Notes for Assessment

Notes for assessment: N = Now C = child T = Teenager Lists – meeting goals: (N) Every day I have a list of jobs that I need to do and get such an uneasy feeling if I haven’t completed the tasks I’d hoped to get done that day, sometimes I cannot go to bed until these tasks are completed, can be 12am/1am. I have to work from a list I go into a panic if there isn’t a list for that day.

Changes in routine: (N) If there is a change it can make me on edge and quite tearful, e.g. someone has cancelled a meet-up, school holidays I feel anxious about as I like the routine of getting up, getting ready and school run, I feel lost without this.

Touch: (C ) My mother reports that she first noticed at 6 months old that I would pull away to avoid touch. I would be comfortable with cuddles with familiar people such as grandparents, etc. Unexpected touch by strangers or even friends would make me feel very uncomfortable. As I child it was tradition to kiss family members such as great aunts and uncles and to this day I can remember how uncomfortable I was about this. If a friend at school was upset, right up until being a teenager I wouldn’t really know whether to give them a comfort touch or not. Touch (N) Having my children helped a great deal for me to show affection in my adult life, I am more comfortable with cuddles with my children and partner, but with people that are unfamiliar or those outside my close family I am still very uncomfortable with touch, especially if it’s unexpected. I like a good amount of personal space, if in a conversation and someone gets too close I will feel uncomfortable.

Understanding emotions/empathy: (C ) I had difficulties in reading other people’s body language as a child, non-verbal cues were not understood at all, especially as felt uncomfortable with giving eye-contact. If a friend was upset I found this uncomfortable, also due to the dislike of touch I can remember not knowing what to do, how to comfort or what to say. Understanding emotions/empathy (N) I have learnt over time body language cues, I have taught myself to check for non-verbal cues, e.g. when someone wishes to speak or if they are bored with the conversation. Via developing more respectful friendships in adulthood I have taught myself to show empathy if someone is upset, this has come from going through more life experiences both happy and sad.

Understanding humour: (C) Understanding humour such as jokes was almost non-existent as a child, I would laugh along to join in, but not really understand the joke. I would have to ask my parents often: “What is so funny?” (T) A lot of paranoia was caused due to me thinking that jokes were about me, and I would take offense rather than finding things funny. Understanding humour (N) Over time I have taught myself how to understand humour, people have described my sense of humour as ‘dry,’ sometimes I do not even realise that I’ve naturally done something to make someone laugh. Going to University and mixing with a wide variety of people did help to develop my sense of humour.

Obsessions: (or ‘Special Interests.) (C) I had many collections of different items as a child, I would collect hundreds of a certain item such as ‘My Little Pony’s’ ‘Polly Pockets,’ and ‘Trolls.’ If I saw one whilst out my main focus would be to get one to add to the collection. I have always been a fan of ‘facts’ and collected Encyclopaedias and the ‘Guinness Book of Records.’ (T) I started collecting Porcelain Dolls that went into the 100s, Fairy figures and I had a special interest in football, I had a football season ticket with my dad and I collected the FIFA stickers and added to the album and also collected stamps. I collected any items related to Dolphins – figures, books, posters, etc. I started collecting pin badges as a teenager than carried on to around the age of 25, wherever I went I would aim to source where I could buy a pin badge from, these were then placed onto a specific bag, in total there were around 100 pins. (N) Around the age of 24 I started to collect crystals, I started to learn about crystal healing and had a monthly magazine collection. I still continue to have ‘Special Interests,’ however due to having my own children and life becoming busier, I don’t collect items as much now. My special interests are based around TV programmes such as ‘Game of Thrones,’ I have watched all seasons 1-6 all the way through 5 times now. I have huge interests in fantasy, apocalyptic and historical films, and also musicals.

Stimming: (C) I have bitten my nails and the skin around my nails since I was 3 years old, I have also bitten the skin on the inside of my mouth. As a child I would regulate my anxiety by continually wobbling my legs under desks at school. (T) I started rubbing my hands together vigorously when I was around 14-years-old, I would do this if I felt anxious or excited, when I was revising for and completing my GCSE’s I would rub my hands together that much that I’d create blisters and break the skin. (N) I still rub my hands together now, but I have taught myself to only do this at home, not in public. I still do if anxious or excited, sometimes I don’t even realise that I’m doing it and my partner will tell me after that I’ve done it.

Friendships: (C) leading onto (N) I have always found it difficult to make and keep friends, I tend to socialise with people from each place I have worked and then once I have left I haven’t kept in contact. As a new mum I felt very isolated, I had to force myself to get out and get to parent and toddler groups, It takes me a while to gain trust in people to accept my quirky personality and also my facial palsy.

When starting University I found it very difficult to make friends as there was nobody familiar with me, I walked into student bar alone for a fresher’s week function and rang home crying to be collected as I just didn’t know how to mix with strangers.

Imagination: Reality v’s Fantasy (C) As a child I was constantly re-enacting scenes from fantasy films, such as Peter Pan, I preferred to be the same character – Tiger-Lily every time, this game was also acted out in school with a few of the same children. I would be on the edge of the game, but in my own agenda for the character. At home I would re-enact scenes from programmes such as ‘Narnia,’ I remember sitting inside an old wardrobe which locked with a key and I would wish that the back would open into Narnia. I wrote my own stories, pages and pages about a different life of a person I felt I wanted to be – confident and popular.

Memory: I can remember prominent things from childhood that have stuck with me for one reason or another. My family often comment on how I can remember this far back. My earliest memory is from around 3 years old. I can remember the sounds and smells from my classroom at 4 years old and being teased for my choice of lunchbox. If a particular smell triggers off a memory, e.g. like a perfume that one of my teachers wore it takes me right back to how I felt at school. School is prominent in my memories, I wonder if this is down to me having many anxieties from being at school.

Seeing the world through pictures: This started as I was a child, I saw people as a particular animal which came from a child’s story book I read. As I got older I studied faces and can memorise faces, I can pick out where I have seen TV and film characters before. I watch characters on TV/Films and if I walk away it is like my face has changed to theirs. I can tell people directions and get to places by looking for important features and landmarks, not via roads and directions such as left and right, e.g a particular church, tree, buildings, etc. If there is written text to give instructions I find it very difficult to follow, however, if there is a picture/diagram to show I can understand and follow it much better.

Eye contact: (C) As a child eye-contact was minimal, especially at school I didn’t talk often at school and teachers labelled me as ‘painfully shy,’ this may have been that psychologically I knew that I was different, even though I wasn’t aware of my facial palsy or that it had a particular name until I was a teenager. I would give eye contact to my closest family members in the home environment. For strangers, I wouldn’t even make eye contact and would often hide behind my parents. My parents would encourage me to approach tills to buy items but I didn’t like to give cashiers eye contact. (T) As a teenager I would put a hand up to me face if having to talk at school, I would spent lessons wishing not to be made attention of, I hated being asked questions and the rest of the class turning to look at me. I would go bright red and my chest would get tight and I felt short of breath. I started feeling more confident with giving eye contact at the age of 18 when I started working at a local garage at weekends, at the same time I went to University and this helped in terms of being accepted by my new friendship group and I gained more confidence. (N) I am happy to give eye contact with close family members and my children, people that I see on a daily basis. With strangers there is still the unknown in terms of acceptance and I’m always a bit wary still in terms of eye contact, but if I gain their trust I am more inclined to then feel ok to look into their eyes, sometimes I’ll concentrate on looking people in the eye and then I forget what I am saying, I find it difficult to concentrate on the 2 elements at once. I would describe constant eye contact as ‘painful,’ I will be in a conversation and will have to look away at varying points as it literally hurts to concentrate for a large amount of time.

OCD: (T) OCD tendencies started around the time that I was studying for my GCSE’s, I would organise my bedroom in a certain way and ornaments etc all in a particular order, I would recognise straight away if an item had been move and would move it back straight away. (N) I like clean environments, before I had children my house was spotless, I love the smell of bleach as its clinical and clean smelling. I have to organise items such as cushions on the sofa in a particular pattern and if it’s moved out of sync I will move them straight back. I dislike having dirty hands, mud under my fingernails I cannot stand, also with sand. I wash my hands frequently throughout the day. When working with children I can tolerate ‘messy’ play items, it will play on my mind that my hands are messy but as soon as I’ve washed my hands I feel better.

Eating: (C) As a child I could eat an adult sized meal around the age of 11. I have a very sweet tooth. I don’t remember feeling having the feeling of being full. I was always tall and big for my age, at 5 I was in age 7 to 8 clothes. (T) My mother took me to the GP at around 14 year’s old as wasn’t eating very much at all, I used to gag on meals such a stew. I can remember having to wash down a sandwich with a drink as it felt difficult to get down my throat. I believe this stemmed from being told that I was “overweight” by a school nurse. And also the cruelty of other children calling me “fat.” (N) I am currently overweight, since being on anti-depressants in 2008, I have struggled to keep down my weight. Before this I lost around a stone during the time I suffered a Psychosis. I was again gagging on food at this time. I am having problems once again with regulating how full I am, my body doesn’t tell my brain that I feel full. I also find that I will comfort eat at times of stress, such as being worried about fighting for services for my daughter. Sensory issues:

Noise – have always been sensitive to unexpected noises since a child, when standing near a speaker or if children are screaming my right ear will vibrate. I will then find it difficult to hear. This was tested in Norwich Hospital around 2006 and it was found that I have perforations on the ear drum.

Since I was a child, I have enjoyed smelling paper in a variety of media, including books, magazines and newspapers. If I smell petrol I have to chew my tongue, this has happened since I was a child.

Confined spaces – I can remember getting stuck in playground equipment as a child and screaming to get out, and panicking when travelling through a tunnel on a night trail at An Outdoor Adventure residential. I’m still not keen on lifts, I don’t like it when other people cram in and not keen on crowds of people in supermarkets or events. I dislike people knocking into me.

Heat – I like to feel warm I will often like the warmth of the hairdryer and hoover. Comforted by the sounds of both hoover and hairdryer – can go trance-like.

Mathematics: I have always had issues with arithmetic and mental mathematics and also problem solving. I only understood number bonds once I trained to be a teacher. I cannot add up simple sums in my head, I will look up every time but my brain will literally go blank, I learnt times tables by rote but cannot tell outright, e.g. if someone was to ask: “what’s 7 x 8” I would always have to use a calculator or start from 8 and count on my fingers.

Physical education: I have always been uncomfortable with PE and movement, I was always clumsy and still am. I prefer to be in my comfort bubble and this certainly was never standing in a cold hall, or outside on a muddy field. Never really had any sort of sporting ability.

Demands: I have got better as I have got older, but still have a strange feeling when asked to do something, I have what I can only describe as a ‘pang’ feeling and not really wanting to do something but I will comply now I’ve reached adulthood.

Sharing: I do admit that I find sharing difficult even now, If something has been labelled as my own I find it difficult to share it. I really don’t like it if someone tries to take food off my own plate.

Things good at: - Creative writing, stories and real life writing. - Artwork, still life. - Crafts – card making, scrapbooking. - Facts – finding things out.

Past labels:

- At 16/17 – Depression and Anxiety.

- At 26 – Bipolar (diagnosed after having a Psychotic episode in 2008.) Psychosis due to lack of sleep and body reacted badly to Fluoxetine. Had Zoloft (sleeping tablets) and Mirtazapine.

- At 32 – after having my 2nd child, Anxiety predominantly and slight depression. Tablets prescribed for Anxiety in August 2015 and still on these (Citalopram) now.