Queer Identities Rupturing dentity Categories and Negotiating Meanings of Oueer
WENDY PETERS
Ce projet dPcrit sept Canadiennes qui In the article, "The Politics of constructed by available discourses shpproprient le terme "queerJ'comme InsideIOut," Ki Namaste recom- (Foucault). Below, I describe some orientation sexuelk et en explore ks mends that queer theoreticians pay of the meanings participants as- dzfirentes signt$cations. Leur identiti attention to the diversity of non- cribed to queer, and explore the et expiriencespointent rt. certaines ca- heterosexual identities. I created the ways in which queer was under- tigories sexuelles existantes comme les- following research project through stood and represented by people biennes et hitirosexuelles. my interest in queer theory and a who claim, or have claimed, queer subsequent recognition that queer, as their sexuality identity category. In the 1990s, the term "queer" gained as described in queer theory, is an The first person to email the new acceptance within poststruct- excellent description for my sexu- listserv identified herself as uralistlpostmodernist thought. In ality and gender practices. Since "Stressed!" Stressed wrote often part, this was an attempt to move queer is a term that resists a static about trying to finish her gradu- away from reproducing the hetero- definition, I was curious to see who ate-level thesis, and chose her alias sexist binary of heterosexual and ho- else was claiming queer as an iden- to reflect her current state of mind. mosexual. Queer theory contends that tity category and what it meant for She related how her claiming of in order to challenge heteronorma- them. After sending an email to queer as an identity category came tivity, we need to go beyond replac- friends and various listservs detail- through her coming-out process ing one restrictive category with an- ing my interest in starting an aca- and her reluctance to choose a sexu- other. To illustrate, queer theorists demic study of queer identities, I ality category that seemed to "fix" argue that in challenging heterosexu- heard from seven queer women her changing identity. She found ality with homosexuality, we are re- from across Canada who were will- that in coming out, queer seemed placing one inadequate categorywith ing to let me study their notions of "to roll off [her] tongue more easily another similarly inadequate cat- being queer.' As we were far apart than lesbian or bisexual." She ex- egory. The perceived inadequacy of geographically, I set up an Internet plained that she rejected the term these categories stems largely from listserv where we could discuss our lesbian in order to avoid "a discus- their application as fixed identities. reasons for claiming queer, and sion of the mechanics of [her] Queer theory offers an alternative collectively debate the differing brain." For her, queer seeks to de- conception where sexuality and gen- meanings ascribed to this shifting essentialize sexuality and marks it der are fluid and unstable categories. ~ategory.~Experience is central to as a shifting identity. Stressed in- Queer allows for a complex and this project, as I examine my own voked queer as an identity category changing identity, where people lo- experiences and those of the other first in opposition to heterosexual- cate themselves in different places at participants as my source of "data." ity during her coming-out process, different times. It is seen as a category I do not view stories about experi- and then in opposition to other that can change theform of sexuality, ence as offering the "truth about non-normative sexuality categories. rather than just the content. Queer, queer identities unproblematically. On the listserv, queer was fre- in this context, is also used as a verb, Rather, I view these experiences as quently defined in opposition to to queer. To queer is to seek to trou- constructed by the discourses that "normal" (heteronormativity) ble, undo or unfix categories. are available to us, just as we are when the participants realised that
102 CANADIAN WOMAN STUDIESILES CAHIERS DE LA FEMME they themselves were no longer con- for some ~eople,queer is seen as a Sometimes, i think i would feel sidered to be "normal" sexually. term that is directly connected to comfortable in simply tellingpeo- However, it is important to note larger political projects. ple that i like girls . . . oh, and i that queer was also frequently ref- The next participant who joined guess i am dressed like a boy today. erenced in opposition to other non- the listserv claimed her name from normative sexuality identitycatego- a goofy and likeable teenage boy She described her life-long queer- ries such as lesbian or bisexual. character from the Canadian teen ness in this way: Stressed focused on the limits of television show Degrassi Junior "LGB" identity categories as they High. In her first email to the Iwoulddaydreamforhoursabout didn't quite "seem to fit."3 Stressed's listserv, "Joey Jeremiah" explained beingthe boy who broughtthegirl queer identity was claimed as a pre- that she had first heard of the term flowers, the boy who got to hold a ferred alternative to all other sexu- girl? hand, the girl who was se- ality categories, normative and non- duced by other girls (occasionally normative. 'I iam queer Madonna), the girl who was se- Stressed was planning to start a because it is the duced by a boy in my school, and teaching position in the upcoming theperson who m& my twoschool fall, and in her last message to the easiest way for male crushes kiss. . . . I fantasize listserv she expressed her concern other people ;t.o about being a man, a sleek dark- about the need to overhaul the edu- haired boy. I love it when my cational system. She wrote that understand me. female partner calls me 'girly. " I because such an overhaul was un- Sometimes, i think wear make-up. I get along well likely, she planned to try "queering iwould feel withguys andget nervous around it from within." She would queer women. I love cars-I wouldlove the existing- educational system by comfoHable [n to be a tau& mechanic boy. seeking out simply telling In explaining her queerness, Joey Jer- either current educational initia- people that iIike emiah described a series of sexual and tives orprograms outside of the ed girls ... oh, and r" gender "roles," and seems to see the system that actuaIly take into ac- guess I" am dressed category lesbian as precluding some count social exclusion/inclusion ofthem. She chose the category queer that actually acknowledges racist, likea boy today," over the category lesbian because she sexist, colonialist, heterosexist saw queer as allowing her desire for pedagogies and systems. . . . women, her desire to play man to the queer about two years previous. She woman, her desire for men, her de- She described this queering ofthe described how she had spent most sire for queer men, and her desire to system as her "utopian vision." Al- of her life "being queer" and that it be the man to another man. She though her articulation of queer was through the process of coming explained that she feels that this term was mostly related to personal iden- out to friends and family that she "allows other people to understand tity, she named "queering" as part realized that her desires were asso- something about [her] (if someone ofan educational project concerned ciated with a whole new (lesbian) dares to ask)." Her assertions that the with racism, sexism, colonialism, identity for everyone else. She ex- category queer helps other people to and heterosexism. Here we can see plained that she was not comfort- understand her non-normative sexu- queer as a way to think (theory) able with the term lesbian, but went ality and gender performance, sug- and a way to act politically. In the with it because it seemed to help gest that queer "explains" or encap- conversations on the listserv, there her friends and family make sense sulates sexuality and gender. It also was often an assumed leap between of her new sexual relations with suggests that queer is a category that "queer is the category that I am most women. Joey Jeremiah explained people recognize and can use to order comfortable with)) and "queer is a that she has come to prefer queer as and make sense of these non-norma- term that has political potential to an identity marker because she be- tive identifications. be disruptive and challenging." lieved that it fits with her sexuality Joey Jeremiah claimed queer as Stressed demonstrated this when and gender practices. As she ex- an identity category while keeping she moved from using queer as a plained, queer theory at an arm's length. category she claims, to using queer She writes, "i think that i have been as a verb-"to queer" the educa- i have to say that i think that i am a living breathing queer since i tional system. This slide between queer because it is the easiest way have known myself. .. without any identity and politics suggests that for otherpeople to understand me. theory to denounce 'hetero-nor-
VOLUME 24, NUMBERS 2,3 103 mative practices' to inspire me or rect" (men's) washroom or give her for me to refer to." Queer theory I liked the sense thdt I could work strange looks. With this informa- is not an authority for Joey Jer- against homophobia and be seen tion in mind, Sheila ironically chose emiah and she seemed to invert1 as an allpa strong enough ally her alias with the following expla- subvert the statement "I am queer" thatlcouldbea )artDofthings.. . nation, "Sheila-(my alias, for al- by writing "queer is me." She re- maybe even claim the same name though it's also the one on my driv- iterated that queer is an identity and bits ofidentity Idon t mean er's license, i sure didn't pick it)." marker that she chooses for herself to say that I thoight that I was Sheila "came out" and claimed les- because it helps others to under- homosexual and could then "re- bian as her identity marker because stand her sexual practices and gen- ally-know-what-it?-like" to suf- she was "too afraid of the implica- der performances. Joey Jeremiah fer the effects of homophobia. tions ofany otherwords."Two years Rather, because of my attitude later she claimed dyke and later andpractices around issues of ho- queer. She explained this by writ- mosextcalityandhomophobia that, ing, "i adopted dyke and a bit later "r' was a well, I could claim some sense of queer, as terms of my own making, ;tuans-gendered queerness and maybe wouldn 't and as terms constantly being re- five-year-old. have toprove myselfaver and over made by those who adopt them." again. Sheila explained that after claim- I" remember clearly ing lesbian, she still felt "tossed wishhg Ito be a She explained that about five about by gender." She explained in years ago, she "came out as a dyke" more detail: boy so that I" could and since then she hasn't spent lik girls, and even nearly as much time thinking about so like jo y, ifeel like queer has afer i learned that. queer and what it means. With Pig- been a way of experiencing the let, it seems that queer offered room world long before the theory came I" vvas a plain old for her, as a straight ally, to claim whacking me in the head with a pervent, I" still space as a "legitimate" ally working good old so that? what? going on against homophobia. Her claiming here!infact i was a trans-gendered felt tossed about of queer related to her positive at- five-year-old. i remember clearly by gender." titude toward "homosexuality" and wishing to be a boy so that i could her interest in working against likegirh, and even aJ2er i learned homophobia. Her story suggests that i wasaphin oldpervert, istill that she was not seen as a part of felt tossed about by gender. did not need or want "theory" to things because she was not lesbian explain who or what she is. or bisexual and therefore had to For Sheila, queer seemed to be a Piglet logged in only once to put "prove herself" in order to be ac- coming together of non-normative her thoughts on the listserv. She cepted into the communities of sexuality and gender performance, explained that about eight years resistance that work against homo- while lesbian apparently captured ago, before she "came out as a dyke," phobia. Piglet later chose to change only her non-normative sexuality. she spent some time reflecting on her identity marker to the more She was interested in upsetting the the word queer. Prior to coming stable identity dyke, when she came assumed stability of the terms het- out, she felt that claiming queer as out. It is possible that in this case, erosexual, dyke, lesbian, gay, or a personal identity allowed her to queer may have been regarded in straight. Over the course of many work against homophobia and be much the same way as bisexual of- postings it became clear that for seen as an ally, while not yet claim- ten is, as a flexiblelunstable con- Sheila, queer reflected her sexual- ing a fixed non-normative sexual- duit for questioning before claim- ity, gender and a way to act politi- ity. She wrote that she ing a fixedlstable gay or lesbian cally through challenging notions identity marker.* of sexlgender essentialism and fixed had been searchingfor ways to be Sheila was the next participant sexuality categories. less "in the box" all the time and to join the listserv and she started Michelle was the next person to for word, phrases, and cultures off her entries by relating to Joey enter the listserv discussion. She that had embedied in them a Jeremiah's comments about being explained that she describes herself sense of the impossibility of cap- "a boy with tits and avagina." Sheila as bi and queer. Michelle was het- turingandfixingmeaning. Queer explained that she is frequently read erosexually married and sometimes seemed to Jit the bill. as a male and consequently other jokingly referred to herself as a She explained: women will direct her to the "cor- married lesbian, because, as she
104 CANADIAN WOMAN STUDIESlLES CAHIERS DE LA FEMME wrote, "I'm quite satisfied with my sense, Iunderstandhse queer to be non-normative sexuality identity marriage so I haven't wanted an- expansive and it can be about and performing the instability of other man in my life but I crave jnding pride in not jtting and queer. She related an incident when being with women and that is the exposing the restrictions imposed a lesbian co-worker asked Beaker if only 'extramarital' sex I want." on people by the hetero norm. she was gay. The woman explained Michelle plays in the realm of that her gaydar was usually good, BDSM (bondage, discipline, and It is interesting that it is possible but she couldn't quite peg Beaker. sadomasochism) and explains that for Beaker to be averse to labels and Beaker responded by saying, "I'm she is queer for loving sex and rela- then label herself as queer. Beaker queer and one of the reasons is be- tionships with other women, for her specifies the "expansive" nature of cause I don't want to be pegged." polyamorous leanings and for en- queer allows her to be all catego- Beaker pondered whether she was joying "unusual" sex practices. ries, but is also a category from somehow Michelle described queer as: which she can critique the hetero norm. Here, the discourse of queer not pe$orming up to par . . . be- asimple thing:Ifyou 're notstraight can be simultaneously a useful la- cause it wasn't "obvious" to her you 're queer. That means ifyou're bel, while signalling an anti-label that I was not straight.. . . Like not a dyed-in-the-wool hetero- stance. there is some essential queerness sexual you quali!. Act now! Beaker was wary of queer being that I havefailed to exude. This of
'hsexualgml bi baby dyke queer Beaker addressed the tension lezzie boy gender pirate. JJ In a between performing a recognizably
VOLUME 24, NUMBERS 2,3 105 are proven, otherwise. This facili- ioned turn of phrase" and expected community, it becomes a difficult tates a need for people to demon- that such a group would be open to subject to broach. As well, we can strate that they are not heterosexual. bi, trans and queer people. When see some contestation in meaning Around this need has sprung up a she attended, she was advised that here as queer shifts from having a host of codes that are thought to the group doesn't like the term positive connotation for Pixie, to signal a non-normative, often gay queer and was uncomfortable having a negative connotation for or lesbian, sexuality. Beaker pointed around bi and trans people. She the gay and lesbian group she came out that while this effort of per- explained that while she finds queer into contact with. forming the "other" disrupts the to be the best descriptor for her My research demonstrates that assumption that everyone is hetero- sexuality, it is not one that is ac- some people are starting to choose sexual, it also does not disrupt the cepted in the rural gay and lesbian queer as a sexuality category as an "otherness" of those with non-nor- community that she was currently alternative to claiming hetero- mative sexualities. The "others" are residing in. Pixie uses queer as an sexual, gay, lesbian and bisexual still given the responsibility of dis- identity marker because she has a identities. While each participant tinguishing themselves while soci- non-normative sexual orientation offered a unique representation of ety is allowed to continue on with and enjoys playing with gender their queer identity, some of these the practice ofheterosexism. In this roles and leather. From her descrip- queer-identified individuals viewed sense, there is a tension between tion, she seemed to define her queer identity as more inclusive of discourses that say everyone is queerness (on the listserv) in oppo- non-normative gender perform- straight except for devian~s1"oth- sition to, what she called, "middle ances. Some saw queer as a move- ers"; the lesbian and gay discourses of the road"1"straight" gay and les- ment that tries to recognize differ- that seek to disrupt the presump- bian people. ences of race, class, gender, and tion of heterosexuality and shame Pixie introduced the social con- ability among queers and work to- ofhomosexuality through claiming ditions of possibility for queer to ward equity in each of these areas; a positive homosexual identity; and become a part of the way she could trying to be more accountable for the discourse of queer that seeks to be recognized in daily life. Within points of privilege, rather than fo- disrupt the presumption and cen- the designated "gay and lesbian" cused solely on marginality. Oth- trality of heterosexuality while re- space, Pixie's queer sexuality was ers saw queer as reflecting people fusing the confines of identifica- not recognized and she was viewed who participate in BDSM, leather tion. Beaker's comments suggested as "other" within that context. Her and polyamory; and for all, queer that she was actively negotiating identity made the gay and lesbian as an identity marker was simply a these tensions. participants of the group uncom- better fit for their experience of Pixie was the last participant to fortable andlor afraid and thus she their sexualities, gender perform- join the listserv; due to problems was pressured to conform or be ances, and political leanings. From with her email account she had quiet. She wrote, "'queer' is the the information on the listserv difficulties posting and in the end, best definition for my sexuality I queer can meanlbe: something you we completely lost contact. Like have found but I've found it's not are; something you call yourself; Michelle, Pixie identified as bi and accepted outside of the city." Pix- something you do; a way to think queer. She found that queer was the ie's story spoke to the limits of tol- (theory); and a way to act-sexu- best category for her sexuality, erance within this particular gay ally and politically. All of these were which she described as, and lesbian community. Her queer explanations that were invoked at identity was accepted in a larger different times, by different partici- a dyke that likes tofi*ck men every urban setting, but was unaccept- pants. so ojen, a woman who is happy able in her new rural setting5 This research points to the open- being a woman but who likes to Within this particular "gay and les- ness that the category queer affords play around with gender roles a bian" group, queer was "off the women with non-normative sexu- lot. Don't even get me started on scale" and did not measure in the alities, gender performances and how being into leather would be discourses around gay and lesbian sexual practices. Their identifica- perceived here.. .. except as the contingent and scary tions and experiences serve to com- "other." Pixie demonstrated the plicate and point to the perceived She is referring here to her recent difficulty of asserting an identity limits of gay, lesbian and hetero- move from a large city to a small that encompassed more than that sexual identities. Ideally, these sto- island community on the west coast which is acceptably discussed. That ries of shifting identifications and of Canada. She attended a group is to say that if gender construc- intersecting political goals will in- there "for gays and lesbians" assum- tions are not challenged, for exam- form the work of those who organ- ing that this was just an "old fash- ple, within this gay and lesbian ize around issues of sexuality. As
106 CANADIAN WOMAN STUDIESILES CAHIERS DE LA FEMME queer enters the mainstream it will queer women, it was people who mate and lifelong sexuality. be interesting to see how this cat- identified as women who responded 50fcourse this is not meant to be a egorical openness plays out in re- to my initial email. generalizable study, however, it was lation to other identity categories 2Participantsall signed letters ofcon- through Pixie's contribution that we and projects relating to sexual lib- sent that allows me to ~ublishany- realized everyone on the listserv was eration. thing from the listserv. located in major cities across Canada. 3Bisexual held a contested place for WendyPeters is a Ph. D. candidate in many people on the listserv. It was References the collaborative program between So- often claimed in conjunction with ciology and Equity Studies at OISEI queer, as in a "bi-queer" identity, Foucault, M. TheHistoryofSexuallity. UTand thelnstitute ofWomen ?Stud- while others, such as Stressed viewed Toronto: Random House, 1978. ies and Gender Studies at the Univer- the term "bi-sexual" as implying two Narnaste, K "The Politics of Inside1 sity of Toronto. She is apparentlyfasci- biological- sexes which was seen as Out: Queer Theory, Post Struc- nated with all things queer as she is excluding trans-identified people. turalism, and a Sociological Approach presently writing her dissertation on 41n the case of bisexuality, this is an to Sdty." @er Theory/Sociology. the tehvision drama Queer as Folk. unfortunate belief as bisexuality is Ed. S. Seidman. Cambridge: Black- often viewed as a state of experimen- well, 1996. 194212. 'While I did not set out to study tation or flux, rather than as a legiti-
CORNELIA C. HORNOSTY
Salesman with Flowers
Frank is a creep, Sue said under her breath and in her dreams and to Dan her partner, who understood, but it didn't help that he got the picture, because Frank reminded her of all the buffoons she went to high school with and she hadn't seen any of those guys for over forty years. But she imagined what they would look like, what they would act like, slobbering in their beer, making snide remarks about Sally's tits. Boy wouldn't you like to get next to those ha, ha, ha. But this Frank was the father of Brent, a mild-mannered young man of thirty who had become a friend of theirs, spending many an evening in heated discussions about politics, philosophy, ethics, whatever, over pizza and beer. One day Brent's father and mother took everyone to lunch at the Crystal Gardens restaurant where after a number of drinks Frank pontificated about how nice Dan and Sue were and how much they had done for his son, helping him to finish his degree and all, while Brent sat there and was ignored, and didn't know he was ignored, but he was, and Dan and Sue couldn't believe it, and why didn't he notice that he wasn't there? Then Frank told them about taking his son to a strip joint a couple of days before Brent got married and how much fun it had been, and boy, those wonderful lap dancers were great, weren't they Brent? Then Frank started to talk about the strippers and how he respected those ladies and thought really well of them. Lydia his wife sat there gazing at the huge exotic flowers that filled the restaurant, a slight smile on her face and ribbons in her hair.
Cornelia C. Hornosty's poetry appears earlier in this volume.
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