Review of MRKH Support Group Meeting

Over forty years ago after not having my period, I was taken to a Gynaecologist and told matter-of-factly that I didn’t have a vagina and would never have children. I was told I would have to undergo surgery. I was not given an option, asked how I felt or included in any discussions about what would come next. The decision was made for me and I was admitted to John’s Hopkins Hospital in Maryland at the age of sixteen. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I was overwhelmed with words like vaginoplasty, skin graft, pelvic kidney, Macindoe. None of it registered. My mother emotionally abandoned me-a trend which continues-and influenced me against my father. No one in my family offered any support. There was no therapy, no discussion, no empathy. I was alone, afraid to tell anyone because the few times I did were negative and painful experiences. I coped by telling myself this made me something of a rock star and that I was unique. I wasn’t without problems or issues and eventually (when I was much older) found a therapist able to assist me through some very difficult and dark times. Most of my life has been spent in silence. I have never been to a support group meeting of any kind. I didn’t know there were other women like me. Until I attended the clinic in Queen Charlottes I didn’t even know that this had a name. The care and compassion that I have been given by Nuala and Michelle is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. When I discovered that there was also a support group (and even though I’m not comfortable in group situations) I knew I wanted to be there. Knowing my financial situation, Nuala let me know that MRKH Connect was taking funding applications so I contacted them. To my surprise (I had assumed that someone else who needed it would receive funding over me) they wanted me to be the first to benefit from this amazing charity. To say that the feeling was one of gratitude and overwhelm is an understatement. I had no idea what to expect from the meeting but knew I had done the right thing. Being among people sharing their own painful and brave stories of how they felt and supported the women in their lives with MRKH was surreal in many ways. When my husband spoke to the group, I knew that this would be a turning point for both of us. We weren’t alone anymore; these four words carry more power, more emotion and depth than I could ever express. These four words are at the root of my gratitude to MRKH Connect. Now, we have a new and different kind of family. People who know in their hearts what we feel, what we think and how much of an impact this syndrome has on the lives of not just the women born with it, but on the people who love and support them. And now, hopefully, we have people in our lives that we can help and support too. Had it not been for the financial support given to me by MRKH Connect, my husband and I would not have been there. The recent economic crisis hit us head-on. My husband’s business slowed to a crawl then stopped. The funding I had once received as an artist-in-schools seemed to vanish overnight. We went into arrears, couldn’t pay our bills or buy heating oil. Through incredibly hard work and determination we’ve begun the process of rebuilding his business and after the sudden death of my father; I started an independent publishing press and now run a short story competition. Things are very slowly improving but with only one moderate income, this trip to London would not have been affordable for us at all. The funding we received made all the difference. Kelly Smith is a light at the end of that forty year tunnel; a lovely young woman with an intense passion for this charity. Not only should she be supported and honoured for her hard work and commitment, she should be applauded for her courage and strength. I will always be grateful, humbled and impressed with her as a person of great integrity. There are other women out there who will need the assistance that I was so fortunate to receive. My hope is that MRKH Connect grows and strengthens as a resource for education, assistance and connecting women from around the world. There are times that I still have to pinch myself that we were fortunate enough to find Queen Charlotte’s and everyone connected to it. Long may the work they do and the unconditional support they give, continue.