Happiness 5 Suggestions

Happiness – 5 suggestions 1. Stop worrying Learning that nothing in life ultimately matters, and that we have bravely to face up to whatever life throws us, over which we have no control. I was brought up by a wonderful but fear-filled mother who made us all full of apprehension about some impending disaster. I spent my adolescence, 20s and 30s full of anxiety about terrible things happening to me, my wife and our children - even to our dog, help us! In my late 40s, I began to understand that everything in life is as it should be, and that worry can be a terribly self-centred and limited way of thinking. Luckily I married, Joanna, who is a worry-free zone, but even with her help, it took me many years to begin to free myself. Worry is a denial of trust, about which I wrote a book last year. As Camilla Carr and Jonathan James write at the front of their book about their kidnapping by Chechen rebels, "being human, our nature is love, our nurture is fear". 2. Happiness is the opposite of selfishness

Happiness is the very opposite of selfishness. It involves conscious choice every second of every day. Much of my life has been spent either unhappy or in a kind of neutral state and I now realise that one can make a conscious decision to be happy. Dr Seldon says happiness can be a conscious decision

Happiness follows from a sense of living in harmony with oneself and with others, and turning one's mind to the present and away from one's own self-centred thoughts. If one beats up one's body, feeds it the wrong things and drinks too much, one will feel lousy. But by living naturally and exercising regularly, the body will tell the mind to be happy. The same goes with one's relationship with other people. If one is in conflict with others or is taking advantage of them, it is inescapable that one will be unhappy. I have tried hard in the last few years to live in harmony with my own body and with others. It has made me happier as a result and, by being so, it has benefited those around me. 3. Live by water

I need to live or at least spend time by water. It could be a pond, a river, a lake or the sea. If I am cut off from water for long times, I begin to feel miserable. We are so lucky to have a house by the sea in Brighton and to be able to hear the waves crashing on the beach as we fall asleep. At Wellington College, we have several lakes, and a small pond in our own garden. My ideal home would be to live in an old house on an estuary with a wooden mooring. To feel the water surging in and out twice a day is to hear nature breathe. Philip Larkin wrote: "If I were called in to construct a religion I should make use of water." Water is the essence of life. I can neither sail, swim nor row well, but I love all three and feel a profound harmony when I am either by or on water. 4. Learn from experience - not just university

Most of what I learned at university in my course has not proved of enduring value. I studied politics, philosophy and economics. Little of it explained the world as it really worked. It could have been so much more imaginative but was killed by an obsession with a very narrow version of intellectuality. To have ignored Eastern philosophy, which offers a much more profound view of the world, was a huge shame. I have had to learn about politics, philosophy and economics, as well as about life, from my own experience. 5. Be yourself

I have learned to be myself - not to try to be somebody else. It was my own fault, but I did not feel that my schooling or upbringing especially helped me to understand myself or what I wanted to do in life. It is now an obsession with me as a head master that young people are encouraged to make their own choices and learn how to live. Happiness lessons help here - we have them at my school. They learn that making mistakes can often be a good thing. Learning to meditate and do yoga helped me enormously. ------Happiness - a few further thoughts

Recent research on the subject of happiness has shown that as those in the west have become wealthier there has been no increase in subjective satisfaction. In fact, in countries with the most unequal incomes there is less contentment. Oliver James, a psychologist coined the term “affluenza” for the condition. People who care particularly about income and status are more dissatisfied, have more illness, depression and stress.

Consider taking a pill or potions such as Soma as used in Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. This drug, and others that we may prescribe or patients acquire today, could give a sense of something we may call happiness – an enjoyable hangover-free experience. Is this true happiness in the proper sense of the word?

Seneca born about 4BC-65AD, one of the Roman Stoic philosophers said that contentment is achieved through a simple unperturbed life, accepting suffering. He thought it important to confront one’s own mortality. Alain de Botton describes him as a pessimist, saying that what he suggests we do is expect the worst so that what happens will never be as bad as we might imagine. The “cup half full” way of life. Some of us really get some comfort from this and it is an idea worthy of consideration.

Earlier, the Greek philosopher, Aristotle 384-322BC considered happiness. He used the word, eudaimonia (eu=good, daimon=spirit) also translated as human flourishing. This condition may come about because of honour, pleasure or the use of the intellect.

He considers firstly in what way humans differ from all other beings and says that this difference is where happiness, also known as virtue or excellence will be found. The specific human quality is the power of thought, so its development will give fulfilment and happiness. The chief condition for it, other than certain physical prerequisites such as food, warmth and safety, is a life of reason leading to virtue which is also translated as excellence/ability/capacity – including clear judgment and self control for example. The simple man does not have these attributes, they are achieved from experience in the fully developed human.

The Golden Mean

Aristotle guides us to excellence by showing that this exists between extremes, for example

Cowardice Courage Rashness

Stinginess Liberality Extravagance Sloth Ambition Greed

Humility Modesty Pride

Secrecy Honsesty Loquacity

Moroseness Good Humour Buffoonery

Querulousness Friendship Flattery

Indecisiveness Self Control Impulsiveness

The Golden Mean is not exact like a mathematical equation; it varies depending on circumstance, discovered by mature and reflective reason. Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence but we have these because we have acted rightly. We ARE what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act but a habit. The good of a man is a working of the soul in a way of excellence in a complete life.

This seems complicated but what it really means is that to be truly happy, one needs to work at what is right and true and just in all aspects of life.

This is my understanding and any errors are mine.

Gilly Cooper

April 2013

 Wilkinson, Richard G., and Kate Pickett. The spirit level. Bloomsbury Press, 2011.  De Botton, Alain. Status anxiety. Vintage, 2008.  James, Oliver. Affluenza. Vermilion, 2008.  Huxley, Aldous. "Brave New World. 1932." London: Vintage (1998).  Grayling, A. C. The meaning of things. Phoenix, 2011.  De Botton, Alain. The consolations of philosophy. Vintage, 2001.  Taylor, Alfred Edward. Aristotle. Rev. ed. Dover Publications, 1955.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eudaimonia