Welcome to Midland City, and to Midland School. Inside These Pages, You'll Meet James And

Welcome to Midland City, and to Midland School. Inside these pages, you'll meet James and Jessica Davis, brother and sister students trying their best to learn how to write. As they look for answers in the jungle and in a mountain cave, they meet a long list of characters, some of them normal and some utterly abnormal—you might say kooky. You'll meet Bwana Bob, Dr. Sidney Slicer, Detective Greta Gitem, plus a really dumb bank robber and a mean old judge.

Are you ready?

See you inside! ISBN number

Booklocker info, etc.

"These are fabulous. I thoroughly enjoyed reading them and think they will make a great collection for middle school kids." Dr. Jane Bluestein, consultant, seminar leader, author, The Win-Win Classroom, and Creating Emotionally Safe Schools.

"I like the dream sequence where they are accused of plagiarism and have to stand before a judge. Also, many of the episodes can be reworked as scripts and performed in class. A lot of young students are natural-born actors." Dr. John Lounsbury, Dean Emeritus, College of Education, Georgia College and State University

"I think these activities are a great approach to language arts. It's always nice to sample new strategies and techniques in order to create differentiated instruction in the classroom while having fun. I think these samples are great." Ms. Alicia Watson, 7th grade literacy teacher, literacy department chair, North Clayton Middle School.

"I think they are fun and funny. Exactly the kind of thing middle schoolers need!" Cynthia Mitchell, language arts teacher, DeLaura Middle School

"'Lights! Camera! Oops!' is a great way to introduce subject-verb agreement. Captivating story, quick, flows, will stay in the students’ minds." Julio Torres, language arts teacher, John F. Kennedy Middle School

"I like it. Your target audience will like the humor. I think there is plenty of room for this book. There aren't many books out there for young writers to read themselves (but tons of stuff for teachers to read)." Mary-Lane Kambert, Kansas City Writers, speaker and author, I Love To Write Book: Ideas & Tips for Young Writers

"I really like the premise...and enjoyed the stories in the working manuscript. It is an excellent way to approach the concepts." Karen Cuda, Assistant Professor, Communications Department, Brevard Community College

"I read your pieces and found them delightful. Your humor will surely delight students and the language play is perfect for middle level kids." Linda Hoyt, teacher, author, nationally recognized reading specialist, staff developer, curriculum specialist, and Title I coordinator

"I sincerely enjoyed reading your manuscript....It is engaging, shows the importance of each writing concept, and is a great model of narrative writing...." Lisa Whitmire, 5th/6th grade language arts teacher, Nelson Elementary School, Graham, WA Cast of Characters

Main characters: Jessica Davis James Davis, her brother Alex Johnson, language arts teacher

Situation characters:

Judge Gil Tee Sheila Morgan, Jessica's friend and classmate Jeremy, Jessica's boyfriend Zack Wilson, rebellious classmate Ludwig von Mayonaze, goofy guru Lisa, James's girlfriend Andy, an abominable snowman Robot with no name Izzy Curious, psychiatrist Cosmetics saleslady Earl St. Clair Winston, soap opera director Amy, a script supervisor with purple hair Dr. Sidney Slicer, surgeon King Onomatopoeia, tribe chieftain Bank robber Bwana Bob, big game hunter Stanislaw Vorgensven, Broadway stage director Greta Gitem, detective Senator Lance Sharp Harry hare, a rabbit Turk turtle, a brown box turtle Introduction

When I began these stories, I set out to be a kindhearted Pied Piper, choosing storytelling as a way of inviting you down a path toward the art and craft of writing. I also wanted to help you realize how important good writing will be when you enter the workplace —especially if you choose a white-collar world where you will have to write appraisals, proposals, analyses, descriptions, recommendations, letters, reports and, of course, the inevitable emails. You will not be expected to write like a professional, of course, but you will be expected to write with clarity and purpose.

You will notice that I have broken the content into two parts. In Part 1, The Big Issues, you'll meet our adventurous duo, James and Jessica Davis, as they learn the key elements of planning. Too often we don't think planning is necessary; we just start writing without thinking and end up in a cloud of confusion. Although a lot of people think planning is a waste of time, it actually helps them find the words they want—and more quickly.

Once you have a plan, you can start to write. That's what Part 2, The Tools Issue, is all about. To write well, we need to learn the tools, the mechanics. You'll get plenty of practice creating examples and answers the way our lead characters do, but I doubt you'll have the help of Dr. Sidney Slicer or a hip-hop robot. Yes, you'll meet them inside, along with a bunch of other kooky characters like Ludwig von Mayonaze, the world's greatest guru.

Please keep in mind that I did not write this book to compete with textbooks. I wrote it for you— no matter whether you're in the fifth, sixth, seventh, or eighth grade. I also wrote it for teachers who are looking for new and creative ways to help you learn to write. I realize you have to meet standards of one kind or another; that's what textbooks can help you do. But I also believe your teachers first want to help you learn to write using the kind of universal techniques you'll find in this book. When you do, you'll be ready to satisfy the standards—and have fun doing it.

One energetic student, Makayla, suggested that most of the stories could be adapted to short plays or skits that you and your classmates can act out in the classroom. After all, you've got characters, dialogue, plots, suspense, humor, and drama to work with. While thanking Makayla, I was impressed by her spirit, enthusiasm, and strength of purpose. Is it any wonder I chose her as the perfect model for the lead character of Jessica?

LBW Cocoa, Florida Content

Part 1 The Big Issues

Plagiarism..... It’s Latin for Kidnapping...... Jessica learns a lasting lesson about using an author's words without citing the source.

The Importance of Writing..... A Scout Said it First...... James and Jessica get a glimpse of why writing is so important on the job.

The Reflective Nature of Writing..... Mirror, Mirror...... Jessica's new friend, Jeremy, learns that bad writing makes a bad impression.

Writing Across the Curriculum..... Who Needs This Stuff...... Mr. Johnson shows Zack that car designers have to write, too.

Planning..... World’s Leading Expert on How to Get Started Writing Something...James and Jessica go up a mountainside to find out how to organize the things they write.

Organization ..... Babies Mess Easily...... James and Jessica are stumped by Mr. Johnson's challenge.

Audience..... Return to Ludwig’s Lair...... Brother and sister once again visit the kooky Ludwig von Mayonaze. Part 2 The Tools Issue

Creating Reader Interest..... The Hook...... James and Jessica think Franz Kafka has set a good example.

Point of View..... No Apple for This Robot...... Brother and sister are about to witness the first hip-hop robot.

Tone..... Zack’s Tussle With Tone...... Jessica shows Zack how tone can be managed in an invitation he has written to Sheila.

Voice..... Indiana James and the Vex of Voice...... Jessica learns the value of writing with the hands and the heart.

Writer’s Block..... The Pot, the Gold, the Rainbow...... Although Jessica mocks him, James finds out that he can overcome writer's block.

The Paragraph..... Going Up...... Trapped in an elevator, James and Jessica sort out the ingredients of a well-written paragraph.

Introductory Paragraph..... Elephant in the Bath Tub...... James and Jessica finally agree on something, sort of.

Concluding Paragraph..... Whose Revenge is This, Anyway?...... Jessica manages to keep a straight face when it's time for pay-back.

Shifts, Splices, Fragments..... James Accepts a Challenge...... Can you spot the goofs?

Modifiers It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s…DM?..... If Only..... Murder My Sister?.....

Subject-Verb Agreement..... Lights! Camera! Oops!...... Jessica challenges a New York stage director with a few words of advice.

Comma Splice..... Scalpel! Sponge! Semicolon!...... Jessica doesn’t know what to think of the odd but dedicated Dr. Slicer.

Fragments..... The Very First Fragman...... James gets a little bit confused.

Onomatopoeia..... Finding King Onomatopoeia...... Brother and sister trek through the jungle to find a king, his tribe, and a language arts teacher.

Sentence Variety..... One Dumb Bank Robber...... A shady character gets more than he bargained for.

Transitions..... The Bunny Suit...... Win or lose, Jessica is proud of her effort.

Metaphor, Simile, Analogy..... Hunting the Magnificent Metaphor, the Spotted Simile, the Agile Analogy...... Courageous brother and sister brave the wilds of the underbrush.

Action Verbs..... A Kiss, a Peck. a Smooch?...... Jessica tries to explain why picking the right verb leads to good writing.

Appealing to the Senses..... Daffy Duck Sunglasses and Socks That Glow in the Dark...... Jessica steams when James pulls off a sneaky.

Adjectives and Adverbs..... No Pickles, Please...... Detective Gretta Gitem lectures James and Jessica on wasteful words that just take up space. Active, Passive Voice..... The Day Senator Sharp Came to Town...... Jessica has some words of wisdom for a politician.

Pleonasm..... Photo Finish...... Guess who lost the race this time.

Your Turn! (Exercises)

Plagiarism...... The Importance of Writing...... Writing Across the Curriculum...... Planning...... Creating Reader Interest...... Tone...... Voice...... Writer's Block...... The Paragraph...... Introductory Paragraph...... Concluding Paragraph...... Modifiers...... Subject-Verb Agreement...... Comma Splice...... Fragments...... Onomatopoeia...... Sentence Variety...... Transitions...... Metaphor, Simile, Analogy...... Action Verbs...... Appealing to the Senses...... Adjectives and Adverbs...... Active, Passive Voice...... Pleonasm...... The Reflective Nature of Writing...... Part 1 The Big Issues

I regret my poor performance as a young student, when I was supposed to grow up a little and get serious about learning. Band wasn't so hard, and neither was English, including a helpful look at the classics, but I noticed that I hadn't learned how to write, especially the kind of writing I would have to do when I finished school and found a job. I didn't realize the effect good writing could have on my performance in the workplace. And I wasn't the only one. Good writing is good for people everywhere, including teachers, engineers, police officers, nurses, architects, doctors, and college professors—just about anybody.

I was okay learning about famous people such as Mark Twain and Edgar Allen Poe, but my teachers spent little time teaching me how to write good ole plain English. I realize a lot of students don't like to write, or who simply don't want to write. A lot of students told me they don't think writing matters because writing is for writers, and not for them. When I heard that, I wrote a little drama just for them, called Who Needs This Stuff? It's a fun look at how one student learns that good writing can actually help him get good job ratings when he’s on the job, struggling to communicate with his co-workers. You can find that story in my book, Finding King Onomatopoeia and Other Stories.

I eventually got the idea that good writing can not only help you on the job, it can be a tremendous help when you have to write essays, memoirs, and other things in class. When I finally did have a teacher who cared about writing, she began with some of the big issues like the ones you'll find in Part 1 of the book. She had a way of helping us learn about plagiarism, organizing what we write, audience analysis, the importance of writing, and the reflective nature of writing. Now it's your turn to look at some big issues, so why don't we go to my book, turn the page…and go to jail. Jail?

…start thinking big.

In other words, let's go to jail…Jail? It’s Latin for Kidnapping

The orange jumpsuit with a big “Juvenile" printed on the back, the handcuffs digging into her wrists, the shackles on her ankles, the smell of dried sweat—they all seemed somehow unreal, clouded in a fearful haze inside Jessica’s head. Nothing made any sense to her: not the walls filled with angry graffiti, and certainly not the huge metal door that held them prisoner inside a tiny room with no windows. Her brother James sat next to her, yawning and pulling on the chain that connected his handcuffs to another chain around his waist.

"We’re in jail!" Jessica shouted, her eyes full of fear. "Nope," James said, "we’re in a holding cell next to a courtroom. Hear the judge in there rambling on about right and wrong?" "How did we get here?" Jessica said. "What happened?" “Don’t you remember?" James said. “That cop came into the classroom then the teacher handed him some papers and next thing I know we’re in handcuffs!"

Jessica looked up as a deputy sheriff approached the holding cell and unlocked the door. James listened to it creak as it swung open. Sounds like a door to a smelly old dungeon, he thought. "Let’s go," the deputy said. "Your turn." "But officer," Jessica said, "we don’t belong here. There’s been a mistake for sure." "No mistake," the deputy said. "Let’s go." James stood up then nearly fell as he tried to walk, forgetting that his ankle chain forced him to take baby shuffle steps. "Isn’t there something we can do?" James asked. "There must be some options." "Oh sure," the deputy said. "You’ve got several options: the firing squad, the hangman’s rope, the electric chair, or if you’re lucky life in prison."

Shocked by the deputy’s prediction of pain and agony, Jessica and James shuffled out of the holding cell and into the courtroom. Standing before judge Gil Tee, Jessica looked up and up until she finally saw his face hovering far above them like a vulture ready to pounce on its prey. The judge’s face was hidden, darkened by a shimmering shadow that seemed to have no beginning.

Standing near the judge, a tall man dressed in black leather and a mask stood at attention, a long black whip in his hand. "Are you ready, Pain Master?" the judge asked. The man nodded slowly and cracked his whip. Jessica began to feel sick as she and James huddled next to each other.

"This is unreal," Jessica said, shaking her head. "No," James said, "this is surreal."

A crowd of onlookers seated behind them began to mumble curses and damnations. The judge shook his finger at the crowd. "Quiet!" he shouted, shifting his glare to James and Jessica. "Now, you two, James and Jessica Davis. Do you know why you’re here? Do you know what you’ve been charged with?"

"No, your honor," Jessica said. "This is crazy. We haven’t done a thing." The judge held up a set of papers in each hand. "These are your essays, right?" he said. Jessica leaned forward, trying to hear the judge. To her, his voice seemed to come from a long tunnel, like an echo.

"You’ve been charged with grand theft," the judge said. "You stole the property of others and tried to pass it off as your own. This isn’t your writing. Don’t you realize your teacher can see through that?"

"Words are property?" James asked.

The judge glared at James. "Words or images arranged in a certain way represent the writer’s property," he said. "It’s called intellectual property, and it belongs to them! That’s the law. It’s obvious you stole paragraphs from some source without giving credit to the author or publication. That’s plagiarism. Any by the way, did you know that plagiarism is Latin for kidnapping?"

"I didn’t think it was wrong," Jessica said. "I thought everybody did it." "Well it is wrong," the judge said, "very wrong, and you could get a failing grade or even get suspended. Did you know that? It’s stealing, thievery, theft, taking something that’s not yours! Let me repeat that, just in case you didn’t hear me. You could fail the whole course, or you might even get suspended! You need to wake up!"

"Boil them in oil!" a voice shouted from the back of the room. "Off with their heads!" a victimized author yelled. "You people back there keep quiet!" the judge shouted. "I’m going to give these two thieves the maximum sentence."

The judge whacked his gavel, silencing the room. Then, turning slowly to his left, he moved his hand toward a red button, a red button that would open a trap door that James and Jessica unknowingly stood upon, a trap door that would send them falling into a pool of hungry alligators. Counting down, the judge put his finger on the button and shouted, "Five! Four! Three! Two! One!—"

Standing beside the couch Jessica was sleeping on, James leaned down and poked her shoulder. "Hey, wake up," he said. "You’ve been mumbling and flopping around on this couch for an hour." Jessica rubbed her eyes and sat up. "Oh my God," she said. "I just had the most horrible dream. C’mon, we’ve got to make something right." Jessica reached for her laptop and clicked on the file name of an essay she had finished the night before. "What are you doing?" James said. "That dream taught me something," Jessica said, "and now we’ve got to…how shall I put it… return some property to the rightful owner." As she began to credit the sources she used in her essay, Jessica began to feel a familiar sensation, the feeling of relief and pride that always came over her when she knew she was doing the right thing. #

What is the theme or central idea in this story?

Did you detect any foreshadowing? If so, point out text or dialogue that illustrates the foreshadowing.

Pssst….I'll let you in on a secret. When we write something, anything, we write with a particular kind of style—whether we want to or not, and teachers recognize these styles like a crime technician spots a fingerprint. The moral is simple: we can't get away with plagiarism. A Scout Said it First

The line at the Behold the Future ride was getting longer. Luckily, for James and his sister Jessica, they had finally made it to the head of the line and were following the attendant’s directions as he led them to a two-seater car. "Here we go," Jessica said, "into the future!" "Why I let you drag me to this I’ll never know," James said, obviously uninterested in a ride that was going to take them to a make-believe future. "We could be driving a racing car right now, you know."

"Patience little brother, I’m sure it’s going to be enlightening." James shook his head and settled back into his seat as their car began to move along a track. He noticed that as the car moved small clouds of simulated steam began to encircle them. "What’s this?" he said, looking all around the car, "some kind of fog?"

"I don’t know," Jessica said, watching the clouds become thicker and thicker until she could no longer see the track ahead. Soon, their car was completely enveloped by the clouds. James heard the rattle of the car’s wheels on the track fade into silence as the clouds began to disappear, giving way to a startling new scene. They were suddenly inside an elevator, going up.

"Whoa!" James shouted, "What the hey! We're in an elevator!" He ran his hand over a strange feeling on his chin. "And I’ve got whiskers!" "And I’m taller," Jessica said, a look of complete confusion and surprise on her face as she looked down at the high heels and business suit she was wearing. "Where are we?" The elevator stopped on the third floor and a man carrying a briefcase got on. He glanced at James and Jessica and nodded. "Morning," he said, "nice job on the Mountain Acres account. By the way, Johanson wants to see you both."

James and Jessica looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and watched the elevator floor lights blink one at a time until the elevator stopped at the ninth floor and opened its doors to a room full of people sitting in cubicles, each gazing at a touch-screen computer and talking into hidden micro telephones. When James and Jessica stepped off the elevator, a tall woman wearing a white blouse and black skirt walked past and whispered, "Johanson wants to see you."

James and Jessica looked at each other again with double quizzical looks. "Who’s Johanson?" Jessica whispered, "and what is going on?" "Got me," James said, "but I see an office over there with Director Johanson on the door." Jessica knocked on the door and heard a faint "Come in." Director Johanson's office was big and plush, with thick carpet and paintings on the wall and leather chairs all around.

"Have a seat," he said, pointing to two chairs in front of his desk. James and Jessica, still completely dumbfounded by what was happening, sat down and studied the man with the receding hairline and the thick glasses. There was something familiar in the look and sound of him, Jessica noticed, something from the past. Then it came to her. Johanson was actually Mr. Johnson, aged by fifteen years. She leaned in toward her brother and whispered, "It’s Mr. Johnson." "Mr. Johnson?" James whispered back, his jaw dropping, "our language arts teacher?"

Jessica and James were still bewildered by this revelation when Johanson looked down at some papers on his desk and said, "I’ve got a job for you two. We’re adding a new wing to the building and we need to do an analysis on the hardware and software. What kind of computers, software, communication links, that sort of thing. I’ve got an assignment sheet with all the particulars and all you have to do is follow through will all you’ve learned about writing this kind of report and give me a full report in two weeks. Could be a real feather in your cap."

James frowned. "A report?" "Yes," Johanson said, "You know, comparison contrast, expository writing, research, argument and counter-argument, recommendations. Just some basic analytical writing. Thesis, beginning, middle, end, conclusion, etcetera etcetera. You know this stuff, right?" "Well," Jessica said, "it’s just that we didn’t really pay a lot of attention to that sort of thing in school."

"I’m sorry to hear that," Johanson said. "You should have. Did you think you wouldn’t need this later, when you’re out in the working world? Pardon my soapbox speech, but when you’re working with people you’re going to be communicating—and often in writing. And if you're working for a company that gets it business by writing winning proposals, well, you can see how important writing would be then, right? The better writer you are the better you…."

As Johanson's voice faded to a distant echo, James and Jessica looked up at the ceiling and closed their eyes. Each was remembering the old days at Midland, sitting in Mr. Johnson’s language arts class, looking out the window while Mr. Johnson rambled on about how important good writing would be later in their lives.

When they opened their eyes they were suddenly startled again, for in front of them now was an all-to familiar scene: students seated in rows and Mr. Johnson standing at the board, outlining a new writing assignment. He underlined the key words in the assignment and turned back toward the class. "Now, if you’ve been paying attention you’ll know exactly what to do, right?" James and Jessica looked at each other and shrugged. "That is, of course, assuming you haven’t spent the hour looking out the window chasing some daydream. Right James and Jessica Davis?" Looking down, their eyes peeking up just enough to take in Mr. Johnson's glare, James and Jessica slumped in their chairs and waited eagerly for the bell to ring.

On the way home, they sat in the back of the bus and gazed out the window. "For a while today I swear I had whiskers," James said, rubbing his chin. "And I swear I was taller," Jessica said, "and wearing a woman’s business suit." "What happened today?" James said. "Really weird." "Got me," Jessica said, "but I’ll tell you one thing. From now on I’m going to do my best to learn all these writing skills Mr. Johnson keeps talking about. Just might come in handy in the future. You know, like what the scouts say...we've got to be prepared." #

What stylistic device is used to advance the element of time in this episode?

What purpose does the character, Mr. Johanson, play in this episode? Is there a reason the author chose the name "Johanson"?

Could the message that students should learn to write while they're in the early grades be delivered in a more effective way? Mirror, Mirror

On a Monday morning, Jessica Davis was on her way to study hour when she got a text message from someone named Jeremy.

Hi Jessica, I know you brother. He gave me you number. I hoping you wil go to the Hollowen dance with me. Wil u? Jeremy Taylor

"Would you look at this," she whispered to herself. "He writes You instead of your—twice! And I hoping? Should be I hope. And he misspelled will and Halloween. Bad writing always turns me off. This guy must be a loser, and I'm not going out with a loser."

Jessica thought for a moment, trying to think of a way to tactfully tell Jeremy that his poorly written text created a bad impression because writing is like a mirror—it reflects back on the writer, and if the writing is bad the reflection is bad. She did reconsider for a moment, wondering if she should just say no and let it go at that. But that's what a lot of people do, she reminded herself: they never say anything and people writing poorly keep getting criticized behind their backs without ever knowing why. She decided on a reply:

Jeremy, I don't know you. Also, your text has a lot of mistakes. Maybe you should consider a writing tutor. Thanks, anyway.

After class, Jessica caught up with her brother. "Who is Jeremy Taylor and why did you give him my cell number?" she asked. "Who?" "I got a text from somebody named Jeremy who said you gave him my number." "Oh him," James said. "New guy. Seems okay. He wanted to invite you to the Halloween dance. Thinks you're hot. What's the big deal? Tell him no if you don't want to go." "I don't even know him," Jessica said, trying to lower her voice. "I've never met him. And don't want to have anything to do with somebody who sends flawed texts like that."

James started to say something but stepped to the side to avoid running into Sheila Morgan. "Hi Jessica," Sheila said. "I wanted to ask you something about writing but I can't remember what it was." James grinned and said, "Maybe it's about how writing helps improve your memory."

Jessica punched him in the shoulder as he laughed and walked on ahead. Turning to Sheila, Jessica said, "Your Zack's friend, right?" "Yah, I know he's a goofball but he's cute. And speaking of cute have you seen the new guy? Sooo totally hot!" "Nope, haven't seen him. What's his name?" "Jeremy. He just transferred from Mount Vernon. There he is! With the green sweater standing at the locker. Hey, sorry Jess, gotta run."

Sheila disappeared among a throng of students making their way toward classrooms. "No problem," Jessica said. Standing in the middle of the hallway, she couldn't take her eyes off Jeremy. She took a deep breath—Oh yes, she thought, he really IS cute—then walked over and leaned against the locker next to Jeremy's.

"Hi," Jessica said, clutching her books. "I'm Jessica Davis. You sent me a text this morning about the Halloween dance." "Yes, and I'm sorry about that," Jeremy said. "I should have introduced myself for real and asked you right out. Guess I was scared of getting rejected in person." "I'm sorry, too," Jessica said. "I overreacted, really, and I would love to go to the dance."

"Fantastic," Jeremy said. "And you're right about my writing. I know I need to improve my skills. I don't want people thinking I'm a loser because of my writing." "Maybe I can help," Jessica said, her green eyes twinkling. "We could work together." "That would be awesome," Jeremy said. "You can be my tutor."

On his way to class, James caught up with his sister. "So what did you tell that Jeremy guy? You gave him the boot, right?" "Now little brother," Jessica said, trying to sound sincere. "We mustn't judge others so harshly. After all, anyone can make a mistake…right?"

What role does James's character play in this little drama? Who Needs This Stuff

Alex Johnson waited for the students to file out, then called to Zack Wilson. "Zack, got a minute?" Zack stopped at his teacher's desk and watched the rest of the students leave. Mr. Johnson sifted through the papers in his hand and shook his head. "Zack, I just don't understand. Your writing could be so much better. It's like you just don't care." Zack Wilson considered himself among the more timid in the class, and was surprised when he heard himself take a deep breath and say: "You're right, sir. I don't care."

Mr. Johnson sat down in his chair and set the papers aside. "You're done for the day, right?" he said. "Yes sir." "Then sit for a minute, and let's talk about this." Zack tried to suppress a groan. Here we go, he thought. Another lecture.

Mr. Johnson stared out the window for a moment, his brow furrowed, his fingers tapping the desk. "Do you know why you don't care?" he said. Zack folded his arms across his chest. "I don't think so." "I think you do," Mr. Johnson said, leaning forward. "C'mon, be honest. Why don't you care?" "It's not that I don't care, sir, it's just...it's just that I don't see why I should be spending all this time learning to be a writer when I don't want to be a writer."

"Is that what you think?" Mr. Johnson asked, "that I'm helping you learn to write because I think you're going to be a writer?" Before he answered, Zack noticed that Mr. Johnson was now talking to him in a softer tone, an understanding tone that helped Zack relax a little. "Yes," he answered. "Why else would I have to study all this stuff about writing and sentences and transitions all those other things. That's what writers do. I want to be a car designer, not a writer."

Mr. Johnson leaned back and smiled. "Aha, now we know. Now I see. You don't see how writing can help you unless you want to be a professional writer." "That's right," Zack said, trying to speak in his own soft tone. Mr. Johnson continued to smile as he said, "Tell ya what. I'll bet you I can show you how writing can help you—even be necessary—when you're a car designer." Zack frowned, wondering for a moment how car design and writing could have anything in common. "What kind of bet?" he said. "For money, you mean?" "No, not money. In fact, you tell me. What would you like to bet?" Zack thought for a moment then smiled. "I've got it," he said. Zack paused for a moment, rethinking his idea twice before he spoke. He wasn't sure how Mr. Johnson would react. After all, he was the student, Mr. Johnson the teacher. Zack took a deep breath and said: "You'll call me Mr. Wilson for a whole week." Zack wanted to dive under the desk, knowing that his teacher would probably never agree to such a condition. Mr. Johnson thought for a moment, then said, "It's a deal. And if I win, you'll write an essay on how writing can be important no matter what you do—car designer, teacher, policeman, scientist, artist, or a politician, okay?"

Zack grimaced at the thought of having to write something, anything, but nodded his head. "Okay." Mr. Johnson stood up and said, "Look for something in the mail, okay?" "You're going to win the bet by mailing me something?" "That's right," Mr. Johnson said. He picked up a handful of papers from his desk and started toward the door. "Okay," Zack said. "Okay, I guess."

Three days later, Zack found a large brown envelope in his mailbox. He opened the envelope, pulled out a color brochure, and was immediately drawn to the cover photograph of a car that looked like it came from the future. He turned to the table of contents page and saw a note attached by a paper clip. He recognized Mr. Johnson's handwriting right away:

Zack, this is a brochure created by the lead designer at Delphi Motors. Please take some time and look it over. Notice how much of it is writing, including sentences and transitions and the other things you mentioned. A designer has to design, yes, but he also has to communicate his designs to his bosses and other people so they will accept and act on his ideas. In other words, he has to write. Just look at the introduction, where the designer gives an overall picture of the car's features. A car designer needs to know how to write so he can communicate his ideas to a wide audience.

Zack turned to the introduction and read:

The new Vision Model 535 interior comes with aircraft style controls plus a passenger-side steering wheel, GPS tracking, and night and thermal vision via a film on the front windshield. The in-dash computer system is the most technologically advanced computer system, featuring remote control UAV-type access from anywhere in the world, utilizing the internet.

Zack turned back to Mr. Johnson's note:

This is just one example, Zack. There's a million more from other kinds of jobs. Trust me. Writing is not just for writers and poets. If you are serious about being a car designer, you will one day have to write things like you see in this brochure—plus you'll have to write memos, letters, reports, and emails. Please think about it, and we can talk again in class. Oh, by the way, I'll leave it up to you who wins our bet.

In class the next day, Zack held up his hand. "Zack?" Mr. Johnson said, "Or should I call you Mr. Wilson?" The class turned to look at Zack, their mouths open in disbelief as they silently mouthed, Mr. Wilson?

Zack lowered his hand and smiled. "You can call me Zack." "Okay, Zack it is," Mr. Johnson said, "so what's your question?" "No question," Zack said. "I was wondering if the next time we have a team writing assignment, one of the topics could be how writing helps us no matter what kind of job we have." Mr. Johnson looked at Zack for a moment, then smiled. "That's an excellent idea, Zack. An excellent idea."

# World’s Leading Expert on How to Get Started Writing Something

"I can’t believe I let you talk me into this," James said, shaking his head. "Oh stop whining," Jessica said. "Think of it as an adventure, something we’re doing on our own. No teachers, no parents, just us. Besides it could help us get better grades on the stuff we have to write."

"Well," James said, glancing up at the small mountain in front of them, "it better be worth something because I could be hanging out with Lisa right now." "Ahh, Lisa," Jessica said, "that your new girrrrrrl friend?" "Don’t start." "The real reason we’re here," Jessica said, "is we get to have a private conversation with Ludwig von Mayonaze, the world’s leading expert on how to get started writing something. I found him on the Web and signed us up."

"Get started writing?" James said. "We already know all that, remember? Know your purpose, focus on a topic, know your readers, choose a way to organize, point of view. I can’t believe you don’t remember all that planning stuff."

Jessica looked up at the dark clouds beginning to gather over the mountain. "Not sure I remember all that," she said. James sighed. "I know you’re the class smarty pants, but I don’t believe you forgot the purpose thing, you know, do you want to inform, describe, explain, persuade, narrate, whatever." "Oh yah, it's starting to come back." "And? Remember point of view? First person, second person, third?"

"Yah," Jessica said, "but this is Ludwig von Mayonaze, the world’s leading expert on how to get started writing something. We’re bound to learn a whole lot more." James shrugged, shook his head again, and followed Jessica up the dirt path in front of them.

"This is too steep," James said, "We’ll never make it." "Suck it up, little brother, just think of all the neat new things we’re going to learn." As they made their way up the mountain, Jessica felt a cool gust of wind on her cheek. "I don’t like the look of those clouds," she said. "I can’t believe I let you talk me into this." Suddenly loud, booming thunder burst through the air, followed by rain that was quickly becoming a torrent.

"Hey kids! Over here!" Trying to steady themselves on a path that was quickly turning into mud, James and Jessica wiped the rain from their faces and looked toward the voice that had called out to them from the entrance of a cave. James and Jessica ran toward the voice just as a bolt of lightning hit a tree next to them, splitting the tree and sending the splintered trunk sliding down the steep face of the mountain.

Inside the cave, James and Jessica stared at the freakish figure standing before them. "Welcome, I’m Ludwig von Mayonaze. C’mon in and pull up a rock and get comfy." "Your Web site said you lived in a chalet," Jessica said. "Oh that’s my public relations people. You know how they are. Tend to exaggerate just a tad." James and Jessica looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

While Jessica tried to smile, James couldn’t take his eyes off the person Jessica had touted as the world’s leading expert on how to get started writing something. First, there was the long blond hair down the back, all the way to his waist. The big horn-rimmed glasses sliding down the nose, the full-length purple robe so long it dragged the ground as the nervous figure shuffled about the cave, his green sandals kicking up little clouds of dirt.

"Must be hard living in a cave, huh?" James asked, hoping for Jessica’s sake that the strange figure before him would have something to tell him that would make this frightful trip worthwhile. "Well," Ludwig said, "it’s really rough ordering pizza, and no TV. I really miss Friday night wrestling. But I do have food! Want some?" "Yes, please," James said, "I’m starving." James and Jessica were momentarily startled when Ludwig belched and reached for a wicker basket. "What’ll it be?" he said, "fried mountain goat intestines or sushi bird feet?" "Uhh," James said. "Thanks but think I’ll wait."

Ludwig opened his mouth, dropped in two bird feet and sprawled on his favorite rock. "So, you want to know how to get started writing something, right Jennifer?" "It’s Jessica." "Right, ok, whatever. You know I’m the world’s leading expert on how to get started writing something, right?"

"Yes, we know," Jessica said, "so could you hurry and tell us what you know so we can get down this mountain before another storm comes?"

"Sure, here’s the key, the real stuff, all my years of study distilled into a few really awesome guidelines. Know your purpose, like are you going to explain, describe, narrate, persuade, get your focus, know your readers, pick a way to organize and decide on the right point of view. Okay? Think that's about it. Boy am I sleepy."

James was furious. "Are you kidding me!" he shouted, glaring at Jessica. "World’s leading expert! Everything he just said I already said!" James was trying to contain his anger when he saw Ludwig fall off his rock and into the dirt, where he lay twitching and snoring. "Tell me one good thing about this," James said, his eyes hard on Jessica. "Well, we know one thing for sure." "Pray tell me what that is, because I really need to know."

"Well," Jessica said, slowly making her way toward the path that would lead them down the mountain, "...Uh, we need to know our purpose, like describe or narrate or persuade, you know"—She was walking quickly now toward the cave's entrance —"and we need to analyze our readers, and then organize our stuff and decide on a point of view, you know, all those things that Ludwig said." Jessica was running down the path now, with James running behind her. Jessica could hear her brother gaining on her, his hands outstretched as if to put them around her neck. #

Do you practice the "process" of writing? Do you plan, or prewrite, organize, write, rewrite, polish, and publish?) Also, ask your teacher about the value of keeping a journal, where you can jot down your ideas and feelings before you forget them.

Do you need to plan a poem, an essay, a memoir? Does audience make-up always play a role in planning? (see Return to Ludwig's Lair) Babies Mess Easily

"Something awful fishy about this assignment," Jessica Davis said as she walked out of Alex Johnson's language arts class. "How so?" asked her brother, James, who was trying to remember the assignment. "He gives us three letters," Jessica said, "then tells us to think about what we've been studying this week and then we're supposed to figure out what the letters mean?"

"Yep," James said, "that's exactly how I remember it, too." "Then you tell me how we're supposed to figure out what B-M-E stands for."

"The key is remembering what we've been studying, right?" James asked. "That sounds like step one." "Okay little brother. But what? What have we been studying lately?"

On the way home, on the bus with James, Jessica moved the letters around in her mind, trying to figure out what they stood for. Unsuccessful and frustrated, she gave up and gazed out the window and watched the houses pass by. "Wait! I remember!" she shouted. "It's organization. We need an introduction, a body and a conclusion. I remember once I had to describe a house that was for sale. That's it. We've been studying ways to organize the things we write. Okay, so what does B-M-E have to do with organization?" James shook his head. "Got me," he said. "James Bond I ain't."

Jessica spent a few moments writing, then, half heartedly, said "All I can come up with is books mean education." James chuckled. "Pfft. That's got a lot to do with organization." "Okay, brain boy, so what's your brilliant answer?" "I think they stand for begin my essay."

Jessica studied the letters again, trying again to arrange them in a way that would make sense." "I tell you, this makes no sense," she said. "There's no way to figure out what those letters mean with so little to go on." "Got that right," James said. "So what do we do?" "We take these in tomorrow and hand them in just the way they are. I want to see what the others come up with."

The next day, students filed into Mr. Johnson's class, dropped their candidate solutions on his desk, and sat down. Mr. Johnson began sorting through the stack of papers, reading each one. "I see no one figured out what the letters mean," he said, "although there are some memorable attempts, especially this one." He held up one piece of paper and said out loud: "Babies mess easy. Would the author of that little ditty care to own up?"

In the back of the room, Zack Wilson held up his hand. "Ah, Zack. Why am I not surprised." "Mr. Johnson?" Zack said, leaning back in his familiar slouch. "Can we give you a challenge?" Mr. Johnson hesitated for a moment, then said, "Sure, right after we finish with this, okay?" "Remember," he said, "the letters have something to do with what we've been studying this week, and what is that?" The room was silent for a moment, then Jessica held up her hand. "Organization," she said, "how to organize the things we write." "Okay then," Mr. Johnson said, "and do you remember the letters I gave you, I-B-C, standing for introduction, body, and conclusion?" Mr. Johnson waited for someone to say something.

"The challenge I gave you yesterday was just a way to get you thinking about a popular way to organize what you write, one that we'll be using this year. But something tells me my B-M-E hint didn't work. Nobody got it." Mr. Johnson sat down behind his desk and asked if anyone had any questions. A chorus of voices filled the room as each student shouted, "So what does B-M-E stand for!" Mr. Johnson went to the blackboard and wrote "B-M-E...Beginning, Middle, End." "I was trying to come up with something that would help you remember introduction, body, conclusion. You know, beginning, middle, end."

Zack held up his hand. "I think we got it now, Mr. Johnson, so can I give you the challenge now?"

"Alright Zack, go ahead." "Okay," Zack said, sitting up straight. "Here it is. It's T-A-B." Mr. Johnson thought for a moment, then said, "Since it's coming from you, Zack, I'm guessing T- A-B might be That's All Baloney or something like that." "Well, sir, it is something like that." "And?" Mr. Johnson said. Zack glanced around the room, his blond hair flopping across his eyes, then said, "T-A-B stands for This Assignment Blows." At first, Mr. Johnson did not react, even to the laughter filling the room. He stood still, thinking, then the corners or his mouth began to curl up into a smile. Zack sighed in relief. "But," Mr. Johnson said, "do you now know the patterns of organization we've been talking about? That's what counts." "H-C-I-F," Zack said, grinning. "H-C-I-F?" "How Could I Forget?"

When you begin to write, are you required to write the beginning first, the middle second, followed by the end, or can you write any part first? If you wrote the end or middle first, how would that affect your thinking as you write the other parts? Return to Ludwig’s Lair

"I’m not going back up that mountain, "James said, shaking his head. "No way." "We have to," Jessica said. "Apparently Ludwig von Mayonaze is the only person in the whole wide world who knows how to write for different readers, and we need to know about that." "Yah, but he’s a total nut. If you remember, last time he sat there eating goat guts. You’re going to owe me big time."

Once again, Jessica led the way toward the path up the mountain, toward Ludwig's cave. Tired after trudging up the path, James and Jessica approached the entrance to the cave. "You’re back!" Ludwig shouted, appearing suddenly at the entrance. It’s the same wacko, James thought, remembering the long blond hair down the back, the big horn-rimmed glasses sliding down the nose, the full-length purple robe and the green sandals.

"Welcome," Ludwig said, ushering James and Jessica into the cave. "How can I help you—oh, you need to know that Andy will be stopping by in a little while for a game of chess, and I think he’s bringing a covered dish. Now, he’s a little different, so don’t be scared, ok?"

Ludwig held out a plate filled with black scraps, "I grilled these vampire bat bowels this morning. Want some?" James and Jessica quickly shook their heads in unison.

"No thanks," Jessica said, trying to block the thought of actually swallowing something so yucky. "But we are looking for some help." "Ahh," Ludwig said, dropping a bat bowel into his mouth, "well, you’ve come to the right place. What is it this time?" "We need to know what to do when we’re writing to a given reader and"—Jessica stopped her question and stared at Ludwig, who was now attempting to stand on his head.

"Sure," Ludwig said, grunting as he tried to maintain his balance. "Blood rushing to the head improves the thinking. Sometimes burping does too but we don’t have time because Andy will be here soon. So although there are several things to consider when writing to a given reader we can maybe look at three or four, okay?" James looked at the upturned Ludwig and shook his head in disbelief. "Remember," Ludwig said, "your readers have certain expectations when they start reading your writing. Fulfill your assignment, sure, but if you totally ignore those expectations they will think your writing is not for them and move on to something they would rather read." Ludwig held out another plate. "Fried chocolate worms?" Jessica shook her head while James rolled his eyes and took a deep breath.

"First," Ludwig said, falling backwards into the dirt. "Sorry. The head standing thing makes me dizzy sometimes. Anyway, you need to decide if your writing should be formal or informal. If you’re writing an essay on U.S. presidents you’d make it formal, wouldn’t you? Like third person, yes? But if you were writing a letter to a friend you could be informal, yes? Like first person, yes? Always decide up front if you want to show up in a tuxedo or jeans and flip-flops. You like my little metaphor there?" Ludwig held out a bowl and said, "Here, try these." Jessica clutched her stomach as she watched two thin black legs wiggle out over the top of the bowl.

"Next," Ludwig said, tying his hair back into a ponytail, "you need to think about what vocabulary to use for a given reader. It’s about the right words. Would you write to your teacher like this? 'Hey dude, this essay of mine is awesome.' No. And if you were telling a fourth grade class about your experiences in elementary school, would you say: 'The intellectual and emotional issues will exceed those experienced at your level of education.' No again. You know what words to say when you talk to your parents, your friends, your teacher, yes? So, when you write, picture your readers sitting in front of you and ask yourself how would you talk to them."

Ludwig walked to the entrance and looked back and forth. "Andy ought to be here any minute." "Andy?" James said. "My friend, the one bringing the covered dish." James looked at Jessica and nodded his head toward the entrance.

"Okay, last thing is what to say and how much to say—and you get that from your purpose. For example, if you’re trying to persuade your readers, they will look for evidence to support your argument. Facts, opinions from authorities, statistics, that sort of thing."

"I don’t understand all this about trying to please the reader all the time," Jessica said. "I’ve got an assignment and I’ve got certain things to write. So how can I carry out the assignment and make the reader happy all at the same time?"

"Oh no," Ludwig said, shaking his head. "Don’t just think about pleasing your readers. Write what you feel you need to write, but make sure your readers can relate to it and not feel left out. Remember, you are writing to satisfy one person, and that is you. Ahh, Andy is here!"

James and Jessica turned around and looked up into the glowing red eyes of Andy, whose seven- foot height filled the entrance. He was covered in long white hair and his arms hung to the floor like a gorilla’s. "Andy’s an abominable snowman," Ludwig said. "That’s why you don’t see a carrot nose, coal buttons, top hat or scarf." "Guess not," Jessica said, moving closer to James. "Well, see ya later kids," Ludwig said, "We’re done. Good luck. Oh wait, you might want to stay a bit. Andy brought a casserole of pickled beetle eyeballs in lung gravy. Delicious!"

James and Jessica ran for the entrance, then down the path. "Remember," James said, gasping for breath as he ran, "you own me big time." "Now little brother, we did learn one thing, right?" James stopped, bent over, and tried to catch his breath. "And what might that be?" he gasped. "We know for sure we don’t like pickled beetle eyeballs in lung gravy."

What role does nasty food play in this episode?

Do you believe funny settings and characters can be used to convey important lessons? Part 2 The Tools Issue

Remember when you wanted to build a tree house, a pigeon shed, a race car made of discarded wood, or maybe just a little hideaway inside a big cardboard box? We wanted to build something, yes? I did, and I was already an adult! I wanted to build a bookcase, a high one, like in a library. Well, I did, but I made the huge mistake of thinking I could build it without attaching cross braces to the back, so it wouldn't fall over. Care to guess what happened? Yep. Slow squeaking followed by a crash. The lesson I learned then, and still practice today, is that I have to know how to use the right tools when I begin to create something.

That's what Part 2 is all about, the tools of writing, or what we call the mechanics. With a plan in mind, you now have to start looking at words, sentences, paragraphs, and how you want to arrange them. After you write the first draft, you should let it sit for a while, then start deleting, adding, and shifting things around—all the necessary editing that will make the writing as good as you can make it. You have to ask questions like, "Do my verbs agree with the subjects?" and "What do my 'its' actually refer to?" Many writers believe that good writing starts to come to light only after we finish the rewriting part.

I think you'll enjoy Part 2, because it's here that you get to see your own thoughts come to life. Soon, your writing will bring classmates, friends and family into your world, the world you want to communicate to others—including your hopes, likes and dislikes. You'll also learn something students often overlook: writing is a revelation, a kind of flashlight that helps you see what you think and feel. A lot of brainy people believe that we don’t really know how we think or feel about something until we talk about it or write about it.

Before you peek inside the book, let me put in my two cents (that's a cliché, by the way) on the discussion about texting, and if it is affecting the way we write. One crowd says texting is okay —"It's part of the digital revolution"—while the other side says it's ruining our ability to write standard English. Both sides have their point—in fact, both sides are right. Most astute people know that texting is not really writing; it's more like sending quick chat, so it's okay for that kind of "e-talk" to include BFFs, LOLs, and OMGs. On the other hand, formal and even informal writing has certain boundaries or guidelines that we have to follow. The point is, texting is okay when it's appropriate, and standard English is right when it, too, is appropriate. So, when you're outside of class, doing your own thing, you won’t get a F if you text. But when you're in class?...well, I think you know the answer to that. The Hook

"He what?" "He woke up and found that he had been transformed into a giant bug."

James Davis stretched out on the living room floor and tossed a basketball in the air. "You been sniffin' cleaning fluid again?" he asked, looking over at his sister. Jessica slid a book across the carpet and said, "Here, see for yourself." James grabbed the book in one hand and caught the basketball in the other, smiling at his dexterity, "Pretty cool, huh?" "Just read the first sentence," Jessica said. James rolled the basketball away and opened the book and read:

One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that in his bed he had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug.

James closed the book and looked at the cover. "Talk about weird. What is this?" "It's the beginning of Franz Kafka's novella, The Metamorphosis." "Yah, so?" "I'm thinking of using it for our assignment on the hook. It's definitely one of the most famous opening lines, a real hook. Makes you want to keep reading, huh?" "Well yes, it sure does, sis, if you want to get an F."

Jessica sat up straight and gestured for James to give the book back. "What are you talking about?" she said. "We-have-to-write-our-own-hook," James said, accenting each word. "I think, anyway. Pretty sure." "You're not sure? Well that helps a lot. I thought he said we just had to find an example. Who can we call to find out?" "I don't know. Lisa's not answering. Besides you better decide what you're going to do because we have to hand these in tomorrow morning. Glad I got mine done. Hee hee." "Okay smarty pants," Jessica said, annoyed by her brother's giggle, "let's see it." James pulled his notebook from his backpack and slid it across the carpet. Jessica flipped through the pages until she came to "Assignment Hook," then read the first line:

No one knew why the sixth grader fainted in the hallway, not until her teacher asked her later.

"You can't use that," she said, throwing the notebook at James. "And why not?" "I remember that from your essay about how students get lost trying to find classrooms. You can't use it again." "Mr. Johnson won't remember that," James said. "He will if I tell him." "You wouldn't!" "No I wouldn't. But if I have to write my own so do you." "Fair enough."

For the next fifteen minutes, James and Jessica sat with their notebooks, writing—or trying to write—an opening sentence that makes a reader want to keep reading to find out what happens. James was the first to finish. "How's this?" he said, tossing his notebook to Jessica. Snaring the notebook in midair, Jessica read James's attempt out loud:

With one second on the clock, and the score tied, the home team had one chance. Fans in the bleachers stood silent, some crossing their fingers, others looking to the Heavens. Spinning the ball in his hands, James Davis stepped to the free-throw line.

James made the motion of shooting a free-throw. "Well?" he said. "It's a winner!" "Yah, yah," Jessica said, "so how is that going to relate to a topic, a thesis? Remember what Mr. Johnson said. The hook has to lead into the topic. You can't use just any old hook." James was nodding before Jessica stopped talking. "I know, I know. The essay would be about how stress affects an athlete's performance."

James began tapping his fingertips on the carpet, a gesture Jessica immediately interpreted as an attempt to annoy her. "Quiet," she said, continuing to write in her notebook. "I'm just about finished." Five minutes later, Jessica handed her notebook to James and waited while he read:

Jessica Davis sat still, trying not to squirm, trying not to wring her hands, but the suspense kept building: Would she win Best Actress? Taking a deep breath, she listened as the presenter said, "And the winner is...."

"That would be the beginning of a personality profile of an actress," Jessica said, "a character study." James shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, I guess, sure a lot better than the bug thing." "I'm not so sure. If somebody else uses the bug—and gets a good grade!—I'll knock you silly."

The next morning, students handed in their samples and waited for Mr. Johnson's criticism. That was inevitable; if there was anything they could count on, it was criticism, even though it was usually the positive kind. Their only hope was that the criticism would be mild and not so severe as to result in a bunch of Fs.

Mr. Johnson held up one paper and said, "We've got an unusual one here from Zack." Zack Wilson sat in the back row, slumped in his chair as usual, his head down. "Didn't mean to disturb your beauty sleep," Mr. Johnson said. "I thought your hook that threatened the reader if they didn't read on was truly creative." Zack sat up, his eyes wide. "Really?" "In your dreams, young man. In your dreams. "

Zack greeted the accompanying laughter with looks of scorn and payback. "Just kidding, Zack," Mr. Johnson said, smiling. "At least you wrote your own. Just keep in mind you can't make a reader read. Try to begin with something interesting so the reader will want to read. And speaking of writing your own."

Mr. Johnson stood in front of his desk, his arms folded across his chest. "Some of you went away thinking you were supposed to find examples instead of writing your own. And so I get hooks like this." He held up a paper and began to read out loud:

"One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that in his bed he had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug. So, shrewd students of mine, if you handed in a sample like this or anything else stolen from another writer that's a big fat F."

Jessica tried to look down, away from her brother, but she wasn't quick enough to escape the wink and slow grin spreading across his face.

In a sentence or two, what do you remember about this story? Is the episode itself an example of the writing technique it describes? If so, can you identify the text or dialogue that illustrates the hook?

Could you adapt this story to a one-act theater script? Give it a try. No Apple for This Robot

"A robot?" Jessica asked. "A robot." Mr. Johnson said, nodding. "And," James added, "it’s supposed to be able to teach a class." "That’s what they say," Mr. Johnson said, sighing. "I could be out of a job before you know it, so I want you two to check it out. It’s on display in booth 874 at the robotics trade show in the Midland Hotel. Go down there and see what it can do."

"What should we ask it?" Jessica said. "Ask it about point of view. We’ll be talking about that in class soon." That afternoon, James and Jessica took the city bus to a stop near the hotel. As she stepped off the bus, Jessica pointed to a sign near the hotel entrance door:

International Robotics Consortium, Kennedy Convention Hall.

"This is it," she said. "C’mon." Inside, James and his sister walked down isles displaying a variety of robotic systems and equipment. "There it is," James said, pointing to a booth with flashing lights and a robot with its mouth opening and closing as it welcomed visitors with a monotone, metallic voice. Hesitant and a little intimidated by the looming silver figure before her, Jessica held her up her hand and waved a subtle wave. "Hi. We’d like to ask you a question if you don’t mind." The robot began to sway back and forth, its shiny arms outstretched as it spoke:

"Two in my booth Looks like youth Got no stylin’ But I’m freestylin’ Know what I’m sayin’ For some WD-40 I’m a-prayin' "

James looked at Jessica with total surprise in his eyes. "Can you believe it?" he said. " The teacher is a hip-hop robot." "We’ll see just how hip it is," Jessica said, looking the robot in the eye. "Mr. Robot, we need to know about point of view. You know, in writing."

"Wait," James said. "Before you answer I have a question." The robot turned toward James and smiled.

"Put it on me young man ‘Cause answer I can I’m just what I seem The ultimate answer machine."

"Do you know Ludwig von Mayonaze?" James asked. "Now that’s amazin’ This long-name Mayonazin’ No need to feud Nevah heard of the dude"

"Whew!" James said, smiling. "Thank you." "So," Jessica said, "about point of view?" The robot clanged one leg over the other and put a finger to its chin.

"First, second, and third it be Person that is you see Hey I’m ready to show What it be you want to know"

"Well," Jessica said, looking at James for help. "Okay, what’s first person?" The robot twirled around, flashed its silver eyes, and held up one finger.

"Be sure to use the I That will get you by And throw in a we That’ll help your reader see Write me something and put it in my mouth You’ll get back a sample of first person no doubt"

Puzzled by the robot’s instruction, Jessica looked at James and shrugged her shoulders. James handed her a piece of paper and a pencil. "Go ahead," he said. "Do it. Write something. Let’s see what happens."

Jessica thought for a moment, then jotted a few sentences and slid the paper into the robot’s mouth. Orange and blue lights flashed inside the robot’s head as it vibrated and shook. In only a minute the slip of paper came back out. Jessica pulled it from the robot’s mouth and read:

I have a brother named James. We go to the same school and we’re in the same language arts class. I don’t like some of the silly music he plays but he’s okay as far as brothers go.

"Okay," Jessica said. "I think I understand." "Okay, you bucket of bolts," James said. "I’ve got a question. How about second person?" The robot winked, opened its mouth, and swayed back and forth again.

"Well I reckon It’s all about second That means it’s all about you And all about your You talkin’ to me they say Yah I’m talkin’ to you people Talkin’ to you" James wrote down some thoughts about his sister and slid his slip of paper into the robot’s mouth. When the paper came back, James grabbed it and held it away from Jessica while he read:

You wouldn’t believe the greasy stuff my sister puts on her face. If you don’t believe me, just stop by my house late at night and you’ll see. She’s okay, though, for a big sis. You’d like her.

Jessica reached for the slip of paper. "Let me see, What did you write?" "None of your business, hands off." The robot started swaying back and forth again, its hands making circles in the air and its head rocking up and down. "One last question," Jessica said. "About third person." The robot keep swaying while punching the air with its right hand.

"Let me give you the word This time it’s all about third So listen to my bit It’s all about he she they and it Got no you’s Got no I’s Now show me your slip and give me some highs" Jessica started writing, not knowing what to say, then decided on a few thoughts about school. She put the paper in the robot’s mouth and waited. In a moment, the paper came back out. As she read the example, Jessica began to chuckle.

James and Jessica Davis are students at Midland School. James cannot understand why his sister puts grease on her face. He thinks it is silly. Jessica cannot understand why her brother listens to kooky music.

"Okay," Jessica said, "You’ve helped us a lot on the point of view question. So, I guess we’ll leave now." "I’ve got one last thing," James said, writing on a new slip of paper. He slipped in into the robot’s mouth and waited. For a moment, the robot stood silent, motionless, then suddenly began to flail and shake and rock back and forth, its lights flashing and its alarm bells ringing.

"Let’s get out of here," James said, pulling his sister toward the door. "What did you tell it?" "Mr. Johnson told me to," James said. "Told you what?" "He told me to tell the robot to blow itself up."

# Should point of view be part of your planning?

Is it okay for a writer to switch from one point of view to another?

What is the most common point of view in academic writing? Zack’s Tussle With Tone

On his way of out of Mr. Johnson’s language arts class, Zack Wilson caught up with Jessica. "Hey Jessica," he said, walking close to her so he could whisper. "I want you to help me with something." Jessica was silent for a moment, searching for the right words.

"We’re supposed to do our own writing, Zack. Mr. Johnson would know—" "No," Zack said, interrupting, "it’s not for class. It’s for me. I need you to look at something I wrote and tell me if it’s okay." "Sounds like you’re demanding that I help you. Am I right?" "What?" Zack said, "what do you mean, demanding?" Jessica began to walk faster.

"First you say you want me to do something," Jessica said, noticing that her voice was taking on a slight edge. "Then you say need me to do something. Don’t you think you should ask?" "Well," Zack said, a touch of sarcasm in his voice, "pardon me for not asking. I didn’t know you’d take it that way."

Jessica stopped walking and looked at Zack. "How you say something gives your attitude away," she said, remembering what Mr. Johnson had said about tone, in both speaking and writing—what we say and how we say it reveals the writer's attitude toward both the subject and the reader.

"I just didn’t like your tone," Jessica said. "It made me feel like I was your slave or something." "Sorry, can we start over?" Jessica thought for a moment, trying to decide whether to just say no and keep walking or try to help Zack with whatever he was writing. He was a loner, she knew, and probably had trouble talking to people. And although his attitude was typically ho-hum in class, he appeared this time to be genuinely interested in getting something right.

"Okay," Jessica said, "what is it you’re writing?" Zack handed Jessica his phone with a text message on the screen:

I got to find a date for the Christmas party. Somebody said to ask you.

Jessica read the message and chuckled. "I’m going with Jeremy, but thanks anyway." "Not you," Zack said. "Sheila. The message is for her." "Who?" "Sheila Morgan." "The transfer with the poofy blonde hair?" Jessica asked. "Yep, she’s the one," Zack said, growing more impatient. "So what about the invite? Is it okay?"

"Well," Jessica said, looking at the text again, "I doubt she’ll accept, not the way you’ve got it worded." "And why not?" "First, it's I've got, not I got, and you might as well add, because I couldn't care less." Zack grabbed his phone back and said, "What do you mean, couldn't care less?" Jessica walked to a bench and motioned for the two of them to sit down.

"Can’t you see how cold you are with that message?" she said. "It's a mix of desperation and ho- hum." Zack looked down at the ground and shook his head.

"First of all," Jessica said, "you’re not actually asking her. Why don’t you try just asking her?" "Okay," Zack said, punching in a new text. "How about this:"

I’m going to the Christmas party tomorrow. Want to tag along?

Jessica looked at the new message and shook her head. "Tag along? She’s not a puppy, Zack." "Well, I don’t know what you want," Zack said. "This is getting silly." Jessica sensed Zack’s frustration and smiled. "Okay," she said. "Think about sending her a simple polite invitation and see what happens—and be positive." Zack thought for a moment, looked around, closed his eyes, and punched in a new text and hit Send." "Let me see," Jessica said. "No! It’s my invitation and I’ve got to go with it." Jessica remembered the day Mr. Johnson put some examples of tone on the board. "I think you were absent the day we did some exercises about tone," she said. "The one I remember most was the one about the different ways you can thank someone, like at the end of a letter." Jessica took out a tablet and began to write.

"Why hasn’t she answered?" Zack said, looking around to see if Sheila might be near. "Patience," Jessica said. pointing to what she had written. "Here’s what Mr. Johnson wrote on the board that day about how readers can sense your tone even in the way you thank somebody like in an email."

"Thanks"... reader sees you as matter of fact, casual, ho-hum "Thank you"... more personable, pleasant "Thank you so very much"... sincere, appreciative "Thanks a lot!"... emphatic or, possibly, sarcastic

"See the difference?" she asked. "And how about if you walked up to Mr. Johnson’s desk and he said, 'What do you want, Wilson?' How would you feel?" Zack thought for a moment. "Like I was a pain and he didn’t want me there."

"Exactly," Jessica said, "but what if he said, 'Good morning, Zack, what can I do for you?' " "Like he was okay with me being there. I think I see what you mean about this tone thing." Jessica noticed that as Zack talked he kept looking down at his phone. And, once again, she tried to offer a distraction.

"Now, what if Sheila answers your invitation with something like 'I guess, whatever.' " "Hmm," Zack said. "I’d want to text her back with something like 'Don’t do me any favors, girl.' " "Of course you would," Jessica said. "In fact, I remember a whole bunch of different tone possibilities—some really subtle ones—that Mr. Johnson talked about." She held a page so Zack could see it:

ironic, serious, flippant, angry, superior, threatening, light-hearted, excited, pessimistic, humorous, sarcastic, sincere, formal, casual, objective, judgmental, solemn, playful, condescending, satirical

Zack scanned the list. "Wow, I didn’t know writing could have so many attitudes." "There’s one more thing about tone I remember," Jessica said. "Something a little different. Want to hear about that one?" "Fire away, I’m game." "Okay, what would you think if Sheila wrote back:

Hi there cutey. A party would make my day. Social gatherings such as holiday celebrations lead to rewarding conversational exchanges among the attendees. "What the heck is that?" Zack said. "She’s gone mental I would think." "That’s a shift in tone," Jessica said. "Whoa, I get it. She starts out informal and chatty and switches to formal and preachy." "Exactly," Jessica said. "We need to be consistent." Just then Zack looked down at an incoming text message from Sheila. He smiled, then showed the message to Jessica:

I’d like that. Call me on my cell at 645-8957.

Zack stood up, shook Jessica’s hand, and started to walk away. "Oh, Zack," Jessica called out. "By the way, what did your invitation say?" Zack kept walking but looked back over his shoulder. "It said would you like to go to the Christmas party with me tomorrow." "Perfect," Jessica said, smiling. As they both walked on, Jessica was sure she could hear Zack whistling.

In this episode, does Zack reveal his state of mind through dialogue, behavior, or both? Indiana James and the Vex of Voice

"Look," Jessica said, "here's some folders from your language arts class. Some of Granddad's, too." After weeks of putting it off, Jessica and her grandmother decided to clean out some of the old trunks and boxes that were gathering dust in the attic. "Oh my," Geneva Davis said, "I thought he threw his away. What's that you're reading?"

"Looks like something granddad wrote about a trip you took to the Magic World theme park." Geneva smiled through granny glasses. "We had such fun, and we rode that ride I remember." "Huh?" "Indiana James," Geneva said. "After that trip our language arts teacher used to call your grandfather Indiana James." "Gramma, you're losing me." "When we got back home your grandfather wrote a narrative for extra credit. Our teacher had been going on about how voice is important in what we write and we could get extra credit if we wrote something with that in mind. It's probably in his journal. Do you see it there?" Jessica flipped the pages of her granddad's journal, found the page, and read it our loud:

"Geneva and I went to Magic World theme park. We went on the Indiana Jones ride and it was fun but it almost turned out rotten because of all the kids that cry and spill things. They can be a pain. Anyway, it was okay. There were some creepy things to see."

"Well," Geneva said, "your grandfather was vexed by the whole voice thing and was not happy, especially when the teacher told him to go over the instructions and do it again. The instructions should be there in his journal." Jessica flipped through more pages and found the instructions:

1. See the world and everything in it through your own eyes, no one else's. Get into your story. Make it your own. 2. Stay away from clichés. Don't say "dry as a bone" or "outside the box" or anything else that's been said a trillion times. 3. Don't write trying to remember all the grammar rules somebody pounded into your brain a long time ago. Write with your heart and your imagination. Fix grammar goofs in your rewrite. 4. If you're not interested, find or create an interest before you write. Good writing happens when the writer is excited about the writing. 5. Don't put it off. Give yourself time to get it right.

"So, did granddad write another version?" "Well, he didn't want to but I kept after him. It should be in there along with the other stuff." Jessica kept turning pages. "Here it is," she said, reading it aloud:

"I was ready for the dullest day of my life. The kids at the Magic World theme park would probably spoil it, with their screaming and crying. Little did I know that my attitude would change when Geneva and I boarded the Indiana Jone's ride. Sitting in the first car, we had a perfect view of the creatures, the spiders, the snakes, and Indiana's whip as he snapped guns and knives from the hands of ugly villains. It was make believe, of course, but I enjoyed it from Indiana's first heroic act to the last."

"That's so much better," Jessica said. "I'm not sure I know why but it sure is more interesting." "And the teacher actually liked it," Geneva said, "and gave him a good grade as I recall." "Granddad James must have looked to you a lot," Jessica said, "for help, I mean." "Sometimes, but I had my own problems with voice." "Really?" Geneva reached into the box of papers and searched for her own journal, the one she remembered starting in the sixth grade. "Here it is. Take a look at my first essay. I got marked down on voice, too." Jessica took the journal and read the first paragraph:

"The great pyramid is four hundred eighty feet tall. It weighs six million tons. Every year eight million people come to see it. No one knows how it was built because it is a mystery. It has tunnels and a lot of rooms inside."

"I see what you mean," Jessica said. "I think." "Our teacher said it didn't sound like me, or anyone for that matter. He said it sounded like a monotone robot. No life, he said. No personality. No originality. No flow. Not interesting at all. I remember him saying that it arrived on his desk DOA."

"Did you get a chance to do it over?" Jessica asked. "Yes. I studied the notes James had and I kept thinking about what the teacher said about sounding like me. There was no me in it, he kept saying. No me." Geneva pointed to her notebook. "Look on the next page there, that's how I began the second version." Jessica found the paragraph and read it aloud:

"It stands four hundred eighty feet high, weighs approximately six million tons, and attracts eight million visitors a year. What is it? A mountain, a monument? No, it is the great pyramid, Khufu, whose design and construction continues to mystify experts around the world."

"Wow, that really is a lot better, isn't it?" "I remember something else our teacher told us," Geneva said. "He said the ultimate goal in writing is to have someone look at one of your stories—one that didn't have your name on it— and say, 'Only you could have written that. It's so you.' "

The sun was going down, and Jessica thought it best to help her grandmother out of the attic before it got dark. As they walked toward the door, Jessica saw a Navy blue beret hanging on a nail. She put it on, made a goofy face, and did a little tap dance. "You should keep that," Geneva said, winking. "It's sooo you."

When Jessica got back to her room, she stood in front of her dresser mirror and adjusted the angle of the beret. Suddenly she had an idea. What if she handed in her next writing assignment without her name on it? Would Mr. Johnson be able to recognize it as her's? After all, she thought, pleased with what she saw in the mirror, I want my writing to be sooooo me.

How should you make sure your writing is representative of your voice? The Pot, the Gold, the Rainbow

Jessica Davis was watching TV and her brother James was playing a favorite video game when Police Chief Harold Hopkins rang the doorbell. Following a brief bit of squabbling over who would answer the door, James gave in. "Are you James Davis?" Chief Hopkins said. "Yes," James said, turning back to see if Jessica had followed him. "We’ve got a problem," the chief said.

Hearing "problem," Jessica turned the TV off and went to the front door. "Do you know Carla Mangione?" Chief Hopkins said, looking at James. "Me? Yes, I know her." "So how do you know her?" "She used to be my girlfriend but I broke it off two weeks ago." "She goes to our school," Jessica said. "Is something wrong?" "I would say so," Chief Hopkins said. "She’s climbed up the city water tower and won’t come down until James here writes her a"—he glanced down at a notepad—"a love poem."

"A love poem?" James said, his jaw dropping little by little. "How can I do that? I don’t love her. I don’t even like her anymore." "Well, you better pretend you do for now," the chief said. "Looks like she’s still got a thing for you and we have to get her down before she hurts herself. We need your help now." On the verge of panic, James stood with his mouth open. Jessica put her hand on her brother’s shoulder and reassured the chief that James would write the poem. "Call me on my cell," the chief said, handing Jessica the number.

James closed the door and took a deep breath. "Wow, I had no idea she still cared." Jessica pushed her brother toward the stairs. "Never mind that now," she said. "Go write the poem. And remember, be convincing. Make her feel like you’re madly in love with her, okay?" "But I’m not!" James shouted from the top of the stairs. "Pretend you are! We’ve got to get her down first."

James went to his room, took a piece of paper and a pen from his backpack, and flopped on the bed. Love poem, wow, he thought. Where do I start. How do I start? He held the pen close to the paper, trying to think of how to start, then tried moving the pen around in little circles, but no words came to mind. Then he remembered something Mr. Johnson told him:

Don’t just sit here, staring at the paper, waiting for some magic genie to show up with a bunch of words. Put words on the page, something, just to get your brain and your hand moving, even if you have to start writing something like I don’t know what to write about. You won’t know what you want to say until you try to say it. One good first step is to figure out what you're trying to do. What do you want to accomplish, then write it down and put it where you'll keep seeing it as you write. Don't forget your plan! Okay, James thought. Purpose is to make Carla think she’s the love of my life. Ugghh. Makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. But got to help get her down. So, now what? What do I start writing about? My brain is in lockdown mode, nothing getting through. Maybe I could start by writing why I started out liking Carla. I could try that, then maybe something would come to me. And I’m not supposed to worry about whether it makes any sense or not. And not to worry about grammar or punctuation either, none of that stuff. Just let thoughts and feelings flow.

I remember something else. Write down words or phrases. Don’t try to write finished sentences. Just dump words on the page, and let them trigger ideas. Let’s see. Maybe use what Mr. Johnson called a mind map or a cluster. Draw a circle, put my topic in the circle, then draw lines out to other circles and put in words that have something to do with the topic. Let me try that….

Noting the time, Jessica went upstairs to James's room and knocked. "What are you doing?" she said. "Are you writing?" "Leave me alone, you’re messing up my train of thought." Jessica shook her head and went back downstairs.

Let’s see, where was I. Oh, that other thing Mr. Johnson talked about, visualization. Picture something in my head then write down what I see. That’s the way a lot of poets and fiction writers do it. They create pictures in their minds then describe what they see. Maybe for Carla, I could imagine flowers? Smiley face? A valentine? A throbbing heart? A rainbow? I think I’ll try a rainbow. Yes, I can see Carla standing by a rainbow. That’s one way to get started. What else?

Then there's the one about switching to a different medium. If I’m writing on a computer, try writing with pen and paper or vice versa. Okay. What else? If I’m stuck at the beginning, try writing the ending or even the middle.

I might even go somewhere. I could go out on the front porch or the back porch or the back yard. I could even go to a park and sit on a bench. Sometimes changing my surroundings can help generate ideas. Or I could just take a break and do something totally different. Might even listen to a CD. Sometimes ideas pop into the head when you’re doing something completely unrelated. I'm running out of time. I'm going with the end of the rainbow idea.

Jessica went to the foot of the stairs and listened. "Is that a video game I hear going on up there!" "I’m taking a break!" James yelled back. "Giving my brain a rest." "You don’t have time to rest. You better get busy."

After twenty minutes James ran out of his room, poem in hand. "I’ve got it!" he shouted, running down the stairs. "Call the chief!" When Chief Hopkins pulled up in front of the house, Jessica ran to the front porch while James ran to the patrol car and shoved the paper through the open window. "Thanks, young man," Chief Hopkins said. "Let’s hope this does the trick." On her way back inside, Jessica said, "You didn’t let me read it." "Wasn’t for you," James said. "Besides, you’d laugh." "Wouldn’t either," Jessica said, grinning. "You just don’t want me to see your luvvvvv poem." Jessica returned to the couch and the TV while James tried to distract himself with another video game. Fifteen minutes went by, then another fifteen, then another. James dropped the video controller when he heard the patrol car pull up outside. "The chief’s here," he said. Jessica jumped up and ran to the porch.

"It’s over," the chief said. "Looks like it was all a hoax, some kind of girl’s club initiation. They were all laughing when I left." "An initiation?" James said. "You mean she never really wanted my poem?" "Guess not. Oh, do you want to keep this?" "What is it?" James said, looking at the wad of paper in the chief’s hand. "I found it on the street. I think it’s your poem." "Really?" James said, taking the wad of paper.

"Can I see it?" Jessica said. "Maybe I’ll appreciate it even if Carla doesn’t." James handed it to Jessica and watched her read, his brow furrowing when he noticed that she was holding one hand over mouth, trying to stifle a chuckle. "Don't you dare laugh," he said. "Don't you dare."

"This is the poem?" she said, laughing as she read the first line out loud: "You’re my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. My pot? She's your POT?" "Shut up," James said. "Just shut up."

Now that you've finished reading this episode, do you feel anything for the characters?

Here's one you could convert to a script! Students could play James, Jessica, and the chief. Going Up

When their elevator lurched suddenly between floors, James and Jessica Davis looked at each other, their eyes wide and their mouths open. They grabbed the railing behind them and waited for the elevator to continue moving down. But it didn't. After several vibrations and metallic squeaks, the elevator stopped, stuck between the 4th and 5th floors.

"We're stuck," James said. "Can you believe it. We're stuck between floors." "Push the emergency button," Jessica said. James reached out and pushed the button three times. "It's no use. All the lights are out. The power must be off."

Jessica braced herself against the side of the elevator and looked up at the ceiling. "What if it breaks loose and we fall? Maybe you should crawl out and find help?" "What! Are you nuts. We're in a shaft. Just where do you expect me to crawl to?"

James studied the panel showing all the floor numbers and buttons. To the right of the numbers he saw a tiny door marked Emergency Telephone. "Here we go," he said. "An emergency phone." "But the power's out," Jessica said. "It won't work." "Phones aren't connected to power. It'll work."

James pushed the Talk button and said, "We need help. The elevator is stuck." In a moment, a monotone voice came over a tiny speaker next to the phone:

Please stand by. We are aware of your emergency and are working to correct the problem.

"Can you believe it," James said, jamming the phone back inside the little door. "We're stuck and I get a recording. I am definitely going to write a scathing letter to the maintenance supervisor about this." "Scathing?" Jessica asked, frowning. "Yah, scathing. Cool word, huh? I heard it on TV and looked it up." "You go little brother, let 'em have it."

James began to search his backpack, looking for his notebook. "You know, the maintenance supervisor should get fired for this. I'm writing to the mayor instead." "Absolutely," Jessica said. "Let's teach that supervisor a lesson." James pulled his notebook from his backpack and sat down in the corner of the elevator. "You still have that thing Mr. Johnson wrote about how to structure a paragraph?" Jessica rummaged through her backpack. "Here it is." James reached for the notebook and read the paragraph:

A paragraph can be structured in different ways, but the most common for schoolwork is a three-part structure. The paragraph begins with a topic sentence that tells the reader what the paragraph will be about. The topic sentence is then followed by a number of paragraphs that expand on the topic. The third element is a sentence that brings the paragraph to a close or provides a transition to the next paragraph.

"Okay," James said. "Let me give it a try. And if you want to throw in a dig just let me know." "Will do," Jessica said, "just make sure you get your topic sentence right first, okay. Then put in some reasons why we're mad and end it with something that tells the mayor what she should do or whatever." James rolled his eyes. "Will ya just shut up and let me write."

Fifteen minutes later, James snapped his fingers and said, "Here it is. I've got it." "Let me see," Jessica said, pulling on James's notebook.

Dear Mayor: The elevator in the Midland City Museum caused me and my sister a lot of grief. She is unhappy because she does not like to get stuck between floors. I'm unhappy because I could be playing basketball or doing 360s on my BMX. This would not have happened if the elevator had been maintained on a regular basis, but it obviously it wasn't and you need to do something about it.

She handed the notebook back to James and said, "Okay, I guess, but you left out the part about firing the maintenance supervisor. Tell the mayor he needs to be fired for gross negligence." "Oh!" James said. "I forgot. And what you said is cool, gross negligence. How do you spell negligence?"

Jessica was about to sit down when she felt the elevator lurch once, twice, then start to move down. Lights flickered back on and the cables overhead began to hum again. James and Jessica gave each other smiles and a high five. Just then the emergency phone rang. Jessica took the phone from its cradle and pushed Talk.

"Hello," she said, hoping to hear a human on the other end. "Hello," the voice said. "Are you okay?" It was a man's voice. "Yes, we're fine. What happened?" "The building lost power for a while. We're really sorry you got stuck. And to show our appreciation, I'm going to give you a one hundred dollar gift certificate good at any store in the Midland City mall."

Jessica's eyes widened as she suddenly pictured herself trying on new dresses and shoes, then her attention shifted quickly to her brother, who was still sitting in the corner, writing and mumbling something about payback. Jessica suddenly realized that if the maintenance supervisor saw her brother's angry paragraph she could forgot about the dresses and shoes. For the moment, she was glad James could not hear the supervisor.

"You can do that?" Jessica said, almost whispering. "Do you own the building or something?" "No," the man said, "but I can make it happen because I'm the maintenance supervisor here. And you know what else? When you get here the mayor will be with me to give you your certificate." "The mayor?" Jessica said, surprised. "She's coming here just for this?" "It's an election year," the supervisor said.

"Just about finished," James said, "and it's a beauty." "You know," Jessica said. "Maybe it wasn't the supervisor's fault after all. Maybe it was a faulty cable or—" "No way," James said. "That maintenance guy is doing down—and I don't mean on an elevator."

James was still sitting on the elevator floor, making final corrections when the elevator slowed then came to a stop at the lobby level. When the doors opened, Jessica stepped out quickly, then reached back and pushed the top floor button. She pretended not to hear her brother's muffled plea to hold the door.

As promised, the maintenance supervisor and the mayor were standing by the elevator, their hands reaching out to shake Jessica's. "You are a very brave girl," the mayor said. "I second that," the supervisor said as he handed Jessica the gift certificate. "Oh thank you," she said, tucking the certificate in her purse, "but I owe it all to your quick, professional response."

Does Jessica change her mind as this story comes to a close? If so, what is the change? And do you think the change is an indication of her character, or is it a last-minute decision that she might regret later? Elephant in the Bath Tub

Language arts teacher Alex Johnson closed his book and smiled. "Have a nice weekend," he said, as he watched his students file out. "And don't forget," he added, "have your sample ready Monday." It was the last part—the ready Monday part—that caused James Davis to swallow hard. I wasn't paying attention this whole hour, he thought, and I have no idea how to do this and it has to be done by Monday. Then he saw his sister, Jessica.

"Hey there, sis," James said. "How ya be, how ya do?" Jessica was not fooled by James's jolly mood. She had seen it many times before. "So," she said, "what do you want? And don't tell me you don't want something because you always act like this when you want something."

"Nothing big, just a little help writing an introductory paragraph." "What? Like for an essay?" "Yep, my terrific sister, yep. For an essay." "I wish I could, but I just don't have the time. Not this weekend. Wait, check the bulletin board. I saw a notice there the other day about a mentor who will help you for free."

James sulked for a moment then went to the bulletin board and scanned the many cards and notices. Then he saw it:

Free mentor. Specialty introductory paragraphs. Midland Marina. Slip B12. Snacks

Later that afternoon, James boarded the city bus. Still worried about the approaching Monday deadline, he tried to distract himself by counting the buildings passing by his window. When the bus stopped near the marina, he got off and walked along the docks until he came to slip B12. "Hello, anybody home?" he said, knocking on the side of the boat.

In a moment, the mentor stepped up into the sunlight and shaded his eyes. He wore horn-rimmed glasses and blond hair tied in a ponytail. "Hey there," he said, "c'mon aboard. You must be here to learn about introductory paragraphs, right? That's the only reason anyone comes here." "Yes," James said. "I have to write one by Monday."

"No problem," the mentor said as he led James down a ladder and into the main cabin, "and you've already done all the pre-writing, yes? The whole planning thing, right?" "Yes, I've done all that," James said, "you sure seem familiar. Have we met?"

"Don't think so," the mentor said. "Maybe, I don't remember, Anyway, let's get down to business. We can talk about thesis sentences in a bit, but you know the first two ingredients of an intro paragraph, right?" "Nope," James said, "that's why I'm here." "Okay," the mentor said. "First, you want an opening paragraph that your reader finds interesting, so they will want to read more. And, unless you're telling a mystery story, you need to let the reader know what your essay is going to describe or prove or whatever. Got it?" "I think I know that already. I need some ideas on how to write it."

The mentor reached down to a cooler and pulled out a plate of frozen buffalo ears. "Want some?" he said, holding out the plate. "No thanks," James said, as his memory continued searching: where have I met this person before?

"Okay," the mentor said, "give me a subject or a topic. Something going on at your school, maybe, and I'll show you some possible intro paragraphs." James thought for a moment. "A lot of students get lost trying to find the right classroom at the beginning of their first year," he said, "and some schools are trying to solve the problem."

"Okay, that will work," the mentor said, reaching for a pen and paper. "Let's see...I'm just going to make up something that uses a little humor to grab your reader's interest." James waited for the mentor to finish then reached for the paper and read:

The teacher looked at the seventh grader and asked, "Do you know where you are?" "Math?" the student said, prompting others to laugh. "Guess again," the teacher said. The student, beginning her first year in the seventh grade, wound up in the wrong classroom. According to official state records, more than half of students trying to make the transition from elementary school to higher grades have problems trying to find the right classrooms. Recognizing the problem, teachers and returning students have created a variety of innovative solutions.

"Okay," James said, "although I don't think something funny is right for this subject. Some students actually break out in a sweat."

"Ahh, all right. Let's try another one. Here's one that opens with a surprising statement or bit of interesting detail, something to 'hook' your reader." The mentor wrote on another piece of paper and handed it to James:

No one knew why the sixth grader fainted in the hallway, not until her teacher asked her later. "I couldn't find my classroom," the girl said," and I had an anxiety attack." Few students new to a new school go through such frightening moments when they get lost in hallways, but getting lost happens more often than people realize. One school reported that more than half of the students became severely anxious when trying to find their way around the school. Recognizing that such problems affect learning, teachers and students are creating ways to help students.

"What do you think?" the mentor said, crossing his legs. Just then James noticed the mentor's green sandals. His jaw dropping, James sat up straight and pointed a finger. "It's you!" he shouted, suddenly remembering the day in the cave. "Well, yes it's me, but who is me?" "You're Ludwig von Mayonaze!" James said, remembering the day he and Jessica trudged up the mountain to the cave and all that disgusting food. "Ahh," Ludwig said, "you found me out. But don't tell anybody I'm here, okay? It's an FBI thing, you know. Got to lay low for a while."

"I've got to get home," James said—nervous now that he was again in the company of someone he thought to be a complete nut case—"so if you've got any more examples." "Sure do," Ludwig said, handing James another piece of paper. "Check this one out. You do a Web search and see if you can find a comment from a famous person that fits, maybe something like this:"

The President of the United States recently admitted that he often got lost when trying to find the right classrooms in a new school. He's not alone. Statistics show that two thirds of all new students experience the same problem. To help students, many teachers and experienced students are introducing programs to help students learn the lay of the land before the school year begins.

"Let's wrap it up with one more example," Ludwig said, "one I like to call the declarative opening, where you tell your reader what your paper is going to be about. And yep it's got a thesis sentence." James read the sample, then handed it back. "We studied the thesis stuff already," he said. "It's the elevator example." "Elevator?" Ludwig said.

"Yes, suppose you have to write an essay and you need to come up with a thesis sentence, something that tells what your topic is about and you're waiting for the elevator to stop on your floor. When it does, the door opens and there's your reader, standing there looking at you. You know the door is going to close in a few seconds, and you want to summarize your topic in one sentence before the door closes. What would you say—in one or two sentences? That's your thesis." "All that for a thesis sentence?" Ludwig asked.

James climbed the ladder and into the bright sunlight. "You know what?" he said, glancing back at Ludwig, "you need to get a real job." "Come back anytime," Ludwig shouted, waving. "We'll barbecue some rattle snake tongues!"

Back on the bus, James worked on his thesis sentence and his introductory paragraph. When he got home, he found Jessica curled up on the couch, reading a novel. "How'd it go with the mentor?" she asked. "Okay, here, check out my thesis. Cool, huh?" "Nice job brother of mine," Jessica said, smiling as she began to read:

According to a recent survey conducted by the American Teachers Association, many elementary school teachers are discovering ways to help students overcome the frustration of trying to find new classrooms when they move up. One solution has been created at Midland School, where teachers and seventh-graders have introduced solutions to help new students get their bearings before the school year begins. The student who needs the most help is Jessica Davis, who couldn't find an elephant in a bath tub.

Biting her lip, Jessica wadded the paper and threw it at James. "You turn that in Monday and I will make you pay." "Sorry sis," James said, laughing as he walked away. "I just don't have time to listen. By the way, remind me later to tell you who the mentor was."

What function do paragraphs have? Can you name the various elements of good paragraphs? Like the message brought out in the episode, Babies Mess Easily, is there often a two- and sometimes three-part organization to good paragraphs? Whose Revenge is This, Anyway?

Jessica didn't know why, but she realized that she was thinking a lot about the times her brother had mocked or made fun of her, like the day he asked her to help him write an introductory paragraph and he put in that remark about the elephant in a bathtub. So, when James asked her to help him write a concluding paragraph, she saw the request as a perfect opportunity for a little Jessica-style payback.

James found his sister in their living room, going over a recipe for chocolate chip cookies. "Hey sis, you're good at this sort of thing. How about helping me write a conclusion for my essay?" Jessica thought for a moment, then said, "Sure, little brother, sure. Anything to help my super duper brother." "Wow, you're in a good mood today." "I'm sure I owe you a favor," Jessica said, her smile hiding a mischievous intent.

"Great," James said, sliding onto his favorite overstuffed chair while Jessica curled up on the couch and watched her brother sort through a handful of papers. "Do you still have your introductory paragraph," Jessica asked. "Yep, got it right here." Jessica asked to see it, then began to read:

According to a recent survey conducted by the American Teachers Association, many students in middle level grades have trouble finding the different classrooms they have to go to throughout the day. The research describes a variety of solutions created by teachers and school officials, but excludes informal research carried out by returning students. To create a greater variety of potential solutions, student suggestions should be included.

"You're still writing about the kids getting lost, huh?" "Uhh, yah," James said, "and as you can see I revised it a little." "Glad you did," Jessica said, remembering James's dig about the elephant in the bathtub when they worked on his introductory paragraph.

Jessica scooted to the edge of the couch and handed the paragraph back to James. "I'm going to ask you some questions," she said, "okay?" "Go for it." "You're not going to just restate your thesis sentence, right?" "Okay, I won't. But I will expand on it. What else?" "And you're not going to add anything new that you haven't mentioned in your essay, right?" Never a fan of writing, James began to squirm.

"Okay," James said, "you've given me a lot of don'ts. How about some do's?" "I was coming to that," Jessica said. James was having trouble concentrating. I think I'll go to the mall tomorrow, he thought. Maybe Lisa will be there.

"So," Jessica said, "what do you want your conclusion to do?" "Don't have a clue. You tell me." "It depends on the kind of essay you're writing, of course, but you want your closing to urge readers to take some kind of action, or change their mind about something, or give them something to think about." "Sounds hard," James said.

"Not really," Jessica said. "Remember, your reader started out not knowing anything about your topic. You had to get their attention and then lead them into your thesis and your research, right? Well, by the time the reader gets to your conclusion, they've learned a lot about your subject. So, now you can state your opinion or make suggestions or whatever you want to say as any ending, knowing that your reader knows more now than they did when they first started reading. Get it?"

James thought for a moment and nodded. "So I could propose some kind of action or offer a solution to something...or maybe talk about further study or research. Maybe even end it with a quotation or a thought-provoking question." "Absolutely," Jessica said.

"Okay," James said. "Let me try one." Jessica smiled her sweet smile again and said, "You go, bro. And let me know when you've got it. I'm going to make some cookies." Is HE going to be shocked, she thought, giggling. "My turn to lick the spoon!" James shouted.

Fifteen minutes later, James called out, "I've got one!" "Just a second. Let me put these in the oven." Back on the couch, Jessica took the notebook and started to read. "Remember," James said, "I kept my intro paragraph next to me just to make sure it tracked with my conclusion." "Good, that's always a good idea. Now let me read." Today, the problem continues to grow but so do the number and kinds of solutions. Students at Midland School, for example, now look for solutions created not only by the faculty and administration, but also by experienced students who have found their own ways to avoid the embarrassment of ending up in the wrong classrooms. When both students and teachers share solutions, the problem of students getting lost is sure to diminish over time.

"Good," Jessica said, "that looks okay, but—" "But what? What's wrong?" "It just needs a touch of detail to give it some authenticity, especially since you did your research at our school." "Okay, so what should I say?" "Here, let me add a little something."

James waited impatiently, as usual, then took the notebook back and read Jessica's edit. "Wow! That's cool. Thanks, sis." "Anytime, little brother, anytime."

The next day, James was sitting at his favorite table in the Midland City mall food court, next to Pizza-Plenty, when Jeremy Taylor walked up and sat down. "That smells good," he said, pointing to James's slice of pizza. "Yo," James said, "go ahead, have a bite."

"Watcha writing?" Jeremy said, looking at the notebook on the table. "It's my essay for Mr. Johnson. Got yours done?" "Nope, still working on it. Lemme see yours." "I was having some trouble with the final paragraph," James said, "but my sister helped. I haven't read it yet, but what do you think?" Jeremy held the notebook in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other as he read the final paragraph:

Today, the problem continues to grow but so do the number and kinds of solutions. Students at Midland School, like doofus James Davis, now look not only to teachers for solutions created by the staff and administration, but also to experienced students who have found their own ways to avoid the embarrassment of ending up in the wrong classroom. When both students and teachers join to help, the problem of students getting lost is sure to diminish over time. "I see you put your name in here?" Jeremy said. "I don't think you're supposed to do that in an essay." "Well, Jessica added that because she said it needed more detail." "Did you read all of this?" Jeremy said. "She calls you a doofus." "Hmm. Well, I don't know what that means but it must be something cool, huh?" "Uh, not really." "What not really?" "Promise you won't get all freaky and start throwing things?" "Of course not. What are you talking about?" "Well, a doofus is a stupid fool, a real knucklehead."

"No way!" James said. "Really?" "Really." James grabbed his notebook and jammed it in his backpack. "You're not thinking revenge, are you?" Jeremy said. "Revenge? Me revenge? Nahhh. Never in a million years."

Can you identify a variety of emotional levels or behaviors in this episode? If so, name the text or dialogue that supports your answer. James Accepts a Challenge

Hearing his teacher announce a challenge, James Davis grinned. He had always liked a challenge, even though this one was about language arts and not basketball. He sat up and listened as Alex Johnson explained the rules: "I’m going to give you a little story about going to the mall, a story that has some grammar mistakes in it, ok? Your challenge is to find those mistakes. Understood? Any questions?"

From the back of the room came an expected response from Zack Wilson, the one "thorn," as James called him, in the class. "And what if we don’t catch these mistakes. You going to fail us?" Mr. Johnson bowed his head for a moment, then looked up.

"No, Zack," he said, "I’m not going to fail you. Are you going to take part in this or are you going to do what you usually do—stare out the window?" Zack smirked and slumped down in his chair.

Mr. Johnson walked around the room, handing papers to everyone. "I’ll even tell you what mistakes to look for, ok? That ought to help you a little. And, by the way, anyone who spots all mistakes doesn’t have to take the next pop quiz, ok?" Mr. Johnson handed the last paper to James and walked back to the front of the room.

"I’m giving you twenty minutes to see if you can spot all the mistakes, ok? When you find them, we can talk about how to fix them. You’re going to be looking for comma splice, sentence fragment, subject-verb agreement, dangling modifier, shift in person, shift in tense, and a shift in number. Ok?"

James looked down at the paper and began to read:

Kim and Marsha decided to go to the mall, their favorite outing. After all, they always went to the mall on the weekends because thats when the boys are there. Kim wanted to wear her new boots, Marsha wanted to wear her new jacket. Her really new red jacket. She wanted to stand out among her friends. "All my friends want to be a mall star," she always said. Kim walks into the mall first, with Marsha close behind. Looking to her left, the hamburger stand Kim spotted is one of her favorite places, where they serve the best hamburgers. Marsha followed but decided not to eat. She wanted to walk around and check out the boys. The mall and the boys who go there is the only reason she goes at all. You may have your own reasons for going to a mall, but Marsha surely knew why she was going.

After they window shop for a while, Kim and Marsha decide to end the day by going to a movie.

With two minutes to spare, James held up his hand. "Ok, James," Mr. Johnson said. "You find them?" "Think so." "Ok, let’s hear them."

James called out the mistakes, then waited for Mr. Johnson’s response. "Good, James, good. Now, there’s one more mistake in there that I didn’t identify. Anyone know what it is? I’ll give you a hint. It has to do with an apostrophe."

From the back of the room, Zack held up his hand. "I know," he said. Mr. Johnson looked at Zack and smiled. "Well, glad to see you actually think about something besides cars, girls, and cheeseburgers."

Can you find the mistakes, including the one Zack found? It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s…DM?

A man in a blue windbreaker looked up, pointed, and said, "Is that someone dangling from that ledge up there?"

Other people walking in front of the Midland City Bank building stopped and looked up. "Yes, there is something dangling up there," a pizza delivery man said. "I think it’s an animal," one onlooker said. "It’s an animal that got trapped up there." One young boy said, "Maybe it’s Superman!"

On his way to the video store, James Davis stepped off the bus and started walking when he noticed the crowd, which had now grown to twenty people, all looking up and asking questions. Curious, James joined the crowd and looked up at the mysterious figure dangling from the ledge. Its siren blaring, a Fire & Rescue truck turned everyone’s attention to the street. "Someone must have called 911," a lady said.

"I did," a man said. Standing behind the crowd, the man struck a match and lit his pipe. He had long curly hair and wore dark glasses and a black trenchcoat. James noticed how calm and matter-of-fact the man seemed. He was not even looking up, as though he knew something no one else knew. The siren grew louder as the red truck approached then turned in front of the building and stopped. Two men dressed in firemen’s uniforms jumped out. One began to send a telescoping ladder up the side of the building.

The other fireman crawled up the ladder until he reached the ledge. James watched intently, then turned to the man in the trench coat. "What is that up there?" James said. The man puffed on his pipe, paused for a moment, then said, "It’s DM." "DM?" James asked. "Yes, DM, dangling modifier, and he’s my patient. I knew right away it was DM."

The man took James by the arm and led him away from the crowd. "He’s up there moping and depressed," the man said. "because he thinks all English teachers are out to get him, you know, get rid of him once and for all." "Oh wow," James said. "That’s really weird." The crowd, growing increasingly anxious, moved closer as the fireman tried to reach DM. "When he first came to me about a week ago," the man said, he sat in my office and said, "Knowing my problem, the books you have here could help me."

"I told him that what he just said was a dangle, but not to worry. There is a cure. So I told him about the dangle flaw and how to fix it. I told him to think about what he had said, starting with 'Knowing my problem, the books'…. That says the books know the problem, but that’s not who knows the problem, is it? It’s the 'you' in the sentence that knows the problem, right?" James thought for a moment, then said, "So, it really should be, 'Knowing my problem, you probably have books here that could help me.' " "Yes!" The man said. "That’s it. So, once he fixed it, like you just did, I sent him on his merry way, but it looks like he relapsed, poor soul. We just have to keep an eye out for these dangling modifiers. Oh, plus he didn’t pay last time." The man tapped his pipe against a nearby fire hydrant. "I’ll have to remind my nurse to send him a bill," he said, grinning. "By the way, I’m doctor Izzy Curious, psychiatrist at your service."

James looked up one last time and saw the fireman grab DM and help it down the ladder. Later that day, James joined his sister in the kitchen. "Guess what I saw today?" James said. "Big foot," Jessica said. "No." "That crazy girl in math who keeps trying to spit on you?" "No," James said. "I saw a dangling modifier on the bank building." "A dangling modifier?" Jessica said, trying to suppress a giggle. "Little brother, you need to stop watching that sci-fi channel." When she began to laugh, James threw an oven mitt at her but missed. "With such a lousy aim," Jessica said, "that mitt didn’t even come close." "Aha!" James said, "There! You just dangled!"

When looking for dangling modifiers in your own writing, what word or words should you look at first?

Are the following modifiers dangling? "His hat on sideways and his eyes shut, Zack looked like he was asleep." If Only

James Davis handed his notes to Jessica and said, "Tell me if I got this right." "It’s normal to be nervous," Jessica said, noticing her brother’s anxiety. "I know, but still…."

The next morning, at five minutes past eight, students in Mr. Johnson’s language arts class sat down wondering if today would be another one of those embarrassing days of messed-up shows and tells. Mr. Johnson looked back and forth across the room and announced, "Okay, let’s get started with the presentation assignment I gave you. Who’s ready?" He looked around the room again, finally noticing James slumping in his seat. "James, we haven’t heard from you in a while. C’mon up."

His heart beating faster, his hands trembling, James picked up his notes and walked to the front of the room and stood by the whiteboard. "So what’s your topic, James?" "Modifier placement?" James said, trying to clear his throat. "Are you telling me or asking me?" "Uhh, telling, I guess." "Okay, so what about modifier placement?" James turned toward the whiteboard and wrote:

He wore his brother’s coat.

James chewed his lip for a moment then glanced down at his notes. "It’s important to place modifiers as close as possible to the word or words they modify," he said, "and I‘m gong to show how the placement of just one modifier can affect the meaning of a sentence."

Mr. Johnson motioned for James to stop, then glared at Zack Wilson in the back row. "Zack? Get your head off the desk. You might learn something." Zack jerked his head up and turned toward the window, a bored smirk on his face.

Chalk in hand, James wrote the sentence five times, each time writing the word "only" in a new position:

Only he wore his brother’s coat. (meaning nobody else wore it) He only wore his brother’s coat. (meaning he didn't do anything else with it) He wore only his brother’s coat. (meaning he didn't have anything else on) He wore his only brother’s coat. (meaning he has only one brother) He wore his brother’s only coat. (meaning his brother has only one coat)

"Very good, James," Mr. Johnson said, "I think we’ll all remember this guideline." James smiled and looked over at Jessica, who was now nodding and gesturing a thumbs-up.

That afternoon, on their way home, James and Jessica sat together on the bus. "Boy am I glad that’s over," James said. "See, wasn’t so bad after all, was it?" Jessica said. "By the way, where did you get that brother coat thing?" "If you only knew, or should it be if only you knew?"

James is obviously nervous as the time of his presentation draws near. How does the author indicate James's state of mind? Through behavior, dialogue, or both? Can you identify the text and dialogue that illustrate James's feelings? Murder My Sister?

James Davis was standing at the bus stop when his sister stepped onto the front porch and shouted. "Hey! You going to the mall?" James nodded. "Would you pick me up some brown eye shadow, please?" "Sure!" James yelled back, grinning. "Got a new boyfriend, huh?" Jessica smirked and waved him off.

At the drugstore, James walked quickly down the isles, picking up a few items he wanted, then strolled toward the cosmetics counter. The saleslady greeted him with one of those toothy smiles that show little or no warmth in the eyes. "Can I help you?" "Yes," James said, "I’d like some brown eye shadow." She looked at his eyes and grinned. "For my sister," James said. "For my sister." "Ah," the lady said, "of course."

James wasn't sure why he was growing self conscious standing at the cosmetics counter, but shrugged it off and tried to smile as the saleslady held out a palette of colors. "So, what shade does she use?" "I don’t know," James said, staring at the colors. The lady held the pallet closer to James, then pointed to one brown after another. "Maybe dessert brown? Chocolate brown? Sandal brown? Sunset bro—"

"M’am," James said, holding up his hand. "You got me, okay? Let me call my sister." Having left his cell phone at home, James walked around the store looking for a pay phone but found none. A nearby clerk apparently sensed his frustration and asked, "Can I help you, sir?" When James told him he was looking for a pay phone the clerk pointed to a booth in front of the store. "Ah! Thank you." Ten minutes later James walked back into the store and back to the cosmetics counter. The saleslady had gone, so he waited. Not long after, she reappeared. "Okay," James said, "it’s sandal brown."

The lady nodded, pointed to sandal brown on the palette, and smiled that wooden smile again. "Now, would you like that in light, medium, or heavy?" "Excuse me?" James asked, gently biting his lip. "Would you like that in a light, med—" "I heard you, I don’t know. I’ll have to call my sister again." Outside at the phone booth again, James was greeted with a busy signal, then another and another. Finally, Jessica answered. Fifteen minutes later James walked back in and once again stood at the cosmetics counter. "Medium," he said, glancing at his watch. The clerk smiled and said, "Fine, now I just have one more question." James could feel his blood beginning to pick up speed. "Sure," he said, forcing a grin. "What is it now?"

"Will that be talc, cream, or liquid?"

James took a deep breath, looked down at the floor, then up at the ceiling. "Tell ya what," he said, his teeth clenched. "Just give me one of each, okay." Watching the lady put the items in a bag, James recognized a familiar thought forming in his head: I'm going to murder my sister! "Here you go," the saleslady said, "one talc, one cream, and one liquid. Is there anything else I can show you today?"

For a moment James just stood there, staring at her, trying not to scream. He threw his money on the counter, grabbed the bag, waved off the receipt, and turned to walk out. Then, somehow knowing exactly what the saleslady was going to say, James heard her voice behind him.

"You know, sir, there is a moral to this story." "Yah, I know, modifiers are important. I get it, ok?" The saleslady smiled that wooden smile again. "You can have single word modifiers and compound modifiers," she said, "and they really should be really close to the words they modify. Your teacher knows." Mumbling his sister's name, James began to run toward the bus stop. "It's been a pleasure serving you today," the saleslady yelled, still smiling.

A week later, on a sunny Saturday morning, as his sister was waiting to get on the bus, James stepped onto the porch and shouted. "Hey sis, going to the mall?" She nodded. "Will you stop by the hardware store and pick me up a wrench?" Watching her smile and nod again, James knew his revenge would be sweet. He walked back into the house and sat down by the phone, a deep, satisfying grin on his face as he thought about Jessica standing at the hardware counter. "Okay, young lady, will that be a pipe wrench, a crescent wrench, a metric wrench, a box wrench, a torque wrench, a monkey wrench...?"

The saleslady's character displays a certain attitude throughout this episode. Does her attitude have a name, and how does she reveal it? Stories often have characters that are said to be one-, two-, and three-dimentional. What dimension is the saleslady? Lights! Camera! Oops!

Jessica Davis ripped the envelope open and scanned the letter. "I won!" she yelled. "I won! I’m going to New York!"

His ears vibrating under earphones and his fingers tapping out a text message, James Davis saw his sister jumping around and pulled one earphone off.

"Got ants in your pants?" he asked. "I get to say a line on a soap opera!" Jessica said, her mind spinning with thoughts of what to wear. "Remember, I entered that contest a couple of months ago where I had to tell why I liked their shampoo." "Send me a postcard," James said, sliding the earphone back in place.

Jessica’s parents joined her in the excitement, but had reservations about her being in New York all alone. "They're meeting my flight," Jessica said," showing her parents the letter, "and they’ll be with me all the time." A day later, her mom and dad waved and smiled goodbye as Jessica boarded a jet.

Three hours later, after a lukewarm breakfast and an in-flight movie, Jessica heard the pilot announce their descent into the New York area. Soon, the plane's tires screeched onto the tarmac then rolled slowly to the gate. Jessica almost tripped twice trying to get down the isle and off the plane. Settle down, she thought, settle down.

Inside the terminal, Jessica walked slowly, looking for something safe. Suddenly she saw a young woman standing about ten feet away, chomping on a wad of gum, her arms outstretched and a happy smile on her face. "Jessica? You gottta be Jessica, right?" Jessica nodded as she looked at the woman’s pierced earlobes and eyelids, the big round earrings, and the purple hair with a pink stripe down the middle. "I’m Amy, the script supervisor. Welcome to the big apple! C’mon we’re gonna grab a cab."

In the cab, Jessica tried to listen politely as Amy rambled on about tangled traffic, her crazy roommate, and all the sorry politicians in New York. Jessica was relieved to see the big NBC studios sign approaching. "Ahh, we’re here," Amy said. "Let’s get you into makeup and wardrobe right away. We’re shooting in a couple of hours. And, by the way, don’t let the director get to you. He can get a little testy now and then." Jessica nodded okay and tried to smile again as she walked inside and into a room full of bright lights and mirrors. A young man in a white smock approached and welcomed her to the set. Jessica watched her reflection as the man hurried to finish her hair and makeup. Wow, she thought, just like Glamour Shots. Amy approached and motioned Jessica to follow. "You look fantastic," Amy said. "Let’s introduce you to the director."

Earl St. Clair Winston sat in his director’s chair, his Australian outback hat perched on the back of his head. Legs crossed and hands clasped behind his head, he smiled as Amy and Jessica approached. "Ahh, so this is our winner, Jessica Davis, right?" "Yes sir," Jessica said, suddenly nervous again as the reality of being on a real soap opera set in New York began to sink in. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a woman and a photographer walk quickly onto the set.

"Hi Jessica, I’m the marketing director for Slick ‘n’ Shine shampoo. We just need a quick photo. Big smile, ok?"

"Okay people," the director shouted. "Let’s do it. Jessica if you’ll stand right here and face the lady there who’s playing your mom. And here’s your line: ‘Mom, the team of medical examiners were here last night.’ Okay? Let’s here you say it." Jessica read the line aloud and looked around, waiting for some sort of approval or criticism. Winston nodded his approval and directed the crew on the set to take their positions. "Okay, Jessica," he said, "Let's do it for real this time. Say the line when I say action, ok?" Jessica nodded but was obviously bothered as she thought about her line. "Lights! Camera! Action!" Winston shouted.

Jessica stood still, her mouth trying to move but not moving. "Action, I said!" the director shouted. "Forget your line, Jessica?" "I’m sorry, sir, but the line is wrong." "Wrong?" Winston said, obviously annoyed by the sudden interruption. "What are you talking about?" "'Team is a collective singular," Jessica said, "like group or committee, and in this case the team members are acting in unison so you need a singular verb. Right now you’ve got a singular subject, team, and a plural verb. It’s a subject-verb agreement thing. It should be Team was here or you could say Mom, the medical examiners were here last night. That would work. Plural subject, plural verb."

Winston took a deep breath and leaned forward in his chair, obviously upset. "It’s dialogue, girl, people don’t talk good grammar." "I’m sorry," Jessica said. "Mr. Johnson might be watching." "Who!" Winston shouted, his frustration beginning to mount. "My language arts teacher." St. Clair covered his ears and stamped his foot. "Say it the way you want!" he said. "I want to get this over with."

Jessica read the line again, this time correctly, then smiled when Winston yelled "Cut, print!" Pleased with her performance, Jessica approached Winston and asked, "Do you think I might be able to do this again sometime?" Winston was silent for a moment, then looked directly into Jessica’s eyes and said, "The chances of that happening is next to zero," he said. "The chance," Jessica said, realizing that she had caught Winston in another goof. "What!" Winston yelled. "The chance," Jessica said, smiling again. "Not chances." Winston glared at her for a moment then pointed to the door. "Out! Get out!" Sitting by a window on the return flight, Jessica looked down at the green fields and winding roads. Mr. Johnson would be proud, she thought. Real proud.

In this episode and the one titled, A Kiss? A Peck? A Smooch?, Jessica sets out to change something. Does her commitment to the change reveal anything about her character?

Here's another story that can be rewritten as a script. If you and other students can write one, make note of any changes you make to character, dialogue, setting, pace, etc. Scalpel! Sponge! Semicolon!

Jessica Davis was running when the nurse stopped her with an outstretched hand. "Girl," she said, "No running in the ER."

"I need a doctor now!" Jessica said, her voice trembling. "I’ve got the patient here with me and we need a doctor right now! Please help me, nurse. Please. My name is Jessica Davis."

The nurse made a phone call then handed Jessica a form to fill out. Suddenly two male nurses came running into the waiting room. "Jessica Davis?" one of them shouted. "Jessica where are you?" Jessica held up her hand. "Give us the patient," they said in unison, "We need an x-ray then the doctor will be out to talk with you."

Jessica watched as the two nurses carried the patient down a hall toward the x-ray room. Fear was building in her stomach, and the smell of rubbing alcohol was making her nauseated. The clocks in an ER waiting room must run on turtle time, she thought. Finally, a doctor swung open the door and sat down beside her. He wore a long white smock and a stethoscope draped around his neck. Jessica saw in his eyes a look of wisdom, clarity, commitment, highlighted by a slight touch of bloodshot, obviously brought on by long hours treating patients. He spoke.

"Jessica," he began. "May I call you Jessica?" "Yes, please do." "I’m doctor Slicer, doctor Sidney Slicer, and I looked at the x-ray and it doesn’t look good." "Oh no, Tell me. I can take it, doctor Slicer." The doctor looked at the floor, then closed his eyes and said, "The patient has comma splice-a-tosis."

"Oh no," Jessica gasped. "What the dickens is that?" "I’ve called in my Harvard team," the doctor said. "They’re in the operating room as we speak. We can fix this problem, but you’ll have to put your trust in me, your doctor, Jessica." "Your name is Jessica, too?" "No, my name’s not Jessica, you idiot. "

Jessica stiffened in her chair. "No need to get ugly, doctor Slicer." "Sorry," he said, handing her another form. "Sign here." "What’s this?" Doctor Slicer looked down at the floor, then pensively out the window. "If anything goes wrong, I don’t want you to sue me." The fear raced through Jessica, making her nauseated again. "What could go wrong?" she asked. "Stay here, Jennifer. May I call you Jennifer?" "My name is Jessica." "I’ll be back when the operation is over. Keep the faith." In the operating room, doctor Slicer donned a mask and rubber gloves, then stepped up to the operating table and looked down at the patient. "So, team, what have we here?" A member of the Harvard team ventured a response. "It’s a sentence, one with a serious condition."

"A sentence?" doctor Slicer said. "What did you expect, doctor? This is a book about writing. You were expecting the Frankenstein monster, maybe?" Doctor Slicer glared at the team member. "You can stay home next time." "Fine, doctor, whatever. Can we get on with it?"

With scalpel in hand, doctor Slicer listened as the patient uttered a soft, desperate plea:

Please don’t hurt me, I am just two complete statements joined by a comma.

In the waiting room, Jessica waited and waited and waited. Finally, doctor Slicer walked back into the waiting room, his smock smudged, his hair messed about his forehead, perspiration running down his cheeks.

Then, like a kid with an all-day sucker, he smiled and gave her the news. "We did it, It’s all right now." "Was it a difficult operation?" Jessica asked. "Not really," the doctor said, polishing his fingernails on his smock. "I was rather brilliant, actually. All I did was cut out the comma and insert a semicolon. There are other ways to fix it, but we just received a donor semicolon…so, anyway, if you’re up to it, we can take a look at the cure. I’m sure the patient won’t mind." In the recovery room, doctor Slicer pulled back the sheet and revealed the surgery:

This is much better; I am no longer two complete statements joined by a comma.

"Ahh," Jessica said. "Ok, I see now – and I’ll never join two complete sentences with a comma again. Never!"

Doctor Slicer put his arm around her shoulder and walked with her to the bus stop. "Thanks, doctor, you were fantastic!" As the bus started to pull away, Jessica saw the doctor running alongside, banging on the door. When the bus suddenly stopped, Jessica ran to the open door. "What is it, doctor?" she asked. "Just one more great moment in medicine," he said, grinning. "Presentation of the bill."

# In this episode, the author departs or steps outside of the seeming reality of a scene in order to inject humor and reader interest. Can you identify the dialogue that indicates this departure?

What do you think of doctor Slicer's character? What text or dialogue helps reveal his character? The Very First Fragman

Jessica Davis turned her laptop off and leaned back in her chair. "You’re going to a what?" "A presentation on frogmen," James said. "Frogmen?" Jessica said, wrinkling her nose. "Yep, I saw it in the paper today. It’s at the Midland City Hotel this afternoon. I guess the Navy’s got something going on down there." "What do you care about frogmen?" Jessica asked. "That’s like a Navy underwater guy, right?" James detected a protective tone in his sister’s voice. "Don’t worry?" he said, "I just want to find out about it." "Mind if I go along?" Jessica said, trying to conceal her suspicion that James was about to embark on a far-fetched waste of time.

That afternoon, James and Jessica took the city bus to the corner of Main and Sycamore, one block from the hotel. In the lobby, they made their way through crowds of people wearing business clothes and name tags. James thought it a bit strange that no one was in uniform. "Where is it?" Jessica asked. "In the Madison Room," James said, leading the way past people handing out flyers and programs. "Here we are," James said.

James and Jessica sat down at a table in the middle of the room as others filed in and sat down at other tables. "I don’t see any frogmen," Jessica said. A tall man in a gray suit walked to the front of the room and stood in front of a large screen, followed by a woman who slid quietly into a chair next to a Power Point projector. "Welcome to today’s session on fragments," he said. He cued the woman to put up the first slide. Jessica looked at the title:

Bad Fragments and Some Okay Fragments

"What did he say?" James said, looking at Jessica. "He said welcome to today’s session on fragments," Jessica said, trying to stifle the urge to snicker. "Fragments, little brother, sentence fragments. Not frogmen." She reached for one of the programs on their table and scanned the table of contents. "We’re at a symposium on writing skills," she whispered. "This must be a breakout session on fragments."

"Stop giggling," James said. "I thought it said frogmen. Let’s go. I’m out of here." "No, we can’t leave now. Wouldn’t be polite. We have to wait for a break." James gritted his teeth, slumped in his chair, and folded his arms across his chest.

"First," the man said, "we know that a complete sentence needs a subject and verb, but what is a fragment? Anything written as a fragment does not have a subject or a verb or both. Nine times out of ten you want to avoid fragments, but there are special cases where one will work. Let’s look at some samples of fragments we want to avoid. Next slide, please."

James took a piece of scrap paper from the table, wrote a note and slid it to Jessica, who glanced at the note then shook her head. "No, I don't think we should pretend we're sick and leave. We’re here, so let’s make the best of it. Who knows, we might learn something." The man looked at the next slide:

The pet store and the baby frogs

Jessica muffled a giggle and whispered, "There’s your frogs." James slapped her elbow and gave her a wrinkled scowl. The tall man pointed to the slide. "We have a subject and an object but we have no what?" He waited for someone to answer. Then, from the front of the room: "There’s no verb." "Right," the man said. "No verb. A complete sentence has to have a subject and a verb. I’m going to put some more samples on the screen then I want you to come up with one or two. Feel free to work with others at your table. Slide with the samples, please."

The computer with a color monitor (no verb) Running a mile before lunch (no subject)

The man looked at James. "Young man, I notice you were writing something a little while ago. Did you come up with an example?" "Me?" James said, pointing to his chest. "Yes. Do you have an example of a fragment? Go ahead and read it." James looked at his sister with one of his What-do-I-do expressions. Nodding, Jessica urged him to try one.

"Okay," James said. "How about, 'The person behind us snoring.' " People around the room laughed then pointed to the woman behind James and Jessica, slumped in her chair, sound asleep.

"Okay," the tall man said, laughing. "That’s certainly a fragment. Now, how would you fix it?" James looked at Jessica again, another question mark in his eyes. Again, she encouraged him to try. "Maybe something like, 'The person behind us is snoring.' "

"Good," the man said. "You added the verb 'is'. It's not an action verb, but it's a state of being. And now it’s a complete sentence. Good. Now let’s look at some examples of intentional fragments, but we use these in special cases because we want to create a special effect. You’ll find them usually in informal writing. And if you’re a student, you'll see them mostly in fiction and poetry. Next slide, please. Here’s an example of fragments used to show quick action or suspense." The lion charged, his claws tearing the air. The hunter stood still. He slowly lifted his rifle and took aim. The lion lunged. The hunter dropped his rifle and ran. Not a normal run. Not even a really fast run. A faster- than-a-bullet run.

The man cued the next slide. "Here’s three examples of fragments in dialogue. These fragments are common in dialogue because some of the things we say come out as incomplete sentences."

"Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?" the captain said. "Another time," the lady said. "Perhaps another time."

The cop pulled the young man over and charged him with running a red light. "Not me," the man said. "Wasn’t me."

"I hope you’ll be my friend," Diana said. "Not just for now. But forever."

James had been passing the time scanning the program when Jessica whispered, "Pay attention." Ignoring her command, James pointed to a note on the program and grinned: Soft drinks and desserts will be served at the break.

"Next slide, please. Here’s an example of fragments used for emphasis."

The most dangerous place in your house? Not the bathroom or even your kitchen. Your garage.

The man motioned for the next slide. "Here’s some more examples. The first one is used as a transition."

First, we showed you opinions. Next, the facts.

"This next one answers a question."

Will the bus will be picking you up? About eight o'clock.

"Here's one used as an exclamation"

Yikes! Another pop quiz!

"Okay," the man said, "be absolutely sure you use fragments in the right context. If you’re writing something formal, you’ll want to avoid fragments. Okay, let’s take a little break. There’s some goodies over there in the corner if you’d like. Let’s get back together in about ten minutes."

James and Jessica got Cokes and cookies and sat back down. "You’ll have to admit we did learn something," Jessica said. "Now we know something about fragments and we’ll be ready when Mr. Johnson starts talking about them. Plus we learned that you might need glasses so you can tell the difference between frog and frag." "Shut up," James said, "I’m still thinking about being a frogman." "Why settle for that?" Jessica said as they walked back through the lobby and out the front door. "You could be the very first grammar superhero," she said, slapping James's back. "You could be the very first Fragman!"

Can you identify the times James says or does something that reveals his attitude or frame of mind after he discovers that he has made an embarrassing mistake?

Hint: A fragment will typically draw its full meaning from the sentence that precedes it. Example: "No girl is going to go out with Zack. Not in a million years." By itself, "Not in a million years" is only a vague fragment, but draws its complete meaning when combined with the sentence that precedes it. Finding King Onomatopoeia

After whacking their way through what seemed to be endless jungle underbrush, James and Jessica Davis finally arrived at the clearing they had been searching for, the home of King Onomatopoeia and his tribe.

"I’m scared," Jessica whispered to James. "What? Pffft. Just because they wear lots of feathers and funny loincloths?" A tribesman wearing lots of feathers and a funny loincloth approached and waved a friendly hello. "Welcome, student adventurers. Welcome to Camp Onomatopoeia. How was your trip?"

"We heard a boom on the way here," Jessica said. "What was that?" "Oh that. That was our resident volcano, Mount Boom. It just erupted. We’ve probably got about an hour before the entire village will be under ten feet of molten lava." Jessica and James looked at each other and cringed. "But don’t worry about that now. We’ve got a plan. Come meet the king."

"By the way," James asked, "how did you know we were students?" "We communicate with drums, you know," the tribesman said. "Didn’t you hear them thump thumping? We knew you were coming through the jungle—no, make that whacking your way through the jungle since morning. You’re on a field trip, yes?"

A teenage girl with long braids and glistening dark eyes approached with two coconut drinks, each with a tiny yellow umbrella in it.

"You’ll love the way they fizz up your nose when you sip them," she said, giggling. "I’m Onomana, daughter of King Onomatopoeia. Welcome, and I understand you are here to learn about onomatopoeia. And here’s just the man to explain it, my dad, the king!"

King Onomatopoeia arrived in colorful splendor, seated on a raft of logs carried by four burly, grunting tribesmen. The men lowered the raft to the ground in front of James and Jessica then bowed away. The king wore a massive headdress of colored feathers, a pair of big gold earrings, a long necklace of hawk beaks, and a tank top with "Lava Rock Rocks" printed on the front. He smiled, revealing big brown teeth. When the conch shell musicians announcing his arrival stopped their trumpeting, he spoke. "Don’t listen to her, boys and girls. I know nothing. I’m just a figurehead. I sacrifice pigs. I perform marriages. Most of the time I just plop on the couch and watch soap operas. The only thing that makes me king is because I run the local burger joint. Everybody loves burgers. Anyway, onto business."

King Onomatopoeia motioned for a woman to join them. She had black hair down to her waist, a cheerful smile, and wore a kimono with tropical birds and pink flowers on it.

"This is Imateecha, our language arts teacher. She’ll help you now, because I’m outa here and on my way to a pig roast. I just love the way that pig meat sizzles above the flames." "Hello, Ima," James said, reaching to shake her hand. "We came all this way because we heard you were the expert on onomatopoeia, and we want to learn what that is."

"Sure thing, no problem," Ima said. "I’ve even brought my Great Book of Stories and Poetry so we can see some examples. So what’s onomatopoeia? Did you hear the king say that he likes the way the pig meat sizzles? If you say sizzle or sound it out in your mind, it’s like hearing the meat sizzle. The word imitates the actual sound of what you’re describing. See?"

Ima started flipping through her book while Jessica, a worried look in her eyes, sniffed the black ash belching from the rim of Mount Boom.

"So, when we write poetry or stories," Ima continued, "we can help the reader experience what is happening by showing how sounds play a part in the story."

"Okay," James said, that reminds me of some of the comic books my dad has that's got heroes and villains fighting and you see words like wham, bonk, pow, zap and crunch." Everyone stopped talking and smiled while a line of quacking ducks waddled past, followed by a flock of cheeping birds overhead.

"There’s others, too," Ima said, "like hiccup, beep, splash, click, splat, zonk, crunch, boom, meow, zip, crackle, hiss, bang, buzz and oink." She flipped a page of her book and smiled. "Ah!" she said, "here they are. Some poetry examples. See if you can find the onomatopoeia in Edgar Allen Poe’s From the Bells."

Hear the sledges with the bells— Silver bells! What a world of merriment their melody foretells! How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, In the icy air of night!

"And here, how about Robert Browning’s Meeting at Night?"

A tap at the pane, the quick sharp scratch And blue spurt of a lighted match.

"Ok," Ima said, "now you try one. Write a sentence about anything that has some kind of sound in it. Anything."

James and Jessica turned to each other and began to whisper ideas. Jessica scribbled something on a piece of paper and gave it to Ima. "How’s this?"

He put the bowl to his mouth and slurped the soup. "Good," Ima said, nodding. "The word ‘slurp’ sounds like the sound his mouth would make sucking up the soup."

"Excuse me, Ima," Jessica said, her voice shaking, "but isn’t that hot molten lava coming down the hill toward us?" "Ah yes, It’s about that time, isn’t it? "So what’s your escape plan?" James and Jessica asked in unison. "We’re all coming to live with you for a while, ok? Just until they find us a new flat place in the jungle."

James and Jessica turned toward the crowd of smiling Onomatopoeians, each hugging a small straw suitcase, then looked at each other with eyes wide and mouths open, unable to speak.

Can you identify onomatopoeia in the story itself? One Dumb Bank Robber

In the lobby of the Midland City Bank, standing at a counter with a pen and pad in his hand, a man wearing dark glasses and long overcoat with a bulge in the right pocket shifted his eyes quickly around the lobby, watching customers and, especially, the movement of two security guards. The man’s watchful eye noted the guards’ semi-automatic handguns protruding from shiny leather holsters.

James and Jessica Davis had been looking forward to this day for two weeks—a field trip to the bank and a chance to do bank things: fill out deposit and withdrawal slips and enjoy a guided tour conducted by one of the bank’s vice presidents.

Directing his students into a corner of the lobby, language arts teacher Alex Johnson first showed them how to fill out a withdrawal slip, then sent James and his sister to an island counter to fill out theirs, the same counter where the man in the dark glasses stood with pen and paper in hand. Mumbling and scribbling, the man looked out over his glasses and asked James: "Is stick up one word or two?"

Stunned, James looked quickly at Jessica then back at the man. "I think it’s two words," James added, looking to his sister for confirmation, "although I’ve seen it as one and sometimes with a hyphen." "I think two words," Jessica said, her mouth suddenly dry.

"Are you writing something?" James asked. "Yes," the man said, glancing again at the security guards. "And I’m stuck." "Maybe we can help," James said, astonished that he was actually talking to what appeared to be a real bank robber getting ready to rob the bank. Jessica bit her lip and kicked James in the shin. "What have you got so far?" James asked. The man handed James a note pad. James read it and swallowed hard:

I have a gun. I want all the money. Give it to me or I will shoot. I am not kidding. I am very serious.

"Ahh," James said, gulping. "I see." Still amazed that he was actually talking to a bank robber, James suddenly thought of a plan, a way to stop the thief. He did realize that for the plan to work, the thief would have to be really, really dumb. "Well, you know you might not get what you want if you write it that way," James said. Jessica gritted her teeth and tried to concentrate on filling out her deposit slip. "And why not?" the man asked. "You’ve got five declarative sentences in a row. Very dull, boring. The teller will lose interest and probably stop reading." "So," the man said, "how can I fix that?" James took a deep breath, momentarily pleased with the thought that the man was actually going along. "You could introduce some variety in your sentences, you know, change the structure of one or two, put some emphasis here or there, create some flow. Right now, your sentences are like speed bumps, repetitive and annoying." "Show me," the man said, "I don’t have a lot of time." "Okay," James said, his heart thumping hard and fast. "Here’s an example" James said as he turned over a deposit slip and began to write. "You could combine a couple of your simple sentences into one compound sentence, like this."

I have a gun, and I want all the money.

"That’s one way," James said, writing again. "Here’s another."

I have a gun, and I will shoot if you don’t give me all the money—and I’m not kidding!

The man looked at James's version and nodded. "I like that one, makes me sound tough, huh?" "Sure does. You now have a compound sentence ending with a dependent clause set off by a dash for emphasis." "Uh huh, whatever you say." "There are lots of ways to vary sentences," James said. "You should look into that next time you rob—uh, write a note like this." James knew he was running out of time, and he also knew he had to do something before the man decided to go to one of the tellers and demand money. "Here’s another version," James said, "one that might really get the teller’s attention." "Okay, one more. I’ve got to get going." James began to write, but not another version; he was writing a note to Jessica, who had so far remained quiet and nearly frozen with fear. "Is that security guard looking at you?" James asked the man. Just as the man looked toward the guard, James slipped the note to Jessica and gave her a gentle shove. She folded the note and walked away, back toward Mr. Johnson and her classmates. Her whole arm shaking, she handed the note to Mr. Johnson who, questioning Jessica with his eyes, read the note silently:

Take this to Mr. Johnson. Notify security guards. Man across from me in dark glasses and long coat has a gun and is planning to rob the bank.

"About that other version," James said, trying to keep the man looking at him. "You could begin the sentence with a couple of introductory dependent clauses, then follow them with the main clause. Like this." The man took the paper from James and read it:

If you don’t give me the money, and if you think I’m kidding, you need to know that I have a gun.

While the man studied James's newest version, Mr. Johnson handed the note to one of the bank employees, who quietly strolled to one of the security guards and slipped the note into his hand. "I like this version," the man said. "I think I’ll go with it because I got to get going."

"The only place you’re going is to jail," the security guard whispered in the man’s ear. The man felt the steel-hard barrel of a handgun pressed against his back. After the bank manager thanked James and Jessica, they gave each other a smacking high five and walked toward the entrance as their classmates grinned and handed out congratulations. The guard handcuffed the man and sat him down in a corner of the lobby, then glared at him and said, "You had intent. You're carrying a lethal weapon. You were writing threats. You were going to break the law. I’m going to charge you big time, buddy."

Thinking for a moment, the robber slumped in the corner then looked up at the guard and said: "You know what? You just gave me five declarative sentences in a row. You really need to work on your sentence variety...I might lose interest."

James reveals a new side to his character in this episode. Can you identify it?

What does the robber say that indicates he has learned something about sentence variety?

Can you identify the words or phrases that indicate James's and Jessica's thinking once they find out that the man across from them is planning to rob the bank?

This story sounds like one you could adapt to a one-act skit, yes? Give it a try! The Bunny Suit

On a sunny October morning, language arts teacher Alex Johnson announced to his students that they would be spending some time on transitions, those words and phrases that help readers understand how sentences and paragraphs are related. Noticing the group frown spreading quickly across the room, Mr. Johnson then added, "Tell ya what. I’ll bet you I can name more transitions than anyone here—and quicker. And if I lose I’ll come to class in a full-body bunny suit."

Students giggled as they tried to picture Mr. Johnson with floppy ears and a cotton tail. Then, as though their thoughts were connected, they all looked at Jessica Davis. Hearing of the challenge, assistant principal Leona Miller sent around a flyer announcing that the competition would take place the following Monday in the auditorium, then asked for a volunteer to help her set up a table with two big red buttons in the middle, each wired to a buzzer.

It is now Monday morning, and Jessica and her brother James are in the hallway, on their way to the auditorium.

"I’m shaking like a leaf in a hurricane," Jessica says, wiping away the single stream of sweat sliding down her cheek. "Why did they pick me?" "Quit worrying," James says, "you’ll do fine. Old man Johnson doesn’t stand a chance. You did study up on this, right?" Jessica forces a smile and mumbles something again about why her. Inside the auditorium, Jessica’s classmates applaud as they fill the front row.

"Go Jessica!" James pulls Jessica to the side and holds out his hand. "Hold out your hand," he says. "Why?" "We’re going to test your reflexes. If you know the answer slap my hand as fast as you can. Pretend it’s the button." "Ok, but hurry up. You’re making me nervous." James thinks for a moment, then says, "Here’s the cue. Give me a transition that shows comparison."

Jessica immediately slaps James's hand and smiles, knowing she has an answer. "Go for it," James says, urging his sister toward the stage, and toward Mrs. Miller and the table with the two buttons. At his end of the table, Mr. Johnson stands with his arms folded across his chest and his chin in the air. "Okay," Mrs. Miller says, "here’s the setup. I will name a kind of transition and you must give an example. The first one who hits their button and sounds the buzzer with a correct example wins the round. At the end of the contest, the total number of wins and response times will be calculated and that will determine the winner. Got it?"

Jessica and Mr. Johnson nod, their hands poised above the buttons. "Here’s the first one," Mrs. Miller announces. Jessica can feel another stream of sweat forming on her cheek. "To contrast!" Both buzzers sound instantly, but Mr. Johnson is a split second sooner. "However, or on the other hand," he says, a boastful smirk on his face.

"Correct," Mrs. Miller says, noting the response time on her stopwatch. Jessica looks back at James, her head down. He can tell she is feeling defeated already. "Forget it," he mouths silently. "Here’s the next one," Mrs. Miller says. "Ready? Here we go! To show sequence!" "Next!" Jessica shouts, hitting her button.

Cheers burst from the front row as students pump their fists. "Correct," Mrs. Miller says, once again noting the response time. "Now the third one," she says, waving her hand in a vain attempt to silence Jessica’s cheering section. "To add information!" she says. Mr. Johnson’s slaps the button instantly.

"In addition!" he shouts, that same smirk still on his face. "Good," Mrs. Miller says, "and now the last one, and not an easy one. Are you ready?" Jessica and Mr. Johnson nod slowly and place their hands just above the buttons. "To show cause or effect!"

Both Jessica and Mr. Johnson pause, their hands trembling, each searching the mind, the memory. Jessica smacks the button and shouts, "As a result!" Waving her arms in the air, she dances around in a circle, her face a total grin as everyone in the first row stands up and cheers.

"Correct," Mrs. Miller says. "I will calculate the wins and response times and announce the winner tomorrow morning." As she leaves the stage, Jessica reaches out and shakes Mr. Johnson’s hand. "Good game," she says, smiling. "You too," he says. "Good game."

The next morning, at precisely five minutes past eight, students in Mr. Johnson’s class sit on the edge of their seats, staring at the door, some giggling, some winking at Jessica, others glancing at the clock on the wall. Students in the front row are first to see him as he opens the door and walks in, his large bunny feet slapping the floor as he walks.

James holds his hand over his mouth, trying to stifle a laugh, but a giggle escapes. Soon, all the students are laughing. They laugh at the big floppy ears, the big white cotton tail, and the fake whiskers Mr. Johnson has glued to his upper lip. For a moment, Jessica hesitates but the students urge her on.

"Go ahead," they whisper. "We agreed, remember?" Jessica nods, rises from her seat, and walks to the front of the room. She looks back at the class, grins, and slowly places a carrot on the corner of Mr. Johnson’s desk. The class erupts in laughter as they watch Mr. Johnson study the carrot. "Oh well," he says, "who needs apples." He picks up the carrot, bits into it with a loud crunch, and says, "Ehh…What’s up, doc?" #

Why do we, as writers, need transitions?

How do transitions help readers?

At what point in your writing do you check to make sure you have included transitions? When you write the first draft? In the final editing stage? Hunting the Magnificent Metaphor, the Spotted Simile, and the Agile Analogy

"Be very quiet now," Bwana Bob said. "We’re getting close." James turned to his sister and whispered, "You know, when Mr. Johnson told us to hunt for examples of metaphor, simile, and analogy, I don’t think he meant we had to go on a real safari."

Jessica ignored James's complaining tone and glanced down at her new safari outfit, her eyes wide and excited. "Neat, huh? How 'bout these neat boots. Khaki shorts. This really pretty scarf with little pictures of elephants and giraffes, and this neat blouse with all the little pockets for safari stuff."

Safari guide Bwana Bob slowly lowered his hand, signaling James and Jessica to crouch down. Daylight was dissolving into dusk, and the sun’s shafts of burnt yellow began to flood the trees and ground, lighting the faint tracks that Bwana Bob was now studying. James watched him peer into the dirt then look up as though he were sniffing the air. James leaned toward his sister’s ear and said, "This guy stinks," he said. "He smells like a wet dog."

"Well," Jessica said, "he certainly looks like a bwana, especially with that peacock feather in his hat." Jessica turned her head quickly toward a distant growl. "What was that?"

"Oh, I forgot," Bwana Bob said. "Stay close to me, okay? I heard there’s a tiger on the loose around here somewhere." "Wonderful," James said. "A man eater in our midst. That’s all we need." "Wait!" Bwana Bob said. "Over there, next to that bush. See them? Three magnificent metaphors."

Jessica squinted into the fading sunlight. "I can’t see them, Where are they?" "Take my binoculars," Bwana Bob said. "Ahh,"Jessica said, watching the metaphors as they slowly came into focus. She took out her camera, quietly attached the big lens, and carefully framed the metaphors in the viewfinder: Lion-hearted I am, so don't doubt my resolve. Call me Dumbo if you want, but I really am a sly fox. I may look timid, but I'm a tiger when I'm angry.

"See them?" Jessica said, looking at James. "Yep, sure do," then turning to Bwana Bob, "Any chance there’s a simile around here? It’s getting late and I keep getting this creepy feeling that some really weird beast is going to jump out at me."

Bwana Bob nodded and waved his arm forward, urging James and Jessica to follow. He knew, from past safaris, that the spotted simile liked to graze the tall grass near a water hole close by. Walking slowly, James stepped in something soft and mushy. "Oh no," he said, afraid to look down. "Oh yes," Jessica said, "and it’s still steaming like somebody’s hot breath on a frosty morning." "That means the spotted simile is near," Bwana Bob said. "Let’s stop here, behind this bush."

A family of spotted similes walked slowly up to the watering hole. Bwana Bob signalled James and Jessica to crouch down again, then lifted his binoculars and followed the similes as they walked along the bank. Jessica winced when she heard the distant growl again. It’s closer, she thought. "Can I have the binoculars?" James said, eager to finally see a simile up close. Adjusting the focus, he said, "I see them."

Like birds on a wire, the similes stood poised with equal distance between them. The young simile stood as still as a marble statue. When the mom simile saw all the fresh water, she grinned like a rabbit in a carrot patch. Thirsty as a lost soul in the desert, the dad simile began to lap up the cool water.

"The agile analogy is going to be a little tougher to find," Bwana Bob said. "In fact, I’ve never seen one." "Maybe I can help," James said, "I think I know what an analogy looks like." "You know something?" Jessica said, laughing. "Good luck with that." "Yes! Want proof, goofy girl?" "Well, you’re about to step in it again so go ahead." "Okay," James said, staring down his sister while he took out a piece of paper and wrote:

I liken this safari to a trip to the mall. My silly sister is always worried about how she looks, I keep bumping into oddballs who should be walking on all fours, and I’m always thinking something scary is going to jump out at me.

Bwama Bob applauded and slapped James on the back. "Nice going, my boy, you did it. That’s an analogy for sure. We can go back to the jeep now. We’re done, and it’s crocodile pizza time!" James and Jessica started toward the jeep but stopped suddenly. There, directly in their path, its mouth open and panting, a huge lion sat on its haunches and let out a long, low growl. Like bullets fired from a gun, brother and sister streaked to the nearest tree, scrambled up the trunk, and clung to a big limb.

"Not to worry," Bwana Bob called out, "it’s just Leroy, our lazy lion friend from our base camp. He’s tame." Jessica and James gazed in amazement as Bwana Bob stood beside Leroy, stroking his mane. "By the way," Bwana Bob said, grinning, "those words we chose to represent animals aren't really animals, after all. The author just made them up." "Really," James said, rolling his eyes. "What a shock." Jessica could only giggle while James leaned his head back against the tree trunk, closed his eyes, and muttered, "Will somebody get me outa here. This place is a zoo."

In the episode titled, Scalpel! Sponge! Semicolon!, we saw the author depart from the expected dialogue or behavior simply to inject a brief language play. In this episode, the author departs again, this time stepping outside the scene for a moment so Bwana Bob can inject a comment about words and animals. Do you know why the author chose to do so?

Jessica makes fun of James now and then. How do you think she really feels about him? A Kiss? A Peck? A Smooch?

"New York really looks super from way up here, doesn’t it?" James Davis said, looking down at the office buildings and bridges reflecting the late morning sun. "I wouldn’t know," Jessica said, "you grabbed the window seat, remember?" "You can have it on the way back." The pilot’s voice, distant and mechanical, told everyone to put on their seatbelts as they were making their final approach to JFK airport.

"You came up here once before," James said, "right?" Jessica thought for a moment while she tried to snap her seatbelt together. "Yes," she said, "for that soap opera thing." "How’d that go?" James said. "Not well." "Well, let’s hope this one does," James said. "Wow, getting to audition for a part in a Broadway play. That’s awesome. How'd you get that? Another contest?" "Yah, this time I sent them an audition video."

After the plane landed and rolled up to the gate, James and Jessica brushed past passengers on their way to the exit. "Excited?" James asked. "Yep, and this time I’m going to keep my mouth shut."

Outside the airport, James hailed a cab. "State Street theater," he told the driver. As the cab weaved its way through Manhattan, Jessica glanced up at passing street signs—Broadway, 42nd Street, and other street signs that signaled the theater district.

After paying the driver, James and Jessica walked into a theater that had begun to show its age— worn velvet seats with dried gum stuck to the underside; long isles of red carpet worn down by countless patrons; a stage floor with a thousand nicks and tiny splinters, and the smell of old makeup wafting from backstage dressing rooms. One day, Jessica thought, she, like actors before her, would stand on a stage like this and bask in rewarding moments of laughter, tears, and applause.

A man appeared on stage. He was maybe fifty, bald, leaning on a cane, with thin granny glasses low on his nose. "Hello there, you must be Jessica. I’m Stanislaw Vorgensven, and I’m directing this play. One of the cast members told me you were chosen because you won with an audition video or something? And, oh yes, you once delivered a line in a soap opera. Is that right?" "Uh…yes, Jessica said, trying to force a smile. "How’d that go?" "Good," Jessica said, clearing her throat. "Sorta good." "And who are you, young man?" Stanislaw said, looking at James. "I’m her brother. Just along for the ride." "Okay, James, if you’ll have a seat in the back there we’ll get started." Stanislaw motioned for Jessica to join him on stage, then introduced her to Chad, a young student actor who would play her scene partner, Roman. "Okay," Stanislaw said, handing scripts to Chad and Jessica. "Here’s what we’ve got. Jessica, your character is Julie, and you’re standing on your balcony, overlooking a courtyard, and Roman is in the courtyard and he wants to come up and kiss you but you don’t want any part of that. Okay? So let’s take it real slow the first time. And Jessica, pretend you’re on a balcony. Those lazy set designers haven’t built it yet. Okay, you’ve got the first line."

Jessica looked at her script. "It says he goes up to the balcony." "Yes," Stanislaw said, "so?" "Shouldn’t it be climbed or crawled or pulled himself up or something like that, something that describes what he’s actually doing?" "If you’ll notice the stage direction in your script," Stanislaw said, "you’ll see that he climbs up a trellis." "Ah," Jessica said, nodding quickly, "so he does climb." "Can we get on with it?" Stanislaw said, a slight irritation in his voice.

Jessica smiled and looked toward the back of the theater where James sat, his legs thrown over the seat in front of him. Smiling and nodding, he gave a Jessica a high thumbs-up. Jessica looked back at her script and read her first line: "Don’t climb up here, Roman." "Fine," Stanislaw said.

Jessica looked at the script again and said, "It says she looks down over the balcony railing and sees Roman climbing." "That’s right, and what do you say?" "Does she just look?" Jessica asked, "Or does she glance or peek or maybe peer over the railing?" "She looks! She peeks! She glances! Whatever!" Stanislaw yelled.

"I’m sorry," Jessica said, her voice fading to a shy whisper. "I just want to make sure. It’s important to get the verbs right, you know—especially the action verbs." Stanislaw forced a chuckle. "Okay, Jessica, yes, you’re right. Pardon my outburst. Do you have any more suggestions?"

"Well," Jessica said, "I do see a couple of things." Stanislaw slumped down in his director’s chair. "Let’s fix ‘em and get on with it, okay?" "Okay," Jessica said, flipping a page in the script. "Here it says Roman tries to kiss me. I was wondering. Does he try to grab me and kiss me for real or does he try to give me a peck or a smooch on the cheek?" "We’ll work that out," Stanislaw said, taking another deep breath. "Next." "Here, on page four," Jessica said, "it says I hit Roman. Do I slap him, punch him, poke him, smack him? Then it says Roman leaves the balcony. Does he jump, leap, slide down, crawl down?"

Shaking his head in frustration, Stanislaw looked down at the stage floor. In a moment of final exasperation, he tossed his cane aside and held his head in his hands. "My dear girl," he said. "That’s it. Goodbye! And don’t call us! We’ll call you!" Stunned by this obvious rejection, Jessica turned and walked off the stage, her head held high. "I’m sorry, Mr. Vorgensven," she said, "but no matter what you write, it’s important to use the right action verbs, the ones that tell people what the real action is. If I were happy I might skip or if I was proud I might strut. That’s what Mr. Johnson taught us."

"Who’s Johnson?" Stanislaw said, "your agent?" "He’s our language arts teacher." James got up and ran down the isle to meet his sister. "Let it go, sis, " he said, putting his arm around her shoulder. "That scriptwriter could use a thesaurus," Jessica said as she walked quickly toward the entrance and out into the bright sunlight.

"Well," James said, "at least we know one thing for sure, don’t we?" "What’s that?" Jessica said. "So much for keeping your mouth shut." "Oh well," Jessica said, waving to a cab. "Maybe I wasn't cut out to be an actress." Watching James nod and grin, Jessica punched him in the shoulder. "You don't have to agree," she said. "I didn’t say a thing," James said, holding his hands up like he was being robbed..."didn’t say a thing."

Here's another story you could act out. By the way, does this episode reveal an allusion to a famous play written by someone with the initials W.S.? What gives it away? If Jessica can stand up to a Broadway director, what does that say about her character? Daffy Duck Sunglasses and Socks That Glow in the Dark

Jessica Davis pushed herself back and forth in the swing chair that hung from the bamboo roof covering their balcony. Her eyes closed, she inhaled the delicate fragrance of yellow jasmine. "Don't ya just love this?" she said to her brother James, who handed her a pink fruit drink with a name he couldn't pronounce.

"Yah," he said. "Cool. Where are we again?" Jessica let the swing carry her back and forth, its motion aided by the warm breeze that swept in from the Caribbean sea. "This is the island of St. Lucia. It's part of the British West Indies."

"Where's mom and dad?" James asked. "Doing some last minute shopping before we leave." "Are you going to write the thing for Mr. Johnson," James said, "for extra credit?" Ignoring the question, Jessica smiled and closed her eyes again, picturing in her mind the stern deck of a fifty foot yacht, all white and trimmed in blue, anchored in the harbor, where she saw her image stretched out on a lounge chair, nibbling iced shrimp and warm garlic bread while humming along to a steel band's version of Yellow Bird. "What?" she said. "Sorry, wasn't listening."

"Remember, Mr. Johnson said we could get extra credit if we wrote something about what we did on vacation." "Oh that," Jessica said. "And it was about appealing to the senses or something, right?" "Right, we're supposed to appeal to sound, smell, and the other ones." "Okay, but let's do it tomorrow. I want to boogie-board some more."

Late morning the next day, James knocked on Jessica's door. "What! Who is it?" "It's me. I'm having trouble getting these details right. Can you do me an edit and gimme some ideas?" Jessica set her own paper aside and opened the door. "Give me what you got," she said. "Now go away and I'll call you."

James grabbed his video game and sat in the swing chair. In twenty minutes, he jumped up when he heard Jessica yell. "Here," she said. "These are just suggestions. I don't know what you actually got into, so write your own, okay?" "Wow, thanks sis, this is great!" "Remember," Jessica said, pointing her finger at James. "You have to write your own, agreed?" "Sure," James said. "Absolutely." James went to his room, grabbed a notebook from his backpack, and went back to the swing chair and read Jessica's suggestions:

Instead of The tourist looked funny in his clothes, how about something like: The tourist wore Daffy Duck sunglasses, glow-in-the-dark yellow socks, and a shirt so short his sunburned belly kept peeking out. Instead of I heard the island ferry blow its horn as it approached the dock, maybe something like: I heard the shrill scream of the ferry's horn as it approached the dock.

You say The fruit without a name tasted weird. Instead, maybe something like: The fruit without a name tasted like an odd blend of bacon and strawberry.

When you say The coral was sharp, maybe say something like: The coral felt like the edge of a razor blade.

And the last one. Instead of The aroma coming from the restaurant reminded me of the pizza place in the mall, maybe say something like: The aroma coming from the restaurant, a blend of warm garlic bread, melting cheese, tomato sauce and spicy pepperoni, reminded me of Pappa's Pizzeria in the mall.

The following afternoon, the Davis family, wearing sunburns and hats made of woven palm fronds, boarded an American Eagle flight from St. Lucia back to the U.S. and, finally, to Midland City. The summer was over, and once again school buses rumbled along city streets, belching black exhaust as they weaved in and out of neighborhoods. At Midland School, students exchanged whispered tales of summer as they ran down polished hallways on their way to class.

Alex Johnson settled his language arts class down and spent the next thirty minutes talking about some of the new grading methods the school had developed during the summer. "And speaking of that sort of thing, I'm glad to see that some of you decided to do the extra credit assignment on using descriptive or figurative language. Let's look at some samples." When the class ended, Mr. Johnson called to Jessica. "Could I see you for just a second, Jessica?" Jessica stood in front of Mr. Johnson's desk and watched him study a piece of paper. "I see you and your brother did the assignment for extra credit." "Sure did," she said, a look of pride on her face. "Well, I would work with your brother a little more if I were you." "Sure, I'll be glad to help him any way I—"

"No," Mr. Johnson said. "Not you help him. Him help you." Jessica's jaw dropped. "Him help ME?"

"Yes you. Just look how he appeals to the senses in his descriptions. Here, for example, when he describes what a tourist is wearing, he writes 'The tourist wore Daffy Duck sunglasses, glow-in- the-dark yellow socks, and a shirt so short his sunburned belly kept peeking out.' And here, when he is writing about the sense of smell, he writes 'The aroma coming from the restaurant, a blend of warm garlic bread, melting cheese, tomato sauce and spicy pepperoni, reminded me of Pappa's Pizzeria in the mall. See how—"

"Never mind," Jessica said. "Thank you. I will definitely talk to my brother." On her way out the door, Jessica tried to ignore the deep, unrelenting anger building behind her eyes. Instead, she imagined an image forming in her mind's eye: She was standing over James as she tightened the ropes holding him to railroad tracks. Then, after dismissing the image, she thought about other, more practical possibilities—maybe I'll put a snake in his bed, she thought. Or maybe gut his basketball! Maybe bash his head in...arrgh!

Write a sentence, about anything, that contains no imagery, then write the same sentence again, this time with imagery. No Pickles, Please

The man standing in front of James and Jessica Davis threw the cheeseburger at the girl behind the counter and yelled, "You put pickles on my cheeseburger! I told you no pickles!" Startled, the girl gathered up bits of burger and said, "Sir, I'll be happy to take the pickles off." "It's too late!" the man yelled, "you already ruined it! You'll pay for this!"

James, Jessica, and others in line at Burger Castle watched the man stomp out of the restaurant, get in a car, and speed away. "Guess he doesn't like pickles," James said. "Guess not," Jessica said. "That poor girl behind the counter."

Two hours later James and his sister were at home, watching TV, when the program was interrupted by a special bulletin. "What's this?" James said. "We're switching to WKMR news," an announcer said, "for a special bulletin." Jessica scooted to the edge of the couch. "These bulletins are so scary."

The camera turned to a police officer sitting behind a desk. "A man has just threatened to blow up the Burger Castle at Fourth and Main, and the bomb is set to go off at five o'clock this afternoon. Call 954-HELP now if you have any information that will help us identify the man and his vehicle."

"That's the man!" Jessica shouted, "the man in front of us at Burger Castle!" "You're right!" James said. "He said they would pay. Wow, he really doesn't like pickles, does he? What are you doing?" "I'm calling the police. Maybe we can help. It's three o'clock already."

Within minutes, a police car arrived at the Davis home. Detective Gretta Gitem got out and ran to the front door. Jessica jerked open the door before the detective could knock. "You Jessica Davis?" "Yes, officer." Detective Gitem marched into the room and plopped down in a chair. "Have a seat. I've got questions."

James and Jessica sat close together on the couch and waited for Detective Gitem to begin. "Now—" the detective began. "It was really scary," James said. "Well, that's interesting, young man," the detective said, "but really and scary don't tell me anything, ok? And don't give me very this or totally that or awesome this or whatever, ok? Abstractions like that tell me nothing." James and Jessica looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

Detective Gitem flipped a page in a notepad and began to write. "So where were you when the man threw the cheeseburger?" "Right behind him," Jessica said. "Luckily we got in a fast line," James said, and that was neat because I was really—uh, sorry, because I wanted one of their cold milkshakes." "There you go again, young man." the detective said. "Don't waste my time telling me something that's obvious, ok? You don't need to tell me you wanted a cold milkshake. Aren't milkshakes usually cold?"

James leaned back on the couch and looked at the floor. "Guess so," he said. "Let's get busy here," the detective said. "We're running out of time. What did the man look like?" "He was tall," Jessica said. "How tall? Tall means different things to different people. Was he over six feet?" "Yes, I would say so."

"Kids," the detective said, "let me explain something. Don't give me abstractions like tall or ordinary or whatever. Words like that give me a general idea, but I need meaningful detail, something that will create pictures in my mind. If I get a call on my radio telling me to be on the lookout for a car, that's not much help, is it? But if the dispatcher says be on the lookout for a blue car with a smashed windshield, now I've got a picture, right? Anyway, what else?" James closed his eyes and tried to visualize the man. "He had funny hair." "Oh really?" the detective said. "Did his hair tell jokes or make funny faces?"

Jessica whispered something to James then looked at the detective. "Are you related to Mr. Johnson, our language arts teacher?" "Who?" Detective Gitem said. "Why do you ask?" "No reason," Jessica said, "just curious." "C'mon," the detective said, looking at James. "The clock is ticking. What do you mean funny hair?"

"Well," James said, searching his memory again, "it was short and brown with a red streak down the middle." "Now that's more like it," Detective Gitem said, making a note. "And," Jessica said, "he had a loud, disrespectful, angry attitude." Detective Gitem sighed and leaned back in her chair. "Girl, don't bunch those modifiers up one after another like that. What am I supposed to do, hold my breath until I get to attitude?" "Sorry," Jessica said, tossing her hair back. "Are you sure you're not related to Mr. Johnson?"

Detective Gitem looked at her watch. "What did the guy yell, anyway?" "He yelled loudly that the Burger Castle was going to pay," Jessica said. Detective Gitem shook her head. "Yelled loudly, huh? How many quiet yells have ya heard lately, huh?" "Guess I don't need to say loudly, do I?" "Don't think so," the detective said. "You're saying the same thing twice. A yell is loud, right? And a whisper is soft, right? And there's usually anger in a curse, right? So why say she whispered softly or he cursed angrily, huh?" James and Jessica began to squirm, wondering when this bad-cop interrogation was going to end. "Now," the detective said, "what did the man do after he threw the cheeseburger?" James scooted to the edge of the couch and said, "He clenched his fist tightly and shook it at the girl."

"Clenched tightly, huh?" the detective said. "You're wasting my time again, young man. Do you know what you get when you look up clenched? You get to close tightly. So, you don't need tightly, do you? " "Sorry," James said, recoiling. "I didn't think about it like that." "You just blurted it out, right?" Detective Gitem said. "Pay attention, be precise, and don't waste time with needless adverbs."

Detective Gitem looked at Jessica and said, "What did the man do next?" "Let me see," Jessica said. For a moment, she thought about confusing the detective on purpose. After all, the detective was being mean, and she and her brother didn't deserve it. But she decided against it. The bomber was getting ready to strike, and she wanted to help. "He ran to his car quickly," she said, "I remember that." "You're as bad as the boy here," Detective Gitem said. "Ran quickly? Isn't running usually quick, huh?" Jessica was getting tired of the detective's attitude. "Whatever," Jessica said, grinding her teeth. "He ran to his car." "Thank you," the detective said.

At 4:45 a voice on Detective Gitem's shoulder mike announced that the man had been apprehended outside Burger Castle. "Did he have a bomb?" the detective asked. "No," the voice said, "just a big bucket of mustard he was going to pour over the manager's car." "Guess he doesn't like mustard either," James said, grinning. "Guess not," Jessica said. "And I'm wondering what that girl at Burger Castle will do next time someone says no pickles, please."

On her way out, Detective Gitem smiled unexpectedly and thanked James and Jessica for their help. Standing by her patrol car, she looked back and shouted: "Remember! Your descriptions will be much better when you use nouns and verbs. And if you must use adjectives or adverbs, make sure you really need them, okay?" As the detective drove away, James and Jessica looked at each other and began to laugh. "Totally related to Mr. Johnson," they said in perfect unison, "totally related."

In the following example, a writer wants to show the reader that Jessica feels happy. Which version do you think gives the reader a better sense of what Jessica is feeling, and why?

1. Jessica was happy when she tore open the envelope and saw the invitation.

2. When Jessica tore open the envelope and saw the invitation, she grinned and giggled, then danced around the room waving the invitation.

What do you think writers mean when they say, "Show, don't tell"?

The Day Senator Sharp Came to Town

"How long is this supposed to last? And do we have to stay for all of it? I'm hungry." Impatient already, James Davis looked at the crowd of people standing behind him, then at the wooden platform in front, its red and white banners and political party markings fluttering in the late afternoon breeze. Standing next to him, his sister Jessica rocked back and forth on her heels and held her face in her hands.

"This is sooo exciting," she said. "Can you believe it? Senator Lance Sharp finally made it to little ole Midland City. And we've got front row seats thanks to our journalism class." "Politics is not my thing," James said. "I didn't know you were into this sort of thing." "How can you not?" Jessica said, slapping James on the wrist. "He's running for president. I've even got a copy of his speech today. You probably forgot we're supposed to study it and see how it's written." "I have not. I absolutely did not forget." Jessica laughed as she pulled the speech from her backpack. "Every time you say 'absolutely' I know you're lying."

James asked his sister if she wanted something from the concession stand, then ran through the crowd and found a place in line near the young girl handing out hotdogs. Jessica sat down on the lawn and started to read the senator's speech, stopping to study each sentence. She pushed herself up and walked toward a man she assumed to be a secret service agent.

"Excuse me," she said, tapping the man on the shoulder. "I'm Jessica Davis and I go to Midland School and I'm looking at a copy of the senator's speech and it's mostly passive voice. I know there are times when passive voice is right, but shouldn't the senator's speech be in active voice, as much as possible, at least?" The man looked to his left, then to his right.

"That's very observant of you, young lady. Why don't we go talk to the senator about it?" The man motioned at Jessica to follow him into a building behind the stage. Still waiting for his hotdog, James turned around just in time to see his sister enter the building. Jessica's excitement began to swell when she suddenly realized that she was going to meet the real Senator Sharp. Her excitement ended abruptly, however, when the man opened a door and shoved her inside. "Hey! What are you doing!" Jessica yelled as the man pushed her down on a chair. The man stared at her and shook his head. "Wouldn't ya know I would get some brainy kid who'd spot the passive voice. You can forget about talking to the senator because the passive voice stays. I almost got shot stealing that speech." "But why are you doing this!" "I'll tell you why, girly. Because statements in passive voice have vague subjects and weak verbs, and that's how we want the voting public to see that bum Sharp, as a deceptive, wimpy person. So we took the statements he made in active voice and changed them to passive voice. Get it?"

Suddenly the door flew open and James, the senator, and a secret service agent ran in. "That's him!" James shouted. "That's the man!" The man tried to run but James tackled him and held him while the agent handcuffed him. "Young lady," the senator said, "Your brother told us you needed help. What's going on here?" "Gosh," Jessica said, her eyes wide. "Senator Sharp. It's so great to meet you." The senator pointed to the man struggling on the floor and said, "Who is that man?"

"I think he works for your opponent," Jessica said. "He stole your speech then changed all your active voice statements to passive so you would come off as a wimpy candidate." "Show me what you're talking about," the senator said, "and be quick. I've got to give that speech in a few minutes."

"Okay, here on page one, your first line, that phony guy changed it to, 'A new America is promised by me'. We can change that to active voice with, 'I promise a new America.' " The senator studied Jessica's new version and nodded. "Okay, I see where you're going. What else?"

Jessica ran her finger down the page and stopped. "Here, where it says, 'The improvement of every American's life is something I will strive for.' Instead, how about, 'I promise to improve the lives of all Americans.' " Jessica remembered a day in class when Mr. Johnson went on and on about passive voice, and about how it shows up in lots of writing because a writer picks a vague subject then adds a no- action verb like "is" or "are" or "was." "I see what you mean," the senator said. "I think I can take it from here. Thank you, young lady. You've done me—and your country—a great service." Jessica looked at James, twirled her hair, and grinned.

James and his sister joined the crowd around the stage as the senator walked up the steps, accompanied by drum rolls and blaring trumpets. "Good morning my fellow countrymen." The senator looked at Jessica, winked, and said, "Let me say right off the bat that I promise a new America." The crowd applauded and cheered. "With that said," the senator continued, "I'd like to take a few hours to tell you about the early days of my life when I was growing up in a little farm town with only an oil lamp to read by...."

After the senator's speech, Jessica and James started walking toward the bus stop. On the way, they passed the concession stand. "Finally that's over," James said. "By the way, you owe me a hot dog." "How so?" "I was in line when I had to go find that agent so he could save you." "That was a brave thing you did," Jessica said, "tackling that man the way you did." She handed James a five-dollar bill and said, "A hotdog I will buy you." James thought for a moment. "Don't you mean you will buy me a hotdog?" "Just checking to see if attention was paid by you today," she said, grinning. "Enough already!"

# Can you explain the difference between active and passive voice, including the times when passive voice is permissible (see Exercises)? Also, do you understand that there is another "voice" that writers consider, the voice that gives a writer's work its individual and distinctive qualities? (See Indiana James and the Vex of Voice) Photo Finish

The rabbit arrived in a shiny limo, escorted by one black Cadillac in front and another in back, followed by three rock-band guitarists standing on a platform towed by a black Hummer. The turtle arrived in a mud-spattered yellow cab. TV reporters had already arrived and were testing the telescoping antennas that rose from the tops of vans parked on both sides of the starting line. The guitarists pranced around the platform then fell to their knees and slapped their guitars while shouting the lyrics of a song about a rapid rabbit and certain victory. A throng of reporters, wearing headsets and yelling into microphones, rushed the limousine's tinted windows.

"Are you going to win this time, Mr. Hare!" Harry Hare smirked then grinned. "Totally bank on it this time, friend! Last time I made a mistake that wasn't the right thing to do. Not this time." Harry hopped out of the limo and stretched his back and legs. Silver piercings, shaped like carrots, dangled from his ears and eyelids. Two bodyguards stood beside him, dusting his Nike sneakers and smoothing his shorts and tank top. "As I have said over and over again repeatedly, the end result of this race has never been in questionable doubt. This time I will cross the finish line first and win."

One reporter reached out with his microphone and asked, "Do you use any visualization techniques?" "Yes, that is so," Harry said. "Since I see myself as the number-one leader in this sport, I also see a visual picture of my winning victory as I cross over the finish line." Another reporter stepped forward. "We understand there is a five thousand dollar prize. If you win, what will you do with the money?"

"In spite of the fact that I can imagine myself making fun purchases or taking an attractive and pretty beauty bunny to dinner, I am making plans to give the money as a free donation gift to needy charities who need money, and that is all I can say about that right now at this time." A bodyguard pointed to a reporter in the back row and said, "One more question." "Is it true you've been training with the bird that goes meep-meep?" "Yes, that is factual truth and he even tried to teach me that meep-meep thing but I told him again and again many times that I would not need or require it."

Harry hopped back and forth, shaking his tail and trying to show off his warm-up technique. The reporters thanked Harry then strolled back to their vans, all except one. A journalism student, the only reporter to approach Turk Turtle, approached Turk's side of the starting line and smiled. Turk looked up, his droopy eyes glistening in the sunlight.

"Do you think you will again this time, Mr. Turtle?" the student asked. "Yes," Turk said. The reporter glanced down at his list of questions. "And do you use any visualization techniques?" Turk thought for a moment, not wanting to clutter his answer with needless words. "I see myself winning." A man with a bullhorn announced that the race was about to begin and instructed the contestants to approach the starting line. Harry hopped to the starting line, waving and shouting while Turk crawled inch by inch, his fans cheering. When both were in position, the man with the bullhorn held a gun in the air and fired. As expected, Harry sped away like a comet while Turk crawled across the line.

Reporters had moved their vans halfway down the course and were waiting to get a comment from the leader. His furry legs churning, Harry saw the reporters and stopped. Knowing that he was way ahead, Harry invited reporters to continue their questions. "How did you prepare for the race, Mr. Hare?"

"Okay, let me summarize this briefly so I don't have to repeat it again. The reason why I am ahead at this point in time in the race is that I...." Harry continued to talk and talk and talk, trying to underline the many reasons he would win this time. "Also," Harry said, "Even though I am surrounded on all sides by that turtle's fans, my victory will soon be front page headline news because that creature in a shell just can't seem to face up to the true fact that he is much slower than I am and will never catch me—and that is indeed a true fact."

The reporters, growing weary of Harry's voice, pulled lounge chairs from their vans and sat down. With his back to the road, Harry did not notice the slow but steady movement of a brown shell inching its way along. And because the reporters were beginning to doze in their lounge chairs, they too did not see Turk crawl past Harry.

Later, while Harry continued to babble, a reporter ran to him and shouted. "The turtle is approaching the finish line!" Stunned by the news, Harry hopped back onto the road and sped toward the finish line. Turk's fans yelled, jumped up and down, and waved him toward the line. Harry's entourage cheered and danced as Harry and Turk approached the finish line together. The outcome was so close a judge ruled it a photo finish. Fans rushed the judge to find out who had won, but were disappointed when the judge said he would have to study the results.

The next morning, people in towns and villages across the countryside grabbed newspapers and read:

Turk Wins in Photo Finish! Redundancies and Wordiness Bog Down Bunny's Bid for Victory

"You can hold on to those handouts," Alex Johnson said as he threw an eraser at Zack Wilson, who had been nodding off in the back row. "I know your parents probably read this story to you when you were a kid, but this version carries an added lesson for students like you who are supposed to be learning how to write. Anyone know what that lesson is?"

The room was silent while Mr. Johnson looked out over the rows of puzzled expressions. "James Davis, you ought to know by now you can't hide behind the person in front of you. So, did you learn anything from Harry's ramblings?" James leaned to his left and said, "Yes sir. Sure did." "Really? Then you clearly saw the pleonasm, the tautology?" A single bead of sweat formed on James's forehead as he sat silent, motionless, trying to remember: Pleonasm? Tautology?

The author used an unusual technique when writing the ending to this episode. Can you describe the technique, and why the author chose to include it?

Cutting out needless words could be the most common step you will take during your editing phase. Writers, amateur and professional alike, rarely get it right the first time. As you look at this episode, see how many words you can eliminate. Your Turn!

So far you've been following James and Jessica while they trudged through jungles and climbed up mountains in search of ways to improve their writing skills. Now it's your turn, but you won't have to trudge or climb. You will however, need to practice. Practice may not make your writing perfect, but it will surely make it better.

What do you think of the characters you've "met" so far? If you have an impression of any of the following characters, summarize your thoughts in a sentence or two:

James Davis Jessica Davis Alex Johnson (language arts teacher) Zack Wilson (rebellious classmate) Ludwig von Mayonaze (from World's Leading Expert on How to Get Started Writing Something and Return to Ludwig's Lair) Dr. Sidney Slicer (from Scalpel! Sponge! Semicolon!)

King Onomatopoeia (from Finding King Onomatopoeia) Stanislaw Vorgensven (from A Kiss? A Peck? A Smooch?) Earl St. Clair Winston (from Lights! Camera! Oops!) Bwana Bob (from Hunting the Magnificent Metaphor, etc.) Bank robber (from One Dumb Bank Robber)

The hip-hop robot (from No Apple for This Robot) Detective Gretta Gitem (from No Pickles, Please) Turk Turtle and Harry Hare (from Photo Finish)

Plagiarism from It's Latin for Kidnapping

1. What can happen to a student caught plagiarizing another writer's work?

2. Can a teacher tell when a student has copied another writer's work? How?

3. What do plagiarism and kidnapping have in common?

4. When you identify another writer's work, you use a:

reference? citation? notation? illustration?

5. If you want to know how to credit another writer or source for the information you are using, who or what would you turn to for help?

How can we improve this exercise? The Importance of Writing from A Boy Scout Said it First

Do you think good writing will help you in the future? Explain in a paragraph.

How could we improve this exercise?

Writing Across the Curriculum from Who Needs This Stuff

Jeremy is thinking about becoming a police officer, but doesn't think an officer has to write anything. If your school has a resource officer, ask him or her what kind of writing is required on the job. If there is no officer at your school, call your local police station or sheriff's office and ask. Write a paragraph on what you learned.

One of your classmates says writing is just something he has to do to get by in school, and it won't matter later on. Do you agree? If not, what would you tell him?

Zack wants to be a car designer, and now realizes that good writing will help him succeed. Can you think of other jobs where good writing will be important—even necessary? Explain in a paragraph.

Thinking about becoming a nurse one day? If your school has a nurse or health specialist, ask him or her if writing skill is important for success on the job. If your school has no health professional, call your local hospital, clinic, or health department and ask to speak to a nurse. Write a paragraph on what you learned.

James thinks it would be cool to start a reality show, but doesn't know how to go about it. Do you think he will have to write anything as he tries to persuade television executives to look at his idea? Explain in a paragraph.

How can we improve this exercise?

Planning from World's Leading Expert on How to Get Started Writing Something

You don't have to plan a letter to your family or friends; you can just jot down whatever comes to mind, in any order. A writing assignment in school, however, is different. If it's an essay, for example, you will improve your chances of success if you plan it. As you think about your topic and focus, make notes as you plan and keep referring to them as you write.

Choosing a topic: Your topic may be assigned, and you won't have to come up with one on your own. But what if you do? You stare out the window. You send your mind searching for something to write about but it comes back empty. Blank. Nothing. What to do? Go to your computer or sheet of paper and ask yourself questions. Write them as you think of them. For example:

What do I care about? What would I change if I could? What makes me happy? What makes me sad? Can I do something really well? What news story or recent event has meaning for me? Is war necessary? Is there something about animals that interests me? What do I like about my life, my friends, my parents, my neighborhood, my school, my teachers, my looks? etc. What is my focus in this assignment?

What's your purpose?

There is always a reason, a purpose, for writing. You might want to tell your reader how to do something, like how to fix a flat tire on a bicycle (expository writing), or you might have to describe your impressions after visiting the local jail (narration), or you might have to persuade your reader of something (persuasive writing). Who's your audience? (from Return to Ludwig's Lair)

Ludwig told James and Jessica several things to think about when considering their readers. Can you name them?

Organize your information (from Babies Mess Easily)

Your teacher has accepted your idea of an essay on why Ludwig should sign up for some serious counseling. Make notes on what you would say in the introduction (beginning), the body (middle), and the conclusion (end). If you would rather write about a different topic, go ahead.

What point of view? (from No Apple for This Robot)

Before you start writing, ask your teacher if a given assignment needs to be written from a specific point of view (first, second, or third person). If not, choose one that best suits your subject and your audience. First person is an option for informal assignments such as memoirs and fiction, and for other forms of writing where you assume the role of narrator.

Rarely used in academic writing, the second person "You" is appropriate only in informal writing, like in these exercises, where I am continually talking to you, the reader, thereby creating a familiar, relaxed atmosphere—I hope.

The most common point of view in scholastic writing assignments is third person. Here, you are an observer, detached and objective. Do not insert an "I" or "we" or "you" or "your" when you are writing in third person. As a rule, once you choose a point of view, do not change it as you write. Many writers have begun an assignment in third person but then, in the concluding paragraph, suddenly injected themselves into the story or essay with an "I" or "we." The reader, taken aback, silently asks, "Where did you come from?"

1. In the story, "No Apple for This Robot," Mr. Johnson is worried about his job. Should he be? Give your opinion in a paragraph, in first person. 2. A little boy standing nearby wants to know why the robot has Christmas tree lights for eyes. In a paragraph, make up an answer and write it in second person.

3. Do you think a robot would make a good teacher? Answer in another paragraph, in third person.

4. Do you think scientists and engineers could actually build a teacher robot? In a paragraph, write your opinion in first, second, or third person.

Creating Reader Interest from The Hook

Which of the following sentences would you choose as the beginning sentence of an essay on identity theft?

1. A lot of people lose money because thieves steal their identity. 2. You should not put sensitive, personal information on a Web site. 3. Mr. Davis wanted to show James and Jessica the advantages of banking online, but when he opened his account he gasped. It was empty. 4. If you put personal financial information on the internet or throw it in a dumpster, you could be broke in a matter of hours. 5. Would you leave money laying in the front yard? Of course not, so why leave it where thieves can easily grab it?

Why do we want to capture a reader's interest at the beginning? Explain in a paragraph.

Jessica is planning an essay on how poachers are killing off the elephant population in Africa, and has gathered some good information, shown below:

 Poison darts and wire snares used most often  Killing elephants for ivory tusks is illegal  African elephants possibly extinct in 5 to 10 years  Baby elephant Baba found wandering, looking for her mother  Illegal ivory trade amounts to more than $12 billion  Baby elephants orphaned when mothers are killed for ivory tusks  Approximately 38,000 killed each year (more than 100 a day)

Can you see anything in the information that Jessica might use as an opening sentence, one that will grab the reader's interest? Using your choice, write a possible opening sentence. You have to write an essay on what frustrates you the most. Write an opening sentence that will hook the reader's interest.

Does the opening sentence to Kafka's story about a man waking up as a bug make you want to keep reading? Yes? No? Why?

Tone From Zack's Tussle With Tone

Tone is easily recognizable when a person talks. Can it be recognized in writing? How?

Can a person convey feelings like anger, frustration, happiness, or indifference in what they write? Write a sentence, about anything, that conveys your attitude or feelings toward any subject. Avoid using give-away phrases like "I'm happy" or "That makes me sad," or "I'm indifferent about that," etc. Let character action and any dialogue show the happiness, sadness, or indifference, etc.

Zack has to write a formal essay about how computers are being used in cars. The beginning of his essay, shown below, contains shifts in tone; that is, he writes most of his paragraph in a formal tone while other words and phrases present a chatty, informal tone. Pick out words or phrases that show a shift to an informal tone:

Computers began appearing in laboratories in the 1970's, in homes and organizations in the 1980's, and now in cars. Built into dashboards, computers today monitor engine performance and display stuff like maps and places where you can pig out on a burger and fries. One car manufacturer includes a satellite hookup gizmo that lets drivers punch a button and hear a voice in case you get stuck and need help. Neat, to say the least. Drivers are warned, however, not to let computer displays distract them from their responsibility to remain aware of what's going on around them.

Jessica wants to write a note to her brother, James, telling him to stop leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor. Look for tone in the following sentences, then be prepared to discuss the differences: Stop leaving these wet towels on the floor, you stupid idiot!

Dear brother, would you please hang up your wet towels instead of leaving them on the floor? Thank you.

Hey bro. I notice you keep leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor now and then. Why not leave one there every day so I can keep slipping on it and maybe break my neck!

Leaving a wet towel on a bathroom floor can lead to the buildup of germs on the surface of the towel. Please cease your practice of this unsanitary habit.

Voice from Indiana James and the Vex of Voice

Your teacher may have introduced you to active and passive voice, or the way action is expressed in a sentence (for example, "James made a free throw" (active voice) versus "The free throw was made by James" (passive voice).

There is another kind of voice in writing, the kind that expresses your unique thoughts and ideas through the words you choose and how you put them together, sentence by sentence. It is your writing style, the quality that separates your writing from others. As Jessica said about her style: "I want what I write to be sooo me."

What is your understanding of this second definition of voice, and how it brings out your individual style?

Jessica wants to write a letter of apology to Earl St. Clair Winston, telling him that she is sorry her guest appearance on his soap opera didn't go so well. Which of the following comes closest to revealing Jessica's voice, or style? Asked another way, which sounds more like her?

I want to convey my complete sincere apologies for the unforgivable manner and way in which I behaved during my brief appearance on your television production rehearsal.

Sorry, old boy, for messing up the rehearsal of your TV thing.

Dear Mr. St. Clair, I'm really sorry for the way I acted during the rehearsal of your TV program. Please accept my apology.

James walks by Jessica's open door and sees her trying on her beret. As he walks on, he whispers to himself about girls and clothes. If he were to write his whispers, with his teacher as the reader, which of the following would come closest to James's voice, or style?

Girls at certain ages should abandon their excessive addiction to clothing.

I am continually astonished by the way females fall over themselves regarding the whole idea of how clothes are so important and critical in how boys see them.

I'll never get it why these dumb girls are so ga-ga about clothes.

Writer's Block from The Pot, the Gold, the Rainbow

A friend of yours can't think of anything to write but believes that the best way to start is to look at the screen or page and wait for an idea to come to mind. Do you agree? If not, explain.

Can you give James three ways to overcome writer's block?

Does planning your writing help overcome writer's block? How? Do you have your own ways of avoiding writer's block? If so, name them.

How can we improve this exercise? The Paragraph from Going Up

This exercise will give you some practice writing a paragraph with three parts: a topic sentence, followed by sentences that support the topic, followed by a closing statement (the familiar beginning-middle-end structure). The best part is you won't have to write sitting on the floor of an elevator like James did.

Sentences in the following paragraph have been scrambled. Reorder them with the topic sentence first, followed by supporting statements, followed by a closing or summary statement:

They also tell lies because they are trying to hide something, or even hurt someone with harmful words. There may be times when we know why someone lies, but most of the time we don't. We can never know why people tell lies. On the other hand, people often tell lies because they don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Sometimes people lie because they are afraid the truth won't get them what they want.

Pretend you're Jessica and need to write a paragraph describing why you want to be an actress, or pretend you're James and want to write one to the basketball coach describing why you think you should be on the team; or, write one of your own. Whichever you choose, just make up the content, and make sure you have a beginning, middle, and end.

When your writing has more than one paragraph, you can end each with a sentence that serves as a transition to the next paragraph, thereby helping your reader continue to see how your information fits together. Notice how the last sentence in the following paragraph points to the next paragraph.

I've often wondered why Ludwig von Mayonaze tries to stand on his head when he wants to think. Maybe he wants to see the world upside down. Maybe he just likes making fun, or maybe he likes to shock people. He may have social reasons like these, but I doubt they are the only possible reasons (key transition phrase).

Ludwig von Mayonaze just might be totally crazy. (paragraph continues with possible clinical or medical reasons why Ludwig does what he does)

For the following exercise, you are going to reverse the idea of putting the topic sentence first. Instead, you're going to put it last. This variation, known as an "inverted" paragraph, works as a way to hook your readers when you begin your essay or story. Your goal is to begin with an interesting detail that leads your readers toward your topic sentence, which now acts as your concluding or summarizing sentence in the first paragraph.

In the following inverted paragraph, the writer begins with a detail about the topic, something that will entice the reader to read further. Supporting sentences then build toward the last, or topic sentence.

I get confused. I get frustrated, and sometimes I get overwhelmed. Maybe I should find someone to talk with about it, this feeling of not knowing what's going on in my life or what to do about school and my friends. Sometimes I just want to turn the music up and escape in my favorite daydreams. I didn't realize it before, but I'm sure now that growing up can have its difficult moments.

Write an inverted paragraph on what you want to do when you finish high school, one that begins with detail and ends with your topic sentence.

Because this structure is rare in scholastic writing assignments, ask your teacher if and when you could use it.

How can we improve this exercise? Introductory Paragraph from Elephant in the Bathtub

A beginning paragraph must accomplish two things, at least: it must capture your reader's interest and it must introduce your topic. If you're writing an essay, the paragraph may contain your thesis sentence, typically the last sentence in the paragraph.

Ludwig gave James four approaches to writing an introductory paragraph. Can you describe them? Are there others?

Go back to something you have written in the past, something assigned by one of your teachers. Look at your introductory paragraph and see if it fulfills the two essentials mentioned above. If not, rewrite the paragraph using one of the openings Ludwig described—the one most appropriate for your original audience and topic. It might help to ask opinions on your new paragraph from a parent, a friend, or your teacher.

For many of your writing assignments, your reader will be your teacher. In this next exercise, choose a different audience, then write an introductory paragraph using one of the four types of openings. Your audience can be your parents, a friend, the president of the United States, a TV star, your brother or sister, anyone, even someone no longer alive (John F. Kennedy, Michael Jackson, etc.).

At home, look for samples of good introductory paragraphs (magazines, newspapers, internet) and write a comment regarding the type of opening each uses. If some use approaches that do not fit within the four you have worked with in this exercise, comment on the approaches and why you believe they succeed as introductory paragraphs.

In your local newspaper, look at the beginning of any front-page news article, then at the beginning of a feature article such as a human interest story, usually on an inside page, and be prepared to discuss them.

How can we improve this exercise? Concluding Paragraph from Whose Revenge is This, Anyway?

When you write introductory paragraphs, you do your best to capture the reader's interest while introducing your topic or thesis. When you write a concluding paragraph, pretend your reader is standing in front of you, saying: "Okay, so give me a concluding paragraph that helps me see the meaning or significance of what you've been telling me. Keep in mind that I'm also probably going to be thinking, So what? or Now what?"

To answer questions like that, you must write a paragraph that shares some of the information you give in your introductory paragraph while still giving your essay or story the closure every reader needs. Writers often call it "coming full circle." Notice in the paragraphs below how James's concluding paragraph repeats—but not verbatim—the thesis he introduced in his introductory paragraph. For now, let's leave out James's and Jessica's elephant and doofus remarks.

Introductory Paragraph

According to a recent survey conducted by the American Teachers Association, many students attending middle level grades have trouble finding the different classrooms they have to get to throughout the day. One solution has been created at Midland School, where teachers and eighth-graders have introduced solutions to help new students get their bearings before the school year begins.

Concluding Paragraph

Today, the problem continues to grow but so do the number and kinds of solutions. Students at Midland School now look not only to teachers for solutions created by the staff and administration, but also to experienced students who have found their own ways to avoid the embarrassment of ending up in the wrong classroom. When both students and teachers join to help, the problem of students getting lost is sure to diminish over time.

How does the last sentence in the concluding paragraph help bring James's essay to a close?

Find four concluding paragraphs in published essays, articles, or stories that give the reader a sense of closure. Be prepared to discuss how the paragraphs provide the closure.

Splices, Shifts, Fragments from James Accepts a Challenge Read this story again, and see if you can find the mistakes James and Zack found.

Modifiers from It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's...DM?

You won't find too many modifiers dangling from buildings in your city, but you might find some in the exercises below. When you find a "dangler," see if you can rewrite the sentence to correct the dangle. Don't assume that every sentence contains a dangle; some sentences are correct and need no editing. When you see a modifier used correctly, go to the next sentence.

I ran to see an elephant go by in my pajamas.

Covered with hot melted cheese, Mr. Johnson ate the pizza.

Looking for an agile analogy, I asked Bwana Bob to loan me his binoculars.

Hanging on the wall, my mom really liked the picture.

He went to the library wearing a leather jacket.

Afraid that Sheila might not have received his text invitation, Zack sent her a second one.

We saw dinosaurs on a field trip to the natural history museum. Don't try to pat the dog on the porch that is growling.

While reading a book, my cat crawled into my lap.

Subject-Verb Agreement from Lights! Camera! Oops!

Jessica was proud of herself when she corrected Earl St. Clair Vincent during her experience with the soap opera people, and she'll probably continue to look for—and correct—other similar faults in subject-verb agreement.

You'll have a chance to do the same in the exercises below. Take your time as you study each example; some combinations will be easy to analyze while others may be a bit tricky. The following exercises do not cover all possibilities—and there are many—but they do represent some of the more common problems in faulty subject-verb agreements. Correct agreement faults when you see them. Notice that some of the sentences are correct.

Singular subject, singular verb:

The thought of doing these exercises give me a headache.

James blushes every time Lisa smiles at him.

A pair of scissors were the murder weapon.

The new kid, along with his parents, (is? are?) expected shortly.

Each of the fifty students want to earn a high SAT score.

My dresses makes me look like a TV star.

Singular subject, compound verb:

Amy, one of the script supervisors, talk and fidget all day long. Sometimes Jessica shakes her head and criticizes her reflection.

Earl St. Clair Winston looked at me funny then told me to get off the stage.

James makes a basket then, with the other players, run down the court.

Mr. Johnson, along with three other teachers, are going to allow law enforcement day.

Compound subject, singular verb:

Ben & Jerry's is a favorite ice cream place.

A bus or a streetcar pass this point every two minutes.

Neither sardines nor oyster soup (was? were?) served because they both make me upchuck.

The wear and tear on Zack's car were bad to be sure.

Jessica and Jeremy's team (take? takes?) little credit even though they win all the time.

Compound subject, compound verb: Ludwig and Andy (the snowman with red eyes) laughs and eats disgusting food all day.

My brother and I often yell and throw pillows at each other.

Huey, Dewey and Louie walks and quacks behind Donald.

My mom and dad pokes and prods James to keep his room clean.

Plural-form subjects with a singular meaning take a singular verb. Can you find the incorrect agreements in the following sentences?

Physics is the only class I have on Friday.

Friends is one of the most popular shows on television.

TV news tell me all about celebrity gossip.

Animal-rights programs deserves more attention by lawmakers.

Collective nouns (e.g., team, committee, group, class), when acting together as a unit, take a singular verb (Remember the line Jessica was supposed to read?). When individuals are acting separately, however, the verb can be plural. Look at the last example below.

The school board announced its decision to let students out early. (Should the pronoun "its" remain if the subject were "school board members"?)

(What is the subject in the following sentence? The verb?) Today, Mr. Johnson's language arts class takes the final exam.

Every afternoon the baseball team follows the coach to the field. (the subject? the verb?)

Bat wings and snake tongues is not my idea of a tasty lunch. (Should bat wings and snake tongues be considered a collective singular?)

Ham and eggs are my favorite breakfast. (Same question)

The crew was lying on their stomachs on the deck, some with their arms outstretched over the side of the boat while others covered their eyes. (Is the agreement correct or should it be, "Crew were"?)

Some tricky ones for class discussion:

All she can count on (is or are?) her tears, one after the other. The number of volunteers (grow or grows?) each year.

What we need (is or are?) more breaks and fewer rules.

The Black Eyed Peas (is or are?) Zack's favorite hip hop group.

See how many subject-verb mistakes you can find in the following paragraph (adapted from a University of Oregon grammar handbook):

Uncle Luke and his girlfriend, Kelly, is coming to visit me next weekend. Unfortunately, neither of them are very interesting. Every time they visit, Kelly sleeps about eighteen hours a day, and Luke tells childhood stories over and over. There is only about three stories in his entire repertoire, and, although he finds them amusing, neither his stories nor his one and only joke are funny at all. I try to get him to discuss other topics, but economics are his only real interest, and I don’t find that topic very interesting either. I hate to admit it, but I hope the days they spend with me passes quickly.

See a problem in the following sentence?

Often, mistakes in subject-verb agreement are not made because writers doesn't know any better; it's because they're careless.

Comma Splice from Scalpel! Sponge! Semicolon!

Remember Dr. Slicer, the surgeon who operated on Jessica's comma splice? Well, Dr. Slicer is currently on safari with Dr. Izzy Curious and Bwana Bob and cannot help as you take on the exercises below. On the bright side, you won't have to sit in an ER waiting room. This time you'll be in a familiar setting, Midland Elementary School, where you're the editor of the school newsletter. As the editor, you must make sure there are no grammar goofs or other flaws, including comma splice. You'll also look for a sentence flaw we haven't mentioned yet, the run-on sentence, a kind of cousin to the comma splice.

First, let's define comma splice one more time: a comma splice occurs when two complete statements are joined by a comma instead of by a period, semicolon, or coordinating conjunction. In the following exercises, find the comma splices then correct the sentences.

Quick review

Coordinating conjunctions: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so, with the mnemonic FANBOYS as a way to remember them. Comma: separates elements within a sentence. Semicolon: indicates a close relationship between statements. example: "Lisa lost her cell phone; it fell out of her backpack." Period: indicates a full stop, giving the reader's mind a chance to "take a breath."

It's time to start editing. The following sentences, taken from stories submitted by students, contain comma splice errors. Correct them by inserting a coordinating conjunction, a semicolon, or a period. Stay alert; one sentence is correct.

The seventh grade drama class will put on its interpretation of Romeo and Juliet, it's about star-crossed lovers.

The school would like to welcome our new teachers for the coming year, they don't know what they're in for, do they?

The librarian is asking for a volunteer to help her in the library after school, there is one condition, though. You can't sit there and text when you should be helping.

There is a new dress code. The details are published on a poster in the cafeteria, and you better rethink that orange Mohawk; there's a move to ban them. The cafeteria is offering a new menu prepared by our new chef, Mr. Mayonaze, he is known for his unusual dishes.

Anyone knowing the whereabouts of Mr. Mayonaze should report to the principal's office immediately, students are throwing up in the cafeteria.

The following sentences illustrate the error known as a run-on sentence, or when an independent clause follows another without punctuation. Notice that each sentence contains two complete statements (each with subject and verb) that should be separated by a period, a semicolon, or a comma.

James Davis scored 15 points in the game against Trotter Jr. High he's our man in a pinch.

Mr. Johnson in Language Arts applauds Zack Wilson's attempt to write a poem we recommend next time Zack not use so many gross words.

There will be a guest speaker on Wednesday, the 7th, to talk about how writing can help us today and in the future don't bother to ask because there will be no pizza or Cokes. Montana is not the capitol of Cuba please study just a little bit more before taking the next newsletter quiz.

Fragments from The Very First Fragman

In the story about fragments, the man giving the presentation talked about how sentence fragments are usually mistakes that need to be corrected. True, but there are occasions when a fragment can add emphasis or clarity. Rarely will you ever see intentional fragments in formal essays, but you may see them in fiction and poetry. If you're not sure about using them in your own work, ask your teacher.

Each of the following sentences contains a fragment. Some are mistakes and some are intentional, with the intentional ones designed to create excitement, suspense, or emphasis. Look at the fragments carefully and decide which ones are probably intentional and which are not.

"I heard there's a tiger around here," Bwana Bob said. "A big, bad tiger."

Jessica asked Sheila if she knew anything more about Jeremy. Likes, dislikes, favorite music, movies, that sort of thing.

It's not good to be nervous on your first date. Especially when you know it probably shows.

James wanted to make the basketball team for several reasons. To show that he could succeed at whatever he tried to do.

Pickled beetle eyeballs in lung gravy. Andy the snowman was thoughtful when he brought a covered dish to Ludwig's cave that day.

When Jessica saw her new jeans outfit in the full-length mirror, she could think of only one way to describe it. Chic and cool, just the right outfit for her first date with Jeremy.

Working until midnight. Zack wasn't able to finish the assignment; he spent too much time thinking about Sheila.

James kept reminding Jessica that he was never going to listen to Ludwig von Mayonaze again. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.

When Mr. Johnson was asked if he would give Jessica an A for her latest assignment, his answer was simple enough. "In a New York minute," he said. Who would have predicted it ten years ago? That women's basketball would become so popular.

Onomatopoeia from Finding King Onomatopoeia

Go back to this story again and see how many words you can find that serve as onomatopoeia words—not the ones Ima points out to James and Jessica, but the ones the author used when writing the story.

Find the onomatopoeia words in Sir Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, "Come Down, O Maid."

...the moan of doves in immemorial elms, And murmuring of innumerable bees.

Is the following an example of onomatopoeia?

Baa baa black sheep

In the next exercise, chose the words you think should go in the blanks, the words that create appropriate sounds:

On a silly dare, Zack dropped the watermelon from the roof and heard it go_____ on the sidewalk below.

clunk crunchsplat thud

On a field trip to Midland Airport, James ducked as he heard the ______of the jet that flew over his head.

roar zoom blast whir

Jessica liked the ______of the bell on top of her Santa cap.

clink clang jingle rattle

With a final______, James cut through the last big bush.

swish whack plop crack

Zack could not believe he had to go on a field trip to a farm. Farms stink, he used to think, and then there's all kinds of messy stuff to step in. Now, with his classmates standing beside him at the pig pen, Zack stared at a little pig that was staring back at him. "So, little pig," Zack said, "let's hear your little ______so we can go on to the next freak show." snort burp oink grunt

Write a paragraph (on any subject) that contains at least two examples of onomatopoeia.

Sentence Variety from One Dumb Bank Robber

Many of your sentences will conform to the typical structure of subject-verb-object (a declarative sentence), as seen in the following:

James wanted to trick the robber. Jessica wanted to get out of there. Mr. Johnson was glad Jessica won the transition face-off. Ludwig von Mayonaze stood on his head like a drunken monkey.

Such a structure is common, but when sentences like the above are strung together they can become repetitive and boring. Plus, the similarity in structure gives the reader the impression that all your information has the same significance, making it difficult to emphasize or highlight information.

Example of how a series of simple sentences can become boring and ineffective:

Zack did not get much sleep. He fell asleep in class the next day. Mr. Johnson frowned when he saw Zack sleeping. He threw an eraser to wake him. Zack woke up quickly. Mr. Johnson asked him if he would like to sit in the corner like a first-grader. Zack said no.

Here's a new version, one with sentences that vary in length and structure:

With little sleep the night before, Zack fell asleep in class the next day. Not only did Mr. Johnson frown when he saw Zack sleeping, he threw an eraser at him, waking him quickly. When Mr. Johnson asked him if he would like to sit in the corner like a first-grader, Zack said no.

Let's Create Some Variety:

When you have two thoughts to express, and they are equal in significance, you can combine them into a compound sentence with a coordinating conjunction such as "and" or "but."

Jessica wanted to get out of there, and James wanted to stay long enough to trick the robber. James wanted to trick the robber, and Jessica said she would help. When you have two closely related thoughts, you can combine them with a semicolon:

Jessica wanted to get out of there; she remembered what happened the last time she was this scared.

It's easy to think about getting a date; knowing how to ask is the hard part.

Variation using introductory information set off by a comma:

Original version: Jessica remembered the day James asked her to get a wrench when she was at the mall. She knew she would get him back one day.

With introductory phrase: Remembering the day James asked her to get a wrench when she was at the mall, Jessica knew that she would get him back one day.

Remember Dr. Slicer?

Dr. Slicer was in the operating room. He donned a mask and rubber gloves, then stepped up to the operating table and looked down at the patient.

Here's how the above actually appeared in the story:

In the operating room, Dr. Slicer donned a mask and rubber gloves, then stepped up to the operating table and looked down at the patient.

The above examples use introductory information at the beginning of the sentences. Try reversing the structure by adding the information at the end.

James chuckled, knowing Jessica would have to call him about the wrench.

Jessica always pulled the covers back before she got into bed, assuming there might be an ugly surprise from her brother.

American children have long been taught to visualize a composition as a finished edifice, its topic sentences all in place, its spelling correct, its appearance tidy. William Zinsser, Writing to Learn Harper & Row, New York, 1988

You can also combine both introductory and concluding phrases or clauses: Standing before the wreckage of his bulldozed home, John Felton felt sick to his stomach, certain that somebody had made a terrible mistake.

After reading the report, I agree that students would do better in school if the mean students were expelled, especially the ones who bully and humiliate other students. Full Story »

You can also vary your sentences by interjecting information in the middle of a sentence. Here's a example taken from an article about J.D. Salinger, author of Catcher in the Rye:

A sentence combination without an interjection:

He spent more time and energy avoiding the world than most people do in embracing it. That has often been said.

Here's the way the sentence with an interjection:

"He spent more time and energy avoiding the world, it was sometimes said, than most people do in embracing it."

New York Times, January 28, 2010

Could we write the same sentence like this?

It has been said that he spent more time and energy avoiding the world than most people do in embracing it.

Another example of an interjection set off by commas: Detective Gitem, unaware that a robbery was taking place, sat on the hood of her patrol car and ate two double cheeseburgers.

When you interject information, and set it off with commas, you can make sure you have done it correctly by removing the interjection then checking to see if you still have a complete sentence. If "unaware that a robbery was taking place" is removed from the sentence above, will you still have a complete sentence?

Rewrite the following paragraph, adding variation in the way thoughts are expressed. There is no right or wrong answer, as there are many ways to express a given thought.

My dad says one day I will want to be different. He says I won't want to be like my friends. He says that right now I want to be like my friends because I want to be accepted. He told me that when I get older I will be like a butterfly. He says I will want to emerge from being like everybody. I will want to become a whole new me. He says I will want to be a person with a new voice, attitude, and outlook on life. I don't know if I want to be different. People who are different are on the outside. They are alone. If I want to be a hermit I guess I would want to be different. For now, I think I want to be like my friends.

Choose one of the subjects below, or one of your own, and write a paragraph made up of sentences that vary in construction and length:

Nobody understands me. My strengths and weaknesses My favorite song and why I like it What I like (or don't like) about school. If I could do anything I wanted

There are many ways to vary your sentences; some variations, like the following, will affect the tone of what you're writing, and some will be acceptable only in informal writing. To be safe, ask your teacher.

Ask a question, then answer it:

It weighs 6.5 million tons and stands 455 feet tall. What is it? No, it is not the Empire State building. It is the Great Pyramid Giza.

Follow a question with a fragment:

Why does Zack Wilson keep annoying people? Because he wants to be a rebel.

Set off emphatic information with dashes:

I am tired—and I mean really tired—of people calling me names.

The problem may be the students themselves—their feelings, emotions, reactions—or it might be the people who keep telling them what to do.

Sometimes you can use a dash to add emphatic information at the end of a sentence—that's right, at the end. Sometimes you can lead with a series, followed by a dash, like this:

Natural disasters, terrorist attacks, global disease—there’s no shortage of major issues to fret about these days (Also, look at the first sentence in the episode, It's Latin for Kidnapping).

Or add one or two emphatic words at the end, set off by a dash, like this:

A New Zealand man is recovering after being run over by his wife—twice. Follow a main statement with a colon plus a phrase or clause that explains, amplifies, or extends the thought in the statement:

James has some advice for anyone trudging through the African underbrush: be careful where you step.

The goal of the American educational system is clear: every student should graduate from high school ready for college and a career.

There's two things we all agree on: a shorter school year and a longer summer. Add a short sentence after a longer one (emphasis on Mr. Johnson's reaction): Many students agree that the new lights in the classroom will help everyone in the room stay awake when Zack gives another talk on how oil circulates through a car engine. Mr. Johnson disagrees.

Here's a sentence that combines two independent clauses separated by a semicolon, ending with an emphatic interjection set off by a dash:

Judge Gil Tee spared James and Jessica from the alligator pit; he was not so sympathetic when a bully named Daren stood before him—in fact, he hit the trap door button before Daren could say a word.

Here's an example of introductory information at the beginning followed by an independent clause with an interjection set off by commas: Unable to reach DM, the fireman tried to remember his training in getting suicidal modifiers off a ledge, especially the part about trying to get them to talk about their troubles.

Transitions from The Bunny Suit

If a friend asked you, "What's a transition?" what would you say?

E. B. White, noted essayist and author of Charlotte's Web, said "...most readers are in trouble about half the time," meaning that readers are often confused trying to figure out what writers are trying to say. Often, the confusion arises because readers are not shown how the writer's thoughts are related; writers instinctively know when and where to insert helpful transitions such as "because," "therefore," and "as a result." Readers do not know, and need the help of a variety of transitions.

Remember the story, "The Bunny Suit"? When Mrs. Miller gave the hint, "To show cause and effect," Jessica shouted the transitional phrase, "as a result," beating Mr. Johnson to the buzzer. She got it right not only because she remembered the phrase ("as a result") but also because she remembered that it indicates a cause and effect relationship. Here's another example:

Jessica won the transitions challenge. As a result, Mr. Johnson had to wear the bunny suit to class.

Let's experiment for a moment. As you read the following paragraph, you may not realize it immediately but the original transitions have been removed. Notice how the sentences appear to be standing alone, with a weak relationship to each other: King Onomatopoeia opened the invitation from Ludwig von Mayonaze. He was sitting in the village burger restaurant, gulping down a bag of fries. The king frowned and ordered a bag of fries. The invitation was flown in by a squawking jungle bird. Now it lay on the table while the king stared at it. The king opened the invitation and read: "Please join me for a delicious stew of spider legs and snake tongues." The king tossed the invitation in the trash and ordered a chocolate shake.

Here's the paragraph again, this time with a slight rewrite plus the original transitions restored (in bold): When King Onomatopoeia received the invitation from Ludwig von Mayonaze, he was sitting in the village burger restaurant, gulping down a bag of fries. Hearing of Ludwig's reputation as a kooky character, the king frowned and ordered another bag of fries. The invitation, flown in by a squawking jungle bird, lay on the table while the king stared at it. After ten minutes, the king opened the invitation and read: "Please join me for a delicious stew of spider legs and snake tongues." Finally, after trying to picture such a distasteful meal, the king tossed the invitation in the trash and ordered a chocolate shake.

In the second sentence, the transitional phrase, "Hearing of Ludwig's reputation as a kooky character," tells the reader why the king is frowning. The second sentence also includes "another," telling the reader that the King has ordered a second bag of fries. The third sentence uses the technique of repetition, where a word or phrase previously stated is picked up and used to carry the image forward. In this case, the word is "invitation."

The fourth sentence begins with the transition, "After ten minutes," telling the reader when the king opened the invitation; the sentence also includes another repeat of "invitation." The last sentence uses two transitions, "Finally" and "such a distasteful meal." "Finally" tells the reader that the scene is about to end, and "such a distasteful meal" repeats in part the meal just mentioned.

Examples of words and phrases used as transitions:

To indicate addition: again, also, too, and, and then, besides, equally important, finally, first, further, furthermore, in addition, likewise, moreover, next, second, third

Note the "In addition" transition in this example from an article by Robin Nixon for LifeScience.com, as reported in Yahoo News, February 2, 2010:

In the United States, 10 to 13 percent of school-age kids experience some form of rejection by their peers. In addition to causing mental health problems, bullying and social isolation can increase the likelihood a child will get poor grades, drop out of school, or develop substance abuse problems....

Here's some more words and phrases that can help you show how your information fits together: To indicate cause and effect: accordingly, as a result, consequently, in short, otherwise, then, therefore, this, truly

To indicate comparison: in a like manner, likewise, similarly

To indicate concession: after all, although this may be true, at the same time, even though, naturally

To indicate contrast: and yet, at the same time, but, however, in contrast, in spite of, nevertheless, notwithstanding, to the contrary, on the other hand, still

An example of a contrast transition:

Shunned children have few opportunities to practice social skills, while popular kids are busy perfecting theirs. However, having just one or two friends can be enough to give a child the social practice he or she needs....

Robin Nixon, Yahoo News, February 2, 2010 To indicate special features or examples: for example, for instance, in fact, in particular, specifically, that is, to illustrate, to demonstrate

To indicate time relations: afterwards, before, as long as, as soon as, at last, at length, at that time, at the same time, earlier, immediately, lately, later, meanwhile, presently, shortly, since, soon, temporarily, thereafter, until, when, while

Pronouns also make effective transitions, as in this example from the Robin Nixon article:

"The number one need of any human is to be liked by other humans," Lavoie told LiveScience. "But our kids are like strangers in their own land. They don't understand the basic rules of operating in society and their mistakes are usually unintentional...."

Secondary reference as a transition:

Jessica couldn't stop thinking about James's poem, the one he wrote to help get Carla Mangione down from the water tower. A perfect example, she decided, of her brother's inability to talk to girls.

You can also repeat a key word or phrase, as in these examples:

New screening techniques are being developed to combat viral infections. These techniques are the subject of.... Nova University summer institutes are week-long conferences that bring together students and nationally recognized educators to share ideas in education. This year, the conference will offer....

In the following exercises, choose an appropriate transition.

To show addition: You and me_____baby makes three.

To indicate cause and effect: The bank robber spent too much time in the bank. ______, he was arrested.

To indicate comparison: We elect a president of the United States. ______, we elect a president of our class.

To indicate concession: ______James set the oven temperature correctly, he still managed to burn the cookies.

To indicate contrast: Sheila didn't want to go to the dance, ______Jessica talked her into it.

To indicate special features or examples: Lisa Caldwell appears to have a flair for creative writing. ______, she's won the best-poem award two years in a row.

To indicate time relations: It was about noon when the man threw the cheessburger at the girl behind the counter. ______, around 3 o'clock, Detective Gitem arrived at the Davis house.

The transitions you have seen thus far are sometimes called mechanical transitions, common terms or phrases that can be used again and again. There is also another kind of transition, one that does not rely on existing words or phrases, and they are sometimes called logical transitions. The label "logical" does not mean that mechanical transitions are illogical; the term refers only to the fact that the relationship between sentences is apparent within the context of the writing and the reader's existing experience and knowledge.

Example: The test will begin at 2:00 pm in room 1204. Everyone be sure to bring all necessary tools to solve geometry problems.

The writer believes the relationship between the two sentences is apparent, and need not be assisted by a mechanical transition such as Therefore, everyone be sure....

Two more examples:

Mr. Johnson talked Zack into entering an essay contest. When she heard about it, Jessica wondered when Zack would show up asking for help. (Can you see a dependent clause acting as a transition in the above sentence?) Midland School teachers recently began a new series of teaching techniques. If student grades improve, the school could earn a Class AA rating.

If you're going to rob a bank—and you plan on writing the teller a note—don't ask someone to help you write it. Police files are full of criminals who unwittingly revealed their intentions and ended up in handcuffs before they could act.

Important Caution: When you use these so-called logical transitions, be confident in your belief that your readers have the necessary experience and knowledge to form relationships among sentences on their own, without the aid of mechanical transitions. Typically, good writing contains a mix of both logical and mechanical transitions.

Finally, without transitions, your writing will be difficult to understand. You may have chosen the right information, and you may have organized it admirably, but unless you include a variety of transitions your information will be incoherent to an uninformed reader. It's easy for you to overlook the importance of transitions because you don't need them. Readers do.

Metaphor, Simile, Analogy from Hunting the Magnificent Metaphor, the Spotted Simile, the Agile Analogy

Metaphors, similes, and analogies will give your writing a descriptive quality it would not otherwise have. Just make sure you avoid two common pitfalls: first, avoid clichés like "He ran like a bat out of hell" or "It's raining cats and dogs." Like many worn out illustrations, they have used up their originality and should be carted off to the cliché cemetery. Second, you must make sure your reader can relate to your intended image or reference. If you write, "The town was as boring as Clarkesville," your reader—who has never been to Clarkesville—will not be able to share your memories of boredom.

If you do use an existing metaphor or simile, give it a new look. The slogan "Think outside the box" is starting to lose its originality, but Taco Bell gave it new life when their copywriter came up with "Think outside the bun." Here's a new version of a familiar simile: "She not only eats like a bird; she eats like a baby bird."

There is a third caution: use these devices sparingly. They can make your writing interesting and memorable, but don't overdo it. Remember, when a writing device is used again and again, readers will get tired of the same old, same old (there's a cliché right there!).

In the following exercises, pick the most appropriate metaphor. Virginia spikes a volleyball so hard, players call her the______.

batter hammer shooter pusher

Normally a pussycat behind the wheel, Mr. Johnson turns into a ______when somebody cuts him off.

monster beast tiger wild man

Her home was a ______, with every door and window locked day and night.

hell dungeon misery prison

Jessica watched her brother devour the whole pizza. He's a _____, she thought.

animal slob pig beast

A simile uses either "like" or "as" to make a comparison. Unlike a metaphor, which says that something is something, a simile tries to point out a similarity. A few examples:

Harry the hare ran like a scared cheetah. Sad as a goldfish in a bowl with no water As happy as a child with a new toy Billy smiled like a man holding a winning lottery ticket.

Find five examples of both metaphor and simile and be prepared to discuss them in class.

Remember, analogies not only extend a similarity, but they also show how they are similar. Remember James's observation when he and Jessica were on safari, in search of analogies?

I liken this safari to a trip to the mall. My silly sister is always worried about how she looks, I keep bumping into oddballs who should be walking on all fours, and I’m always thinking something scary is going to jump out at me.

Here's three more examples:

Our volleyball team is like a mountain climber who has almost reached the top of Mt. Everest. We have worked hard to reach our goals and they are almost in our grasp, but one false step and there is nowhere to go but down. Leif Danielson Teacher2b.com

Trying to answer the question is like trying to catch a greased pig. Just when I think I have an answer, and try to write it down, it slips out of my mind and scurries away. A writer is like a forest ranger, leading readers along an unfamiliar trail of information. Readers often stray, however, when the writer fails to write with the readers' expectations in mind.

In the following exercise, write two paragraphs that include analogies. If you can't think of anything, brainstorm out loud, like this:

Maybe I could compare my room to a jail, or maybe I could talk about how my dreams remind me of something? Is riding on the bus like something else? Are mean students like animals with no compassion?

How can we improve this exercise? Action Verbs from A Kiss? A Peck? A Smooch?

Action verbs give your writing movement, motion, like a still picture that has suddenly come to life—but keep in mind that "is" is not an action verb; it is a static form of the verb "to be," and indicates a condition or state of being. When you have "is" or "was" acting as main verbs in your sentences, look again for the real action. For example, if you write, "Blushing is something Jessica does when she's around Jeremy," notice that the real action verb, "blush," is not acting at all—in fact, it's now the subject. Here's a better version, one that puts the right subject with the right verb: "Jessica blushes when she's around Jeremy."

Although action verbs are needed to give your writing vigor and interest, don't overlook the need now and then for verbs that do indicate conditions, as shown in the following examples:

It is raining. Jessica and Jeremy are good friends now. My brother is a doofus. The Pain Master is on the loose! The plane is taking off but the passengers are still in the terminal.

When James looked again at his essay about students who couldn't find their classrooms, he saw, "Some students were seen wandering the halls, looking for room numbers." He changed it to "Some students wandered the halls, looking for room numbers." Which tells you the real action, "were seen" or "wandered" ?

In the following example, which version uses a good action verb?

The police officer put handcuffs on Mr. Johnson and put him in the backseat of the patrol car. The police officer handcuffed Mr. Johnson and pushed him into the backseat of the patrol car.

When you edit your writing, be sure to check your verbs, making sure that when there is action your verbs express that action.

Pick the best action verb for each of the following sentences: Zack _____the stink bomb behind the plant then strolled out of the room, whistling as he glanced around to see if anyone was watching.

hid put set located After a long, cold day pulling crab nets from the Bering Sea, the men aboard Wave Catcher ______a hot meal.

think about consider long for ponder

The hungry panda bear cub ______the leaves in less than five seconds while visitors watched and giggled.

ate devoured consumed swallowed Finding the apartment door locked, and after hearing screams from inside, the cops drew their guns and ______the door.

opened kicked in walked through knocked on

Two major storms will _____ the U.S. on Friday, including one that could bury the Mid-Atlantic under more than a foot of snow. Full Story » arrive at come to hit affect

Write ten sentences based on your own life experiences, making sure each includes at least one action verb. Writers often fail to choose appropriate action verbs because they slip unintentionally into passive voice (see The Day Senator Sharp Came to Town).

Appealing to the Senses from Daffy Duck Sunglasses and Socks That Glow in the Dark

We need to help readers experience the worlds we create when we write, and one way to do that is to appeal to the fives senses (touch, smell, taste, sound, and sight). In the following example, Sarah Todd includes an appeal to all five senses in one scene:

The apple was bright green, its skin polished and shining as it nestled in the fruit bowl (sight). The scent was fresh, as though the fruit had just been plucked from the tree (smell). She took it from the bowl, her fingers closing around the firm smooth skin (touch) as she lifted it to her lips. The apple crunched loudly (sound) as her teeth cut through the skin into the tart, juicy flesh (taste). As the fresh juice ran down her throat she noticed a small black speck moving slowly in the creamy flesh. Closer inspection revealed that she hadn’t just taken a bite from the apple – she’d bitten through a fat, juicy worm.

Sarah Todd, Author, www.Writing.com

More examples:

Touch: The man moved his fingers across the bumpy braille, silently mouthing the words.

Smell: After Zack's stink bomb went off, the room smelled like an angry skunk had just sprayed the place.

Taste: When Jessica tried a new cookie recipe, she gave the first taste to James. He bit into the soft center, then spit it out and gulped down a glass of water. "Wow," he said, "tastes like dirt."

Sound: The ceiling fan whirred overhead.

Sight: The fugitive was caught once the police learned that he was driving a red convertible with the bumper sticker, "Catch Me If You Can."

Write three sentences for each sense, on any subjects. If you're stumped for something to write about, here's a few hints:

Touch: the feel of an ice cube on your tongue, the feel of an afternoon sun on your skin, the feel of a friend's handshake

Smell: when you drive by a landfill, when you walk into a Pizza Hut, when you walk into a gym locker room

Taste: sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner, your least favorite medicine, your favorite snack

Sound: the drummer or guitarist on a favorite music CD, police cars racing to an emergency, the wind in the trees

Sight: the stars on a clear night, the look of happy, my dad's expression as he looks at my report card

How can we improve this exercise? Adjectives and Adverbs from No Pickles, Please

Author E.B. White comments on adjectives and adverbs (from the fourth edition of Elements of Style) :

Write with nouns and verbs, not with adjectives and adverbs...This is not to disparage nouns and adverbs; they are indispensable parts of speech. In general, however, it is nouns and verbs, not their assistants, that give good writing its toughness and color.

Notice that White does not suggest that you avoid adjectives and adverbs altogether, only that you look first to descriptive nouns and verbs to give your writing "toughness and color."

Here's how one editor deleted a few needless adverbs and adjectives:

Lisa types really amazingly well.

The silver shining moonlight softened the night.

"Put the gun down now," Detective Gitem said. defiantly.

The man in the story sprints away quickly when he sees the police officer.

Recalling the family vacation on the island, Jessica remembered the bothersome annoying roosters that kept her up and awake all night.

The zoo keeper said the parrot could whisper softly when prompted.

Our teacher gives us too many boring dull assignments. The newspaper reported the news accurately and factually.

I actually decided to study for the test.

I definitely want to go on to high school and play in the band.

Mark Twain really knew a lot about river boats.

Write five sentences on any subject, each time avoiding unnecessary adjectives and adverbs.

Active, Passive Voice from The Day Senator Sharp Came to Town

You have already studied one definition of voice, the one brought out in the story, Indiana James and the Vex of Voice. Now you will look at another form of voice in writing, one we know as active and passive voice.

Examples of active versus passive voice:

Passive: The bunny shoes were worn by Mr. Johnson. Active: Mr. Johnson wore the bunny shoes. Passive: The story was told by my dad. Active: My dad told the story.

Passive: The drugs were found by a teacher. Active: A teacher found the drugs. Passive: The idea to plant a stink bomb was Zack's. Active: It was Zack's idea to plant the stink bomb.

Passive: The right classrooms could not be found by many students. Active: Many students could not find the right classrooms.

In the following exercise, convert passive voice to active: Ugly, disgusting food is eaten by wacky Ludwig.

Essays are written by students at lots of schools.

Going to the mall to meet friends is something I enjoy on the weekend.

The speech was written by Winston Churchill when he was Prime Minister of Britain.

Can you believe scolding my teacher was the dream I had last night?

Finally, there are occasions when passive voice is acceptable:

When the actor or doer is unknown:

More than a hundred contaminants have been dumped in the river.

Baby James was delivered at midnight. The revolutionary principle was formulated in 1927.

When the "what" is more important than the "who:"

The frightening announcement shocked the committee.

The building of a railroad in Florida was a daunting task.

DNA evidence has exonerated many prisoners on death row.

Pleonasm from Photo Finish

Instead of running his legs, Harry the hare ran his mouth. Too bad, because all those unnecessary words lost him another bid to beat Turk the determined turtle. Writers commit a similar sin when they cloud their meaning with unnecessary words and phrases. In the following examples, look for redundancies, needles adjectives and adverbs, and sentence elements that could be combined. Zack asked Mr. Johnson if his essay was accurately correct.

Instead of actually quickly running with his very own legs, Harry the hare was seen running his very own mouth.

Possibly James maybe should have decided to put the top back on the blender a little before he decided to turn it back on.

The crime activity rate has declined down ever since the people in the legislator organization approved by voting yes to reinstating the death penalty.

Our school administrative officials should really allow the students to vote and elect class officers so they all can have an important hand in deciding how to go about taking part in certain activities around school.

Students who call other students insulting names should be punished. The punishment given should be detention or extra work.

Telling someone you like them is not easy. That is true especially if it is a boy wanting to tell a girl or a girl wanting to tell a boy.

The principal has in his possession a copy of the new cafeteria menu—which, fortunately, does not include anything donated by Ludwig von Mayonaze.

The phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in the morning.

A student who is honest will reap many rewards as time continues to go by in his or her life. Recently, when I was asked to state my own opinion on the writing assignments that are given to us, I arrived really quickly at my opinion. It is that I think they are sort of okay.

The report gave a brief summarization of the surrounding circumstances.

I would like to give my own personal opinion on how this school goes about treating all of the students. I think it is doing a really good job.

Do we say that we went to an ATM machine or that we went to an ATM, as the "M" stands for machine? This is very confusing for writers like me who are not informed on editorial matters such as this.

Recommending that a student copy from another student's paper is not something I would recommend.

As a matter of fact, the president wants to increase the minimum wage. Nobody wanted to go into the room because of the fact that Zack set off a stink bomb in there.

It seems that writing in general is becoming more important as a lot more people are trying to communicate with each other now. The boy in the balloon flew over the fields. As he flew, television cameras followed him. They followed him until the balloon ran out of air and crashed.

The mistakes in my essay are few in number. They should not in any way prevent me from getting an A.

Wilie Coyote told Daffy that he knew why he could never catch Road Runner. He said the reason was because Road Runner is on steroids. Copy the following paragraph, put it in a folder, and read it before you begin every writing assignment:

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

William Strunk, Jr. The Elements of Style

The Reflective Nature of Writing from Mirror, Mirror

Jeremy, Jessica's new friend, remembers Jessica's comment about how bad writing makes a bad impression, and has just sent her some email messages that he hopes she will correct. Jessica is busy, however, helping her brother buy a birthday present for his new girlfriend, Lisa. The following sentences contain a variety of flaws. Help Jessica by correcting them:

Hi Jessica. Are their alot of bullys at this school? If one bothered you I would protecct you.

Not knowing any better, a text message was okay I thought to ask you to the Hallaween dance.

My parent don't have money to buy me cool clothes, somedays i don't want to come too school.

I think u are someone I could talk. I came from another school and I dont no anybody. Do u understand these writing assignments?

I am certainly sure that when all is said and done it is totally not good for people like me to think and worry about what thinking is going on in the heads of other kids who are maybe probably thinking about something else, any way.

My favorite book is Cool Tunes. It was written by a guitar player. The guitarist plays alot at concerts. His name is Juan Morales.

Your suggestions and advice makes writing a little easier.

When I have writers block, Then should I do what James's did? My writing is really so awful bad, if I practice it will get better.

Do you think poor writing makes an impression on readers? Explain.