NLP Techniques for Building Self Confidence and Self Esteem

One of the main factors affecting the performance of children in examinations is lack of self confidence and self esteem. The bad feelings, anxiety, fear, nervousness, etc. that some children experience from self judgement and self criticism can affect their studies and their overall performance not only in the examinations but also in other situations as well. Confidence is one of those things that can help in every aspect of your life, and can be gained or strengthened quite easily using NLP. One of the main reasons for low self confidence is limiting beliefs.

“I can’t do that” , “ I am too short, so I can’t ” , “ I don’t know how to do it ”, “ I have not prepared well, so I can’t ”, “ I do not look beautiful so I can’t stand in front ” ; these are some of the beliefs which hold the individual and limit the performance. Really speaking all the resources needed are definitely available within themselves and here what is needed is to make he or she aware of this fact.

"We learn our belief systems as very little children, and then we move through life creating experiences to match our beliefs. Look back in your own life and notice how often you have gone through the same experience." -Louise L. Hay

Beliefs are the foundation of everything that makes you who you are. Beliefs are the thoughts and ideas to which you have made a commitment to support, whether consciously or unconsciously. They are a collection of assumptions and attitudes you have formed as a result of experiences. Unfortunately, some of the beliefs we form, especially about ourselves, interfere with our abilities to excel.

Main Sources for Developing Beliefs Tradition- It is very common to see beliefs perpetuate through families and other sociocultural systems. It is through family and cultural tradition that form the basis for a primary belief system. Social culture, family bias, and societal prejudice are extremely influential. Have you ever heard a young child make a negative comment about a political candidate? Children to a great extent follow what their parents and elders in the family say. Authority- As with tradition, early beliefs are adopted from people who have perceived authority in our lives. In addition to our parents, they can be people like teachers, religious leaders, doctors, their role models, etc.

Association- Most often, we adopt the beliefs of a particular group with whom we associate. This is particularly true of adolescents who are starting to push boundaries in an attempt to self-identify. These beliefs may run counter to the traditional beliefs they adopted early on, or they may exaggerate those beliefs. Child’s choice of friends also affects their beliefs and hence parents are advised to guide them in this regard.

Evidence- As we mature, we develop critical thinking skills that allow us to understand cause-effect relationships and to rationalize with the use of logical thinking. This method for developing beliefs can be extremely influential in terms of developing positive or negative beliefs. Learned helplessness is a belief that can come following persistent negative outcomes following a particular behaviour. You may come to believe you have no power or influence in creating the outcome itself.

Revelations- Some people attain information though a feeling or sense about something. If you ever find yourself saying you have a gut feeling, a hunch or an inkling about something, you are forming a belief through subconscious means or possible through your developing intuition people say sixth sense.

Limiting Beliefs Limiting beliefs are the beliefs we hold about ourselves or others that affects our ability to perform and succeed in any given field of our lives. In Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), limiting beliefs are categorised into three major types : 1. Hopelessness 2. Helplessness 3. worthlessness. Such limiting beliefs are often expressed through language which is an accurate representation of the personal belief system.

Hopelessness: I can never attain my aim or goal.

 I’m no good at…  There’s no point in trying.  It will never work.  I will never succeed.  I’m hopeless in social situations.  I can’t change-it’s in my genes.  I’m just unlucky.

Helplessness- I have an achievable goal, but I am not capable

 I always get it wrong  Everyone is out to put me down  Why does this happen only to me?  This is a man’s world.  I always attract the wrong people.  All people are out for themselves.

Worthlessness- I am not good enough, so I don’t deserve to achieve this goal.

 I have no confidence.  I am not attractive  I am worthless  I am not beautiful.  I am short  I cannot be good at work  I am not good at talking. Language patterns, such as those described above, indicates the limiting beliefs the person has. Such thoughts and internal talk reinforces those limiting beliefs creating a powerful negative thought cycle.

Modalities and Submodalities

We, the human beings sense the external environment through sensory organs – eye, ear, skin, smell and taste. In NLP the five senses that comprise our sensory input channels are also known as modalities. Everything we do inside our mind and body can be described in terms of things we see, hear, feel, smell and taste. All distinctions human beings are able to make concerning our environment and our behaviour can be usefully represented through the Visual (eye), Auditory(ear), Kinaesthetic(skin or feelings), Olfactory(smell), and Gustatory( taste) senses VAKOG.

For each of these modalities, we can have finer distinctions. We could describe a picture as being black and white or colour, or it could also be bright or dim. Sounds could be loud or soft, or coming from a particular direction. Feelings could be in different parts of the body or have different temperatures. Smells could be pleasant or offensive, strong or light. Taste could be sweet or bitter or strong or mild. These finer distinctions are called submodalities and define the qualities of our internal representations. The sub modalities, visual, auditory and kinaesthetic are generally and frequently used in NLP exercises. Most of the submodalities we use in NLP exercises are given in the Submodalities Work sheets given below.

In the previous mental exercise we have changed the mostly the visual submodalities. Submodalities are key components to many of the NLP change techniques. Submodalities, by themselves or as part of other techniques, have been used to assist people to stop smoking, to improve the self confidence, to eat more of certain foods and less of others, address compulsion issues, change beliefs and values, enhance motivation, move from stress to relaxation, address phobias, etc.

Sub Modality Worksheet for Visual (what You See)

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 Column 4 Column 5 Associated or dissociated B/W or Color Near or Far Bright or Dim Location Left, centre, right, Above, below etc. Size of Picture Focused or hazy Focus Changing? Framed or Panoramic Movie or Still Movie Fast or slow 3D (Dimension) or 2D

Sub Modality Worksheet for Auditory - (What you hear)

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 Column 4 Column 5 Location Direction Int/Ext Volume Speed(fast or slow) Pitch(high or low) Tonality Timbre Pauses Clarity Rhythm Stereo or mono

Submodality worksheet for Kinaesthetic ( How you Feel)

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 Column 4 Column 5 Location Size Shape Intensity Steadiness Movement Duration Vibration Pressure/Heat Weight Location Size

Associated and Dissociated

Associated and Dissociated are important visual submodalities which are very extensively used in NLP mental thought exercises. Assume that you had once made a boat ride. Now you think about that past ride in your mind. A movie type image will come to your mind. When you re-live the experience imagine that you are watching your boat ride from a distant point. You see yourselves entering into the boat, taking a seat, and watching the surroundings as the boat moves. In the image you can see yourselves sitting there and making all the funny expressions. Now notice your feelings as you watch from the distant point as an observer.

Now again you can re-live the experience as if you are actually sitting inside the boat, feeling your hands in the water, and seeing the ride through your own eyes, feeling the ripples in the water, seeing the scenery moving back and hearing the sounds of the waves and fully experiencing the ride. Here you are not seeing yourselves in the image or movie. Now notice your feelings as you experience the boat ride. This type of experiencing is called “Associated” in NLP where you are fully re-experiencing the original feelings. In the associated the intensity of the feelings and emotions will be maximum.

The way of re-living the event from an observer’s point of view is called dissociated where you are actually distancing from the event and in this case you still will have your feelings and emotions of the past event, but the intensity of feelings will be considerably less.

When you really want to get excited about something, you will need to get involved , both physically and mentally, by fully stepping into the experience, associating into it. In our mental thought process we can do this. At the same time we also may need to distance ourselves from certain painful experiences. By dissociating and stepping out of these experiences and out of the intense feelings we can become more calm and effective. In NLP techniques, these mental thought process in associated as well as in dissociated way are performed to achieve the desired outcomes

Changing the limiting beliefs and improving the Confidence and self esteem

Eleanor Roosvelt once said, “ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” When you really contemplate on this thought you will understand this powerful truth. As a parent or a teacher, you may spend some time with the child. Changing limiting beliefs into empowering actions requires the development of self-awareness. The first step is to identify a limiting belief. Your child may have many limiting beliefs! Don’t try to change all at once. It will likely take some practice to become aware of a limiting belief and then change it into something positive. Like any behaviour, practice makes perfect. You’ll recognize them more quickly and easily, and consequently, you’ll be able to change them more effectively. Ask him/her to list down the skills he or she have and whenever the child feels the list is exhausted, you can point out the additional skills you have observed and how you have observed so that they also get convinced. Now after making a very detailed list, revisit each of skill in the list with the child and discuss how each skill will be helpful in what all situations. Wherever they say “I can’t do”, challenge that belief by asking the question , “ What will happen if you could do?” or “ what stops you from doing”. Also encourage them by showing examples of where they have done that thing so they can replicate the structure and belief as and when he needs it. As a parent always encourage, appreciate and say praising words to the child for all the positive things and at the same time never blame for the lack of confidence or self esteem. Always encourage them to do the things even if they make repeated mistakes. We all have learned to walk after falling a lot of times. Remember the old saying “ Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly to start (or poorly at the first time)”. The process of self- awareness and change is not always an easy one. The benefit will far out-weigh the pain when you begin to feel the change that results from your change in beliefs. The following mental exercises are very good in removing the limiting beliefs and improving the confidence levels. Before explaining that, let me introduce you to some more NLP concepts. In NLP all techniques, tools and exercises are thought experiments. Humans are actually a slave of habits. All the activities we do have a certain patterns or strategies which are formed by repeatedly doing the same way, making it a habit. For example the way we walk, the way we lie down when you go to bed, the way you talk, the way you put the buttons on your dress etc. all have a certain pattern which are programmed or coded into your brain and most of the time these activities are done unconsciously. The psychologists say that if you do the same thing for about 21 days, then these patterns are coded in to the brain and then it becomes a habit. This is true for both good and bad habits. So to change a belief, what is required is to find out the patterns that are coded in the brain for the specific belief or activity and change those patterns by mental exercises or thought experiments. The beauty of NLP techniques is the change is very fast and we may not need 21 days to form the new habit. Now let us start doing a mental thought experiment and experience NLP. This will help you teach your children many NLP techniques. Think of a very pleasant past event which was really a very happy, enjoyable experience, may be an event receiving a prize, or a happy family get together or a happy birthday celebration or even meeting your spouse for the first time – an event thinking of which will make you very happy and excited now. You may close your eyes, take a fee deep breaths and see an image of that event in your mind. This image may be a still picture or may be movie with vivid colours. You can think of sitting outside of the event as if you are watching the event from outside as an observer. You can see yourselves in the image, moving with others in the picture. Now, while imagining the event, think that you are fully involved in the activities and fully experiencing the event. You are not an observer and you are fully associated. You see the event through your eyes and you are not seeing yourselves in the image or movie. You continue to re-live the pleasant event in the associated way. Notice your feelings. Now you may deliberately move the image closer to you slowly. Make the image larger in size, brighter and with more vivid colours. Slowly make the image closer, brighter with vivid colours and larger. If you are hearing some voices slowly increase the volume also. Be in this state for sometime and notice how you feel. Continue to re-live the same experience noticing your feelings. Now you may slowly move the image away from you and make the image smaller, dimmer, darker and in Black & White. Slowly move it very far away and make it very small as the size of a dot. Again notice how you feel this time. When you have completed this allow your experience return to the original. For most people, when they relive the experience in the associated manner by fully stepping into it, getting fully involved physically and mentally, the feelings will be more intense compared to dissociated way of visualising, by stepping out of the experience and keeping a mental distance which will really make you calm and the feelings will be less and less intense. Associated way of visualising make your feelings more intense and dissociated make the feelings less intense. Also you would have noticed that your feelings will become more intense as the image is made brighter, bigger, closer and in vivid colours. The intensity of feelings would have decreased as the image was made smaller, dimmer, darker and farther away. Similarly, when the volume of the voices you heard was increased, you would have experienced increased intensity in your feelings. You can repeat this thought experiment while changing many of the submodaities such as brightness, size, colour, position of the image ( left, right, above, below, farther or closer), movie or still, Associated or dissociated etc. and notice your feelings. The important points are the following 1. You can relive a past event through visualising it 2. By thinking you can change the characteristics or submodalities of the mental image 3. By changing the characteristics of the image through thinking, you can change your feelings and your emotions

This is a very important realisation. You can really experience intense happiness and joy by simply thinking about a past enjoyable event and making the mental image bigger, brighter and closer. Also you can reduce the intensity of painful memories by moving the mental image farther away, making it smaller, dimmer and darker.

Circle of Excellence. A confidence Building Tool/Exercise One of the methods for improving your confidence is a mental technique called the "Circle of Excellence." It does not actually create the competence in a skill you desire. Rather, it assumes that individual is having the required skill in its place. This mental exercise technique gives the ability to summon up the confidence for performing a skill.

For instance, this can be used to get rid of the fear of speaking when you have to make a presentation, or boost your confidence when you enter the exam hall or when you enter to the interview room when you are going for a job interview or other high performance needs.

Here are the steps for using the Circle of Excellence. You need to practice this much ahead of time and keep this as a resource or anchor. Then you can recall and you will be able to draw upon it at will at any time.

Step 1. Imagine an invisible circle on the floor. In your imagination, make it about 3 feet in diameter and 2 feet in front of you, something large enough to walk into. Give the circle some bright colours in your imagination for the circle.

Step 2. Go back in your memory and think of an event in the past where you were very confident and wonderful at what you were doing. When the feeling increases step into the imaginary circle and stand with head high, looking straight as if you are very confident. You may close your eyes if you like.

Step 3. Relive that moment, seeing what you saw and hearing what you heard and feeling what you felt. When you visualise the image, slowly make the image bigger, closer, colourful and brighter and again, make the image bigger, closer, colourful and brighter. Repeat this two or three times. Let all your energy come up and flood your body with the good feelings of confident performance. Use all your senses to actually FEEL what it's like to be in that state. See yourself in the circle being wonderful. Visualize it fully. Feel the greatness and confidence. Step 4. When the sense of confident feelings peaks, step out of the circle leaving the confident feelings inside the circle.

Break the state by talking to someone about something else.

Step 5. Repeat step 2, 3 and 4 with another pleasant and confident event from past memory for adding additional resources, every time entering to the circle, when the feeling start growing and stepping out of the circle when the feeling reaches at its peak and then breaking the state. Repeat step 2,3,& 4 once more with a third pleasant experience from memory.

Step 6: When you have added enough resources, again step into the circle. As soon as you step into the circle, imagine it's as if you are stepping into that highly resourceful person, that set of states, that set of superpower you felt when you were earlier in the circle. As the resource state peaks, say a trigger word or a phrase ( YEAH!!!) and then step out of the circle. Break the state.

Step 7: Again step into the circle, say the same trigger word (YEAH!!!) and when the resource state reaches its peak make a physical gesture ( like squeezing thump with middle finger) and then step out of the circle. Break the state.

Step 7: Think of a specific time in future when you want to have that same feeling of confidence. See and hear what will be there just before you want to feel confident, may be the stage, calling your name or may be the door of examination hall – any thing that will act as a cue. As soon as those cues are clear in your mind, enter into the imaginary circle, say the earlier trigger word(YEAH!!!) and make the trigger gesture and experience the confident feelings again. Imagine the situation unfolding around you in the future with these confident feelings fully available to you. Then step out of the circle leaving those confident feelings inside the circle and break state .

Step 8: Now outside the circle think of that future event. You will find that you are automatically remembering the cue and step into the imaginary circle and you will recall those confident feelings. You will be fully charged with confidence. You are already pre- programmed for the future event to have very good confidence.

Pick that imaginary circle and put into you pocket. Whenever you feel you are lacking confidence, simply think and enter into the imaginary circle and say the trigger word and make the trigger gesture, you will be beaming with confidence.

As earlier said, teach your child or student this technique, and make him practice this technique a number of times so as to make it perfect so that this will be a very useful tool and an advantage in certain difficult times.

Many training videos are available in https://www.youtube.com/ explaining how to use this technique. Go to the Youtube site by entering the above link in your browser. Then enter “circle of excellence” in the search box and you can watch many videos explaining the technique. There can be some variations in the procedure and all procedure produce results. The Swish Pattern

NLP Swish Pattern is a technique to act in the desired way in situations that you generally under-perform, for lack of confidence and self esteem, such as making a presentation, selling something, attending an interview, taking a test or exam, etc. Your performance in all these situations can be improved with the use of swish pattern technique. It can also be used for changing bad habits like nail biting, even for stopping smoking habits.

The way you act in any given situation is based on the beliefs you have created in the unconscious mind, based on all your previous experience. If you had bad experiences, failures, embarrassing moments etc. in the past, your unconscious mind may limit you or pull you back from acting the desired way. Next time when you are in a situation that used to cause you to under-perform, NLP Swish Pattern will bring into your brain a new and compelling image of feeling brilliant, confident and performing at your best, rather than thinking about all your past failures and living those again. This technique, will program a new automatic and positive behaviour into the unconscious mind. There is no need for conscious thought or willpower to make the new behaviour permanent for acting in the new desired way.

Step 1: Identify the Behaviour to be changed Identify the problem behaviour you are looking to change. Find out the area in which you would like to behave differently. It can be anything discussed in the beginning. In this case take for example a fear of failing at an interview or an examination. It is very important that you find out the exact behaviour that you would like to change.

Step 2: Find The Cue Your current problem behaviour is likely to be triggered automatically by a specific stimulus. Find out what it is that you see just before the unwanted behaviour or negative feelings begin in you. Usually you do not choose to act consciously the way you do, you just do it unconsciously. It’s an automatic response. There is a certain trigger for you that causes you to act out this problem behaviour. You have to get back into a previous experience of the problem behaviour in ‘Associated’ manner and slowly and consciously backtrack till just before the problem behaviour begins and find out what it is you see just before it starts. It could be the door of the interview room/exam hall or the gate of the school or it could be a person of authority (principal, or class teacher or another better student) and so on. This is a very important step, so very carefully look for the cue and find out the image of the cue event. As earlier mentioned this visualisation of the cue event is to be done in the Associated way. The specific cue that generates the automatic response is identified, write it down on a piece of paper. Then break the state to clear your brain by thinking about something else; may be a funny event.

Step 3: Select Your Ideal Response Now you may choose your desired self image. Create a picture of you doing the best performance with full confidence and self esteem, without any fear of failure. For example, you might imagine a very confident, happy, assured and an excited you, who has written an exam very well and passed with flying colours. The person in the image, your future you would look like as if all the confidence, happiness, courage and all the resources you desired have already been acquired. He or she is now very powerful, has much more resources than you have now and is very capable and can handle any difficult situation easily.

See the wonderful you, who radiates an inner glow and now you have a compelling desire to be like him or her. See this future you right in front of you as a disassociated image. Make the picture bigger, closer, and more bright with vivid colours. Make the sounds brighter and clearer and thoroughly indulge yourself in every last glorious detail of this wonderful picture and make sure you feel exactly how you would feel if you acted in this ideal way in real life. Now you feel strongly drawn to that future you, notice that the future you is talking to you in a very sincere voice and tone, “ I am very confident and I feel very good about myself “ and when you hear this allow yourself to fully live in those feelings of confidence and excitement. Double and again double the intensity of the feelings and make yourself feel amazing now by seeing yourself performing at your best, and living it now in the present. See a gloriously bright, crisp and powerful image of you at your best and feeling on top of the world.

After the feelings have really peaked wait for some time and then break the state by thinking about something, may be something funny.

One important point here is that the “future you” should be really attractive and the current you should really feel very much attracted and want to be like him/her. If you have not got such an image, you may take time and rework to get such a great “future You image”.

Step 4: Actual Swish!

What you are going to do is take the original cue image from step 2 and replace it with the new, empowering picture from step 3.

First, bring the old cue picture into your mind. You should be associated – which means seeing it through your own eyes. Make it big and bright and see every little detail. Now, think about your new, powerful self image and make this picture a very small one, the size of a postage stamp. Take this picture of the new you and push it further and further away from you until it is just a tiny speck and place it at a very distance in the corner of your vision. Make it small and dark and disassociated for the moment.

Now, we’re ready to Swish! Look at your old cue picture in your mind. Immediately look in your mind at the new desired picture which you kept at a farther point, coming from there towards you in a fast manner, growing bigger and becoming brighter & colourful. As the new image comes hurtling towards you, becoming bigger and richer and bolder – send the old cue image in the opposite direction, making it darker and smaller and less powerful and flying away from you into far away distance and your mind will be filled with the new image. Also make an audible “Swish” sound when you do this . As the new self image hits you – associate. See it through your own eyes! Imagine every last glorious detail again and make it big and bright and bold and beautiful! Feel all the amazing feelings rush through your veins and think how good it would be to behave like this from now on.

Enjoy the wonderful feeling of this new self image for a few moments. Don’t rush this bit. Enjoy your success.

Now, break state.

Step 5: Embed The Change It’s now time to thoroughly embed this change. For the NLP Swish Pattern to work, you need to repeat the last step 4, a minimum of times, breaking state in between each one. Initially you will be doing the step 4 slowly and as you proceed, increase the speed and the whole step should not take more then 2 to 3 seconds. Actually the speed also decides the effectiveness of this technique. So bring the old cue image – put the new empowering belief as a speck in the corner – push it back as far as it can go - load it up with rocket speed – and Swish! Send the old cue memory to very far away and bring the new desired state memory very fast into your mind!

Take a few moments between each attempt to really enjoy the feelings.

When you have done the swish 10 times, think of the cue and then try and think of your old non confident behaviour. If you’ve done it correctly, it will be quite difficult to even imagine the old behaviour. Even if you can, it will only be very weak.

NLP Submodalities Belief Change

The following is another NLP technique to change limiting beliefs through Mental thought exercises. Identify a calm place, sit in a relaxed mode and take a few deep breaths

Step 1: Identify the limiting belief to be changed.? Attempt changing only one belief at a time. It is important that the individual has a real desire to change the limiting belief.

Step 2: Tell the child, “Think of that limiting about yourself that you wish you did not have and when you think of that belief, do you have a picture?”

Step 3: Look the submodalities worksheet given below and Elicit the submodalities by asking the questions given in the column 1 and note down the answers in column 2. The questions should be asked very fast and the individual should answer also very fast without giving time for much thought. The answer should be an immediate response.

Step 4: Break State by talking about something els may be about a vacation or so.

Step 5: Ask the person to “Think of a belief which is no longer true. For example, ‘I am 8 years old,’ or ‘I am studying in UKG.’ Do you have a belief like that which you used to believe, but isn’t true now? Think about such a belief and as you think of that belief, do you have a picture in your mind?”

Step 6: Again as in step 3 elicit the submodalities by asking the questions given in the column 1 and note down the answers in column 3.

Step 7: Break State as in step 4

Step 8: For each row in the submodalities worksheet compare the answers in column 2 and column 3 and find out the rows where differences are and note down the differences. In NLP this activity is called Contrastive Analysis to find possible drivers ( the property of column 1 where there is a difference). Note down the characteristic of column 1 and answers in column 2 and column 3

Step 9: As in step 2 “Think of that belief that you wish you want to change. And when you think of it, do you have the picture?”

Step 10: When the individual think about the image, ask to change mentally the characteristics or submodalities of the old belief with the submodalities of the belief which is no longer true (ie. the those items in column two, to those of the item in column three especially for those rows where there were difference between column 2 and 3.)

For example, look at recordings of the the submodality work sheet and for this example purpose, let us assume that the markings are as below.

Column 1 Column2 Column 3 Column 4 Column 5

Old belief Belief which is not true now Near or Far Far Near

Now ask the child to change the characteristics of the image to be as in column 3 ie. image to be made near or bring the image closer as the answer marked in step 6 for ‘Near or Far’, question was near in col 3.

Test: Ask him or her “Now what about that old belief? How is it different now?”

Step 11: “Think of a belief which is absolutely true, like the belief that ‘The Sun will come up tomorrow?’ When you think of that belief, do you have a picture in your mind?”

Step 12: Again as in step 3 using the submodality worksheet elicit the submodalities using column number 4 of the submodalities worksheet.

Step 13: Break State as in step 4.

Step 14: “Think of the positive belief that you want to have instead – probably the opposite of the limiting belief you used to have ( for example if your old belief was “I am not confident” , Now you think that “I am very confident “). When you think of that, do you have a picture?”

Step 15: Again as in step 3 elicit the submodalities using column number 5 of the submodalities worksheet.

Step 16: As we have done in step 10 ask the person to Change the submodalities of the new belief into those of the belief that is absolutely true. (ie. Change the item in column five with those in column 4)

Step 17: Test: “Now, what do you believe about your ability to ____. Why do you have this new belief?”

Step 18: Future Pace: “Think of a time in the future when you would have used your old belief if it had happened in the past, and notice how you feel and tell what happens instead.”

The above NLP technique is an excellent method to change the limiting beliefs and thus release his or her brakes and improve confidence and their self esteem. They may be having more than one limiting belief and you have to work on each of them. Many bright children get grades that just don't seem to reflect their intelligence. They do their homework, participate in class, but still get lousy test grades. Parents often mistake poor performance on tests for lack of study and preparation, but this frequently is not the case. Often, test anxiety is a primary source of poor grades.

Students who experience test anxiety may study at home until they can recite the answers to potential test questions backwards and forwards. But when they walk into the classroom and sit down to take the test, their minds freeze. They are unable to recall the information that, only a moment before, was clear in their minds. They experience performance anxiety, and can focus on nothing but the possibility of failure.

Anchoring is an excellent NLP technique to overcome anxiety, nervousness and lack of self confidence. The circle of excellence exercise is an anchoring technique which is very useful and just before entering the exam hall think about the exercise we have done and enter into the exam hall as if you are entering to the circle of excellence and say the trigger word and make the trigger gesture. This alone will bring the student into a very confident state and reduce the anxiety.

Another anchor is as follows. As earlier mentioned, create an anchor of HAKALAU or learning state. Sit in a calm place and take a few deep breaths. As earlier explained in the previous chapter, enter into the learning or HAKALAU state. Once the child is in this state for some time ask him or her to anchor this state by making a kinaesthetic anchor. This can be done many ways, for example by touching the left ear lobe with the left thumb and forefinger and pressing gently. Repeat many times this process of entering into the learning state and creating the kinaesthetic anchor. Whenever you want to be in the learning state, for example in the exam hall, just do the kinaesthetic anchor by touching the left ear lobe with left thumb and forefinger and the child will enter into a calm state without anxiety.

Another anchor similar to the circle of excellence can be created as below. Here are the steps for the anchor. You need to practice this much ahead of time and keep this as a resource or anchor.

Step 1. Go back in your memory and think of an event in the past where you were very confident, enthusiastic happy and wonderful. You may close your eyes if you like.

Step 2. Relive that moment seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard and feeling what you felt. When you visualise the image, slowly make the image bigger, closer, colourful and brighter. If you are hearing some voices, slightly increase the volume and pitch. When you are getting some feelings inside deliberately increase the internal feelings. Again, make the image bigger, closer, colourful and brighter. Repeat this two or three times so that your feelings will grow to the peak. Let all your energy come up and flood your body with the good feelings of happiness and confidence. Use all your senses to actually FEEL what it's like to be in that state.

Step 3. When the sense of confidence peaks, create a kinaesthetic anchor by touching and rubbing on the middle finger knuckle of the right hand with the thumb of the left hand ( thumb of the less dominant hand) for about 5 to 15 seconds.

Break the state by talking to someone about something else.

Step 4. Repeat step 2, and 3 with another wonderful event from past memory for adding additional resources every time creating the same kinaesthetic anchor by touching and rubbing on the middle finger knuckle of the right hand with the thumb of the left for about 5 to 15 seconds. Then break the state.

Step 5: Repeat once more step 2, and 3 with a third event from past memory for adding additional resources every time creating the same kinaesthetic anchor by touching and rubbing on the middle finger knuckle of the right hand with the thumb of the left for about 5 to 15 seconds. Then break the state.

Step 7: Think of a specific time in future when you want to have that same feeling of confidence, calmness and happiness. See and hear what will be there just before you want to feel confident, may be sitting in the exam hall. As soon as those cues are clear in your mind,

Fire your anchor by anchor by touching and rubbing on the middle finger knuckle of the right hand with the thumb of the left for about 5 to 15 seconds. Break the state.

Step 8: Now think of that future event, say sitting in the exam hall. You will find that you are automatically remembering the cue and step into the those calm and confident feelings. You will be fully charged with confidence. You are already pre-programmed for the future event to have very good confidence. Also, in future, whenever you feel mentally disturbed, consciously fire this anchor by touching and rubbing on the middle finger knuckle of the right hand with the thumb of the left hand. You will automatically step into the calm and confident feelings.

How to get rid of fear and phobia?

Many persons have fear of tests, exams, interviews and many other things. For many people standing in front of a group and making a presentation causes a fear as that of the fear of death. Even though they have prepared well, they are not able to perform well mainly because of this unreasonable or irrational fear. Many of the childhood fears will disappear as they mature into adulthood. However, many of us have these irrational fears causing severe anxiety, nervousness, and other negative feelings that keep us from performing our best. Another name for such unreasonable or irrational fear is Phobia. Actually these fears are out of proportion to actual danger and most of us have experienced or suffered from these fears, some time in our life. Many of the students appearing for the exams also suffer from these irrational fears and hence fail to do their best, affecting their future. There are many mental thought exercises in NLP, if done seriously and correctly, which will help you eliminate these fears and become more self confident , effective and resourceful.

We have earlier studied about the associated and dissociated ways of re-living or recollecting memories. Once we are fully stepping into it the experience, we are associated and we experience intense feelings. The associated way of re-living a past experience has an unconscious effect on the body physiology also; ie. an active body posture will be taken in the associated way of recollecting. For example, Assume you are siting in a chair, with your lower side of back touching the chair and slightly leaning forward, looking around in both the directions and in a very active way, as if ready to catch a ball if somebody throws one. This is a physiology which is more into the experience is an associated body posture. Ehenever you recall your past memory in a similar body posture, your feelings will be more intense. On the contrary, if you make your body physiology a little passive, by leaning your back comfortably against the back of the chair, your shoulders and head moving a little back, eyes relaxed and defocused, chin slightly raised and feeling your body slightly still. This a dissociated posture, yourself getting detached or distanced from the experience and hence your feelings will be less intense.

To be happy in life what we have to do is, recollect only the positive experiences in an associated way always and forget all the unpleasant or negative experiences, and whenever we recollect unpleasant experiences do it only in dissociated way.

Another NLP technique to reduce the irrational fear is to mentally re-live a past experience of the fearful event in dissociated way as a movie from the beginning of the event (where you did not have the fear) to the end and then playing the movie in reverse order from the end to the beginning very fast in 1 to 1.5 seconds in associated manner. Now do an exercise by imagining a past moderately fearful incident, as a movie in dissociated manner forward and a very fast (within 1 to 1.5 seconds)replay in reverse order in associated way. In the replay in reverse order, all the incidents imagined in the forward play time should be there;ie. Imagine that you are doing everything backward, walking backward, talking backward, moving backward and doing the entire process backward; but it should be very fast. Do this exercise two or three times so that you can do this satisfactorily. Once you are ready we can do the Fast Phobia exercise.

NLP Fast Phobia Exercise

This technique is very good for eliminating irrational fears. This can be used for removing fear of Tests and Exams, interviews, Public speaking, etc. For many, this will completely and totally alleviate the fear, but only if you actually spend some time going through the process outlined in your mind.

Now first identify the specific fear which is to be dealt with. In this case let us deal with exam fear. Think about the past memories when such fearful experiences were noticed and if possible recollect the first incident and if you could not identify the first incident, recollect the occurrence of the event with maximum intensity and think about it just enough to get a little bit of fear of the event.

Let Us start:

Close your eyes and relax. Imagine in your mind that you are sitting inside of your favourite movie theatre. Look around the theatre and notice that you have the whole place to yourself. Visualize the large screen up front, the rows of empty comfortable chairs, and the exit signs and what the seats are like.

See Look back for a moment to where the projection booth is up on the rear wall. Now settle in a good seat in the theatre and settle into it. Take in the sights, sounds and smells of the theatre. Feel the seat and floor underneath you.

Now up on the movie screen you can see a black and white still photo of yourself — a snapshot — a single picture of you – taken just before you have the fearful experience ( in this case may be just before you enter the exam hall) that the movie is going to play in a few minutes.

Soon, the screen is going to show a black and white movie about you. This movie will have no sound; like a poor quality home video, it may flicker a bit. Now that you are comfortable in the seat, in dissociated manner, watching the still black and white picture of yourself, before the movie starts, let your “mind” float up into the projection booth where you can control the movie, while the physical “you” person remains relaxing in the seat.

Float your mind up to the projection booth now. Look around the booth, and note the details of the walls, and the frame around the window, and the large reels of film on the projector, and see the long beam of dusty white light streaming towards the movie screen.

Look down and see the you sitting in the favourite seat watching the screen, waiting for the movie to start.

Now, imagine pushing the button and start the projector. See the ‘you’ down in the seat, and watch as he or she now sees the black and white snapshot turn into a black-and- white movie. of you going through your experience in which you used to have a fearful experience, as it begins to play on the screen. As you watch the person in the seat, see that person watch the movie , the movie starts at a time shortly before the fearful event – and plays on through the event – and then continues on to a time well after the event – then fades out and black out or white out the screen

Now, float yourself from the projection booth down into the movie itself. You step into actual experience and see the movie scene now through your own eyes. You are now fully associated and your body also takes such a posture. You are going to watch the movie in reverse direction. Start from the end of the previous ending of the movie. Notice that the movie now becomes fully dimensional – with full colour, sound, texture, depth and so on.

Now quickly, play the film backwards, this time in colour. The people move backwards, the sound plays backwards, with you in the movie, also moving backwards. Rewind it all the way back to the beginning.

Now play the movie forwards, in colour, with sound, with you in it. Explore how you feel dealing with that situation in which you used to have fearful experience. If your are more relaxed, in control and feel secured with your surroundings fine. Experience your new response of peace, calm and satisfaction.

Otherwise if you feel it would be helpful, you can repeat the exercise once more very careful in each of the steps. But this time, introduce some funny background music you can imagine.