When a Little Is A

lssue 74/Winter 5775

When a Little Is a Lot 10 | Just Like the Angels 61 | Successful Uterine Transplant 26 | The Maccabee in Me 48 | Our Moderators Speak Main Office: 1310 48th Street, Brooklyn, NY 11219 Phone (718) 686-8912 • Fax (718) 686-8927 Helpline (718) 437-7110 Hashgacha (718) 686-8912 ext. 280 E-mail: [email protected]

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A TIME 1310 48th Street, Suite 406, Brooklyn, NY 11219 Magazine & Publications or email: [email protected] Editor in Chief/Mrs. Devoiry Goralnik 5775 Managing Editor/Mrs. Mindy Lowy A TIME, a non-profit organization that supports and educates those Contributing Editors/Mrs. Chana Ruchy Fried / Mrs. Sury Karmel in the Jewish community experiencing infertility, publishes this Advisory Editor/Mrs. Perry Ekstein newsletter 4 times annually (April, June, September, and December). Yiddish Editors/Mr. Yoel Z. Lowy/Mrs. Chaya R. Vitriol A TIME does not assume responsibility for the kashruth or reliability Graphic Design/Mrs. Rivky Herzog, [email protected] of any product or establishment advertised in its pages. We reserve the right to reject any advertising for any reason. We shall not be held liable for non-publication of any submitted advertisements. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei Office: A TIME, 1310 48th Street, Suite 406, Brooklyn, NY 11219. 2 Table of Contents Table ofContent Under Construction Light Jewels A Just Like the A Chizuk Timeline Mailbox Letter fromtheEditor Editorial Yiddish Section Flame Party Cyber Forums Photo Contest Positively Negative Signs the of Times Missing inA Humor R Retrievals Sperm Frozen E Unexplained TransplantUterine Medical R Speak Moderators Our Shabbaton Coverage Staying Sane A Support Light at the E The Treeof H A Candlesticks Miscarriage The R To Light aShining Be Buttons Buttons Me in Macabee The Chizuk fromWithin Calculated R eflections ight Fats vi’s Mommy dvice from the E at R 21 85 long the Waylong mbryo mbryo 6 8 ace 70 54 ction ction 80 isks isks 32 nd of the of nd Tunnel ope ope 46 33 62 ngels 34 30 79 66 24 28 68 61 xperts xperts 36 72 74 78 10 26 23 29 4 16 48 90-114 44 38 32 ר׳ ירמי׳ב״ר אהרןע״ה•ר׳ מרדכיע״הב״ר אפרים רוזן נ״י 111 A TIMEwasfounded inmemoryof: 10 61

3 Shaarei Tikvah/ WINTER 5775 Letter from the editor

Dear Readers, There’s strength in numbers, they We want a strong connection say. But power does not always lie in with the Eibishter, that feeling of quantity. empowerment to transcend the obstacles in our way steadfast in Chanukah teaches us the our belief. We seek an absolute significance of small things. An army clarity that there’s a purpose to our comprised of a paltry number of suffering and it is ultimately so, so men and a small flask of oil were the good. We wonder how our emunah making of a miracle, a miracle whose can falter in our weakest moments. light still shines in the bleakest of But we need to realize that one nights, bringing hope one tiny spark little tefillah, one positive change, a at a time. few tears – those small, painstaking On the long winter evening, steps are what will ultimately bring we expect to accomplish much, us to a point of perfection. oftentimes berating ourselves for We wait for big changes, for broad the meager achievements on a given daylight, for the ultimate yeshuah day. Let’s not forget how each bit of we are pining for. But focusing on progress makes a difference, and the little blessings and small boons as long as we frame our goals, each scattered about in desolate days can stride forward counts. bring such positivity and light to the We aim for perfection, being hard waiting game. on ourselves for letting the human If you ever underestimate the factor within us reign from time to power of one tear, one tefillah, time. We might feel inadequate one check on your to-do list, and getting pulled down with the grind blessings scattered about in your of our nisayon. But our avodah is day, remember Chanukah. Little to change just one step upwards, things are the beginnings of big a notch above with each passing miracles. hurdle. Wishing you a light-filled Yom Tov. The Editors 5775 Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

4 Meals

with Heart Brought to you by A TIME

A tuna sandwich is not a supper. Especially after a long and hard day, which included exhausting procedures, hours of traveling and treatments, and overwhelming and devastating news. But who can This project is brought to you think of preparing anything more l’ilu nishmas our dear and unforgettable wholesome at times like this? Mrs. Yocheved Weiss from whose kindness so many benefitted. That is why we present to you For now, this program is in effect in the following locations: “Meals with Heart,” Boro Park, Williamsburg, Monsey, and Monroe. an A TIME project that will provide you with a warm and If you can benefit from this, please send a text message to nourishingheimishe meal on a day 347.871.5177 when you need it most. We have a We need at least a day’s notice for requests. group of devoted volunteers who will Basic information will be necessary upon reservation and will be kept strictly prepare these fresh meals especially confidential. for you, of course keeping the most

If you are available to help out with either cooking or delivering stringent standards of kashrus, based the meals, or would like to set up this program in your area, please contact Leah at the abovementioned number. on the guidelines that we provide. Editorial

To the Whole ATIME Staff, Thank you A TIME for helping me on my journey. Infertility-the scary word hit us like a nightmare. What should we do? Where do we turn? Call A TIME

Which doctor should I use? What’s the success rate? Call A TIME

Yikes, Doctor said injectable. I’m terrified; I need help. Call A TIME

IUI-what’s that? What does that mean? Call A TIME

I need chizuk after a failed cycle, I open an… A TIME Magazine

Then comes the egg retrieval. I’m so scared and we need a mashgiach. Call A TIME

Themashgiach encourages me and brings me kosher food.

Mail Box Only at A TIME

Then comes the transfer. I’m nervous; will it be successful? Themashgiach is there. I see her saying tehillim. She is holding my hand. Only at A TIME

Then I get a phone call. It was a miscarriage, I feel so down and so alone and have so much self-doubt. What did I do wrong? I receive a care package… From A TIME

A second miscarriage. Help me out! Only at A TIME

5775 I feel down. I have an appointment with Rabbi Klar. Only at A TIME

I join a phone support group. Only at A TIME Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

6 I do another IVF cycle. With the help from Hashem which never lets me feel alone. I gain such chizuk from and A TIME I was zoche to have a little girl! the magazine. It is so comforting to read from writers who I can relate to. Thank you A TIME for being with me every step of Medical information which would not be available to the way, for giving your time to answer questions and me without A TIME helps us with the practical aspect giving support. I will never forget the encouragement and cycling would not be possible without your the staff gave me. Thanks for helping me bezoche to important services. my little princess. May Hashem bentch everyone with I don’t have a baby, but BH I have A TIME until I IY”H children and happiness. will have one. Gratefully, Sincerely, B.H. M.T. Dear ATIME, Dear A TIME, My parents are so grateful for all you have done for them during the challenging period This is not another letter informing you that until my arrival! I had a baby and I want to thank you. While It feels so good knowing that they had the amazing I would be thrilled to be able to write such support and help that A TIME offered! a letter to you, so far it is not the case. I wanted to TheShabbatons , melava malkas, & events were thank all of you at A TIME for all that you do because I something special... don’t yet have a baby! My whole lifestyle and attitude The great circle of friends that helped them through to infertility changed once I hooked up with your thick and thin is thanks to ATIME! organization. The tremendous support I received at I wish you all that very soon, with the coming of your Shabbaton, which was a springboard for some really close friends I made, who keep me going in Mashiach, you should be busy deriving much nachas difficult moments goes a long way. Kol Chaya, my most & s’char for all you have done! frequently dialed number feels like a personal helpline With much appreciation... at any time of the day and night along with the forums, The A.s

England: 5775 Mid-Atlantic Region: 107 Dunsmure Rd.• Suite 2 (410) 3947074 London N16 5HT E-Mail: [email protected] Phone: 44-208-800-2153 Baltimore • Washington • Virginia • Delaware Fax: 44-208-211-1773 Sarale Lefkowitz E-Mail: [email protected] Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

7 Timeline t • i • m • e • l • i • n • e

Dear Friends, staff in A TIME. Don’t hesitate to call; there is no question or concern that is too small for us to address for you. We bring to you this issue of Shaarei Tikvah on the longest nights of the year in the hope that the magazine You don’t have to travel this road in darkness. you are holding will brighten up any darkness you are experiencing. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, and it is our goal to help you reach it in a quicker and easier manner. Remember that Chanukah candles have a special power to bring light into our lives. In fact, we may not light them Have you joined a phone support group? Give it a try. until nighttime begins to descend. This is a reminder that These groups allow you to keep your privacy and yet can light can exist in darkness; in fact as someone said to me bring you so many different tools and ideas to brighten so eloquently years ago… “I would not understand the the journey. We recently added a new group on marriage concept of light if I had never experienced darkness.” in hopes of helping keep our most precious relationship the best it can possibly be under the circumstances and

5775 Infertility can sometimes be very confusing, scary and trials. Allow yourself to enjoy this part of your lives. One dark. Remember, there is a lighthouse designed especially of our greatest gifts is our spouses, and we need them to for you. Many people spend their lives trying to light yours. remain our friends when I”H we are blessed with a family. The right medical advice, the kind understanding and solid Many couples share a special closeness that could never resources that light your way is the mission of the devoted be achieved without the challenges of infertility. I am so Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

8 t • i • m • e • l • i • n • e

often reminded by our single women how lucky you are to Remember; anytime you want to stop and reevaluate be married. Cherish this relationship and lighten your days your medical journey, do so with our medical experts. It with whatever it takes to make each other happy. Your will make you feel 100 percent secure that you are on the reward will be a home illuminated with joy, a happy place right track. The A TIME medical team went as far as Hawaii prepared to share with your children I”H. this year to a medical conference for fertility to learn of the The A TIME Shas-A-Thon has opened forlomdim to latest treatment options for you! register. On the first day it filled almost completely. There has not been one ad in any paper and lomdim slots are Our Hashgacha team would like to remind you to begin nearly filled. This is a reminder of how much you are cared setting up Hashgacha when you start a cycle. It just makes about. All the lomdim will spend a day learning the entire it so much easier for us to prepare for you: supervision@ Shas as a zechus for you. atime.org.

Check out the site: shasathon.org and watch the event If you would like a meal while you’re cycling or whenever unfold. Feel free to submit your Hebrew name for a you need a break, go ahead and order it from the A TIME zechus. We will insert the names in the lomdim’s gemaras the day of the siyum. E-mail me at [email protected] with program “Meals With Heart”: (347) 871-5177. any comments, thoughts and ideas, or just send me your The “Shabbos Near the Hospital Program” is designed names as a zechus. to alleviate the stress of being near your center for Are you aware of our twitter reminder group? You can Shabbos. Call as soon as you know your Shabbos plans: sign up and never miss an A TIME event. It’s easy. Just text (718) 686-8912. Follow the prompts for services and then to 40404 the words “Follow atimeevents” and the texts will for “Shabbos Near the Hospital….” start coming. Visit the A TIME Website to feel completely validated in Call Kol Chaya for inspiration anytime at (718) 298-2646. complete privacy: www.atime.org. I think it is the heartbeat Make that call when you are feeling alone, sad or are just in the mood for inspiration. of Jewish fertility. You can also submit a question for a physician on the site. Sign on to the forums and you will If you are using any of the A TIME nurses listed in the be taken to a whole new world. magazine please be sure to thank them on our behalf. Many of these professionals have been volunteering for Every program and service that A TIME offers was years and are so devoted to the cause. designed for you! All of us here in A TIME think about what we can do for you all day! Have you received a denial for an insurance claim? Would you like our experts to help you get the coverage Keep the lights on and may we be zoche to share many you deserve? Give us a call. This is a service that our devoted board pays for to help you in a very practical way. simchos with you!

Are you familiar with the Compassionate Care Program? A Lichtigin Chanukah, 5775 Ask our helpline to explain to you how you can receive fertility medications at a fraction of a cost the you: Brany Rosen (718) 437-7110. Director of Member Services Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

9 Chizuk

Seasonal Thoughts Winter 5775

Just Like the Angels

By: Y. Roitenbarg

n Chol Hamoed Sukkos a friend phoned me, O enquiring whether I perhaps knew if cabbage was among the vegetables that already had Kedushas Sheviis. I asked her if she was making hollishkes, but told her that I was unable to answer her, because I had bought a large stock of vegetables before Rosh Hashanah, so as to have a plentiful supply of produce from the sixth year to tide us over until the end of Tishrei.

She wondered why I had done that and why I was so reluctant to use Shmittah produce. and areas. I do not think this friend could have fathomed the depth of what I was saying, nor grasped just how much Certainly, compared to what the heroic farmers do strength (both physical and emotional) I meant, or how during Shmittah, keeping a few extra Sheviis halachos in honest and forthright I was being. But, as I said it to her, the kitchen is really not very great or laudable. However, I I was thinking of an article I wrote during last Shmittah. explained to her, I just wanted to get through the grand Yom Since then another seven years have elapsed; seven more Tov marathon - the cooking, serving and clearing - without years of trying to be a valiant winner on the battlefields of having to worry about what to keep and what to save, what life, a further seven years in which I have had to display can be cooked and what can or cannot be peeled and which tremendous strength and find inner reserves of courage, the leftovers on people’s plates have Kedushas Sheviis. likes of which I never even knew I had. I am definitely still of the opinion that perhaps not only farmers come in the 5775 I then told her that I would do my share alongside the category of Giborei Koach. Maybe there are some others great farmers and be of the Shmittah Giborei Koach after also deserving of this prestigious title, ranking in that caliber Yom Tov, but for now, Tishrei, the Yamim Noraim and Yom - JUST LIKE THE ANGELS. Tov were taking all the strength I had. For now, I was being of the Giborei Koach, in so many other ways, circumstances ******* Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

10 Despite the humidity and oppressive heat, lights, as this was not the celebration of a the long main road – Rechov Chazon Ish - in Hachnosas Sefer Torah. We were not dressed in Bnei Brak was over-crowded with throngs of Shabbos finery and had obviously not gathered men, women and children. Rooftops, bus stops, to meet a Gadol Hador. What was it then that windows, porches and balconies were packed had prompted women and children to leave with excited celebrants. Shopkeepers had closed their homes at this usually hectic hour? Why their stores earlier than usual, young had so many people either closed boys holding flags had been dismissed their businesses or left the Bais from Cheder early that afternoon and While we struggle with Hamedrash? The excited masses of Kollel men had interrupted their usual people had come out together to intense learning schedules to be part the pain of childlessness, salute and cheer the heroes of this of this scene. victory parade. And who exactly 5775 just like fallow land were the victorious heroes? This took place fourteen years ago in the month of Elul. There was improves, so too we The year was 5761. It had been neither a chuppah nor any torch must improve. a Shmittah year and the heroes Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

11 were thousands of Shmittah -observant farmers. Tractors and combine- harvesters driven by sun-tanned farmers, as well as farmers on horse-drawn כד יתבין ישראל ועסקין בשמחת התורה, wagons, that were קודשא בריך הוא אומר לפמליא דיליה, filled with scythes and other agriculture equipment, all made their way down Rechov Chazon Ish. These simple חזו בני חביבי דמשתכחין מצערא דילהון men had attained greatness, and as ועסקין בחדוותא דילי. we waved, cheered and clapped to the music, they shook hands with the men and children. They smiled When the Jewish people immerse proudly to the crowds who were themselves in the joy of studying applauding their courage, belief and Torah, Hashem says to the Malachim; steadfastness. We were celebrating “Look! Look at My precious, beloved their great achievement. They had children who forget about their own kept Shmittah meticulously day Those with green concerns and troubles and faithfully after day, week after week, month concern and busy themselves with after month, allowing their fields, thumbs who love living joyous Torah lives.” vineyards and land to lie infertile and fallow. seeds and soil do not These moving words accompanied by the soulful tune plucked at my Brightly colored banners toil on the ground, heartstrings, and as I watched the emblazoned with the words, magnificent scene, tears sprang to my “Yeyasher Koach Giborei Koach” but thumb through eyes. I was extremely touched, and decorated the streets referring to while I rejoiced with everyone, tears the Pasuk in Tehillim that applies to the pages of a sefer. trickled down my cheeks. I found these Shmittah observant farmers. myself comparing the farmers and their great challenge – Shmittah and their infertile land, with our own trials of infertility. “Does my faith match ברכו ה' מלאכיו גבורי כח עושי דברו לשמוע בקול דברו Hashem blesses His angels, the strong warriors who fulfill theirs? Can I express such joy in the face of challenge?” and obey His command and listen to His word. (Tehillim 103:20) First and foremost I thought of the Chazon Ish, as we stood there gathered on the road named after this The very same verse that describes angels describes great Tzaddik. He was a man who worked tirelessly with Shmittah observers, for they, with their constant superhuman effort to reinstate Shmittah observance unswerving faith, belief and trust, have reached the heights after years of neglect. The Chazon Ish, a giant in Torah, attained by angels. who never had children, a man who tasted the bitterness of infertility, spent his life encouraging farmers to leave Before the procession began, these heroic farmers their fertile farmland, orchards and vineyards to lie fallow attended a dinner where they had been addressed and during Shmittah. He assured them of Hashem’s promise, praised by Rabbanim and Gedolim. These same Torah that by obeying this command they would be deserving of leaders had instructed us to leave our homes, schools, Hashem’s blessings.

5775 Shuls, Yeshivos and workplaces in honor of these great angel-like farmers who had left their own fields for an Torah umitzvos heim ikur toldoseihem shel tzadikim. The entire year, relying solely on Hashem for their needs and Chazon Ish never had children but today, years later, we livelihood. The smiling crowds cheered, and men danced are still celebrating the fruits of his labor. These farmers, with and around the farmers, singing; each and every one a success story – they are his children! Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

12 obvious to them that their sustenance comes from Hashem. The seventh year helps them to realize, that also during the six years when they may till, plow, plant and Modern science has proven that leaving fields fallow for irrigate the land, a while improves and restores the nutrients and minerals in it is only Hashem Who provides for them. When I think the ground. I know that Hashem Himself who commanded of our child-blessed family and friends, I am certain that that land must be left barren has also decreed for us to because Hashem has left some couples childless, they are experience infertility. However, while we struggle with all the more aware and appreciative of the great gifts with the pain of childlessness, at the very same time, just like which they have been bestowed and blessed. fallow land improves, so too we must improve. We must from נצחון, - maintain and develop an even greater belief and trust in The Hebrew word for victory is nitzachon which means eternity. The reason ,נצח - Hashem. the word netzach for this is, because when one prevails and is victorious in During Shmittah these farmers don’t just have a few overcoming challenges then one earns eternity. The hours or days to spare, but weeks and months - a whole farmers who remain steadfast in their belief for days, weeks sabbatical year. These farmers, some who never had a and months are given the title Giborei Koach. The pasuk formal Jewish education, suddenly find themselves joining referring to Shmittah a Torah learning program observant farmers uses a and they thereby make double expression of great strides in Yiddishkeit. There are some who because גבורי כח - strength I have heard that some have to leave, not fields of the tremendous farmers proclaim that in terms of spiritual growth, strength of character and and orchards, but willpower that is required Shmittah is their most fruitful, productive and hopes and dreams. to observe Shmittah. It is profitable year. I look on an acknowledgement that with awe and admiration at these farmers and I ask myself, everything we earn and “Can I say likewise about my life?” Surely while we are not possess comes from Hashem and that all earthly yet busy with the task of raising a family, Hashem expects possessions, our land, our homes, our money, are all us to fill our time and lives with spiritual nourishment and ultimately under Hashem’s dominion. We should never let growth. ourselves be deluded into thinking that we really own or have full control over anything. We too in a similar manner During the Shmittah year, although farmers cannot learn that we have to rely totally and solely on Hashem and fertilize, sow or plant on their land, they do have fruit that it is He Who has full control. He tests us with infertility producing trees. At times they go out to their fields with and if we prevail, withstand and overcome the numerous their workers and incur expenses but no profits. They trials related to this challenge then we too, like the farmers, pick and package fruit that they then distribute at no are victorious heroes and earn our eternity. cost. There at the parade I saw their jubilant smiles and I knew how happily they had done this. I thought of our Any produce that grows during Shmittah must be used own tribulations, the medical expenses, the high cost of correctly and has special halachos, as the fruits of the medications and treatments and unfortunately for some, Shmittah year have a special kedusha. Couples who spend no profits and no fruits as of yet. I understand just why years in preparation and prayer and who are finally blessed, 5775 these farmers are compared to angels. Not only must we their fruits - their children, have an extra kedusha. Those appreciate them, we must also try to learn from them. who are chosen by Hashem to remain without zaro chayo vekayomo, can also have fruits, spirituality, eternity and Farmers admit that during Shmittah it becomes so holiness just like the Chazon Ish. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

13 When we will be asked by Hashem, The farmers know that their land will “Asakta b’pirya v’rivya? Were you lie fallow for one year; then they will involved in trying to have children?” We return to their fields and their produce. must be able to answer with a loud and We however don’t know if or when we resounding “YES.” We will have fruits to will reproduce, but we hope and we show. Besides for our efforts in trying to pray that by next year we too will be in have children, we must ensure that we greener pastures, tending to seedlings, have other spiritual fruits. While we may nurturing, watering, cultivating and not reproduce or procreate we can raising fruits. certainly still be productive and creative. We are once again in the midst Along with the very of a Shmittah year. While we If the pasuk describing angels admire and appreciate the brave, applies to Shmittah-observant first dolls we lovingly courageous farmers, let’s learn farmers because they endure days, cradled, dreams were from them too. Let’s learn from weeks and months of challenge, their faith, their strength and then surely it can apply to us too, embedded and rooted their joy - and strive to emulate who undergo not merely weeks them. Then we too will be likened and months but even years of trial in our hearts, dreams to angels and worthy of the title and challenge. Giborei Koach– victorious heroes. that have still yet to The Malachim themselves will For the duration of a Shmittah come out to greet us as we dance year, farmers leave their fields and materialize. our own victory parade. We will the work they love doing most. be able to smile proudly when During the seventh year, those we show Hashem the fruits of our with green thumbs who love seeds and soil do not toil on labor. He will take pride and will the ground, but thumb through the pages of a sefer, and announce to His Malachim; toil and gain ground in the Bais Hamedrash instead. These ,See My beloved, precious children - חזו בני חביבי farmers are instructed to leave what they love and hold dear. The ground they have tilled and that has filled their they forget about their own - דמשתכחין מצערא דילהון hearts with satisfaction for the past six years, must now concerns and troubles, be left untouched. This is no easy feat. What tremendous strength and faith it requires – they are truly Giborei and faithfully concern and busy - ועסקין בחדוותא דילי Koach, quite like angles. themselves with joyously living Torah lives.” I think there are others, different, yet in many ways Then in turn, Hashem will show us our fruits, and we will similar to these brave farmers. There are some who have harvest the rewards He has saved for us in the next world. to leave, not fields and orchards, but hopes and dreams. For some the dreams of fruit-filled lives have not yet come Just as farmers are promised and guaranteed Hashem’s to fruition. Along with the very first dolls we lovingly bountiful blessings in the Shmittah year, so too may we all cradled, dreams were embedded and rooted in our hearts, merit to be the beneficiaries of Hashem’s special blessings dreams that have still yet to materialize. Chinuch ideas, this Shmittah year. May we be zoche that the brachos in along with the ideals of the Aim BeYisroel were planted the Musaf of Yom Kippur come to fruition: in our hearts and minds. Now, however, we are left with יהי רצון....שנת פרי בטננו ופרי אדמתנו תברך...... seeds of ideas which don’t flourish and cannot be watered Instead, we find ourselves navigating our way on the rough terrain of infertility. This is an enormous challenge; no May it be Hashem’s will that this will be a year when He easy feat. What tremendous strength and faith it requires. will bless the fruit of the womb and the fruit of our land.  5775 Sacrifice is giving up something good for something ultimately better. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei 14 “ PhonePhone

General Infertility/U.S.A. Post-Hysterectomy Unsuccessful IVF Cycle Support Mrs. Rivky Bertram Mrs. Rachel Tuchman Dr. Sara Barris Support Wednesdays, 8:30-9:30 pm Tuesdays, 9:00-10:00 Tuesdays, 8:00-9:00 pm November 19 November 11 November 25 Groups December 31 December 30 January 6 January 21 January 27 March 10 February 18 February 24 March 18 March 24 Groups General Infertility, Men’s Group General Infertility, Mothers of Couples Mondays, 10:00-11:00 pm International Join us for these Experiencing Infertility November 17 Mrs. Joy Ehrman Mrs. Rivka Feit December 29 wonderful sessions Sundays, 1:30-2:30 pm, NY / Tuesdays, 9:00-10:00 pm January 19 from the privacy of 8:30-9:30 pm, Israel November 11 February 16 your home... November 2 December 9 March 16 December 7 January 6 January 4 February 3 Enhancing Your ...Let’s work through February 1 March 17 Marriage New March 1 Group our challenges Mrs. Hindy Dahari Male Factor, Wives Wednesdays, 9:30-10:30 pm Secondary Infertility together. Mrs. Yettie Katz November 19 Mrs. Chaya Ostreicher Sundays, 8:00-9:00 pm December 10 Mrs. Rachel Tuchman November 16 January 14 Wednesdays, 9:30-10:30 pm December 14 February 11 November 12 January 18 March 11 December 24 February 15 January 28 March 15 February 25 March 25 Adoption Dr. Sara Barris Pregnancy Loss Tuesdays, 9:00-10:00 pm Mrs. Dvora Entin November 25 Mrs. Malkie Klaristenfeld January 6 Mondays, 9:00-10:00 pm March 10 November 10 December 8 January 12 February 9 March 9

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16 Jewels Along The Way

By: Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi

he Midrash asks, “Which of Avraham bear to wait, Hashem gave him the opportunity to T Avinu’s nisyonos was harder – the first sleep through it all, and to then awaken to a new or the last?” world, a world in which he was recognized by no one, not even his own son. When he saw that the What a strange question! How is that a question carob saplings whose planting stages he’d observed at all? Can one compare the challenge of slitting a right before falling asleep had grown into a gigantic, precious son’s throat to that of traveling nomadically fruitful tree, he said to Hashem, “I don’t want to for a while? But if Chazal ask this question, there’s live anymore.” It was at that moment that Choni a reason for that. They want to teach us something came to the realization that he that may not look so clear to us hadn’t understood the beauty from the outset. Yes, sacrificing of waiting until then. No, you a child is a challenge of great don’t go to sleep until the wait is magnitude, but the nisayon of No, you don’t go over. That is not the way to deal Lech Lecha was nowhere near easy to sleep until the with a challenge. We must push either – Avraham had no idea ourselves through this lech lecha when the nisayon would end, and wait is over. in order emerge victorious. Like the waiting game is a challenge of tremendous magnitude. our forefather Avraham, we must persevere and trudge along the journey whose end The great Choni Hamagel was never able to is not in sight if we want to reap its benefits. understand how am Yisrael would endure the harrowing wait for the Geulah. “Kol yamai hayisi And what are the benefits of this arduous mitz’taer al hapasuk,” all my life I’ve found it hard journey? Of course, we constantly beseech Hashem, to understand the pasuk, he would say, “Vshuv lo al yedei nisayon, we don’t want to be tested, but if Hashem es shivas tzion hayinu k’cholmim,” that Hashem chooses to do otherwise, what do we stand when the Geulah would finally come, all of our to gain from thrusting the stick into the ground and previous pains would look to us like a dream. “I carrying on? can’t believe that,” he would say, “I can’t wait that long.” Choni was accustomed to standing in the First, we discover the good people in our lives. circle that he formed with his stick, asking Hashem During a time of challenge, who our real friends for rain, and watching it happen instantaneously; he are becomes clear to us. Before he was confronted didn’t appreciate the concept of waiting – until he by Hashem with ten nisyonos, Avraham had three fell into the 70 year sleep, that is. friends, Aner, Eshkol, and Mamrei. Why did Hashem choose to speak to him at Elonei Mamrei and not For 70 years, between the Bayis Rishon and Bayis near the others? Because Mamrei was Avraham’s 5775 Sheini, Choni Hamagel slept. Because he couldn’t only real friend, he discovered through his Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

17 The prayer of someone who’s being challenged with lech lecha, of a Jew who’s subjected to the pain of indefinite waiting, reaches a special place in Shamayim

challenges. Mamrei was the only one to encourage him the birth of her first child. Nothing came easily to our to perform a bris milah, as is evident in his name. While Mother Rochel – not even her burial. For every gift in Mamrei’s name contains the acronyms for “Mul maher, her life, Rochel had to wait. who if not she could teach rofacha Elokim – Hurry to circumcise, Hashem will be us about the power of tefillas haderech? your doctor,” Aner is the acronym for “Anui nefesh ra – Milah is torture. Stay away,” and Eshkol’s reaction was When the Kohen Gadol entered the Kodesh “Ein shaveh klum lamol – Milah is not worthwhile.” Hakadoshim on Yom Kippur; the holiest day of the year, he said a short tefillah for am Yisrael – that no woman Yet another benefit from the arduous challenge of miscarry, that the nation be blessed with bounty, lech lecha, of waiting endlessly with emunah, is what it and that shelo tishmah tefillas ovrei derachim l’inyan does to your marriage. After much wandering, Avraham hageshem, that Hashem shouldn’t answer the prayers of turned to Sarah and said, “Hinei zeh yadati ki isha yefat those travelers who are asking for the rain to cease. On mareh at, I now discovered what a the holiest day of the year, the Kohen beautiful woman you are.” Only then Gadol found this so important to pray did he see her beauty for the first time? for? Explains Rashi, that Avraham turned to Sarah and said that during a long lech Yes, because the tefillah of someone lecha a woman loses her beauty, but who’s on the derech is precious in you, my wife, stayed beautiful because the eyes of the Ribbono shel Olam. yafah means yah poh, Hashem is with The prayer of someone who’s being you. “Because you spoke to Hashem all challenged with lech lecha, of a this time,” Avraham said to Sarah, “you Jew who’s subjected to the pain of came out strong from this challenge For every gift in indefinite waiting, reaches a special and you’re so much more beautiful in place in Shamayim. my eyes.” her life, Rochel Rochel Imeinu’s yahrtzeit is always Unfortunately, a challenge can easily had to wait. during the same week that we start to unravel the threads of a marriage, recite v’sen tal umatar livracha in Eretz especially when fingers are pointed. Yisroel because her message is so strong. Keep praying, But when a husband and wife transcend beyond their my dear children, she says to us. Don’t forget that the pain and they strengthen themselves with emunah, tefillah of an over derech has enormous power! And working together to encourage and support one when you are on your journey, groping in the dark, she another during those difficult moments of anguish, the reminds us, don’t worry; yesh sechar lifulasech, you will relationship reaches new levels that would otherwise be see that your tefillos will not only help you, but they will unattainable. help all of am Yisrael.

And the last precious jewel a wanderer an find on her Yehi ratzon that all of those traversing long, winding lech lecha travails we learn from our Mother Rochel, roads will finally reach theirmenucha . V’shavu banim whose yahrtzeit was a few weeks ago, 11 Cheshvan. ligvulam.  There is no woman in the world who traveled a longer journey than she. First, she waited for her zivug; then, for Reprinted with permission from the Ami Magazine.

5775 A truly happy person is someone who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei 18 “ Bulletin Board Volunteer Become a part of the ATIME Family Great News!  Help our very best office staff You can receive text reminders  Distribute Labor Tehillim Packets to Need to be near your & announcements of all doctors offices upcoming events by sending a center for Shabbos?  Deliver magazines to doctors offices for assistance call text message with the words  coordinate fundraisers in different "follow atimeevents" to the Chaya: 718-258-5002 neighborhoods number 40404. Alternately, or Vivienne : 917-783-9514 you can follow us on Twitter  Help with our annual Chinese Auction at atimeevents Email [email protected]

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Rides to and from your center from Williamsburg It’s been a long day. “I am so drained Information! Chizuk! and back call Chesed 718-218-9000 and can’t even think about supper, Find it all 24 hours but we need to eat and just don’t a day whenever you Rides to and from your Manhattan center from Boro Park and back call Chesed 718-854-4341 want takeout again” - Call need it by calling Meals with Heart 347-871-5177 Kol Chaya: Rides to and from your Manhattan center Lakewood and and with only 1 day's notice you 718-298-2646 back call Lakewood Bikur Cholim 732-905-3020 Ext. 117 can have fresh, homemade, delicious (Yiddish or English) Darchei Chesed of Monsey 845-425-4070 meals delivered to your door. Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:34 PM Page 31

• Medical Information • Helpful Tips for Cycling “A man must be big enough to admit his• Lodging Information near your center • And everything you need to help mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, this experience be a smooth one. and strong enough to correct them.” “ –John C. MaxwellCall in to the A TIME office for your copy. 718-686-8912

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20 Chizuk Light By: Bracha Malka Berkovic

Feeling down Ordeals, setbacks Strengths are dulled Feeling so remote IT’S LIGHT IT’S LIGHT The revival of spirit.. Helping one redirect.. Uncomfortable moments Aiming for great heights Want of easiness Cleave to Hashem IT’S LIGHT IT’S LIGHT The rising above it.. To connect..

When being negative Amid long nights Disbelief stifling hope Although heavily dark IT’S LIGHT.. There’s SO MUCH LIGHT Infusing assurance.. Shining too.. Tempted to quit Clarity and growth Wanting to give up Illumination and revelations IT’S LIGHT There’s LIGHT constantly The perseverance.. Forcing its way through..

In state of confusion It’s upon mountaintops Uncertainty and in doubt Over hills and valleys IT’S LIGHT LIGHT The opening of the eyes.. Continuously radiates.. And in obscurity Man’s to take it fully in Matters perplexing Hold on to it IT’S LIGHT As the ABUNDANCE OF LIGHT Abolishing disguise.. Brightens and penetrates..!!!!

Unanswered questions Wondering why IT’S LIGHT Believing things fair.. If man thinks he understands Or that he is in control IT’S LIGHT 5775 The becoming aware.. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

21 Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:35 PM Page 77 Chizuk

was in the car idly waiting for the light to turn green. This is exactly I why I leave wiggle room of a half-hour each time I leave to yet another appointment to Manhattan. I took in my surroundings until I would get the go ahead to continue the ride. (Being in the waiting game has taught me that much.) The scaffolding from the building under construction to my right almost touched my passenger seat window. A sign was affixed to the outside, begging my attention.

“THE INCONVENIENCE IS TEMPORARY, YET THE RESULTS ARE PERMANENT.”

Yes, the pain and anguish are temporary. The pricks, the injections, their hurt will fade.

The uncomfortablesimchos and awkward moments pass by.

The numbing blows will recede to a dull and bearable ache.

A difficult today will turn into a brighter tomorrow, adding a little more promise with each passing day.

Yet the results are permanent. Each pain and sigh fashion me into something better than I was. Each time I learn to deal with my challenges, each time I look A difficult within myself to find the courage to brave emotional and physical hardships, today will turn I grow from the experience. I build on my capabilities and can cash into them for a lifetime and beyond. into a brighter tomorrow, The messy construction site will be fashioned into a magnificent structure. adding a little It’s worth it to put up with inconveniences today for rewards I can reap forever.

And this became my mantra as I go about my daily, sometimes confusing 5775 more promise life. When obstacles crop up I repeat the words quietly. I visualize the barren with each constructions site and it helps me transcend the moment. passing day. The pain is fleeting and the results everlasting. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

23 Chizuk

By: L. Gluck

llow me to retell a parable A which many of you may be Would it be would demand of him such a bizarre familiar with. a breach of his request, but acquiesced nonetheless. At long last, the day arrived. The prince There was a king in a faraway land bade his home farewell, gathered up the who had one prized child. The prince promise to his last of his belongings, and after receiving grew up in the lap of luxury, needing father? blessings from his father, turned to leave. nothing, and receiving everything. The Multitudes of servants escorted him as king sought the best in the educational he started out on his journey. field for him. He grew up well learned, extremely skilled, and trained in many Time passed. The prince traveled from city to city, from professions. The day came when the prince decided it was one country to the next, learning the ways and culture of time for him to see the world, to be out there, to determine the people. Wherever he went, he always remembered his how he wants to live the rest of his life. The king agreed promise to his father, and never participated in a bet. to this, trusting his son would ultimately choose the right path for himself. The date of his departure was scheduled It happened one day that the prince found himself in an for thirty days. Princely horses and elaborate carriages were upscale bar with many important officials and bearers of prepared, the many myriad details of the trip arranged, authority. One particularly haughty governor stood up, and and a plethora of money and goods loaded. And come with a puffed-out chest, declared: “This young man here every eve, the king called his son into his private chambers, who claims to be a prince with royal blood is a fake! He is and with a grave expression on his face looked his son in a servant who has run away from his master and is looking

5775 the eye. “My son, there is one request I have. Wherever to build for himself a new life.” All eyes turned with shock your travels take you, and whatever you do, I ask of you, to the prince, who sat with an enraged and bewildered don’t ever make a bet.” And every evening, the prince look on his face. He jumped to his feet and started spewing gave his word to his father, that he will never make a bet. arguments in his defense. A harsh altercation took place, He thought it a bit strange and wondered why his father and things were about to turn physically violent, when Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

24 Another short while later, the prince called for his servants and ordered them to get ready for a trip back home. They quickly complied, and within a few days, they were on their way. The prince grew excited and anxiously awaited the day he would tell his father about the knowledge he amassed and about his findings in life.

A grand ceremony greeted them as they pulled onto the royal property. The king himself was waiting outside to welcome his son back home. The prince ran into his father’s embrace, expecting a warm shower of words and love. Instead, the king sadly looked into his eyes and asked, “So, my son, did How many times you not make a bet?” The prince looked up in wonder and shock. a year, a month “The calculations were not for you to make, my son,” the king (and even week!) continued. “Before you left, I was do we invent boasting to my good friend about your wisdom and knowledge. our own He requested to make a bet with me, that he’d get you, a fine and the governor announced his idea. “The computations? proper prince, to take your own servant who ran away from his master shirt off your back in public. I bet has a large birthmark on his back. Let with him on $100,000. You made this young prince show his back and the $50,000, but I lost $100,000…..” truth will be clear. If he has a birthmark, we know he is Now in understanding of what had transpired, the young a farce. If not, I promise him $50,000 compensation for prince lowered his head in shame……. his shame.” All the assembled cheered and waited to see response of the prince. The prince was taken aback and Calculations. Mathematical Equations. Probabilities and thrown into a dilemma. Should he agree to the bet? He combinations. How many times a year, a month (and even knew the truth; he knew he’d be found in the right. Would week!) do we invent our own computations? Justifications it be a breach of his promise to his father? Surely that was and rationalizations for why we are right in our estimations not so; his father meant bets in which he stood to lose are plenty. Perhaps it is time for us to rethink our logical something. Here he knew he was right! His father would explanations and take a step back? Should we not follow undoubtedly want him to prove his “innocence.” And with that, he pulled the shirt off his back. All officials went wild instructions and live our life according to the dictates of as they ascertained that he was, in truth, the prince he the Torah without needing to comprehend it all? Maybe, claimed to be and not some runaway servant. They turned just maybe, there is a Master of calculations, Who is waiting angrily on the governor who had no choice but to hand for us to heed His requests and accept His will without the over the promised sum of $50,000. need to truly understand?  5775 What disappoints us most in life is the picture in our minds of how it’s supposed to be. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei “ 25 Chizuk from Within

The Maccabee in Me By: Batsheva G.

hanukah was always my favorite yom tov. It intended for such greatness, it begs for its proper respect. I C brings to mind cozy nights and family fun. I do my best to brush away the negative thoughts and focus reminisce about the warmth of the menorah lights in the instead on the beauty of the present moment. bleakness of winter, the aroma of Mommy’s unforgettable latkes, the kisses and treats of Bubby, and the playful On nights that we do not have a party to attend, we try dreidel games. to celebrate as any family would. My two-potato batch of latkes sits humbly on the table. Several doughnuts, which To this day, I look forward to Chanukah from the will mostly be devoured by me, sit festively in the center. moment Sukkos ends. I absolutely hate winter. I barely leave Chanukah doesn’t belong to be this quiet. So we quit the my house except to go to work so Chanukah is that break idea of trying to create a family atmosphere and bring out I get from my gloomy hibernation. the dreidels. We play some Chanukah games In much the same manner, I proudly and easily revert to our childhood years. relieve my tarnished menorah from its hibernation, give it a lustrous On nights that we are invited to parties, polish, and display it for the world to On the last day of I enjoy being surrounded by all the things see. I look on as my husband lights that make Chanukah the fun and magical the menorah. I watch proudly as I time that it is. I enjoy getting my fill of noise reminisce about my father doing the Chanukah, the dreidel and laughter. I am seated with the adults, same as I looked on in admiration. sneaking glances at the children playing. And The singing ofMoaz Tzur and the dropped, and to my somewhere in their midst, I envision my own accompanying melodies fill my children giggling along heartily. I try to ignore heart with fuzziness. Yes, I do feel those thoughts, the ones of what could and the emptiness as my husband’s voice utter devastation should be, and do my best to focus on the fun ricochets through the house, with no and enjoyment of now. 5775 sweet little voices to complement it landed on an it. Although I try to make the most Some women at my table would not of this moment, it does fill me with relinquish their motherhood blabbers, while a sense of yearning. It is a moment unlucky letter. others happily forget their children, thankful Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

26 that they are rid of them for a little while. I join the collective sighs of the children I sit between two worlds, part reminiscent It was a do or die as the dreidel falls and am jolted back to and part envious. I could easily sit and play the present. I take a look around one dreidel with the children. In fact, I could circumstance, so last time. These are the children that I do so more easily than conversing with all have eyed in their mother’s womb then, thinking they would be playdates for my the mommies. But I am no longer a child. they put all their child. But alas, I am their playdate, albeit I should be a mommy. Alas, I am stuck far more weary than they are. between two worlds, trying to figure out where to implant myself. trust in Hashem Another round of the game starts. The dreidel is spun once more, as all the As if struck by lightning, I arise from my and fought for their children sit silently again with bated seat. In a fit of rebellion,I make steadfast breath. But at some point, the game will strides towards the children, never daring very survival. end. Some will come away with fortune, to turn back to potentially face the pitiful and some with misfortune. The children stares. The children greet me joyfully, as are determined to keep playing as long as I sit down with them. I huddle together with them, as it takes, until they are the successful one. The only thing their little heads turn to face the direction of the spinning that can stop them from continuing their game is if their dreidel. The ever rambunctious children sit silently, their parents intervene and force them to stop. And so, I keep mouths agape with anticipation. The tension is palpable. playing this game called dreidel, time after time until my As everyone waits impatiently to discover their fate, I loving Father will want me to stop. am haunted by the memories of a far more significant uncertainty. I recall the details oh, so clearly. It was just a I consider myself a Maccabee. Many may think of me as few Chanukahs ago when I sat at the edge of my seat, my a fool, just as they thought of the Maccabees for waging mind wandering to the embryo implanted in my womb, war against the mighty Greek army. But the Maccabees which I had hoped would materialize. I had looked to all were no fools. They knew all too well what they were up the pregnant women around me with a twinkle in my eye, against, yet there was no hesitation. It was a do or die wishing my belly would pop out like theirs so that I no circumstance, so they put all their trust in Hashem and longer have to carry around this secret. I yearned to be fought for their very survival. With that profound message a part of them. On the last day of Chanukah, the dreidel in mind, I draw the strength to keep fighting for my future, dropped, and to my utter devastation it landed on an for my very survival. I try to acquire the trust in Hashem unlucky letter. All my fantasies, which I had prematurely that the Maccabees had. And I keep hoping that, against perceived as reality, were just a fallacy. all odds, Hashem will send me a miracle, too. 

It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it’s harder to give up when you 5775 know it’s everything you want. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei “ 27 Chizuk from Within

Buttons, Buttons, Buttons By: Z. Kleinberger

bought myself a new coat today. It’s been a Viewing the collection, while smiling to myself at the I couple of years since my wedding and well… it fond memories it invoked, I was hit by an awareness that was time for a new one. there’s quite a bit those buttons have to teach me.

After running around to several shops searching for just I was marveling how each button is unique, its own the one, I finally settled on a simple black coat. The motto color, shape, and size. Some are bright and some are dull, in my family is that buttons make all the difference, so some are large and some are small. Each came from a changing the buttons to dress up the coat different fabric and has its own little story, is now on my to-do list. so much like the individuals that make up Each came from our world. Every one of us looks different; My grandmother, who started this family there are those who are short and those tradition, gave us some tips to save time a different fabric who are tall, those who are pretty and and money when it comes to changing and has its those who are talented. We have a past that the buttons on a garment. Stubborn stain shaped us into what we are and a future on a shirt that just won’t come out? If the own little story, unknown. Which garment will be our next trash can is the next stop, snip the buttons destination? We each have our own set off and then throw the shirt away. Torn so much like of circumstances, and though it may not skirt? Repeat above. By now, I’ve got a vast the individuals always seem so, it’s the perfect size and collection of buttons of all kinds, stored in a shape to fit our buttonhole of needs. container dubbed The Button Box. that make up I also realized that when spread over my As soon as I returned home with my our world. dining room table in a random mess, the new purchase, out came my Button Box. buttons have nearly no value. Yet, when I carefully spilled the contents and spread attached to a garment, where they belong, them over the dining room table to view the collection and the button can fulfill its mission as a decoration or closure. search for one that will enhance the look of my coat. As I So too, does man need to be connected to his source, the looked over the buttons, memories came flooding back. Ribono Shel Olam, to have the strength to go on and fulfill So many memories! The round gold button is from the his mission in life. Sheva Brachos outfit I didn’t like but got on my mother’s insistence. The shiny black one is from a favorite jacket In case you’re wondering, I didn’t find the right button that was given away because my size changed – not in for my new coat in my collection. Anyone wants to join the direction I would’ve liked it to. And those cute flower me at the trimming store tomorrow and see what the 5775 shaped buttons are in the box because I thought they were buttons in the store can teach us? I’m sure there’s a lot kind of childish for a mature woman like me. more to learn. 

We each have our own set of circumstances, and though it may not always seem so, it’s the perfect size and shape to fit our buttonhole of needs. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

28 To Be a Shining

LightBy: Surie Gross

e were on the way to yet noise so as to block out the baby’s cries. another Chanukah party. It Such strength these women displayed in W got me thinking about the order to save a Yiddishe Neshama! That whole idea of lighting the Menorah. The burning desire lives on. ideal time to light the Menorah is when it’s getting dark outside. A burning candle What wouldn’t we do to bring a in broad daylight isn’t nearly as noticeable Yiddishe Neshama into this world? The as a light shining brightly in the dark. physical, financial and emotional effort that we put in doesn’t go unnoticed. My thoughts traveled to my grandmother, tonight’s hostess, That Just as a candle doesn’t a woman of strength. During the burning diminish its light by giving light war, my grandmother was taken to another candIe, I will try and to the concentration camps desire give. I think of the lights that I along with her three month old will create up high, when despite son. Displaying unbelievable lives on. having heard that we failed strength, and with great Siyatte Dishmaya, she survived the another cycle this morning, I will camps along with her baby. The women paste a smile on my face at tonight’s party. that slept with my grandmother all did I will compliment my sister-in-law on their part in helping to hide the baby. how cute her kids are. I will do my best to They would give of their meager portions be an active participant at the party, hard to my grandmother so that she could as it might be. And I will silently thank feed him. When an SS commander would my grandmother for embedding in me walk into their bunk and the baby was the strength to continue shining brightly crying, the other women would make even when my world feels dark.  5775 Be the change you want to see in this world. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei “ 29 By: Zehava Deer Chizuk from Within

The

oday you are you! That is truer I always dinner table for a few hours, our topic turned T than true! There is no one alive to me—specifically, to the fact that I wasn’t who is you-er than you!”—Dr. Seuss believed pregnant yet. She reassured me that I should just relax, enjoy my time with my husband, and It was about a year after I had gotten that at some in general not be stressed about it. married, and I was hopelessly desperate to get pregnant. I looked around me at all the point you Then she told me that she, too, felt pressure friends who already had children or were break free of every single day. pregnant, and I felt despondent. I know it sounds dramatic, but I felt I could not what society “Pressure? Pressure from whom? Pressure for handle the pain. I was certain I would sink what?” I asked. into depression if I would not receive my expects of personal redemption soon. “From people around me. I walk in the street 5775 you, to live and feel inadequate. There is always something Around that time I was invited to dinner new out there to try, always something someone by one of my sisters-in-law, a mom to your life as has that I don’t.” several adorable kids. After sitting at the you please. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

30 I was bewildered. It was quite a a second look at what we do have. Those frightening thought. I understood that silly children in the field don’t even get societal norms push people to shape We should be to eat their candy, so busy are they their lives in a certain way and in a collecting more and more. We need certain timeframe. For example, in the slowing down, to relax, take the time to unwrap our community I live in, you are prepared candy, eat it, savor it. to date and marry at quite a young taking a second age, and then to start a family shortly From that moment, I vowed not to thereafter. However, when does it stop? look at what we continue the rat race. I would savor I always believed that at some point you do have. my life. I would take what I was given break free of what society expects of and enjoy it, and if I got more, I would you, to live your life as you please. But praise Hashem for His kindness. apparently, this is not a given. Some people never stop reaching for more. Does the pressure ever stop? And I have. Oh, I have.

Are we living in one long rat race? In the beginning, it wasn’t easy. It’s tough to kick a habit, especially one that has been cultivated since I was born. It was a sobering thought. I got engaged at what society But since I’ve made the effort to get out of the rat race, my deemed an appropriate age, got married four months life has gotten so much easier. I can honestly say I am in a later, and then—and then what? Nope, pregnancy did not much better place right now than I was a few years back. follow shortly thereafter. Others were sprinting ahead, I’ve reached an inner peace that comes with being my while I was lagging behind. own person, running my own program. I can also proudly say that I love my life, baruch Hashem. Do I want a child? That conversation forced me to dig deep into myself, Of course I do. But I know now more than ever that it is reflect on what I thought was pain, and because I want it, not because it is expected of me. realize it was something different that I was experiencing. I’ve reached an inner peace that We are brought into this confusing, comes with being my own person, fascinating, infuriating world for such a short amount of time, and it’s our running my own program. mission to accomplish what we can for the several decades we are allotted. It’s like children released in a field strewn with candy, told they can keep any candy they find. The The Kotzker Rebbe once said, “If I am I because I am I, children run, desperate to find more and more and more and you are you because you are you, then I am I and you candy. One is not enough, and neither is ten—because, are you. But if I am I because you are you, and you are you look, one child has 20 already! Even if they are tired, even because I am I, then I am not I and you are not you.” if they couldn’t possibly eat all that candy, they run, desperately seeking more. I think that’s a brilliant line.

Have our lives been reduced to a rat race? Why are So, be yourself. And be happy.  we always running, running, running? Always racing, scrambling, snatching? We should be slowing down, taking Taken with permission from Chabad.org. 5775 The greatest prison to live in is in a mind that’s consumed by what others think. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei “ 31 Chizuk from Within

MiscarriageBy: Chana Yehudis Zahav

I cannot sleep; I cannot fight. My body is all alone tonight. I have no rest; I have no peace. My eyes refuse to cease to weep. I have no smile; I have no might, to overcome my grief and plight. Yet anger I cannot force up, though sadness fills this meager half-full lump. Of clay created by a Creator Whose love I must feel despite the pain. Whose trust never waivers nor gives up. Instead it holds me down tonight, when pain might pull it away. His love is my rock and my only hope, on this dismal, lonely day. And though my body wills me to let it float in whatever direction it may,

5775 I know I will drift to the proper shore, as Heaven guides its way. As a tugboat on a stormy sea in the middle a tempest mighty Hashem warms my heart tonight in His hands to keep it beating steadily.  Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

32 {Candlesticks} By: Devorah Saull

My silver is turning Gold The polish The person It’s starting to look Old With the sponge I will one day And so I take out And my rubbing Become The silver polish And scrubbing Shine So I can make Turn these gold looking Gleam My candlesticks Sticks Become clean Gleam Into a beauty I will endure Shine A silver I will persevere Sparkle A color so clean I will stay strong I put on my gloves That it gleams So I can Start scrubbing From all the pressure Become stronger Rubbing From all the dirt Better Elbow grease From all the suds And shine Eyebrows crease That are part of Brighter In concentration This process. Just like Determination I process My candlesticks. To get these candlesticks This To shine. And I know Isn’t it interesting, That it is all the dirt I think, All the work That I have to All the pressure Dirty The pain These candlesticks The hardships In order to get them The scrubbing To shine? And rubbing Can’t I just use The tough cleaning A little soap Called Life In the hope That make 5775 That they’ll get My soul Clean? My essence Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

33 By: Leah Felsen

Chizuk from Within Avi’s Mommy

ommy. A little word that warms the heart. coveted title: Mommy. M A dream for so many. A jewel that crowns the mind with a feeling of completion. The label Mommy But when Avi holds his fingers tightly around mine, I sticks wherever one goes assuring oneself that the feel like his dear life is dependent on me. And when he mission is in process. Mommy, the magic word that glances my way while playing with the many toys we makes one feel part of a whole, fitting in with the rest had bought for him, I sense how secure he feels around of society. me. After being bounced from one home to the next over the past couple of months, he has found an island Conflictingly, every time Mommy is used to identify of stability in our home. When he stretches out his little me, by Avi’s sweet voice, I cringe. It’s like pouring cold hentelech to embrace me, I feel that the love I give is water onto my trembling body. It takes my mind to coming back in return. the nightmare. It warns me again that we have failed the cycle, the cycle which our doctor have pinned all And then, when I’m woken by is cries and run to the hope on, our last resort. It brings the unwanted see what is causing his bitter sobs… that is when I thoughts of yearning to belong to the group of real understand. I understand how much my Totty in mommies. It serves as an alarm clock to remind me that Shamayim really loves me, and how deeply He is struck my dream of being a Mommy is only a dream; that I’m when I awake the heavens with my tears. I understand not real. Fake. I’m just good enough as a mock-Mommy. how pained He is when my pain is provoked by being I’m still on the waiting list. Still waiting. Still dreaming. addressed with the title Mommy. I believe that His Still not belonging; incomplete. It brings me to a place Fatherly heart is overflowing with compassion, with an of feeling untrusted and undeserving of possessing the abundance of love, with high hope, and Divine promise.

I believe that His Fatherly heart is overflowing with compassion, with an abundance of love, with high hope, and Divine promise. 5775 Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

34 Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:34 PM Page 31

to someone not yet blessed with children. All the men had the courage (or the maturity?) to go back down, thankfully PESACH 5774 PESACH what to say! Whew, and my dear mother-in-law had her no one looked my way. I did not have to excuse myself to any- / chance too! I excused myself from the table, went upstairs to one. The rest of the Seder was OK, I mean, there were defi- my room…cried….and fell asleep. (I’m cringing as I’m writing nitely things that irked me here and there, but for the most this. It has never occurred since.) Never mind, I was ex- part I was a good girl. SHAAREITIKVAH hausted. It must’ve been an hour later when my husband By the time the next Pesach came around, another year of I’m just good enough came upstairs to check on me. He woke me up, and ques- cycling later with a miscarriage somewhere in between (sorry 31 tioned as to why I was in bed. I told him that my stomach in-laws, I knew you were hoping that I would actually get hurt (the heart is next to the stomach, isn’t Services:it?) and that he pregnant that Pesach….)I was more prepared, and more re- as a mock-Mommy. Worried... • Medical referral should call me down soon. He didn’t think into• Helpline it too much ceptive to the words “Kan Haben Shoel.” Unsure...and obliged. Nervous... Oh, and did I mention that the• onlyInsurance woman Advocacy at • Hashgacha/Supervision Being the humans that we are, it’s almost expected that we Thus I allow myself to keep my heartbreak in the table was my mother-in-law? My sisters-in-law• Private Consultations were tend- • Pre Cancer Fertility act out of character here and there. It’s so normal. What’s not check as thoughts of my Totty help me see ingYou to their don’tyoung children, have putting them to preservationsleep. It’s not like • Pregnancy Loss Support normal is when it occurs more often than not. What’s great is above and beyond the literal definition of I was missed down there. Why was it my fault• Shabbos that Near I hadthe no to do this alone! Hospital when we use those episodes as stepping stones, as experiences “Mommy.” I cherish the holy task I was kids to put to sleep? I put myself to sleep! When• Shabbos I Courierfinally took Services to learn and grow from. entrusted with. I can be called Mommy, and • Meals with Heart • Quarterly Magazine and Publications עול מלכות feel what I feel, yet turn the pain into • Educational and We have the answers inspirational events .שמים באהבה • Phone Support Speak with fertility experts who will guide you • Shabbatons The One Above has placed a jewel upon my through your journey. • Website • Libraries name that crowns me, too…complete. We care. We can“A help. man must• Adoption be big enough to admit his • Kol Chaya I’m empowered with koach to overcome mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, strong waves of longing and loneliness, storms For the best referral and advice on Infertilty: of questions that can burn the insides. I feel and strong enough to correct them.” entrusted with the neshama that I’m meant to Call the ATIME Helpline 718-437-7110 keep and to nurture for a while, a child in need 1310 48th Street, Brooklyn, NY 11219 /[email protected]/www.atime.org–John C. Maxwell of my TLC.

As I stroll down the streets pushing Avi’s carriage, I wear my crown with pride. Even “ though it is not the stroller that I dreamed I would choose, and the child inside did not come into my house in the manner I so I davened he would, I revel in my task. I wear it with prestige, for I was crowned by the Master of all mommies, handpicked, to play the role of… Avi’s Mommy. 

Happy moments, praise Hashem; Difficult moments; seek Hashem Painful moments; trust Hashem Every moment; thank Hashem 5775

Brooklyn “ Monsey Lakewood 973-494-2334 or 732-370-7025. England Israel Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei 917-783-9514 35 Chizuk from Within The Tree of Hope By: Chaya

T he tree stands tall The tree’s former spark Pondering over the silence Grows grim and dark It’s still and bear No fruit to declare The tree stands tall Pondering over the silence Life’s former spark It’s still and bear Turned grim and dark No fruit to declare No buds to show No fruit to bear But the tree will stand tall Pondering over its fruit Then the saplings show Filled with blossoms As they gently grow Fruit to declare Revealing its radiant colours Luscious fruit to bear Now the bud is embedded Waiting to grow Shades turn from grim to glow Its beauty to show In the sun’s rays fruits grow Fruit to declare Dazzling over the ground Its beauty to expound The day will come When the sun will glow As it waves goodbye Over the dazzling colours Leaves fall from high Of the tree so tall  5775 Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

36 Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:35 PM Page 96 Chizuk from Within

at the end of the Tunnel 5775 Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

38 By: Dr. Aiken

y the time I reached my early thirties, I felt my B biological clock was pounding away as I searched for a suitable husband. I was so relieved to get married at the age of 36, and assumed at the end of the that I would get pregnant almost immediately. After all, my doctor had assured me that I was very fertile. As month after month passed without my getting pregnant, I began to feel panicked. Finally, I got pregnant more than a year after we got married. We were elated that our prayers had finally been answered with a resounding “Yes, now it’s time for you to have a child.” No lottery winner could have felt more grateful than us when we saw the fetal heartbeat on the sonogram at eight Tunnel weeks. We had never considered the possibility that when I went back to the doctor the following week, we would see no heartbeat. The fetus died, and so did a small part of me when I heard the terrible news. My husband was inconsolable. We began consulting fertility specialists who assured us that all was fine, but that a little assistance would help speed things along. We dutifully sought interventions every month, some of which required us to turn our lives upside down. One month, we needed to walk four miles each way to a hospital on Shabbos. Another month, the doctor inserted an assortment of instruments into my reproductive system, left the room, and forgot to return for 45 minutes. No one heard my screams in this back-room office while telephone calls and a lunch break distracted her. Another month, we were recommended to a fertility specialist whose recommendations we faithfully followed. We found out later that his exorbitant fees were exceeded only by his willingness to subject women to procedures that had been scientifically proven to be ineffective. Finally, we went to one of the top fertility specialists at a well- known hospital where we were put at the end of a one-and-a- half year long waiting list. A year after my miscarriage, I got pregnant again during a trip to Israel. I attributed it to my endless prayers at the graves of tzadikim and at the Kosel. My husband and I were delightfully astounded, and awaited the birth of this child with great anticipation. A few weeks later, I gave a lecture at a community Shabbos lunch. The topic was, “Why Bad Things Happen to Good 5775 People.” One of my patients, who had suffered tremendously, insisted that a good friend of hers come to listen to me. The friend was trying to come to terms with a host of tribulations and challenges that she was facing, and my patient assured her that Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

39 my words would help were off the chart. her find her way. Two Finally, one freezing, minutes before I was to windy evening, we start speaking, I felt the Your heard the unlikely familiar sensations of a news on our answering miscarriage. chances machine. My numbers were good, they were I felt as if a messenger of having within normal range, I had come to tell me should start injections that I was not the a baby or that evening. rightful winner of the lottery whose prize I infinitesimal. We were floating. had already mentally It was Friday night -- banked. It had all been were crushed. My hormone levels Shabbos. The nearest a mistake. were so high they were off the pharmacy was over a mile away. It was 21 degrees outside, with a 20-mile an I gave my talk, with its uplifting chart, indicating that I could not get hour wind blowing. We would have message that nothing happens by pregnant those cycles. to walk at least a half hour each way accident. Everything we undergo is The third month, a miracle to get the drugs that I needed. We a divinely engineered circumstance occurred. The levels were borderline, couldn’t take money or credit cards that is tailored to help our soul and the program accepted me for with us, and we couldn’t use the develop its maximal beauty and in-vitro fertilization. I had to inject telephone since it was Shabbos. What connection to its Source. When I myself with massive doses of fertility would we do if we got there and the finished, my patient’s friend came over to tell me how deeply my words hormones for about a week, get pharmacist said that he didn’t have had touched her. When the crowd multiple blood tests and sonograms. the medication, or that he wouldn’t left, I sadly walked back to the rabbi’s Then, at the ideal time, I would be believe that we would come back the house where I was staying. In private, anesthetized and have my (hopefully next day and pay him the $1400 for I sobbed, feeling physical pain that fertile) eggs removed so that they the three boxes of drugs? reflected the emotional torment of could be fertilized and later re- implanted. For the first time in two When we arrived at the pharmacy, my tragedy, even as my intellect told huffing and puffing, with beet red years, I had strong hopes that I would me that Hashem was embracing me, cheeks, the pharmacist told us that actually have a healthy pregnancy. and it was all for an ultimately good he had the medication, and he would purpose. I dutifully got my blood test trust us to pay for it. Once again, we Three months later, I got a the day before egg retrieval was were at the top of the roller coaster. planned. My husband and I were telephone call from the hospital’s Everything went along without a looking forward to having dinner fertility center. The nurse told me that hitch. When the doctor implanted that evening with friends who had she had found a way to get me into three embryos, they looked very finally had a baby using our hospital’s treatment in only six months instead healthy. As I rested afterward and program. That afternoon, we received of 18. I jumped at the opportunity. recited Tehillim, I felt that Hashem a terrible phone call. It seemed that I underwent yet another fertility was smiling down on me, and would my hormones had already surged, workup from scratch, the fifth in two finally give me my heart’s deepest and that the chances that I would get years. This time, though, the news desire. was not encouraging. I was nearly pregnant if the eggs were retrieved 39 years old, and the tests showed the next day were not great. The Less than two weeks later, my that I might have reached the end of doctor never said it, but he botched pregnancy test confirmed thatI was, my fertile years. I would have to get the timing. Based on what he told at long last, pregnant. It was June, the monthly blood tests to determine in me, I had the surgery the next day, flowers were blooming, the warm any given month if I would be fertile and a few days later had one or two spring air caressed me, and all seemed that cycle. If I was not for three or embryos implanted. Nearly two right with the world. My unrelenting four months in a row, there would weeks later, with every day seeming ordeal of the past two-and-a-half an eternity, I discovered that I was

5775 be no point in subjecting me to any years seemed finally finished. I waited, more fertility interventions. still not pregnant. with perverse longing, for the familiar, all-day morning sickness to arrive. Every month we waited with We endured several more months bated breath for the results to come of torture, as I went for blood tests, A few weeks later, while writing back, and the first two months we only to be told that my numbers one of my books, I suddenly felt those Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

40 sickening sensations. A scream welled I agreed. She had gotten my name I waited impatiently to see this up inside me. I couldn’t believe this from a mutual friend whose home I rabbi. When I finally saw him at was happening to me for a third time. had spoken in the previous year. 1:30AM, he looked more exhausted Hadn’t I suffered enough? “Almighty than I felt. I wordlessly put my G-d,” I beseeched, “please make me a The next night, this woman, marriage document in front of him miracle and save this child. Please.” Sharon, called again. “I don’t know and he studied it for a few moments. anything about you,” she admitted, I had to wait until the next day “but there is a rabbi who is coming to “Your husband is like a dead man,” to get a sonogram. I was bleeding my house tomorrow night. He looks he said, as he studied the paper massively, yet the fetus was still alive. at people’s kesubos (Jewish wedding further. “This document should be I saw the tiny heart beating, a light contracts) and helps them improve rewritten. Come and see me in three in the midst of my otherwise dark their lives. Would you like to come?” weeks and I will give you another tunnel. kesubah.” “When will he see me?” I The doctor reassured me that it questioned, wary of consulting any I was dumbfounded. My husband was possible to still have a healthy miracle men. had lost his desire to live since my pregnancy and that I should go to my first miscarriage, and for more than local obstetrician for any future care. Unknown to Sharon, I had already two years he had been profoundly consulted a host of them in my depressed. When my obstetrician saw the sonogram in his office the next day, “How do you know that?” I he showed me that the fetus was We are often managed. dead. “No, it can’t be,” I challenged him. He showed me why it was, I told misled into believing “It’s all here in the kesubah,” he him why it wasn’t. explained. “Part of the Jewish couple’s that what doctors tell blessing comes via their Jewish “Listen,” he said nonchalantly, “if marriage contract. The contract you don’t believe me, you can get us is the truth, and creates and defines the spiritual another sonogram across the street.” that life and death is channel. When it is has a flaw, the I did. Two hours later, my third full blessing cannot come. In your sonogram in two days showed that in their hands. case, your husband’s father was I was right. The fetal heart was still deceased when you got married and your kesubah was written with your beating at a healthy 140 beats a desperation to have a baby. “After minute. husband’s name, son of his father’s midnight?” name, followed by the abbreviation, “Thank you,H ashem,” I exclaimed, “Well after,” she confirmed. “May his memory be for a blessing.” hoping that this baby’s will to live It is best for that abbreviation not might persevere. The radiologist was “Thanks, but no thanks,” I retorted. to be in a wedding document. Many not optimistic. “I have already seen many rabbis. I believe it can cause misfortune. You have prayed at the burial places of need your document rewritten and “Look,” he cautioned, “the more Jewish saints than I can count. everything will be okay.” heartbeat is still good, but you have Nothing ever helped,” I told her. a huge amount of blood in your As I drove home in the wee hours uterus.” He would say no more about “Look, I don’t know you and I don’t of the morning, I felt exhausted and my prognosis. know what you’ve sought help for,” cautiously optimistic. After all, I had learned from hard experience that The fetus died a week later. “Okay, Sharon pressed, “but this rabbi is there are few bona fide mystics in the Hashem,” I resolved, “I’m not sure really very special. If you come, I don’t world today. Prerequisites for being what you want me to do with this. think you’ll be disappointed.” one are that a person is scrupulously Whatever it is, You’re in charge, and Feeling that I had nothing left to observant and a Torah scholar, and I hope that it will affect me so that I lose, except for a few more hours of few such mystics make themselves can be close to You and do Your will, sleep, I went to Sharon’s house after known to the public. People today whatever it is.” midnight the following evening. Her are desperate to find miracle workers In the midst of recovering, a woman living room was filled with people who through magical means can give 5775 whom I had never met called and I knew, including the woman who others what they want. I had already asked if I would speak to a group of had given her my name. She and her met my share of charlatans. I had singles in her home about how to find husband were still childless after six only met a few who had truly helped a marriage partner. “No problem,” years of marriage. others. Had Hashem put this rabbi in Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

41 my path as a conduit another one,” he said for greater holiness confidently. to come into my life, or to test whether I I learned I nearly fell off my would stop hoping chair. I was already for intermediaries like firsthand 40 years old, and the rabbis and doctors to doctors had told me provide me with the that Hashem that I couldn’t even child that I so urgently have the baby that wanted? I decided controls was already born. I to pray that I had was going to have undergone whatever nature. another one?! I was personal changes I too stunned to reply, but my husband asked, needed to make, and Your chances of ever having a healthy “When?” that changing the kesubah would pregnancy are infinitesimal.” allow me to be the person that “Soon,” the rabbi smiled. Hashem deemed was ready to receive I was crushed, and agreed with him a child. that it was futile for me to go back Over the next six months, my to the hospital. On the other hand, husband urged me to stop nursing Convincing my husband to get a I believed that Hashem wanted me our baby so that I would have a new kesubah was not easy. Not only to have a child, but not through chance of getting pregnant again. I had he given up hope that we would that avenue. How He would make it spoke to two top fertility specialists have a baby, he was not receptive happen, I had no idea. and they both agreed that in the to the idea that changing a kesubah best of circumstances, nursing would Two weeks later, my husband could alter the spiritual reality of our drastically reduce the possibility lives. and I visited Israel for Yom Tov. We of conceiving again. Finally, I prayed a lot at the Kosel, stayed in compromised: I would stop nursing Three weeks later, my husband Yerushalayim, and absorbed the got the new kesubah from the when our baby was a year old if I still holiness of our land. Two weeks after had not conceived by then. rabbi and gave it to me in front of we came back to the United States, I two valid Jewish witnesses. After I discovered that I was pregnant. Our Twice every day, I prayed that I took the document, the rabbi said, daughter was born on a Friday night should get pregnant again and not “Be’ezras Hashem, you should have in June, the first day of summer. It was have to stop nursing. When our a baby within a year.” I hoped that ten months after the rabbi changed daughter was eleven months old, we his prayer would go to the Almighty our kesubah. went to Australia together. When and be responded to in the way that our daughter was one week shy of I hoped. On the other hand, it was When I saw her for the first time, I a year, my husband told me, “Look, hard to imagine that after so much was not prepared for what a newborn our daughter will be over a year yearning and praying that my dream baby looks like. I had expected a old by the time we get back to the would come true. Gerber baby. My child looked like States. You need to start getting used a combination of Popeye and a The next month, my body finally to the idea of weaning her.” She was conehead, covered in mayonnaise returned to normal, and I called the happily nursing about eight times and ketchup. fertility doctor. “Should I come in for a day at the time. I said nothing, blood tests this month?” I asked. “Isn’t she the most beautiful thing just intensified my prayers to get you’ve ever seen?” my husband pregnant. In an avuncular voice he responded, “Don’t bother. You’ve gushed, his eyes blinded by love. Three days later, on the eve of already spent almost three years and Indeed, when I saw her after she was Shavuos, I discovered that I was over $50,000 trying to have a baby, cleaned up a few hours later, she was. pregnant. and nothing has worked. We know A few months later, the rabbi My experiences taught me many why you keep having miscarriages or visited our town, and I brought my things. First, many of us spend our don’t get pregnant in the first place. baby to see him. “This is the baby that 5775 lives trying to get and achieve what You have no good eggs left. Some you told us we were going to have,” I we want. It is easy to think that it is women reach menopause earlier, reported. some later. You are no longer fertile. up to us to make our agenda happen. If you still want to have a baby, either He looked at her, smiled, then I learned that trying to mold what we adopt or go to a donor egg program. looked at me. “You’re going to have want to fit the Divine agenda is what Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

42 life is all about. The utter helplessness want. Maybe Hashem specifically Fifth, I realized the importance of that I felt trying to have a baby made made me unable to have children for doing Jewish rituals correctly. Life I in me understand that I first needed to many years so that I would deepen the details. Does it really matter if I feel utterly dependent on Hashem my relationship with Him through perform a commandment this way before I could properly raise a child prayer and help others by giving extra or that way, or observe it only in my who would be utterly dependent on charity. Without having this impetus, heart? The answer is yes. Just as there me. I would not have done either. are prescribed doses of medication to take when a person is sick, or The Almighty uses pregnancy, Third, I learned what it feels like specific ways of wiring a house so giving birth, and raising children as to be infertile. I have helped many that machines there will function opportunities for us to continually other infertile people as a result by properly, spiritual matters must also turn to Him and recognize that weal giving them medical, spiritual and be done with attention to details. ways need Him. He wants us to talk emotional counseling. I learned how to, and relate, to Him, not only when insensitive people can be to those Within six months of having my we need something, but because we who are not blessed with children. kesubah changed, two other infertile love Him and want to be close to Him. friends of mine had theirs changed, If I looked at my ordeals only as Love that is dependent on getting too. (It doesn’t take a mystic to do barriers to my getting what I wanted, what we want is not real love; it’s this, only a rabbi who is properly I would have missed much of the self-love. Loving Hashem even when versed in how to write a Jewish point of life’s challenges. They are He doesn’t give us what we want is marriage document.) Each couple supposed to transform us, make us a true relationship. I learned to love had been unable to have children into more giving, caring individuals. for seven years. One couple now has and trust Hashem even when I was I believe I have been able to use the three, and the other has two children. very disappointed that He couldn’t suffering that I underwent to make The women got pregnant within a give me what I wanted. other people’s few months of having their ketubot Second, I realized that sometimes changed. lives easier when they are in the the only way that Hashem can get same boat. Finally, I learned the power of us to do what He needs us to do is prayer. We sometimes think that we to prevent us from having what we Fourth, I learned firsthand that should only pray as a last resort, and want. I realized after having a baby Hashem controls nature. While we then when we don’t get the results that there is no way that I could have are not supposed to rely on miracles, we want, we don’t do it again for a written so many books on Judaism if I and have to do everything that is long time. had had children when I was younger. normally required in order to achieve Raising children requires so much of results, I was priveleged to experience Learning Torah is the way that we my energy that I simply didn’t have how the Almighty overturns nature hear Hashem talking to us. Praying is enough left over to write books for when it suits His purposes. the way that we talk to Him. Every years. Obviously, Hashem wanted relationship requires communication, We are often misled into believing me to have children, but not on my and we need to always keep open the that what doctors tell us is the truth, timetable. He needed certain spiritual channels of communication with our and that life and death are in their accomplishments to occur before it Creator. We may not necessarily get hands. We need to remember that was time for me to be a mother. the things that we want, but we can doctors are only Hashem’s agents, always have the relationship that we Even though I prayed a lot, gave and He is the ultimate Healer and want. Being close to Hashem can extra charity, and did other spiritually Giver of Life. When we believe only change us so dramatically that we beneficial acts that didn’t result in my in what is rational or natural, we limit become people who are worthy of having a baby, I realized in retrospect our lives. When we attach ourselves getting blessings that are out of this that these were not wasted. No good to our Creator, and to His constant world. I will forever be grateful that I deed is ever wasted, even if it doesn’t providence, miracles can, and do, got both.  5775 get us the results or object that we occur. Reprinted from mikvah.org It’s the possibility that keeps me going; not the guarantee. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei “ 43 Support Advice from the Experts

he pressure to raise a family can be enormous, and the T thought of not being able to have children can make many people feel something is wrong with them. We talked to respected psychologists who work with couples with fertility problems to find out which coping strategies really work. Recognize that a fertility problem is a crisis. A fertility problem may be one of the most difficult challenges you’ll ever face. Acknowledging this is a key to coping, says Kate Marosek, who’s counseled couples with fertility complications in the Washington, D.C., area for more than ten years. “It’s normal to feel a monumental sense of loss, to feel stressed, sad, or overwhelmed,” says Marosek. “Don’t chastise yourself for feeling this way.” Facing and accepting your emotions help you move beyond them. Don’t blame yourself. Resist the temptation to get angry at yourself or to listen to the little voice in your head that’s saying, “I shouldn’t have taken a break; I’m being punished for things I did and said; I should have lost more weight or taken better care of my health; I should have davened more at my chuppah” or whatever negative thoughts you may be having. People can get caught in negative thinking patterns that only make matters worse, says Yakov M. Epstein, a psychologist at Rutgers University and co-author of Getting Pregnant When You Thought You Couldn’t: “Instead of berating yourself, look forward to how you and your spouse are going to manage the situation.” When you start feeling like you “should have” or “could have,” remind yourself that your fertility problem is not your fault. Even if you could have made different decisions in the past, they’re behind you. Concentrate on your future. Work as a team with your spouse. You and your mate should help each other through this time (and definitely not blame each other for your difficulty getting pregnant). 5775 This doesn’t mean you need to feel the same thing at the same time — that’s one of the most common pitfalls for couples facing fertility problems. It does mean paying attention to what your spouse is going through. “If you’re taking care of each Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

44 other emotionally, you can unite to fight the Facing and therapist, look for one who understands problem,” says Marosek. reproductive medicine. “Fertility problems accepting your are very complex, and if a therapist does Work together to find practical ways not understand the medical issues, he or she to share the burden. If you’re undergoing emotions help won’t be able to help,” says Epstein. treatment, he can take care of the insurance papers. Or if he needs injected therapy, you you move Just say no to baby-focused activities. can administer the shots. If certain gatherings or celebrations are too beyond them. painful for you — if all your siblings had babies Educate yourself. Read as much as you can in the last two years, say, or you keep getting about fertility problems and ask questions of invited to baby simchas give yourself permission to decline your doctor and other couples in your situation. the invitation or at least to have a Staying educated is especially important when you’re good cry afterward. dealing with a fertility problem because the technologies behind the treatments are complicated and change To avoid hurt feelings, send a gift but choose children’s quickly. “You’ve got to understand what’s happening books or an online gift certificate to save yourself a medically,” says Epstein, “or you won’t be able to make troubling trip to the toy store or baby boutique. informed choices.” Balance optimism and realism. “You need to be Set up a financial plan. With in vitro fertilization (IVF) optimistic to go through a procedure,” says Epstein, “but averaging $12,400 a cycle, it’s no wonder couples feel if you’re too hopeful — if your hope is unrealistic — you’ll anxious about money, especially since women often need be setting yourself up for a huge fall.” By keeping current to go through multiple cycles before becoming pregnant. on the technology and your diagnosis, you can get a good handle on what chance of success you have with each To cope with the anxiety caused by the high costs of treatment. treatment, sit down and develop a financial plan. Start with your insurance: Find out exactly what it does and The array of medical technologies available today leads doesn’t cover. If it covers some or all of your many couples to keep trying month after treatments, decide which one of you will month, year after year. Staying realistic can monitor the paperwork and negotiate with Being treated help you make smart choices as you work the insurance company. your way through the emotional minefield of for a fertility treatment. Then look at all your assets and determine how much you can spend and on which problem can Take care of yourself by pursuing other treatments. If you don’t have the financial interests. Being treated for a fertility problem capabilities, inquire about state grants, if feel like a full can feel like a full- or at least part-time job, applicable, and if there’s anyone in your family so it’s important to keep up with some of the or community that can be of assistance prior or at least activities or hobbies that bring you pleasure. to raking up bills. part-time job. “It won’t be easy,” says Marosek, Get support from professionals and “especially if you’re doing something like going others with fertility problems. Society often in for a blood test every other day, but look fails to recognize the grief caused by infertility, so those for ways to take care of yourself.” She recommends that denied parenthood tend to hide their sorrow, which only people get a massage, have a manicure — anything that increases their feelings of shame and isolation. can give them relief from the focus on fertility treatment. “Finding other people who are going through the If your old activities are painful — maybe all your friends same thing can help you see that fertility problems are are parents now — look for new diversions. If hiking sounds widespread and your disappointment is understandable,” appealing, do that. Or take a class — painting, dance, or says Linda Klempner, a clinical psychologist and mental something else that’s always tempted you. health consultant at Women’s Health Counseling and And remember, laughter is one of the best healers. Psychotherapy in Teaneck, New Jersey. Watch a funny video, head out to get together and laugh, 5775 Share stories and advice about fertility problems with and reread your favorite humorous novel.  others who can understand. If you’d like to talk to a www.babycenter.com Learn from the past; live in the present;

hope for the future. W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei “ 45 Support Top 5 Ways to Stay Sane on the Infertility Island

Top 5Ways By: Maya Moskin to Stay Sane on the

Infertility Island 5775 Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

46 ealing with infertility can be very stressful on many levels. Infertility impacts D so many parts of one’s life. It’s a physical, mental, emotional, relational and financial experience that can really rock a person to their very foundation. That’s why finding ways to stay grounded and sane during your journey to parenthood is so important. Top Ways to As an Infertility Island veteran, I spent long years trying to stay calm during 5 multiple ART procedures. Sometimes things I did actually worked. Here are my Top Five Ways to Stay Sane on Infertility Island: Stay Sane on the 1. Find Your Mantra. Find a way to tell your brain everything is going to be okay, when it’s spinning with worries and uncertainties. There is a lot to worry about, for sure. And there are a LOT of uncertainties. But reminding yourself that nothing stays the Infertility Island same or that the baby that is meant to be yours will be can sometimes stop your monkey mind in its tracks. I often thought about all the positive things in my life and reminded myself that we are going to find a way to resolve this crisis. I won’t be doing infertility treatments forever.

2. Do Something Physical. Your relationship with your body can be negatively impacted during infertility treatments. Sometimes there’s frustration that your body just isn’t cooperating, or even the feeling that your body is betraying you. There is also the hormonal weight gain or the inability to exercise like you once did. Finding a way to get back into your body and connect with your physical self can be very stabilizing. Your body is an amazing gift; it’s all you’ve got to live in. So embrace it, take care of it, and love it again. For me it was through yoga. Yoga helped me feel strong and centered. There are many different physical options to explore.

3. Treat Yourself. Infertility can be very harsh and taxing, so self-care is an absolute must. Find ways to be kind to yourself—from a massage to a day off work to a pint of ice cream to some retail therapy. Whatever you need to feel taken care of, it’s worth it to try and splurge sometimes, or to just set some time aside for a DIY spa night in your own bathroom.

4. Take breaks. I was big on plowing forward. I always wanted to keep going on to the next thing that would move us closer to finding our baby. But my husband often insisted we slow down, take a break and regroup. I hated the concept, but went along Find a way with it and found that getting a little space from whatever disappointment we were coming off of and gearing up for whatever process was next for us was to tell your actually really helpful. It gave me perspective, time to heal, and also time to just brain every- be a normal person again. thing is going 5. Avoid Obsessive Googling. to be okay, Need I say more? 

when it’s spin- www.fertilityauthority.com 5775 ning with worries and Save the earth! uncertainties. It is the only planet with chocolate. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei “ 47 A Glimpse Behind the Scenes of the A TIME Forums

A treasure trove of information and a place to turn to MTB: I suppose that same drive that made them initiate at any lonely hour avails itself to you when you log onto all their other support services. ATIME changes with www.atime.org. There, beneath the cloak of anonymity, the times (pun intended). When the internet became you can give voice to feelings, questions, and concerns that a new social and informational tool, ATIME seized the you’d be hesitant to share in person. opportunity to use it to the advantage of their members. I We interviewed four of the current key moderators to am just happy it exists. give you an appreciation of these smooth-running support boards. How many members were there at first? Estie: There was no membership or registration in the When were the A TIME forums established? beginning. MT: I wasn’t involved at the start, but I believe it was in 2000. The new forums, in the layout you see now, were How many are there today? introduced in 2008. MT: 12,863, according to the web stats. Some of them Estie: Originally the forums were more like a comments are second-identities. Spammers get deleted, so they’re section of a blog. You could pick any “name” you wanted not counted. and post. It was unmoderated, but really ugly spam started to come through and so moderation was necessary. Linda Franco was probably the first moderator, though I What is the average amount of posts a day? am not sure about that. The forum was started prior to MT: On a full day, we see close to 100 posts a day! 2000, probably 98 or 99. ATIME started in 1994 with a photocopied stapled newsletter which has now morphed Sarelle: There are quiet days and busy days. By now I can into a beautiful glossy magazine. I was involved behind the predict when it’s going to be quiet and busy. Part depends scenes from the beginning, since Brany’s cousin Blimy is a on the Jewish calendar (certain times are quieter - such as

5775 good friend of mine, we used to write the feature together erev Yom Tov or chol hamoed) and part depends on times (a recurring story of 3 couples, Ruchel and Yankel, Avi and when some people don’t have internet access. Surie, and Yitzchok and Rivka). There also used to be group chats. When and how did you get involved with the forums? What made A TIME decide to make an online forum? Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

48 Our Interview Moderators Speak

Sarelle: I received an email asking me if I wanted 30+ hours. So she asked me to join her moderating team, to become a moderator. At first I totally didn’t even from Israel. understand the email - let alone what it meant to Sarelle: Around two-three years ago I think? I think it moderate! However my life changed for the better since was felt a PIFer would have more time. ;-) Well that’s up moderating. I love it. for debate. Estie: Linda Franco needed more help. Me too was already moderating and Lifesgreat and Yanky and maybe one or two other ones. Estie: Yikes I don’t remember, but I did spend a lot of years on the boards as a regular member before I started MTB: I am a member since 2007. I actually made a to moderate. But by now it is quite a few years. I was friend then. I did not even know she was an IF’er until a a moderator already before the migration to invision so few conversations later. She introduced me to the forum that’s at least six years. with a word of caution: “You will become addicted.” ;) We stayed good friends, even to this day, when she has BH MTB: I believe it was sometime in 2010. There was a post moved on. by Brany that moderators were needed and I grabbed the opportunity. I must say, that I did not expect for it to be so gratifying and was highly impressed by all the guidelines Were the forums moderated from the start? and the sensitivity with which every post is handled by MT: I don’t know about the start, but since I joined fellow moderators. It is quite a simple task (most of the in 2002, they have been moderated. Linda was the web time..), but the way it is done isn’t all that technical.. administrator and moderator for many years; she put untold hours and energies into them! How would you say the forum is different than ten Sarelle: I don’t know, - but if you see some of the things years ago? that come in, you’ll know why it needs to be moderated! ;-) MT: That’s a very interesting question, but I’m not sure Estie: No see above. you’d believe the answer. The forum has gone through varied stages over the years, and I can’t pinpoint what made each stage start and stop. There was the intellectual- When did you start moderating? disagreement stage; heated philosophical and technical MT: I don’t remember the date, but at some point there disagreements, points and counterpoints written in was a backlog of posts waiting for Linda to moderate eloquent and (hopefully) convincing paragraphs. Then 5775 when her Shabbos was over (since Israel and Europe were there were the hashkafic debates (Oy!); the Modern posting for a few hours already), and on the second day of Orthodox vs. Chasidsh vs. “Plain Frum” and all the rest. Yom Tov there were a bunch of Israeli posts that waited Then there were the PIF vs. SIF wars. See, anyone who’s on the forums now would never believe me; they all get Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

49 Overall, the forums have become much happier, much lighter, much more friendly and accepting.

along so well now!! Overall, the forums have become MTB: I joined in 2007, so I am not here for 10 years, but much happier, much lighter, much more friendly and even I have noticed some changes. I am unsure though if accepting. I sometimes miss the arguments, though; they the changes are in me, or in the forums. I suppose when were definitely stimulating! you reach a place of seniority (or veteran as it is referred to Sarelle: Well I’ve heard that there used to be much more on the boards), and new, younger members join, you are ‘fisty cuffs’ and now it’s more ‘civil’. I think it’s a good already past the stages they are in, both emotionally, and thing that perhaps some people are learning to respect in terms of treatment. However, I still enjoy reading old others more and can appreciate variety and differences of posts. Perhaps the pioneer posters were a bit more open opinion. Maybe also there is more moderation going on minded, with the internet being so new and only used - where we try not to authorise posts that openly attack by people who are more “out there,” whereas now, I feel others. that the audience is larger and more diverse, which makes things interesting in a way, but not every post will pique Estie: The boards used to be more about finding out my interest.. Also, I think a lot of members have multiple information and debating. Now it is more like someplace screen names, and it takes away from the personality of the you can hang out with people that understand you. I used forum, in my opinion. I like identifying with screen names (of course only on a virtual level). But people like to be cautious, and I totally get that.

Any new standards had to be implemented? Sarelle: I don’t know about new- but certainly we do have guidelines to follow. MTB: Definitely. I don’t know which standards were there initially and which followed later, but there are certain to post much more in the old days because there were topics (Halachic for example) more requests for information and I really could help that are bound to create unnecessary controversy and out. Now people are coming onto the boards with more judgment. We need to have a nonjudgmental and knowledge than they used to. This may be the result of respectful environment. Personal attacks are also not ATIME’s conferences and educational materials which tolerated. didn’t exist 15 years ago. Another major difference is in the presence of men. In How are mods selected? the beginning there were definitely more men as regular MT: We don’t regularly add moderators; it’s been one posters: Lawman, Bentzy, Postman and others. I liked new one every few years! getting their perspective. They were later put into their own section and the conversations mostly petered out, Sarelle: No clue - but I certainly am grateful to be a even when we were willing to moderate the Yiddish. Once moderator - I see it as an honour and am pleased to be able or twice I even ran the Yiddish through Google translate to to give something back to an organization I’ve benefited make sure I understood it. from hugely. 5775 Now people are coming onto the boards with more knowledge than they used to. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

50 I’m a big believer in only answering when you have something to add!

Estie: I agree with Sarelle: It’s an honor. I think it was few words (or not approve it altogether). that I was on the boards a lot so I had time to read the Also, and this is rather emotional, I hate having to delete posts, and of course that I had broadband internet access a post that is clearly expressing a lot of pain, or in need (when the forum was started lots of people including me of advice, but is in violation of the guidelines. But the had dialup!) guidelines are important, and we can not start making MTB: Me three :) exceptions (you know what happens then...). Is there anything that you do other than putting Do you need any training? through/rejecting posts? Sarelle: Yes - well the first aspect is the technical side of MT: Moving posts around, to a more appropriate how to authorise, edit, merge or delete posts. And then forum. Since we see the posts first, when someone has an there›s the policy side - what type of posts are allowed - urgent medical question, rather than just approving it, we not allowed, and generally 'what goes'. You get a feel for try to answer it as well. Helping retrieve lost passwords the forums and the posters when you moderate often. or resetting “stuck” logins. And editing posts, when necessary. MTB: Yes, as Sarelle pointed out. The technical aspect anyone can learn, at least approving posts. Although there Sarelle: As what MT mentioned, as well as the pm side. are more challenging technical issues that admins deal There can be a fair amount of private messaging going on with, like changing screen names, etc. between members and a moderator. Estie: MT got the gist of it. Occasionally I’ll split a topic or merge posts but that is rare. Mostly read and approve What’s the hardest job of a moderator? or discard. MT: Dealing with Spammers! Their posts have to get deleted; sometimes there’s a dozen at once. Their name has to be removed, their IP address has to be blocked.... all Which kind of posts get rejected? that work, and not for any useful reason. Estie: Things posted anonymously for no reason such as Sarelle: Keeping up with the flow of posts and ensuring “I agree” or such. To qualify for AA the post has to be they go live within a reasonable time frame. No one wants personal. Any post attacking a doctor or other poster, or to wait a day until their post goes live. And keeping up to if it has a nasty tone. If the information can be conveyed date with the threads. Even if I didn’t authorise posts, I still more civilly I will edit it or remove the offending material. go back and read all the new posts. I feel it’s important to have an overview of the threads and the goings on with Do you moderate from the background or do you also the posters. participate in discussions? Estie: Making sure to check all of the forums for new MT: Both! posts, not just the PIF forum, because sometimes the other forums can go days without anything new. I once checked Sarelle: Well my number of posts answers that one! In the mazel tov boards and there was a mazel tov post from truth it’s a bit of both -Sometimes it’s time dependent the previous day. I felt so bad that someone wanted to and sometimes posts are not within the realm of our share their good news and no one got to read it for a whole experience. I’m a big believer in only answering when you day. have something to add! Otherwise leave it to others. Other times, the thread can be just up your street (experience or MTB: A few things: Firstly, sometimes there are posts knowledge-wise) and you can get quite into it- especially that are not necessarily violating guidelines but there is if few others have what to add to that particular thread. something about it that comes across wrong. Sometimes you cannot even pinpoint what it is. It could be an angry Estie: Both, but as I get older and more removed from 5775 undertone or a religious issue (being angry with Hashem, the IF experience I find myself posting less. etc.) that is expressed very harshly. Just to name a few. MTB: Both. But I post much less frequently than I used Such posts could linger for awhile until we decide what to to. I post when I feel I have something to add that has not do with it. Sometimes we have no choice but to change a yet been addressed. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

51 no pending posts. Sometimes, there are no other mods Is there any interaction among the moderators? and there are many things to approve. We try as much as possible for that not to happen, but it could. It’s more MT: Yes, sometimes we can be in touch a few times a about frequency than time. It is more important to check day, but then weeks or even months can go by without any in several times a day for a short time rather than putting contact. Thanks to this interview, we’re getting a chance in the time once a day. to say hello after a few weeks of quiet! Sarelle: Yes - sometimes often and sometimes not. It’s a place for us to discuss issues relating to the forum Is there any way to control lurkers? - any questions, queries or concerns we have, and also MT: Spammers, as described above, yes. “Fertile” friends sometimes to share non-IF related information. or neighbors who sign on and then just read and read - no. Estie: Sometimes. I once met a few of them in one day in The only way to control that would be to require a Brooklyn. But in general we don’t “speak” daily. password or approval code or the like, but then we’d be limiting our membership a lot, as legitimate members would be too shy and hesitant to sign up, too. How much time does this job take up on a typical day? Sarelle: I don’t think there is any appropriate way to MT: Varies; we can put in a minute one day, an hour control those who are just snooping but not posting. As the next. In the “old days,” when we had much more deep for the posters - careful moderating and having experience reading and editing to do, it could take hours. Nowadays with the regular posters, really helps. it’s more straightforward, though the actual forums program is harder to use. Have you ever developed a personal relationship with any of the posters? Sarelle: Well, most of my ATIME friends are before my moderating days and those that aren’t are certainly not as a result of my moderating.

MTB: Most of the people I PM’ed over the years, I haven’t met personally. But there were a few and it was very exciting.

Sarelle: I don’t want to add up the amount of time I What are some ways in which the forum is unique as spend moderating! I can only spend this amount of time, a tool in the IF journey? because I love it so much. ;-) The good thing is that you can do as much or as little as your current schedule permits. MT: It’s anonymous, it’s available 24 hours a day, it’s easy, it’s free, and it can take up as little or as much time as you E: I have no idea, it depends on the day. But it is my want! pleasure and I feel like it is my way to do chesed for my sisters. Sarelle: It’s like a massive current encyclopaedia on Infertility - helping with anything and everything - from MTB: It’s hard to tell. I used to have a more flexible recipes during cycling to the latest developments in IF, and schedule so I would be on the boards a lot. Now, I log in of course a place to vent. The forum - has been a lifesaver when I have the time. Also, it is less controlled. Sometimes to so many and can make a huge difference to how people I can log in and all the other mods are on and there are cope with this nisoyon.

5775 It’s like a massive current encyclopedia on Infertility - helping with anything and everything - from recipes during cycling to the latest developments in IF. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

52 Don’t type what you wouldn’t say in person, especially in your dialogue to another person. Estie: Because it is for frum people, it is unique. I wish it is ten years younger than you having her fifth child, and was around when I was PIF. then you start a thread venting about that exact same MTB: Many people have a hard time expressing topic, then the friend you told is going to know when she themselves verbally. The forum gives them an opportunity reads your post! to be heard and validated, in an anonymous fashion. Also, Estie: If someone has five kids, even if she can’t have you don’t have to schedule your posts around people’s more, it hurts when they post on PIF forums. And it is availability. If you have something to share, someone is even worse when they post as if they are PIF and leave out always there for you! It is also a very valuable informational the bit that they have five kids. Please don’t compare your tool. Although one could get the information about any pain in not having a sixth to someone waiting for their diagnosis online, it is very interesting and personable to first or even second child. I really get upset when people hear from someone who is actually living it. It has definitely complain about not having another when they have a enriched my journey, to learn about all the various issues decent size family just because they wanted an even bigger people are dealing with, and has definitely gained my one. When I was a girl 3-5 kids was average. Why isn’t that utmost admiration for what people go through and the ok today? strength with which they cope. MTB: This isn’t a guideline, but it’s how I feel. It is very nice to have people supporting you when you go through Do you have an interesting story to share? a cycle. But once that person is in their 2WW and beyond, don’t ask them what is going on. When I went through MTB: Nothing in particular. But I would like to share a cycle, I appreciated all the PM’s of support I got, but that there were times I posted something that did not get did not appreciate people following up. When someone many responses. But then I would get a PM from someone gets a BFP, they won’t necessarily want to share that with who is going through a similar situation, but is newer to you right away, and no one should be offended by that, it than I and a little afraid to open up and she would tell regardless of how supportive you are and how entitled me how much chizuk she got from my post. And without you feel. I don’t ever follow up with people who are going knowing, I had not only exercised my need to express my through a cycle. I may let them know I am thinking of feelings, but started a relationship with someone who them, but remind them that in no way am I expecting an would probably not have otherwise reached out. It could update. It is unnerving at times, but the right thing to do. be uncomfortable to put yourself out there sometimes, but often leads to very gratifying experiences. Estie: I routinely recommend my IF Rav who was Rabbi What do you wish posters would know? Fuerst from Chicago (and I don’t live in Chicago). Once Sarelle: That they shouldn’t actively try to find out I recommended him to a poster from Baltimore. A few people’s screenames and certainly if they do know months later I got an email thanking me, the Rav was able someone’s screename, they should not pass it on to to point out a diagnosis for her and B”H was able to point others. I have seen people go through untold agmas nefesh her in the right direction for treatment. It felt so amazing because some nasty people spread people’s screenames. that I was able to help someone whom I had never met. Screenames are there for a reason otherwise the poster would use their real name. Respect that. It’s not up to you to take it upon yourself to spread screenames. Any guidelines to keep in mind? That it’s nice to get some positive feedback every now MT: Don’t type what you wouldn’t say in person, and again! The best aspect of my work moderating is when especially in your dialogue to another person. Don’t people occasionally send a private message to say thank overuse the anonymous login name; if we’re not careful, you and how the posts have helped them. That’s the icing the day will come when the forums will be one big dialogue on the cake. Of course it’s not expected. between anonymous and anonymous and anonymous! Estie: Try to take the time to search the forums for the Sarelle: Be careful how you use Anonymous Atimer. Don’t questions you have. You might get more information that abuse it - because you wouldn’t want it to disappear. The way than by starting a new topic. 5775 forums would look very dull if everyone posted under AA. MTB: Totally agree with Sarelle!!  If you don’t want people to know your screen name - be careful what you tell them in real life. For example, if you’ve www.atime.org/forums just complained to your best friend about your sister who Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

53 REFLECTIONS A TIME Shasathon REFLECTIONS Historic A TIME U.K. Shasathon By: C.s. Teitelbaum

Entering Hilton London Metropole’s Sandringham Yisrael and ahavas Torah, the likes of which have probably Suite on Sunday after it had been converted into A TIME not been seen in Europe since the year Rav Meir Schapiro Shas-a-thon’s beis medrash, a visitor walking in on the had requested this same undertaking of his talmidim as a still-vacant room would have been forgiven for thinking gift in honour of his birthday 80 years ago. there was an imminent United Nations summit due to take place; even the individual sparkling glasses of water Only this time it was a two-fold accomplishment. In were not forgotten. All that was missing were participants’ order to be part of this powerful opportunity, each lomed tabletop microphones! had to pledge to try and raise sponsorships for his learning, to support A TIME, simultaneously turning the Shas-a- Rows and rows of long tables with ready personalized thon into an extraordinary tzedakah venture. Artscroll Gemaras were prepared on the right places — positioned in order of the masechtas — behind official- Registration took place at 10 a.m. The sight that met looking nameplates bearing the lomed’s name and the the incoming lomdim — that of dozens of volunteers masechtas which he represented, with each participant sitting together behind registration tables, people of all playing a crucial role in the day’s gargantuan challenge; a stripes liaising together — was in itself a lesson in achdus siyum haShas in aid of A TIME, the 10-year-old U.K. branch which was not lost on anyone. Participants were then of the international organization which supports couples welcomed inside for breakfast, but most of the buffet experiencing infertility. was left untouched with the lomdim eagerly rushing to take their seats in the adjacent room and plunging into 5775 But to insiders, the glaring difference, of course, l’havdil, their learning marathon, filling the room way before the was the purpose for which this gathering had come to scheduled start. convene. Not for world peace, nor for global warming. The Shas-a-thon was a rare historic combination of ahavas Participants came from as far as Switzerland, Vienna, Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

54 Unlike at a classic “kuveh shtiebel” which buzzes with activity, the coffee turned cold, the pile of cups stayed neat and tall at the deserted refreshment table outside, with nary a visitor to keep it company. Lomdim commented that they simply could not tear themselves away from the atmosphere, so once Antwerp, Gateshead and Manchester, as well as two they finished their original bottled drink they simply lomdim who left to catch flights at the end of the relied on being energised by the powerful spirit in seder. the room. Shas-a-thon was not merely a one-day event; it Two o’clock rolled around quicker than the was a culmination of weeks of preparation by the lomdim could believe, so when Mr. Margulies had participants. The 247 lomdim who signed up for it, to interrupt them to remind them that dinner was along with their chavrusos, prepared their chosen waiting downstairs, he actually had to apologise for masechta for weeks in advance to enable them to doing so! One lomed noted emblematically, “Having ease through it within the allotted few hours. to stop for dinner was like having a chilled ice drink The Shas-a-thon proceedings were masterfully pulled from parched lips!” chaired by Reb Duvi Margulies. Words of pesichah Reich’s catered a gourmet milky dinner to revive were delivered by Rabbi Shaul Rosen of New York, the lomdim who almost forgot by now how hungry distinguished founder of A TIME. Rabbi Rosen they were. Replenished, many of them returned to officially commenced Shas by citing the first their seats in the beis medrash after only 15 minutes, mishnah in his address. once again eager to continue. This seder was opened At precisely eleven o’clock, the room erupted with an address by Rabbi Meir Rapaport, Rav of Beis into a thunderous roar with the timeless chorus Midrash Imrei Shefer, North West London. “Zogt der heilige Gemara…” as hundreds of lomdim The next three hours were like a race to the finish took to their sefarim and embarked on the learning except that, since they were dealing with the sacred marathon. words of Torah, the committee hardly wanted Rabbanim, baalebatim, kollel yungerleit; shirts, lomdim to skim through each blatt in their efforts jackets, coats; small yarmulkes, large velvet ones, not to let down the ultimate goal. At this point Litvish and Chassidish hats; clean shaven, short therefore, the team went around checking where beards and flowing white ones. The deafening din everyone was up to and telling them to take it easy diffused any physical and even spiritual differences, and give away that which they think they would not bringing everyone together as they strove towards a cover, rather than do so in haste. Those blatt were shared goal. then given to eminent talmidei chachamim in the room for completion, so that every single blatt was

Sounds of intense learning filled the now-hallowed covered thoroughly and comprehensively. 5775 walls for three hours straight, as chavrusos argued furiously over Abaye and Rava, heartily dissecting As the clock ticked towards the finishing line, the gemaras, their fingers thumping the air, relishing the pressure grew. Lomdim who realised they were every second of this once-in-a-lifetime experience. lagging behind went around finding takers for Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

55 their unfinished bletter. The exhaustion was physically As guests were washing for the seudah, soul-stirring noticeable on everyone’s faces. songs and chazzanus were offered by the highly acclaimed singer Motti Steinmetz, who infused the seudah with They barely paused or glanced out of their sefarim — or, an ambiance of awe for Torah and for the approaching as many lomdim admirably boasted, “I didn’t check my Yamim Nora’im, arousing and captivating everyone with phone once during the entire seder” — their expressions his extraordinary vocal talent. creased, eyebrows furrowed, brains working feverishly, as they stretched themselves to the limit, pushing another The chairman then invitedR abbi Naftoli Weiss of New blatt, and another one, fighting off fatigue — hardly aware York, the leading figure of A TIME, to share a few words. of it, in fact — and inching towards the finishing line. His speech was followed by the siyum which was made by Reb. Dovid Hochhauser, l’ilui nishmas his father. As Divrei Ne’ilah, as this phase was so aptly called, were this climax was unfolding, everyone’s eyes were fixed on delivered by Rav Ze’ev Feldman, the dedicated Rav of A the screen, beholding the magnanimity of the moment, TIME UK who gives selflessly to the organization at all and awaiting his last words to be able to cry out the hours. customary mazal tov. Indeed, when the time came, the room exploded instantly into lively dancing and music. As The crowds vacated the Sandringham Suite which, the men took to their feet and circled their own tables, the serving as the beis medrash, had become their home for verve and joy filtered through the the day and where they had exerted over seven hours of strenuous physical and mechitzos and the excitement for the completion of Shas spread through to the ezras nashim. emotional efforts. They enjoyed some light cocktails to wind down before going downstairs to wash for the siyum Those on the table accommodating theA TIME dinner. committee could not contain their joy and started the dancing, spreading a unique infectious feeling of fulfilment, By now, at 7 o’clock, the lomdim’s wives were joining hope and optimism. On both sides, the individual the scene, honoured to join their husband’s combined fulfilment rings merged to one large circle and soon trails Torah and ahavas Yisrael accomplishments. of overwhelmed participants were wending their way Everyone was welcomed into the beautiful prepared through the tables and absorbing the fervent and heartfelt hall by splendid musical accompaniments, provided by words of singer Motti Grunwald who, together with the Hershi Ginsberg Orchestra and the Zimroh choir, ably musician Mordeche Hochberg, successfully set the festive led by Chaim Menachem Hartman. All the while, screen tone. The dancing did not subside for close to 30 minutes, showings played back snapshots of the day’s learning, with neither party willing to close this historical chapter in surprising even the lomdim at the awe of the scene they Anglo-Jewry’s history. It was a true eis ratzon. helped create. So engrossed were they, they had been Reb Yanki Stern of A TIME UK, took the opportunity completely oblivious to the many others learning in the on behalf of himself and Reb Yitschok Elya Englander, 5775 rows behind them, let alone that there was a photographer his partner in A TIME, to humbly thank all the capturing their intense expressions. lomdim,sponsors and the dedicated committee from It was therefore most enjoyable for the dinner guests on Stamford Hill who made this event, an experience that will both the men’s and women’s side to view the proceedings. remain with each participant of this Shas-a-thon. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

56 Thoughts About the Shas-a-thon UK from Within: Elul 5775

The Shas-a-thon has constantly been on our minds event, we expected something special, but this exceeded the last few months. The thought that all of Shas will be all expectations! Yes, ATIME together with the event completed in one day is just incredible, and the fact that organisers pulled it off again with their special touch from it was especially arranged by ATIME which is so close to start to finish! our hearts, made the excitement all that more real! It all started months before More than any mussar shiur the event took place; the funding and the learning. The excitement and enthusiasm Much more than any inspiring book kept growing as the day drew closer. This Was watching a group of women dance last night unique event was eagerly anticipated by all participants involved. With undiluted joy, with fun; with pure delight. Women for whom life has not been smooth sailing, Entering the room where the siyum was held, the spiritual atmosphere was strongly Some of who are still struggling from severe challenges; felt. The pictures of the lomdim learning Yet their expression of outlet – a dance of joy and elation throughout the day gave us just a glimpse of what went on just a few hours before. Is something which speaks volumes; gives inspiration. It pierced my heart; a powerful message. The speeches and words of encouragement infused with humour, given by the guest For every one of us residing in this world speaker Rabbi Lieff from Flatbush and Go through challenges; some bite sized, some bigger Rabbi Weiss were greatly appreciated by all. The reciting of the siyum was followed And the point is to rise above it all and to love life. by a unanimous ‘omein’ and impromptu Their outburst; their spontaneous dance of simcha dancing which lasted for a long time. The musical entertainment by the renowned Portrayed their sparks of courage; their tenets of emunah; singer Motti Steinmetz and the Shira choir A flaming torch held aloft amid much darkness left us all mesmerized. The atmosphere in The hope and belief of living with Hashem. the room was electric; we were all united by 5775 the power of Torah. Being part of the Shas- The sight so powerful now imprinted on my heart. a-thon UK was a tremendous honour! Unaware, they created a new consciousness within me, Having heard about the American And they remain unaware as I thank them with a prayer on my lips. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

57 A WIFE REFLECTS

Meanwhile, preparations were underway for the As soon as I heard about the A TIME Shas-a-thon, I siyum. Transport was provided for the women who immediately urged my husband to sign up as a lomed were joining their husbands in celebration. The and get the ball rolling. My husband was not too keen ambience; the décor and the lighting at the hotel to do so being held back my feelings of uncertainness ballroom was magnificent with the backdrop of the with regard to the magnitude of the learning he would videos of the men learning throughout the day. The have to undertake and the feeling of, “How can I be a scene of scores of men sitting and learning; focused on lomed when I am still in this situation, waiting to turn their gemarahs was enough to take your breath away! the bend?” The dinner began and more than the delicious food After persistence from my part and the notion of was the atmosphere of achdus in the room! We did taking his regular chavrusa to join him as a lomed, my it – the whole of Shas was learned today under this husband perked up and so he signed up and proverbially very hotel roof! Whilst listening to the Hadran, I was didn’t look back as he and his chavrusa started studying struggling to maintain my composure as I was thinking their dafim each night with earnestness. When we went of all the people I know, including yours truly  who are on vacation in the summer, the gemarah came along awaiting yeshuos! Ribono shel Olam – look at what was and each night my husband would be on the phone created today, and look at the tremendous achdus! Is learning with his chavrusa so as to be fully prepared for this not enough to bring salvation to those who need the big day – September 14th. it? Kaddish was recited and then it was like when the Chasan smashes the glass under the Chuppah as the Meanwhile, at the side-lines, I was trying to campaign band broke into song and the crowd burst into joyful, to get my friends and family to sponsor my husband, unrestrained dancing! On the women’s side too, we and though I can’t say that we managed to complete joined hands and danced! It was a moment that I will our goal, I can say that we tried to raise the funds for A not forget! The simcha was palpable in the air!I felt TIME with a heart full of hakaros hatov! that the Shaarei Shamayim were open and I poured out silent prayers to the One Above. The dancing The Shabbos before the Shas-a-thon my husband continued unabated – it was a pure eis ratzon. I felt a and his chavrusa were busy learning their dafim all over feeling of such closeness to the Ribono shel Olam! again in preparation for the coming day. We came home on a high and when I think back to Sunday, the day of the Shas-a-thon commenced early, this special day the sensation of kedushah is still there! the Batei Midrashim were full of people; excitement As R’ Moshe Tuvia Leiff said in his eloquent speech was tangible. Arriving at the Hilton Metropole, the that today we built an edifice that will last forever! I men were treated to a lavish breakfast and then the especially enjoyed the vort which one the of speakers learning began, I was obviously not present but when מחילה, סליחה, is an acronym for מסכת mentioned that my husband called me at lunchtime, he was full of it. When I was standing this past Rosh .תורה and כפרה He described the atmosphere as electric, the learning Hashana in shul, I felt the zechus of the Shas-a-thon intense and satisfying and the extraordinary feeling with me. As I looked down at my husband standing in of being together with Yidden of all different stripes shul, I felt a strong pride that we did it! The learning focusing on one goal to finish the Shas! and the impact that the Shas-a-thon generated within My husband was euphoric when he called me again us is one which I know will resonate within our home 5775 at 5:40 pm with the news that yes; he succeeded to forever and ever. learn all his dafim! His joy knew no bounds and I, upon Many thanks to the people behind the scenes who hearing the news was overcome with emotion for there made this all happen – the zechus is all yours! is nothing like the zechus of Limud Hatorah!

Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei Photos courtesy of S. S. 58 Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:34 PM Page 37

PROGRAMSPROGRAMS & SERVICESSERVICEES PESACH 5774 PESACH /

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A our memmembersbers tthehe oppoopportunityrtunity ttoo speaspeakk wwithith ototherher ccouplesouples TTIMEIME aalsolso ooffersfferrs supporsupportt ggroupsroups anandd 1 on 1 ccounseling.ounseling. A eexperiencingxperiencing similarsimilar strstresses.esses. compassionate,compassionate, supporsupportivetive pacpackagekage incincludingluding inspirinspirationalational ststories,ories, soothisoothingnng music, uupliftingplifting ppoems,oems, and chochocolate,colate, is ssentent EDUCATIONALEDUCATIONAL EVENTS EVENTS toto ladies who e experiencedxperienced the loslosss ooff a prpregnancy.egnancy. EducationalEducational and insinspirationalpirational monthlmonthlyy seseminarsminars run bbyy leadinleadingg ddoctorsoctors anandd ttherapists,herapists, prprovidingoviding ccomprehensibleompreehensible memedicaldical 9900 PAPPACKETSACKETTS SENT PER MONTH iinformationnformation iinn a wwarmarm anandd frienfriendlydly atmoatmosphere.sphere. 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HELPLINE ProfessionallyProfessionally trtrainedained vvolunteersolunteers ansansweringwering aallll SHABBOSSHABBOS NEAR HOHOSPITALSPITTAAL questionsquestions rregardingegarding infinfertility,ertility, and prprovidingoviding rreferralseferrals gguidanceuidance FullFull acaccommodationscommodaations fforor hothotels,els, ffood,ood, local infinformation,ormation, and alalll and susupportpportt too ananyoneyone who turns ttoo A TIMTIMEME fforor asassistance.sistance. ototherher necnecessitiesessitiees araree prprovidedovided fforor tthosehose wwhoho neeneedd ttoo bbee in ccloselose prproximityoximity ttoo a hhospitalospital ooverver the Sabbath oorr aanyny JJewishewish HHoliday.oliday. 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LENDING LIBRARLIBRARYY THE CCOMMITTEEOMMITTTEE FFOROR HALACHAHALACHA TheThe A TIME librlibraryary is a fullfullyy sstockedtocked rreferenceeferrence librlibraryary prprovidingoviding AND TETECHNOLOGYCHNOOLOGY thethe most uupp ttoo ddateate iinformationnformation aavailablevailablee in bbooks,ooks, magmagazines,gazines, TheThe ccommitteeommitteee is ccomprisedomprised of lleadingeading RaRabbisbbis anandd ddoctorsoctors wwho perioperiodicals,dicals, anandd llecturesectures ((audioaudio anandd visuvisual).aal). MatMaterialserials ccoverover traintrain other RabRabbi’sbbi’sw worldwideorldwide in the intricacies of infinfertilityertility iinn procedures,procedures, medications, inspiration,inspiration, momotivationtivation and ananythingything JeJewishwish LaLaw.w. else rrelatedelated ttoo infinfertility.ertility. WWW.ATIME.ORGWWW.AATTIMME.ORG

25050 VISITVISITORSORS PER MONTH A TIME’TIME’ss wwebsite,ebssite, prprovidesovides ouourr ccouplesouples witwithh a pplethoralethora of 5775 resources,resources, includingincluding ooverver a dodozenzen infinfertilityertility sspecialistspecialists who MEDICALMEDICAL REFERRALS & RESEARRESEARCHCCH ansanswerwer qquestionsuestions that aarere both ppostedosted on mesmessagesage boarboardsds aandnd When it ccomesomes ttoor referralseferrals ttoo medical sspecialistspeecialists fforor the infinfertileertile emailedemailed ttoo tthemhem ddirectly;irectly; cchathat fforumsorums ttoo ssharehare iideasdeas anandd ccoupleouple ttherehere is no bbetteretter pplacelace ttoo tturnurn ttoo tththenen A TIME. UpoUponn eexperiences,xperiences, mmedicaledical ininformationformation anandd emotionaemotionall supporsupportt rrequest,equest, our staff willwill cconsultonsult witwithh memedicaldicaal speciaspecialistslists ttoo asassistsist availableavailable 2244 hohoursoursada a day;y; a calendar and descridescriptionption of A TITIMEMME and educateducatee the ccouples.ouples. A TIME will do the rresearchesearch on ananyy eeventsvents fforor the c comingoming yyear.ear. rrecommendedecommended trtreatmentseatments aavailablevailable ttoo ouourur ccouples.ouples. pictures courtesy of S. S. 5050,0000,0000 POSTSPOSTS ANNUANNUALLYALLLYY ON OUR FFORUMORUM W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei 11300300 REFERRALS PER MONTH 59 Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:33 PM Page 23 5775 Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

60 October 04, 2014 10:10AM ET Transplant Gives Parents from those medications, the BBC reports, they’llfrom thosemedications,the BBC reports, the Medscape site. To avoid long-term damage azathioprine, andcorticosteroids),”accordingto immunosuppression medications(tacrolimus, want totryforanotherbaby. have agoodstorytotell.” “He’s nodifferentfromanyotherchild,buthewill spoke with the baby’s father, who said of his son, and howhappyhemadethem.” was senthome10daysafterbeingborn. preeclampsia in the 31st week of the pregnancy. in September,afterhismotherdeveloped out bloodflowwasnormal.” compromised bloodflowtothefetus,butitturned to heruterus. Doctorswereconcernedabout reports. “Theresulting embryosweretransferred IVF” beforethetransplant,NPR’sPattiNeighmond to produce eggs, which were then fertilized using The Lancet. are being published inthe British medicaljournal transplants on nine women. The program’s findings where aresearchprogramhasperformeduterine Brannstrom oftheUniversityGothenburg, years aftershehadgonethroughmenopause. so anotherwoman,61,donatedherwombseveral new mother, 36, had been born without a uterus, two yearsaftershereceivedauterustransplant.The a woman has given birth to a baby boy less than and reproduction science, doctors in Sweden say accept onewhohasfrozen embryosasacandidateforthisprocedure. who hadundergoneauterinetransplant. Currently, theclinicwillonly Editor’s Note:Sincethisarticleappeared,there havebeentwomorereportedlivebirthsbywomen During pregnancy, the mother took “triple The parentswillhavetodecidewhetherthey The parentshaven’tbeenidentified,buttheAP “But itisevenbettertoseethejoyinparents “The babyisfantastic,”BrannstromtellstheAP. The baby wasdelivered by cesarean section “The recipienthadintactovariesandwasable The successfulbirthwas reported byDr.Mats In what’sbeinghailedasahugestepinfertility A Healthy Baby A First: Uterus He

into areality. making theidea toward start working — madehim human hand — thatofa the sameyear breakthrough another transplant with otherdoctors,and thinking. Buthetalkedabouttheprospect give meauterus.” woman asked.“Mymotheroroldersistercould — butwouldn’tbeabletohaveababy. that shestillhadovaries,eggcellsandhormones as partoftreatingherforcervicalcancer. doctor saidhehadremovedawoman’suterus conversation that took place back in 1998, the said inAugust.Recallinga a patient,Brannstrom a uterusfirstcamefrom due toachronicinfection. to bloodclotsandintheother procedure reversed, in one case due the transplants,twolaterhadtohave 10-13 hours.Oftheninewomenwhoreceived duration,” with donor surgeries ranging from transplant is“lowriskdespiteextendedsurgery relative.” mothers of the receivers; the remaining four a close project, the researchers say, “Five of the donors are the wombremoved. need to either try for another pregnancy or have “This patientismad,”Brannstromrecalls “But isn’t it possible to transplant a uterus?” the Brannstrom thenexplainedtothewoman The ideatotransplant The researcherssaythatalive-donoruterus On theirwebpageabouttheuterinetransplant  By: JohanWingborg/AP

came from a transplant a

“This patient is mad,” The idea to Brannstrom recalls uterus first

patient.

thinking.

61 Shaarei Tikvah/ WINTER 5775 Medical What is Unexplained Infertility By: Dr. Norbert Gleicher

nexplained infertility (UI) is the most 1) Endometriosis, 2) Tubal disease, 3) POA and 4) U frequent infertility diagnosis given to women, Immunological infertility. In our experience, we will find encompassing up to approximately evidence for one or more, of these 30% of all cases. However, at the conditions in an overwhelming majority Center of Human Reproduction of cases. we are not convinced that such a We are convinced that diagnosis actually exists and, even if at least some women, Common conditions misdiagnosed it did, we believe that unexplained as unexplained infertility: infertility would represent a erroneously labeled 1. Endometriosis misnomer that should be changed. with a diagnosis of Endometriosis is one of the great Unexplained infertility generally mimics in medicine. It may be present means the physician failed to find unexplained infertility, to a very mild degree and cause the TRUE cause of your infertility in reality suffer from considerable symptoms, or affect a a couple that has endometriosis-related patient very severely without her even been assigned the diagnosis being aware that she has the condition. of unexplained infertility (UI) infertility. Diagnosis is further hampered by the obviously suffers from infertility fact that endometriosis often is only and has undergone a diagnostic microscopic in nature which means that, work up that failed to reveal a even during laparoscopy, the by far most credible underlying cause for their reliable diagnostic technique available, condition. the condition can be overlooked and/or underestimated in severity. In other words, the diagnosis of UI is reached by default; it is a Whether so-called “mild negative diagnosis, suggesting that endometriosis” causes endometriosis a clinical problem exists but that infertility has remained under dispute. the probable cause for this problem We very strongly believe that it does and, has remained elusive. even more importantly, that it affects fertility adversely in many different Conditions misdiagnosed as ways. The strongest support for this unexplained infertility position comes from research data on IVF cycles, which suggests that women When patients come to us with endometriosis have fewer positive 5775 with a presumptive diagnosis of outcome than other women of the same unexplained infertility (UI), we age without the disease. very carefully evaluate them for the following four conditions: These poor results are seen in practically Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

62 The high rate of all the aspects of the process, from misdiagnosis of tubal these are important, the functionality having fewer eggs at time of retrieval, disease has been well of the oviducts, which cannot be reduced quality of the eggs, and having evaluated by a HSG, is equally as lower implantation and pregnancy documented in the important. rates. Additional investigations, which have attempted to elucidate why that medical literature. Oviducts can be assessed by would be the case, suggest (as we will measuring the tubal perfusion discuss below in more detail) that pressure (TPP) of the fallopian their fallopian tubes may function tube. When competent HSG is abnormally, that ovarian function performed in combination with a may be adversely affected and that TPP evaluation, this modified form endometriosis may release toxic of a HSG is called a GRS. In over 80% substances which may harm embryos of cases elevated TPPs are associated and/or their implantation capacity. with the laparoscopically confirmed presence of endometriosis, once again There are also many studies in the confirming not only that tubal disease literature which point towards similar is greatly under-diagnosed but that patient profiles between women with endometriosis is, as well. endometriosis and UI. Putting all of this information together, we are, Therefore, little doubt is left that at therefore, convinced that at least some least some cases of UI represent the women, erroneously labeled with a failure of proper diagnosis of tubal diagnosis of unexplained infertility, disease, especially distal and functional in reality suffer from endometriosis- tubal disease, frequently associated related infertility. with endometriosis.

2. Tubal disease The high rate of misdiagnosis 3. Premature ovarian aging (POA) of tubal disease has been well It is now widely believed that ovaries documented in the medical literature. Most of these age in a very specific pattern, along a typical aging curve misdiagnoses can be attributed to the limitations of which, in turn, is defined by the number of remaining hysterosalpingography (HSG), the principal diagnostic follicles within the ovaries. screening technique utilized world-wide in the diagnosis of tubal disease. Indeed, CHR has been in the forefront of Women are born with approximately 300,000 follicles research on the reliability of HSG and quite convincingly and that number declines by approximately one half every demonstrated a number of years ago the limitations of the 10 years. In parallel to this modest decline in follicular technique, as it is utilized in most radiology suites (at CHR numbers, female fertility declines only modestly until we perform HSGs in a more sophisticated and, therefore, approximately age 37.5 years, when roughly 25,000 follicles more reliable way, called a Gyneco-Radiologic Study, or are left over. From that point on, the decline in fertility GRS). accelerates in parallel with accelerated follicular loss until menopause sets in at average age of 51. It is now assumed as also reported by others, HSG is particularly that the period between acceleration in fertility decline poor in diagnosing correctly distal (i.e. fimbrial) tubal (age 37.5 and 25,000 follicles) and menopause (age 51 and disease and peritubal adhesions. In addition, the literature 1,000 follicles) is fixed at approximately 13.5 years. suggests that the reliable interpretation of HSGs suffers from considerable variability of interpretation. This is Women with POA follow a similar curve; however their also confirmed by a currently ongoing study at CHR in ovarian aging curve is, for reasons which are still often which we review outside HSG films and compare ours to unclear, moved to the left of the chart. In other words, they the original reading of the films by the radiologist. So far reach all the key points on the aging curve, noted above, in over 100 reviews of these HSGs we have significantly at much younger age, though at equal time intervals. This, disagreed in over 60% of cases with the diagnostic reports of course, means that these women will not only face a 5775 that accompany the original films. dramatic decline in their fertility potential prematurely but will also enter menopause early. Indeed, the literature hSGs have only the ability to investigate the suggests that approximately 11% of women encounter anatomic condition of the fallopian tubes. While obviously menopause early. Many from amongst this very large pool Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

63 of women can, therefore, also be expected to experience symptomatic and, therefore, are diagnosed with their an accelerated fertility decline much before the usual diseases, already demonstrate a significant decline in age of 37.5 years and, since they usually do not exhibit fertility. This has, by now, been demonstrated in a large any specific symptoms, they are frequently mistakenly number of studies all over the world, including a recent diagnosed with unexplained infertility. study conducted at CHR.

We believe that in infertility practices, where women We, therefore, are convinced that immune with POA can be expected to be concentrated, they will abnormalities, especially autoimmune factors, can adversely represent a surprisingly large pool of patients. At CHR, we affect female fertility and need to be recognized as such, if routinely find evidence of POA in a for no other reason because the same majority of our patients under age 38. abnormalities, once the patient does conceive with treatment, increase the A timely and correct diagnosis in Since the diagnosis risk of miscarriage if left untreated. In these women is of crucial importance of UI is a diagnosis contrast to immunological infertility, because, if such women are correctly immunological pregnancy loss can in diagnosed with POA and if their of exclusion, it will many cases be successfully treated. infertility treatment is then geared towards their ovarian, rather than be only as good Following this argument, it also their chronological, age, pregnancy (or bad) as the appears logical to assume that at least rates with IVF will still be surprisingly some cases, wrongly diagnosed as excellent, as we demonstrated in diagnostic work unexplained infertility, in reality suffer our pregnancy rates in this patient from immunological infertility. population with very poor prognosis.. up that has been performed. Why do so many doctors Therefore, the literature quite misdiagnose unexplained infertility? convincingly suggests that quite a considerable number of women The reasons why underlying with the presumed diagnosis of problems may not be identified can, unexplained infertility actually suffer of course, vary. One possibility is from POA. that there is no one obvious cause for a couple’s infertility and that 4. Immunological infertility their problem may be the result of multiple minor aberrations in how Whether abnormal immune their respective reproductive systems function can affect female fertility has cooperate. After all, the successful remained a highly contentious subject. establishment of pregnancy is a highly Many much esteemed colleagues complex process, and, at least on vehemently argue that there is no a theoretical level, one can assume evidence for such a connection. At circumstances where male and female CHR we strongly disagree with them, fertility, each, are affected only to such even though we have to acknowledge a mild degree that standard diagnostic that, so far, no treatment for test results would still be considered immunological infertility has proven within normal parameters. Yet, its value in properly conducted clinical together, the reduction in the couple’s trials. combined fertility potential is large enough to cause infertility. The fact that we do not have a good treatment for immunological Since the diagnosis of UI is a infertility, however, does not mean diagnosis of exclusion, it will be only as good (or bad) as that it does not exist or does not require proper diagnosis. the diagnostic work up that has been performed. Indeed, we believe that the auto-immune literature provides overwhelming evidence in support of the fact that Whether such a circumstance, indeed, exists is, however, 5775 (auto)immune mechanisms can reduce female fertility highly questionable. Moreover, even if it did exist, it would potential. The most poignant one lies in the observation behoove us to improve the sensitivity of our diagnostic that women with classical auto-immune diseases, such testing, so that testing procedures become able to detect as rheumatoid arthritis, systemic lupus erythematosus, even subtle and multifactorial abnormalities in the scleroderma and others, long before they become clinically reproductive processes which can lead to infertility. Any Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

64 Pesach 5774Mgazine:TishreiMagazine3/31/20144:34PMPage27 is consideredUIinonepracticemayhaveaveryspecific therefore, greatlyvarybetweenpractitioners,andwhat hypothetical conclusionthatacouplesuffersfromUIwill, on whatconstitutesacompleteinfertilityevaluation.The diagnostic accuracy. practice inwhichgoodcareshouldberewardedbybetter opposite of whatone would like to see with goodmedical a couplewillendupwithdiagnosisofUI:exactlythe structure: thepoorermedicalcare,morelikely up withadiagnosisofUI. shoddier adiagnosticevaluation,themorelikelywillitend end upwithadiagnosisofUI.Theoppositeisalsotrue:the a couple’sinfertilitybedetectedandthelesslikelywillthey work upisperformed,themorelikelywillatruecausefor comprehensively and the more accurately the diagnostic the diagnosticworkupthathasbeenperformed. is adiagnosisofexclusion,itwillbeonlyasgood(orbad) continuous useofthisterminology:SincethediagnosisUI brings ustothemainrationaleofourargumentagainst course, eliminatetheneedforadiagnosiscalledUI,which such improvementindiagnosticabilitieswouldthen,of Dayainu fluke... a just was it said BFP. Doctor next my get I take time, but will It that? in good the see I do dear,how Oh ried. family,a right? start what’sistoand rightnow have child for a important have fewer kids than I envisioned. It is a letdown, but probably will I that accept to have will I family. big a the least. Oh Hashem, it isn’t your plan for me to have 3 years + 10 months:3 years years: 3 Physicians and their professional organizations disagree This, ofcourse,createsaratherpeculiarincentive Another way of saying this is that the more IVF worked! But within my trimester,first I miscar- Finallyisn’tdiagnosis!it a got But… we rosy, to say “ . When wearenotabletochangeasituation, we arechallengedtochangeourselves. bezras Hashem bezras Dayainu . Board Certiﬁed inObstetricsandGynecologyBoard Certiﬁed Aaron Weinreb, MD the pain will heal when Invasive LaparoscopicSurgery,Including: Specializing inMinimally 1309 Ave JBrooklyn, NY11230 718-677-1710 NYM Associates Laproscopic andHysteroscopicMyomectomy Laparoscopic Hysterectomy Laparoscopic OvarianCystectomy

puts an end to this journey. May we be be journey.thistowe end May an puts zoche be we may even ifit’s notwhat wewanted. the find alwaysto And us. for made thing is to remember that Hashem has a plan, one that is tailor of my lungs: give me ONE child, I will be so happy. And I will sing on the top disappointed was that I will not have I a huge family? Hashem, if only when you Remember come? time my will When 8 years: 8 redemption from this infertility hasbecomeverysmall. we cannotidentifythepresumptivecause of acouple’s UI. Followingsuchapolicy,theprevalenceofcaseswhere opinion, sooftenaremissed,leadingtothemisdiagnosisof four medicalconditionsdescribedabove,whichinour diagnostic work-ups, with special concentration on the with such a diagnosis we very carefully reevaluate their the right diagnosis. Whenever patients are referred to us with amoredetailedmanuscript. in moredetail,tocontactusandwewillgladlyprovideyou of references),weencourageourreaders,whoareinterested necessary detailofourmedicalliteraturereview(inclusive summary, presentedhere,doesnotallowustoofferthe analysis ofthemedicalliterature.And,whilebrief in orownpatientpopulationbutalsofromacareful reached thisconclusionnotonlybasedonobservations overlooked and,therefore,misdiagnosedasUI.Wehave convinced thatfourveryspecificconditionsarefrequently diagnosis inanother.Indeed,atCHRwehavebecome the fieldbeforemakinganyconclusions. informational purposeonly.Pleaseconsultyourdoctororaprofessionalin Disclaimer: www.centerforhumanreprod.com Now how does the next bit go? bit next the does how Now important The us. of all to familiar are dreamsShattered cycle. failed another take cannot I mind. my losing am I The firststepintreatingunexplainedinfertilityisfinding Unexplained infertilitytreatment DAYAINU This article reflects the views of the author and and individualizedObstetricalCare. Solo-practitioner offeringpersonalized to praise and thank Hashem, when he finally golus ! called infertility infertility called Al achas kama vekamakama…. achas Al Dayainu zoche Most Insurances Accepted Including HMO Medicaid Including HMO bekorov, amen bekorov, in our situation,our in to our personal our to ! is for 27 SHAAREI TIKVAH / PESACH 5774 65 Shaarei Tikvah/ WINTER 5775 Medical How to Maximize Your Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) Success

or many fertility patients, getting over the first cess of a cycle, but may also increase the risk of miscarriage F hurdle of a fresh IVF cycle can be a relief. But if and pose risks to the fetus once the mother achieves preg- you’ve experienced a failed IVF cycle and want to try again, nancy. Due to the effects of age on fertility, it is important want to avoid ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS), to not wait too long before returning for your frozen em- or want to build your family further, you might be consid- bryos. ering a frozen embryo transfer (FET) IVF treatment. Dr. Peng recommends fertility patients be mindful of Frozen embryo transfers involve the use of thawed em- their health and have realistic expectations about suc- bryos that were frozen in a previous in vitro fertilization cess rates and embryo quality when pursuing a frozen (IVF) cycle. Frozen embryos can remain frozen for up to 10 embryo transfer: years, though freezing techniques and quality of the embryos influence the • Optimize your overall health. Regular survival rate of the embryos. physical examinations, gynecological evaluations, and a thorough workup While a fertility patient will have little with your fertility doctor are recom- control over the outcome of the embryo Creating the optimal mended before a frozen embryo trans- thawing process, there are several ways environment fer cycle. Take vitamin supplements, she can prepare for a frozen embryo including folic acid. Fertility patients transfer to optimize her odds of success- for embryo implantation and should also quit smoking and limit alco- ful pregnancy. hol consumption to promote the best maintaining good Noel Peng, M.D., F.A.C.O.G., of IVF In- outcomes. stitute in Dallas, Texas, advises patients health are essential that creating the optimal environment for a successful • Be aware of developing health condi- for embryo implantation and maintain- frozen embryo tions. Hypertension (high blood pressure) and diabetes can worsen during ing good health are essential for a suc- cycle. cessful frozen embryo cycle. “One good pregnancy and pose risks to the fetus. thing about using frozen embryos is that the risk of aneuploidy is locked in at the age of which the 5775 embryos were frozen. However, mature women have an • Take frozen embryo transfer success rates with a Success rates depend on the number of increased risk of high blood pressure, diabetes, and fibroids grain of salt. cycles a clinic performs and the complexity of cases ac- which can influence the outcome of their cycle,” he says. cepted into the clinic. Understanding how age and diag- These health conditions will not only jeopardize the suc- nosis cut offs influence IVF success rate data is important Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

66 Embryos frozen with vitrification for seeing the bigger picture. There are endure less ice balanced, screening for thyroid disease, many other factors that influence your and examining the uterine cavity. Espe- personal success rate including body crystal formation cially if the patient has been pregnant and mass index (BMI) and underlying fer- and are at less delivered a baby through c-section (cae- tility conditions are some examples. risk of cell rupture sarian section), scar tissue can affect the during the thaw uterus as well and can make it difficult • Consult a trusted fertility doctor for process. for the embryo to attach. You wouldn’t a realistic assessment on the qual- want to put the embryo back if uterine ity of your frozen embryos. Embryos conditions are not optimal,” Peng advises. frozen via slow-freeze techniques are at greater risk of perishing during the thaw process. Embryos frozen with Fertility patients concerned about the risks of chromo- vitrification endure less ice crystal formation and are at somal abnormalities or have had an unsuccessful frozen less risk of cell rupture during the thaw process. Better embryo transfer should talk to their fertility doctor about quality embryos will have a higher survival rate as well. preimplantation genetic screening (PGS). Though Dr. Peng cautions patients to weigh the risks versus the benefits, he “Before a patient undergoes a frozen embryo transfer, I rec- says it is possible to biopsy previously frozen embryos to ommend checking the hormone levels to be sure they are test for balanced chromosomes. 

For all questions and concerns about women’s health from birth to menopause A PROJECT CHAVA OF A TIME HEALTHY WOMEN HEALTHY YOU Give us a call, we have the Obstetrics Routine / High Risk Menopause Gynecology Pelvic Pain answers, the Urogynecology Fertility Preservation Pregnancy Loss Halacha pertaining to all areas experience and Cycle Management / PCOS / Endocrinology of women’s health we can help you Pediatric / Adolescent Gynecology

For the best referral and advice in women’s health 5775

718.475.1415 www.atime.org Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

67 Medical

Surgical Sperm Retrieval and Its Uses in Infertility Treatment

or most of human history, fertilization of a The main methods of surgical sperm retrieval available F single egg produced by the female partner in- include: volved a swimming race between millions of sperm. The single winning sperm was the one that entered the egg PESA: percutaneous epididymal sperm aspiration. first. The modern infertility treatments intracytoplasmic MESA: microsurgical epididymal sperm aspiration. sperm injection (ICSI) and in vitro fertilization (IVF) now make it possible to extract a single sperm and use it to TESA: testicular sperm aspiration. This includes testicular directly fertilize an egg. The latest surgical sperm retrieval fine needle aspiration (TFNA). techniques combined with ICSI and IVF also mean that infertility can be overcome even in men who TESE: testicular sperm extraction. produce hardly any sperm. Microdissection TESE A low sperm count is a common cause percutaneous biopsy of the tes- of male infertility but if a man produces Perc biopsy: tis. even the tiniest number of sperm in his semen, these can be collected fairly easily. Which method is used depends on the na- Men who ejaculate no sperm, because of ture of the problem in the male partner, which blocked tubes in their testes, or because Which method needs to be explored carefully first. of a genetic condition that prevents their is used depends sperm being released, require some form of on the nature Tests required before surgical sperm retrieval 5775 surgical sperm retrieval to enable intracyto- of the problem, plasmic sperm injection to take place. which needs A man that produces no sperm in his semen is said to have azoospermia. This may be because to be explored Methods of surgical sperm retrieval of a blockage in one of the tubes that carry carefully first. sperm from the areas of the testes where they Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

68 are produced, during ejaculation. Obstruc- uses an operating microscopy to locate the tive azoospermia can be caused by testicu- tubules of the epididymis precisely, so that lar cancer, as the tumor presses on the vas large numbers of sperm can be extracted. deferens. This type of cancer is common in young men and can be treated success- Some small studies have been done to fully. It can, however, lead to infertility, so The latest compare success rates after the different surgical sperm retrieval may be performed surgical sperm types of surgical sperm retrieval. These concluded that MESA gives the highest to store some sperm before treatment be- retrieval gins. number of sperm, with a hundred times techniques more sperm being recovered compared Other conditions cause obstructive azo- combined with to TESA and perc biopsy. MESA also pro- ospermia, including having an abnormal ICSI and IVF duced sperm that were better swimmers cystic fibrosis gene. Men with this condi- and therefore more useful for infertility tion may not show all the symptoms, but also mean that treatments, including IVF and ICSI. they often have no vas deferens. Surgical infertility can be sperm retrieval is possible but there is a overcome even Surgical sperm retrieval techniques when there is no obstruction 50:50 chance that the embryos produced in men who by subsequent ICSI and IVF will have the Men who have no sperm in their semen, same genetic abnormality. Pre-implanta- hardly have despite having clear tubes in their testicles, tion genetic diagnosis (PGD) can be per- production. usually have a problem with the process formed on the embryos to select ones that of sperm production. It is unlikely that carry the normal gene. sperm are present in large numbers, so the surgical sperm If the problem that underlies poor sperm production is retrieval techniques required are more invasive. physical rather than genetic, surgical sperm retrieval can TESE: testicular sperm extraction. This involves opening go ahead. up the scrotum and taking a large volume of testicular tis- Surgical sperm retrieval techniques used when ob- sue, perhaps from several regions of the testicle. Sperm are struction is the problem then retrieved using a microscope to identify individual sperm. When the release of sperm is prevented by a blockage in the vas deferens several techniques can be used to retrieve Microdissection TESE: A similar technique but a micro- the large numbers of sperm that remain inside the testes. dissecting microscope is used to pinpoint the tissue to be The first three involve aspirating sperm using needles or removed. This aims to cause less damage to the structure tubes placed through the skin of the testis and are car- inside the testicle, and to therefore have fewer after ef- ried out under local anaesthetic. The fourth requires open fects such as blood supply problems caused by tiny blood surgical sperm retrieval and is usually carried out under vessels being cut. It also appears to increase the number of general anesthetic. sperm that can be retrieved.  fertility.treatmentabroad.com Note: A Halachic Authority, well versed in TESA: testicular sperm aspiration. This involves placing infertility matters, should be consulted prior to undergoing any type of procedure. a needle attached to a syringe through the skin of the scrotum and simply sucking out the fluid inside the testicle.

PESA: percutaneous epididymal sperm aspiration. This involves the same needle and syringe technique but the needle is placed directly into the epididymis.

Perc biopsy: percutaneous biopsy of the testis. This is similar to TESA, but a larger needle is used. This is a

14 gauge needle usually used to biopsy testicular tis- 5775 sue and it usually extracts a larger number of sperm. Israel: Phone:052-718-7188 MESA: microsurgical epididymal sperm aspiration. E-Mail: [email protected] This is an open surgical sperm retrieval procedure that Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

69 Medical

The Right Fat Can Improve Your IVF Success By: Marta Montenegro

f you are health conscious you try to avoid (Having more mature eggs can mean more embryos to I all types of fats. After all, fat is bad, right? It choose for fresh transfer, particularly among women who damages your waistline, heart, and overall health. But you have poor ovarian stimulation response.) The difference should not fear fat. Not all fats are created equal nor are was enough to significantly change the success rate of the they necessarily “evil.” In fact, when it comes to in vitro IVF treatment outcome. fertilization (IVF) treatment success, fat may be your best friend. Likewise, the women who had the highest intake of the healthy fats had a 3.45 times greater odds of a live birth Take a look at this recent study published in European than the ones who had a higher intake of saturated fats. Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology that The study’s authors also noted that the metabolic response involved 147 women who underwent an IVF procedure. The of fats varies according to the type. In fact, there’s evidence ones with the highest intake of healthy mono- and poly- 5775 that high saturated fat intake increases inflammatory unsaturated fats—found in salmon, olive oil, nuts, avocado, and seeds such as flaxseed, chia seeds, and sesame seeds— compounds and impair insulin response—two issues had 11.6 mature eggs to be retrieved. In comparison, the related to many chronic diseases.  women with the highest intake of saturated fats, like those found in butter and processed meats, had 9.3 mature eggs. www.fertilityauthority.com Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

70 Experienced a loss?

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ATIME Support Line Pregnancy Loss Support Program 718.686.8912 ext.113 Immediate Counseling Services www.atime.org Attend stillbirth deliveries For immediate assistance Chevra Kadisha arrangements call Malkie at: Follow-up counseling 917-627-5528 Patient advocacy To request the Insurance advocacy ATIME pregnancy loss support packet email [email protected] Pregnancy loss support package Medical guidance for future pregnancies Loss support groups – phone support and in-ofﬁce Medical and educational events

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71 Humor Missing in Action!

By: Shevi Weiss

er expected date of arrival has My husband is scratching his head. He’s H come, has gone, and still she is We would have wondering why the monthly demon did not not here. take hold of his wife yet, which would point been delighted to Aunt Flo’s imminent arrival. I am still Taking into account how much I’m think- doing my work calmly. No hyperventilating ing about her, you’d think her coming is an by now, scouting on lack of control over duties. No tirades re- anticipated event. Is. Not. Never.Ever. Except garding socks peeking out from under the the first time I cycled and my RE told me we every shop of bed ruffles or tardiness for dinner. No rep- start on Day 2. rimanding for lack of use of a knife despite pharmaceutical putting one as part of his place setting for She’s three days late. No big deal, eh? you the past five years. Didn’t his mother teach think. Big deal, oh yeah big deal, for Mrs. him anything? Regular-Four-Weeks-Like-Clockwork. The nature for a stuff Have-a-Baby-Every-Two-Years Moms Over supper we laugh at how we would are made of. pregnancy test that have acted three years ago. We would have

5775 been delighted by now, scouting every shop Now don’t get too excited, dear friend, ‘cuz boasts the highest of pharmaceutical nature for a pregnancy I’m not. We are in full swing of a “we are on test that boasts the highest levels of accu- a break” lull in cycling. levels of accuracy. racy. After all, the difference between 99% and 99.1% can have us be the ones to fall Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

72 I think it into the .1% category that wound up with an He looks at me,the laughter bubbling into inaccurate test. This, of course, would deny us was Eliyahu his beard. (No he didn’t grow it special as a from eh… having the pregnancy come to frui- zechus. He had one before.) tion by some interesting twist of logic. Hanavi! “Let’s go buy a pregnancy test,” I tell him on The three intervening years since then have day 5. made chopped liver of our naiveté. But suddenly those three days were causing cracks in our carefully cultivated “Sure,” he says. wall of cynicism. For after all, these stories do happen. Freaky and all, but Hashem is in control no matter what But we don’t. We can’t make such fools out of ourselves. the doctors say. We’re not married a year and we have a medical history that wouldn’t take a natural pregnancy so soon. There reallyare people who failed IVF and then went on to parenthood with no intervention. We’ve heard those “Think of Sara Imeinu and Chana. They didn’t even have stories; but first we said: “Right, I want to know who it hap- wombs,” I tell him on day 6. pened to and then I’ll believe it.” And then we said:“Very He nods along; it’s simpler than arguing. Men; what they nice, but until it doesn’t happen to me I don’t get excited.” wouldn’t do to save a few words!

“Do you think it’s happening to me?” I ask my husband in On day 7 I call him from the driveway. “Moish, can you stupefied horror. bring the bags up for me? You know maybe I shouldn’t…”

“Why, because Aunt Flo’s a mere three days late? Hon- “Look, Shevi, if that’s what it takes to get help with the estly, um I wouldn’t be so quick to think in that direction.” grocery order… at your service!” He’s amused. “Should I take a pregnancy test?” I ask him again on Day 8. And then it all makes sense on day 4. But I don’t. It was a few weeks ago, as I was leisurely getting dressed after the shower, when my door was being knocked upon “It was Kol Nearim! We did Kol Nearim,” I enthuse de- so adamantly that the vibrations were felt on my unslip- lightfully on day 9. pered feet. Being in no mood of losing my door to the visitor, I hastily threw my clothing on, stuck my feet into my “I did it last year too,” Moish says meekly in the face of my fuzzy slippers, and ran for it. growing excitement.

I opened it a crack, feet neatly tucked behind the door “Are you feeling…uh…okay? Like not nauseous?” Moish and just my face peeking through. A guy was there for tze- asks me on day 10. daka, his story unheard by me in my distorted position, as I was too busy concentrating on staying upright. I rum- I eye him weirdly. maged through my purse and thrust a five dollar bill at “Moish, you’re late! And why were your socks on the floor him the sooner to end this bizarre episode. A look of de- AGAIN?!!” I yell on day 11. “Let me serve supper and get on light crossed his face and I heard his blessings following me with my work, ‘cuz I have much to do still!” His eyes have as I eased the door closed.”Bracha! Shalom! Nissim Gluim! the exasperated look of a man whose wife was overtaken Kol tuvv’tov!” He yelled through the mail opening. by a demon. Once again. “That must be it!” I tell my husband. “The five dollars I “Roll out the red carpet,” he sings. gave to tzedaka. I think it was Eliyahu Hanavi! Uh oh, do you think he was able to see my fuzzy slippers through the Aunt Flo was coming after all.  door?”

Give the gift of your absence 5775 to those who do not appreciate your presence. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei “ 73 Humor

REPRODUCTIVE ENDOCRINOLOGY It wakes up one very specificADAR ! תשע"ה Happy and HYSTEROSALPINGOGRAM in Yetzer Hara (well, isn’t that why it’s No, you are not holding the wrong English (and those were ALL without called Yom HakiPURIM?) and blocks issue of A T.I.M.E. But some of us are SpellCheck, thank you very much)-- I the ‘teshuva’ mode from turning on-- a little older than the rest of you most certainly know how to spell by keeping me busy dreaming up young’uns, (READ: SLOWER) and are kosel in Hebrew. But c’mon, haven’t wacky acronyms for the coming year. still catching up on Elul and Tishrei you ever heard of, uh, artistic license? stuff. Creative license? Whatever it is? I can’t even help it anymore. It started (Hey I’m OK at spelling BA”H. I didn’t years ago, and now I’ve added it to d 's, under lotttttts ofעל חטא And anyway, who says you can’t talk say I’m so good at vocabulary/ my about teshuva in Kislev? After all, if writing/ English terminology.) different categories (I don’t want to you rearrange the Hebrew letters of list them all and waste a page, I mean ‘Kislev’ you get ‘Kosel,’ the only For the past few years, as the rest of an issue). For example, while you

5775 remainder of the Bais Hamikdash, the world spends Elul going into folks were contemplating cutting where the Shechina--- what? Yeah ‘teshuva’ mode, doing a Cheshbon down on lashon hara, bringing in yeah, I know that’s not how to spell HaNefesh, working on Midos…. My Shabbos early, improving Kibud Av Kosel…. Yes I can spell. I can B”H brain hears ‘Shabbos Mevorchim Va’Eim etc…. my mind was going: spell OVULATORY DYSFUNCTION, Elul’ in shul, and does something else: Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

74 SIGNS OF THE T.I.M.E.S

By: Fyna Lea Mom

Ooooooh we’re getting there! getting serious, doing all the things תשע"ה: they- I mean we-were supposed to תהא שנת ענבי הגפן .I think the obsession started years do תבא שלום על העולם back, when (WARNING: And then some bilingual ones: CHILDBEARING WORDS COMING And then I guess even my Yetzer ,UP) at the Bris we were B”H Zoche Hara wanted to shush me already תהא שנת End of/ע HAMAS/ה! to make after 8 years of waiting, cuz SomeOne sent me a thought Then, time for some more specific when my husband said, “May this from Up There--- ‘Hulllllo!? STOP already and stick with דרש with the תשנ"ה: תהא שנת ones year continue to be how תשע"ה !you Nebachel פשוט פשט and he did not add: “As..… ) נס ההריון :near and dear to my heart May it be the year of תשעה ----opposed to previous years, such as: bout תהא שנת Infertility/ע Helped/ה! for those who are תשעה ירחי לידה Hey wait, big deal. Infertility’s been !אמן !waiting/ trying/ crying for it תשנ"ג: תינוק !SHUCKS/ש NO/נ GO/ג ‘helped’ for decades, Boruch Hash-m. Finally, the week of Rosh Hashana תשמ"ט: Missed/מ Time/ט :How ‘bout changing that to 5775 The comes. My brain slows down but only/ת Syringes/ש תהא שנת Infertility/ע Halted/ה! because I think I ran out of acronyms, OK, that’s better, no? Or maybe….. So anyway….that’s what I was doing not because I actually woke up and תפסיק Suffering/ש of עקרות ה' ! while the rest of the world was realized what time of year this is. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

75 And then----- the unthinkable year, planning on improving And that’s it. My Kavana for the happens. themselves somehow... but Fyna Lea entire Rosh Hashana—was GONE. Mom here is just looking at Any embryo of a thought of Teshuva- EVERYTHING- street signs, cars, Out the window. OOPS SORRY FOR USING THE anything--- in a new light. TERM EMBRYO! – does not even Not only that, but now I was being עבירה start to fertili—oops I mean, it goes Hmmmmm I never noticed this Mechallel Yom Tov—with the for 3 days in הכנה מיום טוב/שבת לחול nowhere….. Because I get car before… Isn’t that how of COMPLETELY distracted by long our Nisayon seems to a row!! How’s that for a lousy start to תהא שנת עבירה 'הכנה'??- ??something else. last? the new year Noooooo!! Yes, the very WEEK before Rosh Hashana, the days we tremble in awe And the obsession didn’t stop during .either עשרת ימי תשובה as we prepare to crown our King of the rest of Kings, I allowed myself to open the Everywhere I walked or drove, my mail and read………. eyes were automatically drawn to Taharas Mishpacha laws in PUBLIC? street signs and road signs. The only The Tishrei issue of A T.I.M.E. time my davening perked up was by I never knew! related to על חטא and אשמנו any Yes, I took a break from cooking, At least I) ווידוי פה and כוונה, תפילה And there is SO much baking, cooking, microwaving (hey I apologized to the Master of the might be OLDER than you but I’m to do with that ‘Children Playing’ sign Universe for not crowning Him catching up with the times....), correctly.) I comforted myself with cooking, roasting,(gosh- reading all by the park, where do I start? I don’t like the the fact that I had ‘til Hoshana Rabba this, you’d think I had the big family I’d to do teshuva. always dreamed about..... NOT!) frying, ‘regular’ version. It‘s discriminatory! It’s sauteeing, and um, did I mention But guess what? It’s almost Kislev not all-inclusive. Not ‘Politically cooking? to sit down and read some and I’m still walking and driving all Correct’ for us folks in this day and nice, inspirational, seasonally- over, and looking at what I’ve labeled age. I’m SUING! appropriate stuff in A T.I.M.E. these “Signs of the T.I.M.E’s”.

And then I got to the adorable How about this one? Maybe your Fertility And it started to get a bit out of Photography Contest. And I could hand. I was starting to SEE things not STOP giggling. Specialist wants t hang one in the office? that weren’t even there! Looking at them thru the IF lens. All over And there went my kavana. again…..I’ve been there done that. So, everyone is walking to shul on (As I’ve always said, ‘you can take a with deep, profound thoughts of woman away from IF but you can’t Rosh Hashana, Malchuyos, Zichronos, take IF away from the woman!’) Shofaros,….. Getting ready for a new

5775 This one's got never-ending list but for some reason the thing Ah- this must be the Oh yeah we hit a bunch that popped into my head first ‘Emotional Roller Coaster’ of these, didn’t we…. was... Sale Today: Ovulation Thing’ we keep talking Predictors!! about.. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

76 Alas…. Hashana Raba came and went, and…... teshuva? What was that? Doesn’t that mean ‘answer’, as And HKB”H is ALL-WAYS in ‘Shailos and Teshuvos?’ and being with us. As I was saying…. a female, what do I have to do with See “ONE WAY.” teshuva!? That’s my HD ’s thing to Lotsa times that’s how ask the Shaila and get the Teshuva, I felt we were going isn’t it?

It’s Cheshvan now. Can’t say ‘it’s too late to DO teshuva because we Yidden know it’s never too late for that. Especially for wasting my ENTIRE Yamim Noraim and not preparing myself for Elul and Ymei Now THIS BIGGIE depends HaDin and for thinking ridiculous on what time of our lives… Divrei Chol .... (I think I passed that moods, etc. LOOOOONG ago. Per cycle? I’ve calmed down, but only because Per year? Per muscle site?!) During those optimistic, I think all the signs with potential Bitachon-type perio—er, I mean have been used up. times, it’d be Yay! It’s gonna work IY”H! Unless I move to a different country where they look different. No PERIOD for a while BE”H! Thank You HKBH! Yeah! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat idea!!!! Unfortunately, those other How about alllllll Klal Yisroel joins על כנפי נשרים !! ?times,of course, it’d stand for me NOT PREGNANT. more like etzer Hara Is this the Y NOTTT PREGGGGNANT talking to me about my SHUUUUT UP GO AWAAAAAY Nisayon? Cuz a coupla times AND STOP HINTING STARING over these years I think I ETC ok????!!!! No PICKLES might’ve listened to him. necessary, thank you very much.

That would go along with its ‘partner sign’ below, just to And let’s get rid of the middle rows reinforce the message to the of that sign too. masses: See you there b’karov BE”H!! 

Yeah ye know there’s only

one way, and Which Way 5775 it is. But sometimes we might need reminding…. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

77 Humor Positively Negative

By: Tova Blum Do you remember those x-rays where you don’t get to see anything on the And then the inevitable question screen? came. “Are you pregnant?”

“And you’re “No.” I replied in the same bored tone. (No! sure you’re not No! my insides screamed.) pregnant?” “Are you sure?” “I’m positive.” Lowers his voice in a hushed tone of respect. If he would only know that this is information I know as well as my date of birth! “When was your last menstrual period?” Having had the grace of tripping on my stairs, my finger “40 days ago.” was throbbing. The pain was not relenting, so I went to my doctor. Just an old fashioned, regular doctor, do you Loud gasp. “And you’re sure you’re not pregnant?” remember those? All my prescription read was a simple “Yup.” x-ray. I was not to be put through any intrusive or uncomfortable procedures; no pricking and prodding. Look of understanding dawns. “Oh, you’re on birth control!” Do you remember those x-rays where you don’t get to see anything on the screen? And you’re kept in the dark “No.” while the picture is developed in some other room. Going to a regular doctor just feels like visiting a third world “So……” country, where doctors write prescriptions by hand, and “I’m 101% sure that I am not pregnant. Can we go ahead care about things like your weight and blood pressure. with the x-rays?” And it was just a finger, an extremity that was exposed He looks thoughtful, wondering what to make of the at all times. What can be simpler and more comfortable facts that don’t add up. than that? Thought I. I’m thoughtful too. There are actually people who need Um. to check if they’re pregnant before taking an x-ray. What I was answering the routine queries aimed at my direc- a world!  tion in a bored tone. 5775

You can’t choose what you hear, but you can choose what you listen to. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei 78 “ And the Winners Are….

We Can Brag Too (by N.L.) (By E.F.)

My Morning Madness (by R.A.) Photo Contest Send in your favorite photo! We will feature the winning shots in the next issue. 5775 Entries should include: A A photo, drawing or cartoon; it can B Where necessary, a short caption. be your own creation or photography, or Email your entries to Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei something you came across. [email protected]. 79 Forum

The Light at the End of the Tunnel Virtual Chanukah party on the A TIME Forums

Intro by Ups and Downs and Pumpkin Pie Dvar Torah by good spirits Welcome aboard ladies! First of all I would like to welcome you all to our first ever “cyber Chanukah party.” Let’s hope we’ll all enjoy it have Fasten your seatbelts as we present The Light at the End of the Tunnel! fun and get something out of it! Good spirits will honor us with her presence at Now still before I begin I would like to give a big THANK the podium. Soon2b will fill our bodies with food. YOU to ATIME and staff for all their HARD work they put Hopefully2012 will fill our souls with an inspirational dvar into organizing programs and events, it is all very much Torah. Noami will be lifting our spirits with song and appreciated and I believe that we all get a lot of chizuk ifjourney will keep us entertained with some fun games. from it. Their work can never be underestimated!! I would 4chun8 will be the cherry on top with donuts and dessert. also like to thank Brany for all her HARD work and effort, Keepclimbing7 and laffy will have us split our sides the backbone of the entire organization, what would we laughing with an hilarious comedy. Lachmanya will have done without her – without Brany, ATIME would make us aware of the lights in our very dark tunnel. never have been..... Tzippy.s and Smile is Healthy will empower us with an entertaining speech, guaranteed I would also like to say a few words about our dear friend not to be boring. Daybreak will Mrs Yocheved Weiss a’h whose first yahrzeit was just a share a nice poem. Hopes & couple of weeks ago. To me she was a real role model Copes will distribute door prizes as always showing her Emuna, Bitachon and positivity. She a perfect ending to a perfect party. was there when I needed her most...and I had the zechus As we are heading into the Festival to be able to keep up with her a very lot. It definitely of Lights may we all be zoche to see helped me. the light at the end of our own tunnel 5775 Now the dvar torah....someone told me this one and I got very soon! a lot out of it so I wanted to share.... We hope you enjoy your day/evening, When we look at our Imahos it always says VATAHAR – Pumpkin pie & ups and downs she became pregnant and then VATELED – she gave birth! Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

80 So the question is asked obviously if she VATELED – Inspiration by hopefully 2012 she gave birth then she must have been VATAHAR I feel humbled to speak before such an – pregnant, so why do we need both? audience of nashim tzidkuniyos, such very The answer is: That from here we see that are always special women. I am special too, because two stages first the VATAHAR – becoming pregnant I’m one of you. And Hashem only sends such and then the VATELED – giving birth. nisyonos to His chosen special children. These are TWO big Nissim on their own. We always hope that the things should go that way first Let me begin with a short story which happened VATAHAR – becoming pregnant and then VATELED at the Plotzker Gaon. A fellow Jew once went to – giving birth....but unfortunately sometimes we only the Plotzker for Shabbos and on Friday received see the first stage (VATAHAR – becoming pregnant) a telegram that his factory went up in flames. The which is in itself a big Nes although we don’t always seem Jew fainted upon hearing such a monetary loss. People to grasp it. surrounding him revived him, and then told him that there was a huge fire and his business went up in flames. So now we understand that we need both Nissim to help Again, he fainted. People revived him a second time and us: Nes 1 VATAHAR – becoming pregnant and Nes 2 then started talking about the fire again. When word VATELED – giving birth and hopefully we will all soon be to see ‘ THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL’!! reached the Gaon, he said please revive the chassid but no one should talk to him. Bring him to me. The Jew was Let us all try and emulate our dear friend Mrs Yocheved revived, and sure enough the Plotzker Gaon told him that Weiss a”h , who surely is benefitting immeasurably from the entire building which housed his factory was burnt, ‘THE GREATEST LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL,’ but his business was spared. The Jew, full of excitement with our Emuna, Bitachon and positivity- and let her be yelled out Baruch Hashem and spent a nice Shabbos at a Melitz Yoisher for us all and IY”H let’s only hear good the Gaon. news from one another, and now enjoy the rest of the party! On Motzei Shabbos, a telegram arrived to the Jew indicating that indeed his factory was the only place in Menu by Soon2b the entire building which did not go up in flames. When people told the Plotzker about this miracle, the Plotzker No matter what you’re going through, there’s a light at the end of the TUNNEL and it may seem hard to get to it said, “I did not perform any miracle. When I realized that but you can do it and just keep working towards it you’ll this Jew did not have the emotional strength for this find the positive side of things... nisayon, I knew it was not possible that his factory was burnt. Because Hashem only tests a person, who has the So... let’s go! strength to withstand the nisayon.” Menu: Dear friends, nisyanos is a divine test from Avinu T- Tacos filled with whatever you fancy; don’t stuff up; Shebashamayim that he trusts us to be strong enough to there is more to come! withstand the test. U-Uassa Au Poulet De La Casamance - BBQ Chicken W Lemon and Onions We are a strong group of people. And Hashem just loves NN- No Labor Baked Beans, did you hear this?? The latest us. Segullah!! E- Egg rolls: EGGS and it looks like a tunnel; what can be I think part of the challenge is bein Adam L’chaveiro. Our better? friends are all going to say wrong things some of the time. Cuz after all, I don’t even know sometimes what I want L- Light!! or should we say lite? With our dieting we should them to say; so how should I expect them to know. When all really go lite but since the saying goes: Keep your flame

a Post PIF’er recently asked me if I still have any friends, I 5775 lit, and you will never feel darkness, and it’s Chanukah… was shocked to the question. He went on to tell me, that So let’s call it LATKES!!It will surely keep you your stomach “lit” and after all we reached the end of our tunnel! trust me, by the time you finish this journey you will have no friends left. Everyone will have messed up with you along the way with some hurtful comments. With utmost Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

A box full of injections Forum For my Chanukah treat And when the box is empty A positive HPT!

Oh embie, embie, embie For a Chanukah treat determination, I made a kabbalah to start being more Oh embie, embie, embie forgiving. I want to break the record. I want to become a A positive HPT! mother and at the end of my journey be left with friends. Comedy by Keepclimbing7 and Laffy Kabalah al Haasid- We are now getting to the highlight Some advice from the neighborhood yenta or anyone who of our speech- I’m not sure if you are all aware of Segulos fits the bill: for Zera Shel Kayooma. At the end of the party, please PM Pumpkin Pie if you would like to join the daily text group Do you think that maybe for any new segula. I probably know of over 200- it would It’s time you work on having a baby? be such a pity not to share it with you. If you would like to You mind me my asking, is it him or you? hear it directly from the source, I could put you in touch Because I just heard about this wonderful herb from Peru. with my dear friends and relatives and I’m sure they’d Have your menses stopped? be happy to share it with you directly. Wouldn’t they do Then why don’t you adopt? anything for a zechus for HOPING? Did you try acupuncture? Meditation? We are entering the special days of Chanuka. May it be It is all in your head. Relax! Take a vacation the will of HKBH that in the zechus of the flames, we I have this wonderful segula, why don’t you try it? should all be zoche to children which should illuminate If that doesn’t work, then change your diet. the world with the Torah and next year may we all Did you know that too much caffeine could make you celebrate Chanuka with a child in our arms. sterile. So I was told by my great aunt Peril Be Gebentcht! Perhaps you think too much. Have some fun. You don’t have to be constantly on the run And the next time you exercise, do it a bit more quick Maybe that’ll do the trick Don’t be nervous just chill Song by Noami In the worst case you can take the clomid pill Or perhaps you two simply aren’t trying If you feel left out when the little kids sing their dreidel Have I said something wrong? Why are you crying? song, well - here’s one for you!

Speech by lachmanya: (I have a little dreidel) Tossing and turning; worried or anxious; angry or I have a little embie, frustrated, and more. These are feelings that we are I made it in a dish, sometimes well acquainted with. And when it’s big and ready For a baby I shall wish! But we are not alone! There is a light at the end of the tunnel! A TIME is Hashem’s messenger to us in this 5775 Oh embie, embie, embie whirlpool of thoughts , emotions and experiences. We I made it in a dish have this board to air our thoughts, feelings and questions, Oh embie, embie, embie and the moderators are the ones to facilitate this on a day For a baby I do wish! by day basis. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

82 When Yosef Hatsaddik was taken to Egypt, his Thoughts by Daybreak captors were carrying good smelling spices instead “The party is here” of their usual foul smelling cargo. My thoughts oh-no not another wander on this, please share my pondering. Yosef Hatsaddik’s journey didn’t end there, but he had the to sit through all alone choice to see the Divine Intervention for what it was. but this is not like any other

We can choose to see the light IN the tunnel. We can here you’re not in the dark choose to break our journey into bite sized pieces and see whilst they fawn over their babies the light at the end of each bit of tunnel. now you do belong you’re one with all these ladies And here we have our dear moderators to be the light in

the end of the bite sized tunnels for us by facilitating the enjoy the refreshments exchange of thoughts and feelings; fears and questions; (yes they’re calorie-free) pride and exultation. the games and entertainment May Hashem repay you with only goodness many times it’s all for you and me over for all you do for us, the checking-deliberating- clicking , all with your wanting to ease our journeys for us. the tunnel may be long dark- and looks all wrong May Hashem send us our collective light at the end of the yet the day has begun golus tunnel with Mashiach speedily in our days, and may enjoy and have much fun!  we serve Hashem joyfully together with all other Jews.

718.298.2646 5775 Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

83 By: Z. Kleinberger

The Flame The flame The Yid Shining brightly Steadfast, committed Illuminating its surroundings For Ratzon Hashem The flame The Yid

The wind A nisayon Blowing mightily In the way Threatening to extinguish Threatening to stumble The flame The Yid

The flame The Yid Wavering slightly Wavering slightly Dropping low Feeling low From the wind From the nisayon

But it’s only a moment But it’s only a moment

It steadies He steadies It rises He rises It reaches higher He reaches higher Illuminating its surroundings To do the will

5775 Once again Of Hashem Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

84 Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:35 PM Page 78

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78 Nurses Specialty nurses provided by A TIME are available to administer injections when necessary. As a member, you are welcome to make use of this inimitable service. The following nurses are available to give injections:

State city Name phone Fee State city Name phone Fee

California Teaneck Lisa Rothschild, RN (201) 692-0323 / (917) 443-6739 NF Encino Farzaneh Tabibian, RN (818) 906-8586 NF Teaneck L’Via Weisinger, RN (201) 801-0784 NF Los Angeles Mimi Andrusier, RN (323) 219-7731 NF Teaneck Rachel Yolkut, RN, BSN (201) 357-5874 Fee Sacramento Judy Weinstein, RN (917) 488-3603 NF West Orange Dina Goldstein, RN (973) 325-1812 NF Valley Village renee Mazlin, RN (818) 508-6311 NF Westgate Ella Rachel Mann, RN (732) 370-5687 NF Valley Village Yael Rosenthal, RN (818) 505-0247 NF New York: Florida Bronx: Bronx Linda Torres, RN (718) 513-0116 Fee (A/S) Boca Raton Yehudis Kaplan-Finman, CNM (305) 731-3890 FEE Riverdale Sarah Adelson, RN (718) 796-8850/(917) 442-4545 NF Illinois Riverdale Stephene Bellin, RN (718) 548-1894 Fee Chicago Chaya Siegel, RN (773) 761-1631 / (773) 620-6139 NF Riverdale Sandra Goodman, NP (718) 543-6809 NF Chicago Bina Simon, RN (773) 508-6841 NF Yonkers Rina Ginat, RN (914) 562-4433 NF Skokie Julie Feinberg, RN (847) 682-4649 NF Brooklyn: Bensonhurst Dina Lapp, RN (718) 837-2970 Fee Skokie Beth Schwartz, RN (847) 674-6018 Boro Park Janie Friedman, RN (718) 436-9847 NF Maryland Boro Park Gary Guttman (917) 701-5900 Fee Baltimore Jenny Fogel, PA (410) 764-1082 Boro Park Miriam Herman, RN (347) 496-1155 NF Baltimore Laura Guttman, RN (410) 358-0412 Boro Park Pilar Morales, RN (718) 309-3007 Fee (A/S) Baltimore elizabeth Loeb, MD (410) 358-7706 Boro Park Shulamis Nove (718) 972-4263 NF Baltimore evelyn Shnier, RN (410) 358-7532 Boro Park Simi Phillip PA (718) 724-9944 NF Baltimore Esther Tendler, RN (410) 484-9438 / (443) 386-5210 NF Boro Park Laurana Sapolla, RN (646)358-7362/(718)331-5991 Fee (A/S) Silver Springs Chani Feldman, RN (301) 452-8693 NF Boro Park Leah Sprei, CMA (718) 252-0305 NF Silver Springs Yocheved Mizel, RN (917) 428-1086 NF Boro Park Barbara Sundak, RN (718) 859-7340 Fee (A/S) Michigan: Boro Park Draizy Wald, PA (917) 754-7754 NF Southfield Debby Kaplan, RN (248) 552-9254 NF Boro Park Shevy Serhofer, RN (718) 810-8222 NF Missouri Canarsie Penny Peterson/Monroe,RN (917) 757-9055 Fee (A/S) St. Louis Chava Weinman, RN (314) 862-3358 NF Crown Heights Channie Akerman, RN (718) 756-0781 / leave message Fee New Jersey Crown Heights Tzipora Clapman, RN (718) 774-9313 Call 8:30AM or 5:00pm Bergenfield Leah Kramer, RN (201) 384-3094 NF Crown Heights Chayenka Silberstein (347)406-4975 / (718)-778-7935 NF Deal Dina Grazzi, RN Cell:(732) 809-7777 NF Crown Heights esty Slavin, PAC (718) 774-1843 Edison/Highland Park aviva Erps, RN Cell:(347) 563-3661 NF Mnhtn Beach/Flatbush Adina Erez, PA (917) 334-4134 Englewood Stefanie Schwartz, RN (201) 816-8396 NF Flatbush Chany Bodenstein, RN (917) 496-3188 / please text NF Fair Lawn Naomi Nussbaum, RN (347) 439-4244 / (201) 791-7991 NF Marine Park Sarah Goldman, RN (718) 216-6812 NF Lakewood Chaya Bodner, RN (732) 367-0044 NF Flatbush Chava Kaplowitz, RN (718) 338-5080 NF Lakewood esty Caplan, RN (732) 367-5415 NF Flatbush Elisa(kautcher) Hurewitz (718) 336-0136 NF Lakewood rivkah Charloff (732) 370-3524 NF Flatbush Chava Levy, RN (718) 998-4939 FEE Lakewood Bracha Cohn, RN (732) 370-7622 NF Flatbush Judy Lustig, RN (718) 998-2391 NF Lakewood Shoshana Diamond, RN (412) 414-6619 NF Flatbush Cindy Melamed, PA (917) 445-3015 NF Lakewood Chani Friedman, RN (732) 267-7704 Flatbush Elanna Posner, RN (917)216-6445 Fee Lakewood alanna Fayazi, RN (732) 905-9110 Flatbush Leat Romano, RN (917) 331-7373 NF Lakewood Michal Brull, CPT (732) 886-3238/(732) 552-8954 NF Flatbush Shalva Shashitsky, RN (718) 645-7934 NF (D/O) Lakewood Baila Geltzehler, RN (732) 439-0309 NF Flatbush Esty Baida (718) 954-6333 NF Lakewood esther Greenspan, RN (732) 363-4108/(347) 449-3178 Flatbush Baila Horowitz (347)419-3006 NF Lakewood Penina Danziger, RN (848) 525-4993 NF Kensington Marina Dukhan, DO (718) 284-2264 NF Lakewood varonica Rizzi (732) 364-7770 X5 FEE Kensington Tirtzah Karuszyner, RN (347) 512-9511 Fee Lakewood Tziporah Joseph, RN (732) 363-5883 NF Sea Gate Chany Kimelfeld, RN (718) 372-1115 NF Lakewood ahuva Kleinman, RN (732) 901-7350 NF Williamsburg Chaya S. Franczoz, RN (718) 625-1223 NF 5775 Lakewood esther Pernikoff, RN (732) 901-4412 Long Island valley stream rosa Fernandez, RN (347) 495-1126 Fee (A/S) Lakewood Chana Tropper,RN (732) 730-0808 NF Cedarhurst Toni Dittus, RN (516) 612-2160 NF Lakewood Libby Weiss,RN (732) 961 9893 NF Great Neck Betty Bandary, RN (516) 773-6174 NF Long Branch Jacqueline Gemal, RN (732) 829 3172 Great Neck Orly Steinberg, RN (516) 567 8221 FEE PASSAIC Shalva Hirsch, RN (973) 202-8969 NF Lawrence Rivky Fischer, CNA,CPT (516) 239-0219 NF Passaic Sarah Schiffman, RN (973) 472-0365 NF Lawrence Dr. Mermelstein (516) 371-9594 Teaneck Rachel Abraham, RN 201-575-1432 NF West Hempstead audrey Davidowitz, MD (516) 486-0454 NF Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

86 State city Name phone Fee State city Name phone Fee Manhattan: Cindy Melamed, PA (917) 445-3015 NF Flushing Yael Kluyov, RN (646) 881-3111 Arielle Siegel, RN (516) 695-9744 NF Flushing Miriam R. Heimowitz, RN (718) 261-4373 Upper West Side Fabiene Rottenberg, DPM (212) 724-4457 NF Flushing Ruty Koenig, RPAC (718) 793-9666 NF Upper West Side Shevy Serhofer, RN (718) 810-8222 NF Jamaica Esther Natanov, RN h: (718) 380-9730 / W: (718) 283-6587 Fee Upper West Side Shira Westreich, RN (212) 595-5122 NF Woodside vahida Gilic, RN (718) 578-7944 Washington Heights aliza Feit, RN (917) 521-2262 NF Kew Gardens irina Aronova, RN (718) 544-0367 Fee Washington Heights Sharon Sommer, RN (212) 781-4216 Kew Gardens Sheva Turk, RN (718) 263-6521 NF Monroe: V vickie Nowosielski, RN (917) 743-3507 Fee (A/S) Kew Gardens Esther roman (718) 487-3754 NF Dorothy Prey, RN (845) 928-6296 Fee (A/S) Kew Gardens adina Berger, RN (845) 659-5108 NF Eileen Grimes, RN (845) 928- 8269 Staten Island: Marcia Brathwaitte, RN (917) 841-5273 Fee (A/S) Monsey: Chaya Back, RN (732) 267-3988 NF Arlene Jacobson, RN (718) 983-0138 NF Nechama Abou, RN (845) 352-0117 Esther Kay, RN (718) 370-3515 Sherry Broidy, RN (845) 928-3391 Fee Ohio: Samuel Feder (845) 362-6080 Cleveland Heights aviva Kupfer, RN (216) 932-8933 NF Brocha Lichtenstein, RNC (845) 356-0939 NF (D/O) Cleveland Heights Leah Kushner, RN (216) 371-1265 NF Leah Lichstein, RN (845) 362-0990 NF Columbus aliza Feingold, RN (614) 239-6356 NF Goldy Malek (845) 323-7718 NF CANADA: Yossi Malek (845) 323-7717 NF Montreal Mrs. Demercur, RN (514) 739-1462 NF Miriam Schiffer, RN (845) 918-1708 / (914) 419-2894 NF Montreal Faigy Hershkowitz, RN (514) 341-6399 Fee Malka Weinstein, RN (845) 362-0288 NF (D/O) Montreal Flora Sasportas, RN (514) 735-8145 S. Monsey, Airmont Chaya Becker, RPA (845) 352-0969 Toronto Aldith Baker, RN (416) 667-1276 Fee Spring Valley Blimy Brill (845) 354-1211 / (845) 558-1447 NF Toronto Ruby Bailey, RN (905) 470-7379 Fee Spring Valley Yehudis Reichman, RN (845) 354-0682 / (845) 499-5216 NF Toronto Fay Conville, RN (905) 727-6207 Fee Spring Valley Chevy Ungar (845) 729-8474 Wesley Hills Wendy Schindler, RN (845) 354-6536 Toronto Eve Gallingan, RN (416) 787-5154 Fee Queens: Far Rockaway rena Gordon, RN (718) 471-8985 NF Toronto Chavie Kestenbaum, RN (416) 787-0067 Far Rockaway esty Klein, RPAC (718) 501-3860 NF Toronto Joanne Lang, RN (416) 783-8782 Far Rockaway rochel Lieberman, CM Pager (718) 206-6081 #16460 NF Toronto Elisheva Lightstone, RN (416) 256-0470 Far Rockaway Faigy Singer, RN (718) 868-3935 NF Toronto Malky Meckler, RN (416) 789-0893 Far Rockaway Yehudis Brown, RN, BSN (410) 522-8879 Toronto Rachel Ohayon, RN (416) 781-1218 Far Rockaway Sarah Schechter, RN (718) 327-3250 NF Toronto Rochel Travis, RN (416) 631-9409 Far Rockaway avigail Weiss, RN (917) 841-8693 NF ENGLAND: Flushing Anat Benjamin, MD (718) 539-7736 / (917)224-8487 NF London A TIME England office 020-8800-2153 / email: [email protected]

If a nurse is needed on Shabbos, call Chaya at 718-258-5002 or Vivienne at 917-783-9514

A/S=Available Shabbos, D/O =Doctor’s Order, NF=No Fee

If you know of any other nurses who would be willing to provide this crucial service, especially in neighborhoods not yet covered, please let us know. And many, many thanks to all those listed above. A TIME is not responsible for any treatments administered by any of the Nurses or Nurse Practitioners listed herein. Nothing herein constitutes medical advice and all readers are recommended to consult their physician.

For More Information, Please Call (718) 686-8912 ext. 202

Dedicated to the Memory of Charlie Weiss נתן קרפל בן משולם ע”ה

We are currently updating the names on our Labor/tehillim packet.

Since there are many distinguished Rabbonim who advocate reciting Tehillim for others whilst in the throes of childbirth, among them Rabbi Mordechai Finkelman, Rav Yosefi and Rav Nissim Yagen of Yerushalayim, we have compiled a beautiful tefilla said while in labor along with a Tehillim list of our couples upon the couples’ request. We send it to OB/GYN offices, to labor coaches, doulas as well as expectant couples (upon request). If you would like to be on this list please contact A Time:

Email: [email protected] • Call: 718-686-8912 ext. 200 • Fax: 718-686-8927

Please make sure to include the following information: 5775

Your First & Last Name Contact Phone # Husband’s Full Hebrew Name Wife’s Full Hebrew Name Please make sure the spelling is correct.

Please note, we only accept names given by the individual couples and only the Tehillim names are printed. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

87 Important A TIME Library Information

E-mail Boro Park Lakewood Addresses A TIME Library and Conference Center Call: (973)494-2334 1310 48th Street, Brooklyn, NY 11219 [email protected] or (732)370-7025, Monday-Thursday 9:00 AM-5:00 PM [email protected] Appointments are available at other times. England [email protected] Call Shaindy: (718) 686-8912 extension 209 By appointment [email protected] [email protected] Call Henny: (208) 800-2153 [email protected] [email protected] Monsey [email protected] [email protected] A TIME Monsey Center Israel [email protected] Robert Pitt Professional Paza By appointment: [email protected] 25 Robert Pitt Drive, Suite 207 , Monsey, NY 10952 Bracha or Tzippy: 052-377-0444 [email protected] By appointment: (845) 517-4347 [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Come and browse through our huge selection of medical and [email protected] chizuk books and CD’s selected especially for you! For general library information call: [email protected] Shaindy Blau (718) 686-8912 extension 209 | email: [email protected] [email protected]

Sara Barris, Psy. D • 718-544-0932 Specializes in all areas of fertility and adoption OnceOnce thethe bun’sbun’s inin thethe ovenoven YOU’LL NEED OUR FREEZER We offer the safest, most secure embryo storage in the world at the lowest price you’ll find. That’s because we’re the experts in long-term cryostorage. It’s all we do and we do it well. So if you’re ready to store your embryos, put them in the hands of the leaders and rest assured. 5775

Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei 1-888-489-8944 www.reprotech.com 88

ReproTech_7-5x4-75_ATime_ad_final.indd 1 1/10/14 11:09 AM Lakewood Call: (973)494-2334 מיין נעסט... ,or (732)370-7025 ד. ק. England By appointment Call Henny: (208) 800-2153 קינדער קינדער קינדער אז נאך א יאר איז פארביי [email protected] דעם באשעפער'ס ווינדער... ביי מיין ליידיגע נעסט נאך אלס איך שטיי Israel עס איז נאכנישט אנגעפילט מיט קינדער. By appointment: וואו איך שטיי און וואו איך גיי אבער טייערע טאטע כח מיר דו געסט Bracha or Tzippy: 052-377-0444 קינדער קינדער אין די ריי מיין פלאג און מיה דו זעהסט און מעסט [email protected] משפחות וואקסן מיט וואונדער. אפילו אין די שווערע זמנים אצינדער.

אט עס בויעט זיך א נעסט א ניי דערווייל מיינע כוחות איך אינוועסט עס פילט זיך אן איינס צוויי דריי צו בויען און פארפערטיגן מיין נעסט מיט דעם באשעפער'ס וואונדער. איז דאס דען נישט פון דיינע וואונדער?

א יעדע שטיק צייט פונדאסניי מיט אמונה איך האלט זיך פעסט עס קומט נאך א שמחה איך פארשטיי ביז פארביי גיין וועט די טעסט עס קומען צו נאך און נאך קינדער. און דו וועסט באווייזן דיינע וואונדער.

יא ס'איז שווער ס'טוט וויי מיט ליבשאפט געבן ביי מיר דו וועסט כאטש מיט'ן גאנצן הארץ איך זיך פריי און אנפילן אויך מיין נעסט מיט יעדע שמחה דעם באשעפער'ס וואונדער. מיט זיסע לעכטיגע קינדער – דעם באשעפער'ס וואונדער! 5775 Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

89 מחילה...... " וואס זאגסטו? דיין חבר'טע קען זיך נישט אן עצה געבן ווייל "אה, איך געדענק נישט אזא זאך אבער עס איז שיין פון דיר, אירע קינדער זענען פונקט אזעלכע שרייערס? מן הסתם נישט אסאך מענטשן געדענקן אנצורופן." האט זי דיר געשיקט בעטן אפאר גוטע עצות... ניין?" "קען איך אים זאגן אז איר זענט אים מוחל?" "ניין, זי האט גראדע נאכנישט..." "אויף וואס?" "נו, מוז נישט זיין. אהר'לע איז אויך געווען דער איינציגסטער שרייער אין זיין משפחה. נישט געפערליך, מען האט מיר גוט "אז דו ביסט געווען ברוגז אויף אים." געצאלט און צום סוף האט זיך עס געלוינט!" "אה, איך געדענק נישט, נו, זאל עס זיין אזוי, כ'בין מוחל, "אירע קינדער זענען נישט קיין שטילע, זי האט נאך בכלל ס'זאל דיר זיין צו געזונט און ש'כח פאר'ן רופן. " נישט קיין קינדער." און דארט האט זיך עס נאך אלץ נישט געענדיגט: "אוי, א שאד, שעפעלע..." "א גוטן אווענט. איך רוף אין נאמען פון חני בערגער." "דערפאר רוף איך אין איר נאמען, בעסער געזאגט אין איר "חני בערגער?" מאן'ס נאמען. זיי ווילן אייך איבערבעטן אויב זיין שרייען "יא, דו קענסט איר אפשר נישט, אבער דו קענסט זיכער האט אייך אפשר געשטערט." איר מאן." "פאר מיר? ניייייייין... איך האב דיר געזאגט – זיי האבן מיר "ווער איז איר מאן?" געצאלט דאפלט!" "זיין נאמען איז אהרן בערגער, און איר זענט געווען זיין "ביסט אים אבער מוחל?" ערשטע בעיביסיטער." "נישטא וואס מוחל צו זיין. א גוט טאג." "אה, יא, אהר'לע. אים קען מען נישט אזוי שנעל פארגעסן. דא האט מיין חבר'טע שוין אויך מודה געווען אז אפשר איז איך פלעג רעכענען פאר אים א דאפלטער פרייז, דער שרייער. געקומען די צייט אויפצוהערן מיט דעם. און מיר האבן ער האט א גאנצן טאג געוואלט מען זאל אים נאר האלטן. איז פארדינט דערפון א גוטע לאך!  Generic Ad 9/11/14 10:12 AM Page 1

The Physicians and Staff of Maternal Fetal Medicine Associates and Carnegie Imaging for Women

Carnegie Imaging for Women 1245 Madison Avenue 148 Madison Avenue New York, NY 10128 New York, NY 10016 212-722-7426 212-427-1576 Maternal Fetal Medicine Associates 70 East 90th Street New York, NY 10128 5775 212-722-7409

www.MFMNYC.com • www.CarnegieImaging.com Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

90 "און ביי די CHOIR פון חנוכה האט זי נישט פונקטליך נאכגעזינגען. איר געדענקט?" "אה יא, ס'געווען א געלונגענע CHOIR, מען האט מיר זיך איין, לעצטענס מאכט די רוקן פראבלעמען, אבער ב''ה אסאך קאמפלימענטירט אויף דעם. איך קען זיך אבער דאך עס איז נישט דא וואס זיך אפצורעדן. חוץ פון דעם האב איך נישט דערמאנען א תלמידה מיט'ן נאמען חני כהנא." א פראבלעם מיט די גלעזער, זיי האבן זיך צובראכן און יעצט "אוי, וואס טו איך דא??? אזוי צו אזוי? היינט האט זי שוין זעה איך נישט אזוי גוט. אה, און אויך די הענט, זיכער קענסטו חתונה געהאט און...... עמ... און זי האט געטראכט אז דאס אז ס'זענען פארהאן אזעלעכע וואונדען וואס אייטערן אפשר האט איר עפעס א קפדה אויף איר? זענט איר מוחל?" און עס טוהט זייער וויי...... "זיכער, אבער איך קען איר נישט." "אה, אנטשולדגט, אה.. – איך בין נישט אהר'לע – איך רוף נאר אין זיין נאמען." דאס איז אבער נישט גענוג געווען. זי האט אויך אנגעשפאנט איר מאן אין די ארבעט )זעט אויס אז ער האט אזויפיל שכל "זאגט דער דאקטער צו לייגן די קרים, אבער עס העלפט ווי איר – כאטש איז עס א גוטע שידוך(. נישט. נישטא וואס צו טוהן, האב איך באשלאסן פון היינט אן מער אויפצופאסן אויף מיין האנט. איציק קויפט מיר *** אזעלעכע ספעציעלע הענטשקעס; ער איז ממש ספעציעל, "העלא?" דער איציק. א גוט קינד, און פון ווען איך האב די הענטשקעס "העלא, דא רעדט מען אין נאמען פון אהרן בערגער." איז עס שוין נישט אזוי געפערליך...... איז דערצייל מיר ווי אזוי איז די ווינטער ביי אייך? ביי אונז איז עס פשוט "ווער?" פארביי...... " "אהרן בערגער, ארעלע בערגער, אפשר געדענקט איר אים " אוהום...... איך...... " נישט אבער פאר 02 יאר צוריק האט ער אפאר מאל געדאווענט אין אייער שול. "דא איז זייער קאלט, איך דריי זיך ארום א גאנצן טאג מיט א סוועטער און ארויס גיי איך נאר אין שול, אבער איך טוה "ארעלע??? בערגער??? איך געדענק נישט." זיך אן זייער ווארעם. השי''ת זאל העלפן עס זאל זיין א "אה, ער איז געווען דער אינגל וואס איז אלעמאל געקומען רעגנדיגע יאר. ווען איך בין געווען יונג איז געווען א רעגן, הו מיט א בייק. זיי האבן געוואוינט אין די 'אמרי אמת' גאס?" הא א שטארקע רעגן! איך האב אויך געזעהן שניי דאהי... "אה יא, ארעלע - גדלי'ס זוהן?" היינטיגע צייטן איז בכלל נישט אזוי קאלט און מענטשן באקלאגן זיך. ווי אזוי קענען זיי בכלל??" 5775 "אההה..." "אה, מר. פריש איך האב אייך אנגערופן, ווייל...... "ארעלע, וואס מאכסטו? איז וואס, האסטו באשלאסן צו אפשר געדענקט איר נישט, אבער אמאל ווען ער איז טוען א חסד מיט אן ערליכע איד און אים אנרופן? אזוי שיין אנגעקומען האט איר אים אנגעשריגן אז ער איז געקומען פון דיר!! זיכער האסטו געוואלט הערן וואס איך מאך. הער שפעט. וועגן דעם רוף איך אין זיין נאמען. ער וויל דיר בעטן Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

91 "העלא? איך רעד אין נאמען פון חני געוואלט זיצן נעבן דיר און אפשר האט זי דיר בערגער – כהנא פון אלץ מיידל.". דערמיט וויי געטוהן?" "ווער?" חוץ פון דעם "איך געדענק נישט. ס'זענען אלעמאל "חני כהנא האט זי געהייסן אלץ מיידל. איר האב איך א געווען מיידלעך וואס האבן זיך געשעמט, זענט געווען איר 'עונג שבת לידער'". אבער מ'ווערט נישט באליידיגט פון דעם." "חני כהנא??" פראבלעם מיט די "און ביי די CHOIR פון חנוכה האט זי נישט פונקטליך נאכגעזינגען. איר געדענקט?" "יא! זי איז געווען א נידעריגע, דארע מיידל גלעזער, זיי מיט א שווארצע פאוני. אין די פערדע קלאס." "CHOIR - פון חנוכה??? איך געדענק נישט." "אה, דו ווילסט מיר זאגן אז זי איז דעמאלס האבן זיך געווען מיין תלמידה?" "די CHOIR ביי וועלכן מיר האבן געזינגען, צובראכן און 'א-קל-א-א-א-יי-ן פלעעמעעלעע האט גע- "יא, איר געדענקט??" 5775 יעצט זעה איך עזיגט.'" "ניין." מיין חבר'טע האט פרובירט איר צו "אה, זי איז געווען די וואס האט נישט נישט אזוי גוט. דערמאנען דעם ניגון...... Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

92 טוה מיר נישט קיין טובות ח. ר.

איך האב געהאלטן אינמיטן א שמועס מיט מיין חבר'טע – א חבר'טע וואס איז פון די עכטע יענטעס פון שטעטל. זי האט מיר געהאלטן אינמיטן ערקלערן אז איך דארף איבערבעטן יעדן איינעם ווייל אפשר, אפשר האט איינער א שווער הארץ אויף מיר. איך האב שוין נישט געהאט קיין כח צו אירע דרשות. עס איז שוין נישט דאס ערשטע מאל וואס זי האט מיר אראפגעדרייט א קאפ דערוועגן. איך האב באשלאסן איר שטיל צו מאכן, איינמאל פאר אלעמאל. איך האב זיך אויסגעדרייט צו איר און געזאגט אזוי: "עס איז מיט שוין נמאס געווארן דורכצוגיין דעם גאנצן אדער אפשר גאר דארף איך צוריקגיין צו אלע בעביסיטערס טעלעפאן בוך. אפשר דארף איך נאכזוכן אלע וואס זענען און קינדערגארטן לערערינס וואס איך בין געווען ביי זיי??? געלאדנט געווארן צו מיין חתונה? אדער אפשר האבן מיר אפשר ווילסטו אז די גאנצע דירעקטארי זאל באקומען פון פארגעסן איינעם צו לאדענען??? מיר א בריוו אדער בלומען אויף שבת אלע שכנים און לענדלארדס פון די פארגאנגענע – ווייל מעגליך אז אמאל האב איך דירות וואו איך האב געוואוינט? )אפשר האבן מיר מיר האבן דאך עפעס געזאגט?" צופיל געצאלט???( אפשר דער וואס האט גענומען איבער גענוג איך האב דאס אלעס געזאגט מיט אונזער דירה נאך אונז )ווייל מיר האבן עס צו ריין א שמייכל אויף מיין פנים. איך האב איבערגעלאזט?( געלט... אן קיין איר נישט געוואלט וויי טון. אפשר די שדכנ'טע מיט איר טאכטער, וואס איר איז עס האט גארנישט אויפגעטון. איך איינגעפאלן אונזער שידוך? אפשר גאר אלע וואס מיר קינדער איז דאך האב נאר געהערט די פרטים

5775 האבן געפרעגט אינפארמאציע פון זיי? )מיר דארפן זיי שפעטער, אבער מיין חבר'טע האט אפשר צאלן שדכנות געלט – מיר האבן דאך איבער נישטא קיין באשלאסן צו נעמען די זאך אין אירע גענוג געלט... אן קיין קינדער איז דאך נישטא קיין אייגענע הענט. עס איז צוגעגאנגען הוצאות, ניין?( הוצאות, ניין? אזוי: Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

93 ער האט פאר זיך א בוי פלאן - דאס איז עס די שליסל צו זיין הצלחה דער סוד צו זיין זיכערקייט!

בלייבט נאר נאכצוגיין דעם אומגעוואונטשענע טאט קען אומפאראויסגעזעהענע פאסירונג אנגעצייכנטן וועג. פאראורזאכן אומגעהויערע אדער פלוצלינג'דיגע ענדערונג... פונדאמענטאלע שאדנס? ווי נעמט *** ער די דרייסטקייט, ווי קען ער זיין אזוי ווייל אלעס גייט לויט א פלאן. זיכער?? א שטיין אויף א שטיין, איינס נעבן ער מוז נישט פארשטיין דעם פלאן. צווייטן. אראפגעשטעלט, פארוואס דען נישט? ער קען איר נישט פארשטיין... דען באפעסטיגט, אויסגערעכנט און... דער פלאן איז צוזאמענגעשטעלט ווייטער געגאנגען. געענדיגט איין ער האט פאר זיך א בוי פלאן - דאס געווארן דורך איינער וועמענ'ס חכמה שורה... א צווייטע... אזוי צוביסלעך, איז עס די שליסל צו זיין הצלחה דער ער קען אפילו נישט פראבירן משיג צו צוביסלעך הויבט זיך אן פארעמען א סוד צו זיין זיכערקייט! זיין. איז וואס זאל ער זיך מוטשען צו בנין; א הויכע פעסטע געביידע וועלכע וועלן פארשטיין? ער פארלאזט זיך וועט באשטיין פון עטליכע שטאקן, עס שטייט אים גרייט צו דער האנט אויפ'ן מומחה - דער באשאפער צענדליגע צימערן און דורכגענג, פילע און לויט דעם שטעלט ער יעדע שריט. פונעם פלאן. פענסטערס און טירן, אלעס *** צוגעשטעלט אויף א פראקטישן און איי ער זעהט נישט דעם פלאן?! באקוועמען אופן. א טריט נאך א טריט - מיט א איז ער דאך א איד - א מאמין, ער פעסטקייט. א שטיין אויף א שטיין - ווי וואגט ער זיך, דער ארבעטער, גלייבט. מיט א זיכערקייט. אונטערצונעמען אזא פרויעקט? ער גלייבט און איז דאנקבאר דאס איז עס. ווי האט ער נישט מורא?ווי נעמט ער דערפאר : אויף זיך די אחריות?!! ער האט נישט מורא פאר א טעות... "ברוך אתה ד' המכין מצעדי ער דערשרעקט זיך נישט פאר א א ריזיקאלישע ארבעט, פארבינדן גבר"  דורכפאל. ווען עפעס גייט - אין מיט אזוי פיל איינצלהייטן און אונזער שפראך, 'נישט לויטן פלאן' - דקות'דיגע פרטים! ווערט ער נישט פארלוירן, אויך ווען ווי איז מעגליך ער זאל נישט שטיין עס זעהט אים אויס ווי אן אונטער א שרעקליכן פחד פון א אומגערישטן מצב, אן מעגליכע טעות אדער פאלשע שריט, ווען יעדע מינדעסטע

איי ער זעהט נישט דעם פלאן?! איז ער דאך א איד - א מאמין. 5775 ער גלייבט און איז דאנקבאר דערפאר : Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

94 דאגה מנין ?! ח. ר.

ער איז גרייט – דער וואנדערער. ארויף און ווען אראפ און וואו ער קען ער פארלאזט זיך גיין פריי; וואו ער דארף אכטונג געבן די שיך פארבינדן. דער שטעקן אין פון זומפן אדער שטיינער אדער סיי האנט. די צוגעהערן איינגעפאקט. אינגאנצן אויפ'ן וועלכע אנדערע געפארן און אביסל צידה לדרך און... געגאנגען! שטרויכלונגען. צייכענער פונעם נאך אלעצטע בליק אויף די מאפע... ער איז זיכער מיט זיך און שטעלט פעסטע טריט. ער פארלאזט זיך 'זיין מאפע!' מאפע וועלכע האט אינגאנצן אויפ'ן צייכענער פונעם די מאפע וועלכע ווייזט אים זיין אים אזוי פונקטליך מאפע וועלכע האט אים אזוי פונקטליך וועג; די מאפע אויף וועלכן עס איז אויסגעשטעלט זיין וועג און געוויזן פונקטליך אנגעצייכנט וואו ער מוז אויסגעשטעלט זיין וועלכע גאנג ער זאל נעמען. ריכטן זיינע טריט; יעדעס שטעטל און א דאנק דעם צייכענער – דער דערפל וועלכע ער וועט מוזן וועג און געוויזן פאכמאן – דער מומחה!

5775 דורכשפרייזן; יעדעס בערגל און טייכל וואס וועט אים אונטערקומען; יעדעס וועלכע גאנג ער ער האט אלעס פאכמאניש וועגל און שטעגל - סיי גרויס, סיי אויסגעשטעלט. קליין. די מאפע, זי צייגט אים ווען ער זאל נעמען. זאל נייגן רעכטס, און ווען לינקס; ווען און פאר אים, דער וואנדערער, Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

95 )ב( )דער טויבער ר' סענדער....( )ד( )אוי כל נדרי...( אוי רחל, מאמע טייערע מאמע, איבער די וועלט גייען דיינע קינדער פונקט ווי ביי נבזוראדן די ערשטע גזירה פאר דיר א לעכטעלע זיין די צינדער ביים כל יכול, טוה ערשיינען אבער אויפן אנדערען חלק זענען מיר בכלל נישט פאר דיינע קינדער, זיך אויסצווויינען. מוותר. נאך הדלקת נרות צו זיין תובע )ב( פאר יעדן קינד וואס איז אים נוגע ווייל אלס א מאמע דו ווייסט יעדען'ס צורך זיין פריוואטע. ווי קענסטו צוקוקען אין דעם זוהמא )ד( ווי מ'טוט אונז אינטערדריקען בדבר גשמי צו ברוחני כלביא, רייס איין מיט גבורה פאר אלע הערצער די צובראכענע בנים לגבולם שבו, צוריק צו אונזער דירה. מאמע קוק ווי מיר פאלען, מדחי אל דחי. דיינע טרערעלעך לאז רינען )ג( )על דעת המקום ועל דעת....( און האב אונז אלע אינזינען אין די גאנצע וועלט, א מהפיכה אפילו דער בורא זאגט דיר, מנעי קולך מבכי. אומשטענדען, גאר נישט קיין ווייעכע )ד( נסיונות, קומען אונטער מאמע, אונזער וועג ווייזער דו ביסט בוזשעוועט, ווי א בייזען ווינטער פארשטיין אונז דו מיזט זיך צו באשיצען האבן מיר נישט די מינדעסטע השגה. אונזער ווילן פערזענליך דו פארשטייסט. )ג( דיינע תפילות פאר אונז ספעציעל איז מיט וואס קען א מאמע מאכען גרינגער אלס אן עקרה עומדת בזווית ומתפללת פאר אירע שעפעלעך, ווען עס פלאגט א הונגער דאס איז טאקע אונזער טרייסט. די חובות, ווי שווערע מסכתות )ד( דעם מוט פונעם מענטש צוברעכט עס מאמע, מיר קוקן אויף דיר צוריק מ'שפירט ווי יעדע אפציע, איז פאר אים סגור. מיט א האפפענספולע בליק )ג( מאמע, דאס איז מחזק און ברענגט אונז א הנאה. מ'טוט בעטן מיט טרערן הייסע דיינע תפילות האבן דאן געמאכט א טימל הבה לי בנים, ואם אין מתה אזוי אויך היינט פון דארט אויבן אין הימל א בעטעלע קענען וויגען פולערהייט טוסטו ווייטער זיכער משפיע זיין די השפעה. ווען פון דעם שמייכעלט ארויס א קינד שטילערהייט )ב( )דער טויבער ר' סענדער....( מאמע רחל, דיינע אויגען זענען דאך אויך נישט געווען אוי רחל, מאמע טייערע קיין טרוקענע. פונקט ווי ביי נבזוראדן די ערשטע גזירה ביים כל יכול, טו ערשיינען )ג( פאר דיינע קינדער, זיך אויסצווויינען. און אז מ'האט שוין קינדער צו איז מען דען א בארואיגטע )ב( אזויפיל תפילות אויף אידיש נחת שיקט ער ווייל אלס א מאמע זיין געזונטע עלטערן פאר קינדער געזונטע ווי קענסטו צוקוקען אלעס זאל פארן געשמירט אפילו נאך מ'פירט זיי אין דעם זוהמא 5775 אונטער ווי מ'טוט אונז אינטערדריקען זעהן סייעתא דשמי', אויך אין די ימי זקנה. כלביא, רייס איין מיט גבורה בנים לגבולם שבו, צוריק צו אונזער דירה.  Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

96 חיזוק

רחל מבכה על בניה!

ניגון : דער טאטע הערט )דער טויבער ר' סענדער...( לחן : ר' פינחס מרדכי )פינקי( וועבער מילים : א גראם מיט טעם געשריבן צום יארצייט י"א חשון

)א( )די שול איז איינגעהילט.....( )א( ערב שבת גלייך ביים זמן יעדן קינד האט זיין לעכטעל א באשטימטע קומטס מיט מיר אריין ווי אויך אן עקסטערע תפילה באקומט ער גיין שפאצירן. וואס טוט באגלייטען. עפענען טירן. פון איין וואך צום צווייטען. פון א אידישען היים ווי א באהיטער וואס טוט דאן, די מאמע ,די אם די טרערען ,פון א אידישע מוטער.

)א( )א( אירע אויגן זי טוט פארהוילען שמע את תחינתי בזכות פאר אירע קינדער אויסצו'פועל'ען מיין איינציגסטע ווילען ס'איז 5775 ווי אירע אמהות. בנים מאירים. מיט אירע דמעות. אן קיין יסורים. בעט זי פאר איר שטוב טאטע תזכנו אירע קינדערליך, וועם זי האט אזוי ליב. זעהן נאר נחת ,מכל צאצאינו. Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

97 98 Shaarei Tikvah/ WINTER 5775 London 442088002153/[email protected] Israel 0527187188/[email protected] Mid-Atlantic 410-241-4196/[email protected] USA/Main Office Mrs. Vivienne Moskowitz AronChaim R' Ungar R' Mordechai Koenig Website/Forums www.atime.org Meals With Heart KolChaya 212-434-0014 Vivienne 917-783-9514/Chaya 718-258-2002 Shabbos NeartheHospital/Courier Service Events 215/[email protected] 718-686-8912ext. Groups Support Pregnancy Loss Insurance 112 Advocacy 845-781-7325or718-686-8912ext. 280/[email protected] 718-686-8912ext. Supervision Chava Helpline718-298-2646 Helpline 718-437-7110/[email protected] London 442088002153/[email protected] Israel 0527187188/[email protected] Mid-Atlantic 410-241-4196/[email protected] USA/Main Office Mrs. Vivienne Moskowitz AronChaim R' Ungar R' Mordechai Koenig Website/Forums www.atime.org Meals With Heart KolChaya 212-434-0014 Vivienne 917-783-9514/Chaya 718-258-2002 Shabbos NeartheHospital/Courier Service Events 215/[email protected] 718-686-8912ext. Groups Support Pregnancy Loss Insurance 112 Advocacy 845-781-7325or718-686-8912ext. 280/[email protected] 718-686-8912ext. Supervision Chava Helpline718-298-2646 Helpline 718-437-7110/[email protected] נישט אראפ מיר ברענגען מעשה די שבו אינטערעסאנטקייט די מטעם נאר האט שליט"א רב ירושלימע די וואס האבן מיר ווי נאר ארויסגעברענגט, א פארציילען פון כח די אנגעהויבן, האבן צדיקים אזוי די ווי געעפענט און פאסירונג ישועות געברענגט שעת ו געעט י IMPORTANT NUMBERS דערבחורהאטאייניקלעךאיןירושליםוואסקומען London 442088002153/[email protected] Israel 0527187188/[email protected] Mid-Atlantic 410-241-4196/[email protected] USA/Main Office Mrs. Vivienne Moskowitz AronChaim R' Ungar R' Mordechai Koenig Website/Forums www.atime.org Meals With Heart KolChaya 212-434-0014 Vivienne 917-783-9514/Chaya 718-258-2002 Shabbos NeartheHospital/Courier Service Events 215/[email protected] 718-686-8912ext. Groups Support Pregnancy Loss Insurance 112 Advocacy 845-781-7325or718-686-8912ext. 280/[email protected] 718-686-8912ext. Supervision Chava Helpline718-298-2646 Helpline 718-437-7110/[email protected] IMPORTANT NUMBERS  718-686-8912 ext. 113/[email protected] 718-686-8912ext. 718-686-8912 ext. 215 718-686-8912ext. צינורותפוןשפעאויףדעםענין. 718-686-8912/[email protected] וואספאראיסוריםאיךביןדורךפארזייער זיידן. 347-871-5177 ...and use! homewithyou ...and take ...To צומירעסןשבתיםאוןזייווייסעןניטאמאל IMPORTANT NUMBERS 718-812-0423/[email protected] 718-686-8912 ext. 113/[email protected] 718-686-8912ext. 347-514-1516/[email protected] 718-686-8912 ext. 215 718-686-8912ext. 718-686-8912/[email protected] 347-871-5177 ...and use! homewithyou ...and take ...To Always Here for You! 917-783-9514/[email protected] 718-812-0423/[email protected] 347-514-1516/[email protected] 718-686-8912 ext. 113/[email protected] 718-686-8912ext. 718-686-8912 ext. 215 718-686-8912ext. 718-686-8912/[email protected] 347-871-5177 ...and use! homewithyou ...and take ...To Always Here for You! 917-783-9514/[email protected] 718-812-0423/[email protected] 347-514-1516/[email protected] * Always Here for You! 917-783-9514/[email protected] we care have to have to we can we can do this do this ניטאמאל ווייסען זיי און פאר דורך בין איך שבתים יסורים וואספארא ענדיגט דער ירושלימער רב צו מיט א די אויסהערן פארן כח יישר שמייכל, א שיקען מיר א וועסט זאגען צו נו, מיין מעשה, איך טעלעגראם?.., מרדכי ר' וואס המעשה ע"כ אימעיל?.. ע"כ המעשה וואס ר' מרדכי Referrals Support Services we care have to have to alone Advice we can we can don’t do this do this Referrals Support Services help help alone we care you Advice o You don’t have to have to we can we can do this do this help help Referrals Support Services you o You Pesach 5774Mgazine:TishreiMagazine3/31/20144:35PMPage92 Pesach 5774Mgazine:TishreiMagazine3/31/20144:35PMPage92 alone Advice don’t help help you o You 92 92 SHAAREI SHAAREITIKVAH/ TIKVAHPESACH/ 5774PESACH 5774 האטאונז פארציילט. for couples going through infertility, isbeing published&distributedfor free in for couples going through infertility, isbeingpublished&distributedfor free in A monthlyGilyon ShelBunim"(inL"h)fullofinspiration "Mafteiach &Chizuk A monthlyGilyon ShelBunim"(inL"h)fullofinspiration "Mafteiach &Chizuk In EuropeIn HaRav contact Yaakov Yehuda 075-350-78220 Becher אגאררייכעאינהאלטפולעגליון(בלה"ק)אנגעפילטמיטדבריחיזוק ואמונה אגאררייכעאינהאלטפולעגליון(בלה"ק)אנגעפילטמיטדבריחיזוק ואמונה זייער זיידן. דימוסד"מפתחשלבנים"איןארץישראלגיבטארויסמידיחודש בחדשו דימוסד"מפתחשלבנים"איןארץישראלגיבטארויסמידיחודש בחדשו Now alsoavailable toget itintheUSby emailorby regular mail. Now alsoavailable toget itintheUSby emailorby regular mail. באקומעןדעםגליוןחודש'ליךבחנםשיקטאאימעיל צו באקומעןדעםגליוןחודש'ליךבחנםשיקטאאימעיל צו אדערצובאקומעןאויףדיפאסטקעןמעןזיך פארבינדן אדערצובאקומעןאויףדיפאסטקעןמעןזיך פארבינדן 05484-97341שמעוותחי נפשכם! מעלדונג! מעלדונג! To get itpleaserequest, [email protected] To get itpleaserequest, [email protected] Or ucancallM.B.Paskes 347-496-5657. Or ucancallM.B.Paskes 347-496-5657. א וואך צוויי פאר די חתונה קומט דער בחור צי צו מיר מיט א פרייליך פנים, און פונעם יעצט קום איך מיר..... פארציילט רבוש"ע דער אז מיר זאגט ער דאקטאר אבר, נייע א מיר אין באשאפען האט יעצט ביז געווען נישט איז וואס עפעס אין אייניקלעך האט בחור עסן מיר דער צו קומען וואס ירושליםוא קמן ו י ען מיטמו"המנחםבנימיןפאשקעס הי"ו מיטמו"המנחםבנימיןפאשקעס הי"ו [email protected] [email protected] 347-496-5657 347-496-5657 ...... התרוממות ושמחה. התרוממות ושמחה. E. Yisrael monthly. E. Yisrael monthly. איךביןגעזונטכאחד האדם! ••• ••• • קוהחיזוק'מפתחשלבנים' , , אויף אויף * * * * * * , , uugi gx euny sh vhhkhdg xsr btfy’ cag, gx euny trtp t apg pui tnubv’ strpi nhr zhl duy n,cubbi zhhi sgrhi tui gx nhybgngi tuh; uuhhygr tz cag, bxhui ztki nhr egbgi tuhxrupi nhy t ektrehhy: "bhay btr thl ztd’ btr thl uuhhx!" uugi gx euny sh vhhkhdg xsr btfy’ cag, gx euny trtp t apg pui tnubv’ strpi nhr zhl duy n,cubbi zhhi sgrhi tui gx nhybgngi tuh; uuhhygr tz cag, bxhui ztki nhr egbgi tuhxrupi nhy t ektrehhy: "bhay btr thl ztd’ btr thl uuhhx!" bu’ thz btl st pkt. ptr tubz mu muuhhpkgi’ tuhl uugi tubzgr uugi gx euny sh vhhkhdg xsr btfy’ cag, gx euny trtp bu’ thz btl st pkt. ptr tubz mu muuhhpkgi’ tuhl uugi tubzgr uugi gx euny sh vhhkhdg xsr btfy’ cag, gx euny trtp vtpgbubd zgy tuhx uuh dhhi tuh; t ayrhe nhy t cgbek tuh; cgbek t nhy ayrhe t tuh; dhhi uuh tuhx zgy vtpgbubd sh btz’ mh sgr ctagpgr egi stx ctuuhhzi?! t apg pui tnubv’ strpi nhr zhl duy n,cubbi zhhi sgrhi tui sgrhi zhhi n,cubbi duy zhl nhr strpi tnubv’ pui apg t egbgi nhr ztki bxhui cag, tz uuhhygr tuh; nhybgngi gx tuhxrupi nhy t ektrehhy: "bhay btr thl ztd’ btr thl uuhhx!" vtpgbubd zgy tuhx uuh dhhi tuh; t ayrhe nhy t cgbek tuh; cgbek t nhy ayrhe t tuh; dhhi uuh tuhx zgy vtpgbubd sh btz’ mh sgr ctagpgr egi stx ctuuhhzi?! t apg pui tnubv’ strpi nhr zhl duy n,cubbi zhhi sgrhi tui sgrhi zhhi n,cubbi duy zhl nhr strpi tnubv’ pui apg t egbgi nhr ztki bxhui cag, tz uuhhygr tuh; nhybgngi gx tuhxrupi nhy t ektrehhy: "bhay btr thl ztd’ btr thl uuhhx!" * * * * * * ctanugxbshd tntk’ nhy t bhay rgkhdhgzi burx’ t prt- t burx’ rgkhdhgzi bhay t nhy tntk’ ctanugxbshd "ht/" gbypgry zh/ "bu’" ztdy sgr auugr zhdrhhl/ thr’ zh"g prgdy ctrshyauc tui pui hmje shbxy kuh rch sh rchwi auugr pubgo auugr sgr sgr rupy rgsbshd’ tzuh gbypgry rch kuh hmje: "zh ztdy tui thl uuhhx!" "stx mu kgrbgi str; ctn, ngi ptri tzuh uuhhy tui tui ptrcrgbdgi dkhhcy ngi tz wztdi pui jhkue sgr thz stx "thl v,kvcu,’ nhy thhsgo sgr gbypgry vhhxy’" "uutx tui bxhgv zhhi pui tvhhndgeungi auugr zhhi thz thbmuuhai uuh btr rch kuh hmje euny tvhho’ thz tho sgr auugr neck gr ctakhxy jsaho’ gykhfg ptr stry ptruuhhki btfwi ctanugxbshd tntk’ nhy t bhay rgkhdhgzi burx’ t prt- t burx’ rgkhdhgzi bhay t nhy tntk’ ctanugxbshd "ht/" gbypgry zh/ "bu’" ztdy sgr auugr zhdrhhl/ thr’ zh"g prgdy ctrshyauc tui pui hmje shbxy kuh rch sh rchwi auugr pubgo auugr sgr sgr rupy rgsbshd’ tzuh gbypgry rch kuh hmje: "zh ztdy tui thl uuhhx!" "stx mu kgrbgi str; ctn, ngi ptri tzuh uuhhy tui tui ptrcrgbdgi dkhhcy ngi tz wztdi pui jhkue sgr thz stx "thl v,kvcu,’ nhy thhsgo sgr gbypgry vhhxy’" "uutx tui bxhgv zhhi pui tvhhndgeungi auugr zhhi thz thbmuuhai uuh btr rch kuh hmje euny tvhho’ thz tho sgr auugr neck gr ctakhxy jsaho’ gykhfg ptr stry ptruuhhki btfwi wdkhhciw/ wdkhhciw/ mgsur uutx thl chi trhcgr tui kuhy wngshmhbhag ctrhfyiw wngshmhbhag kuhy tui trhcgr chi thl uutx mgsur bhay zhl vty gx ptruutx vxcr ehhi dgvty bhay gx vty "uutx burx’ sgo dgprgdy thl vtc duyi’ muo tuhxdgtrcgy egi stl zhhi sgr xhcv?" gbypgry zh’ "stx strpxyu )prung thl tcgr "dgrgfy’ thr’ thl gbypgr uuhxi/" cgxgr thsgbg( nhhi tz su uuhhxy btl cgxgr pui nhr sgo tn, )uuhhk zh kgcy "ht’ dgztdy: tui dganhhfky zh vty ytd(/" hgsi nhy stl gx su chxy dgrgfy! tzuh phk ntk zgbgi nhr zhfgr tz gpgx uugy tuhl tui dtrbhay nhy tuhx zhl ktzy gx tui tuhxtrcgyi zhl gx tz ctthhbpkuxy nhr zgbgi ntk ahgur t ti ptregry’ nhy thcgrrtay uugri nhr tui tuhxzhfyi ehhi bhayt zgbgi ptzhyhuug rgzukytyi!" thz thhsgo hubdgr sgr tui n,bds’ ptrcrgbygr t dguugi thz "ztd’ su uuhhxy tz gx thz st t ctagpgr tuh; sgr uugky?" t thi tntk ptxhry vjxhsu,/ srl muo mudgmuhdi dguutri tzuh phk mhhy?!" etfy zhl sgr auugr’ "stx uuhhxy stl hgsgx dgkgdbvhhy’ uugi sgr auugr thz dguugi tuh; t rhhzg’ vty rch ehbs!" kuh hmje ctaktxi trhhbmuftpi tui ptri nhy t drupg ehhi jxhsho tbeungbshd vtc dgkgrby tz gx thz st t ctagpgr tuh; sgr uugky!" dgptri/ muo vhhkhdi rchwi rch gr cgr pui ngzrhya/ ftya sh auuhdgr vty uugi gr thz vty dgvgry uutu zhh hubdgr thhsgo thz’ thz gr dguutri tpmuvtkyi’ tuh; graybx pruchry dgetfy’ pbho tho crudzwshd: "bu’ thi ktnhr auhi vty vgri gx uutx su tuhpdgcruhzy/ vtxy stry dtr tuh- gr try! zhhi thz st ty tz thbdgrnti sgr aphry ngzrhya’ cykwy pdgyui thi ngzrhya? uutx vtxyu auhi stry dgkgrby?!" gr uutx cgher tui jxhs t dguutri thz gr uutx sgo bhay zhl egi tui vnsra ch, tz gx thz auhi mhhy tvhhnmudhhi mu zhhi pruh/ thi rchwi chho trhhi zhl zgmy esuav’ thi nsrhdu, zhhi mhhy thi ngzrhya! dguugi eubv stry vty gr tprhhxi/ vadu, tui vsrfu, thi gcus, vw/ mgsur uutx thl chi trhcgr tui kuhy wngshmhbhag ctrhfyiw wngshmhbhag kuhy tui trhcgr chi thl uutx mgsur bhay zhl vty gx ptruutx vxcr ehhi dgvty bhay gx vty "uutx burx’ sgo dgprgdy thl vtc duyi’ muo tuhxdgtrcgy egi stl zhhi sgr xhcv?" gbypgry zh’ "stx strpxyu )prung thl tcgr "dgrgfy’ thr’ thl gbypgr uuhxi/" cgxgr thsgbg( nhhi tz su uuhhxy btl cgxgr pui nhr sgo tn, )uuhhk zh kgcy "ht’ dgztdy: tui dganhhfky zh vty ytd(/" hgsi nhy stl gx su chxy dgrgfy! tzuh phk ntk zgbgi nhr zhfgr tz gpgx uugy tuhl tui dtrbhay nhy tuhx zhl ktzy gx tui tuhxtrcgyi zhl gx tz ctthhbpkuxy nhr zgbgi ntk ahgur t ti ptregry’ nhy thcgrrtay uugri nhr tui tuhxzhfyi ehhi bhayt zgbgi ptzhyhuug rgzukytyi!" thz thhsgo hubdgr sgr tui n,bds’ ptrcrgbygr t dguugi thz "ztd’ su uuhhxy tz gx thz st t ctagpgr tuh; sgr uugky?" t thi tntk ptxhry vjxhsu,/ srl muo mudgmuhdi dguutri tzuh phk mhhy?!" etfy zhl sgr auugr’ "stx uuhhxy stl hgsgx dgkgdbvhhy’ uugi sgr auugr thz dguugi tuh; t rhhzg’ vty rch ehbs!" kuh hmje ctaktxi trhhbmuftpi tui ptri nhy t drupg ehhi jxhsho tbeungbshd vtc dgkgrby tz gx thz st t ctagpgr tuh; sgr uugky!" dgptri/ muo vhhkhdi rchwi rch gr cgr pui ngzrhya/ ftya sh auuhdgr vty uugi gr thz vty dgvgry uutu zhh hubdgr thhsgo thz’ thz gr dguutri tpmuvtkyi’ tuh; graybx pruchry dgetfy’ pbho tho crudzwshd: "bu’ thi ktnhr auhi vty vgri gx uutx su tuhpdgcruhzy/ vtxy stry dtr tuh- gr try! zhhi thz st ty tz thbdgrnti sgr aphry ngzrhya’ cykwy pdgyui thi ngzrhya? uutx vtxyu auhi stry dgkgrby?!" gr uutx cgher tui jxhs t dguutri thz gr uutx sgo bhay zhl egi tui vnsra ch, tz gx thz auhi mhhy tvhhnmudhhi mu zhhi pruh/ thi rchwi chho trhhi zhl zgmy esuav’ thi nsrhdu, zhhi mhhy thi ngzrhya! dguugi eubv stry vty gr tprhhxi/ vadu, tui vsrfu, thi gcus, vw/ וואס האט געהאט זייער א פיינעם פראפעסער זאגט מיר, ער מעג חתונה איז צוריק געקומען א טעלעגראם טאכטער, זיי האבן אויך פארמאגט א האבען אבער לויט די סטאטיסטיקס בזה הלשון“ מותר שלא להגיד, המכתב שיינעם יוחס צו חשובע זיידעס. בין איך וועט ער קיין קינדער אין זיין לעבן נישט יבא," דהיינו מען מעג טוען דעם שידוך געגאנגען און אנגעהויבן פארארבעטן, האבן. אן פארציילען פונעם מיחוש, דער בריוו גערעדט מיט די עלטערן, און משכנע ווי ער וועט מסביר זיין דעם ענין וועט געווען, פשוט עס איז נישטא אין בין איך געלאפען צו א חשובע רב נאכקומען. ענגלאנד נאך אזא בחור, זיי טארן עס וואס ער איז אויך געווען גרויס אין נישט ארויס לאזען פון די האנט. אזוי רפואה, און אים געפרעגט וואס זאל איך און אזוי האבען מיר געטוען, זיך נאך פיל יגיעה האבן זיי ב"ה מסכים טוען? היכי לידיינו בהאי דינא. זאגט ער פארלאזט אויף דברי חכמים, און איך געווען צו טוען דעם שידוך. מיר אפי' עס איז דא ווינציגער פון א האב געזאגט פאר דעם בחור ער זאל פראצענט וואס האבען יא קינדער אפי' נישט זארגען, )הגם איך האב גוט זאגט דער רב איך האב אבער מיט דעם מיחוש, איז נישט קיין שאלה געזארגט...( און טוען דעם שידוך מיט געמאכט א טעות, איך האב במשך די אז מען מוז אויסזאגען פאר די כלה'ס שמחה. גאנצע צייט גארנישט פארציילט פארן זייט אז ער האט דעם מיחוש, און אויב א וואך דערויף איז געקומען דעם בחור אז איך טו פאר אים אין א שידוך, אזוי איז דאך פשוט אז עס איז אויס בריוו פון מיין רבין, און ער שרייבט ווייל איך בין געווען זיכער, אזא גיטער שידוך. אינגאנצען פארלוירען האב איך דארט אזוי, "שאלתי את איש האמת מרן שידוך, וואס דער בחור האט אפי' נישט זיך ארום געדרייט און נישט געוויסט החזון איש ]דאס האט ער געשריבען געחלומט צו קענען צוקימען, אודאי וואס צו טוען. וועט ער מסכים זיין און עס כאפען לכאורה ווייל טוען א שידוך אן בשתי ידים. פארציילט דער רב ווייטער: האב איך פארציילען איז א שקר, שרייבט ער אז מחליט געווען צו פרעגן מיין רבי הרב דער חזון איש איז א איש האמת[. ער אבער די מעשה איז נישט געווען אזוי, דעסלער ז"ל, וואס האט דאן געוואוינט האט געזאגט מען זאל טוען דעם שידוך ווען איך בין געגאנגען צו דעם בחור, און און נישט פארציילען, אבער מען זאל זיך און ארץ ישראל, כדת מה לעשות, וואס געזאגט איך האב פאר דיר א שידוך, נישט אפלערנען פון די הוראה פאר קיין דארף איך טוען, און איך האב געשיקט א יענע חשובע משפחה, יוחס, פארמעגליך, שום אנדערע מעשה אפי' ווען עס איז טעלעגראם, פאר מיין רבין אנפרעגנדיג זיי זענען גרייט צו שליסען דעם שידוך זייער דומה, און דער הסבר דערפון קען די שאלה. היינט נאכט, זאגט מיר אבער דער בחור איך נישט שרייבען בכתב, אין צוויי מיט א ווייטאגליך פנים, איך קען נישט עס איז דורך א טאג וואס איך שטיי חדשים ארום פלאן איך צו זיין אין חתונה האבען!!!!!!!!!! אויף שפילקעס, און א תשובה פון מיין ענגלאנד, און איך וועל דיר אי"ה מסביר רבין באקום איך נישט, נישט וויסנדיג זיין דברי החזון איש, עד כאן תוכן איך האב א מיחוש, ביי איינע פון וויאזוי זיך א אן עצה צו געבען האב איך המכתב. מיינע אברים איך קען נישט האבען קיין געשיקט נאך א טעלעגראם פאר מיין קינדער אזוי האט געזאגט דער עס איז א דורך אפאר וואכען, מיין רבי פראפעסער. רבין, און געשריבען אז עס איז זייער הרב דעסלער איז נפטר געווארען און וויכטיג צו האבען תשובה ווי פריער, פארשטייט זיך אז ער האט נישט

5775 ווי א דינער איז מיר באפאלן וואס )עמערזשענסי בלע"ז(. אויב דער רבי געקענט מסביר זיין פאר מיר די דער בחור זאגט, איך בין געלאפען צו א ווייסט נישט וואס מען דארף טוען, זאל ווערטער פונעם הייליגן החזון איש. גרויסער פראפעסער פרעגן איבער די ער מוחל זיין און גיין פרעגען דעם חזון מיחוש פון דעם בחור, אפשר האט דער איש, ווייל מען מוז האבען תשובה תיכף איך בין געווען אין די צייט מיט א בחור נישט גוט פארשטאנען, און דער ומיד. טיפע זארג, רבוש"ע וואס גייט דא זיין!!? Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

99 פשט און די פסוקים כי תאמר בלבבך, זאגט מיר, דו וועסט זעהן וועסט אויב וועסטו זאגען און דיין הארץ זייענדיג דארטן אין ירושלים, איז מיר האבען פיינע קינדער, און דער רב )טראכטען( רבים הגוים וגו’ איכה איינגעפאלען אריינצוגיין צום ירושלימער רב האט פארציילט עטליכע מעשיות פון אוכל להורישם, ווי קען איך גיין און צדיקים, מיר האבען געמאכט א מלחמה מיט די גוים זיי זענען דאך כ"ק הגאון הצדיק ר' יצחק טובי' ווייס ברכה, און מיר גייען ארויס, דער רב פיל מער פון אונז, וויאזוי וועל איך שליט"א אויף א באזוך באגלייט מיר ביזן טיר, איך זאג פארן קענען זיי מנצח זיין, זאגט די תורה רב עס איז נישט קיין כבוד פארן רב פון יציאת מצרים האבען נישט געהאט זכור תזכור את אשר עשה ה' אלקיך זיך מטריח צו זיין פאר מיר ]א קייין זכותים עס זאל געשען פאר זיי לפרעה. טייטש דער ייטב לב, זכור אינגערמאן פון עטליכע און צוואנציג תזכור בפה, זאג ארויס מיטען מויל דאס אזוינע ניסים, האט דער אייבישטער יאהר[, דער רב טענה'עט עס איז א מצוה וואס דער בורא כל עולמים האט געטוען געמאכט אז די ניסים זאלען שוין זיין ביי פון לוי', און באגלייט אונז ארויס ביזן צו פרעה, און מיט דעם וואס מען אברהם אבינו, כדי אז זיינע אייניקלעך גאס. פארציילט די ניסים איז מען מעורר זאלען נאר דארפען איבערקאכען די אויפצומאכען דעם שער און מען וועט וואסער וואס פארדעם דארף מען נישט שטייענדיג אויפן גאס זאגט מיר דער ניצול ווערן, ודפח"ח. אזויפיל זכותים. רב מיט א ווארימקייט, איר זאלט מיר טוען א טובה, ווען דו ווערסט געהאלפען אזוי אויך טייטשט דער סקולענער די הקדמה נוצען מיר דא צו דעם אי"ה, שיק מיר נישט קיין בריוו ווייל עס רבי זי"ע אויפן פסוק "וזוכר חסדי פאלגענדן פאסירונג וואס מיר האבן נעמט א וואך אנצוקומען, שיק מיר א אבות", ער מאכט א זכר צו די חסדים געהערט בשם די בעל המעשה טעלעגראם, ווייל איך וויל הערן די גוטע וואס ער האט געטוען צו די אבות, ארויסצונעמען דערפון די געוואלדיגע נייעס ווי פריער. "ומביא גואל לבני בניהם", און דורך דעם סגולה פון מעשה אבות סימן לבני"ם. ברענגט ער א גאולה צו די קינדער. זאג איך דעם רב עס איז שוין נישטא * קיין טעלעגראמען, זאגט דער רב דאן הרה"ק ר' שלמה קלוגער זצ"ל ברענגט שיק א אימעיל פאר איינעם, עפעס וואס פארציילט אונז ר' מרדכי די כסדר דעם דרשות הר"ן, וואס גיבט א קאסט נישט אזויפיל אבער מיר וועט פאלגענדע, עטליכע יאהר צוריק בין איך משל פון א מענטש וואס האט קאלטע דאס אויסמאכען. וואסער, און וויל דאס אויפקאכען, וועט געפארען קיין ארץ ישראל זיך למשל נעמען בערך צוואנציג מינוט אז אויסבעטען אלעס גוטס ביי די קברי אגב אז איך האב דערמאנט דאס זאל ווערען הייס, אויב ער וועט עס צדיקים אין ארץ ישראל. זייענדיג דארטן טעלעגראם, אויב עס איז אייך נישט יעצט לאזען זיך צוריק אפקילען עס אין ירושלים, איז מיר איינגעפאלען שווער קומט צוריק אריין אין שטוב, איך וועט ווערען צוריק די זעלבע קאלט ווי אריינצוגיין צום ירושלימער רב כ"ק וויל אייך עפעס דערציילען, א מעשה פריער, און דערנאך עס צוריק אויפקאכן הגאון הצדיק ר' יצחק טובי' ווייס מיט א טעלגראם. וועט שוין מער נישט נעמען קיין שליט"א אויף א באזוך. אומר ועושה, גייען מיר צוריק אריין אין רב'ס שטוב, צוואנציג מינוט צו אויפקאכען עס זאל מיר גייען אראפ דעם בארג, אראפ די און מען זעצט זיך אוועק און דער רב ווערען נאכאמאל אזוי הייס, ווייל די כח שטאק שטיגען און מען קלאפט אן הייבט אן, דו ביסט דער צווייטער אדער החמימות בלייבט און די וואסער. זאגט אויפן טיר, דער רב מאכט אויף, יא, וואס דער דריטער וואס איך פארצייל די ער די זעלבע זאך ווען דער אייבישטער האט איר געוואלט? גארנישט ספעציעל מעשה: איז משנה סדרי בראשית פאר א צדיק, נאר א ברכה, נו קומט אריין, זעצט אייך אוועק, דער רב איז געגאנגען אין קיך אפי' עס גייט נאכדעם צוריק צו טבע, אינגערהייט – הייבט די רב אן און אריין געברענגט א לייכטע געטראנק, בלייבט אבער און די טבע א חמימות, א פארציילן – בין איך געווען א מגיד שיעור גיסט אן צוויי גלעזער, און ער הויבט אן נקודה פון שלא כדרך הטבע, אז אפי' אין ענגלאנד, האב איך געהאט א תלמיד, איינער וואס האט נישט אזויפיל זכותים צו שמועסן. גאר א חשובע בחור, זיין לערנען און זיין ווי דעם צדיק, זאל אויך קענען צוקומען דאווענען זענען געווען מורא'דיג, איך צו דעם שינוי סדר בראשית. בתוך הדברים איז אויסגעקומען אז איך האב געזאגט פארן רב אז איך האב אליינס האב געהאט התפעלות פון אים, ער איז געווען א געוואלדיגער בעל איז ר' שלמה קלוגער מבאר מיט דעם, נאך נישט זוכה געווען צו האבען מידות ממש א מושלם, אבל דא עקא אז דאס וואס אברהם אבינו האט געדארפט קינדער. דער רב גיבט א קרעכטץ, און דער בחור איז נעבעך געווען א יתום 5775 אנקומען קיין מצרים, און עס איז מאב ומאם, און ממילא אט ער זיך געווען וינגע ה' את בית פרעה, ער איז זיי זענען גרייט צו שליסען דעם שידוך היינט ארויס מיט גאלד און זילבער, דאס גע'עלטערט. איז געווען וויבאלט אידען ביים צייט נאכט, זאגט מיר אבער דער בחור מיט א אין ענגלאנד איז געווען א משפחה ווייטאגליך פנים, איך קען נישט חתונה Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei האבען!!!!!!!!!! 100 חיזוק מעשה אבות סימן לבני"ם... הרב יוסף קלוגער

עס איז ידוע וואס שטייט אין די ספרים הקדושים, ווען הקב"ה מאכט א נס פאר א צדיק, ווערט דורך דעם נפתח א נייע שער, וואס דורך די שער קען יעדער געהאלפען ווערען. אפי' ווער עס איז נישט אזוי ראוי ווי דער צדיק, אז מען זאל פאר אים ספעציעל עפענען א נייע שער. דער וועג וויאזוי מען מאכט אויף יענעם שער, איז דורך דעם וואס מען פארציילט דעם סיפור, וויאזוי דער בוכ"ע האט געהאלפן די צדיקים.

אזוי שרייבט דער יטב לב, אויפן פסוק )במדבר כ"ג( כעת יאמר ליעקב, ער איז מפרש דארטן דעם פסוק אין תהלים – "גדולים מעשי ה'", גרויס זענען די מעשים פונעם רבוש"ע. "דרושים לכל חפציהם", מען קען עס באנוצען פאר אלע

5775 געברויכען. "הוד והדר פעלו וצדקתו עומדת לעד", וויאזוי, דורך "זכר עשה לנפלאותיו", ווען מען דערמאנט זיינע נפלאות, איז מען מעורר אז "חנון ורחום ה'". מיט דעם טייטשט ער א געוואלדיגער Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

101 לייגט צו און אויב וועסטו נישט קענען פארלאזן און אלעס וועט זיין מסודר, טרעפן א פרוי.. ביסטו באפרייט פון די ניין ס'גייט נישט אזוי, השי"ת האט אזוי שבועה, ווייל מצד השתדלות דארף אויסגעשטעלט די בריאה אז מיר מוזן מען זאגן דעם 'און אויב נישט', אבער טוען אונזער חלק, אבער אין די זעלבע אין אמתן האבן זיי נישט קיין שום צייט לאמיר אויפהערן האבן ספיקות ספיקות נאר זענען פארזיכערט אז מען אין די ישועות, לאמיר זיך אויפהערן וועט טרעפן דאס ריכטיגע... ארומדרייען פארדאגה'עט ווייל דער האט געזאגט און יענער האט געזאגט, אליעזר קומט אָ ן קיין ארם נהרים, מיר דארפן גלייבן און וויסן מיט א כאטש וואס ער איז הונדערט קלארקייט אז מיר גייען געהאלפן פראצענט פארזיכערט אין די ישועת האלב פארטראכט זענען זיי פון דארט ווערן, מיר גייען זוכה זיין, די ישועה איז ה', נאכדערצו ווען אויפן גאנצן וועג אויפן וועג, כסדר זאגן צו זיך אליין זעט ער קלאר ווי אברהם'ס ברכה גלייך צוגעפארן צום צענטראלן אפיס ..כ'בין שוין א געהאלפענער, אפשר באגלייט אים, אבער מיט דעם אלעם פונעם מוסד ווי זיי האבן געחלומט אז זעה איך עס נאך נישט אבער אט קומט ווייסט ער אז ער איז מחיוב צו טוען עס, ווי מיר זאגן איעדן טאג ביים זיין חלק ההשתדלות דערפאר שטעלט זיי וועלן בעזהשי"ת 'איין טאג' שיקן זייער דאווענען ואני בחסדך בטחתי, יגל לבי ער זיך דאווענען און מאכט אייגענע קינד, חיים יענקל דער סעקרעטאר וואס בישועתך, טאטע זיסע אין דיינע סמנים ווייל דער מענטש איז מחיוב צו חסדים טו איך מיך פארזיכערן, מיין טוען זייניגע... ער האט נאך קוים זיצט אין אפיס האט זיך נישט געקענט הארץ פרייד זיך מיט דיין הילף, לאמיר געענדיגט דאווענען און רבקה קומט מאכן סעודת הודאות פשוט זיך צוזאם צו גיין, ער זעט מיט די גרעסטע גלייבן,.. וואס?? זעצן דאנקן און לויבן השי"ת אויף קלארקייט אז דאס איז עס, די וואסער דערפאר איז אליעזר'ס תפילה גלייך זיינע פילע חסדים וואס ער טוט און קומט אקעגן די סמנים אלעס ווערט געענטפערט געווארן ווי די פסוק זאגט מקיום ס'איז געוואלדיג, פארט אבער "וַיְהִ י הוּא טֶרֶם כִּלָּ ה לְדַבֵּ ר וְהִנֵּה רִבְקָ ה אויף דאס וואס ער גייט טוען, מודה מצד השתדלות דארף ער פרעגן צו זי יֹצֵ את" - ער האט נאך נישט געענדיגט אני לפניך ה' אלוקי על כל החסד אשר איז פון אברהם'ס משפחה צו נישט, דאווענען און אט גייט רבקה ארויס עשית עמדי, ואשר אתה עתיד לעשות און ביז ער ווייסט דאס נישט איז ער צום קוואל - ווייל ער איז געווען א הלך עמי, מיר דאנקן שוין פון פאראויס נאך פארטראכט הַהִצְלִיחַ ה' דַּרְכּ וֹ אִ ם לֹא?! חשכים, ער איז געגאנגען מיט די פאר די ישועה און דערמיט ברענגן אבער אין די זעלבע צייט איז ער אין גרעסטע מאס אמונה און בטחון, און מיר ישועות, לאמיר זיך פשוט הארצן א טויזענט פראצענט זיכער אז דאס אליין האט געפועלט די ישועה, ארויסלאזן אין א פייערדיגע טאנץ זי איז די ריכטיגע, און טאקע דערפאר ס'האט זיך נישט אנגעפאנגען מיט די אויף די חסדים וואס קומען ווייל זיי געבט ער איר שוין איבער די אלע תפילה אליין, געפועלט האט ער מיט זענען אט אט דא, ווייל מיר ווייסן אז תכשיטים וואס טראגן מיט זיך גאר זיין אמונה און זיין פארזיכערטקייט זיי זענען אונטערוועגנס, און דאס טיפע רמזים, אבער דערנאך איז ער אין השי"ת, די תפילה האט אליין וועט אונז בעזהשי"ת ברענגן די ווייטער ממשיך מיט זיינע פעולות ארויסגעברענגט די ישועה מכח אל גרעסטע ברכות און ישועות! השתדלות און פרעגט בת מי את!? הפועל, ווייל פון אונז פארלאנגט זיך לסיכום געדענק: אויך השתדלות, מיר דארפו טוען, די צוויי, בטחון והשתדלות גייען אבער די ישועה איז שוין געווען פון •בטחון והשתדלות גייען צוזאמען געקניפט און געבינדן, מען פריער. צוזאמען, טו דיין חלק אבער דארף גלייבן און זיין פארזיכערט, לעבן און אטעמען די ישועה, וויסן מיט א טייערע ברידער, אמת אז ס'זאגט זיך פארלאז זיך אויף הקב"ה. קלארקייט אז ישועת ה' כהרף עין, און גרינג, אבער ווען מיר לעבן אין א צייט •זיי נישט מסופק, ווייס מיט א אפילו אנפאנגען לעבן די ישועה וואס מיר דארפן אזוי פיל ישועות אין קלארקייט אז די ישועה קומט במציאות, וואס דאס מיינט ווי פריער איעדע ענין, צו דאס איז רוחניות אדער שוין אט אט. געשמועסט דאנקן און לויבן השי"ת גשמיות, ווי מען דרייט זיך ווארט מען כאילו מען איז שוין געהאלפן געווארן, געהאלפן צו ווערן, איז דאך די ריכטיגע •לעב און אטעם די ישועה, און דאס וועט בעזהשי"ת ברענגן די צייט זיך אריין צוטוען אינעם נושא פון דאנק און לויב השי"ת אויף אלעס 5775 גרעסטע ישועה, פארשטייט זיך אז אין מִ י הִקְדִּ ימַנִי וַאֲשַׁלֵּ ם, זיך אנפאנגען וואס די האסט און גייסט די זעלבע צייט בשעת ווען מען האלט פארלאזן אויף הקב"ה אויף א אופן פון באקומען . אינמיטן דאנקען דארפן מיר טוען "לעבן די ישועה – אטעמען די ישועה", השתדלות און איבערדרייען א וועלט... ס'מיינט נישט אז דער מענטש זאל גענומען פונעם גליון "מיט א טיפערן בליק”, ותשוח"ל. צובאקומען וועכנטליך דורך אי-מעיל שיקט צו און בדרך אפשר קען זיין פשט, אז זאגן איך טו גארנישט, כ'וועל מיך [email protected] Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

102 פארהאן, דער מענטש זעט נישט קיין טוען די אייגענע השתדלות, אבער אין ברעקל פון א ישועה, ס'זעט אים אויס די זעלבע צייט דארפן מיר זיך אז ס'איז נישט במציאות, דארף מען אינגאנצן פארלאזן אויף השי"ת, און געדענקן אז 'מאין יבא עזרי' פון דעם זיין פארזיכערט אין די ישועה! גארנישט וועט בעזר ה' ארויסוואקסן די ישועה! באמת געפינען מיר דעם יסוד אין פסוק )איוב מא ג(: מִ י הִקְדִּימַנִי פיל מיט חיזוק זענען זיי געווען וַאֲשַׁלֵּ ם, תַּחַ ת כָּ ל הַשָּׁמַיִם לִ י הוּא! ווי הערנדיג די ווארעמע ווערטער, אבער חז"ל הקדושים לערנען אונז פשט מי פון די צאלן שכר לימוד זענען זיי הקדימני דער וואס איז מיר מקדים, געווען אינגאנצן פארוואונדערט... ואשלם וועל איך אים מוזן באצאלן און האלב פארטראכט זענען זיי פון דארט אויפלייכטן מיטן ישועה! דער מענטש גלייך צוגעפארן צום צענטראלן אפיס האט א כח מקדים צו זיין הקב"ה, וואס פונעם מוסד ווי זיי האבן געחלומט אז דאס הייסט אז ווען דער מענטש וויל זיי וועלן בעזהשי"ת 'איין טאג' שיקן צו עפעס זוכה זיין, ער ווארט פאר א זייער קינד, חיים יענקל דער ישועה, זאל ער אנפאנגען טוען פעולות סעקרעטאר וואס זיצט אין אפיס האט סיי במציאות און סיי במחשבה, וואס זיך נישט געקענט גלייבן,.. וואס?? איר דאס מיינט טוען מצוות און מעשים צאלט שכר לימוד פאר א קינד וואס טובים כאילו מען איז שוין געהאלפן איז נאך נישט אין אונזער מוסד )ער געווארן ווי פריער געשמועסט, אדער זאגט עס אופן שענסטן אויפן, ער וויל במחשבה וואס דאס מיינט לעבן מיט זיי חלילה נישט וויי טוען(, וואס איז פארזיכערטקייט אז דער ישועה קומט, פשט??!! ר' דוד פארציילט אים די און פשוט אנפאנגען דאנקן און לויבן גאנצע מעשה און זאגט "מיר פרובירן השי"ת, מאכן א סעודת הודאה, און צו ווייזן פארן רבש"ע אז מיר זענען דערמיט טוט מען כביכול מחייב זיין גרייט, מיר פרובירן לעבן דעם ישועה השי"ת און די ישועה וועט טאקע און אריין לייגן געלט אויף זיין קומען בקרוב ממש! תורה'דיגע חינוך", פאר חיים יענקל איז די גאנצע זאך עפעס זייער מאדנע * אבער פארט אז זיי ווילן האט ער עס גערן אנגענומען, אבער צום קומעדיגן דערמיט פארשטייען מיר גאר יאר הערנדיג אז ס'קומט זיך פאר ר' הערליך וואס ס'האט זיך אפגעשפילט ישועה", דאס שטארקע דוד א מזל טוב, האט ער מיט א ביים זוכן א שידוך פאר יצחק, - פארזיכערטקייט אין די ישועה ברענגט קלארקייט געוואוסט אז יא ס'איז אליעזר, ווי נאר אברהם בעט אים אז פארהאן א מושג פון מקדים זיין ישועות, און פארשטייט זיך אז 'לעבן ער זאל גיין זוכן א שידוך גלייבט ער השי"ת, וואס דאס מיינט לעבן די די ישועה' מיינט נישט דוקא במציאות באמונה שלימה אין די ישועה, ער ישועה כאטש די ישועה איז ווירקליך ווי קויפן מזוזות צאלן שכר לימוד ווייסט מיט זיכערקייט אז פון ארם נאך נישט פארהאן, און דאס אליין וכדומה, בעיקר מיינט עס במחשבה אז נהרים קומט ער אהיים מיט א חשובע באשאפט די ישועה, דאס אליין דער מענטש לעבט מיט כלה פאר יצחק, און בעצם איז ער שוין ברענגט די ישועה! פארזיכערטקייט אין די ישועה, ער גרייט צו גיין, ער דארף נישט קיין שפירט די ישועה, ער גלייבט און פלאן, ער דארף נישט קיין ברכות, ער טייערע ברידער, מיר פארציילן האפט אז די ישועה קומט שוין אט אט, פארלאזט זיך אויף השי"ת ווי די מדרש נישט די מעשיות צו געבן סגולות פארן ער ווייסט אז ער קען און וועט זאגט ער איז א "הלך חשכים – ער גייט עולם, אדער ווייל מיר האלטן אז מען געהאלפן ווערן... יא אמת בלי ספק אז אין פינסטערניש", אבער פון די זאל עס נאכמאכן, איעדער פון אונז ס'פארלאנגט זיך השתדלות, דער אנדערע זייט ווייסט ער אז דער האט ב"ה זיין אייגענע רבי/משפיע מענטש קען זיך נישט איינרעדן אז ..די מענטש איז מחיוב צו טוען השתדלות, וואס טוט אים אנווייזן וואס איז ריכטיג ישועה וועט שוין פון זיך קומען איך דער מענטש מוז טוען זיין חלק, פרעגט 5775 צו טוען און וואס נישט. - מיט די וועל מיך זעצן און ווארטן, ניין מען ער: אפשר וועלן די פרויען נישט ווילן מעשיות ווילן מיר נאר ארויסברענגן דארף איינרייסן וועלטן און איבער אהער קומען, ענטפערט אים אברהם דעם יסוד, אז ס'איז פארהאן אזא דרייען איעדע שטיינדל, און אפילו ווען מיט א ברכה זארג נישט, דער בורא סארט געדאנק ווי "אז מען לעבט די מען שפירט שוין די יד ה', זאכן ריקן עולם וועט שיקן זיין מלאך און דו ישועה - טוט דאס אליין פועלן א זיך ב"ה, דארף מען נאך אלץ אייביג וועסט בעזר ה' טרעפן, אבער אברהם Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

103 * נאכן אראפלייגן א דריי פיר הונדערט געזאגט און געטוען ר' יואל האט זיך איינגעהאנדעלט הערליכע מהודר'דיגע טייערע ברידער, צו פארשטיין דעם טויזענט, האט ער שוין קלאר באמערקט מזוזות און אפילו אנגעפאנגען פלאנען אויבנדערמאנטע ענין טוען מיר אייך א מעמד קביעות מזוזה כאטש מען מיטטיילן צוויי מעשיות וואס מיר אז ס'איז גארנישט אזוי פשוט, די בנין האט אין דעם בנין ניטאמאל געקענט האבן פערזענליך געהערט פון די בעלי האט א בארג מיט ליגאלע פראבלעמען, אריין טרעטן, ס'האט זיך געהערט המעשה, וואס דערמיט וועלן מיר מאדנע און אינטערעסאנט, זיין בסייעתא דשמיא דערהערן די עומק און די ריכטיגע פערמיטן צו קענען אריין משפחה און חברים האבן זיך אפילו הפרשה, און אינאיינוועגס ארויסנעמען מופן איז נאך א חלום אוועק.. אונטערגעשמייכלט, אבער ווי א לימוד פאר אונזער לעבן, פון די ערשטוינד זענען אלע געווען ווען יסודות החיים וואס אונזערע הייליגע צווייטע און אזוי האט ער געדרייט איינצעלע טעג דעראויף איז די בנין עלטערן האבן פאר אונז חובות אָ ן קיין שום פלאן ווען זאכן אדורך א 'גאווערמענט אפראוועל' און אראפגעשטעלט לדורות עולם. וועלן שוין מסודר ווערן, דאס איז עס, ס'איז געווען גרייט געעפענט צו ווערן, די דירה איז א פאטאלע דורכפאל, און צום ריכטיגע טאג האט ער א פארדאגעטער דרייט זיך ר' יואל געקלאפט זיינע הערליכע נייע מזוזות! ארים, שוין א צוויי יאר זייט ער האט כ'האב געדארפט וויסן אז ביי אזא מיט אלע זיינע כוחות צוזאם געקראצט מענטש קויפט מען נישט קיין דירה, די צווייטע מעשה איז טאקע ענליך, איעדער פיאסטער וואס ער האט און אוודאי נישט מיט געבארגטע אבער פאר אונז, זייענדיג מער פארמאגט צום לעבן, און א חוץ זיין געלט, אזוי לויפן אים די מחשבות, רעלעוואנט אין דעם מצב וואס מיר אייגענע האט ער נאך צוגעבארגט רבש"ע ווי זעט מען זיך ארויס פון דעם גייען דורך, איז עס כדי צו פארציילן: עטליכע שווערע טויזענטע דאללארן, פלאנטער!? שטייענדיג אינעם שטוב ביי איינע פון אלעס כדי צו קענען קויפן א קליין די גדולי הדור שליט"א גיסט דוד מיט זייענדיג שטארק פארלוירן האט ר' דירה אויפן זעקסטן שטאק אין זיין טייערע בני בית אויס זייער יואל מחליט געווען אז ער וועט גיין צו ברוקלין ניו יארק, פארשטייט זיך מיטן צובראכן הארץ.. מ'האלט שוין זעקס אַ ן ערליכע איד איבער שמועסן די צוזאג אז ווי נאר מ'קומט אויף מיט די יאר נאכן חתונה און דערווייל ווארטן מצב און נעמען א ברכה אפשר וועט געלט, איז עס גרייט אריין צו מופן. מיר אזוי אומגעדולדיג אויף זרע של דאס אים לייכטער מאכן אויפן הארץ... אבער נאכן אראפלייגן א דריי פיר קיימא, נאכן הערן און אדורך שמועסן הער זיך איין ר' יואל ס'פארלאנגט זיך הונדערט טויזענט, האט ער שוין קלאר אלע דיטאלן פאר א לענגערע צייט, פון דיר אסאך מער בטחון, די וועג ווי באמערקט אז ס'איז גארנישט אזוי הייבט דער צדיק אויף די קאפ און מיט די לייגסט אראפ די מצב זעט עפעס פשוט, די בנין האט א בארג מיט א ווארעמע שמייכל זאגט ער: "זייט אויס ווי די אליין געבסט אויף, ווי די ליגאלע פראבלעמען, און די ריכטיגע נישט געזארגט די ישועה איז דא, איר אליין ביסט מסופק צו די וועסט נאך פערמיטן צו קענען אריין מופן איז נאך דארפט נאר אנפאנגן לעבן דעם געהאלפן ווערן, ס'פארלאנגט זיך א חלום אוועק.. בקיצור די וואכן און ישועה, פאנגט אייך שוין אָ ן גרייטן", זאלסט זיין פארזיכערט אין די ישועה, חדשים לויפן איינס נאך איינס, מען אמן! אבער אויף דוד'ס געזיכט האלט שוין ביי גאנצע צוויי יאר וואס "זאלסט לעבן די ישועה..." ר' יואל דערקענט זיך אז ער האט נישט די דירה שטייט גענצליך ליידיג, די קוקט צוריק און ווייסט נישט וואס צו פונקטליך פארשטאנען וואס דאס אלע לעגאלע פראצעדורן קאסטן אים טראכטן ..וואס מיינט לעבן די ישועה מיינט "לעבן די ישועה," נאך א קורצע א הון תועפות, און א פלאן ווען זאכן כ'האב חובות איבערן קאפ, כ'האב מינוט צוויי האט דער גדול מיט וועלן מסודר ווערן איז בכלל נישט דא, נישט קיין טאג און נאכט?! אבער דער ליבשאפט זיי געזאגט, פשוטו כמשמעו ווי ס'זעט אויס וועט עס נאך געדוירן חשובער איד לאזט זיך נישט ווארטן, פאנגט אָ ן לעבן כאילו איר זענט שוין היפש א שטיקל צייט. און איז מסביר ר' יואל גיי אהיים און געהאלפן געווארן און איר זענט אים קויף מזוזות פארן נייע דירה, ווייז פארן מחנך לתורה ולמצוות, דוד ווערט נאך דאס נישט קענען מופן האט אים רבש"ע אז די גרייטסט זיך צו די מצוה מער צומישט??!! "איר זאלט אנפאנגען געצווינגען צו פארבלייבן אין זיין פון מחנך זיין דיין שטוב מיט הייליגע צאלן שכר לימוד פאר די מוסד ווי איר אלטע דירה מיט א שווערע רענט אויף מזוזות, די גרייטסט זיך אריין צו מופן וועט דעם קינד שיקן און השי"ת וועט זיינע פלייצעס, און פון א פשוטע כולל בקרוב ממש, לעב דעם ישועה טראכט אייך זיכער העלפן", געדענקט אז

אינגערמאן איז ער פליצלונג געווארן א און חלום אז אט מופט מען, פאנג אן הקב"ה באשאפט זאכן פון גארנישט, 5775 גאנצע 'אקאונטענט', פון צופרי ביז דאנקן השי"ת פאר דיין נייע דירה, און ווי דוד המלך זאגט אין תהלים אֶשָּׂא אויפדערנאכט האט ער געמאכט השי"ת וועט דיר העלפן אז דו וועסט עֵינַי אֶ ל הֶהָרִ ים מֵאַיִן יָבֹא עֶזְרִ י, עֶזְרִ י חשבונות, ווי אזוי צאלט מען די טאקע גאר אין גיכן קענען קלאפן די מֵעִ ם ה' עֹשֵׂה שָׁמַיִם וָאָרֶץ, אפילו ווען ערשטע חוב צו קענען נעמען א מזוזות אין פריידן. ס'איז א מצב פון 'אַיִן' ס'איז גארנישט Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

104 חיזוק

הוא ישלח מלאכו לפניך!..

די מדרש )ילקוט שמעוני פרק כד "הקרה נא לפני היום!" מיטן געוואלדיגן תפילה און ברכה פון קז( פארטייטשט די פסוק וואס די הוּא יִשְׁלַ ח מַלְאָ כוֹ לְפָנֶיךָ, דאס הייסט נביא ישעיהו זאגט פאר עם ישראל: לאמיר פארשטיין פארוואס רופט אז ווען די ריכטיגע וועט אנקומען "מי בכם ירא ה' זה אליעזר" - אליעזר זיך פונקט אליעזר א "הלך חשכים" ער וועסטו עס שוין זעהן פאר דיר, וואס ער איז די ירא ה', "שומע בקול עבדו גייט אין טינקלקייט, ער איז דאך איז דער פשט אז ער נעמט זיך אליין געגאנגען מיט פונקטליכע אנווייזונגען, בקולו של אברהם" - וואס ער הערט צו דאווענען און מאכט זיך אייגענע באגלייט מיט די געוואלדיגע ברכה, צום רוף פון אברהם, "אשר הלך חשכים סמנים? און בכלל וואס פעלן די סמנים לכאורה זעט עס אויס ווי א פשוטע בשעה שהלך להביא את רבקה" - ער אויס? ג( דעם ריזיגען נס אז די וואסערן שליחות, פארוואס ווערט עס גערופן, גייט אין די פינסטערניש ברענגן רבקה, קומען איר אקעגן איז נאכנישט גענוג, "איינער וואס גייט אין פינסטערניש?” "ואין נוגה לו" - אפילו ווען ס'איז ווייל ער האט דאך געמאכט אייגענע טינקל און עס איז א שטראל פון בכלל איז שווער אויך די גאנצע סימנים, אבער אפילו דערנאך ווען ליכטיגקייט נישט פארהאן, "ומי מאיר מעשה דא: א( אברהם זאגט פאר זיינע אייגענע סימנים ווערן שוין אויך לו, הקב"ה מאיר לו בזיקים וברקים, אליעזר זארג נישט - הקב"ה וועט מקיום וואונדערט ער זיך הַהִצְלִיחַ ה' 5775 יבטח בשם ה' וישען" - און ווער לייכט שיקן זיין מלאך פאר דיר און די וועסט דַּרְכּ וֹ אִ ם לֹא, וואס וואונדערט ער זיך? אים אויף? הקב"ה איז דער וואס לייכט טרעפן די ריכטיגע ,אבער גלייך און אויב וואונדערט ער זיך טאקע אויף, אליעזר פארזיכערט זיך און טוט דערנאך זאגט ער און אויב וועסטו פארוואס געבט ער איר די אלע זיך אויף השי"ת אינגאנצן פארלאזן, נישט טרעפן וכו'? ב( אליעזר פארט מתנות? Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

105 די חנוכה ליכט...

א גראם מיט טעם

אינדרויסען א וועלט נסיונות ביטער פון שניי און קעלט ווארפט א ציטער עס בלאזט א ווינט א פעסטע מיין האפענונג פארבט ער שווארץ און טוט שטאלצירען פראבירט מיט מאכט אז זי קען אוועק פירען מאכן נאכט אפילו דער בוים די גרעסטע. ביי מיר אין הארץ.

אויל מיט קנייטען אבער מיך ביים פענסטער שוין געטון אנגרייטען אפקילען נישט קענסטו אין מנורה אנגעצינדען ווען איך זעה מיינע לעכטעלעך זיך הייבען צאנקעט און שפרינגט נר ה' נשמת צו מיר עס ווינקט דעם כח איך באקום עס א געדאנק ערפינדען. אינעם עתיד צו קענען גלייבען.

ס'איז גאר מסתבר אויפלעבן דעם פינק דעם לעכט'ס אויפגאבע א טענצל א שפרינג 5775 ברענגען אן אור אינעם טינקעל און אזוי ערייכען דעם קונץ אבער נישט נאר ברענעדיג ארום מיר פארשפרייטען טאנצט אויך שטענדיג א לעכטיגקייט א ברייטען שטרעבט אויפצולעבען יעדען ווינקעל. פאר מיר דאס גרעסטע געווינס.  Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

106 האט געטראכט, איך גיב נישט אויף! ריזיגע לעכטיגקייט! איינמאל און נאכאמאל, עס וועט זיין זאל זיין וואס זיין! נישט קיין חילוק גוט! דער אייבערשטער האט נישט ניין, ביז די יו"ט חנוכה איז די וועלט ווי שווארץ די מצב קוק נעבעך נישט פארגעסן פון מיר טראץ וואס איך נישט ראוי געווען דערפאר, און אויס, איך גיב נישט אויף! זעה איהם נישט. השי"ת האט עס געדארפט איינער אליין קעגן א גאנצע וועלט, פארשטעקן, אבער נאך אזא חשכות, יעצט, נאך אכט טעג לעבן מיט די האט מתתיהו זיך געשלאגן, איינמאל ווען כלל ישראל האט אויסגעקוקט אמונה, פארשטייען מיר שוין זייער און נאכאמאל, און ער האט בכלל וואו א פארגאנגעהייט, און דאך האבן גוט וואס שטייט אין די הייליגע נישט געמאסטן זיינע שאנסן צו זיי געהאט אומגעהויערע מסירות ספרים די גרויסע זכות פון "זאת נצחון... נפש און נישט אויפגעגעבן! חנוכה" אז עס איז מסוגל צו "פקידת די חנוכה דעמאלטס איז געקומען די גרויסע עקרות"! אבער ער האט נישט אויפגעגעבן! געטליכע לעכטיגקייט, וואס ווערט טייערע ברודער און שוועסטער און דערפאר צינדען מיר היינט יעדעס יאר נתגלה אין די הייליגע מיר דארפן נאר געדענקן, נישט חנוכה לעכט! טעג. אויפגעבן! א איד איז קיינמאל נישט ליכט... נישט אומזיסט צינדט מען די די פאפיר איז צו קורץ צו פארציילען אליין, השי"ת האט קיינמאל נישט מנורה דוקא ווען עס איז שוין די מסירת נפש'דיגע מעשיות וואס פארגעסן פון אונז! דער אייבערשטער פינסטער אינדרויסן, מען לייגט די ווערן פארציילט ארום די נרות חנוכה, איז א משגיח מן החלונות, ער שטייט חנוכה ליכט ביים פענסטער. ווייל וואו אידן אין די שווערסטע מצבים, אויף די אנדערע זייט פענסטער. מיר דארט אונטער די טונקעלע פענסטער האבן געצינדן חנוכה ליכט אונטער דארפן נאר האבן שכל און איהם שטייט הקב"ה און ווארט אויף אונז! די ענגע אומשטענדן מיט די גרעסטע טרעפן! מאס מסירת נפש. שטייט אז ווען השי"ת האט אט אט, וועלן מיר אנצינדען באשאפן די וועלט, האט ער געזעהן און דאס זעהען 'מיר' אין די אונזערע אייגענע פלעמעלעך, א אז די "אור הגנוז" איז צו שטארק און ליכטיגע פלעמעלעך! משפחה פלאם וואס וועט ברענען די וועלט איז נישט מסוגל איר צו אויף אייביג! ליכטעלעך מיט וואס יא, עס איז טונקעל, די זוהן שיינט פארנעמען, האט עס הקב"ה מיר און דער אייבערשטער וועלן נישט, ס'איז קאלט, און אמאל באהאלטן פאר די צדיקים. פון די שטאלצירן, מיר וועלן דאנקען און פארכמורעט. דיין פערזענליכע מצב אנדערע זייט זעהען מיר אז ביי די לויבן אויף די כלליות'דיגע נס קוקט אויס אזוי אומהאפענונגספול. יו"ט חנוכה, ווערט געברענגט אין אינאיינעם מיט אונזער פריוואטע נס! קוק נאר אויף די הייליגע לעכטעלעך, אלע חסידשע ספרים, ווערט נתגלה מיר וועלן זינגען און טאנצן מיט זיי שיינען, זיי שיקן שטראלן, און די אור הגנוז. וואס האט פאסירט? פרייליכע טענער... ווארעמען אינעם גרעסטן פינסטער! די תירוץ איז פשוט: לית נהורא א לעכטעלע וואס סימבאליזירט "מעוז צור 'ישועתי'..."  דנפיק מגוי חשוכא, די בעסטע "נישט אויפגעבן"! ליכטיגקייט זעהט מען נאר גאנצע אכט טעג האבן אונז די פון די טונקעל. נאך חכמים געגעבן זיך צו מתבונן אזא פינסטערניש זיין אין די טייערע געדאנק, קומט אזא טראכטן און חזר'ן 5775 Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

107 פארשטענדעניש גיט א בליץ אין א גייסט פון יאוש, מען שפירט זיך נסיונות וואס האט באדראעט זיינע קלוגע אויגן, און מיט א הילפלאז. אליינס קעגן א "גאנץ כלל ישראל". די יוונים, מיט זיכערקייט שפאצירט ער אריין אין ברויזענדע וועלט, שטורעמישע זייער גרעסטע רשעות און פאלאץ גראד צום שטוב ווי דער נסיונות, א פארפלייצונג פון אויפגעקלערטע טאקטיקן האבן פריץ זיצט מיט ערשטוינע געפיהל, ברויזענדע כוואליעס. זיי אומאויפהערליך אויסגעטראכט אויפגעריסטעטע אויגן נישט ווילן פארשלעפן דעם מענטש ביז וועגן, און נישט געבליבן ביים גלויבענדיג די וואונדערליכע צום אויפגעבן אפגרונד... טראכטן, וויאזוי מען קען ערשיינונג! אונטערברענגען די יסודות פון מען טאר אבער נישט פארגעסן, כלל ישראל. איינמאל פאר אינגאנצן איבערראשט פון די און מען דארף גוט נעמען אין אלעמאל אפפירן דאס אידישע חכמה, פרעגט איהם די פריץ, זאג באטראכט, נוצן חכמה, און קוקן פאלק און אפווישן זייער מיין קינד, פון וואו האסטו טאקע אביסעל טיפער אינעם בילד... עקזיסטענץ פון ביידע וועלטן געוואוסט וואו צו גיין? רח"ל. פשוט – זאגט דער יונגל – איך צו דעם צוועק האבן זיי האב געגעבן א קוק אויפן פאלאץ אנגעשפאנט אלע זייערע כוחות האב איך געזעהן אז ביי אלע הטומאה, און אויף דעם נאך פענסטערס זענען די פירהענג צוגעלייגט די שרעקליכע צרה פון אפען, נאר ביי איין פענסטער איז די מתיוונים, די אייגענע און עס פארמאכט, האב איך גרעסטע מהרסים ומחריבים וואס פארשטאנען אז דארט זיצט דער האבן אנגעזייעט כאאס שרעק און פריץ און ווארט....! טומאה. * עד כדי כך... עס איז נישט די מעשה איז א באקאנטע, געבליבן פון "גאנץ כלל ישראל" אבער די מוסר השכל דערפון איז וואס איז באשטאנען פון מיליאנען שטוינענד! מיליאנען אידן, נישט מער ווי איין משפחת חשמונאי וואס זענען יעדע מענטש קומט אמאל צו א "אונטער די פארמאכטע גרייט געווען צו גיין אין פייער מצב וואס מען האט זיך באהאלטן פירהאנג שטייט השי"ת און ווארט פארן אייבערשטן. פון איהם, די מצב קוקט אויס אויף דיר!" פארלוירן, עס קען זיך דאכטן אז א טאטאלע חורבן! השי"ת האט ח"ו אוועקגעקוט פון לאמיר כאפן א בליק וואס ליגט ביז עס איז געקומען איין איהם, ער פיהלט זיך אזוי אונטער די היסטאריע פון די מתתיהו. איין מתתיהו איינזאהם, אזוי אליין. "חנוכה ליכט". וואס עס קומט אמאל די מצב אין וואס אידן זענען אונטער א מצב געשטאנען אין די צייטן פארן פון טונקעלקייט, נס חנוכה קען אן קיין ספק א טאג פון באצייכענט ווערן אלס 5775 צובראכנקייט, איינע פון די גרעסטע Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

108 טרערן פון ערווארטונג, הייסע אן קיין באגלייטער. זודיגע טרערן! וואס אונטער די קיין צוויי ברירות האט דער טרערעלעך ליגט א טיפע ווייטאג. טאטע נישט געהאט. מען האט זיי קוקן אויף די לעכטעלע וואס אפגעשמועסט א צייט און דאטום, טאנצט אינעם האלטער, ווען דער יונגעל וועט קומען צום אפצייכענענדיג מיט זייער פאלאץ. פרייליכע טאנצעריי דעם גרויסען עס איז אנגעקומען דער טאג. נס וואס הקב"ה האט געטוהן פאר דער פריץ איז שוין וואך געווען כלל ישראל, און זיי ווארטן אויף גאנץ פרי, און מיט ערווארטונג זייער פריוואטע נס! א נס וואס זיי האט ער זיך געגרייט צו זעהן די ווילן שוין זעהן אזוי בקרוב! א יו"ט געקומען זעהן דעם וואונדער וואונדער מיט זיינע אייגענע אויגן, וואס זיי זאלן קענען פראווענען קינד, וואס האט מיט זיין שארפן אבער קודם האט ער געוואלט מיט אמת'ע שמחה. ווארטן ווען א מוח באצויבערט און ערשטוינט אויספרובירן דעם קליינעם יצחק קול פון נצחון וועט זיך הערן דורכן ווער עס איז נאר געשטאנען מיט זעקל, צו איז ער טאקע אזוי קול פון א קליין קוויטשעדיג איהם אין ווארט. קלוג?! נשמה'לע! דער שמועה האט זיך צושפרייט דער פריץ איז געפאלן אויף א מיר קענען גוט אט די שטובער... אלס מער, ביז עס עס האט המצאה. ער האט ארויסגעגעבן א נו, אויב אזוי... לאמיר טראכטן דערגרייכט די אויערן פונעם באפעהל. אלע באדינער, משרתים, אביסעל וואס מיינט יו"ט חנוכה גרויסן פריץ פון די געגנט. דער און שומרים, זאלן אין די צייט פאר 'אונז'! פריץ איז געווען באקאנט אלס אן וואס דער עילוי דארף קומען זיך אינטעליגענטע און קלוגער באהאלטן, קיינער זאל נישט * מענטש, און די שמועות איבער שטיין אויף זיין באשטימטע דעם וואונדער קינד האט זיך איר האט שוין אוודאי געהערט פלאץ, "און לאמיר זעהן צו דער עפעס נישט געוואלט גלייבן ביי פונעם גרויסן גאון וצדיק "דער קליינער וועט אליינס וויסן וואו צו איהם, ביז איין טאג האט ער בעל שם פון מיכלשטאדט", דער גיין". באשלאסן אז ער מוז רעדן מיט גאון ר' יצחק זעקל ארי' לייב, איז דעם קינד און זעהן צו איז עס עס איז 10 אזייגער. אין פאלאץ שוין פון אלס קליין קינד געווען טאקע אמת דאס אלעס וואס איז שא שטיל מען זעהט נישט באוואוסט אלס א עילוי און א ווערט פארציילט איבער איהם. קיין נפש חיה פאר די אויגן, און שארפע מוח. פוונעם גאנצן ארום דער קליינער יצחק זעקל קומט צו זענען תלמידי חכמים און סתם דער פריץ שיקט זיין שליח צום שפאצירן, באטראכט מיט המון עם צוגלייך שטוב פון ר' מתתי' דער טאטע וואונדער דעם גרויסן פאלאץ, פון די לוריא משפחה, מיט א אינטערסאנט קיינער איז בקשה אז דער אזויגערופענער נישטא? וואונדער קינד זאל וויליג זיין און קומען צו איהם ער גיט א קוק אין פאלאץ, אבער מיט אויפן פאלאץ, א

5775 א תנאי, ער זאל קומען פונק פון Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

109 אין די לופט, פארפאלן, עפעס געטליכע וואונדער, און יאר נאך העכער שפילט זיך דא אפ! די יאר ביז צום היינטיגן זמן שעפט קינדער מיט זייערע ברייטע נאך פון דעם דער כלל ישראל שמייכלעך און אויליגע פינגערס, הויפענס חיזוק און אמונה. די מיט אנגעפולטע טאשן מיט השפעות פון בימים ההם קלינגעדיגע חנוכה געלד און באלייכטען נאך בזמן הזה אפילו טשאקאלאדן גיבן נאר ציה צום אינעם טונקעלן פארכמורעטן אטמאספעהר. מען זינגט און ווינטער-גלות! לויבט דעם טאטען אין הימעל יא יא, עס איז טאקע א שיינער "מעוז צור ישועתי..." יו"ט, אבער עס זענען פארהאנען צום רבינ'ס הדלקת הנרות טיש שטובער אין וואס די מצב איז גייען שוין די גרעסערע קינדער אביסעלע אנדערש, שטובער וואו אויך מיט. און צומאל נעמט זיי די דו קינדער שטייען נישט ארום טאטע צי נאך צוויי דריי רבנים דעם טאטן צו באטראכטן יעדע זאלן זיי זעהן ווי מ'טוט אפרעכטן ריר, און ניין, זיי גייען נישט צינדען א חנוכה אויך ביי די אנדערע די קאלירפולע ליכט אין זייער קרייזן, מיט זייערע פארשידענע קליינע מנורה'לע. זיי גייען נישט מנהגים ארום די מצוה פון הדלקת בעטן חנוכה געלט, זיי גייען נישט הנרות. במשכ'ן יום טוב נעמט מען עסן די געשמאקע פאנקען – וואס אריין אין זיך קדושה, יראת שמים, קיינער האט נישט געשטערט און אהבת השם, מען שעפט אן אנצוגרייטן, און גייען נישט גיין צו חיות פאר די רעשט פונעם די משפחה "חנוכה מסיבה". ווינטער זמן הבעל"ט. ניין, דארט שטייען די עלטערן רייצענדע גערוכן פון פרישע אליין. אליין מיטן רבוש"ע, אליין פאנקעס און קולות פון פולע מיט די בני בית, דארט גייט מען צדקה פושקעס וועלעכע קלאפן אויך צינדען חנוכה ליכט. דארט איי שפירט זיך א איד דערהויבן, אן אויפהער מישן זיך צוזאם אין א גייט מען אויך זונגען מעוז צור, פיל העכער ווי די צען טפחים... ער הערליכע כאר פון דערהויבענקייט. אבער דארט איז ליידער פינסטער שפירט א רוחניות'דיגע סיפוק, א פון אינעווייניג... יא, אין די צייט אינעווייניג אין שטוב איז אזוי וואכעדיגע יו"ט אבער פול מיט וואס אינדרויסן איז לעכטיג, ליכטיג און יום טוב'דיג, בשעת רוחניות, א העכערע גייסט, די זייערע קרובים, ברודער און אינדרויסן איז שוין באהערשט חנוכה לעכט דערווארעמט און שוועסטער שלעפן זיך שוין מיט א דורך די נאכט פינסטערניש. פון שיינט אריין אביסעל לעבהאפט געזונדל, קינדער וואס העלפן און אלע פענסטערלעך שיינט ארויס אינעם קאלטן פארשלאפענעם שטערן, קינדער וואס טוען די הערליכע ליכטעלעך, וואס ווינטער, זיי ווארפן ליכטיגע אריינברענגען שמחה אין שטוב, צושפרייטן זייער שיין אינעם שטראלן אויפן דערמאטערט איז ביי זיי אבער פינסטער! פינסטערן נאכט. זעהל פון א יוד!

זיי שטייען קעגן די הייליגע 5775 טאקע פרייליכע טעג, מיט זיצט זיך דער אידעלע אינאיינעם לעכטעלעך וואס טוליען זייער עטליכע טויזנט יאר צוריק דארט מיט זיין הויזגעזונד, בניו כשתילי שיין אינעם טונקעל, און זיי גיסן אין אר"י, האט השי"ת באוויזן זיין זיתים, א העכער שטימונג הענגט טייכן טרערן, טרערן פון האפענונג, Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

110 וואס זאגן די נרות חנוכה צו 'אונז'?! שרגא גאלד

הנרות הללו קודש ההההם... אידישע נשמה, זיי – די פלעמעלעך הבריאה – דעם באשעפער'ס אההה... א ווארעמקייט צושפרייט – כאפן זיך אן אינעם קנויט באליבט קינד, אויך ער כאפט זיך זיך אין די גלידער, א קדושה ווערנדיג פעסטער און שענער, ווי אן אין זיין הייליגע פליסט אריין אין יעדע אדער, א אין פרייליכע טענץ צאנקען זיי און איינגעווארצעלטע שורש, און געטליכע ליבע, א געפיהל פון צופלאקערן זיך, מיט זייער דערהייבט זיין זעהל, זיין נשמה,

5775 העכערקייט הילט איין יעדן אבר... בריליאנטענע שיין און אלעס אויף ארויף, ארויף צו איין באצויבערנדע שטראלן איינציגע ציהל... צום הייליגן די ליכטיגע נרות דערהייבן זיך דערלייכטען זיי זייער ארום. און באשעפער! העכער העכער, און מיט זיי די מיט זיי אויך דער איד, די מובחר Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

111 פון די מאמע, און ווערט דורך די עס קען גאר זיין, ווי עס שטייט אז אייבירשטענס נאמען, מיט דעם אז אייגענע ברודער פארקויפט ווי א "מעשה אבות סימן לבנים", די מען האט געזעהן אז ''רחוק ביליגער קנעכט וואס טראגן אים פעולות פון די אבות איז געווען אונז משוועתי דברי שאגתי'', אז ווען דער אראפ צו די נידעריגסטע פלאץ אין צו לערנען, ממילא יוסף הצדיק אלץ רבש''ע העלפט זענען די טובות די וועלט, איינזאם ווי א שטיין זיך אליינס וואלט טאקע נישט אסאך ווייטער פון וואס מיר קענען טרעפט ער זיך שלאגן מיט נסיונות געבעטן דעם שר המשקים, ער איז באגרייפן און זיך פארשטעלן – וואס פלאקערן ווי פייער צינגען, און געווען מיט די גאנצער קלארקייט אריינצוברענגען אין זיך און אין די מיט א געוואלדיגע עזות דקדושה און דביקות אינעם אייבירשטן אז קינדער אז די הילף פונעם קעמפט ער און לאזט נישט נאך קיין הוא בורא ומנהיג, פאר אים איז אייבירשטן איז פיל ברייטער און פינטעלע, און דא נאכן שמאכטען אלעס איינס. אבער כדי צו לערנען מער ווי אונזער באגרעניצטע פאר די שפעטערע דורות אט די אין תפיסה על לא עוול בכפו און מחשבה קען גיין. ממילא ווי מער קלארקייט האט ער דאס געטוהן! בעט איבריגע ווערטער, באקומט ער מען לעבט מיט דעם און ווי קלארער מען זעט עס, דערהייבט דאס די גאר א שטראף פון נאך צוויי יאר חנוכה, שטייט אין די גמרא "לשנה גייסט און גיבט חיזוק ווען מען פארוויילען אין תפיסה? אחרת קבעום יו''ט", די נעקסטע קלעטערט אין די זומפן פון די יאר האט מען איר אוועקגעשטעלט די תירוץ איז לכאורה גאנץ פשוט. שוועריגקייטען, ווייל אפילו ווען איך פאר א יו''ט. לכאורה פארוואס ווייל באמת איז אויף יוסף הצדיק מיט מיינע אויגן און מיט מיין שכל הערשט די נעקסטע יאר און נישט באגרייף נישט און קען נישט זעהן שווער די גרויסע קשיא, "דו יוסף שוין די יאר תיכף נאכ'ן נס? נאר ווען קיין וועג ארויס, ווייס איך אבער אז הצדיק האסט שוין געזעהן ווי טראץ מען האט זיך אנגעהויבן בארואיגען דער רבש''ע זעט יא. אלע שוועריגקייטען וואס דו ביסט פון די מלחמות, האט מען במשך די אדורך, און ווי שווער עס איז געווען גאנצער יאר מער און מער באגריפן פארדעם איז מען גומר די הלל פאר דיר צו זיין א איד, וואס דו פון די גרויסקייט פון די נס, ווי די גאנץ חנוכה, מען זאגט גאנץ הלל, דיין זייט וואלסט נישט געחלומט גאנצער אופן פון די מלחמה איז ווייל די השפעה פון יו''ט חנוכה אנצוקומען מיט אזויפיל קדושה געווען פונקט פארקערט ווי מען בימים ההם בזמן הזה איז זיך צו וטהרה אין אזא ערוות הארץ, א זאל ווען פארשטיין מיט די פשוט'ע קענען דערהייבן צו לעבן מיט אט איינזאם פארווארפענע בחור'ל, מענטשליכע שכל. גיבורים ביד דעם געפיל. ממילא ווערט די הארץ האסטו אבער געזעהן אז פאר'ן חלשים, שטארקע אין די הענט פון פארברייטערט פון שמחה, ווייל מען רבש''ע איז נישט דא קיין אפהאלט, שוואכע, רבים ביד מעטים, אסאך לעבט מיט די ידיעה אז אפילו איך און ברויך נישט קיין שום עצות. אין די הענט פון ווייניג, וואס די צוויי זעה נישט קיין וועג האט די רבש''ע זאכען – שטארקע און אסאך – זענען האסט געזעהן אז ווען מען איז אין א גרייט פאר מיר רייעס מיט וואגאנען פון די עיקר פאקטארן צו געווינען א קלעם און מען טוט בעטן און ווארטן איבערגיסענדיג מיט רחמים וחסדים מלחמה, און דא האט דער רבש''ע אויף א ישועה, קומט דאס מיט פיל פאר מיר, וואס איך קען מיך געמאכט פונקט דאס פארקערטע, גרעסערע פראצענטען און נומערן ניטאמאל פארשטעלן. ווי קען זיין א זאכן וואס אליינס וואלט מען זיך פון וואס מען קען זיך נאר גרעסערע שמחה פון דעם אז אפילו נישט געקענט פארשטעלן אז עס פארשטעלן. נו אויב אזוי, וואו קומט מען טרעפט זיך אין א קלעם וואס זאל געשעהן האט דא פאסירט. דאס צו דיר אז דו זאלסט בעטן מער קוקט אויס שווארץ און טינקל, וויפיל דער רבש''ע אלץ השתדלות און טאקע אויף דעם האט מען ווייסט מען אבער אז אונטער די פארלאנגט, דו ווייסט דאך שוין אז אוועקגעשטעלט די יו''ט – אזוי ווי שווארצע פארהאנג שטייט דער רבש''ע דארף נישט קיין עצות מען זאגט "ולך עשית שם גדול ליכטיגקייטן עד אין שיעור, ממילא ער איז בכלל נישט אנגעוויזען אין וקדוש בעולמיך", אז מיט די נס זאגט מען אין אזא יום טוב די קיין בשר ודם?!" חנוכה איז גרויס געווארען דעם גאנצער הלל.  5775

"מן המיצר קראתי קה ענני במרחב קה", פון מיין ענגשאפט ארויס האב איך געשריגן צום אייבירשטן, און ווען עס איז געווען אז דער רבש''ע האט מיך גענטפערט איז עס געווען "במרחב קה", Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

112 צווייטען ווי קיינער וויל אים נישט זיינע ווערטער מיט די פסוק אין עס איז געווען אז דער רבש''ע האט אריינלאזען, נאכן ליידען פון די תהלים "רחוק מישועתי דברי מיך גענטפערט איז עס געווען טיפוס מחלה וואס איז זייער שאגתי" עס איז ווייט מיינע "במרחב קה", עס איז געווען פיל א אנשטעקיג. בלייבט פאר אים איין געשרייען פון מיין הילף. וואס די ברייטערע ישועה פון וואס איך האב אויסוואל, צו קלעטערן אין די הויכע באדייט דערפון איז, אז דאן ווען ער געבעטן און זיך פארגעשטעלט ווען שנייען ביז ער וועט טרעפען ערגעץ איז געווען פארווארפן אין סיביר, איך בין געווען אין מיין ענגשאפט! א מקום מנוחה פאר זיין ארימען ועוד בו נשמתו, קוים קוים וואס ער קערפער, וואס אלטע אפגעדינטע לעבט, האט ער געבעטן בלויז אז ער פארט אבער האט דער רבש''ע קליידער – באצירט מיט לאטעס פון זאל אנקומען לקבר ישראל. און גענומען די נשמה טהורה און איר כל מיני פארעמען – נעמען איר דער מבין ומאזין דער רבש''ע, וואס איינגעשפארט אין די פליישיגע ארום אבער איז גארנישט ווערט הערט יעדעס ווארט האט אים תפיסה און ער האט אונז קעגן די שרעקליכע קעלטן וואס געשיקט א ישועה וואס ער וואלט אונטערגעווארפען אונטער די טרעפן זייער לייכט זייער וועג אריין זיך קיינמאל געחלומט – דאן ווען ער מענטשליכע באדינגונגען און צו זיין פעקעל ביינער. זעט זיך ווי ער שלאגט זיך שוין מיטן באדערפענישען, אז ווען עס איז ענג מלאך המוות – און ווי שטייט ער מען ווארט און מען גארט אויף א צוביסלעך הייבט ער טאקע אן צו היינט, בניך כשתולי זיתים, א ישועה, איז ענג, עס איז שווער, זייער שפירן אז לכאורה איז זיין סוף גאר באלאדענטע טיש מיט קינדער און שווער, ספעציעל ווען עס קומען נאנט... אבער אלץ א ריכטיגער אייניקלעך! ווייטאגליכע פעטש נאכאמאל און נובהארדוקער תלמיד פארלירט ער נאכאמאל, ווערט די תפילה און נישט די ריינע און קלארע מחשבה דאס איז א געוואלדיגער לערע! צפייה לישועה אויך ענג. מיט וואס א איד דארף לעבן. ער מיר זענען פארווארפען אין אונזערע נעמט אן די גזירה באהבה, אבער נסיונות און פלאגענישען, עס מאכט מיר גייען יעצט אריין אין טעג איין דאגה האט ער נאך און אויף אונז זייער ענג. צער איז א לשון פון וואס מען רופט "די ליכטיגע חנוכה דעם איז ער זייער טיעף מתפלל אז ענג, עס פארקערצערט אונזערע טעג", אז מען זאגט ליכטיג מיינט לקבר ישראל זאל ער נאך אנקומען, געדאנקען, אונזערע השגות פון דאס אז בעצם איז טונקל, די טעג זיין געביין זאל נישט זיין וואס זאל בקשות און ארויסקוקען אויף באלייכטען די פינסטערניש. חנוכה בארואיגען די אויסגעהונגערטע ישועות, קודם הייבט מען אן געבן געפאלט אייביג אויס אין די וואך פון חיות ברא ועופי שמיא, און די פארן רבש''ע עצות, מיר העלפן אים פרשת מקץ וואס רעדט זיך פון די איינציגע תפילה האט ער שוין אויך טראכטן, מען גיבט אים טיפס און ענדע פון די ליידענישען פון יוסף נאר געקענט מיט די מחשבה בעטן. דערנאך באגרעניצט מען אים הצדיק, וואס ווי באקאנט האט ער כביכול. מיר זענען אין די מצב אז די געליטן פאר די איבעריגע ווערטער כאטש ביי ר' יענקעלע איז געווען ישועה וואס ווארט אונז אפ בעזרת וואס ער האט געבעטן פונעם שר אזוי פשוט אז צווישן אים מיט'ן השם איז פיל מער ווי אונזער המשקים אים צו דערמאנען פאר עולם שכולו טוב איז א געניץ, האט יעצטיגער לאגישע מחשבה און פרעה, האט מען אים אלץ שטראף דער רבש''ע געהאט גאר אנדערע רעלעוואנטע בליק. "מן המיצר צוגעלייגט נאך צוויי יאר. שטעלט חשבונות פאר אים, א לאנגע לעבן קראתי קה ענני במרחב קה", פון זיך א געוואלדיגער קשיא, יוסף מיט נחת דקדושה האט אים מיין ענגשאפט ארויס האב איך הצדיק וואס האט אדורכגעמאכט די אפגעווארט. ביי יעדע שמחה פון א געשריגן צום אייבירשטן, און ווען שווערסטע יסורים, געווען א יתום קינד צו פון אן אייניקל ווען ר' יענקעלע פלעגט זיך זעהן ארומגענומען מיט זיינע דורות פלעגט ער מיט געגועים אנהייבן 5775 צוביסלעך הייבט ער טאקע אן צו שפירן אז לכאורה איז זיין סוף גאר נאנט... אבער אלץ א ריכטיגער נובהארדוקער תלמיד פארלירט ער נישט די ריינע און קלארע מחשבה מיט וואס א איד דארף לעבן. ער נעמט אן די גזירה באהבה, אבער איין דאגה האט ער נאך און אויף דעם איז ער זייער טיעף מתפלל אז לקבר ישראל זאל ער נאך אנקומען ....! Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

113 חיזוק

מן המיצר קראתי.. ענני במרחב! יחזקאל קראנץ

זיין אייגענארטיגען חן און בליציגקייט

צווישן די סיבירישע וועלדער שלעפט דערנענטערט לבם של ישראל לאביהם 5775 זיך א קליין איינגעדארטען קערפער פון שבשמים – ער גייט גלות בתוך גלות א בחור'ל יעקב – באקאנט אלץ די אינעם גיהנם של שלג אין די בארימטער מגיד מישרים הצדיק ר' פארפרוירענע שניי שטאט. ער ווערט יענקעלע גאלינסקי ז"ל וואס האט מיט פארטריבען פון איין קאלכוז צום Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

114 Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:33 PM Page 21 5775 Shaarei Tikvah/ W I NT ER Tikvah/ Shaarei

115 Shaarei Tikvah

lssue 74/Winter 5775

הוא ישלח טוה מיר 105 מלאכו לפניך 93 נישט קיין טובות