NEYM M&C Presentation on Withholding Policy

Transcript of a Prezi by Callid Keefe-Perry and Honor Woodrow on behalf of Ministry & Counsel Updated 18 November 2019

Edited for style and formatted by Peter Bishop 10 February 2020

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Table of Contents Preface ...... 5 Timeline and Background Information 1988-1991 FUM and NEYM: Structurally ...... 9 FUM Statement of Sexual Ethics ...... 9 FUM Personnel Policy ...... 10 2000-2005 The First Triennial in ...... 11 FUM Board Not In Unity ...... 12 2004 NEYM Minute of Exercise ...... 13 2007 Joint Meeting of African and North American Friends ...... 15 2007-2009 NEYM Minute of Commitment ...... 17 FUM’s Response ...... 18 NEYM Minute of Support for Same-Sex Marriages ...... 18 NEYM Minute Establishing the Withholding Policy ...... 19 2010-2014 Extending the FUM Withholding Practice ...... 20 2015-2019 NEYM Working Group Is Not Formed ...... 21 NEYM M&C’s Charge ...... 21 2014 Listening Sessions Friends wanting to remain in relationship with FUM ...... 25 Friends wanting distance from FUM ...... 25 Support for the NEYM withholding policy ...... 26 Resistance to the NEYM withholding policy ...... 26 Sessions 2019 FUM Withholding Mechanism ...... 27 Minute of Exercise on the YM Relationship with FUM ...... 27 Financial Data as of 2019 ...... 29 Questions to Inform Our Ongoing Discernment ...... 32 3

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Preface

What is this Presentation? A tool for individual Friends and Meetings to use in preparation for ongoing discernment about New England Yearly Meeting’s Withholding Policy created in response to Friends United Meeting’s Personnel Policy. We hope that is helps Friends to understand and engage with the multiple facets of this complex moment, giving us a all an accessible resource for information, allowing a greater number of people to participate more fully in our collective discernment.

Sharing with Ministry and Counsel If your Meeting would be interested in having an M&C-hosted Listening Session happen sometime before May 14, contact MC-@NEYM.org to see about the availability of Friends who have been asked to travel. If you or your meeting would like to share your perspective with members of NEYM's M&C in preparation for their discernment, all emails sent to [email protected] will be shared at M&C's May 18th Meeting. If you have questions, want clarification, or would like to talk to the Clerk of M&C about this issue, email [email protected] and she will respond.

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Timeline and Background Information

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1988-1991

Summary • FUM Board approves a Personnel Policy Manual which states both that: o Staff and volunteer appointments are made without regard to sexual orientation, and that o It is expected that sexual intercourse should be confined to marriage, understood to be between one man and one woman. (91 GBEX 18) - 1991 • The board is divided. • As a result of the division, the general Secretary of FUM pushed for Yearly Meetings with a more universalist theology to unafiliate with FUM and only seek affiliation with Friends General Conference (FGC)- 1990-1993

Background Information

FUM and NEYM: Structurally “The Friends United Meeting community stretches far and wide across the globe. We are a collection of Christ-centered , embracing thirty-seven Yearly Meetings and Associations, thousands of local gatherings and hundreds of thousands of individuals. Joined together through our shared experience of God and united in common ministries, we form a beloved fellowship that is powerfully at work in our local areas and through cross-cultural service.” Of note: organizations such as Friends United Meeting, Friends General Conference, and Evangelical Friends International, do not hold authority over the constituent Yearly Meetings.

FUM Board minute 88 GB 52 FUM Statement of Sexual Ethics (a) We affirm the civil rights of all people to secular employment, housing, education and health care without regard to their sexual orientation. In particular, we condemn violence, whether verbal or physical, against homosexuals, and call for their full protection under the civil rights laws. (b) We reaffirm our traditional testimonies of peace, simplicity, truth speaking, gender and racial equality, personal integrity, fidelity, chastity and community. We recognize that there is diversity among us on issues of sexuality. For the purpose of our corporate life together, we affirm our traditional testimony that sexual intercourse should be confined to the bonds of marriage, which we understand to be between one man and one woman.

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(c) The lifestyle of volunteers under appointment to Quaker Volunteer Witness, regardless of their sexual orientation, should be in accordance with these testimonies.

FUM Minute 91 GBEX 18 FUM Personnel Policy In March 1991, the FUM General Board Executive Committee approved (91 GBEX 18) circulation of an “Organizational and Personnel Policy Manual.” It took the ‘88 policy and extended it as follows: Friends United Meeting holds to the traditional Friends testimonies of peace (nonviolence), simplicity, truth speaking, community, gender and racial equality, chastity, and fidelity in marriage. It is expected that the lifestyle of all staff and volunteer appointees of Friends United Meeting will be in accordance with these testimonies. Friends United Meeting affirms the civil rights of all people. Staff and volunteer appointments are made without regard to sexual orientation. It is expected that sexual intercourse should be confined to marriage, understood to be between one man and one woman. This wording has been retained in all subsequent editions of the FUM Personnel Manual. After Minute 88 GB 52 was approved in 1988 and after the FUM Personnel Manual was adopted by the Executive Committee in 1991, it was recognized that the board was divided. The divisions on the board seemed so great to some that a push for realignment was made between 1990 and 1993 by the General Secretary of FUM. The Secretary felt that the dually affiliated yearly meetings—the reunited Orthodox and Hicksite yearly meetings: Canadian, New England, New York, Baltimore, Southeastern—because of their universalism and because of the fact that many members did not identify as Christian, did not belong in FUM and encouraged them to make Friends General Conference their single affiliation. “Realignment” failed.

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2000-2005

Summary

• FUM held its first triennial overseas—in Nairobi, Kenya.

• FUM General Secretary says: "There had been 20 plus names listed for possible worship sharing leaders. We only needed 12. I made a decision not to invite a person in a homosexual relationship to be a worship group leader...."

• Years later the clerk and General Secretary found reconciliation: "my handling of the situation [was] inexcusable."

• At a later Triennial, the General Secretary publicly named her behavior as “homophobic” and apologized.

• Calls came forward from Baltimore Yearly Meeting Friends to the FUM board to reconsider the personnel policy.

• The personnel policy was discussed at almost every general board meeting between Fall 2002 and Spring 2005. The board did not find unity to amend the policy or remove it—but it also did not find unity to reaffirm it.

Background Information

The Situation in 2002 The First Triennial in Kenya In 2002, as part of its effort to become equal partners with Friends in , FUM held its first triennial overseas—in Nairobi, Kenya. No one had ever planned an international triennial before and some things went awry. One of them was that too many people were invited to be worship- sharing group facilitators. Of this situation, FUM’s General Secretary at the time said the following: There had been 20 plus names listed for possible worship sharing leaders. We only needed 12. I made a decision not to invite a person in a homosexual relationship to be a worship group leader. This was not a policy decision; just something I felt was a courtesy to our hosts. I also asked American women to wear skirts rather than pants, but no one reacted to that! It was at the Triennial sessions that I discovered this person had already been asked to serve and subsequently had the invitation withdrawn. This is where the pain comes in. Whether you support the decision I made or not, what is important is the pain and humiliation caused a human being through my actions. And that makes my handling of the situation inexcusable. 11

Upon discovering that the invitation had been extended and then withdrawn, my immediate response was to apologize. Only through the Spirit of God could what I was feeling be honestly transmitted. What I received in return was a blessing of forgiveness like I’ve never before experienced. Again, there were no adequate words. This godly man touched my life deeply in a way that removed my feelings of guilt. While this General Secretary and the Clerk of BYM later found personal understanding and reconciliation with each other in Nairobi, it was after this triennial that calls came forward from Baltimore Yearly Meeting Friends to the FUM board to reconsider the personnel policy.

The Situation from 2002-2005 FUM Board Not In Unity The personnel policy was discussed at almost every general board meeting between Fall 2002 and Spring 2005. The board did not find unity to amend the policy or remove it—but it also did not find unity to reaffirm it. The board was divided. In the face of division, with no clear direction forward, it is Friends’ process that whatever has been minuted as approved in the past remains in place. So 88 GB 52 remains standing after three years of discussion by the FUM General Board between 2002 and 2005.

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2004 Minute of Exercise

Summary • New England Yearly Meeting affirms the importance of FUM as “one of the most important places where we meet Friends who challenge our beliefs, and where African, Latin-American, Middle Eastern, and North American Friends meet face to face, growing in love and understanding.” • NEYM asserts that “God’s gifts of ministry and leadership are bestowed with no consideration of sexual orientation or marital status.” • All are troubled by the lack of unity on this issue. • We invite active relationship, asking FUM board members to visit us, and expressing our desire to be invited to worship and to offer testimony to Friends in FUM. • We ask that this minute and other “necessary materials” be distributed to meetings throughout New England for consideration and discernment. • We expect M&C to bring back a proposal to Annual Sessions in 2005.

The Full Text

NEYM Minute 2004-74 Minute of Exercise "New England Yearly Meeting Friends gathered at our annual sessions reaffirm our belonging to Friends United Meeting, not only as co-founders, and firmly led co-participants in its ministries, but as Friends whose faith has been strengthened and recharged by God’s presence in our worship, work, and fellowship with FUM Friends. FUM remains one of the most important places where we meet Friends who challenge our beliefs, and where African, Latin-American, Middle Eastern, and North American Friends meet face to face, growing in love and understanding. Since the 1940s when we were called to re-unite our previously separated Yearly Meetings, and since the early ‘90s when we developed special bonds of love and mutual ministry with Cuba Yearly Meeting we have learned to live with our differences, and we have come to feel how painful it would be to live in isolation from other Friends. At the same time that we cherish our membership and participation in FUM, many of us are troubled by FUM’s personnel policies and practices, which exclude non-celibate gays and lesbians, and unmarried heterosexual couples from leadership roles. Within NEYM we have struggled for years with same-gender marriage, and while support is not universal, we have watched as Friends’ understanding of the truth has grown to include the belief that individuals’ sexual orientation is no measure of their ability to express God’s love through committed long-term relationships. In the same vein, over the years we have grown to understand that God’s gifts of ministry and leadership are bestowed with no consideration of sexual orientation or marital status. Indeed we

13 have been blessed countless times by the ministry and leadership of those who would not be allowed to serve under the FUM policies. While some are hurt, and some are angry, we are “all” troubled by the lack of unity on this issue. In the interest of creating a more perfect world, gospel order requires us to seek together for God’s will, and for the love, which has been wounded by our differences. We invite the FUM Board to come again to New England, to work among us, to worship and be hosted by all of us, to see our lives speaking. We make ourselves available to be invited to worship and testify among FUM Friends, and among other yearly and monthly meetings about these concerns. As we continue discernment within NEYM, we ask the General Board of FUM to consider, as we have at NEYM 2004 Sessions, “Who is your neighbor?” Jesus taught us that love and compassion for the neighbor who does not look like us is more important than the written law. Friends approved the minute. New England YM representatives to the Friends United Meeting General Board were charged to carry our concern during the upcoming FUM Board meeting. We direct that this minute of exercise be sent to our monthly meetings and quarterly meetings under the care of the Ministry & Counsel working party on FUM’s personnel policy concerns, accompanied by whatever other materials seems necessary for consideration. We expect M&C to bring a minute based on the discernment over the year to the 2005 Sessions."

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2007

Summary • Sermon delivered by a Ugandan Friends pastor at Nairobi board meeting with African and North American FUM Friends. • FUM’s critical response to the pastor not well-publicized: word spread that FUM did not respond at all and therefore may have condoned the sentiment. • The re-affirmed and simultaneously declared it was not necessary for a yearly meeting to affirm it to be a member of FUM.

Background Information

The Events of February 2007 In a joint meeting of FUM’s board with African and North American Friends, two events caused concern. One occurred the first day North American Friends arrived in a Friends Church on Ngong Road. A morning devotional led by an African Friend included a portion which an NEYM board member spoke out against. The NEYM Friend felt the devotion inappropriately focused on shame and homosexuality and was led to address it. According to several North American Friends present—including the person who spoke—it is clear that because of different cultural contexts, the critique was not understood. Then, at the opening of the FUM board sessions several days later, a Ugandan pastor preached a sermon on Romans 1:18–32. The passage includes a section talking about how God judges those "who by their wickedness suppress the truth," and describes that when people turn away from God and to their own idols, God allows them to have "a debased mind and to [do] things that should not be done." This text includes an assertion that only sexual intercourse that is heterosexual is "natural." It also says that when people "did not see fit to acknowledge God" they became "filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, covetousness, malice," acting as "gossips, slanderers, God- haters" and people who are "inventors of evil, rebellious towards parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, and ruthless." The passage ends with the claim that those who turn away from what God wants deserve to die. Word spread rapidly in that an African FUM pastor preached death to homosexuals and their supporters and that FUM did nothing to repudiate it. In fact, though, FUM leadership did respond: within a few days of the sermon, the Ugandan pastor was visited by Eden Grace, an FUM staff member in the African Ministries Office in Kisumu from New England Yearly Meeting. According to Eden, “he was deeply distressed when he learned that some Friends heard him to be advocating violence and discrimination." Later in the Meeting, the FUM Board reaffirmed the Richmond Declaration, a text originally written in 1887 "to offer a declaration of those fundamental doctrines of Christian truth that have always been professed by our branch of the Church of Christ." For Friends present from dually

15 affiliated Yearly Meetings, the experience was painful as they felt marginalized, knowing that not all members of their Meetings would be comfortable affirming it. It should be noted, though, that while the declaration was reaffirmed as a basis for faith, it was also clearly minuted that adoption of the Richmond Declaration is not necessary for a yearly meeting to be a member of FUM.

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2007-2009

Summary • NEYM “Minute of Commitment” 2007-67: o Engage in conversation about the meanings of family, marriage and committed relationships. What does “care of meeting” mean for this? o Support the work of NEYM’s M&C in their work on Sexuality & Ethics. o Season -- at all levels -- Minute in Support of Same Gender Marriages. Prepare for discernment at NEYM Sessions in 2008. • FUM General Board minutes and releases statement that “God loves all persons, and that hostility toward any person is not consistent with the Christian Gospel.” • In 2009 NEYM passes two minutes.

Background Information

NEYM Minute 2007-67 Minute of Commitment "...Understanding that for some of us, some of the words in the minute are not the way we would write them and taking care to recognize and be tender with the pain on all sides of this issue, we struggled with the deep discomfort some felt with the use of the word homophobia in the revised minute, while others believe that homophobia is among us and must be named. Acknowledging our faith that we have love enough to cover the pain we both inflict and feel we found unity in the body to approve the following minute: • We commit ourselves as individuals and as a yearly meeting to work with one another in witnessing God’s movement among us by doing the following: • Engage in conversation about the deepest meanings of family, marriage and committed relationships and explore what it means to have all of these under the care of meeting. • Support the work of our M&C working party on Sexuality & Ethics. We need to articulate our sexual ethics and the spirituality of sex. • Re-distribute NEYM Minute 2005-55, Connecticut Valley Quarter Minute in Support of Same Gender Marriages, and ask MM to season and test this issue and forward the results to their QMs in preparation for bringing them to YM Sessions in 2008 for discernment. We commit ourselves to undertake this work in love and forbearance, caring tenderly for one another. We acknowledge that there is great pain in our community felt by the people who are affected at the deepest levels of their identity and relationships by the homophobia that exists within New England Yearly Meeting. We also acknowledge the great pain felt by those for whom 17 this issue has challenged their deepest beliefs about marriage and rightly ordered sexual behavior according to their understanding of God’s will. We recognize that these actions ask all of us to re- examine our most deeply held beliefs. It is hard for us to challenge each other. We need our behavior and words to be tender as we explore hard topics. We commit ourselves to undertake this work by educating ourselves, by exploring these issues within our monthly and quarterly meetings and by undertaking intervisitation within NEYM. We seek healing, wholeness and God’s blessing as we move forward.

FUM’s Response: October 2007 In response to a minute from New England Yearly Meeting’s Ministry & Counsel and a letter from , at an October 2007 FUM board meeting the following minute was approved by the FUM board: Allegations that Friends United Meeting (FUM) is hostile to homosexuals and their allies, and that FUM condones physical or emotional violence against homosexuals and their allies, have been circulated among Friends and on the Internet. The General Board of FUM/Richmond, in session this 13th day of 10th month, 2007, is clear that God loves all persons, and that hostility toward any person is not consistent with the Christian Gospel. In particular, this General Board condemns the threat of physical or emotional violence against any person.

NEYM Minute 2009-53 Minute of Support for Same-Sex Marriages "Friends in New England Yearly Meeting experience the varieties of love in our community as gifts of God. We are all children of God, and we all have the same potential to reflect the Divine Light in our lives. Our hearts resonate deeply with the biblical injunctions to “love God” and to “love your neighbor as yourself.” Just as Friends have historically witnessed to the Light present among all races and genders, we witness that the Light is present among people of all sexual orientations and gender identities or gender expressions. We experience our sexuality and sexual identity as integral components of who we are as children of God. We are grateful for the fruits of the Spirit and the blessings of ministry and leadership that God has sent our spiritual community through the hands and lives of all Friends, regardless of their sexual orientation or identity. Being mindful of the oppression lesbian, gay, transgender, bisexual, intersex, and queer (LGTBIQ) Friends face, we feel a special commitment to offer loving support to these Friends. We recognize that families that include LGTBIQ parents or children face additional difficulties in our society. We hope to remain sensitive to those difficulties and to respond together with love, integrity, and witness when needed. We recognize the need to support children, who are questioning their own sexual orientation or gender, and we support their discernment and living out of the identity the Spirit leads them to. For many years, many of our monthly meetings have experienced the blessings of having same- sex couples and marriages in our midst. With every marriage taken under its care, the meeting affirms that each relationship is the work of the Spirit, and a blessing to the couple, to their families

18 and to the Friends community. We affirm the good order of same-sex marriages that are and have been conducted in some monthly meetings of NEYM. We encourage all of our constituent monthly meetings to discern how they can best offer to all couples the same care, and affirmations of their leadings to walk together in love.

NEYM Minute 2009-54 Minute Establishing the Withholding Policy "If a minutes the intention of some of its members to exclude FUM from their contribution to NEYM, the MM treasurer will notify the NEYM treasurer of that decision, including a copy of the MM minute with the communication. The monthly meeting will then decrease their intended contribution by the appropriate amount, and the NEYM treasurer will decrease our contribution to FUM by the same amount. The MM treasurer is responsible for calculating the percentage of their budget that goes to NEYM. For FY09, the percentage of the NEYM budget that goes to FUM is 1.5%. A fund will be established to which individuals can donate to add to the Yearly Meeting’s contribution to FUM. Individuals may donate to this fund if they wish to help ensure that the full budgeted amount goes to FUM. The NEYM treasurer will exercise care in communicating with FUM about the potential variability in NEYM’s contribution to FUM. Friends find themselves painfully stretched between apparently conflicting imperatives, in both of which the honor of Truth is involved, in the context of our continued committed relationship with FUM. We understand that it will place a burden on Permanent Board, Finance Committee, treasurer and the accounts manager to elaborate the implementation. We further recognize that we must develop a more permanent response, in right ordering, and taking care that Friends are kept well informed as the work proceeds. Therefore, this process is to be in force until September 30, 2010, unless explicitly extended by the YM in its Sessions next year. We are struggling with this decision, even though it is taken in tenderness to conscience. Several Friends told us that they are not in unity with this decision, but are willing to stand aside.

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2010-2014

Summary • Each year that the policy is revisited NEYM approves continuing the withholding policy for another period of years in a series of minutes: • In 2014 NEYM decides to extend the Withholding Policy for 5 more years and to do 5 things for 5 years to make sure that work continues on the underlying issues that made it feel like the Withholding Policy was needed.

Background Information

NEYM Minute 2010-12 Extending the FUM Withholding Practice Pt. 1 As part of the “unity agenda” Friends at Sessions “...Accepted the minute on FUM Financial Implications, extended by a sentence that clarifies our intent to continue last year’s decision through Sept. 30, 2011, to wit, ‘This process is to be in force until September 30, 2011, unless explicitly extended by the YM in its Sessions next year.’ See the Minute on FUM Financial Implications.”

NEYM Minute 2011-43 Extending the FUM Withholding Practice Pt. 2 "NEYM Minute 2009-54 was done as an interim measure, to allow the Yearly Meeting time to seek enough clarity about its relationship within FUM to establish a regular practice on our financial contributions to FUM. The Yearly Meeting extended this practice for one year in 2010 (NEY Minute 10-12). Meetings and individuals across the Yearly Meeting have continued to labor with the issues raised by the FUM personnel policy. The process outlined in Minute 09-54 has provided the means to do good spiritual work within monthly meetings. The Permanent Board recommends that this process continue for two more years, until Sept 30, 2013, and thus it would be brought to sessions for further disposition in 2013. We are aware that this minute has been helpful in our wrestling. The work continues locally, but that is not enough. We are also gratefully aware of the work going on widely within FUM, which has resulted in some more openness to re-examining the personnel policy, and a recognition that unity does not exist within the association. We have come to understand that the most important spiritual work is not merely to witness to FUM, but to grapple with questions of diversity, homophobia, heterosexism and faithfulness in our own community. It is important that we hear how truth prospers in this matter across New England. Intervisitation and other communication within our YM and across Quakerdom is an essential task laid on us, and more is required of us. 20

We are mindful that continuing this policy for two more years might allow us to avoid the hard work we need to do to reach fuller clarity within our meetings, and across the Yearly Meeting. We have felt some motions of healing during this yearly Minutes 29 meeting session, and we seek to respond to the power of love we have felt. We realize that we are not yet fully clear on this matter, but in all humility we approve the Permanent Board’s recommendation to continue the process, confident that during this time, if we are faithful, more light will be given.

NEYM Minute 2013-68 Extending the FUM Withholding Practice Pt. 3 "Since Monday evening, Ministry & Counsel has held two listening sessions that have demonstrated both the enormous pain and the love in our community. We recognize that there is insufficient time at these sessions to do the deep work we need to do and not enough information about either the situations in our own meetings or the changes that have occurred in FUM and amongst ourselves. Are we in that place of love and tenderness where we can hold ourselves spiritually accountable for another year as our meetings continue to wrestle with this issue? Ministry & Counsel has agreed to shepherd this process of information-sharing and discernment through the coming year, bringing a report back to Sessions in 2014. Friends approved continuing minute 2009-54 for another year. We acknowledge that we do not know where we will be on this issue by next year and that more time may still be needed before we become clear.

NEYM Minute 2014-69 Extending the FUM Withholding Practice Pt. 4 "Since Monday evening, Ministry & Counsel has held two listening sessions that have demonstrated both the enormous pain and the love in our community. We recognize that there is insufficient time at these sessions to do the deep work we need to do and not enough information about either the situations in our own meetings or the changes that have occurred in FUM and amongst ourselves. Are we in that place of love and tenderness where we can hold ourselves spiritually accountable for another year as our meetings continue to wrestle with this issue? Ministry & Counsel has agreed to shepherd this process of information-sharing and discernment through the coming year, bringing a report back to Sessions in 2014. Friends approved continuing minute 2009-54 for another year. We acknowledge that we do not know where we will be on this issue by next year and that more time may still be needed before we become clear. We are in pain as a body around issues of sexual ethics, both in our relationship with FUM and in the struggles with these issues within NEYM. Ministry and Counsel commended all of the work that is and has been done carrying a wide array of ministries to “sexual minorities” (the term used by the African Great Lakes Initiative). They also commend the work being done by our own working group on sexual ethics. Ministry and Counsel brought forward the following proposal: We recommend that NEYM extend the FUM financial withholding policy for the next five years, to be re-assessed no later than NEYM Sessions in August of 2019 (and sooner if significant changes occur before then) We understand that this work is ongoing, and we expect it to continue. Based on what we’ve heard over the past year, and in the past few days here at Sessions, we’re offering the following specific ways forward to provide more accountability for that work. 21

While the withholding policy is in place, we recommend the following actions: 1. FUM Committee report each year at Sessions on any developments within FUM related to the personnel policy. 2. M&C report each year at Sessions about developments and activities within the YM related to the personnel policy and to sexual minorities. 3. In order to raise awareness of the broader context of FUM and to regularly update Friends around the YM about FUM, we ask the FUM Committee to establish mechanisms for keeping monthly, quarterly and yearly meetings better informed about the activities and services of FUM. 4. There are those among us for whom the personnel policy and the continuing persecution of people because of their sexuality causes significant pain. We need to care for those in our midst and in the wider world who live with this pain. We ask M&C and the FUM Committee to provide space for continuing dialogue about the FUM personnel policy and about sexual ethics and include this work in their reports to Sessions. 5. We strongly encourage Friends at the individual, monthly, quarterly and yearly meeting levels to consider ways to actively support equal rights regardless of sexual orientation and/or gender identification. We ask M&C to identify and implement a mechanism to coordinate resources for monthly and quarterly meetings: • to learn about and respond to injustices within NEYM and in the wider world, • to support those affected, directly and indirectly, by those injustices, and • to provide financial, logistical and spiritual aid to organizations and movements working to promote equal rights and to protect those whose well-being is in danger because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Friends approved. Friends spoke to our recognition that in our prayers over our relationship with FUM, we are engaging with the practices and wounds of racism, elitism, homophobia and xenophobia amongst us. It is the power of those wounds that keeps the struggle with this issue so alive among us, and Friends expressed gratitude for these “stumbling blocks.” We grieve that we continue to need a temporary financial accommodation because we still lack unity on this topic.

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2015-2019

Summary • In 2015, the first year (of 5) that M&C was supposed to deliver an annual report to NEYM Sessions about the charge it had to do work on some of the underlying dynamics, M&C reports that "...for now we are not led to actively carry the work of discernment around FUM’s personnel policy.." • This work does not get picked up again in any substantive way by M&C. • Neither FUM Committee nor M&C deliver annual reports to the gathered body at Sessions 2015-2018.

Background Information

NEYM’s Ministry & Counsel 2015 Report Working Group Is Not Formed “...At Sessions last August, M&C was charged with providing “space for continued dialogue about the FUM personnel policy and about sexual ethics,” and with identifying and implementing “a mechanism to coordinate resources for monthly and quarterly meeting to learn about and respond to injustices within NEYM and in the wider world.” [2014-69]. We have identified a number of friends who are carrying these concerns, who are serving on the general board of FUM, and traveling in ministry around concerns raised by our relationship with FUM. However, we have not found Friends who are led to serve on a working group for NEYM to carry this work forward. We will continue to listen, but for now are not led to actively carry the work of discernment around FUM’s personnel policy and our financial support of FUM…”

NEYM Minute 2018-11-03: M&C's Charge The Presiding Clerk of NEYM has asked M&C to prepare a recommendation concerning the continuation – or not – of the current NEYM Withholding policy. M&C will take time for discernment about the possibility of a proposal at our May meeting, after listening sessions have been offered. This recommendation – if we have one – and our sense of the state of our meetings with regards to the NEYM withholding policy will come to Yearly Meeting Sessions in August 2019. M&C approved the following pieces of work, to happen before our May [2019] meeting: 1. "...Collect and make available materials explaining a) the issues and b) how the NEYM withholding policy works.

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2. The clerk of M&C will appoint individuals to lead the listening sessions and to travel to Meetings..."

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2014 Listening Session

Summary In the lead up to the 2014 minute to extend the withholding policy an additional 5 years, M&C held a series of listening sessions across NEYM. Summaries of the contents of those sessions are below.

Friends wanting to remain in relationship with FUM • the policy is going to change and she wants to be around when it happens. • A Friend spoke of her experience – she has been involved all her life in FUM. There are three parts to the personnel policy – polygamy, which affects Kenyan Friends, heterosexual shenanigans, and homosexuals (since about 1970s). She advocates the approach used by in regard to slavery - to visit and keep in dialogue. As we become acquainted, prejudice goes away. • Shared the opinion that if we claim connection with , we have to claim connection with founding of FUM. • Ramallah Friends Schools started by New Englanders and supported by FUM • A Friend shared her experience attending 2 FUM triennials in 2008 and 2011. In 2008, there was tenderness around the recent post election violence in Kenya. It was a tender time for Kenyan Friends. In 2011, the personnel policy was recognized as an issue to be wrestled with. As a lesbian woman, she felt joyfully welcomed on the committee writing the epistle. There were 2 people from NEYM on the committee, both lesbian women. • The meeting has done this through patient individual witness, can’t be done by holding back a check, that is not helpful to the 12 year old in Nairobi. We made a mess so now we’ll fix it. • We can’t pretend we’re not ingredients to the solution, we can’t get out of this with a theological dispute, or managing our finances. The way we get out of this is with real lived relationships. • I now see that having a seat at the table is important. We need to continue speaking truth, and not walk away. • To what extent is there a conversation happening at FUM? Is this just paying lip service to an idea that we might be able to influence others?

Friends wanting distance from FUM • They are frustrated that NEYM continues to discuss this issue and want nothing to do with any organization that discriminates. Also they have concerns about FUM dealings with governments in Africa that discriminate. If others in NEYM are willing to continue to struggle, then they do not want to close the door.

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• FUM takes our money and is using that money in Kenya where gays are being put to death. Why isn’t any of the money going into sanctuary efforts. She appreciates the many good works but the meeting is not in unity with FUM because it violates the sanctity of all people. Their withholding is $17 that a gay person did not die for. • wrestling with personal relationship with FUM for many years – came to a head when the minute was offered for withholding funds, but my Meeting wasn’t able to do that – had to get away from FUM – transferred membership – heartbreaking • 2014 When Colin Saxton (FUM General Secretary-representing stick-in-the-mud Christians) came to BHFM it was a tough but meaningful event. • Grandchildren could find out their mother couldn’t take a position with a wonderful Quaker organization.

Support for the NEYM withholding Policy • Each position is good and worthy. There is value in working within FUM; there is value in holding back and objecting making it clear to take a stand (e.g., divestment in South Africa in apartheid while Mandela worked with in structure.) These approaches come from integrity: who’s to judge whose method should win out. So why not continue the mechanism to allow people to do as led. • This is not a matter of money; it is about being a part of and supporting an organization that discriminates. • Withholding money is a symbol. Do we need to come down one way or the other? • Whenever we (neym) make a donation to FUM, we should accompany it by our expression of pain, explaining that this upsets many of our people, yet we respect what FUM is doing in places many of us will never go and we want to support that work.

Resistance to the NEYM withholding policy • We are largely a white, Christian society and we have understood little of that of God in tribal society; we have gone around the world destroying the societies that are different from ours. Our sense of moral superiority is the log in our eye. • A Friend expressed her concern that we are talking to people in order “to convince them”. Listening has to go both ways. We perceive the discrimination in the policy but sometimes we appear to attack the others in belief that the policy is bad. • Funds have been withheld, but Friends are making up difference so that more money is flowing to FUM. Is there not some other way that we can express our concern about the personnel policy without this cumbersome finance policy which runs counter to testimony of clarity and integrity? He supports communication with Friends with whom we do not agree theologically, but trying to do it with money does not sit well with him. The financial policy is not in right order.

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Sessions 2019

Summary • The gathered body did not find unity to further extend the withholding mechanism. This meant that it expired. • To allow monthly meetings time to decide how this will affect their annual budgets, the mechanism will run through October 1, 2020. • A minute of exercise acknowledged the pain that the FUM personnel policy causes to LGBTQ+ Friends. • A number of Friends stood aside from these minutes. Others were unable to unite with them.

Background Information

NEYM Minute 2019-43 FUM Withholding Mechanism New England Yearly Meeting is not in unity to further extend the withholding mechanism. The mechanism was established by Minute 2009-54, which specifies that “this process is to be in force until September 30, 2010, unless explicitly extended by the YM in its Sessions next year.” It was extended several times, most recently in Minute 2014-69, which extended “... the FUM financial withholding policy for the next five years, to be re-assessed no later than NEYM Sessions in August of 2019.” Without unity on the floor of 2019 Sessions to extend it further, the mechanism ends. Out of respect for the discernment of meetings that have approved budgets which incorporate the withholding mechanism, and in order to afford monthly meetings the time to incorporate this change into their annual budget discernment, we set the date for the expiration of this mechanism for October 1, 2020.

NEYM Minute 2019-58 Minute of Exercise on the Yearly Meeting Relationship with FUM We know that every person is deeply beloved in the eyes of God. We unite unequivocally in our love and care for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer Friends, and hold a particular concern for their lives and ministries. We continue to seek the ways we can best support these Friends in New England, around the country, and around the world. We are clear that the FUM personnel policy causes harm to LGBTQ+ Friends, as well as all Friends who are sexually active outside of heterosexual marriage. Furthermore, the personnel policy

27 suppresses the ministry of these Friends, causing loss to the wider body. We seek forgiveness for the extent to which we are complicit in this. All of this we hold to be true, and yet we also unite in our desire to continually engage with the wide diversity of Friends worldwide. We are a part of FUM, we love FUM, and we wish to live in our community with love and integrity. In our struggle to hold these two unities in tension, for several years we have extended a temporary withholding mechanism (see minute 2009-54) that allows individuals to know that none of their money will go to FUM. The withholding mechanism has served a meaningful and helpful purpose. For a decade it has supported the freedom of conscience of some Friends within our Yearly Meeting, and also given us a reprieve from the tension and division that the FUM personnel policy has created in our communities. During this period, significant work was done, seeking greater unity and understanding. As the withholding mechanism expires, we have heard any number of proposed possible mechanisms that might allow us to hold in tension both the freedom of conscience of Friends exercised by the personnel policy, and the deeply held desire to remain in community with FUM. Given our lack of unity, we are concerned that any alternative proposal drafted in haste on the floor of Sessions will not be seasoned, will not allow input from individuals not present at Sessions, and would be an obstacle to finding the opportunity that God is giving us. We hope that a properly seasoned proposal may rise through our established structures (e.g., a minute from a monthly meeting seasoned by the quarter) and be brought to Sessions 2020 before the withholding mechanism finally expires. What new opportunity, what new possibilities, are we now being called into? As we move forward, let us listen to one another and to that of God within one another. In the words of Toni Morrison, let us “take the time to understand other languages, other views, other narratives.” Let us seek that greater place where God’s full measure of grace is poured out.

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Financial Data as of 2019

Remember that NEYM Minute 2009-54 set up the policy allowing for withholding and set up a fund "...into which individuals can donate to add to the Yearly Meeting’s contribution to FUM. Individuals may donate to this fund if they wish to help ensure that the full budgeted amount goes to FUM." This fund is now refereed to as account #3714 FUM Earmarked Donations. 1.48% of NEYM's 2018 Budget was allocated for FUM Of the 1.48% Budgeted for FUM in 2018 ($13,075.00), 11.86% ($1550.39) of that amount was withheld. In 2018 the entire amount that was withheld was covered by those donating into t#3714 account. From 2009-2018, the total amount withheld has been $10,021.12. In that time 100% of this figure has been given to FUM from the donations of those contributing to help ensure the the full budgeted amount would be given. 72% of all NEYM Meetings have sent no minute to NEYM one way or the other in regard to the withholding policy. 20% of all NEYM Meetings have sent a minute saying that their Meeting would be withholding. 9% of all NEYM Meetings have sent a minute saying that their Meeting would not be withholding, but wanted to share why that was the case.

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Questions to Inform Our Ongoing Discernment

Why Have the Withholding Policy? What was the purpose or goal in passing NEYM Minute 2009-54? Do we intend that the withholding policy itself would supports queer Friends potentially affected by FUM’s personnel policy? Is it doing this? How? What is the purpose or goal today? Is the withholding policy accomplishing this purpose?

What is the impact of the Withholding Policy? Who is helped by this withholding policy and who is harmed by it? How do we know? Do we know how Friends we don’t have minutes from feel about the withholding policy? How should this inform our discernment? What are the implications -- if any -- of the Withholding Policy as it relates to NEYM’s minute on White Supremacy?

How Do We Respond to Tensions in NEYM? We heard all of the following: • Financially supporting FUM in any way makes you complicit in the prejudicial Personnel Policy. • Financially supporting FUM can be done in good conscience because of a desire to support the programs and work that FUM does. • That the NEYM Withholding Policy allows for a continued relationship between NEYM with FUM, and this means that NEYM tacitly supports the FUM Personnel Policy. • That the NEYM Withholding Policy can be seen as both a stance in opposition to the FUM Personnel Policy and also as a supportive measure for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, and Queer (LGBTQ) Friends. • The NEYM Withholding Policy is a disingenuous way to be supportive of LGBTQ folks. • The Withholding Policy was created primarily as a matter of conscience: it was not about the effect of withholding funds, but rather, the act of withholding as a sign/witness that itself might change minds and hearts. • The Withholding Policy was created as an attempt to make sure NEYM Friends were "at the table" to be able to change the hearts and minds of other FUM Friends in regards to the FUM Personnel Policy.

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How do Friends in NEYM hold these tensions? How do Meetings? Are Friends prepared and able to simultaneously affirm part of FUM that feels life-giving and critique the FUM Personnel Policy? Can we do both or must we do one or the other? Is there another way forward? What role -- if any -- does FUM’s explicitly Christian expression of Quakerism have to do with the sense of your Meeting in regards to the Withholding Policy?

What more can we do to prepare for Discernment? Is there any additional information or resources that would help you in your ongoing discernment? What would be needed to help your Meeting be able to openly and honestly share your thoughts and feelings about the NEYM withholding policy? What -- if any -- Truth has your meeting discovered in regards to the Withholding Policy? What can we affirm that we know about how God is leading us in our relationship with Friends beyond NEYM? What can be learned from the fact this issue has been so hard for us to actually address? What has kept us from being able to openly process and discern a way forward that is not "a temporary reprieve"?

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