Parenting Guts

Since when is the rantings of the child, holding the parent hostage by comparisons to the trappings of other spoiled kids a rationale for giving in? Parenting Guts So what if your kid doesn’t like the parental My wife and I were talking about some friends the expectation (assuming reasonable) and they whine? other day. At issue was their inability to hold their Would any of those strategies work for you at your kids accountable to respectable behavior. Whenever place of employment for getting a raise or their kids acted rudely or didn’t listen, one of the advancement? parents would offer a lame excuse and essentially the I like my wife’s new term. child was let off the hook. With the kid’s face buried In today’s world, more parents need parenting guts. If in a screen, the parents were effectively dismissed. the child’s behavior wouldn’t be acceptable at your My wife surmised that one or both parents were place of employment, it shouldn’t be acceptable from afraid of their kids’ push-back. Technically I refer to your kids at home. this as protest behavior – the behavior of the child Now this is not permission for abusive parenting, but seeking to undo the directive or expectation of the permission for parents to withstand the push-back of parent. The push-back or protest behavior can come their children and teaching them the value of respect, in the form of a tantrum, an escalation of out of listening, working for their own things and giving control behavior, violence, withdrawal, talking back, back to others. incessant arguing or emotional manipulation (you don’t love me… you are hurting me… my friend’s As these parents develop their parenting guts, then dad let them do…). their kids can grow to be the healthy, moral and reasonable adults they would want them to be. As the parent acquiesces to the protest behavior, the child feels emboldened and learns that such behavior Turn off the Internet at dinner time; have time for works to undo the parental expectation. The chores; make sure the homework gets done; limit the untoward behavior thus continues. video games; address rude or disrespectful behavior; enjoy some family time. My wife, not a social worker, just cut to the chase and said, “That parent has no parenting guts”. As your kids are now is how they will likely be come adulthood. Would anyone in the outside world Parenting guts. What a concept. tolerate such attitudes and behavior? Would their In today’s multi-screen universe where kids whine behavior be acceptable in an intimate adult for increased connectivity to the Internet and relationship? Just what kind of adult do you want portability of devices, so many more kids are getting your child to be? into trouble and accessing information far beyond The alternative? Spoiled brats who grow into their maturity to handle. narcissistic adults. As we seem to be developing an increasingly spoiled You choose. generation of kids whose manners or help around the house appears to be a diminishing capacity, maybe it I think my wife got this right. Have some parenting is time to think in terms of parenting guts. guts. Parenting guts. Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW (905) 628-4847 As your child whines about the access to technology [email protected] their friends have and seek to have you pick up the http://www.yoursocialworker.com tab for their premium cell plan, maybe it’s time for Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider parental push-back. him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Really? You think a cell phone makes them safer? Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, Think again. It just may offer them up as a target for parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage theft, on-line bullying or worse, exploitation! Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Dundas Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America.