What is Primer Language
Primer style is characterized by too many short sentences.
It is important to note that there is nothing inherently wrong with short sentences.
Too many of them in a small space, however, can remind readers of material they read in kindergarten or first grade: See Dick. See Dick chase Jane. See Jane run. . Used within a mix of sentences cut to various lengths, short sentences can be extremely effective as they are capable of focusing the reader's attention on a particular point.
. Look at this one. See? A quick review of your text, however, could reveal an overabundance of short sentences and the need to combine some of those sentences into longer structures.
. Variety and rhythm are the keys here: long sentences, average sentences, short sentences. (See the handout on Sentence Variety.) Another symptom of primer style is a proliferation of verbs that don't do anything.
There's nothing wrong with the sentence, "I am a student," but nothing is really happening in that sentence. A large section of text in which there are only intransitive or linking verbs that express being but no action is just asking readers to turn off the dial of their attention and go read something else. Sentences weighed down with a preponderance of linking verbs can often be eliminated or embedded into larger, more complex and interesting structures.
For example, the two sentences: My sister is an engineer. My sister works for the state.
can be combined to read: My sister works as an engineer for the state. or
My sister, an engineer, works for the state. Exercises on Avoiding Primer Language
1. Hartford is the capital of Connecticut. It is the second largest city in the state. The capital of Connecticut, Hartford is the second largest city in the state. OR, better yet: Hartford, the capital of Connecticut, is the second largest city in the state. OR: Hartford, the second largest city in the state, is the capital of Connecticut.
2. Hartford was once known as an industrial center. It was the home of several manufacturers. They made firearms, typewriters, bicycles, and even cars. Once known as an industrial center, Hartford was the home of manufacturers of firearms, typewriters, bicycles, and even cars.
3. Today, though, several insurance companies make Hartford their home. Aetna, the Travelers, the Hartford, and Cigna are in Hartford. Their home offices are within miles of one another. Today, though, several insurance companies -- Aetna, the Travelers, the Hartford, and Cigna -- have home offices in Hartford within miles of one another. One writer prefers this version: "Today, several insurance companies, Aetna, the Travelers, the Hartford, and Cigna, whose home offices are within miles of each other, make Hartford their home. Still another writer prefers this rendering: “Today in Hartford, though, the insurance companies of Aetna, the Travelers, the Hartford and Cigna all have home offices within miles of one another."
4. Manufacturers once took advantage of Hartford's access to the Connecticut River. They also enjoyed Hartford's well-educated workforce. Manufacturers once took advantage of Hartford's access to the Connecticut River and the city's well-educated workforce.
5. Eventually, cheap labor in the southern states lured manufacturing away from Hartford. Large empty factories were all that was left of Hartford's industrial past. Eventually, after cheap labor in the southern states lured manufacturing away from Hartford, large empty factory buildings were all that was left of Hartford's industrial past. OR, a definite improvement suggested by Gerald E. Smyth: Eventually, cheap labor in the southern states lured manufacturing away from Hartford, leaving large empty factories as the only remnants of Hartford's industrial past.
6. Some of these factories have been torn down. Some of them have been converted to artists' studios. Some of the factories have been torn down or converted to artists' studios. Adapted from http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/combining_skills.htm#quizzes
LATTC Writing Center Rev. September 1, 2007 Title V Funded