I Had Blood on My Hands, Like the Hermit, and Just As I Couldn't Tell Whether His Actions

Tomorrow, When the War Began Quotes

[Ellie] “It’s terribly, terribly important recording what we’ve done, in words, on paper, it’s got to be our way of telling ourselves that we mean something, that we matter. That the things we’ve done have made a difference. I don’t know how big a difference, but a difference. Writing it down means we might be remembered. And by God that matters to us. None of us wants to end up as a pile of dead white bones, unnoticed, unknown, and worst of all, with no one knowing or appreciating the risks we’ve run.” (Chapter 1)

[Ellie] “We’ve all had to rewrite the scripts of our lives the last few weeks. We’ve learnt a lot and we’ve had to figure out what’s important, what matters – what really matters. It’s been quite a time.” (Chapter 1)

[Ellie] We thought it was time we showed independence and initiative and all those other good things. We want to do a bushwalk along Tailor’s Stitch for a few days. Get away from the sex and vice of Wirrawee into the clean wholesome air of the mountains.” (p11)

[Ellie] “Their noise, their speed, their darkness frightened me. I realised that I was crouching, as though being beaten. I stood up. It seemed that they were gone. The noise faded quickly, till I could no longer hear it. But something remained. The air didn’t seem as clear, as pure. There was a new atmosphere. The sweetness had gone; the sweet burning coldness had been replaced by a new humidity. I could smell the jet fuel. We’d thought that we were among the first humans to invade this basin, but humans had invaded everything, everywhere. They didn’t have to walk into a place to invade it. Even Hell was not immune.” (Chapter 4)

[Ellie] “‘Why did people call it Hell?’ I wondered. All those cliffs and rocks, and that vegetation, it did look wild. But wild wasn’t Hell. Wild was fascinating, difficult, wonderful. No place was Hell, no place could be Hell. It’s the people calling it Hell, that’s the only thing that made it so. People just sticking names on places, so that no one could see those places properly anymore.” (Chapter 4)

[Ellie] “People were keeping each other prisoner, hurting each other, killing each other, but we’d retreated to the paradise of Hell.” (172)

[Ellie] “Human laws, moral laws, religious laws, they seemed artificial and basic, almost childlike. I had a sense within me – often not much more than a striving – to find the right thing to do, and I have to have faith in that sense.” (217) [Ellie] “If we were going to ignore the laws of the land, we had to work out our own standards instead.” (221)

[Ellie] "I had blood on my hands, like the Hermit, and just as I couldn't tell whether his actions were good or bad, so too I couldn't tell what mine were. Had I killed out of love for my friends, as part of a noble crusade to rescue friends and family and keep our land free? Or had I killed because I valued my life above that of others? Would it be OK for me to kill a dozen others to keep myself alive? A hundred? A thousand? At what point did I condemn myself to Hell, if I hadn't already done so? The Bible just said 'Thou shalt not kill', then told hundreds of stories of people killing each other and becoming heroes, like David and Goliath. That didn't help me much. I didn't feel like a criminal, but I didn't feel like a hero either. …people, shadows, good, bad, Heaven, hell: all of these were names, labels, that was all. Humans had created these opposites: Nature recognised no opposites. Even life and death weren't opposites in Nature: one was merely an extension of the other.”

[Ellie] “Why did people call it Hell?’ I wondered. All those cliffs and rocks, and that vegetation, it did look wild. But wild wasn’t Hell. Wild was fascinating, difficult, wonderful. No place was Hell, no place could be Hell. It’s the people calling it Hell, that’s the only thing that made it so. People just sticking names on places, so that no one could see those places properly any more.” (Chapter 4)

[Ellie] “Yes, evil was a human invention.” (243)

[Fi] on Homer: “He was so immature.” (193)

[Ellie] “It was my feelings for Homer that were stopping me from taking the plunge with Lee.” (194)

[Ellie] "Homer was becoming more surprising with every passing hour. It was getting hard to remember that this fast-thinking guy, who'd just spent fifteen minutes getting us laughing and talking and feeling good again, wasn't even trusted to hand out the books at school."

[Homer] "He leaned forward. 'Here's what I suggest. They load Corrie's Toyota with everything useful they can find. Then they go to Kevin's and do the same. And to my place and Ellie's if there's time. They pick up the Land Rover at Kevin's and fill it too. I'm talking food, clothes, petrol, rifles, tools, everything. By dawn we want to have two vehicles fuelled up, packed to their roofs and ready to go' 'To go where?' Kevin asked. 'To Hell' Homer answered. That was Homer's genius. He combined action with thought, and he planned ahead. He sensed, I think, that inaction was our enemy. Anyone seeing us at that moment would not have thought we were in the most desperate positions of our lives. We were all sitting up excitedly, faces flushed and eyes gleaming. We had things to do, positive definite things. It suddenly seemed so obvious that if we had a future, it would be in Hell. And we began to realise that there might still be a life for us."

[Homer] “I never thought I’d have to hurt other people just so I could live my own life…If I have to do it, I hope I’ll have the strength, like Ellie did.” (175)

[Homer] “We should set ourselves up as a real guerilla outfit, living off the land as much as possible, mobile and fast and tough.” (175)

[Homer] “Problem two then. Where would we get it?' Robyn interrupted. I'd forgotten she hadn't seen Homer in action at Corrie's. ' Homer, are you on something?' ' Sorry?' ' You keep going like this, you'll lose your reputation, Aren't you meant to be just a wild and crazy guy?' He laughed, but then went straight back to being serious. Robyn made a face at me and I winked back"

[Lee] "Lee laughed. 'Homer hasn't changed.' 'Yes he has.' 'Has he? I'll be interested to see that. He's a pretty smart guy, Homer'"

[Ellie] "Homer looked at me, eyes shining with joy. I realised the wild and crazy guy wasn't so far away. 'We pick him up in the shovel,' he said, and waited for our reactions."

[Ellie] Pretty surprising guy, Homer.

[Ellie] “There were Homer and Lee, both of whom I had strong and strange feelings for, but made more complicated by Homer’s obvious attraction to Fi.” (178)

[Ellie] “I felt guilty even thinking about love while our world was in such chaos, and especially when my parents were going through this terrible thing.” (178)

[Ellie] “There was Lee, who kept looking at me with his possum eyes, as though his wounded leg was the only thing stopping him from leaping up and grabbing me. I was a little afraid of the depth of feeling in those beautiful eyes." [Ellie] on Lee: “He seems so much more mature than most of those guys at school.” (268)

[Ellie] “There was a beautiful black baby grand piano facing the window. Homer had written Heavy Metal across it in the dust with his fingers. But I had seen Lee with the lid raised, running his hands across the keys. His fingers were trembling and there was a look on his face even more passionate, more intense than when he looked at me."

[Ellie] "Yes, it was a good plan. It was very clever. And maybe the thing I liked most about it was the effect it had on Lee. He was determined to do it. He lifted his head more and more as we talked; he became outspoken, he started smiling and laughing. He'd been depressed a lot of the time since he copped the bullet, but now he actually said to me, 'If we do this, if we succeed, I'll be able to feel pride again'. I hadn't realised how ashamed he'd been of not being able to help his family."

[Ellie] "I always thought of Robyn as fairly quite and serious. She got effort certificates at school every year, and she was heavily into church stuff, but I knew there was more to her than that. She liked to win. You could see it at sport. We were in the same netball team and honestly, I was embarrassed by some of the things she did. Talk about determined. The moment the game started she was like a helicopter on heat, swooping and darting around everywhere, bumping people aside if she had to. If you got weak umpires Robyn could do as much damage in one game as an aerial gunship. Then the game would end and Robyn would be quietly shaking everyone's hands, saying 'Well played', back to her normal self. Quite strange. She's small, Robyn, but strong, nuggety, and beautifully balanced. She skims lightly across the ground, where the rest of us trudge across it like it's made of mud." [Corrie] "'It's our own families,' said Corrie. 'That's what everyone's worried about, isn't it ? I guess I'd fight for my country but I'm going mad wondering what's happened to my family'" (11) "'I won't pretend the thought doesn't scare the skin off me,' Corrie said softly. 'But it's what we have to do. We'll never sleep again at night if we don't.'" (12)

[Robyn] The other thing she told me is that the highway from Cobbler’s Bay is the key to everything. That’s why they hit this district so hard and so early. They bring their supplies in to Cobblers by ship and send it down the highway by truck.” (228)

[Ellie] “It was hard for me to believe that I, plain old Ellie, nothing special about me, middle of the road in every way, had probably just killed three people.” (95)

[Ellie] “It was hard for me to believe that I, plain old Ellie, nothing special about me, middle of the road in every way, had probably just killed three people. It was too big a thing for me to get my mind around. When I thought of it baldly like that: killed three people, I was so filled with horror. I felt that my life was permanently damaged, that I could never be normal again, that the rest of my life would just be a shell. Ellie might walk and talk and eat and drink but the inside Ellie, her feelings, was condemned to wither and die.”

[Ellie] During my three days O had the nightmares I hadn’t had that morning on the haystack. Demonic figures ran screaming at me, I felt skulls crush under my feet. Burning bodies stretched out their hands, begging for mercy. I killed everyone, even the people I loved the most. (163)

[Lee] ‘Listen, Ellie, thanks for getting me out of there. Every minute of the twenty- four hours I could hear the footsteps of soldiers coming to get me.” (p151)

[Kevin] “I just hate them and I want to kill them all and if I had a nuclear bomb I’d drop it right down their throats.” (174)

[Fi] “I don’t think there’s any way we can help our families right now, so not losing face with you all has become my biggest thing. And what worries me is that I can’t guarantee I won’t pack up under pressure.” (240)

[Ellie] on fighting back: “I wanted to be able to make calm, logical decisions, to put points for and against on opposite sides of a piece of paper, but I couldn’t get my feelings out of the road enough to do it.” (242)

“Cold, fear, excitement. They were all contributing generously. But the greatest of these was fear. That rang a bell – a quote from somewhere. Yes, the Bible: ‘and the greatest of these was love’. My fear came from love. Love for my friends. I didn’t want to let them down. If I did, they would die.” (Chapter 11)

[Homer]“‘Let’s go home,’ Homer said, ‘to Hell.’” (Chapter 22)

[Ellie] “Our story hasn’t ended yet.” (283)

[Ellie] “We’ve got to stick together, that’s all I know. We all drive each other crazy at times, but I don’t want to end up here alone, like the Hermit. Then this really would be Hell. Humans do such terrible things to each other that sometimes my brain tells me they must be evil. But my heart still isn’t convinced. I just hope we can survive.”