Ode to Chemistry

Ode to Chemistry A variation on “T was the Night Before Christmas”.

‘Twas the night before test day in Chemistry One. Not a chance of us sleeping, work had to be done! Textbooks were open, but in utter despair, We hoped that Al Chemist soon would be there.

The compounds won’t balance, their names were a pain While clusters of ions would drive us insane. Todd with his calculator and I for our cram Had just settled down with last year’s exam.

When out in the street there arose such a clatter We sprang from the room to see what was the matter. Just past the pantry I came to a halt, There are acids and bases and plain table salt.

But just like the labels on cans of footstuffs, We could write names of compounds on our sleeves and our cuffs! When, what tour wondering eyes should appear But a guy on his bike hardly able to steer.

With arms heavy laden, it must be our pal! I knew in a moment it must be Big Al. His 10-speed was painted in fire-engine red He whistled and shouted as quickly he sped.

‘Chemistry, chemistry, matter abounds.’ ‘Gas, liquid, or solid—all form our compounds.’ ‘From the dirt of the Earth to the furthermost sun,’ ‘It’s Chemistry! Chemistry! Chemistry’s fun!’

Then came a tinkling of metal and glass. When he put on the brake, he slid on wet grass. As he picked himself up and started to mumble, Through the doorway, Al Chemist came with his bundle!

He was dressed rather odd, as if he’d dressed fast, And his clothes were all covered with experiments past. A bundle of charts he had flung in his pack Along with some chemicals and a test-tube rack. His glasses—they dangled from the end of his nose. The stains on his fingers are iodine, I suppose! His hair’s rather rumpled—a picture he ain’t. But in our situation, he looked like a saint.

‘Hey, Al, good ole’ buddy—did you run out of gas?’ ‘We won’t make the team if this class we don’t pass!’ ‘We missed all the help sessions—our time’s running out.’ ‘Quick! Tell us what nomenclature is all about!’

Al pushed up his glasses and wrinkled his nose. With a shrug of his shoulders, he gave us this prose ‘Atoms want to be happy—here’s how you can tell’ ‘they’d have eight electrons in the outermost shell.’

‘They’d all be more stable if the outer had eight.’ ‘So they gladly form compounds to reach this fine state.’ ‘There’s no tricks to naming, just follow the rule.’ ‘Use the periodic chart—it’s a great tool.’

‘It gives all the elements—the order’s the same.’ ‘It reads left to right, just like in a name.’ ‘List metal, then nonmetal, then check to see’ ‘How many atoms of each there ought to be.’

‘Parantheses are used to keep ions intact.’ ‘The charges must balance—just add or subtract!’ We went right to work—not a moment to spare. The clock kept on ticking but we didn’t care.

The worksheets were finished four hours before dawn. I was headed upstairs when out on the lawn, I heard Al exclaim as he rode home to rest, ‘Merry chemistry to all and good luck on the test!’

-Linda Kralina, chemistry teacher, Hazelwood Central Senior H.S., Florissant, MO TPT, December 1988, p. 47