points of in- manitarian projects. As part of the reveals some impres- you’ll recognize some things: we have a I think I’ll just leave my answer to this: this isn’t Robin Hood as unconventional methods to “teach terest. In Guangdong the volunteers fund raising initiative a “Charity sive and ambitious fare: Robin Hood, a little John, a Maid Mari- felix asks Kristen Farebrother: Who are DramSoc? you’ve ever seen it before. through enjoyment”, the hope was visited the aptly named “underground Show” is being hosted in the Read Christopher Hampton’s an, a Wilhelmina Scarlet (yep, you read to ease the children from the grim galaxy”, a series of subterranean geo- Lecture theatre on the 9th of De- Les Liaisons Dangereuses, Tom Stop- right) and a gaggle of Merry Persons. What do DramSoc do? Are most people experienced before they join So can we expect anything different from what Wikipedia tells us reality of their world, if only for a logical structures created through cember, further details about PASS Apard’s Arcadia, Brian Friel’s Transla- We’ve got robbing from the rich to DramSoc usually put on around 4 plays a year, DramSoc? about Robin Hood, then? few hours, and allow them to redis- natural geographic processes over and their events can be found by tions, even outdoor Shakespeare Per- give to the union of disgruntled work- two in the first term and one in each of the remain- We get a mixture of experienced people and Hell yes. cover their childhood. hundreds of years. contacting their President, Jason formances of Much Ado about Nothing ers, we’ve got Maid Marian seducing ing two terms. those new to theatre. There’s something for every- Over the course the two trips, the Lin, at [email protected]. and the magical A Midsummer Night’s Robin into stealing so she can rob him We have recently also started putting on smaller one; people with less experience quickly learn from Why should we come to see it? volunteers immersed themselves in Dream. and head for a life of freedom in Paris. productions in the second term, tied to the acting those who have been involved for longer. Passing Because it’s going to be a great show? The comedy in the show the same atmosphere of poverty All these have shown a Drama troupe What we’ve got is whole lot of fun. workshops that are run in the union every week skills on is an important part of the society, and we is witty and intelligent without being difficult, and the cast has thor- stricken existence with taste, class and theatrical nous. So As the director says, this presents from 2 pm to 5. Anyone can show up for a trial believe that the best way to learn is to do, so every- oughly enjoyed rehearsing the show, which in my experience usu- which you’d be forgiven for asking, upon see- a totally different type of acting chal- workshop. one is given the opportunity to be involved as early ally translates to the audience enjoying it. ing the poster for our latest offering: lenge to what we’ve had in the recent Aside from the regular workshops, we also pro- on as possible. Robin Hood: A Pantomime, ‘Why the past. And the peculiar performance re- vide a number of one-off workshops, aiming to How are plays chosen? Pantomimes usually involve audience participation. Is this any hell are you staging a pantomime!?!?’ quirements of a panto have proved fun develop skills in anything from stage fighting or im- DramSoc holds a play proposals meeting on a exception? I’m the producer, and I was asking that for the actors to get their teeth round. provising to how to direct or produce a play. Tuesday (advertised on our mailing list). Two weeks The audience is important to the show, certainly! There’s plenty very question when we decided to. One thing we can guarantee, that as Members also get opportunities to design, build later, the committee hold a play choosing meeting for them to get their teeth into – though you’re going to have to However, after reading the script, the audience, you will be participating. and ‘dress’ (i.e. paint) the sets, or to help out with to review all the proposals made and decide upon come along to find out exactly what… getting a cast together and working On the technical side, with a scene hair and makeup, lighting, sound or stage man- the one we feel will be the best for the society to on some of the craziest technical chal- change seemingly every 5 mins, we’ve agement for the plays for the more technically put on. Isn’t that risky? What if the audience doesn’t interact? lenges we’ve had recently, it all began had to be inventive, especially when minded. How do people get involved with DramSoc? At a panto? Please. to make some sort of surreal sense. designing one scene that has 4 visible If that isn’t enough, DramSoc are also regularly DramSoc have a long tradition of meeting in the Robin Hood is a story so worn over rooms on stage at the same time, with contracted to provide lighting, sound or other tech- union bar every Tuesday evening from around How did you start in DramSoc? you could tell it in your sleep. A hero of characters switching between differ- nical support for a variety of events in and around 7:30. This is a great way to get to know the past and My first play was Mort. Basically, I just went along to an audition English folklore, he has a band of mer- ent rooms. Theatre is a hard mistress the union and college (both for clubs and societies present members of the society – even those who and got handed one of the lead roles… and DramSoc hasn’t let go ry men, robs from the rich to feed the indeed. and for external organizations hosting events in have graduated still come back every week (and since. So, in a way, Robin Hood is a bit like revisiting my start in the poor, splits an arrow in half at a tour- In the end, as always, the final prod- college). are often roped into helping with the shows). society. Ah, memories… I hope it’s the start of a good thing for all nament, and is a thorn in the flesh of uct proves to be worth all the sweat. the new people in my cast, and for all of the people in the audience a corrupt monarch, Prince John, who The cast of freshers, first timers and who’ve never been to one of our shows. has taken rule of the country while his older hands really have come together Brother King Richard is away. Also, – as you can see from the picture above DramSoc’s production of Robin Hood is showing in the Union Concert Hall So round it up for us? most of the tales of his heroism cen- – to produce a great atmosphere on from Wednesday 3rd to Saturday 6th December at 7pm. The show’s going to be accessible, contemporary, entertaining tre around conflicts with the Sheriff of stage and off. We all had tremendous and relevant. Come see it! Nottingham, and he invariably gets the fun, and come next week we know you Tickets are £7 or £5 with a student card. lovely Maid Marian, who has no choice will too. 32 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 33 A Quickie (Crossword) 1,417 FUCWIT 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ACROSS 8 1 Insult (6) League Table 4 Pests (6) Coffee Break 9 10 9 Bright pink (7) [email protected] 10 German painter (5) Shotgun 58 Points 11 Rice dish (5) 12 Eternal happiness (7) 11 12 MÖchten sie mein Manschaft? 56 Points 13 felix section (11) 18 Birthplace of the cravat (7) Giramondo 19 Points 20 Annual horse race (5) 22 Mature (5) Hringur Gretarsson 16 Points 13 14 15 felix wins Stuff IC Students Like!? :) 23 Live together (7) 24 Prove one’s worth (6) Team Rubbish 17 Points 16 17 at school. Unless she was ugly. Or old. 25 One of three comics (6) everything Or a man. Or all of them. However Team Turner Gobels 12 Points 9. Maths: 18 19 20 21 if you actually do Maths the question DOWN Ravi Pall A controversial one here this week, has to be why? Ever met a normal Yu-Xi Chau 10 Points Coffee Break Editor but come on – we’re at Imperial. Deep mathematician? Nope, me neither: 1 Reduce tension (6) Jonathan Phillips 10 Points down inside we all have a fondness they’re all nutjobs in desperate need 2 Epicentre (5) 22 23 for Maths. It’s not a full blown mar- of help and reintroduction to society. 3 Solidly-built dog (7) Barbie’s Castle 8 Points riage, just a small crush, similar to the It’s not easy to do that much Maths 5 Wise member of the community (5) his week has been exciting, selves. They don’t get paid, they don’t one you had on your French teacher and stay normal. It’s just not. 6 Sicilian wine (7) hasn’t it? S.H.A.G week get any benefits now that I mention it. 7 Like everyone else (6) Sorry for the lack of blurb here guys. There has been some team 24 25 transfers, some re-branding and some total silence from teams. has been a huge success, They do get the satisfaction that their 8 Regular servicing (11) Top of the Table have joined forces with Martin 08’ so that they with Captain Condom hard work in the field of journalism is 14 Florid (7) have a cryptic crossword member and are now known as Shotgun. (yours truly) dishing out read by the vast majority of the Imperi- 15 Substance used in chemical reaction (7) Mochten sie mein Manschaft are close behind them, eager to take many S.H.A.G. bags full of condoms al College populace. This includes not Solution 1,416 16 Choux pastry with sweet filling (6) the top spot away from them. A quick note, teams will only get Tand TLC lubricant. It was my birth- only the students, but staff as well. W H I M S I C A L L Y 17 Three-dimensional work of art (6) three prizes, i.e. you can only have three members per team. This is day on Monday, messy times to say For me though, it is all about the E A M P E 19 Pre-nominal word (5) just to stop everyone joining forces. the least. Best of all, felix won student small close-knit community formed 21 Twill fabric used to make trousers (5) Drink with me, I’m Snaky B M A R K U P P M newspaper of the year! That’s right, we by the felix team. The guys down in 5 points for the first correct answers for Slitherlink, Wordoku, Pho- are mega awesome. This time when I the office are all good friends, we all R E R E O Hokays. So we fucked up. Again. The more toshop Competition and Quick Crossword. 4 points for second, 3 and this week I’m dressed as Jack Dee points for third, 2 points for fourth and 1 point for fifth. say it though, it is a undisputed fact. work together, drink together and even S T A B O B L O N G astute ones amongst you may have noticed that Sorry I am most definitely being arro- just waste about together doing noth- HAHA I bet you did not recognise that they have infiltrated your sanctum E V L the clue for 9 across may have been missing. Double points will be awarded for correct cryptic crossword an- gant. However I don’t think I am being ing constructive. Kadhim hit it home me in my clever disguise?! I will put sanctorum – the Union. They come I did this as I didn’t want Top of the Table S H E L V E A N O N swers, because it’s über hard. too unjust when I behave this way. I with his love for felix, and I’m taking you simple people out of your misery. disguised as students sporting floor- to win. They did. Now I’m pissed. Next week truly love felix, and like Kadhim Shub- this opportunity to mirror his feelings. If you look very closely, under that length black (fake) leather coats and A I M T N I am going to print an invisible Quickie and Simple! Now then FUCWITs, send in your answers to felix@impe- ber’s past comment piece, I thoroughly There is a lot of love in felix (not the drab Jack Daniels exterior it is still sour expressions, casually they strike B R I E E L I X I R lets see if you can still do it then. I think not. rial.ac.uk or [email protected]. Go! enjoy working with arguably the most sexual kind thank you... well maybe) your beloved Snaky B. You see, I bet up conversations with unsuspecting S V N O O I may have also fucked up on clue 16 across... creative and diverse people who attend and there is a lot more to give. I hope that made you breathe a sigh of relief. students. Do not be deceived, for T H R E A T E N I N G that was supposed to be ‘potion’ not ‘portion’. Imperial College. Admittedly the stu- that anyone reading this will think to Panic is over, stop reaching for that despite their ordinary appearance, they However the upside is that I don’t give a shit! dent awards were for last year’s collec- themselves “maybe I don’t have to be comforting fag – your favourite Snaky are in fact passing information over to tion of felix (well done Tom Roberts), the most intelligent or sporty person B has not disappeared, I am merely the other side. They are going to get but we have the potential and talent to to be part of something grand and suc- disguising myself to hide from those me unless I remain in hiding. If you make this year even better. cessful?” If you’re one of those people, pesky spies. They are everywhere, I see me wondering the corridors of the It really does amaze me how well a get a hold of us and join our team. We tell you. Everywhere. They lurk on college, please address me only as Mr. student newspaper can do, especially are constantly looking for contribu- the dark street corners, under the Jack D. I fear not for my own safety but when you consider that all the contrib- tors, editors, comment pieces, photos benches and in projectors of lecture for the safety of our country. Nobody utors and editors are students them- or anything else. theatres. They have even sunk so low is safe while they are on the loose. Horoscopes, the bread and butter of society Gordon Ramsay likes to say ‘fuck off’. We like to say ‘fuck off’ to helpful Horoscopes. So we did

Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio

Ahh dear sweet I don’t care. If you I would like to To all you aspiring Aquarius, how are a Taurean you complain about investment bankers: Photoshop Competition -8 welcoming is can fuck off. I’m not King’s College it’s not happening, it to see your even going to get Hockey Club’s give up. The token face? About as into an argument rampage last week jobs have dried up welcoming as Jade with you as it’s like in Hammersmith. too, so don’t waste Goody’s shit in a jacuzzi, i.e. not very. Want to kicking a cripple- it’s just not right. You have This is precisely why Imperial chose to leave your time. It could be worse. You could have know why? I have to waste my time ranting on an IQ that is only slightly above that of room the University of London – it’s students like a Siamese twin brother. He could be gay. And twelve separate subjects just for you to tell me temperature butter. I suggest you pop down to these that we just can’t be associated with. If you might only have one arsehole... Or have no that you don’t like you Horoscope. Well I have the ELC and get a Postman Pat singalong tape. I was in charge over there at King’s I would mates at Christmas. Or be a Sagittarius. Or all news for you. I don’t give a runny poo. Don’t try and put it in the CD player. bounce those fuckers right out of BUCS. of the above.

Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius

This week you make In the famous words So you are a Virgo. You’re a medic. If some really cool of Phil Collins Good for you. No you haven’t realised EPIC new friends that “you’re no son of really, that’s it. that yet, you’re in you really look up mine.” Good. I don’t No swearing, no for a rude awaken- to. These dudes like want to be your son. abuse, no nothing. ing. There are peo- to kick inflated pigs In fact there is a Virgoanites rock. ple waiting at every bladders round. Obviously not when throwing rather long list of people I would rather have All the dudes are Virgoanites, look: Steve street corner, eager to send you to hospital. glasses at houseboats, smashing up numerous as my father before you, that list even includes McQueen, Nelson Mandela and H from Steps There, the doctor has a black eye from walking pubs or chanting “you’re a cunt”. I would like Elton John and David Furnish... together... they are all Virgoanites and they’re literally too around Hammersmith. You spend your life FAIL to point out, with the upmost respect that no will be rather embarassing. However Mugabe cool for school. In fact I’m off to find a pretty having nightmares about a Rainbow, a lepre- mate, you’re the cunt. does not quite make it. No. That’d be silly. Virgoanite, I suggest you do too. chaun and the pot of gold you’ll never find.

Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn

This week’s winner. No One! Next week’s RAW image for you to go wild. See www.felixonline.co.uk It’s going to be a Who else has their This week you cook This week is fucking shite week homepage set to dinner for your S.H.A.G. week. for you. You will live? ? No? Ah well... boyfriend. He sits However you get a hockey ball that wouldn’t be playing Warhammer slightly misinterpret Congratulations to this week’s winner, are very sorry, hopefully it won’t hap- This week’s image is of Jovan Nedic. The high res picture can be found on- in the face leaving because it’s a small (fail) in the bedroom the meaning of the No one. That’s right, no one entered. pen again. Again. He looks pretty drunk. How line. Click on Coffee Break in the sec- you with stitches, insignificant forum while you forget the week and think Why? I tell you why. With all the epic Keep up the good work, and please else do you explain Karaoke? More tions tab. Email your entry to coffee. fuck up all your finances as you forgot to cash that JUST FUCKS THINGS UP? Well done for basics of cooking in the kitchen. Somehow you it’s SHAG week... like a big week of 15 hour fails that’ve been happening recently. enter next week. With the amount of importantly how tall is this guy on the [email protected] with your team a £625 cheque from two months ago making unecessarly printing the name of the Hockey survive the meal (and a night with a boyfriend marathons that leave your penis so sore that we were unable to upload the high failure from last week it’d be nice to see left? Freaking huge!!! Ah well I hope name and .PSD file and you’ll be en- you go over your agreed overdraft limit. The Club in your “scoop” debate question? Oh and who plays Warhammer) and finish your felix you are beginning to think that you may have resolution photo to our website. We a few good entries. you have fun this week. tered into the FUCWIT league. bank will then screw in charges and then steal well done for pointing out the truth later? Or column. You are later found chopped up in accidently slipped it into the George Foreman your anal virginity too... for shits and giggles. was it relying on felix to clean up your mess?...? Beit. See! Horoscopes aren’t ‘half-arsed’. when cooking sausages. Pint? 34 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 35 [email protected] Fun & Games [email protected] Sport

Slitherlink 1,417 1,416 Solution Freshly Squeezed! 2 2 2 1 3 3 2 2 3 Jumper Watch. A MechEng-er has perfect opportunity to belt out an Rugby 2nds outperform Portsmouth been seen wearing the same grey zip- obviously well-rehearsed number. 2 2 2 2 2 Rugby This casts a shadow on the good 3 3 3 3 2 up hoodie for literally weeks now. We 3 2 3 know you own another jumper since natured karaoke philosophy. Just don’t 2 Imperial Men’s 2nd XV 41 2 1 2 2 2 3 3 your foray into risqué navy last week, do it. Another barn dance attendee 3 3 2 but you just couldn’t say goodbye to decided to show off her Michael Portsmouth Men 3rd XV 13 1 1 2 2 2 1 2 2 1 good ol’ grey. At least give it a wash. Jackson “here’s one I prepared 2 3 3 3 1 earlier” moves on Wednesday… not Bear Alert. Two lovely ladies have very sporting. Scott Greening 3 2 2 3 2 2 already fallen prey to our resident 2 2 2 grizzly’s charms this week. Having Wedding Bells. Having declared their From the kick-off, Portsmouth made a 3 2 1 3 3 3 started to roam farther than the love for one another on the gospel of series of off-loads out of the tackle to 2 3 1 2 2 2 borders of his well-trodden Polish truth that is Facebook only a matter rumble well into our half. At the break- territory, the Bear has now taken on of minutes into their first date, it is no down, Imperial gave away the first of Top of the Table won again. Will some higher aspirations. Earlier this week surprise that the smitten MechEng re- a series of stupid penalties, and the 1 2 3 3 of you get off your arses and complete he was found advancing on Greece fresher and saucy bisexual medic are resulting kick to touch from the op- this shitty Slitherlink, then send the to sweep a red-booted beauty off her taking things to the next level. This position fly-half immediately had us fucker in. I don’t mean to be grumpy, feet and become King. Our fickle weekend he’s meeting her parents defending on our try-line. Again at the 2 2 1 2 but I am so that’s how it comes across. ursine friend then set his sights on to discuss marriage, dogs and the break-down from the lineout Imperial the RCC “secretary”… perhaps those football team’s worth of children they gave away another needless penalty, How to play: knitted condoms will come in useful are planning to produce. And it hasn’t and Portsmouth caught us napping 2 3 1 2 1 2 3 after all? been two weeks yet. Let’s hope he with a quick tap and go, resulting in It’s quite simple, all numbers are in a doesn’t let her paint his nails again… their big No.8 crashing over the line. cell and must be surrounded with a Timber Ho! What is it about that They converted, putting us 7-0 behind 3 1 1 2 2 3 corresponding number lines. Lines humble wardrobe staple, the Bye­-bye to men falling off motorbikes. after just a matter of minutes. cannot split and there can only be lumberjack shirt, that encourages We know no one replied to your The next 5 minutes proceeded with 3 2 one continuous line. Any cells with no such nauseating self-confidence? caption competition and that the little incident. Imperial clearly had an 3 3 2 2 numbers can have any number of lines. Rugby’s Karaoke Cocktails provided Editor pulled it as a result. The ascendency in the forwards, possibly Look at the solution above for help. one flannel-clad songstress with the embarrassment must be unbearable. due to Niall informing his opposite man that he did, in fact, have AIDS. However we failed to produce any sort of continuity, due to a combination of sloppy hands and needless penalties. Then, with Imperial looking a little This week’s texts: flat, Scott provided the spark needed Wordoku 1,417 to get the team going. With Port- “Yov, ure speling is ATROSIOUS. smouth clearly wanting to mark Sasha Noune can tacke Felics seriusly if u the Basha at 13, coupled with the prop- T Y C cant evin be boverd to spel proply. like nature of the opposition 12, a gap Wat ar u, a studint nusepapur or emerged in the 12-13 channel. Scott Y F U M somfing?” darted through with a big hand off to the slow inside centre’s chest, then M F Y Wordoku is identical to Sudoku; “I think that article about the foot- stepped through the fullback’s weak we’ve just replaced numbers ball club was a bit fishy. I mean, tackle to score Imperial’s first try. The 1,416 Solution with letters. Complete the puzzle their ‘captain’ isn’t even wearing a conversion levelled the scores to 7-7. U C A and then send the whole grid to club tie on that picture.” Portsmouth soon began to reveal N A I T O F E R C [email protected]. their game-plan. Their only big talent Sasha ‘the Basha’ is forever alert to capitalise on the mistake from the Portsmouth flanker. F A U T O C F E N R T I A You will not get credit for just the “WTF? RCS Hockey? Who gives a of note was the boot of their fly-half. R T E A C I O F N word alone. It’s not an anagram. 07726 799 424 shit? Hockey’s a girl’s sport and last More needless penalties had Port- M Y C T R N F A O C E I time I checked, transvestites aren’t smouth gaining territory for fun. In- ency in the forwards continued, with used the mutes and munsters to great ing. “He bit me ref, he bit me”. The ref to Benjamin who carved through the I F O C R E N A T Yer yer yer. Top of the Table and females.” deed, half-way through the first half, Chilli and debutant Chris McGeough effect, with stand-in captain Malcolm looked at Niall, unsure of what to think. opposition. From the following break- N F O A E C I T N F O R top of my pissed off list won by TEXT US! OR from a ruck just inside our 22, the ball stealing opposition line-out ball at will, so often sucking in the Portsmouth Niall pointed at the opposition: “It was down, the ball was shipped wide to F O R N I C A T E finding the rather mature word “Charlie my ACC vice chairy, I was passed back to their 10 who slot- and the scrum always going forward, defence with his hard running. It was that one ref, he bit me”. A chuckle or Rob Thomson who sprinted 50m to C I T O E A R N F ‘FORNICATE’. Trust me it’ll be WE WON’T love you. Will you marry me? YOU ted a drop-goal through the posts to stealing ball against the head on nu- from a breakdown about 10m from the two later, and play resumed. Imperial touch the ball down over the line. De- Y A T O back to the usual childish rude BETTER SAY YES... if you fancy put Portsmouth back in the lead. merous occasions. We were stringing opposition try-line that we scored our gave away another silly penalty, which spite being clean through, Rob con- E N A R F T I C O words this week but I ran out FEED THE CAT! keeping your other eye.” It was at this point that Imperial phases together and made yards with second try. More strong play from the the opposition fly-half easily convert- tinued the habit of the Imperial team, T M Y of inspiration. Like I have now. started to come to life. Our ascend- ease. For the first time this season we forwards enabled scrum-half Dave to ed to bring the score back to 13-19. A who had clearly decided Scott needed Seriously I’m fucking grumpy. snipe down the blind-side and touch- bit of quick-thinking saw Scott sprint to practice his kicking from out wide. down in the corner. Scott then made to the half-way line and smack a drop All bar two tries during the game, eve- the conversion look easy to add the ex- kick over the recovering opposition, ry try was scored out on the touchline. tras. The score remained the same un- immediately putting Portsmouth un- Despite missing his previous three at- til half-time, Imperial leading 10-14. der pressure with a lineout in their own tempts, Scott learnt his lesson and ex- Thus far the game had not been the 22. IC again stole the lineout, enabling pertly converted from the left touch- easy game that many had anticipated, Sasha to crash the ball up. The ball was line to make the score 13-36. Tamara asks: Does Magners Irish Cider have a sell-by date? and there were some strong words shipped wide to Benjamin, who true to With only a few minutes left on the from Malcolm and Andy MacFadge. his French flair, sold a dummy before clock, Imperial still had time for more. t is a truth universally acknowl- you find yourself surrounded by know- ing’ the candidate before your friends ply not what one does. Is it? In our We started the second half keen to driving over the try-line despite the Mo collected a kick over the top from edged that a single man in pos- ing smiles and pitying glances. even have time to describe his wonder- liberal and democratic (as opposed show why we were a league above our best efforts of three tacklers. 13-24. Portsmouth. The on-rushing tack- session of a good degree must 2. Mystery date being a munter. ful sense of humour which completely to liberal democratic) society is there opposition. Imperial started the sec- Now Portsmouth were knackered, ler received a ridiculous hand-off / be in want of a date. Having 3. Mystery date does not fall madly in detracts from the huge nose and acne. an issue of having some harmless fun ond half in the same way the first half and it was simply a matter of time as to open-palmed punch to the face from spoken to many of you around love with at first sight. Bloody rude. There are, of course, come serious ad- without a series of doorway kisses for ended. The phases were all coming to- how many points Imperial could clock. Mo, who then drove Imperial forward campus, I have found several lost souls In my opinion, agreeing to a blind date vantages to this mild (in most cases) several weeks in a row? With S.H.A.G. gether and the backs were playing with A scrum in our own half was picked with strength. The backs again set- confused about the idea of blind dat- is not as desperate as Cosmo would form of stalking, for example, discover- week here, surely all of you are now confidence, skill and most importantly, up by Fresher Dave at number 8, who off a move which tore Portsmouth to ing.I I’ve decided to dedicate this week’s have us believe. There are some among ing that you have actually met this per- armed with the means to have fun penetration. The forwards continued sprinted blindside with deceptive speed shreds, bringing us into their 22. A column to this weird and wonderful you for whom a weekly drunken shag son before and already know that you without the consequences resulting to provide the quick-ball the backs to take us up towards the opposition few forward rumbles later, Scott found phenomenon. and waking up squinting in horror do not find the idea of another lengthy in alien discharges. Health and safety needed to make deep inroads into 22. From the resulting ruck, the ball himself with the ball just infront of the In this time of desperation some of at the right side of the pillow is suf- discussion of how medicine is only true aside, you can do whatever you want, the tiring Portsmouth team. Angus was popped to Fresher Rob (who had try-line. Some quick feet opened space you will be resorting to desperate and ficient and the whole hog of Burger profession which will take him straight just be prepared for a week of mock- and debutant Miles rucked tirelessly just come on for Louie) who decided for Scott to play scrum-half Dave in some may think controversial tech- King and a trip to Fulham Broadway on to the Fast Track to Heaven in the ery from aforementioned friends. You and always got to the breakdown first. the time was right to score a disgust- for his second try of the game, wide niques. By being set up with a stranger cinema beforehand is superfluous to slightest appealing. On the contrary, know you’d do the same for them. Despite the constant pressure, it took ingly good try. Rob collected the ball on the right touchline. The extras were by your friends, or even worse - an ex, requirements. Blind dating is not for it would be a shame to be put off by a Most importantly, don’t forget to thank another ten minutes for the score to from scrum-half Dave, and grubbered missed, and the game came to close does it make you as brave as Rambo or you. For the rest of you, however, it photo of him sporting fish net tights, a those friends (or that pesky ex who just come. A quick switch of direction by the ball towards the try-line. Rob then after an emphatic (in the end) victory, is it just reckless? Of course admitting really is rather practical. Your friends bra stolen from a girl he secretly wishes can’t seem to let you get on with your Scott sent the centres driving towards outpaced his opposite man, fly-hacked with the final score reading 13-41 to to this particular habit can sometimes are probably just sick of your moping he could play hanky-panky with and a own life) when the blind date they so the line in midfield. From the ruck, the ball over the try-line, collected the Imperial. Kingston 1st XV await in the feel like social (Part of Speech: adjec- about in need of a good shag, spending blonde synthetic wig. Maybe not. Per- thoughtfully arranged for you results more quick ball enabled Jack Goring ball and dived over the line. A simply next round for what will prove a much tive. Definition: Of, characterized by, your time reading Jane Austen novels haps, for a more open-minded and au- in a night of passion or even just an to show his fly-half skills, and start a ridiculous try. 13-29. tougher test. or inclined to living together in com- or playing on your racing computer thentic dating experience it’s better to evening with a person who does not sequence of quick hands through the Imperial collected the kick-off and The trip home was fantastic. A team- munities. Synonyms: gregarious) sui- games and they do have your best in- dive in with minimal details: no phone stimulate your gag reflex upon setting back line, finishing with Louis diving immediately set-up a backs move up wide game of Edward Ciderhands emp- cide. All stigmas aside, the reasons this terests at heart. number, surname or maybe even de- eyes on them. Gratitude is very impor- over the line for his first IC try. Impe- the pitch. A big shout from Mo inside tied all commuters out of our carriage topic will get most people hot under Sadly, blind dating, just like dinosaurs scription. Gender, I should think, is tant. As is revenge in the event that rial led 10-19. Scott opened a massive hole through and enabled some prime team-bond- the collar are: in their day and like Tamagochis, are still crucial. they set you up with a loser. Portsmouth struck back straight which Scott duly penetrated. Despite ing time. An all round great day, which the double tackle from the opposi- saw Imperial 2nd XV notch their third 1. Fear of being stood up - just imagine: set to become a thing of the past. In “Would you like to come up for some Got a problem, contact Tamara at away, somehow breaching our defense you have already bought the cinema the modern era when you are just a coffee/to see my collection of WW2 [email protected] to get into the 22. The ref stopped play tion, Scott was able to off-load with victory on the bounce. Bring on Kent Lineker met her on blind date. tickets/drinks and as you look around, hop and skip away from ‘facebook- stamps?” Sex after a blind date is sim- ‘Reach for the stars’. The song Chilli was certainly thinking of here. at this point because Niall was cry- a sublime one-handed backhand pop next week! 36 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 37 Sport [email protected] ArabicSoc win! UCL thrashed hard by ladies Ask the captain - Andrew Holland Punjabi Soc 2-1. In a bad tempered Even at half time when we believed er shat on the pitch and also Praying Hockey match, French 2 made it past Cypriot 2 we’d crushed the last of UCL’s spirit a Mantis’ excitement at the arrival of Last Saturday the Overseas Societies with a last minute goal to win 3-1. Iraqi whisper of hope was heard, “they’ll be a famous postman before the game Imperial Women’s 1st XI 8 Dan Neville Committee held their annual five-a- Soc beat Thai Soc 3-1, to give the semi tired in the second half and they won’t stunned audiences pitch wide. Howev- side football World Cup tournament. finals a distinctly Arabic flavour. UCL 2nd XI 0 want to win”, suffice to say they weren’t er you don’t need brains to play hockey Twenty one teams representing sixteen Arabic 1 beat Iraqi Soc 2-1, and the sharpest pencils in the box. Un- and the superior fitness of the Imperial societies braved the freezing weather Arabic 2 beat French Soc 2-1 to set up fortunately for UCL the pace only in- team showed through towards the end, Week 2 in the build up to 25th February 2009. This week, to turn up at Kensington Leisure Cen- an all Arabic Society final. Plans for Emma Beresford creased in the second half, with great either that or UCL (who coincidently Mustapher Botchway tre, to battle for the trophy. All the pas- a third place play off had to be aban- goals from Slippery Nipple and Fresher arrived late) had spent too long in the interviews the Imperial Medicals rugby captain and wants to know how they do it! sion of the real World Cup was there doned, as the French sulked off, award- The ladies 1sts had vowed revenge on a Shanika. pie shop before the game. Fines were along with diving, disallowed goals and ing third place to Iraqi Soc by default. far from friendly group of UCL players The final goal was a strong short dealt out at the union for DOD Slip- contentious refereeing decisions. By now the games were being played after the rascals defeated our beloved corner which left the opposition in ir- pery Nipple for finding herself on the Hi Dan, thanks very much for have that little more experience and alties that we shouldn’t have. I think we en tour of South Africa After a slow start, trying to get under floodlights, and the temperature 2nds earlier in the season. However retrievable goalless pit of doom. Not floor with her legs open for the second meeting us today. Firstly, can you are slightly stronger than some of our can only get better, but Varsity is Var- over the summer. We groups and fixtures sorted out, the had dropped even further to close to despite the passion it was a slow start, all good though, obviously thinking time this week (anyone ever find those tell us how you ascended from other opponents. sity, it will definitely be a close one. also do an inter-year games began. Trying to fit thirty four freezing. great play by everyone’s favourite Slop- about the copious fines she’d collected knickers?) and resident card collector 1st year medical student to cap- A lot of it is really experience though. match, which was last group games onto three pitches is no The final was perhaps not the dra- py Seconds and MOM Stripper on the over the last 2 weeks Stripper resorted Wide Open for something of a similar tain of the 1st team? Because we have been in the Premier- We know the medics have won weekend, as well as a easy task! Gradually though, results matic affair that we had hoped it to left encouraged a few attacks however to trying to knock herself out in avoid- nature. Well I didn’t really have the best of ship for three years we know how to the rugby and netball matches. schools tour, where became to come through. The differ- be, but that is not to say that it was not it took a quick run by urban legend ance, this didn’t work but the tech- Also special mention to the appro- starts in my first year as I was injured, cope, we’ve learnt how to play in the Why do you think the other teams this year we went to ence in quality between the teams was competitive. Both sides clearly wanted Praying Mantis to secure the first goal. nique was adapted to involve snakebite priately named Dominator for her but I managed to make it back in time league, learnt when to put the squeeze aren’t able to do the same? Birmingham. We also obvious, with hungover teams of near to win, to secure bragging rights over After that the shots began to flow, later that night. Silly rabbit, trix are for successes on and off the pitch, (we all for Varsity was included in the squad, on teams. It is especially important I think the other sports have definite- have the oldest rugby strangers in tracksuits being torn apart the other half of the society. Arabic 1 encouraged from the sideline by her kids! saw you sucking the face off ICHC’s which was great. We had a very good against some of the big rugby universi- ly improved, the hockey men’s team club tour in the world, by well organised teams who train and raced into a 3-0 lead, before Arabic 2 new lover, Prince Charles was on fire, The fact that gullible had been re- favourite serial killer). In conclusion fly half in my second year and so I ties such as Cardiff and Swansea. have been promoted and have got bet- where we go down to play together. Most teams took it all in made it back to 3-2 by half time. In the creaming the ball into the back of the moved from the English dictionary a successful defeat, and the answer to didn’t feature that much, but he has ter over the last couple of years, and Cornwall. The social good stead, taking their victories and second half, Arabic 1 made it to 5-2, net. Several goals followed with a de- earlier in the week also blatantly had the mystery who ate all the pies? Well, now left and I just seemed to have slot- Does the 1st team have any aspi- I know they desperately want to win side is a very impor- defeats with grace and humour. before Arabic 2 pulled one back. The flection by fresher Sam and an unlikely an effect on the IQ’s of half the team, the ladies firsts can confirm, it was ted into his place. I had a solid season ration to go further and perhaps Varsity and believe they can do it. The tant side of rugby, Due to the odd number of teams final score ended as 6-3 to Arabic 1, slap by defender Token Lezza. as Stripper enquired exactly how Lep- definitely UCL. last year and was lucky to get voted in aim for promotion into Premier- same with women’s hockey. Football particulary with the taking place, the winners of the five who celebrated with the trophy. as captain for this year. ship A? I’m not so sure about. Imperial are very medical spirit where groups plus the three best runners up All things considered, the day went That is definitely our aim, there is strong in a few sports, such as football we take our rugby passed into the quarter finals. They extremely well and most people en- How has the start of the season no point being in a league of you don’t and squash. It would be great to see a very seriously, but were Arabic Society’s first and second joyed themselves. As always, there been for you guys then? think you aren’t going to win it. Like few more of the medicals’ teams com- tend to enjoy team, Punjabi Society, Sri Lankan Soci- must always be losers to have a winner, We started off the season with a lot I said, we have a very good bunch of pete against IC and maybe make the afterwards as ety, Thai Society, Iraqi Society, French and things have to end in disappoint- of injuries, but now we have settled and players coming through and definitely overall competition a little closer this well. Society’s second team and Cypriot So- ment for most of the teams. Still, it have a very good, young squad mainly within the next two years I can see us year. cieties second team. was a fun if tiring day out, and the bar RUMS feel ICUWFC wrath comprising of players in their 2nd, pushing for promotion. Arabic Soc 1 steam rollered Sri night at the Union afterwards was well 3rd and 4th years. We’ve really come Imperial Medicals have won the Lankan Soc 5-1, and Arabic Soc 2 beat received. of a momentary break in the weather, Dehydys dribbled through the throng together now and have won three out United Hospitals Cup for the past Football Genghis Low provided the opening of RUMS players to put the ball in the of the last four games beating UWE, 9 years now, more often than not goal, smashing the ball it into the back goal. Lily scored again but by this time Swansea and Imperial, and we are playing against the same op- demands? Imperial Women’s 1st XI 16 of the net. The rain came back heavier she was considered old news. looking to push on up the league table. “We let the game ponent. Do you not find it a little It’s very hard, RUMS Women’s 2nd XI 0 than before a few seconds later but IC Dina came on at half time for the repetitive? let’s put it that were not deterred and Genghis Low aging Yoke and played right back as Where do you see yourself finish- against Imperial The cup is the oldest in the world, so way. Basically, scored again, and then again, thriving Steph was shifted to fill the space in ing this season? to just scrap it after 150 years of his- and I am finding Rackets – the Cheryl See off DD’s crosses and through balls. A right midfield. Dina came on with Our league is very hard at the mo- get close” tory is something I don’t want to be this now as I’m in few minutes after Genghis Low got her a bang and soon enough was taking ment, there’s no doubt about that. involved with it. I’d much rather my fourth year of IC Women’s Football travelled to the hat-trick, Pav casually flicked the ball down a girl twice her size. After seeing We’re hoping to finish in the top half keep that going. There have medical school, that UCL grounds last Sunday to face past the keeper and into the back of Barbara take shot after shot and not of the table, with the aim of finishing been some great names that you have to often re- unknown game (to Moving onto Varsity, the Col- RUMS 2s in disgusting stay-in-bed the net. scoring, she finally broke the dam and in the top three. But we will have to see have played in that compe- organise things. So for weather. The only players in the IC half for scored three. how everything goes after Christmas. lege side gained promotion into tition, such as JPR Wil- example if you have to be Following a slew of unfortunate re- most of the first half were goalkeeper The rest of the goals came from your league and you mentioned liams. in on a Wednesday to meet with Imperial Students) sults, IC were looking for a long de- Emily and Cheryl who was acting Genghis and Dehydys, who hit an Imperial Medicals have been in that you played them a couple of Yes your consultant because they are served win. Starting with a 4-4-2 for- sweeper. Right winger Yoke was feeling amazing shot from the right edge of the Premiership for several years weeks ago. How can you see the only there on a Wednesday, you have Sam Barclay ball is slightly smaller than a golf ball mation, Barbara Kiskovski and Lily fatigued and switched positions with the 18 yard box. Marion had an im- now, how do you think you are Medicals retaining their perfect to try and re-organise to meet with and has changed in its content dramat- “Genghis” Low were up front, with Cheryl but neither thought it crucial to pressive game with countless shots on able to sustain such a high level? win record against an ever im- them on a different day when it is con- By the end of the first week of Fresher’s ically since first game was played (all Yoke Thye and Pav S on the wings and tell the rest of the team causing confu- goal but unluckily was unable to get We’ve always been a good side ever proving College side? venient for both of you. A lot of final (a few years ago now) I was sick and still are hand made and cost roughly since the medical schools merged, and Imperial have definitely improved years have to do that and try and make tired of explaining the game of rackets, £9), details of which I won’t bore you have always been in a high league apart over the past four years, there is no up the time elsewhere. therefore in the next few paragraphs I with but lets just say from personal from one year, which I think was in my doubt about that. After playing them There are times, unfortunately, when shall endeavour to describe this most experience when the ball is travelling first year, but we were promoted the this season, it is clear that they raise rearranging a meeting is not possible, prestigious of racquet sports. at over 120mph on the court it hurts year after. We’re very lucky to have 6 their game for Varsity. I think we al- as was the case this Wednesday, where when it hits you! years worth of students, so we have lowed the score a couple of weeks ago two of our back row players can’t play. A bit of history…. players that are that little bit older, to get close, we gave away a lot of pen- One is a final year and has to do his Who plays… Now a shift in the A&E department whilst In its earliest form during the 18th contro- the other one had a presentation to Century, rackets was played in the One of the main reasons of the Guys, Kings and versial give. Also sometimes if you’ve got an open on the walls of the yards of the rackets population being so small, is St. Thomas are the question, away game, you can’t afford to miss the two main debtor’s prisons, the King’s that bar for a handful courts in North main opponents we but what do whole of Wednesday. I think it’s some- Bench and the Fleet. Gentleman had America, the only people who learn to see every year, but still you have to say thing that people have had to deal with nothing else to entertain themselves play in the UK from a tender age of 13- FACT FILE come out absolutely to those medi- for several years, there is always a way until they paid there creditors. Dick- 14 are those who attended one of the fired and pumped up for cal students who to get out of it and ways around it to ens mentions rackets in the Pickwick 13 schools in England that have courts. it. It’s the same with Var- are playing for IC make sure that people can still play Papers, as Mr. Pickwick was unlucky Even within those schools not many Name: Dan ‘Bartos’ Neville sity, we have to be strong and teams? rugby. enough to be put into the Fleet. play due to the demanding nature of Team: ICSM 1st XV Rugby ensure a victory, because if we lost I think they should Outside prisons and taverns, Harrow the game (quick feet and excellent either, we would get rinsed and I cer- play for the medical This was bound to come up, but was the first school at which rackets hand-eye coordination are key), from Position: Fly half tainly don’t want that to happen. school. Always! We’ve can you explain the whole light was played, probably from the early my own school generally it was the Date of Birth: 22/11/1986 come from a history of St. Mary’s, opera scene and are there any 1820s when the schoolyard was en- 1st XI opening batsman or the 1st pair Hometown: Portsmouth I asked this question last week. Charing Cross and Westminster that aspirations on the stage? larged. When the first Lawn Tennis tennis that were upto the challenge. What input have Sport Imperial have been going for 150 years, longer That was something I dabbled with Championships were played at Wim- However I would encourage anyone if Course: 4th Year Medicine have, if any, to your team and than Imperial College. We may have and it had to be tried at least once, erm bledon later in the century, Old Har- they get the chance to go on court or Height: 5ft 11in club? amalgamated and Imperial may have but not again. I did do drama for A- rovian rackets player Spencer Gore even watch just experience the speed Weight: 84 kg I think Sport Imperial have been fan- their own sports, but I think medical level and came prepared at my inter- would win the singles. of the game, which I find is the addic- tastic, in particular Nick Gore. They students have their own separate iden- view because I knew they were going tive part. have supported us, and whenever tity. The atmosphere is amazing and all to ask me about it. But I did enjoy it, The court itself… we’ve had a problem, they‘ve been able the different sports teams get on well apart from the abuse I got on the last Imperial Players Bartos as he is better known in the club, is a very to solve it. For example the first game together, and since they have come to performance when the entire rugby Imagine a squash court, multiply it The ladies pose for the cameras prior to the match. Note carrier bag storing Emily’s thermos flask full of tea talented fly half with a great eye for a gap and a of the season against UWE, I didn’t study medicine they should play with club came and watched, which wasn’t by 3, the service boxes are outside the To my knowledge at this present mo- remarkable ability to read the game. Bartarse is also realise that both teams played in a red the medical school sports teams, in my so nice. two main playing boxes other than that ment, there are only 2 rackets players kit, so Sport Imperial kindly got us the opinion. the same markings as a squash court in entire university (and we used to DD and debutant Marion Ferrat in cen- sion which RUMS took advantage of. herself a debut goal. On the other side quite the lad off the pitch and can always be found Imperial blue kit to play in. Similar sort of question to what and the 4 walls are made of stone. The play for our respective schools against tre midfield. The back line consisted of They bounced the ball about a bit in of the pitch, goalkeeper Emily had an surrounding himself with the fairer sex. In his 2nd year Medical students are very busy, we asked last week to round up, racquet is styled on the old wooden each other not too long ago). If there Laura, Cheryl, Kendra and Steph, and the IC half but to no avail since Yoke enthralling match, standing miles off he abandoned his testicles and learnt to sing for a light Moving onto the social side, especially in their later years. looking at other sports at Impe- ICSMRFC go on several tours, can How do the students, particu- rial. Let’s just start with do you squash rackets and is still wooden to- are any of you out there, please contact Emily in goal. IC began the game with has the capacity to take on three play- her goal line whilst craving vocally for opera performance, which most speculate was due to day believe it or not due to tension of me or indeed if you would like to try promise and Kendra was given a free ers. Cheryl made it up to the team later a cup of tea. Pav netted the last goal you give me a summary of what larly the rugby players, manage know what orienteering is? the string being far too great for any a new sport I would be most happy to role allowing her to push up to sup- scoring IC’s fifth goal off a cross from a few minutes before full time. Final the show’s 75% female cast. you guys have been up to? to cope with the workload and I should know because I read it last other material (even titanium). The show you this wonderful game. port the midfield. Taking advantage Laura. Then a few minutes after that, score was 16-0. We’ve just got back from an unbeat- maintaining the high sporting week... but I can’t remember! 38 felix Friday 28 November 2008 Friday 28 November 2008 felix 39 Sport [email protected] [email protected] Sport There is snow business like row business The debate continues... Sports league Christina Duffy than 2 km long. The serenity of the Symmonds with cox Larissa Matley that won Henley and Pair’s Head. He’s 10 seconds later were Tom Bell, Brook outside snow suddenly became less at- won the WS3.4+ in a time of 8:01.96. such a man.’ The other men’s crew of McLaughlin, Iain Palmer and Josh Yer- Tim Hartford-Cross says no to super-clubs Team P W D L F A Diff % FI Snow flakes cascaded down on the Sho- tractive when crews had to alight their Two seconds was the losing margin Matt Lunt, Mike Zammit, Chris Pol- rell taking the runner-up position. gun’s windshield en route to the aptly vehicles and were disgusted when the for both men’s crews in the first divi- lock and Rob Tod coxed by Connie The final win of the day went to Ki- he smaller clubs offer not hockey, so the faculty clubs are not tions, dating back to when the medi- 1 Squash Men's 1st 6 6 0 0 26 4 22 100 5.00 named 2008 ‘Marlow Fours and Pairs realisation suddenly hit that what ap- sion of racing. Fireman Sam Henry Pidoux were defeated by Nephthys eran Docherty, Leo Carrington, John only a good social side solely for faculty members and give the cal schools and Constituent Colleges 2 Volleyball Women's 1st 5 5 0 0 10 0 10 100 5.00 Head’. Except that it wasn’t in Marlow, peared like fluffy white snow was actu- Fieldman coxed John Dick, Dom Mey- who came home in 7:25.97. Davey and Adam Mayall in the S3.4+ but also a side that means opportunity for people with Imperial- (RCS, CGCU, and RSM) were separate 3 Fencing Men's 1st 5 5 0 0 664 387 277 100 5.00 it wasn’t really a head race and scullers ally a cold grey slush that stuck to your rick-Cole, Tom Arnott and Will Todd In the afternoon’s division three coxed by Connie Pidoux. Their closest experienced players and sized timetables the chance to try a entities. It seems that the sports edi- 4 Tennis Men's 1st 5 5 0 0 41 9 32 100 5.00 were also competing. ICBC had seven face and dribbled down your neck. in the S2.4+ category. They came sec- men’s crews were racing. In the senior rivals were Exeter university: 13 sec- newcomers can play along sport without a huge commitment. tors agree with the previous Rector’s 5 Lacrosse Women's 1st 4 4 0 0 44 19 25 100 5.00 crews racing; two from the women’s Pre-race coffee could not be found ond to Balliol College BC who finished three coxless fours (S3.4-) ICBC had onds slower than the IC crew who won side one another without the attitude The smaller clubs generally play sport attitude in turning IC into a corporate 6 ICSM Badminton Men's 1st 3 3 0 0 16 8 8 100 5.00 squad and five from the men’s squad, and the caffeine-free crew had to race in 7:10.4. Following the testosterone- two entries who finished in first and in 6:35.23. Seat 3 Leo Carrington was Tof “I play 1st XI hockey … I just hap- on alternative days to the IC clubs that warehouse and scrapping any sort of 7 Badminton Men's 1st 6 4 2 0 33 15 18 67 4.00 all in coxed or coxless fours. Due to for time only since they were the sin- filled performance seat 3 Meyrick-Cole second place. The winning crew were dubious at the initial crew selection: pen to be good enough to be there!” play BUSA leagues, and sticking to historical significance from the Col- 8 Hockey Men's 1st 7 6 0 1 41 11 30 86 3.71 threats of flooding the head race was gle entry in the W.S3 4- category. The was beside himself with excitement: ‘I composed of Alex Gillies, Richard ‘With a volatile Scotsman at stroke I which generally makes a newcomer what I know RSM hockey play regular lege. It seems that the larger IC clubs 9 Netball 2nd 5 4 0 1 152 113 39 80 3.20 moved to Dorney lake and the usual 5 women’s coxed entry of Louise Hart, didn’t know until after the race that I Winchester, Adam Seward and Andy was expecting some mid-race shout- think ‘what an absolute twat who has Sunday mixed hockey matches whereas would happily hand in their old crests 10 Squash Men's 2nd 5 4 0 1 17 6 11 80 3.20 km head course was run in lanes less Ro Smith, Selina Graham and Chloe was racing with the same Will Todd Gordon who clocked a time of 6:19.34. ing, but it wasn’t to be!’. his own ego firmly shoved up his own IC hockey play regular men’s and wom- for some lovely blue shaded arial font 11 Hockey Men's 3rd 3 1 2 0 6 2 4 33 3.00 backside’ and apprehensive about try- en’s Wednesday matches with the odd branding. 12 Fencing Women's 1st 4 3 0 1 524 445 79 75 2.75 ing new sports. I should state my po- mixed hockey matches. This means a Medics need their own clubs main- 13 Rugby Union Men's 3rd 4 3 0 1 102 49 53 75 2.75 sition at this juncture, having played lower time commitment in the smaller ly because of their crazy timetables 14 ICSM Netball 3rd 4 3 0 1 135 72 63 75 2.75 for both IC and RSM. While playing clubs, and the ability to play another which means they can fit training and 15 Table Tennis Men's 1st 7 5 0 2 77 42 35 71 2.43 for the RSM we had members of many sport as well. One member of the RSM social side around schedules packed 16 Hockey Women's 1st 6 4 0 2 25 15 10 67 2.00 other clubs and societies such as foot- hockey team plays regularly on Sun- with clinical and academic work. It 17 Hockey Men's 2nd 6 4 0 2 25 15 10 67 2.00 ball, OTC and running give it a go, days but also fences on Wednesdays also means they can conveniently have 18 Basketball Men's 1st 3 2 0 1 228 154 74 67 2.00 whereas IC has extremely rigid team for IC Fencing Club, that opportunity socials in the Reynolds around which 19 Fencing Men's 2nd 3 2 0 1 365 328 37 67 2.00 boundaries where players within the wouldn’t be available to him if he were they all live, and play at Chiswick in- 20 ICSM Hockey Women's 1st 4 2 1 1 18 10 8 50 2.00 club didn’t even move between teams to join IC hockey. stead of having to hike to Harlington. 21 Basketball Women's 1st 5 3 0 2 233 221 12 60 1.40 – god forbid newcomers try it out. The smaller clubs generally en- History, tradition and medic pride 22 ICSM Netball 2nd 5 3 0 2 146 104 42 60 1.40 I’m an Engineer and I play RSM joy a longer history and older tradi- aside, it is no coincidence that every 23 ICSM Football Men's 1st 5 3 0 2 10 9 1 60 1.40 university in the country has separate 24 Squash Women's 1st 7 1 4 2 13 19 -6 14 0.71 medics sports teams. 25 Rugby Union Men's 2nd 6 3 0 3 122 131 -9 50 0.50 The reputations of the clubs vary in 26 Squash Men's 3rd 4 2 0 2 6 6 0 50 0.50 a way that attracts different types of 27 Lacrosse Men's 1st 2 1 0 1 21 21 0 50 0.50 people. I know, for instance, that the 28 ICSM Hockey Women's 2nd 6 2 1 3 16 19 -3 33 0.00 attitudes within IC Football Club de- 29 Badminton Men's 2nd 4 1 1 2 15 17 -2 25 -0.25 tract people from joining. Seven teams 30 Hockey Men's 4th 4 1 1 2 7 19 -12 25 -0.25 are not big enough to enable all those 31 Tennis Men's 2nd 4 1 1 2 16 24 -8 25 -0.25 who come to trials (usually enough for 32 ICSM Rugby Union Men's 1st 8 3 0 5 169 222 -53 38 -0.63 at least nine teams!). This is not a bad 33 Badminton Women's 1st 6 2 0 4 22 26 -4 33 -1.00 thing but having an alternative for peo- 34 Volleyball Men's 1st 6 2 0 4 4 8 -4 33 -1.00 ple who want to play occasionally and 35 ICSM Rugby Union Men's 2nd 7 2 0 5 75 126 -51 29 -1.43 socially seems like a good all-inclusive 36 ICSM Hockey Men's 2nd 7 2 0 5 12 10 2 29 -1.43 attitude that the union should have, af- 37 Football Men's 1st 6 1 1 4 10 16 -6 17 -1.50 ter all we are stakeholders in the union 38 Tennis Women's 1st 4 1 0 3 14 26 -12 25 -1.75 so we should all be able to get involved 39 Netball 3rd 4 1 0 3 48 106 -58 25 -1.75 if we want to. 40 ICSM Rugby Union Men's 3rd 4 1 0 3 27 98 -71 25 -1.75 As for the money, union funding cor- 41 Football Men's 3rd 4 1 0 3 5 16 -11 25 -1.75 responds to the numbers of members 42 Football Men's 2nd 5 1 0 4 10 22 -12 20 -2.20 and the number of leagues they are 43 ICSM Netball 1st 5 1 0 4 120 198 -78 20 -2.20 part of etc. so why should some people 44 Football Women's 1st 5 1 0 4 9 20 -11 20 -2.20 benefit from union funding and others 45 ICSM Hockey Men's 1st 6 1 0 5 11 21 -10 17 -2.50 Winning S3.4 - crew Alex Gillies, Richard Winchester, Adam Seward and Andy Gordon. The song ‘row row row your boat...’ certainly doesn’t fit the occasion. Maybe next time not. It seems a little elitist, after all it’s 46 Hockey Women's 2nd 6 1 0 5 6 25 -19 17 -2.50 a students union not a sporting prow- 47 ICSM Badminton Women's 1st 6 0 1 5 7 42 -35 0 -3.00 ess union. 48 Rugby Union Women's 1st 1 0 0 1 0 80 -80 0 -4.00 The IC teams are overflowing this 49 Table Tennis Women's 1st 2 0 0 2 3 7 -4 0 -4.00 Table Tennis in association with Sports Partnership year as are the smaller clubs teams 50 ICSM Hockey Women's 3rd 4 0 0 4 3 29 -26 0 -4.00 leading to the question which bench 51 ICSM Hockey Men's 3rd 3 0 0 3 0 11 -11 0 -4.00 UCL Men’s 1st 3 Fixtures & Results would the RSM players get to watch 52 Rugby Union Men's 4th 5 0 0 5 61 217 -156 0 -4.00 Imperial Men’s 1st 14 Saturday 22nd November Men’s 5s ULU 2-3 Royal Holloway 4s ULU Sunday 30th November Men’s 2nd vs Queen Mary 1st the IC games from, ‘cause they sure as 53 ICSM Football Men's 2nd 4 0 0 4 1 16 -15 0 -4.00 Football Football Men’s 3rd vs University of Reading 4th hell aren’t getting more than stoppage 54 Netball 1st 6 0 0 6 129 219 -90 0 -4.00 Men’s 1s ULU 1-2 RUMS 1s ULU Hockey Women’s 1s ULU vs St George’s 1s ULU Women’s 1st vs University of Reading 1st Imperial College player representing RSM in the 2008 Bottle Match time on the pitch. 55 Rugby Union Men's 1st 6 0 0 6 65 242 -177 0 -4.00 Men’s 2s ULU 0-4 St Barts 1 ULU Men’s 1st 6-1 University of Hertfordshire 1st Women’s 2nd vs University of Portsmouth 2nd Michael Sathyendran Men’s 3s ULU 1-9 King’s Medicals 2s ULU Men’s 2nd 3-0 Canterbury Christ Church Uni 2nd Hockey Men’s 4s ULU 1-3 Royal Holloway 4s ULU Men’s 3rd 3-1 University of Sussex 2nd Women’s 1s ULU vs King’s College 1s ULU Lacrosse The starting line up was unchanged, Men’s 6s ULU 2-2 Royal Holloway 6s ULU Women’s 1st 2-4 University of Portsmouth 1st Men’s 1st vs University of Hertfordshire 1st Crossword No. 1,416 Answers to: [email protected] with the exception of debutant Jeff Women’s 2nd 2-0 Buckinghamshire New Uni 1st Monday 1st December Women’s 1st vs Royal Holloway 1st Jia, who joined Eddie, Darius and Sunday 23rd November Netball 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 Yan. Eddie got us off to a flying start Football Lacrosse Women’s 1s ULU vs Imperial Medicals 1s ULU Netball Across Sincerest apologies for last week’s with a stunning 3-0 victory over the Women’s 1s ULU 16-0 RUMS 2s ULU Women’s 1st 8-2 King’s College London 1st Women’s 2s ULU vs King’s Medicals ULU Women’s 1st vs University of Hertfordshire 1st 9 1 English stadium hosts furtive start mistaken letter. The more astute among UCL number 1. Darius did just about Women’s 2nd vs Imperial College 3rd 1 Consumes bread, gets flab, is to marathon (7) you will have realized that neither Eu- shocked (13) 2 Loss of memory affects men in Asia enough to win his first 3 matches. Monday 24th November Netball Squash 7 8 pee nor Subdracon are commonly- The intensity of the match was such Netball Women’s 1st 14-38 UCL 1st Men’s 1s ULU vs UCL 1s ULU Rugby 7 Milne has Roo and Owl name the (7) used words. Top marks to Jonathan that Christian felt he needed to take a Women’s 1s ULU 24-34 King’s Medicals 1s ULU Men’s 3s ULU vs RUMS 1s ULU Men’s 1st vs UWE Bristol 1st 11 12 first Jewish priest (5) 3 Ancient Roman writes up early Phillips for his correct solution. 1 minute time out (perfectly legal, but Rugby Men’s 2nd vs Middlesex University 1st 8 Mr A’s thing: flexing muscle (9) Sumerian text (5) Hopefully, all should be well this 9 Ticked off (7) 4 Roman orator initially means the quite rare at our level of table tennis) Squash Men’s 2nd 5-37 University of Kent 1st Wednesday 3rd December Men’s 3rd vs Kingston University 2nd 9 10 week. I also cordially invite you to at- after a bloody good point from Darius. Women’s 1s ULU 1-4 LSE 1s ULU Men’s 4th 0-24 Buckinghamshire New Uni 2nd Badminton Men’s 4th vs St Mary’s University 3rd 10 Frank Sinatra, no longer a ‘rat’, opposite (7) tempt the quick crossword in the Cof- Although the game had little bearing Men’s 2nd vs King’s College 1st 14 15 heads off ceremony (7) 5 Inside marquee, cast out pitchfork fee Break section. on the outcome of the overall result, it Volleyball Squash Women’s 1st vs Imperial Medicals 1st Squash 11 Fervent belief I am God returned (5) (7) Have a good week. 12 Central part of funeral march 6 Old photograph contains red-eye was the one which you could see Dar- Mixed 1s ULU vs St George’s 1s ULU Women’s 1st 0-4 University of Sussex 1st Men’s 1st vs UCL 1st 11 12 13 Enoch ius really wanted to win, and he did Basketball Men’s 2nd vs University of Hertfordshire 1st starts off a term wasted at my old atop rug arrangement (13) university (4,5) 7 Clumsy deacon crept in, highly just that by taking it in the decider. Waterpolo Table Tennis Men’s 1st vs London South Bank 2nd Women’s 1st vs University of Reading 1st 17 18 19 Eddie, meanwhile, was going about Mixed 1st ULU 7-10 UCL 1st ULU Men’s 1st 11-6 LSE 1st Women’s 1st vs Roehampton University 1st 14 Burnt sienna desk without its first, confused (8-5) natural condition (9) 8 Add water to make dry heat easier P R O D U C T M P O S I T E D his business in typically economical Table Tennis 14 15 16 17 18 fashion, steamrolling through his op- Wednesday 26th November Tennis Fencing Women’s 1st vs LSE 1st 17 Climbs with suckers, gets to hear to deal with (7) O N R O N N H A R U U R I E part of big echo (5) 13 Wild horse tugs man around (7) S U B S I D E S U M B R A G E ponents. Jeff was having a very impres- Badminton Men’s 1st 7-3 Roehampton University 1st Men’s 1st vs Queen Mary 1st 21 22 sive first appearance, winning 3-1 and Women’s 1st 2-6 University of Hertfordshire 1st Women’s 1st 4-6 University of Brighton 1st Men’s 2nd vs UCL 2nd Tennis 19 Possession, for a period in public 15 The most eager get two points in T E I T O E S S N I D O I O P school, brings joy (7) skeet, somehow (7) A T T E N U A T E R E U P E E 3-0 respectively against the UCL 1 and Women’s 1st vs LSE 1st 19 20 21 2. It was thus quite surprising that he Fencing Saturday 29th November Football Men’s 2nd vs Roehampton University 1st 21 A prize made to lose functionality 16 Avant-gardist urban development G A E W S U U N A A A S E N (7) beings out worry (7) E U L E R E R I C O C H E T S lost against their number 3, but entire- Men’s 1st 124-101 King’s College London 1st Football Men’s 1st vs Brunel University 3rd 25 ly forgivable. He did end the evening Men’s 1s ULU vs Queen Mary 1s ULU Men’s 2nd vs University of Greenwich 3rd Volleyball 22 Wearing a bit thin, Over. I hear you 17 After George I, royal robes use a L U C E E N U E S O A P E D Men’s 2s ULU vs RUMS 1s ULU Men’s 3rd vs Roehampton University 3rd Men’s 1st vs University of Reading 1st sing (9) replacement for imaginary material D I S M I S S A L P N I C E A on a high by taking his final game in Football 22 23 straight sets. And Yan, described as Men’s 1st 0-0 LSE 1st Men’s 3s ULU vsn Royal Holloway 3s ULU Women’s 1st vs Roehampton University 1st Women’s 2nd vs King’s College 1st 23 Quick silver I let go almost to (7) E R I U T C L E L A V I H N our “consistency man” by Darius, was Men’s 2nd 1-6 King’s College London 1st Men’s 4s ULU vs UCL 5s ULU Men’s 4s ULU vs LSE 5s ULU completion (5) 18 Rebuild icy port of a Mediterranean B I N G E U R E B E L L I O N A E A A R L U O L I O I R E O stayed true to form with 3 wins from 4. Men’s 3rd 1-4 Uni of the Arts 3rd Men’s 5s ULU vs UCL 6s ULU 24 Start-up corporation (13) island (7) C U T L A S S R O R D E R L Y UCL had a little consolation in taking Women’s 1st 1-2 Royal Holloway 1st Men’s 6s ULU vs King’s Medicals 5s ULU Hockey 20 Specific piece not found in literary 24 L T R E T E A C R G L U G E the doubles but this was a good night Men’s 4s ULU 0-2 RUMS 2s ULU Men’s 7s ULU vs Goldsmiths 3s ULU Men’s 1st vs University of Essex 1st genre (3-2) for Imperial, and a much needed one. Down E R A S E R S H K N E E P A D Send in your sport reports: [email protected] felix sport High resolution photos only IC Gaelic smash Cambridge

You will have to ask the ICUGFC players to find the ball. After you have succeeded, try and digest the intricacies of the scorecard. Hint Imperial convincingly beat their Oxbridge rivals

Conor Taylor, who dominated the half separating us from a historic victory, Gaelic Football forward line, supplied Frank O’Neill, in not least over the prematch favourites this the first of many well taken chanc- and rivals Cambridge, meant IC re- Debate nears Imperial Men’s 1st 3-09 es by the Naomh Bríd pair. Claiming a took the field with all the same verve Cambridge Men’s 1st 1-01 brace of points IC went 1-03 up to no and spirit of the first half. With the it’s end score when Cambridge made their best truly weak second half display against Jack Cornish & effort of the half, still only resulting in a Oxford still echoing in our minds, the Mustapher Botchway 45’, which admittedly, was struck clean intervening weeks fitness training was Sports Editors Andrew Lavery over the bar in a great display of kick- evident as IC showed no signs of fatigue ing from the ground by the Cambridge and continued to add scores. James Following two spirited yet unsuccess- number 9. Skeen, on loan from ICUAFC’s 4th XI, ful displays against Bedford and Ox- Imperial duly replied with the best managed to keep a clean sheet but for ford earlier in the season the IC Gaelic score of the day. Winning possession the horrific ‘header’ in the second half. e managed to cre- table example is with the football ULU Football took the trip to Cambridge in the half back area, Lavery combined On several occasions John McDonnell ate quite a spark by cup winning side of 2006. 4 players of this Sunday. Resting on their laurels well with Taylor, their swift passing on showed poise in retaining possession introducing the no- that side had come through the ranks may have had Cambridge the bookies the right wing, running riot through under pressure and was rewarded with tion of ‘superclubs’. starting in the 5th team. So to say there favourite, but it was also to be their un- the Cambridge defence. Midfielder a score of his own late on. Notching up Valid points have is rigid movement is quite debatable. doing as they were clearly unprepared Edward O’Hare was soon in on the some well taken points with fine shoot- been made although in my mind there What we are trying to get as is that for the blitzkrieg football that was in act as IC continued to cleave through ing from play, Damian Phelan earned Wis definitely no place for any more. But these faculty teams do no need their store for them. any resistance offered. With the trio himself man of the match, quickly re- wait, RCS hockey now exists! own society. They can easily be a sig- The late withdrawal of Finian Mc- completing at least 10 passes full for- scinded however when he elected not Anyway, moving onto good news. nificant part of their constituent club. Cann from the team due to injury was ward O’Neill got himself in the right to head to the pub. ‘Forgotten soldier’, The league table exists in full, there are If you say that you play for RSM hock- cause for concern leaving Andrew Lav- place and was given the ball with ex- Stephen Gallagher of course got him- six pages of sport and Wednesday was ey so you can have a casual game on ery to step into the overly large shoes pectations of nothing less than a goal self involved with a goal in the dying the biggest day of sport for Imperial a Sunday then why don’t you join the in the midfield role with Sean ‘U-turn’ which he delivered; a full force drop minutes from close range. Claims that ever! A huge number of fixtures were hockey club and organise casual hock- Cleary replacing Noel Ryan in defence, kick from three yards into the back of he was only feeding of the scraps of played, and Harlington was buzzing. ey sessions on a Sunday. With the size alongside Jamie Sanders - the baby the net. The half played out in much other forwards were left unchallenged Having interviewed Dan Neville this of these teams, you could experience face of the team fast creating a niche the same vein, with Cambridge attacks as Gallagher himself was unavailable week, we can sense the Varsity rivalry improvements in the logistics of trav- for himself in corner back. Though the never even breaching the half back line for comment / not asked at the time of and atmosphere is slowly, but surely elling to a hockey pitch. pair were rarely tested, IC’s full back of Donnacha Kirk, Pat McMullen and writing. starting to intensify. In addition, having a faculty team line never looked liked conceding. notably Club Sec Phil Jakeman, ac- All in all a very successful trip was In response to Tim’s opinion on the where non-faculty players play is ri- The game started sharply with IC quitting himself like he’d been playing had to Cambridge with generous post ‘superclubs’ debate we would not like diculous. This reinforces the view that gaining possession at the throw in. GAA all his life - despite the headband match hospitality from our hosts. to keep dispelling the sometimes spu- these teams should be part of their With an air of arrogance befitting the making him look like Rafael Nadal a ICUGFC have got their first win under rious claims, thus we will bring it to a constituent clubs. Oxbridge type, Cambridge looked soppy fagel. their belt and look set for many more close, barring one last response from On a separate note, best of luck for lacksidasical in both attack and de- Ardent words from Lavery at half successes to come in this season and us. next weeks games and we hope you en- fence, and were soon stunned by IC’s time left the team in no doubt of what the next. Next match vs. St. Mary’s For both football and hockey there is joy your Christmas dinners/socials in flamboyance and flair, snatching a goal we were about to achieve. A new club, College this Sunday. Training contin- movement between the teams. A no- the next few weeks. and a point in the early exchanges. in its first season, with only 30 minutes ues Wednesday 1330 in Hyde Park.