Disney Execs Use Perry Teacher for Inspiration in Classic Films
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april the 2011 prece-don’t VOLUME IV ISSUE π PERRY HIGH SCHOOL || PROVIDING FAKE NEWS SINCE 1974|| GILBERT, AZ ‘To infi nity and beyond’: Disney execs use Perry teacher for inspiration in classic fi lms By Maximus Cornelius Octavius What lies the prece-don’t After a late night in beneath Las Vegas, director and screenwriter John Lasseter Concern for the Puma decided to ease his mind sports bench has declined by catching a University of since the end of the Cold Nevada-Las Vegas soccer War. Why do sports teams match in 1994. While at Running Rebels no longer care about their match, he had a vision that cheap, aluminum booty- would later change the course rack? We have the answers. of history. After focusing intensely on the extremely Page 2 animated UNLV goalkeeper Clint Larson, Lasseter decided that he would be Left handed people are a perfect character for his starting to make politi- future blockbuster movie Toy Story. cal noise. Will they gain “I saw how intense rights? e breaking news and focused Clint was story of one left handed and thought he would be absolutely perfect for an man’s cry for help. animated character,” Lasseter And food. explained last week in a Skype Page 2 interview. “His face shape was also a feature that we really wanted to incorporate into the character of Buzz Real news (seriously): Lightyear.” Tempe’s Broadway Palm Larson – now an English teacher and soccer coach at photo published with permission from Disney Dinner Theater provides PHS – was never informed English teacher Clint Larson inspired Disney / Pixar executives in their Buzz Lightyear character in the Toy Story series. a fun-fi lled evening of of this Lasseter’s decision movie with my girlfriend (and to believe it.” “I am proud that I had favorite teacher.” great food and good and had no idea he was the future wife) at the midnight Larson now uses a Buzz the opportunity to have Buzz PHS administrators said entertainment. inspiration for Buzz Lightyear premier, she pointed out Lightyear gurine as his hall Lightyear as my teacher. that they are lucky to have until a few years later, when how similar I looked, but pass as acknowledgement to It’s a story I can tell my Larson on the sta . ey Page 4 he, like millions of others I thought it was an awful this fact. He will appear to be grandchildren,” said former added that he is a special around the globe, saw the assumption,” Larson said. embarrassed when a student student Lenny Zmall. “Even person who has inspired Disney / Pixar on the big “ en my students started recognizes his true identity, though he made fun of me students and given them screen. pointing out how much I but deep down he is a very sometimes, actually most memories that will last from Oprah randomly selects “When watching the looked like Buzz and I started proud man. of the time, he was still my in nity and beyond. one class from Perry High to receive a spe- cial “farewell gift” for New study shows texting in her fi nal season. Details enclosed. class increases productivity Page 6 By Twinkle Toes Pips the prece-don’t A new study performed by an educational psychologist World/Nation: from Germany, Dr. Potato shortages threaten Freidrich Steinsenburgh, Europe and the Americas notes a correlation between with a breakout of a new kind students texting in class and of international con ict. e photo by Julianna Alabado productivity. small European Republic of Asst. Principal Marcus Williams puts a shock collar on a freshman. “When students text in Latvia has been unable to class, their brain is actually buy potatoes from the United far more stimulated than States as scientists have it would be if they were claimed all crops for biofuel Freshmen to wear attempting to stay awake testing. during their teacher’s science e serious spud-shortage lecture,” Steinsenburgh said. has Latvian economists in a shock collars to According to the study, fret, as roughly 92 percent of American high school the nation’s economy depends students spent roughly three on Latvian-American potato prevent nonsense percent of their school day pancakes. is has sparked actually taking notes or instability and tension across By The Bengalian Beast that drive you mad. However, doing educational activities. all Western Europe. the prece-don’t in the past we have used e other 97 percent of Latvia has established Beginning with the methods such as freezing the day is most often spent photo published with permission from fl ikr treaties with Djibouti and class of 2015, shock collars tongues to poles, or students socializing or “commencing Researchers discovered that texting in class helps students. Ireland, forming one of the will be mandatory for all used as crash test dummies. in horseplay.” most powerful alliances in squeaky-voiced freshmen at Our new plan is both e ective e study also mentions carried electronically through Math teacher George history. O cials say that Perry. Due to a high decibel and debilitating.” that the rapid usage of the texts. Students reportedly use Starlinski of Portland said: Latvia is prepared to declare output from the mouths Experiments with neural circuits by texting, texts as their primary means “I have implemented a full war against United Nations of the underclassmen, the sound-measuring devices Tweeting, and Facebook- of communication. hundred-point grading member countries, if they collars are going to be used to determined that the decibel ing can actually be healthy “I can almost feel my system based on ve di erent do not produce potatoes control their loud, obnoxious output of freshmen is louder for teens that could best be brain growing in my head categories of texting ability, immediately. behavior, according to than a snoring chihuahua. described as “vegetables.” when I send messages, unless based on speed, accuracy, and assistant principal Marcus Dilbert Poindexter, “Students have not cared it’s from some creepy boy,” legibility.” Williams. a current freshman about school work since junior Sarah Charleson said. Some speculate the “txt” Table of Contents Enforced by advisor to who participated in the the early 17th century, With the age-old speak will nd its way into the principal Luci o Sataner, experiment, struggled to and consequently, texting procedure of punishing literature and other art forms. Legitness || 1 administration designed this express his true feelings about has seen an amazing rise students for this behavior Others are challenged by the Some other stuff || 2 plan to silence the annoying the collars. in popularity,” says phone now appearing worn, some idea that this generation will youth. “You know I feel that….” company executive, Steve teachers are taking a fresh proceed into the workforce Lovin’ AZ || 3 “Look...me and the Surprisingly, Poindexter Billjobs. approach to instructing. In without any common Reviews || 4 principal have been doing su ered severe injuries and e study states that some parts of the nation, knowledge of history, science, Meaning of Life || 5 this for a long time,” Sataner was not able to nish the the teenage brain is highly teachers have started grading or mathematics. Only time said, “and never have I seen interview due to the over- stimulated by goofy, and students based on their will tell what this generation such aggravating students tightened collar. often useless ramblings texting ability. will bring into the world. 2 the prece-don’t || april fools 2011 Our Fake Abusive Bench is seen in different light or SPIKE By Sandy Sanderson professional TOMASINY the prece-don’t athletes, the prece-don’t Fone of the In recent sports history, a major bene ts landmark piece of equipment is now of making large having lawsuits raised against it. e salaries from reason behind it? Abusive treatment. their contracts Uncontrollable ts of anger have is the ability caused many athletes and coaches to give back to to mistreat the renowned bench the community. Athletes like because the bench has mistreated Barry Zito and Chris Bosh have them, according to the suit. pledged monetary support for When climbing o the bench non-pro t organizations looking in the dugout, a Perry baseball to help di erent social issues player was severely wounded by around the nation and world. the protruding corner of the steel. On April 1, Giants ace e scene was a horror, according pitcher Tim Lincecum made to eyewitnesses, as blood ran a contribution of $1 million uncontrollably. to local marijuana stores and “It was that darned bench, pot smokers in the greater San working its fateful willpower again,” Francisco area. baseball fan Jared Sanders said. e “You know, after I was pulled player was rushed to the intensive over (in 2009, for smoking care unit, and now a lawsuit has marijuana), I felt like I could been led to raise awareness about make a di erence,” Lincecum the dangers of this lightly regarded told reporters. “ ere are a lot of metal equipment. people out there that could use is was certainly not the rst it right now. Times are tough.” time the bench’s conduct had been Lincecum was pulled over in questioned. his home state of Washington During the football season a in Nov. 2009. e right-hander Marcos De Niza safety had a similar faced misdemeanor charges blunder with the testy bench. after police o cers pulled his After their o ense failed to photo by Drew Crawford vehicle over for speeding down a get a rst down and the ball was The aluminum benches on the PHS campus are facing serious charges for injuring athletes from around the Valley.