Lights up on CHRISTINE, Standing DSR

John and Christine

Lights up on CHRISTINE, standing DSR [different clothes] [She is holding the phone and speaking into the receiver, real love and affection in her voice.] CHRISTINE: SFX 7 Answering machine] Hi Johnny, it’s me. I missed you last night at the party, you would have loved it. Well, you would have tolerated it. I hope you can see me smiling. They played the whole of Let’s Dance and I know you liked Hunky Dory better but I really think that it’s… you know, I’ll tell you later. Call me. All the ones! Miss you.

Lights down Lights up JOHN enters studio, goes to desk, picks up headphones, puts them on, starts speaking into mic. JOHN: Good evening! Today’s Thursday, and you know what we call that here? Throwback Thursday, where we play a blast from the past and reminisce about the good old days. It’s me, Johnny D, in the place to be, playing the songs you love, taking you back to the days when we were still young and things were different. When we were young. That’s a while ago now, isn’t it? Mistakes, that’s what I remember. They say you regret all the things you didn’t do, not the things you did - but I think I messed up both, and the list of what I might have done if I’d only known better is far too long too. You know the mistakes I mean; the ones that when you wake up in the middle of the night, bam! They’re right there, in the front of your mind, lurking like the monster under the bed. The mistakes that still cut you like the knife you forgot was in the back of the kitchen drawer.

(to self: I remember how your face changed when you asked me to say what you needed to hear, and I couldn’t.)

You know, talking about changing faces, reminds me of my good mate Phil - you remember Phil - and we were in the pub one night and there was this right looker at the bar, tight jeans, lovely arse, blond hair down to there. Now Phil could only see the back view but Phil, you know Phil - ain’t one to waste a minute. So he picks up his pint and slides on over, splashes a little on her back & piles in with his best line; ‘let me help you out of your wet things, darlin’. And she turns round, and it’s no she, it’s a he - easy mistake to make, this was the 80s, every Tom, Dick and Harriet wanted to look like Rod Stewart or Steven Tyler, and I tell you, Phil was lucky to make it out of that pub without a slap, let alone the slap and tickle he’d been hoping for. Laugh? He nearly cried. Yeah, I can see you smiling.

So back to you, because in a minute we’ll be taking calls about your misunderstandings, so have your best red-faced reminisces ready and I’ll laugh with you, not at you. Ha ha. Well, not too much. Call in on line one and tell me all about it. I’m here, just waiting for your call. But first, let’s enjoy the smooth sounds of Aretha Franklin. She’s telling me not to play that song, but you know I never was one do what I’m told. Johnny D, place to be, and you know the rest. (he ‘fades up’ the song SFX 8 ‘Don’t Play That Song’, Aretha Franklin

Lights down Lights up on CHRISTINE, standing DSR [different clothes, 3rd outfit] [She is holding the phone and speaking into the receiver. It’s a one-sided conversation.] CHRISTINE: - And I don’t know, it just seems like you’re not really listening to me, Johnny. - What do I mean? God, what do you think I mean? (sigh) - It’s just when we’re talking - well, it’s always just me that’s talking. I do all the talking and you’re there and you’re nodding but when I wait for you to say something, to tell me what you think - nothing. - Oh no, you don’t, you don’t talk - Of course about the music, you never shut up about that - Ok I’m sorry - About us. About you. I don’t know anything about you, really, what you think and what you feel, what you want, all the things that make you, you. You never tell me what’s going on in your mind. I’m guessing at what you feel, what I hope you feel. - What do you mean, how should you feel? Don’t you know? - Well, how do you feel about me? Do you care about me? - Don’t say of course. How would I know? How could I possibly know, Johnny, when you don’t tell me? - Please, Johnny, talk to me. Talk to me. No, hang on, I’m not going to beg. You either care or you don’t. You either talk me or you don’t. But I can’t keep waiting. - Ok. Ok, I’ll come over. But to talk, not to listen to your music. I want your words, not theirs. Christine hangs up and exits door DSR Lights down

Lights up JOHN at desk [change of clothes]. SFX 9: ‘Baby Please Don’t Go’, Them, 30 secs JOHN: Now that’s what I call the blues! It’s me again, your man Johnny D, in the place to be, playing all the hits, all the time. Not many people know this, but Van Morrison was only nineteen when this song was recorded, with my friend Jimmy Page on second guitar. That’s a lot of talent to have in one studio - not unlike this studio, when I’m here, right? Right? Yeah, I can see you smiling. Thing is, those guys went on to great things - Van Morrison and his Brown Eyed Girl, Jimmy with the Zeppelin, songs which talked to us and took our hearts, songs that spoke for us. Seemed so easy when I was young, seemed like anyone could pick up a guitar and sing, and the right words would come out and people would get it, they would understand what you were trying to say. What I was trying to say. But you know, turns out I can’t play guitar. Oh, you know, I tried, but I just didn’t have those magic fingers. Didn’t have the talent for it. Or told myself I didn't have the talent, and then stopped trying. Never had the words either, did I? All those notebooks full of bad song lyrics - oh, come on, you had a go too, don’t deny it - trying to rhyme ‘love’ with ‘enough’ or ‘sorry’ with… well ‘sorry’ doesn’t rhyme with much, does it? Never could say the right thing. Couldn't find what I needed to say. And now I’m not nineteen anymore, not by a long shot, and still I don’t seem to have the right words and so - so I just keep playing the records, waiting for right words to come, hoping one day I’ll find a rhyme for sorry, find the word that means love.

Anyway, don’t mind me, wallowing in my self pity and what might have been - let’s open the phone lines after this reminder that time keeps ticking on; and maybe you can call in on line one to tell me what would rhyme with ‘past it’.