The Parent Trap Making Divorce Easier for Children by Anonymous OFC Member

SPRING 2008 • VOL. 13 ISSUE 2

NEWSLETTER The Parent Trap Making Divorce Easier for Children By Anonymous OFC Member

Editor’s Note: If you think it’s hard for you to even think about divorce, imagine getting someone to write about their own. We thank this Our Family Coalition member for agreeing to write about his experience as one part of a separated gay couple with a child. He agreed in the spirit of helping other parents and children facing a family breakup to envision some more positive outcomes, and to fi nd good tools and assistance. His story does not address other aspects of separation and divorce like economic issues of child support or alimony, abusive relationships, or the eff ect of being registered domestic partners. Th is story starts from the premise of a child with two legal parents. Th e author’s child was adopted by both parents at birth and his separation occurred while he was a full time stay at home parent and she was 7 years old—4 years ago. He now has joint custody, and his child half time.

lot of what you’ve heard about separation discussed her movie choice and the diff erence between and kids was true for me—that your kid is understandable wishes and reality for six months, but I ready to fi nd out about your break up long fi nally snapped 2 years aft er the separation and like the 50th before you are ready to tell her—and may fi nd showing and said “Lindsay Lohan is in jail anyway.” Bursting Aout unintentionally. But life sometimes off ers you some her bubble about Lohan left me feeling guilty, and good! unexpected help. For us it was at a family camp we attended As your dissolution moves toward the legal arena, there are with our daughter and her best friend’s family. Her friend a few things to keep in mind. Rule number 1: Keep in mind heard about our separation when our request for two the community expectation, promoted strongly by NCLR separate cabins was broadcast over the public address system (www.nclrights.org) that LGBT people should never make at 9 pm! (Don’t ask.) Th at left us 12 hours—until breakfast— anti-LGBT family arguments in court. Just don’t let yourself to tell our daughter ourselves. We let our daughter choose go there. Assuming that safety and fi nances are assured, try whether to have her friend with her during what we to avoid going to court all together. However, court ordered described as “an important family conversation.” She did, mediation materials have great rules to co-parent by— and we told her under the redwoods with her friend at her almost four years later, my copy is still posted in my kitchen. side. She cried a little, and then they went off to play. You might fi nd, as we did, that even if you do go to court, We learned that they hear things you swear were never you will fi nd that you need to work creatively yourselves discussed in front of them. How else did our daughter know to solve your own disputes. I still wonder if the S.F. judge the exact value we put on the coff ee table which was the last who heard our case could tell our legal papers apart, since item we both wanted? Go fi gure. they were not distinguishable as belonging to a “mother” It’s also true that your kid will likely want you to reconcile and “father.” Th ere are good resources that come out of the long into your divorce. I had to get used to walking past process, though. We found Kids’ Turn (www.kidsturn.org), my daughter watching “Th e Parent Trap” remake. I calmly (continued on page 14) Director’s Note Judy Appel Stop! In the Executive Director Name of Love

activities and assess the size and funding of the proponents of this discriminatory amendment, we need you to be on he next few months will be decisive for our families the lookout for people gathering signatures and report in the quest for marriage equality in California. back to Equality for All. Tips will be responded to by their Last month, the California Supreme Court heard Rapid Response Team, our foot soldiers talking to voters oral arguments on the lawsuits that challenge the about this initiative and encouraging them not sign on Tconstitutionality of denying same-sex couples the right to this discriminatory and destructive initiative. Join the to marry, a case that Our Family Coalition is proud to Rapid Response team today by going to www.equalityforall. be a part of. My son Kobi and I went to watch the oral com. Working with other Rapid Responders near you, arguments and they were thrilling, with our attorneys professional team leaders will train you on how you can from NCLR and the city responding brilliantly to active help. Here is what all of us can do: questioning from the bench. At the same time, well- 1. In many cases, the signature gatherers will have multiple funded anti-LGBT organizations are paying signature petitions. It is okay to ask, “What petitions do you have?” gatherers in an eff ort to put a constitutional amendment on the California November 2008 ballot that would 2. Ask them if they are paid or volunteer—that’s also okay. prohibit marriage for same-sex couples. 3. Take samples of any literature they are off ering. Whether or not you believe that our movement’s energies 4. Do not engage in debate! If the conversation feels tense should be focused on marriage equality—and I believe or the petitioner is being aggressive, move on. Th is there are valid arguments on each side—it is without doubt information is helpful, but it’s not worth risking your safety. that at this historic moment the societal recognition of 5. Report back to the Equality for All Tip Line at us as equals entitled to the same civic rights and social [email protected]. When you encounter signature standing hinges in great part on this current debate. It is gatherers, please email the date, time, location, and paid/ “up” for us big time. volunteer information. Th ere will be many messages in the mainstream media over Like all parents, my partner Alison and I want our children the next months, depicting our families in both positive to be safe, healthy, and happy. We want our kids to grow and negative ways. Th is can be diffi cult for our families. up in a welcoming society where they can grow and Th e decision is a personal one, but I think that especially thrive without artifi cial barriers based on gender or sexual as our kids get older, this off ers an opportunity to educate orientation. As long as law excludes lesbians and gay men them about struggles for equality, about privilege, and from marriage and divides California families into two about the fact that change only occurs when we work separate and unequal groups, neither we nor the tens of collectively to bring it forth. thousands of other same-sex couples with children in this Besides working in our families and communities, we have state can give our children that basic assurance. Instead, a unique opportunity to play a part in a fresh, exciting and all California children are getting the message from the fi rst of its kind eff ort to stop the anti-marriage initiative government that it is okay to treat people diff erently based from getting on the November ballot. Since 2003, the on whether they love a person of the same sex or a diff erent Equality for All campaign committee has been leading sex. Our children know the diff erence and they feel it. a large and diverse coalition of groups in California, I am proud to live in one of the most diverse states in this including communities of color, choice, faith, and labor country, home to more same-sex couples than any other. I organizations, to prepare for an anti-LGBT ballot measure. look forward to the day—a day I am confi dent will arrive In response to this very serious threat, the Equality for soon—when California lives up to the promise in our state All campaign is launching a statewide eff ort to encourage constitution to give all Californians equal protection under Californians not to sign this discriminatory petition. We the law. On behalf of Our Family Coalition, I am honored need everyone who cares about LGBT equality to help to be part of this historic moment and this historic struggle with the Stop the Initiative eff ort. In order to track their for freedom, justice, and equality for all.

2 Our Family Coalition Board Update Deborah Wald, Esq. Changes in Board Co-Chair International Adoption

ext month (April 2008) the Hague Convention international adoptions and, not surprisingly, religious- on the intercountry adoption of children is fi nally based adoption agencies are receiving a disproportionate scheduled to go into eff ect. Th is Convention is an percentage of agency certifi cations. Th is could potentially international treaty designed to provide a greater be a problem for lesbians and gay men adopting abroad. levelN of uniformity to the international adoption process, 2. Th e same, full home study will have to be used for all and to provide protection to the children who are being sent purposes. No longer will agencies be able to use one across national borders for adoption. Strongly promoted by version of their home study with the international agencies UNICEF, one of the goals of this Convention is to assure that and another version of their home study domestically. children are not unnecessarily separated from their countries Again, this could cause problems for lesbians and gay men of origin, cultures, and access to extended families, a goal adopting abroad. that I think most of us would agree is admirable. However, implementation of the Convention is causing a lot of concern Despite these concerns, my colleagues in adoption agencies in the adoption community, and especially in the lesbian assure me that international adoptions are alive and well, and gay adoption community, about continued access to in our community as well as in general. However, lesbians international adoption. and gay men with an interest in international adoption are encouraged to pay special attention to the attorneys and It is still unclear exactly how implementation of the Hague agencies they are working with, to make sure that they have Convention will impact our community, but a couple of the specialized knowledge necessary to shepherding our things are clear: families through an ever-more-bureaucratic process. 1. All international adoptions will now have to be handled by a central, federal agency in both the sending country and the receiving country. In the United States, this means that LEARN MORE! our federal government will be more involved in adoptions For more information, contact Adopt International than ever before. It also means that our federal government at www.adoptinter.org or 415-934-0300. is now certifying which local agencies can handle

BOARD OF DIRECTORS STAFF Mame Campbell-Salin Judy Appel MAIN OFFICE Dave Chandler Executive Director 870 Market Street, Suite 872 Barry Chersky Aimee Fisher San Francisco, CA 94102 Michael Ginther Program Director 415-981-1960 Loren Henning Secretary Our Family Coalition (OFC) Rachel Hollowgrass Julia Po is a non-proﬁ t organization dedicated Program Coordinator EAST BAY Arcelia Hurtado to promoting the civil rights and 344 40th Street Koko Lin Rebecca Rodriguez well-being of Bay Area lesbian, gay, Access Program Director Oakland, CA 94609 Pamela Siller bisexual, and transgender families 510-332-0540 Toni Taylor Yensing Sihapanya with children and prospective parents Catherine Teare Treasurer Ofﬁ ce Manager through education, advocacy, social www.ourfamily.org Hoa Voscott Co-Chair networking, and grassroots community Deborah Wald Co-Chair Editing by Aimee Fisher. Armando Zapote Graphic Design by Y. Day Designs, organizing. www.ydaydesigns.com

SPRING 2008 Newsletter 3 Using Therapy During Divorce By Cheryl Deaner, MFT hurting, you may have less emotional resources available for your children, and your sense of what might best help ivorce—the mere your children may become skewed. If you suspect that your word can bring up child might benefi t from therapy, have them evaluated by lots of feelings. For a a child therapist. Do not be surprised if the therapist asks family, divorce is the to fi rst talk to you and/or your ex before seeing your child, Dmost stressful situation that can be or asks for a copy of a court order with regard to custody. gone through except death, and it If your child is a teen, they may have some right to privacy can feel a lot like a death—since your ex-partner is still there, about what they discuss in therapy. but not for you. Whether a divorce is “amicable” or destructive, it can invoke such emotionally intense needs that the support 4. Individual therapy: A divorce is major change and a major of your friends, family and co-workers simply may not be opportunity for you to make deep and lasting changes in enough. Even though you may feel strapped by mandated your life. So even if it seems like the divorce was 95% your legal and fi nancial obligations, this is not the time to neglect partner’s fault, don’t stint on yourself during this time. You your personal needs and the needs of your children. need to be present—not only for others but for yourself. Finding a therapist to help address the confusing and 5. Family therapy: It is oft en quite useful for the entire family emotionally painful parts of divorce will help both you and to attend one or more sessions with a therapist to help sort your family to rediscover what “normal” is again. It can help out the new family situation. Family therapists can make it you and your ex-partner fi nd the grace to set new and healthy possible for the family to say what needs to be said and to boundaries with each other. And it can give your children a adjust to its new confi guration in ways that just wouldn’t safe place to say what they need to say in order to stop hurting be possible otherwise. and start healing. Whatever your situation, there are many of us who have already been there. Th ere is no pain too great to be lessened, Below are some tips about fi nding a therapist and using and no sorrow that will not end. Know that no matter what therapy: is happening now, that eventually you will fi nd new peace, 1. You can fi nd therapy no matter what your fi nancial freedom, and reasons to smile. situation. LGBT family-oriented therapists can be found Cheryl Deaner is a Marriage and Family Th erapist, parent, and in private practice, family clinics, and possibly under a founder of Our Family Coalition. She has a private therapy your insurance plan. Talk to more than one therapist if practice in San Francisco. She can be reached at 415-282-2200 possible—three are oft en suggested. If you don’t have or [email protected]. a therapist already, try calling Gaylesta, the Bay Area LGBT Th erapist Association, for resources and referrals. Th ey can help you to RESOURCES Children’s Books explore what kind of therapist could work best for your family’s particular Kids’ Turn Daddy’s Roommate by Michael Willhoite circumstances. Go to www.gaylesta. www. kidsturn.org This story’s narrator begins with 415-437-0700 his parents’ divorce and continues org or call toll free: 1-888-869 4993. 1-800-392-9239 with the arrival of “someone new at 2. Th erapy with your ex-partner: The only program in the Bay Area Daddy’s house.” The boy discusses his Do not hesitate to make an helping children when their parents father’s new living situation. The dad appointment with your ex-partner. separate or divorce. and his gay roommate share eating, Communication, even if painful, doing chores, playing, loving and living. can save you much grief and Online Resources Saturday Is Pattyday by Leslea Newman can be much less expensive than Although Frankie is hurt and confused communicating through attorneys. www.divorceABC.com when his two mommies separate, he Make sure the therapist is an www.divorcenet.com is comforted by knowing that Patty experienced couples therapist. www.divorcesupport.com will still be part of his life. 3. Th erapy for children: When you are

4 Our Family Coalition New Program FOR LGBTQ Adoptive Families

Our Family Coalition, with the support of First 5 San Francisco, and in collaboration with community partners introduces an exciting new program for adoptive families.

Our new Family Liaison will help you navigate the post-adoption system and Resources access LGBTQ friendly services, including mental health and other services for you and your children.

Looking for some expert help in raising your adopted kid(s)? Family Builders and Our Family Coalition will offer a three part workshop series for adoptive Workshops LGBTQ families. The ﬁ rst workshop “Adoption: How Do I Raise a Healthy Child?” will take place on May 31st (see page 11 for details). Additional workshops will focus on behavioral challenges, attachment, and discussing adoption with your child. Keep your eyes peeled for how to sign up!

Family Builders Support Group Support Family Builders is opening up their monthly support group for adopting parents! Groups This group meets every 1st Saturday from 10am to 12pm at the San Francisco LGBT Community Center.

NEW! Colors of Our Families: LGBTQ Families and Adoption Across Color Lines Our Family Coalition, Pact, and iPride are convening a support group that will offer a supportive educational environment to LGBTQ transracially adoptive parents and caregivers. Particpants will explore race, color, culture, ethnicity, adoption, and parenting. To shape the group to meet your needs, answer our online survey. You can ﬁ nd the link at www.ourfamily.org. Contact julia@ ourfamily.org or 415-981-1960 to learn more.

Send Us Your Ideas! Whether you are considering adopting, have just adopted, or your children are in need of support related to their adoption, we’d like to hear what would be helpful to you. Contact Our Family Coalition at 415-981-1960.

SPRING 2008 Newsletter 5 LGBTQ Family Summer Camps

Monkey Business Camp community-building, sharing, and recreation. Enjoy group activities together in the woods, in the pool, and at mealtimes. Most June 16–August 29, 2008 Berkeley and Oakland families are transracial but all families are welcome, whether your 510-540-6025 adoption was domestic or international, and whether you have www.monkeybusinesscamp.com birth kids along with adopted kids. A high quality, super fun, outdoor day camp for children ages 5–10 in both Berkeley and Oakland. A youth leadership program is also Camp Lavender Hill offered for 11–17 year olds. Queer owned and operated, staff July 13–19, 2008 are trained in appropriate anti-bias techniques and encourage all Camp Watanda on Lake Vera children to be proud of their families. Sessions include: Drama/ near Nevada City Performing Arts, Mad Science, Magical Mystery Tour, Outdoor 916-622-5793 • www.camplavenderhill.org Adventures, Pirates, and Woodworking. Camp Lavender Hill offers a week-long A ﬁ eld trip camp for girls ages 9–13 called Girls on the Go! meets summer camp for 9–14 year olds with at Cedar-Rose Park in Berkeley and takes public transportation LGBT families. Our goal is to create a safe and supportive to a wide variety of destinations in the Bay Area. environment for children of alternative families. By providing these children with an alternative to traditional summer camp, Camp Lavender Hill offers them the opportunity to enhance self- Spectrum Family Camp esteem in a place where differences and diversity are celebrated. July 11–13, 2008 Valley of the Moon, Glen Ellen, Sonoma County Counselors are either LGBT or from an LGBT family. Campers 415-457-1115 • www.spectrumlgbtcenter.org enjoy hiking, swimming, crafts, and outdoor games in this beautiful wooded area. For twenty years, Spectrum has offered a unique weekend experience for LGBT parents and their children in a safe and welcoming environment. FUSION July 28–August 8, 2008 Redwood Day School PACT Camp 3245 Shefﬁ eld Avenue, Oakland, CA 94602 July 13–18, 2008 www.fusionprogram.org Redwood Glen Camp & Conference Center, Loma Mar, CA www.pactadopt.org/events/camp.html The two week summer day camp is open to all youth ages 7–12 with a particular focus on children who come from more than PACT’s theme for the 2008 Camp for Adoptive one cultural and/or racial community experience. FUSION offers Families With Children of Color is “Putting It All a fun and supportive environment where youth can share, explore, Together: Families, Adoption, and Race.” and celebrate the richness and complexity of mixed heritage. Program includes a rich blend of education,

6 Our Family Coalition Camp It Up! with LGBTQ members, and their friends and allies. August 3–10, 2008 Oakland Feather River Camp near Quincy Register by March 28th and receive 510-338-0370 • www.campitup.org a $50 early-bird discount per family! Now in its 18th year, Camp It Up! is a Our Family Coalition is proud to be the unique summer family camp. Our goal ﬁ scal sponsor. is to create a community that nourishes both our diversity and commonality, and supports all families and Families on the River—LGBTQ family members. We believe that all parents— single, partnered, Family Weekend in Guerneville lesbian, gay, bisexual or heterosexual, as well as children, August 15–17, 2008 grandparents, aunts, uncles and special friends—create unique family structures that should be nurtured and respected. Guerneville, CA on the Russian River 415-981-1960 • www.ourfamily.org Scheduled for the weekend of August 15, parents and kids Family Arts Bridge (FAB) Camp will enjoy all the beauty and fun that the river has to offer. An August 7–10, 2008 ice cream pool party, activities for older Camp Gualala on the Gualala River, near the youth provided by COLAGE, a Friday town of Annapolis, 3 hours from the Bay Area. evening reception at the Willows, and 510-684-0190 • www.ourfamily.org many spontaneous activities will be offered. Campsite: www.uccr.org/gualala.htm Camping and lodging options available. FAB Camp is an arts-based non-proﬁ t family camp for all kinds Registration information will be at www. of families representing diverse backgrounds, including families ourfamily.org in May. Co-Sponsored by COLAGE, Our Family Coalition, and the SF LGBT Community Center.

Camp Tawonga–Keshet LGBT Family Weekend August 28–31, 2008 Located on the Middle Fork of the Tuolumne River, just outside Yosemite National Park 415-543-2267 • www.tawonga.org A Jewish camping experiencefor gathering together with other gay families. We’ll celebrate Shabbat and Havdalah; sing, hike, climb at the ropes course; and have discussion groups. You’ll have time to spend with your children and time to enjoy other adults while our staff cares for your kids. If you are considering parenting or just love being with gay families, you’re also welcome to join us.

SPRING 2008 Newsletter 7 Multi Faith Holiday Party Our Family Coalition held its annual Multi-Faith Holiday Party on Saturday, December 8th, at Saint Gregory of Nyssa Episcopal Church. The event was co-sponsored by COLAGE and the SF LGBT Community Center. Activities included gingerbread house construction, art activities and a special performance by a magician.

8 Our Family Coalition BOOK CORNER

A FIRE ENGINE FOR RUTHIE WrittenW by Leslea Newman • Illustrated by Cyd Moore • Clarion Books • 2004 • Ages4–8 • Hardcover • 32 pages • ISBN-13: 978-0618159895 • $16 NewmanN introduces a protagonist with interests that buck societal ste- reotypes.r Ruthie and her grandmother spend lots of time together, buying O Ruthie’s favorite foods, checking out her favorite books and playing on her favorite swing set. But with each outing, Ruthie longingly observes the neighbor F boy, Brian, playing with his noisy vehicles. “‘Do you have a train to play with at your house, Nana?’… ‘No,’ says Nana, ‘but I have some beautiful dolls waiting at C home for you.’” While Nana encourages tea parties and ﬂ ower painting, Ruthie prefers the roar of toy motorcycles and ﬁ re engines. Nana eventually learns to let her granddaughter be her guide into more boisterous play. Young and old will likely appreciate both protagonists’ points of view.w.

ON BEING A GAY PARENT: MAKING A FUTURE TOGETHER Written by Brett Webb-Mitchell • Seabury Books • 2007 • Paperback • 200 pages • ISBN-13: 978-1596270619 • $16 This practical, down-to-earth guide to being a gay Christian parent is ﬁ lled with interestingg stories, simple anecdotes, creative ideas, and thoughtful reﬂ ections, while raising important issues facing gay-and lesbian-headed households in contemporary American society. Includes a list of resources helpful in addressing often-surprising issues, simple day-to-day tasks, and crucial decisions around being a gay or lesbian parent in today’s world.

SUGGEST A BOOK!

Is there a book you would like to see spotlighted or reviewed in the Book Corner?

To submit suggestions or your own review, please contact Aimee Fisher at [email protected].

SPRING 2008 Newsletter 9 OFC wishes to make all events and child care accessible to people with disabilities and special needs. Contact [email protected] or 415-981-1960 for information.

and different strategies for children with known and unknown Calendar donors. For free childcare, contact [email protected] or 415-981-1960. Dinner will be provided. Facilitated by Jonathan Pannor, LCSW and Alice Ruby, Executive Director of The Sperm Bank of California

Events and Workshops Oakland Museum of CA Family Day Sunday, May 11, 1–4pm Surrogate Panel & Reception Oakland Museum of California, 1000 Oak Street, Oakland If you are a LGBTQ surrogate parent or thinking A day for ALL families to learn about each other. about surrogacy, OFC would like to invite you to a Activities, games, performance, and ﬁ lms that reﬂ ect very special evening panel and reception on surrogacy. If you are and celebrate families with adopted, mixed race, and LGBTQ interested, please contact [email protected] or 415-981-1960. members. Co-sponsored by OFC!

LGBTQ Family Night at the YMCA Domestic Partnership and Second Saturday, April 26, 5–9pm Berkeley YMCA, 2001 Allston Way, Berkeley Parent Adoption Clinic LEARN IT, DO IT! Come join OFC for the 10 year anniversary of our signature event! Hordes of LGBTQ parents and children enjoy Sunday, May 18, 3–5:30pm socializing and the myriad activities planned by the YMCA, Bananas, 5232 Claremont Avenue, Oakland including swimming for all ages, arts and crafts, kindergym, sports, Do you have questions about the differences between domestic activities for older children, and loads of entertainment. Cost is partnership and second parent adoption? At this hands-on $3 per person. Children under two are free. $10 maximum per workshop, two expert attorneys will describe adoption processes, family. THIS IS AN RSVP EVENT: Call 510-665-3238 and answer your questions, and help you prepare the adoption include in your message your name, phone number, number of paperwork. If you’re not ready for adoption but want information people, and ages of children. Knowing children’s ages helps us plan about the process, attend the fi rst hour presentation and Q&A. for activities and food. Remaining time will be spent preparing forms. Facilitated by Emily Doskow and Deborah Wald. For free childcare, contact julia@ Prospective Parent Resource Panel ourfamily.org or 415-981-1960. Tuesday, April 29, 6–7:30pm The SF LGBT Community Center Rainbow Berkeley Pride Celebration 1800 Market Street, San Francisco Sunday, May 18, 2–5pm Representatives from community agencies and organizations Frances Albrier Community Center, will present resources available to prospective and new parents. San Pablo Park, 2800 Park Street, Berkeley The panel will include representatives from The Sperm Bank Join us for Berkeley’s 9th Annual LGBT community Pride of California, Family Builders by Adoption, Pacifi c Reproductive celebration brunch. There will be food and drinks from local Services, Adoption Connection, and more! Dinner will be restaurants, entertainment, and local politicians. Bring your family, provided. friends and kids for this terrifi c yearly community event! At this year’s Berkeley Pride, Our Family Coalition will provide a Family Garden with face painting and more family friendly activities. Talking With Children About Admission is $20 and includes food and drinks, but no one turned Their Biological Origins away for lack of funds. Thursday, May 8, 6–8pm The SF LGBT Community Center,1800 Market Street, San Francisco LGBTQ Family Dance Night Women who conceived with donor sperm or eggs often need Saturday, May 31, 5–7pm help strategizing about how to help their children understand Kids ’N Dance, 3841 Mac Arthur Blvd., Oakland their biological origins. We will address developmentally Join us for an evening of dance and fun at Kids ’N Dance’s appropriate language that can help children of all ages integrate Oakland studio. An evening of dancing, music, and socializing for knowledge of the donor side of their origins while strengthening kids, their LGBTQ parents, and allies. Light snacks will be provided. their life-long bond with their lesbian parent(s). We will also RSVP to [email protected] at 415-981-1960 or by May 27. discuss donor siblings and how to negotiate these relationships

10 Our Family Coalition Take Me Out to the Ball Game OAKLAND A’S VS. FLORIDA MARLINS NEW! Family Night Out at the Sunday, June 2, 1:05pm McAfee Coliseum, 7000 Coliseum Way, Oakland Enjoy stadium treats and a great game in the company of other LGBTQ families. A great event for families with older children. OFC has reserved a block of seats at a special rate of $7 per ticket. Please RSVP to [email protected] or call 415-981-1960 for your tickets by June 13.

San Francisco Pride Celebration Sunday, June 29, 10:15am 3600 16th Street (at Market & Noe) PARADE www.squatandgobble.com March with Our Family Coalition and COLAGE (Children Of (415) 552-2125 Lesbians And Gays Everywhere) in the San Francisco Pride Parade! We may have a bit of a wait, but once we do start to march it will all be over too quickly. Bring snacks, water, and Every Tuesday after 5pm other goodies to keep the kiddies occupied. Watch your email or visit www.ourfamily.org for updates including our location in the Join us for our kick-off night on April 1st. parade. Call Julia at 415-981-1960 if you have any questions. A new kids menu will be available, FAMILY GARDEN as well as a kid-friendly activity or entertainer. South playground at SF Pride at the corner of Larkin & Grove Streets After the parade, OFC, COLAGE, and the SF LGBT Community Squat & Gobble will donate 15% of proceeds to Our Family Coalition. Center are proud to announce the “5th Annual Family Garden” including playground, art activities, face painting, and our informational booth.

VOLUNTEERS OFC needs 20 volunteer contingent monitors to march with us and act as safety monitors. Free trainings will take place in the East Bay and San Francisco. We also need volunteers to staff our Pride booth and the Family Garden. To volunteer, contact julia@ ourfamily.org or 415-981-1960.

Adoption HOW DO I RAISE A HEALTHY CHILD? Saturday, May 31, 10:30am–12pm The SF LGBT Community Center, 1800 Market Street, San Francisco Join us for our ﬁ rst workshop in collaboration with Family Builders. Topics will include attachment, developmental milestones, empathy as a form of discipline, and more. Meet and discuss important issues with other LGBTQ adoptive parents. This group is facilitated by Ilene Yasemsky, LCSW. Co-sponsored by Our Family Coalition & Family Builders by Adoption.

Single Parents Interested in meeting other LGBTQ single parents? Look out for OFC’s ﬁ rst LGBTQ single parents get together this Spring. If you are interested, please contact julia@ ourfamily.org or 415-981-1960.

SPRING 2008 Newsletter 11 for children only. To RSVP for childcare, please contact julia@ OFC’s Ongoing Groups ourfamily.org or 415-981-1960. Mamas & Papas Expand your circle of LGBTQ parents, swap NEW! parenting tips, and explore concerns shared by all parents “Little Mates” Playgroup as well as those of special interest to our families. Help your Tuesdays, April 22, May 27, June 24, kids build lasting friendships with other children growing up 10:30am–12pm with LGBTQ families. For free childcare at KidSpace, contact Tumble & Tea, 4210 Telegraph Avenue, Oakland [email protected] or 415-981-1960. Discussion topics are April: Class, May: Pragmatic Parenting, June: Queer Families 101. Join East Bay LQBTQ parents for a daytime playgroup and discussion at Tumble & Tea, where kids can play and parents can enjoy a cup of coffee and adult conversation. $5 suggested FAMILIES WITH CHILDREN 0–5 YRS donation per child, but no one turned away for lack of funds Saturdays, April 12 & 26, May 10, June 14, 10–11:30am The SF LGBT Community Center, 1800 Market Street, San Francisco Wannabees PROSPECTIVE PARENT POTLUCK FAMILIES WITH CHILDREN 5–8 YRS Tuesdays, April 15 & June 17, 6:30–8pm Saturdays, April 5, May 3, June 7, 4:30–6:30pm Ella Baker Center, 344 40th Street, Oakland The SF LGBT Community Center, 1800 Market Street, San Francisco Tuesday, May 20, 6:30–8pm COMBINED PRIDE MEETING WITH The SF LGBT Community Center FAMILIES WITH CHILDREN 0–5 & 5–8 YRS 1800 Market Street, San Francisco Saturday, June 28, 10:30am–1pm A great opportunity to meet and network with other LGBTQ South playground at San Francisco Pride at the corner of prospective parents. These monthly get-togethers switch Larkin and Grove Streets between San Francisco and the East Bay. This is a potluck, so remember to bring your favorite creation. OFC will bring Our second combined meeting of the year, where we will material on resources and agencies that can help on your road be decorating posters for Sunday’s Pride Parade. Bring your to parenthood. Potluck will be from 6:30-7pm and discussion favorite brunch dish to share. Help your kids build lasting from 7–8pm. friendships with other children growing up with LGBTQ families. Transgender Parent Support Group Saturdays, May 17, June 21, 10am–12pm Mamas and Papas East The SF LGBT Community Center, 1800 Market Street, San Francisco FAMILIES WITH CHILDREN 0–5 YRS Are you or your partner a transgender parent or Sundays, April 6, May 4, June 1, 5–7pm considering parenthood? This group is an opportunity Habitot Children’s Discovery Museum, to connect with your peers and get mutual support. 2065 Kittredge Street, Berkeley Drop-ins are welcome, but ongoing attendance helps to Expand your circle of East Bay LGBTQ parents, swap parenting establish group rapport. Please note there is no April meeting. tips, and explore concerns shared by all parents as well as those From 10:00–10:30am you can socialize and from10:30am–12pm of special interest to our families. Your kids will have a great there will be group discussion. Facilitated by: Rosa Reinikainen, time—keep your infants with you while all other kids get a MFT. For free childcare, contact [email protected] or chance to play in the Habitot museum. Dinner will be provided 415-981-1960.

Marieke Alyda Daniela Oorbeck Memorial Fund

We offer our deepest condolences to Jenny Oorbeck, Naomi Daniel, and their family for the loss of their baby, Marieke Alyda Daniela Oorbeck. Marieke Alyda was born on Friday, October 19, at 10:53 am, and died in their arms only six hours later. Those who wish to contribute to the Marieke Alyda Daniela Oorbeck Memorial Fund should make checks payable to “Our Family Coalition” and indicate in the memo line that their donation is for The Marieke Alyda Daniela Oorbeck Memorial Fund. Proceeds from the Fund are dedicated to Our Family Coalition’s East Bay programs. The following people have contributed to the Marieke Alyda Daniela Oorbeck Memorial Fund: Joan and Robert Oorbeck • Donald and Lydia Blanchard • Mary Jo and Robert Poel • Nancy Simonds • Daniel Howard • Anonymous • Sandy Foley

12 Our Family Coalition Eventos y talleres Grupos y juntas Noche para familias LGBTQ en el YMCA Grupo de mamás y papás Sábado, 26 de abril, 5–9pm FAMILIAS CON HIJOS 0-5 AÑOS Downtown Berkeley YMCA, 2001 Allston Way Sábados, 12 y 26 de abril, 10 de mayo, 14 de junio, 10–11:30am Recursos para futuros padres The SF LGBT Community Center, 1800 Market Street, San Francisco Martes, 29 de abril, 6–7:30pm The SF LGBT Community Center FAMILIAS CON HIJOS 5-8 AÑOS 1800 Market Street, San Francisco Sábados, 5 de abril, 3 de mayo, 7 de junio 4:30–6:30pm The SF LGBT Community Center, 1800 Market Street, San Francisco Parejas domesticas y derechos parentales EXCURSIÓN A “PRIDE” FAMILIAS CON HIJOS 0-8 AÑOS Sábado, 3 de mayo, 3–5:30pm Bananas, 5232 Claremont Avenue, Oakland Sábado, 28 de junio, 10:30am–1pm Hablando con sus hijos sobre sus Familias en la Bahía del Este origenes Domingos, 6 de abril, 4 de mayo, 1 de junio, Jueves, 8 de mayo, 6–8pm 5–7pm The SF LGBT Community Center, 1800 Market Street, San Francisco Habitot Children’s Museum 2065 Kittredge Way, Berkeley Dia de familias en el museo de Oakland Domingo, 11 de mayo, 1–4pm ¡NEUVO! Oakland Museum, 1000 Oak Street, Oakland Grupo de juego Martes, 22 de abril, 27 de mayo, 24 de junio, Celebracion de “pride” Berkeley 10:30am–12pm Domingo, 18 de mayo, 2–5pm Tumble & Tea, 4210 Telegraph Avenue, Oakland Frances Albrier Community Center at San Pablo Park, 2800 Park Street, Berkeley Comida informal para futuros padres Baile para familias LGBTQ Martes, 15 de abril, 17 de junio, 6:30–8pm Sábado, 31 de mayo, 4–6pm Ella Baker Center, 344 40th Street, Oakland Kids ’N Dance, 3841 Mac Arthur Blvd., Oakland Martes, 20 de mayo, 6:30–8pm The SF LGBT Community Center Celebracion de “pride” San Francisco 1800 Market Street, San Francisco Domingo, 29 de junio, 12pm Beisbol Grupo de padres de familias OAKLAND A’S CONTRA LOS FLORIDA MARLINS transexuales Domingo, 22 de junio, 1:05pm McAfee Coliseum, 7000 Coliseum Way, Oakland Sábados, 5 de abril, 17 de mayo, 21 de junio 10am–12pm The SF LGBT Community Center, 1800 Market Street, San Francisco Apoyo para familias adoptivas Sabado, 31 de mayo, 10:30am–12pm SF LGBT Community Center 1800 Market Street, San Francisco

Evento para padres solteros Para mas información, llame 415-981-1960.

Para más información sobre los eventos, chequea el calendario en One Bush Street, Suite 1150, San Francisco, CA 94104 nuestro hogar en el internet: www.ourfamily.org. Todos los eventos www.waldlaw.net presentados en esta lista se identiﬁ can en inglés. Si necesita más To Schedule an Appointment or Consultation información en español, llame a nuestra oﬁ cina y pida hablar con (415) 648-3097 Deborah Wald y (415) 399-1840 Paul Thorndal Rebecca Rodríguez ([email protected]). Fax: (415) 648-3098 y [email protected]

SPRING 2008 Newsletter 13 The Parent Trap… (continued from page 1) a course for the whole family meeting in individual groups (so you are not with your ex) meets one evening a week for six weeks. Th is fabulous post divorce co-parenting education Engaged. program can either be ordered by the court or you can participate voluntarily. When the judge ruled on our lives aft er only 10 minutes of court time, her opinion did off er some good advice. She said, “You two parents need to get out of each others’ lives as much as possible.” Statistically, kids’ standards of living go down following a divorce. Our divorce requires us both to work full time to Prepared. maintain two houses each with the former lifestyle of one house and one career. Th e fact that we have mostly succeeded, Redwood Day School with a lot of work, means we are incredibly lucky and our daughter’s experience perhaps somewhat atypical. It is hard for the parent(s) who have to move to create a vision that life can go on, when you may question yourself exactly how that is possible. For your child, think logistics, logistics, Inspired. and logistics. If you can live nearby your former spouse, it K– 8 Admission reduces the tension around many aspects of co-parenting. Be 510.534.0804 ext.224 creative: As a man, I could safely tour apartments at night. www.rdschool.org Aft er I found one, my daughter and I took bagels and sat on the porch without her knowing it was where we might move, so I could feel how it felt to have her there. And without particularly noticing, I moved to a neighborhood near ice one bigger blended family. cream parlors and a toy store just at a time when she could It is helpful to remember that there is no reason your child’s start walking to stores alone. So we discovered a whole new friends’ families should remember your custody schedule. challenge focused on her independence and future, having When you are called by these families for playdates at a time nothing to do with divorce. your child is with their other parent, devise responses that Assuming that safety is assured (i.e. neither parent is abusive work for you and your former spouse—perhaps call the other or abusing), it’s in your child’s best interest (and therefore in parent yourself and relay the message, even when you don’t your’s) that your child have a strong parenting relationship feel like it. You could also divide families with your child’s with the other parent, even if you have misgivings. If possible, other parent to make it easier on everyone. Email, correctly you as a parent will need to help your child and their other used, can be a blessing. parent maintain and strengthen their connections. Don’t get Figure out and celebrate what you can still do together hung up on the “primary” parent label—if there is one, your as a family—sports games, your child’s birthday party, child has decided that all by themselves, so your time-sharing graduations, and other school events work for us. From my arrangement will not determine it. Supporting your child’s kid’s perspective, Halloween is the apex of holidays, and relationship with their other parent is more likely to show continuing to trick or treat together with other families your true parenting role. I recommend this to my friends just like we did before separating, is probably our best who are partnered parents of all genders and orientations. demonstration of putting her needs ahead of ours. Th is has One big surprise of our break-up was the unexpected been just the amount of contact her separated parents can positives that it led to for my child. She got both her parents manage, but we adjust annually! back and on a regular schedule. As a 2nd grader with divorced parents, she suddenly had more families that resembled her own than she did as a child with two same gender parents. Th ere was welcome anonymity. NEW! Letters to the Editor I found it important to fi nd many support systems for Send feedback on the newsletter or a response to myself and my child. My daughter and I still regularly an article to Aimee at [email protected]. have dinners with another divorced family and we feel like

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16 Our Family Coalition Thank You for Your Support! (FEBRUARY 2007–MARCH 2008)

New Members Jennifer Bing Rebecca Abravanel & Joseph Voors Crystal Jang & Sydney Yeong The Smith-Bove Family This Quarter & Melinda Capiraso & Kimberly Beeson Pavlina Eccless & Dar Greenberg Clifton J. Joullian Audrey & Bruce Soloff Alice & D • Berkeley Dave & Jeff Chandler Nina Ackerberg In Honor of Elijah & Solomon & Barry E. Mosley Chip Stewart Anne & Todd • Petaluma Daniel Dominguez & Kathryn Lybarger Rollins Emerson Inbal Kashtan & Kathy Simon Karen Sukenic Arcelia Nicole • San Francisco & Edgardo Moncada Connie Adachi & Judy Carl Emura Nadia K Khuzaie Jerry Threet & Seth Ubogy Audrey • Oakland Deb Kinney & Linda Sonntag Linda Chan Akamine Joanne Engel & Ellen Haller Brian Kleis & Jim Lock Ed Valenzuela & Gary Walker Becky & Amber • Koko Lin & Margot Yapp Laura & McKalie Alie Chris Erickson Dan Klopfstein & Tom Matteoli Julie Vazquez-Torres San Francisco Brooke Shields Laura Alpert & Kate Reber & Jeremy Calandri Tina Koeberl & Laura Rose Leanne Waldal Berry • Oakland & Deborah Wald Rachel Anderson Amy & Bobbi Eshelman Laura Kohout & Patti Patterson Mr. & Mrs. Michael Wilcox Bich-Khoi & Irene • San Mateo In Honor of the Marieke & Sally McCoy Reverend Richard Fabian Stacey Kohut Klein Catherine Winnie Brain, Jim, Elena (13 yrs) & Alyda Daniela Oorbeck Nancy Andrews & Amy Risch Anne & Jode Faria-Poynter Robin Kojima & Teresa Renaker David Zenker Sawyer (10 yrs) • Stanford Memorial Fund (8) John Arnold Ira Feldman & David Peterson Terrence C. Kotsatos Corporate Cathryn, Jeffery, Ricky (9 yrs) & Jonathan Funk Doris Flaherty & Jennifer Norris & Kellicia Wong Family Circle Matching Gifts & Sarah • San Francisco Catherine Atkin Chris Kuhar ($250–999) “Gail” Folkman The Betty & Gordon Moore Chip & Reggie (11 yrs) • Peter Altman & Michael Schmitz Annemaria & Lorie Franks G. Audrey Kwan San Francisco Foundation & Kenneth Bukowski Leslie Bandle & Lynne Boone Rena Frantz & Ora Prochovnick Dana Leavitt & Melissa McGee Chris • San Carlos Bank of America Judy Appel & Alison Bernstein Kristin Belshaw & Amy Hood Maurizio Franzini Nicole Lederman & Ellen Opie Christopher & Joseph • Lucile Packard Foundation for Alvin Baum Guy Berryessa In Honor of Leora Barzell Marisa Leto & Felicia Phillips San Francisco Children’s Health Gail & Ralph Bernstein & Warren Lathe & Rebecca Weber Jodi Levin Crosby & Kaneda Certifi ed Jeff Byrne & Bruce Deming Noam Birnbaum Seth Frohman & Rafi Hoch Kelly Lockwood In-Kind Gifts Public Accountants • Mame Campbell-Salin Rachel Boitano Jessica Furer Phyllis Lyon & Del Martin Hot Cookie Oakland & Doug Salin Steven Boullianne & Sherry Shachter Barbra MacNair & Lisa Rasler Peet’s Coffee & Tea Darlene, Jennifer & Eli & Olivier De Wulf Teresa Chiaverotti Cheryl S. Gabriel Alix & Tara Maiden-Baillie The Buddy Club (4 yrs) • San Francisco Karen Bowen & Beth Gerstein & Lisa Kadyk & Cheri L. Harvey John A. Maimone David • San Jose Brett Bradshaw Corporate, Foundations Emily Fenster The Ganner-Novegno Family Sarah Marxer & Lisa Wanzor David & Steven • San Leandro & Dr. Jeff Jackanicz & Public Support Joe Gillach William Garcia Richard Meiss & Peter Rudy Franklin • Vallejo Lionel P. Brazil The Astraea Foundation & Reynaldo Zertuche & Avi Goldberg Goldstein, Gellman, Melbostad, Isa • Oakland & Christopher D. Hardaway Freedom To Marry Project Michael Ginther Brain Garcia & Sue Schecter Gibson, & Harris LLP Jake, Marty & Rudy (1 yr) • Tangerine Brigham Bank of America & James O’Donnell In Honor of Bob Giffi n Ted Mermin & Claudia Polsky San Francisco Richard D. Brown & The California Endowment Jim Gonzalez Troy Gilbert & John Wright Becky Meyer & Amber Sambrone Jamie, Michelle & Phoenix Christopher A. Nordstrum California Safe Schools Coalition Lisa G. Haefele Marjorie E. Ginsburg Peter Miller (3 yrs) • Alameda Cathryn & Jeffrey Bruno City & County of San & Ardel Thomas & Howard M. Slyter & Anne M. Schonfi eld Jeanne & Tiffany • Oakland Charles Burke Francisco, Division of Hali Hammer In Honor of the Ginther- Maria Minguez & Rose Puim Community Mental Health Jennifer, Powel (8 yrs) & Adele & Margy Hutchison & Raymond Hernandez O’Donnell Family Leslie Ann Minot Services (4 yrs) • Oakland Phillip & Susan Hammer Amity Buxton Maya Gonzalez & Marilyn Smith Enrique Monagas & Jason The Common Council Joel & Pamela • San Jose Marielle Cammarata Fredrick Hertz Greg Gorel & Dan Wong Foundation Joseph & Julianne (4 mns) • & Kris Mueller D. Jes Montesinos & Randolph Langenbach Catherine Goulet San Francisco Jennifer Morris & Darlene Weide Family Pride Coalition Rebecca Jackson Caryl Casden & Andrea Rothman & Pamela Hofsass Karen • Berkeley Lisa Murphy Heyman Family Fund Leigh Kimberg & Melissa Lim Joanne Chace & Julie Lawrence Cindy Grijalva & Sandra Stone Lionel & Christopher • & Elizabeth Weise First 5 Alameda County— In honor of Kailey & Zeya Alice Chen & D. Bilder Jamie Gross & Michelle Toth San Francisco Anthony Nicco Every Child Counts Chris Lahey & Catherine Teare Barry Chersky Roel Manlutac Guevarra Lisa, Danisha & Iyana • Lisa O’Connor & Natalie Viruet First 5 San Francisco— Peter Miller & Anne Schonfi eld Amy Chung & Nathaniel & Lamar Gregory Stewart Alameda Alison Paskal Every Child Counts Margaret Moorhead Eric Ciasullo & Loren Henning Carrie Guthrie & Kathy Passmore Mame & Doug • San Francisco & Julie Watanabe Funding Exchange & Toni Taylor Joseph Clark Akemi Hamai Marlene, Alonzo (8 yrs) & In Honor of Marie Perch & The Victor & Lorraine Daniel Neumann Amy & Stacie Clements & Amy Haruyama Joseph (4 yrs) • Oakland Duane Raeburn Honig Fund & David Richardson Sarah Cline & Jen Corn In Honor of Hali Hammer Margaret & Toni • Richmond Justine Polevoy & Lisa Polevoy Horizons Foundation Mark Oliver & Steve Polsky Jennifer Cogley Matthew Hammer Matthew & Michelle • Jennifer Rader Pacifi c Gas & Electric Avi Rose & Ron Strochlic Suzie Cohen & Michelle Longosz San Jose & Barbara Wegner Company’s Pride Network Brooke Russo David Cota & Steven Salinas Jake Harris & Marty Soliz Employee Association Nicole, Ellen, Lena (4 yrs) Mark Randall & Tambria Turco Kathleen Crandall & Lori Gitter & Beatriz (4 yrs) • San William Hasty & Gregory Smith & Christopher Saldivar Reva & David Logan Anne Sandbach Francisco Crosby & Kaneda Certifi ed Janet Marian Heller Nina Rivkind & Steven F. Shatz Foundation & Todd Stevenot Public Accountants Pam • Sacramento & Cathy May Miller William Rogers The San Francisco Dept. of Ned Schaubb & Hoa Voscott Tom Dahdonh & Henry Pacheco Children, Youth & Their Richard • San Francisco Marlene Henderson & Johnny Symons In Honor of Ned Schaub Greg & Roger Daniels-Merrill Families Sandra • Oakland Franklin Hernandez Kathy Rogers & Alexa Wilkie & Hoa Voscott (6) John Davis & Bryan Nadeau The San Francisco Sarah & Jennifer • Berkeley Jack Ho Jennie E. Roitman Beverly Scott Glenn Davis & James Takagi Foundation Stacey • San Francisco Julie Hoffman Gail Rossiter Julia & Sam Thoron Lisa M. Davis & Trish McDermott Sisters of Perpetual Stacie & Amy • San Francisco Sandra Ruiz Pamela Siller Barb De Barger & Judy Gestring Lisa Hoffman Indulgence The Vasquez-Torres Family • Brooke Russo & Tambria Turco Armando Zapote Walter & Evelyn Haas Jr., Cheryl Deaner & Lori Guidos & Jennifer Wilson Isa Samuels Concord Foundation Individual Donors Bich-Khoi Do & Irene Velasquez The Holiber/Warsaw Family Jeanne Scheper & Tiffany Tina, Laura & Mateo • Alameda The Trio Foundation Anynomous (8) Julie Dorf & Jennie Olsen Leigh & Rachel Hollowgrass Willoughby-Herard Honorary Circle The Walter Alexander Amanda Abarbanel-Rice Emily Doskow James Hormel & Timothy C. Wu Deborah S. Schlanger ($1,000+) Gerbode Foundation Alicia Abramson Bevan Dufty & Rebecca Goldfader Arcelia Hurtado & Nicole Solis & Lisa Steinberg Jerry & Sharon Appel Wells Fargo Foundation & Emily Newman Christopher Duncan Huda Jadallah & Deanna Karraa In Honor of Michael Serban

SPRING 2008 Newsletter 17 Bay Area LGBTQ Family

COMMUNITY United Territories of Polynesian Lavender Youth Recreation & HEALTH Asian & Pacifi c Islander Family Pride Islanders’ Alliance (UTOPIA) Information Center (LYRIC) Asian & Pacifi c Islander Wellness 510-818-0887 • www.apifamilypride.org www.utopiasf.org 415-703-6150 • www.lyric.org Center Ark of Refuge Women’s Building Project Outlet 415-292-3400 • 415-861-6130 • www.arkofrefuge.org 415-431-1180 • www.womensbuilding.org 650-494-0972 • projectoutlet.org Transgender Program ext. 351 • www.apiwellness.org Billy De Frank LGBT Center SMAAC Youth Center 408-293-3040 • www.defrank.org COUNSELING & SUPPORT 510-834-9578 • Dimensions 415-487-7589 • www.dimensionsclinic.org Bi-Net Asian Women’s Shelter members.aol.com/smaacyou 800-585-9368 • www.binetusa.org 415-751-7110 • www.sfaws.org Gay & Lesbian Medical Association FAMILY BUILDING Community United Against Violence 415-255-4547 • www.glma.org Camp It Up Adopt A Special Kid (AASK) 415-777-5500 • www.cuav.org Health Services for Queer and 510-336-0383 • www.campitup.org 510-553-1748 • www.aask.org Gaylesta Psychotherapy Referral Questioning Youth COLAGE, Children Of Lesbians And Adoption Connection 888-869-4993 • www.gaylesta.org 415-487-7500 Gays Everywhere 415-359-2494 • LGBT Health Services Coordinator 415-861-5437 • www.colage.org Jewish Family & Children’s LGBT www.adoptionconnection.org Counseling 415-554-2593 Congregation Sha’ar Zahav Adoption SF 415-449-1200 • www.jfcs.org Lyon-Martin Women’s Health Service 415-861-6932 • www.shaarzahav.org 888-732-4453 • www.adoptionsf.org Lou Sullivan Society (FTMSF) 415-565-7667 • www.lyon-martin.org Family Arts Bridge Camp (FAB Camp) Alternative Family Services [email protected] • www.ftmsf.org Proyecto Contra Sida Por Vida 510-684-0190 • 415-626-2700 • 415-864-7278 www.ourfamily.org/fab_camp07.html New Leaf Counseling Services alternativefamilyservices.org 415-626-7000 • www.newleafservices.org Fusion Camp Aspira Foster & Adoptive Family LAW & ACTIVISM 510-644-1000 • www.fusionprogram.org Pacifi c Center for Human Growth 800-439-1905 • www.aspiranet.org ACLU of Northern California 510-548-8283 • www.pacifi ccenter.org iPride: Interracial, Intercultural Pride A Better Way Foster Care 415-621-2493 • www.aclunc.org 510-644-1000, ext. 2 • www.ipride.org PFLAG East Bay 510-601-0203 • www.abetterwayinc.net Asian Pacifi c Islander Legal Outreach 510-562-7692 • www.pfl ag-eastbay.org KidSpace. SF LGBT Community Center Bay Area Homes for Kids 415-567-6255 • 415-865-5553 • www.sfcenter.org PFLAG San Francisco 415-392-5437 • www.bakids.org www.apilegaloutreach.org Lighthouse Community Center 415-921-8850 • www.pfl agsf.org Bay Area Legal Aid Domestic Partnership Registry: 510-881-8167 • www.lgbtlighthouse.com Straight Spouse Network 415-982-1300 • www.baylegal.org CA Secretary of State 916-653-4984 Mamas and Papas 510-525-0200 • straightspouse.org Equality California Berkeley 510-981-6900 415-981-1960 • www.ourfamily.org Support for Families of Children with 415-581-0005 • www.eqca.org Oakland 510-238-7979 Metropolitan Community Church Disabilities Family Equality Council 415-863-4434 • www.mccchurch.org 415-920-5040 • supportforfamilies.org San Francisco 415-554-4950 www.familyequality.org Neighborhood Kids 415-701-1995 TALK Line Family Support Center Family Builders by Adoption Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against 415-387-3684 • www.talklineforparents.org 510-272-0204 • www.familybuilders.org Defamation NIA Collective Growing Generations 323-933-2240 • www.glaad.org 510-869-4403 • niacollective.org EDUCATION 323-965-7500 • Lambda Legal Defense Northcoast Pride Parents Group Ally Action www.growinggenerations.com 213-382-7600 • www.lambdalegal.org 707-444-9760 925-685-5480 • www.allyaction.org Maia Midwifery & Preconception Legal Services for Children: Queer Out & Equal Bay Area Network for Diversity 925-253-0685 • www.maiamidwifery.com Youth Project 415-694-6500 • www.outandequal.org Training in Early Childhood 510-658-2067 • www.bandtec.org Pacifi c Fertility Center 415-863-3762 • www.lsc-sf.org Purple Moon Dance Project 415-834-3000 • Mujeres Unidas y Activas 415-552-1105 • www.purplemoondance.org California Safe Schools Coalition www.infertilitydoctor.com 415-626-1680 • www.calisafe.org 415-621-8140 • www.mujeresunidas.net Rainbow Community Center Pacifi c Reproductive National Center for Lesbian Rights 925-692-0090 • www.rainbowcc.org Gay-Straight Alliance Network 415-487-2288 • www.pacrepro.com 415-552-4229 • www.gsanetwork.org 415-392-6257 • Immigration Equality San Francisco LGBT Community PACT: An Adoption Alliance ext. 310 • www.nclrights.org Center Ground Spark 510- 243-9460 • www.pactadopt.org San Francisco Human Rights 415-865-5555 • www.sfcenter.org 415-641-4616 • www.womedia.org Prospective Queer Parents Commission San Francisco LGBT Pride Celebration Parents for Public Schools, SF www.queerparents.org 415-252-2500 • 415-864-3733 • www.sfpride.com 415-468-7077 • www.ppssf.org www.sfgov.org/site/sfhumanrights Rainbow Flag Health Services Spectrum of Marin SF Unifi ed School District 510-521-7737 • Transgender Law Center 415-457-1115 • www.spectrummarin.org 415-241-6000 • www.sfusd.edu www.gayspermbank.com 415-865-0176 • www.transgenderlawcenter.org Stonewall Alliance Center Sperm Bank of California 530-893-3336 • www.stonewallchico.org LGBTQ YOUTH 510-841-1858 • Center for Young Women’s Unitarian Universalist Church, SF Gay And Lesbian Teen Intervention www.thespermbankofca.org Development 415-776-4580 Program (GALTIP) 650-294-2633 415-703-8800 • www.cywd.org Larkin Street Youth Services 415-673-0911 • www.larkinstreetyouth.org

18 Our Family Coalition Join and Support Become a member or donate online at www.ourfamily.org or ﬁ ll out and mail the form below. Name(s): ______PAYMENT INFORMATION ❐ $45 OFC Membership Children’s names / birthdates: ______❐ $100 ______❐ $250–$999 Family Circle $______(amount donated) ❐ $1,000 Honorary Circle Address: ______❐ Other: $ ______❐ Monthly pledge of $ ______for ______months. City, State, Zip: ______❐ Check enclosed payable to Our Family Coalition E-mail: ______❐ Charge my contribution to my credit card: Phone: ______Account Number: ______❐ I would like to volunteer. Expiration Date: ______❐ Visa ❐ Mastercard ❐ I do NOT want to join OFC’s email list for semi-monthly e-newsletters and more. Signature: ______❐ I do NOT want to become a member; please list me as a donor. ❐ I do NOT want to receive OFC’s quarterly print newsletter. ❐ I do NOT want my name(s) listed in OFC publications. MAIL TO: Our Family Coalition, 870 Market Street, Suite 872, San Francisco, CA 94102 OFC is a 501(c)(3) organization, and all contributions are tax-deductible as permitted by law.

Spring Celebrations

Fourth Annual Month of the Young Earth Day Celebration Child Celebration Saturday, April 19 Family Festival 10 a.m. − 5 p.m. Saturday, April 12 10 a.m. − 5 p.m. Enjoy free hands-on workshops and natural Free Museum admission and performances! activities for Earth Day, and buy a ticket to a high-energy, interactive musical performance by The Bay Area Discovery Museum teams up with ZunZun. early childhood service organizations to honor and celebrate young children and the important Discovery Days Summer Camps 2008 people in their lives. Pick up a new book donated by KQED to share with your family, and excite your taste buds by discovering the joys of "eating a rainbow" of fruits and vegetables with bilingual health educators.

Camps run June 16 – August 22 Sign up your 4 – 9 year old for a half-day or full-day program. Register online today - camps fill quickly.

Bay Area Discovery Museum 557 McReynolds Road Sausalito, CA 94965 www.BayKidsMuseum.org

SPRING 2008 Newsletter 19 This beautiful, Our Family Coalition’s full-color Family Values Poster! 18˝ x 24˝ poster LOVE features LGBTQ RESPECT families. Fill in the information for your poster order below:

CONTACT INFORMATION ORDER

Name: ______YOURS TODAY! SUPPORT School or Organization: ______Posters are free to Address: ______schools and nonproﬁ t City, State, Zip: ______organizations. Shipping and handling charges apply. FUN our family ourfamily.org • 415.981.1960

E-mail: ______coalition 870 Market Street, Suite 872 San Francisco, CA 94102

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870 Market Street, Suite 872 San Francisco, CA 94102

INSIDE THIS ISSUE

Divorce and Breakups Cover International Adoption Update page 3 LGBTQ Family Summer Camps page 6