ALIENATED JEWS What about Outreach to Jewish Lesbians?

DANITA MUSHKAT

T^he terms "Jewish cominuity" and "out- sociopsychological consequences of ethnic X reach" appear extensively in Jewish com­ diversity on the "coming out" process for munal policies and debates over the health of lesbians and gays. In their silence, lesbian North American Jewry. However, the mean­ and Jewish identity theorists alike unwit­ ings of these terms and their translation into tingly helped reproduce the beliefs that (1) be­ practice are not clear. In particular, there is ing Jewish and lesbian are incompatible debate concerning (I) what constitutes Jew­ affiliations and that (2) the processes of Jew­ ish continuity, (2) are Jewish identities erod­ ish and lesbian identity formation are mutu­ ing or transforming, (3) what are effective ally exclusive journeys and thereby not sig­ outreach strategies, and (4) which "alienated nificant factors in each other's unfolding. Jews" should be given priority in terms of Rendered invisible as Jews within lesbian resources. This article explores the lives of feminist orbits and similarly so as lesbians nine such Toronto-based alienated Jews, docu­ within mainstream Jewish circles, Jewish menting the unique challenges lesbians face lesbians have found their concerns and needs as Jews. ignored by communal leaders and front line Unofficially welcomed as paying mem­ workers. Indeed, the alienating effect of bers in Toronto congregations and as Jewish invisibility is a dominant theme not only in philanthropists, Jewish gays and lesbians re­ this study but also in many ofthe life stories main marginalized, only gaining institutional of Jewish lesbians found in autobiographical acceptance by de-emphasizing their sexual and Jewish therapy works. Although there loyalties. Despite clear strides that have been has been an increase in Jewish lesbian works achieved in removing barriers to Jewish in­ (see these pivotal texts: Alpert, 1997; Balka volvement, notably in egalitarian liberal syna­ & Rose, 1989; and Beck, 1989), there re­ gogues, the position both formal and infor­ mains a dearth of research on Jewish lesbi­ mal of the Jewish community in regard to ans. In spite of the stigmatization of lesbian­ homosexuality is still inconsistent (Morris, ism evidenced in the dominant Jewish com­ 1987). Further, the acquisition of full reli­ munity and of Judaism in the dominant les­ gious rights, such as access to role model bian community, neither has sponsored stud­ positions in Jewish institutions, continues to ies to investigate this double bind. be a struggle. Stage models continue to dominate at­ In-depth life history interviews and par­ tempts to categorize the processes involved in ticipant observation experiences spanning developing a lesbian identity. Such models eight months provide preliminary insight into typically chart a movement that begins with the complex interrelationship of Jewish and feelings of sexual-emotional attraction to other sexual identification processes. This article women, followed by self-definition as a les­ discusses the implications of these fmdings bian and participation in a lesbian subcul­ for preventing communal disaffection and ture, often ending with a more integrated promoting Jewish identity maintenance, so­ identity (e.g., Cass, 1979). However, such cial support, and revitalization. unilinear typologies oversimplify the coming out process of lesbians. Smith (1997, p. 284) BACKGROUND argues for "considering the multidimension- ality and complexity of the coming-out pro­ Only since the 1980s have researchers and cess." Many of the models fail "to account for practitioners begun examining the

239 Journal of Jewish Communal Service 240 the diversity of lesbian definitions and expe­ tised in one of Toronto's gay and lesbian riences in the development of a lesbian iden­ newspapers. Mazal, the co-founder of the tity" (Brown, 1995, p. 19), ignoring how group, was very helpful to me, both as a ethnicity, race, class, age, marital history, pardcipant herself and as a source for other and religious affiliation interact with the possible participants. Snowball sampling, a development of a lesbian identity. For in­ process whereby estabhshed interviewees pro­ stance, naming oneself a Jewish lesbian or a vide referrals to potential new participants, lesbian Jew can emerge from differing start­ and interview opportunities acquired through ing points, evolve, and be expressed in a pardcipating in Jewish lesbian events, pro­ heterogeneous fashion. duced the other participants in the project. The extant literature that does consider Over the eight months of the study I met the interplay of ethnic and sexual identity socially with Jewish lesbians in cafes, on ice construction relies on small non-random but skating outings, at movies, comedy nights, qualitatively rich investigations not unlike and at the Bisexual, Lesbian and Gay Com­ this study (see the edited volumes of Garnets munity Center. 1 attended two Hanukkah &Kimmel, 1993; Greene, 1997). Such stud­ parties, one hosted by Keshet Shalom, the ies of ethnic-specific lesbians highlight the Jewish gay and lesbian synagogue, and the effects of cultural factors, socially defined other held in the home of a "Nice Jewish stereotypes, and expectations on the negotia­ Girls" member. 1 also attended two meetings tion of sexual and cultural identifications. of the Jewish Anti-Fascist League upon invi­ Several variables that affect the formation of tation by one of the interviewees. While these a lesbian idendty are the following: (1) the experiences helped situate participants in their importance of family and ethnic community lived realities and aided interpretadon of the relationships, (2) the perceived threat of stig- interview data, the themes presented in this matizadon by one's ethnic reference group, paper are based on the in-depth interviews (3) the degree of ethnic tolerance and accep­ alone. tance in a lesbian and gay community, (4) the needfor ethnic community support, and (5) the Characteristics of the Study Sample desire for cultural expression. The research Jewish lesbians are a heterogeneous group. suggests that ethnicity indeed matters. The nine women in this study vary in their Jewish upbringing; Jewish geography; age THE STUDY and period of coming out as lesbian; extent of The interviews lasted approximately three lesbian and Jewish idendty disclosure, pride hours and took place in the women's homes, and acceptance in those two identities; and with the exception of one that was conducted definition of their Jewish and lesbian iden­ over lunch in a popular Jewish deli. None of tity. In assessing how representative these the women objected to the use of a tape nine participants are of the Toronto Jewish recorder, and over 100 hours of interview lesbian community, it is important to note material were collected. The interview sched­ their particular sociodemographic character­ ule consisted of a flexible, largely unstruc­ istics at the dme of the study. Sara and Mazal tured list of open-ended questions exploring live alone in apartments within the high- the participants' lives as Jews who are lesbi­ density gay and lesbian section of the city. ans and as lesbians who are Jews, including Dana, Ellen, and Shauna reside in the high- the feelings and experiences they have at­ density Jewish area. Dana shares space with tached to both idendties. In order to ensure a Jewish heterosexual male. Ellen is condo- anonymity, fictive names have been assigned sitting for a cousin, and Shauna owns a quaint to the participants. two-story home. Cheryl and Leah live to­ I discovered a Jewish lesbian social/dis­ gether as a family in a multiethnic, princi­ cussion group, "Nice Jewish Girls," adver­ pally Greek area ofthe city. Lara lives with

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her girlfriend in a fashionably designed home Alienation in the trendy student quarter. Eretz lives Although other studies confirm the dis­ student-style with two roommates in a tress and loneliness of feeling estranged from multiethnic low-income area. one's "actual self (e.g., Moses, 1978), many Ellen, Eretz, Lara, and Mazal are in their do not consider the different sources of self- twenties; Dana and Leah are in their thirties; depreciation and what aspects of one's self and Shauna, Sarah, and Cheryl are in their are being stifled by that estrangement. In this mid-to-late forties. Mazal, Lara, and Dana grew up in a close-knit Winnipeg Jewish study, alienation was expressed in four mo­ community; Shauna came from a Minnesota dalities: (1) feeling disconnected from one's Jewish community to Toronto as a married lesbian self in Jewish company, (2) feeling woman; Eretz lived much of her life in estranged from one's lesbian self in non- Montreal; andEllen, Leah, Sarah, and Cheryl Jewish contexts, (3) feeling separated from were born and raised in Toronto. All nine one's Jewish self in lesbian circles, and women went to university, and the four women (4) feeling divorced from one's Jewish self in in their twenties are still actively pursuing Jewish settings. The disjuncture between their education. The other five women hold one's self-identification and a superimposed positions in advertising, teaching, social ser­ identity by others threatens one's identity, vices, and government. confining its expression to restricted spheres (Weinrich, 1988). The form of these four sources of vulnerability and invisibility var­ FINDINGS: A JEWISH IDENTrTY- ied accordingto one's Jewish upbringing and LESBIAN IDENTITY DIALECTIC time and life stage of coming out as a lesbian. The history of discrimination against Jews, Similar to domestic abuse and alcoholism, bisexuals, gays, and lesbians influences the lesbianism is cast as atypical of Jews (i.e., lives of the Toronto Jewish, Jewish gay and "these were things we were told did not lesbian, and gay and lesbian communities. In happen to Jews"). Seven of the nine women general, the homophobic climate of Toronto experienced a lag in their self-definition as a Jewry in general has been slower to change lesbian and reported accentuated feelings of than it has been in Jewish communities in outsiderness. For instance, Shauna, now in major American cities, not only because there her late forties, dismissed a crush she had on is less Jewish gay and lesbian visibility in a Hebrew school friend and complied with Canada but also because of Canada's reli­ expectations to marry. Only after the disso­ gious conservatism. Feelings of nonaccep- lution of her 14-year marriage has she ac­ tance reported by Jewish bisexuals, gays, and cepted, at least to herself and select others, lesbians stem in part from "troubling" Torah her lesbian orientation. Ellen, a naturopathic readings (Alpert, 1997): persistent attempts student who grew up with a high level of to use the sacred Jewish texts as an ideologi­ Jewish communal involvement, had a brief cal justification to delegitimize homosexual­ love affair with a woman at age 16 on an ity. Israeli kibbutz, but kept her same-sex attrac­ Yet, as Dworkin (1997, p. 66) writes: "In tion hidden until age 22 when she felt ready many ways the lesbian experience parallels to attach meaning to these emotions. Mazal, the Jewish experience." Both have endured a 22-year-old social work student, created exclusion and dehumanizing treatment (see imaginary boyfriends to avoid any question­ also Balka & Rose, 1989; Beck, 1989), and ing from her Jewish heterosexual friends. members ofboth communities have attempted Forty-seven-year-old Sarah described her to escape that treatment by denying their high-school years as a very lonely time due to identities. Both Jews and lesbians are famil­ an experienced rift between internally and iar with hiding, compulsory conversions, and externally recognized definitions of self (i.e., forced exodus, and consequently both have a passing as non-lesbian to others but not to survivalist consciousness (Dworkin, 1993). herself).

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The intensity of or chance of feeling alien­ circles wherein Jews are thought of as fmgal, ated from one's lesbian self is affected by the pushy, loud, and overbearing, including the temporal and spatial context in which one "Jewish American Princess" and "Jewish "came out." In other words, coming out in mother" stereotypes. Lara details the pres­ 195 7 versus 1997, in a sparse Jewish presence ence of anti-Semitism under the guise of anti- versus a close-knit one, presented a different Zionism or pro-Palesdnian attitudes. Eretz set of conditions and demands. For example, emphasizes Jewish alienation in lesbian con­ although Shauna, Cheryl, and Sarah are all in texts derived from the conception of Judaism their forties, Sarah's story is different from as a patriarchal religion. that of her counterparts. Unlike Cheryl and The fourth source of alienadon, feeling Shauna who affirmed their lesbian identities disconnected from one's Jewish self in after 18 and 14 years of marriage, respec­ Jewish settings, is sustained by culturally tively, Sarah did so at an earlier age during a enforced assumptions of "compulsory period when psychiatry and the religious heterosexuality" (Rich, 1980) and spiritual right enforced the criminalization and stig- uncertainty. The separation from one's Jew­ matization of homosexuality. ish self noted by some lesbians is Absent from lesbian idendty development complicated by Jewish religious values that models is the recognition of internal confu­ seem to posit a male God and empower men, sion as a byproduct of estrangement from that do not value women's participation or one' s ethnic self Pracdtioners who therefore experience aside from procreation and child- use these development models may mistak­ rearing roles, that fail to support women's enly assume that ethnicity plays no part in equality, and that deny women's right to be lesbian identity formation processes and that gay (Personal communication, Cohen, 1995). expressed feelings of internal distress are strictly associated with lesbian self-disclo­ Going Public sure. After seeking the company of other The perception of Jewish communal re­ lesbians, many interviewees feel a subse­ sponses to lesbianism and anticipated paren­ quent disconnection from their Jewish self tal reactions distinguishes Jewish lesbian iden­ Pressure exists in the lesbian community to tity experiences from those of their non- prioridze lesbian issues and hide ethnic, in Jewish lesbian counterparts. For the women this case, Jewish feelings. For example, in the study who were brought up in a tradi­ while Garnets and Kimmel (1993) acknowl­ tional Jewish setting with strong Jewish in­ edge obstacles to achieving a posidve lesbian volvement, fear of the Jewish community identity when one's co-ethnics devalue les­ finding out exacerbated their fears of losing bian life choices, they ignore the negative their Jewish ties and indeed their very sense attitudes perpetuated within lesbian cufture of self Such feelings adversely affected their for being, for example, Jewish and/or a per­ attitudes toward "naming" their lesbian iden­ son of color. tification. Not unlike the women in the Jewish les­ Strong familial bonds are embedded in bian vignettes published in Beck's (1989) Jewish culture, which further complicates a andBalkaandRose's (1989)anthologies, my daughter's disclosure of her lesbian identity. interviewees confirm the reality of Jewish For example, Mazal's parents did not value alienation within lesbian communities. For or even acknowledge her female relation­ instance, Mazal speaks of expectadons to ships, making her feel that lesbianism and cease fighting for Jewish concerns and to Jewishness must be incompatible. Her par­ minimize adherence to Jewish beliefs and ents ceased to insist that she restrict her practices when acquiring lesbian member­ intimate associations to Jews as they contin­ ship. Dana relays the negative perceptions ued to do with'her sisters. The fact that she held of Jews she has encountered in lesbian was dating a Jewish woman was simply irrel-

SUMMER 1999 Outreach to Jewish Lesbians / 243 evant. In her words, she "feh like if [she] was significant relationship with a woman since going to be a lesbian, that meant [she] could "there is nothing to tell" and "it is a concept not be a Jew." [her widowed mother] can't relate to." Parental expectations, the importance of presenting a positive face to the dominant Allegiances Anglo-Saxon culture, and the desire to ap­ Jewish and lesbian allegiances can be com­ pear successful to other Jewish community partmentalized, conflictual, or harmonious. members can lead to family denial, secrets, Shauna confines her lesbian identity to "gay and discord, possibly resulting in the lesbian places" and does not bring her lesbian loyal­ daughter's flight. For Lara, exposing her ties into issues concerning her Jewish spiritu­ lesbian orientation to her parents evoked ality. She attends a tradidonal egalitarian guilt, a feeling of "letting her family down," synagogue, but does not publicize her lesbian and having shamed them in the Jewish com­ munity. Ellen emphasized the "fear" she felt identity. Similarly, Sarah's Jewish margin- in namingher sexual identity in the context of ality has led her to view her Jewish and her Jewish social immersion because she lesbian identities as separate, non-overlap­ assumed that being a lesbian contravened ping journeys. Jewish sociocultural expectations, specifically Ostracized by co-ethnics, some to marry and have children, a lifestyle choice interviewees abandon their Jewish ritual ad­ she desired. herence, affiliadons, and involvement and minimize their Jewish social networks. Some Periods of disassociation and estrange­ women redirect their energies to focus more ment from immediate family members is a on their lesbian commitments. Dana, for common experience of many Jewish lesbians. example, was highly involved in the Jewish However, relationships, like identities, are community while she was growing up, but not static. Such intervening factors as time, rejected her Jewish associations when she improvements in social support, and positive went to college. She replaced these ties with communal attitudes toward homosexuality may facilitate family healing and acceptance. lesbian concerns, which she saw as more self- Ellen's parents have been supportive of her empowering. Twenty-six-year-old Eretz's lesbian identity, including her girlfriends, at case stands out in this study because, unlike Jewishfamily fimctions. Her mother is active the others in the group, she was not raised as in Jewish Parents and Friends of Lesbians a Jew, her father being a convert to the and Gays (JPFL AG), and her father is a legal Jehovah Witness faith. In fact, Eretz's Jew­ advocate for same-sex rights. At the same ish identification came after affirming her time, the rabbi of her Reform Congregation, lesbian orientation. Having already gone in which she has been active for 25 years, through aprocess of differentiating herself as recently condemned same-sex marriages in a a nonconformist, identifying as a lesbian was sermon. Ellen felt offended and decided to less challenging. For her, coming out as a leave. Jew proved more diflBcult because of the belief among some that "if your mother is not Although not reported in this study, I have heard stories of parents going so far as to sit Jewish, then it doesn't count" (Eretz). Her Shiva (a Jewish mourning ritual) for their choice to reclaim her Jewish heritage became gay- and lesbian-identified offspring. Leah, a springboard for many alliances with op­ a daughter of practicing Orthodox Jews, met pressed groups. the following response from her mother: "I Cheryl and Leah did not report conflict or wish I was your father, dead, so that 1 did not diminished attachment to their Jewish iden­ have to hear about this." Shauna, the one tity as a result of coming out as a lesbian. woman in my study not to come out as a Jewish-lesbian identity synthesis was a "natu­ lesbian, justified not doing so until she is in a ral" process for both of them. Raised in Orthodox Jewish households, they received

SUMMER 1999 Journal of Jewish Communal Service / 244 extensive Judaic knowledge in their forma­ League; Shere Obeinu, a women-focused or­ tive years. They met each other at the Toronto ganization that is run out of a nonsectarian Reconstructionist Shul and exhibit a continu­ community center; and the social group, "Nice ally evolving allegiance with a Toronto Jew­ Jewish Girls," which recently renamed itself ish feminist community. Prior to coming out, "Nice Jewish Women" and acquired a new both women explored the Jewish spiritual leadership. landscape and considered philosophical ques­ Unmasking one's Jewishness, be it through tions regarding their Orthodox backgrounds. wearing a Star of David necklace, participat­ Eventually they found acceptance and mean­ ing in Jewish feminist activist groups, or ing in the Jewish Reconstructionist move­ voicing Jewish concerns in lesbian majority ment. In so doing, both avoided Jewish- contexts, may elicit anti-Semitic reactions. lesbian identity discord and actively sought Eretz recalled being told, "Judaism is very Jewish lesbian contacts and spaces in which patriarchal; why would you want to be a Jew they could freely express their Jewishness, anyway and how can you be a feminist and a practice the Jewish traditions, and continue Jew and a dyke?" Assumptions of Jewish their women-centered focus. privilege, androcentric devout religiosity, and Developing a Jewish feminist polidcal similarly distorted thinking about lesbians analysis, challenging the devaluation of perpetuated by non-lesbian Jews have helped women and the invisibility of lesbianism, bolster Jewish lesbian group solidarity. preceded Lara and Ellen's public celebration Although fragmented pockets of Jewish of their lesbian allegiance. When Ellen named lesbian activity exist, Cheryl and Leah sense her sexual affdiation, her Jewish social sup­ a collective yearning for more Jewish events port system remained intact. However, she and greater group cohesiveness. To meet this was stigmatized one summer by fellow camp need, they hosted a Passover seder in their counselors at a Jewish summer camp and home. The women present were excited and experienced conflict with her Reform rabbi. felt as though they were "part of something important." Community Building The need for safe spaces to express one's Jewishness and lesbian identity is a major Jews are quite familiar with the need to theme shared in the interviews. Neverthe­ turn inward and establish institutions that less, one such space, Keshet Shalom, contin­ insulate them from discrimination. How­ ues to struggle with attendance problems. ever, until the formation of organizations like Keshet Shalom is a small, loosely structured "Chutzpah" in the late 1970s, there were no organization that convenes mainly for Friday formal places where Jewish lesbians could night Shabbat services and to celebrate the congregate and express their dual commit­ Jewish holidays. It lacks its own rabbi and ments. Community building continues to be holds its services in a poorly lit room in the an important part, albeit to varying degrees, downtown Jewish Community Centre. Inter­ of all nine women's experiences, including nal politics, spotty commitment, and differ­ the forging of ties with other Jewish lesbians ing religious tastes limit the congregation's socially, politically, in Jewish holiday cel­ growth (Rose, Personal communication, ebrations, and in religious congregations. 1998). According to Ellen, the only woman In recent years, several groups have in this study who attends Keshet Shalom, the emerged in Toronto to combat feelings of majority of the congregation is male, and the alienation and enable the reconciliation of women who do attend are typically mothers dual identities. These include the Keshet aged 40 and up. Ellen believes there are less Shalom synagogue; the Coalition for Jewish, women attendees because they are finding Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual University stu­ alternate nontraditional spaces to satisfy their dents; a political activist organization that spiritual and communal needs. calls itself the Jewish Feminist Anti-Fascist

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Identity Integration there are other women-identified Jews who are valued, not ostracized members of the Validating the different parts of oneself— Jewish community, would help Jewish lesbi­ in this case, nurturing and synthesizing one's ans counter their feelings of alienation from lesbian and Jewish identities—is a goal ex­ their Jewishness. Increased Jewish lesbian pressed in different forms by all the visibility in Jewish leadership roles, such as interviewees. Obtaining identity integration rabbis, cantors, Hebrew school teachers, and is not a fixed end, but rather an ongoing youth group leaders, would normalize Jewish process, in which the content of what is lesbian identification, fight ignorance and considered self-actualization and integration homosexual hostility, and help create safe can vary across time and space. At the time environments for Jewish lesbians. An of the study, Mazal is giving priority to the interviewee strongly articulates this need for fight for Jewish lesbian legitimacy. In their role models: "I had never met someone who resistance to Jewish lesbian oppression and was homosexual, especially a Jewish lesbian. their articulation of group pride, Eretz and I think that would have made the biggest Lara strive to synthesize their varied notions difference in the world to me if I had a Jewish of self Ellen expresses her positive inte­ lesbian role model (Mazal)." grated self-concept by marching with her mother behind the JPFLAG banner on Pride Day. Ideally, she would like to belong to a Destigmatization of Lesbianism in Reform desegregated congregation where les­ Jewish Institutions bian and gay life-cycle ceremonies are com­ Jewish lesbians are raising offspring from monplace. former heterosexual marriages, adopting chil­ For the older women in this study, normal­ dren with their Jewish partners, forming izing lesbianism is key. Cheryl and Leah unions with Jewish gay men to achieve Jew­ demonstrate identity integration by rearing ish family aspirations, and producing Jewish their children in an atmosphere of tikkun offspring utilizing new reproductive tech­ olam (social action). For Sarah, a professed nologies. Clearly, lesbianism does not repre­ "assimilated Jew" who did not socialize with sent a serious biological threat to Jewish non-Jews until her university years, identity continuity. Therefore, Jewish lesbian fami­ integration objectives primarily concern be­ lies deserve communal respect and valida­ ing "out" at work and finding a meaningful tion. relationship. Destigmatizing lesbianism means rethink­ ing Jewish women's roles and demystifying POLICY IMPLICATIONS lesbianism as obscene, unnatural, and atypi­ cal of Jews. Further, educational, social, and Committed Jewish outreach practitioners religious instimtionswouldbenefitfrom elimi­ would do well to consider the implications of nating the assumption that all members are this study. In particular, Jewish lesbian feel­ heterosexual and reside in Jewish husband- ings of alienation, isolation, and fear and wife familial contexts. One woman had a their yearnings for Jewish support and Jewish vision of a "fiiture where Jewish children are identity resurgence demand attention. Out­ raised to have choices, when being lesbian or reach efforts can address these problems and gay is just as valuable as being heterosexual. make a real difference in these people's lives. I'd like to see gay and lesbian rabbis and to have the Jewish community see lesbian couples Jewish Lesbian Role Models as a couple and an alternate family" (Lara). Many women I interacted with during this study stressed the need for Jewish lesbian role Awareness and Support models—active women recognized in the Although a few Toronto synagogues do mainstream Jewish community. Knowing provide therapeutic group support for fami-

SUMMER 1999 Journal of Jewish Communal Service / 246 lies of gays and lesbians, the majority of the Celebrating Ritual Diversity Jewish community remains less informed Celebrating Jewish holidays, particularly than it couldbe surroundingalternative forms Passover, Hanukkah, Rosh Hashanah, and of sexuality. Instead of merely supporting Yom Kippur, with other Jewish lesbians has partial re-integration of Jewish lesbians in engendered powerful emotions for many of the form of marginal support groups, invis­ the women in this study. For women whose ible to those who do not use their services, coming out as a lesbian disrupted their prac­ synagogues should hold seminars and work­ tice of Jewish rituals, renewed participation shops and create educational materials de­ in the Jewish holidays is especially reward­ signed to debunk stereotypes about gays and ing. For example, Mazal describes her joy lesbians and dismantle negative attitudes. partaking in a Passover seder with a Jewish Friedman (1994, p. 143) advises that "agreat bisexual, lesbian, and gay social group she deal of consciousness raising is called for in helped start: "We created our own seder and the Jewish commuiuty." Perhaps AJpert's rewrote the Hagaddah and we had a beautiful (1997, p. 99) "Gay and Lesbian Awareness dinner and h was the first time ever. It was Week" would be of some help. really great. We invited our friends. It was Jewish institutions would succeed in at­ beautiful. We sang Jewish songs. We really tracting more Jews back to the fold if they became a family, which was really nice." adopted an explicitly inclusive welcoming A new sense of Jewish pride evolves stance. Group belonging, communal shar­ through the creation of Jewish rituals that ing, respect of differences, and accessibility break down sexist and heterosexist struc­ ought to be stressed. Some of the women tures. Alpert (1997) highlights the innova­ indicated that Jewish communal efforts to tive and empowering ways in which Jewish support the normalization and validation of feminists in general, and Jewish lesbian femi­ members' lesbian life choices have been con­ nists in particular, are re-inventing Jewish fined to restricted, often peripheral segments traditions, transforming passive or disen­ of the Toronto Jewish community. One chanted Jewish identification into a revital­ woman spoke of such exclusionary experi­ ized attachment. Jewish continuity depends ences in Judaic life: "Some time ago a Jewish on making rituals meaningful to all partici­ lesbian died in a car accident and there weren't pants. any synagogues that would give her an appro­ priate eulo©' that this woman's partner wanted, one that recognized their relation­ FUTURE RESEARCH: WHAT ABOUT ship" (Cheryl). Another women corrobo­ JEWISH GAY MEN? rated the perception of fragmented and selec­ Although Jewish gay men have not been tive Jewish sensitivity that exists for Toronto the subject of this analysis, they too face Jewish lesbians: issues of alienation and conflict with regard to their Jewish identity. Additional inter­ If you are talking about a really Reform, views were carried out with three Jewish gay secular, intellectual Jewish community, then men. Like their lesbian counterparts, these there wiU be a degree of acceptance, but that's men expressed a need for Jewish gay role a very small part ofthe Jewish community.... If models, "safe" spaces, awareness, support, you are a gay kid growing up in an Orthodox appreciation, and celebration. However, sex- family, you're in tag trouble. That's a kid I role expectations within the Jewish commu­ would worry about; that's a high suicide cat­ nity and gender inequality in the society at egory. If you're a Conservative family, you're large produce differences that warrant scru­ in big trouble as well. And that's close to my tiny. For example, one male interviewee experience (Dana). emphasized stereotypes as setting Jewish les­ bians apart from Jewish gay men:

SUMMER 1999 Outreach to Jewish Lesbians / 247

Lesbian women are expected to express their Patterson (Eds.), Lesbian, gay, and bisexual lesbianism by getting into deep relationships identities over the lifespan (pp. 3-23). Ox­ and starting a family, and this coalesces well ford: Oxford University Press. with a more blended integration in the Jewish Cass, V. C. (1979). Homosexual identity forma­ commvmity. That is why you probably see tion: A theoretical model. .Journal of Homo­ more "out" lesbian couples with kids or with­ sexuality, 4(3), 219-235. out kids than you will see gay men because the Cohen, J. (1995). Personal Communication with stereotype of the gay man is this guy hanging a Jewish lesbian colleague. around having a lot of anonymous sex. Dworkin, S. H. (1997). Female, lesbian and Jewish: Complex and invisible. In B. Greene According to a mother active in JPFLAG, (Ed.), Ethnic and cidtural dtversily among the predominant fear expressed by parents in lesbians and gay men (pp. 63—87). London: the support group relates to the stereotypical Sage Pubhcations. image of the sexually promiscuous, solitary, Friedman, N. (1994, Winter/Spring). The Jewish and fickle gay male. In particular, many factor in remarriage and stepparenting. Jour­ worry about their sons going downtown to the nal of Jewish Communal Service, 70(213), gay district where other men may take advan­ 134-144. tage of them. Instituting a Jewish Gay and Garnets, L. D., & Kimmel, D. C. (1993). Psycho­ Lesbian Awareness Week and holding ongo­ logical perspectives on lesbian and gay male ing workshops and seminars would encour­ experiences. New York: Columbia Univer­ age the unlearning of fears, stereotypes, and sity Press. negative attitudes, as well as promote group Greene, B. (1997). Ethnic and cultural diversity pride and social incorporation of bisexual, among lesbians and gay men. London: Sage gay, and lesbian Jews. Outreach programs in Publications. which inclusivity, acceptance, and validation Morris, B. J. (1987). Challenge, criticism and of Jewish diversity figure prominently stand compassion: Modem Jewish responses to agreater chance of re-igniting the passions of Jewish homosexuals. Jewish Social Studies, alienated Jews about being and doing Jewish. (3-4), 283-292). Moses, A E. (1978). Identity management in ACKNOWLED GMENTS lesbian women. New York: Praeger Pub­ lishers. The author wishes to thank the women who participated in this study, as well as the comments and Rich, A. (1980). Compulsory heterosexuaUty assistance provided by Dr. Michel Bodemann, Joanne and lesbian experience. Signs, 5(4), 631- Cohen, Len Kagan, Dr. Roda Mushkat, and Avi Rose. 660. Rose, A. (1998). Personal Communication with REFERENCES Jewish gay Doctoral graduate. Alpert, R. (1997). Like bread on the Seder plate: Smith, A. (1997). Cultural diversity and the Jewish lesbians and the transformation of coming-out process: Imphcations for clini­ tradition. New York: Columbia University cal practice. In B. Greene (Ed.), Ethnic and Press. cultural diversity among lesbians and gay Balka, C.,& Rose, A. (1989). Twice blessed: On men (pp. 63-87). London: Sage Pubhca­ being lesbian or gay and Jewish. Boston: tions. Beacon Press. Weinrich, P. (1988). The operationahzation of Beck, E. T. (1989). Nice Jewish girls: A lesbian identity theory in racial and etlmic relations, anthology. Boston: Beacon Press. hi J. Rex & D. Mason (Eds.), Theories of Brown, L. S. (1995). Lesbian identities: Con­ race and ethnic relations. New York: Cam­ cepts and issues. In A. R. D'AugeUi & C. J. bridge University Press.

SUMMER 1999