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Keeping a Secret

Every day I wake up with a burning sensation inside of me, a secret that is longing to be exposed to the world. There is nothing harder than living a life that doesn’t feel like your own, but it’s something that I have been forced to do. I feel as though nobody at my school truly knows who I am and it’s hard to get through the days. My name is [name removed] and this is my story about how I’ve kept a secret for almost two years.

I am going to be the valedictorian of my graduating class, I’m always smiling, I have long curly hair, and I wear makeup… I’m not a person that satisfies many typical lesbian stereotypes on a physical level, but I AM a lesbian and I have come to accept it. I live in a small town, the type of town where everyone knows each other and personal information spreads faster than the flu. There is one openly gay person at my high school. Everybody knows his name and identifies him as “the gay kid.” It seems like I hear rude and derogatory comments towards homosexuality every single day and it hurts to know that I am surrounded by such close-minded people. Sometimes I feel as if I’m trapped in a place where everyone hates me and the moment they find out that I’m a lesbian, I will instantly become an outcast.

I met Kayley over two years ago when she was a senior and I was a sophomore. Her sister is in my grade and we were really good friends, so I would occasionally go over to their house. It wasn’t long before I became better friends with Kayley than with her sister and our friendship grew rather quickly. I started to get feelings that I had never felt before. I questioned how I felt towards her and wondered whether I liked her as more than a friend, but was quick to push those thoughts aside. I have a religious background and I knew that having feelings for another girl was “wrong.”

One thing led to another, and it wasn’t long until I was in love. She is more amazing than anyone I’ve ever met and I love everything about her. We’ve been through some hard times, especially when our parents found out about our relationship. My parents told me I was going to hell and they made me feel like the worst person in the world. Although they told us we weren’t allowed to talk or communicate at all, we found ways around it. Over time, they’ve loosened up and have realized that there is nothing they can do to stop us from loving each other. Neither mine nor her parents like the idea of us being together, but I think they’re willing to support us.

Very few of my friends know that I’m in a homosexual relationship. I know that if some of my friends and peers found out, they would judge me and we wouldn’t be friends any longer. I wish that everyone could be treated equally and that I wouldn’t be discriminated against for who I’m in love with. It’s sad that I’ve had to keep my relationship with Kayley a secret. I can’t wait until the day I move to college and we don’t have to hide our feelings anymore. I plan to volunteer in the future and encourage everyone in the LGBT community to stand up for who they are and to not hide under identities that they’ve been forced to take on. I know what it’s like to live a lie and have a secret that hardly anyone knows. There is nothing that I want more than to be free and be able to proudly tell the people I come into contact with that I’m a lesbian without being terrified of cruel judgments.

I also wrote a poem:

The Light QF0209SA007.doc page 2 of 3 by Victoria Capezza

It all commenced last summer, Let’s go back and hit rewind. When it comes to this subject, Never before had the thought crossed her mind.

She was completely oblivious; She had often questioned others, but never herself. The concept seemed impossible to grasp, Like the out of reach cookie jar on the top kitchen shelf.

From the first time they met, And as their friendship grew, She would push the thoughts away, But deep down she always knew.

She didn’t understand the intensity of the situation Until the day they shared that first unforgettable kiss. She put everything she formerly knew as “right” behind her, And she swung, knowing that she could not miss.

Before this person she was in complete darkness, But with the relationship she attained sight. It’s as if one of Hyperion’s offspring had appeared, Showering her dark world with the beautiful gift of light.

It wasn’t just the light of exploring sexuality, But also her newfound understanding of how quickly one can fall. Love is based upon compatible personalities And gender should not hold one back or even matter at all.

In my lifetime I will never comprehend Why there are limitations on loving another, And why people discriminate Instead of seeing each fellow human like a brother.

Opinions are undoubtedly reflections of experiences But how is giving an innocent baby a push or a shove Seen as being superior and more accepted by society Than whom a person chooses to be with and love?

It’s not a matter of sacrificing standards, It’s about giving every person the same rights. It’s not destroying the sanctity of marriage, It’s about being impartial and trying to see the light.

Trends have dramatically shifted and people are now more open minded. This progress has contributed to the belief that one day Everybody will be treated equally And society will see the light, not making any couple pay. QF0209SA007.doc page 3 of 3