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The Well Cultured Anonymous

The Well Cultured Anonymous is a collaborative project between /b/tards to make the biggest compilation of self help information that ever hit /b/. From advice on Girls to advice on Clothing, it is truly an example of how smart Anon is.

Note:

Everything you read here was stolen from Wikichan.org by the buttons 'Ctrl', 'C' and 'V'. I just compiled the text into this picture, maybe happened before and I didn’t lurk enough but here it is, I give you The Well Cultured Anonymous. Introduction

You have seen them everywhere – self help topics of Anonymous begging for help with his life. Some people have no idea how they should dress other than wearing a Pantera t-shirt with jeans that their mother bought for them five years ago. Some have no idea how to approach women and spend their time masturbating to loli. And some just want to know if they should shave their pubes.

Here, my friends, is your answer. Written by anon, edited by anon, and perfected by anon. Every single tip, trick, and barrel roll you will ever need to know without having to ask for he;lp. The first chapters of this Wikibook will intend to enlighten and refresh your memory on the basics- how to look decent, how to keep in shape, and that kind of thing. Then, it will segue into other people- how to pick up women, how to handle other people, and how to have a dinner party where you don't throw food. Then, the miscellaneous things- college protips and tricks, and basically anything else you could ever want to know.

Read away. Edit away. Learn, Anonymous.

As proof that women are, indeed, on the Internets is on the increase, requests and edits may soon be made for a women's edition of the guide. As well, the "Uncultured Anonymous" may come soon as an alter ego guide for those of you looking for more "fun" ways of doing things.

DISCLAIMER

WARNING: The information in these chapters is not to be taken literally or be used in any way to commit any illegal acts. This information is for learning purposes only, and does not (directly or indirectly) support the topics discussed thereof. You take all responsibility for how you use any of these chapters, no matter what.

Disregard that, I suck cocks. Table of Contents: Cleaning Yourself Up:

1. Grooming 2. Dressing 1. The Big Bad List of Clothiers 1. Exercise 2. Manners 3. Eating

Sex and Relationships:

1. Girls 2. Seduction 3. Sex

Work and Play:

1. Coworkers and Friends 2. High School and College 1. Christian College 1. Work 2. Misc

About the Book

1. Authors and Contributors Cleaning Yourself Up

The Well Cultured Anonymous/Grooming

The Very Basics - Shower, Shave and Brush - every day

We're going to assume you're a cave-troll and have never washed in your life so ALL the "obvious" things are mentioned. Fuck, you should know how to do this, but who knows.

Showering

Showers are absolutely fucking essential. Showers are basically your way of keeping yourself fresh and new without having to do much other than rub yourself over.

Stuff you need: Soap (either bar or liquid), Shower, Towel - srsly, that's everything that's absolutely necessary, don't believe it? -then read on... Stuff you may want: Shampoo, Conditioner, (facial) Cleanser, Sponge/Flannel/Back-Brush/Bath-Mitt, TODO - anything else you can think of...

1. Turn on shower, get in.

2. Rinse - briefly rub all over before using the soap, get hair thoroughly soaked - this gets quite a bit of the dirt off (most of it if you're covered with mud or NOT MUD or something).

3. Wash - this should also be obvious, but start from the top and work your way down - this is so that you avoid rinsing washed-off dirt onto the parts you've already cleaned. Start with head/hair (Protip: YOU DON'T NEED SHAMPOO/CONDITIONER, soap will clean it fine, although you may prefer something else - go with what seems to work best for the money you want to spend; still, Conditioner is for metro-fags), rub the soap (or whatever) in for a couple minutes then rinse - repeat until it feels clean. Now the face, again, SOAP IS FINE, you can also use a flannel or scrape (scrape, not scratch) any of the greasier parts with a fingernail. Like the hair, soap/rub/rinse until clean. Now continue working downwards; arms, armpits, chest, back, balls, penis (that includes retracting the foreskin for cleaning if you're a Eurofag or not a Jew/Durkatard/AmeriKKKan), asscheeks, anus, legs, feet (including between toes). For washing the body, some abrasiveness may be useful - this can be "grainy" soap or the sponge/flannel/mitt mentioned above.

4. Rinse (again) - ensure all soap etc. is washed away. 5. Dry - Thoroughly, with a towel (or 2, unless you don't mind using the same one for your face and ass). Again, start with hair and work down to feet, pay particular attention to areas where skin rubs against skin (asscrack, armpits etc.)

Remember, remove everything you put on yourself that day/yesterday, meaning if you walk in smelling like cologne and booze, you need to come out smelling like soap.

Of course, use deodorant or antiperspirant. Unless you're one of the lucky ones whose BO isn't bad (get someone else to confirm this), pick one and use it. Go with sticks or roll-ons because spray wears off faster and covering yourself in it is worse then smelling like BO. Ax, Lynx or Tag will not get girls to jump you in the street, it's just marketing you dumb fucks, if you like the smell then use it in MODERATION!

Shaving

And then, the second most obvious task for you to do: Shave, unless you can grow nice facial hair that looks good on you. Horrible facial hair ruins a great face; great facial hair improves a horrible face. This doesn't mean for you to go out and grow a goatee- clean shaven men are usually preferred. The only exception to this is a "close but rough" shave, which some women find hot. That's just a five-o-clock shadow, so that comes with time, just shave it away in the mornings and let it come back in the evenings.

Electric or Traditional/Safety Razor

While the bladed razor does give you a much smoother shave compared to an electric razor, the tradeoff is that non-electric razors require:

1. Sink full of hot water 2. Shaving cream 3. Shaving cream brush (you don't need this but it makes application and lathering much easier and more effective) 4. Aftershave lotion/gel 4. Lots of time and steady hands

So while the electric is quick and dirty, the straight edge takes time and practice, so if you don't have a lot of spare time and you do not want to look like a stuck tomato (shaving cut + razor burn), go electric.

Brushing

Then comes the obligatory that your mother always taught you- brush and floss your teeth. Brushing your teeth, as well as occasionally flossing, is essential if you want to be frenching anyone any time soon. Make sure you have brushed your teeth before you leave your house in the morning and certainly after breakfast. Check your tongue for accumulated gunk (you should perhaps do this every time you go to a bathroom with a mirror), you can either brush it as well or scrape it all off with a thumbnail (sniff your thumbnail afterwards, did you really want to keep that in your mouth?, now wash your hands). If you're in a situation where you're going to be talking to people, and you think your breath might smell, chew some gum. You might find it helpful to always keep gum with you in case you might need it. The last thing is also important: brush your hair. Brushing your hair is necessary, no matter if you have short or long hair. For those of you with long hair, it gives it a sleeker and much more organized look- and for those of you with short, it keeps it from looking TOO messy. Then, if you feel the need, you can add gel or any other hair product to it. Just don't go overboard- if you look like you spent as much time as your date fixing your hair, there is a problem.

Handling Acne

If you have really bad acne, you could probably benefit from seeing a dermatologist. Ask your Primary doctor, as they can prescribe various creams for various severities. If it's only mild, you can treat it yourself by using the right facial cleanser and acne cream. Acne occurs when pores become plugged with dead skin cells and then become infected by bacteria. When you are buying facial cleanser, look for something that has salicylic acid listed as the active ingredient. Salicylic acid is an exfoliating agent. It helps keep your pores from getting clogged. Next, buy some acne cream that has benzoyl peroxide listed as the active ingredient. Benzoyl peroxide kills the bacteria that infect your pores. Wash your face and apply the cream two or three times per day. You should probably start out only applying it once per day, to make sure your skin doesn't have any adverse reactions to it. If your skin gets too dry because of the cream, you can apply moisturizer. The Less Frequent Things

Haircuts

Haircuts are like clothes- you either do well with them or majorly fuck them up. Of course, it's kinda hard to get ANY haircut right- even if you have the best haircut in the world, a stylist can butcher it in a second trying to be "original", or just being "fucking stupid".

With that in mind, know your salon procedure. First, find yourself a SALON- not a barbershop. Salons are usually run by women, not by men, which means that they tend to look at men's hair more than what seems to be the style on CNN or FOX News. Call in early and schedule an appointment- and for god's sake, ASK HOW LONG THE HAIRDRESSER HAS WORKED AT THE SALON. Never let them place you with "the new girl" (they will want to). If they do, you will no doubt get a butchered haircut with horrible fashion sense, much like you would get a bad dinner if you asked a new cook to make you something he has never made before.

As for your hairstyle, the best thing for you to do is ask the stylists. Some of the best advice in the world can be gotten with the same line you can use while clothes shopping- either "What do you think would look good on me", or "What would you do if you were going to date me?". These lines work like charms- but do note that you need to make sure that your stylist isn't freaking crazy. One particular anon learned very quickly that one does not use such a line when in the middle of a small town full of hick girls.

Cut Everything

Stop being a fucking troll- cut your fingernails and toenails, clean your ears, pluck your nostril hairs, get rid of any "mole hair" (dark hair coming out of moles), make sure your eyebrows are decent and not bushy, and cut off any hangnails (cuticle that comes loose) before it becomes painful. In addition, try trimming back some of the huge bush you got, less hair = bigger looking dick and less shit to scare a chick away with. Less hair, more head.

The Shaving Thing: Guys

This is one of those topics that is up for debate virtually all the time. You, being a male, are probably prone to growing body hair. Some girls like it, some girls don't. It's all up to you to decide what you do and determine if you want to look like a bear or not.

Basically, think of it this way- leg hair and arm hair are not problems. Believe it or not, many girls really don't care if you have gorilla-like leg hair- though if you have a nice body definition, it's good to shave it off. You may be ridiculed for this, so do be careful. But the real issue is your chest and most importantly, pubes. Your chest is another one of those "choose your own adventure" kind of deals- if you don't have shag-rug quality hair, there is very little reason for you to shave it. However, if you happen to have small light hairs that look stupid, shaving it might be a good idea anyway.

Pubes need to be trimmed. Always. Yes, it may be a little strange or arcane for you to do so, but getting rid of those things is the ticket into a woman's mouth and every other hole in between. This doesn't mean you should Nair the whole thing (though that does good if you like the bald look), it just means you need to keep it either trimmed or gone. And not like a mother fucking jungle. Hey, it's actually good for you- no unsightly pubes on the bathroom floor anymore, which is fucking disgusting.

The Shaving Thing: Girls

If you are a woman, on the other hand, most normal guys don't prefer to go to bed with Chewbacca. So, unless the guy you're fancying has a thing for girls that look like Zira from Planet of the Apes, you're going to want to shave. Key areas to watch out for:

 The legs. For a girl to have hairy legs is an instantaneous sign of lack of personal hygiene. A little leg stubble isn't something to become an hero over, but it is something to be wary of. Female leg hair can turn from tiny stubble to gorilla legs in a matter of days, so it's wise to take a razor to the leg hair every time you bathe, or if you're too chicken/inconvenienced by using a razor, opt for a depilatory cream instead. Nair or Veet work great here and the hair is gone for a longer time.

 The armpits. Armpit hair is not only unsightly, it serves as a collecting place for sweat, bacteria and dead skin cells, the cocktail of which can produce a nasty case of B.O. Shave your armpit hair, or as in the legs section, depilate it.

 The pubes. Yes, you heard correctly. Though you don't have to wax it like a porn star (and trust me, you don't want to. This is an expensive procedure, not to mention it hurts like hell.) It's your choice on whether you want to shave it or depilate it, but it's generally better to depilate. You don't have to bend like a contortionist to shave every nook and cranny. Whether you're being seen naked or in a bikini, grooming your pubic hair is a good thing. Nobody wants to look at a hot chick at the beach and see the Amazon Rainforest hanging out of her bikini bottom. At the same time if you're lucky enough to have a guy go down on you (and you have to be REALLY lucky for this one) he doesn't want to get hair in his teeth. You don't have to shave it all off either. Mostly watch the bikini line.

The Tanning Thing

Getting a tan, while usually frowned upon by most men, is basically your ticket from looking like a pudgy sack of shit. Be honest with yourself- girls with tans, especially nude girls with tans, look really fucking good. Thus, by inference, you will probably look pretty good if you get a tan. Well, that's an odd statement, but it is true. Many pornstars purposely tan because they know the naked human form looks better with a bit of brown to it, rather than white. Unless you're going for that whole "Japanese waif" look, you need to try to at least go up in the pigment scale.

This can really tie in nicely with exercise. Go out to an outdoor pool every once and a while and just sit there and tan. Swim a bit. Then relax. Then swim. It's nice, relaxing, and you know you're becoming only that much more studly.

Tanning also helps if you have the aforementioned acne problem, particularly the varieties known as "rackne", "backne", and "crackne."

This is unless you are black, or any other race with naturally dark skin. The Well Cultured Anonymous/Dressing

Clothing is an essential part of life, mainly because the only time you seem to be allowed to not wear it is if you are a nudist, having sex, or in the shower. That's why most countries place a big emphasis on style and fashion- being able to take cloth that everyone wears and look good doing it.

Even though it makes little sense to some, wearing the right clothes with the right names can make all the difference in the world. Look at movie stars- some are insanely ugly, but with a little Grooming and some style, millions of people around the world are willing to kiss their ass. You don't have to have rock hard abs, either- the right fit for the right clothes can turn you from a computer geek into a gigolo.

The Very Basics

The very first thing you need to know about clothing is that for the most part, there are some things that everyone needs, bar none. This extends beyond underwear, too. So, before you even begin to look at yourself in the mirror and decide what you need clothing wise, realize you need at least the following basics:

 Underwear- anything but tighty whities and "joke" boxers.  Pants- Jeans, Khakis, Shorts, and Dress pants.  Shirts- Undershirts, plain T-shirts, styled T-shirts, long sleeved shirts, tank tops.  "Overshirts"- Button down shirts, cheap suit jackets, etc.  Accessories- At least one belt, possibly a necklace or a ring of some kind, a watch, scarf, etc.  A Suit- a decent black or gray suit with normal conservative accessories- including a matching tie.  Outerwear- One jacket (leather is good), one coat (preferably without "THE NORTH FACE" on it).

Everything above is obviously the basics, which means that you should probably have everything mentioned already. What may surprise you is that with the very basics listed above, you can probably look decent already, pending that the stuff you have is of decent quality. Guys have it easy so far as fashion goes in this realm, because the styles never change too radically much- which means that so long as you did some decent shopping 5 years ago (note: Members Only jackets not applying), you will probably do well today. Probably. Your style

Time for some introspective bullshit- you need to find out your particular style and work from there. Believe it or not, how you dress is how you appear to other people- those wearing a ankle-length trenchcoat and backwards baseball hat looking radically different than those wearing Underarmor and running around with a football in their hand. With that being said, you need to figure out what you can pull off, and what you cannot.

This is remarkably easy nowadays, purely because you can always fall on looking generic and still looking good. However, the caveat to that is that you will look generic, meaning that standing out will be harder. That, of course, is a bad thing. You want to be the kind of guy that girls spontaneously orgasm over, not the kind that blends in.

So, let's first look at your primary deciding factor- your body type.

 Ectomorphs

Ectomorphs are your skinny people who don't gain weight, but don't gain muscle either. If you need a good example, look at the majority of emo bands. The nice thing about being an ectomorph is that you don't have to worry about hiding your body type, but the catch to that is the fact that you will probably never have a very developed body to show off anyway. This body type is nice for girls- but for guys, you will need to try to do something to at least look masculine. Thankfully, you can pull it off with a lot of styles- you're the kind of people that chains like Hollister and Abercrombie and Fitch aim for.

 Mesomorphs

Mesomorphs are your natural strength people. A good example of this is your average body builder or athlete- muscular, powerful, and generally triangle- shaped. Mesomorphs tend to build muscle easily, and tend to retain it more than other body types. As the showmen Penn and Teller said on their show "Bullshit", it's like winning the gene lottery. However, being a mesomorph is hard- you will have to get used to buying special cut clothing to accommodate broad shoulders and/or big body features. The other issue with being a mesomorph is that you are restricted in your styles- such trendy things as Goth and Emo are completely out of your range.

 Endomorphs

If being a Mesomorph is winning the gene lottery, being an Endomorph is losing it. Endomorphs are your naturally fat people- body types that, for one reason or another, have a nasty tendency to put on pounds at the drop of a hat. They are, ironically, close brothers with Mesomorphs in that the body type can build muscle quickly- but that muscle is usually accompanied with unsightly fat. Think of Jack Black or John Goodman- that kind of chubby. But, worry not- believe it or not, if you loosen up your personality and get the right- clothing, you can beat out any Mesomorph or Ectomorph without even lifting a finger.

Once you have decided what you are above, you should already have an idea of what you can and cannot do. Mesomorphs should immediately begin focusing on weight training and building up their body- because if they do not, they can get pudgy and fat. Ectomorphs should look into taking advantage of their lack of any heavy weight, and try to wear clothing that looks good on them. Endomorphs, as I mentioned above, should focus on loose clothing, relaxed fit kind of things that make you look like a party kind of guy. Shopping for Ideas

So, hopefully by now, you at least have this abstract vision in your head of what you want to be. However, that's not good enough to justify whipping out your wallet to get clothing. What you need is inspiration and ideas. And you're right on your top source: the interbutt.

The Internet is a great source for style ideas because you can get away with looking fucking everywhere for ideas and not spend too much time doing it. A great place to look for style ideas is, ironically, television channel websites. For those of us in the United States of America, we have a few key places we can check around:

 MTV (http://www.mtv.com)  Fox Network (http://www.fox.com/home.htm)  NBC (http://www.nbc.com)  Bravo TV (http://www.bravotv.com)

Personally, I'm the biggest fan of Bravo TV. There is a simple reason- it tends to be the most style-conscious. Bravo TV is a kind of modern YUPPIE television station, which means that you can get an idea of those new city fashion trends. MTV tends to be a good place as well- but of course, the catch to it being that the majority of people shown in their shows being immature and dressing likewise.

Of course, if you're looking for something a lot more detailed, there are a lot of places you can go for straight out help. Depending on your age, you may find GQ (http://men.style.com/gq) a great place to check out. Men's Health Magazine (http://www.menshealth.com) also tends to be a great place to find style tips. While both of these magazines tend to aim to 30-something professionals, they definitely can give you a heads up as to what you can do to look mature and fashionable.

There are a few key questions you need to keep in mind as you browse. Those are:

 "Will I look good like this?"  "Does this clothing look like it will be stylish for a long time?"  "Will this attract the kind of girl I would be interested in?" and of course,

 "Can I afford this kind of style without taking a third mortgage out on my house?"

And once you find it, you should know. Try to remember that something you see that you like may not look good on you. Nonetheless, you should at least find one idea from the above websites, even if it is "I have a lot of work to do". And that's good. Shopping for Clothing

Shopping for clothing is like shopping for Video Games- you need to know what you're looking for beforehand and stick to your guns. When you walk into a store, you should be able to at least have a few things in mind- what style you're looking for, what you're specifically looking to buy, and how much you're willing to pay for it. See, as good old Anonymous (and presumably male), you can't allow yourself to buy something and then only later realize you fucked up. Failure sucks.

So, with that in mind, get an idea of the stores that are available to you. Stores do indeed send a message. Don't believe me?

 The Gap: Trendy, yet simple and clean.  Hot Topic: Mallgoth faggots.  Abercrombie and Fitch: Really trendy high schooler/university student with no sense of quality. They own Hollister, too, so basically it's just cheaper Hollister stuff.  Hollister: Really rich trendy high schooler/university student.  American Eagle: Trying to keep the trends of A&F and Hollister, but too cheap to pay the price for the real shit.  Aeropostale: One step above Old Navy.  Old Navy: The Gap, except much cheaper and much more generic. Basically what every single mother buys her 12 year old.  Eddie Bauer: More conservative clothing, usually good if you're going for the more professional look.  Lands End: Decent stuff, more outdoorsy. Nowadays, it's way overboard and tacky.  The North Face: Dumbass coats. Dumbass coats. Dumbass coats.

You see, even the name/brand that you wear sends a message. It's not the message of WHO you shopped at- it is literally the style that they carry. Wearing something from Hot Topic is the polar opposite of wearing something from Old Navy, no matter how you twist it. I suppose the same thing could be said about Louis Vuitton and Giorgio Armani, but we're all too poor for that shit.

You're probably lost by now. Trust me, no-one in their right mind besides some sort of godly fashion columnist can figure this shit out. All you need to do is walk into any store and look around and get an idea of what's going on inside. Hell, check out the people browsing inside- they probably are wearing some of the clothing already, or at least want to be wearing it.

Super Cool Trick #121

At this point, you probably want an easy way to get clothing without having to deal with all of this different clothing bullshit. There is an easy way to do this- rely on chicks. Yes, actually, women tend to be the best people to defer to on these subjects, because they generally will be able to figure out what makes you better looking. If you have a girlfriend (or a girl who is just a friend), you can definitely ask them. But hey, you probably don't. That is where you get up your balls and show off some testosterone. Wear decent clothing that makes you look pretty reasonable. Walk into a store with a female employee, and directly say to her "What could I wear that would make you want to date me?". Unless she's busy or a bitch, you will probably get a good answer. Or a phone number, which is even better. Wearing Clothing

There are few ways you can fuck up wearing clothing, but no doubt you need to learn them. Some rules (such as "White after Labor Day") do not really apply anymore, while some (white socks with brown shoes) continue to live to this day. With that being said, these are just the general rules you need to know when picking out "what to wear":

 As mentioned above, No white socks with brown shoes. Just trust me on this one.  Unless you are wearing formal or semiformal wear, do not tuck your shirt in ever.  Do not wear your sweater around your hips, you will look gay.  Do not wear a shirt and pants that match.  Never wear a cell phone on your belt. That is geeky and stupid.  Unless you're trying to scare off potential dates, do not wear a ring on the third (ring) finger on your left hand. That's where marriage rings go.  Unless you are on the beach or in a very relaxed setting, do not wear sandals.  Keep leather shoes clean. Brown leather shoes are awesome and can be used for a ton of things, but they get dirty easily.  This is obvious: No pocket protectors, suspenders, or basically anything stereotypically geeky.  This is less obvious: Try to wear something other than a t-shirt and a pair of pants.  I will personally kill you if you wear your baseball hat backwards.  On the topic of hats, hats are to be worn sparingly, otherwise you'll look like a trucker.  Oh, speaking of truckers, trucker hats will make you look like a MTV tool, but they do fit in some cases.  Belts should never be tighter than the pants you have on. Buy fitting pants.  Do not ever wear a Hawaiian shirt and a undershirt/tank top. You will look like an idiot.  Sweatpants and sleepwear are only for exercise and sleeping, respectively. Girls and guys who think otherwise are ignorant.  Wear what you're doing. If you're going on a date, dress semi-formal yet relaxed. If you're going to a concert, band t-shirts are acceptable (However, do not be the tool that shows up to a concert wearing a shirt for the band playing, that is fucking lame). Just scale up or down depending on what you plan to do that day.  Endomorphs, wear an undershirt, and tuck it in. not only does this make loose fitting-clothing seem as intended (loose-fitting), it also prevents several major social-deathtraps. Motion is contained within the undershirt, so "jiggling" is no longer a mortifying issue. Nipples are hidden as well, though you probably shouldn't be wearing a T-shirt that tight in the first place. Tucking in the undershirt (not the overshirt, unless formal) also keeps your ass-crack unseen if you bend over. Don't forget to re-tuck your undershirt after stops to the restroom, or if you start feeling a draft. Suits 101

Unless you intend to work as a gas station assistant the rest of your life, times will come when you will need to wear a suit. A suit is the western world's way of signifying business and professionalism- and it's become so popular that the whole world operates wearing suits. We could indeed be all working in thongs and muscle shirts- but suits are the preferred mode of fashion.

Rules of Suits

And suits have rules. A suit, much like a fedora, has about three billion ways in which you can wear it and look stupid, and about 100 ways in which you can actually look decent. This limits your options to either following set trends and ideas and looking good, or looking like a complete dipshit and making everyone in your office/party/whatever laugh at you. So, with that in mind, follow these tips for safety.

 Stay conservative and classic. Obviously this means that you should stick to the basics of clothing. Wearing anything completely out of fashion or odd will immediately brand you as an idiot, so this is your basic method of "looking good". Find a black suit that fits you and accentuates your body, and you will be pretty much set in this realm- straying from it will be at your discretion, but the plain black suit is an absolute necessity.  A suit is not a tuxedo, thus try to stay away from something geared as such.  Three or two buttons is optimal. Three is only good if you are tall or thin, two is best if you're a bit round. Ask someone in a Men's Suit Department for help on this one.  The lapels of the jacket should be normal- too long makes it look like a leisure suit, too short is very strange. If you need a good measurement, go grab a standard Male's sized tie and put it up against the lapels- they should be around the same length.  The typical suit coat has a vent in the back (about a 10 inch long cut in the middle) that allows for your back, among other things. Some different suits do not feature this. Make sure to check and test which you prefer more- vents sometimes allow the suit to puff up, but an uncut jacket can be uncomfortable to some body types. Oh, and if you're wondering, the majority of Hollywood goes without them because suits less vents are more photogenic.  Some black suits tend to feature odd fabrics, such as heavier weaves. Avoid this, as they are not only misplaced in many ensembles, but they also are a pain in the ass to keep clean and dry-clean them.  A lot of a suit is the ability to accentuate the upper body and slim the lower. DO NOT SIMPLY BUY A SUIT OFF THE RACK. Most suit stores now come with cheap (or complimentary) suit tailoring. Use it.  There is a debate going on about if men should wear belts with suits. In general, the historical thing has been to wear belts, thus it is generally good for you to do so. Much like leisure suits, fads like these tend to die out.  Suits can be produced in two ways- being sewn, and being glued. Ask- glued suits (glue being used to hold fabric together) are HORRIBLE, and fall apart easily. Ignore what the man at the counter says about "advanced new technologies"- glue in a suit is as natural as your penis in your asshole. Don't do it.

And while you're at it, check the lengths of all of these key things:

 The length of the sleeve when you hold out and bend your arm (as if holding it out to a lady). It should be long enough to cover your wrist, but possibly expose a bit of watch or something- nothing more.  The length of the actual coat itself. It should come down to about your hips.  The drape of the fabric in the back. There should actually BE no drape. If you see any wrinkles in the back, there is a problem.  The fabric under your arms. This, much like your back, should never have wrinkles that come from being stretched or pulled.

Suits should be AT LEAST $200 or more for them to be of any reasonable quality. Good tailored suits (the ones that tend to last the longest) can go from $1,000 and above. Don't worry about trying to pick up an Armani suit or something, they tend to be expensive and sometimes no better than average suits. While your average joe (eg: you) will never need it, the top of the line in the market at the given moment is Hugo Boss, who will make you mortgage your house to afford his designs.

Where and When to Wear a Suit

One last thing you should know is that a suit is a powerful weapon in style. Suits are your average wear for men of power, and they have thus carried with them a majesty, something you can tap into if you wear them right. If you wear a suit to a car dealership, you will be jumped upon- wearing a hoodie and jeans will get you ignored. A suit will instantly attract women- so long as you wear it right. People will treat you better, you will look more professional, and you will no doubt carry yourself better.

But you can just as quickly fuck up where to wear a suit. Wearing a suit can be better done in a public place (possibly without a tie, collar open) rather than in some corporate situations (since a lot of companies obsess about being their customer's fuckbuddy nowadays). Don't hesitate to wear a suit around in public, as it will get you attention. However, in some situations (such as working for some car dealerships, PR departments, and basically any buddy-buddy kind of organization), you will actually be considered "stuffy" for it. So play it carefully, as you never know what will come next.

The way to turn one suit into a whole week of wear

 Wear it without a tie. Collar open, suit either closed or open. This gives the allusion of relaxedness- ties are the ultimate in stuffy to some people.  Wear the suit jacket with jeans. This is a kickass way to go on a date.  Go without the suit jacket, wear the pants and the shirt. I personally detest this look because it tends to show too much fat on ugly guys, but skinny guys can pull it off.  Use a vest with the pants. A black vest goes well with just the pants and gives a more European allure.  Use the vest with the suit for a makeshift three piece suit. This actually is your most dignified/kept look, but it also tends to be a bit formal.  Wear different ties or colored shirts. A black suit can have millions of combinations.  Don't tuck your shirt in. While this only works in casual situations, it tends to be an interesting concept- but it is VERY VERY hard to pull off.

Misc Tips and Tricks

 Get women to help you. You wouldn't believe how many girls are willing to jump and assist you with your clothing. It may be a little invasive, but it helps.  Exercise actually does help your clothing. T-shirts on people with a defined chest look better than someone who has a washboard chest. Having a little muscle makes things better.  Re-wear jeans and some pants, never shirts. This really depends on how you sweat, but jeans and other "heavy" material pants can be re-worn safely. Just change your shirt- trust me, it will smell no matter what. Plus, you don't want to wear the same exact thing two times in a row.  If at all possible, wash clothing before you wear it the first time. It gets the "store smell" out of it, as well as makes it softer.  Wear clear deodorant. Especially with black clothing, white marks can show up. The same thing goes with dandruff- get it fixed. Especially with dark clothing, such things can be noticed.  If it has an unsightly stain, get rid of it. Jeans do not apply here- but for white shirts or anything formal, just accept that it died. You don't want to look like a greasy trucker.  Try to avoid shopping online. You can't see the clothes in actuality, you may end up getting something that doesn't fit you, or simply looks dumb on you. The Well Cultured Anonymous/Clothing/Clothiers

Quick Note: All of this is aimed AT MALES. The whole layout changes for females. Girls, GTFO- I can't write something like this for you, so go she-fap to Yaoi or something.

Store Brands Abercrombie and Fitch

Abercrombie and Fitch is the main store brand of the company of the same name, who operates a long line of teen-savvy clothiers all over the United States. This company has spent the majority of it's time aiming toward the 14-25 demographic, though it has managed to pull in your older and younger groups with it's hip styling and sex-imbued advertising campaigns.

Abercrombie and Fitch is like MySpace. When you get so old (I personally would say 18 or so), wearing Abercrombie and Fitch makes you look childish, much like having a MySpace. The reason for this is because it makes you look like you're trying to pull off the "youthful look"- and anyone looking to look refined and decent is going to look like a fuckwad in expensive stone washed shorts.

However, you can pull this look off easy if you're just with a bunch of friends (ergo not trying to look too decent). While wearing too much of the logo will make you look cheap and stupid, a little bit of A&F can be worn by anyone under the age of 25 without causing too much of a ruckus. Just watch out- too much will make you look like a fuckwad.

Aeropostale

Aeropostale is a clothier that aims itself at the 11-18 demographic that is looking for a cheaper version of trendy clothing. Because the company works so hard to remain cheap to the average consumer, the clothing itself tends to err on the cheap side- not insanely cheap, but not exactly wonderful either.

It would be my personal recommendation to simply avoid Aeropostale unless you're looking for teen style on a budget. Aeropostale shirts (like the one I'm wearing as I type this) are stupidly cheap, their shorts are ragged, and the clothing itself is just generic. While the clothing is no doubt cheap, it is also made cheap. Just save up extra cash and skip this store.

American Eagle Outfitters American Eagle is another stop in the line of the big teen retailers (A&F, AE, Hollister and Aeropostale). Considered generally more "clean cut" than the other outfitters because of it's lack of sexual advertisements, American Eagle tends to target the more athletic demographic as a whole. This kind of clothing is seen often on those considered "jocks", as it is generally tailored to fit athletic bodies well- though the clothes, much like other brands, tend to be designed for the super skinny (so bodybuilders from our Exercise chapter will have to do some serious hunting for good clothing from here).

American Eagle makes decent clothing- sometimes. Much like other teen clothiers, the clothing quality tends to vary depending on what you buy. Buying a polo from American Eagle is by far a good choice, but buying something a bit more specific (such as shoes) tends to result in absolute failure. And, of course, this is a TEEN RETAILER- so if you're trying to look older or just are sick of seeming preppy, avoid this shit like the plague.

Armani Exchange

Armani Exchange came out of the Fashion world and surprised the fuck out of everybody. A spiritual brother to Giorgio Armani (see below), Armani Exchange is a much cleaner cut teen-and-twentysomething retailer that has no qualms about charging you an arm and a leg for their designs. Armani Exchange clothing can be as much as double that of other retailers, which will certainly put a hurt on your wallet if you like their clothing.

Personally, I like Armani Exchange best of all of the teen retailers, but the price is just too much. Paying upwards of $40 for a t-shirt is fucking stupid, no matter how rich you are. With that being said, Armani Exchange is a wonderful place to find ideas and concepts for your clothing, but never a good place to actually purchase the clothing. The Website (http://www.armaniexchange.com) contains a virtual dressing room that is like your core tool for designing decent clothing mixes- so play around with it, but never pay them for your time.

Banana Republic

Banana Republic was once a store and catalog business (somewhat like Sears Roebuck) that made quite a bit of money on playing the "safari" look of it's stores and catalog. Eventually, it was purchased by The Gap Inc, who transformed it into a "Casual Luxury" store- that is, relatively decent priced clothing, with a more refined look to it.

I've recently begun to like Banana Republic because they have done a fairly good job of managing their clothing and keeping things stylish. Banana Republic clothing is your step up from Hollister/A&F/AE so far as price and quality goes, as well as the general maturity of the clothing itself. You can get quite a wardrobe from Banana Republic and not go wrong, as most of their clothing is stylish and classy enough to be worn even into your late 30s.

Big Dogs Big Dogs is a clothier embarrassment of a company that primarily sells "funny" t- shirts and clothing, featuring graphic prints of dogs usually parodying pop culture or some other stupid shit.

This is the kind of shit that you see fat people wear to appear funny, but is such a train wreck that you want to break their beer bottle, take a shard of glass, rip their heart from their chest cavity, and shove it down their mouth. I'm not fucking kidding.

The Buckle

Buckle is a company that originally started out as Mills Clothing, Inc in Nebraska. As the clothier grew, it slowly morphed into "The Buckle", a company that aimed at the teen demographic. The company rarely makes clothing of it's own anymore, spending the majority of it's time selling other popular brands (such as Polo Ralph Lauren, Dr. Martens, etc).

I've never really seen Buckle as anything but an extension of some of the brands it sells. If you like any of the brands it sells (PS: Volcom is fucking stupid), then by all means, go for it. However, do note that it really isn't the top of the top when it comes to sales or anything, and it's not exemplary when it comes to style either. Use your own judgment as to how this store fits you. d.e.m.o d.e.m.o is a hip hop inspired brand by the people at Pacific Sunwear (Pacsun). It is generally a large outlet for men's wear such as Ecko or Sean John, and for all intents and purposes, mainly targets the African-American community. The clothing is generic and typical of your average gangster (or in this case, gangster-wannabe), and generally costs more than even higher end brands in other stores.

This is one of those things that you would only touch if you were into hip-hop and whatnot, and could actually pull this shit off. If not, just go to the website (http://www.demonstores.com) for two seconds and have yourself a good laugh at the white models on the page. Then get off, before that shit infects you.

Eddie Bauer

Eddie Bauer is a clothing company mainly aimed toward 25-40 year old people. It's history comes from the original "Eddie Bauer's Sports Shop", where much of the clothing was designed for the outdoorsy- and that trend has generally carried to this day. Nothing of this style has ever really taken off in any insane way, however, the store continues to grow at a large pace as many search for reasonably priced clothing that looks decent on middle aged people.

Eddie Bauer clothing can be great- but overdoing it is death. Eddie Bauer pullovers and sweaters are generally wonderful (Eddie Bauer did invent the first down Parka), but their pants and other clothing is a bit old-man-ish for me. Many can pull it off- just don't overdo it or you'll look TOO old.

FOSSIL Gap

The Gap is a company that has been around for ages, always targeting older teens to about the thirtysomething crowd. The name itself refers to "The generation gap", the Hippie movement- which is kinda dead by now, but the stores still remain. Gap clothing is FAR more urban than the majority of clothing in malls now (The Gap has yet to adopt the "Miami Beach" look- good for us, bad for it's stock value).

I actually like some of the Gap clothing, and a lot of more classical people do. The Gap is a very urban company (style-wise- and I'm talking about upper NY urban, not Gangster urban), so it looks decent on people trying to give a more tailored or refined look. The Gap clothing tends to vary in quality, which can be a problem, but their staples (Pants, shirts, etc) kick ass.

Mens Warehouse

Hi I'm George Zimmer founder and CEO of the Mens Warehouse (insert copypasta here) I guarantee it. Like it or not sometimes in life you need to dress to impress as they say. Mens Warehouse is nice because they offer the cheapest rentals out of all the mens suit stores. Also it's always nice to buy a suit or two for job interviews or other shit.

Hollister

Hollister is a teen-oriented brand of Abercrombie and Fitch. This basically means that the clothes are the same in soul, but differ in that they tend to be a bit smaller, a bit less overtly sexual (to garner more parental approval), and to be affordable enough for the teen budget. This brand has taken off, much like A&F and Aeropostale, as people are moving toward the California/Miami Beach look.

Hollister can be good, and Hollister can be bad. If you are over 18 (you should be if you're reading this), Hollister is too young for you, get out. However, if you are younger (doubt it), this isn't something too bad to go for. Much like A&F, you'll end up looking like a carbon copy... but it works.

Also, much like AE, the clothing tends to fit more athletic bodies better. Fatties need not apply. Ever.

Hot Topic

You probably know Hot Topic. Established in 1988, the stores are mainly based around any given music trend of the time, selling dark clothing, band merchandise, and anything that could possibly fit in between. As the store has grown to over 600 stores nationwide, it has slowly evolved to encompass "otaku" wear (Weeaboo shit), Emo wear, and basically anything that teens or twentysomethings would buy into.

Hot Topic is a no-no for any Well Cultured Anonymous. And I'm fucking serious. Once you hit 18 or 19 or so, wearing t-shirts with bands on them goes from "haha cool" to "haha stupid". Let's be honest with ourselves- when you're looking for a job or dating, wearing excessively skinny pants and a haircut that covers half your face is stupid.

Look, just break the habit. Hot Topic may be music-related, but the entire world does not revolve around punk/emo music. Just like Hot Topic once was a big Goth retailer (and dropped it like a hot potato), they will with YOUR favorite style. Stick with more normal styles and you won't look like an idiot, and hopefully you will be able to keep your clothes for longer than two years.

J.Crew

J.Crew is much like Polo Ralph Lauren in it's style, but is special in that it is a primarily catalog and internet based company. J.Crew is much like Lands End in this- it tends to stick to traditional styles, and simply do minor modifications whenever it is "safe" to make more sales.

This, by all means, does not mean J.Crew is a bad company. In fact, you may find some of your best stuff here. Go hunting around for the basics- even underwear and socks- and just load up on the very simple stuff. I wouldn't really promote purchasing any kind of shirts or pants here, but I can imagi

Nordstrom

Nordstrom is actually a department store more than an actual clothier. Generally stylistically better than your average department store (Macys, Dillards, et al), the stores tend to be much more affluent than your regular old clothing place. Much like many other upper class companies (Nintendo, Starbucks, Amazon.com), Nordstrom is based out of Seattle.

Nordstrom, much like any other mass clothier, has hits and misses across the board, so it's hard to define their stuff by any major definition or term. Personally, I think Nordstrom is probably one of your best stores for up-and-coming consumer trends, but it also comes with a slightly higher price tag than you would find in other stores. But this is fine: their service is absolutely phenomenal and their clothing is well made.

PS: Nordstrom is rocketing up in the stock market right now like a cat with a firecracker up it's ass.

North Face

Postponed until I have a list of carriers as REI is US PNW only

Oakley

Oakley is a company that originally started out designing sunglasses and ski goggles. Their popularity has slowly risen for various purposes, namely the quality of the glasses. However, these glasses have recently taken on a small niche, and tend to all appear the same (The "Oakley Look"), with tinted (red or orange, typically) lenses and plastic/metal frames. The company has recently gone into other markets due to this popularity. Okay, I'm going to say it. Oakley sunglasses are for retards. The same goes with their clothing. Oakley is far from being interesting or masculine, and rather reminds one of a dumb teenage dropout who tries to look "hardcore" as he flips burgers as McDonalds. I'm just saying.

Old Navy

Old Navy is a company run by The Gap that aims specifically at lower and middle middle class people. While that sounds confusing, the translation is that Old Navy clothing is clothing similar to that found at The Gap, just a little bit behind the style curve and a bit cheaper. Other than this, the clothing is much akin to the stuff found at The Gap- albeit much cheaper and less sturdy.

Old Navy is too much of a gamble, style-wise, to even bother with. The clothing rarely, if ever, changes style in any fundamental way, and tends to be the same kind of stuff year after year. This would not be so bad, would it not be for the quality of the clothing, which is shitty- at best. The Jeans tend to hold up fairly well, but anything cotton or linen (especially their chino pants) falls apart in a few washes. There are some good buys at Old Navy, just not often.

PacSun

Pacific Sunwear (abbreviated to PacSun) is a California based retailer of California- inspired clothing- namely stuff related to surfing and/or skateboarding. For the most part, PacSun operates as a store full of existing brands (Volcom, Billabong, etc), rather than a clothier of it's own right- however, the clothes tend to come specifically from those stores rather than competitors.

PacSun is another Hollister/AE/A&F clone in that it's the same old bullshit: California or Miami Beach wear. Look, about 90% of the United States is "too far" from any major ocean to justify surfing in it (or in the case of NYC, no-one's stupid enough to jump in). Dressing like you want to be out grinding a surfboard is thus fucking stupid, especially when you carry the look of an urbanite. If you're into this, go ahead- but this looks neither mature nor original.

Puma

Puma is a high end clothier for athletic goods (primarily shoes and running gear). Based in Germany, the company is largely based in Europe, however, it has slowly found it's way into the United States over the years, and has become a common sight on many people.

Puma clothing is obviously for sports, and should stay that way. For their intended purposes (soccer, running, etc), they do well. However, in any other circumstance, it makes you look as if you got lost from a gym- an actually very bad look. A lot of people in England tend to wear this look (from what I've seen)- so if you're a Brit you could pull it off- but I doubt you could in the USA.

Tommy Bahama Tommy Bahama is a clothier that makes high end Tropical-themed wear (thus the Bahama). The clothing is often seen either sold in special retail stores (rare in the US and Canada), and sometimes in various department stores.

It should be of note that Tommy Bahama stuff is aimed at older men and women, ergo not you.

Wilsons Leather

Wilson's Leather is what it says it is- leather. It originally started as Berman's Leather, but eventually morphed into what is now known as Wilson's Leather, which operates a handful of stores nationwide. This company sells leather coats, handbags, shoes, and gloves- but also tends to dabble in other areas.

For the most part, there is no good or bad about this company. Leather Jackets are fairly flexible beings, so they can work for many different kinds of styles. Just test their stuff out, but watch out- leather stuff is expensive.

Big Names in Fashion Big names in fashion are people or brands (such as Hugo Boss that are in the public view, but do not have stores per se. These people/brands may or may not be available in stores, or may only be in more upscale areas (such as bigger mall stores or something). Obviously, these brands are much more expensive. Brooks Brothers Coach Giorgio Armani House of Chanel Hugo Boss Ralph Lauren

The Well Cultured Anonymous/Exercise

Working out is fucking hard. No, I mean it. Many people, especially women, exercise with a certain degree of fervor, excitedly trying to pump the most out of their bodies, to become leaner, faster, and more toned. But that doesn't always work- with bullshit diets and crappy workout machines all over America and Europe, it's hard to figure out what works. John Basedow had beaten the odds and made Fitness made Simple, but this has nothing to do with any of this.

But as a guy, you have it "easy" in that you can rely on very simple things in order to build yourself up. Women have nasty genes that inhibit weight loss for promoting childbirth (having a bit of fat makes you able to have children easier... nutrients and such). As a guy, all you need to worry about are the "Big Three":

1. Muscle Tone 2. Stamina and Energy 3. Weight and Overall Health

So with that, this section will be broken up in that way- because every one of those three is key to building a strong body. Muscle Tone

Muscle Tone is the size and strength of your muscles. This is increased by plain out weight lifting and exercises such as the Hindu Squat- no running, no swimming, nothing. Muscle Tone is what makes big "manly men" like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger who they are. Muscle Tone makes you big, bulky, and scary- but it can also make you look like an idiot unless you exercise right.

Know your Muscles

Your muscles are all over your body- not just in your chest, thighs, or biceps. This is a very important lesson, because much like a car, having one specific muscle insanely strong does not mean that your whole body will go better.

Basically, you need to do everything, from your shoulders to your legs. For those of you who need a literal count, that means that the following muscles will have to, at some point in your routine, be "hit" by an exercise and developed:

 Shoulders (Your deltoids and your Trapezius)  Triceps  Biceps  Forearms  Your back  Your Chest (Pectorals)  Your lower back (Latissimus Dorsi)  Your ass  Every single muscle in your legs.

It sounds scary, and it initially will. There are an insane amount of muscles in your body, especially considering each one requires more than one exercise to fully develop. So how do you deal with this?

The answer is to develop a routine and stick to it. A routine is literally a schedule of what-you-do-when: some prefer doing different parts of the body on different days, some do everything and stagger it along the week. No matter what, the most important thing about a schedule is giving your body the exercise it needs, but giving it resting time so it does not kill itself trying to grow.

A routine really depends on what you want in life. Let us take, for example, a really skinny person who wants to bulk up. Bulking up is hard, especially if you have a thin body (your body obviously wants to be that way). This means that his focus will be on eating some "power foods", hitting the main muscles with low repetitions but high weight, and giving himself plenty of rest and time to bulk up. But if you're a big guy looking to bulk up and slim down, you have almost the opposite job. You will do a lot of bulky weight lifting, but a bit more reps to give your muscles that extra edge, as they are probably ready to grow already. One important thing for most big people is eating right, due to the easy chance to gain weight as they build their muscles. That means a lot of vegetables and not much carbs or fat.

This means you need to do research. Go out on a limb on some good weight lifting websites and read what they have to say on the subject. Build up an exercise plan. Stick to your guns. Once you have one, just get to it- don't let yourself get lazy or easily distracted. Sometimes, it is best to do all of this with an iPod or something, just to distract yourself and let yourself build the energy up. You won't become Hercules in a year, but you will definitely see improvement if you stick to it.

Once you get this plan, find yourself a good place to go. And by "go", I don't mean "get 10 pound weights and come home". The problem with such a thing is primarily mental- you are at home, you can get distracted easily. As well, you probably can't afford the thousands of dollars worth of muscle-straining equipment you need. Go to a big gym in your area- Gold's Gym, a smaller joint, a spa/sports club, or anything like that. Try to avoid places designed for women- you can go to those once you HAVE the muscles, then you can pick up women like a lint brush picks up lint. Avoid "Supplements", "Quick loss diets", and home weight machines

One temptation a lot of people have is using powders and supplements to augment their exercise routine.

No.

Much like snake oil, supplements and powders are generally useless. Many people will tell you that you should intake a ton of protein- which is true, except they may "forget" to tell you that the average American is already intaking enough for growth. This means that as long as you eat healthy and try to make sure you eat "good" food, having to drink a blend of whey and eggs will not really matter. This is really a bullshit scam to trick you into paying $5 a bottle for a shitty little joke of a drink.

But hey, while we're on the subject, the weight lifting world is full of scams- and for good reason, it is by far one of the most competitive and hard-to-endure things there is.

There are two other main ways that people try to scam potential body builders- namely, Quick Loss Diets and home weight machines. The former is basically what is marketed at old women 24/7- losing 60 pounds in a week or something. These diets, while they sound fancy and sophisticated, only really work with exercise. NEVER will you see these tests ("I lost 30 pounds with this diet and exercise!") tested against a control sample, meaning that the 30 pounds of the example I gave may have been 100% exercise and 0% diet. Just don't do it.

The third and probably most tempting thing is the things known as home fitness machines, or whatever they call themselves now. From Nautilus to Bowflex, a ton of companies market these little strange contraptions to people, swearing to them they build muscle mass and burn weight.

The secret is that they DO give you a workout, but not a complete one. The Bowflex is a good example of this, being one of the most limited of them all. As well, it tends to be very dangerous due to the lack of controlled movements.

The truth is that if you want to do exercise, either get some real "Stack" weight machines and free weights, or go to a professional gym like Gold's Gym or a smaller joint. Those places tend to be more comprehensive, detailed, and definitely better- they usually even have fitness trainers to help you. Stamina and Energy

Despite what anime or anything else tells you, you cannot gain energy by concentrating. That is not the way. So I, Java378, will tell you of my way. Why? I have had a 6-pack since 7th grade and am currently still growing in an age where most people are gaining useless weight.

Stamina the Java378 way.

Like in video games, Stamina is like an energy bar. You have a set amount that can be used. This bar can be lengthened or recharged. The key to stamina is doing repetitions. Whether you are using weights or not, moving a part of your body will improve it's function. Your heart(cardiovascular) will improve as you use each of these parts. You must also breathe. Take semi-deep breaths and release them. This is important. The more Oxygen your heart can pump, the greater chemical reactions will be in your body. This means you will gain more this way.

The best part if you do not have any equipment is to do pushups. Guy pushups. This is done usually by placing you hands shoulder length on the floor. Extend your legs behind yourself and keep your feet together. Lower your Upper Body to the floor until your chin is close to the group. Lift your upper body back up. Follow this plan.

1. Make up a number from 1-10.

2. Do this number of pushups in a row.

3. Get on 4chan.

4. Do the number of pushups you did in a row+1.

5. ?????

6. Profit.

7. Repeat.

You will be able to impress most chicks when you can do 40 in a row and 80-100 a day. You won't have big muscles that are highly visible, but you will be able to fight well.

Energy

Eat food. Each food has nutritional statistics on back. I do not know much about this. Pokemon is a good guide for this. (Ex. Calcium = bones) Weight and Overall Health

Despite what rightwing nutjobs say, fat is something natural in the human body. If you go into any jungle and look for natives, you'll notice that instead of being the heavily muscled men that one expects, a lot are actually quite fat. Our bodies have been producing fat ever since food has existed- as a way to not only store energy, but as a way to keep ourselves warmer in colder climates. Many theorize that this is why Eskimo people tend to be more heavy set than others.

Our society has done something of a flip-flop in the last few centuries regarding fat. Originally, being fat was attributed with being rich- thus many kings and other nobles were intentionally drawn to be fat (but in the case of Henry VIII, it was just that he was a fat fuck). Being fat was considered being wealthy, as you could afford food that would make you fat.

On the other hand, nowdays, we consider being fat a weakness. Lower classes become fat very quickly (as cheap food tends to be unhealthy, such as McDonalds burgers), and the real show of athletic and sexual ability is to be skinny. So, in the long run, it's a "sucks to be fat" society- and despite all of the "it's okay to be you" advertisements out there, you pretty much have to be skinny and athletic to be respected.

Why manage your weight and health?

A lot of times, people will ignore warnings about such things with arguments like "I'm skinny anyway" or "I can't lose the weight". Even if you're considered the skinniest person in the world, it doesn't necessarily mean that you can run off and eat anything you want and enjoy the slender figure- in fact, it means that you need to worry MORE about what you eat.

In general, there are a few reasons why you should worry about your weight/figure:

1. You'll live longer. Living fast and dying young is only promoted by those stupid enough to get killed in the process. As the line goes, "I'd rather spend an hour a day exercising than spend 24 hours a day dead". 2. You'll feel better and be more energetic. A strong indicator of a future success is someone who actually does exercise, because it gives them the energy to take on other tasks. Work becomes easier, play becomes more exciting, sex much more gripping. 3. You will be stronger overall. Your muscles require correct food to operate in a decent manner. If you're weak, it may be because of your diet. 4. You will be skinny and much sexier. I don't care how much TV tells you: if you're athletic and healthy looking, you will wet panties, no matter how much people say otherwise. 5. You will have more self confidence and control. Being muscular and tall means that you don't get fucked with. Because people will know you will snap their neck. 6. You can get away with more geeky shit around girls. If you aren't greasy haired and stupid looking, girls will be more likely to ignore your obsession about dryhumping a Suzumiya Haruhi doll. Seriously.

So obviously, there are some damn good reasons to be a good boy and take your vitamins and do cardio workouts, and build some serious muscle. With that being said, let's get down to the very basics. The Basics: What you should do EVERY DAY

Every day, without fail, you should do the following. Even doing ONE of these is a major transformation- doing them all will change you in ways you never thought possible.

 Take Vitamins- Centrum or similar. Take regular multivitamins daily and your whole body will operate and heal better. Your hair and fingernails will grow longer, which is a sign of good health.  Rub lotion on your body. Especially your arms and chest, ESPECIALLY when you weight lift. This prevents stretch marks from muscle growth, and also gives you supple man-skin. Shea Butter lotion tends to be the best.  30 minutes to one hour of cardio. For example, when you get home, run on a treadmill (or just go to the gym). One hour of cardio will shave pounds like crazy.

 Sysop testament: Not kidding about this whole cardio thing. When I started college, I weighed about 250-260 lbs (prone to fluctuate). After nearly 2 years of just biking to class each day; 5 miles round trip, 3 times a day (shitty class schedule), I'm down to 204 lbs, still dropping, and a lot of its now muscle mass. I'm no athlete, but when your body gets use to being required to perform (IE bike to class or flunk out) your body's own natural resistance starts to slip away. I'm not promising runners high, but it does get easier, and you will lose a TON of weight. plus not having to carry around an extra 20% of your body weight just feels great. --Sarafan 17:02, 10 March 2007 (CST)

 Drink 3 BIG cups of water or flavored water or something, NO SUGAR. This will flush your system out, which is good for exercise as well as general health. It also gets rid of water weight.  Eat at least 2-5 servings of vegetables and fruits. Many people don't do this anymore. This is also a good source of vitamins.  Fucking sleep. Getting 5 hours of sleep each night will kill your routine, and make you weak instead of strong.

I know this is a lot. In total, this is about an hour and a half of work a day. One hour of this (the cardio) is the only thing that will drastically change your schedule- everything else is really up to your discretion. This is easy routine stuff, and if you can get it down, you will save yourself a lot of trouble in the future.

The Food: What to eat- and what not to eat

WHAT TO EAT/DRINK

 Salad and other greens. This is the cheap and easy staple of ab development.  Lean meats and cheeses. These give you protein and vitamins.  Wheat bread and other wheat products. Including granola. This stuff rules.  Fruits. Naturally sweet and easy to procure. They make great breakfasts.  Sugarless Cereal. Such as plain Chex or something like that.  Asian Cuisine. If you can avoid eating too much rice or noodles, this is extremely healthy and tasty.  Artificially sweetened drinks. Splenda is the magic sweetener of all sorts of tasty things.

WHAT NOT TO EAT/DRINK

 Refined flours and sugars. This includes ANY sugar, white flour, crackers, toast, or anything that's not 100% whole wheat.  Fried foods. Grease is bad. Grease is very bad.  Soft Drinks These put pounds on faster than you will ever know.  Heavy sauces and pastas. Drop the Fettuccine Alfredo for the light pasta with garlic. In general, pasta is bad anyway- so eat it sparingly.  Desserts. Dessert is a very American creation, and has made us all fat. No, you do not need sweets after every time you eat.  Candies, cookies, and other snacks. Just stop snacking. If you have to, eat granola or something.  Starbucks. My own personal weakness. It's sweet, it's tasty, and very expensive. Pry yourself away from the coffee counter.

External Links

ExRx (http://www.exrx.net) - Best Resource for everything workout related. Train For Strength (http://trainforstrength.com) Bodybuilding.com (http://bodybuilding.com) Intense Workout (http://www.intense-workout.com) Shapefit (http://www.shapefit.com) The Well Cultured Anonymous/Manners

Everyone needs to get out of their house eventually. Unless you're some sort of schizophrenic person who orders all his stuff online, you need to go places to get .food, supplies, or even just to enjoy yourself

The Walk

When you're walking down the street, inside a store, etc, there are a few rules you need to keep in mind.

1. Walk at a reasonable pace. No one likes to be stuck behind a person that is shuffling down the sidewalk at a pace that would make a snail blush.

2. Unless it's cold out, don't walk with your hands inside your pockets

3. Straighten up and keep your eyes on the horizon, or at least where you want to go. If you have a terrible posture and stare at the ground when you walk, you do come off as strange. Plus you can't oggle the free boobs that come by you occasionally. Broaden your shoulders and walk confidently.

4. If the sidewalk is crowded and someone is coming toward you, step to the right in the USA, Canada, Mainland Europe, any country that drives on the right, or the left, if in the UK, Australia, any country that drives on the left.

5. If you come up to a person that doesn't walk too fast (Old ladies, small children, teenagers with their pants at their ankles.) Try to walk around them without elbowing through them.

6. If you're a friendly person, when a person passes you, there are a few options you have:

-Nod and smile -Say "Good morning/afternoon/evening"

NOTE: This is restricted to only when a person is coming at you, when you can make eye contact. If you cannot make eye contact, do not say anything. Standing in line

You're not going to be the only one in a store that wishes to buy something. If its in a grocery or Best Buy, you need to follow the rules.

1. Give people some space. If you can give them a bear hug without taking a step or leaning in, you're standing too close.

2. Breath through your nose. No one likes to feel a warm breeze on the backs of their necks.

3. Don't make conversation unless someone is talking to you.

4. For god's sake, don't fidget. No foot tapping, chewing fingernails, sucking in the snot in your nose, adjusting yourself, etc.

5. Make sure you don't stink (See Grooming guide). Nobody likes to be behind a person that has killer BO.

6. Pay attention. Keep in mind when someone goes ahead of you so you can keep the line moving.

7. Don't stare at anyone if they can notice it. Keep your gaze moving, skip it around the ceiling, around the shelves, etc.

8. No talking or muttering to yourself.

9. No singing, you can hum, but that's it.

10. No whistling.

11. Get your shit together. As you stand in line, get your wallet out and make sure you don't have to fumble around in your pants for a minute to get it out.

12. No messing around with what you're buying. No flipping it around, tossing it from hand to hand. Conversing with Others

It's a little strange for a person to not say anything when they pay for something at a store. If you're really shy or can't talk to people that well, there are some basic rules you have to follow.

1. Be polite. Say 'Thank you' or 'Have a good day/evening' as you walk away.

2. Greet them. As you walk up to a register, for example, you could say "Hello".

3. Ask them about their day. Not a full in depth question, something simple like "How're you doing?" You'll get a one-word answer like "Good", but its a nice thing to do.

4. Smile.

5. If someone asks you for the time/for directions/, again, be nice. And if you don't know how to get there, admit it. Don't give them bullshit directions.

6. Know what you want. If someone asks you "Want fries with that?" or something to that effect, don't sit there drooling trying to decide. Rule of thumb, use about five seconds in your decision. Eating at a Restaurant

If its simply a McDonalds or a sit-down restaurant like Sizzler's, there some rules so you don't come off as an asshole and get your food spit on.

1. Be nice to your waiter/waitress. They're usually busting their ass trying to make a living, and they don't need to have another asshole on their hands.

2. Smile and thank them when they bring you the menu.

3. In fact, thank them whenever they do something for you. Taking your order, taking the menu, refilling your coffee, etc.

4. Speak up when you say your order. Don't mumble out what you want, enunciate clearly.

5. Don't be a slob with your food. Don't slurp the soup, chew with your mouth open, etc. Stuff that little kids have already nailed should not apply to you.

6. Tip them. 15% is usually standard, but if they were extra helpful or something, reward that. If the meal was fifty bucks, give them nine bucks instead of 7.50. Conversely, if they were a total shit job, Undertip them as a sign that they need to do better.

7. Be patient. If the restaurant is busy, they might not get to you as fast as you might hope. Don't start shouting at them to hurry up, they got other people to attend to other than you.

8. If anything spills or breaks, don't get too worked up over it, and don't try to take advantage of the situation either. If they offer your meal free, take it. Don't demand your next five meals free of charge. The Well Cultured Anonymous/Eating

I used to get the looks. You know what I am talking about. People look at you when you walk by or enter a room and give you this look of contempt, of disgust, of repulsion. When you walk a flight of stairs, your head becomes a ripe Dutch tomato, and you're almost collapsing. You have to sit down to avoid a blackout. Now you look like a sardine in a tin box: rolls of fat are stretching your clothing. You can't turn to any side because your body fat is blocking your muscle movement. You can barely face someone when they talk to you, because you're ashamed of yourself. Everyone takes notice of you, but not in the way you would like. You don't have any emotional relationships, scared of hurting someone with your massive body. Instead of enjoying it, your body is the way. Food is the only refuge. It makes you feel good. No one can tell you what and how much you should eat. Finally home. Time to eat, time to feel good. Eat. Feel Good. Forget that nobody will ever love or care about you. Eat. Feel good. Eat. Cry about how pathetic you are. Eat. Masturbate. Eat.

The first step towards becoming a well-cultured Anonymous: Don't lie to yourself.

I hope that by the end of this page, you'll understand that the only person that can change you is yourself. It's not your parents, it's not your personal trainer, it's not peers, it's not your pet, it's not McDonalds, it's not the Internet, it's not your car. Only you can change yourself. It's hard to come to grips with that. I know, because I went through the same delusions. I lied to myself. I blamed my weight problems on my mother's cooking. Later I realized that it's me who took seconds, it's me who lifted the spoon to my mouth, it's me who chewed, and it's me who swallowed. My mother didn't do these things. I did.

This guide won't change you. There's only so much advice to be dispensed from a wiki trolled by a couple of /b/tards. You can take this advice to heart and still not change. It's up to you to do.

Dieting

Your body is a machine. You take in food and drink and your body breaks it down into energy to make you function. If you are more interested,wikipedia has a detailed discussion of this process . Energy contents of foodstuffs is measured in kilojoules. Every person requires a different amount. It depends (roughly) on genetics, gender, build, height, age, and rate of metabolism.

You are fat because your intake is higher than your burnrate. Moderation

One very important thing to remember is this: Think before you eat.

Seriously, before you cook up a nice big dinner, ask yourself "Do I really need all this food?" and "Hell, am I even hungry?" Many people make the mistake of eating too much, and more often the mistake of eating when they're not even hungry. For hundreds of years, people have been stuck in this habit of eating at certain times of day. While this may have had a logical purpose back when people were laboring all day, it doesn't serve much purpose now, when most people sit on their asses all day. Having these set eating periods leads to people eating too much at mealtimes, believing themselves to be hungrier than they are/wanting to "tide themselves over" until their next meal; or causes them to eat when they aren't even hungry.

Secondly, don't pig out. I know it tastes good, but god's sake, show some self control and only eat what you need. A lot of the time, it's because people can't do this that they're so fat. I know it feels better to blame carbs or the type of food you eat, but this just isn't the case a lot of the time.

Thirdly, do not eat just because you're bored. A lot of people do this, and often aren't really aware of it. Try to pay attention and stop your hand from reaching for the Doritos while playing video games.

Good Shit to Eat

 Nonfried Asian Cuisine. Believe it or not, asian cuisine (esp. Vietnamese food) is VERY healthy for you- just so long as it's not fried or baked or breaded. For example, good old fashioned Vietnamese Soup or Szechwan Chicken is very good for you, very light, and very tasty. Thai food (especially Curry) is also a good add. The only thing even relatively unhealthy about this food is the rice, which is an easy-to-burn-off food.  100% Wheat Bread/Crackers. This is stuff that contains nothing but normal wheat, which has a low glycemic index (ergo taking longer to burn, keeping you full). Avoid "Fake" wheat bread- anything containing bleached wheat is useless to you.  Fruits and veggies. These get boring, but stick with you longer than most food, thus helping you stay full. Sex and Relationships

The Well Cultured Anonymous/Girls

Women, in general, are selfish whores. They want all the attention they can get, yet can't realize we cannot be there for them whenever they feel like to and put up with their bullshit whey they don't want us around. - Anonymous (17991547) Women get coddled and carried their whole lives as long as they aren't complete fucking mutants. From daddy's house, to the frat house, to hubby's house. - Anonymous (13263608) (This article will not tell you how to find a tolerable woman. It will, however, tell you how to get women in general to sleep with you.)

How to Behave

Remember, Anonymous - the mentality of a woman is that you should be all that she wants and that she chooses you. Many of us are intelligent, nerdy, philosophical, etc. but you cannot, REPEAT cannot expect a woman to like you for these things. She needs to be put in her place because in her opinion its about who is in control. It doesn't even matter how much money you make or if you are a male model (fag), its about how you handle her bullshit. Just think: in a burning house, how many men would run back in and die trying to save their wife v.s. how many women would jump out the back window and hide in the backyard. Women have no qualms about switching to another man if the opportunity cost of switching is less than the new benefits. They claim to feel attachment but never so much that they would stand by a man that they feel isn't meeting ALL of their needs. With that said...

Go ahead, be arrogant. Girls are attracted to funny AND arrogant men. Not funny or arrogant men. that's all you need, find a funny line that boasts yourself as arrogant that they will laugh at, get their number and the rest is easy. Afterwards do your best to give them an orgasm. Once you've given them their first orgasm, they will never leave you if you treat them right.

This is truth. Many very popular womanizers are both cocky and a little bit on the self loving side. It sounds stupid, but it's the truth- no matter how kind you are, women are not going to fawn on you unless you have a little bit of an edge to you.

This is why "good guys always lose". Good guys, also known as your typical kiss ass, always work hard to please the woman and make her feel special in a slightly facetious way. This is wrong for two reasons- one, it's obviously a ploy to get into their pants, and they know it. But the second and by far most important reason is that it sends a message to girls: I have this guy. I can use him as I like. I don't have to work for him., NOT "Oh, what a sweetie".

Take, for example, film hero James Bond, especially the version played by Sean Connery. James Bond did not go "You're beautiful baby, I love you so much I wrote a poem for you". Hell, James Bond slapped women on the ass, told them what to do, and generally just manipulated them. And you know what? Onscreen and offscreen, that works. Believe it or not, there is a little vein of submissiveness in most women, generally equating to the desire to be controlled. It comes from nature. While this is by far not a license for you to put a collar on her and call her "Doggie", it does mean that you need to display some balls before she's going to want to see them, hold them, suck them, and fuck them.

She is always coming to you. Never the other way around.

One thing that commonly kills men is that they allow themselves to be trapped into letting the woman believe that they are something wanted and that you are working for them. This gives them the reins to the relationship, and will easily allow her to dictate what you do, when you do it, and how hard.

Let's take a theoretical situation- calling for a date. Your average "good guy" loser kind of character would pull something like this:

 Guy: Hey, would you mind going on a date?  Girl: Well, I don't know.  Guy: I'll take you out to so-and-so's.  Girl: Well... all right...

And then our Casanova- James Bond meets Sylvester Stallone or something.

 Guy: Hey, how does a date sound tomorrow night?  Girl: Well, I don't know.  Guy: Come on. Don't tell me clipping your toenails is more important!  Girl: Not at all! I'll be glad to go.

The difference here, while I obviously made it overboard, is how the request is handled. Take a look at the underlined portions of the discussions above. In the first discussion, the guy obviously is asking permission for her to go along, already setting her "I'm a princess" gears into motion. In the second one, it is obviously a pseudo- request, pseudo-demand.

Keep in mind that this in no way is inciting you to go out and command women or demand they come with you. God, that is probably the worst thing you can do. However, you cannot let yourself get into the habit of automatically making yourself subordinate. Many popular pickup dating teachers often go so far as to say that you are "jokingly pushy"- meaning you don't let them push you off to the "maybe", you get either a yes or a no. It may sound mean, but it's called testosterone. Protip from BSC: A great way to use this principle so vividly illustrated here would be the use of the word should. You can use it for everything that you want them to do, because its a socially acceptable way to command people. After swapping numbers... "can I call you sometime??" = pussy. "You should call me" and "You should let me buy you dinner" appeal not only to her sense of submission to authority but also cause her to feel as though it would benefit her (literally - what she SHOULD do).

Things to be And now we hit the things that you should be. Just remember, these don't apply all of the time- but for the most part, they really help out.

 Be classy. Nothing turns women off more than burping, farting, bad table manners, or that kind of shit. Swearing included, god fucking dammit.  Be Sophisticated, but not braggy. This especially helps if you're into bookworm or smart chicks. Bar chicks don't care about this.  Be playful. Think Brad Pitt playful, not Jim Carrey playful.  Be slightly arrogant. If you act like you don't like yourself, you'll make her not like you as well. Love yourself.  Be adventurous. Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones went through a lot of panties back in his day. You can too.  Be attentive. Listen to what she says. She may give you ideas, just be saying something interesting, or give you hints to make a move.  ...but be indifferent. Don't let her think she "has" you. That borders on being clingy (see below).  Be sexual, but not desperate. Innuendo is okay. Going "I'm fucking horny" is not.

Things to absolutely never do Because these are pretty obvious on their own right, do remember these absolute "do not do or else"s-

 NEVER become clingy, including calling her often or just hanging onto her. Be protective, but don't be obsessive. If she asks you to call her "sometime", do it one or two days after, not the second you get your greasy hand on your cell phone.  NEVER show off. They can tell when you're doing that now. Be honest, but still be flirtatious.  NEVER use pickup lines, unless it's intentionally bad, and you're using it as an ice-breaker, and even then it's not the greatest idea. Most of them suck, and can be seen a mile away.  NEVER become excessively emotional or weak. That includes talking about exes, crying, or that kind of shit.  NEVER defer to her for minor choices. If you ask her to go out to eat, ask her if she likes a certain restaurant, not where she likes to eat.  NEVER fake it. You aren't a ball player or a famous actor. That shit collapses on you fast.  NEVER ask to stick it in her pooper. If you already asked, you're fucked.  NEVER pee in her butt. Or that will be the last buttsecks you have Quotes from actual living and breathing women The following are some miscellaneous quotes from girls that generally validate my claims.

 "Jim Carrey funny" (clownishness) is good, but use it in moderation.  Grabby is ok, same with excessive kissing as long as it doesn't get annoying. the other stuff, such as sex will have to wait until the time is right...

Be Romantic (not a dipshit)

Being romantic is like driving a very expensive sportscar on a racetrack. You need to be able to do it well, without crashing and burning because you tried to go too fast, too slow, or just didn't know when to make the right moves. Being romantic is being spontaneous, yet controlling- which is a feat in and of itself.

Inviting her home

If you're so lucky as to get her into your home/apartment/dorm room/cardboard box, feel special- she's almost given you the keys. Keep in mind though- this does not mean "Let's have sex"- often times, she really does mean she wants to see your pad. That means that, no matter what, you're going to have to worry about appearances- not only of yourself, but of your entire house. That being said, take the following tips as some good advice:

 Always have the place clean. Yes, it may be hard, but it being clean shows that you are reliable and clean. Women also don't really like getting into a dirty or messy bed.  Pets are great ice breakers, but be wary. Having your 300lb gorilla of a dog run and jump on your date's lap equals problems. Hell, she may even be allergic. Cats and small dogs, however, seem to be good ice breakers- and it shows you're responsible.  Hide the porn. This is for two reasons- you don't want to look like a pervert, and it may be a little embarrassing or degrading. It would be the same thing as if you walked into her place and saw a poster of a heavily ripped male model.  Alcohol may scare her. I don't care what you see on television, too many girls are paranoid of date rape nowadays.  You are not Austin Powers. Do not pull out a rotating bed, a soul CD, turn on the fire, give her a velvet blanket, or any of that bullshit. No really, don't. It won't work, she WILL insult you.  Try to at least look respectable. Being anonymous, you no doubt have many geeky things in your house. At least try to seem deep, don't make her have to stare at your Warhammer 40000 collection for hours.  Turn OFF the Computer. If she walks in your room, and the first thing she sees is your giant WoW (or even worse, loli) Wallpaper, she's bound to get strange ideas about you.  Keep your internets life UNDERCOVER. Don't start talking about how high your combat skillz on Runescape are. Unless you brought home a weeaboo (in that case, GTFO), she won't care. Lastly, for the love of GOD, don't try and incorporate memes into your conversation. She has no fucking idea what you're talking about (no really, she doesn't know who Richard C. Mongler is).

A girl's perspective

Okay, here's a lesson on what to do if you've had sex or whatever with a woman, and she suddenly can't stand you. If she says that or hints it, or asks out right to be friends... TAKE THE OFFER. From personal experience, after I had done a little "play-time" with an ex, I began to not stand him, and I told him so and said I wanted to just be friends, he refused. But after a few days of not talking or seeing him, I stopped being unable to stand him and began lusting for him again, but then he insulted me. So, a lesson from me to you...take the offer to be friends and be nice, cause she could get a flame for you again.

A guy's perspective on a girl's perspective While I may agree with some points of it, I'd warn you to be cautious. You don't wanna be her pet, staying around and being nice for the POSSIBILITY that she'll one day want to have something with you again. If you REALLY liked her, and it hurts to be around her after it's all over, then the best thing you do is to cut all means of contact with her. Delete from your instant messengers, myspace, etc, make sure you won't bump with any sights of her face often. What your eyes can't see, your heart can't feel. She may go "You just wanted to be near me when we made out and stuff, and now you don't wanna be my friend, way to be like every other man!", but women are generally attention whores who can't comprehend that sometimes we need time to get over feelings. But then again, if she didn't mean jack and you just liked the sex, then yes, keep her on your book, always remembering the other lessons found here.

Also, for fuck's sake, stop fapping so much. If your body thinks its fucking 3 times a day, it doesn't need to try its best to find mates. Once you stop fapping so much you'll have a lot more energy and more of a drive to meet women.

-Another View from A guy

You don't have to just cut all ties, but don't be the "Friend" who is best buddy. That don't work. That is a one way road to being completely whipped without the sex. Talking every now and then, being able to hang out when you both happen to be in the same place or with mutual friends and parties... That's fine. Chat every now and then online NOT CONSTANTLY IMING THEM EACH TIME THEY ARE ONLINE! But yea. You don't have to cut all ties. If they were important to you, you should do this, they may come around and come back. Just if they throw the hints, don't throw yourself at their feet. It makes you look desperate. If you enjoyed being with them for reasons other than just sex, you can work as friends. Cutting all ties could hurt them. And it is always good to avoid making enemies. Hurting a girl not only makes her your enemy, but many people that she knows become your enemies as well.

The Arrogant Pain in the Ass

Before I even begin, take a look at this quote from a girl I interviewed while writing this section. When I asked her what kind of person would be her ideal guy, she loaded me up with this:

...long blonde hair but not in say a mullet or in a pony tail it has to just hang down and look neat, muscular athletic build like he doesn't just let his body go to hell (exercise ) he must be a complete gentleman and treat his ladies with respect, I shouldn't have to remind him to open the doors and stuff, we would have to have common interests but different interests as to make him not boring to talk to, I shouldn't have to pay on dates if he asks me to go on a date, and he shouldn't expect anything (sexual or sensual) I will let him have it if i feel the same

And when I asked her how she would "sell" herself to a guy like this,

well that's the thing I shouldn't have to sell myself, if a guy wants me he has to sell himself and I'll decide.

For as long as they have walked the earth, women have been given deference due to their physiological weakness against men. This spanned hundreds of years- and now, in our "equal" society, they carry the distinct advantage of demanding this deference. No matter what feminist groups will tell you, women tend to have more power over men because they know they can- they are universally considered to be "catch"es, whereas men are simply a bunch of "suitors".

So, what do you do in the case where you find a woman who thinks she's in control? There are a variety of options. Some guys will just ignore them. Some guys will secretly lust for them. Your stereotypical loser "nice guy" will roll over like a puppy dog, possibly showing off and trying to get her admiration.

All three are wrong. The right answer is to push them back in their place. I'm not saying to get violent or rude with them- but nothing is able to calm a woman down more than someone who pushes back on her harder. If you don't, she will barrel you into a corner and rip you to pieces. And that sucks, especially at a bar.

The whole key here, as many dating books and /b/ threads have said, is being the Alpha Male. This term comes from animal society, where a certain male dominates the rest, getting more of the female animals and usually forcing the others to work. That is your job- to rip the chains off of you and dominate wherever you go. And that post will be attacked- but you're the fucking Alpha Male, you know what the hell to do.

So, when you experience a really bitchy woman, you need to remember a few things: 1. She probably is doing it as a shield. Most women like this have insecurity issues, much like bullies. 2. She can be broken, but sometimes it's better just to smack her back and move onto more entertaining girls. 3. She will make your life a living hell, especially in a party/bar situation, because she will literally cockblock you from the other girls she is (presumably) friends with. 4. She will go ballistic if you just ignore her or blow her off.

Which means you have a lot of shit to handle. Many guys have come up with ways they figure works in this case- some end up literally going "You can't fool me", some just ignore the girl, and others have a "wingman" to get this girl out of the picture. No matter what, this kind of girl is a cancer to you, and will cause problems.

So, what do you do? While there is never really a good answer, here are some ideas you can try:

 Try pulling the knight-in-shining-armor thing- go off and pull one girl from her group or something and keep her away. You "Saved" her.  Literally blow the girl off by saying something to the equivalent of "Sure", or "Whatever you say, princess". Believe it or not, being snippy can work wonders.  Ignore them. Completely.  Pull out a wingman and have him deal with her. That's kinda sacrificial, but it works.  Note: If you take this approach, please make it worth the wingman's while. Get him a few drinks or something. The threat of "Leading On"

There are women out there who find it to be pleasurable to fuck with a man's heart, mind and soul, mercilessly. This is called "Leading on". It's annoying, it's bullshit, you waste years of your life on 1 slut, it fucking sucks all around.

The Process

This always starts out with you acquiring a somewhat attractive, female friend. You two will talk for a while, and get to be closer friends. You will inevitably begin to start having feelings for this girl. RIGHT HERE IS THE PRESSURE POINT, AND WHERE YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK AWAY, OR PUT UP YOUR GUNS. She will know, because you will show it, consciously, or otherwise. She sees you STRICTLY AS A FRIEND, and you see her as more than that. As soon as she sees this, she will realize three things:

 She has you within her sights, you are now her new toy.  She can also have LOTS of fun with her new plaything. She can even have it buy her things.  You are wrapped around her finger. She can make you do anything she wants (I mean anything).

Sometimes, anon won't see this coming. The woman could be the last one you ever expect, but it will happen, but no matter what you do, NEVER ALLOW THIS TO GO ON. AS MUCH HOPE AS YOU HAVE, IT WILL NOT WORK. EVERY ELABORATE SCENARIO, EVERY TIME YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD CHEMISTRY, KILL IT WITH FIRE. ITS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Avoidance

A few options:

 Run, anon, run. Even with the off chance that she does actually have feelings for you, it is not worth it. Pursuing this target is an essential waste of time, and will fuck you up in the long run.  Put up your guards. Do not allow this she-devil to get close to you. Swallow your feelings the way /b/ taught you to. This way, you can still hang out with her if she's cool, and not have the urge to stick it in her pooper.  Cut all ties. Delete from AIM, Myspace, Block Number on Cell/House phone, do not see her in person. Most effective method. Remember, she's a succubus.

The Well Cultured Anonymous/Seduction

Seduction is the art of enticing to do something- be they willing or not. Seduction typically is done in the realm of sex and sexuality, where both women and men aim to seduce the opposite sex into relationships, sex, or other activities. For example, seduction can get an unmarried girl into bed on the promise of marriage (this is/was actually illegal in English common law)- or even just getting a number.

Seduction is notably hard for men now. Women are now accustomed to the average pickup lines, and generally (unless drunk off their ass) shield themselves from what they perceive to even be close to seduction. Thus, it is the goal of the Well Cultured Anonymous to find ways to seduce and entice women without being blatant. That, for all intents and purposes in this article, is the true art of seduction.

What is Seduction?

As mentioned above, seduction is the act of convincing people to do things, namely date you or fuck you. This is nothing new- seduction has been around since men have had penises and women have had somewhere to stick them. Because of that, it is important that you not only know HOW to seduce- but you also understand what exactly you are doing in the process.

Historical Figures

If you thought your grandparents were clean and didn't stick it in until marriage, you're a fucking retard. Despite what ultraconservatives will say on television, the past was virtually built on the art of seduction and sex. A lot of English Monarchical history was built on the relationships between varying countries- all tied along with who fucked who. It was like Hollywood, except if someone got drunk and flipped off the camera, you had a war.

Of course, there have been key figures in history who have been masters of seduction. Be they simply legendary in their ability to have sex with women or just famous for being womanizers (or man-izers), some of the most famous people in history were equally famous for sticking it in (or having it stuck in).

 Cleopatra VII

This is the Egyptian woman who fucked Julius Caesar, dated Mark Anthony and convinced him to go berserker on Gaius Julius Caesar Octavian (Technically named Augustus, Julius Caesar's great-nephew) and fight for the Roman throne, then killed herself when Octavian got pissy and decided to have both her and Mark Anthony's head. It is generally speculated that she had indirect control of both the Roman Empire under Caesar and the Roman armies under Mark Anthony, and seduced both into doing things detrimental to the empire. Of course, she did eventually learn that Octavius wasn't one to fuck with, but she nonetheless is considered a famous seducer of two powerful men.

 Don Juan

While completely fictional, the story of Don Juan has been around in Spain since around 1620. In the "first" rendition of it, El burlador de Sevilla y convidado de piedra, Don Juan was a womanizer who slept with women on the promise of marriage or disguising himself as their lover. Oh yeah, and in some stories, he raped a noble and killed her father. Totally /b/.

 Giacomo Casanova

This is the granddaddy of seduction as it is today. Giacomo Casanova, known to most as just Casanova, was famous for pulling the Don Juan of promising women to marry them- and then banging the living shit out of them. He was so good at this shit that he was even able to write a book about it (Histoire de ma vie), and STILL continue tricking women. While it is unknown to the extent that he was able to continue this path (though it is noted that he was famous for chronicling his life by what venereal diseases he contracted because of his sex life), but it is cool to note that in his book, he was able to name at least 121 women BY NAME who he got into bed with him. His efforts have generally been the inspiration for a lot of men, and has been in many sex filled movies. Of course, a lot of these movies have been very shitty, including one particular film (Referred to the film "Casanova") featuring one particular faggot (Referred to Heath Ledger) that no-one cares about.

The Mind at the Root

Behavior is the key factor in seduction. When men or women interact with one another, they send signals- from physical signals to mental signals. Everything counts in seduction- you must sweep the woman off her feet, but also make sure you have the muscle to carry her where you want. The whole concept is to indirectly (or sometimes directly) lead a woman (or a man, yeah yeah) to do something that you want her to do.

When you seduce, you need to aim for control over the woman's mental state. When you control a woman's physical state, it's really nothing but rape- you are not making her willingly follow you. Much like The Pied Piper of Hamelin, your goal is to entrance your targets into willing obedience- not force them down and rape them as they cry. Some of the most masculine men in the world have mastered this ability, and you should too.

When you're reading these tips and tricks, then, you need to think of two things:

1. How will this affect her (being your target)'s mental state? 2. How can this get her toward my goal?

When you think of these things, then, try to avoid things that would fuck it up. In the middle of a passionate kiss, scratching your ass is something that will fuck it up. Ordering three Coronas and sucking crumbs off the floor as you drunkenly lay on it is not the way to make a woman want you. The way to make women want you is to be classy and cool- and control all things.

And trust me, women want to be controlled. Not in the "please bend me over and fuck me like a caveman" way, but they like to have a man tell them how things are going to go. Just like in our Girls section of The Well Cultured Anonymous, women prefer you telling them where you are going to eat rather than going "Well, you decide, I want you to feel comfortable". It's good to be accommodating of her- it's bad to be a pansy. Pansies get shoved on the "Friend" ladder, which means you'll spend more time at home masturbating than you ever will making out with her. And that's bad, if you didn't figure that out yet. Key Things that Turn Women On

 Adventure- Being adventurous. That's why it's best, even on dating sites, to take pictures of yourself doing high adventure shit- even hiking or biking or something.  Exclusivity- Women tend to like guys who are hard to get, or at least play that guy. That's why women fantasize about marrying princes. Make yourself exclusive, and the desire grows.  Humor- Most chicks like to laugh. Being un-funny or overly stupid makes them feel bored. Be real and be cool, just don't try to be a Jim Carrey ripoff.  Money- Yes, I'm serious- women tend to like guys who have money. Part of it is because of the goodies that come with it- but much like the "Safety" point below, they also find it reassuring that you aren't poor and you could support them. Like you would.  Mystery- Being mysterious is a big plus, as evidenced by the majority of Yaoi shit on the internet nowadays. Play this with being standoffish (see "Exclusivity")- leave some things unsaid.  Romance- The sheer chemistry of being together. This just means heating things up a bit- and I'm sure you'd want to get to this point anyway.  Safety- Much like money, women do not attach to men who's futures involve "working at a coal mill". If you appear secure in your future and look like you have some cash on hand, they will be more likely to trust you.  Testosterone- Show the manliness you have a bit. Get angry sometimes. Don't get pushed around. Have some muscles. Even though girls say they want a "nice" guy, they get wetter faster for someone who is willing to prove they have a penis. That's why a lot of "jerks" are more likely to get laid than a "nice guy". Seduction Techniques

Playing a Part

Believe it or not, being stereotypical can be good, because it makes you easier to swallow for most girls. Let's be honest here- if you walked into any given social situation acting like Hunter Thompson, it would no doubt be awesome, but the majority of women would be off put. This is because, much like your average guy, they look for personality types they can understand and accept. It applies to guys too- you're looking for generally acceptable girls- so this should not be TOO MUCH of a surprise for you.

So, with all of that in mind, here are your generally accepted personality types:

 The Bad Boy

Tattoos, high adventure, and badassery. If you're like this, you can be pushier and expect more sex- but she's likely to use you as a fling more than anything.

 The Artist

Emo, faggotry, creative, and the like. This is best for skinny and artistic guys, but you have to sacrifice your testosterone. However, sex also comes easy.

 The Cool Rich Man

Money, power, and stability. This requires that you're something of a good looker with cash, and that you have a high status in society, as well as a relaxed and good personality. Sex comes easy, but you may pick up too many gold diggers.

 The Lover

The kind of people you see in romance novels for overweight married women. This requires the utmost of seduction and good looks, and gets you loads of sex. However, much like the bad boy, this doesn't translate into an actual relationship, and you'll tend to pick up "too" desperate women.

 The Greenpeace Fuck

Believe it or not, there are a lot of wet (anorexic) pussies in the ultra-green world. Sound concerned about the environment and about how the "evil right wants to stop the little man" and girls tend to like you. But only greenpeace- esque girls- this isn't really something to play at a bar.  The Foreign Guy

Look foreign? Play it up and pick up some women with a taste in the wild side. These tend to be one night stands, though, and it's hard to pretend for very long.

 The Frat Fuck

This is when you are unoriginal and stupid, and you have no talent. Generally, your average frat fuck will get laid, but only to desperate or slutty girls. This is to only be used in absolute desperation.

Types to Avoid

 The Potential Husband

The potential husband is someone who NEVER gets laid and generally gets pulled around on a leash, a kind of support for a girl who feels her biological clock ticking. Basically, she's going to go fuck everyone but you, then use you as her husband when she's not feeling wild anymore. If this happens, just tell her to put out or get out.

 The Good Friend

The good friend is someone who is used as emotional support, not romance. This kind of stereotype is fine if you actually just want to be friends, but it's romantic suicide (you're basically put on the wrong ladder, as explained below).

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

 The Fat Funny Guy

Are you overweight? Do you wear Hawaiian shirts? Do you joke with people a lot? Do you secretly lust for girls skinnier than you? Give up. Being Self-Confident, not an Arrogant Asshole

Arrogance is good. In fact, arrogance is part of being a guy. When you start talking to a girl, your ability to seem self-confident and powerful is a turn on to them, because it shows them that you are "complete". Saying "I'm not sure of myself" or any variation thereof is the quickest way to becoming "a good friend"- something you don't want. Because of this, you need to remember that as kind as you may be, you need to be masculine.

Let's take a classic example: James Bond. Women get all wet for James Bond. But if you watch the movies, he is actually quite misogynistic- to the point of being sexually harassing. The thing about James Bond is that he doesn't really fuck around with women, nor does he ask them questions- he just does. I'm certainly not saying to run off and force yourself upon the closest girl to you- but girls don't want someone who is wishy-washy or uncertain. They want to be swept off their feet.

So, for all real purposes, stop hesitating and using excessive deference when speaking. "Um", "Uhhh", and "Well" is completely out. Try to avoid terms like "should" or "maybe"- try to be more definite. This isn't to say you should be crude or too blunt- just be more strong.

Also, try to be a bit more polite. This comes out of left field in this way, but it's a bitching way to show them that you also care. Or something. Long story short: If you say "Thank you" or "Ma'am" or whatever, you tend to look much more refined- but still retain that masculine edge. A good thing.

The Relationship Ladder

Congrats, you're on the first rung of the relationship ladder, in short provided you aren't a complete fuckwit, you're in there. All it takes is for some ingenuity, and to not care if it doesn't work out (if it doesn't work out, likely as not, you'll not be in her good books for, well eternity). Let me explain, when women mean men, they assess them for suitability, and if you're know this from stage one, you can act such that you want to find yourself bullock-deep in her nether regions, without overstepping the boundaries of what is considered good etiquette. Rule of thumb, until you know she won't get bitchy, use words, not hands/actions, you grab her ass when you first meet her, and you're fucked, and not the good sort. Slightly different rules apply if you're in a club (note, you might have heard of these, its where people who aren't social fuckwits go on a Friday night). Should you find yourself in such a place different rules apply, but you're not after a relationship in a club, just a quick shag. should you feel the need to grab an arse in a club, make sure the owner is alone, i.e. not currently engaged in pulling someone, and not a total boar. When talking to the girl when you first meet her, you basically want to follow the advice elsewhere, be nice, but also show an arrogant flair, with a dash of testosterone. Hopefully, when the time comes, and you have to wrap up the conversation, you can ask her for her number, msn doodad, faggotspace, faggotbook, faggotjournal or whatever method of contacting her (writing a letter is far too old-fashioned, you will be laughed at, and you're back to square 1). Oh, and for the love of furry, FIND OUT HER FUCKING NAME, With out that, you are screwed, beyond belief, and the type that involves you not getting any. The Friend Ladder

Somebody fucked up. Probably you. If sex was the desired goal, this is not the ladder to be on, unfortunately, the only way to test the water, i.e. find out where you dwell, is to dip an extremity in. you can do this by either asking, would you ever date me, or, get someone who knows you both to ask her. if you find out you reside on this atrocity, you are buggered, and you need to stop being so friendly, and when you have left your object of desire be for a while, (over 9000 hours, with less contact than usual, should do it).

The Well Cultured Anonymous/Sex

Why Foreplay?

Foreplay is like using a cold wine glass for a good glass of wine, or shining your shoes- it makes everything that much better. Actually, one of the worst things you can do during sex is NOT do anything like foreplay: it will make it that much harder to get your partner off. Foreplay is like warming up an engine, and if you don't warm up the engine, it will mean that your penis will have to do the entire job: something most people are going to find it hard (or near impossible) to do.

Foreplay is as simple as it sounds. Before sex (the fore part), you need to be stimulating your partner in ways that don't involve your penis (the play part). This can involve tickling his/her sexual organs, kissing them, licking them, or virtually anything you can do to "warm up" their body. Foreplay should never take TOO long- just enough to get everyone rock hard and/or dripping wet.

Techniques and Tricks

Licking and Nibbling

Kissing

Touching and Feeling

Note: no one fucking edited most of the Sex chapter so you are pretty much screwed. Various Kinds of Sex Acts

Anal

Straight: The Key to Straight Anal sex is to massage the "G spot" through the ass.

Gay: They key is massaging the prostate through the ass, also GTFO.

For both: For gods sake, have the fuckee use an enema about one hour before hand. This consists of having them basically squirting water into their ass until it gets uncomfortable, jumping around, then letting all that crap/sludge/water out of their ass (INTO A TOILET). Remember to use LOTS of lube. If its the person's first time, ease into it. Once your cock is all the way in the other person's ass, wait until their muscles relax, and then slowly proceed with the thrusting.

Lube: DO NOT use silicone lube. Trust me, all that can happen is badshit. KY jelly is the best lube around, got get yourself some.

Oral (On Him)

Oral (On Her)

Titfucking

Thighfucking

Mutual Masturbation

Note: how very /b/ of you to edit only the pooper. Without the rest, no one will ever get any anal.

Sexual Issues

Okay, let's get this out of the way. Go look at porn until you're hard as a rock. Get a ruler. Measure your size.

IF YOU ARE OVER FOUR INCHES, YOU ARE FINE.

Believe it or not, the majority of women do not care about penis size- you only generally hear it from women who fall into one of two categories:

1. Are so fucking loose they need a fist to get off, or 2. Have actually never had a penis inside them and presume you need a monster cock to get off.

In both situations, you should just ignore them. Statistics show that even a four inch cock can get a woman off easily without any kind of extra gymnastics or size enhancements. Many men simply find penis size as a big issue because they tend to equate it with manliness- which is a stupid and foolish way to behave. In the same way some men find delicious flat loli chest attractive (when women generally lament having a flat chest), some women do not want the Loch Ness Monster stuffed up their cooter.

Let me relieve you even more. Penis sizes around six inches or bigger tend to actually stretch the vagina more than rub it. In this process, it may make the woman bleed during sex or even hurt her- generally the initial "loss of virginity pain" that most women experience. It's more than losing their hymen- it's being stretched out so deliberately by having something the size of a fist shoved into their slit.

So, if you're sitting there with something that's undersized, don't fucking worry. All of these pornos about big dicks are designed FOR MEN to feel better, not women. Your average girl is actually scared of something that's considered large- nigra dick isn't as great as people say. Thankfully, your average person is around 5.1 to 6 inches (which falls under "very pleasurable" to some women)- but if you've got an oddly shaped or small dick, just calm the fuck down and stop posting about it on /b/. It's fine.

The depressing truth

The lowdown is that articles like the one above are generally written by men with an “average” size penis hoping to create a general consensus among fellow men that “size doesn’t matter”; so as to remove their own feelings of embarrassment at their self-perceived masculine inadequacy and to attempt to dumb down the superior masculinity felt by the well-endowed. The fact is that a lot of men, even those who are well-endowed (of which the above author may well be one), feel challenged by the fact that there are other men who have larger penises- be it John Holmes or a guy who showered next to them once at the gym. Normally this feeling is confronted by denial; a perfect example would be how most men claim to possess a large penis when confronted by peers (often male friends), who have little chance of seeing the real (smaller) size of the penis in question during their lifetimes. Another example would be the above article in which the denial is not of the author’s own dissatisfaction with his penis but instead denial of the fact that a larger penis is superior at all. This may seem like a cheap shot I’m making, but it’s a truth demonstrated in even the young (think Freud) who become jealous of their father’s larger penis (and sex with their mother, but that’s another story). Talking of cheap shots, dismissing women who like big penis as either sluts or virgins is much cheaper, and with much, much less backing.

Of course this means little without talking about why a large penis (7-10 inches long) is better than the average sized penis (5-6 inches long); I cannot accuse the previous author of denying the truth due to his lack of confidence in his own penis size without explaining why larger penises being better for women is the truth.

First of all is the argument that women do not care about penis size. This is only a half truth. In determining whether or not to begin/continue a relationship it has been shown that while penis size is a factor, it is not high on the list. Power, wealth and aspects of physical attractiveness (remember penis size is sexual attractiveness as in indicative of more pleasure during sex, unlike breasts which are part of physical attractiveness as they confer no sexual benefits except perhaps heightened eroticism which isn’t so important to a man anyway) are much more important. Those with average sized penises have nothing to worry about in getting women to have sex with them if they possess the other more important traits, and if you’re sexual pleasure is all that matters to you, then you don’t need to care about what I write next.

It is during sexual activity where penis size is without doubt one of the biggest factors in a woman’s enjoyment. This does not just apply to vaginal intercourse. The eroticism of sexual activity (which is important if a female orgasm is hoped for) can be significantly affected by the man’s penis size. During oral sex or caressing of the genitals for example a shared sense of unexpressed embarrassment for both parties can be felt if the penis is below average in length, and acknowledgment if it is above average in length- both of which decrease and increase eroticism accordingly (which in turn readies the vagina for better stimulation and orgasm). Remember that the obsession with sexual organ size is in both sexes, and its status as a symbol of manliness is acknowledged by the vast majority of people either at a preconscious or subconscious level. With more and more girls being brought up on the idea of a larger penis being superior by the media as being out in the open (ie: sexual talk is more open among people), these two effects have become greater during the past half century. That said, with this a fear of large penis has also developed due to “big dick” porn sites and other forms of media generating the myth of damage done to the vagina during sex, which is of course rubbish as the vagina is able to accommodate all but the most exceptionally large of penises (and in fact the most pleasure is lost by the man, who cannot fit his penis in entirely). A much more common way for a woman to feel pain during sex is when a man pounds too hard too soon and without enough foreplay to allow the vagina to expand, and this can be done by more averagely sized men.

So on to the most important part and some hard truths. During vaginal intercourse an average sized penis, no matter the technique, is simply unable to make contact with the parts of the vagina necessary to cause more satisfactory orgasms. The epicentre for example is out of reach for penises sized 5-6 inches except if the woman has a very “shallow” vagina. A well-endowed man with a good technique and a knowledge of what his partner wants is thus able to give much more pleasure to his partner than a man with an average sized penis could possibly give. Unlike other points I have brought up, this is not psychological or survey based- this is a physical fact, just like the fact that you can’t jump 100 metres or fly off into space by flapping your arms. To make it perfectly clear: if you have a 6 inch penis you cannot FULLY satisfy your partner.

I could bring up many more points but long ago I crossed the tl;dr threshold, so I’ll round things up. If you have what is called an “average” sized penis, or a “normal” sized penis, do not think for a second that this means it is an “adequate” penis for giving pleasure to a woman. Average and adequate do not mean the same thing- your average person’s soccer abilities are not adequate to be showcased in the English Premier League. If you have a 6 inch penis you should know that there is nothing “wrong” with it, as I said it is “normal” so relationships with the opposite sex should not suffer, but you just have to accept that you cannot be as capable a lover or give a women anywhere near as much pleasure as a man more blessed by genetics. Whether or not you consider this is a threat to your manliness, indeed whether or not you care, is up to you.

>> The depressing truth Disregard that, I suck cocks. The Well Cultured Anonymous/Coworkers and Friends

Interacting with Coworkers

If you have a job, it's pretty important that you stay on good terms with your coworkers, seeing as you have to see them every day. It's not hard to make your coworkers think you're a decent person. When you see them, make eye contact and give them a friendly smile. When you come into work, smile and say "good morning" to them. If you are going to talk to them, try to avoid saying creepy things. Your coworkers probably do not care about lolis or memes. Instead ask them about their family and things like that. People love to talk about their kids, if they have any. Even if you have very little in common with someone, you can almost always carry on a conversation if you ask them about their kids. However, don't ask them about their kids too much or else they'll start looking at you funny. Try to avoid being annoying. It's better to talk too little than to talk too much.

Also, try to avoid workplace drama. Mind your own business. Don't talk shit on anyone, even if you really want to. Yet another Anon's perspective :Actually, no. Don't get INVOLVED in workplace drama, but pay attention to what's going on, who is getting shit on during coffee machine chit-chat. You don't want to be(friend) the circle jerk.

Making Friends

Friends are important. Friends, especially good friends, are pillars of support in times of need or whatever. They're your partners in crime and members of your proverbial team.

Friends are also beneficial when browsing members of the opposite sex. Women tend to congregate in groups, making it harder to single someone out to strike up a conversation with. Therefore, when you approach a group of 3 to 6 women with a marginally equal number of friends, the situation becomes a lot easier.

So it's paramount that you have some. You can have all the arrogance and pizazz in the world, but if you're a loner that can all be canceled out quickly.

Picking Friends

Coworkers and fellow students (if you're at high-school or college) are great for making friends with, especially those in the same or similar classes to you, as you're much more likely to get on with each other. There are some things to look for in potential friends. One important feature is Common Interests.

Assuming you've had friends before, you may already know that groups/circles of friends tend to be composed of people with at least one common interest or ideal, or with similar artistic/musical taste. Most of the time, this won't matter as much, since unless you and your friends are obsessive nerds that concentrate solely on one subject at any given time, you'll have a lot more to talk about that isn't necessarily relevant to your interests. Therefore, it might be a good idea to keep an open mind when approaching new people. Everyone has at least one thing interesting about them, it just takes time to figure out what it actually is. You'll just have to muss up the courage to talk to someone.

Kill Stealing

Sometimes, leveling up can be a time consuming and, quite frankly, retarded system. Kill stealing was invented to get around this. If you are unwilling to screw other people over and probably never speak to them again, stop reading here. Kill stealing is not for pussies, and should only be attempted if you are at least two levels above everyone in your group, or five levels if you are in a PVP area.

The purpose of kill stealing is to get a large amount of experience from a much tougher opponent without sharing anything. In order to do this, you must first identify a difficult opponent, one that you would absolutely require a group in order to have any hope of defeating. This could be a boss, a really hot feminist, or that really faggy next door neighbor. Identifying a tough target is critical, because you want to maximize XP gain and minimize the amount of work you actually have to do.

Next, you need a trustworthy and gullable group of people less awesome than you that you are willing to sacrifice for the XP. A group of five to seven other members is preferable, but in some cases more or less can be used (remember, if you have too few, you will all die, and if you have too many, you may not be able to disband the group quick enough, or, in PVP areas, survive the revenge attack that will undoubtably result). Make sure you are completely detached from these people. The last thing you want to do is to pussy out at the last minute because your "feelings" got in the way (and, at worst, someone else might try to kill steal from you and succeed).

Finally, you need to execute the plan. If your goal is to get into some woman's pants, make sure everyone in the group knows the objective. Make it seem as though everyone will benefit from achieving this goal ("If we get this girl, we can do that gangbang video you guys wanted!) If they are completely brainwashed, tell them nothing at all about the objective and make them do whatever you feel gets you closer to your objective (this is the ideal condition, but it almost never happens). Here's the twist: make sure your group does stuff that is counter-productive. You can join in on this a little bit, but try to stay detached from your group and do as little as possible. When the objective appears to be almost down, (she's getting ready to leave in disgust, the boss is getting ready to fire you all, etc.) abandon your group and do things that are productive. Kiss ass, play devil's advocate, and deny any serious association with your group. If at all possible, leave the zone as quickly as possible with your target.

This is proven to be the most effective means of getting XP and standing from powerful NPCs. PCs may hate you, but hey, they're paying the monthy fee to keep you kill stealing over and over. The Well Cultured Anonymous/College

High School

Education is more important than it sounds. The trick to getting through High School and graduating depends on what kind of person you are. Here are a few subgroups: (please ignore any sweeping generalizations)

Before you Read

Unless you were a superstar or in denial, high school was a total shit time for all of us. Ask any college student, current or graduated, and they'll agree. High school sucks. HOWEVER. Do not let any of it get to you. After you leave, there's a good chance you will never see the assholes and skanks at your school again. You can pretty much start over in college. Were you a dork in high school, and never got any women? You can change that all around in college.

Seriously. Don't let any of the crap that happens to you in high school get to you.

Reasons to Graduate HS

Freaks/Goths/Emo: Generally you view school with something below pessimism. It's stupid, it's idiotic, etc. etc. Well, just think of the incentives of graduating. First, no repeating grades. Why wait till you are 18 to drop out, spend time getting a GED and working at McDonalds/Wendy's? Graduate, have a high school degree and get a better paying job. All that shit the counselors tell you about making more cash with a HS Degree is true.

Nerds/Geeks/Dorks: Generally you view school with either borderline optimism or borderline indifference. You already know the benefits of graduating, so I won't preach about those.

Trades

Become a plumber. Check the finances if you doubt this advice. The only downside to becoming a tradey is smelling like shit if you don't wash, and missing out on four years of sex less impressive than that in Rules of Attraction. College

College is a Septic name for an adult day care centre. SRSLY.

College is however, another step needed to get a job that pays well. If you want to go the route of going to a University, but are hesitant about the whole experience, I recommend going to community college first. I know it seems lame, but it has its benefits. It's a step between high school and a university, and it will help you with your transition in the lifestyle. Community college is also *generally* pretty easy as far as the work load. The teachers also treat you as more of a person, at a University, you're a number. If you're having trouble with a subject, it's often easier to get support. Take a warning however, BE SURE YOUR CREDITS WILL TRANSFER! There's no point in going to school just to waste time, unless you're finding yourself or some other hippie bullshit.

Remember, high school is not college. Your teachers won't care if you try to be a bad ass, don't turn in your work, or if you skip out on class. Many schools will simply drop you from the class if you don't show up enough.

The logistical reasons are also pretty sweet. You normally have a flexible schedule, such as day/night classes a few days a week. It's also much cheaper than a university, it makes sense to spend two years paying a cheap price, and two paying out the ass, than all four out the ass.

University

University is the name for an institution which offers degrees in a variety of fields. Usually you can do a degree which is enjoyable, or financially viable, or neither. It is impossible to find a degree which is both. However, university is really an opportunity to develop nepotism networks which will result in your future employment. For those of you who believe you'll go onto research, read phdcomics.com. The Well Cultured Anonymous/College/Christian Hell

The following article is aimed at surviving short periods at Christian colleges/Universities, especially when you're put there for various tournaments, games, or other things your Uni might put you through. This is something that is becoming more prevalent, and one too many good students have gone fucking nuts here. So, if you're about to deal with one of these colleges, this is for you.

Christian Colleges/Universities are a unique entity in that they exist only in America, generally to piss the non-Christian population of the world off. These places are famous for two key things- their lack of any kind of education quality, and their overbearing neo-conservative nutjob views involving religion. Tied together, you have a generation of graduates who are neo-conservative Christian nutjobs who will attempt to convince you why you're an evil person. Simply put, they are fucking crazy.

I'm writing this because as a kid, I was home schooled and drug to these places as a plan on getting Homeschoolers into college. We could get our ass into any Uni in the fucking country, but a handful of crazy-ass Christfags in high positions of Homeschooling power in various states forced us into this bullshit for up to two weeks at a time. Because of that, I can give you first hand accounts of why every time I take a psychological test I come out as "Sociopathic" --WikiSysop 22:35, 7 March 2007 (CST) Christian Colleges in the US

There are FAR too many Christian Univerisities in the US to name. This is because they spread like weeds, infecting every state like a poison that won't go away. However, for the sake of the article, I'll point out some of the major colleges/universities as examples (mainly the ones that I've been to or are especially buttfucking crazy).

Liberty University

Liberty University (was gonna be called Falwell University until they figured out the letters would be FU) is a college started by Jerry Falwell that aims to be a center for Christfag crazies. Unlike Patrick Henry College (below), LU spends the majority of it's time churning out people with absolutely useless degrees in underwater basketweaving, most of whom go home and work in blue collar jobs they could have worked at anyway.

So, here's the fun part: OFFICIAL LIBERTY UNIVERSITY RULES

 No music that is not approved by the University. That includes rock, rap, R&B, oldschool rock, and basically anything but Christian music- and some of that is banned too.  No movies over a G rating unless authorized by the University- and they don't do such a thing often. This includes going to movie theaters.  Under the age of 21, you must have parental permission to marry or date.  Mandatory Church service. Every day. And that doesn't count "actual" Church service, which you must also attend- and you sign in, so no skipping.  Just read the Men's Dress Code on your own for lulz (http://www.liberty.edu/index.cfm?PID=1335)  And the women's, while you're at it. (http://www.liberty.edu/index.cfm? PID=7764)  The only appropriate form of touching between anyone (including those dating) is hand holding. And that's it.  Liberty University prohibits accessing, downloading, receiving, distributing, transmitting, storing, displaying, viewing, printing, or producing pornography. Blue balls for everyone.

This place is fucking crazy. See below.

Patrick Henry College

Patrick Henry College is close to my heart as the place that affirms every single stereotype of the "Crazy Christian". Consisting of five buildings the size of houses (I'm not exaggerating), the college exists as a hell hole for every single neo- conservative Christfag that ever had "Homeschooler" in their CV. Why? Because Patrick Henry College is a self-proclaimed future army of God (self proclaimed as they are not even an accredited college), and apparently they intend to arm themselves with kids that learned from their parents at home. Their ultimate goal is actually rather blatant: they are attempting to feed these people directly into internships and other positions in the United States Government. Why? Because they intend to turn the United States into a fundamentally Christian nation again. I'm not shitting you: read the articles on them or listen to the speeches by Michael Farris to find out.

Now, Patrick Henry has a host of laws that I personally blame for making me go crazy. All of these that I'm listing below- every single fucking one- applies to students, teachers, and all people visiting. Prepare to shit bricks.

OFFICIAL PATRICK HENRY COLLEGE RULES

 Absolutely no guy-girl dancing of any kind is allowed (Presumably, guy-guy is fine, hur hur).  While not explicitly listed out in the rules, you can (and will) be kicked out for swearing (Trust me, when I walked in and said "What the fuck is this shit", they were not pleased)  Kissing, teasing, flirtation, porn, or basically anything related to sex (including books or the like) is forbidden.  All dating you do will be reported to your parents or legal guardians, and they must give consent to the relationship.  Students and all faculty must sign a contract agreeing to all tenants of Christianity, including some that may go against specific denominations or faiths.  Because the college is shit poor, the only sports on campus are "Liberty Ball" (Football/Soccer/whateveryoucallit) and Frisbee and the like. You want some good College Hoops or pigskin action? Fuck your shit. Jesus died on the cross for you, and Basketball is from the devil.  All of this is tagged along with a nice old curfew- lights out.

So, with this being said, you will go crazy quick. Thus, read below for fun ways to make your time there enjoyable.

How to Cope

A Well Cultured Anon is someone who should be well cultured in life, and thus try to be a good person and such- or at least appear to be. However, situations like this in college require special handling. In fact, they require outright anarchy. Your goal, when even visiting or seeing any of these schools (such as going to one for a debate tournament), should be to survive, and make your mark there.

So, first off understand that you must be devious when you do "bad" things. Blatant things will get you kicked out of the campus, which is the end of the game. Therefore, the game of "fucking with Christian colleges" is like Grand Theft Auto- keep your stars down, and your actual crime level up.

Fun things to do

 Hit on girls. Believe it or not, they're desperate. And easy. Because the guys are too pure to try to tap it.  Dick with IT. For example, ping lewd messages in URL form (such as "ping fuckyouguys.com") and watch as the IT guys run in and try to find out who did it. Protip: Do it on a nearby computer, but not one you have been assigned. There's a ton of stuff you can do in this realm, such as:

 Blatantly browsing porn in front of faculty  Bookmarking random porn websites or 4chan or something  Going on their special accounts (such as LexisNexis) and canceling the account or adding services  Going to this very website. Even though it didn't exist when I did it, I'm sure they'll call in the psychology department to figure out what's up with our Incest section.

 Teaching especially pure people bad things, such as to flash "The Shocker" to people as a fun Christ-loving sign, waiting until someone explains to them what "Two in the pink, one in the stink" actually means.  Swearing like a sailor. Watch them go pale.  Acting homosexual. Like above, they go pale and get VERY scared.  Interrupting prayer or chapel services with "When is it over?". Warning: You get kicked out for this, but it's totally for the lulz.  Making sexual advances on the girls. Like I said, they're horny anyway. Just go up to one and grab a good old handful of tit.  Threatening people. For the lulz. The Well Cultured Anonymous/Work

Getting A Job

Foot in the Door

It's always, always useful to kiss ass with your parents co-workers, former co- workers, university profs, frat alumns, and all sorts of different people who can take your resume and send it along to someone who needs an intern. If you need to bring the subject up, perhaps do something like this: 'You': Yeah, I'm starting my th year in , but I'm looking for something to occupy myself this summer. You wouldn't happen to know of anyone who is looking to hire someone? 'Target': Actually, send me your resume and I might be able to find something for you. Success! Just be sure to let anyone and everyone know that you're looking for work and don't intend to live life as a hobo.

The Resume

This is the most important part of your work application. First of all, don't be afraid to be narcissistic. You're advertising yourself. Have you ever watched those infomercials late at night on the TV and said "I don't know who the hell would ever consider buying this shit."? You have to sell that shit. You are selling 'shit' to 'arab traders', make it look 'good'. HOWEVER Do not lie. If you lie, they will catch you, and they will make you look like a fool. Make yourself seem better than you are, but don't make yourself better than you are, got it? 'Things you should include:'

 'Past work experience' Your past jobs, past volunteer activities, anything relevant to field experience  'Edumacation' Where you learned you a book and when and what you majored in.  'Special Skills' This is where you can lie your ass off

The Interview

'To-Do'

:º_o)\¯Note)/¯ The First Day

Making a good impression on the first day of working at a new job, sadly, is more important than months of good working after. First impressions are everything.

1. Be polite! If someone bumps into you, do not start spouting off insults. Apologize, then keep working.

2. I know its hard, but refrain from spouting off /b/ memes at your job. You WILL eventually slip and make a joke about "nigras" or "Bix Nood" in front of a black customer, or something along those lines. That is a surefire way to throw away your career. From a woman's perspective.

Protip: you're not a "nice guy", you're just a pussy who pretends to be friends with a girl while secretly wanting to fuck her and expecting her to read your mind and know that you want to be something more than friends.

Girls do not reject "nice guys" in favor of "assholes", they reject guys who misrepresent their feelings in favor of confident & honest guys.

From a man's perspective.

Women run on emotion. Don't bother trying to be a nice guy, that's not what they want. They want someone who will inspire emotion in them, it does not even matter what kind as long as its strays from pity and that end of the spectrum. So piss them off, accuse them of things they never did, confuse them with private thoughts that they have no insight towards, make them laugh if you feel like it. The emotions are the key, that is what makes them want to "get to know you" keep the woman emotional through this process and she will begin to desire you. Be careful of how early this starts, if you don't let their emotions overwhelm them then they begin to worry about what others will think and will leave. You have to give them enough different feelings to where you are all they "need".

If you ever give them the feeling that you are feeding off their emotions then they will leave you for someone else. All women are succubi. About the Book The Well Cultured Anonymous/Authors

The following is a list of authors, editors, and helpers who have done work on The Well Cultured Anonymous. These are people who have contributed in some way to making this e-book thing a reality, and have worked hard to pull in information from websites like 4chan and 7chan to ensure that you have a singular source of information. Thank these people at your own discretion.

Alphabetical Order of Authors

 Achan  Aphextwin  Appellation  Berserker  Bluith  Cosa Nostra  Eaglewolf  Frostleaf  GG  Hark  Java378  Master Thief-117  Ninja337  Orion  Over9000  RKERONESKE  Sarafan  SonicDragonwerkz  Triple Chan Soul  WikiSysop

Note from editor:

That’s it, didn’t take too long but I still feel an accomplishment.

Anyways, I think every troll lurking in /b/ all over the *chans should read this book, even the normal /b/tards should.

-- DoobiRaze 01:27, 20 March 20, 2007 END

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