Introduction to Conflict Resolution

Conflict is inevitable. Angry fights and lasting tension are avoidable. This is a short introduction to resolving conflict resolution or "transforming" conflict. Conflict Can Be Good

Consider this question: What causes earthquakes?

As you may know, the Earth's surface is made up of giant pieces of rock, called tectonic plates. These plates are slowly moving, causing them to rub and grind against each other. In some places, one plate is being forced under another plate.

As the plates rub and grind against each other, they build up tension. Try this: press yours hands together hard, palm to palm. Now try slowly moving your hands in opposite directions. The heat you feel is caused by friction, a form of tension. You may notice that your hands move in a short, stuttering way or in a big, fast way.

Earthquakes are caused when the tension between tectonic plates gets too strong and gets released. This is like the heat between your hands. The scientists who study earthquakes believe that short, regular releases of tension are better than a long build-up leading to a major release. In other words, a series of small earthquakes is better than one big earthquake. Some people who live in places with lots of earthquakes see this over time, and they get worried if there hasn't been an earthquake for a long time. It means that a lot of tension is building up and when it gets released, there will probably be a big earthquake.

Human relationships are like tectonic plates. We each have personal values, beliefs, and goals. Inevitably, there will be some tension between people: it can't be avoided. However, we can choose how we deal with tension and how we try to resolve it.

I believe that in human relationships, a series of small earthquakes is better than one big earthquake. In my marriage, if my wife and I never argued, one of us or both of us is probably holding back. That could be very bad. The tension would build up to a dangerous level and when the earthquake finally happened, we could hurt one another badly (emotionally). In a marriage and in a workplace, we need strategies to release tension in small, relatively harmless ways.

Consider this question: What's the difference between an argument and a fight?

In a fight, someone loses. In an argument, we can eventually come to an agreement. The goal of conflict resolution is to transform a fight into an argument, and then to resolve the argument to everyone's satisfaction. Satisfaction doesn't mean happiness. Sometimes the best possible outcome of an argument is simply agreement and acceptance, not happiness.

Earthquakes don't really serve a useful purpose for humans. However, conflict can be productive for individuals, groups, and institutions. Like in my marriage, conflict in a group or institution can lead to great clarity about values, beliefs, goals, and strategies. It's natural to feel some anxiety about conflict. But conflict can be productive, so we shouldn't be afraid of conflict. Conflict in Your Future

Consider the kinds of conflict you may experience at work. If you work in a school, here are some of the kinds of conflict you may experience:

 Student – Student

http://KymBuchanan.org Kym Buchanan UW Stevens Point  Teacher – Student  Teacher – Class  Teacher – Parent/Guardian  Teacher – Teacher  Teacher – Administrator

Each of these kinds of conflict is different, but the general strategies for conflict resolution work for all kinds of conflict.

Consider where conflict comes from. Here's a partial list of possible sources:

 Misperception or confusion  Ignorance  Limited resources (e.g., space, time, money)  Conflicting priorities  Prejudice

In schools, limited resources are a regular source of conflict. There is probably only one gym, a limited number of computer labs, a limited budget for books, a limited number of hours in the day, and so on. Prevention Strategies

We need strategies to prevent or reduce conflict. Consider how different choices in these areas can help prevent or reduce conflict:

 Your personality and teaching style  Classroom layout and decoration (consider colors, clutter, temperature, lighting, etc.)  Assignments and activities  Routines and schedules  Student input on rules  Class contract  Transparency about scoring and grades (e.g., rubrics, gradebook online)  Communication with parents/guardians  Student government  Peer mediation  Peer court

Social contracts are one the best strategies for reducing conflict. A social contract is created when all the members of a community willingly give up some rights and freedoms in exchange for some shared benefits. For example, as drivers, we all agree to stop at red lights. We give up the right to always drive through intersections immediately, in exchange for greater safety. I stop for you and you stop for me.

A social contract is central to the United States' Constitution and the vision of the framers of the Constitution. Understanding and valuing a social contract is an important part of citizenship and moral development. We can teach students to understand and value a social contract through the rules and processes in our schools.

Here's an example of a possible conflict in a school, and how I might try to prevent it.

A student and her family may value participation in athletics more than attendance in my class. They may challenge me when I won't make an accommodation for numerous absences.

I would prevent this by talking with my school's athletic director about how we implement a student-athlete policy and values system. If challenged, I would refer to this policy.

http://KymBuchanan.org Kym Buchanan UW Stevens Point In that example, the student-athlete policy is a social contract. The student gives up some rights in exchange for participating in athletics. Habits of Mind

Practicing specific habits of mind is another strategy for preventing conflict and resolving conflict. I can't control how others think and feel. I can regulate how I respond to others' choices. Here are some desirable habits of mind:

 Keep things in perspective o How urgent is the problem? o How big is the problem? o What's the worst that can happen?  Identify thoughts, feelings, interests, and needs o Distinguish thoughts from feelings o Distinguish interests from needs o Is my goal something I want or something I need? o What are my long-term goals? o Where can I compromise?  Try to keep it professional o Is this really about me personally, or is it because I'm the teacher? o Am I just trying to win?  Find common ground o We can often find common ground in the wellness and success of a student

In Educating Esmé, Valerie's mom challenges Esmé's decision to lock up the classroom library after someone steals a book. One of Esmé's strategies to transform the conflict is to find common ground. She says, "I can tell you really care about your daughter." (7 Oct, p. 41)

Here are some essential phrases for a teacher to use as often as necessary:

 I don't know.  I was wrong.  I'm sorry.

Many problems are easily solved by admitting our mistakes and fixing our mistakes. I try to model this for my students.

If a conflict is getting out of your control, get help (e.g., your mentor, your administrator, your union).

Some models for conflict resolution emphasize consensus. Consensus means something specific: it means that everyone agrees on something. Sometimes people use the word "consensus" incorrectly. For example, if only 51% of the members of a legislature vote in favor of a bill, that's not a consensus.

In my marriage, my wife and I usually strive for consensus decision-making. In a school, consensus is a good goal. However, consensus isn't always possible. People from different backgrounds all come together in a school, including teachers, other staff, students, and students' families. Sometimes our values, beliefs, and goals are too different for consensus to be possible. We should try to achieve consensus when possible, but keep in mind what Voltaire said: "The perfect is in the enemy of the good." Here's another way to express the same idea, from a eulogy of Senator Ted Kennedy: "He never let a love of perfection prevent him from achieving what was possible."

http://KymBuchanan.org Kym Buchanan UW Stevens Point We can't fix everything and we can't make everyone happy. Conflict resolution is about finding the best possible outcome for everyone. A Basic Conflict Resolution Protocol

There are many effective protocols for conflict resolution. This protocol is inspired by several of them.

1. Create a space for resolution (e.g., remove audience, remove distractions) 2. Commit to finding a resolution, with consensus if possible, but with authority if necessary 3. Share perceptions of conflict, taking turns to talk and really listen 4. Validate priorities, anxieties, and fears 5. Clear up any confusion or ignorance 6. Identify options, including costs and benefits 7. Find a compromise that everyone can support 8. Commit to action 9. Revisit and revise, as needed

Step #8 can be problematic. If one person clearly dislikes the resolution but just seems to want to finish prematurely, the conflict is not resolved. Each person needs to be clearly committed to resolution, without muttering under their breath or implying that they're going to sabotage the resolution at their first opportunity.

In addition to teaching conflict resolution, I teach strategies for dealing with serious/crisis issues, like depression, addiction, and suicide. A good protocol for dealing with serious/crisis issues is:

1. Prevent 2. Perceive 3. Investigate 4. Intervene 5. Debrief/Detox

Steps #3 and #4 may involve using a conflict resolution protocol. During Step #5 it's important to conscientiously practice personal wellness strategies. Conflict resolution is emotionally taxing. Afterwards, I need to practice my wellness strategies, even if they're time-consuming, inconvenient, or cost money. Conclusion

Conflict is inevitable. Angry fights and lasting tension are avoidable. As a professional, I do what I can to minimize how much conflict I create and to be ready to transform conflict when it does happen. I practice the same habits of mind in my personal life.

Teaching isn't dangerous work or hard labor. However, it can be emotionally taxing. I can't help my students if I'm sick, tired, impatient, or short-tempered. I try to take care of myself in order to take care of them. Please think carefully about the ideas in this essay.

http://KymBuchanan.org Kym Buchanan UW Stevens Point