The Mask We Wear
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2622 W. Central - Suite 108, Wichita, KS 67203 316-612-0700 January 2016 Good Grief of Kansas, Inc. Website: www.goodgriefofkansas.org Email: [email protected] The Mask We Wear As we stumble through our I would clench my teeth as a display The mask had not been violently journey of grief, life lessons can of perseverance, and the muscles in ripped off my face but gradually come from the most unexpected my face would strain from this act. removed of my own accord. places. A couple of years ago I went As I continued pretending to be Although the scars remained, it felt to see Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “okay,” my grief was suffocating good to feel the air on my face Phantom of the Opera. I had always underneath. As if trapped under ice again. What I learned from this been intrigued by the story, so experience is that as a society we on a lake, the emotions frantically seeing the play for the first time was still struggle with the subject of captivating. The Phantom’s name looked for way to break through. death. Using the analogy of the was Erik. He was a man with many Pieces of my mask began to chip Phantom of the Opera, imagine the talents, including music, away revealing the pain perspective of Christine as she architecture, magic, and science. underneath. Like the phantom, I stood face to face with the Yet, despite these gifts, people were was afraid of what others might Phantom. To look beneath the mask afraid of him because of his think when the mask was lifted. of somebody grieving would be like disfigured face. To conceal his seeing our own mortality. Our mask Thankfully, there is a supportive identity, the Phantom wore a mask serves as a buffer between society environment where we can express and lived beneath the Paris Opera and the fear of death. At the same our grief. We can remove the mask House. time, the anonymity of a mask can of being “okay” that we wear in our protect us while we are grieving as Erik fell in love with an aspiring everyday lives. It is a comforting it covers the jagged edges of our young singer named Christine and sight to look around the room and emotions. Although it provides a began to share his musical gift with see that others have removed their coping mechanism, the mask will her. As he played for her beneath masks as well. It is this comfort that deteriorate and expose what it is the Opera House, Christine crept allows us to share our experiences underneath. It is our choice what behind him to remove the mask. and affirm our individual feelings. this reveals. It is by allowing these Slowly she reached around him until Through the experiences of others, feelings to breathe that the wounds she felt the cold texture on his face. we realize that we are not alone. of grief heal. As for the Phantom of Sensing what was about to happen, Attending a grief support group the Opera, the play ends and life Erik desperately turned to hide the also helped me to gain a new continues. One day I may look in the horror beneath. But it was too late. perspective on everyday life. After mirror and see that mask again. Looking into the eyes of the my first visit, I donned my mask Thankfully, Halloween only comes Phantom, it was impossible to tell again but with a renewed sense of once a year. who was more frightened. hope. I knew that I only had to wear By Michael Domingos, McKinney, TX, As I continued watching the play, it for a few days until the next Bereavement Magazine Sept/Oct 2003 I began to empathize with the support group meeting. The Phantom. I realized that I had not Prosthetic smile seemed to fit easier been that different from him. In the with each passing day. Each visit to months following my wife’s death, I the support group would bring would face the mirror each morning healing oxygen to the wounds and I, too, saw a mask in the beneath the mask. The muscles in reflection. While the Phantom hid my face relaxed from the twisted behind an expressionless piece of knots, an authentic smile ceramic, I wore a prosthetic smile to overpowered the cosmetic smile show that I was “okay”. that I had been wearing. Page 2 www.goodgriefofkansas.org 316-612-0700 Good Grief News On Going SELF-HELP SUPPORT GROUPS You are welcome to attend any support group of your SCHEDULE OF GROUP MEETINGS FOR THE BEREAVED choice. It is normal to feel confused, Mondays: 7:00 - 8:30 PM SOUTH WICHITA forgetful, crazy, lost and Grace Baptist Church – (1414 W Pawnee) alone, plus a wide range of Facilitators: Bob & Connie Westerfield other emotions. It may not feel like it just Mondays: 7:00 - 8:30 PM EAST WICHITA now, but it does get better . Calvary United Methodist Church, 2525 N Rock Road, Room A-3 let us help. Please commit to Facilitators: Cindy Swan attend at least three times. The first two times may be Tuesdays: 10:00 - 11:30 AM CENTRAL WICHITA RiverWalk Church of Christ - Use South Office Entrance, Fireside Room (225 N Waco) difficult but you will begin to Facilitators: Marjorie Watkins, Jack Elder & Nada Canfield feel a difference in your grieving as you are able to Tuesdays: 7:00 - 8:30 PM DERBY share about your loss and Derby Woodlawn United Methodist Church - Room 15E (Woodlawn & Kay St.) other issues that come along Facilitator: Kathy Thomas at this time. You might want to visit Tuesdays: 7:00 - 8:30 PM WEST WICHITA Faith Renewal Church (formerly West Towne Baptist) - (2000 N Maize Rd.) several groups until you find Facilitators: Evelyn Reece & Carmen Suter the one you feel most comfortable with. Wednesdays: 7:00 - 8:00 PM CENTRAL WICHITA W.A.Y. Widowed and Young (Ages 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s) Nursery available for infants through age 2. Ages 3 and up welcome to participate in church Bible classes or teen groups RiverWalk Church of Christ - Use SW entrance door, Fireside Room (225 N Waco) BAD WEATHER POLICY Facilitators: Cathy Sexton, Frank Jarmer & Janet Cook No group meetings will be held: Wichita: If the Emergency Accident SUICIDE SURVIVORS CENTRAL WICHITA Reporting Plan is in effect. Mondays: 7:00 - 8:00 PM RiverWalk Church of Christ - (225 N Waco) Use SW entrance door (door closest to the Outside Wichita: river). Look for the Good Grief sign on the door. If the door is locked, please knock loudly. Room 106. Please call the facilitators for more information or to make your reservation. Check with your facilitator. This group is for those who have suffered the loss of a loved one through suicide. Facilitators: Jim Yoder 316-727-0663 & Elaine Craft 316-706-7532 Never put yourself at risk. If you think the streets are too If you or someone you know is in need of help, be sure to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255. dangerous to drive on, do not attend the meeting. SCHEDULE OF REGULAR SOCIALS: Thursdays: Lunch/Brunch at 10:00 AM Saturdays: Breakfast at 10:00 AM Spears Restaurant Country Breakfast Cafe Spears Restaurant 4823 West Maple OR 2804 S Seneca Street 4823 West Maple Host/Hostess: Host/Hostess: Hostess: Janet Cook Chuck and Beth Holdeman John and Lois Pardee Good Grief News www.goodgriefofkansas.org 316-612-0700 Page 3 January 2016 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat 1 2 OFFICE SUPPLY NEEDS: Envelopes: Breakfast 10 am # 6¾ Security and #10 Std Spears Restaurant Pastel Colored Paper - Cream: 8½ x 11, 24 lb 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Survivors of Suicide Brunch/Lunch 10 am W.A.Y. Group 7:00 pm Spears or Country Café Breakfast 10 am Spears Restaurant TLC Meeting - RWCC 5:00 PM 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 Survivors of Suicide W.A.Y. Group 7:00 pm Brunch/Lunch 10 am Breakfast 10 am Spears or Country Café Spears Restaurant 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 Survivors of Suicide W.A.Y. Group 7:00 pm GG Board Meeting Brunch/Lunch 10 am Breakfast 10 am 5:00 PM - GG Office Spears or Country Café Spears Restaurant Martin Luther Kind Jr. Day 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 W.A.Y. Group Survivors of Suicide Brunch/Lunch 10 am 7:00 pm Breakfast 10 am Spears or Country Café Spears Restaurant 31 Good Grief making a difference… Recent letter received with a generous donation. “… My Mother lost my Father in 2005. After attending your organi- zation she was able to start under- On Memory standing that the emptiness, heart pains, etc. were normal after los- When you remember me, it means that you have carried ing the love of your life. She something of who I am with you, that I have left some mark of thought she was having heart who I am on who you are. problems and after talking to oth- It means that you can summon me back to your mind even ers she found out that the pain though countless years and miles may stand between us. was grief. Thank you for helping her when It means that if we meet again, you will know me, and hear she needed someone to under- my voice and speak to me in your heart. stand. I truly believe in what your organization does and hope this For as long as your remember me, I am never entirely lost.