Rebuilding the Jigsaw Gillie Jenkinson Spent Years in an Abusive Cult

People Rebuilding the jigsaw Gillie Jenkinson spent years in an abusive cult. Now she specialises in counselling others recovering from similar experiences was thrilled when I discovered a psychological perspective, which caused cognitive dissonance in many Christianity in my late teens. The acknowledges the potential for harm: of the members, cognitive dissonance Ipeople I met were well meaning and ‘A group or movement that, to a being the emotional state set up when many were genuinely kind. Christianity significant degree there is a conflict between belief and answered many existential and I exhibits great or excessive devotion behaviour5. It was a confusing and emotional questions for me, but or dedication to some person, idea, terrifying milieu to live in, and the sadly, at that stage in my life, I had or thing psychological imprisonment, like the neither learned to think critically nor I uses a thought-reform programme dog in the electrocuted cage that does was I encouraged to do so. to persuade, control, and socialise not realise the door is open, was nearly I did not have a close mentor who members (ie to integrate them into total for me. At that point in my life, could help me make safe choices; the group’s unique pattern of I was living in an environment of indeed I did not think I needed to be relationships, beliefs, values and total control. wary; and my passion led me down a practices) I lost myself completely and had no road into ‘community’ (the in-thing in I systematically induces states of thought of leaving – that would have the 1970s) and into what ultimately psychological dependency in been ‘rebellion’ and the punishment became an abusive cult. Like the members would have been eternal damnation allegorical frog being slowly heated I exploits members to advance the or hell. I really believed that – it was in the pan, by the time I might have leadership’s goals not a metaphor to me – I could picture realised I was in hot water, it was too I causes psychological harm to it, as I had heard it so many times late to get out. members, their families and the from the community. community.’ I have since come to realise that, in A word about the term ‘cult’ order to be a full member of the Cults occur in any setting, including I cannot move away from the term community, I developed a ‘cult pseudo- psychotherapy, politics, religion, because there is at least some personality’6 of which I will say more, spirituality; and there are also ‘one- popular understanding that cults are later. I became very different to how on-one’ cults: a two-person intense phenomena that society has to I had been before joining, or how I am domestic abuse relationship where grapple with. Sadly there are many now. I was serious, lacking any humour; the more powerful partner asserts myths, and cult members are often intensely focused on my religious their superiority and leadership, seen as weird, crazy or plain stupid – beliefs (not boys as I had been before often on a spiritual level. ‘I couldn’t be duped like that’ being a – yet I was only 18); I stopped swearing The term ‘cult’ is controversial and common response to the genuinely (hard for my friends to imagine!) and raises many more questions than it outrageous and extreme stories that dressed quite differently – resembling does answers, but a suitable alternative occasionally get cited in the press1. a 1950s’ housewife instead of wearing has yet to be found1. I have been my usual long hippy dresses. asked: ‘Are all cults harmful?’ The My personal journey I learned many years later that answer to that question depends, of The community I joined in 1974 was others have written about the cult course, on how you define a cult. a breakaway independent group that pseudo-personality. Singer7 notes Langone2 states that, ‘Some groups was open and free to begin with but that it forms as part of the change may harm some people sometimes, which I have since come to see process expected in many cults. She and some groups may be more likely developed into an extremist adds that people take on a ‘new to harm people than other groups’. Of environment, with ‘all or nothing’ social identity, which may or may not course, some groups harm everyone, thinking. ‘Sin’ was punished by physical be obvious to an outsider’. Many groups such as the community that I joined. beatings, slapping, shunning and talk about being ‘transformed, Groups or relationships may be positive rebuking. The leadership redefined reborn, enlightened, empowered, in some aspects, but harmful and the word ‘sin’ to mean anything that re-birthed, or cleared’ (I would add pathological in others, and this can they disagreed with or that didn’t to that: saved, and surrendered). occur on a continuum within one comply with their requirements. They ‘The group-approved behaviour is setting and in relation to wider engendered regression and dependency. reinforced and reinterpreted as society3. Langone defined a cult in They engaged in illicit sexual contact demonstrating the emergence of the 19934 and there has been no reason with the women in their community new person. Members are expected to change this. His definition is from households and these double standards to display this new social identity’. 4 thresholds winter 2011 People Thought Appearance reform Influence Spirituality, values and beliefs Trauma Hypnotism Money Anger and rage and and triggers altered states Family Sexual Critical thinking and Practical issues abuse and choices friends It is hard even now to share this such an abusive way. and was reminded of the community. soft underbelly of my experience. I know that I was naive and idealistic; I was now healed enough to realise It took many years to heal my heart, but West notes that idealism is a that I had finally had enough, and broken by spiritual abuse from a form positive aspect of spirituality8. Sadly, I left this latter abusive church, too. of ‘Christianity’ that had started out I believed the hard sell: that we – the I received psychoeducational exit so well. Over the years I have received community – would change the world counselling, which helped me to many different reactions from people and make it a better place. But as leave and understand what had I have spoken to about this time in the years passed and as my already happened to me. Giambalvo9 defines my life, ranging from: ‘How could underdeveloped critical faculties the purpose of exit counselling as you have done that to your family; were worn down, I did not question being to ‘promote critical thinking they must have been so worried whether we were actually saving the skills especially regarding the use of about you?’ to ‘I could never join world or what was going on. And so mind control. Exit counsellors will something like that’; and ‘If it was that the abuse continued. not violate clients’ rights to self- bad, surely you would have left?’. It is rare for a cult to do so, but in determination nor will they unduly Anecdotally, I know of others who 1981 the community I had joined, influence clients’ ideological or have received similar reactions. I have disbanded, following a coup by the spiritual orientation.’ rarely experienced shock from others women who were being abused in that a group that promised to bring the leader’s house. And I left. My professional journey God’s love, healing, life, creativity, I continued with church attendance At this point I decided that I wanted fun, Christian truth and to make the but did not examine the full force of to help others who had left an abusive THINKSTOCK world a better place, could wear the abuse until 14 years later, when cult and I began pastoral counselling / someone down and treat them in I attended another abusive church, diploma training. I was not able to HEMERA thresholds winter 2011 5 People attend a secular training, as I was still others, so I specifically chose a dissociation7. The essential feature too afraid of the consequences of group-based training in order to of dissociation is a ‘disruption in the moving out of the Church/Christian attend to any residual group-based usually integrated functions of field of training. The diploma was a issues. The training proved to be consciousness, memory, identity, or vital part of healing my thought enriching and healing in many ways. perception. The disturbance may be processes because I met Christians In order to move my work and sudden or gradual, transient or chronic’. who were not immersed in cultic experience away from myself I decided (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual thinking, who were allowed to think to do research. For my final MA of Mental Disorders IV). I do think for themselves and therefore gave dissertation I asked eight self-confessed dissociation is present for many, if me the space and kindness to think ex cult members what had helped not most, former cult members, but for myself without any agenda other them recover from their abusive cult as a separate (coping) mechanism. than gaining my diploma. experience. The aim of the research was My research and experience with I initially decided to leave any to give former cult members a voice clients leads me to suggest that cult thoughts of working with ex cult and to investigate the most effective pseudo-personality is in fact an members on one side as I undertook therapeutic approach for them. introjected part of the personality that this core training and healed myself.

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