Proofreading My Explanation marks
1. W.C. a) Poorly Chosen Words.
W.C. = Word choice. I did not like your substitution of “Head Dude” instead of President John F. Kennedy. I would prefer to see the blockade described as innovative and effective rather than as “way cool.”
b) Repeating Words. W.C. is word choice. Do not repeat any term over and over again. Variety is the spice of life and strong writing. Use a thesaurus or dictionary to find synonyms.
Bad White men walked on water. White men killed deer. White men killed white men.
Good White men walked on water. European-Americans killed deer. Caucasians killed other Euro-Americans.
A much more basic word choice problem involves the failure to use synonyms, which are found in many word processing programs, dictionaries, and thesauruses.
Not only does repeating the same word over and over again bore the reader, it also fails to advance your argument. At the simplest level if the reader does not understand the word “decode” then repeated it over and over again is hammering in a point, which they do not understand. If the reader understands the word, then repeated it over and over again does not advance your case. If you prepare three or more synonyms for each repeated word and vary them, you make the reader think. How is one synonym like the other word and how is it different? Does the same point apply to both words? If yes, then you expand your case. If no, then you have chosen the wrong synonym.
1 Bad Example: “Because the Access Powers had ingenious decoders who could decode any American message . . . Unfortunately for the allied forces, the speed at which they Japanese could decode was costing thousands of lives.”
Good Example: Because the Axis Powers had ingenious code-breakers, who could decode any American message . . . Unfortunately for the allied forces, the speed at which they Japanese could transcribe and interpret those secret messages was costing thousands of lives.
Additional synonyms to consider for decode are: decipher, make sense of, interpret, translate, and crack the code. Correct usage of each synonym fosters understanding and forces an active reader to consider the different nuances and connotations that each synonym carries.
2. Awk. Awk. Is awkward. This sentence can be rewritten for clarity. “To the lake I will go,” is reoriented toward its simple T-unit (subject-verb); I will go to the lake.
Awkward Sentence “To the lake I will go.”
Better Sentence I will go to the lake.
Wrong: Ben then ran for President oftimes fished and to climb the mountain.
Right:
3. Inf. Inf. Is informal. Spell out numbers less than one hundred. Do not use contractions in formal writing.
1. First Person. Avoid first person
Case Right/Wrong Category
First person I Informal writing
Second Person Me
Third person They Formal writing
2 Alternatives This paper This author In my opinion
Bad Example I believe that the Nazis were wrong . . .
Good Example The Nazis were wrong . . . Formal Writing
Wrong: I think that George Washington, the head dude, is way cool.
Right:
II. Avoid contractions like the plague.
Contraction Can’t Informal
Two words Can not Formal
Wrong: George can't make bail. He won't get out of jail. Right:
III. Spell out most numbers under one hundred.
Wrong: I turned sweet 16 today.
Right: I turned sweet sixteen today.
Wrong: The B-17 flew 9 missions at 3:00 pm and 99 at 4:00 o'clock.
Right:
4. Capital Letters. Means to capitalize that first letter
Double underscore of Bad Example Spot the Dog Is Home for the holidays.
3 the first letter Good Example Spot the dog is home for the holidays.
5. Lower Case Means lower case. letters. “Spell Out Numbers” should be “Spell out numbers . . . “ Single underscore Bad Example “Spell Out Numbers”
Good Example “Spell out numbers . . . “
Wrong: I Went to the Lake to retrieve my Dog spot.
Right: 6. ¶ Means start a new paragraph
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