HUMOR CAUGHT ON CAMERA HUMOR There are certain things one should There was an angry bride at Beer Warning to America! Ben French got not do when an OppyCam is Blast recently. Leah Nosnik catch- his license back! Witness the horri- about, and licking qualifies. Hayle es up with costumed Beer Blasters fying details, including a visit by Chun lists ‘em on Page 16. on Page 19. Craig T. Nelson, on Page 14.

VOLUME 35, NUMBER 6 NOVEMBER 9, 2004

Checking in on Charity Ball Nears, Tickets Still Available Stern Alumni by Addy Spiller, addy.spiller Ball are available for purchase and bid- VH1 Classic gifts, a Virgin Mobile mes- ding NOW! Come bid on a 5x7 glossy of senger bag made out of a VM billboard Worldwide he 7th Annual Stern Charity Ball Professor Silber; a three hour test drive and more! Raffle tickets can be pur- by Dean Thomas Cooley presented by Scorp and spon- at the Infineon Raceway in beautiful chased in the lobby from 12:00 pm to Tsored by American Express is just Sonoma, California; dinner and drinks 1:30 pm and from 4:30 pm to 6 pm all kay, its true - I’ve missed quite a days away! Please come out and show with Dean Cooley; a poker lesson from this week. few of the recent beer blasts. No, I your support for this great event and its your 1st year VP - the list just goes on! All proceeds from the event, silent have not given up beer and it isn’t charity, Minds Matter. There are only a Students can bid on their favorite prizes auction, and raffle will go directly to O few tickets left so go to in the lobby between 12:00 p.m. and 1:30 Minds Matter, a New York based non- because I have been so caught up with the Red http://pages.stern.nyu.edu/~scorp/fall- p.m. or between 4:30 p.m. and 6 p.m. all profit organization dedicated to bringing Sox’ historic odyssey. I have ball/ now! this week and up until 10:30 pm on the bright and motivated inner city high been busy on an odyssey of Even if you are unable to attend the night of the event, November 13th. school students together with dedicated my own, meeting alumni event, you can show your support by bid- Raffle tickets are one for $5 or three mentors to achieve academic excellence and prospective students in ding on the silent auction prizes and for $10. Some of the prizes include great and expand educational horizons. Paris, Milan, Buenos Aires and Sao Paulo. purchasing raffle tickets. Raffle tickets DVDs from Comedy Central, five copies We look forward to seeing you at It is a time consuming activity, but it is very and silent auction prizes for the Charity of Microsoft Office 2003, some cool Tavern on the Green this Saturday! rewarding. In late October, Stern alumni from 20 different countries convened in Paris to Alumni Council attend our Fourth Annual Global Alumni Conference. High-caliber speakers, from Appoints New Chair the President of the European Central by the Office of Alumni Affairs Bank, to the sixth generation head of Hermes, to our own Nobel laureate, he NYU Stern Alumni Council Professor Robert Engle, shared their works closely with the Office of insights into the future of the European TAlumni Affairs to engage alumni Union, explored the reasons behind the in support of the NYU Stern School of successful introduction of the euro curren- Business mission of educational and insti- cy, examined the marketing of luxury prod- tutional excellence and to develop and ucts, and explained Nobel-prize-winning enhance initiatives and activities that research in layman’s terms. strengthen relationships and build an This event is just one example of the inclusive community among alumni, stu- rich programming that our Office of dents and the School. Christine Alumni Affairs, under Executive Director Schneider, MBA ’94 and Vice President at Jeanne Marano, has put in place to connect, Oppenheimer Capital, was recently and re-connect, our alumni to Stern. We appointed to the position of Chair of the are putting a great deal of attention and NYU Stern Alumni Council. Ms. resources behind our alumni network – Schneider, who has been a member of the now nearly 70,000 in number – because a Alumni Council for two years, will serve strong network of committed, engaged as Chair during the 2004-2005 academic alumni is a powerful asset and contributes year. Her predecessor, Susan Jurevics, mightily to the excellence of the School. MBA ’96, completed her one-year term as It was not always so. Perhaps because Chair and will remain an active partici- of Stern and NYU’s early history as a com- pant in Council initiatives. muter school, we tended to take our alum- “We are delighted that Christine has ni for granted. Four years ago, a small but accepted the invitation to lead the Alumni dedicated number of Stern alums of our Council,” noted Jeanne Marano, Block 6 MBA1s “cowboy up” at Beer Blast. For more pictures, see pages 10-11! Executive Director for Alumni Affairs. CONTINUED ON PAGE 7 CONTINUED ON PAGE 7

INSIDE THE OPPY

3 Professor Phil Meer unveils his Grand MO Unification Theory. 4 Argentina will be in a world of trouble if they disrespect creditors. 5 Will Kolb gets to the heart of the CCWP. 6 Memo from Pam Mittman: Keep working with Career Services! 12 MBA2 Vic Guss is living it up in Barcelona. Aren’t you jealous? 13 Angi Salomon has the perfect way to free your music from the memories of evil breakups. 17 Sorry, but your horoscope isn’t looking too good right now. PAGE 2 STERN OPPORTUNITY NOVEMBER 9, 2004 OPPY KNOCKS

In the past few weeks, the students-complain- ing the water out of your hair. Trust us, bad ing-about-workload index has reached a 6.8, things will happen. And whatever you do, if so we must be heading into mid-November. your hair freezes, do not play with it too much This means two things: (1) It will be impossi- – it could break. ble to find an empty desk in the Reading Room until January, and (2) The weather will 3. Be careful walking on anything concrete be turning cold soon. when it’s icy. Ah nevermind … you’re going to fall on your butt at least twice this winter. “An Abstract and Brief Chronicle of the Times.” For native New Yorkers and international stu- There’s no stopping it. dents from Scandinavia, this isn’t a problem. Co-Editors-in-Chief Eric Brown (efb219) Manhattan isn’t Alaska. However, many of 4. During the first snowfall of the season, Rob Du Boff (rd835) you come from tropical environments – rush outside and immediately start pelting California, Miami, India, Baltimore – and you your friends. This is a requirement. If you fail General Manager Rafiu Abina (raa249) may not know what to expect when white to do this, you’ll be sent to Tahiti in a crate. stuff starts falling from the sky. Editor-in-Chief Hayle Chun (hc468) On the other hand … Tahiti sounds pretty Emeritus Therefore, we here at the Oppy are proud to tempting … present our tips for having a jolly, jolly winter: Webmaster Alison Merrill (aem286) 5. Yellow snow is not “lemon-flavored”. We’ll Senior Writers Angi Salomon, Javed Siddique 1. Get a warm hat, gloves, and scarf. You let you figure this one out on your own. could have the biggest, phat-est Gore-tex Contributors Dean Thomas Cooley, Javon Frazier, jacket on, but if your ears are uncovered in 6. Do not expect to feel the sun’s warmth until Ben French, Jackie Gallagher, Vic Guss, freezing weather, you’re going to be miserable. Spring Break. Don’t mean to depress you … Will Kolb, Kimberly Manney, Phil Meer, but it’s the truth. Pam Mittman, Mysterious OPP, Leah Corollary to 1: Your hair will be unkempt for Nosnik, Office of Alumni Affairs, Office the next three months. Wool hats are nice, but 7. Ice-skate at Rockefeller Center! As an of Public Affairs, Amanda Plotkin, they mess up your hair. Deal with it. Call it added bonus, you can pretend that you’re the David Salpeter, Adam Schrager, Ron stylish “bed-head”. protagonist of a really cheesy movie starring Shah, Auntie Silber, Baljeet Singh, Meg Ryan. Addy Spiller. 2. Don’t rush out of the shower into sub- freezing temperatures without at least shak- -Eric Brown Check us out on the Internet EQUAL OPPORTUNITY http://www.sternopportunity.com/

New Yorkers are always complaining. On another note, the election is finally over. Publishing Schedule Whether it’s traffic, the Knicks, or the ban on You may have noticed the noise pollution smoking, there is always something wrong that was filling up the neighborhood recently and always someone willing to be extremely – something like “George Bush is slaughter- Issue Submission due Date Publication Date vocal about it. Students are another group ing pregnant Al Qaeda women and not even that is known to complain here and there. saving their fetuses for stem cell research. 7 November 16 November 23 And why shouldn’t we? All MBA1s have to Support John Kerry!” Well, no more. The 8 December 7 December 14 take MO, I don’t have to say anymore. But people have spoken, and our country is ready 9 January 18 January 25 lately, there are reasons for some of us to be a to be united once again under the Big W. little less whiny. And this time, he won without any contro- 10 February 1 February 8 versy. This thing will not be dragged on for 11 February 15 February 22 The Boston Red Sox are our new world weeks. No more outcries about how Florida 12 March 1 March 8 champions of baseball. Yippee. Am I glad decided the fate of an entire country. Despite 13 March 22 March 29 Johnny Damon can finally get a shave and a what I think about the results, there is one 14 April 5 April 12 haircut? A little. But I’m more excited about thing I can be happy about. It’s over (until the 15 April 19 April 26 the fact that Bostonians can no longer com- next anti-war rally, which should be any plain about how they are “long suffering.”You minute now). 16 May 3 May 10 would think they would be content having one of the most dominant franchises in foot- So, I think it is up to us, the Stern communi- Request for Letters ball the last couple of years, but no. No more ty, to continue this trend of less whining. whining about how the Yankees always win Since midterms are at last over, we have every News and opinions are solicited from all members of the Stern because they buy a great team. The Sox reason to celebrate, not complain. Yes,I know community, including students, faculty, administration, staff and proved they could put together a champi- finals are not too far off. And the never-end- alumni. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of onship-caliber team with just over $120 mil- ing job search is heating up for MBA1s. Once the Stern School of Business. Advertising rates available upon lion, only about 5 times larger than the you actually get that job, you can whine to request. Correspondence should be addressed to: average team (vs. 10 for the Yanks).And, last- your heart’s content about the long hours and ly, no more talk about how they don’t believe the crappy pay. But for these next couple of Editor-in-Chief, Opportunity, Stern School of Business, in the Curse of the Babe, even though they weeks, I implore you to just go out and have 44 W. 4th St., New York, NY, 10012. have consulted hundreds of witch doctors on fun. Phone: (212) 995-4432, Fax: (212) 995-4432 the matter. E-Mail: [email protected] -Rob Du Boff NOVEMBER 9, 2004 STERN OPPORTUNITY PAGE 3 VOICES Javon Wants You to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

aspirations, we are realizing the time con- ting the pressure get to us. recently met with many prospective stu- Frazier’s straints surrounding our goals. Whether Our two years here at Stern will dents in trying to help them through the our desires are academic or occupational, undeniably have the greatest impact on application process, I am invigorated by we are feeling the pressure to make some- our lives, but we cannot limit the benefit their desire and passion to go to Stern. Edge thing happen and to make it happen now. of our school to just increasing our salary We often forget that we are all very for- The tension at Stern is thick these days when we leave. I constantly run into tunate to be here. and the once lackadaisical faces that char- recent graduates who have successfully We are all empowered to shape our acterized Pre-Term and the first few made the transition to working profes- experience at this institution and I believe by Javon Frazier, jaf305 weeks of school are gone. People are now sionals and their comments about their that it is imperative that we utilize all of attending beer blast in suits, if they are experience at Stern are all the same: the resources that Stern has to offer. Why e’re all busy. We seem to be even attending at all. My beloved school “Being at school is a hell of a lot better not expand our goals into areas outside of pulled in every direction these has lost its character and, even worse, its than going to work everyday.” Their nos- our classes and career.Take the time to just Wdays. We have just survived a soul. talgia for what we currently possess should hang out with your fellow classmates or a brutal round of midterms, and we now Graduating students are heightened lead us to stop and enjoy the unique time professor. Step outside of your comfort have a clear indicator that we do not know to the fact that our days are numbered, as that we have outside of the confines of a zone and get to know some new people. as much as we thought we did.The uncer- we are now picking classes for our last working reality. Explore new ideas! Have fun! You will tainty that characterizes the career search semester at Stern. For the most part, we As we are all stressing about exams never have an opportunity like this again. has now begun to weigh heavily upon us have been gradually transitioning the and class assignments, we must remember The most valuable resource that we all. Extracurricular activities have taken a responsibility of shaping the culture of that we chose to take this journey, and for have here at Stern is each other. Let’s backseat, and friends and family members Stern to the first year class. In witnessing all intents and purposes, it should be build a pleasurable community and allevi- are now being neglected. the emerging attitudes and priorities that enjoyable. Let’s not let our rigorous ate the stress that has plagued the first It’s the midpoint! For most of us, the characterize this semester, I am shocked at workloads cloud our vision and make us half of the semester. Undoubtedly the midpoint of the semester has come too the contrast in the culture of Stern as believe that the purpose of business future will come, but we must not sacrifice quickly,and no matter the hierarchy of our compared to last year. Plainly, we are let- school is to suffer for two years. As I have the present. Professor Meer’s Plan to Revise MO Curriculum give you a framework.” boss’s butt” framework, to getting the crap So, for those of you who desire a new First, please be aware that all of these beaten out of you. It is not the framework way to think about Organizational models fit into an analysis known as the that matters, but rather where your blob fits Behavior, please realize that the Meer Meer Meer Congruency Framework. Let’s look on the axis that determines your fate. Once Congruency Framework explains it all. at the “kiss your boss’s butt”versus the “bel- again, the Meer Congruency Framework OK, gotta run now, the Nobel Prize com- Blast ligerent complainer” axis. On the top of the fits such analytical thinking. mittee is calling! axis, if you suck up to your boss, the upper right quadrant will show professional suc- by Phil Meer, Philip.Meer cess. However, the left hand side of the axis is the increased likelihood that your ast Friday, the entire MBA1 class coworkers will beat the crap out of you. On had our Managing Organizations the bottom half, the bottom left shows that midterm at 9 AM (which didn’t L you will get fired, versus the bottom right, make SCORP too happy due to atten- which will be the likelihood that you will dance issues at Beer Blast). In this get a raise because management fears you. midterm, we were asked to read four cases Another model might be the “acting busy and analyze those using analytical frame- and staying late” versus “surfing the web works. At first glance, these frameworks and leaving at five” framework. This model seem quite sophisticated, but after really suggests that if you always act busy at work understanding them, I have to laugh at the and stay late, you will be seen as a hard simplicity and elementary nature put forth worker and get a raise. However, it could by these “geniuses” from whom we are lead to people perceiving that you actually learning. Take Porter, for example, and his do add value, and thus your workload will famous Five Forces, which say that compe- increase. The “surf the web/leave at five” tition is caused by threat of new competi- framework increases the chance that you tors, threats of substitute products, and the will be fired, but it also benefits you, as bargaining power of buyers and sellers. when you do actually do something, people Well, duh, the forces of supply and demand give you more credit than you deserve. were taught to me when I tried to sell Each of these requires you to plot your blob lemonade in fourth grade. However, Mr. against the axis to determine exactly where Porter was smart, and he fixed it up into an you fit into the Meer Congruency Model. exciting analytical framework and now stu- Finally, let’s look at the “conversation- dents from Blocks one through six are al topic” framework. This draws arrows being asked to learn his diagram. I can go into a big ball in the center, and each arrow on and on about the humorous nature of represents the topics you talk about. For these intellectual frameworks, but rather I example, discussing sports, beer, clothes, thought I’d come up with some of my own, hair, or gossip about coworkers will result and maybe I, too, can be revered as a genius in outputs of people thinking you are cool. of Organizational Theory. Without going However, there are arrows on the bottom any further, I must give credit for the idea that represent discussing your fantasy of this article to my study group colleague team, your golf game, your poker ability, or (and partner in crime at some of the neigh- how you made millions in the stock market borhood bars) Marc Strauss, who, in frus- while everyone else lost.These arrows lead, tration before our first MO presentation, much like the aforementioned “kiss your blurted the line “Give me a week, and I’ll PAGE 4 STERN OPPORTUNITY NOVEMBER 9, 2004 VOICES Get a Free Crying for Argentina Ride at Anti-Creditor Plan Could Cause Serious Troubles Stern shaky ground. bonds” with an incredible 66% cut in face Global Under the plan proposed by value, a higher interest rate of 8%, and a by Ron Shah, rhs208 Lavanga, Argentina’s bondholders will be maturity date of 2033. Rather than treat divided up into three groups, each of all investors equally, the plan gives a high- o, you still have to pay for those Goings-On whom will receive a different type of er level of seniority to investor groups that darn classes. What I’m refer- security in exchange for their defaulted have, in the opinion of the government, Nring to is the opportunity you bonds. been most hurt by the default. can have as an active entrepreneur while by David Salpeter, djs303 Small investors holding less than Even more important than the three- you are right here, taking classes at $50,000 of the defaulted bonds will tiered restructuring of the debt is the Stern. I know because I am trying it. As ne of the most interesting receive preference over other creditors inclusion of a clause in the new bond a Langone student, I took the risk of emerging market situations to based on the idea that they were less like- issuances designed to create a collective quitting my posh investment banking watch over the coming months O ly to have known the risks involved in action problem amongst Argentina’s job so that I could dedicate all of my will be the resolution of Argentina’s investing in Argentina’s sovereign debt; creditors. To blunt the threat of any cred- time to the start-up strategic invest- default on its sovereign debt. these investors will receive dollar-denom- itors holding out on the exchange to pur- ment advisory firm which I started from Last week, Argentina’s finance min- inated “par bonds”that will carry the same sue a better deal in the courts, the new my apartment. ister, Roberto Lavanga, launched the face value as the debt they replace, but securities include a “favored creditor There are certain things I want to country’s latest attempt to restructure its will pay a tiny coupon rate of interest and clause” that gives the holders of the new share with you about taking this leap. sovereign debt. Unfortunately, the will not mature until 2038. debt the right to receive the same deal as First, to make it work, you have to cut restructuring offer is an attempt to bilk The second group of investors, any better deal won in the courts. costs in every possible way. At an early Argentina’s creditors in spite of strong domestic pension funds, will receive Therefore, though all creditors would stage and particularly without serious recent economic growth and mushroom- “quasi-par bonds” with a 30% cut in face be better off to reject Argentina’s funding, staying afloat and still poising ing government spending. value, a reduction of the coupon rate to exchange offer, each individual creditor yourself for growth is imperative. The miserly debt restructuring offer, 3%, and a maturity date of 2045. will be more inclined to accept the deal Second, you need people – good people combined with bad economic policies by Finally, large foreign creditors will since they will be able to “free-ride” off with solid advice and the experience to Nelson Kirchner’s populist government, receive dollar-denominated “discount any other creditor’s decision to sue. make up for the inadequacies you cer- leaves Argentina’s economic recovery on While it is certainly a reasonable tainly have. Last, if you don’t have an stance by Argentina’s government to office with a full setup, you need a place insist on a large haircut for its bondhold- where you can meet potential clients or ers, several factors make Argentina’s offer partners. particularly stingy. The decrease in mar- In my experience, I’ve found that ket value of the new securities would like- Stern is a great place to be if you are an ly be the largest of any sovereign debt active entrepreneur. There are tons of restructuring. Furthermore, the rooms you can use. In fact, you can even Argentinean economy has actually been reserve them in advance so that they are booming in the last year and a half: GDP guaranteed to be all yours. There are was up by 8.8% in 2003 and is forecast by many computers in the building and the government to grow at least 7% in you can even loan out a laptop for that 2004. unpaid undergrad intern you hired. The boom is the result of the devalu- Also, I’ve learned that Stern professors ation of the currency and is heavily driven are the most invaluable resource here. by exports. Rather than continuing diffi- They have provided me with the best cult spending cuts in the wake of the advice I have come across– and even boom, however, the government is once some handy contacts. And most impor- again returning to its problematic free tant to an entrepreneur, nothing I just spending ways that originally led to the mentioned comes out of your pocket. default: government spending increased Then, if you reach out to the by approximately 7% of GDP in 2003. Berkeley Center and their great staff, Rather than reduce the private sector’s you quickly realize that you could really cost of capital by resolving the govern- make this whole entrepreneurial thing ment default in an amicable way, the gov- work. They have tons of programs to ernment has chosen to play off populist help people like us. The Business Plan sentiments amongst the population by Competition, the Incubator, the EEX – bilking its creditors and ramping up gov- all that stuff we keep getting mail about ernment spending. is actually really good. It isn’t only the government’s stance Now Dorothy, I’m not saying it’s all on debt that is worrying, but rather blue skies and apple pies. There are lots Kirchner’s entire economic program. The of challenges in trying this out. Not government has supported its increased having the steady paycheck hurts. It spending by imposing high, distortionary really does. But if the passion burning taxes on exports, hurting an important inside cannot be held there any longer, pillar of the economic recovery. this can be an ideal time to be an entre- In addition, the government has preneur. For me, being at Stern pulled threatened to impose trade barriers with me further away from my angst about neighbor Brazil to protect domestic interviews, “paying dues”, cubicle blues, industries in areas such as automobiles and Fifth Avenue. I believe it could work for you. CONTINUED ON PAGE 6 NOVEMBER 9, 2004 STERN OPPORTUNITY PAGE 5 VOICES What Can CCWP Do For You?

writing materials and interview prepara- A: We have a staff of three profes- A: I would say three things. First, The tion guides. sional career counselors including myself get involved! Join the student clubs that at the CCWP. And we are available for cover your areas of interest, get to know ‘Core’ner Q: What else does the CCWP offer individual appointments Monday your colleagues in the Langone Program part-time students? through Thursday from 10:00 a.m. to – they are doing great work at great Office 7:00 p.m., Fridays from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 companies! Get to know the administra- A: In addi- p.m., and on tors around Stern and my staff at the tion to work- select Saturdays CCWP. shops, panels and from 11:00 And don’t forget to network with by Will Kolb, wfk208 career counseling, a.m. to 2:00 alumni. It’s really easy now because you the professional p.m. We all have access to SWAP, the Stern ast week as I was speaking with staff at CCWP “We’ll be here come from Worldwide Alumni Platform. Second, most of you, one topic which works on business diverse back- be prepared. Lconstantly came up was – “If I am development as grounds and The two biggest reasons that interested in changing careers, what well. We are out for you even bring many recruiters cite for rejecting candidates should I do?” there meeting years of recruit- are 1) lack of preparation and 2) lack of This week’s article focuses on those with the compa- ing and HR enthusiasm. Take advantage of the of us who are interested in changing nies that PT stu- after you experience to CCWP offerings. Whether it’s through careers whether it be during the dents are our work. a counseling session or a workshop or a Langone program, or after we receive interested in and Among the review of our website, we have great our diplomas. I sat down with Lizzette networking to graduate and three of us we tools that can help you prepare. Finally, Hernandez, Director of the Career pull in job oppor- have experience the CCWP is here to help you now and Center for Working Professionals tunities for stu- in the invest- we’ll be here for you even after you grad- (CCWP), to discuss all the services dents to consider. become Stern ment banking, uate and become Stern alumni. CCWP offers part-time students. We’ve made consumer prod- I want to thank Lizzette and the great progress in alumni.” ucts, pharma- CCWP for their help with this article. Q: When should you start the the consulting, ceutical, energy, The CCWP is located in the Henry process? pharmaceutical consulting, Kaufman Management Center, at 44 and consumer legal and non- West Fourth Street, in Suite 1-73. For A: If you’re looking to further your products indus- profit indus- more information about CCWP services career there is no time like the present to tries, developing strong relationships tries. or to make an appointment, e-mail them start taking advantage of all that Stern with companies such as Grant at [email protected], call (212) 998- has to offer. Even if you are looking to Thornton, Booz Allen, Bristol-Myers Q: Finally, what advice do you wish 0235, or visit their website at make a move in three years, start the Squibb and PepsiCo. And we share these you could tell every part-time student? http://www.stern.nyu.edu/ocd/pt process now. Three years will go by relationships and job opportunities with quickly. Take the time now to under- PT students in a variety of ways from stand the market for your particular tar- job postings to resume collections to get. Prepare yourself: create your corporate networking events such as the positioning statement and a targeted upcoming 2nd Annual CCWP resume; be ready to articulate your trans- Corporate Networking Cocktail ferable skills and present yourself in the Reception for graduating Langone stu- best possible light during interviews. dents on November 18th. Today’s job market is highly competi- tive; it is always a good idea to get a head Q: What about interviews? start. A: We offer 30-minute mock inter- Q: What are the first steps to get- views with 15-minute feedback sessions. ting started? These may be videotaped to allow stu- dents to actually see themselves and how A: The first step is assessment or they appear during an interview. It’s a evaluation. The CCWP provides access great way to review the counselor’s feed- to a variety of career assessment tools back and see how you present yourself to including “Career Leader” – an online potential recruiters. business career self-assessment program – and we deliver results analysis as well. Q: What about events and work- Start by making an appointment with shops coming up in the spring? one of our professional career counselors and selecting the tool that is best for A: Well, we have the 2nd Annual you. CCWP Corporate Networking Cocktail For those students with a clear idea Reception that I mentioned earlier. As of what they want to pursue, I recom- for the spring, we are very excited to mend a visit to the CCWP website offer a brand new workshop called (http://www.stern.nyu.edu/ocd/pt) or a “Negotiating Salaries and trip to the Career Resource Center Compensation”, as well as a panel on (CRC) located on the ground floor of working with executive search firms. In KMAC in suite 1-72. There you will addition, we are evaluating other poten- find an assortment of industry informa- tial events for the spring. tion tools including the WetFeet Guides – which provide inside information on Q: Who would we meet with to dis- industries – and a selection of job search cuss career options? strategy tools including targeted resume PAGE 6 STERN OPPORTUNITY NOVEMBER 9, 2004 VOICES A Tough Road Ahead for Argentina

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 4 omy. The government has already taken a Argentina’s strong recent growth, Negotiating with its creditors rather than more active stance on price regulation in then, can be primarily attributed to posi- dictating to them would be a good start and consumer electronics. This protec- key domestic industries and is starting a tive trade effects resulting from the deval- on such a path. tionism would shield domestic industries state-owned energy enterprise. Based on uation of the currency rather than from from much needed competitive pressure his year and a half in office, Kirchner’s real structural change in the country’s NOTE: In the next issue, I’d like to do a and would hurt consumers, who would economic policies seem to have much government or economy. survey of the best ethnic restaurants in see price increases of 20-30% in consumer more in common with the market-stifling Though it may not be politically New York as selected by Stern’s students electronics. policies of Hugo Chavez in Venezuela popular, real structural change will be the from abroad. If you have one you’d like to Most critically, Kirchner believes in a than with the free market strategy of Lula only means for Argentina to achieve sta- share, please e-mail me at stronger role for government in the econ- in Brazil. ble, long-term economic growth. [email protected]. NOVEMBER 9, 2004 STERN OPPORTUNITY PAGE 7 ADMINISTRATION Council Looks to Career Services Continues to Grow Strengthen Alumni Ties by Assistant Dean of Career Services and ing insights and solicit student feedback. past six months, CCWP staff has identified CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1 Student Activities Pamela B. Mittman Next on the horizon for Langone stu- more than 1,100 employment opportuni- dents is “Networking Plus”, a professional ties for Langone Part-time students, non- “Over the years, Christine has worked s an alumna of Stern, I remember development seminar focusing on strategies sponsored executive MBA students, and tirelessly to help build and strengthen the all too well, especially at this point for successful networking at work and MBA alumni. In addition to maintaining Stern global alumni network. Her dedica- in the semester, the strain on your beyond. As a follow-up to this seminar, the current corporate relationships, the OCD tion, enthusiasm and commitment to the A community will serve us well as we build time and the challenges of time manage- CCWP will host a Corporate Networking Relationship Management team is con- ment. In addition to classes and exams, Cocktail Reception exclusively for graduat- stantly partnering with alumni and students upon the tremendous progress made there is an overabundance of events that ing part-time students on November 18. to deepen Stern’s relationship with top con- under the leadership of Susan Jurevics.” you want to participate in – be it club This event is a unique opportunity for sulting, media, and asset management firms The Alumni Council comprises 25 events, networking events, or social activi- graduating students to network with each (among others). These partnerships have Stern alumni and three students repre- ties.These are obviously only school related other, learn more about CCWP services, directly resulted in increased visibility on senting all of the School’s graduate and obligations, and don’t include work, pre- and mingle with corporate representatives Stern’s campus or recruiting from such undergraduate constituencies. Each alum- cious time with your families, and, of from financial services, consulting, con- prestigious firms as Bain, McKinsey, nus/a member is appointed by the Dean’s course, sleep (or the Apprentice). As an sumer products, media and entertainment, Microsoft, State Street Global Advisors, office to serve a two-year term. Each stu- office, we are here to partner with you in pharmaceuticals, etc. Fidelity,and Putnam. In coordinated efforts dent representative, who for the 2004- order to help you achieve your career relat- We are extremely proud of the rela- with regional alumni groups, OCD is also 2005 academic year includes Josh Hardt ed goals. In addition to bringing together tionships we have developed with you and working with clubs such as MEA, TANG, of the full-time MBA program, Leon the right students with the right opportuni- our corporate partners. During the past 2 ABS and AIM on their treks to Los Morales of the Langone program, and ties, our team is committed to helping you months, we have welcomed on to campus Angeles, San Francisco, Hong Kong and Rick Hoffman of the Undergraduate structure your job search process in the more than 300 corporate colleagues who Boston. Another successfully executed co- College, serves a one-year appointment. midst of your harrowing schedules. Many discussed their career paths and MBA job sponsored effort was the Joint International Prior to their appointment, all alumni of you have taken advantage of the oppor- opportunities at their respective firms. Student Alumni reception hosted by sever- members have been active volunteers in tunity to personally experience this com- Whether it is through panel discussions, al regional clubs, OCD, and Alumni the Stern community by participating in mitment – whether it is through the Career campus interviews, networking events, or Affairs. International outreach has proven mentor programs, speaking in a class or Center for Working Professionals corporate presentations, we will continue to to be extremely productive for treks, such as student conference, or serving on one of (CCWP) or the Office of Career facilitate great opportunities for all students the EBS Trek to London, as well as for the task forces and committees estab- Development (OCD). to participate in productive interactions longer-term relationships with global firms lished by the Council. These task forces Both the CCWP and OCD provide with Stern alumni and other corporate such as L’Oreal Paris. and committees focus on areas that create services, such as career counseling, net- leaders. All of you also have the ability to The CCWP and OCD work as a opportunities for alumni to strengthen working events, career development work- develop your own professional network coordinated 22-person team bringing cor- ties with the Stern community, including shops, and mock-interview programs, with alumni through the Stern Worldwide porate recruiting, business development, programming, career development, during the most convenient times possible Alumni Platform (SWAP) and the Career and career counseling expertise to the part- regional alumni activity, networking for their respective constituencies and in Advisory Program (CAP). nership we share with you. Our sole mis- opportunities, and recent graduate out- concert with the recruiting cycle. Full-time The career services teams are constant- sion is to enable you to achieve your reach. MBA1s are currently participating in the ly pursuing business development opportu- immediate and long-term career goals. We Prior to her appointment as Chair, mock interview program, where interview nities on behalf of the Stern community. derive our professional satisfaction from Ms. Schneider served as Chair of the consultants provide one-on-one feedback One method by which we determine our watching all of you achieve those goals and Council’s Career Development Task immediately following a 30-minute behav- target firms is surveying the student body. returning to school as successful alumni Force. In this role, she led efforts to ioral interview. The second phase will For example, we recently surveyed MBA1s mentors for the next generation of Stern increase career resources available to require a technical interview conducted by to identify their top target companies and MBAs. We encourage you to visit our alumni through the development of career career coaches with professional experience geographical preferences. We also continu- offices anytime to discuss your career strate- resource seminars and grassroots net- in each industry. During the past two ously collect data from student organiza- gies and, of course, share any feedback that working initiatives. NYU Stern’s Career weeks, the OCD staff also enjoyed meeting tions such as GMA, MCA, and AIM to will allow us to continue providing you with Center for Working Professionals with each first-year block to share recruit- assist us in focusing our efforts. During the best in class career services. (CCWP) evolved from the efforts of this Task Force. In addition, she has Co- Chaired the Langone / Part-time Alumni Engagement Committee and has been a Cooley: Alumni are Vital Stakeholders at Stern leading organizer of the Annual Alumni Wine Tasting held each February. Ms. Schneider is a Product Specialist CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1 globe, is the SWAP (Stern Worldwide ambassadors for the School among busi- on Oppenheimer Capital’s International Alumni Platform) online community. This ness colleagues and friends. As we travel undergraduate and graduate programs Value and Global Value teams. Prior to year, for the first time, current MBA stu- around the world giving prospective stu- began working with the Dean and several joining the firm, she spent 14 years as an dents can join this online community. dents our message about what makes Stern administrators to shape an Alumni Affairs international economist and product mar- Listening to our alumni is an impor- unique, we find that our alumni are office with a dedicated staff separate from keter at Donaldson, Lufkin & Jenrette. tant part of this two-way relationship. absolutely the most effective salespeople for the Development office and its own mis- She also is a member of the Financial When alumni surfaced the need for career the school.With 70 percent of all our alums sion of engaging our alumni in the life of Women’s Association and Women in development support beyond graduation, living in the metropolitan area, Stern has a the School. Asset Management. we launched the Career Center for deep pool of talent from which to draw, as We have made substantial progress in Ms. Schneider graduated from The Working Professionals, with its own dedi- well as the cross-pollinating potential of four years, and are continuing to build on Langone Program: A Part-time MBA for cated staff and space, to develop programs having alums of both the undergraduate this foundation. Since then, the Office of Working Professionals in 1994. She com- and counsel alumni in their career plan- and graduate programs, not to mention Alumni Affairs has introduced educational pleted the program with a major in ning. This year, we extended this service to recent graduates of our new TRIUM glob- and social programs such as the Author finance. our undergraduate alumni as well. al executive MBA program. Lecture Series, professional seminars, and The Council looks forward to work- For our alumni, another important I firmly believe that the best education the annual Alumni Ball that provide ing with the Stern alumni and student aspect of this relationship is the opportuni- happens when students participate fully in forums for alumni to meet and network. community as it continues its mission to ty to stay engaged in the campus communi- their education. And I would extend this We have established an Alumni Council to build and strengthen the global alumni ty. Alumni mentor students, provide career philosophy to our alumni as well. The most advise us and created a network of 47 network. For questions regarding Council advice, recruit Stern students, share real- fruitful relationship is an active one, and it regional alumni leaders in key cities around initiatives, please contact the Office of world experiences as guest speakers in is the engaged, participating student and the world to foster two-way communica- Alumni Affairs at (212) 998-4040 or classes, keynote student conferences, judge active alum who do most to strengthen and tion. A key link, one that has the potential [email protected]. the business plan competition, and act as build the Stern community. to connect each alumnae/a around the PAGE 8 STERN OPPORTUNITY NOVEMBER 9, 2004 ADMINISTRATION FROM THE OFFICE OF PUBLIC AFFAIRS Stern in the News: Companies Recruiting More Aggressively on Campus

s the school year progressed, was cited as one of the top business the amount of merchandise they can critical basis for why change is necessary. media coverage increased in schools where companies are recruiting move. He discovered that vendors with “The [nationally recognized statistical AOctober with Stern faculty, more aggressively. This year, the number perfect ratings who received their first rating organization] designation erects administration and students highlighted of scheduled interviews for second-year piece of negative feedback began selling high barricades to entry into bond rating, in a number of publications. NYU’s Stern students is up 55 percent over the less and entered a downward spiral of providing a sinecure for incumbents and Stewart Satter Program in Social same time last year, and top banks are declining reputation. putting a damper on the introduction of Entrepreneurship was featured in the offering signing bonuses of up to fresh ideas, methodologies and technolo- Financial Times, and Stern’s Author $30,000. Associate Dean Gary Fraser CNBC: Bull’s Eye gies.” Lecture Series was mentioned in noted that the signing bonus “seems October 11, 2004 Barron’s. Professor Vicki Morwitz’s pretty universal” this year. Dean Fraser Professor Nicholas Economides was Reuters: “MatlinPatterson Closes research regarding election polls sparked was also quoted in articles that appeared interviewed for a segment regarding the Number Two Fund at $1.66 Billion” a lengthy Washington Times story, while in Market News International and widespread problem of newspapers October 6, 2004 Professor David Yermack continued his Financial News Online on the same topic. inflating circulation figures. “Newspapers In an article about distressed debt expert commentary on corporate benefits are not doing so well, partly because of investing, Professor Edward Altman pre- and their effect on a company’s valuation. Financial Times: “Grants at Stern Fund the success of the Internet,” he said. “We dicted more defaults and distressed debt Professor Edward Altman was quoted in Social Ventures” see many more people getting their news on the market beginning next year. He several pieces about distressed debt, October 18, 2004 from the Internet and newspapers are in expects more over-leveraged companies including two Reuters articles, and As part of NYU Stern’s venture phi- a bind so sometimes they inflate the to undergo debt restructurings, a trend Professor Lawrence White commented lanthropy fund, the Stewart Satter numbers.” that would give new targets for distressed on the Fannie Mae criminal investigation Program in Social Entrepreneurship debt funds to buy controlling stakes in in numerous print and broadcast outlets. awarded grants totaling $250,000 to help Dow Jones: “Some Companies Change companies. Professor Altman was also Continue reading for more news high- establish five Stern-affiliated new social Preliminary Results in SEC Filings” included in another Reuters article on lights from October 2004. For a compre- ventures. Launched in April 2004, the October 8, 2004 restructuring entitled “Merger Talk - hensive look at NYU Stern’s media fund supports the School in its goal of While Wall Street firms often pre- Restructuring Gurus Await Day of coverage visit the News and Information establishing social ventures within the release unaudited earnings data before Reckoning” as well as a Dow Jones piece on site at http://www.stern.nyu.edu/News/. Stern community. reporting final numbers with the SEC, distressed debt titled “Turnaround Firms Professor Joshua Livnat found that many Resume Fund Raising.” The Washington Times: “Pessimistic Kerry Barron’s: “Cut Taxes and Spend” of the companies quietly revise these fig- Supporters Predict Bush Will Be The October 18, 2004 ures in subsequent SEC filings, which The Times: “Executive MBA Can Only Victor” NYU Stern’s Author Lecture Series usually come three weeks after the initial Go Up” October 20, 2004 was mentioned in an article about former release. “Investors actually notice the October 4, 2004 Although Americans may be divided Treasury Secretary Robert Rubin who, changes and react to the new surprise,” The market for Executive MBA over whom to vote for in the upcoming despite having voiced concerns over the Professot Livnat said. “What could cause programs has risen significantly in the presidential election, polls show that vot- national deficit, suggested that a middle- companies to change the numbers they past 10 years, due in part to the shifting ers predict President Bush will be class tax cut could still be a possibility. have already told the public within three view of employers who see the degree as reelected. Professor Vicki Morwitz, who While speaking at Stern, Mr. Rubin weeks?” a way of retaining and motivating high- conducted extensive research on the referred to this moment in history as “a flying managers. Since the 2000 launch topic, explained that this expectation critical juncture in our economy,” adding Dow Jones: “The Real Reform Needed in of the TRIUM program, an alliance could affect the outcome of a close elec- that there’s a “high probability of trouble” Ratings Systems” among the London School of tion. “If people really think Bush is going if fiscal imbalances are not rectified. October 8, 2004 Economics, HEC Paris and NYU Stern to win, they may have a slight tendency Professor Lawrence White was School of Business, applications have to shift their preference and ultimately The New York Times: “Asking Big mentioned in an article about the need jumped by more than 140 percent. vote for Bush, even though they were a Spenders to Be Big Savers, Too” for reform within the U.S. credit rating TRIUM’s popularity was also mentioned Kerry supporter to begin with.” October 17, 2004 system. At an April 2003 Congressional in a Business Week piece as well as in an As part of his re-election campaign, hearing, Professor White summed up the Expat Magazine article. CollegeJournal.com: “‘The Apprentice’ President George Bush has been urging Moves To The MBA Classroom” Americans to take more responsibility October 19, 2004 for their own financial well being, main- Improvements Made to IT Professor Sheila Wellington was ly by saving more money. Professor by Brenda Mitchell, brenda.mitchell and H: drive space to 100 MB included in an article that appeared on Richard Sylla said that historically the • Zero configuration Bluesocket wireless The Wall Street Journal’s online education government has encouraged this practice tern IT, with the assistance of the system with option for secure wireless site regarding the reality television show in wartime. During past wars, “people Technology Task Force, has made sessions “The Apprentice.” While some business scrimped and patriotically accumulated a significant improvements in tech- • Easier to configure printer access for schools have begun integrating the show lot of bond assets to help the war effort, S nology at Stern. The Technology Task student notebooks into the MBA curriculum as a way to so when peace returned, they suddenly Force helped us to identify problems • Secure login for Stern webpages engage students, Professor Wellington had the wherewithal to spend.” areas as well as determine potential solu- • Faster connection to the Internet finds “The Apprentice” troubling. After tions and prioritize projects. We were • Spam filter for e-mail system surveying students in her “Women in The Asian Wall Street Journal:“E- kept busy all summer implementing new Business Leadership” class, she discov- Commerce Sites Make Great Laboratory systems and pursuing items on our col- These changes have made a posi- ered that the majority of students felt the For Today’s Economists” lective “To Do” list. As a result, visible tive impact on technology at Stern, and program perpetuates unjustified and October 12, 2004 progress has been made in the following we are striving to continuously improve damaging stereotypes of women using As the popularity of eBay and other areas: our products and services. sex appeal to get ahead. online auction sites continue to grow, We appreciate your continued feed- economists studying “auction theory” are • Personal e-mail address aliases back on technology at Stern. Your ideas, The Wall Street Journal: “Corporate better equipped to analyze data to deter- • Redesign of the Sternlinks system suggestions, and even complaints and Recruiting Picks Up At Many U.S. mine basic patterns by which auctions • New webmail system with fewer bugs concerns help us to refine and improve Business Schools” operate. and more features our services. October 19, 2004 In a study regarding seller reputation, • Thunderbird, a robust desktop e-mail Please contact the IT Help Desk In an article about increased job Professor Luis Cabral found that status program, available on Stern-owned PCs ([email protected], 998-0180) prospects for MBA students, NYU Stern affects the prices sellers can charge and • Increase in mailbox size to 150 MB with your ongoing feedback. NOVEMBER 9, 2004 STERN OPPORTUNITY PAGE 9

Congratulations to New Oppy Co-Editor-in-Chief:

Rob Du Boff!

(aka Ron Jeremy)

Note: The mullet is fake ... we think. PAGE 10 STERN OPPORTUNITY NOVEMBER 9, 2004

Halloween: Celebrated from Beer Blast to the 31st!

“Youz should be beamin’ me up!”

Whatever you do, DON’T look directly at her eyes ...

Jon Cheng, a superhero in training under the pseudonymn “Johnny Kaboom”, practices his aerial skills on the trapeze over Halloween weekend. “I just want to help the children of the world,”said the modest savior-to-be. “Kids: Listen to your parents and take your vitamins so you’ll grow up to be strong like me!” NOVEMBER 9, 2004 STERN OPPORTUNITY PAGE 11

From Janet Jackson to Ron Jeremy ...

Wardrobe malfunction! Wardrobe malfunction!

Team Oppy Photographers:

Kimberly Manney Amanda Plotkin Adam Schrager Every year, Javon Frazier turns into a super Baljeet Singh basketball player named “Klimax”. PAGE 12 STERN OPPORTUNITY NOVEMBER 9, 2004 OVERSEAS I’m in Barcelona and You’re Not by Vic Guss, vmg214 Management to Quantitative Analysis. appealing, but luckily, with the help of my Spaniards really have something with this (where all the talk of standard deviation roommate (who was in Madrid at the siesta thing. angria. Tapas. Mid-afternoon sies- and diversification has provided flash- time), I managed to find an open conven- The Spanish Course ended, and lo tas. Partying until 6 a.m. Playing backs to Silber and Damodaran) ience store. and behold, we had two weeks off before SUltimate Frisbee on the beach in I first arrived in the Despite this the start of MBA classes. So, like any self- October. Ah, the Spanish life. Viva middle of August for a little adventure, the respecting, hard-working, career focused Barcelona! Yes, it’s all true. Barcelona is a month-long Spanish first month was great. I MBA student, I dropped my books first great place and my semester here has been Intensive Course. Of got to work on my chance I got and traveled. I visited fun, interesting, exhilarating, sometimes course, my first day is Lesson Spanish while meeting Madrid, Portugal and then spent a week frustrating, but overall, fantastic. I would when I learned two key other exchange stu- in Greece. Honestly, the beaches of the not trade it for the world. Well, maybe I lessons about Spain. 1) No. 1 from dents as well as most of Greek Islands of Mykonos and Santorini would give it up for a Philadelphia Eagles Almost everything is the first year students. are not a bad way to spend part of your Super Bowl win, but hey, beggars can’t be closed on a Sunday, Although class was September. I’ll take it over Accounting choosers. especially outside of the Spain: from 9:30 to 4:30 and Statistics any day. However, while For those of you who don’t know, I central area where I live every day, we still par- meeting foreigners along the way, I have am attending IESE Business School here and 2) EVERYONE tied almost every gotten several questions about Bush. in Barcelona.There are five Stern students goes on vacation in Siestas night, most nights Seems politics are first and foremost on here, plus another two at another school August. So, what bright until 3 or 4 easily. the minds of many Europeans, which has nearby called ESADE. So, Stern is well move does yours truly Imagine going to the made for some interesting conversations represented. The student body is a mix of pull off? I arrive on a are key. LABA Party two or at 3 a.m. after a few beers. students from all around the globe, which Sunday in August with three times a week for So, after returning at the end of I have found to be a great experience, all of my luggage. a couple weeks, and September, here’s where my experience although an interesting tidbit is that Quite an experience when you’re jetlagged you will get an idea. Here’s where I changed a bit. Our MBA classes started, roughly 1/3 of the second-year class goes after a 11 hour journey (including a trans- learned another important lesson. Siestas and all of a sudden, we now had classes abroad, so exchange students from other fer in London), tired, hungry, and sitting are key. Can’t tell you how many times I with second-year students only (who did schools make up a significant part of the in a taxi driving through a strange town pulled myself out of bed on 4-5 hours not participate in the Spanish Intensive student body. Not what I was expecting. noticing that every single restaurant is sleep, made it through class, came home, Course). So, I had to meet a whole new My classes cover a whole range of subjects closed. Let’s just say the idea of starving slept for 2-3 hours, and then went out to CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE from Media and Cross Cultural on my first day in Barcelona wasn’t too start the process all over again. I think the NOVEMBER 9, 2004 STERN OPPORTUNITY PAGE 13 REVIEWS After Getting Dumped, Make Sure to Free Your Music! Plus, New Material from Jimmy Eat World, Fatboy Slim, Fiery Furnaces

past 12 years. Don’t Know The Jam Cook or anyone else. The key to this remedy is to listen to 6. Jimmy Eat World – If You Don’t, “Slash Dot Dash” is fun to dance to Listen each song and think about all the things Don’t if, and when, you ever get high, but is that you DON’T miss about this ex. For 7. Sloan – I Can Feel It basically the definition of migraine if you Up! example, as I listen to Keane’s 8. Smashing Pumpkins – don’t. “Wonderful Night” featuring “Somewhere Only We Know” I think Mayonnaise Lateef and DJ Shadow is a highpoint, about the awful collection of faded black 9. Weezer – Across The Sea reminding me of Fatboy’s old tricks from by Angi Salomon, ags246 jeans, circa 1986, that this undisclosed 10. Lisa Loeb – Window Shopping You’ve Come A Long Way Baby. Songs like person used to sport day in and day out. 11. Modest Mouse – Float On “Put It Back Together” which features Hidden Track – Music and Life Advice Magically, I instantly feel better. I recom- 12. Matthew Jay – You’re Always live vocals (yes LIVE vocals, not sam- By Me For Those Who Care mend practice to all who are suffering Going Too Soon pled) by Blur’s Damon Albarn is a Well, regrettably, I find myself in the from heartbreak and negative association 13. Keane – Somewhere Only We unique step for the “cut and paste” king midst of a breakup again (or a “break” to related songs. Less fattening then a Know but unfortunately it’s not enough to save according to the undisclosed other). bowl a Ben Jerry’s and less time consum- 14. The Bens – Bruised the album. Break or breakup, I have had a dis- ing then drunk dialing (not that I would 15. Ben Lee – Tornados Lead track “Don’t Let The Man Get turbingly great deal of time to think ever do that, no siree). Your Down” which samples Five Man about life, love and music. Jimmy Eat World – Futures (Interscope) Electrical Band’s “Signs” could be some- As I reorganized my CD collection Instructions: Nothing stands out on Jimmy Eat what intriguing if it was summer, and I for the third time (a good way I might 1. Make a list of all your exes that World’s sophomore album, Futures, the was tanned, in a bikini, in California, in a add, to hinder you from dialing the still waste needless emotion on. way “The Middle” did on their debut cherry red convertible, drinking TAB. undisclosed other), I realized the amount 2. Next, make a list of all the release, however, that’s not necessarily a Since that is the furthest thing from my of music that I have deprived myself of songs/bands that make you cringe as a bad thing. reality, the song is just annoying. Come due to my long, and ever-expanding list result of the memories associated to to think of it, so is the whole album. of exes. these undisclosed persons and put those Futures is This pattern started in high school babies onto a CD. solid, Fiery Furnaces – Blueberry Boat (Rough when Chris, my first love, dumped me. 3. Ok, now make a list of key things arguably Trade) Even though I have since gotten over you hated about this person (this is an more con- Watch out Jack and Meg, the indie Chris, I am still unable to listen to Tom important step!) sistent rock world has brought us another Cochrane’s “Life Is A Highway” (our 4. Listen as you think of each thing and less brother sister duo, Matther and Eleanor song) without feeling slightly nauseous. you hated about that person and listen, overpro- Friedberger. Everything rhymes nicely Stop snickering, I know you all like this listen, listen until you cannot listen any duced and neatly in their folk-rock-electronic song at one point. Most recently, it’s the longer than their ditties about Dixie-cups filled with pink entire Keane CD that I am unable to lis- 5. You are cured! Now grab those debut album, while still having catchy wine, chicken stock in a big black pot, ten to – an excellent new album by the CDs you missed, put them back into radio-worthy hooks. Well-crafted songs raisins in a way. your iPod and find yo’ self a new honey. like “Drugs or Me” and “23” display the zip lock Anyway, in a moment of clarity I guys’ emo roots while not crossing the and decided that this madness must end. My CD: line of self indulgence that so many rock- abused What was I thinking all these years? 1. Ash – Girl From Mars ers of that genre are guilty of. Dark but runaway How could I not listen to the music that 2. Tom Cochrane – Life Is A not without hope – Jimmy Eat World dogs. I introduced these exes to? No more! Highway remains the king of the teenage angst, Their And so I have created the anti-breakup 3. High & Dry – Jamie Cullum which unfortunately follows us far past melodies CD, which consists of all the tunes that I 4. Peter Gabriel – In Your Eyes high school. are simple could not bring myself to listen to in the 5. DJ Crook & Alicia Keys – You Futures comes with a second “demo” and CD that is basically the studio version in Eleanor’s lo-fi. Unless you’re an audio geek the made-up words are childish, however, the Letter From Barcelona sonic difference isn’t substantial. The album is anything but. Unique, refresh- secret site which is on the CD gives you ing, turbulent and eclectic, the CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS PAGE been a blast. access to downloads of previously unre- Friedberger siblings have delivered a Since the start of classes, I have bunch of people all over again, especial- leased tunes like the demo and studio musical smorgasbord that truly defies a continued working and playing hard, ly because the first-year students were version of “What I Want,” “Shame,” particular genre. although all my classes were “accidental- getting slammed and had not learned “You,” and a live cover of Mogwai’s “Yer If you are the type who likes to sing ly” scheduled Monday through the art of burning the candle at both Feet” – making it well worth the money along to your albums when in the show- Wednesday. Combine that schedule ends, i.e. working and playing hard. you shelled out for the double CD. er, or blast them in the car as you drive with a few well placed holidays in Oct, For example, every Thursday, one of along the L.I.E., then Blueberry Boat is and I managed to sneak in another trip the social clubs chooses a bar somewhere Fatboy Slim – Palookaville not for you. If however, you live in to Ireland, where I learned that in Barcelona where everyone goes to (Asteralwerks) Brooklyn, wish you did, or like Belle & Guinness really does cure all (no joke, I unwind, socialize and party.The event is What could possibly be wrong with Sebastian, The Postal Service or Patti got a little sick, kept drinking Guinness called “Bar of the Week” and is basically an electronic version of Steve Miller Smith, then you might want to take a that night and felt better the next day … IESE’s version of Beer Blast. So, when Band’s “The Joker”??? A LOT. When ride on the Blueberry Boat. go figure) and that Red Sox fans are the first event was held after classes just will people everywhere!!! The Red Sox Nation truly started, almost none of the first-year stu- learn?! is global in scope. A little scary. Funny Write for the Oppy! dents came out. Apparently, they were These though, I haven’t seen any Yankees gear TOO overworked. Quite a contrast to classics are around. Hmmmm…. last year’s first Beer Blast where some not meant Overall, Barcelona is a great place, We’re looking for articles, students never even got into Sosnoff to be cov- and I am really enjoying my time here. I Lounge because it was so crowded. I was ered by photos, gossip, line draw- have to go now. The sun is shining, and definitely a little shocked, but since then, teen I want to get a little beach-time in ings, etc., etc. the parties have gotten bigger and better, queens, before tonight’s sangria-drenched festiv- and the second-year students have been remixed by ities. See you in January. Saludos!!! just as friendly and fun. Overall it has Norman Email [email protected]! PAGE 22 STERN OPPORTUNITY NOVEMBER 9, 2004 HUMOR Blood on the Highway: My Driving Education

After passing the test, I’m confronted segments to awkwardly by another line, which takes me to the explain the fundamentals The photo lady, and then another line, which of driving and quiz audi- takes me to the cashier, and yet another ence members on the Bottleneck line, where I wait for my temporary learn- rules of the road. At one er’s permit to print out. Once I finally point, he asks, “What’s hold this hard-won item in my hands, I faster than a speeding by Ben French , jbf250 feel sort of cheated. I mean, I would have bullet? An unleashed thought three hours of waiting would get dog.” At show’s end, s many of you already know, I am me something better than a piece of paper Nelson turns to his co- a fool. Case in point: My driver’s that says I am now allowed to learn. host and says, “It’s been license expired five years ago and I A At any rate, said learning begins the great working with you, never got it renewed. Living in Chicago next day at the U.S. Auto School in sunny Paula,” and then, facing and New York, it never occurred to me downtown Brooklyn. The “school” is the camera, proclaims, Would you let this man operate heavy machinery? that I might need the license again one located on the third floor above a Popeye’s “And with all of you.” day. Big mistake. Chicken franchise and run by a man who This rules. I can finally say that I’ve survivors – an experience that is about as You see, if you let you license expire, actually predates automotive transporta- “worked” with the great Craig T.Nelson. I uplifting as watching kittens drown. A and you don’t get it renewed within a year, tion. Each time this guy opens his mouth, might have to use him as a reference on few teleplay excerpts: you have to go back to square one. What I am certain he won’t live to see the end of my resume, or drop the name in an inter- • “I came to as they were cutting me does that mean? Well, since you’re all well the sentence. Lucky for him, he doesn’t view. out of the car.” beyond your teen years, let me give you a actually do the teaching at the school – As the video tape plays on, our class is • “You can’t presume life because you quick reminder of the hell you went Don Johnson does. The entire five hour transported further and further back in can’t predict death.” through 10 years ago: The DMV. Written session - yes that’s right, five hours of dri- time, watching the devolution of driver • “This is Phillip. His knee cap is test. Driver’s education. Learner’s permit. ver’s ed, in a row – is taught via the great education videos. After the “Driving crushed. His right foot partially severed. Practice sessions in a borrowed vehicle. medium of television. Me and my 15- Challenge,” we get “Lookin’ Alive,” with His left leg has been cut entirely in half. And finally, a road test. year-old classmates are instructed by the the aforementioned “Miami Vice” star And for the rest of his life, he will be an The first step was rough. Whereas old man to “watch and learn,” as he cues Johnson, circa 1984, talking to about 300 amputee.” the Ohio DMV of my youth was like a 4- up the extra-long-play video tape. pasty white kids in Coral Gables, Fla., on And to think I want to drive! H freak fest – somewhat scary but fairly The first program, “The Ultimate the importance of seat belts. Don takes a At the end of the class, the old man harmless – the Brooklyn DMV of my Driving Challenge,” is a sort of infotain- very self-help, Stuart Smalley-like tone comes back in the room, turns off the tel- adulthood is like a post-apocalyptic ment quiz show on driving knowledge. It with the kids. “Do you like yourself?” he evision and gives us a few quick pointers nightmare. There are lines everywhere, originally aired in 1993 and is hosted by asks. “Of course you do! Buckling up a regarding the road test. He explains that stretching from room to room. Crying Craig T. Nelson and Paula Zahn and fea- seat belt is like saying, ‘I like myself!” New York expects you to be able to do babies echo down the corridors. Couples tures an introduction by then-newly- Pretty soon your mind drifts and you start four things: 1) turn right 2) turn left 3) hold each other tightly. A dead rat lies on elected President Clinton and a dozen wondering: Is “Nash Bridges” still on the parallel park and 4) three-point turn. the floor. outdated guest appearances. Tim Allen air? Is Don Johnson relat- “Easy enough,” I think. After all, I have Thankfully, the test itself is pretty advises us on bald tires, Annie Potts ed to Jimmy Buffett? Is driven for years. I once damn easy. A sample question: (Designing Women) talks about the post- Philip Michael Thomas parallel-parked a freak- The best way to sober up after drink- accident trauma, Barbara Mandrell tells of still alive? “You can’t ing RV. I have driven in ing is: the importance of seat belts, and so on. I Next up: “Game of Rome, for the Pope’s A) Get a good night’s sleep – and can’t even recognize half the stars. Grant Your Life,” a film that presume life sake! Certainly, I can don’t drive until morning! Show? Deidre Hall? Karyn Parsons? harkens back to the “let’s manage this. B) Take a cold shower, drink a pot of Midway through the program, Scott scare the living crap out because you The morning of the coffee and wait 15 minutes before driving. Bakula drops by and I start wondering, of our students”-era of road test, my sister takes C) Hit the road immediately and “What happened to these people?” driver’s ed. It begins inno- can’t predict me to the test site, locat- pick up some McDonald’s to absorb the I feel for these actors – I really do. cently enough with a kid ed in a part of Brooklyn alcohol. Here they are, trying to educate our citi- playing an old school, 8- death.” that looks like the indus- D) Get your hands on some quality zenry (and earn a quick buck to subsidize foot tall arcade game trial complex from the PCP and snort it whilst driving around a a sputtering career), and all they are really (which can now be played first “Batman” – the sort local preschool. If possible, operate heavy doing is destroying their last shred of dig- on a handheld device, ha ha). A voice over of neighborhood where mastermind machinery upon returning home. nity. If only the producers would have tells us, “Driving a car can be like a video criminals hide in vacant warehouses and blessed them with a decent script. game. It can be the game of your life.” It plot their next big score. The examiner Instead, we get MC Hammer – doesn’t take long for the groan-inspiring gets in the car, and asks me to pull into dressed in a cowboy hat and chaps – dialogue to hit rock bottom: “Hit a car in traffic. I pull out. He says, “Make a right,” greeting us with a sappy “Howdy the video game and it slows down your I make a right; “a three-point-turn, Pahd-nah!” before performing a rap time. Hit a car in real life and it can slow please,” I make a three-point turn; “paral- that concludes, “Don’t be a clown, you down ... for good.” lel park behind that car,” I do so. Finally, slow down.” A few minutes later, Rue Cue: blood spilling over asphalt. we are approaching the test center and he McClanahan (a.k.a. Blanche Pretty soon, it becomes difficult to asks me to make a left. I come to the Devereaux from “Golden Girls”) is know where one disastrously boring pro- intersection and examine traffic. A car forced to make jokes comparing fig- gram ends and the next one begins. We’re approaches on my left and slows to a stop, ures about the alarming number of treated to not one, but two different drunk despite not having a stop sign, and waves accidents occurring in a year with sta- driving experiments. In each, college-aged me on. I enter the intersection and the tistics related to her sexual exploits. buffoons get wasted and attempt to drive teacher asks, “What are you doing?” I She finishes her bit, noting: “A train an orange-coned course. In another we’re explain that I was waved on. He says that always has the right of way.” told that European auto manufacturers driver didn’t have the authority to wave Good to know. actually test safety belts with live humans. me on and that I had, in fact, just failed Meanwhile, our host Craig T. is bla- We watch as a German couple steer a my road test. tantly reading cue cards that give his beamer full-throttle into a tree. Ouch. “Hey kids: Just because I shoot uzis at recitation an unrehearsed and “The tapes show safety belts work!” Last Friday morning, I got up again Colombian drug lords on TV doesn’t mean that unnerving Christopher Walken-like And of course, the class is eventually with my sister (bless her heart) and went you can drive without a seat belt.” rhythm. He shows up in between exposed to a suite of films about accident CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE NOVEMBER 9, 2004 STERN OPPORTUNITY PAGE 15 HUMOR Eight Ways to Improve Stern

explain why, oh, Murdoch wants to elec- 5. We should become a trocute Viacom. So we make a slide that “paperless” school. Eric the says: John Kerry may have lost, • Murdoch believes electrocution but I’m still an environmentalist, Brown strategy will create growth drivers. dammit! (Don’t say anything - Viacom left trembling, peeing about the 1,000 extra copies of in pants the Oppy printed every issue.) by Eric Brown, efb219 - With no Spike TV, FX will Really now. Do we need to rule 18-32 Men’s segment! print out 100-page analyst ast year, I wrote an article for this Then during the presentation, you reports? I didn’t think so. publication criticizing companies just read these sentence fragments aloud 6. The 6th floor Student Lfor giving us drug tests. My argu- to the audience. Boring as hell. Basically, Activities Office should feature a ment was, “If we make the green, why Powerpoint’s main function is to show nap room. can’t we smoke the weed?” your notecards over a projector. The main problem with this As far as I know, my suggestion has A better way would be to spend more suggestion is that Jed Lambert yet to be implemented – I was dinged by time crafting the verbal presentation – would monopolize it. Not only is McKinsey way before the piss test – but you know, lead-ins, delivery, etc. – which he tall and probably takes up since I didn’t receive an overwhelming would help keep the audience awake. But more than one bed, but he looks amount of negative feedback from the in reality, we can’t submit audio tapes for like a snorer. (Can anyone verify?) Six-year-olds know how to travel in style. Stern administration, I might as well give grading. We submit Powerpoint slides, Still: Look at the facts. Stern more unsolicited advice. and therefore that’s what we spend time students don’t get enough sleep. So why something? (Otherwise known as “crazy talk on. not have a special nap place? We could 8. Whenever a ranking comes out from E.B.”) The solution? Ban it! have milk and graham crackers too. that doesn’t have Stern in the top 10, 1. Sosnoff should feature “magic” 3. The wireless network shouldn’t Or think of it this way … the more Dean Cooley should behave as if he was brownies. kick us off just as we’re submitting Page time we spend napping, the less time we an aggrieved rapper. Wink wink, nod nod, nothing to see, 34 of an online job application, thus forc- have to complain to administration! “Business Week made us 13? 13? move right along. ing us to re-do the whole thing. 7. Professors should have a special Who the hell are they? I don’t know 2. Powerpoint should be banned. Maybe it’s just me. button on the podium that automatically about you, but when a man comes up to I have a short justification for this 4. To free up the elevators, Stern cranks up the volume on every laptop in me, and wants me to treat him like a and a long justification. should have potato-sack slides between the classroom and makes them blare out, brother, then I’ll treat him like a brother. Short: Anything that tempts people floors. “Wow, I’m watching PORN over here!” But when that same man then treats me to create an animated Zeus throwing a This would rock beyond belief. The Students, this one is on you. I know like a fool, then, well … I got to do what I lightning bolt while saying, “I’m Rupert staircases on the south side of KMC you like to do crossword puzzles. I know got to do.” Murdoch! Avast ye Viacom scalawags!” is (near Starbucks) are pretty wide, so there you like to instant message. And I know “What do I mean by that? [Stares at not a good thing. Especially when it is is room for a slide going down. We could for a fact that you ain’t taking notes on camera.] What do you think I mean by intended for a serious audience. even have two- or three-floor “express your computer during class. that? I’m keeping it real. If Business Week (Yes, that was an actual slide we used slides.” I could get down from the 6th So would it kill you to pay attention is going to be like that … [throws hands for M.O. Sort of.) floor to Sosnoff in five seconds! And I during class? Has it occurred to you that in air] … then I’m going to do things my Long: It makes us stupid, even with- probably wouldn’t sprain more than one it’s a little rude to be playing Doom 3 way. Interview over. Cooley OUT.” out cheesy graphics. Say we’re trying to ankle! while someone is trying to teach you When Ben French Hits the Road, You Better Get Out of the Way

CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS PAGE to the test site.This time I made sure to leave my confidence and driving experience at home. I drove instead like a rookie 16-year-old driver. I paused for 15 seconds at each stop sign, drove 10 miles an hour under the speed limit, and didn’t do a damn thing when I reached the intersection mentioned above – that is, until the examiner begged me to proceed. At the test’s end, he gave me my receipt, said the license would be coming in the mail within a couple weeks. Exciting stuff, indeed. But not nearly as exciting as the first time I got my license. As a 16-year-old a license meant a whole new world was opening up to me. Now it just means insur- ance cash drain. Perhaps I need to focus on the bright side: Do you think I could call up my old co-worker Craig T. Nelson and see if he and Hammer and might want to drag race down Atlantic Avenue? PAGE 16 STERN OPPORTUNITY NOVEMBER 9, 2004 HUMOR The Secret to Fabulously Bad Oppy Photos

Rob. But, Rob, Rob. But for those 5. Be obvious about what you’re star- never forget who people whose photos ing at … Alright, we’re all B-school stu- Seniors you are. The edi- you will be taking. I dents, which means that on average we’re torship comes now present to you: about 2/3 male and 1/3 female. Well, since Rule! with unexpected “Hayle Chun’s Guide the average person is 2/3 male, that means fame, unde- to Looking Really, the average person is thinking about sex served fortune, Really, Really Bad in 2/3 of the time (like I said, don’t worry and unwanted Oppy Photographs”: about my math!). And if the average per- by Hayle Chun, hc468 advances of 1. Be proud: son is thinking about sex 2/3 of the time, Brazilian bikini lower that chin and that means that 2/3 of the time, we’re also hen I didn’t write a column for models, but don’t stick out that gut! going to be looking for the sexiest thing in the last issue of the Oppy, that let those get in First of all, let’s was the first one I’ve missed the way of your stop lying to W highest priority: ourselves. We’re since starting school last year. Now, I’m used to missing some important things in preparing for in our mid- class. twenties/thir- But Rob, ties now, and the second pri- our metabo- ority on your lisms ain’t what agenda is taking they used to be. photographs at 3. If you’re sweaty and you know it ... So rather than Stern events. hiding those This was my job for part of last year, and excesses of fat, show them off. That there is no worse job in school (except beer belly? Sexy. That double chin? maybe teaching Professional Doubly sexy. Those chubby thighs? Responsibility). Sexy rubbing against sexy. At first, you may think to yourself, Say it loud: I’m fat, and I’m “Hey, what’s wrong with taking a few pho- proud! tos? I mean, what better way to meet all 2. Spruce up that outfit by the hot girls at school? I saw Zoolander.I’ll spilling a little beer. Next, check out make them dance like monkeys for me! your outfit. Business casual? How 4. Eric Shepnick knows how to use his tongue! Dance, mon- cliché. It’s keys, dance!” time you Well, that’s spice up that out- our eyesight. And 3/3 of the time, that what I thought. fit with a little sexiest thing is going to be cleavage. But these mon- ornamentation. I know it, you know it, and she defi- 1. Um, where do we begin? keys don’t But don’t have nitely knows it. So why hide it? Gaze, dance. In fact, time to add some stare, ogle to your heart’s content. After my life (project deadlines, job interviews, these monkeys rhinestones with all, what other greater purpose could family weddings, my own “deflowering”), fight and spit that “Be-dazzler” breasts serve? (Breastfeeding does not but I never missed an Oppy issue. Until and curse and, in your closet? count.) two weeks ago. worst of all, Well, how about 6. Do something that will never, So what happened to me? they ask, “How just spilling beer never, ever come back to haunt you. I have two words: Red Sox.Two more do I look?” And on the front of Finally, the most important thing to words: Win Championship. Two more if you do show your shirt? remember is that no one EVER reads the words: Emotional Catharsis. And here are them your pho- Spilling beer Oppy. So if you have an embarrassing my two final words: Shallow, Pathetic, tos, 9 times out has so many ben- photo, it’s not like anyone will ever see it, Empty Existence Fulfilled Vicariously of 10, they’ll efits. In addition right? say, “Oh, I don’t to providing Through Other People’s Victories. (Don’t 5. Nothing wrong with staring at mammaries. worry about my math!) like that photo. much needed Alright, back to work. And in writing Delete it. cooling on this week’s column, my first order of busi- Now.” those hot Beer Blast nights, your ness is to congratulate the Oppy’s new co- Of course, you need to print some- shirts can provide insurance in case editor Rob Du Boff. Congratulations, thing, so you keep a few photos. And you the keg runs dry. No beer left? Just print them. But if any of those photos that wring that shirt, and drink that you print end up being sub- soaked-up beer. Mmm, savor the optimal, be prepared for sweaty flavor! those monkeys to bitch you 3. Raise your arms up high! out. Speaking of sweat, there is no sexier But really, who’s to part of the human body than the blame? You for taking that armpit. So why are so many people picture? Or the person whose afraid to raise their arms? Oh, right. picture you took? After all, Pit stains. it’s not your fault for looking Well, I’m not sure about the exact bad in the photo. Don’t shoot saying, but I think it goes, “Sweatiness the photographer, right? is next to godliness.” If that’s true, be However, Rob, I feel the holiest of them all. Raise your your pain. So, in order to hands, be confident and secure! make your job easier, I have 4. When uncertain, stick out decided to print a list of your tongue. Who doesn’t like instructions. Not for you, tongue? That’s what I thought. 6. Good thing for Hayle that no one will see 2. Show off that beer spill! this photo of him in drag ... NOVEMBER 9, 2004 STERN OPPORTUNITY PAGE 17 HUMOR Horoscopes of the Bi-Week: You Lose Again Geminis Protected from Vicious Otters; Virgos Dense; Libras Noticeably Ugly by Auntie Silber shot appears next to Nick Nolte’s on Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) thesmokinggun.com. Aries (March 20 – April 19) Your pet ferret will escape from your locker next Yet again, your bid to become U.S. President has Monday and, sadly, will meet an ignoble end after a Pisces (Feb. 18 – March 19) failed, as you received a total of two votes: one from chance encounter with an electric pencil sharpener. Apparently, your computer thinks every day is your mother and one from Edward Perkins, a 60-year- April Fool’s Day, and will refuse to let you log on unless old plumber in Alabama who mistook you for George Aquarius ( Jan. 20 – Feb. 17) you use the password, “I_am_a_big_weenie”. W. Bush. Everyone in the world will someday know your name. That “someday” will be the day after your mug Taurus (April 20 – May 19) You think that you have the world’s largest collection of Saltine crackers, but honey, you ain’t even close.

Gemini (May 20 – June 20) In a trip to the Bronx Zoo, you will fall into the sea otter exhibit. Thankfully, God will calm the otters’ rage and prevent them from tearing you limb from limb.

Cancer ( June 21 – July 21) Bad news: During the Fall Ball you will fart exactly 87 times. Good news: People nearby will only notice 85 of them.

Leo ( July 22 – Aug. 22) Normally, thongs aren’t intended to be worn on the outside of sweatpants, but, because the weather is turning chilly, we’ll make an excep- tion for you.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 21) In an upcoming job interview, the recruiter will ask you to highlight your past accomplish- ments. Please resist the temptation to apply a yellow marker to the scab you got while break- ing the NYU school-wide keg-stand record. “... during the Fall Ball you will fart exactly 87 times ...”

Libra (Sept. 22 – Oct. 22) As Mercury descends in your aspect, so does your hope of attracting a soul mate who is not legally blind.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) During your ill-fated attempt to cook for Thanksgiving, you will learn that macaroni and cheese is not a proper item to stuff into a turkey.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) If Stern did yearbook-style awards, you would certainly be dubbed, “Most likely to have been better off as a perpetual grad student.” PAGE 18 STERN OPPORTUNITY NOVEMBER 9, 2004 HUMOR What WWJ+JD: Where Are What Would Stern’s Eligible Men? Would Javed Jackie the DJ playing “Lady in Red”. If you’re bility of being able to choose from not following today’s trends you should just only the beautifully dressed Do? throw a trendy shawl on and it won’t even classmates in attendance, Do? matter what you have on under it. but also from the great by Jackie Gallagher, jmg421 selection of non-Sternie also have to consider the fact that some of by Javed Siddique, js1766 Javed says: dates that realize that you these MBA1s might not just be looking I would go for either are much hotter than the for information about how to get a job, Dear J & J: actually. The red dress has Sternie they might have arrived with. but more interested in information about As weeks go by, I am starting to real- the advantage that it pro- how to get in your pants. If you sense this ize more and more that most of my male vides easy access and a Dear Jackie and Javed: is the case from the direction of the con- classmates are either married, engaged, or great view for those prospective stallions. Oh my god, the first-years are crazy! versations with some of these MBA1s, in a serious relationship, and am starting If you go with the black full-length, just I’ve had 15 of them ask me for informa- then you should take it as a compliment to give up on finding my own stud. With make sure that it is low-cut on the top and tionals in the last two weeks alone! Jackie and be happy that so many people want to my limited social time, what is the best made out of some material that your cutie and Javed, could you put out an APB for “tap you” as a resource. way to expand my options and meet non- won’t be able to resist putting his hands on the MBA1s to chill? Stern eligible bachelors? If I was into all night. -End of My Rope Dear Jackie and Javed: finance, I would attend all the corporate I’m a BIG Democrat, and I’m dis- presentations to meet those young I- Dear Jackie and Javed: Jackie says: traught that Kerry lost the election. Is bankers but I am not, and can’t fake inter- I’ve got a questions about the Fall It’s pay back for all the this God getting back at me for selling est in numbers at all. Ball. Is this a “date” event, or are “stags” people that helped you out out and going to business school? -Single in the City welcome? last year! The truth is that -Liberal in the Dumps -Single Man we’ve only been in school 9 Jackie says: months longer than the first years and Jackie says: Attending corporate Jackie says: some of them have better connections and Optimists see the glass presentation to score any- If you have someone more experience than we do. Try to think half full – Kerry can run thing except a job is not the you want to bring, that is of it as an opportunity for you to network again in 2008. way to go. They are much great, if not it’s a great time – and who knows, you may just meet the more interested in talking business than to mix and mingle. Besides, wo/man of your dreams. Javed says: personal. Instead you should tap into your last year it was so crowded – even if you I think that the best local resources. There is one thing that brought a date you might not see him/her Javed says: way to get over the elec- married people love to do, and that is get all night! I think it’s great that tions is to crash some real- everyone else hitched (so that they are not the MBA1s have such a ly good election house alone in their commitment to one person Javed says: thirst for knowledge and parties, drown your sorrows in booze, and for the rest of their lives). So branch out I think it is actually better to go with- are proactively leveraging hook up with cute Democrats that are in and get one of your not so single friends out a date. That leaves you with the flexi- the MBA2s. However, you need of some of your legendary “healing to set you up one a double date! abilities” to ease the pain.

Javed says: I think that the best way to find your own stud at Stern is a simple recipe. 1. Go to the LABA party twice a year. 2. Go to Stern Soccer practices and games as a cheerleader weekly. 3. Go to the Beer Blast and Bar Blast weekly. 4. Go to the Fall Ball and Spring Fling each year. At all of these events, make sure that you are wearing pretty provocative cloth- ing and make sure to buy plenty of drinks and shots for any potential studs that catch your eye.This is a full proof concoc- tion that is bound to work.

Dear Jackie and Javed: I can’t figure out what to wear to the Fall Ball. The options are a red dress that goes down to my knee vs. a black full- length. And FYI: I’m a petite MBA1. -Dress Dilemma

Jackie says: Black is safe, but short is more fun. Red makes you stand out a bit more, but you always have to dread NOVEMBER 9, 2004 STERN OPPORTUNITY PAGE 19 STERN SCENE Halloween Caught on Camera! by Leah Nosnik, ln358

Full Name: Helena Fogarty Full Name: Hal Cashman floor Year: MBA1 Year: MBA2 Sexy or scary? Sexy Block: 3 Block: 1 Mask or makeup? Makeup Specialization: Finance & Specialization: Interpretive Dance Halloween or Thanksgiving? Operations Previous Career / Summer Internship: Halloweeny Previous Career: Fashion Pizza delivery Trick or Treat? Treats Media Marital Status: What are you, my moth- Marital Status: Long-term er? relationship Hometown: New City, NY 10956 Hometown: NYC Age: 31 Age: 32 How did you celebrate Halloween? How did you celebrate I carried Hayle Chun in my arms Halloween? I threw a great like a large sack of potatoes party. What did/would you give out to What did/would you give out trick or treaters? Love to trick or treaters? Sangria and What’s scariest: Halloween night in Beer (no kids came by, I swear!) NYC, October baseball mania, or What’s scariest: Halloween the Election? Elections by far night in NYC, October base- Describe your Halloween style: ball mania, or the Election? Goofy The Election Favorite Halloween tradition: Describe your Halloween style: Emptying all the candy out of your Kick ass female icon (e.g., pillowcase and having the big trade- Wonder woman, Pris, the bride) off with your brother. Who trades a Favorite Halloween tradition: Annual Dress up or dress down? Dress up Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup two-pack Halloween bash Sexy or scary? A lil’ of both for a Sugar Daddy? Best costume you saw: Toss-up between Mask or makeup? Makeup and wig, of Best costume you saw: Janet Janet Jackson at Beer Blast and Usher course Jackson with boob out who could actually dance. Halloween or Thanksgiving? Halloween Dress up or dress down? Dress on Trick or Treat? Trick

Full Name: Rick Stoll Age: 29 Year: MBA1 own Janet Jackson, Christina Chin. Girl – Block: Block 3! How did you celebrate Halloween? Party you know how to make the men drool ... Specialization: Most likely Product in Jersey OPP watch out JT! Also, great move by Harry Management What did/would you give out to trick or Potter relocating the bandstand to the Previous Career / Summer Internship: treaters? Cheesy poofs ledge. Props to all! Software Sales Consultant What’s scariest: Halloween night in Marital Status: Single NYC, October baseball mania, or the He’s a lady … oooh, he’s a lady … Tales of a first year nothing … Hometown: Flemington, NJ Election? Those damn Red Sox winning the World Series Halloween is always the time when The not-so-party line from all the Describe your people let their hair down and loosen first years seems to be that school has Halloween style: I up…seems that more than a couple become a bit too hard to handle. Whether attempt to be creative MBA2 boys revealed their feminine side it’s the whip cracking by OCD, early / funny at Freight on Halloween night. Many Friday morning mid-term exams, or Favorite Halloween o’ladies commented that the Oppy’s own never-ending corporate presentations – tradition: Carving Hayle Chun – dressed as an SNL Spartan MBA1s seem to be taking it all a bit hard. pumpkins cheerleader – had smoother legs than they Probably doesn’t help that some have been Best costume you did. Hayle, all the women want to know, going informational crazy with the second saw: Christina Chin’s how do you do it? Also, many o’boys took years … prioritize, prioritize, prioritize! Janet Jackson costume a second glance at Brendan Lynch – a Dress up or dress not-so-innocent Martha Stewart – who Goin’ retro at beer blast … down? Dress up for looked scarily like a real woman with his Halloween, dress blond wig. Brendan, is it true that blondes Rumor has it that the MBA2s turned down for class have more fun? back the clock Thursday night and did Sexy or scary? Sexy things “college style”. Did they wear plaid works Word to your momma … flannel? Watch Reality Bites? Study cre- Mask or makeup? ative writing? Sorry, we can’t provide Neither, both get Props to SCorp and LABA for details, but let’s just say that Jan annoying by the end pulling off a well attended Halloween Lachapelle, certain writers for this news- of the night Beer Blast. The MBA1s had a great paper, and more than a few part-time stu- Halloween or showing: Phil Meer finally found a good dents were prominently involved. The Thanksgiving? look for himself sporting a caricature OPP is mighty impressed! Halloween involves mask with cigar – who knew we elected more drinking Nixon to SCorp? So did Hal Cashman – Do you have a hot tip for the OPP? Trick or Treat? Both showing up in a not-so-happy Red Sox Send it to [email protected] and look – go Sox! The best and most daring we’ll forward it on to our mystery colum- costume of the night went out to Stern’s nist!