In American Culture, in Regards to Eating a Meal, If You Are Not a Toddler You Are Often

Assignment C

In American culture, in regards to eating a meal, if you are not a toddler you are often told, “Don’t play with your food” or “Use your fork, not your hands”. It is considered impolite, dirty or rude to do otherwise. Of course, there are the foods that the common practice is to use your hands to eat them such as hamburgers or chips but the general norm is that you use your silverware. For Assignment C, I decided to defy this norm by eating a dinner meal with my family, only using my hands- no silverware. I did this because in other cultures outside of the United States, it is actually quite common and preferred to use your hands to eat because they feel that it encourages warmth and emotion while facilitating connection. The dinner meal that we were eating was spaghetti and meatballs, a traditional Italian meal with asparagus on the side as well as a side salad with balsamic dressing. I thought this would be a great way to break a norm since though Italians commonly talk with their hands, they usually use a fork, knife and occasionally a spoon while consuming their pasta based dishes. The social norm I interrupted was the norm of eating food with utensils. The way we eat our food varies within cultures, almost as a form of silent communication. This norm is related to social order because in the American culture, those who can eat “properly” and “cleanly” with their utensils are believed to be of a higher achieved status. Those who eat with their hands and are messy, go against the norm and are seen of lower status, since it is polite and “correct” to use silverware for food aside from a few exceptions, such as hot dogs, sandwiches etc. Even those items however, in some areas, will be eaten with a fork and knife because it is considered uncivilized to use your hands. These norms are reinforced since we are taught when we are younger by our parents the norms and manners around eating our food, especially eating our food at a guest’s house or around a guest. Additionally, in programs such as Girl Scouts, there is a badge for manners and etiquette for eating. This is a form of reinforcement because when you are taught young, you are more likely to perpetuate a habit. Another way these social norms are reinforced would be through the negative reaction that comes from disobeying the norm. Informal Social Control comes into effect here since to regulate behavior, social pressure is used such as ridicule, praise, ostracism and gossip. If an individual disobeys the norm within the culture, they could be ridiculed or out casted, which no one wants and thus the individual would change their behavior 2 to receive praise and avoid conflict or shame. When I first started eating with my fingers for this assignment, I was told by my grandmother to “stop grazing and use my fork since that is what it is for”. I responded by continuing to eat with my fingers, grabbing my spaghetti with my hands as well as the asparagus (which did not seem to be perceived as that odd). The salad also initiated some perplexed looks as I used my fingers to consume the dressing soaked lettuce. I was surprised to see though that my family did not have much to say. There were a few side eye glances of confusion, but otherwise the meal went on as it always does. Once I had made it most of the way through the meal with using only my fingers, my grandpa even made a joke that at least they would be spared of washing one set of silverware. The lack of reaction from my family made me realize that this reaction to my behavior would probably differ depending on the company I was in. My family knows and loves me, and can accept that sometimes I want to do things differently or out of the box and though it may be weird to them, they will let it slide. However, if we were out in public at an expensive restaurant, I think they would have made more of a fuss because the social norm is to be polite and seem civilized in the company and presence of a higher end crowd. This is done to seem like we have similar or more social status, a way of fitting in and trying to be accepted. If someone ate every meal, every day without utensils in the United States, I definitely think they would experience some discrimination because they are violating a pretty prevalent norm. If they did it at their own house, they probably would face little to no discrimination but if they did it say at a formal dinner or restaurant, they might be asked to leave or told that their behavior was rude and unacceptable. In a different society, depending on which, they would probably not be discriminated against since it is actually common in other societies such as India or Thailand to eat with your hands rather than utensils. To eat with your hands is considered to have a deeper connection with the food. The consumption process lasts longer, thus providing a greater space for having a pleasurable experience. The social norm of eating with utensils exists because social order needs to be maintained. I believe that we originally used the fork, knife and spoon as a way to eat and prepare food more efficiently with less mess. It was a way to perpetuate instant gratification, to create something that nearly everyone can use. However, in the past, we all used to use our fingers to eat since there were no alternative tools. I think now the reason why we continue to 3 use these tools is part ease, and part because the practice has been engraved in our minds as the “right” way to eat and to go against that is to go against the social order. Additionally it seems that the protocol for using utensils for eating food within the American culture is based on the authority that one has. Authority is the right to use “legit” power as determined by community, and is based on status. One of the categories of status can be within age. Those who are younger are taught by an older authority figure how it is appropriate to eat; however they also have more lenience when it comes to using their hands to eat their food since their motor skills are not as developed and they “do not know better”. Compare that to that of a full grown adult who does not have an authority figure telling them how to eat and yet they still use their utensils because they have been conditioned to do so. Utensils were developed to make feeding easier, especially for those who were too young to feed their selves. Forks were put to use for the handling of foods, knives were used for cutting foods smaller so that they were not too hard, or too big to be consumed. We start being taught to use utensils in Westernized culture in order to fit in to the cultural expectation that eventually when we are older, we will be socialized eaters. Those who do not benefit from this system would be those that prefer to consume their food with their hands. It is important though that we look at other culture’s eating habits from a cultural relativism perspective, where we judge the culture by their own standards rather than by that of our own culture. By doing this, we accept that all different cultures can have various ways of consuming and preparing their food and one is not necessarily better than the other. If I was to do this assignment again, I would repeat it in a public area around people who were strangers. I feel that this might illicit a very different response, rather than the confusion and then acceptance of my family. I feel that my family shrugged off my new behavior because they know me well and are typically not too judgmental of my choices or behaviors. In a public restaurant however, there is more of a chance someone might be offended or make a remark regarding my behavior since it is in an area where there is more variety of people, backgrounds, beliefs and cultures. Subsequently, I noticed from doing this assignment how much more respect I have for the cultures who do use their hands to eat their food. I personally would love to continue every meal eating with my fingers, except for meals that are served hot or that are liquid because that would be difficult. Otherwise, I think it is great to take the time to enjoy the warmth 4 of and the connection to our food. I personally see nothing wrong with choosing to use your fingers instead of silverware.