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Reservistst WHAT HAS HAPPENED to US? * * * • * * * * •*****• * » * « to Put It Very Bluntly, We Have Short Hair Makes You Sterile

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Reservistst WHAT HAS HAPPENED to US? * * * • * * * * •*****• * » * « to Put It Very Bluntly, We Have Short Hair Makes You Sterile ""WE?««« oocœry Ce M RESERVISTSt WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO US? * * * • * * * * •*****• * » * « To put it very bluntly, we have Short hair makes you sterile... been screwed by that great green mach­ ine, the military. Make no doubt about it, they put % he screw in our gut and twisted it until we'bowed to their Foot 'n' mouth award« Gen Moore great unapproachalbe authority; it took on k/XQ/.6Qi.. "If you are on active them 16 months, but now we know for duty for more than 12 months you will sure that the brass really sticks up not be required to go back to Reserve for their men. BULLSHIT.'.' They only Meetings".. thing they stick up for i$ whatever is necessary in order to insure that next promotion, or, more recently, whatever THE FORBIDDEN SIGN: will put them in good graces with the tin gods making the decisions that will & determine those people making the move to Travis and the new reserve program. ''hatever happened to the motto of our You see, brothers, they like-this sort most gracious host during our tenure of thing. Once a month they get away at HAFB..."Peace is our Profession".. from their wives and go off to play- **4* wart not only do they play war, but they get to wear that glorious uniform Don't forget your FRISBEE on the and the insignia of grade and all too numerous medals (all of which puts them LAST DAY. at various levels of godliness) and •x** boss we peons around. This time they really reaped a treasure 16 months "I bet the Russian Army is. Jeal­ of ordering people around and getting ous as hell our troops are getting revenge at those "young educated bums." all this experience (in Vietnam). You see, during this activation Ue're learning about guerrilla war­ the tables vrere turned: the brass, who fare , helicopters, vertical envelop­ typically hold such jobs as frustrated ment, close artillery support. Those middle management, discontent firemen, Russian generals would love to be lowly paperboys, or wretched car sales­ there...Any true professional wants men (and let us not forget the happy- to march to the sound of gunfire." go-lucky airline fly-boys), were -Gen. W. VJestraoreland suddenly placed in a superior position over young, talented and up-coming •it*-* workers, Junior executives and teachers. Finally the brass was able to vent its latent hostilities (sometimes, unfort­ Notes From The underGROUND unately, Freudian and masochistic) on the airmen. v'e took it, and took it The 930th CAM Squadron is now well. Now all we want is to be treated in the Park and Recreation business. like men: like the responsible citizens For the past three weeks, this squad­ we all are. But it seems that the ron' s metal processing shop has been brass—still intent on impressing their occupied making swings, slides, bicy­ superiors—wishes that we once again cle racks, etc., at the direction of drop down to our knees and kiss their one of the squadron's ranking officers. bottoms: they want us to cruise down to Unusual? Not really...another officer the barbershop in order to have our was caught pants-down when the Wing heads skinned, mustaches trimmed and Commander (and several senior officers) shoes shined so that they (the brass made a tour of the squadrons shops of course) will elicit a favorable and found a private auto torn down response from the mass of brass that for engine repair In the AGE shop. will be assembling on demobilization But really, they were only following day (no less than five generals are the example set by a brigadier general expected). (formerly with the 3^9th), who kept his private boat "berthed" in the AGE Nov; lr, the time for n decision, equipment yard, protected by a cover a very personal decision. Even though made with government material and we may succumb to the final whim of labor, and setting on a trailer of the brass, we "list make it abundantly like origin. .. .'.More. .. Did the MA# clear to them that were it not for the really bump cargo to get a place on punitive measures held over our lives a flight??? Is RE really allowing we would attempt to inject some someone else to kake his block train­ humanity and human dip^nity in this ing for him? ...Look for more next country's most morally bankrupt month... institution. AR? YOU READY FOR THr FIRST UTA? HO' ABOUT SUMMER CAMP? CONTEST CONTEST CONTEST HELP! PIG of the year avrard. Submit your In order to continue receiving the favorite Pig's name to this rag... important information you have enjoyed Winner announced next issue. Prize: here it is important that you keep us One Alice B. Toaklis brownie to every informed of your current address. If guy vrho nominates the winner. you got hold of this rag from a friend Note : 100 nominations have already (and not through the mails) please been received by "Eyes Left" for the notify us as we must keep In touch person responsible for arbitrarily as future events unfold and communic­ (without counseling) waiving the re­ ation becomes vital to our survival. quired 30 day PCS notice for those Comments and opinions should be sent ; going to Korea last summer.... to EYES LEFT, P.O. BOX " 31387 • San Francisco, CA 9^131 ALL SUBSCRIPTIONS GUARANTEED Hair is a four letter word. CONFIDENTIAL. FREE TO EVERYONE... PASS IT AROUND...AND AROUND...AND... !•** HOW TO IDENTIFY THE READY RESERVIST (A Quick and Easy Guide) Renders MILITARY té» COURTESIES to J Officers ft ' V-v'V^A Neatly trimmed HAIR •^-^A'.*V» at all times Wears Commemorative Decorations of Various V CAMPAIGNS ---. -Ä • • .VjIIJ i Razor-Sharp APPEARANCE . Quick PROMOTIONS due to and MILITARY BEARING Impecable Service Record The Serious GUNG-HO EXPRESSION and STANCE of-—^.' 1 a TRAINED KILLER i 7/ *""~ He is Never Far from his 1. i>i TRUSTY WEAPON ! ) v./ 1 / I Highly Spit-Shined <.. L~ I \ COMBAT BOOTS rV 1 - -> A FEARLESS FIGHTER FOR FREEDOM, HIS CUNNING AND TENACITY MAKE HI FEARED EVEN BY HIS OWN SUPERIORS left 3? «18 BT ME STREET ne \%°i- box 3lâ87, S.F. IN RETROSPECT ^y^ON, WISCONSIN 53708 M it Funny, isn't it, how easy It is to ii adjust to civilian life?j Not really. ii BIESSÉDARE THEMiEn; FORTHEV it Most of us never really adjusted to II SHALL INHERIT TWE EARTH. II military life. Why is this so? One n reason is the absurdity of the military II H as an institution. II II Along with many of pujr; other basic II institutions, the military—whether the II II Air Force, Navy, or army--has become an H il anachronism. To use mil'itary Jargon, il ' unless soon reformed thej military must il il be "phased out." (Much like the XB-70, H il the F-lll, the Sheridan tank, and the il Cheyenne heliocopter.) il Soon after the glory of jumping into BDBSB« our uniforms as "ready" reservists wore off—usually from one ho|ur to two days depending on the individual--we realized ******************* Just how out of phase with reality the military is After 16 nionths nearly everyone held in captlvijty (excluding IMPERIALISM: (Webster) The policy, all lifers, who for some unknown reason practice, or advocacy of seeking to dig this shit) had gained;some degree extend the control, dominion, or of insight into the inner; workings of empire of a nation. the military bureaucra'cyj. j Those of us who desired to speak |oùr opinion on ******************* the Vietnam issue were Immediately disposed to latrine details; others LETTERS remained silent lest theiy; risk the loss of their stripes. Now, jl; ask you, what Friends: kind of system is it thati can hold such Heartiest congratulations to you awesome power over its subordinates? on the publication of the first Eyes I say it is a system that is in dire Left! It is outstanding, and NOT need of a overhaul. mild. It is a closed system, one that In order to keep your asses out operates solely on the basis of fear of a sling, I would suggest that you and intimidation. The ntilltary is so drop the "5^9 MAW" from the heading. structured that it systematically accepts There will be no question what future as career people those men who are hung issues will be about, hence the up on security and who fear facing the identification is unneeded—ana can reality of a competitive society. Lifers bring problems perhaps. sit back and yell and scream about the If you want a lot of hot dope on free loaders and hip people, yet they all the Junk that has bt?n brought are parasites of the closest thing our back for Col. Jrwin, consider the country has to a guaranteed free ride case of pineapples that wt i finally for 20-30 years, We see the fear mani- abandoned in the 312 Comraan1 Post fest in the over abundance of "yes" for beginners. men in the military. These people are so intimidated by_ the very existence Name withheld (letter Of superior officers that they feel slightly altered so as compelled out of fear or^ reprisal to not to incriminate the grant the response that Iwlll best fit writer) the particular whim bf the superior officer; they realize, of course, that ****¥**********¥• repeated failure to succumb to a super- ior'8 viewpoint will me« .n failure to LIFER SPELLED BACKWARDS IS REFILÎÏ achieve the next highesi rank. Anyone who did not see thiB ph< nomenon occur **************** repeatedly during the pis t 16 months is probably suffering f: dm the game A tooth-less TI was heard to say on disease that most lifen 'obviously The Last Day "O.K.
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