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Follow the airport signs to... `,,Vellingion at King Edward 788-4805 Mori.-Fri. 10-9 Sat. 10-6 Sun. 12-5 Official Tony Knowles Collector Card! THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20.1993 THE PROJECTOR•GEFT.2001993 PAGE 3 PAGE 2

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■ CMOR business manager Richard Fickes heard complaints on his new policy. By Jim Williamson Fardoe denied being "Stuck In The '90s" by Moxy Fruvous was recently singled out personally offended by anything by CMOR business manager Richard Fickes as being "too he Students' Association in the issue that went missing. political" for the station. The Projector decided to print the T and theProjector are at The issue contained a story on lyrics to the song so readers could make up their own minds. odds over some missing SA Vice-President of Student newspapers. Affairs Dave Hackbart alleged sexist remark in this year's Clem had a daydream, a daydream from heaven On August 24, 4,500 of the New CMOR Projector's 5,000 copy run Survival Guide as well as a story Picked up the headline, his country was made up of singers... suddenly vanished, 3, 500 of on the Manitoba Liberal party's And no more right-wingers which turned up the next day in controversial hiring of former SA executive director Don He wakes up to "homeless are stupid, welfare is stupid the first row of lockers in Building E. , Hillman. Private investment, efficiency, cool fiscal plannin'" censorship policy According to Projector Editor- "I expressed concern, but Sounds like more Pat Buchanan in-Chief Jason Beck, the papers considered the stories disappearance signified one publishable," said Fardoe. "The Back in his day job this afternoon ■ Dave Hackbart : a growing boy needs his posters. individual's form of censorship. Student's Association would Unlikely he'll move down to Cuba soon "Based on the number of never stop an article from being complaints we received on the printed. We can only advise." causes uproar RELUCTANT TO FIND HE'S STUCK IN THE '905 AGAIN issue, and the number of people According to Fardoe RRCC Vice President's posters who yelled at me about it, I've Security is not taking any further Clem reads of the old days, twenty years goes a long ways absolutely no doubt that whoever action into the matter. "Challenge the system!" Relating is easy on demo... took the Projectors was doing so "It was a prank. The papers By Lara Schroeder and Now they'll send it by memo Lynne Stefanchuk to prevent them from being read," were found so further action was called "inappropriate" he said. "It's too much of a unnecessary," he said. `Cause there's no need for the peace sign, post-Republican coincidence to consider a prank." Fardoe believes the Projector he campus radio station a rider saying that these are not the make the musical decisons at "peacetime" SA President Gordon Fardoe, staff overreacted by reporting has been accused of being views of the station," he said. WKRP." Join the parade, wave the flag, tell the world it's your lackey however, considers the incident the theft to the Winnipeg Sun T "stuck in the `90s". Moxy Fruvous member Jean Ghomeshi offered some words Abbie Hoffman was wacky By Rene Hering he's not helping them at all." Affairs, Hackbart may be called to be a harmless prank that played "too soon". A decision by CMOR business Ghomeshi, reached at his home in of wisdom for Fickes, on behalf of upon to refer sexual harassment Immediately after the Projector upon the issue's controversial One thousand copies of the manager Richard Fickes to prohibit Toronto, was outraged at Fickes' Moxy Fruvous. Riding the bike to his foreign car ave Hackbart's fighting for complaints to student advocate interviewed Hackbart, SA content. issue are still missing. DJ's from playing music with decision to single out the group's "In terms of their commercial Burning his mind in his VCR his right. Mark Dourn, who would begin an president Gord Fardoe stated political overtones last week song. and material desires, I'd like to informal process of mediation. emphatically that dealing with offer CMOR some unsolicited D The SA Vice President of shocked deejays to such an extent "I think it's disgusting," he said. RELUCTANT TO FIND HE'S STUCK IN THE '90S AGAIN Student Affairs, who recently According to Hackbart, a sexual harassment complaints was that he altered the policy a few days "The song's not very aggressive advice," he said. RELUCTANT TO FIND HE'S STUCK IN THE '905 AGAIN caused some controversy by consensus in the SA offices, exclusively his responsibility, not later. considering the views of the band." "Playing music with some sort signing off "Dave the wave, if it including president Gord Fardoe, Hackbart's. Students don't know Fickes, who originally Fickes, who was hired in part to of opinion and intelligence could and he's lost... swells ride it" in the campus vice president of finance Robert Fardoe later admitted that announced that songs like "Stuck improve advertising sales, says he be good for the station. Just ask don't you know what it's like to be lost? survival guide, is defending his Scott Hodgson and program Hackbart might have to field In The `90s" by Moxy Fruvous finds the song personally disturbing artists like R.E.M., U2 and Joan and older..."tears on his shoulder" right to have several beer posters director Jackie Lindal, found the complaints since it falls under the By Roseanna Schick voting at all could no longer be played on the and thought it might turn off Baez." real men arc bolder!! featuring scantily clad women up posters to be acceptable. jurisdiction of student affairs. The New Democratic Party did station, ultimately decided to allow advertisers. University of Winnipeg radio in his office. However, some RRCC students Academic President Tony ith the federal election not recieve a single vote. political songs on specifically "I don't think it's an issue of station assistant manager Dan Soon I'll be 30, I don't want to be 30 "I've seen more awkward find the posters to be inappropriate. Knowles, who presently makes the for October 25, The most important issues alternative shows. censorship," he said. "It's an issue McLean said he would never called I've got some big plans, goodwill has some big hands pictures in the Louvre in Paris," Three Nursing students who final decision on formal sexual students at Red River among undecided students are jobs "If we find a piece of music that of attempting to be as inoffensive implement a similar policy. With each new computer screen, the world tells me I'm more refused to be named, said Hackbart harassment grievances, refused to Community College remain largely and education, and how accessible we find politically sensitive we'll as possible." "It's like censoring Mr. green said Hackbart. "should take the posters down" or comment on the posters citing a undecided. these will be in the future. keep it on an alternative hour with "It all comes down to the Dressup," he said. "Everyone's idea of what's Buy a new Game-Boy! possible conflict of interest. An unofficial poll of 50 RRCC Undecided students said they almighty buck." Fickes said he was surprised by offensive is different. I don't find "delegate the responsibility of For the fun and the fashion...just for the passion handling complaints to someone "If the material in Dave students during week one of the will be watching the federal leaders First year Creative the reaction to the new policy, and these posters offensive. If people ON THE COVER: Hackbart's office is offensive and election coverage revealed that closely in the upcoming weeks to Communications student and unhappy that many deejays chose are offended by these posters they'd else." Back in his day job this afternoon someone complains, there is a 68% of respondents have yet to determine their individual positions deejay hopeful Jackie Touchette to complain about it behind his be offended everytime I left my Two Restaurant and Hotel CMOR business manager Unlikely he'll move down to Cuba soon process for dealing with that," said choose their preferred party. on crucial issues, and are open to believes that Fickes should worry back. house." Management students also found Richard Fickes hovers above Knowles. Of the decided voters polled eight proposals from all the parties more about pleasing his staff than "If deejays have a problem with Refering to one of his beer the posters inappropriate. Toronto's Moxy Fruvous, RELUCTANT TO FIND HE'S STUCK IN THE '90S AGAIN "I guess in away he's promoting "It's not appropriate for me to chose the Progressive involved. outsiders. one of my policies, they should posters featuring several female whose song "Stuck In The RELUCTANT TO FIND HE'S STUCK IN THE '90S AGAIN harassment," said Olivia say one way or the other because I Conservatives, four chose the A poll of 50 RRCC students will "Fickes is obviously afraid of complain through the proper models washing a vintage 1957 '90s" he recently tried to Richardson. act on recommendations," he said. Liberals, the Reform party received be taken randomly every week taking any chances when it comes channels," he said. Corvette, Hackbart said, 'This is censor from the station for White lies, rich guys. Hoarding a big prize what men like: beer, women and "I don't think the posters are "If I pass judgement now I would two votes, and the infamous Rhino until the election. to making real choices in the radio "The final decision rests with We've got work to do being "too political". cars." appropriate for his office," said be biased." party received one vote. The results will be published in station," she said. me, but it's not an arbitrary one." One student polled will not be upcoming Projector issues. "It's like letting Herb Tarluk As Vice President of Student Elaine Jose. "Women will feel like RELUCTANT TO FIND HE'S STUCK IN THE '90S AGAIN THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20.1993 THE PROJECTOR *SEPT . 2001993 PAGE 5 PAGE 4

Talk shows exploit masses lar -Fe m us Censorship alive on campus The prostitution of human suffering Vanishing Projectors, banned music... what next? tive journalism deserves to be atings and seven-figure The answer is simply the old- hatter C ensorship is alive and station business manager Richard read. incomes cannot be de- est paradox in the book: we love well and hiding in the Fickes chose to ban political mu- Putting out a campus publi- R nied. to hate what we hate. hallways of Red River. sic, such as Moxy Fruvous, from cation is not always pretty; es- You and I - as part of the mass It feels good, and talk shows While the radio station, the station in fear that sonic of it Ursula pecially when a number of television viewing audience of inspire us to the greater and By Jennifer Still :Projector CMOR, has been encouraging may offend advertisers. Onyschak people would rather read a Red modem day North America - are greater heights of our efficiency it, the Projector has been fight- While Fickes claims the ban is . ? responsible for the fastest grow- and productivity. We all have so ..: Stsit*Pc needed to clean up the image of the River public relations newslet- r Which party do you plan to support in the ing it head on. ing business this decade: the many better things to do with station, CMOR now sounds like ter than a college paper that sets In the six months I have been prostitution of human suffering our time. upcoming federal election? it's well on its way to becoming the out to report real news and have editor of this fine publication, and misfortune otherwise known They ensure we will never campus equivalent of 1290 Fox. a little fun with the powers that I've been yelled at, politely asked as the daytime talk show. worth it. again spend another semicon- Nicole Doherty What could possibly be wrong be at the same time. not to write stories, told to mind missed it, the 4500 copies of the Not since the dimpled, pre- Butwho,one mustask, is helped? scious afternoon on the couch, with Moxy Fruvous? On that note, I'd like to re- (Business my own business and even ha- controversial issue disappeared for pubescent days of Shirley The Nazi band leader who le- remote in hand, absently kick- Well, let's see: Moxy has an "x" mind whoever took the Projec- Administration): rassed at home at six o'clock in 24 hours, before most of them were Temple has human exploitation gally adopted two seventeen-year- ing at dust balls with soft, in it, and so does the word "sex", so tors and whoever was offended the morning. found hidden in lockers. been more public or sublimi- old girls and likes to engage in slippered uncalloused feet. that can't be tolerated... and by our last issue of one thing: "Kim Campbell, because I'm Last month, I heard dozens of Amidst all the flack the editors nally titillating. armed combat with his concert The disdain we exude over Fruvous starts with the letter "f" this publication is written, ed- not voting for the Liberals complaints from friends of received over the last issue, for a And not since the rapid, rab- audience? The shy, overweight these banal bits is a secret lan- and, oh god! So does the word! ited and laid out completely because I don't agree with former RRCC executive direc- brief moment, we actually believed bit-reproduction of the mass teenaged girl flanked by an obses- guage we use on one another, to Maybe the problem has nothing independent of the S.A. anything they or the NDP do." tor Don Hillman, who felt the the censors were going to win. media "coupled" with so much sive, overbearing ex-sweetheart- reassure ourselves with rolling to do with the name, but rather the If, in the future, you feel of- Sept.7 issue of the Projector As we awaited a decision from "journalistic intellectual bra- of-the-rodeo-mother who is refused eyes and knitted eyebrows of song "Stuck In The 90's"? fended by anything, don't storm should have been banned be- the S.A. as to whether or not the vado" has so much spewing a prom date on national television? our inexhaustible intellectual Hmm... it mentions Pat S.A. President Gord Fardoc's cause the cover photo and ac- papers were going to be reprinted, adrenalin and dirty laundry be- The man who is both father and reserves. Buchanan. Isn't he the anti-christ office to air your complaints. companying article did not por- however, other media outlets were come accessible to so many with grandfather to his fifteen children? Ultimately, though, my opin- in some circles? Fardoe has been open-minded tray him in a very positive light. willing to come to our defence. so little effort. The twins who can't agree on any- ion matters little. Michele Gabbs I wonder if the same individuals and professional in regards to I also took a barrage of verbal In addition to the Winnipeg Sun What I find so baffling is the thing? Oprah will continue to bal- (Business complaining about the Projector the Projector at all times, and abuse from Students' Associa- and CJOB, who made our dilemma willingness of adult human be- Joannie from Happy Days? ance her black bachelors with shouldn't have to take the flack Administration): tion Vice-President of Student known off campus, the University being too controversial will com- ings to be trotted out onto a pas- Mickey Rooney? The Bradys? white ones, Phil will continue to plain about CMOR for trying to for us editors. Affairs Dave "The Wave" of Manitoba publication, the tel set for their hopeful though Few are helped, but many are balance senators with strippers, If you have a complaint, we're "Certainly not Kim Campbell Hackbart, who spent two weeks Mani toban, offered to come to our play it "too safe"? misconstrued fifteen minutes of entertained. And as with illegal Maurey will continue to attempt willing to listen to it face-to- because of what she did to the complaining about the fact the rescue and reprint the missing is- The bottom line is that thought- fame; if they can't get on stage, drugs and K-Tel purchases, none the fertilization of Connie, face. Milgaards. I'll vote for Jean Projector exposed the collec- sues for us if the S.A. voted not to. provoking, intellectual music de- even a cameo appearance in the of us are doing it but a lot of it is Geraldo will continue to be the God knows, we're used to it. Chretien because he's part of tion of bikini-clad beach bunny Though our issue came out as serves to be heard as much as a audience will do - all in the name getting done. horse's ass and Sally will con- the Liberal party and it is very posters he had up in his office. scheduled, censorship soon sur- campus publication that strives for of "getting it out in the open" or We all agree talk shows are the tinue hunting in Arkansas and concerned with To top it all off, in case you faced from within CMOR, where freedom of speech and investiga- Jason Beck "helping others with this prob- lowest form of low-life communi- Alabama for backwoods fami- unemployment." lem". cations; therefore the question is lies, luring them out of the bush, If there is any one person out not who watches these things or glassy-eyed, squinting and gun- CMOR business manager Richard Fickes and there who can be helped - just who likes them, but rather why do shy with plane tickets, a hotel Jamie Gerwing station manager Corey Petrachek recently one- they claim all of this will be they exist at all? room and the promise of a trip to (Sales And ditor-in-chief announced that the campus radio station would no the big city. Marketing): longer be playing political songs, such as "Stuck In JASON BECK The 90's" by Moxy Fruvous. It's "Con.servative. I think The Projector, therefore, felt that it was about time Campbell has different ideas. Red River Community College Academic President the letters CMOR were meant to stand for She seems better than the rest of them. Shell help the something and offers the following suggestions: BY SYD D. GOPHER prairie provinces more than Tony Knowles the NDP or the Liberals.She's ews171 editor Top Ten Things Collector Cards! a good experienced person," RENE Jim Williamson (Creative HERING CMORStands For Communications): Collect the "The conservatives. Although 10. Censorship May Obliterate Richard. Campbell's stance is 9. Cash Money Over Ratings. downbeat, it seems to be the 8. Cynical Morons Or Rejects. complete set in most realistic at this time. ntertainment 7. Communist Maggots Of RRCC. Her long-term benefits are more important than a quick editor 6. Corey May Ogle Richard. the year ahead fix. Want me to do an 5. Censors Mask Offensive Records. impression of her?" KENTON 4. Cockamamie, Madcap, Obnoxious, Marcello Auriti LARSEN Rhetoric. just to prove you (Business

3. Commercial Music Of Robots. Administration): 11A 2. Cretins May Own Radio. are hipper than 1. Can Moxy Or Richard. "Preston Manning. I like his ideas on the Young all of your so- Offender's Act. I don't want roduction to go back to the old politics of the Conservative party. I manager called friends! think it's time for change." WARREN Card 1 YAREMA Tony At The Podium

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THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20401993 PAGE 6 THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20.1993 PAGE 7

CUM RRCC joins Target: Endowment fund Education coalition established in memory Coalition uses "positive harassment" to make education an election issue of RRCC instructor

w 4/71 • By James Ham swing ridings, W innipeg-South and wil be non partisan in its operation Winnipeg South, and Judy schools leaving the students the but conceded that he is himself a Wasylycia-Leis (NDP) from brunt of the burden to bear." Where Are You Kitty Winnipeg-North, on which they u hf Innocent gesture of the dance. "This is a first class idea and I Ala f you want to make sure will concentrate their efforts. card carrying New Democrat and Winnipeg North were in favor of Wells? Innocent enty into America up making education more of an issue am happy to see students • Ks something is done, "We will employ door to door that the coalition also receives by John Harding the river. #;. I support and some of its funding in this election when contacted by supporting something they value," • sometimes you have to do canvassers, distribute leaflets and There's customs checking our if The Projector. said Alcock. it yourself. lawn signs and host and attend from the unions on the three This evening I saw the West dead fish - "We welcome the opportunity "It is time that we as politicians Red River Community College candidate forums," said Kelcey. campuses. Coast to be part of this debate." said back up what we have been saying has joined forces with the Target: Education was started " This coalition will look and of Oregon on the news. "Up from Panama are you?" Hughes and prioritize education. In no time universities of Manitoba and by the University .of Manitoba run like a partisan campaign. But A weather map. It's raining they ask. Students Union as an alternative to we will not pass final judgement "Federal funding for post in history has a good education M r Winnipeg in forming the Target: there. "Yes." 0 secondary education has been been as important as it is now." Education coalition, a group the campaign of the Canadian on any particular candidate. That I'm safer in Winnipeg. It's Yes we say, but don't drying up which has meant smaller Attempts to contact Dorothy working to make education a higher Federation of Students which is the big difference. We do not snowing. move too many fish. Dobbie (PC) from Winnipeg-South profile campaign issue in the Kelccy said ran a partisan have a candidate running in this transfer payments to the provinces," said Wasylycia-Leis. were unsuccessful. federal election. campaign, solely made up of election." 41 I thought about entering To distract the customs k *". "Then the provinces turn around ■ "We have tried lobbying in the students that concentrated ib) John A. Harding America in the July morning, we put a Kitty Wells ■ Pepsi made the SA an offer too sweet to resist. past but it has been mostly primarily on the issue of education. and Mark Hughes (Reform) from and make cuts in funding for the sun and mountains - on tape, piped out on deck. The Target Education coalition ineffective." said Target: the schooner rolling and plans to focus on the impact the By Shirley Kowalchuk Education spokesman Brian lifting in the surf, The three of us, Dominique three schools have on the Kelcey. sliding up the river into and Maryanne and John Manitoban and Canadian "There was no clear evidence memorial endowment fund America. dance as the customs man SA dumps that we as students do have power economies. has been established by watches. They have included on-campus CRAZY OX behind us and that we are willing to A RRCC's Alumni Kitty Wells singing over the employees, who are directly throw that power around where the Association in the memory of John deck He laughs. "Hell, you guys effected by funding cuts to post political parties will feel it most." Harding. the loudspeakers we caught been at sea long enough. secondary education, in their "It will be a form of positive Harding, a creative writing fish by, Go ashore and dance." Coke campaign. harassment." CAMPUS STORE instructor in the Creative Tennessee Waltz - sometimes Kelcey said that the coalition The coalition has targeted two Located Main Floor of C Tower Communications program, died of we were so tired we danced So we entered America. cancer on August 10. Tennessee Waltz - the sea So we danced Kitty Wells His passing has left a noticable calm, and we were sailors. for Pepsi gap in the staff of Manitoba's sole a thousand miles offshore diploma communications program. dancing It's the last trip. Harding was well known among Dominique and Maryanne and It's Winnipeg now, A weather map - safety, By Shannon Schindle G block students for his pre-lecture I Pepsi exclusively in their snow - and pause, his inspired and compelling vending machines and at the I'd like to hear Kitty Wells, lecture style as well as his high Our gesture - sailors, he switch is on. Crazy Ox. the gesture of the morning on standards. smugglers, The RRCC "Pepsi offered us a deal that Some have described Harding's laughing our way into deck- T Student's Association has Coke just couldn't match," said "I was dancing with my particular teaching method as a America, decided to dump Coke and sell SA President Gord Fardoe. darlin 2' "challenge into an authentic Newport. According to Executive reponse" both within the classroom Director Todd Scalletta, Pepsi and within the context of creative gave the S A two scoreboards for writing assignments. both the South and North Gyms, Come to the Crazy Ox for all your school supply needs at very "Don't write for me," Harding $10,000 over the next five years, competitive prices and the convienence of on campus shopping. used to say. "Write for yourselves." two portable bars for socials, Even students who took classes 10 and lower prices for Pepsi in the We carry binders, pens, stationery, date books, drafting supplies, with Harding for as little as two COMP 1111111911; PLEASE Crazy Ox and at socials and pubs. calculators, etc. We also carry other items for when you're ready to months before he quit teaching due "We were happy with Coke play: candy, cigarettes, clothing, books and magazines, novelty to illness, found him to be a very but it just came down to dollars items, etc. special instructor. The quality music thrift store and cents," said Scalletta. "John was a person that you only We provide report-binding services done within the hour, as well as SPECIAL OFFER Promotional ideas with Taco FAX services available for a $1.50 fee plus long distance charges. had to meet once to be touched by Bell and Pizza Hut are also in the him," said Craig Strike, a second with this ad works. year Creative Communcations Buy One CD or TAPE Although most students are student. "He was a force in creative & Get One of the Same unperturbed by the decision, •0 writing." some Coke drinkers are unhappy. 41 0 0 At 1/2 Price! (No Limit!) • The John A. Harding Memorial • • • "I just won't drink Pepsi ," said • Endowment will assist needy tor Business Administration student • Present this coupon at The Crazy • students continue their studies in Buy, Trade, Consign & Layaway Kerry Murkin. "I don't like it." The Alternative Puppethead Hour. • Ox and receive 15% off knapsacks • commmunications at the college. CDs & TAPES/ "I'd only buy Pepsi as a last • Donations may be sent to: MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS resort," said Susan Dunlop. and gym bags!!! • Red River Community College Noon Tuesdays on CMOR. Across from Deluca's Coke is still available in the • • Alumni Association 943 Portage Ave. Buffalo Room through Versa • C216-2055 Notre Dame Avenue Food Services who have a • 788-0967 RECYCLE •• • • • • 0 ID Winnipeg, Manitoba separate contract with Coca- R3H 0J9 Cola. intr.:Yee td'Ilf ft r::: :r tel " f err rx raw t) c"1 1 , ■

THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20.1993 PAGE 9 THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20.1993 PAGE 8 co m WI nissi co mil 01 iscossio

band's experiments with guitars that Unlike his last release, a self-titled Although Sweet Relief will likely fords the group leaning heavily towards range from acoustic on "Sweet Sweet" collection of tracks that wallowed in sell millions as it is, it might be worth musical compositions instead. As a to the ominous feedback o f "Hummer". depression and self-pity, Before And asking why there isn't a song included result, the album comes across as King A combination of the two turns up on After is as optimistic as it is energetic. by Williams herself, who has not yet Missile trying to pass themselves off the nearly nine-minute "Silverfuck", From upbeat pop tracks such as shown any signs of the disease. as the Pixies. which manages to sustain interest in "Funny Way" and "In Love With It If more people bought Williams' This is not to suggest that all of the spite of its length. On "Disarm" the All" (with Neil Finn), to laid back folk own recordings, her relief might be foursome's musical cuts are without band again opts for acoustic guitar, ballads like "Persuasion" and "Many' s even sweeter. 00 1/2 merit - "Anywhere" and "(Why Are Billy Joel - River of Dreams but also adds piano, which is played by The Time" (with the Hothouse Matthew Sweet - Altered We) Trapped?" are passable guitar- R.E.M.'s Mike Mills. Flowers), the disc showcases Finn's rock outings - the problem is that most (Sony) Sound aside, Billy Corgan creates vocal and lyrical capabilities better Beast (BMG) of them fail to rise above filler status. Review by Kenton Larsen songs filled with spiritual yearning, as than anything since he left Split Enz. Review by Jason Beck With regards to Hall's usually brilliant t age 44, Billy Joel remains one Raise up a multiplex and we will make is illustrated in "Geck U.S.A.": " In a Though the disc does not contain a The follow-up to Matthew Sweet's spoken tracks, only "Martin Scorsese" o f rock & roll's most appealing a sacrifice." If his last album explained dream I connected/ Siamese twins at song with the hit potential of Finn's critically-acclaimed Girlfriend LP and the hilarious "Detachable Penis" A figures. "We Didn't Start the Fire", this one the wrist". With his effeminate voice, classic "Six Months In A Leaky Boat", essentially picks up where the last one rekindle the spark of King Missile's Laugh all you want at Joel's past suggest that he hasn't a clue how to put Corgan also sings of lost love, there are enough solid cuts on Before left off. best work. 00 efforts: the schmaltzy "Just the Way it out, either. vulnerability, and wonder; issues that And After to put him back in the Produced by Sweet and Richard You Are" is an easy target, as are the But River isn't all anger. Joel joins everyone can relate to. spotlight. Dashut, the 14-track collection offers more of the artist's characteristic blues dated keyboards on "My Life". Joel's the legions of aging rock & rollers If Smashing Pumpkins continue to Fans of Crowded House and Split rock compositions, though the overall weakness for "advice songs" on tracks singing to their kids on the ballad grow on subsequent albums as much Enz alike will love this one. feel of the disc is a little less abrasive like 'Tell Her About It" and "You're "Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)", as they have on this one, maybe the 000 1/2 Only Human" can also be a bit much. and advises his to "dream how band will finally get some of the success Where Joel really succeeds is in his wonderful your life will be." they deserve. strong sense of melody and his uncanny Many of the CD's other tracks 0000 ability to update his sound just when it joyously harken back to early rock & seems like he's hit a dead end. roll. Despite its weighty subject matter, Jane Siberry - When I Was Joel's last CD, 1989's Storm Front, "The River of Dreams" sounds so darn a Boy (Warner) unveiled a tougher sound that marked a bouncy that it might havebeen included Review by Kenton Larsen turn to guitar-oriented rock and a more on 1983's An Innocent Man, Joel's On When I Was a Boy Jane Siberry gruff, powerful vocal. The disc sold homage to doo-wop. crafts some of the best music of her well, but it sounded like complacency On "All About Soul", Joel anchors career - with a little help from her was setting in. his music with a marching rhythnun friends. On River of Dreams, Joel once again then drives it home with a killer chorus Among the high-profile talent that evades the predictability that has and "na-na"bacicing vocals. With 'The appears on Siberry's sixth album are ‘...Cfc1/4C6) befallen lesser artists. Though the Great Wall of China", Joel proves veteran producer Brian Eno (U2, album's sound isn't too far removed himself more than capable of coming Talking Heads), k.d. lang, and from Storm Front, Joel gives it new life up with a song that is stronger than Canadian jazz singer Holly Cole. The with a solid theme that winds through many of his "greatest hits." ensuing CD is nowhere near the stylistic 71 • the album like the "River" of its title. Though there's much to admire on mish-mash one might expect. Maybe • • • Veit '.,w?..°41A. 7- Like Harry Chapin, Joel may be best the album, die-hard fans may want to that's because Siberry's music and 4-1110111. known for taking the guise of other know what the hell happened to Joel's poetry are so strong that no amount of characters in his songs. This time, piano. Good question. Sure enough, outside talent can upstage them. though, he searches for his place in a the liner notes credit Joel with piano, From the disc's opening "Gimme's" troubled world from the viewpoint of a but most of the time "the piano man's" on "Temple", Siberry's lyrics impart middle-aged husband and parent. The piano is, ironically, swallowed by previously- unrevealed assertiveness songs, unsurprisingly, are some of his guitars. and sensuality. A Siberry who, on her most personal to date. By the end of the disc, Joel hasn't earlier records, mourned lost love and On the opening cut, "No Man's found any of the answers he's been loneliness is succeeded by one who Land", Joel rocks out in anger at human seeking out; for now he's content to actually dumps her lover on "Love is 111 You can still read about Moxy Fruvous on campus. ignorance: "I've seen those big take comfort in his child's eyes and his Everything" because she "can't wait machines come rolling through the quiet wife's beauty. Most listeners will 'ill you make the whole kingdom Various Artists - Sweet (the album still garners a warning label, pines/ Blue suits and bankers with their probably care more about the music come". Relief (A Benefit For however, as the "f' word is mentioned Volvos and their valentines/ Give us than the answers anyway, and River of Siberry's new-found sensuality is Victoria Williams) (Sony) a few times). this day our daily discount merchandise/ Dreams won't let them down. 0000 conveyed all the way from the CD's As the appeal of Sweet's music lies cover photo to many of the songs, Review by Kenton Larsen both in his heartfelt lyrics and his which are rife with sexual imagery. On Sweet Relief is proof that the best of energetic guitar playing, A ltered Beast "An Angel Stepped Down", Siberry intentions don't necessarily guarantee succeeds as a natural extension of urges "Come on baby come on give a great record. Girlfriend. On such cynical cuts as me" and the aggressive vocal on the The first and foremost goal of the "Devil With The Green Eyes", aforementioned "Temple" implores a album is to raise money for musician "Knowing People" and "Dinosaur lover to "Come on come on/ Let me Victoria Williams, who was recently Act", Sweet manages to tread some ■ Schmaltzmeister Joel bounces back with River of Dreams, perhaps his finest effort. into your temple". diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and new ground without sacrificing any of As always, Siberry's music is a thing has no medical insurance. the music's commercial appeal. "The The album's lyrics are incoherent and Ham". I Mother Earth - Dig (EMI) thinking person's party album, this is reminiscient of the Lemonheads. of beauty, especially on the moving The CD's songs are written by Ugly Truth", which is presented in two and lack depth; one wonders if words The quartet's first single from Velvet covers that make you sleep Review by Lisa Ferrand it. 000 112 The bottom half of the disc gets "Love is Everything", the album's first Williams and covered by some of different versions, stands out as the were simply picked out of a hat and Bargainville is the ridiculously catchy darker and the brooding continues to single. The way her broken-heart vocal today's hottest "alternative" bands. definitive Matthew Sweet single: The fifth track "Not Quite Sonic" placed in the order they came out. "Stuck in the 90's". The song The Doughboys-Crush boil closer to the surface as though the floats above the sparse instrumentation How disappointing, then, that the disc's "The ugly truth leaves nothing to The Projector has uncovered yet another goofy musical trend uses the term "semi-moronic", and The only item salt' agable on the disc chronicles the trials of a Generation-X (A&M) Doughboy's were just warming it up. is nothing less than pure magic. inspired performances are the decide/The ugly truth makes every one that has been launched on an already-jaded public. The four that's about the perfect description of is the third track called "Rain Will everyman, but the band relies more on In the song "Melt" the guitar solo Overall, there isn't one misstep on exception rather than the rule. of us a liar". artists listed below, all new-wavers who had bits in the 80's, this CD. Fall", which is reminiscent of humor than heavy-handedness to relate Review by Rene Hering has a contrived "place solo here" feel When I Was a Boy. The song-writing, Things start out promising enough Though Altered Beast offers few Produced by Mike Clink of Guns 'N' Soundgarden's "Jesus Christ Pose". its message: have chosen this year to release cover versions of Velvet The Doughboys'Crush starts off to it and "Neighborhood Villian" musicianship, and production make it with Soul Asylum's acid-tongued surprises, the LP will not disappoint Roses and Megadeath fame, Dig sends Just buy the CD single. 0 1/2 "Homeless are stupid, welfare is Underground songs from the classic Velvet Underground and sounding like a tribute to the Ramones. sounds too retro 70's hard rock for me. a CD that is well worth owning, and performance on "Summer of Drugs". fans of Sweet's earlier work. 000 the listener on a musical journey of stupid/ Private investment efficiency, Nico album. If nothing else, it's nice to know that an ability to The first two songs "Shine" and Despite these weaknesses Crush is one that seems to get better with each The song also features some of nonsense. Never clearly establishing a Moxy Fruvous cool fiscal plartninl Sounds like more King Missile - Happy Hour make great music is not a prerequisite to liking great music. "Melt" take on the sound of Johnny a surprisingly solid disc. Williams' best lyrics: beginning or end between tracks, the Pat Buchanan." listen. 0000 Bargainville (Warner) Ramone's non-stop wall of distortion If you have it, Crush is worth the "Sister got bit by a copperhead snake (Warner) The culprits and the musk they butcher: disc is one neverending song. On the delightfully goofy "King of Review by Kenton Larsen and Marley Ramone's pounding drum cash, especially if you're a Lemonheads Tim Finn - Before And in the woods behind the house/Nobody Review by Jason Beck Spain", the song's narrator bemoans beat. fan. 0001/2 was home so I grabbed her foot and I It's unfortunate that the first King Moxy Fruvous is going to become his fall from kinghood to his current After (Capitol) Duran Duran - "Femme Fatale" The Doughboys quickly shed this sucked thatpoison out./ Sister got better Missile disc to be released on this side famous for much the same reason the job vacuuming turf at SkyDome. Only Review by Jason Beck comic book teeny hopper sound with Smashing Pumpkins - in a month or two when the swelling of the border is unquestionably the Projector-O-Matic Barenaked Ladies are. minimal percussion is used as backing, Bryan Ferry - "All TOMOITOWI S Parties' Paul Newman's (no, he doesn't have Need to rejuvenate a stagnant solo went down/ But I'd started out my least interesting. Canadian origin aside, both bands placing the band's great harmonies his own line of salad dressings) Siamese Dream (EMI) Rating System career? teenage years with that poison in my Unlike such earlier alternative offer readings of songs packed with (referred to as the "international Review by Lisa Ferrand Billy Idol - "Heroin" syncopated beat in "Fix" and John Spend a year with Crowded House. mouth." releases as Mystical Shit and Fluting pop-culture references and in-jokes, orchestra" in the song) in the forefront. Kastner and Johnathon Cummins' dark Smashing Pumpkins' much Following a stint recording and Add outstanding performances by On The Hump, the latest King Missile Other standout cuts include a O.M.D. - "Sunday Morning" 00000 Classic while boasting strong musicianship that brooding vocals throughout most of anticipated follow-up album to their touring with his brother Neil's Michael Penn on "Weeds", Pearl Jam album only shows traces of the wit and hilarious a capella version o f the cheesy 0000 Excellent is folksy and rocking at once. the disc. 1991 debut, Gish, disproves the second- band,Tim Finn opted to cash in on the on "Crazy Mary", and the Waterboys bizarre humor that characterized their Anyone who was at this year's folk Spiderman TV theme, and "The Prediction: Men at Work regroup in late 1993 with a scorching In the credits the Doughboys give album jinx. exposure and go solo once again. on "Why Look at the Moon", and earlier work. While most of the band's 000 Average to Good festival may remember Moxy Fruvous Drinking Song", an anti-war song that version of the homoerotic 'Tan the Man." extra thanks to , among others, the With the help of Butch Vig, who co- The result is a cohesive, spirited that's about it for greatness. The rest of appeal is usually derived from the Waiting For 00Fair to Poor as the band who played a fusion of Lou quotes Leadbelly's "Goodnight Irene". Lemonheads produced Gish and Nirvana's effort that contains some of the artist's the album's 10 songs, though strange, spoken-words poems of Reed's "Walk on the Wild Side" with The rest of Bargainville is °Abysmal It is no wonder since "Crush" is a Nevermind, the band reaches a new Escapade disappointing, are passable. frontman John S. Hall, Happy Hour consistently catchy and thought- best work since 1983's ABBA's "Dancing Queen", and a rap CD characterized by a loudly electric plateau in both sound and spirit. provoking. If there's such a thing as a version of Dr. Seuss's "Green Eggs and sophisicated moodiness Siamese Dream chronicles the I THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20•1993 PAGE ' 10, f III VNieCES THE PROJE OR•SEPT. 20•1993 111111 riiieCtO[

delivers a Hollywood-style The actors are certainly up to and evil of a tax collector. soliloquy to the half-crazed their parts, especially von Sydow, One thing that becomes King's "Things" and "McCoy" cause joy townfolk in an attempt to bring who has made a career out of obvious when comparing "Print Impressions" them to their senses and vanquish playing villians. This time he gets Stephen King flicks is the impact the devil out of town. to play the big-daddy of bad guys of the director. Rob Reiner' s films Contest!! It is a good, simple premise, and he does so with expertise, (Misery, Stand By Me) have an Jim Williamson, RRCC student and self-proclaimed man of which is carried out deftly. managing to exude all the charm artful, mellow quality, while 1,000 voices, recently turned the impression industry on its ear David Cronenberg's (The Dead with his revolutionary "print impressions." "I wasn't sure if my Zone) or Brian De Palma's impressions would transfer well to print," says Williamson, (Carrie) ventures are far more momentarily digressing from his usually razor-sharp wit., "but I vivid. In the case of Needful was overjoyed to find that they were even funnier." His uncanny Things Fraser C. Heston does a print impressions have already mesmerized the likes of former capable job of interpreting the President Jimmy Carter, RRCC Academic President Tony book. There is nothing new or Knowles, and Queen Elizabeth H, who once laughed so hard at one original here, but there are no she nearly swallowed her phone. obvious gaps either. The Projector, therefore, is proud to present a few print Even better than the direction impressions in the form of a contest. The first three people to is the Film's music. Like A correctly identify the following impressions 9:00 a.m. , Tuesday, Clockwork Orange, popular Sept. 21, 1993 at the RRCC Student Association (DM20) will win classical music is coupled with the Projector mug, as seen on TV. This contest is not open to Jim acts of violence creating a Williamson or members of his immediate family: strangely disturbing effect and giving an almost cultured quality to the bloodshed. I. "I am not a crook." On the scale of Stephen King 2. "Here's looking at you, kid." movies; this one sits near the top. 3. "You dirty rat." It isn't the best, but it's better 4. "It's not a tumor." than the recent bilge that's come out with his name on it. And Next Week: the difference between an impression and an don't worry if you miss it in impersonation. ■ Von Sydow isn't Needful of acting lessons. theatres, it's the perfect saturday night video rental. 000

/KimKim Basinger towels off a young man in The Real McCoy, a film that is 91/2 times better than most of her previous work.

The Real McCoy J.T. Barker (Val Kilmer), a got inside. Gaunt (Max von Sydow) arrives creating mistrust and illwill Review by Lainee Faryn small-time crook who idolizes There's also a disappointing unexpectedly and sets up a shop between the town's inhabitants, McCoy, befriends her and tries to moment when the old bad-guy's- Rayburn appropriately called Needful eventually leading them to commit help out by introducing her to coming-good-guy's-car-won't- Things. extreme acts of violence. someone who can set her up for start horse is hauled out and beaten The charming, old shopkeeper As it turns out, Gaunt is nothing he Real McCoy doesn't another break-in. That someone is again. Sniff, sniff, does it smell somehow manages to stock less than the devil himself and has make any grand socio- Jack Schmidt: criminal big wig, like cheese in here? something desirable for everyone come to wreak havoc on the Tpolitical statements. McCoy's arc h-enem y, and the man Anyone willing to overlook a in town and, in lieu of cash unsuspecting townspeople. Despite co-producer Martin who is in some vague, obscure, few flaws will enjoy The Real payment, he asks them to each However, the local sherrif, Alan Bregman touting it as one of the never-fully-explained way McCoy. It is, if nothing else, an perform a specific 'deed'. Pangborn (Ed Harris), isn't fooled only movies offering a powerful responsible for her arrest and entertaining flick. And isn't that The 'deeds', which range from by Gaunt. After several murders, starring role for a woman, it isn't. incarceration. what movies are supposed to do, throwing apples through windows the desruction of half the town, and If you want a strong female lead go When McCoy refuses to provide entertain? 000 to killing someone's dog, start total outright anarchy, Pangbom watch The Color Purple. her considerable talents, Schmidt The Real McCoy is a lot of fun, Needful Things (Terence Stamp) has her son Burt Reynolds' life imitates his "ad": an essay. though, in a check-your-brain-at- kidnapped and held hostage until Review by Mike Thibault the-door kind of way. she robs the very bank that she did Kim Basinger stars as Karen time for in the first place. ne would think that after Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson McCoy, a bank robber who just The Real McCoy is not your run- the seemingly endless started out as Best Friends, but Loni quickly spent six years in prison. Upon of-the-mill formulated Hollywood Onumber of Stephen King fell for the Semi-Tough actor, and he of Thursday Sept.23 '93 release she finds that she can't get schlock: you won't know the lines movies that Hollywood has course was a Man Who Loved Women. Canadlana Motor Inn -1400 Notre Dame a job (employers are just so picky before the actors say them; nor will churned out over the last 17 years, Paternity was not in the cards for Reynolds about hiring felons these days!), you see the next plot twist sneaking we could know what to expect. — Sharkey's Machine allegedly wasn't and her ex-husband has told their up. But, that isn't the case. working properly, despite his reputation as Get drafted with Q-94's young son that she has died. The film is also very funny in King's screen outings have a Stroker Ace. places. There are some very offered us a wide range of quality; Last month Reynolds suddenly Kelly Parker Projector-O-Matic amusing, thoughtful quips from brilliant (Carrie, Stand By accused Anderson of running The Best throughout the movie, leaving one Me), to mediocre (It, Christine), to Little Whorehouse in Texas out of their home, which apparently Rating System has to assume that the brain-power here just plain drivel (Maximum The Longest Yard you've ever seen. Reynolds also claims that 00000 Classic went into comedy and gadgetry. Overdrive, Sleepwalkers). It took he saw a line-up of men outside the home waiting for a Cop and There should be some of the old a Half. 0000 Excellent not longer than 20 enjoyable Marvel Comics' "No-Prizes" minutes to see which ends of the Anderson countered faster than The Cannonball Run with 000 Average to Good available for those who wonder spectrum Needful Things was accusations that Reynolds put The Hustle on a younger woman. 00Fair to Poor about why such an intelligent heading for. Though all we'd like is a little Deliverance from this whole stupid °Abysmal criminal-mind would boldly and The story begins in the little affair, The End is, sadly, nowhere in sight. loudly use a log to shatter a glass community of Castle Rock, Maine -K.L. window, then whisper once she when a stranger named Leland wi *- " '4* - -" Atist ' ' • :40 .7"6"7"rls.‘?':, 1 ")11: 17fil titAr r t

PAGE 12 THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20.1993 nie SU 11 THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20.1993 C 0 XSW t V iv PAGE 13

THE SuriNE.R. AI. bJSPIT WOULD ill 9.1614T. 6cHALTT:LAITITLE e C P•ri I KJ OILS sutimeft- BE tvt-rHooT SIKEA.K. 13*Ac-fi GEAR' The cgs cktS (Ctr Win Flip` le OE BEACH Out 114 e me 0 th. o. A stait.Ne THAT - Pon Play baseball with donuts MVNDAkit 1R.IP To Scot SLOC fit THE BEActir 1; BEACH AD vet.' -cuPES THUS ZIPPY AND kiVelts o, bet lk o f ATER I get) t another thing coming (f you think H IS PALS teuE.EDoP. E GEAR -Big Daddy. coot_ SHADES Dear Trixie and Sasha, do? AND Pu -rz.,? HA■IE that I'm going to a) bash Ann FROM 7 -1 t kA I've got a musical problem I need I /RAVELLED To n ■ Landers, b) admit to making up THE help with. I'm a freak about alpha- i_A,40. OF SANb Well, Daddy-O, even if I don't fit( 5-etuurei: r ru bbc, questions, or 3) defame my sister Am) suRc IN THE Nanai betizing my compactdiscs, and the know what his name is, I do know 1:10b4 , by accusing her of the same FUN QUEST HOPES oc Ac..)41ELMAJC) 1 o rtoi problem can be summed up in three that he's one hot number! O000h, siAcoi Fred' S ba.00n ht.; things. You've got a lot of nerve, A-T THE OIVEN)E55 WL111 THE words: John Cougar Mellencamp. {Ape_ So.r.dwrcirk - 41I t.sik Johnnie, make it hurt so good! As 13 EACH .14v ► sweetie, a lot of nerve. RRCC, get FouR Fob° GRZyPS. 3s.so A -% • • • •••• • His early CD's are under the name far as your alphabetizing goes, 4- Ater./ f...; 0}(1- t Dr; eatti lactoorrts ready for the civil suit of the de- SRU1 Ur "Cougar" only. Then he suddenly AND FM' i-/Cy why don't you just file CD's by Gc.c. oN Some. • t c.A•J‘T WELL- cade: Trixie and Sasha vs. Just 11.e. y/ 12,potip PACtitIAN / HEY! DoN - T PLAY Dear Trixie and Sasha, Dear Trixie and Sasha, changed his name to "Cougar first names like I do? The only Here I Ze.L.,4Ege rrs No/ 7.1PP %.( ThE Wondering. Send all letters of SO.o t RitaL P. vocsidT- hie 80TH Mellencamp". Do those CD's go DoN- I A KeAL 1,414A-t HEY grici-iriAn)! What is the meaning of life? - What can I do to stop Cineplex problem that might arise is when kfo0 t-\ ■ &HT support to Tony Knowles' office, GET A -TA N Do STOP I ova w z kil Rota Odeon from showing commercials under "C" for Cougar or "M" for you reach for "Tom" you don't Rek) THI NK? Ki c KIN HA1/4IE AMEki c Searching. please. -Sasha so'J I Too LAIN-MN \ before movies? Mellencamp? To make matters know if you're going to be hold- 5A10 1) KNOWN. BEFOR-E Thu le-- cCED I -Two Thumbs LUKC. You STILL ► worse, he's now just ing "Petty" or "Jones". Person- I is) TF46 ME Out or Down. PERAY SULKING? Well, Searching, I hate to break it 00k BAND/ T HAD To 62) "Mellencamp", thereby making it ally, I wouldn't mind holding ei- Questions? Concerns? Lots of PACES," to you, but life has no meaning. impossible to put all of his discs in lb 3 AC. IC T6 g E/2VGle‘N Well, Sweeties, why don't you try ther one of them! -Trixie free time? Just drop off your A ROADI E Honey, we were simply put here to one spot on the shelf. Now if I put R)R what Trixie and I do? When the questions to Trixie and Sasha eV:4445 have a few laughs, make a few them all together, I feel uncom- THE TitIO:Soiki 5 HEY ! ME 105.11_ friends, and play baseball with curtain rises and the commercials Dear Trixie and Sasha, in the Student Association INND ov TWta touiRE Hat fortable because the alphabetizing YOLPVG 1401.e. WERE start, holler at the top of your Projector box (DM20). You'll CALRMAitli BEEK) hockey sticks and donuts. Trust is incorrect_ And if separate them, Do you get actual letters, do you ABOUT it PLAN SorW lungs. The celluloid will stop roll- F ew EA R.5 me, dearie, when life's got you I worry that people who look at my recycle them like one Ms. Land- be happy you did, and we'll o Li-CY A \too ing faster than a hot knife carves uP Fog i t (AND A LOT or down, there's nothing like the feel- collection will think I don't have ers, or do you just make them up? be happy you did, because SNACKS) SIA/CE through butter! Good luck! - ing of hitting a homerun with one all of his discs, and then I'll have to -Just Wondering. we're getting really sick of You 8 EA-r ME of those exploding, lemon-filled Sasha Dik.‘i -roA)tet go through the whole process of making them up. aACE4. babies! -Trixie explaining everything. What do I Listen, Wondering, you've got

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PAGE 14 THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20.1993 THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20•1993 PAGE 15 V [Die CtOISM e 11 I V I 11 Dave kicks serious late-night butt Phone calls quiz "experts" on Jacksons By Kenton Larsen

By Kenton Larsen Over the next week, Letterman cancelled after only four months. unwillingness to do herever you look these days, it's Michael Jackson this, Michael Jackson that. And the recent allegations of sexual abuse have done nothing to stop the intense media scrutiny that would eat cheese with a four-year- Two years later, Letterman began anything other than he has to put up with on a daily basis. But wait a minute! What about the rest of his family? Don't they deserve to get their names in lights as well? We thought so, but avid Letterman is back, and old geography expert, accidentally Late Night on NBC, where he kiss butt every night W for the life of us we couldn't remember their names, so we thought we'd let people in the music business name them. People, we thought, who must see their names all the if the first week of the Late shoot a plate-spinner, and show quickly found his audience. is tedious at best (Hey, time. If they couldn't name any on the first call, we gave them one more chance. After that we just plain gave up. The results are not intended to assist you in choosing a favorite DShow is any indication, he's slow-motion tapes of guests When Late Night made its debut, Kids! For fun at home, Jackson. about to kick some serious late- inadvertently spitting. it altered the very definition of the try to keep track of How many Jacksons can you name? term "talk show". Johnny Carson, how many times Leno night butt. Fans could rest assured that this HMV Music City Before Letterman's show took was the same Letterman who went reigning talk-show king at the time, says "very Musiplex Record Baron Discus to the air, there had been rumors from writing jokes for Jimmy rarely emerged from behind his exciting"!), his Call 1: "I can't think." "I'm not really into the "Michael, Janet, Jermaine, Employee 1: "We got Janet, "Jerrnaine,LaToya, Janet, that it would feature a (forgive me) Walker to inspiring a generation of desk and offered guests little reason interviews are choppy Jacksons." and I know another one, Michael, Tito, LaToya, Michael, and Tyrone. and uncomfortable, kinder, gentler Dave. Added to wise-ass "college students and to emerge from their celebrity though I and his attempts at don't believe she's Jermaine, Randy..." Tyrone's one, isn't he?" these were daily reports that inmates", as he is so fond of saying. facades. related." Letterman wouldn't be able to The only differences: a bigger Letterman did man-on-the-street Letterman-like Employee 2: "Rebbie" perform such mainstays as the Top studio, a slicker production, and an segments, made fun of show- comedy are Employee 1: "Is that the 10 list and Stupid Pet Tricks on earlier time. business phonies, mocked audience embarrassingly flat. father?" and staff members alike, and It's perhaps most CBS, since NBC claimed them as It was in 1980 that Letterman Call 2: "Michael, "Jermaine, Tito, Michael, their "intellectual property". first began his network TV career, surprised guests with his sarcastic, telling that Leno is The first few seconds of the Late unbelievably, as host of an NBC often cranky jokes; if Carson was now more referred to Jermaine, Tito, and that's all I know." — — — Show quickly dispelled all rumors. morning show. The program the reigning king of talk shows, as "lantern-jawed" Janet. Bye." The elder statesman who has come offered an odd blend of trademark Letterman was his majesty's loyal than he is "funny". to be known as Larry "Bud" Letterman comedy, interviews, and opposition. Leno's butt- Melman (more intellectual serious news. To a younger generation of kissing, however, property), his head in the "CBS One particular show featured viewers, Letterman was most pales in comparison eye", and in his own inimitable Andy Kaufman alternately appealing as the prankster not afraid to Arsenio Hall, who Count Daveula doesn't suck. Huh-huh. delivery, informed viewers that coughing uncontrollably and to mock authority and break rules. will stop at nothing to "this is CBS", and anew chapter in begging the studio audience for His snrinnir hi:mnr nit;' stroke some of th^ fattest egos in the tripping ..ity and the Weekend late-night viewing had officially money. Another had Letterman manifested itself in his showbiz. His inexplicably popular Update anchor. begun. hanging from the ceiling of the unwillingness to treat every guest, show is finally starting to lose Despite Letterman's lame That night viewers were treated studio to interview a mountain well, like a guest. viewers, and will likely continue competition, the other question is to a "surprise" appearance by Paul climber. Perhaps most strange was Cher called him an "asshole", to do so thanks to a new time slot (a whether or not his wacky, offbeat Newman, who asked Letterman a segment called Coffee Cup Nastassja Kinsky cried when he half hour later) and viewers tuning humor can appeal to a segment of the now-legendary question: Theater, in which Letterman made fun of her hair, and Shirley in to Letterman. viewers other than college students. "Where the hell are the singing showed a one-minute clip from a Maclaine agreed with Cher. Not Hall's saccharine-sweet As expected, ratings for the first cats?", Bill Murray appeared as B-movie each program so that, in only did Letterman never pander interviews, tiresome hipness week of the Late Show went the first scheduled guest and theory, it would take about 90 to celebrity, he seemed determined ("Gimme a groove"), and glitzy through the roof. Letterman shocked the audience by spray- shows to see the whole movie. to make celebrities out of ordinary showbiz-worship do nothing to crushed his competition (including painting "Dave" on Letterman's Not surprisingly, it wasn't the people and staffmembers. disguise the fact that he has not the very unfunny, alien-like shiny, new desk, and Tom Brokaw type of show most morning viewers Over the next 10 years, told one real joke since the program intelligence of Ted Koppel). The reclaimed two of Letterman's were looking for, and it was Letterman became less nervous and made its debut. only way the Late Show could cuecards on behalf of better at interviewing while he and As for Letterman's Late Night have achieved such ratings is by NBC. ' his great staff of writers created replxement, Conan O'Brien, the luring away viewers from other Bring in all your first year books to the some of the best late-night jury is still out. If the actual show shows, as was reflected in the segments ever the Top 10 list, is anything like the promos, though, dismal ratings of the Tonight Show Supermarket Finds, Small Town Late Night viewers are in for a and Arsenio. This either reveals News, the NBC Bookmobile, rocky ride. the result of months of promotion, Used Bookstore to sell on consignment! Viewer Mail, Dumb Ads, the O'Brien looks and acts like the oradramatic shift in vewing habits. Museum of the Hard to kid who got beat up a lot in high Time will tell. Believe, Stupid Pet Tricks, school, not because of his clever More important than ratings is and Stupid Human Tricks wit, but because of his boyish good perhaps the ability to provide a among them. looks and willingness to please. funny, entertaining, one-hour show The question on Yecch. YOU RECEIVE 80% OF on MIRING PUCE for five days a week, over an everyone's mind Rounding off the competition is extended period of time. Only now, though, is will Chevy Chase, whose talk/variety Letterman has proven himself in Letterman be able show opened to a chorus of yawns. this regard. And if he's able to to attract a Though Chase has a Letterman- keep enough of his "new viewers", WEN TOUR BOOKS SELL, larger audience like senseof humor, his smarminess he will most definitely and has traditionally come off as once initial deservedly kick some of that ere curiosity has worn obnoxious rather than funny. aforementioned late-night butt. Not vp.„ Itt • 1,•• n't -5,••• :1 off? Judging by the It's also unlikely that Chase will bad for a guy who once wrote jokes Mlit?c .f. T:i1443712 rise above his Saturday Night Live 6ezi _ competition, the for the star of Good Times. As the Pettit.; answer would persona, since he's insisted on tficra' famous late-night philosopher 4161$*- A:Let:r ata§ seem to be a reviving skits from SNL, including MP FIRST TM MIMI 101 KOM might have put it: "hard to believe." Toy I resounding "yes". Opposite :;;Letterman is Jay Leno and the tic Tonight Show. Leno, who was "Nastassja Kinsky once one of MP SAVE TIE INTIMMINT! Letterman's best Toy guests and one of the cried when he made THE USED BOOKSTORE IS OWNED AND OPERATED BY THE RED RIVER ENTREPRENEURS CLUB best stand-up comics in North America, has grown complacent and fun of her hair." unfunny in a very short time. Leno's trirenst irrirrirr 4;

PAGE 14 THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20.1993 THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20.1993 PAGE 15 °VINOD V 11 OjeCtO [SOD e 11 Dave kicks serious late-night butt Phone calls quiz "experts" on Jacksons By Kenton Larsen herever you look these days, it's Michael Jackson By Kenton Larsen Over the next week, Letterman cancelled after only four months. unwillingness to do this, Michael Jackson that. And the recent allegations of sexual abuse have done nothing to stop the intense media scrutiny that he has would eat cheese with a four-year- Two years later, Letterman began anything other than to put up with on a daily basis. But wait a minute! What about the rest of his family? Don't they deserve to get their names in lights as well? We thought so, but avid Letterman is back, and old geography expert, accidentally Late Night on NBC, where he kiss butt every night w for the life of us we couldn't remember their names, so we thought we'd let people in the music business name them. People, we thought, who must see their names all the if the first week of the Late shoot a plate-spinner, and show quickly found his audience. is tediousat best (Hey, time. If they couldn't name any on the first call, we gave them one more chance. After that we just plain gave up. The results are not intended to assist you in choosing a favorite Jackson. DShow is any indication, he's slow-motion tapes of guests When LateNight made its debut, Kids! For fun at home, about to kick some serious late- inadvertently spitting. it altered the very definition of the try to keep track of How many Jacksons can you name? Fans could rest assured that this term "talk show". Johnny Carson, how many times Leno night butt. HMV Music City Musiplex Record Baron Discus Before Letterman's show took was the same Letterman who went reigning talk-show king at the time, says "very to the air, there had been rumors from writing jokes for Jimmy rarely emerged from behind his exciting"!), his Call 1: "I can't think." "I'm not really into the "Michael, Janet, Jermaine, Employee 1: "We got Janet, "Jermaine,LaToya,Janet, that it would feature a (forgive me) Walker to inspiring a generation of desk and offered guests little reason interviews arc choppy Jacksons." and I know another one, Michael, Tito, LaToya, Michael, and Tyrone. and uncomfortable, kinder, gentler Dave. Added to wise-ass "college students and to emerge from their celebrity though I don't believe she's Jermaine, Randy..." Tyrone's one, isn't he?" facades. and his attempts at these were daily reports that inmates", as he is so fond of saying. related." Employee 2: "Rebbie" Letterman wouldn't be able to The only differences: a bigger Letterman did man-on-the-street Letterman-like perform such mainstays as the Top studio, a slicker production, and an segments, made fun of show- comedy are Employee 1: "Is that the 10 list and Stupid Pet Tricks on earlier time. business phonies, mocked audience embarrassingly flat. father?" It's perhaps most - . CBS, since NBC claimed them as It was in 1980 that Letterman and staff members alike, and Call 2: "Michael, "Jermaine, Tito, Michael, first began his network TV career, surprised guests with his sarcastic, telling that Leno is their "intellectual property". and that's all I know." — — The first few seconds of the Late unbelievably, as host of an NBC often cranky jokes; if Carson was now more referred to Jermaine, Tito, — Show quickly dispelled all rumors. morning show. The program the reigning king of talk shows, as "lantern-jawed" Janet. Bye." The elder statesman who has come offered an odd blend of trademark Letterman was his majesty's loyal than he is "funny". to be known as Larry "Bud" Letterman comedy, interviews, and opposition. Leno's butt- Melman (more intellectual serious news. To a younger generation of kissing, however, property), his head in the "CBS One particular show featured viewers, Letterman was most pales in comparison eye", and in his own inimitable Andy Kaufman alternately appealing as the prankster not afraid to Arsenio Hall, who Count Daveula doesn't suck. Huh-huh. delivery, informed viewers that coughing uncontrollably and to mock authority and break rules. will stop at nothing to "this is CBS", and anew chapter in begging the studio audience for His sprrinnir hnmnr nft'n stroke some of tilt' fattest egos in the tripping .,Liy and the Weekend late-night viewing had officially money. Another had Letterman manifested itself in his showbiz. His inexplicably popular Update anchor. begun. hanging from the ceiling of the unwillingness to treat every guest, show is finally starting to lose Despite Letterman's lame That night viewers were treated studio to interview a mountain well, like a guest. viewers, and will likely continue competition, the other question is to a "surprise" appearance by Paul climber. Perhaps most strange was Cher called him an "asshole", to do so thanks to a new time slot (a whether or not his wacky, offbeat Newman, who asked Letterman a segment called Coffee Cup Nasracsja Kinsky cried when he half hour later) and viewers tuning humor can appeal to a segment of the now-legendary question: Theater, in which Letterman made fun of her hair, and Shirley in to Letterman. viewers other than college students. "Where the hell are the singing showed a one-minute clip from a Maclaine agreed with Cher. Not Hall's saccharine-sweet As expected, ratings for the first cats?", Bill Murray appeared as B-movie each program so that, in only did Letterman never pander interviews, tiresome hipness week of the Late Show went the first scheduled guest and theory, it would take about 90 to celebrity, he seemed determined ("Gimme a groove"), and glitzy through the roof. Letterman shocked the audience by spray- shows to see the whole movie. to make celebrities out of ordinary showbiz-worship do nothing to crushed his competition (including painting "Dave" on Letterman's Not surprisingly, it wasn't the people and staffmembers. disguise the fact that he has not the very unfunny, alien-like shiny, new desk, and Tom Brokaw type of show most morning viewers Over the next 10 years, told one real joke since the program intelligence of Ted Koppel). The reclaimed two of Letterman's were looking for, and it was Letterman became less nervous and made its debut. only way the Late Show could better at interviewing while he and As for Letterman's Late Night have achieved such ratings is by 1'1'11'11: In !III 1 cuecards on behalf of 11 NBC. ' his great staff of writers created replacement, Conan O'Brien, the luring away viewers from other Bring in all your first year books to the some of the best late-night jury is still out. If the actual show shows, as was reflected in the segments ever the Top 10 list, is anything like the promos, though, dismal ratings of the Tonight Show Supermarket Finds, Small Town Late Night viewers are in for a and Arsenio. This either reveals News, the NBC Bookmobile, rocky ride. the result of months of promotion, Used Bookstore to sell on consignment! Viewer Mail, Dumb Ads, the O'Brien looks and acts like the or a drarnatic shift in vewing habits. Museum of the Hard to kid who got beat up a lot in high Time will tell. Believe, Stupid Pet Tricks, school, not because of his clever More important than ratings is and Stupid Human Tricks wit, but because of his boyish good perhaps the ability to provide a among them. looks and willingness to please. funny, entertaining, one-hour show The question on Yecch. for five days a week, over an You !SCENE ID% OF on ASKING PRICE everyone's mind Rounding off the competition is extended period of time. Only now, though, is will Chevy Chase, whose talk/variety Letterman has proven himself in Letterman be able show opened to a chorus of yawns. this regard. And if he's able to to attract a Though Chase has a Letterman- keep enough of his "new viewers", WIEN TM 110011 SELL, larger audience like sense of humor, h is smarm iness he will most definitely and once initial has traditionally come off as deservedly kick some of that curiosity has worn obnoxious rather than funny. aforementioned late-night butt. Not off? Judging by the It's also unlikely that Chase will bad fora guy who once wrote jokes competition, the rise above his Saturday Night Live for the star of Good Times. As the answer would persona, since he's insisted on famous late-night philosopher reviving skits from SNL, including MP 1111111 seem to be a TEAR MIMI 101 KOM might have put it: "hard to believe." Toy I 1.1 resounding "yes". Opposite I; Letterman is Jay Leno and the Tonight Show. Leno, who was "Nastassja Kinsky once one of Letterman's best Tot IELP SAVE TIE ENVIIONNUT! guests and one of the cried when he made THE USED BOOKSTORE IS OWNED AND OPERATED BY THE RED RIVER ENTREPRENEURS CLUB best stand-up comics in North America, has grown complacent and fun of her hair." unfunny in a very short time. L e no's

PAGE 16 THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20.1993 IIVCOM1110 ALREA

4 ,.. i,.r y to, . • fl X :. • 0414.11

• I . • •. dp • P, PX;t , • .1 Oktoberfest-ivities mean fun, fun, fun ket.1 credibility with all of you. Pick funny comedians from Australia DM20, and hurry, because by the again the students of Red River By Randy Rummery them up in DM20. in the Tower Lounge at noon. time you read this you'll have one made it a huge success. There was SA Promotions Coordinator Coming up are Scared Weird Three bucks for Oktoberfest! more day to get signatures. Luckily, much partying, laughing, and ow do you think the Little Guys on October 12. No, we Can you believe it? it's a big place, so shake pancake-eating had by all, and it world's finest oom-pah- won't be forcing any short first Don't forget, nominations close somehands, kiss some babies, and shows that college students enjoy year students onto a stage. Instead, September 21 for Student Council. take a shot at getting involved. a good time as much as anyone H pah, polka- til-you-drop • • show would cost you? Ten, maybe you'll enjoy two very talented and Pick up your nomination forms in Kick-off Week is over, and once else. Now get back to work, you 12 dollars? bunch of slackers! And what if your transportation, Oktoberfest for three dollars? admission, a beer, and a bratwurst You can't rent a movie for three were all included in your ticket dolars! a price? Maybe a dollar value just Next issue, look for the names can't be placed on a deal like that. of all the Kick-Off Week prize Or maybe it can. winners, from both the Hunt Before Pick up your tickets for RRCC October and the Welcome Pub, Night at Oktoberfest '93 for just with prizes generously donated by three, that's right, three dollars, in Labatt's and The Cray Ox. And DM20. Join in on Winnipeg's remember, this is the place to find . . out about all things fun and relaxing • • : . • . . largest liederhosen-and-tubafest . • • : . for the ridiculously low price of on campus. threedollars (This is nota misprint, See you at Oktoberfest, which, /ef honest ). if you missed it, is three dollars. I'll

And while we're on the topic of be the polka meister on the floor, ' f: ■lerl 1 • • :aor incredible deals, watch for cheap scream ing "tick y tacky tacky tacky, 41;$101 a • I • e'p.%:43 . .1.1.4 ...., .'fl. • .. 4 oi oi oi" Join me, if you dare. . f i tickets to the September 29 Jets •is - • •• .• ... ; I • • 01 1.. it : : . game, brought to you courtc,,y of • United Way. I'd tell you the price, t 11 but it's so low I would lose my ■ Fun-lovers crown Randy Rummer) , King of Oktoberfest. r The RRCC JOIN THE RED RIVER ENTREPRENEURS CLUB FOOD BANK rt is in DESPERATE need of all kinds of unperishable FOOD! • • • • It may be too late for this man but it's not too late We can't be self-supporting Ts loaded with a variety of so for you. without your help! • discounts on items sold in the used bookstore • • • • hands-on experience at running`a small business, et .>? Ipty, DROP OFF POINTS: Oen • SA Office, Room DM20 (next to Cave) • Tutorial Centre (across from library) IRON FOR SIUDEN1 COUNM • Daycare Centre (by South Gym) Nominations: Sept. 7 to Sept. 21 Election: October 7 Nominations forms are available in the SA office (DM20). THE PROJECTOR•SEPT. 20.1993 THE PROJECTOR • SEPT 20 • 1993 Classlf ICES PAGE 19

resumes & essays. Reasonable FOR SALE rates. Same day service & La- CFL owners: who are these schmucks? ser Printing. Call 897-0529. TUTORING Professional Typing Services. 2 CHEFS UNIFORMS Fast Turnaround, Superior Qual- Size 44 Jackets I love words! I'm a professional ity. HP Laserjet 3. For info call Any idiot with bucks can own a CFL team... Pants - 32" waist, 33" length writer and English tutor and I Carla at 669-6808 between 9 but can be extended. can help you with English com- am & 10 pm. Phone position--essays, letters, Expert resume & essay typing. If you are are an alumnus/ae of Red River and work in 774-3432 speeches, etc. Very reasonable By Neil Hiebert Very reasonable rates. Call Joan rates. Call Joan at 338-3628 or the college, please identify yourself. We at the Alumni Association are anxious to find out who and where you anted: Owners for he is selling has improved, the fans and somehow made things worse. at 338-3628 or 338-2872. 338-2872. Precision Word Processing Ser- are in order to send you the premiere edition of the CFL football team. have been slow to return and no After a brief fling with a well re- vices: Term Papers, Resumes, Alumni Journal. No football knowledge fans means no revenues. The ques- spected football man, Dan Rambo, SERVICES w tion now is: will he have deep at the helm, they decided to go it on Reports, etc. Reasonable rates. required. Lack of business acu- TYPING Call Kerniat_868-0211. This association was implemented by the Students' men considered an asset. No enough pockets to keep paying their own. Dad ultimately gave Word Processing Services. Glenn Bicycle Maintenance. Association 18 months ago and to date has well over money down O.A.C. Tyrone "FLAGRANT FOUL MY Lonie the RoughRiders to play Pat's Typing Service. Fast, ac- Competitive rates. Call Nancy Flexible hours, reasonable 10,000 Alumni recorded in our database. We offer a The Canadian Football League ASS!" Jones and the rest of his with, much like you or I would curate word processing. Rea- at 837-8730. rates. Specialize in brining old variety of programs and services many of which are is third and long with time running high priced friends? And, if so, for give a dog an old shoe. Lonie sonable rates. Reports, term machines back to life. Spring described in the Journal. out on the clock. If you listen to the how long? quickly proved he was devoid of Word Processing. Essays, re- Overhaul: $25 Call 889-2678. cries of the owners, they'll blame Th ings are just as bad down cast, any football knowledge when he papers, resumes, etc. Call Pat ports, resumes, etc. Call Audrey First Class Car Care. Tune- We want to hear from you! As Alumni and employees the league's problems on such fac- where the Toronto Argonauts are brought Dexter "Love me, love my at 889-4328. at 489-5366. Reasonable Rates. ups, brakes, oil & lube, minor of the College your suggestions and comments will tors as declining attendance and having little success on the field or urine" Manley, a three time loser Term papers, reports and re- Word Processing—essays, re- repairs. For Students, By Stu- provide us with valuable info and insight to help us shape loss of gate revenues. off. Wayne Gretzky, Bruce McNall in the NFL drug testing policy, into sumes. Word processed and sumes, etc. Call Debbie at 237- dents. Call Dan at 255-0637. the future goals and objectives of the Alumni Association. The commissioner, Larry "I have and John Candy, who apparently the fold. The net result is a terrible laser printed. Call Kim at 895- 1277. a dream" Smith, will tell anyone chooses his investments as care- football team that is drowning in a 3104. HPB Typing Services: reports, To receive your copy of the Alumni Journal and update willing to listen that further expan- fully as his movie roles, are losing sea of red ink. Will do essays, resumes, etc. resumes, etc. Canon Word Pro- your file, please contact Linda Truss-Baron, Director, sion into the United States is the a ton of money. They rid them- The canadian football game, in on computer with laser printer. cessor. Call 832-093 . MESSAGES RRCC Alumni Association, C-216 Ext. 2527. only tonic for what ails the CFL. selves of the 42 million dollar mis- my opinion, produces the most Excellent rates. Rush jobs no Write Stuff Resume & Typing *Become a member of the RRCC Alumni Association before exciting football on the planet. problem. Also do desktop pub- Service. All typing done on a In actuality, the willingness of take Rocket Ismail in hopes of May 1, 1993 and receive an original Alumni lapel pin. the owners to repeat past mistakes getting into the black, and now the Anyone who has ever inhaled beers lishing, books, manuals, etc. laser printer. Call 477-1431. To Cal: I NEED you!!! Call me and to ignore the basic accounting Rocket is making millions in the in the east side stands on a hot and teach WordPerfect 5.1 Call you know where.—Kyra principle that revenues should ex- NFL dodging tacklers and beer summer night will vouch for the 222-3990. ceed expenditures is primarily to cups while the Argos continue to entertainment value of a Bomber Word processing. Reasonable I Need to advertise I blame. flounder. game. rates. Call Kelly at 888-1447. I for a roommate? In otherwards, the owners are Meanwhile, in Ottawa, the Unfortunately, the day will prob- Calls returned promptly. I Do you have a I ROOMS FOR RENT Reasonable rates/fast, accu- WANTED PLEASE the main culprits. RoughRiders are doing their best ably come when that is no longer room to let? Need I In B.C., owner Bill Comrie is to live up to their already stellar possible. rate resumes/theses/reports/ I I ■ Rocky and Bullwinkle would have made great CFL to sell your car? or throwing around money like a blind reputation. The Gliebermans, The owners will see to that. term papers. Laser printing. I Room for rent: LARGE condo, man at a roulette table in hopes of Bernie and son Lonie, took the owners: at least they played football at Whatsamatta U. Pick up and delivery available. I Do you have typ- I furnished or unfurnished. Also CAR POOL wanted. From filling the seats. While the product most messed up team in the league Call 661-9181 or 663-1771 ing services to of- includes kitchen privileges and St. Boniface. Call Pat at 8am-8pm 7 days a week. Stu- I I t I fer? ADVERTISE I other benefits. St James 831- 233-3860 dents receive 10% discount! 7096 Ask for Gail. Magic Touch Word Process- I in the Projector I CAR POOL Wanted. APARTMENT AVAILABLE ing. Resumes, essays, term pa- I Classifieds FREE! I South St.Vital. Call Mich- RECYCLE What's so exciting about baseball? IMMEDIATELY. Within walking pers, reports, letters. Call 222- I All businesses that aren't I distance of RRCC. Contact elle at 256-7269 3643. I student initiated must buy I Mary at 775-4411 KD Word Processing Service. ad space. Call 632-2476 or • Criticizing the so-called "great American pastime" 632-2375-8:30 am-4 pm. 'I ROOM & BOARD available Specializing in letters, reports, immediately for a non-smok- By Brock Holowachuk ing, non-drinking male. 1 bus to college. Call Gord or Lena o ahead, call me a bigot. motion until one of the two does chewing tobacco in his mouth, "but are stupid. The views expressed here do not Haddad at 694-3072. This might be an unfair something. And then only one or they won't let me smoke in here." And they have the largest nuclear reflect the views of The Projector 1 BEDROOM IN HOUSE for G judgement, but if base- two players on the field is forced to "No, I mean baseball." arsenal on the planet. or any particular Projector editors ADVERTISING rent. Currently has a cat. Non- ball is the passion of Americans, react. "Ain't crap," he answered. "It's Now there's a happy thought. who may have once been U of M smokers preferred. Grovner don't worry about NAFTA - we're During a recent weekend trip to beautiful." Arts students J.B. near Osborne Village. $217 plus dealing with 300 million idiots. Minneapolis, I thought I'd give it a "But it's so boring? What's to utilities. Serious apllicants only. If you've ever witnessed a major try in person. like about it?" SALES Call Sean or Mandie at 284- league ball game in person - as I did I got a seat along the first base I had spent eleven dollars on the 7734. a few weeks ago - you know what line for Minnesota and the Texas seat and still wanted to get some- SUITE for rent. Includes com- I'm talking about. Rangers, next to a guy who had thing out of it. REPS plete furnishings plus It's really slow. Slower than it travelled all the way from the Lone "You can't watch the whole housewares. Call Margaret at seems on TV. Slower than Shawn Star State to take in the game. He game. You gotta' watch the little The Students' Association is looking for 284-3861 or leave message. Cronin on skates. Slower than an asked me where I was from. things. You see the batter's hands?" LOOKING for roomate (Male or Arts student from the University of "Canada, huh?" he grunted. "I "Yeah," I lied. I couldn't see highly motivated individuals (students) Female), 2 bedroom available Manitoba. guess you play hockey." much of anything at that point. to sell advertising space for CMOR for Oct.1. Cozy and clean, The problem is, there's nothing "Only when I'm not on the "What about them?" radio, the Projector newspaper, the smoke-free suite. Heat, water, spontaneous about baseball. trapline," I said. "The arena is right "He's got two strikes on him, so and is Every possible play has been next to my igloo." he moves his hands up the bat a Student Telephone Directory and the included.Wpeasrtkwoin god near planned out, practiced and seen by Not a good start. So I settle in to couple inches. Now he's trying to WANTED Survival Guide. Earnings will be on a RCMP building. $300/month everyone. There's no surprise in- watch, get really bored, and start foul the balls off." commission basis. Territories will be Call Dennis at 477-8890 volved - ninety per cent of the time, eating a big bag of peanuts to hit The batter struck out on the next Intramural Reps. to pass on information on SUITE downstairs in a house. you can pretty much guess exactly time. Heavily salted peanuts, I soon pitch. assigned. Hours are flexible. Self-contained back door, fur- what's going to happen. found out, signifying a clever move "Well, it didn't work that time," upcoming intramural activities to their Deliver resume to the Students' Asso- nished. 3 room. Diane 632-0798 Compare that to hockey. The by the Metrodome people to boost he said. "But that's what you gotta' classmates. player reacts to the situation, which beer sales. start watching for." ciation, Room DM20, ATTN: Todd forces another player to make a It worked. By the third inning, I All this doesn't explain why Scaletta, Business Manager. decision, which influences every- had started into the bubbly. By the Americans are in love with base- no meetings , no hassles , no stress thing that happens on the ice. It's fifth, I was feeling brave enough to ball. They are loud, overbearing Deadline: Friday, September continuous action. start up a conversation with my and obnoxious people. I just can't Forms are available from the North Gym EAD Baseball is simply a game in- red-necked American friend. picture them appreciating anything 24, 1993 at 4 pm. R volving two players - the pitcher "You like that crap?" I ask. subtle. equipment counter. and the batter - moving in slow "No," he said, rolling a ball of So there's the proof - Americans