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The Bandersnatch team (or most of it) after a tough semester. Hey, where was Anton when we took pictures?!

SUJAC Update ...... 3 Campus Life ...... 5 Opinion ...... 8 Slanderbatch ...... 9 Entertainment ...... 13 Arts ...... 17 Games ...... 20

Sports ...... 21

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BANDERSNATCH School Should Have Ended Already... John Abbott College With your Editor-in-Chief Jeffrey Katz P.O. Box 2000 Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue, QC H9X 3L9 The very last issue of the semes- are..... well, all of them. So whether put a bit of effort on it, and we are hop- ter, of the year. Finally. you want to run for Ed-In-Chief, or ing you will laugh as much reading it Tel: (514) 457-6610 Ext 5389 Ads Manager, come to the meeting. as we did writing it. I have to say, it’s been a pain-in- Fax: (514) 457-6091 the-ass semester, with school work This issue is a big one, with a spe- To send you off, I have decided to E-Mail: and Bander both fighting for equal pri- cial insert, and enough content to en- publish a list of what the world has [email protected]

ority in our schedules. We sweated, tertain and inform you for a long decided to call “Bushisms”. The man Office: H-041 ○○○○○ we screamed, we swore - a lot - , we while. We bedazzle! We shock! We in- that started all, the President of the ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ cried, we occasionally cracked one still fear! We are THE Bandersnatch. United States of America has become Editor-in-Chief another over the head. In the end, (This paragraph is a perfect excuse a very multi-talented individual. Be- Jeffrey Katz looking back at all the fuss, we did a why you should run for Ed-In-Chief, sides running a country, coercing the good job. Maybe not too modest, but or another position; you can write world, and generally making this a News Editor true. useless and corny paragraphs just like better place to live in, he also has a Ann-Margaret Porcelli it!) talent for comical statements. Here is This is one of the most trying times just a sampling: for the Bander office, as many of our Also, even though this is the very Campus Life Editor long-standing, hard-working Execs last issue of this year, we will still be “Security is the essential road- Rob Briza and other staff are moving on. Some accepting articles, pictures, drawings, block to achieving the road map to Opinion Editor to University, some to their future and pretty much anything you would peace.”—Washington, D.C., July 25, Marc Nakhleh careers, and of course many to the like to submit. It will give us some- 2003 Antartic. They will be remembered for thing to publish the first few, boring “Do you have blacks, too?”—To Entertainment Editor a long time to come - well, until they weeks of school next year. Karen Gelsthorpe are replaced - and their work here is Brazilian President Fernando With Springfest and the end of Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, forever honored, and will be recycled Sports Editor school arriving within a few weeks, I 2001 according to Government regula- Naila Jinnah tions. expect your profs will be cramming 60% or more of their grading very “They misunderestimated me.” Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000 Arts Editor So, since we will be running short soon, so give ‘em hell! Chris Deslauriers for positions as of next semester - Have a great summer, and we all “It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot damn graduates - we will be holding Assistant Editor-in-Chief hope you enjoy our traditional end- of numbers in it.” -Reuters, May 5, Open Elections next Tuesday at 17h30 2000 Benjamin Wald in H 033A. The current open positions of-semester insert, Slanderbatch. We Office Manager Christine Nadeau

Production Manager News Editor's Note Sarah Jade Aubé with editor Ann-Margaret Porcelli Advertising Manager Anton Iancu

Another semester has come in the library of a local Jewish el- journey of CEJEP is ending soon Temporary Archive Editor to an end. As I sit writing my last ementary school. I encourage you and you will all be ready to embark Katherine Martin all to read the story of how the editors note for the winter 2004 on a new and exciting journey. Foreign Languages Editor academic year, I can’t help but re- community is handling this act of Many are probably experiencing Open flect over the stories that have violence against the Jewish com- mix feeling which is quite normal. bombarded the news during the munity in our own city. Unfortu- Regardless of the path you take re- Games Page Editor nately acts of violence are happen- past four months. Although there member there isn’t anything you Jeffrey Katz is controversy and stress amongst ing in many parts of the world. can’t accomplish with determina- leaders and individuals over the There are many innocent people tion and motivation. Follow your Photographic Coordinator US led War on terror as well as the dying in Iraq. I recommend that dreams and make them happen. I Zili Wang upcoming elections in Canada and you read the amazing article on would like to congratulate you all the United States, there are posi- how a Laval journalist spent his and good luck in your future Webmasters tive situations in the world. An days in captivity and how he is re- endeavors. You will all be missed. Ryan Bruyère

inspiring event occurred early in covering from his terrible ordeal. David Newman ○○○○○○○○ the semester when John Abbott Osama Bin Laden has extended That’s it for the news this ○○○○○○○○○○○○ students and the West Island com- some form of peace offering to all week. Good Luck on your final Bandersnatch is the student-run Alternative Press munity came together to raise European states. World leaders exams and have a great and safe at John Abbott College. It is published every two weeks money for Anthony. Anthony’s are now discussing whether or not summer holiday. I am looking for- and is partially funded by the Student Activities ward to seeing you next August. Commitee and by advertising solicited members. Sub- only chance of survival is to have to reject the message of having missions are welcome in traditionally either English a complex surgery that can only be their troops return home or to con- or French and become property of the newspaper. Sub- performed in the Texas. Let’s not tinue their work in the Middle East. missions must be on an IBM compatible diskette along forget our loony line ending last with a printed hard copy and MUST be in Text Format Only a few short weeks left of (*.txt) or RichText Format (*.RTF). All submissions must semester to help students in need. this semester, and I can sense the include the full name and telephone number of the con- John Abbott’s newest project, by excitement coming from those tributor, as well as the e-mail address if applicable. The SUJAC, to adopt a child in a third staff reserves the right to reject or edit any submis- graduating in June. Or perhaps it’s world country has been holding sions for length, legality, or clarity. Letters to Bander- a great feeling and thought on my bake sales for this great humani- snatch should be a maximum of 500 words but may see part that I have survived my first print nonetheless if they are longer but worthwhile. tarian cause. year of CEJEP. However I will fo- Neither spelling nor grammar will be corrected on let- Just a couple of weeks cus on those graduating this year. ters to the editors, it is the responsibility of the con- Once again for many students this tributor to correct them. ago there was a bomb that went off Submissions and letters should be dropped off at the Bandersnatch office, located in the basement of Herzberg, H-041 (across from the Hallway entrance of

the oval).

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Rarely ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Benjamin Wald person Yves Surprenant called it the

Briefed Assistant Editor - in - Chief most deplorable thing he had seen ○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○ in his 24 years with the force. The Early Monday morning, April head of the school denounced it as On9/11 5, an event occurred that had Mon- “An act of terrorism, pure and sim-

treal mayor Gerald Tremblay saying ple.” Prime Minister Paul Martin said ○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ he was ashamed to be the mayor of the firebombing was an “attack on Zili Wang Montreal. The Talmud Torah Jewish freedom.” Setting fire to “a place of

Photographic Coordinator learning, where young children ○○○○○○○○○

○○○○○○○○○○○○○ school library was the target of a vi- cious hate crime. A window was bro- gather is an offense against all that When George Tenet, head of the ken and an accelerator used to start Canadians cherish,” the Prime Min- CIA, was presented with an August a fire that gutted the library. Of the ister added. 2001 briefing labeled “Islamic Ex- ten thousand books stored in the li- This attack seems to be a part tremist Learns to Fly”, George Bush brary, both religious and entertain- of a rising trend of anti-Semitism in was at his Texas ranch, on a month- ment oriented, only twenty-five sur- Canada. B’nai Brith Canada reported long vacation. The briefing was a fol- vived the fire. an increase in anti-Semitic incidents low-up on the arrest of one Zacarias This fire was motivated by in Canada in 2003. There have been Jewish places of worship Moussaoui just days earlier and was almost 600 cases of violence, har- and institutions during the Jewish just one of a series of damning evi- anti-Semitism, and was intended as a warning. Anti-Semitic notes were assment and vandalism against holiday season. The school itself has dence that the States had failed to act Jews, and over 100 in Quebec alone. increased its security measures as on, according to the Sept.11 Commis- taped to the school walls. There was a two-page note found near the de- Three Toronto teenagers were well. sion. charged after several vandals top- stroyed library, left by the terror- The Montreal police have yet to Recent investigation have ists. It attributed the attack to the pled headstones at a Jewish cem- etery and spray-painted anti-Se- name any suspects in this crime, and yielded an admission by Tenet that he Israeli killing of Yassin, the terror- the school will be reopening on April had had little communication with ist founder of Hamas. The letter mitic slogans on a synagogue. In a separate incident, a 46-year-old 16. Justice Minister Irwin Contler President George W. Bush in the sum- stated that this was a warning, not has promised that this crime will be mer of 2001 – a period when intelli- intended to kill anyone. However, man was arrested for vandalizing constraction boarding in Toronto punished. “[Canada] will not be si- gence agencies were being warned of they also stated that if Israel contin- lent and we will not be intimated and an impending terrorist threat. In fact, ues its “crimes”, the group will per- with messages that equated the start of David with the swastika. we will act and we will bring the full Mr. Tenet had admitted that he had petrate further attacks in Montreal. force of law to bear against those not spoken to George Bush once dur- The attack has been univer- Mayor Gerald Tremblay has who would commit these cowardly ing all of August 2001, when ques- promised increased security for all acts of racist, hate crimes,” he said. tioned by Commission member Tim sally condemned. The police spokes- Roemer. The agency would later phone reporters to correct Mr. Ten- et’s testimony, saying they did meet twice in August, after all. SUJAC Update The interim report by the Com- mission, issued April 14, showed a fail- ure to follow up on the arrest of Mr. It is the time of the year again ing, perhaps it is a good Mouassaoui, a French-born Islamic where the SUJAC Executives can time to think back and ap- extremist and a confirmed al-Qaeda see the final results of more than preciate all the merry expe- member – the arrest also revealed the two semesters of training, disci- riences and people that training of Islamic extremists to fly. plining and mindless programming have been part of your life The report came in August, and no (okay maybe not that) of our be- for the past year. Want to warning was issued. The report also loved Congress members. Now, in thank a teacher for the disclosed that for many years the CIA the spring, they are all grown up great class he or she has had, intelligence reports suggesting and ready to take over the roles of taught? Drop by SUJAC Of- that the al-Qaeda might hijack passen- President, VP Internal, VP Aca- fice and pick up a Teacher ger planes to use as missiles. There demic, VP Finance and VP Exter- Appreciation card and was a 1996 warning of a terrorist plot nal for next year. The SUJAC Ex- spread the love. Fill them to fly an explosives-laden plane into a ecutive Elections are going to be out and bring them back to US city, a 1996 warning of Iranians held on April 26 at 5:30 in the the SUJAC Office and we’ll planning to hijack a Japanese plane Agora. Only Congress members handle the rest. and crash it into Tel Aviv, and a 1995 can vote, but if anybody is curi- warning of terrorists intending to fly ous, visitors are more than wel- Another way to show a plane into the CIA headquarters. comed. your appreciation is to is a There was also knowledge of a plan by nominate a teacher for the SUJAC In other news, SUJAC is also chance for panicking parents to ask an Algerian terrorist group to fly a Award. This award is given to a sponsoring a child and need all much needed questions like “How plane into the Eiffel Tower in 1994 . teacher that has contributed sub- your help. The World Vision SUJAC is my baby boy/girl going to sur- This plan failed because none of the stantially to student life other than Child is looking for donations so vive in CEGEP?” (ok… maybe not terrorists had the knowledge needed in the field of Academics. We don’t please help us out. There will also that bad). Obviously those work- to fly. know all of faculty and all that they be a pancake sale the 27th of April. ing that night will do the best to in have achieved, so suggestion are Mr. Tenet claimed the accusa- Yes, you heard right! PANCAKES. fact a wonderful school. more than welcomed. tions made by the commission were It starts off at 8:00 in the morning “flat wrong”, while the agency admit- for all you early birds and grumpy Parent’s night is also coming on Anyway, that’s all for now. ted the need to overhaul the CIA; Mr. caffeine-induced students. Every- the 26th May. For those of you Best of luck to all you students in Tenet also pointed out the loss of 25% body loves pancakes so drop by who do not know what Parent’s your exams and enjoy the last few of its personnel in the 1990s, the fact and satisfy your taste buds for a Night is, imagine your Orientation weeks of school! that new analysts are not hired, as well good cause! minus the adorable little video as the chaos of training involving of- presentation and the hot dogs. It

ficers who work overseas. With the end of the year com-

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Osama Bin Laden's Peace Offering ○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ did not take control of the coalition Ann-Margaret Porcelli The message brought to Euro- in Iraq, Spain would remove its 1300 pean leaders was that they would be

News Editor th ○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ troops from Iraq by June 30 . This given a three month deadline, start- news led to discussions amongst ing April 15 2004, to remove troops leaders with regards to the with- A month ago Spain suffered one and to stop attacking Muslims. Bin drawal of Spanish troops. It also of its largest terrorist attacks, which Laden also made references to the raised the question: would such a lead to the death of approximately attacks on the United States on Sep- move promote further terrorist at- two hundred individuals. The attack tember 11 2001 as well the Madrid tacks against countries that support occurred three days prior to Spain’s commuter train bombings that oc- the War on Terrorism? Al Qa’ida and national elections, and some experts curred on March 11 2004. These ref- other affiliated groups may consider believe the bombings had a direct erences are messages to the Allies themselves successful with their impact on the election results. of the United States. As stated by threatening attacks, and also obtain- Ninety percent of the Spanish popu- Scott McClellan a White House ing power over the political deci- lation was opposed to the Prime Min- spokesman it is “a clear reminder we sions of voters, as a result of having ister Jose Maria Aznar’s support for are still at war.” From the taped con- leaders that support the War against This offer is meant to create divi- the US war against Iraq. The attacks versation there was a threat of re- Terrorist voted out of power. sion between the United States and enabled socialist Prime Minister venge against the United States for its allies by playing on the fear of the Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero to gain the death of Sheikh Ahmed Yassin, The fear that has arisen amongst public. Bin Laden conveyed an offer public support which lead to his vic- the Hamas founder who was killed world leaders on whether the with- of hope that there would be a reward tory in March 22, 2004. drawal of Spanish troops would have for countries that would comply this implications on the safety of indi- After viewing the tape, Romano with Al Qaeda’s demands, encourag- year’s vidual’s worldwide has now become Prodi, European Commission presi- ing voters to vote out leaders that election. a reality. On Wednesday April 14, a dent said “there could be no negoti- did not act on his demands. The tape of Osama Bin Laden was aired ating under a terrorist threat.” Ital- Monday on Arab television, offering a truce ian Foreign Minister Franco Frattini As individuals wait patiently for after to European states, yet not to the said, “It is completely unthinkable the next three months one can only Spain’s United States. On Thursday, CIA of- that we could start negotiations with imagine the threat that lingers over Elec- ficials viewed and evaluated the au- Bin Laden.” The peace branch ex- the heads of those who do not step tion, the dio tape announcing that the speaker tended to Europe from Bin Laden down but rise to defeat the threat Prime was most-likely Bin Laden, however; was also rejected by British Prime and uphold the freedom that was Minister one can never be one hundred per- Minister Tony Blair and Leaders fought for only too recently. an-cent certain. from France and Germany. nounced that if the United Nations

Le Mercaz CGX Completes ○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ zation is Le Mercaz Non-Brokered being re-

Press Release ○○○○○○○○

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ warded for the good Placement On Thursday, March 18th, thou- work that it sands of Montrealers participated ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ riod that expires does, “it is CGX Enery Inc. in the 1st Annual Le Mercaz “Wear August 2,2004. truly amaz- Press Release

& Share Day” by wearing yellow ing that ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ The units were ribbons at work and at school. The when we purchased by Toronto, Ontario – (CCNMatthews purpose of the event was to raise make an ap- Sprott Asset – Apr 6,2004) – CGX Energy Inc. awareness of the plight of thou- peal for Management on (OYL.U –TSX-V) has completed the sands of people in the Montreal funds, our behalf of various non-broker private placement of community who rely on the serv- donors re- funds that it man- 4,100,000 Units at a price of ices provided by the organization. spond in ages. CGX Ener- US$0.73 per Unit for aggregate gross Thanks to the generosity of thou- very tangi- gy’s issued capital proceeds of US$2,993,000 to Sprott sands of individuals at dozens of ble ways, we are so grateful as we consists of 62,715,595 common Asset Management. The private place- workplaces and schools around the are now able to fulfill the needs of shares and 74,293,663 common ment was originally announced on city, Le Mercaz was able to raise our many clients”, Lisbona said. shares on a fully-diluted basis. over $8,000 to help combat hun- March 26,2004. Each Unit consists CGX Energy Inc. (TSX-V- ger. In excess of $6,000 was Le Mercaz is a food and of one (1) common share and one-half OYL.U) is a Canadian-based oil and gas raised during Le Mercaz’s recent clothing bank located on Decarie (1/2) common share purchase war- Exploration Company focused on the Purim Campaign. Boulevard in Snowdon. It has been rant. Each whole common share pur- servicing low-income families and chase warrant is exercisable into one exploration for oil in the Guyana ba- “We didn’t expect the re- those in need, since 1993 and it (1) common share at a price of sin and is actively looking at other in- sponse to be this overwhelming”, relies primarily on donations from US$1.10 until October 3,2005. The ternational opportunities. CGX is said Le Mercaz Special Events Co- individuals and organizations. In Units and the underlying common managed by a team of experienced oil ordinator, Shari Feigenbaum, fiscal 2003, over 2,000 families shares issuable on exercise of the and gas and finance professionals “People really came out and re- received assistance from its food com- from Canada, U.S.A. and the UK. CGX sponded to our call, I have no bank. mon is financed internationally and have doubt that this will become an an- share over 5,000 shareholders worldwide. nual even.” Next year, To find out more about how pur- For further information please con- Feigenbaum hopes to bring in you can help, please call Le chase tact: Kerry Sully, President &CEO at more corporate participants. Mercaz at 344-8845 or visit our war- (604) 733-9647, Charlotte May, In- website at www.lemercaz.com rants vestor Relations at (416) 364-5569 Le Mercaz Chairman, David are sub- or Denis Clement, Director at (416) Lisbona, believes that the organi- ject to a 364-1909 or visit our website at

hold pe- www.cgxenergy.com.

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with your editor Robert J. Briza

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My First Year At John Abbott ○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ tinuing Education, where I had only denly stumbled upon. Three months to the Bandersnatch office, wanting to Robert J. Briza two classes; Trigonometry and Alge- after starting at Réno Depôt, I was “let join them. I originally wanted to run

Campus Life Editor ○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○ bra with Daniel Erban, and Thinking, go”. I did not finish their 480-hour for my current position, Campus Life Logic and Knowledge with Maria probation period, and so I was fired. Editor, but at the time the position So the 2003-2004 school year is Mamfredis. The weekly routine I had They told me “You do not meet our was filled. Likewise, because of work, coming to a close, but this first year to follow was very difficult and tiring. standards.” The good news was that I I had to miss the meetings for nomi- Abbott student has only a story to of- I had to survive on only 4 hours of had my weekends back. At Saint Cin- nations as well as elections. I would fer. No advice for the next generation, sleep per night. The only time I had namon, I had a whole other place to have to say the best part of Abbott is just some musing in this section of off was Thursday night excel in. Every day, my the fact that there is a Dagwoods... Bandersnatch. Because of some...shall after 2pm and Sunday boss would tell me that he Wasn't that the random tidbit. After we say, registration problems...I after 3am. My days thanked God that he about two months, the Campus Life could not start as a full time day stu- would start at 6am and found me. I was the baker Editor quit and the position was reo- dent here at John Abbott. In August, usually end at mid- there. According to my pened, so I decided to run. I was nomi- I started the night shift at Réno Depôt night. Finally, one boss, we were taking cus- nated, but due to a series of events, on Friday and Saturday nights, from night during my short tomers away from the the actual elections only occured a 9pm to 6 am, on Friday, and 5:30pm break from my four- Fairview Saint Cinna- couple of weeks later. And finally I to 2:30am on Saturday. I worked hour humanities class, mon's, and we were pros- was voted in as Campus Life Editor. there for an entire week at first to get I found my friend Ben. He brought me pering. But tragedy struck us when the Andrew Cote, former Editor in Chief, used to the night shift. Unfortunately, down to the Production room, be- Saint Cinnamon was sold. The new along with a lot of help from the rest I was unprepared for the undesirable cause it was Bandersnatch production owner, whom I trained in the art of of the Bandersnatch staff, taught me effects. The next week, I was tired dur- night. Human contact...the final fron- the Saint Cinnamon baking put the how to use Adobe Pagemaker that was ing the day, but I thought that if I kept tier. I wrote an article about the intel- bare minimum of ingredients in the used in the production of myself awake I would be able to sleep ligence in the WWE and it got pub- buns, either under or overcooked the Bandersnatch. Saint Cinnamon's was at night: it did not work out that way. lished in the Opinions section. I did buns and never made muffins. By this then sold again, so I quit and found a Finally, I started again at the Saint Cin- not make the best first impression on time, I had finished night school and job at The Colisseum in Kirkland. My namon in Kirkland. I would work from the Bandersnatch crew...uh...yeah. I was looking forward to starting my old boss is opening up a new restau- 7am to 2pm, Monday to Friday. My made friends at night school: Christina first full time semester at John Abbott rant and will give me a job there. My first semester at Abbott was in Con- and Matt were like a new clique I sud- Social Science. On my first day I went First Year.

Earth Day Religion

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Contributor Office Manager

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○○○○○○○○○○○○○ superior spirit of some kind. So how ○○○○○○○○○

○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ucts. There will be many different bro- chures and pamphlets as well as post- There has been an endless conflict is it that with all these similarities, we It’s that time of year again when ers on display that you can read to since the dawn of organized religion have spent the last six hundred years the students of John Abbott College inform yourself of the current issues between the great faiths of the world. or so destroying each other over the start migrating from the school’s base- that we must face. Be sure to check Yet still we fail to notice that if every- idea that one religion is better than ment hallways to the stairs outside out the videos that will be shown one in fact practiced their faith, we the others? The very course of action and grass spaces of the campus. Spring throughout the day and to drop your would not be suffering these religion- we take against others and each other is finally here! And what better way to change or any donation of your capa- born wars. And perhaps the greatest on a daily basis, based solely on our welcome this beautiful weather than bility to help save Luna the whale. obstacle is that we have yet to even religious beliefs, not our principles, to celebrate Earth Day. Come treat your taste buds to a vegan renew the separation between reli- violates the very basis of our commu- On April 21st, in the Agora, the lunch and wash it down with a gion and faith itself: since when does nal Faith in goodness and justice, not environmental club (HEAL-Helping smoothie. As well, fair trade coffee this or that church’s rules stand above as a faith community, but as living Environmental Awareness Learning) will be available throughout the day the basic principles of human rights beings. Saying your "Our Father"’s or along with the help of several teach- for FREE! Finish the day off by par- and freedom? How did Ten Command- going to the synagogue or mosque will ers, have organized for you the chance ticipating in an afternoon paddle and ments from God turn into 613 man- not justify us yelling at our children to educate yourself about the things weed walk by meeting at 5:00 in room made rules? And how did the holy without reason, desecrating human that you can do to reduce your “eco- C0079. scripture of God lead to orders of war rights or forcing our will onto other logical footprint” on this planet. and cultural havoc amongst its follow- people. The truth is that if we all fo- By participating in Earth Day we ers? The Christian New Testament cused on our faith rather than Throughout the day you can stop can guarantee that you will come teaches us to love one another, un- nitpicking at every single excuse for by the Agora to find out information away with at least one thing, whether conditionally and forgivingly; the superiority we can find! about many environmental issues. big or small, that you can change Holy Qu’ran teaches servitude to Al- And in scripture(which, by the Rebecca Aldsworth, a about yourself or your lifestyle to con- lah, the only God, with the right to de- way, is sacrilegious in the most fun- Newfoundlander, will speak of about tribute positively to our Earth. So stop fend one’s home and family; finally the damental manner), we might just have the Seal Hunt in P204 from 1:00-2:30 by and don’t hesitate to ask any ques- Torah (The Old Testament) empha- a chance at this famed salvation that and Mike Gagné will speak in the Agora tions! You’ve got nothing to lose and sizes the importance of obedience to, every religion proclaims, be it nir- at 11:30. Representatives from Moun- knowledge and power to gain! and fear of, God. On a farther offshoot, vana, heaven or just plain eternal rest. tain Equipment Co-op will be here to ~HEAL(FYI: Earth Day is celebrated Hinduism holds the strong belief in You want to be holy and live out your speak of their philosophy and their worldwide on April 22nd, but due to second chances (reincarnation) that faith? Start by being a good human, Green Building in Montreal. The Ur- conflicting booking times of the resemble the purgatory of Catholi- and then aim for holiness. And get ban Ecology Centre will be promoting Agora, here at Abbott we will be cel- cism or the hell of Islam. All these re- going we need both.

their Green Ribbon Campaign and ebrating on the 21st!). ligions begin with a belief in goodness

○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ 2004-04-21 5

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I also wrote another song, “The Way I realized that everything belongs to Jerusalem (as my brother had done). ○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ to Find God Out.” I became even At Jerusalem, I went to the mosque IN HOSPITAL God, that slumber does not overtake more famous in the world of music. I Him. He created everything. At this and sat down. A man asked me what really had a difficult time because I After a year of financial success and point I began to lose the pride in me, I wanted. I told him I was a Muslim. was getting rich and famous, and at ‘high’ living, I became very ill, because hereto I had thought the He asked what was my name. I told the same time, I was sincerely contracted TB and had to be reason I was here was because of my him, “Stevens.” He was confused. I searching for the Truth. Then I came hospitalized. It was then that I started own greatness. But I realized that I then joined the prayer, though not so to a stage where I decided that to think: What was to happen to me? did not create myself, and the whole successfully. Back in London, I met a Buddhism is all right and noble, but I Was I just a body, and my goal in life purpose of my being here was to sister called Nafisa. I told her I was not ready to leave the world. I was merely to satisfy this body? I submit to the teaching that has been wanted to embrace Islam and she was too attached to the world and realized now that this calamity was a perfected by the religion we know as directed me to the New Regent was not prepared to become a monk blessing given to me by Allah, a Al-Islam. At this point I started Mosque. This was in 1977, about and to isolate myself from society. chance to open my eyes - “Why am I discovering my faith. I felt I was a one and a half years after I received the Qur’an. Now I realized that I here? Why am I in bed?” - and I I tried Zen and Ching, Muslim. On reading the Qur’an, I started looking for some of the now realized that all the must get rid of my pride, get rid of numerology, tarot Iblis, and face one direction. So on a answers. At that time there was great cards and astrology. I Prophets sent by God interest in the Eastern mysticism. I brought the same Friday, after Jumma’ I went to the tried to look back into Imam and declared my faith (the began reading, and the first thing I the Bible and could not message. Why then began to become aware of was were the Jews and Kalima) at this hands. You have find anything. At this before you someone who had death, and that the soul moves on; it time I did not know Christians different? I does not stop. I felt I was taking the know now how the achieved fame and fortune. But anything about Islam, guidance was something that eluded road to bliss and high and then, what I Jews did not accept accomplishment. I started meditating Jesus as the Messiah me, no matter how hard I tried, until I regarded as a miracle was shown the Qur’an. Now I and even became a vegetarian. I now occurred. My brother and that they had believed in ‘peace and flower power,’ changed His Word. realize I can get in direct contact with had visited the mosque God, unlike Christianity or any other and this was the general trend. But in Jerusalem and was Even the Christians what I did believe in particular was misunderstand God’s religion. As one Hindu lady told me, greatly impressed that “You don’t understand the Hindus. that I was not just a body. This while on the one hand Word and called Jesus awareness came to me at the hospital. the son of God. We believe in one God; we use these it throbbed with life (unlike the objects (idols) to merely churches and synagogues which were Everything made so much sense. This One day when I was walking and I concentrate.” What she was saying empty), on the other hand, an is the beauty of the Qur’an; it asks was caught in the rain, I began running was that in order to reach God, one atmosphere of peace and tranquillity you to reflect and reason, and not to to the shelter and then I realized, has to create associates, that are idols prevailed. worship the sun or moon but the One ‘Wait a minute, my body is getting Who has created everything. The for the purpose. But Islam removes wet, my body is telling me I am THE QUR’AN Qur’an asks man to reflect upon the all these barriers. The only thing that getting wet.’ This made me think of a sun and moon and God’s creation in moves the believers from the saying that the body is like a donkey, When he came to London he brought general. Do you realize how different disbelievers is the salat. This is the and it has to be trained where it has to back a translation of the Qur’an, the sun is from the moon? They are process of purification. go. Otherwise, the donkey will lead which he gave to me. He did not at varying distances from the earth, you where it wants to go. become a Muslim, but he felt Finally I wish to say that everything I yet appear the same size to us; at do is for the pleasure of Allah and something in this religion, and thought times one seems to overlap the other. Then I realized I had a will, a God- I might find something in it also. pray that you gain some inspirations given gift: follow the will of God. I Even when many of the astronauts go from my experiences. Furthermore, I was fascinated by the new And when I received the book, a to space, they see the insignificant size would like to stress that I did not terminology I was learning in the guidance that would explain of the earth and vastness of space. come into contact with any Muslim Eastern religion. By now I was fed everything to me - who I was; what They become very religious, because before I embraced Islam. I read the up with Christianity. I started making was the purpose of life; what was the they have seen the Signs of Allah. Qur’an first and realized that no music again and this time I started reality and what would be the reality; When I read the Qur’an further, it person is perfect. Islam is perfect, reflecting my own thoughts. I and where I came from - I realized talked about prayer, kindness and and if we imitate the conduct of the remember the lyric of one of my that this was the true religion; religion charity. I was not a Muslim yet, but I Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa songs. It goes like this: “I wish I not in the sense the West understands felt that the only answer for me was sallam) we will be successful. May knew, I wish I knew what makes the it, not the type for only your old age. the Qur’an, and God had sent it to Allah give us guidance to follow the Heaven, what makes the Hell. Do I In the West, whoever wishes to me, and I kept it a secret. But the path of the ummah of Muhammad get to know You in my bed or some embrace a religion and make it his Qur’an also speaks on different (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam). Ameen! dusty cell while others reach the big only way of life is deemed a fanatic. I levels. I began to understand it on — Yusuf Islam (formerly Cat Stevens)

hotel?” and I knew I was on the Path. was not a fanatic, I was at first another level, where the Qur’an says,

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Easter Holidays RandomCampus ○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ and studying…(cough-). We Carolyn Romero need time to recuperate as effi-

Staff Writer ○○○○○○○○○

○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ciently as possible from the fun in Whether one devours a Turkey order to return to school in tip-top feast, entertains while at a family shape. gathering or simply over indulges Citizens in the job force these secretly in chocolate caramel eggs, days are entitled to Monday off and Easter Holidays are usually a satis- it is not as if students do not work as fying affair for most students. There hard as they do! Not having Monday is however, a bittersweet twist to this off for Easter break acts like a tease Lebanese Booth ever so pleasant story… Dagwood's for those who were just getting re- The truth is, despite the gifts, laxed and feeling the holiday vibes. grub and good times, most tend to Before one knows it, Sunday night agree that we students are being has arrived and there is nothing stu- swindled when it comes to the Easter dents can do or say to solve their “long weekend”. Easter Holiday be- disenchanted feelings. gins with Friday off and goes on only If Monday were to be put into the through Sunday night. What ever Easter vacation treat basket, then happened to Easter Monday? everyone would benefit thoroughly A three-day weekend would be from this special event. Last minute adequate for St. Patrick’s day or say frantic scholars doing math home- John Abbott in the Winter Groundhog day but for Easter? The work and drowsy stuffed students would a thing of the past. big bunny himself waits all year for Casgrain Flags his time to shine and all we can do to Having said that, we should all show our appreciation is a three-day gather together and voice our opin- break? No people…This is seriously ions to change the face of Easter Holi- unreasonable! day forever. That way today’s stu- Rob Says: Never Spit Into the To boot, even though Easter is all dents and our future generations Wind,Never throw rocks at glass fun and games, students need fur- may benefit from this modification. houses,and always repeat after ther time to accomplish homework lathering and rinsing.

Multi-cultural week

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Save Our Rainforests ○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ most of this in the Amazon Basin. miles per year converted to agri- deemed a “global problem”, like Steve Stephanakis “Based on these estimates,” says culture or cut for timberfor for- acid rain or the Greenhouse Effect.

Student

○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ NASA’s Earth Observatory Unit, eigners worldwide. Its effects are just as all-encom- “an area of tropical forest large passing and, in fact, ignoring the The destruction of tropical for- enough to cover North Carolina is The deforestation of Tropical problem of deforestation can lead ests across the Earth’s surface has deforested each year!”. Wow. rainforests has long-range conse- to the exacerbation of other eco- been occurring on a relatively quences that easily turn danger- logical problems that we are fac- large-scale basis for many centu- Research results by Basic Sci- ous. Trees contain about 50% car- ing today. The increase in carbon ries. This process, known as defor- ence and Remote Sensing Initia- bon. When trees are cut down and monoxide emission leads to the estation, refers to the burning, tive’s (BSRSI) have indicated that burned, the carbon combines with worsening of the Greenhouse Ef- cutting down or otherwise damag- in the Brazilian Amazon, the rate oxygen and is released into the at- fect and acid rain. Decrease of oxy- ing of the trees in a forest, render- of deforestation was 6200 square mosphere as carbon dioxide. Car- gen emission stunts the growth and ing the aforementioned land bar- miles per year from 1978-1986, bon dioxide is a greenhouse gases development of fauna and florae. ren. The loss of tropical rain forest but fell to 4800 square miles per that contribute to global warming has more profound effects than year from 1986-1993. “By 1988,” and climate changes, problems It is not only an environmental merely the destruction of a beau- states the research that no doubt deserve problem, but also a social prob- tiful natural site. If the present rate paper, “6% of the Bra- their own articles and lem. As mentioned previously, of deforestation continues, the zilian Amazon had time at length. farmers are the biggest agents of world’s major rain forests may been cut down rainforest loss due to the fact that vanish within 100 years, thus caus- (90,000 square Tropical rain forests they are in general poor and have ing unknown effects on the global miles, an area the are an important part of limited assets and must, when climate and small-scale deforesta- size of New England)” the global water cycle, times are rough, sell off their as- tion has been known to cause the (BSRSI paper, 1996). which is also known as the sets. The problem resides in the elimination of the majority of plant However, due to the ‘Global Hydrologic Cy- fact that the assets they sell off and animal species in the region. isolation of frag- cle’. Evaporation and aren’t “transferred”, the way that Deforestation on a global scale ments and the in- other processes initiated money or houses or furniture might cause the genocide of whole crease in forest/ by trees return large changes hands. It is exploited right species of fauna and florae. These clearing boundaries, amounts of water to the away and that makes this problem soon-to-be-extinct specimens are a total of 16.5% of the atmosphere, causing all the more pressing. Especially what help keep the Earth’s ecosys- forest (230,000 cooling, cloud formation due to the fact that the economic tem in its current balance. Elimi- square miles, an area and precipitation (rain). situation that allowed this to hap- nation of entire geni would doubt- nearly the size of When the rainforest is de- pen in the first place (under subsi- lessly produce problems for all of Texas) was affected by deforesta- stroyed, precipitation goes down, dized farmers in South-American Humanity. tion. Scientists are currently carbon dioxide concentrations go countries) is not being dealt with. analyzing rates of deforestation up, oxygen production levels go The Food and Agriculture Or- for the current decade, as well as down and local wildlife is eradi- It is not just some fad-of-the- ganization (FAO) estimates that studying how deforestation cated, unable to survive during the week one sees on TV. It is a prob- 53,000 square miles of tropical changes from year to year. The transition from rainforest to lem that requires immediate action forests (rain forest and other) were smaller region of Southeast Asia empty, barren plains. to circumvent the horrible future destroyed each year during the (Indonesia, Thailand, Vietnam, that we are moving towards. 1980s. Of this, they estimate that etc.) lost nearly as much forest per Deforestation is no joke; how- ever, it is treated as one by the vast Help save the planet, and your- 21,000 square miles were defor- year as the Brazilian Amazon from selves, to. ested annually in South America, 1975 to the 1985, with 4800 square majority of the populace. It is not

The Conspiracy of Stereotypes ○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ bastardizations of what one would call greatest of ease. It allows us to ridi- lieve that our stereotypes are as sharp Mr. Humanities “individuals”. For an individual is one cule them and transform them into and as esoteric as those presented by

Student who can see his or her place in soci- some base, inhuman clique in our some critics, I still feel as if we all carry

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ety. The web of oppression that spins minds. And, as stupid as it sounds, this the gene of bigotry in us, as subtle as Stereotyping is an intrinsic part all around us makes us completely and is of primary importance! To not take it may be. In some, it may manifest of the society in which we live. It is a wholly unaware of our place in soci- a group seriously, to refuse to attempt itself through ethnic jokes and this is practice that separates people into ety. There is only OUR wants and OUR to understand their hopes, their a topic I do want to expand on. Many “us” and them”, where the dominant needs, and of courses OUR fears. And dreams, their modus operandi...these of us assume that if we know a mem- group is viewed as a collection of in- it is these forces that are behind and, things take away the humanity of a ber of or are part of a certain ethnic- dividuals and the marginalized group in turn, exacerbate group and ity, it is OK to make jokes about the as a collective entity. stereotypes. transform ethnicity. This is extremely mislead- them into ing because no matter what is said or There are no secretive organi- When one shadows of done, it is still a gradual process of un- zations flourishing in today’s society says that stere- their former dermining an identity. Fortunately or seeking the furthering of the WASPs otypes group the selves, rec- unfortunately, depending on who you (White Anglo-Saxon Protestants). marginalized (or ognized only might ask, we have shifted away from There is no "conspiracy of one" that “other”) side into a by some de- the “Whites versus everyone else” explains why oppression exists. collective entity, fining, de- mentality and now make do in a world Rather, the intricate web of oppres- we do not mean grading char- where every group is undermining sion that permeates the very fabric of that they possess acteristics every other group, all in the name of our reality is due to mechanisms al- this trait of synergy that allow Big Businesses (who are not necessar- ready in place. As powerless as this that the dominant, them to be ily White-only.) Everyone is shifted to makes us all appear, human beings are individually- the perfect the side, be they Black or White, male merely pawns in this bigger game, a minded population lacks...we mean butt of any given jokes. or female, gay or straight, and we are game where we are all forced to play that in the dominant way of thought, all made to suffer for it, as we promote according to the rules. It is a game the oppressed are made to seem as This is a practice that feels al- all these stereotypes that, as opposed that eliminates our ability to think some kind of simple, one-dimensional most instinctual. It’s evident in eve- to strengthening our own group, serve

collectively and transforms us into race that can be dismissed with the rything we do. Though I do not be- to weaken us and everyone else. ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ 8 bandersnatch ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

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Issue 14

○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○Lovecraft Goes Who is R-Prime?

Benjamin Wald ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ the man in the black cloak was not there.

Joshua Digital Robert Briza

○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○ And again, they disavowed any knowl-

Present, but not all here edge. The other staff writers looked at me, ○○○○○○○○○ choice. It contained symbols that ap- ○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Since that horrid day, I can never and seemed as though they were just as pear on no keyboard made by Man. There was a bandersnatch issue last so much as get near a computer. Any- puzzled as I was. But, by the same token, semester (before I joined Bander) which thing attached to the internet is utterly As soon as the site loaded up, I could the identity of this man wasn’t consuming mocked the Budweiser Loft. It wasn’t so intolerable, and even stand alone ma- see that this was the holy grail. This was them as it was me. Then, the Staff writers much the article that interested me, it was chines can push me to the edge of san- none other than that sanity blasted site, were asked to leave the room. Only the the identity of it’s author; R-Prime. When ity. I can bearly stand ATM machines. the necronomicon.com! I began to executives remained. The cloaked man I finaly came to Bandersnatch, this semes- The horrid light of there damned moni- scan the blasphemous pages. Here was returned and took off his hood. “I see your ter, in the first issue there was an article tors, their all watching for me. Ever revealed secrets beyond mortal com- thoughts, I feel your intensions...” He by R-Prime, about the WWE superstar, since that fateful day, when I discov- prehension. Elddritch knowledge and said, “...in the beginning, in the end, I’m “Hurricane”. Anyone in Bandersnatch can ered that horrid, accursed site. obscure code was revealed. Much was R-Prime the Indivisable.” revealed to me that should forever have tell you that I’m a big wrestling fan, and I have always been a delver into the remained hidden. I slowly became even more so a Hurricane fan. When I R-Prime is a secret which is kept in the arcane. Long had I searched in the aware of a strange sound, the monoto- asked who this R-Prime was, the other highest ranks of Bandersnatch. I can not lesser known servers, investigating nous whine of insane speakers filtering members just shrugged, or changed the tell you readers the identity of R-Prime. shunned links. Many where the dark, into my tiny apartement. subject, and wouldn’t tell me anything. But as time went by, I begain working with antiquarian searches I initiated. I From this point on, I knew that something him. Over the past months, I got to know walked where few others dared. I My memory past this point is was going on. As time went on, more and him. As I spoke to him, it was like he could shunned the light of the high society fragementary. I can remember a sense more wrestling articles appeared in the see through my eyes. He knew everything chat rooms, and the socially condoned of uniminaginable horror, so that I had Entertainement section. I thought the about everyone. But whenever I tried to search engines. Mine was always a to block out the memory if I was to re- Entertainment Editor, Karen Gelsthorpe, take a picture of him, he would never show darker route. main sane. Nyarlathotep, the web- would know. So I spoke to her. Again, just up in the picture. All that was there was a crawling chaos! That horrible color out a shrug and a change of subject. After a dark silhouette, and the wall behind him. It was one dark October night that of cyberspace. The gortesque vision of conversation about curtains, I left the of- He is the dark figure that wanders the the horrid truth came crashing down servers run on living brains, on fice without an answer to my most fre- school, but he is a sworn protector. The upon me. I was delving deeper in the motherboards of flesh and bone. From quently asked question: Who is R-Prime? John Abbott campus is dark at night, with forbidden pages then ever before. The Yuggoth on the rim they come. From shadows and sounds. But the students, In Volume XXXIII, Issue 9, an article lights were off all through my tiny gar- Ryhleh beneath the sea, home of dread who go at night in continuing education, about The Legend of Zelda; The Ocarina ret appartment. The night had fallen Cthulu, they reach out. From the for- walk safely because they know their sworn of Time was published in the Games sec- without my noticing. My tiny room was bidden peak of Kaddath in the cold protector, R-Prime, is watching... illuminated solely by the hellish glow wastes, pasted the plains of Leng, they tion. By R-Prime. In the next issue, an ar- of the monitor. I came upon it mainly network. What malign intellect guided ticle about The Legend of Zelda; Majora’s by accident. There, innocuously situ- Mask. Again, written by R-Prime. Finally the insane geniuses that created the At press time, Rob can only be ated at the bottom of the screen, shone came the elections night, when I ran for thing we naively call the “Internet”? reached at his new residence, the that accursed URL. Since that fateful day the position of Campus Life editor in Now I see that what we thought was Sainte-Anne's Psychiatric Facility. I have wished a thousand times that I Bandersnatch. I gave my speech and was some new toy for our scientists, is truly Ask for Nurse Ratchet. had passed it by, that I had been spared something far more sinister. When we told to leave the room. As I left the room, the awful revelation that was to blight created the “World Wide Web”, we had I saw a strange man in a black cloak and my life. But fate was cruel to me that no idea how many worlds would be in- hood enter. When I came back in, they night. I will not reveal what the link was, cluded. told me that I was chosen to be the Cam- although I doubt any could follow it by pus Life editor, and although I was happy, The end of the world... postponed to next Tuesday

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ and orange soda. something to do with the dragons' Kathleen Stanhope travel plans. Recently the number

Angry Dinosaur Scientists claim that this odd behavior ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ of corner crackpots proclamining is a sign of the comeing of the end of the the end of the world has decreased world, while local consipiracy theorists Recently we have witnessed a mass drasticaly, much to the relief of others. claim that they [the scientists] are “full of migration of what appears to be When questioned, the crackpot commu- it” and just want attention. In a recent in- vacationing Dragons. That is to say they nity said “what?...oh...uhm....that’s old terview, The Lord Unicorn went on record have been seen traveling with packed hat, yesterdays news.” They then vow stating that the dragons “have long been bags and sunhats. One wonders where proceded to sing “I’m a little tea pot...” revenge. know for their ‘worry wort’ tendency and they are going, and where they have been that they should be paid no mind” further In an unrelated (or is it?) story, the In a act of bravery (or stupidity) hiding for that matter, as this is an un- adding that “all your bases are belong to men’s clothing outlite Big ‘n’ Tall has seen this reporter cornered a dragon and asked precedented sighting, they have not been us.” an increase in their sales due to an unex- “what’s up? why the bags? are you leaving seen since the late tenth century. This pected growth spurt among dwarves. Sci- because the end of the world is coming?” reporter wonders if they know something There has been speculation that last entists also claim that this is another sign to which they responded, “What? Oh no, we don’t as they have been seen buying month’s disappearance of leprechauns, of the end of the world. The dwarves claim that’s not 'till next Tuesday. We’re on our large quantites of cholocate chip cookies

pots of gold, and rainbows may also have this is all their [the scientists'] fault, and way to the summer house on Mars.”

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○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ slanderbatch Bandersnatch has suffered the loss of many of its members in such a short period of time. SLANDERBATCH Orbituaries They will be sorely missed. John Abbott College P.O. Box 2000 Zili Wang of minutes later, there was another power ing our own Habs hockey team, and the Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue, QC failure and Seve was caught streaking in Boston Bruins. The night seemed to be H9X 3L9 Our dear friend, and Photographics Fairview. In a most unfortunate turn of going well, and there was no indication Co-ordinator, the mighty Zili Wang, events, a Lightning Gun shot followed him what would happen next. Naila was busy, Tel: (514) 457-6610 Ext 5389 wielder of the sacred camera of Olympus, through the dimensions, and that was the focused entirely on the game, and Ryan, Fax: (514) 457-6091 died on a quest which will take it’s place last anyone heard – not saw – of the Scan- being the overworked Comp. Sci student E-Mail: among the legends. Our Production Man- ner Monkey. that he is (was?) was trying to divide his ager, Sarah Jade Aubé, sent him to find [email protected] time between work, girlfriend, and game. the frumious Bandersnatch and take a pic- Christine

Office: H-041 Then, the unfortunate string of events ○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○ ture of it. “I was tired of these cartoon Nadeau was set into motion. Late in the last pe- sketches...”, said Sarah, “I wanted the real Today is a day of mourning in the his- riod, The Canadians scored their second thing.” Zili followed the white rabbit into tory of bandersnatch, our beautiful and goal, sealing the deal. Naila, ecstatic, com- Hittin' You Wonderland, only with the words; “Be- hyper Office Manager was found dead in menced leaping up and down amongst the Jeffrey Katz ware the Jabberwocky.” He entered a the Bander Office. magical forest where he found a little girl, fans, and did not notice she had knocked playing with a Bandersnatch. He took the Her head and Canmore Hotel t-shirt, her significant other’s laptop into his gut. Kung-Fu Ninja picture from behind the tumtum tree, but were found in a puddle of her own blood Ryan retaliated playfully and Naila sat Ann-Margaret Porcelli was then attacked by the Jubjub bird. He on one of the couches in the office. “The back down, aiming to slap him on the knee. was knocked unconcious, and was eaten office was in complete disaray, chairs were Unfortunately, the swipe hit the lid of the by the Jabberwocky. He may be gone, but upside down, the computer covered in laptop, slamming it down onto little Ryan, Present, but not all here his legend has survived on the wind’s layers and layers of dust, garbage was lit- who died on impact. Suffering from shock, Rob Briza breath. It has become customary to teach tered everywhere and grime was caked Ryan stumbled, and fell to the ground, the new Photographics Co-ordinators on the walls and ceiling, turning every- knocking Naila down the steps and onto how to wield the mighty Olympus. It is thing to a puke green color.” says Chief of the ice (Fat Man Belly Air Dive. Very nice), I'm not bitter the hope of the Bandersnatch executives, Police. Her co-workers expressed their then was trampled to death by the Habs. Marc Nakhleh that they will know courage like Zili's. And absolute disbelief, Editor-in-Chief Jeffery The referees, as was a common occurence as for his picture, it stands on the wall of Katz saying “It’s just so unbelieveable, at that game, didn’t call anything. everything seemed fine when I left last the Bandersnatch office, in tribute to our Ryan, utterly in shock at this horren- Bad little monkey night while she was cleaning the office hero. dous turn of events, did not notice that, Karen Gelsthorpe before heading home. The room was a bit as luck would have it, the center score- Seve Savoie messier then usual but nothing seemed board had begun swinging back and forth, out of the ordinary...”. Independantly Active Teruel and that the wires had come right on top Naila Jinnah Seve Savoie Teruel was a valued mem- After careful examination of the room of Ryan. The irony that Ryan was crushed ber of the Bandersnatch team. Unfortu- and furniture, police found more of her by the “Penalties” part of the scoreboard nately, his exciting and cartoon-like life blood under the furniture and scattered was lost on Ryan, being already smooshed Red Mage ended last week. Ironically, he died doing to the corners of the room. They deter- to a pulp. But he probably would have Chris Deslauriers the two things he likes best: gaming and mined that while cleaning up the office, found it quite humorous. the massive amounts of dust and grime shocking people. It all started with an in- Naila, however, received all the auto- that had built up over the years had de- nocent game of Unreal Tournament graphs she could have possibly Joshua cided to rebel, tired of being swept away 2004, Seve’s current heartthrob. He was wanted...although they were skate im- Benjamin Wald like yesterday’s trash, they had had their testing the game for defects while at work prints across her back. at EB Games when all of a sudden there fill and fought back... “It’s such a shame was a power failure. Forensics assume that that it had to happen now, to an office And thus, with a Game 7 win and a Nanny this is when Seve was transported into the manager so young..” Says Jason Doan, a cleaning detail force, Naila and Ryan Christine Nadeau game. However, since his co-worker was previous office manager. Although some passed into legend. The Pope later canon- on a coffee break, it impossible to know investigators have waited days and days ized Ryan and made him Patron of Com- exactly what happen. When the EB clerk in the office sweeping, none have found puter Geeks. It seemed that fell under the Wax Lion finally made it back to the store, he dis- evidence of sentient life among the parti- jurisdiction of a Saint Isidore, who was Sarah Jade Aubé covered that Seve was standing out as a cles of dust, perhaps the dirt was simply thus demoted. character in UT2K4. Not only was he not angsty..or perhaps it had a personal ven- detta against the blond haired, pale Some say that if you wander around Spontaneously Combusted of the same species as the characters around him, he was not wearing the right skinned munchkin who had come to be the Bell Center at night alone, you can still Anton Iancu uniform. In fact, he was wearing no uni- known as Christine Nadeau. In either case hear the voice of a woman crying form at all. To top it all off, the game level she will always be remembered in our out...”Pie!”...or....”yay!”...or even “hihihi!” once in a blue moon. She lives on in all of Dusty Old Book consisted of an odd merger between memories. ONS_RedPlanet and the Fairview Shop- us. Katherine Martin Naila Jinnah & ping Mall. It seems that when Seve real- Karen ized what had happened, he tried to get Ryan Bruyère Gelsthorpe & Oreignfay Anguageslay Editorway out of the computer. However, every Whoever said sports are fun and Amanda Open such attempt resulted in an electric ward- games was lying! More like, “It’s all fun Hoogland robe malfunction. It seems that Seve re- and games, ‘till someone loses an eye, then membered a few quotes from The Matrix, it is a sport!” These lines, tragically, have A sad day it was as the sun went down in Barrelhaven. The last battle Apprentice and realized that if he was killed in the the ring of truth within them, for the of th' Big War was fought in the valley Jeffrey Katz game, he would die in the real world. We’re Banders’ main duo, Naila and Ryan, have guessing that he decided that he might as suffered to the utmost, dying in their merely a few days ago. Two of our be- well go out in style – no pun intended – ‘prime’, and destroying many people’s loved Bander members, Karen and Freelance Spy and offend whoever was watching his belief in a fair and just God. Amanda, went and stood up for the cause. And sadly, lost their lives in the Zili Wang game. So a naked Seve ran across the Our horrifying tale started 2 nights boundaries of the screen, attempting not process. ago, when our dynamic duo went to see to get shot. Oddly enough, this strategy the greatly-anticipated Game 7 , featur- These two met years ago with a 1337 |30`/$ did not keep him alive for long. A couple Ryan Bruyère David Newman "May the wind always be at your back, and the sun always upon your face, and

may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars."

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○○○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ slanderbatch Orbituaries (cont.) bered the words of Julius Ceasar: "di- a quest to find the gold. Marc humored outfit them all, they were all armed vide and conquer." To Karen's horror, the jocks for a while, leading them this with an assortment of golf clubs. As common interest in the paper and two stupid rat creatures quickly way and that, skipping to his new lit- Jay exited the Bandersnatch office, quickly became best friends. They snatched Amanda off her feet and ran tle leprechaun tune, until he grew the gamers and Hillel cornered him in have been inseperable ever since. So away with her, far from the battle. bored of the game. Turning quickly, the club hallway. In a flurry of golf when they caught word that the val- using his ninja reflexes, Marc attacked clubs, Jay went down. All Banderites ley was being invaded by rat creatures It was later discovered that she his captors. He made it through about will shed a tear for his passing. and taken over by the wicked Hooded had been baked into a quiche by the three of the bigger boys before he was One, they both came to the realisation foul beasts. All that remained were finally taken down. Bandersnatch will Katherine that something must be done. Thus three bones: Fone, Smiley and Pho- miss him. they set out into the vastness of the ney. Martin Jason Doan country and travelled the woods in One final member of our brave search of their enemy. And they found Marc Nakhleh This week the Bandersnatch lost Bandersnatch crew was also lost. them. another devoted member. Amongst Katherine Martin was the victim of a Bandersnatch lost one of its more all the other tragedy we experienced, freak art accident. She was working Down the mountain came hun- productive members last week. Marc Jay Doan was cruelly snatched away late on an assignment one evening. dreds and hundreds of rat creatures Nakhleh, the Opinions editor, was before his time. It all began with the Tiredness began to get the better of storming towards them. Armed only tragically murdered. Nakhleh was last gamers. While Jay was on a sojourn her, and her caution around the dan- with their courage and strength of seen leaving the Bandersnatch office into their demesne, the gamers began gerous materials she was using slowly spirit, our girls stood up and fought muttering his favorite expression, an ill-conceived plan to “mystery fist” slipped. Then, in one fateful moment, the good fight. “Me lucky Charms,” under his breath, Jay. Jay proved more than a match it happened. She got a paper cut. Pa- when he was apprehended by a rather Karen wouldn't take any crap from for his assailants. With fists flying, he per cuts can be dangerous under the large group of stoned jock- types. Poor anyone in life and certainly wouldn't fought his way to safety. Among the best of circumstances. This time, how- Marc didn’t know what hit him. On- make an exception for this vermin. She carnage he left behind, the only sound ever, she was lacerated several more lookers laughed as he tried to explain, hit, kicked and yelled for our freedom was the cry of a wounded gamer; times by stray pieces of paper left care- rather diplomatically, to the jocks until the bitter end. She destroyed the “aughhhh, I think I took a critical hit.” lessly lying around. The combination that he was indeed not the Lucky rat creatures and their leader the of these blows was too much for her, Charms leprechaun and did not know After a suitable application of Hooded One and all that was left of and she lost consciousness. She was where the marshmallows were. Unfor- “cure light wounds,” the gamers were them was frightened away. But these discovered in the morning, having tunately for poor Marc, the jocks did out for revenge. They decided to re- cowards ended her due to the extreme bled to death. It can only be hoped not believe what he was saying. sort to plan B; “mystery golf clubbing.” exaustion and strain she put her body Fearful that even this would not be that Katherine’s death will serve some through during the fight. After a brief time one of the jocks enough, they went looking for allies. purpose, by increasing the awareness of the dangers of sleep deprivations, Amanda started off the same as happened to remember that lepre- After an impromptu alliance with especially when combined with such Karen, fighting right at her side. Her chauns, if they don’t have marshmal- Hillel, they were ready. They first vis- dangerous implements as paper. heart of gold would never let her lows, must be able to lead them to a ited the gym department. After a brief desert a friend. However, before the pot of gold. Despite Marc’s objections, delay while they tried to figure out Hooded One was defeated, he remem- the jocks led him out of the school on how many gold pieces it would cost to

Horrorscopes

Aries - Quit trying to prove how tough you are, honestly run- Libra - All the fluctuations in the weather are off-setting your ning head butts are not a good idea. Now I understand you think it balance. Watch out for uneven ground or tree roots, for the fall is not attracts members of the opposite sex, but in reality everyone else only embarrassing, but deadly too. The worst part is that everyone just thinks that you’re stupid. At this rate your all going to die of is laughing at you, even at your funeral. Massive brain hemorrhaging.

Scorpio - Avoid psychos. Trust me, the stars say that they Taurus - You should avoid train tracks, overpasses, tunnels, can really screw you over in more ways than one. Plus, the stars tell highways, roads in general, open spaces, enclosed spaces, houses, of a very bloody death. Have fun with that. apartments, cottages... who am I kidding your screwed either way, your time is up. P.S you will die a terrible, terrible death. Sagittarius - Escape is not an option. Just be a good little mental patient and everything will be all right. P.S I wouldn’t try Gemini - Just because your parents neglected to mention your anything right now. The man with the sniper rifle doesn’t like you institutionalized identical evil twin, doesn’t mean they don’t exists. very much. Watch your back, your twin is angry, escaped and wants your life.

Capricorn - The monkeys are coming, The monkeys are com- Cancer - Do you really think you are the centre of the Uni- ing, run, hide, scream, but for the love of God the monkeys are verse? The stars predict you are about to get demoted, and it won't coming! be pretty. All you need now is the Ebola Virus, and you're on a roll. Good work, chump!

Aquarius - Too much of something is as bad as too little. You know what I’m taking about. Plus, death by exhaustion is not a fun - The ego thing has gotten a bit over-done. I know that you Leo way to die. think your all that. But you can’t fight with large metal objects, such as trains, they will win. Regardless of any title or award you may have. Pisces - I know you think that your relationship with the gang- ster is going really well. But with all your romantic sniveling and smothering your loved one is growing impatient. Unfortunately, - Remember that sandwich you brought to school on the Virgo before the week is up, you’ll be sleeping with the fishes. first day of class last semester? Yeah, its still lurking at the back of

your locker waiting, only this time it wants to eat you.

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VISIT WWW.ULIFELINE.COM This web site made for students even includes an interactive breast self-examination. That's right! The computer will help check your breasts for lumps.Oh, and don't forget to tell all your pretty lady friends... SCHOLARSHIP INFORMATION JOHN ABBOTT COLLEGE Wednesday, April 21, 2004 ARE YOU A white, rich, C- student with no financial need? If so, Security is the essential roadblock to achieving the roadmap to apply for the GET YOUR DADDY'S CREDIT CARD scholarship. peace. There are many of you lazy kids out there, so hurry up. Deadline is Bush, July 28 2003 April 23rd. Remember, money doesn't fall from the sky, it grows on WORD OF THE DAY: Dimethylpolysiloxane trees. Check with Bill Mahon in H159 For definition ON CAMPUS SUJAC/CLUBS AGORA HAPPENINGS THIS WEEK: BANDERSNATCH is holding a memorial ceremony for all those who Wed., Apr. 21 :Celebrity Kissing Booth All Day & Night have died in the recent days. If you wish to light a candle (and Thurs., Apr. 22 :Islamic Samosa Bonanza! Before Sunrise hopefully light the school on fire) please sign up in H-041. Fri., Apr. 23 :Film: “Christianty; The 12-Step Program” 3x /Day, maybe 5

ORLANDO BLOOM will be participating in the Kissing booth in the THIS WEEK IS TV TURNOFF WEEK. Take the time to watch Agora. Women, $1, Men, $.50. Also present, the winner of the Miss disgusting people do disgusting things in a very non entertaining way. John Abbott College Pageant. In other words, no Bleu Nuit this week. How ever will you survive?

ENVIRONMENTAL TIP OF THE DAY: Learn to trick your friends AEROBIC FITNESS CLUB: There's no workout this week. We're all into confusing your oregano plant for another type of weed. Attend our too lazy and we'll never loose weight. NEVER! workshop in the Agora on Thursday.

DILDO GIVEAWAY! If you want one of these customizable toys, drop PAGINGS by Student Services and tell us why you can't get any. Elisha Cuthbert: if you happen to come back home to Greenfield Park and decide to see your friends at JAC, please visit the Physics Lab REGISTRARIAT and show us all your cool features, uhm, I mean physics info. PLEASE NOTE: If you are not attending classes, you will most certainly fail. Yes, this applies to Labs and Final Exams as well, you Uma Thurman: congratuations on killing Bill, please remove the body dumbass! from Student Activities ASAP! JACADEMICS LOST AND FOUND NEW COURSE on how to keep your NHL team in business. All LOST: Killer Monkeys on the loose. Carry bananas on you at all times former Quebec Nordiques executives are required to pass this so that you can shoo them away. course to gaincredibility. Download the course outline at www.johnabbott.qc.ca/newcourse/NHL/NotBankrupt.html LOST: Virginity. Much sentimental value. Will give a reward. STUDENT SERVICES LOST: Virgnity. Enough said. COUNSELLING FOUND: Tumbleweed. Actually, why am I writing this? There's no one here to read it... DROP INS:

Mon. 23:00-4:00 (All Night Party!) OFF CAMPUS Tues. 7:30-8:30 SHANIA TWAIN is coming to Wed. Closed for personal reasons town. Buy tickets now Thurs. 18h- 21h (We're open late for your convinience) because she can get you Up Fri. Do we have to? :). That's right! She said so herself! AS YOU CAN SEE we've expanded our opening hours in order to

seem to do more work. Really, we're just trying to get more sleep.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Counseling12 is better than counting sheep! bandersnatch ○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○entertainment

Entertainment

with Karen Gelsthorpe

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Great Big Sea LOTR ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ this CD are, without exception, enter- Benjamin Wald upbeat sound, and the tracks are guar- taining. Although none of the songs

Assistant-Editor-in-Chief anteed to put a spring in your step. Quote ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○ This is in contrast to their earlier al- absolutely blew me away, all of them bums. The early albums had songs are solid and well performed. I was I recently got the chance to lis- about the decline of the Newfoundland impressed by the folk song air that Quiz ten to the new Great Big Sea CD, Some- fisheries, and the loss of heritage for Doyle (one of the vocalists and song thing Beautiful. This is the group’s sev- The theme of this issues Movie Newfoundlanders. On this album, the writers of Great Big Sea) conveyed in enth album, and this band from New- Quote Quiz is the actors from Lord of tracks are relentlessly upbeat. Even his songwriting. It is uplifting in small foundland has achieved enormous The Rings bring this completed with those that deal with lost love doses. For fans of success. Their mix of traditional New- the name of the actor and film that its deal with it with a perky and Great Big Sea’s foundland folk songs and more mod- fromto the Bandersnatch office H-041 upbeat sound. In some earlier work, or ern, light rockish songs of their own and win a prize. ways, this change is a shame. for anyone who devising has made the group a smash I enjoyed the contrast in likes maritime folk 1-You didn’t beat me. You ignored hit far beyond the confines of their is- tone in earlier albums. The music, this CD is an the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, land home. relentless cheer of this CD excellent buy. I I’d kill you. When I first listened to this CD, ended up getting on my would recom- I thought they had returned to tradi- nerves partway through. I mend it to fans, but tional ballads with a vengeance. Al- mean, there’s only so much with the caveat 2-I don’t think that a person most all of the songs have a traditional up beat cheerfulness I can that it doesn’t should run unless he’s being chased. sound. However, upon checking up on take before I start pinning for quite live up to it, only two of the tracks were actu- a good old rant, or a bit of their earlier work. I hope that this new sound isn’t per- ally adapted from traditional songs. depression. The tone of this CD is so 3-You are a god among insects. manent, and that they return to the The others are new songs, but they all constant as to be monotonous at Never let anyone tell you different. have a folksongs sound. times. more interesting mix of styles that characterizes most of their earlier The album as a whole has a very That being said, all the songs on 2 Reviews by Tinkerwork. Tuff

13 Going On 30 and Kill Bill Vol.2

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Tinker Tuff

The Abominator All in all, the movie is Some might have been de- ○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○ definately funny, and has a few lighted, some might have been 13 Going On 30 good parts, but is not something I dissapointed. Some others might 4-You can say whatever you want would recommend to anyone who have really enjoyed their popcorn. A new chick flick is in town, and wishes to save some time and about me, but I’m gonna ask you not the name of it is 13 going on 30. I money. Both films were produced at the to talk about my horse that way. have not seen same time and pretty much run Jennifer Garner The cornyness is sometimes seamlessly. disturbing, and the acting is a 5-Remember it is you, Ichabod in a film since In the newest film, the entire DareDevil, and little below impressive at many Crane, who is now put to the test points. These facts make this a storyline unfolds, and you are she looks like a privy to the conclusion. whole new per- movie that is good for a group of people on the weekend who son. She acts like Unlike the first film, which was 6-Baby, you have such sweet pil- want to rent a movie, and not a whole new per- pretty much all action and fun low talk son also. Trust really pay attention. (with lots of blood and gore), the me, this new per- So, although I don’t recom- second one settles down into the son is NOT movie mend this movie for the Big storyline a bit more and gets more 7-Were gonna go inside, were material. Screen, maybe pick up a copy serious. gonna go outside, inside and outside. The film starts in the late 80’s, when it comes out on disc. Although it still sports somoe of Were gonna get ‘em on the run boys with a young thirteen year-old who the wit of the first one, Vol.2 does and once we get ‘em on the run were wishes to be older after seeing not even come close to leaving you gonna keep ‘em on the run. And then succesful older women on TV and Kill Bill Vol.2 with the same gut-feeling that made were gonna go go go go go go and were in magazines. Her wish gets you want to get up and go to the not gonna stop til we get across that granted and she wakes up to find The 4th film by Quentin wash room. goalline. This is a team they say is...... herself a thirty year-old magazine Tarantino is out - the second of a is good, well I think were better than Besides this lack of character, editor, working her way treacher- two part movie series - and it is them. They cant lick us, so what do the film starts and inishes off quite ously up. good. you say men? well. Her life turns for the better Eager movie fans, after seeing So, expect Uma Thurman's per- when she finds her childhood the blood-drenched blockbuster formance to be spectacular, expect 8-Well, this is goodbye. I mean, we friend has grown into a handsome, hit, Kill Bill Vol.1, were streaming it to be bloody,expect to laugh, but obviously have nothing in common. semi-successful man. One with a into the movie theaters to see the don't expect Vol.2 to be the same I’m a genius, you’re all f**king fiancé. sequel.

as Vol.1. wankers. You’ll never see me again.

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Welcome to Frisbee reviews. Fris- I’m gonna last/ So I can’t let ya snatch although in my eyes they could have bee reviews are what happens when the powder out of my Hourglass” Look been the same album. Boring generic albums aren’t good at being albums, they bought a rhyming dictionary I’m rap, obtainable at any rap club from Koop- Really pretty pink coaster. so we need to find their purposes in so impressed. No meaning, but it at least five separate groups. Plus its Terrible Frisbee, doesn’t fly straight. life. If an album fails, less than three rhymes. This is garbage, don’t waste super repetitive, The first song ap- and half stars, we test it as a Frisbee your money. One star, for buying the pears to consist of little more than and a coaster, and find what it was re- rhyming dictionary. “I’ve got this feeling in my head, wish Borialis-Ugly gray coaster, Not a ally meant to be. it would go away”. Two stars for being resilient Frisbee but after enough wicked Generic. throws, great ninja star. Neighborhood Watch- No stars Steriogram- Smack: Hooray for because this CD doesn’t work. Stupid run-of-the mill punk music. This al- broken crap. Thicke-A Beautiful World: why do Neighborhood WATCH- Broken bum is not terrible. In fact it’s actu- you people insist on making so much CD, Great Frisbee, Gorgeous coaster ally ok. Completely unoriginal, but not generic rap/hip hop crap? It’s seri- complete with New York City Scape, everyone can make totally new mu- Courtney Love-America’s ously grating on my nerves. This al- buy yours today. sic. The background music is a sam- Sweethart: This Albums lyrics show bum sounds just like the one before it, pling of all generic punk beats and the crack-addled state in which I en- and the one before that. But this one rifts, the vocals are all right. Almost vision Courtney Love wrote this albu- features such intelligent songs as Courtney Love- Ugly, Ugly all the songs sound the same, but what min. The music and lyrics are child- “Suga Mama”, “Make a Baby” and “I’m coaster. Not a good Frisbee, or ninja can you do. Lyrics could be better. ish. But it comes with a scary poster A’ be Alright” (Speak much). Plus this star, not good at all. Normally this CD would get two stars of Courtney Love (Not a Selling point). guy looks like a mix of Kevin max. But it is too good to be Frisbee’d This album is terrible, avoid it like the Richardson of the Backstreet boys and so three and a half stars plague, if you want to heart childish Yanni, and in his booklet is wearing a Drag-On: Great coaster, really well whinnind set to bad rock music, go to tie and his shirt buttoned up wrong, designed disc. Bad Frisbee. a high school talent show, it sucks less. can’t even dress himself; who gave this Madlib- Shades of Blue: One Star, out of pity. guy a record deal? Although he says it eewwwwwwww, a terrible throwback best, Thicke- pretty much sums it up. Tony Allen: Pretty coaster, maybe to bad jazz. With rap and turn tabling One pity star [can’t even dress him- in the background, and distortion. For wall decoration. Bad Frisbee, wobbles Drag-On: Hell and Back: Generic self, what can we expect?] the love of god why? This is possibly and doesn’t fly straight. Hip-Hop music. Everyone loves ge- the worst CD I’ve ever heard. The disc neric music. Sounds like Usher and this CD is printed on is worth more than Nelly mixed together, or Puffy and 50 Essential Music- A compilation of the music. Melodic Crap. It sounds like Audio Bullys-ugly coaster only cent. Sounds just like everyone else. lesser-known bands. Up side to this jazz music threw up on this guys rap black with the bands name. OK Fris- Its not terrible, but its not new or ex- album, it picks only the best songs of style beats. DON’T BUY THIS ALBUM. bee, much like the music, citing or innovative. Boring, almost each band, thus eliminating the need Even the cover art is terrible; every- unremarquable. mind numbing, leftovers from any to purchase any of the albums, hoo- one loves badly focused photos of other rap band. It lacks fun and ex- ray for whoever thought of that. Five dirty pigeons. One star, and I say: “To citement. Three stars, not quite good Stars, for that one smart guy at the the Frisbee pile with you.” Thicke- This album is good for enough. record label. nothing its wicked ugly (features his photograph), and it makes a terrible Koop-Waltz for Koop, Alternative Frisbee. Tony Allen- Home Cooking: Rap/ Madlib- Great Frisbee, although Takes: Mind Numbing, unmelodic, Soul with electric beats and sounds. not super resilient, terrible coaster, monotonous garbage. This CD hurts Whoever thought this was a good idea the disc is ugly. my brain. Not terrible for listening needs to be too, if your stoned, but I wouldn’t sug- shot, or at least gest it too any one that’s sober. Bor- fired. Take one ing beats, boring vocals, terrible lyr- part Rap add ics. Why would you think too make or one part sign this band. This sounds like an ter- techno sounds rorist attack on my intelligence. Ob- and one part vious distortion of Pop Music went country guitar, out with the eighties, where this band and what do belongs. No stars. you get? Home Cooking by Tony Allen. It Wil- Both Hands. It’s original at hurts my brain. least. Good beats and background This album music, Great lyrics and vocals. De- lasted 5 min- spite the terrible graphics on the utes in my CD cover and in the booklet, this album player. Defi- is definitely worth buying. This band nitely not is really good. Five Stars, this album meant to be an is great at being an album, we don’t album. need to find its real use. Frisbee…perhaps.

Borialis- What you Thought you Audio Heard: What I know I heard; Crap. This Bullys-Ego pseudo- hip hop, rock crap has noth- War: Didn’t I ing productive to say, and terrible just hear this music to send their terrible message. album, no, that

Poor at best. “ I don’t know how long was Drag-on,

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○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ments were well coordinated and fluid, words, they all had very strong, good Christine Nadeau and gave off a Lucille Ball aura with thus avoiding the dragging feeling of- voices; however, they were tone-deaf. her facial expressions. Her candid- Office Manager And it was a shame because if they had ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ten felt in poorly directed plays. Other ness on stage was a clear as it had been Fairy tales are usually pretty sim- technical details that were success- only altered the key the minstrel in Guys & Dolls, Theater Workshop’s ple: a budding love story leads to huge fully tended to were the costumes and (Tenyjah McKenna) was to sing in, she musical in spring 2003, and she sim- obstacle that is overcome, after which accessories, both colorful and suiting would have been better able to carry ply compensated for any lesser part the lovers live happily ever after. And their characters to a tee. And despite out the songs of her male character. of the play through her interpretation that’s all well and good. But take the the costumes themselves being in- Male characters played by women are and reinvention of Fred. Lucille could classic story of The Princess and The consistent with their respective time much better sung to sound good not have done it better herself. The Pea and place it in the mischievous periods and rank, they got the point rather to sound in character. And if one disappointing performance of hands of the John Abbott Theatre across: a colorful tale from a colorful the minstrel was intended to be tone- then night however, came from Coralie Workshop group, and you have your- kingdom. deaf, then I wish him good luck in his Heiler’s interpretation of the wizard. career… She came through both strong and self an all out laughter-fest called Once The musical aspect of Once Upon funny at first, which made for a very Upon A Mattress. And even though it A Mattress was also to be appreciated. Finally, this play’s first cast (Cast entertaining first act, but when the wasn’t perfect, certain individual per- A simple three man band provided A) treated us all to a small taste of great long scene involving much dialogue formances and a side-splitting script most of the background music, and up-and-coming performers. Aimee with the minstrel and jester came made the show worth far more than though they could have benefited Ambrosiak’s portrayal of Queen about, she dropped the low, male the eight dollar ticket, and an alto- from the addition of a few instruments Aggravain, the prince’s evil mother, voice that she had been successfully gether pleasure to watch. to enrich the sound, they did comple- was both tasteful and reminiscent of using until then and picked up again ment the vocalists with a nice blend the Just for Laughs Festival’s green On a strictly technical level, a real in a very female and out of character of medieval and modern. The vocal- devil. Her wild antics and innuendos thumbs up to the set designers and voice which left the audience to won- ists, however, were average with the kept the crown chuckling throughout ingenious students who, quite simply, der if the wizard had just gotten kicked exception of perhaps two or three and most of the play, most likely because set the stage for an excellent perform- between the legs or if they had the group numbers. Sir Harry was not she reminded them of their in-laws. ance. The backdrop and set were fresh changed actors. and simple yet paid attention to any equipped to handle the manly notes And that she is very talented. She important details that enhanced the he was supposed to be pouring out to worked the set and her costume to her Despite medium reviews and a cool already loaded acting, while the ro- his dear Larkin. One can almost see advantage and never disappointed. reception from a mostly family based tating castle caught the audience’s at- her cringing at some moments, yet But the one performance that stole the fan-club, this esentation of Once Upon tention while keeping the background she herself is not immune to the show was Caitlyn Milot’s playing Fred, A Mattress was both a, entertaining, to a minimum. An interesting use of karaoke curse: in the many duets she the not-so-princessy princess. Period. witty piece that makes Shakespeare simple colored lights served as a neu- has with her lover, she falls out of There was no way to take your eyes roll in his grave and a pleasant sur- tral, harmonious backdrop to a time- tune with him despite her having the off of her once she got onstage and the prise. It was a light comedy with flair less fairy tale. The director also made purest and most beautiful voice in the play became almost dull as we found that allowed us, for three hours, to for- very good use of time: the blackouts play. The Romeo and Juliet syndrome ourselves waiting for her next en- get the troubles of our daily were equally effective and brief; the claims yet another couple…But onto trance, always more charming than lives…and laugh at someone else be- entrances, exits and actors’ move- the remainder of the singers. In a few the next. She was fresh, down to earth ing bossed around by their mother.

Mixed CD, Mixed Reactions ○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ drab; and 3) strange beyond all ...and, a general comment: the likely the sound they were going Marc Nakhleh possible comparisons. It seems Russian Futurists are not “quirky”. for.)

Student that slowing down songs offers the ○○○○○○○○○

○○○○○○○○○○○○○ They’re just weird. They sport a A close runner-up is “Are With a title like “Anti-Hit List”, perfect platform for making ran- great beat, but, like so many rap Friends Electric?” by Ann Pierle. much is to be expected from John dom audio squibbles repeated groups out there, this does not The piano is exquisite and, unlike Sakomoto’s seeming journey into over and over. guarantee a good song. It seems most pieces, it feels like there’s an the world of the underground and like wasted potential that sort of The CD seems to oscillate back actual song and beat to it, lying un- the slightly funky. Initially start- hurts my head. and forth like this. Shawn Amos? der the surface. However, the lead ing off as a newspaper column back Boo! Sharon Jones? Yay! Broken The truly outstanding group on singer has a slightly moany voice in the 1990’s, this CD, grouping Arrow? boo! Youth Group? yay! this CD in my opinion would be that tends to get over-dramatic, artists like “Circulatory System”, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, but for some reason, it doesn’t “Ike Reilly”, delivers on its prom- This CD only seems to have two take too-too much away from the ise of compiling a diverse list of modes. Even though it would like song. It leaves you with a unique funky-fresh hits (or, as it would be, to pride itself on its diversity and trinket, as opposed to the legions “anti-hits”) variety, it would seem that variety of copycats or generic reproduc- comes in only two flavours: good tions you find in what I guess would Sadly, the CD starts off with a and fast or bad and slow. I usually be qualified as “more mainstream” unenlightening piece called “Yes- enjoy slow songs that go some- terday’s World”, that sounds like a where, or at least can be used as ll in all, I would actually say watered-down version of funk- lounge music. For some reason, that this CD is a good buy. One usu- rock groups that are already however, ALL the slow songs are ally expects a better quality from around(I use the word “funk” a lot awkward and do not go anywhere. compilations, and I would say that because it just seems to apply so It’s like they are trying to conform this isn’t the best of compilations, well to the sound.) Luckily, the CD in their non-conformist way...and thought it still offers enough picks up from there, with very with “What have you done for me it’s really sucky, as one only seems “oomph” and carries enough of a cheery and conceptually sound lately?” It’s a funky piece with to find spice and pizzaz and (insert cool factor to warrant listening/ songs such as Hip Hop Thighs #17 great instrument use, a fantastic third generic buzzword here) in a buying. Too many drab songs in- and American Shoes. It’s great drumbeat, a crisp singer and much, select few songs where the lyrics terfere with the potential that lies listenin’, and really gives one that much more. It’s one of those cases are whole, the music has rhythm inherent in this CD. This is how- sense of “hey, this is good but no where a song is more than the sum and the singers have flair. It seems ever a great way to be exposed to one’s heard of it” that usually sur- of its parts, as you glide along, in like I’m beating a dead horse, but songs and sounds that you usually rounds the better tunes on Athe rhythm with the song. And of the fact of the matter is that it’s wouldn’t hear. On that note, I think Anti-Hit List. course, the addition of trombones hard to group songs or sounds to- I will go find out if I can get any is fantastic. The guitar almost gether with a compilation mix. more music by Dusted or Sharon Sadly, most of the slower songs sounds retro-70’s (which, most

on this CD are: 1) repetitive; 2) Jones.

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○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Mick Foley Introduced to the Finally Backlash came. The from $20-$50 plus service R-Prime audience, a very special friend of much-anticipated match between charges.

Staff Writer his, which just so happened to be a Cacktus Jack and Randy Orton ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ baseball bat, wrapped in barbed ended, in a victory for Orton, who For over ten years, WWE Raw Monnday night Raw saw many wire. He reminisced about his retained his Intercontinental title. has been the biggest Monday night changes in the last two weeks, with days, fighting in Japan, and how he Chris Jericho exacted his revenge event, bigger than WCW Monday the coming of the lottery, ordered defeated his opponents with on his former best friend, Nitro. At the last show, over by Vince McMahon. Six WWE su- barbed wire. Then he promised Christain, and former love of his 15,000 people came, and became per superstars from each WWE that at Backlash, he would get even life Trish Stratus. After a long ab- part of the story, on July 7, 2003. brand, Raw and Smack Down, were with Randy Orton, for defeating sence from the ring, Edge defeated Now that I’ve got that out of the sent to the opposing brands. This him at Wrestle Mania XX. When the Kane by a pin fall. Shelton way, since this is the last issue of led to Shelton Benjamin’s arrival horribly unfair match between Tri- Benjamin defeated the legendary the year, I should probably make to Raw. On his first night on Raw, ple H and Shelton Benjamin com- Ric Flair, which aggravated Evolu- my predictions for the WWE, for the four members of Evolution as- menced, Mick Foley, Shawn tion. Victoria defeated Lita, re- the summer. Brock Lesnar will not saulted him, because of his “disre- Micheals and Chris Benoit came to taining her Woman’s championship make it into the NFL. Randy Orton spectful attitude” toward Triple H. Shelton Benjamin’s aid, regardless title. Thanks to help from Garrison will betray Evolution, by first tak- He went to Raw’s General Manager, of the consequences. The match Cade, Jonathan Coachman de- ing out Ric Flair. He will then take Eric Bishoff, and demanded a match ended with Evolution being chased feated the skilled martial artist, the heavy weight title from Triple against the former Heavy Weight from the ring, by the three heroes. Tajiri. And finally, the superhero, H, who will have won it from either Champion, and won. Eric Bishoff then announced that superstar, Hurricane and his side Chris Benoit, or Shawn Micheals. they would have to suffer the con- kick, Rosey defeated La Mick Foley fights Evolution, how- In retaliation, the next week sequences at the end of the night. ever his split personality, Cactus Triple H was given a rematch Résistance, in a tag team match. Jack joins evolution. The Hurri- against Benjamin. A handicap match was set be- cane and Rosey become tag team On a completely unrelated tween Chris Jericho and Christian champions. Shawn Micheals and Before the match began, Ric topic, WWE Monday Night Raw is and Trish Chris Benoit, who will then retire, Flair entered the ring and an- coming to Montreal! May 31st, over will then beat them. Kane and Vic- nounced that he was the special Stratus. Mick Foley announced twenty five WWE Superstars, like toria become an item…don’t ask guest ring announcer, and said that that it would not be himself that The Hurricane, Triple H, the rest how, and for God’s sake why…but by order of Eric Bishoff, anyone faces Randy of Evolution (even though they are they do, and they burry the Under- that was not on official buesness, not that important), Kane, Chris taker alive. Vince McMahon finally was banned from ringside. Then he Orton, but Cactus Jack (One of Benoit, and the Texas Rattlesnake makes peace with his kids; Shane introduced the special guest time- Foley’s old personas), because he “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. Tickets and Stephanie McMahon, who take keeper, Batista, and the special believed that “Mick Foley” would go on sale April 24th, at 10:00 am over as General managers of Raw guest trainer, Randy Orton. be too concerned with Randy at all admission outlets, and the and Smack Down.

Orton’s well being. Bell Centre Box office. Tickets are

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○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Sabrina Paternostro Last Meal

Gambit Contributor

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Dylan Mckernan-Milon A traveler in a foreign land,

Contributor ○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○ I have been forsaken by the one I trust In front of me a desolate morsel Darkness in front of me, upon my plate, The shadow of death looms over The very same rejection and my path loneliness destined to me They drink my blood and eat my A destitute tide shall wash over flesh but in the end, I am all my very being, alone A moment all alone A moment of acute pain But when the waters wash away The world’s burden will be placed a treasure will be left upon the upon my shoulders, empty but for eternity, I shall be free sands It’s for you I live and for you I die One so great that the whole world may bask in it’s riches

Tim Armstrong

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Pheonix ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Kathleen Stanhope

Staff Artist

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Evil

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Evelyne Elenora Well, good news folks! The year is

Contributor almost over, and I've barely started ○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ most of my projects ;P. That also The eerily beautiful blue flame, means that this semesters' Burns the darkened blade, Slanderbatch will be encased in this Makes it bleed black droplets of issue! So, don't miss it! Hope you like blood, it! Long live the Red Mage! Onto the platform, The skin of the earth, Chris :) It flickers, Falters, As it slowly dies away, Like all that surrounds it,

Into the abyss that is nothingness. Tapestry ○○○○○○○ The blackened blade, ○○○○○○○○○○○ The treacherous thing, Evelyne Elenora Contributor

That killed its mother, ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Its reason for existence, The earth, Everyone you’ve met With a fatal wound, Everywhere you’ve been One that, All together woven Festers, Burns, Every experience It screams and cries, Each individual thought Until it is oblivion itself. All bound in one

That darkened blade is man, Throughout our lives And all his glory… We create a tapestry One that encompasses our being

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ It is a map of an entire life Anna Valentine Only to be one day buried Contributor Funeral ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ With the flesh of our own carcass.

Parlor ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Evelyne Elenora

Contributor

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I have been here too many times, The first I was here was one too often, Watching all of those I took for granted, Get taken away from me forever,

Severe punishments I have received, For the dishonesties within me, Perhaps I deserved these tragedies, But the many others here do not,

The priceless casket disappears, Into the sunset of another fraction of my life, I have lived too long by seeing this many, Although I have not existed for long,

Rest in peace forever my beloveds, ○○○○○○○ It shall be long before I join you, ○○○○○ For until I am filled with innocence, Andrew Cote

My punishments must persist. Veteran

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Splinter Cell 2: Pandora Tomorrow ○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ great voice acting, and one could re- if you could walk so close to a guard cellent, and you would never guess it’s Zili Wang ally see him as the uber-secret agent that you could kick him in the face, a port from a console game. Despite

Photographics Coordinator he is supposed to be. But it’s the game and be unnoticed just because you are the rather sad fact that you seem to

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ play, however, that is the highlight of in high grass, or if you are going into a be invisible as long as you are in some One of the most popular Xbox Pandora Tomorrow. room with guards and are not seen just sort of shadow, guards do carry flash- games is now available on the PC with because there are some lights, could turn on lights, For those who liked titles much fanfare and flashing colors. In- shadows lying about, and could hear you if you like Thief, or Hitman, this game would deed, the second installment of the you tend to feel a bit move too fast – and they do be nothing short of a godsend to gam- wildly successful game has been re- like a cheater. However, notice you if you are not ing. While there are quite a variety of ceived quite well amongst old (and I must admit that the quick enough when crawling weapons in Fisher’s arsenal, it is ulti- new) fans – and some may even say stealth system works a past that window outside the mately stealth that is your best friend it’s better than the original. lot better than Thief, or train; the game could be a and weapon. The lighting effects are Thief 2 (in which you challenge in various areas, Once again, you play Sam great, letting you see the various shad- could shoot a guard, and would offer hours of Fisher, the splinter cell. You work for ows in which you could melt into, and and they won’t notice solid game play. Online, you a top-secret government organization equally impressive looking fog effects. you because you are by could play with up to 3 other which (in typical Tom Clancy style) You could peek around corners, fire the doorway and players in a 2 vs 2 mission, works to eliminate high tech terrorist distractions to get the guards off in a there’s a shadow over where you are either the spy threats; and of course, the world’s fate different direction, crawl under high it). Problem with stealth trying to infiltrate a build- is in America’s – or your – hands. grass unnoticed, shoot out the lights games is that it makes you think shad- ing, or the mercenary hired to guard Story wise, it is quite faithful to Tom in a room (heheh…), and even crawl ows make you invisible. it. All in all, the game’s as great a Clancy’s thrillers – full with Holly- under a moving train, or scale a tall stealth game you’ll likely to come wood worthy suspense, action, and building. But the stealth feats you Nevertheless, the game’s a across these days, so if you are the special effects. Fisher himself is also could accomplish tend to make you thrill to play, both single player, or roguish type – go for it. more developed as a character, with feel a bit, well, overpowered. I mean, online. The controls for the PC are ex-

The Windwaker ○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ all thought had been forever sealed the youths to know courage like the taken to the For- R. Prime away by the hero...Once again crept hero of legend...” saken Fortress to

Staff Writer forth from the depths of the earth, ea- be imprisoned with ○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ Finally the third istallment of my ger to resume its dark designs. other young girls . reviews of the current Legend of Zelda This is but one of the legends of So, he embarks on But the Hero did not appear. Faced trilogy. We find a young boy, Link, which the people speak... Long ago, a new adventure to by an onslaught of evil, the people who is not the Link from the last two there existed a kingdom where a save his sister. But could do nothing but appeal to the games but just someone who just so golden power lay hidden. It was a he realizes that to Gods. In their last hour, as doom drew happens to be named Link, living on prosperous land, blessed with green save his sister, he must defeat the near, they left their future in the hands Outset island. He is awakened by his forests, tall mountains, and peace. But mighty Ganondorf and....oh yeah, of fate.What became of that king- sister Aryell, who tells him it is his one day, a man of great evil found the save the world. dom...? None remain who know. The birthday, and that his grandmother golden power and took it for himself... memory of the kingdom vanished, but wants to see him. So he runs to his This is a good game to begin with. With its strength at his command, he its legend survived on the wind’s house and is greeted by his grand- When I first saw the graphics, I did not spread darkness across the kingdom. breath. On a certain island, it became mother, who hands him green gar- like the idea of Link being in cartoon But then, when all hope had died, and customary to garb young boys in ments. She tells him that he has form, but it grew on me. With the more the hour of doom seemed at hand...A green when they came of age. Clothed reached the age of the hero of legend, cartooney feel, I found it was easier young boy clothed in green appeared in the green of fields, they aspired to the original Link, and is now consid- for the designers to add comic relief as if from nowhere. Wielding the sword find heroic blades and cast down evil. ered a man. She tells him to wear the as well as facial expressions. The of evil’s bane, he sealed the dark one The elders wished only for the youths green clothes for that day. He meets storyline started well, but away and gave the land light. This boy, to know courage like the hero of with Orca, an old man, skilled in the unfortunatly, as it went on, it really who traveled through time to save the legend...What became of that king- art of battle, who gives him a sword, started to lack explanations for cer- land, was dom...? None remain and teaches him how to use it. He goes tain things. My biggest problem was called the who know. The to find his sister, who gives him her the boat. Not the fact that you had to Hero of memory of the king- most precious possession, her tel- sail every where, or the fact that it was Time. dom vanished, but its escope. Looking through the tel- a talking boat possessed by the King The boy’s legend survived on the escope, he sees a giant bird holding a of Hyrule, but the name...King of Red tale was wind’s breath. On a cer- girl. Under, there is a pirate ship, Lions: they could have come up with passed tain island, it became fireing its cannons at the bird. The a better name than that. But I think down customary to dress bird gets hit and drops the girl into a that this storyline compliments the through young boys in green forest. So Link goes to find the girl in ending of Ocarina of Time rather well, genera- when they came of age. the forest, and when he does, she is where Ganondorf swears to seek re- tions un- nothing but rude to him. She is Tetra, venge on Link and on Zelda’s til it became legend.But then... a day Clothed in the green of fields, they the leader of the pirates. When they decendants. All in all, this game was came when a fell wind began to blow aspired to find heroic blades and cast leave the forest, Link sees the bird an excellent addition to the Zelda across the kingdom.The great evil that

down evil. The elders wished only for grab his sister and fly away. She is mithology. ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ 20 bandersnatch ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

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Post-Season Fans Common Hab-ening ○○○○

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ond counts. And we all feel good at ens of others who see their interest As a friend put it, it’s more a matter Marc Nakhleh being able to associate ourselves in hockey, like some kind of phoe- of beating up anybody who falls on

Post-season Fan nix, resurfaces in all its splendour with something that’s bigger than us,

○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ our path. We beat a first-ranked that represents us on a bigger stage. around playoffs time. team? “Damn straight, go under- The last couple of weeks have ush- And the more people that start dogs!” We beat a low-ranked team? ered in the beginning of the Playoff What explains this crazy interest that watching during the playoffs, the “Yeah, they had it coming, no one season for the NHL. I am not what comes out of nowhere? more people come onboard can stand in our way” one would call a “hockey fan” per se. Maybe it’s because, during so that everyone can share I did not watch a single game during the regular season, a loss in the identity and know We’re all recruited 24 hours a day to the regular season, I do not own a doesn’t mean too much. what’s going on. It's sort of be patriotic in our own way. And, for hockey jersey, I do not know the Specific match-ups can be the “Follower’s Syn- some reason, it seems as if there is Habs’ goalie by any name other then something to look forward drome.” When the more attention fixated on the Cana- “Theo”, I cannot name every in- to, but are not the makings Canadiens win, we all win dians’ playoff games than the last lit- stance where the Canadiens were of epic games. Points can be because we’re Canadian. tle while when even my hockey “robbed”...call this the anti-Habs made up. However, when Great logic, huh? We all feel friends weren’t very much inter- creed. However, even with all this you make your way to the a sense of belonging, as we ested. It may have to do with the said, and with the obvious indiffer- finals, EVERY shot, EVERY take on some “other” team group of friends I kept or it may ence that I experience 99% of the single pass or penalty and beat them into the have to do with the Canadians’ per- year, I, like many people I know, counts because there’s no ground, or become in- formance in the last 2 years. It could come alive when the playoffs come recouping when you get censed as we lose due to be both, or also neither. All I know along. All of a sudden, everything’s here. Rivalries that matter some stupid error or er- is that just about everyone I turn to different. very little, or at least not rors. We feel a sense of these days is ready to chat about the that much, during the season surface unity as we stand opposed to others. uncalled penalties, the back-up goal- “Hey, did you see that last play? That and are exacerbated to the point I mean, we say that we have an in- ie’s chances and anything else re- was SUCH a foul!”, “We wasted so, so where, unfortunately, we find some tense rivalry with Toronto, but we're lated to the game. It’s strange how a many power plays pointlessly yes- people booing the other team’s na- also supposed to have one with most game, with a local franchise that was terday”, etc. All of a sudden, the tional anthem before games. Every American franchise teams (from almost wiped out, can create such a hockey fan in me comes out and I’m person is tuned in for every second what I gather)…although Boston is feeling of belonging in the people welcomed back into the flock by doz- because, as mentioned, every sec- supposed to be “our arch nemesis”. around you.

COOL QUOTE: San Jose Sharks coach Ron Wilson on 2001 German rookie Marcel Goc: “He was as cool as a cu- Ed's Note cumber out there. I was a little wor- ried about how he’d handle the atmos- with Naila Jinnah phere, but he had no problems.” TAXES FOR DRAFT? The NHL draft is coming to Raleigh at a cost of about Well, the Bandersnatch production year has come to an end. Hopefully you Well, this is the last Grab Bag of this tory for the Canucks, besting the 28:58 $150,000 to the Carolina Hurricanes hockey club. Rumor has it that they have all enjoyed your Sports reads. I'm semester, of this year, and for a while, of overtime at Chicago on April 27, sure that I didn't please everyone with assuming, of course, I graduate on 1982. are going to request that the state cover these expenses. In other words, my article selections, but I had to make time. Hope you guys enjoy all the do with what I had available to me. Un- MEANER STREAK: Calgary snapped a the citizens of North Carolina are fi- playoff talk! fortunately (or maybe fortunately!), I 10-game home winless streak against nancing the NHL Entry Draft. will not be joining all of you wonderful GOOD CALL: Ottawa captain Daniel Vancouver (0-7-2-0) to evened the FIRSTS: The Montreal Canadiens’ people next year, as I am graduating. Alfredsson after the Senators’ 2-0 loss first-round series at two games apiece However, I know that whomever is Game 7 win against the Boston Bruins to Toronto and the Maple Leafs take a with a 4-0 win in Game 4. It was also elected to take over the Sports Section 3-2 series lead:”You haven’t seen the the Flames’ first home playoff win marks the first time in 50 years that will do a most excellent job. Otherwise, last of us yet. We’re going to force this since a 5-0 victory over San Jose on the Canadiens have forced a Game 7 why would they get elected? after trailing a series 3-1. In 1954, to Game 7 and come in here next Tues- May 15, 1995. I'd like to thank all of you for your sub- day and win this series.” Montreal rallied back from the deficit DOUBLE TAKE: The Tampa Bay Light- to eventually lose to the Red Wings in mission, and encourage you to submit your articles, comments, suggestions RETIRED SOLDIER: Igor Larionov has ning beat the New York Islanders in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals in and the like to decided to say goodbye to the world five games to advance to the second Detroit. Also, Canadiens goalie Jose [email protected] or in of professional hockey. The 43 year round for the second straight year and Theodore earned his first career the main office in H-041. Although I old was the oldest player to compete the second time in team history. playoff shutout with his team's 2-0 won't be there, the next editor would be in the NHL this past season. He will win. delighted to hear more about what his bid his original fans goodbye in a fare- POINTS IN TIME: Ed Belfour made 44 or her readers want and are expecting. well exhibition in Moscow next De- saves in the Toronto Maple Leaf’s 2-1 NO LAUGHING MATTER: Nashville Elections for the editor and any other cember. double-overtime loss to the Ottawa Predator’s Steve Sullivan on goalie open positions will take place on Tues- Senators. Belfour shut out the Sena- Tomas Vokoun, who made 41 saves in day, April 27, 2004 in H-033A MEAN STREAK: The Vancouver tors in Games 2, 3, and 5, and held the Game 4 3-0 win over Detroit that (Herzberg basement). I hope a lot of you Canucks blew a 4-0 lead but got a goal Ottawa scoreless for the first two pe- tied the first-round series at two games non-graduating folk will show up and from Brendan Morrison at 2:28 of the riods in Game 6, until Zdeno Chara a piece:”I think he’s got some kind of show support for your school's activi- third overtime period for a 5-4 win at scored 4:55 into the third.The Sena- plexiglass behind him no one can see.” ties. Calgary in Game 6, forcing a Game 7 tors’ Mike Fisher then scored at 1:47 Enjoy the rest of your CEGEP experi- "To you from failing hands we throw of the first-round series. It was the into double overtime to give Ottawa a ence!

longest playoff game in franchise his- 2-1 victory. the torch. Be yours to hold it high."

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○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ ○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○ sports 2003-2004 ATHLETIC AWARD WINNERS He has been team captain the past 2 years PROVINCIAL CHAMPIONS Flag Football Women’s Volleyball and team MVP this season. He was named Most Valuable Player - O Alicia CCAA All-Canadian for the second time REGIONAL CHAMPIONS Suchorski Men’s Rugby and was CCAA Athlete of the Month in Most Improved Player Marie-Noelle October of 2003. Playing the centre Women’s Rugby Beauleiu Women’s Volleyball midfielder position he scored 22 goals in Team Player Lauren Burns 35 games in his 3 year career at John Swim Team (Men, Women & Combined) Most Valuable Player – D Connie Reid ETHIQUE SPORTIF Abbott during which the Islanders have Football been provincial finalists all 3 years. Ac- Women’s Volleyball Jonathan Ruiter Memorial Team Player Women’s Hockey cording to his coach, he has been the Award – Alex Bussandri “team”, its heart, its soul and its con- Women’s Rugby Most Valuable Lineman Marc-Andre PROVINCIAL FINALISTS science. There was not a player in the en- Paquin tire league that worked harder or had a Men’s Soccer Most Valuable Player Tom Kuchiran Women’s Soccer better attitude. Outstanding Perform- Top Rookie Ryan Kastner ance, JAMIE SCHOLEFIELD. Tennis Golf Team LEAGUE CHAMPIONS Most Valuable Player – male Jerome She won 5 gold medals in division 1 at the Swimming Cavanagh regional swim championships and 4 golds Women’s Volleyball and a silver at the provincial champion- Most Valuable Player – Female Krista ships in Sorel. She was not defeated in any LEAGUE AWARDS Bulow CCAA ALL CANADIANS individual race while competing for John Men’s Basketball Abbott this season. Named the Most Valu- Jamie Scholefield - Men’s Soccer Most Valuable Player Nickolas able Swimmer on her team by her coaches Maia Lawson - Women’s Soccer and teammates, she led the Islanders to yet Pronovost another regional title and a second place Megan McClements - Women’s Soccer Most Improved Player Isaac Eniojukan ALL STARS finish at the provincials. She is fiercely de- Top Rookie Donovan Weekes termined and very committed to swimming Baseball Men’s Rugby and has outstanding leadership skills and Ronald Snell enthusiasm. She provides great team spirit. Most Improved Player Andre Troke She has also qualified for upcoming club Women’s Basketball Most Valuable Player Chris Caza Pugh Catherine Parent team national championships. Outstanding Team Player Michael Kerklaan Performance, HEATHER CHANCE. Football Top Rookie Bryce Thomassin Steve Holness Men’s Soccer Louis-Pierre Clement Most Valuable Player Jamie Scholefield Tom Kuchiran Most Improved Player Stephane Gow A team captain in their first year at Philippe Patrick Lalonde Top Rookie Gabriel Lorrain John Abbott, she led the Lady Islanders Flag Football to their first provincial title in 12 years. Men’s Volleyball She was unanimous selection to the Lauren Burns Most Valuable Player Sandy Thomson Alicia Suchorski league all-star team and has played for Most Improved Player Kreg Millar the John Abbott collegiate, juvenile and Connie Reid Top Rookie Brian Gariepy junior teams. Throughout this incred- Men’s Soccer ible season she had led the team in kills, Swim Team service reception and aces. The college Jamie Scholefield Most Improved Player - male James Justin Sabini team dominated the CEGEP volleyball Chan league this season winning 33 of 36 Steve Jones Most Improved Player - female Kate matches. Along with winning the pro- Nick Hainault vincial title, the Lady Islanders were Stephens also league champions, regional cham- Women’s Soccer Most Valuable Player - male – Mike Megan McClements pions, Edouard-Montpetit Invitational Schuepp Memorial Award Matt Champions and Ethic Sportif winners. Maia Lawson Larocque Outstanding performance by a rookie Erin Rayner-Hartley Most Valuable Player - female Heather He has been a leader on and off the football JENNIFER THOMSON. field and with his fellow team-mates dur- Men’s Rugby Chance Andrij Ferguson ing his 2 year stay at John Abbott. He was a Tennis Team team captain this season and 1 of the major Justin Palmer Player Robert D’Amico reasons that the Islanders had the number Women’s Rugby Most Valuable Player- male J.F. Talbot 1 ranked defence during the regular sea- son. He is a genuine throwback to the old Melissa Dardel Most Improved Player Stephanie Chelsea Privée style football player; he is hard nosed, per- Petizian sistent, a fierce tackler, incredible pursuit Tennis Women’s Basketball and determination to get the job done and a Julien Grimard Most Valuable Player Catherine Parent student of the game. He does not need to be highly visible on the field of battle, more Men’s Volleyball Top Rookie Anna Crosby Sandy Thomson importantly, he brings his great team atti- Most Improved Player Thuy-Dan Ho tude and hard work ethic to each and every Women’s Volleyball Women’s Hockey game. He was selected unanimously as a Marie-France Chartier Top Rookie Donna Ringrose league all-star at the linebacker position by the opposing coaches. He was second in the Jennifer Thomson Most Valuable Player Mary Maglieri SPORT ETUDIANT league with 73.5 tackles and led the Island- Team Player Chelsea Privee ers in fumble recoveries. Outstanding Per- Rikki Bowles - Women’s Basketball Women’s Rugby formance, Nickolas Pronovost - Men’s Basketball Team Player Emma Stevens TOM KUCHIRAN. Timothy Rossy - Football Most Valuable Player Melany Waring After having played with the Quebec Jun- CCAA ACADEMIC ALL-CANADI- ior rugby program last summer, he was Top Rookie Morgan Roberts determined to make a quick and immedi- ANS Women’s Soccer Jamie Scholefield - Men’s Soccer ate impact as a rookie for the men’s rugby Most Valuable Player Megan program. Having to compete with solid Justin Sabini - Men’s Soccer McClements veterans players for a starting position, Maia Lawson - Women’s Soccer he worked hard before, during and after Most Improved Player Genevieve each practice to develop his skills further. Megan McClements - Women’s Soccer Gosselin Erin Rayner-Hartley - Women’s Soccer This led to a starting to a starting position Top Rookie Jessie Yale as the team’s scrum-half in the playoffs, TEAM AWARDS Men’s Volleyball as well as, becoming 1 of the team’s lead- Baseball ing tacklers and scorer with 33 points in Most Valuable Player Jennifer 9 games. His performance was instru- Most Valuable Player Scott Cebula Thomson mental in the Islanders winning their Most Improved Player Adam Recine Most Improved Player Ashley Trainor 10th straight provincial title. Outstand- Top Rookie James Vardy Team Player Melissa Coré ing Performance by a rookie, BRYCE

THOMASSIN.

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Montreal Canadiens Richard Zednik and Boston Bruins defenseman Sergei Gonchar collide over the puck in first period action of Game 7.

Los Angeles Lakers’ Rick Fox Philadelphia Flyers’ goalie Sean Burke grabs ahold and Houston Rockets’ Yao of Ottawa Senators’ Daniel Alfredsson as he tries Ming battle for a rebound to skate away after crashing into the net. No during the second quarter of penalty was called on the play. their first-round Western Conference NBA playoff game.

Calgary Flames Ville Nieminen, takes Vancouver Memphis Grizzlies forward Canucks Bryan Allen head Bo Outlaw fouls San first into the boards in game Montreal Expos shortstop Orlando Cabrera drops Antonio Spurs forward Tim seven of their playoff series the throw to second base as New York Mets’ Mike Duncan during the first Monday April 19, 2004. Cameron advances safely from first on a ground quarter in Game 2 of the Nieminen was penalized two ball hit by Eric Valent. Cameron later scored on a NBA Western Conference minutes for boarding. double by Ricky Gutierrez. Playoffs. scoreboard JOHN ABBOTT SPRING CAMPS 11:00am – 12:30pm Spring game In preparation for the fall season, 1:30pm Barbeque John Abbott College will host Spring Camps in football, women’s soccer All interested players who have ap- and men’s basketball. plied to John Abbott for the fall of 2004 can call Steve Shaw at 457-6610 Lady Islanders soccer coach, Kevin ext. 5324 for more information. McConnell, is holding a spring try- out and information session on Fri- day April 23 from 6:00 to 7:30pm. WOMEN’S VOLLEYBALL JUVE- The session will take place in the NILE PROVINCIALS gymnasium and everyone who is in- terested in trying out for the team is Playing in Provincial Juvenile Cham- invited to attend. pionships in Dorion-Vaudreuil, the John Abbott team played very well New men’s basketball coach Scott and improved their provincial rank- Mawhinney will host a one day ing from 11th to 7th. After finishing Spring Camp on campus on Saturday, second in their round robin pool the May 8 starting at 9:00am. The day Lady Islanders defeated Terrebonne will include fitness testing in the 27-25, 21-25, 15-8 to qualify for the morning and a scrimmage in the af- playoffs on Saturday. Jennifer ternoon. Thomson led the way with 20 kills and Coach Dennis Waide and his newly a service reception of 2.90 out of 3.00 revamped coaching staff will con- and Jackie Hertner had a service re- duct their annual Spring Camp on ception of 2.75 and 1 ace. May 7-9. The entire Spring Camp will On Saturday they lost to number 1, take place on campus with the fol- Celtic, 15-25, 19-25 and then turned lowing schedule: around and defeated number 3 Friday, May 7 Cararough (Rive-Sud) 25-21, 30-28. 6:00pm – 8:00pm Practice In the 2 matches Thomson had 21 kills and against Cararough Sofia Marques Saturday, May 8 had 5 kills. 10:00am – 12:00pm Practice Thomson had 10 kills, a service recep- 2:00pm – 4:30pm Practice tion of 2.25, 2 stuffs and an ace in a 23-25, 19-25 loss to Beauce. Melissa Sunday, May 9 Cote had a service reception of 2.21.

10:00am – 11:00am Practice

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