Changes in Wording and Sentences Between 3 and Final

White Stripes

Broad structural changes Micro change: Writing, how sentences are changed (between 3 and final) What makes the final draft better than the previous draft?

Changes in wording and sentences between 3 and final.

Ditches the complex clauses and punctuation so the intro flows better. Uses images like “the White Stripes are taking their own road” instead of a more abstract sentence with larger words.

In General: More showing and less telling in the final draft. More natural flow from topic to topic, less exposition from the narrator.

Instead of directly asking the question, “How did this garage band from Detroit end up here?” Pastorek creates a much smoother transition into Jack’s comment by introducing Jack White, describing who he is and then commenting on how he feels. “Jack… isn’t sure how all this happened.” This leads naturally into Jack talking about his vision for the band at its inception, rather than the more stilted approach taken in draft 3.

In draft three Pastorek questions the bands innocence in a way that may seem challenging, or even adversarial. In the final version, she doesn’t question their statement so much as clarify that the story they tell is just that: their story. This approach seems to say, “We don’t know if its true or not, but does it matter? This is the story they tell.”

Instead of the somewhat forced introduction to the section discussing what other bands the Stripes sound like, the final draft introduces this topic more naturally, flowing directly from Rob’s comment about the band’s “freewheeling, loose approach.”

Macro Changes Start anchored in an event: MTV Add clips of people talking at concert Improved transitions

Why Final Piece is Better for Radio 1. Transitions are smoother from section to section 2. Pastorek does less talking and exposition; her interviews speak for her 3. Simpler sentences; no complex clauses; 4. Adds Rob Sheffield for greater credibility 5. Introduces Sheffield twice so that the listener does not lose track of who he is.