b AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE CONTENTS

1 FIRST & FOREMOST with Paul Wilson 2 SPIT IT OUT 4 SPIRITED WOMAN God Is With Us In The Trenches 6 BITS & BOBS How Long Was Your ‘Courtship’? Gardening Is Good For You? The Power Of Music Beware If You Use A Gym 6 MEN OF FAITH Dad’ll Fix It 8 12 IT’S A KIND OF MAGIC 16 LAUGHTER LINES 18 WORDSEARCH Church Office St George’s Church Spencer Road 19 CALENDAR Normanby Middlesbrough TS6 9BH 20 CONTACTS Tel: 01642 281182 Email: [email protected]

Magazine designed and edited by Paul Wilson

AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE c d AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE ours of immeasurable pain, difficulty Hin breathing and searing agony as His torn back moves up and down against rough timber. Then another torture begins: a deep, crushing hurt deep in the chest as His lungs slowly fill with fluid and begin to compress the . It is almost over. The loss of tissue fluids has reached a critical level. The compressed heart is struggling to pump blood into the tissues. The tortured Sadly, this can still be the case today. We, lungs are making frantic efforts to gasp His privileged characters, miss God as we in small gulps of air. He can feel the chill rush through our lives. We can sometimes of death creeping through His tissues. get so busy with being the church that Finally, He allows His body to die. we forget to be children of the living God. In the gospels Mark records the He stands there in plain sight wanting to simple words, “and they crucified him.” work in us to help Him grow His Kingdom (Mark 15:24) and we ignore Him. As one of the final scenes of the What might we be missing? Look Gospel unfolds a Centurion nearby sees around. What does God want to do and the way that Jesus dies and declares, how can we be a part of it? What do we “Surely this man was the Son of God!” need to do to make our church relevant (Mark 15:39) to the people outside its walls? What If this were a play on the stage then can we do to bring back the missing the centurion should be an extra, a bit generation? player. But the soldier saw God working As we approach this Easter time where God was most active. The sad irony implore you all, please STOP. Take some is that nobody else saw it. We read Mark time to stand still, rest and know that and we get it so why didn’t everyone else God is there. Seek Him out and, when you who was standing around that day and meet with Him, tell Him, “Here I am, send witnessing God at work? me.” (Isaiah 6:8) For His people, the ones who were supposed to see Him, there Peace was blindness. Unexpectedly it is the bit-player who sees, even while the privileged characters miss the whole point.

AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE 1 When you read the letter maybe have made perfect sense to in Revelations to the Church at the people of Laodicea. Laodicea Jesus tells the church You see, at the time, Laodicea “I know your deeds, that you are was a centre for commerce and one of the wealthiest cities in the world. It neither cold nor hot. I wish you was also a great centre for textiles, in were either one or the other! So, particular a special black wool, and it because you are lukewarm— was a medical centre famous for eye neither hot nor cold—I am about and ear ointment which helps us to to spit you out of my mouth.” appreciate Jesus’ command to them As one commentator writes, it to put clothes on their backs and sounds as though, “Jesus is saying salve on their eyes so they can see. something that no preacher would dare to say if the Lord had not spoken it first; namely, that ice-cold atheists and pagans are preferable to him than lukewarm Christians.” This always sounded a bit harsh to me and not like the Jesus I understood who promises to love and guide us through our walk. Yet here it sounds like He is saying that He will drop you like a hot potato if you don’t cut the mustard or make The city, however, lacked a the grade. natural, local source of water and it Then, during a study in a house had to be brought in from miles away group some time ago, we came in Colossae through an aqueduct across another explanation that system of stone pipes. But by the shed some light on this puzzling time the water got to the city it had statement from Jesus that would lost its freshness and was no longer

2 AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE cold and refreshing. Now we can see that hot and Also, six miles away was the cold are both good and maybe Jesus city of Hierapolis which was famous is not saying they are opposites: one for its hot springs. The water from good—hot; one bad–cold. Some here flowed across the Lycus Valley, argue “hot” means aglow with the spilling over a broad cliff directly Spirit, and “cold” means hard and opposite Laodicea and covering it unresponsive to the gospel. with a white incrustation of calcium Yes, Jesus does find lukewarm carbonate. Christians nauseating. But the point of “hot or cold” is maybe that Jesus uses the geography of Laodicea to show that the church, like its water, was providing neither refreshment for the spiritually weary, nor healing for the spiritually sick. It was totally ineffective, and therefore unsavoury to the Lord. What we must remember is that this letter in Revelations, like all the others, closes with a challenge By the time this hot water to hear and listen to the voice of the had reached Laodicea it gradually Spirit. That is the challenge that must became lukewarm and putrid - still be heard by the church today. not only tasteless but positively If Jesus wrote a letter to your distasteful and nauseating. church, what would He say? What Unsuspecting tourists would drink it would He find worthy of praise? What only to spit it out upon the rocks and, would He find needing correction? in some people, the lukewarm water The Lord of the church still walks would actually induce vomiting. among us today. He knows us as So Jesus’ words “hot or cold,” we really are. He is not deceived by therefore, were most likely suggested what we look like on the outside. He by the fact that everyone in Laodicea knows when we look rich, but really knew about the hot medicinal water are poor. He knows when we look of Hierapolis and the cold refreshing strong, but really are weak. spring water of Colossae. The water Remember the echo in each of Laodicea was neither. It wasn’t hot letter, “He who has an ear, let him hear and healing, nor cold and refreshing. what the Spirit says to the churches.”

AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE 3 God is With Us in the Trenches Why it’s important to trust and experience God’s presence in the midst of life’s trials and tribulations by Caryn Rivadeneira Copyright © 2013 by the author or Christianity Today. Used with permission from Today’s Christian Woman I still remember my First Big time in years (I was 12!)—and just let Disappointment. While I’m me cry. She probably told me it’d be sure there had been others— okay or offered some soothing words. smaller things—before this But all I remember is her holding me while I cried. disappointment, nothing stands Then, when my crying turned out quite like not making into sporadic sniffles, when I was the school play when I was in ready to talk a bit, she told me it was seventh grade. okay that it hurt right now. But maybe I suppose it was because it was someday—maybe—it’d all make the first thing I’d wanted—rather sense. But even if it didn’t, she told me badly—that I’d worked hard at, I’d have to make a decision: to either practiced for, tried out for, but been stay bitter and angry at the friends cut from. It was the first time I’d been who did make the play or to cheer told, essentially, “You are not good them on anyway—even if it hurt a bit. enough.” Then she prayed with me. Or at least that’s how I read that When my mom prayed for me typed-white sheet, with lists of names that day, she asked simply that God that were not mine—hanging there would be with me. And that I would on the bulletin board for all my junior feel His presence. She didn’t ask for high to see. I remember the moments that followed so clearly: me, faking a headache, heading to the school office, asking to call my mom. I remember getting home, telling my mom the news, climbing on to her lap and just crying. Crying and crying. She rocked me—probably for the first

4 AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE a reversal of the decision or that In our grief. And—of course—in our I would suddenly find something joys and successes too. “better” than the school play. She Learning that God was with me simply asked that God be near. And in those moments eventually helped He was. me learn to see Him, feel Him, sense Our kids need to learn that God Him in those times. And to begin to is with us in everything. In the pain. In look and see what He would do with the trenches. In the disappointments. my disappointments.

How long was your Gardening is good The power of music ‘courtship’? for you This Easter, encourage How long did it take you Here is good news as your children to listen to fall in love? Modern Spring gets underway: couples are managing DIY or gardening can to some great Easter it on a combination of cut the risk of a heart classical music, such 224 tweets, 163 text attack by one third, as The Messiah. It messages, 70 Facebook and prolong the lives has been found that messages, 37 emails of adults over 60. and 30 phone calls... exposing children to Routine activities such classical music at a or say, in all, about a as gardening, DIY, car month. Twitter is now young age can have the most common way maintenance and even blackberry picking significant knock- to flirt with a potential on educational partner. The study was can be just as good by the e-commerce as exercise for older benefits. The study, site PIXmania. The lover people. A study in the by the University of in Song of Solomon British Journal of Sports ’s Institute of (3:4) knew the feeling: Medicine found that Education, found that ‘I found him whom my those with a generally soul loves. I held him, active daily life have a an early grounding and would not let him much lower risk of heart in some of the great go…’ problems. classical composers can develop their Beware if you use a gym… listening skills, teach A quarter of gym users put ON weight when they them to appreciate start exercising, because they allow themselves treats the complexities of after a workout. A recent study has found that while different genres, and 39 per cent of us burn as few as 300 calories during each visit to the gym, we then indulge ourselves by develop concentration, consuming more calories than we have just used up self-discipline and in exercising. Sadly, regular gym sessions not only social skills, right across give you a ‘feeling of complacency’, they also boost the disciplines. your appetite!

AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE 5 Dad’ll Fix It by Nick Welford Used with kind permission from Nick Welford http://nwelford.wordpress.com/ Since becoming a father I have changed in many ways. One of these ways attempt to fix things – He has fixed is fixing things. Or at least them. attempting too. It is sometimes hard for me to remember that the power of the I have never been gifted in cross is for all time. I can accept that DIY, so this has been a challenge. Jesus has paid for the sins that I have Whether it has been misused toys, already committed, it is somewhat or the car door(!) I have a previously harder for my time restricted mind undiscovered appetite to tinker. to accept him dying for my as yet Where once I would pay someone uncommitted sins. However my to repair, now I more often than difficulty to accept it does not not reach for the toolbox. This has change the truth of it. not always led to success, in fact 2000 odd years ago all my sins sometimes I’m pretty sure I’ve made were in Jesus future, yet he still went things worse, but I like the idea that to the cross knowing what I would do Little Welford knows his Dad will with my life. Jesus fixed it once and have a go.The world is in a mess. for all. When I accept this I am free to The UK alone is being battered by live in the present knowing my future storms, and it’s financial market is still is safe. in dire straits. Extending my vision further doesn’t do much to lighten Romans 5:8 ‘But God demonstrates his own love the picture. Thankfully we have a for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.’ heavenly Father who doesn’t just 6 AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE 7 If you are ever meandering have the legislation changed. Eventually in 1995, they began broadcasting the through the world of the Gospel in London. Originally called interweb one day you might London Radio it later became what we want to take a look Premier know today as Premier Radio and now broadcasts on Freeview 725, DAB radio Christian Media’s website. I and on mobile apps 24/7, 365 days a have heard them mentioned year from John O’Groats to Land’s End & on an increasing number of Northern Ireland and has 500,000 regular listeners. occasions recently and so I Premier offers a wide and varied decided to check them out range of entertaining and informative for myself. programming based on the beliefs and values of the Christian faith. The major Their mission statement proclaims that emphasis is on news, current concerns their aim is to enable people to put their and lifestyle issues and there are also faith at the heart of daily life and to bring programmes that explain and commend Christ to their communities. Christian belief. Praise and worship songs I spoke to Premier recently and and traditional, modern and classic they told me that it all began way back hymns and music are mixed together to in 1980 when Pete Meadows felt called create a unique sound. by God to broadcast the Gospel message They are so much more than on air. He was surprised to find, however, Christian broadcasters, however. Premier that there was legislation in place that Christian Media also runs Premier Lifeline prevented him from broadcasting. So he which is a confidential telephone helpline got together with likeminded Christians offering a listening ear along with and collectively they worked tirelessly to emotional and spiritual support from a

8 AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE Christian perspective and prayer. In July growing the number of active Christians”. last year Lifeline took its millionth call, She continues, “I am delighted Premier since when it has taken a further 40,990 has chosen the North East as its first calls. The weekly average number of calls regional centre and that I have a God received is now running at 1,300. To meet sent opportunity to work with people this demand they need to increase the of all Christian number of volunteer call takers known denominations as Lifeliners. They currently have 135 to make a real Lifeliners nationally of which 11 are based impact.” in the North East. There are 40 Lifeliners I spoke to currently being trained in London and Sylvia recently. they have 16 Lifeline volunteers awaiting She told me, “We training in the North East. The Lifeline work ecumenically service runs from 9am to midnight every with churches day and can be contacted by telephoning across the region 0300 111 0101. and currently have They have seen varying successes regular links with over the years in other areas too, most 888 places of worship. We also partner notably with the launch of the Safetynet with universities.” initiative which is campaigning to bring Sylvia is keen to work with more in measures to protect the innocence churches and organisations with a view to of children online. They have received reaching more people in our area. over 125,000 signatures and in July 2013 “We have a number of projects the Government announced a series of running including a new media training measures which mark a significant step program, which aims to help churches forward in Online Child Protection. communicate in a digital age and we also Due to the expanding demands have a campaign to support legislation on the organisation, Premier Christian going through Parliament to ban modern Media has opened a number of regional day human slavery. This campaign is offices, the first being here in the North called “Not For Sale”; details of this, and East in 2012. Sylvia Walters is the regional a request for you to sign up to support Director for Premier North East and, it, can be found on our website www. according to Premier’s website, her premier.org.uk or by contacting the vision for the first regional office is “to North East office on 0191 206 4036. We be a successful vibrant place, widely also partner with Christian Vision for known and respected across the region Men to actively re-engage with men and for spreading the Christian message and encourage their involvement in church;

AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE 9 something that becomes ever more many Christian creative initiatives going important in view of the rapidly reducing on in the region involving young people. number of men in church. Significantly We believe Premier has an important role too is a North East pilot project called to play using our media platforms and Reconnect that aims to reconnect 600 events to publicize and promote their housebound people with 100 church good work to inspire others. We want to communities through collaboration broaden understanding and through it between church, Premier and Lifeline. empower more young people to see that, Churches will provide pastoral care despite the challenges, success is possible through regular visits but, when no one in careers, and personal lives though else can be there, we will be with our 24/7 development of faith. We are delighted broadcasts and people will be further that George Clarke is working with us supported through access to Lifeline. on this using his own story and career to Our hope is that Reconnect will help to energize the aspirations of young people. dispel loneliness and isolation among The event will be held on 25th April in housebound people across the region Newcastle and full details will be out very and improve their quality of life. This soon.” ** project is a practical demonstration of The events and projects mentioned Christian caring at its best. Other areas we here are but a drop in the pool of are currently involved in include various enterprising initiatives that Premier are projects that work to reach the youth running, so please check them out to throughout our region. discover for yourselves the work that that Later this year we are running a is going on. Youth Aspiration Event involving the TV Premier wants to reach as many people as possible with the Gospel and Sylvia and Premier North East would like to partner with and help as many churches as possible in reaching out with the good news. I for one will be praying that Premier, and especially the work here in our neck of the woods, continues to grow and that, through their work with churches, we see this glorious region of ours impacted with architect George Clarke. This all arose out the Gospel. Who wouldn’t want that? of our awareness that there was much to **Full details are now available. Please contact St George’s be celebrated in the North East in terms of Church office for further information. 01642 281182

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AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE 11 The smell of barbeque sauce and cheese wafted past again as I sat in a Frankie and Benny’s restaurant waiting for Luke Howells to arrive. I had heard of this promising young magician before and after following a link to a social network profile from his website and reading the words “Follower of Jesus”, I decided to check him out for myself.

Shortly after my first diet coke however, Luke also had a humble of the evening had arrived I spotted nature that would put the most Luke by the main entrance fresh from nervous of people at ease. a performance gig in a neighbouring Still in the uniform of his restaurant. He stood, with a James profession, the perfectly groomed Bond air about him, waiting patiently and suited Luke made himself for me, the unknown, to make my comfortable and, with some of the introduction. After catching his eye, a tricks of his trade still on his person brief shake of hands and an exchange (pun intended), he decided to give me of pleasantries, we made our way back a little impromptu performance. He to the American style booth. proceeded to manipulate items that Luke oozed confidence. I mean, I had in my tight grasp without me seriously, it was like a vapour that knowing and he successfully predicted seemed to seep from every pore and the name of someone special to me. it sometimes felt like it was lil’ ol’ me Let me tell you, it is difficult to conduct that was on the receiving end of this an interview when you are struck interview. Despite his confidence, dumb.

12 AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE I needn’t have worried, however, me I get it checked out to make sure as Luke shared openly with me his it is God and not just me thinking it. I journey and we explored together thought God was telling me to leave how this young Jesus follower ended my job as a lifeguard to become a up as a close up magician. full time magician and so at first I I already knew that his father just shared this with my girlfriend. was a Welsh Pastor of a local Apostolic We prayed together about it and Church and so I was surprised to asked that God would give me clear hear that Luke was actually born signs.” He went on, “Just after praying in Scotland before relocating to I checked my phone to discover I had Stockton-on-Tees with his parents four email enquiries for bookings: and older brother at the age of seven. but I needed something more. So I But how did he become a full time went to see the elders at my church magician? Hardly and I was advised to lay a top of the list of fleece before the Lord (*see occupations you get footnote). I had a regular on the school careers booking at a restaurant boards. in Middlesbrough and “I used to be a one night, before a lifeguard,” Luke told performance, I prayed, me, another surprise, ‘God, if this is Your will “but I always wanted please show me. Please to be a Policeman and give me a booking tonight.’ I soon discovered that I never got bookings at getting into the police a performance, you see,” force these days is he said. “Mostly someone extremely difficult. My would take my card and original plan was that discuss things with their I would be a policeman until about the partner later maybe or enquire about age of forty and then I would leave to the price and I would get a booking be a full time magician. However, God afterwards, but I would never get a decided to change my way of thinking booking on the spot. That night I got a over the space of a couple of months.” wedding booking.” Pausing only to take a sip from his A knowing grin dressed Luke’s drink Luke continued: face as he recalled how God had “I am the kind of person that likes directed his path. “I decided to check to have a lot of reassurance so when again and I had just done a free trial I think God is saying something to gig at another restaurant which had

* In Christian circles, laying a fleece usually means asking God to give us some clear, concrete indication whether something is His will or not. It comes from the story of Gideon in the book of Judges who says to God, “I will put a fleece of wool on the threshing floor. If there is dew on the fleece only, and it is dry on all the ground, then I will know that You will deliver Israel through me,AMBASSADOR as You MAGAZINEhave spoken.” - THE PARISH 1 Judges OF ESTON 6:37 WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE 13 gone well and they were going to give me a weekly residency booking. As I went into the meeting I asked God to ‘wow’ me with the fee. I came away having been offered more than double the expected rate.” This tale obviously means a lot to Luke as his face lights up as he recounts each step to me. “I was almost convinced that this was God but I decided to ask for one last sign. I was on the way to a gig in Hull and I prayed to God, ‘Lord, if somebody gives Luke’s work is extremely visual me a tip tonight I will hand my notice in and being so close to his spectators on Monday.’ Getting tips in this kind gives scope for any hiccup to be of business is practically unheard of glaringly obvious. “Tricks can go and, even now, I will get maybe two wrong at any time,” he smiles, “but or three tips a year. I came away that I have learned to disguise it when night with five different tips.” they do. Maybe about twice a year Luke handed in his notice the something will go wrong where I can’t following Monday and at the time his cover it up,” he laughs. diary was lacking as far as bookings One of his favourite tricks is went. “Shortly after handing in my transforming a borrowed bank note notice I soon had ten bookings per into a £50.00 note and back again in month for the next few months,” he the blink of an eye and all at fingertip told me, sitting back in his chair to precision. (He showed me this later by signify the end of this Godly saga with the way – wow) “I had just finished a smile of contentment. a gig one night,” he said, “when a But what initially sparked his woman came up to me and gave me interest in magic in the first place? a ten pound note. She said ‘If you can “I suppose I always had an change this tenner into a fifty I will book interest in magic but I had a Christian you for my wedding.’ I said I would try friend who was also a magician called to do it but acted a little doubtful and Jeff Burns. He really encouraged me then transformed the note in a flash and was the source of a lot of my before their eyes.” Luke giggled, “I inspiration. I was also friends with think she thought that she could catch Jon Archer’s son. I remember being me off-guard.” amazed at what they did and just I wanted to talk to Luke about wanting to be able to do it myself. The his faith and asked him why he chose rest is history really.” the term ‘Follower of Jesus’ rather than

14 AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE Christian. decision to give my life to Him.” “I think a lot of people these days We talked about how people in have a very boring perception of the society today view God and the Bible Church and when people hear you’re as irrelevant. “If I am told that then I a Christian they tend to roll their eyes always use examples from my own and make all the wrong assumptions. life,” he said, “I tell them how God has So, whenever the subject comes up, I used me and directed me. I am in say that I’m a follower of Jesus instead today’s world and I think Jesus is very as it always seems to spark interest relevant. I think personal testimony is and open the door to a conversation the best evidence for the relevancy of about my faith.” He went on to tell Jesus and the Church today.” me that his faith means everything Luke still dreams of being a to him and he cannot imagine living Policeman one day and has just been a life without God. “It’s a lifestyle and accepted into training to be a Special not just a belief. It’s a relationship with Constable. He would also like to be Jesus and something I have to work used by God in some way visiting at every day. I set aside time for God different churches. His favourite verse and always read my Bible but on top of Scripture, however, is Matthew 6:33 of that I am always praying. Apart from which tells us to ‘seek first his kingdom my main prayer time with God I will and his righteousness’. Whatever always pray short prayers throughout dreams he has for the future Luke is my day, praying that God will use me just going to continue to seek God’s and give me opportunities to share my Kingdom and follow Jesus wherever faith.” He leads. Being the son of a pastor, Luke I left Luke that night having been was brought up in a Christian home, truly blessed by hearing what God has but he told me that he didn’t make the meant to this particular follower of decision to give his life to Jesus until Jesus. My prayer is that we see more the age of eleven. like him and that the Church of today “I remember that Jesus suddenly does something to show God to the became very real to me and that is world; because being a follower of when I remember actually making the Jesus is simply magical.

AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE 15 Baby A small boy wanted a baby brother, so his father suggested he pray every night for one. The boy began to pray earnestly, night after night. When nothing happened, he gave up. After a few months his dad said they were going to see mum in the hospital and he was going to get a big surprise. When they got to the room, the little boy saw his mother holding two babies. “Well, what do you think about having twin brothers?” his dad asked. The little boy thought for a moment and replied: “It is a good thing Horse I stopped praying when I did.” A minister trained his horse to go when he said: ‘Praise the Lord’, and to stop Post when he said; ‘Amen’. One day he was The evangelist Billy Graham tells of a out for a gallop when he saw a deep time early in his career when he arrived gorge ahead. He kept shouting ‘Amen!’, in a small town to preach a sermon. and finally the horse stopped. The Wanting to post a letter, he asked a minister was so relieved that he looked young boy where the post office was. up to heaven and shouted with great When the boy told him, Billy Graham relief: “Praise the Lord!” thanked him and said: “If you’ll come to the Baptist church this evening, Italian pasta diet that really works you can hear me telling everyone how You walka pasta da bakery to get to heaven.” The boy looked You walka pasta da sweet shop surprised, and finally stammered: “But You walka pasta da ice cream shop you don’t even know your way to the You walk pasta da table and fridge post office.” You gonna lose weight!

16 AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE Drive Melinda, were bitter rivals at their golf Never drive faster than your guardian club. angel can fly. “My dear,” said Melinda one day, “Can you possibly be wearing real pearls?” Patch Coleen frostily assured her that they This is not my bald patch; it’s a solar were. “Of course the only way I could panel for brain power. tell for sure, would be for me to bite them,” smiled Melinda. Quiet Coleen responded, “Yes, but for that A mother who took her fidgety seven- you would need real teeth.” year-old to church finally had an idea: about halfway through the long sermon she leaned over and whispered: “If you don’t be quiet, the minister is going to lose his place, and he will have to start all over again.” It worked!

Tears A small boy returned from Sunday School in tears. When questioned by his anxious mother, he replied; “This morning they told me that Jesus wants me for a sunbeam. But I want to be a train driver!” A Day for Atheists? An atheist complained to a Christian Noise friend, “Christians have Christmas and One night, a minister stumbled into Easter; and Jews have Passover and the police stations with a black eye. He Yom Kippur; Muslims have Ramadan. explained he had heard a noise in his EVERY religion has its holidays. But we churchyard and gone to investigate. atheists,” he said, “have no recognized The next thing he knew, he’d been hit holidays. It’s an unfair discrimination, in the eye and knocked out cold. An and all just because we say there is no officer was sent to investigate and he God.” returned some time later, also with “Nonsense!” his friend replied, “You’ve a black eye. “Did you get hit by the had a special day in your honour for same person?” his Inspector asked years. We call it April first.” him. “No,” he said. “But I stepped on the same rake.” Cow What do you get if you cross a cow Pearls with a crystal ball? Two older women, Coleen and A message from the udder side.

AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE 17 WORD SEARCH Christ is risen! He is risen indeed! Hallelujah! April brings us to Easter – the crucifixion, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ - the triumphant highlight of the Christian year. As St Paul pointed out, unless Jesus really did rise again, our faith is useless, and we may as well forget any hope of heaven or eternal life.

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LAST MONTH’S SOLUTION

18 AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE 19 Parish Office and Administration Spencer Road, Normanby, Middlesbrough. TS6 9BH Email: [email protected] Tel: 01642 281182 Parish Rector: Rev Julian G. Blakeley Parish Readers: Dianne Colbert / Jason Robinson / Keith Allison Parish Pastoral Worker: Joy Brunskill Parish Secretary: Carol McIntosh Parish Magazine Editor: Paul Wilson A Warm Welcome awaits you should you wish to join us at any of our Services and if you require any further information then please do not hesitate to contact the church office.

20 AMBASSADOR MAGAZINE - THE PARISH OF ESTON WITH NORMANBY - CHRIST CHURCH AND ST GEORGE