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Jurnalul Ozanei ➧ ❙ ➧ ➧ Jurnalul Ozanei ➧ ➧❙ Luana Zosmer ➥ TEXT ➥ ❐ ✔ archives ´equivalences la prose du monde ✖ 2004 1 ❙ ➧ ➧ present edition: Adrian Rezus¸ (ed.) c 2004 Luana Zosmer [Hana Fratu] (Hertzliah, Israel) [text] c 2004 Luana Zosmer [Hana Fratu] (Hertzliah, Israel) [graphics] ➧ • Egon Schiele [cover i Wally mit roter Bluse (1913)] c 2004 equivalences´ [pdfLATEX – hyperscreen] ➧❙ This electronic edition is a non-profit publication produced by pdfTEX 14.h & ➥ created by LATEX 2ε with hyperref & hyperscreen ➥ pdfTEX14.h c 2001 Han` Theˆ´ Thanh` LATEX 2ε c 1993–2001 the LATEX3 project team et al. hyperref c 1995–2001 Sebastian Rahtz ❐ hyperscreen c 2001-2002 Adrian Rezus¸[based on pdfscreen] pdfscreen c 1999–2001 C. V. Radhakrishnan ✔ typeset by romanianTEX c 1994–2001 Adrian Rezus¸ printed in the netherlands – December 15, 2004 ✖ 2 ❙ ➧ ➧ ➧ Luana Zosmer ➧❙ Jurnalul Ozanei ➥ ➥ ❐ ✔ Hert¸lia 2004 ✖ 3 ❙ ➧ ➧ ➧ ➧❙ ➥ ➥ ❐ ✔ ✖ 4 1 Americanii-s ˆınerect¸ie, ˆı¸siˆınchipuie c-au descoperit apa cu zah˘ar,sex ¸simarele ora¸s,caca de bivol (nu ˆınt¸eleg expresia; caca de cˆaine“ ar fi mai potrivit; dup˘acum se ” ¸stie c˘acatul de cˆaine-inimica, nu face decˆat s˘aput˘a);acu’ s˘anu ˆınt¸eleget¸i c˘aserialul ❙ ➧ ˘alanu-i mi¸stode tot; este, da’ chestia cu muierile dezl˘ant¸uite e veche de cˆandbunic˘a- mea-¸sif˘aceaochi dulci cu locotenentul – ea din balcon, el sub balcon – ¸si-i povestea ➧ prietenei: auzi Merry, Locotenentul – dracu’ ¸stiecum ˆılcheam˘a!– pe dedesubt m-a ” cunoscut ¸sim-a salutat“. Bunica n-a ˆınv˘at¸at romˆana niciodat˘a¸sicred c-o amuz˘as˘a vorbeasc˘aaiurea. ➧ V˘amai amintit¸i de madama aia cu arsenicu’? Bovary? Ce mare dram˘acˆand˘ala i-a ridicat fustele pe malul lacului! Nu mi-am ˆın¸selat niciodat˘ab˘arbatul pˆan˘aacum.“ ” ➧❙ B˘aiatu’ a gemut de satisfact¸ie ¸si-a gˆandit: mi se breh˘ane,eu vreau s˘at¸i-o trag, indi- ferent cˆat¸i au fost ˆınaintea mea ¸sicˆat¸i or s˘amai fie dup˘a. ➥ S¸i-acu’ chiar vi se pare c˘a-nzilele noastre, de ars sutiene ¸sichilot¸i cu curu’ pe-afar˘a, femeile spun altceva idiot¸ilor de amant¸i? Nee, auzi variante de care madam Bovary ar c˘adeale¸sinat˘a: ¸stii, ˆısio m˘aritat˘a, da’ b˘arbatu-meu e impotent, nu m-a futut, numa’ ➥ ” a ˆıncercat;de dezvirginat m-a dezvirginat ginecologul, cˆand m-am dus s˘a-ispun c˘a m˘adoare pe dreapta cˆandurci din muntele lui Venus“. Sau: ¸stii, b˘arbatu-meu e tot ” ❐ timpul la servici, cred c˘am˘a¸siˆın¸seal˘a,nu m-a atins cam de trei ani“. S¸i, ˘ala, boul – amantul, vuol’ dire –, ˆınloc s˘a-izic˘ade la obraz auzi, cucoan˘a,din partea mea, ” ✔ poa’ s˘ate fi futut ¸siregimentul trei¸spe de infanterie“, se zgˆaie¸stec-o mutr˘ade g˘ain˘a congelat˘a, picˆandˆınadmirat¸ia pˆanzelorde p˘aianjen de la curu’ tipei. ✖ S˘afim serio¸si,care-i ˘alade t¸ine neap˘arat s˘afac˘amunc˘ade pionierat, s˘a-¸siaduc˘a picameru’ ¸sis˘asparg˘aasfaltul? S-a dus, doamnelor, era fecioriei nevinovate, ˆınc˘ade cˆandMarit¸a ¸si-o tr˘agea-n poart˘acu Gheorghe ¸sise ducea la dint¸ar s˘a-¸sicoase ˆınapoi 5 fecioria; dac˘anu s-a dus chiar dinainte de Marit¸a. B˘arbat¸ii vor cel put¸in Kamasutra ¸si, dac˘atˆan˘aramireas˘anu ¸si-aexersat vaginul, c˘arˆand dup˘aea prin salon un dulap de m˘arime mijlocie vreme de cinci luni ˆınainte de ❙ ➧ c˘as˘atorie, apoi, dup˘anoaptea nunt¸ii, fuge la primu’ bordel specializat ˆınhamalˆac ¸si-¸si potole¸ste imaginat¸ia s˘an˘atoas˘a. ➧ Da’ poanta aia, o ¸stit¸i? E prima oar˘ac˘asimt ce-i aia orgasm, numai cu tine m˘a ” simt femeie, numai tu m˘aurci pe culmile simt¸urilor, numai tu ¸stiis˘am˘amˆangˆai, s˘a m˘as˘arut¸i, s˘atreze¸sti ˆınmine femeia...“ – P˘ai,f˘a, vaca domnului“, ar trebui s˘a-i zic˘a ➧ ” amantul, dac˘avac˘aai fost o viat¸˘a-ntreag˘a¸si habar n-ai unde te m˘anˆanc˘acˆand tre’ ” s˘ate m˘anˆance,apoi ce vin˘aare nenorocitu’ ˘ala care pompeaz˘ala tine de-o ve¸snicie¸si ➧❙ tu stai ca scˆandura de c˘alcat? Ala,˘ f˘a,pl˘ate¸stemˆancarea, pl˘ate¸steˆımbr˘acatu’,pl˘ate¸ste rata la cas˘a, ba-t¸i mai aduce ¸siflori de s˘arb˘atori, zile de na¸stere ¸si decesuri, ¸si-nloc de ➥ asta tu, ce-i fa’? – soacr˘ace e¸sti! Mi-l bˆarfe¸stimie c˘anu ¸sties˘at¸i-o pun˘aca lumea? B˘ai,toanto, acu’ mi-a c˘azut fisa! Am ¸siio nevast˘aacas˘a¸si-aia cam zace lat˘a-nsul˘a, s˘avezi ce-o floc˘aiescdisear˘a...“ ➥ 2 Dar, ca s˘aˆıncepcu ˆınceputul: suntem trei, uneori patru, alteori mai multe. ❐ Yemenita Rona, neagr˘aca t˘aciunele,subt¸iric˘atras˘aprin inel, cu sˆaniimen¸si, fund cˆarn,picioare aproximativ frumoase, vˆaneaz˘aorice masculˆıiiese-n cale,ˆılfute temeinic ✔ ¸si-l arunc˘aca pe-o coaja de banan˘a, poate-poate calc˘ao alta pe el s˘a-¸sifrˆang˘agˆatul. Face sex oriunde, ˆın wc-ul public sau ˆıngr˘adinaprim˘ariei,ˆınma¸sin˘asau ˆınautobuz, ✖ la filme roz sau albastre ori la ea-n cas˘aatunci cˆand apuc˘as˘aajung˘aacas˘a. Marocanca Tikva, blond˘a, plinut¸˘a,c-o gur˘ade-ngroap˘atrei mahalale gen Po- du’ Ro¸su– ghice¸ste-n c˘art¸i, cafea ¸siplumb, fasole ¸sialte oleaginoase –, trainic˘a-n 6 leg˘aturi, prinde b˘arbat¸i ˆınsurat¸i ¸si-i manevreaz˘aca la circ, dup˘acare ˆıncepe vechea melodie, las˘a-t¸i nevasta, las˘a-t¸i copilul, las˘a-t¸i c˘at¸elul, las˘a-t¸i oaia (porcul nefiind de comparat¸ie-n Israel); b˘arbatul respectiv se car˘a-n vitez˘a,Tikva, plictisit˘adeja de el, ❙ ➧ prot¸˘ape¸stealtul ¸si-o ia de la ˆınceput. Eu, Ozana – dup˘acum se vede: romˆanc˘a–, plictisit˘a, blazat˘a,violent˘a,vˆan˘atoare ➧ de inteligent¸e ¸si, normal, sex; amˆandou˘aar urma s˘afie bune-n concept¸ia personal˘a, dar nu prea iese a¸sa. Care-i inteligent, are simt¸ul umorului ¸siai ce vorbi cu el ˆınainte ➧ ¸si dup˘a, nu prea are ceva la mijloc; cel care are ceva la mijloc vorbe¸steexclusiv des- pre politic˘a, schimbarea guvernului, olimpiada invalizilor ¸siviitoarele greve. Greu de ˆımbinat pl˘acutulcu utilul ¸si, uneori, m˘alas p˘aguba¸s˘a: nimeni nu-i perfect, oricˆand ➧❙ pot¸i avea doi amant¸i – unul de pat, unul de minte –, totu-i s˘anu se ˆıntˆalneasc˘a, altfel devin amˆandoi de moarte ¸si inim˘aneagr˘a. ➥ Femei, vi s-a ˆıntˆamplat vreodat˘as˘avedet¸i cum arat˘aun mascul care nu v˘ae b˘arbat cu acte, pus fat¸˘a-n fat¸˘acu concurent¸a? Unul de-˘alade ¸stiec˘an-are dreptul ➥ s˘afac˘ascandal, s˘abage mare cu amenint¸˘ari, s˘ascape ¸siel o lab˘a¸si-o ˆınjur˘atur˘aca la u¸sacortului, c˘apolit¸ia-i pe el cˆatcasa? Jalnic, femei, jalnic de tot! Se lamenteaz˘a: Ce-mi lipse¸stemie de m˘aˆın¸seli?Ce, eu n-am pul˘a? Ce, eu nu te satisfac? Ce, eu nu- ❐ ” t¸i cump˘arcadouri?“ etc., etc. S¸i d˘a-icu bocete ¸sirug˘aciunile,s˘afereasc˘aDumnezeu. S¸i imagineaz˘a-t¸i ce ˆınseamn˘as˘afie doi, pe rˆand, c˘anu pot¸i s˘avorbe¸sticu amˆandoi ✔ deodat˘a;de fapt, amˆandoi p˘ar˘asescpentru ˆınceputcˆampulde lupt˘a,trˆantind orice se poate trˆanti, apoi, dup˘acˆateva zile, cˆand¸si-au f˘acut ei bine socotelile, dau un telefon ✖ de palpare a situat¸iei: dac˘aaccept¸i discut¸ia apoi ˆıncepe beleaua, dac˘anu, insist˘a;dup˘a primul ˆıncepe al doilea; cel mai repede sun˘a˘ala mai tare-n futut; intelectualul se las˘a mai greu, st˘aore-ntregi pe wc cu ziarul ˆınmˆan˘a¸si se gˆande¸stela r˘azbun˘aricumplite, 7 nu m˘anˆanc˘a,nevasta-l crede bolnav de stomac ¸si-iface ceai de mu¸set¸el, copiii umbl˘a prin casa-n vˆarful degetelor: tata nu se simte bine“; ˆın vremea asta, bolnavul de ” ˆın¸selareprive¸ste-ngol ca o vac˘agestant˘aa¸steptˆand s˘a-ipice-n cap Evrika! celebr˘a¸si ❙ ➧ neasemuit˘a. La urm˘a, cedeaz˘a:d˘aun telefon amenint¸˘ator ¸sicategoric, c˘aa¸saceva, ˆınprincipiu, nu se trece cu vederea, ˆıns˘ael te iube¸ste ¸site apreciaz˘a,e¸stio femeie ➧ formidabil˘a-nfond ¸si tot restu’ de c˘acaturi uzuale; dac˘ase poart˘aa¸saapoi urmeaz˘as˘a- t¸i bagi bine-n capu’ ˘ala sec c˘atu e¸stipentru el aia bun˘a-npat ¸sialta e cea cu intelectul, probabil aia de-acas˘a, aia care nu i-a mai dat pizd˘adin primul r˘azboi mondial. Cˆand ➧ ai ajuns la concluzia asta cu patul ¸site-ai enervat destul c˘anu e¸stiapreciat˘apentru adev˘aratele tale calit˘at¸i care difer˘ade la caz la caz, adic˘as˘afii bun˘a-npat cˆand ➧❙ intent¸ionezi s˘ate fut¸i, nu cˆandt¸i se fute capul concomitent, ˆıispui tipului bye-bye ¸si la revedere, da’ nu exact cu cuvintele astea, ci cu altele, mai din suflet, cum ar fi de-un exemplu: ia mai du-te dracu’ de impotent, c˘ate-am suportat destul“ ori ➥ ” alte variat¸iuni pe tema dat˘a.Potentul, ˆınschimb, dup˘ace ¸si-a macerat minimalizarea b˘arb˘at¸iei, o ia vesel, auzi, ai chef s˘ane vorba-aia, c˘ami-e dor de tine“.
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