Marriage and Weddings: Past and Present
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Features Marriage and Weddings: Past and Present By Gayla Ohlhauser Aspenleiter Edited by Carolyn Schott Prehistoric man simply seized his bride uncle requested and anticipated the arrival by force. of the older, beautiful daughter, but she But as civilization progressed, marriage already had a boyfriend so the father sent by force was exchanged for marriage by another daughter instead. The father purchase – a bride was sold to the highest probably felt that it would be her only bidder. chance to marry as she had become quite In our own German-Russian culture, scarred as a result of smallpox and was marriage for a price was sometimes blind in one eye. What a surprise this must practiced in South Russia in the 1800s in have been for the uncle meeting his new many of the villages. For example, in The bride for the first time. The uncle was 51 German Colonies in South Russia 1804 to years old and his new bride was just 22.” 1904, Volume II, Rev. Conrad Keller writes, Wedding customs probably varied some “If the bride is from another village or in detail in the different German colonies of community, the matter [marriage] becomes Russia, but the process of marriage was somewhat more complicated. The fiancé brought about by mutual consent of the then selects a spokesman to ask the bride parties, instigation of the parents, or the in marriage on his behalf, or, as it happens use of a matchmaker. A young man wishing in recent times, he engages a ‘broker’ who to marry had to get permission from his solicits the selected bride for a price.” family first, then permission from the Even today in America this custom still parents of the bride-to-be. According to exists, although a little differently. For Joseph S. Height in Paradise on the Steppe, example, on November 10, 2005, on a news “In the colonies the girls usually married report published by msnbc.com, a woman in when they were eighteen, the young men at Albuquerque decided to sell her 95-year-old the age of nineteen or twenty. A young home, fully furnished, with herself included. woman who was still single at twenty was She simply added herself to an eBay auction practically regarded as an old maid. The for her $600,000 home located in Denver. I young men of the village quite often guess that is one way to kill two birds with married their school-time sweethearts or one stone. one of the girls from the appropriate comradeship, of which there were three Marriage by Arrangement social classes, namely rich, middle class, Marriage by purchase was exchanged for and poor. Marriages to partners from other marriage by arrangement. In our own villages were likewise fairly common. German-Russian culture in the 1800s and Extremely rare were marriages to persons possibly 1900s, marriage was sometimes of another faith or to Russian nationals.” arranged by the parents of the bride and/or The article “How the Volga Germans groom or by the godparents. Elaine Becker Celebrated a Wedding” (Heritage Review Morrison, Boulder, Colorado, describes the September 1992, Vol. 22, No. 3), states, following in her article “Courtship Customs”: “When one attained the age of 25 and was “my husband’s great-uncle arranged for a still single, he was counted as being in the bride by writing to a family that he met on a ‘picked over’ group.” ship during their immigration to Saskatchewan eight years earlier. He sent money for train Marriage by Choice fare and asked for one of the daughters to Marriage by arrangement was replaced be his bride. The family recalled that the with marriage by choice. Dale Wahl, before 2 Heritage Review 38:4, 2008 Features Marriage and Weddings were buying something in the market place. his passing, sent me the following story There is no report as to how titled Choosing a Wife: Philipp reacted to Gottlieb’s choice, nor what transpired between then Most of us are aware of the and Gottlieb and Maggie’s marriage stories about how our ancestors’ about a year later. marriages were “arranged.” My own But that is the story as it has story of my German-Russian been passed down. grandparents does not tend to support such an arrangement! I Today, technology has made it easier to cannot speak of the validity of this find just the right partner. We now have story but perhaps you will find it cars, trains, airplanes, and, of course, the interesting and enjoyable. Internet to help us find just the right The time was about 1910. My partner. The modern version of the “broker” grandfather was apparently working or matchmaker can be found by subscribing as a hired man for Christian Essig, to websites such as Match.com and father of Walter Essig [who was the eHarmony.com or participating in reality TV husband of our own GRHS Alice programs such as “The Dating Game” or Essig]. “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?” It appears that it was on a Internet websites and reality TV programs weekend and my grandfather can allegedly match individual backgrounds Gottlieb Wahl was over south of and traits so accurately that two people Mercer walking down the road when brought together for a date can be assured he was passing the house of Philipp of "common interests" at the very least. In Wall. (Wahl and Wall are two any event, these matchmakers can only different families at this point in arrange the dating, not marriage. time.) Matchmaking has not disappeared; it has Maggie Wall’s father, Philipp, was merely changed its appearance and up on the roof working on the sod emphasis. and the females of the household Marriage by choice has not been were out back working in the replaced, but now more emphasis is placed garden. There is nothing reported as on marriage based on love and mutual to where the other males of the respect. For example, in May of 1946, my household were. mother met my father and it was “love at Anyhow, they were exchanging a first sight.” My father was on leave from the little conversation when out of the Navy when they met and before his week- blue, Gottlieb announced to Philipp long leave ended, he and my mother were that he would like to marry one of married in Woonsocket, South Dakota by Philipp’s daughters. This was news the Justice of the Peace. Needless to say, to Philipp as he did not have a clue my grandparents on both sides were furious as to this young fellow knowing any and would not bless this mixed marriage. of his daughters! They told my parents that it would not last After being taken back by the because no one falls in love in seven days declaration from Gottlieb, Philipp and my mother was brought up by asked him which daughter he was Hutterite-Mennonite parents and my father talking about. by Lutheran parents. Gottlieb sized up the young My grandparents, however, were ladies he could see in the garden proven wrong. My parents were happily and pointing at Maggie married for 34 years with the marriage (Magdalena), he said “I think I will ending only at the death of my mother at take that one right there” as if he age 52. Heritage Review 38:4, 2008 3 Features Marriage and Weddings were not exchanged, nor were wedding bands or rings common. I completely believe in “love at first Elaine Becker Morrison shared the sight” because two years ago at a GRHS following with me: convention I followed my parents’ example by also falling in love at first sight. Rich and “My father was the Baptist I were married August 16, 2008. Although minister in Herreid, South Dakota for our wedding didn’t follow most of the six years. Times then were rough - German-Russian marriage traditions, it was coming out of the Depression. People a somewhat traditional wedding for the 21st did not spend a lot of time or energy century. on weddings then. Many times the couple would appear at our front Wedding Invitations door and say they wanted to be Invitations in the old country were married. [No pre-marital counseling delivered in person by the two bridesmen in those days!] Mother would hurry who were officially appointed by the bride us to the living room to tidy it up a and groom. They were always delivered in bit before Daddy tied the knot. Often the traditional form of rhymed verse and the couple came alone so Mother almost everyone in the village was invited. would sign as a witness. I recall only Invited guests would attach a ribbon to the one wedding that was held in a staff of the bridesman indicating their church. Sometimes it would be in the acceptance of the invitation. During this home of one of the couples, but time period it was not unusual to have 100 usually it was in the parsonage. to 150 guests attend a wedding. During the 1930s and 40s, the Today, wedding invitations are pre- ring was a band for the woman only. designed and usually sent via the post They were always yellow gold. Those office. However, technology is making it were lean years and probably not easier to order pre-designed cards online. many could afford a diamond ring as For example, Rich and I created and printed well. My aunts did not have our own wedding invitations, and for those engagement rings; however, my invited guests living overseas we sent the parents were married in 1926, before invitation via the Internet.