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Section V. Habits and Addictions Section Break Page 1 Section V. Habits and Addictions Ending Habits and Addictions Page 2 Chapter 32. Ending Habits and Addictions— Binging, Drinking, Gambling, Pot, Porn, Procrastination, Drugs, Cell Phones, Shopping, Video Games and more Have you been struggling to overcome a bad habit or addiction? Most of us have. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), nearly 40% of the American population is obese. In addition to binging and overeating, common habits and addictions include • drinking • smoking / vaping • drugs, including marijuana • gambling • procrastination • cell phones • social media • internet surfing, shopping • video and computer games • nail biting • sex addictions / internet porn, • having affairs. Research studies on treatment or self-help programs for habits and addictions are not terribly encouraging. For example, although we all know someone who has lost weight, we know way more people who are overweight. As many as 50% of individuals who enter weight loss programs, or more, drop out, and many of those who initially lose some weight eventually gain it back, and 70% of people who enter primary residential programs for substance use disorder relapse almost immediately upon discharge. The results of research studies on just about any habit or addiction are no better. You can probably attest to this yourself if your own efforts to change have not been overly successful. I think I know why treatments for habits and addictions fail, and I think I know why you’re also feeling stuck—if that’s the case. I’ll show you, using the problem of binging / overeating. However, the same considerations will apply to any habit or addiction. There are three main reasons why you’re likely to fail in your struggle with any habit or addiction. 1. Advantages of the Habit / Addiction. Your habit or addiction is probably immensely rewarding, and the reward is usually immediate. For example, if you like to binge and overeat, it’s really soothing or even fun to binge on your favorite foods, especially if you’re feeling down, bored, anxious or hungry. And the very moment that tasty food hits your tongue, you experience immediate pleasure. Am I right? Ending Habits and Addictions Page 3 For example, you may eat when you’ve had a hard day and feel like you deserve a reward—eating gives you a little something to look forward to. In fact, eating may be the most pleasurable or greatest reward you have in your life. In fact, eating and binging may be your only true pleasure in life. In addition, we’re constantly tempted with incredible, delicious foods. We see tasty burgers in television ads, seductive foods temptingly arranged at the grocery store, and neon signs of restaurants, bakeries and fast food joints that are just about everywhere when you’re driving your car. The desire to eat is a core and overwhelming biological drive. My wife and I live near the woods, and there are quite a few wild animals around our house, especially deer, whom we love. We have apple trees and I’m always giving them apples. They really appreciate it! Do you know what the deer and other animals spend almost all of their waking time doing? Eating or searching for food. The deer are always looking for something to nibble on. The drive for food in humans is just as strong. In fact, the drive to eat is inherent in all living creatures. There are lots of other benefits of overeating, too. If you’re overweight, you may be subconsciously (or consciously) putting up a wall to ward off people who might be otherwise attracted to you. This may keep you safe, especially if you’ve been hurt, rejected, or abused by someone you loved and trusted in the past. I totally support you if this is one of your motives for overeating. It makes sense and it works. The drive for safety and protection is just as intense and basic as the drive to eat. Here’s another possible benefit. If you binge in secret, as many people do, it’s something special that you can enjoy by yourself, without having to rely on socializing with other people, and without having to risk judgment. 2. Disadvantages of Change. The positive benefits of your habit or addiction are magnified by the many disadvantages of trying to change. Giving up any habit or addiction is a tremendous pain in the butt. For example, if you want to lose weight, you’ll have to diet or cut way down on the amount you eat. You’ll also have to increase your daily exercise. Face it--that’s NO FUN! For most of us, dieting and exercise suck! It’s WAY more fun to watch TV and munch on crunchies. Why in the world would you ever want to trade the joy and gratification of binging for misery, discipline and deprivation? That’s not a good trade-off! And even if you do bite the bullet and succeed through enormous sacrifice in losing some weight, you’ll probably just gain it back later on. So, what’s the point? Finally, if you give up your habit of overeating, you may experience real grief, despair and pain because of the loss of the most supportive relationship in your life—your relationship with food that has provided security, safety, and comfort. Ending Habits and Addictions Page 4 3. Core Values. You probably haven’t thought of this, but your habit or addiction is probably an expression of your core values and shows things about you that are positive, beautiful, or even awesome. How can this possibly be? Well, if you like to binge it could show that you’re an individual, a non-conformist or rebel who doesn’t have to conform to society’s values of how people should look and behave. That’s cool in my book! Your binging may show that you want to pamper and comfort yourself when you’re upset. In fact, feeding yourself the foods you love could be thought of as a form of self-love. Eating without inhibition also shows that you view life as a kind of celebration of our existence and amazing resources. And finally, if someone is criticizing you or trying to sell you on dieting and losing weight, you can resist them and show that you’re not going to give in or let them control you. You can let them know who’s the boss and show them that you don’t have to give in to everything that people tell you to do. Are we on the same page, more or less? Now can you see why you might be failing in your own efforts to overcome your own habit or addiction? We often think of our habits and addictions as “bad” habits, or weaknesses we’ve got to “overcome” through increased “will-power” or greater self-discipline. But in reality, there are tons of really good things about our so-called “bad” habits. If you like what I’m saying, and you’re interested in learning more, I’ve got some pretty cool tools to share with you. These will probably not be the kinds of tools you’ve heard about. But I can assure you of one thing. I won’t be trying to persuade you to change! Let’s see if you want to change. On page 7 you’ll find the Positive Reframing Table for Habits and Addictions. I also called this the “Triple Paradox.” Here’s how you use it. First, select any habit that you think you think you might like to change, something that’s been bothering you. It’s okay if you’re on the fence and have mixed feelings about giving up your habit or addiction. Some apprehension, anxiety, and ambivalence are completely normal and to be expected. Start out by listing the Advantages, or benefits, of your habit or addiction in the left-hand column. You’ll find that there are many! Let’s start with drinking. Here are just a few of the many benefits. Drinking— 1. Can be relaxing. 2. Can be fun. 3. Can be a great reward after a difficult and challenging day. 4. Can be an escape from anxiety, stress, conflict, and anger. 5. Can be a great way to tune out annoying people and situations. 6. Can make it easier to hang out with others, especially if you’re socially anxious. 7. Can make parties and holidays like Thanksgiving or New Year’s Eve more fun. Ending Habits and Addictions Page 5 8. Can make watching sporting events more fun—hanging out with friends who drink, tailgating, even watching TV! 9. Can help you fit in with friends, family or colleagues who drink. 10. Can lower your inhibitions and make it easier to be wild and take risks. 11. Can make sex more likely and way more exciting. 12. Is really easy. 13. Can be tasty, especially if you have your favorite drink! 14. Is totally legal. I’ll give you another example, but I have to warn you that this example may be disturbing, especially if you have strong religious beliefs. Please be assured that my goal is not to upset or anger you. I’m not preaching or taking a moral or religious stance on this or any addiction—I’m just trying to be realistic. Let’s say that you’re addicted to internet porn. What are some of the benefits? There may be quite a few potential advantages of your addiction, including: 1. Internet porn can be incredibly exciting.
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