Favonius Senior Essay Prize 2011

NAME OF AWARD CATERGORIES WINNERS

Favonious Senior Age range 14-16 Girls First Prize Amelia Shard, Tower College Nicola Andrews, Adjudicator Second Prize Mary Thompson, Rookwood School Highly commended Charlotte Isobel Bush, Shoreman College Highly Commended Sophie Sparkes, The Towers Convent

Boys First Prize Douglas Murdoch, Moyles Court School Second Prize Alexander Plahe, Red House School Highly commended Nicholas Bradley, Abbey Gate College Highly Commended Adam Glynn, Tower College

Max Gate Intermediate Age range 12-13 Girls First Prize Eve Caldwell, St James Senior Girls School Isobel Workman, Adjudicator Second Prize Olivia Brightling, Red House School Highly Commended Lucy Berrisford, St Dominic’s Priory School Highly Commended Rhiannon Robinson, Tower College Highly Commended Katrina Kaverzine, GEMS Hampshire School

Boys First Prize Alexander Dunne, Red House School Second Prize Stephen Clifford, Bishop Challoner School Highly Commended Ravi Prema, The Dixie Grammar School Highly Commended Henry Hahn, Abercorn School Highly Commended Ben Woodley, Gregg School

Horsey Junior Age range 10-11 Girls First Prize Liberty Hinze, St David’s College Jan Williams, Adjudicator Second Prize Flora Brown, Coopersale Hall School Highly Commended Nina Rimsky, Norfolk House School Highly Commended Rhea Sharma, West Lodge School

Boys First Prize Issac Tilt, Vernon Lodge Prep School Second Prize Owen Davis, Oakhyrst Grange School Highly Commended Suhaib Afzhal, Gateway School Highly Commended Eden Gray, The Park School Reports

Favonius Senior Essay Prize 2011 The entries for this year's prize were outstanding. I have looked back at my previous years of report writing and note that I often comment on the quality of the writing and the difficulties of making a final judgement: this year, however, was the most challenging yet. Given the age of the entrants, the standard was consistently impressive: I would challenge many adults to approach these titles with such refreshing creativity. Had it been in my power to give more prizes, then I could happily have awarded five more.

That is not to take away from the achievements of the worthy winners: let me make that clear. The winner of the Boys' prize, Douglas Murdoch's 'The Forest – Life' was a terse and evocative narrative of a burial in a forest, which the reader finds most compelling, if disturbing. From the chilling opening:

'I lay the shovel on the ground and I look at her. One last time. I look at her. Her deep brown eyes look back, past mine. Like stone, they wait there, for a hero... A knight in shining armour. But this hero has already been and gone; it's too late for him to come back. Far too late.'

The reader is held horribly mesmerised, and the ending does not disappoint. It really is a crafted and well-balanced piece from a confident young writer. The winner of the Girls' prize was equally compelling: Amelia Shard's 'The Day it all came to an End' was a response to Edwin Muir's poem 'The Horses', written as a survivor of the Apocalypse. The language is rich in imagery, yet handled in a convincing voice:

'I tried to lift myself, but it seemed as though I was aching from the very core of my soul. Brushing away the dust beneath my lashes, I dared to look out from my sanctuary, into the ebony abyss. Death himself had walked these fields. With trailing talons, he had carved valleys; with his ghostly breath, he had burned the leaves to cinders.'

As I mentioned in my introduction, however, there were many other impressive entries. I enjoyed the topicality of some, such as Alexander Plahe's 'The Day it all came to an End' which evoked memories of the Japanese earthquake with a vivid immediacy, and the imaginative use of genre and form in others, such as Charlotte Bush's poem 'The Sleeping Woman in White' written as a young child's response to her mother's death:

'I was only little when she died and I may have created those memories to fill out the blanks Frag ments Snatches a smile a song..'

The writers chose many emotive themes: Mary Thomson's 'Her Pointed Shoes', telling the story of a young girl's last dance in a concentration camp was especially well-imagined as was Sebastian Hunte's 'Regret – a Night on the Streets', told from the point of view of a homeless man in London. George Joseph's interpretation of 'The Day it all came to an End' was as a man on Death Row, heading towards his execution, minute by minute.

The imaginative range of ideas, the original and refreshing approaches and the effective crafting of language in the entries made them a pleasure to read, if not to judge. It also reaffirms what we as English teachers know already: despite the distractions of our modern world, there are lots of young writers out there, enjoying writing and doing it impressively well. Long may they do so!

Nicola Andrews

The Max Gate Essay Competition 2011

2011 has proved an excellent year for the Max Gate Essay Competition, with record entries, a good mix of boys and girls, a varied choice of subject matter and a high standard of writing. I never fail to be amazed at the imagination and ingenuity of our young writers.

Some terrific English teaching clearly goes on at Red House School, as it has scooped two more winners this year. The first of these is Alexander Dunne, winner in the boys’ section. His story, Panic, features an assassin close on the heels of an ex CIA agent, who, as Alexander puts it, has gone rogue. Alexander knows how to tell an exciting story all right and I was gripped right from the start when we were introduced to the baddie of the piece.

Felipe Avaro- Juarez was a retired CIA chief……who lived an over exuberant life style which many liken to that of Silvio Berlusconi, minus the botox. He speaks with a slow Texan drawl, though his latter years have been spent in Miami and Johannesurg, so there are hints of South American and Afrikaans in his mellifluous stretched out notes of speech. Mind you, that could be due to the years of late nights and hard living.

I enjoyed his lively, colloquial, humorous style and found myself laughing out loud in places.

Alexander also showed he is capable of excellent descriptive writing too. I yanked my parachute and soared through the air like a proud eagle. There was a gentle rustling of branches as I landed softly and stealthily in the canopy of the trees. The moon lurked malevolently behind the dark grey, ominous rain clouds and drops of light illuminated the barrel of my Barrett 50 calibre rifle.

I particularly liked his personification of the moon as a sinister figure up to no good, cleverly anticipating the mayhem to come.

Runner up in the boys’ section was Stephen Clifford from Bishop Challoner School with his story, The Message. This was a well structured, imaginative tale, centring on a mysterious text message. Stephen expresses himself very well and his easy flowing narrative style makes for enjoyable reading. Here he makes clever use of internal monologue, keeping his prose interesting, by varying sentence length and type (questions, statements, sentences with and without verbs)

Text message after text message. But what did it mean? Dan thought about it as he walked to school. The door on the left? What door? He sighed. One of his friends must have been tricking him. It could be Steve, or Jonny, or perhaps Ralph. Yes, Ralph had been acting strangely all week and this text thing would be just up his street. Dan’s phone buzzed.

I was particularly impressed by the sophisticated way Stephen handled dialogue – something that is difficult to do at any age.

“Hey Ralph!” Dan shouted and thrust his phone in Ralph’s face. What’s this door thing about?” Ralph was speechless at his friend’s sudden anger.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, slightly afraid.

“Yes you do, liar!” screamed Dan as he launched himself on to Ralph. The two boys fell to the ground kicking and screaming.

Highly commended was Ravi Prema from The Dixie Grammar School with his amusing and original take on Panic.

An essay, 500 to 800 words long. It’s not possible. It can’t be done……A plan, beginning, middle and an end. Oh, what’s the use? I can’t do a plan. I never could. I always just dive in and start.

I have every sympathy with Ravi’s feeling of panic when faced with a long essay to write. A daunting task indeed. Henry Hahn from Abercorn School also impressed with his imaginative interpretation of The Cruel Sea. The sea to which he refers is the sea of humanity.

In ancient times you had to watch out for the ruler’s quick sword. Today we must look at people’s big mouths and evil minds. Though the meaning of life is not to be different or stand out in the cruel sea of people, because, if you do, you find the way to death.

I was also intrigued by Ben Woodley’s (Gregg School) fascinating tour of the mind in his essay, Memories.

In the corner of every mind, connecting them all, is a hidden room, filled with papers. As one walks along its corridors, much can be seen : a desk with a tray labelled ‘Waiting Arrival’ and cardboard boxes labelled ‘In Stasis’, containing the possessions of all sorts of people.

Winner in the girls’ section was Eve Caldwell from St James’ Senior Girls’ School with her dramatic surfing story, The Cruel Sea. Eve has a mature writing style and a sharp eye for detail and this was a beautifully structured piece of work, with narrative, description and dialogue combined to excellent effect.

You entering the Young Sea Challenge this year? It was strange for Jake to even ask….I entered every year. What more could I ask for? Just me, the sea, the fresh, salty air, my board at one with the wave and the best coach I could ask for : Mark Danks. Pro surfer, 1989. Reigning champion for seven years . And my dad.

Her imaginative use of imagery enhances her lively use of language. Jake charged through the hall as if there was an all you can eat buffet at the other end. He rummaged through his bag as if looking for a top secret file that could help him rule the world and Harriet would be entering the challenge even if the ocean were bombarded by man-eating jellyfish.

Eve’s characters are well drawn and she makes skilled use of dialogue to differentiate them. This helps the reader to identify with Harriet, the narrator of the story, making the tragic, beautifully written ending particularly poignant.

My giant of a dad looked so small, so fragile, so lifeless. His skin was translucent and cold, his lips drained of blood. No-one needed to tell me what would happen in the next five minutes. I knew…………. If you were silent and listening to the sounds in the room, occupied by a crying girl, a weeping wife and a still husband, you would slowly hear the bleeping fade to silence and, if you were really quiet, the sound of two hearts breaking.

Runner up in the girls’ section was yet another Red House pupil : Olivia Brightling, who had the original idea of setting her story on Noah’s ark. Reluctantly chosen to marry one of Noah’s sons, the narrator finds herself one of the survivors heading for a new life. Noah tells her,

“You will start the new race, one which our Lord selected. The many who have committed sins, the Lord has punished; their sons have perished with them.” But, guilt ridden about leaving the dying behind, she has other ideas, resulting in a tragic conclusion.

Olivia made good use of dramatic language, full of effective imagery, to create atmosphere.

It was coming; dark days were encroaching; dawn was no longer fresh and rosy. Tension and dread enclosed and compressed morning until night, like a suffocating blanket, snuffed out the last traces of hope. I could see it in the sky; a pressing force was looming, snarling and leering in my direction. This was Doomsday’s Eve.

Highly commended for her essay Memories was Lucy Berrisford from St. Dominic’s Priory School, who had some thoughtful ideas on the nature of memory.

If memory didn’t exist, we wouldn’t be the people that we are today, as our memories influence the way we react in every day situations.

Also highly commended was Rhiannon Robinson from Tower College with The Cruel Sea - a historical tale of disaster aboard a trading ship.

I felt the deck beneath me tilt as the ship began to list. In desperation I threw myself into the churning sea. I was ….. trying to get my bearings when I realised the ship was listing in my direction. As if it heard my thoughts, the ship gave out one final protesting groan before crashing towards me.

Worthy of mention too is Katrina Kaverzine’s (Gems Hampshire School) interpretation of The Cruel Sea – a well told tale set in the Second World War. It begins and ends with the same paragraph as the narrator watches her father’s ship leave for war and then, at the end, in vain, looks out to sea for the father she will never see again. I stood on the border of the harbour, gripping my mother’s hand so hard; I could barely look at her. Drops of rain pattered down my face as if I was as hard as glass…..My eyes looked straight ahead and, as they did, they hardly blinked. The deep blue sea had won again.

Congratulations to all the winners and many thanks to all the children and teachers involved in the competition. You should all feel very proud of yourselves. It is clear that you all worked very hard on your essays and I thoroughly enjoyed reading them.

Isobel Workman

Horsey Memorial Essay 2011

Shortly before I started to write this report I read two obituaries. One was of Moyra Bond, possibly better known as J.M. Bond, who was the best-selling author of the Bond Assessment Papers. Although I am very appreciative of her work and grateful for her examples when teaching the techniques of Verbal Reasoning, I was much more interested in the other obituary. It was of the Anglo-American writer Wilfrid Sheed whose self-reflecting debut novel, A Middle Class Education, I read with relish as a 1960s teenager. Sheed, not only a novelist but also an essayist and critic, had a graceful style imbued with wit and humour, so it struck me as noteworthy that his last wish was to have his gravestone engraved with the words, “He wrote some good sentences.” What I, however, remember of his book was not the sentences but the story.

This set me thinking about what I had looked for when adjudicating this competition. First and foremost I sought to be engaged, so much so that I wanted to go on reading. A controlled viewpoint, together with precise or vivid language and, perhaps, a range of stylistic devices would also win me over. Good organisation was always a “must” and paragraphing was helpful. Simple and complex sentences, together with a range of punctuation, added to the overall effect. I was not too concerned about handwriting but all the entrants’ work was legible and there were some good, fluent and confident hands. The standard of spelling was high anyway but I do expect common polysyllabic words to be spelt correctly and other words to be phonetically plausible.

There was a bumper crop of entries this year – just under seventy, with over a third coming from boys. Most popular of the titles was Behind the Door which gave opportunities for several genres to be tried. Also popular was The House on the Hill which offered similar possibilities. There were some intriguing ideas connected with The Button and several entrants demonstrated their historical knowledge with Who were You? I did not intend this last to be an exercise in time-travel but it often ended up so. The other two subjects which were about hearing a noise early in the morning or continuing a story were not so keenly attempted.

If I had been marking examination papers I should have awarded full marks to the majority of the essays. Sadly I had I had to make some decisions. First among the boys’ entries was Isaac Tilt of Vernon Lodge Preparatory School. He chose to be a soldier in the First World War. His writing had cohesion – he started off thinking about his girlfriend and she was there at the end too, though married to someone else. He was wounded, taken prisoner and colluded with a Russian to escape. This raced along with some appropriate historical touches. Owen Davis of Oakhurst Grange School came second with his autobiographical account of The Button. This too hung together well and the button was reunited with its owner after several adventures. Highly commended was Suhaib Afzhal of Gateway School. Behind the Door was Bletchley Park where an arresting story involving spying took place. The vocabulary was especially good here. Also highly commended was Eden Gray of The Park School who wrote as a slave of Pliny the Elder at the time of the eruption of Vesuvius.

Liberty Hine of St David’s College was the winner among the girls. The House on the Hill contained an old soldier whose tales of campaigns and whose companionship inspired the author, writing as Mike, to join the army. This was a well-organised story and I wrote “Yes!” on it without a moment’s hesitation. Flora Brown, ruuner-up, of Coopersale Hall School made a convincing Victorian whose family entertained the Queen when the wheel of her carriage fell off, only for a fire to break out. Nina Rimsky of Norfolk House School was highly commended. She wrote of The House on the Hill which two boys thought was deserted and in whose grounds they decided to build a tree-house. The story had a pleasing twist to it. Rhea Sharma of West Lodge went Behind the Door into another dimension when she should have been concentrating in an English lesson. What a shock to find oneself in the future in a care home knitting scarves!

I enjoyed reading every entry and hope that these emergent writers will continue to put pen to paper and delight their audience.

Jan Williams