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AGING . . . Focusing Through the Transitions of Later Life

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THE Volume 22, Number 1, 2010 FOLIO A JOURNAL FOR FOCUSING AND EXPERIENTIAL THERAPY AGING . Focusing Through the Transitions of Later Life TABLE OF CONTENTS iii PUBLISHER’S PAGE iv LETTER FROM THE EDITORS vii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS PART 1: PERSONAL STORIES 3 THE ESSENCE OF BEING WITH WHAT IS: Thirty-Three Years with Focusing Reva Bernstein (in conversation with Ann Weiser Cornell) 8 IT NEEDS TO MAKE SENSE Bebe Simon (in conversation with Rob Foxcroft) 21 MY JOURNEY WITH FOCUSING: A Developmental Process Jill Drummond 26 SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT FOCUSING AND AGING: Losses and Gains Joan Lavender, Psy.D. 36 FOCUSING AND AGING: Accompanying a Woman’s Aging Journey Patricia Manessy, NHC 40 GROWING UP WITH FELT SENSING AND STAYING YOUNG INTO AGING WITH FOCUSING Christel Kraft, M.Ed. 51 FOCUSING HAPPIER Carol Belin 56 FOCUSING ADVENTURES IN AGING: Alone — Crisis and Opportunity Hadley Fisk, LICSW 60 FOCUSING AND AGING Erna de Bruijn The Folio (ISSN: 1063-3693) is the journal of the Focusing Institute, Inc., Spring Valley, N.Y. The Focusing Institute is a world-wide membership organization and a not-for-profi t corporation in the state of New York. ii • CONTENTS 63 THE GOLDEN YEARS Kevin McEvenue (Focusing with Karen Whalen) 74 FOCUSING, LIFE COACHING AND AGEISM Judy Robbins, Psy.D. 84 AGING’S MUSIC: Aging and Co-Aging in a Focusing Marriage Jane and Dave Young, LCSW PART 2: INSIGHTS: TRANSFORMATIONS USING FOCUSING WITH OTHERS 105 THE BOOK OF LIFE: The Final Chapter Mary McGuire, CSJ, Psy.D. 111 ATTUNING TO NATURAL PROCESS ACTION STEPS: How does one fi nd the natural action, the unforced next step? (Maybe with a Little Wind from Your Fingertips!) Katarina Halm 130 AN INTEGRATED APPROACH TO PROCESSING AGING AND PAIN Elfi e Hinterkopf, Ph.D. 139 FOCUSING . AND HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT . Bala Jaison, Ph.D. PART 3: AGING, CASES, AND RESEARCH 147 EXCERPTS FROM THE INTRODUCTION TO “REDISCOVERING THE LOST BODY-CONNECTION WITHIN CHRISTIAN SPIRITUALITY” Edwin M. McMahon, Ph.D. and Peter A. Campbell, Ph.D. 155 ONE MAN’S LIFE JOURNEY: Like the Ebbs and Flows of the Sea Atsmaout Perlstein, Ph.D. 165 A TAE-BASED QUALITATIVE STUDY OF SUBJECTIVE WELL-BEING FOR AGED JAPANESE MEN Yoshika Yamaguchi, Satoko Tokumaru Copyright © 2010 by The Focusing Institute, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction or use of any material without prior agreement and written permission from the publisher is pro- hibited. Printed in the U.S.A. CONTENTS • iii THE FOLIO A Journal for Focusing and Experiential Therapy PUBLISHER The Focusing Institute, Inc. 34 East Lane Spring Valley, N.Y. 10977 U.S.A. Phone: (845) 362-5222 Fax: (845) 678-2276 e-mail: [email protected] Website: http://www.focusing.org EDITORS Bala Jaison, Ph.D. Toronto, On. Canada [email protected] Paula Nowick, Ed.D. Springfi eld, Ma. U.S.A. [email protected] COVER ART: Photographer unknown LAYOUT AND PRODUCTION Carolyn Kasper Marlboro, Vt. U.S.A. [email protected] INFORMATION Hard-bound copies of The Folio are available at a reduced rate for members of the Focusing Institute whose dues are fully paid. ORDERING THE FOLIO To order hard copies of this edition of The Folio please go to: http://www.focusing.org/agingfolio2010 iv • The Fol io • 2010 LETTER FROM THE EDITORS When we put out the call for papers for this issue on aging, we had no idea what kind of articles we would receive, and truthfully, we really didn’t give much thought as to whether the contributions would be funny, touching, poignant, resistant, accepting — we just didn’t know. Then the articles started coming in and of course, as is the hallmark of our Focusing community, there was all of the above, with much diversity, humor, sadness, profundity — and everything in between. As you will see, for some, aging is a process that is gently welcomed, and the responses to the aging process are acceptance, and even joy, for a life well lived. In these articles we see inspiring demonstrations of insight, vision, and wisdom, carrying Focusing into even more ways of moving the life energy forward, in spite of age. For others the process of aging turns out to be a constant struggle — a having to accept the unwelcome transitions into ill-health, memory loss, physical frailties, pain, and taking the journey in into the famous ‘unknown’ — and not always with the ‘attitude’ of ‘making friends with’. !! These articles are also inspiring, because they gently touch into the collective fears that we all have as we see our lives more from the perspective of the ‘end’ — rather than the ‘beginning’. Then there are the stories of using the gift of Focusing that we all treasure, with other people, to bring some felt healing and peace into the fi nal days of life. We can say unreservedly, that this issue has been an awakening process for both of us, and we hope it is for you, as well. The range of articles is both varied and fascinating. Here we give you a ‘taste’ of what lies ahead: PART 1: PERSONAL STORIES presents highly introspective views of the impact of Focusing on the authors’ ongoing experiences of Aging. Interviews with two of our community’s most revered pioneers open this section as Reva Bernstein refl ects on how one of Focusing’s essential attitudes of Being With What Is has guided her through the changes of advancing years, while Bebe Simon looks back on the amazing gifts that Focusing has brought into her life in her delightful retrospective on, It Needs To Make Sense. Jill Drummond in My Journey With Focusing, offers a developmental perspective on how Focusing has infl uenced her life through the decades, as well as how her maturing life experiences has changed the way she views and uses Focusing today. What starts out as an exploration of Joan Lavender’s gradual memory loss and Focus- ing, in Some Thoughts about Focusing and Aging: Losses and Gains, her story unfolds into a profound new understanding of the meaning of her therapeutic relationships with clients. In Focusing and Aging, Accompanying A Woman’s Aging Journey, Patricia Manessy courageously presents a poignant but clear-eyed look at the deeply sensed losses felt in the painful transition following the middle years, while Carol Bellin, in Focusing Happier, LETTER FROM THE EDITORS • v tells of her decision to deliberately Focus on recognizing opportunities for happiness as she enters her later years. An abrupt series of crises launched Hadley Fisk into a sudden dread of the losses she might face in old age, but through Focusing and Focusing-Oriented-Therapy she recalled a forgotten trauma that triggered the fear of aging in Focusing Adventures in Aging: Alone — Crisis and Opportunity. Written as a long-fl owing, ever-circling Focusing session, Christel Kraft looks with wonder at her life’s mystical journey in Growing up with Felt Sensing and Staying Young Into Aging With Focusing Over her many years of Focusing, Erna de Bruijn refl ects in Focusing And Aging, that one of the most important listening qualities that have evolved for her is the wondrous sense of being alive to ‘all of it’ — to what is present and what is lacking — which opens her to a profound kind of not knowing. In The Golden Years, Kevin McEvenue poignantly shares a transcription of a Focus- ing session, in his inimitable Whole-Body sense, of the complex acceptance of his aging process. With delightful humor, Judy Robbins recounts in Focusing, Life Coaching and Age- ism, how the support of a coach who is a Focusing trainer helped her to discover that the subject of Ageism excites her baby-boomer heart and starts her on a new career of writing and speaking. As Dave and Jane Young remind us in Aging’s Music, aging is always a shared pro- cess with others, and co-aging in the intimacy of a marriage between deeply experienced Focusers brings unexpected joys and fears. PART 2: INSIGHTS: TRANSOFRMATIONS USING FOCUSING WITH OTHERS presents a selection of articles by Focusers who not only refl ect on their personal development through Focusing, but who have compassionately shared Focusing with others who were struggling with the pain and loss of old age. In The Book Of Life: The Final Chapter, Mary McGuire, one of the icons of our com- munity, integrates her own Focusing experiences of aging and death with a remarkable story about a formidable nun whose dying was transformed by a Focusing image. In Attuning To Natural Process Action Steps, Katerina Halm brings a treasure-chest of her poetry and very special Focusing exercises, fi rst developed to ease her own unremit- ting pain, to classes of seniors. In an Integrated Approach to Processing Aging and Pain, Elfi e Hinterkopf shows us how being with aging and pain in a Focusing way can lead to a spiritual awakening that gives profound meaning to the challenges of advancing age. Using only the most fundamental Focusing attitudes of compassion, listening, and acceptance, Bala Jaison in Focusing. and he didn’t even know it. was able to accompany vi • LETTER FROM THE EDITORS her dying father, an adamant thinker and ‘non-feeler’, as he transitioned from anxiety to peace. PART 3: AGING: CASES, AND RESEARCH presents a case study, a psycho- spiritual treatise, and a TAE-based study — all highlighting the diverse perspectives Focus- ing can bring to the subject of aging. In One Man’s Life Journey, Atsmaout Perlstein recalls an aging lawyer who entered therapy complaining about depression and emptiness and how Focusing reconnected him with an essential body-sense of himself as a child with healing hands.
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