March 29, 2005 Volume 76 Issue 9 Childcare Center Piled Higher and Deeper on Campus Not Betsy Harris Co-Editor-in-Chief Just For Students p. 4 Piled higher and deeper. That’s what most people think Ph.D. stands for. In reality, Ph.D. is an abbreviation for “doctor of philosophy.” Well, 84 per- cent of the MSU-B faculty holds the Civil Unions vs. highest degree in their field. It’s hard to imagine getting a Ph.D. when you’re try- Gay Marriage ing to make it through March without screwing up your GPA. Just for fun, p. 9 let’s imagine that we are interested in getting a Ph.D. like most of our profes- sors. Maybe after we realize what it takes to actually finish this colossal task, we Boozin’ -N- will respect our teachers a bit more(as Cruisin’ Could hard as that may be at times). Typical doctoral programs take Have You Losin’ three to five years to complete. Yes, after getting a master’s, you have to p. 12 go to school three to five more years. For the person who doesn’t want to get a job, this could be an ideal excuse. The problem with continuing your education The Retort for three to five more years after a get- ting a master’s degree is that when Classifieds your peers are raking in the dough, you will still be broke and studying… but at p. 14 least you won’t be working at some cor- porate bore of a job. The other problem photo by Niki Porter Eighty-four percent of the MSU-B Faculty holds the highest degree in their field. Continued on page 3 A little light reading anyone? We came, we saw, we conquered. Snyder and Brooke Henderson Patrick Olp took second, Brad Lauckner Columnist and Veronica Butts took fourth, and Eric Faulks and Lindsey Hart took eighth. In On March 13, the MSU- all-girl stunt competition, Billings Cheerleading team Ashley Henderson, Laura competed in Irvine, CA at the Steiger, Brandi Hallgren, COA Open National Tourna- Kristin Hodges, and Lindsey ment and came home with a Leischner took first, while second championship. This is Lindsey Hart, Lyndsey Parrish, the second year in a row the Anna Ferguson, Marissa Jackets have won at the con- Anderson and Tracey Mann test. took second. In individual partner The team competes stunting, Frankie Reno and again in New York. March photo by Bryce Skjervem Kristin Hodges captured first 31—April 4 in Niagara Falls, MSU-B Cheer Team captures first place for second year in a row. place. Teammates Marc NY. Editor’s Rant 1500 University Drive SUB 225 Gettting To Know You Olivia Koernig Betsy Harris Billings MT 59101 Co-Editor-in-Chief Co-Editor-in-Chief Business & Newsroom: 657-2194 This is the part where I Now that you know what I Fax: 657-2191 tell a little about myself. Usu- want for The Retort, I would like to ally in these types of situa- take this opportunity to tell you a E-Mail: [email protected] tions, I would only reveal de- little bit about myself. I am a non- mographic information. The trad student and a pretty stereotypi- result being that you wouldn’t cal one. I comment on everything Olivia Koernig...........Co-Editor-in-Chief really get to know me, that is, my teachers say, I sit in the front, I Copy Editor the real me. I’ve decided to get my homework in on time, and I Betsy Harris ...............Co-Editor-in-Chief take a different approach en- get good grades. I feel I can redeem tirely. Instead I’ll dole out myself by the fact that I do not now, News Editor some obscure facts that might nor have I ever owned a rolling back Evelyn Irmen...............Business Manager be more interesting although, pack! probably even less revealing I don’t want to reveal my age Beth Kern......................A&E Editor of the real me. I love, Love, but you can probably guess it when Tove Bornes........................Layout Editor LOVE the TV show “Buffy the I say that I had a Farrah Fawcett Vampire Slayer.” There is just hair-do; I wore leg warmers and Niki Porter.............................Photo Editor something so believable about head bands seriously; I remember Bryce Skjervem....................Sports Editor Buffy, Xander, Willow and when “half-shirts” and ripped sweat Emily Valenzuela...........Creativity Editor Giles when they’re ridding shirts first came out; I had a room Sunnydale of evil (and I know full of John Travolta posters, and I Dana Livermont..........................Reporter that Spike really is good, deep was Miss Yellowstone County Nicole Livermont........................Reporter down). Or maybe I should tell 1982. you about the time I vaca- I never thought much about be- Dan Hansen..............................Cartoonist tioned in Oregon at a tree ing a journalist, only a writer, but Gloria Colvin.........................Staff Writer house resort. It was run by a getting involved with The Retort has Patrick Olp..............................Staff Writer bunch of smelly, barefoot hip- given me the bug. I guess what I pies. I was so close to leaving didn’t realize is that journalists are Anna Johnson.........................Staff Writer my old life behind and staying writers and they aren’t just “going Anne Plowman.......................Staff Writer at the tree house commune to to write their novel someday.” They become the resident underwa- produce on a regular basis(some, Jason Corbridge......................Staff Writer ter basket weaver. I’ve always only when their editor gives them ul- Ashley Fagerstrom.................Staff Writer wanted to be hippie. It might timatums), but for the most part it’s be useful to share that I saw an exciting, engrossing way to be in- Paul Jangula...........................Staff Writer my first snow in Mexico. I had volved, not only with school, but Jacey Jansma..........................Staff Writer the nerve to hitchhike once, with life! Who would have known? Melissa DeVries.....................Staff Writer too. That’s a good story. One thing I have learned is that There are so many different school is so much more fun when you Lynn Demarais...............................Staff Writer titles to describe me. I’m a get involved. It doesn’t really matter Nancy Swanson...............Faculty Advisor sister and a student and a high in what way you do it, but if you find school drop out and an ex-wife something, anything, to be passionate and a mother and a daughter about, your experience will be en- Guidelines & Policies and a writer and a sporadic hanced. Please, don’t tell my teachers The Retort encourages the submission of letters to the poet, a part-time cynic and a that I do my “Retort” homework be- full-time dreamer. Oh, and fore I do “their” homework! And I’m Editor. Letters must be under 250 words in length I’ve recently added a new title, not even getting graded for this. Am and include name, signature, and phone number. The Co-Editor-in-Chief. Man, I I? Are you grading me right now? Retort reserves the right to edit for space and possible must be busy! Well, go ahead! libel. Letters should deal with subject matter relevant Olivia Koernig Betsy Harris to the students, faculty, and staff of MSU-Billings. The Retort is published every other Tuesday. Letters must The Retort would like to extend an apology to Paul Jangula for omitting be submitted by the Friday after the most recent issue his name in issue 8. date. Retraction: “Birth” was written by Joe Baum from Creativity Issue 8. The Publications Board of ASMSU-B advises The Retort, leaving content decisions to the editors. Opin- ions expressed in The Retort are not necessarily those of its members, the college, students, student govern- ment, state government, or federal government. Come and Get It! Second International Food Fair tional students. Let’s face it, no matter only, The International Studies Club and will collect the proceeds from the food Olivia Koernig where you come from, the food on cam- Spanish Club will bring the Interna- they sell, while the fee money for re- Co-Editor-in-Chief pus is a rip-off. Although a bag of pea- tional Food Fair back to MSU-B. The serving a table will be split between the nuts from the vending machines or a second annual Food Fair will be held two hosting clubs: Spanish Club and If you are like most students on turkey and cheese sandwich from LA from 10:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. in the SUB International Studies Club. campus, tight class schedules and long Express will do in a pinch, the same ballroom on Wednesday, April 6. Ikuko International Studies Club plans walks between buildings force you to food week after week gets old fast. Fac- “Koko” Valgenti, Assistant Director of to use their portion of the earnings for eat on the run. Worse yet, when time ulty, staff and students all basically agree International Studies, said that last year’s scholarships and to supplement contri- does allow an actual sit down meal, the that the choices and prices for dining Fair was a phenomenal success. More butions for events like their ski trips. cafeteria options are seldom (never) the on campus leave something to be de- than 300 people showed up and pigged Valgenti said, “Many of the Interna- delicious dishes Mom used to make. sired. out. Most of the vendors ran out of food tional Students do not have cars, so with- This is especially true for the Interna- On the other hand, for one day within the first hour! This year they are out fundraising these students would not anticipating a similar turnout; as such, do anything.” the participating clubs will be better Along with the food, the Fair will prepared and have more food.